Erika Kirk reveals how she found out Charlie had been shot

>> SADLY WE'VE GOTTEN WORD A. COUPLE OF MOMENTS AGO THAT. CHARLIE KIRK HAS BEEN SHOT. >> Jesse: HOW DID YOU FIND OUT. CHARLIE HAD BEEN SHOT?

>> I WAS AT MY MOM'S DOCTORS DOS. APPOINTMENT. I HAD MY PHONE AND I HAD TO. VIDEO OF HIM COMING OUT FLINGING. OUT THE HATS. I SAID MOM, LOOK, IT'S STARTED. SO WE SAW THE HATS BEING FLUNG. I PUT MY PHONE DOWN AND IT WAS. ON SILENT SO I HAD NO REASON TO. LOOK BACK AT IT. I MOVED MY MOM, I WENT TO GRAB. MY FOAM AND THAT'S WHEN THEY. CALLED ME. WITHIN SECONDS. >> I CALLED ERIKA. I REMEMBER IT RANK THREE OR FOUR. TIMES.

I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THOSE ARE THE WORDS THAT WILL. CHANGE SOMEONE'S LIFE FOREVER. AND YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO. SAY IT. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I'VE. EVER CALLED HER DURING A CAMPUS. TOUR STOP. >> SO MIKEY CALLED ME AND I WILL. NEVER FORGET HIM JUST BEING LIKE. CHARLIE HAS BEEN SHOT. HE'S BEEN SHOT, GET THE KIDS, GET SECURITY, AT THE KIDS, HE'S. BEEN SHOT. I SPRINTED OUT OF HER TREATMENT. CENTER, COLLAPSED IN THE MIDDLE. OF THE PARKING LOT, CALLED OUR.

SECURITY. YEAH. UNBELIEVABLE NIGHTMARE. >> THE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR. OF TURNING POINT USA HAS ASKED. OUR TEAM TO GIVE A MOMENT OF. SILENCE AND PRAYER AND SO WE ARE. GOING TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW. WE ARE GOING TO PAUSE AND OFFER. OUR PRAYER. WE HOPE YOU JOIN ALONG.

HOWEVER AND TO WHOMEVER YOU. PRAY, I HOPE IN THIS MOMENT YOU. CAN PRAY FOR CHARLIE KIRK. >> THERE WAS A MOMENT THERE. WHERE PEOPLE THOUGHT CHARLIE. WOULD SURVIVE. >> THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS. GOING ON IN THAT MOMENT. IT WAS SO HARD TO ACTUALLY KNOW. AND HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON. BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING PHONE. CALLS IN AND OUT. AND...HINDSIGHT. THE WAY THE BULLET HIT HIM, HE.

DIED INSTANTANEOUSLY. >> Jesse: HE WAS PRONOUNCED. DEAD. >> HE DIED ON THE SCENE. BUT I'M SO GLAD HE DID NOT. SUFFER. EXCUSE ME. I'M SO GLAD HE DID NOT SUFFER. NO ONE DESERVES TO SUFFER.

BUT HIM OF ALL PEOPLE. SO HE -- HE, YOU KNOW, HE. LITERALLY BLINKED AND PROBABLY. THOUGHT HE WAS RAPTURE IT AND. LOOKED AROUND AND THOUGHT WHERE. IS EVERYBODY ELSE? HE BLINKED AND HE WAS WITH THE. LORD. >> Jesse: YOU WANTED TO SEE. CHARLIE IMMEDIATELY. AND CAME UP. TAKE US THROUGH THAT. >> WE LANDED IN UTAH, WENT. STRAIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL. WHEN YOU WALKED IN, EVERYBODY.

WAS JUST -- IT WAS A SCENE FROM. A HORROR MOVIE. EVERYONE IS SO RATTLED TO THE. CORE. OFFICERS. LAW ENFORCEMENT, HOSPITAL. WORKERS, OUR TEAM. EVERYONE IS JUST SHAKEN. AND WE GET INTO THE ROOM, ONE OF. THE LAW ENFORCEMENT GUYS COMES.

IN, HE'S VERY SWEET BUT WHAT DO. YOU SAY TO SOMEONE WHOSE HUSBAND. WAS ASSASSINATED SO PUBLICLY. SAID I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 30. SOME YEARS. HE SAID I WILL NEVER TELL YOU. THAT YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR. HUSBAND. HE SAID, BUT I IN MY. PROFESSIONAL OPINION THINK YOU. SHOULD WAIT TO SEE HIM ONCE HE'S. AT THE MORTUARY. BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU WANT. TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS. THE ROOM GOT QUIET.

HALF THE ROOM NEW. IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA. THE OTHER HALF OF THE ROOM IS. LIKE, THERE'S NO WAY SHE'S. LISTENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW. AND I RESPONDED BACK TO HIM AND. I SAID, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR, I SAID, I WANT TO SEE WHAT. THEY DID TO MY HUSBAND. AND I WANT TO GIVE HIM A KISS. BECAUSE I DID NOT GET TO GIVE. HIM A KISS THIS MORNING. AND I SAID THE SAME THING TO THE.

DOCTOR WHEN THE DOCTOR CAME IN, I SAID I WANTED TO SEE MY. HUSBAND. HE SAID I WILL MAKE SURE THAT. HAPPENS. AND I DID. AND I GOT TO SEE HIM. AND...WE WALKED INTO THAT ROOM, HE STILL LOOKED SO ALIVE. I'M SO GLAD I SAW HIM BECAUSE.

YOU KNOW THIS, WHEN YOU SEE. SOMEONE PASS, THEY NEVER LOOK. THE SAME AT THE MORTUARY, AWFUL. MAKE UP AND THEY ARE COLD. HE WAS STILL WARM, HIS EYES WERE. SLIGHTLY OPEN. HE HAD THIS SMIRK ON HIS FACE. IT WAS SO SWEET. HE HAD THIS SMIRK ON HIS FACE. WHERE IT MEANT THREE THINGS TO. ME. FIRST, THAT HE DIED DOING WHAT. HE LOVED.

SECOND, THAT HE WAS AT PEACE. THEN I GAVE HIM A KISS, GAVE HIM. A KISS AND THEN BEFORE I LEFT. THE ROOM, WHICH IS ONE OF THE. HARDEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE, WAS. LEAVING HIM IN THAT ROOM. EXCUSE ME. I LOOKED AT HIM AND THOUGHT TO.

MYSELF, THAT SMIRK, THAT SMIRK. TO ME...IS THAT LOOK OF YOU. THOUGHT YOU COULD STOP WHAT I. BUILT, YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU. COULD END THIS VISION, THIS. MOVEMENT, THIS REVIVAL. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DO THAT BY. MURDERING ME.

YOU GOT MY BODY, YOU DID NOT GET. MY SOUL. >> DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY. TRANSGENDER AMERICANS HAVE BEEN. MATCH SHOOTERS OVER THE LAST TEN. YEARS? >> TOO MANY. >> Jesse: THE VIDEO WAS. EVERYWHERE. HOW DO YOU PROCESS THAT?

I DON'T WANT MY HUSBAND'S PUBLIC. ASSASSINATION TO BE SOMETHING I. EVER SEE. I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO EVER SEE. THAT. AND FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY. ENJOY WATCHING THAT, WHICH IS. QUITE LITERALLY SICK...WHAT IF. THAT WAS YOUR FATHER OR YOUR. BROTHER OR YOUR SISTER?

A PERSPECTIVE SHIFT THERE. WE ARE HUMAN. LIFE IS FRAGILE. AND THERE IS SO MUCH BEAUTY IN. THIS WORLD, WHY WOULD YOU WASTE. ANY PORTION OF YOUR LIFE LOOKING. AT SOMETHING SO EVIL? >> Jesse: CHARLIE WAS. ANSWERING A QUESTION ABOUT TRANS. VIOLENCE WHEN HE WAS MURDERED. DO YOU THINK THAT WAS A.

COINCIDENCE? >> I DON'T BELIEVE IN. COINCIDENCES. >> Jesse: DO YOU THINK THEY. HAVE CAUGHT YOUR HUSBAND'S. KILLER? >> SO SOMETHING I'M SO GRATEFUL. FOR IS THAT WE HAVE ONE OF THE. MOST INCREDIBLE TEAMS FOR THIS. CASE.

I WOULD NEVER WISH IT UP ON. ANYBODY TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH. WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. TO HAVE SEEN THE AUTOPSY REPORT, TO HAVE SEEN THE DIFFERENT. EVIDENCE PORTIONS THAT HAVE.

PHONE DIED. IT BECAME A BLACK HOLE. I DID NOT TURN IT ON FOR WEEKS. I HAVE INTENTIONALLY INSULATED. MYSELF BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GUARD. MY HEART. AND I NEEDED TO BE THERE FOR MY. KIDS AND I NEED TO BE THERE FOR. TURNING POINT. WHAT I REALIZED THROUGH ALL OF. THIS IS THAT EVERYONE GRIEVES. DIFFERENTLY.

EVERYONE IS TRYING TO FIGURE. OUT, AND I DON'T BLAME THEM, HOW. DOES THIS HAPPEN, HOW DOES. SOMEBODY BECOME SO RADICALIZED. WHERE THEY CAN JUSTIFY THIS IN. THEIR OWN HEAD? WE JUST LOST ONE OF THE GREATEST. VOICES OF OUR GENERATION. WHY? HOW? WHAT'S BEHIND IT? EVERYONE IS TRYING TO PROCESS. THIS. AND I RESPECT THAT. BUT WHERE MY HEART IS JUST. ASKING FOR SOME GRACE, IT'S FOR. THE ONES WHO WERE THERE THAT.

DAY. THEY HAVE TO RELIVE THAT EVERY. SINGLE DAY. HE DID NOT DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT. OR FROM CANCER, HE WAS. ASSASSINATED. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN -- BECAUO.

IMPACT HIS KIDS IN THE FUTURE. I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO GO ON. THE INTERNET ONE DAY WHEN THEY. ARE OLDER AND SEE THINGS LIKE. THAT. WE ARE ALL TRYING TO PROCESS. THIS IN OUR OWN WAYS AND I. APPRECIATE THAT. JUST SOME GRACE WOULD BE NICE.

>> Jesse: DO YOU FEEL SAFE? >> I DO. WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO THREATEN. ME WITH? GOING TO HEAVEN SOONER TO BE. WITH MY HUSBAND? AND I DON'T SAY THAT TO BE. RECKLESS, I DO NOT SAY THAT. BECAUSE I'M OUT IN THE STREETS, LIKE, HERE I AM, COME FIND ME. THAT'S NOT AT ALL. IT'S A FEARLESSNESS THAT IS. ROOTED IN UNDERSTANDING THAT...I. WILL HAVE MY DAY AND MY TIME, WHENEVER THAT IS. WHEN THE LORD KNOWS THAT IT'S --. I'VE COMPLETED MY MISSION.

AND I'M NOT AFRAID. CHARLIE WAS NOT AFRAID EITHER. WE DID NOT LIVE IN FEAR. IF WE DID WE WOULD NOT GET. ANYTHING DONE. AND I CAN'T HELP BUT RUN. ALONGSIDE TO THIS OF TURNING. POINT USA AND RAISE MY BABIES. WITH FEAR, THAT'S NOT A LIFE TO. LIVE FOR ANYBODY. >> Jesse: WHAT'S THE HARDEST. PART OF YOUR DAY? >> THE NIGHT.

NIGHTTIME. ALWAYS. I WILL TELL HIM ABOUT MY DAY, I. TALKED TO HIM ALL THE TIME. BUT THE NIGHTS ARE THE HARDEST. BEING IN A BED BY YOURSELF. ROLLING OVER, TRYING TO GET A. GOOD NIGHT KISS THAT'S NOT. THERE. YOU KNOW, IT'S -- ANYONE WHO IS. A WIDOW KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND. HOW PAINFUL THAT IS. EXCUSE ME. IT'S SO EASY TO TAKE THE LITTLE. THINGS FOR GRANTED BUT YOU KNOW. WHAT IS SO INTERESTING, I WAS.

THINKING ABOUT THIS THE OTHER. DAY, IT'S SO EASY...TO BE IN A. POSITION OF FEELING REGRET WHEN. YOU LOSE SOMEONE YOU LOVE. AND I TRIED TO READ A BOOK BY. C.S. LEWIS BECAUSE HE LOST THE. LOVE OF HIS LIFE, HE WAS ONLY. MARRIED TO HER FOR FOUR YEARS. IT'S CALLED A GRIEF OBSERVED. IT WAS A VERY HARD BOOK TO READ.

NOT BECAUSE IT WAS ABOUT GRIEF. BUT BECAUSE IN THE OPENING PAGES. HE TALKED ABOUT HOW ANGRY HE WAS. WITH GOD. AND I'VE NEVER FELT THAT. I'M NOT ANGRY WITH GOD. NEVER HAVE BEEN. NEVER HAVE I QUESTIONED WHY, LORD, ARE YOU PUTTING ME THROUGH. THIS, WHY ARE YOU TESTING ME, WHY ARE YOU -- BECAUSE GOD IS SO. GOOD AND SO SOVEREIGN AND I KNOW. HE USES EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING,

EVEN WITH THE ENEMY. I HAVE NO REGRETS AND I THINK. THAT'S WHY PROCESSING THIS FOR. ME IS PROBABLY DIFFERENT THAN. MOST, BECAUSE PEOPLE SAY HOW CAN. YOU DEAL. [INDISTINCT]. IT'S BECAUSE I LOVED AND STILL. LOVE CHARLIE. >> Jesse: DID YOU WATCH THE. NEWS AFTER THE ASSASSINATION? THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE SAYING.

THAT CHARLIE DESERVED TO DIE, CHARLIE HAD IT COMING. >> THERE IS SO MUCH BEAUTY IN. LIFE. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD WASTE. YOUR TIME SAYING SOMEBODY. DESERVES TO BE PUBLICLY. EXECUTED. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. THAT'S JUST...WHY WOULD YOU SAY. THAT? THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR. PARENT, YOUR SPOUSE, YOUR LOVED.

ONE. YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY UNTIL IT'S. SOMEONE YOU LOVE? I WOULD JUST ASK THEM TO REALLY. REASSESS THEIR PRIORITIES IN. LIFE, IF THEY GET A HIGH OFF OF. WATCHING SOMEBODY BE MURDERED. >> Jesse: JIMMY KIMMEL LIED. ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND'S MURDER AND. DID NOT REALLY APOLOGIZE.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO JIMMY. KIMMEL? >> SAME THING I TOLD SINCLAIR. THEY ASKED. I HAVEN'T REALLY TOLD ANYBODY. THIS. THEY ASKED, DO YOU WANT JIMMY TO. GIVE YOU AN APOLOGY? DO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE SHOW? HOW CAN WE MAKE IT RIGHT? THROUGH OUR TEAM I RESPONDED, I. SAID, TOLD THEM THANK YOU, WE. RECEIVED THEIR NOTE THIS IS NOT. OUR ISSUE. NOT OUR MESS. WE ARE GRIEVING AND WE HAVE AN. ORGANIZATION TO RUN.

MY HUSBAND NEVER TOLD PEOPLE. WHAT TO SAY. YOU DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST. AND RIGHT AND I WISH YOU THE. BEST BUT I WILL NEVER ASK. SOMEONE TO GIVE ME AN APOLOGY. THAT THEY DO NOT GENUINELY MEAN. THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND THE LORD. IF YOU WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY TO. SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING, GO. RIGHT AHEAD.