Renee Graziano | Dumb Blonde Podcast

Is this thing on? >> Bonnie, who used to be a former sex. worker, and now host the podcast Dumb. Blonde. >> Most little girls grow up wanting to be. doctors and lawyers. And I was like, I. want to be super hot, make a lot of. money, and be a rockstar's wife. That. was my goal as a child. And here we are. >> What's up, you sexy mother? Welcome to. another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today we. have our fairy mob mother here, Mrs. Renee Graziano. How are you doing, mama? >> I'm wonderful. Such a pleasure to meet.

you, >> dude. I'm so happy you're here. You're. so striking in person. Like, you're. beautiful online, too. But you're just. so striking. >> No, I'm prettier in person. >> I [laughter] love it. >> And I'm smaller. >> You're tiny. >> Yeah. People People will always think. I'm taller. I'm actually, you know, I. did just lose like almost 20 lbs. So, I. am a little bit smaller than normal, but. thank you. >> It's your presence online that makes. that makes people think you're bigger. than you are because you are such a just. a power. >> power woman. like a powerful woman. Like.

any room you walk in, you uh demand. attention. So, >> yeah, I I think that's where my. addiction comes from. [laughter]. >> I love that. >> Absolutely. >> We'll definitely get into that. But I. mean, you are a real Sicilian princess. >> Yeah. I would My uh father spared no. expense on any one of his daughters. Like, I miss him terribly. it'll it. we're coming up on five years and um my. life was really very much like a movie.

and I think that's another reason why. addiction played such a really big part. in my life. Uh but growing up with like. a mob boss as a father. >> and you could do no wrong. [clears throat] and everybody else was. wrong, it was like the perfect. combination. It was the perfect storm. for me. >> Absolutely. And so for those of um those. people who don't know, who is your. father? >> Uh my father is uh Anthony Graziano. He. was the consiliary of the Banano crime.

family. >> That sounds powerful. >> It doesn't it? You know, and and my. father's story is quite remarkable. Uh. no higher than an eighth grade. education. um you know when he passed away I found. out that the first time he was ever. arrested was for robbing cornflakes to. feed his sisters. >> and he lived in a trailer um with. newspaper as the um shades and uh his.

mom's. boyfriend wasing his sisters and at 12. my father was shipped off because the. man suddenly died in an electrical fire. >> Oh. >> So, >> do we think dad had something to do with. that allegedly? >> I hope he did. >> Yeah. Anybody that hurts children, Anybody that hurts children deserves. >> I I hope he did. I truly do because for. me I now it makes so much more sense. >> why he was the way he was with us. Like.

we had to be covered and you couldn't do. this and you couldn't wear a bikini. And. I was always like, "What's wrong with my. father?" You know, and it was like, "God. forbid you said you had your period." It. was like you couldn't come out of the. like your room. I remember I had my. first breast reduction at like 18. >> Wow. >> Yeah. Oh yeah. I had an F breast. naturally. Yeah. I think God made me. upside down and backwards. So my was. flat and my boobs [laughter] were huge. >> Stop it. >> Yeah. I kid you not. My nickname was. sheetrock. Okay. So you wonder why I. have all these like, you know, [laughter] Okay. Who nicknamed you.

sheetrock? >> Well, okay. So, my ex brother-in-law. named me Spongebob Squarepants and then. my ex-husband, that evil bastard, that. rat. No good prick. >> We'll get into him later. >> Yeah, we will. Um, yeah, I was just. always picked on. >> That is terrible. And you don't look. like sheetrock. You're beautiful. >> No, because I got my done like four. times. [laughter]. >> And we're going to talk about that, too. So, circling back to childhood, um, you. know, your dad was this huge mobster. And.

>> what was life like for you? Did you guys. talk about it? Were you allowed to say. the word mob? Like I know I've talked to. the other girls and they all have such. different upbringings where like. Ramona's family did not talk about it at. all. But. >> Karen's family, they were just like, you. know. >> Okay. So, so Ramona's grandfather and my. father were very dear friends. Same. family. So, they were very close. Um, so. growing up, all I knew is my father worked like most. fathers worked 9 to5. My father worked 5.

to9, >> right? >> So, it was the opposite in the hours. And there were times that he, you know, wasn't home, but it was not something. that we would ever question cuz you're. not allowed to ask questions, right? >> However, when I was about 16, I remember. being in um Pastels, which was, you. know, the nightclub [clears throat] in. Brooklyn, and I was at the end of the. bar with my best friend Teddy Persico, and a man comes over and he introduc. Teddy introduced me, and he said, "Oh, this is TG's daughter." And he said,

"Yeah, you know, her father's a. captain." I go, "My father doesn't drive. a boat.". >> He goes, "What?" I go, "He doesn't sail. a ship, Teddy. Tell this guy." But I. didn't know what the words were. And I. went home. >> And they're looking at you like, >> I went home. Teddy's going, "Shut up. [laughter] Shut up." I go home. I go, "Dad, is this something you want to tell. me?" I was like, "Is that why you're not. home on the weekends or what?" He's. like, "What are you talking about?" And. I was like, "You're a captain." And he. was like, "Oh my god, sit down." Oh, >> and it was like this moment of you don't.

ever ask a question like that. Understand you're a little different. than everybody else. And I didn't know. what it meant, but I started to. understand because I had like that. flashback when these kids in fourth or. fifth grade glued an article of my dad. to my desk. >> A. >> Yeah. So, you know, there were two young. girls that I went to school with that. bullied me and um one of the girls, her. father was found in a trunk. >> So, >> I love how you say that. So matterof. factly. >> I know. So this is, you know what's.

crazy? Because now I finally realized. all these things gave me trauma, which I. never knew they did. >> Absolutely, baby. >> But it was normal to me. >> Trauma starts at the moment of. conception. So like if you're mom and. dad were fighting her pregnancy, that's. trauma. Like you the minute conception. starts, trauma. >> Really? Oh, that makes So Oh, wow. I got. to get my son into therapy immediately. [laughter] Were you were you close to. your mom growing up? >> Um closer to my father. I'm like my. father's twin, but I was also born very.

sick. >> So, I had spinal taps for the first 6. months of my life. I'm the only addict. in my family. >> Um well, I'm the only confessed addict. in my family for and alcohol. Not. alcohol, actually. >> Um I'm sure my father was an addict. because of his lifestyle. Yeah. You know. what I mean? all that stuff that goes. along with the mob. My sister Jennifer. threw herself into work. You know, everybody has an addiction. Mine just. resulted in,

>> right? >> You know, >> so when you were born, you had to have. spinal taps, which is trauma right there. for [clears throat] you. So, you came. out of the womb already having trauma. >> Growing up, you like you said, you did. not know that your father was in the. mob. How did they hide that from you? Like, >> um, okay. So, I remember I was 13 when I first. experienced uh the feds broke down the. doors and like sledgehammers and they. came in to get my father. And I remember. like losing my mind and saying, "You're.

not taking him." Like I was on top of. him like, "Yeah." And I didn't know. And. he was like, "Renee, don't worry about. it. I'm coming right back, Renee. Just. don't worry about it." And I didn't know. what it meant, >> you know? And and it wasn't explained. It was like, "Oh, don't worry about it.". You know, but then there's things in the. newspaper. >> What do they say? Like daddy ran ran a. red light. >> So bookmaking. So the reason Pete Rose. didn't get inducted into the Hall of. Fame is because he got pinched on my. father's case. >> Wow. >> So there's a lot of that. That was when.

he was like really coming up, you know. And um I knew I was different. I knew I. was because my father would when the. candyman would come on the corner of the. block, my father would buy out the truck. for everybody on the block. He was. always doing stuff for everybody else, you know, and and that's why I I have. this love for my father because. >> my father's never been charged with for. in my eyes. He's not one. Okay. So, all. the other little things that mobsters.

do, it's kind of in [clears throat]. their own community. >> as far as you know what I knew or if I. watch a movie. I don't really get too. much into that because people like to. say, "Well, how could you defend your. father? He was this and he was that.". But at the end of the day, he was my. father. >> And all you knew from him was love. >> Exactly. Like, and when I tell you this. man loved me, like there was nothing. greater in this world that when he died, I wanted to die. >> I literally wanted to go with him.

>> You have two other sisters. Were they as. close with him as you are? Lana is 9 years older. So, my father was. more in the street when she was younger. So, there's a little bit of a resentment. there. >> Um, and I got all the attention cuz I. was the sick child. So, Lana actually. hung me when I was six with a red, white, and blue plastic jump rope. >> Hoisted me over the chandelier. I'll. never forget that. >> Oh my god. >> And then the other time. So, [laughter]. and then this other time. >> That is not normal, Renee.

>> I I know. But now I know why I HAVE. TRAUMA. THEN THIS OTHER time she put the. dog leash around my neck and she hung. the the cord from the other side and. SHE'S LIKE, "JUST JUMP OFF THE STAIRS. AND SWING." I'm like, "Okay." YOU KNOW, I WAS like a stick figure. I was a stick. figure. And she was heavier. So my. father was hotter on her. >> But her her things were like, >> "Lose 50 lbs, I'll buy you a car. Lose. 50 lbs, I'll give you 15,000, 20,000.". So it was different. I didn't have to I.

was skinny. There was like if I turned. sideways, all you saw were my boobs. Like there was nothing. >> So there was definitely a jealousy. factor. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. And then my. little sister. >> So you're the middle. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And a cancer. So my. little sister in first grade had an. eighth grade reading level and in eighth. grade I had an eighth grade reading. level. So I was the less. scholastically intelligent sister. Right? >> So I had that complex from birth. I was.

ugly according to Lana. >> and I was dumb according to Jennifer. So, which is normal for sisters and and. brothers and sisters to do it. It's not. nice, but they do it, you know, >> hurtful. >> It is. I took it on. I became that. I. became. >> ugly and dumb in my That's what I saw. I. literally saw it. >> and um. >> I automatically. >> uh became promiscuous.

>> because of that, too. >> At what age? >> I was 13. >> Oh my goodness. I just got goosebumps. That's You're a baby. >> I wasn't a baby. My body didn't look. like a baby. I looked like I was 18. years old at 13. I was like a triple D. Like I looked If you seen pictures of me. at 13, you'd be like, "Who is she? I. LOOK YOUNGER NOW than I did at 13. >> Wow. >> So I Yeah. My first boyfriend I was uh. like 13 and a half and a half. He was. 17.

>> And um his name was Frank. >> It's a little weird. >> Yeah. And he was abusive. And that was. something I hid from my father. I always. hid my abuse. >> Abusive. Getting abused by a boyfriend. at 13. >> Yeah. >> What would he do to you? So, um, we it. was. >> makes my skin crawl because you're such. a baby. >> Yeah. It's funny. His daughter actually. reached out to me on like Instagram. I. was like, "How's your fat father doing? >> I CAN'T STAND. DID HE FIX his nose yet?

Did he like you know what?" Because you. know, you get scarred. You get so. scarred. >> And rightfully so. He deserves that. But. I I just It's, you know, >> we're painting a picture here for. people. And I don't think a lot of. people have got to hear this from me. and they don't understand what makes you. so I don't want to say aggressive but. just so brazen and so like you know this. is how it is like you have been molded. by trauma since birth. Thank you for this. Um because a lot of. people don't know these things about me.

because I always had to hide everything. Yeah. You know, but um Frank was abusive. very young and I remember being 15 and. we were going Tony Danza was at my. sister Lana's wedding. So we were. attending something and he was jealous. because he couldn't come. So he stabbed. I'll never he stabbed me in the side of. my leg with a fork as I was coming down. the stairs. But pain was already in. place at 14. So, you were already doing. >> Yeah. 14. Yeah. Absolutely. >> Well, let we're going to talk about the.

abuse, but then we're going to rewind. back to the. >> So, I think for me, um, I just stayed because I thought that's. what I deserved. >> So, he stabbed you in your legs? >> Like in my leg? I have like a I still. have like like two little marks left in. my leg. Yeah. >> And I remember um. I had gone home one day and I had a. black eye and my my father was on the. couch and I walked in. He goes, "Come.

here." And like he didn't see anything. I was just walking straight to the room, you know, and he was like, "Come here.". And I go, "What's up?" And he's like, "What happened to your face?" I said, "Oh, I walked into the door." He goes, "Oh, yeah, you did. Sit down." And I was. like, "Oh, you know." He's like, "What. door?" I said, "Uh, uh, the door." Like, what do you say? Like, [laughter] you. know, because at this point, I'm not. really a liar, and I suck at lying. anyway. [laughter] Um, so I'm trying to.

like come up with a story in my head, and I know I can't at this point. And I. remember I. >> And this is why I never told on somebody. afterwards. So, I said that he hit me and my father. goes, "Okay, watch this." So he makes a phone call. and he calls up the father and he says, "I need you and your son to meet me at. my restaurant." And this is it was on. Forest Avenue called Mama Roses. And. then he called two other guys who have. now passed on. And my father goes, "Get.

in the car." And I'm like, "Oh my god, what's going to happen?". I'm never forget it. I was singing the. Eley Brothers in between the sheets in. the car. And he goes, "What [laughter]. the you know about that?" And I was. like, "Nothing. It's a It's a song." And. he's like, "Don't talk." I swear to God, it was so scary in the car with him. It. was in his big Lincoln. We get there and. he goes, "Go in the restaurant and don't. go by the window.". >> So what does that mean? That means go by. the window, >> right? So now there's two Lincoln.

outside, Frank, his father, and these. two guys. And I look out the window, and. lo and behold, now Frank has a cast on. his arm. >> Needless to say, we know what happened, how it got broken. M. >> and it was that very second that I knew. I could never tell on another human. because it would be my sin that they got. hurt. And that's so wrong to think that. way because he deserved to have his arm. broken. >> But because I had this relationship with.

God at a very young age, I felt it was a. sin. So I have to protect my father and. protect the other person. So it's really. my fault it happens. >> And that's exactly where everything. started. M. >> that's that's really where it all. started. >> You just felt like you couldn't be. honest because you were scared of the. repercussions that would happen if like. somebody hurt you or Yeah. >> So when I met my son's father, >> let's rewind really quick before we get. into that. You said that um at that age.

you were already using when did you. start using. >> and why were you using them? Okay. So, when I was about 13, I remember I did. like masculine like double purple double. barrel. I'll never forget it. >> I had every bit of clothing that was on. the in the closet on me. I was in the. closet. My girlfriend's mother was like, "What is Renee doing in the closet with. the clothes?" So, I Yeah. So, I knew. like that wasn't the drug for me cuz I. didn't like that type of feeling. And. then. >> I don't even know what that is. What is. that? >> Yeah. They don't even make that anymore.

It's It was like some kind of trippy. drug. I don't I don't like. >> acid or. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But not like acid was. really strong. This was like some little. stuff. >> Yeah. >> Um and then. um I wanted to be very much like my. older sister. So, you know, if there was partying. going on, I wanted to do it too. So, I. remember it started with black beauties. and yellow jackets. So, those are. uppers. That was like speed. >> diet pills and stuff. Yeah. >> Correct. Mh. >> And then it just when I met Frank, it.

was so by 14 I was, you know, partying. 14, 15. >> Um, by the time I was 16, I was dating. like the biggest drug dealer in Staten. Island secretly. >> And [snorts] who is this? Are we allowed. to say. >> Oh, he was so gorgeous. No, I can't say. it. Um I His name is. >> But it wasn't Frank. >> No, his first name is Jay. He was just. like, he was beautiful. >> And he was like, "You can't tell nobody. cuz you know your father would be.

upset.". >> How old was he? >> 22. >> 22. And you were how old? >> 16. >> Oh god. I'm having this argument with. our kid right now. She has 20-year-olds. hanging around and she's 15. And I'm. like, there's something wrong with them. >> Yep. >> Okay, good. I think that's a crime. >> Okay, good. >> Because what I know now, first of all, I. would somebody I have three. granddaughters. >> You're not making it home, buddy. Like, no, you're warped in the brain that you. want to be with a little girl because. >> Good. I'm glad. >> regardless the woman could be grown, you. know, physically we could look a certain.

way, but mentally, no. And that's where. they condition you. You're conditioned. in your early teen years. You know what. I mean? So, for me, >> it was e like. >> I felt popular. I felt special. I felt I. wasn't ugly. Yes. I felt I But it was a. secret. Yeah. >> So, it's still, you know, it's not fair. to me and I just stayed in a, you know, looking back it's so sad. It's.

so sad. I could have been so much more. in life, you know. I could have had the. healthy relationship, but no, I you. know, I went from my first boyfriend to. that like relationship for a few years. when I was in my six 16 to 18 to meeting. my son's father when I was 20, getting. engaged a month and 19 days after I met. him because I wanted this. And my father. said, "You want it? I'm going to give.

you what you want. Now you're going to. lay when you make your bed, you got to. lay in it. >> And my father didn't want me to marry. him because he wasn't Italian. He was. Puerto Rican. >> Did you ever um experience abuse in the. house? Was that No, there was never an. abuse. >> No, Lana always got hit. >> I'm trying to figure out where your. attachment style came from. >> Okay. I don't know [laughter] because my. father never hit my mother. Yeah. >> Ever. But what I do know is this. At 16, I found out about an affair my father. had. M. >> mom, I'm sorry if you ever hear this.

>> And I remember what I did and I lost it. >> Like lost it because I have the most. magnificent mother. >> in the world like Rockel Welch gorgeous. >> and such a good woman. But in the same thing, I didn't want to. be her anymore. I wanted to be her and. then I didn't want to be her because to. me it was weak, >> right? >> And I just said that's what's gonna.

happen. And I ended up being the same. damn thing just with a big mouth. >> So my father never hit my mother ever. >> Yeah. >> Ever. That like it's just not happening. in my household. Lana got hit a lot cuz. Lana was really bad. Like she would rob. the car all the time and. >> you know like flip the cars and. >> trying to hang you off chandeliers. >> Absolutely. You had me swinging off. banisters like [laughter]. but um I think for me I just wanted. something. >> You wanted to be loved. >> and I had such a hole in my soul. I was.

born with a hole in my soul. Literally I. was born with a hotm. I think that was. [laughter] the hole. >> Yeah. Um and I I would have done. anything anything in the war Oh god, I'm. going to get so emotional right now. >> It's okay. >> I would have done anything for someone. to say I love you. Looking back, do you feel like you. finally found that love within yourself? >> Not yet. >> You're still looking for it. >> Well, I love you. >> I love you, too.

>> You want a hug? >> Okay. >> I'm so sorry. I just thought you wanted. >> I was like, I'm not going to cry today. [laughter]. >> I got you. >> You are so. >> You know, thank you. You know, I you. know what's funny? Now I have it with my. grandchildren, you know, and um they. love me. >> Oh, I bet you are. You are like the. ultimate GMA. You're like glamma. >> That's Yeah, that's the name of my. company, too. I just [laughter] they. actually I play superhero. I um I do all.

these things with the kids and uh. [snorts] it's this feeling of it's a. different love. >> Yeah. >> And it it does. >> unconditional. >> Yeah. It does fill the soul, you know. It it is now for me. It's things are. changing and um. >> Do we have any tissue, Mimi? [laughter]. >> We'll get you. >> I usually travel with a box. >> Oh my gosh. We'll get you some. >> I'll rip the eyelashes off [laughter] in. 5 minutes. I don't even care. >> Take the shoes off. I don't care. Keep. coming, baby. >> Um Yeah. You know,

>> I think it's a journey. I think life is. a journey of literally learning how to. fall in love with yourself. >> Yep. >> It really is. And I for women like us. who have grown up with trauma and the. women at home that are listening, like. that's really all we've ever searched. for in this world is to give love and to. receive love. And it starts with us. >> It does. And uh what I'm finding out now. is nobody's going to do it for me but. me. [clears throat]. >> Absolutely. >> You know, and that's that's the sad part.

because I know how I love on somebody. So I'm like, why you know where are. these people? And my sister Jennifer. would always say to me, Renee, your. expectations of people are way too high. Nobody's you. No one will ever do the. things you do. You pay people's bills. before you'll even pay your own. You'll. take care of everyone, strangers on the. street and not yourself. And I think. that's what it was. I've always been. trying to save a life, but it was my.

life I had to save. And I just felt like. that my life wasn't good enough. I. wasn't good enough. Why should I be. alive? Why should I have all these. things? Even when I was young, I would. give everything out. Everything my. father give me, I'd give everybody else. because I felt like God gave me so much. Why would I not share it? >> You know, not everybody gets. >> the lifestyle that I I lived as a child. I had a fur coat at seven diamond name. plates. Like I I think I came out of the. womb as a mob wife. Yeah. like, you. know, with the with the big jewelry and.

the whole bit, you know. And. >> now I I look back and I just I have. three granddaughters and I have one. grandson. And all I want them to do, all. I want for them, I should say, is to. know that they are so loved. >> and nothing matters and nobody will ever. hurt them. And I say that and I don't. care if the feds will listen in on this. one. I would go right to the wall for. them. You know what I mean? As every. parent should for their child. Every. parent, any parent that doesn't.

shouldn't be a parent. That's how I view. it. >> Did you ever pour that feel like you. poured that love into AJ? >> You know what? AJ AJ is is very loved. >> Uh very very very loved. He doesn't. really show me that though anymore. Um I. I know I hurt my son. >> I definitely did. Um AJ witnessed some. stuff that. uh. he doesn't talk about ever. So when AJ.

was like five and um it was November. 29th and um his father gave me a really. bad beaten and um his face was pressed. between the two little lats on the. stairs and his eyes never left mine as. this man dragged me down the stairs. backwards. And um I just remember. looking at him and I said I got to get. him out of here. And I went to church. and there was a piece of paper in the. church and it said, "After the long dark.

storm, there will be light." And there. was no other piece of paper in the whole. church that said that. >> And I'm all over the church like, "Oh my. god, God's talking to me." Like, I know. this man's having a conversation with. me. >> I no facts. >> I left the next day. I packed What's. crazy. I took my son, my clothes, and my. television. [laughter]. >> When you're in those situations, you do. crazy. >> TV. No, because I swear the TV meant. something to me all my life. Like I. wanted to be um Lucille Ball. That was.

my dream. Carol Bernette, Lucille Ball. with Blondie and Joan Jet twist. That's. what that's all I wanted to be when I. grew up. You know what I mean? But then. again, I wanted to be Diane Carol. But. then my mother told me I couldn't be. Diane Carol because she was a black. woman. And I and I argued with her for. like years. Yes, I can. She's like, "No, you can't, Renee. You don't understand.". [laughter]. But um yeah, I left him right there and. I I left with AJ. I went home. My father. was like, "Okay, no problem. Stay.

>> You can't go back now." And what's crazy. is my ex-husband's last name is pagan. >> So for someone who believes in God so. much, right, >> I've always thought that. >> Okay. I got married in a church called. Our Lady of Pity. >> Oh my goodness. A black crow flew in my. church and sat above me on my wedding. tape. >> Wow. Got goosebumps. >> I married the devil. I I I kid you. He's. the spawn of the devil. >> How did you guys meet? Where did this.

come from? Cuz I read somewhere that he. was a friend of your father's. >> No, not at all. He's a liar. >> Okay. >> He wishes. Um, I met him on. May 7, May 17th of 1990. He had just. come home from doing like four years for. like gun trafficking. So, for me, it's. like, oh, PSI report. I love it. Um, oh. my god, he's going to fit in my family. just fine, >> you know? And I remember going home and. saying, "Dad, I got a boyfriend. I want.

you to meet him." And he's like, "What's. his name?" I'm like, "Ask him when he. gets here." He goes, "What does that. mean, Renee?" Yeah. >> Cuz I couldn't say his name was Hector. >> Yeah. >> I didn't know what was going to happen. >> Yeah. >> So when he got to the house, my father. goes, "What's your name?" He goes, "Hector?" Goes, "Hector? What's that? What are you?". >> So he said, "I'm Puerto Rican." And he. goes, "No, your name is Junior." That's. where he got that name from. Wow. >> From my father. And because he was in. jail with a friend of my father's who. was Joe Msina, who was the uh mob boss. of the Banano crime family, who also.

became a rat. Um, and he's he's dead. now, too. Um, my father gave him a pass. He started abusing me immediately. Immediately. >> And you were how old? 20. >> I was 20. I got engaged a month and 19. days after I met him. I said, "Daddy, this is what I want." And my father. always gave me what I wanted. >> So, even getting, you know, beat by him. And. >> my father never knew. >> Never knew. You never told him. >> He's my abuser. And when I say that, I.

mean it in every way, shape of the word. So, whatever comes before abuse, emotionally, mentally, physically, that's my abuser. >> I've heard you say that he was your. >> Yeah. >> He uh. >> It's hard to believe that people give. this man a platform. >> You know what's hard to believe? That. women don't report this. >> because you don't know it's a crime when. you're married. I didn't know that. that's a crime, >> right? you know, if your husband comes.

home and he's a little bit forceful and. you have to submit, >> that's a crime. >> I didn't know that. And I had a. therapist, her name was Renee. >> Um, and she was the one who told me, "No, that's Renee." And I was like, "Uh, I don't think it's called that where I'm. from." AND SHE'S LIKE, "NO, THAT'S WHAT. IT'S CALLED, PERIOD.". >> What would he do? >> He was just the were bad. He was a He is. an alcoholic and an addict. So, um,

he would just come home from we had a. strip club, my father's, >> and his girlfriend worked there. Her. name was Danielle. >> Whose girlfriend? >> My ex-husband. >> Junior's. Okay. >> Filthy. >> Um, filthy. And um, he would just constantly compare me to. her. >> and he was very forceful from being. drunk and high. And I really didn't have. many choices. >> Yeah. >> Uh I also didn't understand.

>> and I think I didn't understand a lot. because I was never really developed in. that sense of the word. Physically I was. very developed but I wasn't mature. enough to be a baby at. >> Yeah. You're absolutely but I was doing. it from 13. So you know what I mean? I. figured oh I'm going to make a guy like. me. I know what I could do. >> Every guy liked me. Trust me. But not. every guy wanted me because one, it. wasn't just the fact that you had to. deal with my father.

>> I don't shut up, >> right? [laughter]. >> You You're going to follow suit, right? >> If you can't equal up to my father, YOU'RE GOING TO follow suit, >> right? >> And I'm going to lead. And that's really. what it was. And my ex-husband resented. me for that because guys would kiss me. hello before him. >> So, you know that mob thing, they all. kiss each other. >> They wouldn't kiss him before me, >> right? And I kept saying to him, "But. you're not Anony's daughter. I am.". >> Yeah. >> So I am to be treated that way because I. am the, you know, mob royalty if you if.

you. >> And he's also not Italian. >> No. And that was the thing. Then he. became so close with my father. My. father loved this man. Oh my god. He. loved this man. >> And he was going to give him our last. name. >> so he could be Imagine this. And this. man ratted on my father, beat his. daughter. the abuse I went through. He shattered. my coxic bone, broke uh cracked a rib, punctured a kidney, broke my cheekbone, like and I would never tell.

>> Renee, >> I Yeah, I never told. >> Why would he do these things? Like he. just would come home drunk. >> He was just because he would say really. mean things to me and Oh god, this is so. bad. Sorry, Lois. His mother's Lois. She. died. She was a heroin addict, died of. HIV. So he would be really mean to me. and I'd be like, "Your mother's true. It's true. Your mother's this or your. mother's that because that's my only. defense because I'm getting smacked. So. what else could I do? I'm like a little. peanut and this man is 6 feet.

professional boxer. >> No man should ever hit a woman no matter. what. >> He was he was just. >> evil. >> Yeah. I don't want I I I know that he. had his own trauma, but I don't like to. give him any little bit of grace. >> whatsoever because he doesn't deserve. it. Because you could walk out that. door. >> You could you you walked out that door. and gave your girlfriend my car and left. me while I was pregnant throwing up. My. body shut down. I lost 25 lbs in my.

fourth month. I uh my body I collapsed. and I stayed in the hospital for like at. least two weeks and he made me take a. cab home. like the things like I a lot of it's. flashing right now so forgive me you. know cuz my ADD is also active right now. and it's like oh my god oh my what was I. doing. >> I could have had anything and anyone. >> I went through it too I went through a. severely abusive relationship so. everything that I'm hearing from you it.

just breaks my heart because I too. stayed no matter what. And it was like. we had the most amazing sex and like I. would try he was always sorry after he. would do it. And then now this man is. trying to gaslight me cuz he knows I'm. writing a book. >> Oh, good. So where what's his address? >> And is telling me that everything that. happened is embellished and that I'm. lying and that he he never hit me. closed, but he bopped me in my nose. You. know, like it's like the the G these men. are just crazy. So to me, you know,

Hector sounds a lot like my ex. >> Well, yeah, because they're uh what's. the word? What are they called? Narcissist. Narcissist. >> My ex-husband was horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Um, you should be. embarrassed. Um, but you know, it's so crazy. His. girlfriend, he has a girlfriend now that. like stalks me. I'm like, >> I'm like, please have a seat. >> You're the one that got away. Like, please have a seat. >> He probably triangulates you with her. just knocked her out cold in a parking.

lot in Staten Island maybe like 6 months. ago. He moved out here. He lives in Lake. Tahoe and if I had his address, I'd give. it to you. No. >> Um for anybody who wanted to ring the. bell, [laughter]. >> I don't care. So like I really don't. care. LIKE THE THEY COULD COME AND say. Renee, you're not allowed to say that. Be like, "Yes, I am.". >> So let's rewind it back. So you you're. going through this horrific time with. him. You're pregnant. >> You know you know you have AJ. AJ's. having to witness the abuse. When do you guys finally break? Because.

I know on Mob Wives you guys ended up. getting back together. >> Okay, so it was um November 30th, 19. >> I love that she remembers dates. >> Yeah. Oh, I have a thing with numbers. >> Okay. >> Um it was Yep. 1999 cuz I remember for. New Year's I remember that Prince song. playing in my head. Um, I left and then. I found out that the affair he was. having at that time was with his. sister's friend who I always said it was. and she was pregnant. So, here's this.

one. So, now I show up at court. I. didn't know she was pregnant yet. So, I. I go to court. He gets pinched. I go to. court. I have to put the house up for. him. And he's there with her. And I'm. sitting there and I and I'm looking and. my cousin Alexis who's this tiny tiny. little blonde, we call her Barbie. Mhm. >> And she says, "Renee," I go, "He there's. a ring on her finger. He's married to. me." I get up the and the judge goes, "Who's here for, you know, Hector. Pagan?" I go, "Me?" He goes, "Your. name?" I go, "Renee Pagan." He goes,

"Well, then who's the woman that he's. with?" That was one. I walk out of the. courtroom and I remember getting into a. fight with him in front of the federal. building that he took me by my throat. and dangled me in the street. >> While you're pregnant? >> Uh, no. She was now pregnant. She was. now pregnant. I was No, AJ was already. born, but he was having this affair. Sorry. >> And then I find out he's engaged. >> Two weeks later, my son says to me, uh, he he was with his dad. I was away. I. had a boyfriend at the time and, uh, a. wise guy boyfriend, too. He was cute.

Um, and, uh, AJ calls me and says that, um, what was her name? Vicki made him pee in. the tub because she was on the toilet. bowl and he was playing in the so snow. And I said, "Okay, mommy's mommy will be. there in no time. You were in the. bathroom with my kid. That's a no." I. made it home from 3 hours away in like 2. hours. And I gave her a beaten outside. the house and I'm not a fighter at all. And that's how I ended up finding out. she was pregnant because he said, "I'll. you. She's having a baby." And I didn't.

even know she was pregnant. And that's. how I found out. So you're married to. me, engaged, having a child, still. beating me, and this is where we're at. So at that point I was like I'm done. He. went to jail for 8 years. I had nothing. to do with him. No communication. I then. started working for 50 Cent and I, you. know, my life started to pick up and I. had this really fun and exciting life. All of a sudden I was experiencing. everything from different races and. culture and I was like in heaven. I was.

like candies. Yeah, that was me. Um and. uh matter of fact, my friend that lives. here I you know who I'm talking about. the witch. I'll tell you afterwards. Okay. Yeah. [laughter]. Um, so he came home. and he then got a girlfriend. >> as mob wives going on while. >> No, no, no. He came home in eight. So. mob wives happened in 10. >> 2007 you had an overdose, didn't you? >> Yeah. >> Can we talk about that? Cuz this was. before Mob Wives even started.

>> Yep. So, okay. So I um. from the damage in my back they put me. on Oxy80s. and um I was hooked I think in a week. >> and I was on two Oxy80s ready six oxies. Xanax water pills diet pills everything. the doctor gave me. >> Oh my gosh. >> Doctor gave me. >> that's enough to you. >> It did obviously. >> Yeah. And then um on July 4th in 2007, I.

deeded for the first time. My there were. like four cop cars. I was a wild. lunatic. You couldn't contain me. Nothing. >> Can you take me on that day? What. happened? >> Uh my girlfriend Nancy, I said to Nancy, you got to take me to my mom's. I'm I'm. going to die and I know it. I said, I I. have to get off. She took she got me. there. She gave my mother everything. that I had and I hit the floor. >> and that was it. And my mother did not.

understand addiction and was. embarrassed. So she put me in a 72-hour. holdover as opposed to detox. And I was. assaulted. in the um mental ward. >> by a man named Stanley Guido. >> on. July 7th at 4:35 in the afternoon, 2 hours before I was being released. And. then I was straight jacketed after that.

And. so they Let me get this right. Your mom. has you admitted. >> Committed. >> Committed. And. a man forces himself on you. >> Yeah. He was a patient. >> Oh, he was a patient. >> He was a patient. >> Okay. And I remember there was this. young black boy there and they kept. giving him so much thorazine. and I would give him my cookies because. I knew it would change the chemicals. like so I know I'm not crazy, you know.

>> So, but I saw what they were doing to. people and it was breaking my heart. So, they drugged me and the man came in my. room and uh held me down. That's why I. like I I shake on my left side. >> So, he held me down. He assaulted me. Um, I remember like losing it and they. wouldn't get me a gynecologist. They. wouldn't call 911. So, I found a way to. set a fire. and [snorts] I knew if the police if the.

fire department came, the police. department would come. The police. department, the man was Detective Gorum. He was the head of SVU, but he used to. be organized crime and knew my father. >> And he said, "Tell me what happened." I. told him he the man admitted it this I. have a police report that backs this up. and he tried to orally violate me. The. man um the cop turned his face and I did. what I did and they straight jacketed me. cuz I like attacked him like you.

couldn't get me off of him. >> You couldn't. And the man said he did. it. So now the the psychiatrist tells my. mother I'm lying. My mother believes the. doctor because she thinks I'm trying to. get out. They kept me there for two. weeks. I spent my 37th birthday with a. one-on-one in Staten Island Hospital. And uh it it changed me for the rest of. my life. It [snorts] changed me for the. rest of my life because it was different. than the abuse from my husband. This you. took from me. He did that, but it was.

different cuz he was part of my it was. my relationship. This stranger did it to. me. >> Yeah. >> And um. they started giving me 8 milligrams a. day in Xanax. Eight milligrams a day. >> That's so much. Even two. >> at 125 pounds. >> Even two milligrams is a lot. I used to. take literally a a quarter of the Xanax. Like a piece of a piece like it takes me. four milligrams to to knock me out. >> Oh god. >> My tolerance is so high to so high.

>> Wild. >> And that's what happened to me. And um. it changed me. >> I'm so sorry. >> It's okay. You know what? I actually. have. some forgiveness there. And I think it's. because when I realized it was my fault. And what I say it was my fault is what. he did to me wasn't my fault, but it was. my fault I was there. Because if I. didn't do the drug, I wouldn't have. ODed. If I didn't OD, he couldn't have. done that. So that's mine. I have to own. it. >> I understand. >> And when I owned it, it was like, "Oh, okay. I get it." And it didn't feel as.

bad. I didn't smell him anymore. It took. me years. I I was like maybe three or. four years. I'd smelled this human. I. would scratch my skin off my body, my. neck, like there's parts of Mob Wives. like my neck would be ripped apart. because I the the feeling would over. like the pains in my body when he tried. to like he forcefully push his fist. inside of me. Like I'd get pain and then. all of a sudden it was gone. It was just. gone. I dealt with it. I don't know,

maybe it's cuz I prayed so much on it. Like I would always just ask God just. please just take this one. like you give. me so much and I know they say like you. can only God gives you what you can. handle but like I had a time out I said. God. >> I'M DONE I'M LIKE I'M TAPPING OUT DUDE. LIKE there I'm done. >> I I want to die I just want to die now. >> and that's what it was. >> I just wanted to die for a really long. time but I was too chicken to do it and. I'm Catholic and it's a sin so I would.

never you know do it but it's been in my. head you You know what I mean? Um, >> and then after I lost my father, that. was it for me. Then I really. >> So, when you got out of the mental, we're going to circle back. We'll get to. the This is when your dad [snorts]. passes. When you got out of the mental. hospital and you were just at that. breaking point of like, this is enough. I've had enough. When you got out, were. you able to stay sober or did that what. happened to you in that hospital? Just. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was that was.

the start of Xanax addiction. That was. it. So, Xanax, I would say to I'm sober. at least 9 months a year. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. >> Um, my using is a little different. I'm. definitely an addict, but I'll use maybe. two days. >> Two days and then I won't use for like. two months. Xanax, I was using like. consecutive. And it was like to the. point where. >> I couldn't feel. So, I I couldn't think.

I couldn't feel. It was great. Oh my. god. It was the It's the mo It's the. most wonderful drug in the world. I love. >> If you use it correctly, it is a good. drug. >> I didn't use it correctly. I overdosed. on it twice. I loved Xanax. So, people. that don't understand People that don't. have disregulated nervous systems don't. understand the feeling of chewing on a. Xanax. That was my favorite thing. Or. putting it under my tongue and just. letting it go, that taste is so. horrible. >> It's It's horrific. But the feeling you. get is euphoric. >> That's why my That's why they were two. and three in my mouth at a time. It was.

just like, okay, you know, oh wait, in. 15 minutes I'm not going to feel. anything. And I h I suffer with severe. insomnia. >> since my 20s, so I don't sleep. I go 2, three days, no sleep. >> I was hospitalized. I've woken up under. general anesthesia. I've woken up under. propall. Like I mean, >> something happens to me when they put me. out. >> and I think I'm so afraid that I like. the adrenaline pumps and I'd get back. up. >> So yeah. And I think also the not.

sleeping had to do with the lifestyle, you know what I mean? Not the but the. lifestyle of waiting up for my father or. waiting up for my ex-husband to come. home by the window. Always waiting, waiting, waiting. And it it's just. >> it's so much trauma, man. Like. >> I'm just figuring it out now. >> Yeah. >> I think healing trauma, you're never. healed. It's literally a journey. We're. going to have to figure out our trauma. till the day we're not here anymore. like that. It's a journey.

>> My son has a hard time with this one. He's like, why can't you just stop? >> Men are wired differently. >> I'm like, you know what? They are, but. they're not. Okay. They don't share with. us enough, >> right? >> But I think they're just they could be. just as or weaker. >> Yeah, >> I definitely think so. Like look at a. man that gets traumatized by a woman. He. becomes a creep afterwards. You know. what I mean? We don't become creepy. WE. JUST LIKE. >> I'M NOT laughing at men becoming creeps. I'm laughing at how she says stuff.

[laughter]. >> I'm laughing at men becoming creeps. I. am. >> I said it and I stand on it. Um I just. think, you know, for my son, he's so. he's so strong and um. >> he's also probably super empathic and. super sensitive because normally when. you're No, >> not the kid. No, >> not at all. >> No, he's so cold. Oh, he got his dad, you know, after his father did what he. did, AJ had to like be cold because we.

don't know him too bad. >> AJ had unfortunately suffered a a. serious situation where somebody hurt. him very badly. >> U because of his father. >> Oh my gosh. >> Yeah. 14 Staples. >> Oh my gosh. And this was after he ratted. on your dad. >> So, let's let's rewind back to that. So, okay. you know, 2007 you had the. overdose, this horrific incident with. the mental hospital. And then when does.

mob wives come knocking? 2008, 2009. >> Okay. So, after what happened to me in. the hospital, I worked for Tina Fay and. Alec Baldwin. That was like like a great. >> Was Alec cool? Cuz I've heard so many. horror stories about him. >> Not he was great with me. Always. Tina. is my favorite person on the face of the. earth. >> He seems like a sweet. >> She would always say to me, "You're. going to be famous one day, Renee. You're going to be famous one day." And. I'd be like, "Okay, Dino, we got to get. diet pill, water pill, what are we. doing?" You know, and I'll tell you why. I say that. Um, so 2010, Mob Wife. starts. My sister Jennifer says, "Renee,

you can't be on the show.". >> Jennifer actually. >> is the EP and creator of Mob Wives. >> And that's your sister. >> Yes. And she said, "You can't be on the. show. I can't deal with you." I'm like, "Well, could I do wardrobe? What could I. do?" And all along she had a plan for me. to be on it but. >> wasn't telling me. >> And so like a few days before she was. like that's what you get. [laughter] I. was like okay. So Mob Wives kicks off. Um my ex-husband is home at the time. I. have plastic surgery season one gone.

terribly wrong. I die. >> Yeah, we're going to talk about that. >> I lose Yep. I lose 6.3 pints of blood. Merced through my body. Read my last. rights twice. Veno Vango Meyosin. resistant. Um, >> it was you were having So you Okay, so. the show starts. You're doing the show, >> correct? >> Hector comes home. >> Yes. >> Okay. You decide to get your body done. >> Yes. >> And this is on the show. This is all. playing out on the show. So if you guys. are not Mob Wives fanatics, go and binge. this series. You will not be.

disappointed. But. >> take me on that journey. You decided to. go get your body done. Did you get your. body done for him? I got my body done so. nobody could talk about me anymore and I. thought I was going to have this. fabulous figure. >> Um the doctor was was another evil. individual. Um and he decided he was. going to give me a full body lift at 165. lbs. >> That doesn't even make sense. You're not. supposed to do that to somebody so. small. [snorts]. >> So I went in for a BBL and a tummy tuck.

I ended up uh my is even more concaved. now at this point. Um, I'm dying. I have. MRSA. I have a hole this big in my back. >> So, you go home from the surgery. >> Okay. So, the surgery happened on June. 11th in um 2011. >> I go home. My mother comes to the. hospital. Okay. No, sorry. Okay. Surgery. day. I go in. He does he does a 7-hour. surgery in like 4 and 1/2 hours. They.

put the garment on me. They rip me open. I bleed out. >> Emergency second surgery. Come out. Never calls 911. I lost 6.3 pints of. blood. The next day, my mom comes and. she hears me. And I She comes running. and I said, "I'm dying." And she's like, "What do you mean?" I said, "I'm dying.". And I was cold. I was blue. I remember. the woman in the ambulance saying, "Stay. with me. Stay with me. Stay with me.". And I was like, "Just let me go. Just. let me like" And they were like, "You.

have to have a transfusion now. I think. I'm going to die because I have to have. a fourpoint transfusion. I don't want. the blood. They take my rights away from. me. >> I have the transfusion. I'm in the. hospital for a week. I go home and I. smell something. So, I'm like, "Must be. the antibiotics, you know, cuz for. females that. >> Yeah, absolutely.". >> So, [snorts] I said to the do I called. the doctor. I said, "Hey, you know, I. have 101 fees. Like, get to the. hospital." I said, "Okay." He's like, "I'll meet you there." I get to the. hospital.

The hospital's 10 minutes from me. Within 20 minutes, I'm at 1035. The doctor comes in and his name is Dr. Raj. He touches me and MRSA just was. everywhere. >> Everywhere. So now they have me like in. like a little incubation thing cuz. nobody can come around me. I'm now, you. know, I could. >> somebody with Mercer or whatever. >> They start with their venkcomyosin. I'm. venkcommyosin resistant. >> Four days. um read my last rights twice. Dr. Addie,

his name is. He was a doctor from Africa. who works with HIV patients. So now I. think I have HIV. This is like, you. know, you got to understand. >> Well, you don't know. They don't tell. you what. >> infectious disease. A man's coming in. from Africa. What the I'M LIKE, OH MY. GOD, IT'S OVER. >> AND um he comes up with a cocktail and I. remember being upstairs and my father. calling. Didn't speak to me and my. sister. >> Your dad mob. >> wives. Your dad was mad. Yeah, we'll. talk about that too. Let's finish the. [snorts] story about. >> So he was away. So my father calls and.

the priest said, "You know, you should. say goodbye to your daughter." And he. said, "What? She got you bullshitted. too, father.". And the my mother said, "No, Rene's. dying." Like it was it's a real thing. There's she's venkcomyosin resistant. They can't fix her. And then I think my. father might have threatened the doctor. and the next day I WAS I WAS ON MY ROAD. to recovery and they said that I've. defied medical history. My plastic. surgeon never showed up.

>> ever. >> Wow. >> Yep. And then. >> there's a lot that goes into that story. with the doctor, which I'm not going to. touch on that because we've had so many. damn lawsuits over it. Um my ex-husband. then comes back comes to the hospital. I'll never forget it. and he brought me. this Rolex and it was the one Rolex I. didn't have and he gave it to me and he. said, "I love you." And in my brain, I. said, "I had to die for him to love me.".

>> Mind you, this is my abuser. >> I go back with him. I move him in. I. come home from the hospital. >> This is all on the show. >> Everything. >> playing out on the show. This is real. life. None of this is scripted. >> Hell, you couldn't script me. The only. thing fake about me is my nose, right? >> You know what I mean? Like my ass is. mine. It's just fat from a different. part of my body. >> I say the same thing. [laughter]. >> My nose is not mine. It's modified. >> And then let's let's let's cut back real. quick. Your dad did stop talking to you.

guys because of the because didn't he. get shelved from the mob or they said he. was shelved. >> technically? Okay. >> He wasn't at that this particular point. Not at all. >> Right. >> It wasn't until he came home. And I'll. I'll touch a little bit on that. >> Okay. >> Um, so my ex-husband now says, "I love. you. I want to be with you." Blah blah. blah blah blah. Okay, great. >> And I think there was a an episode where. you even said to him like, "You never. say I love you to me.". >> Oh, listen. This this creep this creep.

this creep. >> Did you think you think that he did all. this because he knew? >> I know he did. >> I know he did. He only came back to me. to set my father up. My father came home. August. My father was gone and I wrote my father. a letter before he came home and and you. could verify this with my mother and. said, "Dad, you're going to go back to. jail right before Thanksgiving. I know. it. Please don't talk to anybody. Don't. don't don't." Day before Thanksgiving, they took my father away. And I knew it. I wrote it. I knew it. >> Like when I tell you my premonitions are.

so real. >> I knew it. And I I just knew something. wasn't right. >> But I was so high because I'm on. delorted now. eight milligram like I'm. sorry six milligrams every time I take. my delorted it's six milligrams I had. been sent home with a um a medicine ball. so I had the picking you know to my. heart every day I had to do this a nurse. three times a day like changing my. bandages all of this he comes back to me. I love you I love you I love you this.

that and the third we're going to. therapy all of this. >> God he even committed to therapy. >> well he was cooperating with the. government since 200 6 because he's not. even a real man and can't tell you that, but I know his paperwork. So, I'll I'll. give you that so we can put that up. there, too. Because since 2006, he's. been a rat. Sucker. Excuse my mouth. He. gets me very angry. >> Is that why your dad went away? Um. >> Yes. Okay. And nobody knew that it was. because. >> No. So, this is So, November 20, right.

before um November 21st, my father was. in the hospital. My dad had cancer. uh. prostate, bladder, urethra, kidney, and. I was gonna I I'll never forget it. I I. took cerakquil. I'm like, I can't live. like this no more. >> So dramatic, but cerakquil, where was I. going? >> Anyway, my father ran from the hospital. to the house. And I remember at my white. marble floors, there was blood. everywhere. And he was like, "What's. wrong with you? What's going on?" I was.

like, "Dad, [clears throat] something's. wrong. I don't know what it is, but. something's wrong. I can't I I can't. take it. But I'm so polluted mentally. with so much delorted and Xanax and he's. giving me pain and I'm just like high. >> And um he I watched his behavior. He was. acting strange going outside for phone. calls. I think he's cheating on me. >> Right. >> Right. Cuz he was always. >> You go through his phone. >> Exactly. Was always cheating on me. >> with Drea actually. >> Right. What happens is this. He turns himself in. My son comes home.

November 21st and he hands me a letter. and he said, "This is from dad." I go, "Where's your father?" We didn't talk. for two days before because I was. fighting with him and I thought he was. cheating, >> right? >> He turned himself in because he couldn't. take it anymore. >> So I read this letter. He says, you. know, >> uh, I got pinched 9 years d me. I'm. like, I'll put the house up. Whatever. I. call home. I said, "Dad, I can't find. him." My father, I swear to God, you. could see the the phone conversation and. I said, he said, "Mind your [ __ ].

business. Get off the phone." And I was. like, "What are you talking? Get off the. phone, Renee. Don't get on the phone. today." And I'm like, "Dad, I can't find. him in this in the system. Renee, Renee, please, Renee." And I I couldn't. understand what was happening. And then. I call him back. I'm like, "Dad, Dad, I. can't find him." And I hear my sister. Jennifer's son open the door and he. said, "Poppy, it's the police." And I. said, "Dad, I'm coming. I'm on my way.".

And he said, "Rene, stay home. You're. going to I'll go to jail for don't come. here.". And I hung up the phone. And I knew it. was over. He was home three months after. 12 years. And the next day in the newspaper, it. read, "Mob wife star husband's a snitch. >> [sighs and panting]. >> My whole life ended. My identity was.

wiped. I was nothing at that moment. [snorts]. But I got sober that day for like almost. a year. And uh. this is all playing out on the show. And. I mean, you're having to not only deal. with this in your own personal life, you're literally having to live this. with millions of people having an. opinion. >> The first thing I thought of whenever. that was going down was, [snorts] is. that what maybe brought you and Karen a.

little bit closer because you kind of. had to go through. So Karen and I, our. fight, the first fight we had on the. show, >> it was more planned. >> because we were good. Karen, I stayed. with Karen before I the show started and. I got sober and she I lived with her for. a while and she helped me out. So. [snorts]. >> that night we had to do that scene. It. turned real. >> when she when I had to say what I had to. say about her father and she had to say,

"Well, you can't think for yourself.". And it was like real then, but the love. we had for each other was not going to. go anywhere. We were still going to. stand on it. We just had to say these. things to one another. So [snorts] when. Karen came to my house, I actually. I would be I was the one that would say, "Don't talk to the daughter." And then. people were doing it to my son. And it.

was Karen that say that helped my son. out. >> because I yeah I had a nervous breakdown. that day in the house. Um Karen was. there. I I collapsed in the bathroom. then I I ended up spending two weeks in. the hospital afterwards from a nervous. breakdown. [snorts]. All these things were happening to me. like you know it's like this everything. is happening. Everything's happening and. happening and happening and you can't. put a finger on anything because you're. not I'm not okay up here, you know, for.

all that time I was I was using um not. just what I was prescribed cuz I had. MRSA. So I literally had a hole in my. back. The pain was excruciating. It was. down to my spine like this deep into my. back, >> but now I'm on and then I stopped immed. So when I get home from the hospital, my. money's [snorts] gone. I'm like, where's. my money? And I take his watch collection. Oh, thising rep. I take his watch collection. and I go to the jeweler and I said, "Listen, I got to pay my taxes. I'm.

screwed. This man left me with car. notes, this, that, and the third." And. >> did the FBI take your money? >> No. Okay. >> Things just disappeared on his behalf. Cuz he said he left me everything. He. didn't leave me anything but crumbs. The. crumbs in my bed and embarrassed and. humiliated is what he left me. >> So the jeweler comes and says, "Renee, sit down." I go, "For what? Just give me. the money. I got to go. He said, "Renee, sit down. The watches are all fake and. they all have wires in them." I took my.

watch off. He said, "Take that watch. off." The watch he gave me in the. hospital, Bunny, had a wire in it. >> Get the out of here, Renee. >> My son shouldn't see tomorrow. How about that? >> What a piece of. So, when he's sitting there doing these. interviews, he's a liar. He's a. disgrace. He doesn't deserve to breathe. He put my. father who wanted to give him my last. name so he could be the gangster he. wanted to be. And you're a rat. You're a.

You're a God. >> That's what you are. You got your son. hurt. You beat your wife. You're a I. have no respect for a man like that. I. have no respect for any man, any woman. or any man that does those type of. things to another person. >> No. Because that's disgusting. Youed. somebody not my father. You but you put. my father away because you are the cuz. you couldn't do your time.

>> You. >> That's how I feel about it. >> Good lord. That is heavy. So the watch. he gave you while you're laying on your. deathbed and he's telling you he loves. you has a wire in it. >> Wire in it. I don't even have and I haven't spoke on. this like I I said it on mob wives. You'll see it. >> He wrote how he was going to and I've. read that letter on purpose on. television with Ramona because I was. afraid at that point. At that point I.

said this guy's a I know what he is. So. it is possible. >> I didn't have my father anymore. He was. in jail. My father's also now very very. sick at the time, you know, with the. cancer. And I'm saying to myself, what. am I going to do? Okay, I I got to use. my brain. Everybody's like, "Get a. restraining order." I'm like, "I can't. I'm a rat.". And everybody's like, "No, you're not.". And I'm like, "No, I'm just going to. read the letter." And maybe that was a. little snitchy. Okay. >> I don't think it was snitchy. >> I don't think it was. I had to protect.

myself. I had to. And I had to show that. me and my son are unified and against. that man. So, my son is my like. >> my life. I'm gonna die for my child and. my father, you know. And I remember. Jennifer saying that day, shut the shut. it down. Shut it down. Shut it. I said, don't you shut this show down. We're. going to show every little bit of this. because this is what this life is about. >> Literally, >> it's not about who could dress the. prettiest. It's about death. It's about. it's about it's about betrayal.

And nobody has been betrayed more than. me from mob wives to the men. And I say. mob wives because of the one mob wife, which isn't Karen or Ramona that you. interviewed without saying her name. She's no good neither. That's betrayal. You want to use party, have a good time, but you want to tell on me, but I'm not. going to tell on you, but you want to. tell on me. So you expect me to hide. your lies while you tell my truth? You. That's where I'm at in [clears throat]. life. >> You were talking about Yeah. And.

everybody wants to walk around, oh Rene, you're in recovery. you know, you got to. let things go. No, you don't. I don't. have to let anything go if I don't want. it. She can't influence me to to use. over it. She can't influence me to feel. bad about myself anymore. But the truth. of the matter is, it's people like her. that say horrible things about a good. person like me who does hide your lies. And and I'm not talking about I'm. talking about multiple lies. I'll hide. your for you because I I believe that.

you're not supposed to do that to. another person. But you sit there and. tell your friend to call me a junkie. Okay? Like, you know, I'm so over the girls. that you want to be a [ __ ] okay? Own. your too. Like, you know, [laughter]. if I want to sleep with you, I'm going. to. You want to talk about me, who. cares? You want to call me aatic, so. what? You know, if I'm a drug addict and. a little bit of a [ __ ] oh my god, I. must be the worst person in the world, but I'll feed your kids.

>> I'll give you everything I got. Yeah. So, >> this whole thing of mob wives and this. mob lifestyle, like, you're jealous of. me that I'm actually a mob boss's. daughter. That, hey, that's my father. That's not me. That's my father. That's. who I became because of him. So when I. was stripped literally of everything in. life from money to everything, I had to. reinvent myself over and over and over. and I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't. I didn't want to anymore. I didn't know.

who Renee was. I'm just finding out who I am now. And. yeah, you know what? I wasn't my boss's. daughter. I'm now a grandmother. I'm a a. an advocate for people in addiction, mental health. I'm way more than a mob. wife. >> Absolutely. >> Way more. And I don't have to tell you. I'm going to beat you up to be cool. Like, okay, if that's what you think is. cool, that's bullying. >> Yeah. >> And yes, I might have been a bully on. the show. Absolutely. But what they.

don't show you with every situation I. was put into, I fought by myself. Everybody was against me. You know why? Because they were jealous of Jennifer. You know, not all of the girls. A lot of. them had problems with my sister. But my. sister's your boss. >> Yeah. >> Who's on welfare? Who's this? Who's. broke? And at the end of the day, she. put a paycheck and a very tremendous. paycheck for everyone. Maybe we didn't.

like we didn't get what we we thought we. should have, but nobody was getting. 8,000 an episode day one walking in the. door. Nobody was. What were they giving. to like Jersey Shore was like 1,500. Nobody was getting 8 8,000 for your. first season. Nobody, you know, and. [snorts] there was just so much jealousy. and you know, even on my part, not and. I'll say that like an had a show, not. Renee. An this not Renee, but Rene is. THE ONE WHO'S DOING ALL THE WORK. SO, if.

you really want to talk about the show, season uh one, I think we all had equal. parts. >> Absolutely. Season two, we know it was. all about me with nine extra episodes. added. So, now everybody got the same. paycheck. I didn't get a bonus. Yeah. I. had a problem with that. Absolutely. >> It was your life that was. >> Exactly. AND NOBODY'S DOING what I'm. doing. I'm giving you everything from. addiction. I'm dying on TV. I'm. [laughter]. OD and basically on TV every year to one.

point I know for a fact when I when. everybody Ramona left and Karen left I. was like 75% of the show. I did the. work. >> Yeah. >> There was a lot of unfair, you know, but. I can't blame my sister for it because. >> it's the network that's given us the. money, you know. >> You guys literally became an iconic. moment in time. I don't even think you. guys realized how. >> Oh, I did. Yeah. And Rene's like, "Yep, yep, I did.". >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I I think that you guys are going.

to be a part of history and that that. whole lineage. Like look at you guys. have mob wives reting on Tik Tok now. >> It's insane. >> How do you feel about that Tik Tok. trend? >> I love it. I I love it. I love watching. Chloe Kardashian. I first of all, I love. Chloe. >> Um I and I know Chloe from many many. many years ago. Um she was always so. much fun. A beautiful She's my favorite. I think she's just a beautiful spirit. and strong and she says what she says. and I love it. Yeah. I'm watching.

everybody Jo uh Joan Collins the other. day had it did the Mob Wives aesthetic. I'm like this is I wanted to be JOAN. COLLINS [laughter] AND JOAN COLLINS IS. WANTS to be us now. So for me it was. this moment of. >> wow. >> Yeah. >> You know but again like I watched my mom. do that. Like I I'm telling you, I came. out in a fur coat [laughter]. with with big diamonds and all of that. So I think it's wonderful. Like if you. you know I don't like the fact that they.

attach the negative part to it because. fashion is fashion so they should you. know leave it alone. But I do understand. they say how do you glamorize the mafia? Well, I don't know. You guys are the. ones making the movies. >> Yeah. Hollywood has always glamorized. the mob. >> because it's there was something to it. >> I'm from Vegas. The mob is glorified in. Vegas. >> Do you know that um Meer Lansky So my. therapist Renee Meer Lansky was her uh. godfather and Bugsy Seagull and Myer.

Lansky opened the first Catholic church. Yep. Wow. Yep. The first Catholic church. in uh Vegas. Yeah. >> Wow. That's amazing. I know. >> I love all those like I want the house. where Bugsy Seagull lived that they said. is haunted. I would live there with him. [laughter]. >> I would feel like I have somebody. >> She said I would live I'd live there. with him. He'd love you. I know. >> you and that you and that ghost could. make out every night. [laughter]. >> Absolutely. Snuggle up, baby. >> I love that. All right, so let's circle. back. You're going through all this [ __ ]. on Mob Wives. The the show's kind of.

imploding at this point, and I It's one. because of the Harvey Weinstein thing, but two, also, I feel like the cast. members were falling apart, too. >> Uh falling apart like what what episode. are we in? What season are we in? I. think towards the last season, we're. [snorts] just getting to the point where. they were reaching. >> Yeah, it was getting. >> Yeah, they were reaching. I guess they. wanted like new blood. Uh Alicia had. left the show at this point. >> Um Karen came back. That's why Alicia.

left. >> Um and it just and then the other. Natalie left. >> Carla and Dita stopped being friends. Like it was Do we ever know what. happened with Carla and Dita? The real. story because. >> Yeah, I do. >> Can we talk about it? Because you were. just with Carla the other day, weren't. you? >> I was. I saw Carla when I was in. Florida. Yeah. So, the truth of the. matter is and and I I don't It's really. for Carla to speak on. But I'll tell you. this much. So, obviously, it couldn't.

just be me and Karen that thought she. was because it was her best friend then. that she stopped speaking to. So, it. wasn't just me, Ramona, Karen. It was. all of us felt the same way. So now. obviously who's the common denominator? She is. >> So my thing with with uh Dita is this. She had this. thing where she had to be the the top. dog.

Dita's funny. I'm going to give her. that. I Me and D have some of the. >> She's great with the oneliners. We had. some scenes together that we would be. crying, laughing so hard, >> but the jealousy, it's stupid. >> Yeah. >> It's like you're. >> Look, if you look up in the sky, there's. millions, billions of stars, right? Everybody could be a star. Not my fault. I'm the North Star and you're not. >> Right. Right. >> Yeah, I said [laughter] it. >> Mimi's over here falling out of her.

seat. >> Yeah. Northstar status. Sorry. Yeah. God. said, "You know what? I'm going to give. you a lot of, so I'll make you the North. Star." Okay, >> but what are you in competition with? You can't be me, and I don't want to be. you. You're not my father's daughter. You don't have my upbringing. You can't. be me. I can't be you. So, be you over. the there, and I'm over here. >> So, I'm I'm I'm confrontation. We all. know. I don't I I don't give. >> um. >> I don't feel that girls have to put.

their hands on each other. I can have an. argument, a verbal argument with you. Okay. So, what you Okay, good for you. I'm not saying you're not a star. You. definitely are. >> But you don't have to be this person to. to down everybody else, >> right? >> You know what I mean? I I'm saying what. I'm saying because it. >> when a person knocks you and knocks you. and knocks you and kicks you and kicks. you, you. in it. You know what I mean? And it's. sad. It really is because we had.

something really special, all of. [snorts] us. But, you know, it's my. understanding that VH1 was not happy. with her either. The demands, the. demands. Like, we I remember we had to. go to like an okay magazine party and. they sent us. like Ubers and it wasn't a black car and. she threw a fit. Who are you? I was born. in a limousine. I don't even complain. >> Yeah. >> Like, I'm really about that life, right? Do you know what I mean? I'm really from.

that life. So, you know, Drea is always. saying I, you know, she was brought up. in the project, but you didn't ride. around in a limousine. So, what are you. complaining for? You got a car. Someone's driving you. >> I don't care that it's not a black car. You're still driving me to point A to. point B. I don't got to worry. >> Yeah. >> Like, what is that about? Like, the. demands are ridiculous. They were. ridiculous. And what about the other. girls on the show? Are you guys close? Are you guys friends? Like, Carl, I. mean, of course, Big Andrew, we know,

rest in peace. You guys all loved Big. >> Absolutely. Um I talked to Karen and I. talked to Ramona. Uh I text with Ramona. this morning. >> She's so she's so beautiful. >> Yeah. You know what? >> I I have to tell you, I didn't talk to I. didn't talk to the girls for quite a. while. >> Yeah. >> So, um you know, there was a falling out. with a lot of the everybody everyone. And of course, I'm Jennifer's sister, so. of course I'm going to always stay on my. sister's side. But then I got to a point. where I had to make my rights, you know,

I had to make the the right wrong that. I've done. So, I did a lot of. apologizing. And I'm very grateful that. the the girls have forgiven me. I do. talk to Natalie Garcio, uh, the one that. I choked in Vegas. [laughter]. >> Uh, >> it's growth, Renee. >> It is. It is. It's growth on everybody's. behalf, you know. So I speak to. everybody but Dita. >> and I don't see love at all. You know. what I mean? But every.

>> She kind of fell off. Love was like. online for the longest [snorts] time and. then like completely disappeared. >> Yeah. I don't She I She slept with my. son's father, too. So I'm It's just It's. so It's just so annoying all this stuff. Like to me it's just like. >> Hector, >> not Hector. Hector the garbage. collector. He hated that. >> from this Mob Wives just frenzy. You. guys literally were a moment in history. and just brought so much realness to. people's televisions. What does Renee do.

after the lights go off? >> Uh Renee continued to work. So I did. Celebrity Big Brother. I did marriage. boot camp, family boot camp. >> Yeah. Can we talk about the marriage. boot camp? >> Oh, please let's talk about it. Thating. idiot. You had another [ __ ]. >> [ __ ] Okay. That was not my boyfriend. at all. So, here's that story. Okay. So, you know, there was always like that. flirtatious thing or whatever. Um, so we. get this the show or whatever and we do.

it, but he decides he's going to get. drunk and he likes to uh grope. [snorts]. M. >> So, um, they have me downstairs doing my. scene for hours and he, by the time he. gets down the stairs, he's wrecked. >> and he starts cursing about my son's. father and saying the words and this and. that and I'm and there's a Spanish kid. there and I'm like, don't say that. That's not nice. I'm trying to control.

the situation. By the time we get. upstairs, he tells me that I'm an end. lover and I'm a disgrace to my father. and this and that and this and that. And. I said, "What' you say?" Like, "Now my. girlfriend's in the house, Primadana, and her her husband, and he's saying the. n-word, and there's two bodyguards, big guys, and he's saying the n-word over and. over, telling me I'm uh" He used the. cword. He used words that no one's ever. ex-husbands never even called me the.

words that he did that you're not even. dating, >> right? And he's drunk. >> Did you guys just decide to go on the. show together? >> Yes. So, we So, what happens is he turns. around and he says something and I said, "Joe, my son's going to hear." And he. goes, "Your son's no good like his. father.". >> I crack him like I like I don't when I. tell you I don't raise my hands. Like, it takes a lot for me and I don't hit. men. I cracked this guy so hard that. everybody was just sitting there like.

did she just like hit him? They were. probably relieved. [laughter] They The. guy ready the bouncer goes like this. Don't. Don't I was like I got you. Boom. And I. picked up a like a there was a big heavy. statue and I went to like crack him in. the head with it and they were like no. you can't do I lost. >> too far Renee. Too far. >> You're telling me you're cursing at me. and my son You're telling me my son's no. good now. watch what I do to you. So now. they are like, "We want you to press. charges." I'm like, "I ain't pressing. charges on nobody. Cops come, they throw.

him out of the house. I make him sleep. in the tent outside basically." And he. had to stay to finish the show. But you. know, it was like that redemption when I. get up there and I'm like, he's like, "Well, you know, I like getting married. you." I was like, "I'm good. I'm leaving. without you." I would have married him. dead. >> Yeah. Um, you know, that was that was. acting turned real, >> right? >> So, for me that got really very real.

Every scenario was very real for me. >> So, even though he wasn't my boyfriend, we were talking about reasons why I I. have a problem dating. >> So, for me is I don't trust nobody. >> Yeah. >> How could I? >> Yeah. After. >> How could I? There might be a nice guy. down the road somewhere. There might be. And if if he comes along, he's got to. come with a letter from God cuz that's. the only way he's allowed around me. Like it's got to say, "Love God." Like, you know, like.

>> XOXO. >> XOXO. Like there's nothing anybody can. really do to me anymore, you know? Um, >> do you think you'll ever be able to. trust somebody in love again to like. fully get the love that you've been. yearning your whole life? >> Well, you know what, Bunny? Nobody knows. this, but I'll tell you this one. So, the last guy I was dating I found out. was gay. >> Renee, you got a picker on you. >> Gay. >> Suck. [laughter]. >> Renee.

>> Okay. >> He wasn't just cheating on me with a. girl. He was cheating on me with a. Russian guy. So, the girl, >> which one was this? Do we know who this. is? Are we allowed to say it or no? >> His name is I can say it. [laughter] Um, he lives in Long Island. Um, and his. license plate is I suck. >> Um, [laughter]. bleep his you can bleep his name, but. believe it cuz I'll run with this like a. mother. T-shirt. Heck to hecka the. garbage collector. And I suck.

[laughter]. >> Okay. Not me. The boyfriends. So, um, >> how long were you guys together for? >> Like, but this is me. Wait, then the one. before that was a con man. The things. that have happened to me. the things. that have happened. >> Okay. No dating anymore. Okay. Unless. you need to run them through me first. I'll do background checks. I'll I need. to meet them. Like. >> I was so the the the one before last. Um. >> he actually studied me and um it was a.

real con game. >> And he said, you know what, he said he. was away with my dad. He knew everything. about my father. So for me, >> was he an obsessed fan? >> Yeah. So, he used me, he opened up a. strip club and he wanted 50 cent to do. the grand opening and I got 50 to do me. a really huge favor uh for a lot less. than he charges. And I love Curtis to. this day. He's one of my favorite people. on the face of this earth. >> Um. >> I hear really good things about him for.

as much as he does not tolerate. Like. I've always heard really good things. about him. >> He's a cancer. >> Yeah. >> He is. one of my favorite people ever. He truly. is. He's always been so kind to me. He. had, you know, he got he was on the. phone. My dad, he he's met my mom. He. came to my father's house. I'll never. forget, we were sitting on the couch one. day and my ex-husband didn't believe I. really worked for him. So, he was coming. to the house cuz he knew he was there. He put his arm around me. He goes, "Watch this." I like, "Okay." He goes, "I'm so glad she's your ex-wife." I was.

like, [laughter] "Okay.". Um, I love him. He He's always been a. good friend to me. I would do anything. in the world for him. anything. Um, but. yeah, where was I? The con guy. >> Okay, the con man, right? His name was. What was his name? >> Oh god, it's okay. We don't need to know. her name. >> No, I can't [laughter] remember. actually. Um, I call him have to bleep. it anyway. >> He was in Texas. He was in Texas. >> Damn. He was a southern boy. >> Yeah. From the Bronx. Yeah, but I find.

out like, you know what? It was this. long-distance dating was different. So, I'm not always around. >> Where do you find these men? How do they. fall in your lap? >> So, okay. So, this one booked me and was. it was I was getting money with him and. he was just really nice all the time. Like we'd show up with flowers, but I. see I don't know what a con game is. So, I like con men, but not. >> I excuse me. I like convicts, not con. men, right? >> Um, so for me, I think that's where I.

kind of got lost in it. Like, I would. never think somebody would do that, you. know, because I don't I don't come from. that, right? >> You know, I come from like real money in. the street. Yeah. >> Um, and yeah, so he used me. Uh, comes. out that I got engaged and then he. didn't want to pay for the ring, so I. had to bring the ring back and he just. wanted a TV show. Yeah. Okay. >> What a scumbag. >> That's all right. I got even with him. already. >> So, let's move on to. >> Okay. [laughter] Then then came I suck.

So, um, well, let's say he sucked. because I know I do, [laughter] but he. sucks. So this girl reaches out to me. and she tells me that she's his. girlfriend. I go, "What are you talking. about? I'm the girlfriend." So [snorts]. she's like, >> "Where did you meet this guy? Where did. you meet Isaac?". >> Again, through my getting money. >> Okay. >> So he was like, "Let me I'm going to. manage you for a minute because I was. quiet, not doing anything." And I. figured, okay, maybe I'm looking at like. the the statistics, the numbers, and his. numbers were right,

>> but I didn't know him. And he he was in. the street um with that letter. >> Okay. So me, I go from, you know, the Italian mob. Then I dated. BMF. My BMF boyfriend was a like a high. on the food chain for years. >> I have a interview with Tonisa tomorrow. Oh, >> okay. Okay. So, I'll tell you who it is. when when we're done. Yeah. >> Um, so I was with him for a really long. time. So then I kind of just always. stayed in the street because street guys. for me were.

>> what I know. >> I married a street guy. Jay is a street. guy. >> Right. Exactly. So I know the street. Mhm. >> However, the streets changed. So, the. people that I was now associating with. aren't they're not even chewed dirty gum. on my sneaker. They're degenerate low. lives. Like, they're they belong in the. sewer. They're filth. Um, yeah, they all. go in the Hector category. >> So, she tells me this, she sends me an. article. I read the article and then I.

start realizing everything in that. article is what he's doing to me. And there's a conversation with him and. the guy and it said, "Why didn't you Oh. my god, how gross. I threw up for a. week. Why didn't you suck my last. night?" I was like, >> "Oh my gosh, >> wait, he wants to CALL THE COPS ON ME. CUZ now I go public." Now he calls the. cops. The cops come to my house in. Florida and they're like, "Miss. Graziano, are you harassing him?" I. said, "Yes, I am. [laughter].

Why? What's the problem?" The cop was. like, "You know, you really can't do. that." I go, "Yes, I can." He's like, "No, you can't." I go, "No, he's gay.". And he told me he wasn't. And he's gay. AND THE COP WAS LIKE, >> "YOUR LIFE AT RISK.". >> YEAH. AND THE COP was like, >> "I got to tell you something." I go, "What?" He goes, "You know, I'm from. Long Island, so I know who your father. is. Your father would be devastated. He'd roll over in his grave." Cuz now. he's not even my own nationality. >> Right. >> Okay. So now the cop is saying this to.

me. He's on the phone, the gay man. And. I love gay people, but I don't sleep. with gay people. Right. Well, it's just. >> a straight woman wants a straight man. >> Absolutely. >> It's got nothing to do with that. I love. everybody. Everybody. I'm not racist. I. love everyone. >> It's also a health risk. Anytime. somebody cheats on you, it can be with a. man or a woman. you know, the the. statistics for HIV are way higher with. anal and d. So anyway, the cop says,

>> "Wait, he called you?" I said, "Yeah, he's at the precinct. I'm harassing. him." The cop goes off on him and he. goes, I go, "Matter of fact, he's. threatening to um send my son naked. pictures." He goes, "Miss Graziano, that's a felony. Would you like to press. charges?" I said, "You know what? I'm. not a rat, but. I can't do I just couldn't do it. >> And he was, you know, then he started to. realize the position he was in.

>> Yeah. >> And I said, I ODed over this. This is. this this like I I just lost my whole. life. Like it was like I couldn't come. up for air. Jennifer wasn't talking to. me for a year and a half. Everything in. my life was falling apart. My son didn't. want to talk to me. Nobody wanted to. talk to me. And they were like, "You had. lost your father, too. >> Look what you're doing to yourself. Look. who you're with. We will not associate. with this.". >> And everything just started piling up.

and piling up and piling up and piling. up. And I just I gave up. >> And this was in what year? >> 20. >> The one that just passed. >> 2022, right? >> 23. >> 2023. Yep. Okay. Gotcha. >> And I stopped speaking. The last time I. dealt with him was. uh April. >> And when did you overdose? >> And I I uh May. And. I just like like I lost my man. And then.

I got back up on the horse and I was. sober June, July, August, September. 18th. Someone gave me a bag of fentinyl. when it was supposed to be. And um. >> was it somebody you trusted or you just. got it from a dealer? >> A girlfriend of mine. I said, "Make a. phone call. Do me a favor." Da da da. And she's like, "Okay." I I vouched for. him. I said, "Okay." I have the text. message on my phone, too. He said, "I.

accidentally gave her uh she I died in a. restaurant in Florida. I was dead. Uh I. was um interbated for three days and uh. no one in my family came. to the hospital and I spent nine days. there. learning how to walk again. And um. that was it for me. I said okay. I was. always afraid of heroin. Like I was.

never touched it, you know, never did. anything like that. And my father's. sister, Belinda, she was uh an addict. and um. she died HIV. >> Um but she was sober for many years. before she died. And uh for me it was. always that one thought and that was it. for me. That was it. And I was like, "Okay, like I'm going to die for real.". >> So you matter of fact, I'm dead again. >> You did a line of this stuff. And how.

long? >> I don't remember anything. >> You don't? Okay. Three days are wiped. from my brain. >> Literally, you just That was it. You. didn't feel anything. >> I don't know. I don't know what happened. at all. I don't remember anything that. day. September 18th is 18th, 19th, and. 20th are wiped from my brain. >> And why did nobody from your family come. see you? They were just all mad. >> They said I wasn't going to make it. And. my family didn't want to. They just. couldn't do it. >> I mean, unless they were like really. torturing me in some sort of way, but.

yeah, that was it. That was it for me. And it's fine. And I don't blame them. I. don't uh I've put them through hell. Hell I put them through um when my. father died in uh 19. um in 20. They told me that if I had. shock treatment that I would not be sad. anymore. So I did. >> So you had shock uh what do they call. that? Does it where they shock your.

brain? electric shop. Yeah, I think. that's what it is. Yeah, I um. did six sessions and it destroyed my. brain. >> You don't feel like it helped you at. all? >> No, I know it didn't. It made my. addiction terribly worse. And I um. That's the first time I'm actually. saying it. cuz nobody knows that. But yeah, >> why you need to speak on these things? Because. >> I would have done anything, Bunny, if.

they would have said, "Renee, jump off. the bridge and you're not going to be in. pain." I would have said, "San Francisco. or Verono, pick it. I'm going. I'm. there. I don't care. Renee, tie bricks. to your ankle and STAY UNDER WATER FOR A. DAY. You're not going to live, but you. won't be in pain." Okay, let me do it. I. would have done anything, anything in. the world to remove that pain of losing. my lifeline because he was my identity. He was Renee Graziano. I I that because.

of him I was Renee. >> Graziano. When you're older, it's hard to figure. out who you are and it's sad and lonely. and. God. >> Circling back to the shock treatment. though, they had recommended that for me. whenever I was going through my. depression. So, I think hearing somebody. who's actually been through it could. possibly help somebody, you know. Yeah. Um, so I I would not recommend it. Um, 6.

months I did start to sleep, but then. everything went haywire. >> So I lost uh a lot of my memory. >> Um, I now take Adderall because of it. because the aderal actually does help. me. Um, I take a very low do I I haven't. been on aderall in 4 months now, but uh. I think I have to actually go back on it. because my. >> I can articulate but not as good as I. normally do. You know what I mean? So my. brain isn't as sharp as it was,

>> right? >> And the one thing that the aderal did do. for me was I don't have to take any. anti-depressants. So I actually have. ADD, ADHD, and it's that that. contributes to my addiction. So when my. brain is here, I can't live in my past. >> So when I'm living in my past, that's. why I constantly want to self-medicate. So when I'm when I'm on the right. medication, my brain is like sharp, extremely sharp. And it does it did help.

with the, you know, um memory loss. It. jogs your memory. But I've also done now. um ketamine treatments. >> which are phenomenal. Yeah. >> Uh helping with the anxiety. So, I don't. take any anxiety meds. I take Prozac for. menopause actually now. Uh, which I had. to be forced into menopause at 44. They. lost my uterus from all the scar tissue. Yeah, my stories are crazy. >> Um, and I take.

I was on Stratera with Wellbutrin and. that's giving me a hard time. >> Those I don't like it at all. It's like. a pointless drug. It doesn't work. It. slows the brain down, but it doesn't. help you get it out. So, >> that I just stopped and I um. >> Let's talk about where you are now. So, you did the LA You had your overdose. You had to learn how to walk again in. the hospital. >> Yeah, I was there for uh 9 days. Uh and.

then I was okay. Like, it was like. nothing happened to me. >> You're aing warrior. Well, if you saw my. car accident on January 4th of 22, if. you Google it, there's no car. And I'm. standing outside the car like with a. full face of makeup. I remember I felt. my father, my aunt Linda, and my cousin. Anthony pull me out of that car and. they're all dead. And I kid you not, they like, Google it. There's nothing. There's no driver side. Yep. Um,

>> you have nine lives, Renee. I told you. that when we fir you first got here. >> Yeah. Well, I like wearing black for. that reason, too. [laughter]. The cat that I am. Um, I'm just going to. have to learn how to land on my feet. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Um, but you know what? I just got a job. uh working in treatment um doing. business development. I'm doing. >> You left uh Florida and ended up. >> I left Florida. I went to Texas first. um to get well at Recovery Unplugged,

but they didn't have a program that was. a little bit more modified for the. extreme trauma for me, >> right? >> So, after we did my trauma egg, it. opened up everything again and they. couldn't follow up. So, then Lamar Odum, uh who's a dear friend, had me come to. his place, which is Vanity Wellness, uh. out here in California. and now I work. for them. And my objective is to help. someone realize that they are special.

and you don't have to have a hole in. your soul and it's okay if you do, you. know, just spread love, give love, and. it's really about that, you know, and. and I know I'm harsh with other things. that I say because I'm a a real person. who feels, you know, and I hate the fact. that so many people have done me dirty. when I've really never done anything to. them. Right. >> Um, >> but you know, a lot of people don't like. the truth. >> So that's what I tell you, the truth. A.

lot of people have to tell me the truth, so why can't I say it back, you know, and it's just. >> I'm not weak by any means. And I was. told. >> I would never think you're weak. >> Okay. Well, you know, a lot of people. will say it. >> because uh you're weak cuz you do drugs. Nope, >> I'm not weak. If I I think I would have. been dead a long time ago if I didn't. self-medicate. >> Yeah. >> And I'm not saying it's okay to. self-medicate. I'm just saying I would. have been dead a long time ago. >> Your journey.

>> Yep. I had to numb everything. You know, it's. >> to have an uncle blown up on on a a. street, friends murdered, and you're. just cooking Sunday dinner and like, "Oh, okay, honey. I Yeah, I'll leave it. on the counter." What is that? I I I. spent a year in black going to funerals. >> So I'm realizing that is trauma. >> And although it wasn't, you know, it in. my household, it still was trauma. You.

know, losing life is when you're a. loving person, you know, you're. separated from somebody that you love. Like I it started with my grandmother. when I was 13. M. >> um and now in life I have my four. grandchildren. >> Are you and AJ on good terms? >> My son just left. Uh my son and I h I'm. sober since the 3rd of November. [snorts] And my son and I have spoken. every single day since then.

>> Um and. >> shout out AJ. >> Yes. He's. >> I'm sure that's detrimental to your. sobriety also. >> Yeah. >> Not that we're putting pressure on him. I'm sure that's just so healing for you. to be able to talk. >> He's good now. He knows. He made the. phone call cuz I told him that he wasn't. going to see me ever again on the third. >> And I said, I can't do it anymore. I was. like, I'm not going to myself, but just. in case something happens. And he said, stay right there. Don't move. And he. made a phone call for me. And um my.

friend Phil O'Hara, he got me placed. He. put me in. And um it's just every day he. talks to me every day. and he's proud of. me and he says it. He'll call me and be. like, "What's up, Home Slice? What are. you doing?". >> Like, I'm like, "Oh my god, do you know. how much money I made on TikTok today? Do you want half of it?" And he's like, "This is what me and my son do." And. like I I send him money all the time. And he's like, "Mom, you you know, you. can keep your own money." And I'm like, "No, no, no. Go buy the kids stuff and. I'm having so much fun." And he's like, "Mom, I just took them to Disney last.

week. They flew here with the two older. ones. Uh we got rained out in Disney, but we ended up at Universal for um you. know, a beautiful day. And it's it's. just. my family's talking to me. Everyone in. my family's talking to me. My sister. Jennifer and I are working together. again. She's part of my management team. again. Um I'm so grateful and. happy. >> Yeah. Yeah, I mean I'm a little angry at.

a few people and maybe now that I said. it, I have to work on that. >> Um, but if I don't like you, I just. don't like you, >> right? >> I probably don't have to talk about you, >> right? >> But I can't respect a person that is me. That's cruel. You know what I mean? Like. my ex-husband, that's evil. I don't like. evil. >> How do you feel about him doing these. interviews now? >> I think he's a [ __ ] [laughter] I think. he's a [ __ ] I He sounds like a jerk. off. I left for an a everything. No, you. didn't. YOU NEVER HAD ANYTHING. It was.

always my money. You never had any. money. You always had my money. I bought. the house. Like, you know, he he's just. I think he should just sit down already, >> you know. But let me tell you something. >> I can't believe he hasn't been sat down. That's the crazy thing. >> Well, who's going to the. >> right? >> My father's dead, >> so who's coming for him? >> Yeah. I mean, you know, he he he. I don't know why you even want to speak. about me. Leave me alone. >> Like, you've already done enough.

>> alone. Like, I have not spoken to you in. 13 years. Leave me the alone. Take your. jerk off girlfriend who's a Mob Wives. fan and follows me and stalks me and. calls me a junkie and all like, you. don't you just got knocked out cold by a. man. You should sit the [ __ ] down, too. >> Does he have a relationship with AJ at. all? >> No. He's He's He He has to He. should You know what? God works in very.

mysterious ways, though, cuz he has. blood cancer now. >> Am I smiling? Oh, >> I'm sorry. [laughter]. >> Hey, I'm telling you, man. Evil. >> I can't help it. I You know what? I I I. know I'm supposed to be like I know God. He's God's not even mad at me. Forget. it. He's not even mad. How could you be. mad at the girl that this man beat and. did all these things to and she smiles. cuz you're sick? >> Yeah, >> you're He's really sick though. Like. he's uh diagnosed.

sociopath with psychopathic tendencies. >> Like you should really sit down. You. sound like. >> Yeah. >> doing interviews. You're a rat. >> Yeah. >> You want to profit from being a rat? You. put my father in prison, my best. friend's husband, my uncle. You. destroyed a family. Many families. And. how about the girl that doesn't have a. father anymore. You did that. So you. should be talking to God, not people.

doing podcasts cuz you want to earn. money. Go get a job. >> Yeah. >> Get a job and stop beating women. already. Stop. It's disgusting. Like. you're not getting into heaven. like. you're you know you're still and you. know I'm gonna say it I'm gonna I wasn't. gonna but I'm gonna So he was. threatening to hurt me again. Okay. Just. recently. The threats. The threats. Junior. >> Yeah. Threaten how he's going to kill. me. But. >> Hector he doesn't even deserve the name.

>> He doesn't No, he doesn't. The threats. The threats. The threats. It's just to. the point where it it's got to stop. >> He just recently That's like That could. be detrimental to your sobriety. >> Yep. So my poor son had to do this. He said he said you chose to do what you. did and be on podcast. You shouldn't be. mad or anything if you get stuff said. about you and at the end of the day you. abused her and you're still trying to.

abuse her. You're trying to hit her so. she falls back down. I don't know how. you think you're trying to be a. protector or how you say you want the. best from her when clearly that has. never been the case. My son had to. actually do that for me. Do you know how. disgusting you must be as a parent that. your child has to defend his mother? >> Yeah. >> And do you know what that did to me that. my son now I know my son knows. Do you. know what I mean? Like I knew he knew, >> but now I know he feels it. to say you.

abused his mother. >> Go the away. >> They never do. >> Just go away. I don't want you anywhere. by me. I don't even. unless provoked. I don't talk about you. because you are a non. factor. You're a degenerate loser. >> Yeah. >> Go the [ __ ] away. Take your girlfriend. and go away. >> Yeah. and she needs therapy that.

[laughter]. how are you with like how do you not see. what what's happening to you, you know, and and. >> it's the same reason that we didn't see. what was happening. >> It takes a woman seven times. Do you. know that? That's the that's the number. Seven times she'll have to be hit before. she leaves. >> Yeah. >> Well, I'm pretty sure she's probably. around seven now. >> Yeah, that's it's about right because. that's what it took me to leave. Yeah. Few years and being beat up a few times. took me 10 years.

>> 10 years. I couldn't. >> Renee, I'm so proud of you. >> Thank you. >> You have come so far. >> and I'm not done. Honey, >> I'm so excited to see what you do in the. future and I want I if you ever need to. talk, you just call me, just text me, call me if you're ever having a rough. time or anything. I'm always going to be. here for you. >> I appreciate it. And I love what you're. doing and I love the energy you put out. It's positive. even like I could watch. your face when I'm saying certain. things. You're like, [laughter].

>> but you know, I don't often talk the way. I do in an interview, but I'm so. comfortable and I've been holding all of. this for so long that it that's what's. makes me sick. So, it's kind. >> secrets keep you sick. >> Oh, sure do. You know, now everybody. knows I'm a little bit of a [ __ ]. though. [laughter]. >> No, they don't. >> I don't care. >> They love you. >> I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. anymore. I'm so tired of caring about. what other people think of me. >> Stop caring. That's what that was my.

huge lesson last year was I had to stop. I had so many people attacking me. because of this podcast and just I got. to a point where I was just like I don't. care. I'm doing this. You're not. This. is my life. >> Well, there it's jealousy. >> Yeah. It's wild. It's wild. Isn't it. insane that and you know the comments. that people say, the things that people. say to hurt another human. >> like what people say about me when I. read them, you know, the way I look or. this or edit it or I love my apps. Leave.

me alone. I created a a Mob Wife app. Yeah. >> Um you know, just for the fun of it. because I love the way it looks. I love. AI pictures. I don't always look good, so why shouldn't I? Like people, >> it's your world. You can do what you. want. Just like everybody does what they. want on their own apps and on their own. >> Who goes on a person's page and says. those things? >> Weirdos. >> Literally straight up weirdos. >> Yeah, [laughter] I agree. >> Well, what's next? What's in the future. for you? What do you have in the works? >> Okay, so Mob Candy, I have my jewelry.

line still. Mob Candy. I have a new app. with Drop Me In AI called Mob Wife by. Renee Graziano. and people could. download their photos and they get to. look like a mob wife with for $8 as. opposed to going buying that fur coat. You get the free fur coat there. Um I. have I'm working on a project. Hopefully. it'll come to fruition with TV. I did do. my own pilot for My Fairy Mob mother. Unfortunately, it was part of my.

relapse. Um, there were a lot of things. that I touched on that I obviously. didn't deal with and I started to. self-medicate again. So, I'm gonna leave. that there. >> Yeah, >> that's not for me. Um, >> and right now I just want to help. somebody get sober. That's it. That's. that's really my focus. I have four. grandchildren that I have to worry. about. Um, >> and maybe I'll find love one day, you. know, but in the meanwhile, I'm going to.

love me. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's that's beautiful. And I think. that's all you can do after all the. you've been through, Renee. You are. still standing. You're still punching. life and telling them it hits like you. are one tough cookie, dude. >> Thank you. >> I just I love your aura. I love. everything about you. And I can't I. cannot wait to see what how much hell. you give the world continuing on in. these years. >> this time around [laughter]. as Renee. Just Renee. I I look forward to to see who I'm going.

to be in about a year from now. >> I'm excited. You got to come back and. visit me. >> Absolutely. >> And come come to a concert. We're going. to be everywhere. We're going on tour. So come. >> I'm such like a country fan, too. Like I. love country music. >> That's hilarious that you're a mob wife. and love country. >> Oh my god. Goth Brooks. When I get. married, the song from Hope Floats, that's going to be like my my wedding. song. I love. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. I love it. It's. just like it's it's real. >> Yeah. come to a show. I would love to.

meet you. >> Oh, yes. >> I'll call him. I'll call him when when. we're done with this podcast so you can. say hi. >> Yes. And and he Let me tell you. something. My mother is a huge fan. >> That's hilarious. I love that. >> It is because she [laughter] calls me. Wait, I get I get messages. Do you know. what Jell's doing now? He's working with. the what is it? Something to towers. Freedom Towers. She tells me everything. She's like, "Renee, he's remarkable.". >> And she's like, "He spoke to Congress, Renee.". >> [laughter]. >> And I'm like, "Yes, mom. I know." She's.

like, "Oh my god, this is wonderful. You. have a FRIEND LIKE YOU." AND I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, RONNIE? YOU JUST GOT TO. STICK YOUR wholeing time." [laughter]. >> I love it. >> Yes. Thank you so much, doll. >> Well, why don't you tell people where. they can find you on your social medias? >> So, social media for Instagram is Renee. Graziano, and it's the real Renee. Graziano on Tik Tok, where I make all my. goofy dances. Go follow the OG mob wife. and go pop into her lives and give her. all your gifts. >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Thank you so much, Renee. You're.

welcome. It's been a blast. And thank. you guys for tuning in to another. episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you. guys next week. Bye.