His Bush was a Dream Catcher | Ask, Tell, Confess

Ask, tell, confess. >> Ask, tell, confess. >> Ask, tell, confess. >> Ask, tell, confess. >> Hello friends. Welcome to another ask, tell, confess.

She's still going. >> Mhm. >> Going. >> Hey. I had to be dramatic. How's everybody doing? >> We're doing great. >> good. >> Mhm. It's a rainy day. >> Very rainy day. >> Love it. >> So, Haley, you're like. Smash sister.

You're looking so good. >> You're really tiny. >> Tiny, tiny. >> Never never heard that before. >> Yeah. That's a first. Tiny [ __ ] tiny, man. Yeah, how do you feel? >> Great. >> I feel like every time you're on the. show, you get smaller and smaller. >> 100%. >> Yeah. >> It's crazy because like when I watch. myself, I still feel like I look the. same. >> Well, that's called body dysmorphia. >> Okay, cool. >> Welcome to my world. That's where I'm. at, too. Man, it's losing weight in general just.

for women. We have it. so hard. >> Yeah. >> Like if we find 3 lb, we're. you know, razzed for it, but if we lose. 20, we don't feel like we look good. You. know, it's crazy. >> Such a strange concept. >> Yeah, it's a very, very strange concept. >> too, man. >> You're so little. >> All right, who's going to Jaime, everybody wants you to read an ask tell. confess. >> Is that true? >> So, why don't we let you kick it off? >> He said is that true?

>> Is that true? >> Why don't we let you kick it off, buddy? >> You start. >> All right. All righty, this person remains. anonymous. Way back when I started dating this cop. He was bald and had a dangerous badass. biker edge, which made him more attractive than he. actually was. We finally get to the. night we are going to do the deed. And. as I'm sitting at the foot of the bed. taking off my shoes, he walks over about. to about a foot away from the bed and.

drops his pants. Out pops a 1970s bush. And I busted out laughing. uncontrollably. I don't know how I don't. know why this took me off so so off. guard and it hit my funny bone just. like a ton of bricks. But that was it for me. The relationship. didn't last long. He said he wasn't into. the metrosexual thing of shaving. I. explained that he could buzz it down. just a just a tad.

He then declined. I gave it one more. chance and I couldn't let that fuzzy. funky bush near my body, never mind my. face. His loss. Please don't use my. name. >> Can we please name this episode fuzzy. funky bush? >> Okay, listen. I don't blame her. Nobody. wants a [ __ ]. >> You got to [ __ ] dig for that thing. >> Snake in the grass. Nobody you know cuz. it like pokes out and then it's just and. pubic hair is not attractive on anybody. I don't care who it is. It's weird, it's.

curly, it's coarse. Like there's Yeah. >> teeth, bro. >> And it's like it literally holds smell. >> It does. >> So it's like and you have to imagine if. a guy sweats or like even farts the. wrong way, that hair down there is like. a dream it's like a dream catcher. It catches all the. >> They're trying to push it back. >> Oh. >> Dream catcher bush. >> Give it a middle part? >> Yeah, you got to brush it to like lay it. down. I can't do it. I I don't blame her,

sister. Listen, I understand. wholeheartedly. how you've been are feeling. There's no. way I'm diving in the. >> Just imagine a claw clip in the bush. She said put a bobby pin in it. >> Ew. >> Just to like. >> What if you get like a little bump? Remember the bump hair do? I used to wear those. Yeah, the little bump in the hair do. >> I'm [ __ ] that's so funny. >> I can't do it, dude.

>> So you're no bush, team no bush? >> Team no bush, on male or female. You. guys know how I stand. >> We know how she feels. She's still She. named mine. >> Yeah. I forgot what we named it. What was it? Do you remember? >> What did she name my vagina? >> Oh man, it was. It was a good one. It was a good one. I. can't remember the name. Damn it. >> remember either. >> We don't even smoke weed in our [ __ ]. >> Barney Rubble. >> Yes. >> Oh yes, Barney's stubble. >> Yeah, Barney's stubble. Because I'll cut.

it down, like. Yeah. Cut it down. I mean, it's like skin. >> Well, what's more uncomfortable having. >> like 5:00 shadow on your puss. Like what. are you talking about? I know. >> Isn't it uncomfortable if you're having. intercourse with somebody who just. shaved down there? >> Start a fight. >> Yeah. >> That's what I want to know. >> That's my thing. That's why I I don't. mind a bush to be to be honest. I don't. I'm not a. When Brooke says, "Oh, you know, I haven't shaved a little bit." I'm. like, "Great. I'm I'm in it, wilderness. explorer. I'm going in.". >> Wow.

But I'm going to say but ha- not having. shaved in a little bit is way different. than having straight-up bush. >> I got There is a There's like a full-on. untamed bush, I agree. That's not okay. But if if it's a little hair, I like a. little hair because I I know. Too much. will have a fumes, I call them. You. can't have fumes. >> You just called someone's pubes fumes? >> Fumes, yeah. That's where the smell. stays, but yeah, and even for a dude, I. feel like it's a little more appropriate. for a guy to have just a little bit cuz. if it's just completely shaved down.

there, that's like a like a Velcro. strap, like. >> I don't like when it Yeah, sometimes I. don't like when it's like too freshly. shaved because it just looks like a. naked mole rat. >> Yeah, it does. It really does. >> Yeah, it like looks like Kim Possible. >> Yeah, that's what it looks like. >> Yeah, that's what it looks like. It's a. little too. and but not a freshly shaved. Like I. don't want to have sex right after I get. out of the shower and shave cuz that. hurts. >> Yeah. I like a day to just reset. >> like mine just looks like a day after. all the time. >> Yeah. Well, everybody's day I know a.

girl who would shave and like 5 hours. later she'd have like 5:00 shadow. >> it takes me a week. >> No. >> Yeah, I can't grow hair like that. either. >> I haven't shaved my legs in at least 4. days. >> Yeah. >> All right. You guys ready for mine? >> Yes. >> I'm ready. You guys are funny. Guys. You said getting it over the bobby pin. Like the clips you use to put her hair. back, like her bangs. Like clam clips. Ready?

>> Yep. >> I remember you guys had a story a while. back about someone going to the doctor. and then finding something in their. cooch. Well, when I was a medic, I was working at an. urgent care and a woman in her 20s came. in with pelvic pain. We did do STD. testing at this particular site, so the. doctor had me set up the room for. screening as the woman had requested. She said she had been to the river that. past weekend and when she got home, she. noticed a bad smell and lots of pain. down there. The doctor on site was a male, so I.

stayed in the room to make sure she was. comfortable. When we started the test, the entire. room smelled awful. I mean like. something dead was inside. The doctor. used the speculum and turned the light. on to look and he pulled out a frog. From her hootenanny. The girl looked absolutely shocked, but. all I have to say is thank God it was. during COVID and we were all wearing. masks because my facial expressions. would have gotten me fired.

And there's no way that thing hopped in. there by itself. >> Frog puss is insane. Frog puss wart. puss, okay? >> Do you Frogs give warts, dude? >> That's not true. >> Wait, really? >> Can't you imagine walking around with a. frog. frog in your You would not feel that. moving. Was it alive or dead? I need to. know. >> I don't know. >> Bro, it sounded like that thing outside. the window earlier. Could you imagine? >> Well, it had to be a small one.

>> Are you sure it wasn't a toad? >> What's the difference? >> I don't know. >> I don't know either. I think toads are. like wider and frogs are like more. narrow. I don't know. I just when I read. that story I. I stopped. A frog in. It just sucked it up. Frog. >> Uh frog frog. >> Uh. you guys, what? I feel like it would. have made a sound. If it was alive but. >> to be dead then cuz like how do you know. it just sucked it up like a vacuum? >> Wait, was. >> Like a shop vac?

>> Was she doing like uh cliff jumping. >> or something? >> Maybe. >> on it could have killed it on. Killed it on impact and it said. >> Or what if it was like a tadpole and it. swam up there and grew a little bit? >> That's actually a possibility. >> Yeah, it could have, yeah. >> How long? How long did she. >> it was like that for a while. She went. to the river. river during the weekend. >> Okay. >> Okay, I'm going in I'm going in with a. thing stuck in people's puss. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay.

This one says. um. Okay, this. She said. So I was 23, freshly out of my only. long-term relationship since I was 16, basically a sheltered Victorian child. released into the world with zero. knowledge and too much confidence. A guy. I vaguely knew, friend of my ex, comes. over at 1:00 a.m. I would I very clearly. tell him, "I'm on my period. We cannot. do anything." He says, "Cool." Still. comes over. So, already red flag.

behavior, things escalate fast. I remind. him I have a tampon in. He hits me with. the classic, "I'll just put the tip in.". And somehow my brain fully disconnected. from reality and we end up having sex. Immediately after I go to the bathroom, the tampon is gone. >> Oh, no. >> I spent 45 minutes squatting over the. toilet like a gargoyle, sweating, panicking, basically performing a. architectural dig on myself. bearing down with God,

uh promising I would become while. bargaining with God, promising I would. become celibate if he just helped me. find this tampon. Finally, I find it and. when I tell you that thing was so far up. in there, it was like Christopher. Columbus discovering new land. Never. spoke to that man again and to this day. every time I insert a tampon, I think, "Remember what happened last time, you. little slut.". >> I mean, we've all had a tampon story. You guys have heard mine, so I mean, I. can't judge her for that, but. >> a tampon story? >> No. I've never gotten one stuck, so.

>> two one time. >> What? >> Huh? >> Mhm. >> One time I pulled out two. This was like. deck over a decade ago. >> Damn. How big is your cervix? >> I don't know. >> Lucky you. I just found out I got to. insert my I always thought it. >> probably like the one on top of the. other. But I like thought I didn't have. one in, so I put a new one in. >> Oof. >> That's crazy. >> thought it just hurt putting a tampon in. and then I realized. >> I don't remember. >> Mine smelled. I like went to the.

>> Like. >> don't tampons always smell like. >> Did you go to the doctor and they looked. and they didn't find it and they never. found it? >> Cuz I have a tilted uterus. >> That Okay, that's what I was going to. say. I just found out that you have to. put tampons in differently if you have a. tilted uterus and I didn't know that. >> Nobody's ever told me that either. >> Yes, you have to put them in at a. different angle than normal people. >> I [ __ ] wear them anyway. >> That's why they hurt me. >> Yeah, I can't wear them. >> You're not supposed It's not supposed to. hurt. >> Yeah. >> If you put it in correctly, found this. on TikTok, then it doesn't hurt. >> I'm good. I don't want the [ __ ]. >> diapers now. >> Yeah, I like the period. >> bleed and I use period panties.

>> I found out that free bleeding, like my. period doesn't last as long. >> Yes, same. >> Well, yeah, they say that um. the chemicals from pads and from tampons. is what extends the bleeding, so. >> And makes the cramping worse. >> be like five or six days, sometimes. seven, and now I'm down to like four and. a half and then barbecue sauce. >> Mhm. Yeah. The old barbecue sauce. Go ahead, Haley. >> Okay. My husband and I went away for. some much-needed alone time and we. packed a few friends for the trip.

Along with my emotional support. SpongeBob blanket that I absolutely. cannot sleep without. One morning we had. ourselves a great time, left the room. looking a small tornado hit it, and. headed out for lunch. It was already. afternoon, so we figured housekeeping. had already come through and we didn't. put the do not disturb do not disturb. sign on the door. But thought nothing of. it. Well, lunch turned into. a casino trip, so we were gone for a few. hours and we finally get back to the. room and open the door and nearly died.

on the spot. My SpongeBob blanket was spread. perfectly across the bed like a luxury. display and our toys were neatly lined. up on top of it like they were posing. for a family Christmas card. >> Oh. my gosh. >> So, who [ __ ] put them out? >> Housekeeping lined up their toys. >> Oh, I believe it. >> perfectly on the bed. >> They'll do that. They don't care. I'm. telling you, they do not care. Our. housekeepers will on blast. One tried to.

sit in my lap, you know? They don't. care. >> that. That was crazy. >> They don't care. Yeah. They're just They're there to do a job. >> Touching someone's toys, though? >> Unless they knew. >> I'm sure they had gloves on. >> No, I've never seen my house cleaners. use gloves. >> No. >> Ever? >> raw dogging people's toys. >> picked them up and sniffed each one? I would. >> Oh, it's wild. That is crazy. All right. >> Okay. So, I've been with this guy for. going on 3 years, and he was always.

breaking up with me all the time. assumed I did. For example, this last. time he accused me of having an email I. had no knowledge of being able to get. into due to the fact that an email had. been revived from Temu in 2025. A few. days passed, and he proceeded to start. telling me he loved me again and acting. as if everything was back to normal. Then he realized I messaged the girl I. caught him talking to. She was supposed. to be his ex, but she said she doesn't. want him. She just used him. But, then.

comes at me sideways because I had sent. those messages to her. So, he says he's done with me due to. being a sneaky conniving horse, supposedly. So, what I want to know is. if y'all feel like he is going to choose. another woman over our relationship. >> Yeah. >> I mean, I think you have a lot more to. worry about than him choosing another. woman. Like, you guys don't even fight. >> long. >> Yeah. >> Why are you Why would you want to be. with somebody who acts like that? >> No. >> Like, you're clearly not happy. He's not.

happy. Why do you guys. stay together? >> in to ask us, I think you know your. answer. >> 100%. >> And I mean, if he's cheating on you with. some other girl and she's just using. him, like, girl, cut the cord. >> Yeah. Let it go. Be free. >> Let it go. Let it go. >> It's all I know. >> Can't hold me back, and I'm clearly the. mom here. >> Yeah, get out of that. That sounds like. a [ __ ] cesspool. So. >> it. >> Yeah. >> All right.

>> This one's short and sweet. Met a man. that checked all my boxes, then told me. to [ __ ] in his mouth or it was over. She. is now single. >> Why? >> Okay. >> So. >> Did he want it soft or hard? >> Yeah. >> What? How are you. >> What's the problem here? >> In the mouth? And I [ __ ] on the bed. Like Notorious. B.I.G. says that. >> Yeah. >> I mean, listen, I've been paid people. >> The And my other one says, "One time I.

had a guy want me to his mouth.". >> Yeah, I've been paid to people. I was. >> on people, but I know I don't get that. But in the mouth? Two girls one cup? >> Did you ever watch that? >> Yeah, I heard that was fake. Kissing. dookie. >> You heard it was fake? Was it a frosty? Kind of a frosty vibes. >> I heard it was fake, too. >> Yeah. >> It looks fake. >> So, I mean, more power to you, sister. I. feel like you dodged a bullet. Like, what how many other [ __ ] is this? He's got a port-a-potty for a mouth? Like, you're kissing that man and he's. got.

all sorts of other women's turds? >> I wonder if they kissed before he asked. >> Oh, maybe with a little bit of corn in. it? >> Oh. >> You could pick corn twice. >> She said he checked all of her boxes, so. >> obviously. >> box. >> Yeah, obviously they've been doing some. stuff, you know. >> wonder what the trade-off is. Like, are. there other qualities that are maybe. good? Like, maybe he pays all her bills. You know. >> mouth, absolutely not. Men are [ __ ] I. I. >> I'm saying, he could be a nice guy.

He didn't cheat. >> I'm sure he's a great guy, but you know, eating turds is probably the last thing. you want to [ __ ]. >> He probably doesn't eat it. He probably. just has it in his mouth and spits it. out. I feel like you know a lot more. about this than you're willing to admit. I'm just saying, like, I didn't hear. anything I just hear something that he. likes to do behind closed doors. I. didn't hear anything wrong with. You know, if if it's a you know, no. harm, no foul, you know? It's like if. >> It's definitely a foul. >> That's 100% a foul.

>> We'll just put out some. >> a garbage bag. >> you like to eat. >> Do you think he likes to eat. >> Could you imagine if she lined it like. we do the toilets on the tour bus? What if she had a hemorrhoid and she's. got a she's got to lay out stand over. him and scrunch? Like, nobody wants to. see that. There's nothing attractive. about that. >> Yeah, and it is. >> What if it's diarrhea and it splurges. splashes in his eyes? Like, >> she had food coloring and it was [ __ ]. green? >> There's so much What if she ate What if. she ate asparagus the day before, you.

know? She's peeing and you can't poop. without peeing. >> Yeah, so I feel like that's you're. coming with both. >> Yeah, two for one. >> Yeah. >> What the [ __ ]. >> Okay. All right, who's next? >> Can I read mine? >> Okay. >> Yeah, you guys are got you guys got some. strange ones this week. This week was. wild. >> I have nothing like yours this week. >> Yeah, I feel like people are really. sending them to me. Yeah. >> Um, when I was in my early 20s in the. town I grew up in, there was an old.

penitentiary. The grounds are covered in. trees and it's basically in the middle. of a small town. I was on a walk with a guy I was seeing. and it was the middle of the night. We. decided to walk through the trees in the. old penitentiary and started getting all. hot and heavy. We ended up screwing in. the middle of trees and when we got. done, we put ourselves back together. We. watched a police a police officer walk. away from a tree. He was just watching. us get it on and he didn't say anything, just walked away. >> Aw. I think that's hot. >> Was the Was the cop hot, though?

Uh, that would make a difference. >> Yeah, like if it's some old fat duty. looking dude, >> I bet you he was back there beating his. meat. >> off. >> He was 100%. Yeah. Yeah. >> Peeping Tom. >> that. Watch your whole family eat. dinner. >> But if it was a hot cop, join in. >> Okay. >> Let's go. >> Do you have some good penetration. >> I like I like that. >> Some people watching you? >> No, like. >> sex in abandoned places. >> Oh, me too. I love that. Like, please.

>> I think that's the dark side of me. >> Someone's hot and heavy over there. She. said. >> I I think I read this cuz I knew it. would get. Oh my god. Sex outside. I forgot what. that's like. Um no, it's uh. It's a good time. I like to have sex. anywhere but the [ __ ] room. Like, please, get me out of the. room. Like. more like. >> If I have to stare at these [ __ ]. walls again, like. >> Bend me over a [ __ ] graveyard. >> Something.

>> A graveyard is crazy. >> She has. Have you heard the story? >> Blood, mouth beat, blood everywhere. >> Was it at least at night time? >> I did weird [ __ ] on drugs, guys. So, I. don't think I would have sex in a. graveyard now. >> Okay. >> Maybe outside of it or something, you. know? Looking at Looking at the ambiance. of a graveyard. I think it's romantic, you know? I don't know. >> It's very Edgar Allan Poe. >> But I just feel like there's so many. other places I could get bent over these. days, so. >> Name one. >> Staircase.

>> Yeah. What's What's your number one? >> Outside. >> Mhm. >> If I could get bent over somewhere. Probably. somewhere with like. um. Probably like. on a vacation, like, you know, looking. over a balcony or something. I think. that would be hot, you know? >> What about you guys? >> Maybe like in a castle. >> Yeah. >> Very like dark. romantic Dracula vibes. >> Ooh. Yeah, if I could do that, too. >> How many times have you watched Dracula?

>> A lot. >> Do you play with yourself every time you. watch it? >> No. >> No. >> No, no. Have you not jacked off to it? >> No, not to it. >> Yes, she has. >> I feel like she has. >> she said no. >> Yeah, SHE SAID NO. >> YEAH. >> I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. >> YEAH. YEAH. >> That's funny as hell. >> No, Dracula is hot, dude. But you know. what? The real Dracula was supposedly. like [ __ ] hideous.

>> Yeah. >> Yeah, like he was not attractive at all. >> I actually watched the original one, the. like um. bromance story, and I didn't like it. The one with Winona Winona Ryder. >> Yeah. >> I didn't like it as much. >> Yeah. >> He's somehow been like romanticized. throughout the years. >> Yeah, but the new one is definitely way. more like love and romantic. I think. that's probably why I like it. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. I feel it. How many times though? >> A lot of times. >> Over 10.

>> Damn. >> I know. >> I don't think any movie is worth. scrolling. >> I don't think any movie is that good to. watch 10 times. >> movie. I don't know. It's just I like. the vibes it gives me. >> In a row? I can't do it. >> No. >> No. I need like yearly breaks, you know, like. like when I watch Beaches or something. like that, like every 5 years. >> Joe Dirt. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That was his finest work, David Spade. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I don't know. >> Tommy Boy was, too. >> There's a lot of like David Spade really.

is so iconic, and it's hard to like. think like he's done so much. >> Mine would be Benchwarmers. >> Benchwarmers is yours for sure. >> Yeah, no. >> Benchwarmers and Grown Ups, those are my. comfort. >> I love Joe Dirt so much, I birthed a Joe. Dirt. >> Yeah. >> You have a mini Joe Dirt. >> I do. >> That [ __ ] is funny, dude. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. So sweet. All right, guys. Keep sending in all your weird [ __ ]. Every Sunday. Oh, wait, I didn't do mine. this this Sunday. I completely erased. it. >> It's okay. >> Every Sunday on our Instagrams, ask,

tell confess, just send us um um DMs. that say ATC. We'll open them up and. hopefully you'll make it on the show. >> Woo. >> Love you. See you later. Bye. >> Bye.