Guys, We Bleached Our Bholes | Ask, Tell, Confess

Ask, tell, confess. >> Ask, tell, confess. [music]. >> Ask, tell, confess. >> Ask, tell, [music] confess. [singing]. >> Hello friends. We are back in full. effect at the kitchen counter for Ask, Tell, Confess. Thank you guys for tuning in. We'll be. back in our studio in next week.

>> Yeah. >> Um so you guys only have to Actually, some of you guys said you loved the. kitchen counter and then some of you. guys were like, "I miss the old set." So. >> No, a lot of people really thought this. was like. more personable. >> I get it. >> Yeah, I know. It's giving It's giving. Shane and Matt. >> I get it. >> Yeah. >> What did you say we needed to clear up. this this week? I forget. >> Oh, we were off season. >> Yeah, everyone was like, "You guys just. stopped doing Ask, Tell, Confess?" We. were off season. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, sometimes we have to take a break. in between and kind of switch it up. >> We're also not going to do long breaks.

anymore though. I think that's what. people are confused about. We used to. take like an entire month off. Um now. we're just going to sprinkle them. through the year, so it's more. consistent. >> Yeah, well that and also we got to make. sure that you guys yearn for us. >> Ooh. >> [singing]. >> We do love when y'all yearn for us. So. here we are, back with another Ask, Tell, Confess. And what is today's. topic? >> Today's topic. >> [laughter]. >> is. >> It's late at night here, by the way. >> know your guys' worst date {slash}.

hookup. And you guys submitted some. really good ones on that. >> Yeah, man. >> If you want to submit to Ask, Tell, Confess, go over to our Instagram. They. will be on the screen right now. Jason, insert everyone's Instagrams over us. Right here. >> We're dirty. >> Um and yeah, that's how you submit. Just. DM us or we sometimes ask in our um. in our stories. So we ask. >> Yeah. >> You guys tell and then we confess on. here. >> All right, I'm ready to kick it off cuz. I got some good ones.

All right, I think this person wants to. stay anonymous but she said he was. hitting it from behind and told me to. arch my back. I arched it up like a. hunchback. >> [laughter]. >> And he says no, the other [laughter]. way. She said I'm still traumatized 13 years. later. Needless to say it was my first. time doing doggy. >> That's [laughter] crazy. >> [laughter]. >> And the fact that the dude, the fact.

that the dude was like no, the other. way. [laughter]. How do you not stop in that moment and. lose your [ __ ]. >> No, I would leave. I would already. be like bent over calling my Uber. >> [laughter]. >> Imagine what happens though when you go. that opposite way. Like. >> [laughter]. >> bro. >> Stop. >> Yeah. >> That's funny. >> So. that was that was the one I wanted to. kick it off with. Yeah. >> That was nice. >> No, that was good. No, I got a good. chuckle a few times when I read that.

one. >> [laughter]. >> Cuz that's something [ __ ] we would. do. >> [laughter]. >> Tasha's shoulders forward. >> Oh my god, dude. >> This was. >> [laughter]. >> This was a really short one. We cannot. film [clears throat]. >> No, every time we film late at night. this [ __ ] happens, dude. I'm just not. going to look at you. >> All right, go. I'm good. All right. >> [laughter]. >> All right. >> Wait, okay, this one's short and sweet.

Give me Give me 2 seconds. Not looking. >> Pooped in a guy's mouth at a bonfire. while Alan Jackson Chattahoochee was. playing. >> Romantic. >> I kind of like it. >> Did he swallow it or spit it out? Did he. spit or swallow? Which one was it? >> I don't know. We. >> [laughter]. >> Was it during the verse or chorus? >> think that's romantic? >> Was it Was it during the It gets hotter. than a hoochie coochie cuz that would be. memorable. Oh, damn. That's a hard That's a hard. pick. That's a really hard pick. >> Oh, yeah. I can I You know what? If. someone. I don't know. I don't want to talk about.

puking in mouths. I'll throw up right. now. >> Uh, I puked on Never mind. All right, who's next? >> [laughter]. >> Who's next? >> I got one. >> All right, go go go. >> Well, mine. >> Cuz I'm locked and loaded, baby. I got. like seven. >> All right, then. >> All right, this one also wants to be a. non-miss. Um, went to this guy's house. for the first time. Um, ended up being a. nice fifth-wheel trailer. No biggie, not. uncommon for the area I live in. >> Kind of hot. >> Got my world rocked for him to proceed. to want to talk and cuddle, and he tells. me about how he's always wanted to kill. a person. I sent my location to my.

sister so fast. As I'm trying to get. dressed, he puts on a gun holster that. goes around his shoulders as if to hide. it under a jacket. It has a .45 in it. He was butt ass naked, by the way. He. then proceeds to do the helicopter while. still wearing the gun and holster. >> The helicopter? >> Okay, y'all. THAT WAS HOT. >> [laughter]. >> THE BATTERY THING WAS HOT CUZ OF THE. HELICOPTER. >> OH, I LITERALLY WAS GOING TO ASK FOR HIS. NUMBER. [laughter]. LIKE, EVERYTHING was hot. >> thought that was hot? I thought she was.

about to get killed. >> No, but then he starts [ __ ] swinging. his dick around. There's nothing hot. about that. >> [laughter]. >> That don't swing a dick. >> It's an elephant trunk. Like, nobody. wants to see that. >> Guys, I was really into it. I had an ex. who did that. >> You guys want me to find the video? I. have a video of him doing it. >> No, literally put it in the chat. >> And it's And it's in slow mo. >> [laughter]. >> Even worse. Even worse. >> So, you can see like his thigh. >> Have you ever done the helicopter? >> Yeah, absolutely. >> Do you Why do men like doing that? >> It's like I don't know. >> No, I would do that if I had one. That's hot. That's hot. The helicopter. >> Yeah, back and forth like hitting the.

thighs. >> I did that a lot. Exactly. >> Let him have it now. >> It's the sound. The sound is good. >> But when you're like trying to get it in. a circle Like Elvira does her titties. Like, no. Nobody wants to [ __ ] see. that. >> is the thing with the helicopter? >> Uh, helicopter's cool, but the the th-. the the thigh hit that sounds cooler. >> Yeah, I like to call that the dingle. hopper. >> The dingle hopper? >> Yes. [laughter]. I like to I like to I gave it a nickname. long years ago. >> All right, here we go guys. I got one. I. hooked up with this girl in Hollywood.

once and she was so adamant about me. doing coke with her which I didn't do. She wanted me to put coke on my dick and. hit it from the back while actually. punching her in the head. I was like, you mean like be a little rough, right? She said, no, I literally want you to. get me high and hit me in the back of. the head. Needless to say I did 0% of. that. 0% of that and that was from our. good friend Boca will hide. Our little baby. Yeah. >> way. >> Yes. >> Wait, that's insane.

>> I don't know about cocaine going inside. of a vagina. That's Listen, I've done. some crazy [ __ ] That's a yeasty beastie. waiting to happen. >> like your pH is going to be very off. after that. >> That's like going to get burned. >> Right? >> I mean but isn't it the same thing as. putting it in your butt hole though? Like the immediate high? >> Well, that's a different high and that. feels great. >> That's but I feel like wouldn't that be. the same? >> Don't do it at home kids. >> Um I don't know cuz I've never done it. in my vagina. >> tell us if you've ever blown. coke into your vagina? >> I don't think he She wanted it on his.

hog inside of it. >> Like someone's got to have that inside. of them. I don't. >> And wouldn't that like dry you out. because of all the chemical I don't. know. I can't even think about doing. drugs it grosses me out now but I've. done a lot of weird [ __ ] and never done. that. >> program? Let's bring that back. >> [laughter]. >> I got runnin' rebel feet. >> That was not. >> George Dare. He was [ __ ] part of the. D.A.R.E. program. >> I don't remember the song. [laughter]. >> That must have been a Vegas thing. >> George Dare. >> No. >> No, he was a real person. I thought.

>> D.A.R.E. stood for. >> Yeah. >> No, he was a real person that. represented D.A.R.E. >> Drugs. >> abuse are really. >> extra. >> No, it was Drug Abuse Resistance. Education. >> Oh. Guys. [laughter]. Who really paid attention to DARE? I. did. I just made it up. >> [laughter]. >> And Mimi was going along with you, dude. Yeah. I was like, that is not what it means. I. actually have a shirt that's a crop top. that says DARE Drug Resistance.

Education. You know what? Wait. Yeah, Drug. Resistance. >> Yeah, I wore the ribbon. >> DARE Drug Awareness. Awareness. Resistance Education. Yeah, there we go. >> Wait. That's. >> Drugs are really expensive. >> They're bad. They're bad. >> My baby daddy and me were in the middle. of a breakup sleeping separately. We. were drunk. I was in my room and I woke. up to my finger being moved around and. it felt like it was being shoved into. food. But when I woke up, his drunk ass. had my whole finger in his [ __ ] all.

the way up to the knuckle. >> Damn. >> Moaning so heavily. Like I had to wrap. my head around it. The finger was never. the same. I tried not to make him feel. bad because I knew he was gay, but I. threw up. As soon as my drunk ass woke. up and realized what was happening. >> I would just like the record to reflect. just because you like fingers up the. wazoo does not mean that you're gay, but. obviously she knew something about him. >> She found porn on his computer and he. was into gay porn. >> Yes. So. >> But his friend could have sent him that. as a joke. >> we not brush past by the fact that she.

said she thought her finger was in food? >> Yeah, that means it was wet. >> IT WAS. >> [laughter]. >> LIKE WHAT THE [ __ ] WAS SHE LIKE MOVING. around a loaf of bread? Like what? Was. she Was she literally like going up. against a turtle? >> No consent? >> That's what I'm saying. Don't put. people's fingers that are asleep in your. butt hole. >> Don't do anything if someone's asleep. >> Yeah. That's rape. And you guys are in. different rooms. >> So he literally snuck in, pulled his. pants down, took her finger and said.

>> Yes. >> [laughter]. >> He was like flipped upside down trying. to just shove. What was it? just backed into it? Just. put the finger out and just. Sorry. She had nails, too. Those nails? I sent you one. Those nails? I may I may also send you. one. How do you clean your finger after that? What if it's under your nail? You get. rid of the entire nail? Yeah. Oh, I. thought you meant finger. I would have.

cut it off. Yeah. Oh, my finger? Yeah. To the bone. To the bone. Just strip it. Just [ __ ] take that knuckle off. Just. guillotine to the knuckle. Stump. >> [laughter]. >> Stump it up, buddy. Don't stump. Okay. All right, go, Jaime. You ready. for it? Yeah, we're ready. Had no idea I. got my period. Great start. We were in the dark for like an hour and. it was a blood bath. I left and never. spoke to him again and he was a. professional hockey player at the time. Ha! She put that in there.

>> [laughter]. >> Yeah. Um, I was like 19. We never even had. sex. It was just a finger blast and BJs. Even worse, lol. Anonymous. Oh. Oh my goodness. I don't know if guys are. scared of blood. I get it. Like when I'm. on my period, the first two days I don't. want to be touched cuz I'm like it feels. like an axe wound. But other than that, >> [laughter]. >> it's [ __ ]. other. I turn into Brucie, dude. Uh, or how do. you feel about blood? That's Brucie.

American Psycho? No. Oh. Stop. What? A shark who smells blood? Oh. god. Jaime, do you like blood? I don't. like it. I'm just saying if like, you. know, if I'm in the mood and Brooke's. got me hot and bothered, I'm going in. no matter what. I'm I'm getting in. there. I don't I just can't bring myself. to do it the first two days. But day. three, it's on and cracking. I'm ready. Yeah, like let's go. But for day one and. two, no. Like I don't want to subject them to. that. It's [ __ ] jellyfish. Just red.

jellyfish falling out of you? >> Mhm. >> Oh, I thought. >> What if a clot comes out on them? >> No. >> Okay, wait. That's what I was literally. about to say. So, okay, when I was younger, I had snuck into this guy's house. Oh my. god, Mom, don't watch this. Mom, Susan, Susan, don't watch this one. Skip over. this part. I snuck into this guy's house. and it was like his uncle's house, so we. went in like the spare bedroom and we. were doing it and I didn't know my. period had started, but it was like the. heaviest period ever. Bro, antique, it.

was like one of those antique rooms that. were set up and we did it on like. bro, white sheets. [ __ ] that thing up. It was cloudy. >> White sheets? >> Oh, man, that's so rough. >> I have a short and sweet one. >> Go ahead, baby. >> Hooked up with this guy and a booger. fell on my titty. I kicked him out. immediately and cried for a bit and then. blocked him on everything. >> Aw. >> What? >> That's embarrassing.

He should have manned up and like. [laughter]. >> Guys, I don't like that. >> figured it out or something. >> I knew he was going to hate that one. >> Bro, I think I might throw up. >> [laughter]. >> Mhm. Rip. >> [sighs]. >> Was it like a shower booger or like a. booger. >> Stop. >> Like a booger that's been there all day. >> Stop. Like a swimming booger? >> No, I'm going to say probably a shower. booger cuz it's it's stuck. >> I've been traumatized by boogers for. a decade. Um. >> [clears throat]. >> I hooked up with this guy. Oh my god. He. asked me to touch his nipples and that.

was my assignment and I shouldn't forget. it. >> Oh. >> Stop. >> Woah. [laughter]. >> And it was. >> Stop. >> And it was weird. >> Stop. >> He was playing with my nipples and told. me he paid attention to uh paid. attention to the left side more because. it was closer to my heart. And asked me if I wanted his BBC, but it. was only a BC. Please don't post my. name. >> [laughter]. >> You guys. >> I need actual help. >> Wait, okay, do you think nipples are. stretched? >> If they're long weird nipples, I'm not.

[ __ ] them, okay? >> think he was stretching them and that's. why they were so long? >> I don't know. Some dudes have long. >> my nipples get puffy. >> Yeah, but that's there's a difference. between puffy and long. Like that's I. think that's my my one no. Like if I see. a dude with long nipples, I can't. Like. little [ __ ] like darts. >> Stop knobs. >> No. >> I can't do it. >> Like. >> [laughter]. >> the the ice that come It's not like a. pellet. No, it's like a pellet ice. You. know what I'm talking about? >> The ice that are like little logs? >> Oh, yeah. >> I said, "Jaime, let me see your nipple.". He goes, "He's shy.".

>> He is. >> Show us. >> Show us. >> We need to see. >> Pull up your shirt. >> Pull up your shirt. Let the ladies see. >> Oh, he's got good nipples, Jaime. You. got good nipples. >> Can I Wait, can we wax the little hair? >> We said I could wax Dylan's lower back. >> Okay, we'll do Dylan's lower back, too. >> Wax party. >> Wax party? >> Oh, speaking of butt holes. >> Yeah, how's yours going? >> Oh, so let's have a conversation, guys. >> Can we smell that? >> Sorry, it's me.

>> It's getting its job done. >> He walked off. >> Go ahead, Jaime, and roll that beautiful. bean footage and put that clipper right. here. >> Can we bleach our [ __ ] on the. podcast? >> Yeah, I'll have it on my [ __ ] and I. will report back to you all. I'm like, "Guess what I just did, guys? I slathered [music] some medical bleach. on my [ __ ] and as we speak right now. I'm. >> we have gloves? >> Yes. >> I'm just going to tell the truth. I'm. going to be like, "Dude, I shot a little. video the other day. Didn't like the. coloring. Didn't like the coloring at all. >> Didn't like the shade. >> Didn't like the shade.

Put bleach on our butt holes, Chotch. >> Right now? >> Yeah. >> I would put gloves on if you're going to. put it on your skin like that. >> Me, too. >> Live a little, guys. >> Okay. >> She's doing it right now? >> Yeah. >> I'm just eating mango. >> So, I haven't checked. I've only done it. once. Um but I'll check tonight and I'll get. back to you guys. No, I'll check tonight. and I'll get back to you guys. >> [laughter]. >> But, yeah, you know, sometimes a girl.

needs to bleach her butt hole. It just. has to happen. I'm looking. Oh, yeah, I'm having surgery tomorrow. >> Send me a photo. Send me a photo when. she's out. >> [laughter]. >> Put it on my story. Having another. surgery, you guys. Yeah, so I'm having another surgery. tomorrow and hopefully I have a pretty. butt hole going in. >> Did it burn? >> No, it didn't burn at all and I didn't. feel anything. >> I will say, guys, she was sitting right. here. So, be careful when you put your. food down. >> But, also, I talked Mo into it and I had. her bend over and I put a glove on and I. rubbed some on her little brown hole.

And. >> I bet you she'll show me it. >> Huh? Mo! >> Mo! We just saw you. >> Mo! >> How's your butt hole look today? Can I. see it? Show us YOUR BUTT HOLE. >> [laughter]. >> I THOUGHT IT WAS MO. SO SORRY. Thank you, Mo. >> Thank you, Mo. >> Oops. >> He's sweet. >> We should not be filming. So, yeah, I'll I'll report back next. week and let you guys know how my butt. hole looks when we're back in studio.

I'm excited about it. >> I got catfished when I went to go meet. up with a Tinder hookup just trying to. get it in. When he opened the door, he. was 5 in shorter than me. It was too. late to turn around and I felt bad to. just leave. Things went on and he went. he went to hit it from the back. In the middle of that. he said, "Hold on." He went to his. closet and proceeds to put on his. platform Air Force Ones and instantly I. said, "Nope.". >> [laughter].

>> That just kept getting worse and worse. and worse. >> he was going to grab a stool. >> That's where I thought that's where. >> The stool came out of the shoes. >> That's where I thought it was going. >> I was going for step stool. I was going. for step stool. >> Platform shoes. >> Platform and his tippy toes. >> He probably did that in the Air Force. Ones. >> Yeah, and he calves probably hurt so he. went ahead and put the. >> Yo, for real, what if you look down and. you just see like on like he looks like. he's doing calf raises. >> That's what I'm saying. I think that's. what's [laughter] happening. Your calves. probably got tired and he had to like. he's like, "I'm going to. He said, "Nope. Nope.". All right, next.

>> It wouldn't let me type the whole story. My son was at his dad's, so I had a guy. over that that I met on. POF. >> Plenty of Fish. >> Okay, got it. Thank you for clarifying. We had an okay night. Sex was just all. right. In the morning when he went to. leave, he gave me a huge Wait, he gave. me a. Got that dude. >> [laughter]. >> No, don't. That was funny. >> He said huge and my eyes got big. I was. like, >> My fault.

All right. >> [laughter]. >> Sex was just all right. In the morning. when he went to leave, he gave me a hug. and I felt something in his pocket. He. had stolen my son's body wash. So weird. [laughter]. >> What the [ __ ]. >> I can't. >> That's what you get for banging somebody. off of POF, dude. >> Stop. >> Was it like Old Spice? >> Bro, I thought it was like, you know, the SpongeBob ones. The little bubble. bath ones. >> The L'Oreal ones. They're like fish. >> [laughter]. >> I've stolen some weird [ __ ] from people. I was young and went to a house party. and stole somebody's Retin-A.

>> [laughter]. >> I get that. That's expensive. >> Yeah. I stole the Retin-A because I had like. pimples or. >> ever stole food from someone's house? >> No. Wait, [laughter] food? >> Yeah, have you ever Have you ever stole. food from someone's house? >> No. >> No. >> Just salt and pepper shakers from the. restaurant. >> I stole $100 out of my purse. >> I went to a buddy's house and someone. stole the meat out of the freezer. >> [laughter]. >> What? >> That's wild. >> Damn. >> The meat out of the freezer, bro. And. then I saw a meme about it the other day. and remembered about it. I was like, "Damn.". >> You got to know you're not the only. person who does it. >> If you have people coming over that.

you're stealing [ __ ] meat out of the. freezer, like you can't trust nobody. >> No. >> That's great. The frozen goods. >> What if it was a good tri-tip? It could have been like a sirloin or. something. >> That's what I'm saying. [ __ ]. >> Deer meat? >> Deer [laughter] meat's good. >> Dude, deer meat's fire. >> Gamey. >> No. >> gamey? >> It's just like tastes earthy. >> But like what what does that mean taste. earthy? Like what's the what's the. flavor of earth? >> Tastes like a [ __ ] animal. What does. it taste like? >> That's a Midwest thing. >> Same with duck. >> So taste.

>> Picked a girl up and she got in my car. We went to the drive-in and started. [ __ ] and all of a sudden I felt. wetness running down my leg. Thought she. squirted but then it smelt like [ __ ]. She straight sharted all over the car as. well as my legs. You got to like man, some of you guys. are loose booties. >> [laughter]. >> Okay, I'm just going to say it because I. wish I could bear down and [ __ ] [ __ ]. on somebody's leg dude. Instead I have. to [ __ ] go through a whole [ __ ]. rigamarole.

>> [laughter]. >> Yeah, like come on. My butt hole is. tight. There's no way that I'm [ __ ]. just [ __ ] on somebody's leg. >> I did get a lot of poop stories but I. felt like we were over doing it on the. pooping on people so I went with the. puking but you know, there was a lot of. pooping. >> I I reeled it into that. >> I had I had a shart one too but. >> Yeah, the shart one. No, yeah, I. definitely had one about a sex club and. some dude just sharted all over the. wall. >> I love that. >> He did. William Shatner.

>> [laughter]. >> And on that note we will see you guys. next week back in studio. Love you. Bye. >> Bye-bye.