Elle Apologizes to Dolly

Bunny XO. >> She's a Vegas girl. >> Bunny XO blonde podcast and Bunny X. >> Talk to me about. two of the coolest kids. Is this thing on? What's up you sexy. [ __ ] Today I am so excited. because I have been wanting this guest.

forever. Ever since your first album. came out, I have been obsessed with you. And not to mention, your dad was one of. my childhood crushes. >> Oh my gosh. >> L King is in the house, baby. Wow. I have been waiting for you to come. because you do not know how obsessed I. was with Deuce Bigalow. >> You know I was in that. >> I did not know that. >> Wow. >> A little foreshadowing. You're like, "We're going to be friends." Yeah, I was. a little girl scout. >> I love that. I never even knew that. But.

I mean, I just I'm I've always been. attract like John Candy and like funny. comedians were always my thing. And your. dad, like I knew I knew he was like the. tiniest little thing ever. But I was. just like, >> if he finds us out, he's going to be. like, I've still got it. >> Oh no, dude. Rob Schneider was like it was Rob. Schneider, Drew Carey. Like I had a list. of like comedians that I loved as a. child. And. >> I I always go for funny over anything. Like me too. >> I mean I've I've dated all kinds of.

different people. Um but if you make me. laugh, you get my heart. And. >> my vagina. >> And my vagina. >> I'm telling you, man. You make me laugh, my legs are spread wide open. >> Yeah. And like throw in like a neck tat. Like sold. >> Oh, they have to have tattoos. Do you. have to date a man with tattoos or can. you date a man who has bare skin? I I. I'll try anything twice. >> I love that. >> Um but I do tend to get along better. um with I don't know. It just I I like.

people who have tattoos. It's. >> same. >> You can withstand if someone's like. covered in tattoos like they can. withstand some. they've been through things, you know, >> or they have that like rough around the. edges thing. >> Yeah. I feel like if if we're flesh all. a mesh and I'm the only one with. tattoos, I feel like one of these kids. is doing its own thing. And I like want. you to be on my team, you know? Like you. need to be covered in tattoos, too. >> Yeah, definitely. >> Are you dating right now? >> I am actually um back with my baby. daddy. >> Ah, we're going to dive into this.

>> Okay. Hence the tour name, right? >> Um yes. Yes. and we broke up for um a. year and I was going through really. really insane postpartum and I I don't. even think that I realized I was going. through it until I kind of got out of. it. Um, and we were already broken up. and he just kept showing up and we. became best friends and then uh through. like custody and everything and working.

together and like a lot of therapy on my. part um we we like restarted our. communication, our like respect for each. other and um I just I never stopped. being in love with him and then finally. he was just like I wore the right set of. underwear and just like locked. I love that. >> we're doing really really well. >> I feel I love that you're talking about. postpartum though because I feel like a. lot of women in the spotlight like you. guys literally will have babies and then.

you're th thrust back into the spotlight. and it's like you don't have time to. heal. You don't have time to nurture. yourself. No. >> And then the world wants to be mad at. you if like you're not this picture. perfect human that they've put you on. this pedestal. >> Yeah. It's honestly like it's kind of. [ __ ] up because I I really struggled. to get pregnant um in a lot of different. relationships and now I know like God's. timing is is not up to us and even our. baby's timing is not up to us. And um I.

think that like the pandemic everything. was shut down and I was able to like. rest. I sold my house in LA. I moved to. New Mexico. I had donkeys and goats and. I got pregnant. Um, and because I wasn't. on the road, I didn't have all this. pressure. Um, I ballooned up. I got so. heavy and I got up to 284 lbs, uh, the. day that I delivered my son. And then, um, >> it was happy weight, though.

>> Yeah. I mean, it was it was miserable. weight, but it was also like my body did. what it had to do. And then it took me 3. years to lose baby weight. And the thing. that made me so mad is like in this day. and age like no one gives any credit for. anything. I don't care how anybody lose. weight. If somebody takes charge of. their own life, not that anyone has to. because I've been every single size, but. like I worked really really hard because. I was so depressed. I started working 3. months after I had my son. I was back on.

the road and I was like trying to I like. already stopped breastfeeding. I was so. stressed out and then I just started. working out to try and get my mind right. because I was like blue. I was really. sad, really miserable and then my song. with Miranda drunk like really went. crazy during my pregnancy. So, so many. changes happened so quickly, so fast. And um then I don't know, I just like. you'd think anything that I know about. or had known about postpartum was like,

"Oh, like you could like be kind of sad. like for a couple weeks, a couple months. after." And I'm like looking down and. like it's 2 years after and like I'm. getting ready to celebrate my son's. second birthday and I'm not with his dad. and I'm like I feel so lost. I tried a. lot of different therapies. I tried like. all kinds of like different psychedelic. stuff. I tried talk therapy. I tried. everything. And ultimately I had to go.

through certain experiences on my own. some of which I didn't want to go. through, but. >> like life experiences. >> like life experiences like you know I. I'm already kind of I don't want to say. like I'm sick of talking about like what. happened in January and the Dolly. incident. Um and I'm sure people are not. going to like what I have to say about a. lot of it, but like I can already look. back and be like, you know what, I have. this good thing that came from it. This. thing changed in my life. this I was. presented with an opportunity to grow.

and I think that every experience is an. opportunity for change and change is. inevitable. It's the blade that carves. itself and or sharpens itself whatever. that quote is and I really like that. >> Um but like. >> when that Dolly incident happened were. you still going through postpartum? Was. that part of it? Honestly, I I don't I. think I'd kind of come out of postpartum. and then everything that had. accumulated, everything that I had just.

like sucked on to my life uh in my like. depression um all just kind of came to a. head and I think it was probably just. rock bottom, right? I just if it wasn't. that, it was going to be something else. And I just took for the first time like. you know when I was pregnant like I was. like okay maybe I' I've got this time. given to me. This was this year was the. first time I was like I'm stepping I'm. stepping away from this. Everyone's. telling me to kill myself. Everyone's.

telling me to surrender my child. And it. was just so so wrong. And you know if a. man did it it would have been a. completely different story. But also. like I I've spoken to everybody and I've. spoken to everyone at the oprey and um. they said that I'm not banned and. >> country is forgiving. They are really. forgiving people. >> Yes, it is. And this the saddest part. about it is like and I don't even really. want to use these words but like.

somebody is going to get arrested. somebody is going to get something that. happens and you know some people might. say it's good for you but like for me. I'm like that's sad. The biggest thing I. learned was like okay take nothing that. you read online for like full-blown. truth because everything you never know. from my experience especially what was. going on then I was going through some. like heavy heavy heavy [ __ ] Not even. postpartum, not even my breakup, not.

even just that. It's just like, >> can we touch on it? >> I mean, it was just it was a dark. situation that I can't I can't talk. about and I don't really want to, but. like. >> like a relationship. >> Yeah. It was it was like bad [ __ ] that. was going on. And um I. because of that, no one knew what was. really going on and they just thought. like, god forbid somebody looks and. thinks, wow, like. what was going on with her that day? You. know, like I I played two shows that.

day. I played two [ __ ] shows. The. first show was great. It was perfect. But I hadn't eaten. I hadn't done. anything. I hadn't slept in days. I was. so I had such bad anxiety and. everything. And um I just walked back. out on stage and I'd taken one shot too. many. We went through that alleyway. went to Robert's Western World and a. bunch of people were celebrating and I. took, you know, one shot of tequila when. I'd been drinking a a martini and like. that I was like the tiniest I'd ever. been. >> and boom, I could come too and like the.

curtains down and it sucks. It's awful. Um, but at the same time, I went home. and I was like, >> I never I never want to cry like that in. a car ride home. I never want to wake up. feeling like that ever again. I never. want to feel that shame. I never wanna. like you know any anytime Dolly Parton. calls you is cool but like I didn't want. it to be under those circumstances and. like but she called me to make me feel. better you know. >> she's a sweet angel of a woman. >> She's literally she's like proof of.

angels. She truly is. And um I I think. what that t like I learned so much from. this experience and um like if I can. come out of it, literally anyone can. And I've had so many experiences like. that. I hope I have less of them in the. future. >> I'm with you, girl. I'm going I went. through some [ __ ] this last week. I'm. like, Lord, what are you trying to teach. me? >> Like come on. Like my book of lessons is. like getting kind of full.

>> Yeah. But I don't know. I I do you. believe in like um like many lives. >> Absolutely. And I also believe in soul. contracts and I believe that tell me. what do you believe? Let me know. >> Okay. So I I believe um I did Okay, this. is kind of wacky and I don't know if. people believe in this. I'm so into it. I'm very spiritual. I'm very connected. to spirit. I meditate. I've got guides. I studied with sister. >> Yes. Where have you been? >> They're all over here laughing cuz I. This is me. Okay. Amazing. Okay. Good.

Then I'm I'm I'm. >> You found your You found your coven. >> Okay. Great. Sit. Um I did this one. reading um with a with a woman and she. was it was called like a rose reading. I'd never done anything like that. And. she went through some past lives. And. because I'm clairvoyant and clar. sentient, I also don't talk about this a. lot, but I I don't I don't care. I have. nothing to hide. >> And you are too. Okay. I believe that. And I I feel like that's why we're like. supposed to be connected. Um I it was.

like over the phone cuz it was during. CO. It was right before CO when things. were like starting to like get crazy and. um she was explaining a couple of my. past lives and I could I was like locked. in with her and I could see her um like. I could see everything that she was. seeing and I'm everything lined up and I. asked her I said have I ever had a child. in a past life and she said no. And um. and so she said, "You're going to have. to make a soul contract with someone to. bring like for this lifetime." And um I.

mean I've even had like like psychics. one time I was pregnant before I had a. miscarriage and he was like, "Have you. ever had a miscarriage?" And I was like, "No, not that I know of." Like boom, a. week later I had like I had a. miscarriage and then the next pregnancy. was missed. Um, and so I think that I. had to. >> have a soul contract. >> with. >> either my baby. I don't know how all of. it works, but I know that like my baby. chose me and I know that he's like. destined to be here. But to do that,

like I'm so into healing and I'm all. into like a lot of like spiritual stuff. So I felt like. >> it's true. I saw something online that. was like if you're ever feeling like. called to a place like you need to go. cuz there's something that has to happen. there. I'd never been to Bali and I went. um I went probably like. it was like in January and I had um had. like two backto-back miscarriages in um. September and uh. >> like oh yeah end of August and into.

September and was still on the road like. 3 days after like bleeding on stage. everything so. >> sad and doomy gloomy I can it's easier. now. >> that's your childhood trauma is to push. through any sort of pain and not sit in. it. >> Yeah. It's because I don't I I can't. That's when I lose my mind. >> Me, too. I don't want to wallow. >> No. No. I'm like, "Okay, what job can I. do? Okay, what can I do? Like, let's. make another album. Let's do something.". And then I lose my mind because I'm not. actually taking the time. My new thing I.

I got to feel it to heal it. And so. that's what I did. That's why I took. time this year. I know I'm bouncing all. over the place, but. >> No, no, I love it. And I'll draw you in. >> Okay, cool. Um, I went I felt this like. pull to Bali and I looked up this. healing uh ceremony in the middle of the. jungle and I dragged my best friend with. me and she was like, "Okay." And even. though she's like into like metaphysical. spiritual stuff, she was like, "This is. like a little much." And I'm like.

meeting with this healer and um she says. to me, she was I was like, you know, I. had a miscarriage and like I really I. all I want to be is a mother. A. >> and she said, "Um, well, it's your the. soul is a boy and he'll come he'll come. back to you." And I said, "What do I. have to do?" And she said, "You have to. make a sacrifice." And I was like, "Uh, like quitting smoking." And she was like. just looked at me and got up and walked. away and then did this like crazy thing. where they like whip you with fl. It was. beautiful. And like poured all this like.

gorgeous water all over you and then you. like scream and then they like paint. like flowers all over you and they pray. for you and it's beautiful. It was so. incredible. And um that year is when I. got pregnant. >> Um and I had a boy and it was just. beautiful. I I believed it. There's. something. >> so I think important about just like. what like your convictions are and what. you believe in and and it it go it's. it's so simple as like the thoughts you. tell yourself or the things that you say. out loud. All of it is energy.

>> Oh, words are spells. >> Yes. Yes. I tell everybody that. >> It's everything that you like. Today I. had a doctor's appointment and like I. was really scared about it and I didn't. even. >> Me too. I had one today too. What was. yours about? Can we ask? >> I'll tell you after. >> Okay. Okay. >> Um but I didn't want I didn't want to. like put negative thing like I was I was. so freaked out about it that like I I. refused to say like it's not going to be. good. I just like I'm nervous. >> Yes. >> And I felt like that was better. Um,

>> I had one today, too, where I was. finding out if I really had an aneurysm. on my corateed artery. >> Oh my gosh. >> I had just found out last week that I. had one. Today, I got the news that I. didn't have one. And I know exactly what. you're saying because I I never when I. prayed, I wasn't like, >> you know, God, please don't let me have. this. I just said, whatever your will is. and let me know what the lesson is here. And I never, you know, and I get that. I. understand when you're so scared. Your. first thing is is you want to be like, "No, please don't let the," you know, but I really was just like surrendered.

and it was my moment to actually learn. how to have faith. Yes. And it it. worked. And I'm telling you right now, if you don't speak those things into. your life, not saying that it doesn't. happen for everybody, but if you don't. speak those things into your life, you. can definitely, I feel, change the the. energy or the trajectory of what's about. to happen. >> Yes. And you can create that. >> Absolutely. That's like the whole thing. about manifestation and which is. something I learned about this year and.

I even just speaking it like I didn't. realize what I was doing like when I. took time off when I was thinking like. oh [ __ ] like. >> I could I could go back to the world and. I could have no [ __ ] career. I could. have no musical career. I could never. play a show again. I could get dropped. from my label. My management could drop. me. And I started thinking, "All right, [ __ ] What do you want to [ __ ] do?". like what would be cool? What would. excite you? Cuz I want to be I'm a very. passionate person. I'm a very hard. worker. >> And I thought, wouldn't it be cool to.

play like a bad guy in a movie? You. know, my dad's an actor and I don't I I. don't really feel like I get a lot of. the nepotism stuff. And I feel I it. makes me sad for the people who do. because. >> that's one thing I've loved about you is. that when I was researching your life. story, you're a lot like me. I didn't. come from, you know, very much, but I. always wanted to pave my own way. And. you were just like, I want to make my. own way. >> Yeah. >> I I respect. >> I didn't really grow up with my dad. I. grew up with my mom and my.

>> Yeah. Let's touch on that. Let's go. back. Let's go back and talk about that. real quick. So, you are a daughter of. Rob Schneider, >> Daddy Schneider, and every time I say. that, she blushes. >> Oh my gosh. Um, and a beautiful Miss. London King, you know, and who was like. a supermodel, correct? >> And she's the coolest. >> You You are her twin. I mean, you guys. are beautiful. You are her twin. I I can. see a little bit of your dad in you, but. you are her just, you know,

reincarnated. Um, take me on this. journey with your childhood because I. don't think a lot of people don't know. that your dad was not in your life. growing up. >> He He really wasn't. And it's it's. interesting because like yeah, I was. born in California, but like my parents, they weren't married for very long. They. didn't really know each other. Um, and. my mom had a son before me. My mom was a. really, really young mom. >> Um, my family comes from southern Ohio, like very close to West Virginia. And.

it's a super small town. I think it's. like 1,800 people, which is like big for. a small town. There's more than one. stoplight. Yeah. >> Um, and it's a place that is and always. has been my constant because my family. moved around a lot. >> Um, and my parents, yeah, they split and. I I have I would spend time with my dad, but my mom raised me like always. My mom. single mom until she met my stepdad who. also he's my dad. Like he he totally.

raised me. >> Um, and. >> shout out to the stepparents. I'm a step. parent. >> Yes, you are. and they're so important. And I I don't I definitely wouldn't be a. musician if it weren't for my stepdad. And he taught me everything I know about. music. I mean, I'm wearing he's got his. own um label, Good Times Rock and Roll. Club. I'm wearing his shirt. He's a. screen printer. Definitely. Um they'll. send you a whole care package and. records and stuff. So cool. >> Um and he's just like the most badass.

person ever. And my mom, my mom, I saw. her reinvent herself like almost every. 10 years because she was a fit model, she was a model, she did some acting and. and then she she became like a fitness. instructor and she was like helping. She. was like really really really into. health. Um, and then when we moved to. New York, when I was about 12 years old, we left Ohio because my stepdad's from. New York and um, my mom became Adulla. and she like like my mom's pretty.

crunchy, but she's the coolest. Like she. encapsulated my placenta and I'm I'm. >> Okay, what is encapsulating placenta. just for people at home who don't know. what that is? >> Okay, so the placenta is basically it's. like a filter, but it's also what gives. all the nutrients and all the life. um. from the uterus to the baby and it's. what's connected to the umbilical cord. from the baby to the mama. And so it's. um sometimes they call it like the. afterbirth and it comes out after you. have um after you give birth.

>> Um and we are the only I don't I don't. want fact checkers to come after me, but. I'm going to try my best. We're the only. mammals that don't like instinctively or. naturally eat our placenta or after. birth because it's it's like so full of. nutrients. So, I don't know if anyone's. ever seen like a dog or a cat give. birth, but like they they eat it. They. >> they eat the membranes off the the their. puppies and stuff. I've seen that cuz it. it helps them. And so, some people say. that. Um Well, I mean, there's a lot of.

of factual evidence behind it, but. >> I don't I don't want like super western. medicine people to come after me about. that because I believe it. Um, >> everybody gives grace here. >> Yeah. Okay, great. Um, and so my mom. cooks the placenta and then encapsulates. it and then um the woman or the mother. slowly eats it over time. Um, tastes. like a vitamin. >> What does it taste like? Anything? >> Um, well, Dan, my boyfriend, he ate a.

piece of my placenta. It was cooked. It. was cooked. He was like, "This is the. closest I could be to a cannibal." So, uh, you know, it's like guys with neck. tattoos who are funny. I don't know. What are you going to do? >> They're wild. >> You're like, "Let's make another baby.". >> Yeah. Exactly. And um but it made me. feel it like when I took it, it made me. feel like kind of anxious and um I don't. know. I I always feel like I'm like. letting my mom down because she's this. like angel angelic like she I was a a. Vback so she had a a C-section with my.

brother and then she had a natural birth. with me and she said it was an orgasmic. birth. There's a there's a docu. >> I love mom. >> I know. Oh my god. I know. >> I love mom. She's right up my alley. >> She Yeah, she's wonderful. You guys just. love each other. And she literally made. me and Dan watch this documentary called. Orgasmic Birth. Um and I was like, "Okay, >> tell me about this." Or orgasmic births. I've never heard of this. >> Okay. Okay, great. Um and neither had I.

No, actually, I'd heard of it my whole. life because my mom was like, "I had an. orgasmic birth with you." I was like, "Mom, stop telling people that words. every kid wants to hear.". >> Yes. But it it was like it's basically. the whole like idea of it. Um, from what. I took from the documentary, I was like, "That's I'm not having that. That's not. me." I was like, "Cut this puppy out.". Uh, you kind of like get yourself into. this state. And I was just watching that. show Too Hot to Handle where they had.

energy orgasms. Yeah. >> Okay. So, I I I don't think it's that. far off from that. So, you get yourself. into this state of of like relaxation. and you're connected with your partner. and then I guess you have this this like. flush that's like orgas an orgasmic. release of it's I don't think it's like. a sexual pleasure but it watching that. thing like you know you can learn a lot. from reality TV. Um, I I can understand. now how it could be this like orgasmic.

feeling of like, oh my gosh, combined. with like I did it and wow, my baby's. here and pride. and like Yeah. >> Yeah. Like it makes me think like do I. want to try for like a V-back if I have. another kid? Like I don't know. It's. there's a lot of things. Most likely if. I were I would be like cut this fire. out. That's how I was in my. >> I still think it's a beautiful thing to. think about. So, I mean, if you know, if. I'm scared to death of natural birth, that's why Jay and I are doing IVF and. we're going to get a surrogate, but.

because I also have issues, too, and I. just at this age, I don't have time for. miscarriages and, you know, stuff like. that. So, but yeah, women who give. birth, man, you guys are [ __ ]. savages, dude. Like, that is the most. >> barbarically beautiful thing that could. a woman can do. And I mean, you guys are. literally just pushing a soul out of. your body. Yeah, it's it's pretty wild. I mean, I had a C-section. I freaked out. on the table. I was screaming, "I can't.

feel my legs." And I I was screaming for. them. I was like, I literally like It's. so me. They didn't even let my mom come. up, but they cuz it was during freaking. co. And so I was like, "Give me. literally give me drugs. Where is Dan?". screaming for him to come in there. Um. >> poor Dan's in a corner somewhere. music. He's like, "What's going on, babe?" Um, but it it was it was cool. I just I feel. like I I won't do anything that my. parents ever expect of me. And I felt.

kind of sad and um I don't know. I'm. just like a different person. And I I. definitely have like a very different. destiny. But I also thought like because. my pregnancy was so hard and intense. like and before Dan and I got back. together, I wanted another child. And I. asked my sister, I was like cuz she's. had three kids. She she got her tubes. tied, but she can still tow it. Yeah. And I was like, >> I love that. >> I was like, "Hey, like, would you carry. baby for me?" Like, wasn't even two. seconds later, she's like, "If you pay.

for a tummy tuck." It's like, >> that's good. Like, that's that's cool. >> I love that. >> But yeah, I was like looking up like, you know, cryobanks and everything. And. um I I I think that surrogacy is so. beautiful and like what a gift. I think. any I I hate it when I see that people. like get anything negative about how. they choose to be healthy, how they. choose to welcome children into this. world. It it should only be like I have. chills, right? It should only ever be.

celebrated cuz again to bring it back. like you have no [ __ ] idea what. someone had to go through to even get to. that point to make that decision. I just. think we live in a world where it's like. a fish tank and some days you're the. fish that gets picked on and it's like. they will zero in like when you went. through the Dolly situation. I remember. it broke my heart and I reached out to. you because I was like she doesn't. [ __ ] deserve this. I've met you. I. felt your energy. I'm like she is the. sweetest [ __ ] soul and that's why I.

reached out to you cuz I wanted you to. know like you're not alone. But this. online [ __ ] man, it's bad. Like it is um. mob mentality and it's millions of. people mob mentality that just have a. [ __ ]. >> worse. It is because there's no there's. no re recourse. No. So if you say. something, nothing happens, you know? Like. >> I thought like after all the stuff from. like early 2000s with like the Perez. Hilton and all that just like horrible. horrific bullying like and then I.

thought maybe like okay no more bullying. is like a thing like no and and the. saddest part about it which is the only. way that I can like still have a [ __ ]. Instagram. It's like okay that person. who's saying that is hurting. >> Yeah. Well you have to post and ghost. That's what I do now. >> I mean, yes. >> I've I had to learn that in the last 6. months. Well, >> you can't look at it, right? >> Nope. I just And I'll I'll look at the. first five and then I leave it alone for. a few days when I'm feeling a little bit. stronger and then I'll go back in and if. there's something by that time by that.

time I'm over that that post and it. doesn't mean anything. So, I'll just. delete or block, you know, if I need to. But yeah, I just post and ghost. And it. was it's been the blessing for my mental. health. Dude, >> you have to because I mean like most. days I'm like I don't want to do. Instagram. >> and I used to love it. I used to love it. because I actually interact with my fans. and then. >> same. >> some some people would comment like. >> hey you're getting like 150 really kind. things and you're only interacting with. the person who said something mean.

>> I get that too. >> And it's weird cuz like you know what. that's [ __ ] true. That's so true. Why? But and then people they want that. They want to fight. It's so weird. >> You can't win. You cannot win. It. doesn't matter. And they're always. wittier for some reason. They will come. back and say some of the craziest [ __ ]. and you're just like son of a [ __ ] You. know, >> it's really really wild. I just I just. go straight for like the your mom jokes. cuz it's so. >> Me too. I That's my whole thing. Like. they'll be like you're such a [ __ ] and. I'll be like that's not what your dad. said about your mom or you know like.

I'll say something like [ __ ] funny. >> I say like that's not what your mom said. last night. Like okay so stupid. It's. like cuz so stupid. Yeah. No, seriously. So, let's circle back to your childhood. So, you grew up in Ohio and I think a. lot of people were like when you did and. we'll get into your album and stuff like. your albums and stuff like that, but. when you did cross over into country, did you get any kind of push back. because people were like, "Oh, you're. not country." But really, you are you. grew up in a rural part of Ohio. >> Yeah. I I didn't actually get any push. back. I think um I think because I.

connected with country fans and um the. the biggest the biggest push back was. that okay when I would get really drunk. like if anyone were to ever meet my. brother and see us together like we say. the Billy comes out like my hillbilly. comes out and so when I'm drunk like. >> I like become this like root and tooting. [ __ ] you know hillbilly. Sam.

>> Yes. Yeah. And um but no one ever takes. the time to find out where someone's. from. No one ever takes the time to find. out their parents history. It's like all. they see is like she was born in LA. Her. dad's Rob Schneider. She's like, it's. like God forbid you find out. They're. like, I'm also Filipino and my family is. hillbilly as [ __ ] in a nice way, you. know? >> Yeah. Who's Filipino? Dad. >> My dad's Filipino. >> Wow. Oh, I never I had two very like. different I spent a lot of time with my. my dad's mom, my grandmother. Um, she's. from she was from Manila and I had a.

really large uh like Filipino family in. Northern California. And so my dad would. always be working, but my grandmother, she would fly at like 60some years old. She would fly from San Francisco to. Columbus, Ohio, pick me up at like four. or five years old, fly me back to San. Francisco to spend a weekend with me, fly me back to Columbus, and then she. would fly back to San Francisco. And. like that's grandmother love right. there. >> And she taught me a lot about family.

values. I love Filipino culture. I love. Filipino food. Me, too. Yeah. It's so. good. And and so I had that and then I. had this like very like super American. Midwest like country um family life in. Ohio, but I was like a rebel. Like I got. kicked out of school in second grade. I. was always in trouble. I was like. friends with all the bad kids. And. >> where do you think that rebellious. streak came from? Do you think it was. from your father's absence? >> No. Uh you know, it could have had a lot.

of a lot of that. I think um now that. I'm a mom like if I if I hear of. something with a child that is acting. out my first thought is what me what. needs are not being met of the child not. oh that's a problem kid oh that kid is a. [ __ ] and I was labeled as a really bad. kid but honestly like I I didn't have. like a massive amount of structure my. mom was a hustler my mom was working she.

was She always had three jobs. She was. always traveling. My mom would go back. and forth to Hong Kong. So, we'd spend a. lot of time with my grandparents in. southern Ohio. And um. >> that's mama and papa. >> Mama and papa. Yeah. I did my research. >> Yes. And um and so I don't know. And. then when I would if I would ever spend. a summer with my dad, it would be on a. movie set and I I would just get lost in. the shuffle. And. >> did you ever feel like you guys could.

connect or it was just more of like. >> not till I was much much older. >> I feel like and this is not an excuse. for dads at all, but I feel like dads. have a hard time relating to younger. kids. >> I I think. >> not all of them. >> It's hard. I think dads. >> who make the choice to connect with. their kids. >> Yeah. >> um do. And um my dad and my relationship. is like a a real big eb and flow. Like.

right now we're not flowing. I disagree. with a lot of the things that he says. And um it he is just I don't know. You. want you can want someone to change so. much and ultimately like all you can you. can't control anyone else's actions. You. can't control people's feelings. All you. can control is how you react and what. you do with your feelings. >> Absolutely. And sometimes I [ __ ] boil. up and I boil over and I [ __ ] bust my. lid. I'm trying so hard to not be that.

way because I feel like that's how I'm. wired the same way and my dad and I. actually have the same had he just. passed away in Mar uh May. It's it's. okay. Um he and I had the same type of. relationship where I I felt like I was. always the one to tell my to give it to. my dad, you know, because nobody else. did, but I was always the one that was. there to be like, "No, you're wrong. No, you need to change this. No. And. >> even in the end, it just. >> it never got through. >> And you try every different angle. I. would try letters. I would try soft. I.

would try yelling. And it's just like, well, see, look, you're yelling. You're. yelling. Or like, you can't even stick. up for It's like what? Like, it's it's. psychotic. And I mean, >> it's that that generation of men for. some reason, they're so [ __ ] toxic. and they're cool being toxic. They don't. It's everybody else's fault. Everyone. else is the problem because they're like. perfect and they're right and they're. not. >> and they're like so smooth in their. delivery too. You're just like. >> show some [ __ ] emotion. >> Sick. That is sick. You are wrong for.

that. It's so [ __ ] weird. And like. >> ultimately it made me a very strong. person, but I'm also an extremely. anxious person too. And like. >> you grew up with OCD, correct? >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> When did that start? Like when did you. start realizing like, hey, I have an. issue here with this? Cuz I'm OCD. myself. Okay. Well, I have I my OCD. comes out in like very mild Tourette's. >> Um, and I I twitch constantly. >> and oh my gosh, I'm like so embarrassed.

about it. And so it really it makes me. mad because people are like she's. tweaking online. It's like [ __ ]. like I used to be [ __ ] tweaking and. nobody said [ __ ] then. And now I'm. [ __ ] sober and now my Tourette's are. [ __ ] coming out cuz I'm not even. taking like medications for it cuz I'm. just trying to like come into my. womanhood and like be myself and it's. like my hands twitch and it's it's so. that my facial ticks don't go crazy. But. um my OCD I was diagnosed when I was. like in sixth grade.

>> cuz I had this whole like number thing. and this touching thing. I had to touch. everything with two fingers like really. intense stuff and I was like a. compulsive eater. M. >> so and that was like something that my. the pe a lot of people in my family had. like big issues with and it's like. >> well it's got to be hard you know cuz. your mom was a supermodel and I'm sure. your mom probably dealt with her own. issues with eating too because being in. that industry there's no way that you. can. >> cutthroat so cutthroat and she had to. stay a size six consistently or she.

would not get not get work. >> but my mom see my mom spun it in a way. where she took her struggles and all the. pressures that she felt her whole life. and she spun it into always telling me. to love myself and like she had a chubby. daughter cuz I I felt like like both of. my parents had their like obsessions. with eating. I'm probably going to get. in so much trouble for talking about. this but like I don't care. My mom will. be proud. >> I I was going to say I think that people. need to hear this because not enough. people do talk about it. You know, my.

husband struggles with the same thing. and he's very open about it and I think. that there's a large number of kids that. need to hear this too. >> It's hard. It's so hard. And like you. think about, you know, all the the. things that someone could get addicted. to and ultimately like one, I've been. addicted to all of them. Two, it's it's. really like it started with food for me. and compulsive eating because it was. like where I found comfort. >> And both of my grandmothers, they were,

you know, like. >> they were huggable. They were heavier. women. And but they had so much trauma. that they grew up with. And like my. grandmother saw her freaking brother get. beheaded. >> in the war in the Philippines. Like so. she would eat and she would feed me, you. know, she would feed me like lots of. food. And then my grandmother like she. >> And that's also a love language, too. >> 100%. My grandmother in Ohio, my mom, like she could cook like nobody's. business. And she would just like, "Baby, you want more? You want let me.

feed you." And it was just so good. And. I would put uh sweet cream corn on top. of my mashed potatoes and that's what. that's what I would eat. That's. literally still to this day my comfort. food. >> Sounds so good. >> It's so delicious. >> Sounds so good. >> But like maybe not good for you, but I. guess subjective, right? >> And so I was like a really really heavy. child. My dad sent me to fat camp. I. mean, yeah, it it was rough. And then I. got in trouble one year because I I. sprained my ankle and I didn't lose any. weight. So, it's like very toxic and.

very silly and like. >> it's got to be How old were you when you. got sent to the fat camp? >> Um, is it okay to call it a fat camp? >> I mean, listen, hey, I I called it that. and that's what I went to. >> I just want to make sure I don't insult. anybody cuz I feel so bad, you know? >> It's awful, but like it's the f word it. the f word is like is so triggering for. me. I'm and for me too because of my. husband and I it's so and I've seen the. effects of that word on people and it's. so hurtful and so I never you know I. just want to make sure we pronounce so.

awful but like that's where he sent me. to. I remember him like how old were. you? I was I went two summers in a row. I was 11 and 12. It's like. >> um. >> what do they do in these camps? >> They they literally like you get like a. slice of turkey and like steamed. vegetables for like every meal and they. make you work out all day long. That's. not healthy though. >> No. And. >> you need way more calories than that to. make your metabolism. >> and also you need [ __ ] therapy. Like. you need to talk about it. >> And you need to figure out like what is.

>> there's no therapy in those. >> I never I never had therapy. Like they. did things that were like it adults went. there too and like I think some people. saw results. Um. >> because they were starving themselves. >> Yeah. I mean it it wasn't it it wasn't. and there was a lot of other stars kids. who went there. So that was sad. And I. mean it was. >> got to be traumatizing. That has to that. probably had to start your your um anger. towards your father too. >> Oh yeah, 100%. But like it got to a. point where like I never I didn't want.

to spend the summer with him. >> And like when I got I got kicked out of. almost every school I went to. I got. kicked out of when the first school that. I I went to in New York City was a a. school called York Prep. And I don't. know, I was I was probably I was I I. refused to wear the uniform. I would. like yell back at teachers and and it I. just I always had problems with. authority. >> Me, too. That was I got kicked out of. every school I went to, too. >> See, I get it. >> But this is We're not dumb. >> We don't have a lack of intelligence. We.

probably just learn a different way than. any kind of box structure that most. people can, you know, function in a. one-sizefits-all. I think us as children. types the types of women that we are, we. also learned at a very young age that we. were surrounded by people we did not. want to be like. >> Yeah. >> I I know that my family I was just I. looked around at everybody and I'm like. you toxic [ __ ] Not saying I. wasn't, but I was just like, man, I am. here to break a cycle. And I think. that's even though we didn't know that's.

what we were doing at such a young age. We're like rebels without a cause, but. really we did have a cause. We were sent. here to shake [ __ ] up and break some. chains. >> Yeah. even if it hurts because. unfortunately we're also strong enough. to be able to handle and carry that. burden of hurt because in some like dark. twisted. >> knife way like it will continue to push. us and I I mean I believe it that God. never gives us anything that we can't. handle. Um and sometimes it feels like.

are you sure? Yeah. Last week that's how. I felt. I was like maybe we good like. what's happening? Yeah. >> Yeah. Um but I I don't know. I I think. that now that I'm like less destructive, >> um I I can see. >> I can see the blessings and the lessons. in things much sooner. >> Um and I mean like literally as these. words are like leaving my mouth, I'm. like. >> listen to that [ __ ] Like listen to it.

>> Yes. No. And when you're in it, it is so. hard. And I trust me, I get it. I like I. said I just went through it and but it. is like. >> amazing what the mind can do because. what the mind believes the body will. follow and I always tell people that and. words are spells and like it doesn't. matter what you say if you say you know. like. >> I feel like I'm going to die like that. and I have a problem saying stuff like. that like when I don't feel good I'll be. like I feel like I'm going to die and. then I have to correct myself and be. like no no no I don't mean that you know. like you have to really be careful with. what you say and what you put in the.

world. >> definitely. >> um circling back so you had said that. you did not want to you you got to a. point where you stopped wanting to go. and spend summers with your dad. >> Yeah. I mean, like he was filming this. one like prison movie in like Stockton, California in a prison and I. >> I was going to say there's not very many. >> Yeah. >> cool hang spots in Stockton. >> Shout out the Diaz brothers. >> I had already started getting tattooed. and it was like 108°. like every single day. So, I was having. to wear sweaters because my dad was like.

very anti- tattoos or like any form of. self-expression that differed from what. he wanted for me. Not that he ever even. thought about me, but. >> you're killing my fantasy of Rob here. >> I'm so sorry. >> It's over. It's done. It's over with. >> I'm so sorry. >> I'm team L all day. >> Oh, I'm so sorry. >> I'm team L all day. But um yeah, I just. like I would get in so much trouble and. now like a massive part like of like I. guess little little T's that have turned. into massive parano paranorma par wait.

paranoia. >> Yes. >> What's paranorm? >> I don't know. I was going to say is that. like ghosts or something? >> I don't know. But like be a ghoul like. paranorm ghoul dog name. I like spend. one day in this like witchy house. It's. cool. Um, and I don't even remember what. I was talking about. >> Oh, Dad, you had to wear sweaters. covering the tattoos. >> and and so like I didn't want to be Oh, okay. Okay. My little teeth. So, I would. get in so much trouble if I ever Oh my.

gosh. If I ever messed up a shot or if I. ever was like in like an arm in the. camera or like if I ever was talking. like I would get in [ __ ] trouble. And. like I spent, you know, I'm really. putting [ __ ] out there right now, but. like my dad forgot about every single. birthday. Like I spent my 18th birthday. in a summer school um like class with. like algebra 1. And cuz if I didn't take. it, I wouldn't graduate. And they.

brought me cupcakes and I came home. My. dad forgot my birthday. Um it's okay. I. read I read an entire Yeah, it's totally. hurtful. But like, you know what? >> That shapes and molds you. >> I put every I put every ounce of my. being into my son's birthday. >> Like, every birthday, even for my. friends, like every birthday because I. know how it feels to be forgotten on. your birthday. And that's so sad. It's. like, come on. It's my one [ __ ] day. It's my one day. Give me that. >> Yeah. Give me that. >> And uh and so, like, I stopped wanting.

to go. And then I got kicked out of. school in New York in sixth or seventh. grade. And my mom was like, "I am done. with her." Um, I was being bad. I got my. tongue pierced. My mom walked in on me. and and a boy. And she was like, >> she's your mom's losing her [ __ ]. >> Yes. And my mom is tough. My mom like, she doesn't give up on me ever. But my. mom was like, "She's [ __ ] you're her. problem." And he was like, "What do you. want me to do with her?" And he was. going to Amsterdam. So I was 14.

>> and he took me to Amsterdam. And he. >> I mean, >> oh no. recipe for disaster. My dad hired this um uh 21-year-old. sweet sweet she was an Indian young. woman. and she was a virgin and her name. was Almond and she was like she was. lovely and every single day I'd say. let's go to the flower markets and and I. would be like oh yeah wow look at those. tulips and then I would dip back behind.

I'd like watch her freak out looking for. me and I'd go straight to the red light. district. I still to this day roll the. best joints ever. Um but like I wanted. culture. I wanted to see things and I. didn't want every single day I would. ditch the nanny and she didn't want to. lose her job so she never told my dad a. >> so I basically just spent however many. months we were there in Amsterdam I had. I mean I would go to like my my. homesooled like teacher I was like I. don't even I was learning some Dutch and. French or something but like I never.

paid attention I can always distract. somebody like I had this one tutor I'd. be like oh you're into Dungeons and. Dragons that's cool like I don't really. want to learn about like science, man. And um and then, you know, like one time. we went to anytime my dad would like. have me on a trip, he would like forget. that he had me. And so he I I know I. know cuz he he's not a great planner. And. >> is that that's the least of his worries. >> Yeah. And and so he took he took me to.

Russia and with him and I was probably. 18 actually. But the thing is like I. refuse to like waste a trip. >> Yeah. >> So. >> I love that even at such a young age you. were like [ __ ] I'm here to live. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> We were in Russia and he was like in a. basement like getting ready to do some. TV show. He had two security guards and. I was like hey we're in Moscow like I'm. not sitting in this basement TV studio. I was like um I'm gonna go out and he.

would always just be like like reading. something like whatever take take one of. the security guards with you. I was. like, "Great." So, this like beautiful. Russian like tuxedo [ __ ] wearing like. young handsome security guard, I was. like, "What do you do in Moscow?" And. he's like, "Do you like to ride rides?". And I was like, I [ __ ] love rides. takes me to an amusement park, rides all. the [ __ ] rides with me, is in like. photo booth pictures with me, takes me. to get like the big Russian hat, and. then like I I had I had started to lose.

some of my like teenage weight, and um I. he was staying with like this very my my. dad was like there for this like really. rich lady and she let me buy this like. lea gown and like heels because they had. some fashion show and I was like, I'm. such a tomboy. don't know how to walk in. heels. And there was like 25 steps down. from this party. And the guy was like, "Nikolai." He picked me up, walks me. down the steps, opens the limo with me.

in his arms, and like sets me down. And. I was like, "Yeah, thank you. Thank. you." So, did did you and Nikolai ever. hook up? >> No. No. No. No. No. But, you know, I. think of him fondly. >> It's just like that was like my body. >> What's baby daddy's name? Dan. You're. not listening. Dan, you're not listening. right now. >> We're never going to Russia together. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> [ __ ] Dan. Dan's like, "We're never. going to Russia, babe.". >> Damn it.

>> Damn it, Nikolai. >> Telling that Nikolai story. >> that or he's going to be like, "Next. time we have sex, call me Nikolai.". >> Okay. I love that. I love that. Babe, babe, just pick me up. >> I love that. So, circling back though, you did say that your stepfather. influenced your trajectory into music. Take me on that journey. So, my stepdad, his name is Justin. Um, and he he met my. mom. He was the lead singer in this rock. and roll band in Columbus called Bob. City. Amazing rock and roll. And um my.

mom started dating him and her best. friend was dating um somebody else in. the band. And so. >> we love band boys around here. >> Yes. Yes. And um I just had like rock. and roll people all around me. and he he. still to this day has the best record. collection I've ever seen. And like he. he came into our lives when I was like I. don't know maybe six six or seven. And I. remember being like so young and like he. didn't care sticky fingered kids and all.

just like he would let me go through all. the records and he would be like you. like that listen to this. Like my my. some of my earliest memories of like. singing along to music is like my first. like time singing like into a hairbrush. in the mirror is like Captain and Tan. Neil Love will keep us together. It's. cuz he had all these records and he. would just he would say like he still. makes like new music Friday playlists. that he like sends out to all of his. friends cuz he just has the coolest. taste in music and um he just shaped me. And so when we moved to New York, um my.

mom always had me like you always have. to have some kind of extracurricular cuz. she I think she knew like academics were. not going to be my you know the foot. that I lead with. So I. >> I love that the foot that I lead with. >> Yeah. So I would like I was taking. violin at four years old or I you know. anytime I wanted to quit something she. like you can quit it but you have to. replace something. I tried ice skating. like ice sports not my thing summer like. water stuff that's me but frozen stuff.

no and or like piano vocal lessons and. when we moved to New York his best. friend and one of his bandmates um Yo. Keem super talented guitar player he. taught me how to play guitar and it was. just kind of on from there and the way. he taught me it was just like he's like. I can't teach you how to read music but. I can teach you how to play all your. favorite songs and I could help you like. learn how to sing along to it and that's. how Because I I think als.

I'm more attuned to stringed. instruments. So I can kind of pick up. like almost, you know, like a guitar, a. bass, a violin, a um a mandolin, banjo, anything. And and kind of talent, too, though. That's a talent. Not everybody. can do that. >> Jack of all trades, master of none, but. that's fine. Yeah, >> it's okay. I can. >> I feel like she's like my soul sister. like everything. It's so crazy. Um I. It's a talent though cuz I actually was.

taught how to read music. So I can read. music but I can't if I hear something I. can't play it. So I've always been. envious of people who can do that. I. think that's such a a beautiful thing. >> Well, maybe we have to start a band. >> I'll do it. I'll do it. And then we'll. go on tour with Daddy Roll. >> Yes. Yes. That was I mean, listen, I had. fun on that tour. I loved it. >> We had a blast. >> And you know what? Oh my gosh. when I. saw you guys at stage coach like he came. like during the show came over and like. gave me a big hug like but that's that's.

like that's who Jelly Roll is. >> We love Elle Moon. We you just a little. light you know you remind me of like. >> fairy energy and don't take that the. wrong way but. >> I don't in one of my past lives she was. like you were fay in like the beginning. times of Earth. >> Ah I love that. No you do. You just have. this twinkle about you and it doesn't. matter what you're going through. It's. like you are always just trying to make. everybody happy around you. >> And I just love that about you. >> I I feel like I was like I saw a lot of. things back in Hollywood where like.

you didn't get in trouble for how you. treated people and I I I'll never forget. like seeing. how like after someone got yelled at for. instance, how that made someone feel. >> Yeah. >> And I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm sure. there's a lot of people who have worked. for me or be like, "She's a [ __ ]. bitch." And I I am not a perfect person. I have grown a lot and I've eaten. shelves of humble pie. But, uh, I I.

really do believe, especially just for. like where I'm at now, everything that. has brought me to here, it's like all I. can control is like my reaction. And. I've been a very reactive person my. whole life. But if I continue to put out. what I hope to receive, then I I can. feel the path of my life and the. trajectory of my joy going to where I. hope it lands. And that's just like. waking up, making choices. I I look at.

my son, Lucky, and I say, "We're. choosing kindness today, buddy.". >> I love his name. >> Thank you. >> So cute. >> We got lucky with him. So, >> I love that. And I think um as. unforgiving as the world feels, they. love to see growth. And I think them. just hearing this podcast is going to. change their entire perception of you. >> Well, thank you for giving me the. opportunity. And like I'm obsessed with. you. So. >> Oh, girl, you come here anytime, baby. You can sit on my couch every year. I do. not care. I always have space. >> We have to we have to see the evolution. of growth.

>> We really do. So see you next year. Yeah. Seriously. Um so take me on this. journey to of your first album that you. dropped in 2015. like how what were the. steps that led up to that cuz not. everybody can just get an album and a. record deal and all that stuff. >> No, it it's pretty crazy. I I mean I've. been playing shows since I was like 15. years old and my mom was always super. super supportive. Um and like she would. help me sneak into bars. She knew that I. had a fake ID and like she I I had a.

talent for it and like I had I was I. started writing songs at like 14 years. old and um and then once I started. playing the banjo it was like it was. different like I I kind of stood out and. so I was playing country songs in New. York and I was getting like residencies. at like 18 19 years old and then um this. a manager found out about me and I had. already left New York, was living in LA, losing my mind, going kind of crazy,

like LA is not for me. Um, and. >> I always find that fascinating because. it's like most people who grew up in New. York can't handle LA and most people who. grew up in LA can't handle New York. I. grew up in Vegas and LA, so when I go to. New York, I'm like overstimulated. >> Yeah. No, it can be a lot. Like I don't. I I romanticize about like New York and. I I really love going back to visit now. because my mom's my mom and dad my. stepdad still live there and my son. loves going to New York so it's always.

like a really fun time now. Um I I just. don't I got very accustomed to having. like acorage even if it's five you know. like I have to have a four-wheeler right. now. I'm like I cruise around the. neighborhood. I don't have acorage, but. we're we're buying another house. And um. I love four-wheelers and golf carts and. like I have a tractor in my East. Nashville like yard. >> Come out this way. >> You know what? I We're looking It's And. it's like uh 20 minutes away from here.

>> Yay. >> So, it's it's really really beautiful. I. just Mama needs a pool. >> So, I got to swim. >> Yes, ma'am. And um so I. >> we were talking about the you getting. your you know you dropping your first. album music journey. >> I I moved to LA and um I just like was. always playing shows. I didn't I wasn't. signed nothing. And um then this manager. I started. >> Did your dad ever try to help you? Not. to cut you off or did no. >> He didn't want his help. >> No. And honestly I I I didn't talk to my.

dad. I go for like four or five years. without talking to my dad. So, I got. signed. I released my album. Everything. Honestly, when I put out my record and. people finally started asking about my. dad, my dad called me and was like, "Don't [ __ ] talk about me in the. press." Like, all right. Okay, great. But also, it's like, get [ __ ] Um, I. don't care. Like, hey, listen. People. have asked me about your [ __ ] ass for. years and I'm like you're you're talking. out your ass and you're you're talking.

[ __ ] about about drag and and [ __ ]. you know anti-gay rights and it's like. get [ __ ] Like. >> I know I never heard that. I didn't know. that. >> Well, he's he's just talking out of his. ass. And I I want to use this. opportunity to say I disagree. I do not. agree with what he says. I believe in. all forms of love and I just believe in. anyone finding their happiness and their. joy in whatever way, whatever capacity. that is. There are no politics when it. comes to love. That's it. >> Um and so yeah, I wasn't he never helped.

me. I never wanted his help. He also. didn't have a very good reputation. So I. didn't want that was really it. It. wasn't it wasn't even like a lot of like. I've got to pay my own way. I was like I. don't want to be associated with him. And I'm going to get in trouble for. saying that, but I don't care. and good. reputation as in like working with him. like he just. >> it's not not nice, >> right? >> He's not nice. >> And um and so and I wanted to be nice. I. my whole thing is like I always want. people to want to work with me again and. not everyone can say that because I'm.

not perfect and like I've [ __ ] up a. lot. Like. >> we all learn and we all grow. >> Yeah. But but my label hasn't dropped me. and I Okay. So I went in, it was it was. Christmas of probably 2014. I was maybe 22 years old. And I go into. an empty office and it was before Sony. bought EMI and this uh this guy named. Jake Gottman. I I just went in with my. banjo and I played a song called um Good. to Be a Man. And um he signed me right. on the spot. So I got a publishing deal.

He sent that song to Peter Edge who's. the chairman of RCA and I'd been kind of. talking to some labels and everyone was. sort of like [ __ ] me around and RCA. was like the first I mean mind you they. had Elvis and they had so many bands. that like I really loved and um they. were like always like full steady like. always consistent. Never made me feel. like they were [ __ ] me around or. anything or like weirdly courting me. They were just cool and great and I felt.

like they truly believed in me, >> which is rare for record labels. >> Yes. Which is very rare. And like even. though I found out that like men were. getting $10 million deals, I I I didn't. get a lot of money for mine, but I felt. like they believed in me. And my first. album had great success. I mean, >> it was a great album. >> Thank you. X's and Os was awesome. And. >> Ain't nobody's baby. >> No, that was my [ __ ] girl. That and. Mean was my [ __ ] Mina is a great song. >> Thank you so much. >> I love that.

>> Well, I I I I'm trying to get back to. that whole aspect of like just writing. I don't know. It's It's hard. I I think. it was Bob Dylan. I don't know who said. it, but you have your whole life to. write your first album and then a year. to write your next one. And um it's just. strange. And I got like a lot of. nominations on that first album. I. topped a lot of charts and and then I. kept going and like it's it makes me.

uncomfortable to say, but I'm also very. proud to like I've broken a lot of. records and as like you know I think. back to like 11-year-old chubby me like. Ellie like at fat camp like and people. always saying like you're you know. you're not going to ever do anything. It's like um. >> you did it on your own too. >> Yes, I did. Eat it. Eat it up. >> Suck it while it's soft. >> Yes. And I'm very proud and like I want. my son to know that. And like sometimes. I think about like at what age do I like. tell my son like son like don't Google.

me. >> cuz stuff will come up. But I. >> what's he going to find out? A mom that. speaks her mind and doesn't take [ __ ]. >> I mean that's respectable to me. I don't. have a problem with a woman who stands. her ground. Granted, there's a couple. situations that you've owned up to, >> but just because your mistakes happen. online and in front of people doesn't. mean that other people aren't making. similar mistakes behind. >> They just on a [ __ ] grand Tik Tok. >> Exactly. Exactly.

>> But America loves a comeback story. And. I will say if I didn't come back out the. gate swinging and like with my [ __ ]. together and putting on like great. shows, I put a lot of effort, energy, and money into like this. I have an. opportunity. I have an opportunity to. show that I've grown, that I am better. than ever, that like that is not that. might be one facet like my mess ups are. they are part of me and and they are. part of ultimately I feel like I I learn. more. I always say like expensive.

lessons are like the best to learn cuz. like oo I can't afford to make that one. again. >> Yeah. >> And and so like they're a part of you. know. Yeah. But like I can kind of look. back and laugh and just be like wow that. was like that was so crazy. And it. wasn't even that long ago that I was. like I don't want to wake up. I don't. want to [ __ ] be here. Like I don't I. should maybe the world is better maybe. it is better off without me. And like to. think like now I'm like wow that was. pretty crazy. I was like probably should. have eaten that day you know and it I I.

feel I feel like it's very much behind. me and I feel so dist from it and I feel. like I. >> you're not that same person. >> I'm not. >> And if Dolly can forgive you the world. can forgive you. >> Totally. And I but I also think that. like there's such a massive part of that. that like helped me get to this like. point where I'm the happiest I've ever. been. I'm not putting as much pressure. on I was like I had so much pressure. that I was putting on myself to like.

lose all my baby weight and like I was. like just I was going crazy. I was. losing my mind and now I'm like you know. what? I think I'm okay. I don't need to. meet anybody's standards but mine. I'm. healthier than I've ever been. You look. beautiful. Thank you. My brain is good. I'm like I'm taking like healthy. medication. There's nothing wrong with. anti-depressants. In fact, they're great. for you. >> Did you So, did you are on medication? Did you Were you taking it for your. postpartum or did postpartum cause you.

to get on them? >> I was refusing to take any. anti-depressants because I felt like. there's all these weird things. I don't. know if it's OCD or just like obsessive. thinking, but like I I really like I. didn't want to get on it. I don't know. if maybe part of it was like I don't. want to gain weight. I don't want to be. sleepy. I don't want to feel like I. can't create cuz I've I've tried to take. a lot of like anti-depressants before in. my life and sometimes they made me feel. like I couldn't create or anything but I.

also thought that I had to be like high. off my [ __ ] mind to like make a. record in a month in the studio with my. friends and it's like that's actually. like not conducive and it's not good for. like anyone and you're a mom now. And so. I I I finally was like, "All right, >> I reached this point of give me anything. that will make me not feel sad. >> Give me anything that will make me feel. more confident and less anxious because. I don't want to feel like this." And I I.

got to it and I figured it out and like. I take antipressants and I feel great. and like I feel happy and I I don't. know. It I just think that like when. >> there's nothing wrong if you need it, you need it. There's nothing wrong with. it at all. In fact, I'm like, you should. take therapy. And if you might need. medication, you should take it. But I. also like I love Eastern medicine. I. love acupuncture. I think a massage goes. a long [ __ ] way. Talk therapy is. incredible. Even on the computer, you. know, and like I just like where I'm at.

now, I'm like, tell me what to do. >> And when it used to be like, I don't. want to [ __ ] hear it now. Like what. works? like, you know, like throw this. noodle at this wall and if it sticks, like I'll take it. Like that's good. You. know, I just want to be happy. And I've. learned that like if I can be the best. person for me that act that actually. makes me a better mother for my son cuz. I can't be doing any of this for anybody. else. I have to do it for me because. then I can be firm, steady, and.

grounded. And then that like when my cup. is full, that's when I can give to other. people. And I've just noticed that I can. be so much more present and I can I can. just be I don't know. I wasn't such a. [ __ ] to Dan and he was like he started. to soften and like. >> let's talk about Dan and Lucky. Let's. talk about that area of your life. >> Oh, I love them so much. >> Yeah, I see you light up. I see you. light up when you talk about them, your. stepfather and your mom. You just get. this like twinkle in your eye.

>> Family is so important to me. And. sometimes it's your chosen family, you. know. >> Amen. I got my chosen family. Jay, Bailey, those are my chosen family. Like. I just I don't know what I would do. without them, you know? >> They're like they just become like our. sturdy rock. And I think I was I've been. really selfish a lot a lot in my life. because I'm such a hard hard worker, but. I didn't want to make a lot of the same. mistakes that I grew up seeing. And um. and so like again like this thing that.

happened like in January like it just it. just changed me and I I've I faced a lot. of stuff from my childhood that like I. felt like I could put to bed and now I'm. starting to I'm I've been like given. this opportunity to like meet me where. I'm at now and start working on these. issues of my like adult life and like. all my unhealthy things and like you. know you're only as sick as your. secrets, right? M. And so I'm like, you. have to tell on yourself and you have to. be honest and truthful. And like I said.

before, like I started to treat Dan. how I would just hope that he would. treat me because we were, you know, fighting pretty bad. And um neither of. us, you can't be heard if you're not. listening. And so our communication was. really not in a great way. We we like. speaking different languages and it was. all rooted from a place of fear and all. rooted from a place of hurt. >> Right person, wrong time. >> Yeah. And um and then once we started to.

like, hey, you can't talk like we can't. talk to each other like this. Like this. is not okay. Lucky can't be around this. And um we just started to respect each. other. And I I think maybe there is some. of that missing even in our prior. relationship. And so this doesn't feel. like we got back together. He he kept. saying like, "It's a new relationship, babe. Like, we have to take it slow.". And I was like, "Let's get [ __ ]. married. Let's get married right now.". And he's like, "Well, I want to take it.

slow. Like, we owe it to ourselves." And. I'm listening to him and like I want him. to be, you know, like I want him to feel. like a man and a strong man. And I think. as someone who's a performer and someone. who's I, you know, I don't really cons. like think of myself as like a famous. person, but I I am, you know, >> and you've earned it. You've worked your. ass off, babe. >> But I I know that it it can it can be. like an emasculating thing to date like. or be partnered with someone who's like.

a strong female, especially one like. I've got a reputation. It's like, oh, she's a badass and she [ __ ] can. really go toe-to-toe with the boys. And. like while that's all true, I also I. want to be like a soft feminine like. wife and like loving partner and also. have love me. Yes. Love me for both. >> And he does. And I need to love him and. I need to celebrate his masculine. And I. also need to totally celebrate my.

favorite part, which is his soft, silly, sweet, because our our like funny. necktattoed guys are usually the. sweetest teddy bears. >> Yes. Absolutely. >> And that's what we love because we're. tough ass chicks, right? Well, I had to. learn that with Jay, you know, because I. came into the situation with just so. much baggage. And I mean, I was like a. [ __ ] just a like just a force to be. reckoned with. And I came in and I just. was so used to emasculating every man.

that I had ever been with. I make the. money. Don't [ __ ] you know, don't I'm. going to fight, you know. And I finally. we I don't think it's said enough as. couples, especially when you um are. having communication issues to be able. to sit down and look at each other and. say, "Hey, we can't talk to each other. like that." That changes everything. And. my husband and I had to sit down and do. that. And we've had the best. relationship since. Communication is. key. Comprehension is vital. And it's. like you literally have to be in, you. are fighting dragons with this person.

every day. that is your [ __ ]. teammate, your [ __ ] co-conspirator. Like, you guys are literally slaying. this thing called life together and you. guys have to be on the same page. If. not, that ship's not going to sail. >> And it's a choice. I've struggled with. like, okay, how do people get married? Like, what is it? How do you like really. know? And like, do you just pick? Do you. just choose? Because that's why like. when you're when you're just talking. about that, I'm like hanging on every. word cuz like you know I I think I I. don't think Dan would be upset from like.

with me saying like you know we're doing. couples therapy and like trying. everything. >> J and I have done so much therapy. I. just had a therapy appointment before. you came in here, >> right? >> But that's beautiful and like it's it. makes your bond stronger and like. honestly we I asked him it was like such. divine timing. The. >> this this. this therapist who basically like kicked. us out. >> because I asked if he would go to coup's. therapy with me and we had gotten into.

like a big fight. >> that happened to J and us. >> cuz he liked this booty girl on. Instagram and I was mad and so we walked. in we sat like there could have been an. ocean between us and we were fighting. and she was like I don't think that I. can continue to see you guy blah blah. and it was not great. But then she. emailed me and we weren't we weren't. together but we were like in a really. great flow of things and she was like, "Hi, I just wanted to let you know that.

like I'm starting to take new patients. again and I didn't know where you guys. were at in your journey." And I was. like, "Oh, wow. We're actually doing. really really well." And I asked him, I. was like, "Hey, like do you think you'd. like want to like go to like couples. therapy?" And he was like, "Yeah." And I. said, "Like just as friends, like just. so we can help like our communication.". He was like, "Yeah, I think I would like. that a lot." And then like a week later, we were like. >> back together. >> And all you guys needed was a. conversation. Like a conversation of of. two people actually wanting to listen to.

each other can change so much. >> And it's it's really really crazy what. happens when you put down the receipts. and you put down the swords and you. don't yell and you just like take a. second like that's not my strong suit. It is not my strong suit. I'm I was made. to fight. I grew up in a yelling family. That's just how we communicated. And it. wasn't even like Nobody wins in that. Not even the loudest person. Everyone.

just is like in fight or flight and. shaking with adrenaline. It's like. looking like Stimpy. Yeah. It's crazy. It's not good. And I think we both like. grew grew up with a lot of that because. that's No one told anybody. No one told. anyone that's wrong until recently. Now. everyone tells you that you're wrong for. anything that you do. >> Oh yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'm I'm kind of. like, "All right, enough." You know? >> Yes. Of course. >> But definitely the speaking softer to. each other. We don't yell in our house. I think I've yelled at our daughter one.

time and she really deserved it. Yeah. Like I just we don't cuz I grew up in a. screaming household also. So I can't if. you start yelling at me, I'm. automatically shutting you out. Yeah. Like I can't listen to it. And but also. if you think about it, like even going. back to like not toxic people, but like. you know who does win an argument, the. calmst [ __ ]. >> because they'll piss you off even more. >> Yeah. Because they'll get you. Like I'm. like what the [ __ ] you do? You know, like any like teacher like I just think. about like principles who are like talk. like this and be like, "You [ __ ].

asshole." But like that's how like I. want to be, but I also I want to be. level to get to that. >> Yes. And I'm not there. I'm peeling the. layer back on. I'm like maybe level one. >> I'm I'm don't start none, won't be none. >> Okay. Oh, I like that. I like that. I. just want to be the mom that like my son. comes to no matter what. If he gets. arrested, God forbid. I mean, I'll let. him I'll let him sit. I'll I'll keep. that tradition in my family. My mom. said, "You get arrested, I'll let you. sit in there.". >> But I've never been arrested. >> Yay. >> I know. Shocker.

>> Good. That is awesome. I've been. arrested. So, that's crazy. >> How have you never gotten arrested? I. know I've been handcuffed twice, but. like I'm very smooth with my words. If. he makes that the same way he will he. can get out of handcuffs at any time. I'm like, you [ __ ] dude. >> He's very charming. >> He is. He is so [ __ ] charming. I'm. like, I hate you. He can get out of. speeding tickets. I get them all. It. doesn't matter. And you would think it. would be opposite cuz they always say, "Oh, cops get let pretty girls off." Not. saying I'm pretty, but you know, just. saying. Just saying that it's like a.

myth, you know. And no, my husband gets. off on every ticket. They [ __ ] stick. it to me every [ __ ] time, man. >> I only got one speeding ticket also. Shocker. I know. And it was in my. hometown. >> I can't believe they gave it to you, though. >> I know. She goes, "I know who you are, but I still have to give you this. ticket." I was like, "Damn it." And then. she came to the show. >> She even comment cuz I like took a video. cuz I was like, "Man, I never get pulled. over." And I took a video of like, "Uhoh." She commented on it. She was. like, "I was the one who gave a ticket, but we loved your show, me and my. girls." I was like, "Well, this is like.

$85." I love that. That is so funny. So, what what's happening now with L? You h. you you are on your redemption tour. Your what's the what's it called? Baby. Ask the Baby. >> Baby Daddy's Weekend Tour. >> Baby Daddy's Weekend Tour. >> And um I am just playing lots of music. I'm about to finish my album. Um I have. a lot of music coming out. I'm really. really excited about it. And um it's. it's I always say like this album is the. most me, but like I think anything that. I'm working on is like where I'm at in.

my life. And I'm very proud of the music. that I'm making. And I started making a. lot of it before I like had a nervous. breakdown this year and it's bringing me. back to life just like creating again. and like having these like seeds planted. and then making this beautiful album. So, it's definitely going to be a little. different um than my last three albums, but I don't think that even though all. my records have sound, they all sound.

like me, I don't think any of them have. sounded like exactly the same, but like. my music is a representation of where. I'm at in my life. And. >> what what is it more like? Is it. country? >> It's a Yeah, it's definitely a country. album. Um, but it's really beautiful and. it's it's what country is to me and um. everything that I've kind of learned in. the country world and um I feel like. these are going to be the songs like I. don't play every song from every album. at every show, but there's a lot of. songs on this album that like I'll play.

for the rest of my life. >> and that makes me really proud and. excited. And I'm also sitting on an. album that I made when I was pregnant. before I went to country. And I'm like. drunk and I don't want to go home. I. wrote 8 years before it ever came out. And so that that song taught me so much. about the life of music. >> And so I'm also sitting on an album. that's like really really incredible. And I'm just waiting for the right time. for that to come out cuz it's probably, you know, the best album I've ever made.

And. >> drop that [ __ ]. >> I know. I know. I. >> What are What are we waiting for? I. don't know. I I think after this this. big um that big eclipse, right? >> Everything is supposed to be like all. the seeds that we've planted. I don't. know if it's the same for every star. sign. Um. >> but like a lot of things are coming to. fruition from like the last 8 years. And. um and so everything that I've been. really really working on is all coming. to a head in a good way. And I think. it's the same if you believe in that and.

if you believe in yourself and and if. you are manifesting these good things. that you're putting out in the universe, it makes so much sense if you're into, you know, astrology or astronomy or. anything like that like how all this. stuff can be coming. Even even the crazy. lessons that like I've learned this year. like I feel like all these things are. leading me to these manifestations of. things that I've been maybe too afraid. to try. And like when I was thinking. about doing uh like wouldn't it be cool. man to be a bad guy in a movie? I did a.

movie. I just did like my first like. actual like really really cool movie. And it's all things like you just have. to try and continue to put yourself out. there. And like it's not the first movie. that I've ever done, but this is the. first time that like I really prepared. I worked so hard to get it. And like all. these things that all these good things. that are like, hey, wouldn't that be. cool? and just thinking about it and. like putting it out and like dreaming. about it like that's manifesting that's. pulling it that's inviting it and I. always say. >> visualizing that it's already yours.

>> yes and I say you have to make room in. your life for greatness and like you. have to clear things out you have to. like cut things off and that's how like. you know like you have to clip like buds. on roses sometimes but that's how more. >> roses. >> I'm not a great gardener but I do have. some roses. >> that's been on I'm manifesting to learn. how to [ __ ] garden I want to I I. can't even I can't even [ __ ] save a. sunflower from the grocery store. Listen, I've tried twice. >> I I've tried to like mulch and put I'm. trying to like cuz what like the your.

house is a representation of your mind, right? So I was like my house looks like. [ __ ]. >> So I tried to garden and now all the. grass has grown up through the mulch and. it's like oh my god. >> Well, that's why you need landscapers. >> It's so hard. >> Yeah, you got to have you have to have. people help you. >> I know. I know. Everybody trying to. fight this stubbornness. >> Yeah, you got you can't do it all. though. All right. I think your lesson. this year is you can't do it all, baby. >> Ask for help. >> Allow people to help you, baby. You need. just get a [ __ ] landscaper, okay? It'll make you feel better.

>> Okay. >> Yes. >> El, thank you so much for this. conversation. It was so sweet and I. can't wait to have you back and I can't. wait to see this tour. I can't wait for. people to hear this podcast. I really. feel it's it's going to touch a lot of. their hearts and they get to just see a. glimpse inside of you and I just I love. it. You're so beautiful and you spread. so much amazing positivity and I just I. appreciate you. Thank you for having me. on. I love you so much, Bunny. You're. you're amazing. >> We're going to make out after this. >> Don't tell Dan. >> Don't tell Dan. >> Dan, I will tell my mom.

>> Yeah. Shout out mom. Shout out mom. We. love you. Thank you guys for tuning in. to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll. see you guys next week. Bye.