Aubrey O'Day | Full Episode | Bunnie Xo

Bunny XO. >> She's a Vegas girl. >> Bunny XO blonde podcast and Bunny X. >> Talk to me about. two of the coolest kids. >> Is this thing on? What's up, you sexy. mother? >> I love that line. is I think you should. do it for me.

>> What's up, you sexy mother? >> Yeah, baby. None other than none other. than the queen, Miss Aubrio Day in the. house, baby. >> Oh, thanks to from one queen to another. queen. >> Wait, can we just stand up and see this. outfit? Oh my god, >> please. Like, we got to appreciate this. outfit. She walked in and I was like, what? Like so cute. Look at her. She's. so Yeah, baby. Ow. I love this. You look so good. >> I'm always like playing it down on the.

podcast because you're just really not. supposed to do the most on podcast. >> I mean, but why? Who's. >> I'm in Nashville at your new studio. Like, I can't not do it different this. time. >> First guest, baby. You popped my cherry. >> Yes. >> I love that. First guest in the new. studio. >> I'm trying to think if I've ever popped. a cherry before. I don't think that. might be my first. >> I think I got paid one time to pop a. cherry. >> Really? >> Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about. >> back in a previous life, there was a. there was a guy who um. >> Wait, can you pop a guy's cherry?

>> I mean, he was a virgin. >> in his butt or like. >> I mean, which cherry? >> I mean, hypothetically, hypothetically. speaking, um he was a virgin. And. >> Oh, yeah. A virgin. >> Yeah. So, you've popped cherries then. >> I popped I didn't think of it as a pop. cherry, but yeah. >> I got you in Nashville. Like, that is so. fun. And I know it's pouring rain. >> Crazy. I I was like I was going to tell. you, let's go out. Let's go to a club. tonight. Let's go to a show. And now I'm. like I walked up. But you live in the.

most be or this studios in the most. beautiful area I've seen so far in. Nashville. >> This is my favorite side of town out. here. Like if you ever move out here, >> I know this is I was like casing houses. as we were driving by. Like I wonder. what's up on the market. >> There's a lot that are that are for sale. in here. >> But this weather really like is. >> Please move in because I don't know if. you've heard about my neighbors. Not to. cut you off, but. >> I saw I saw you say it on your podcast. I heard I I saw you read the message. That was crazy. I would have gone on. >> Let's make these mother shook though. >> I will be in my thong on your yard.

picking up the newspaper doing the most. >> Dude, I love it. Please, please, please, please. Um, but let's talk about how you. just had to walk up a driveway in these. >> heels. Okay, first of all, in a very. conservative hotel and like there's men. in suits downstairs and I didn't realize. how much hooker it was giving giving. Like I knew the shoes were, but the back. is designer, the front is giving the. clubs, >> but I walked through the um lobby and. everybody was looking at me and then I.

noticed it was dark and raining and I. was like, "Oh, hell." I had my my uh. blinds closed cuz this morning I woke up. and I saw like three people. You I have. like a just a eye shot to the hotel. >> Living my dream. >> Yeah. I I don't know if they were dream. scenarios, but. >> Oh, damn. But I saw a lot of naked. bodies this morning and I was like, "Wow, I got to be careful when I get. ready cuz I just I get ready naked." So. I just be walking around with myies out. and I just saw I saw someone on the. balcony. Another in bed.

>> Where? Wait, where are we staying at? >> At my hotel. I have a direct eye shot to. the hotel next to it. >> That is wild. >> I know. And you could. >> me a room there, ladies. Book me a room. there. I'll be in the corner off the. weirdo in the corner just getting it. I. was like watching it like is any of this. worth like just being a little late for? But no, none of it was. It was it was. still. >> I get excited when people just hump any. it doesn't matter what they look like. I. just am happy that people are loving on. each other. I swear like deep down. inside I'm like a free loving hippie. Me. too.

>> And I'm just like slap skins, baby. >> Me too. >> I'm all for it. >> So you're going to go to my husband's. show tonight. >> I'm I will be so privileged and honored. to see him live. >> Oh, he'll love you. >> Yeah, he'll love you. I I would love to. see him live. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to see who. other who else is playing there, too. But. >> I hope Luke Bryan is performing. I'm so. in love with him. I know he's got a. wife, but god damn, he's so fine. >> Can somebody give it a go? Are you into. dads? >> Totally into dads. >> Okay, cuz I was going to say Luke Bryan. is like total dad. >> I know. I When I went I didn't know much. about country. I was I was I'm like, you.

know, I grew up in R&B rap pop on an R&. rap label rap boy as a pop artist. Pop. and R&B artist. Yeah. So like country. came later for me in life. I didn't grow. up on it. And my girlfriends all. listened to country and they were like, "You have to come to Coachella cuz I'm. from the desert." I mean, not sorry, uh, >> stage coach. >> Stage coach. And I was like, "I'm not. going to stage coach. I just did. Coachella." And they were like, "No, it's the vibes are so different." And I. went and I was like, "Oh my god, no. one's on Molly pushing me.

>> like drugged up in a corner mosh. pitting." And all the lyrics aren't. stand your ass up, pop that booty, this. that and the other, like negative toward. women. Like the guys were up there. singing about heartbreak and maybe at. the end they took off their shirt and. they were beautiful and everybody put. their beards in the air and it was a. good life and I was like, "Oh, this is a. vibe.". >> So Aubrey needs a country boy. >> I might. I might. >> Who can we hook her up with in the crew? Anybody? Anybody worth it?

>> Not the crew. >> Not the crew. All right, we'll figure. it. >> Say. >> Chase Rice. >> Wait, does he still have his wife? >> No, I just met Luke Bryan to be there. tonight. >> Oh, shut up. >> I got He's the only one I remember. I I. mean, I remember, you know, I liked a. lot of them, but when he got on stage, I. was like, "Okay, we're getting I'm going. to call my manager and get a backstage. pass right quick. We need to roll by his. trailer." And then we rolled by the. trailer and then I saw the wife and I. think there were even kids and I was. like, "Oh, I got to respect this. situation, but god damn, he is so fine.".

He took off his shirt. He was playing. the guitar. >> I love that. What about Brantley. Gilbert? Brantley has a wife, too, but. he's beautiful. >> I have to see him. I don't. know. >> No, he's having a baby with Haley. They're all married, but I mean, they're. beautiful to look at. >> There's got to be a comeup one that I. could grab because I feel like me I feel. like I'm a country wife. I feel like me. and you. >> I love that. >> We could get a little group of us. together and do our own housewives, but. country wives. >> I actually already have I I own the. synopsis for that. Um, it's called.

Outlaw Wives and I've been wanting to do. it for the longest time. >> Okay. Well, can I be like a You know how. some of the housewives don't really have. a husband anymore, but they're on the. show? >> Yeah. >> Just can I be one of those? >> Yeah, girl. I would cast you in a. heartbeat because you would be so much. fun, dude. I don't know about Luke. Bryan, though, you know? Like I think. >> I mean, I don't know him as a person. I've never watched interviews. I think. he's a good guy. >> No, he is. He is. He's been so good to. my husband. He's such a sweetheart. But. I like I if you don't have tattoos, I. can't look at you. I like tattoos, too. If you don't have a felony and a tattoo.

somewhere, even a [ __ ] stamp, I'll take. it. You know, you. >> you do you like you're more of a rebel. in that way than me. You play on a. little bit more dangerous planks than I. do. Most of my scandals were with like. same type of high-profile situations, but more of the cleanup cleanup boys. >> Yeah. Yeah. And we're going to we're. going to dive into those for sure cuz. you know we. >> fat boys, not the like dangerous boys. I. think it's cuz I was not really pretty. Like I wasn't one of the pretty girls.

growing up. I wasn't popular. >> You were so beautiful though. >> But as a child, I just wasn't in that. role. Diddy like kind of groomed me. throughout that process to be that. person. But. >> prior to that, I never really I did. definitely didn't feel that inside, but. I didn't also I don't feel externally I. was that. I definitely wasn't popular. I. didn't really have, you know, I was not. part of the group of girls that were. like running around wild with all the. boys and drinking and I was like at. home. I think the craziest I was, as I. was listening to some of your podcasts,

I was thinking of my childhood like were. there deviant sides of me that I could. recognize because I was literally just. such a worker. >> I like to excel. I like to be the best. I like. >> Were you good in school? Like. >> always number one first in class. I. skipped a grade. I was a year behind and. skipped a grade. I was always two years. younger than everybody. >> Wow. >> And just very into creating. I would go. to like the music theater like uh houses.

like the creation studios where you do. like musical theater productions and. stuff in where I lived in Palm Springs. >> I would be with like 80year-old drag. drag queens and gays and theater and. music. And that's where I like lived. until I went home. And then I was. thinking at home, my mom was always. drunk and you know, a lot of darkness. and stuff like that. But I was I had a. thought in my head that I used to watch. G-string Divas. Did you ever see that? >> I loved G-string Divas. Real sex like.

Cat House. >> Taxi Cab Confessions too also was a jam. They need to bring that back. I actually. thought of a concept for that one. >> But we're both producers. We're going to. be shouting out. We We're giving the. whole world all their next ideas cuz TV. is so whack right now. >> I'm tell it is really whack right now. No, it's crazy. I'm like, I'm gonna have. to just jump in the production seat and. start giving y'all ideas because this is. getting stupid. I do I have I'm I'm a. producer on a project I'm working on now. and I'll continue. You kind of have I. don't come with the the same resume as. people who have been in the game on the.

back. I've been on the front end doing. it. >> Yeah, I get it. >> But I've been told by every production. I've ever been on, you're great on TV, but you really are meant to be like. behind the camera. You just like run. circles in these productions. Mhm. >> I used to be able. >> because your mind because you like to. multitask and you and that's how I am. I. hate being in front of the camera. People don't realize that and I hate it. I don't like it. >> I heard you say you didn't like red. carpets. >> I hate red carpets. >> I do too. I feel the same way as you do. You go work so hard. Get those pictures. back. Getty and wire need to be burnt.

away. >> And that's why I have made friends with. photographers. Shout out Taylor Hill. Shout out who's Yeah. Who's our other. guy? Don't be playing games, >> dude. They always get the best angles. I'm telling you, you have to make. friends with the photographers because. once they love you, they go out of their. way to make sure that you look good on. the carpets. But you're just like me. Like we our mind is going a mile a. minute. So when we are behind the scenes. and we're working, we're technically. like we feel better about ourselves when. we're workh horses. And that does stem. from, you know, our childhood because I.

don't know about you yet, but you know, my childhood was kind of rough, too. I. heard you say that your mom was an. alcoholic, but I never hear you talk. about. >> still. >> Wow. I never hear you talk about your. dad. Was dad around? >> Dad was more so like where the like if. you want to behave unlike the way she. wanted me to behave, you'll go to your. dad's. So dad was. >> divorced when you my mom I don't even. know that they were married. I never got.

a clear answer on that. I don't believe. Sometimes I think about my childhood and. the things like I remember being very. young and like the first time I like. fell off a bike or something. I was hurt. my I had blood everywhere. I had scraped. myself up and I was like in shock. Like. very first time I had gotten in an. accident at a really young age. I had. this memory today of like running in and. asking my mom like I I'm so scared. I. don't I I don't know what to do. I I you. know blood was dripping down my legs and. my mom was like you got a scratch. go.

clean it up. Suck it up. It was very. much that type of like she's a brilliant. woman. She's a lawyer. Um, as far as I. know, I haven't had a relationship with. her in years. It's been a bit touchy. lately because um I've had to revisit. the relationship because of a scenario. that I'm in currently and she has once. again made sure to. um withhold and not protect her child.

>> And I let go of her because she couldn't. get that piece right. And it was too. damaging because I was trying to make. that piece right in all of my. relationships. So I was attracting. qualities about her that I loved but. that never saw me, accepted me or loved. me and I wanted to make them love me and. you just can't. >> No, you can't do that. What about your. dad though? Like so did you guys have. like a good relationship or was he very.

absent? Cuz that could be qualities that. you're chasing and finding in these men. too. So he is so like with all due. respect to people that have very strong. feelings about loving your parents. regardless of your experience with them. He's so irrelevant to me. Like. >> I don't I I was with him a couple times. in childhood when I had a TV show both. my parents showed up for a paycheck. um or a vac a flight out or a vacation.

whatever it is. Um, there was a big. scene on my show where he says he'll. keep checking in every week and he was. sad for, you know, they wasn't a strong. father to me and I believed that and I. didn't hear from him ever again. He. writes me like once on my birthday every. year when I did. >> um he said like two very I I talked to. him maybe like once every couple of. years maybe. One time he was ranting. about Trump and I just said to him like, you know,

don't take all of that stuff so. seriously. You have to remember politics. and like entertainment. Everybody's. putting on a show. It doesn't. necessarily mean what they're doing in. front of everybody is what they do at. home. I specifically know what that. family does at home very well. >> I would like to know. >> Well, we'll get into it as much as we. can. Um, but I um I just said, you know, if if it were if it were if this type of. race paid him and and put money in his.

pockets, it's about Green. It's not. about any of this or that. Cuz he was. like picking and choosing specific. sentences and outrage. And then he was. like, "Oh, don't just because you his. son and he used you and you and dropped. you like a bad habit, don't think you. could tell your dad some." I was like, first of all, I didn't never talk to my. father about that relationship. He must. have read about it in the press. Never. once has. >> Wait, hold on. Who said this to you? Your dad and my mom has said way worse. Yeah, >> they talk like like um.

>> so you got no emotional support. >> No emotional support from either. >> You never felt like you were loved. genuinely. >> No. And you know what's crazy is. watching your podcast made me especially. like as I've you know I have to allocate. my time so tightly nowadays but the past. couple days I've been really like. locking in on knowing I'm coming here. and talking with you and it made me feel. so free to see so many people that were. so expressive about going through.

>> you know poorly represented parents and. trauma baby say it trauma. >> trauma because I've always had to keep. everything's so perfect that I don't. really talk about it. I I I've always. >> I think I you know I I there are times. where I really believed and wanted to. believe and there are times that I just. full-blown fake it. >> but I've never really like come out and. said anything because I remember like. some engagement with my mom at a certain. point in my career where she basically. was just like.

>> you can do whatever you're going to do. and talk however you want to talk about. whatever you talk about but you don't. talk about me or what you feel I've in. as a mother because you're going to. compromise me and she's an attorney and. she worked hard for her degree and she's. got a community of people that believe. in whatever she's presented them. >> That's a narcissist. >> trying to control the narrative. >> But at that time I took that very. seriously and I didn't for the longest. and until like Bali was a life like I I.

heard you talking to someone about like. if you weren't changing something during. COVID then you wasted your time. >> Yeah. I mean, I moved away to to Bali. and got out of all the chaos cuz I just. had like my one I had one breaking point. moment where it was like I was going to. die or I was going to go. And somebody. was like, a friend told me like, Aubrey, your mind is way too expansive to try to.

be involved or have any control in this. moment. And it is so beyond your brain's. capacity to. uh. grab on to any of this. And I just know. too much of the truth about everything. that's going on. And I was seeing. different worlds of truths connect in. front of the world as if it was real. And I know what each has said about. each. And. >> it was getting like. >> I I felt like I was going to explode.

>> That's heavy. >> Heavy. and and he was like, "You need to. get into psychedelics." I had like I've. done every drug once. I I once or twice. maybe like every Christmas, Halloween, all I would do. >> Christmas. >> Christmas I usually smoke weed. >> Happy birthday, Jesus. >> My friends, we do friends Christmas. We'll we'll smoke weed and they always. say they love when I smoke weed cuz my. wool coat comes off. That's what they. say. >> Um. >> do you feel like you mask to the world a. lot? >> I mean, it's.

>> unintentionally. I know that saying mask. is a heavy word because it would uh. insinuate that you're being fake. >> No, I don't mind that. I don't mind the. word. Um I've been thinking about that. It's hard because I'm so honest like in. this weird stage that I'm in of my life. right now. There are so many things I've. been telling the world for so long and. no one listened and no one believed me. And now I'm seeing it come full circle. and that these people being exposed to. the world and we haven't even like.

>> scratched the surface. >> So their outrage then coming back and. recognizing me like, "Oh, Aubrey did say. this. Oh, Aubrey's got a history for 20. years of saying this." And I'm like, I. don't get excited. I wish I wish they. would have done it a little earlier. because maybe then my ego could have fed. off of it a little, but my ego's gone. now. So it doesn't do anything for me on. that front. But it does make me realize. I have always really sat in my truth. However, masking.

I think that. >> because you are underneath all this this. beauty you are a hurt. >> Yeah. I think by the way I think beauty. or not Yeah. Everybody's everybody's. hurting. >> Yeah. For sure. >> We're we're a country that's hurting. That's why we're in the position we're. in right now. Just across the board. It's it's we're a mess right now. If you. go outside of this country looking in, we are a mess. We are not respected like. we were used to be. >> This world needs more love. I preach. that all the time.

>> We need way more love. We need way more. >> compassion, >> compassion, understanding. Every time I. do a podcast, like the company, if they. have a company's like, "We want to sign. you and do a podcast with you." I've. been asked so many times and I'm like, "I don't want to contribute to. >> which by the way, I respect your voice. in it. This is not toward you, but. there's a lot. This space is the most. crowded space in entertainment. Absolutely. >> There are too many mother people talking. right now. Like not enough people. listening and listening to the right. people. >> I agree. But I think your voice could.

make a change. And that's why I keep I. continue on like I was telling you. before the mics were on. Like I've had. my podcast since before the boom. And. it's like when you've se I've seen so. many people come and so many people go. And what really matters and why my fan. base is so solid is because they know. that I'm here to make a change. I'm not. here to feed people and I think that. people would see that with you too and. that would be your platform. I really. think that you could, you know, start a. movement. I think this is like could be,

you know, potentially part of your. calling. >> The thing is right now I'm I'm a bit too. reckless at the tongue. I I get way too. honest way too quick. >> I don't feel like you are. I've watched. >> I am. >> I've watched a lot holding everything. in. >> Okay. Well, let's not see me. No, not. here. I mean, every time you've probably. seen me, there are things that I can't. even talk. I mean, I'm I'm an open book. I would tell you if the cameras aren't. on us, I'll tell you all about it. >> Yeah. >> But there are some things I just can't. talk about legally right now. >> So, like there I'm in this like weird.

little position where my my good friends. are kind of telling me, you can't be. around people right now because you talk. too much and you're too open. And if. you're around the wrong person, you. could potentially. create shifts in very big narratives. that need to play out. >> and so and changes that need to occur. So I feel the weight of like isolating. and it sucks. >> everywhere I go. I probably go on these.

podcasts and these are looking at me. like 3 hours later like is this done? When I did call her daddy, she was like, "This is the longest I've ever. interviewed someone." And we're running. This is the longest podcast I've ever. ran. >> A How long was it? Three hours. >> Like two and a two a little bit. >> Those are like normal for me now. >> I know. >> It's crazy. >> I don't want to hear anything short. >> Yeah. >> Every short one I've done. It was like, "Okay, so you basically read the covers. of US Weekly that popped up on page one. and two of Google. Great. I've answered. these questions 700 times, but okay.".

>> Yeah. It's got to be uh exhausting doing. perpetual interviews. And that's that's. another reason I don't do a lot of. interviews. I don't either. I hate. repeating myself. >> I pick and choose. I just sometimes I. choose the wrong people. >> Yeah. >> Um circling back though, you know, you're. >> growing up in childhood, you don't feel. supported. You don't feel like you have. a safe space essentially, and you're. excelling in school. You're doing, you. know, amazing academically. When Danity Kane or the the whole Diddy.

situation comes about, you're how old? 16, 17, >> a little older. I was in the beginning. stages of college and my mom sent me. this email and basically pleaded with. me. She just said, you know, you're I. was studying to go to law school and be. an attorney. Um because I was going to. do everything that I saw my mom do. better just cuz. >> is kind of how I was.

>> Yeah. >> Um. >> see Aquarius in you. >> probably. And then she wrote me and. basically said that which is the Leo in. her and then said don't bother kid. I'm. won't be watching and I won't care. a. >> go do what you're meant to do in life. that I never could and go be an artist. You've been singing your whole life. You've been on stage your whole life. Here's this audition that I just saw on. the cover of The Desert Sun, which was. our newspaper in the desert. And it was. Diddy was doing this collaborative show.

with MTV and there weren't reality shows. back then like that. It wasn't like it. is today. I mean, I remember the first. time the episode aired and I went to the. grocery store, like an entire aisle when. I walked down, it like dropped the cans. on the floor and were just staring at me. like I was Julia Roberts and Ralph's or. something like they just reality stars. felt like Julia Roberts in the. beginning, but they were in your local. Ralphs and you could see them and. actually ask them something. You we. never see Julie Roberts in Palm Springs,

you know? So it was like movie stars, these people that you watch on film, but. they were like from your hometown. Now. they're everywhere. Everybody's famous. for something now, >> literally. >> But back then it was very different. I. mean, it was MySpace. That's all we had. It was who's in your top eight, you. know, or whatever. MySpace top eight, right? Wasn't it? >> But anyway, so um I my mom told me about. the show and she like really was it was. life-changing. I don't know if it was. for the better. Now that we've come full.

circle and I'm having to take copious. notes and timelines and have a very. strong understanding of what I. experienced. >> Um, but she wrote this like plea to me. and she said I'd never be happy being. attorney. I'm too creative and there's. this glass ceiling for women and that. I'll regret it and she didn't want me to. live a life I would regret. So there. were moments where my mom has been very. influential and key. She's not a dumb.

woman. She's not like she she gets drunk. on wine. She's not pounding like vodka. >> Yeah. >> But at least that not when I was around. But when she drank, you know, first. glass, she's wonderful, beautiful, charming. Second glass, best storyteller. you've ever heard. That's probably where. I get it from. M. >> third drink, it starts to turn into. suspicion and paranoia and are you my. husband.

>> and then I get beat and then she takes. off drunk and then my stepdad and I are. trying to figure out where I'm hiding. the keys and she's beating me up and. I've got them. I knew to always protect. my face because my face had to be on TV. in two days when I had to fly back and. do Making the Band again. So, this is. the first time I've ever heard you talk. about physical abuse with your mother. So, when did the physical abuse start as. a child? >> Yeah, >> that's right. >> There was like I you know, listen, I I.

didn't understand it at all when I was a. child. I just it was normal and I. normalized it. I kind of became very OCD. because I saw my mom struggling too, right? Like I saw my stepdad hit her, beat her, hit her and she flew into like. a sconce in the wall and then we weren't. living in that big mansion anymore. We. were sleeping in the car. >> for weeks. We were going into a weird. food stamps place when I lived in like a. big huge mansion a week prior. I didn't.

know that he was the secretary at her. law firm and now my mom can't be made. partner and now she's lost her job and. she's freaked out and I didn't. understand what that would feel like. Now I know what those things feel like. I didn't understand losing your love or. him being bipolar or whatever the was. going on, >> right? >> I didn't know. I just knew that my mom. asked me to sleep in her bed with her. that night. I just knew like the. procedural stuff and everything else was. me trying to fit in and so I I would.

walk kind of this long. A lot of girls. wanted to beat me up like cuz I was. nerdy or I didn't have new clothes all. the time like everyone did and there was. like when you didn't come back to school. with new clothes everybody would laugh. at you kind of. So people would fight. There were like fights. It was baddies. in high school and I was always. >> Oh yeah. We're from a different. generation where people actually used to. fight each other. We didn't talk. >> I think it got worse after being on. baddies. I feel like that. >> I feel like everybody just talks online. to each other. It's about all now it's.

about exposing where before it used to. be like meet me in the bathroom. Let's. >> Yeah. It's all very much that. >> Yeah. >> Um but I was so scared. I didn't I was. just so scared of everything and I. didn't really have like I didn't have a. dad at home. So there wasn't anyone. telling me like that girl go punch her. in her face or I didn't have a dad. having my back or defending me. And I. told my mom and my mom was like get beat. up. Watch your face. Cover your face. when she's beating on you. Try to have. her get your back or your legs or. something and so you and then let's move.

on. We have other things to handle. like. it was just very like I was really left. out there like needing to find control. over what was happening. >> So I started my brain started developing. into OCD whatever the chemical. imbalances that I have naturally started. to really come forward because then. there'd be nights like most of my nights. I remember in my childhood and my mom. you know to speak for her fairly she. says there were all these great moments. and I only remember the bad. I I can't I.

hate that I was I wasn't drunk in my. childhood and I remember it fine in my. opinion. But. >> you know what I always say because my. dad would say the same thing to me when. I would remind him of trauma. I would. say you know it's like that quote that. they say on TikTok. For you it was a. regular Tuesday but for me it was like. life-changing you know like they don't. for some reason the parents can't wrap. their brain around that they up as. parents. I had this really dope producer. and I got into it with him one time and. and he said to me. his parents were abusive and he had with.

them too, but he realized one time in a. conversation when he was bartering for. apologies, which I did for a long period. of time with my mom, I wanted to make. sure I gave her a chance. >> to still be in my life. And I was I. didn't know I could let go even at that. time probably. Mhm. >> Um, and he said, "I realized at one. point when I was really going at it with. my dad, mom, whoever it was, I can't. remember." He said, "I realized if they. had if they actually even if they know. deep down, if you have they have a.

memory or don't cuz they were on drugs, um, if they were to actually see and. know and have that memory come into. their mind, they wouldn't want to be. alive anymore. >> cuz they would have to.". >> So, he had to just let it go. and he. learned to let it go knowing that he. wanted his parents to be alive and okay. And I I don't know if it's just because. I've been on my own since I was 17. I. worked through this whole industry. alone. I worked through Diddy. I worked.

through getting fired on national. television after making no money and. being hustled for six, seven seasons for. being promiscuous and overly runchy, which wasn't true. I had to then fight. for a career after being blacklisted. everywhere on national TV with a lie. I. couldn't come forward. I had no voice. I. had no say. I had to first offer I got. obviously for the overly promiscuous. runchy girl was Playboy. Cover a. Playboy. First paycheck I ever made.

>> Um got me to be able to get away from my. mom's house because meanwhile I was not. making any money in Dandy Cane. So I. still had to go home to my mom and get. beat, >> right? So it it's like, you know, it was. it was chaotic. I mean, it was just. absolutely chaotic as a child. But as I. was, I was saying as I was going to as I. would walk up to school, I'd be, you. know, at night time, my mom would get. drunk and she would lock herself in her. room and like pass out in this like. shower, this long shower that she had.

And so I would learn I learned how to. pick the lock with like a hair pin. And. I would go into the shower, take off all. my clothes, lay down next to her and. like a ball, and I would just stick my. finger under her nose like this because. I could feel if there was hot air and. then I would know she's not dead cuz she. looked dead. >> Oh my god. >> So I did that frequently and then, you. know, hours later she'd wake up, kick me. out of the room, tell me I'm being weird. and annoying and then I'd have to wake. up and go to school in an hour and try. to fit in with everybody at, you know,

and be try to be popular and try to look. like I got sleep. and I know what I'm. doing and I I have something new on or. whatever. And I so I started developing. this pattern of OCD when I would walk to. school. If I saw a crack, I'd be like, "If you don't step on any of the cracks. today, your mom won't die. She'll be. okay tonight and you won't get beat up. at school." So, I started to walk in. patterns where I avoided cracks. It got. to a point where I was like traveling.

the world. I don't even know if it was. in Danny Kane or prior because I. traveled around the world on uh in a. abroad program prior but um I remember. being in India and like I had something. where I had to if there's any trash in. my direct path I had to pick it up. because I need to do better for the. world. >> and I my my OCD always kind of locks. around making things better for society. It's probably an Aquarian thing cuz. we're like humanitarians and we have uh.

leaning in that area. >> So I remember being in India and there. was like a needle I just happened to. walk in the path of and. >> my OCD would have made me run the other. way. >> I had to pick up like a used needle on. the ground and throw it away. I can't. even tell you. There was one where I. couldn't say the word stop for like 3. years because it's a very I felt it was. a negative word and that it. >> isolated you and that it it only closed. off opportunities and people and so I.

couldn't use the word stop. >> and if I did I had to do like a very. rigorous process of touching multiple. things. Broadway was a hot mess for me. >> Let's talk about that. So when did you. when did singing enter your life? >> Um oh when I was a child. >> You just always sang. You've always had. the beautiful set of pipes. >> Yeah. Always on stage. Never in a. studio. Making the band was the first. time I I didn't act like it. No one. knows this, but I had never been inside. a studio. I remember my very first note.

And my remember, mind you, inside a. studio with lighting like this, with a. camera about this far away from me with. a microphone and earphones, acting like. I'm ready to go. I'm I'm gonna make this. band. Like no idea what the how to even. sing in that in space. Yeah. >> And I'm used to being on stage because I. was always in musical theater. So. >> when you say musical theater, was it. like in school or was it like. >> No, like I did tours. >> Okay. As a child. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> So, um, when I when I was in the studio,

I remember like belting very big because. that's what you do when you're on stage. That's your most impressive parts when. you get your big notes and you belt. really big. >> Yeah. >> In a studio, you that does not. translate. Right. >> You almost have to sing in a baby voice. to come off just. >> smooth enough on a track. >> Like sometimes I watch like even. reference singers reference stuff that I. do and I'm like she's barely whispering. in that and it and it comes out like. incredible. >> Yeah. >> But I remember like singing big and.

Diddy stop me and I was like are do you. is there a megaphone in front of you? Like slow it down. Fall off the beat. Sexy robot. >> That's what he liked. sexy robot off the. beat a little. >> So. >> behind the beat. >> So you know, you go into this this TV. show and of course, you know, you've. been very vocal about how Diddy treated. you guys and what has happened with you. guys and stuff like that, but through. all these interviews that I have watched. with you, there's a side of you that. still protects him a little bit. Have.

you ever realized that? >> Oh god, girl. I I'm deeply in this. No. interview I've done I can even discuss. how deeply in this world I'm in right. now. >> Um. >> No, I mean he's in some he's uh. >> Yeah, but I mean I know forward. >> I know. I know way more than anyone realizes and. I can't talk about anything right now. >> Yeah. >> And so I'm like uh busting at theing.

seams and I'm wanting to tell everybody. every day what occurs. Um, there are things that are developing. that will, you know, allow eventually a. voice to be had and I will have my. mother voice had. >> I just can't do it right now. And, um, that's very hard for me cuz I'm very. much in the stage of I don't care about. playing any industry games. Only Fans. has given me the freedom to say no to.

doing anything. I I don't have to do. take a show. I don't have to get a show. I don't have to uh sell Hollywood. anymore. >> Right. >> Right. >> I've always felt that way, but I've had. to smile and tap dance for them for most. of the time. I have hated most of my. managers and agents. Most of them. workhorse you and then put you down when. the works work isn't coming in, tell you. that you're overexposed and to go sit. back for a while. And for people that. are used to you were workh horsing me.

last year. >> Yeah. >> You enjoyed all the paychecks I brought. you. Mhm. >> So you see how disposable you are. >> You're only as good as your last. performance. >> All of it. Diddy taught us. I remember. like when we first went platinum, he. brought our platinum plaques out at. Madison Square Garden. We were on. Christine Aguilera's tour. And the next. day we walk in the studio and all of us. were like beaming and we were like, "Holy shit." I mean, even the first time. we heard our song on the radio, it was. like a huge moment for us. And we walked.

in and met Diddy with what the you. smiling about. We we cut platinum albums. at Madison Square Garden last night. Like holy and he'd be like, "Yeah, that. was yesterday. What the [ __ ] have you. done today?". >> And I realized what you just said was. the mentality. You're only as good as. what you did today. >> Yesterday doesn't matter. the whole. career I've built right now at this. moment in entertainment. I used to build.

ships of my career as if one day I'm. going to get to the top of this mountain. and look down and be like, "Wow, I have. been on start on Broadway. I have two. double platinum albums and many more. that I've written, produced. Uh I know. how to shoot music videos. Then I taught. myself how to be an editor and use all. of the I mean I can go on After Effects. I mean, I did all of our music videos in. Dumb Blonde, edited all of them, shot. all of them, got a USC kid to get me a. Red camera, went on YouTube for two days.

and learned every trick you can do with. no money and then did it. >> to make it look like you have a million. dollar budget. And I've had been on. hinge dates with with people that are. like the heads at Sony and Paramount and. they're like, "This looks was like what, a million dollar budget?" And I'm like, "Try$500." And we literally took the. projector back to Walmart, all these. black walls, green wall, white walls. That was my house. We painted them and. then got in front of it. >> Like we. >> Well, you're a hustler. You make it. happen. >> You don't wait around for stuff to come.

to to you. You go and. >> No. And I love I love the creation part. But with all of that being said, I look. I come back from Bali now. None of that. matters. Reputation doesn't even matter. anymore. I didn't do so many things in. my career because of reputation's sake. Even the Don Trump Jr. stuff when that. came out. I mean, I remember my entire. team that was with me being like, "This. is devastating for you. You won't work. again. You took somebody's husband is.

how they presented it in the press." And. all I had done for years was fight with. Michael Cohen to keep it out of the. press. And to never have anyone see it, it was not expected. >> So, when it all dropped, it was so. overwhelming. And now it's like cool to. take somebody's husband. >> Yeah. That's crazy. >> You get you Yeah, this gets you. attention. Let's circle back. >> Let's circle back to the Diddy thing. because there's a lot of people who. might be listening who maybe if they.

live under a rock don't know who you. are. And so you're. >> even Diddy don't know who Diddy is. I. walk into my Only Fans company and. they're like, "Who's Diddy?" I'm like, "Really?". >> Yeah. No. >> Oldest. >> I've always wanted to ask you this. question. Yeah. >> Do you think Diddy had something to do. with Tupac's death? I think you'll find out soon. I mean, we're already finding out, right? Kephy. D came forward and said what he said. He was in the car during the shooting. that murdered Tupac. So, he probably.

could tell you even better than I can. They arrested him. He said what it was. He just had a whole breakout in the. middle of court like last week. >> telling everybody that did paid him. >> a million dollars to get rid of Pac. >> Yeah. >> Is what he's saying. I I feel that Diddy. got rid of Pac and Biggie. >> and maybe others as well. >> Yeah. And does it scare you? How you. know now that you are speaking out so. openly and people are actually seeing.

that? >> Mind you, I'm not being open at all. because I can't. But I appreciate you. saying that. But. >> no, no, no. But now that you're speaking. out as much as you can and you're like. trying to open up the what you are were. the forerunner of really kind of. exposing Diddy. You've always done it. very tastefully and tactfully though. >> I had to. She could. He was. >> That was my next question. Like, does. that scare you that you could possibly. end up on one of these missing person. lists because of Diddy?

>> You know, I've I was asked that on a. podcast and everyone was like, "Oh god, this girl, tell us what you know or. off." like this mentality of like we. want it now and like god forbid like I. should just go on a podcast and tell the. whole world what I know right now and. what's happening behind the scenes. versus I don't know like somebody who. could do something about it and create. justice which is what anyone that's got. a story should be doing right now. >> Absolutely. >> So it's like it's puzzling to me when. people like come at me so hard but um.

>> I mean every what everybody thinks this. is your life. Nobody has to live in your. shoes. No, we just have to deal with the. annoyances of people'sing opinions. bothering our days sometimes. >> Yeah. No, I get it. Trust me. >> I mean, everyone always acts like, "Oh, I don't care what people say." Listen, we are forced to see it now. Whether we. like it or not, we are likely going to. see one of the Kardashians per day on. our Instagrams if we go on it. You are. going to see a Kardashian every day for. the rest of your mother life. Unfortunately, we all are cuz they pop. up on the Instagram on everyone's phone.

daily. >> Do you still have a relationship with. Kim? Cuz you guys used to be friends, right? >> Yeah. best friends. Um, no. >> What What happened there? Cuz you How do. you go from being best friends with. somebody to not? >> That's a hard one for me because they're. more powerful and can make things happen. more than Diddy. So, I don't know that I. should get into all of that. >> But, um, >> I had Shaya Moller on the podcast and. she spilled all the tea.

>> Yeah. Actually, Shaina and I became. friends because she had thought I had. took up for her in this decade, but I. had made a Fourth of July post like. years ago about like I put them side by. side because I was having a moment. during fourth. Fourth of July is the one. where I kind of always reflect on my. life. No. >> And um. >> Why do you think that is? Because it's. like halfway through the year. >> I don't know. But I was with a huge. producer this year and he looked at me. and he goes, "Fourth of July is a really. big.

I'm like, I'm so happy to be where we're. at in this moment, sitting next to you, like experiencing this together because. this is where I really do a lot of my. internalizing for processing of the. year, my life, where I'm at, where it's. going. >> I don't know why, but he had it, too. So, I was like, "Okay, that's first. person I've met that does it on Fourth. of July as well.". >> That's a right. >> Fireworks feel like I mean, like the. trip I just had here, like all the. lightning that was coming in the skies, I don't see a lot of that in LA. Yeah, >> fireworks to me feel grand and and.

>> like they feel like bigger than life. >> So when I see them pop in my face, it. just gives me like um big. >> adult perspect bird's eye view. perspective because I feel out of this. earth when I see them. >> I was going to say I wonder if it's a. part of your soul. >> It's a visual. It's a visual situation. >> I wonder if it's a part of your soul. that yearns to be like. >> probably something something like that. big star that in the sky. >> Yeah.

>> Or just back in space where everybody. belongs, you know. >> On DMT, I was It was like fireworks on. crack. >> I could never do DMT. I would probably. [ __ ] my pants. There's no way. >> Oh, it's so fantastic. You might get to. a time where you get to the place where. you feel comfortable. You got to feel. comfortable cuz it's it's you die in the. very beginning. Like it's. >> Yeah. >> not easy. >> No, thank you. >> It happens very fast though. >> I'm fighting for my life right now. I. last thing I want to do, >> last thing I want to do is just, you.

know, go into a situation knowing I'm. going to croak in the first three. minutes. Nothing about that sounds. amazing. But okay, so before we get into. your DMT thing, so you don't want to. speak on the Kim Kardashian thing. >> Oh, I just I think um I just I don't. believe the friendship was ever real or. it would still exist, right? >> A Yeah, >> that's hurtful. >> Yeah, I mean I really I thought we were. friends, but I don't know. Um, I lived. at her house. I was around during a. pretty like pivotal time in her I'm on. the first episode of the Kardashians on.

the pilot. >> Yeah. >> Like, um, I was there when she first had. paparazzi mob her Range Rover outside of. their ve. We were She we went shopping. I mean, I was there during. >> before she blew up. >> Yeah, I was there during the beginning. Now, I don't know who she is now as a. person, but Oh, I was saying the. reflection. Sorry. I jump around so. much. We're going to jump. You're good. But um. >> I don't I like listening to you talk cuz. it's so it's it's almost poetic and. pretty to listen to. But I'll always try. to keep you on track if I can. >> Keep me looped back because I will just.

I my I have so such a memory bank. I. jump. But the Shaina thing you brought. up. Um so I did a sidebyside on Fourth. of July years back and I said here's a. Fourth of July that I remember and and. here's the Fourth of July I remember. And one of them was with Kim and she was. dating Travis and we went over to his. house and she. >> Kim was dating Travis Barker. Yes, we. were rushed over getting ready to go get. go to Travis's and then there was a. whole big problem. It was when his best. friend was still alive before the plane. accident. Um his best friend came in.

He's like, "Yo, Shaina's being crazy. She's been slashing tires. Like she's. she something to the extent of like she. saw Kim's car outside or whatever. She. was going to slash the tires." I think. at this time maybe he was even right. after Paris or they there were. overlapping moments of the Paris Travis. Kim Travis era things but I. >> which they all which Kim denies it to. this day. >> Well that's what I was going to get. into. So I was with her and we went over.

to Travis's. They were we were over. there and then Kim needed to be seen in. Malibu. And we had to go to Malibu and. go to every party and get the the. perfect photos for Kim so that she's. perfectly seen by everybody and all the. photos at all the IT parties with all. the it people. Then we got back in the. Range Rover and we were in horrible. traffic going back to Calbas and all I. asked her for that day was to just be. able to see the fireworks. She never. really took time to ask me about me or. know me. So she wouldn't have understood. how important Fourth of July was to me.

like you now do because you just asked. Yeah. in the two hours that I've known. you in the in the very long time that I. knew her. I don't think she understood. how important Fourth of July was to me, but we were on her time always. And um. and as we were driving back because we. had to go do all the things, we're. trying to get back to Travis's and um we. were stuck in traffic during the. fireworks on Fourth of July and I was. like, "Can we at least just pull over. like on the next pulloff and so I could.

just sit in the grass and like see them. and like have a moment please?" So she. was like, "Yeah." and we pull over and. we sit in the fireworks and I'm watching. them and we're sitting there on the. grass like in a random neighborhood. pulled off in the grass watching the. fireworks and she turned to me and was. like um I remember like last year or. whatever what what at some point I. remember being with Paris and Sanrope or. some on some boat or yacht or with some.

something with Paris the whole like. lovely story with Paris and I'm. listening to her and she's like and we. were with this person and that person. and we were in this that and it was this. this other and now I'm sitting here on. some grass with you. >> And I was like thinking to myself like. ditto but not that because I didn't have. that confidence at that time yet. But I. think the inside of me was thinking yeah. me too. I used to be in really amazing.

places on Fourth of July. This is the. least impressive one I've had. But um. but I wrote that story in comparison to. when I think some type of time when I. was traveling the world and I was with. like kids from an orphanage and my time. and experience with them was so precious. on that day. And there were no. celebrities, there were no parties, there were no wire image and Getty. pictures. There was no Travis Barker's. big mansion and pool parties. There was. none of any of that. It was just a raw.

moment in another country with people. that have nothing and it meant the. world. And then I kind of wrote. something on the side by side like, you. know, be careful. not to get lost in the wrong things. because as I look back now with a bird's. eye view, people would have thought that. was the most impressive Fourth of July. I've had. when in reality the most. meaningful, impressive to me Fourth of. July I ever had was on this side. >> So somebody in the media just screen.

capped it, never ran it. I lowkey give. the world information so. so bluntly and they just don't catch it. because they don't pay attention to me. uh or at that moment or whatever. But I. low-key have dropped so many gems for. people along the way. But that would. just went fell by the wayside. And then. as a couple years later, I think I've. gone to Bali and come back now. Shaina. Moler writes me one night and she's.

like, "Hey, I just want to say like I. really respect you so much for having my. back when everybody's turning on me and. everyone's saying I'm a liar and you. have my back of nobody that none of my. friends, people that know, not one. person will come forward and say. anything that's true about that. situation." And I'm out here. I've lost. my kids thing or they're more impressed. because I can't give them that lavish. life. I'm sure she told you when she. came here. >> kind of said the same thing to me. And I. was sitting there like I didn't even. have her number in my phone and I was.

like who is this? What is this about? What the? And then I called my assistant. and I'm like some number just wrote me. Thanks for having their back and regards. to Travis Barker and I'm what the she's. like oh I'm getting a bunch of Google. alerts right now of people saying you're. backing up Shaina that Kim had dated. Travis. and I was like oh she must think that I. just posted that recently. >> So I wrote her and I was like no. problem. Like I literally wrote that. years ago. But that actually helps to.

that actually helps her. >> because years ago I said it. >> Yeah. >> But. >> just like the Diddy stuff. >> Yeah. >> Like how it just resurfaced. >> Many things. >> Yeah. Like nobody believed you. So. circling back really quick just to give. a quick synopsis of what happened with. Danny Kane. Just in case people who are. listening didn't know. Let's take them. through the diddy situation and kind of. the abuse that you had to go through. while you know just trying to live a. dream and make a dream for yourself. >> Yeah. Um.

well. >> the so we started with mom sent you the. email. >> Yeah. So mom sent me the email. I. disregarded it. Um, I had a dream that. night that I was performing at Madison. Square Garden and I saw like people. crying and singing lyrics to me when I. was touching their hands. >> on a stage and I woke up and was like, "Uh, I got to I got to go to this. audition." So, I called like a friend of.

mine and he he had to work that day. I. was scared of driving to LA at the time. I was at UC Irvine in college. I was. scared of driving to LA cuz I had gotten. in a like a couple car accidents at that. point and was scared. Um, so he couldn't. take me so I just got dressed for. college, was walking to my poly side. class and he hit me and he's like I. ended up getting let go for the day like. let's go. I'll pick you up. rolled up to. UC Irvine, jumped in in the outfit I was. wearing to for class and went to this.

audition at like the forum or some huge. the big place in LA. Thousands and. thousands of people in every city, hundreds of thousands by the end of both. seasons of audition phases. And um he. picked two of us I think in LA, two two. or three maybe. >> out of thousands. >> Yeah. Thousands and thousands. And they. all sang better than me. how or at least. the ones I was hearing. I walked up and. they gave you a sheet. There was like. six or seven songs on it. Girl, I could.

not tell you one of the songs. I. listened to Incubis. I listened to uh. Thirdey Blind, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson. I was like a good. >> like all I knew was alt rock. I cried to. every song that I in my head loved. somebody too because I still hadn't. fallen in love or dated yet or even had. sex or anything. I was really far behind. on all of that then. >> Were you a virgin whenever you joined uh.

the show? >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Yeah. So I. >> How crazy you joined the show a virgin. and then did he fires you later on for. being too promiscuous? >> Yeah. first my love of my first love of. my life that I was with was um his DJ. >> Do you think that caused jealousy? >> Uh not his regular DJ, but a very. respected DJ. He DJs for Obama and Oprah. and Diddy and Jay-Z and everybody.

>> Um but like he was the first love of my. life and I dated him for the majority of. Danny Kane. >> Do you think that caused jealousy with. Diddy? because he seems to be such a. um I don't I hate throwing the word. narcissist around because that's just. what it is, but he just seems like he. needs to have all of the attention. I. don't know that I brought. that relationship into my work when he. was around much. I noticed issues with a.

person after. >> Mhm. >> Um. >> were you and Diddy ever intimate with. each other? No, to my knowledge and to. what I want and what I feel and what I. um would have ever desired, absolutely. not. >> But there is. >> I don't I can't speak any further on. anything. >> Mhm. So, who was the friend afterwards that. he was that you you could feel some sort.

of he felt some sort of way about it? Um, there was our manager. His name's Jay. Irving. He's the son of the famous. basketball player. >> He came on and managed us for a bit. Danny Kane was long gone, falling apart. at the seams. >> Um, I think it got to a point where. we were we were flirting. my one of my. bandmates brought him into the equation.

and then um I don't know we like were. always around each other during work. There was a lot of weirdness between. those two but he's. runs more in the same circles and is. respected differently at that time and. place. Mhm. >> Um so. um him and I started dating um like. toward the end. I mean I think it was. like a moment like he had asked all the. girls like do you really want to be.

here? Because. some of the girls. everybody was very divided, >> right? >> And he made us all sit in a room after a. performance. He asked everybody. I said. yes. Some people said yes right away. Always me first saying yes. Um, and then not everyone could give an. answer and he asked us to like take a. week and think about it and come back. and have an answer for him. And I said. yes, somebody else said yes, and then.

somebody else said no. And then. the group was uh. starting to dismantle at that point. That's when like Broadway comes along. He starts liking me and I just started. to feel more freedom. and the fact that. like I'm not the problem here. I want. this, but not everybody here does. And I. tiptoe around a lot of shady. behavior because also as the group.

develops and get more famous is when I. meet Kim. She was literally a fan of. Danny Kane when I first met her and was. like like she's the Aubrey of the group. with her friends when I first met her. Mhm. >> And then like um as Kim blew up, when. I'd come back home and live with Kim and. go around with Kim, paparazzi was all on. top of her car as we're driving out. literally. >> And then I'd go to I'd go do back on. tour and then when we'd be in all these. large venues, they'd be like, "Aubrey. and the girls, Aubrey and the Girls,

just a solo of Aubrey." So that really. doesn't sit well with a band where we're. all equally singing and dancing and. participating in it. And um you know I. can understand why. some of my bandmates who never really. understood me or got a chance took took. the time to know me. >> really after being together for so long. and on the road and tours and platinum. albums. >> You get divided so quickly. >> You get put in your roles so quickly. It.

was very obvious from the very beginning. that I would be pulled out of rooms. It. was always a concern how my nails. looked, how my hair looks, my toenails. don't look right. Go get them fixed. Your hair I was very much groomed to be. the looker of the group. That's kind of. what I was. >> told I was in front of everybody all the. time. So like that makes people in the group. who want to fit in that role too not. feel seen in that role. As in the group.

I never felt seen as a talent and I. didn't care about being the looker. >> I've never cared about that in my life. I didn't feel that I was that naturally. Whatever confidence I had, I think made. me attractive to people. >> But I don't feel even if I look watch. old Making the Band episodes that I was. particularly that pretty. >> You were beautiful. I mean, I I was. cool. I was a decent looking girl, but I. wasn't like I I was very much groomed. into.

having to pay attention to how I look. all the time. And I was made aware of. how I look all the time, my weight, my. my hair, my nails, my everything had to. be like at a certain level of. consciousness continuously. Do you feel. like because did he did nitpick you. apart so much that that contributes to, you know, any insecurities that you may. have now or that grew after being in. that situation? >> He's so far in my rear view. I've had so.

many huge world scandals since. >> Yeah. No, no, no. But I mean like but I. mean like moving on from that, you ended. up doing Playboy. You obviously got. >> his his words definitely. Um I'm. learning now as I do a re I had never. watched my firing. I honestly didn't. even really remember what he said during. the episode. I just watched it when I. came home from Bali and I was pissed. >> and that was even before Cassie dropped. I was just re-watching old episodes on.

the internet on my live talking with. fans and I watched it and I had to get. off the live and I like cried and I was. like. >> I don't I didn't even realize how much. he shaped my opportunities with just a. few sentences. >> I had the entire community. >> backing me when he said on camera during. just the first season, "Aubrey, are you. black? Do you have black in you? You. hang out with black people. Well, you. look like you do. Everybody needs to be.

shaking their ass and doing what. Aubrey's doing. Just that one line. And. all I was doing was just being the. overachiever that I always am. I threw. in a few extra little boom boom boom at. the very end of when we were allowed to. do a freestyle. And I just happened to. do it way better than everyone in the. room did. And so it really stands out on. camera and that really stood out to him. But an entire room of people that mostly. weren't my color were told that they. need to be like me, >> right? >> And so that was this like immediate. cosign that I watched a lot of people.

come up to me and show me respect for. and pay tribute to that. And I was like. I I couldn't believe that all of a. sudden I could be respected or believed. in based off of a sentence. >> Cool girl. >> Yeah. Based off of one sentence. >> Accepted in a world that I didn't even. know I could be in or hang out around. And then and then as it progressed, I. saw how one sentence would then shape my. ability to. start a charity tomorrow, become Megan. Markle is probably who I like would have.

been in my life. Smart, educated, sophisticated. I'm probably a little bit. more of a hoochie, but like you know. when I watch. >> You got a wild streak than you, baby. >> She probably does, too. You know, you. never know. We don't know how people are. at home, but like. >> So, what is the ones that you think are. really square that are the freakiest too. >> sometimes, but when I watched Harry and. Megan, I very much uh. >> resonated with her. >> I resonated with everything she did. >> Yeah. >> I don't look it and I don't seem it. And. I definitely don't even speak it. anymore, but I the inside of me was like.

that's who you would have been. >> Yeah. I think you come ac you you come. across as very intellectual and very. smart. You're not a dumb blonde, you. know. >> Yeah. >> Um. >> I wouldn't have attracted Don Jr. or. anyone else. >> We're gonna get into that. We're going. to get into that. So, moving on from. Diddy who pretty much fired you on, you. know, national TV, set this narrative. that you were a certain way, that you're. hard to deal with, you're this, that, and the other.

>> What happens then? Where where are you. mentally? Were you relieved? >> So, no. Oh, I when he fired Well, things. occurred prior to the day I was fired. um that weren't captured or told on. camera. Just that story was told on. camera. >> and no one in the room thought I knew. that I was getting fired. No one in all. the produ I walked out with my. microphone attached to my back. I like. threw it in a trash can or something. like I walked out miked.

>> That's how much the production was in. shock. >> Yeah. And I walked down the stairs and I. looked at my assistant and I was like, "Did he just fired me?" And she was. like, "Well, you're getting best dressed. at fashion week for New York Fashion. Week and you have to be on a red carpet. in 10 minutes and you're already going. to be late, so you need to get in their. car in the car service now." And I was. like, I just was fired, Jules. And she. was like, I get it. We'll figure it out. You have to be on a red carpet right. now. And I just was shocked. Then I put.

on my big fake face. I had to fake it. for a good while until the episode. aired. No one knew what to do. No one. was talking at that point. We already. had had one of the members say that she. absolutely wanted to be done. That was. never shown on television. >> Which member was that? >> Uh Andrea. >> Mhm. >> Um and. and it's funny, even when I watch my. firing, Diddy looks at her and he goes, "She was part of the problem for you.

You told me she was she was the problem. for you." And I realized, wow, she was I. knew she was having conversations with. the manager cuz I was dating him. and she would call him and talk bad. about me and I could hear the. conversations. >> None of them know that except D. Woods. cuz she was my roommate and I would go. back and tell her. >> Drea just called Jay and was like. suggesting that I'm doing all kinds of. things that I'm not. >> It was It was ugly.

>> Are you and Dwood Wood still close? [Music]. I got to pass on that right now. >> What about the other girls? Do you talk. to any of them? Like Shannon, you and. Shannon created a group together. Correct. >> We did. >> Dumb blonde. I love the name. >> Yeah, exactly. >> We have that in common. >> Yeah. Um, I.

so like part of this whole diddy thing. was that he had given all of his artists. their royalties back cuz I wrote on both. our albums. We all did. Um, >> which you should get songwriting credits. for that. Everybody. >> it's like two platinum albums. It's like. over 40 plus million maybe more. I mean, with with exclusives, international, I. mean, it could be 40 to 60 million, and. that's like actual CD sales. We're not. talking about streaming and you get a. scent off of the sale.

>> Mhm. >> Um, >> no, Danity came huge. >> Didn't see a dime. Didn't see anything. that Playboy was the first thing that. got me out of my mom's house. >> Well, do you talk to any of those? >> He came forward and said he was giving. us our publishing back. I looked at the. contract and knew immediately that there. was something funny going on. I was in. different phases of my life. I reached. out to everyone and asked them not to. sign it. and a lot of them did. So, >> the majority of them.

>> I got a message from one of my band. members that she was pissed that I was. like talking about this and I want to be. respectful of my group. >> Yeah. >> But it's very hard to move forward in my. truth because I'm it's the same thing. I've always done. I'm trying to protect. the legacy of something like Dawn. If I. really protect the legacy of what we. shared together, I wouldn't be able to. come forward and just be straight up. with you about a lot of things about. their family and I saw. And now he.

doesn't contribute to my life at all. So. if I want to speak on it, I will speak. on it because I took my power back in. Bali and I'm not protecting anyone's. legacy even if I was involved in it at. any point. I'm just going to be me. because when you hold in that many. people's secrets, >> it makes you sick. >> It makes you sick. Uh you can slide into. addiction and other things.

>> So um I just freed myself from all that. So, it's hard because I'm once again. feeling like I'm trapped in that I can't. speak on this because I don't want to. offend the girls type [ __ ] But none of. them are my friends. They don't they. don't have my back. They don't protect. me. Um I thought D and I were going to. take this next journey together. That was shortlived. >> People will understand that in due time,

>> right? But. she chose different than what our I. thought our understanding was. And I. didn't need to I didn't need to hear. anything anymore. After that, I was. done, blocked, done. I'm I don't I'm I. have no time in my life anymore for. trying to look out for people that. aren't looking out for me. >> Amen. sister, you get to a I think you. get to a certain age where you're just. like.

like I'm not going to keep. >> I hate to say it because there's so many. people that like didn't kill themselves. or were so inspired by. the essence of a girl group in general, but Danny Kane specifically. over and over throughout my whole entire. life, I've just met so many people. We. all have. So, it's like something I want. to protect, not just for the girls, but. for the fans, for everybody. But I also. now like I need to be me. >> And you know, I think only fans would.

damn near make everybody not talk to me. ever again anyway at this point. So, I've done taken the road I'm taking and. I have no regrets. >> Good. >> And I thought that D and I would be able. to come into this next phase together, but it didn't work out the way I wanted. and hoped it to. and I was really. looking out for her and bringing every. opportunity I could her way. And um I. don't feel she did the same for me. >> And that's hurtful, you know. It's.

hurtful, especially because you guys you. guys share a huge chunk of your lives. together, like a really cool part of. your lives together. And to think that. somebody has your back and then find out. later on that they don't, it's just. hurtful. And you know, when you get to a. certain age, you don't want to be hurt. anymore. You don't want to deal with the. [ __ ] anymore. You don't want to have. to guess if somebody has your back. anymore. I know. >> I literally said we we said all of that. to each other. I mean, I really got to. like recon because she didn't ever come. back for the reunions and she was the.

closest back in the day with me because. we were roommates and she saw what was. happening. We both saw a little glimpse. of what was happening in each other's. lives. >> but um more detailed and we had a good. understanding of each other at that. time. But after it got really like. separated and weird when she didn't want. to come back and then I went on with the. other girls and I had for me I'm the. only only child in Danity Kane and I'm. the youngest so I really thought that we. were going to be sisters. >> for life and I thought that we were.

going to be friends for life. Same with. Shannon. Shannon, when I got really. close to her, it felt like a blessing. If I didn't believe in if I'm just. spiritual and don't have any pulse on a. specific belief, I felt like whatever. she was in my life was. my chance at understanding family. >> Then she did something that betrayed my. trust in a like severe way. >> And then it got harder.

And she really did stick in there. And. she really did, you know, she. apologized. She knows that I don't have. family to a very deep extent. She. understood my life cuz she lived in my. home and she was I was the the one that. kind of like housed every reunion and. every project. All the merch was in my. house. All of the Shannon and I were. like bringing the tours back, doing. everything. Like Shannon and I built. Dumb Blonde after Don socked me in a.

studio and we were left with no project, with nothing to move forward with, Shannon and I were like after spending a. year doing this album and we just like. were like we sink or swim. What are we. going to do? And on a hike with my. boyfriend, I came up with Dumb Blonde. Went in the house and was like, I have. an idea. And so like, you know, we we we. were just together through so much. And. I really cherish what that was and I.

really did believe we'd always be there. But with the f that breach of trust, a. lot of other things I saw that weren't. consistent with who I thought she was. And then um. if or if not she were one of the people. that signed the contract, that would be. probably the last straw for me because. if you want $300.30. to sign a full release of that man and.

everyone in the industry, basically a. full release, no legal claims to. anything. Um that's fine. >> They're only paying you $330. the the. check that was cut for it's not even it. wasn't even Diddy it's Sony who took. over our publishing. >> right. >> was now going to give us whatever it's. made in streaming since they've owned. our catalog because they bought our. catalog out. >> so it was all uh guys but it very. cleverly in its writing protected a lot.

of people. >> and it happened right before Cassie. dropped. >> I'm sure it was protecting Diddy the. whole thing. >> that was my assumption Yeah. >> So that's why I told everybody don't do. it. And when I found out from our lawyer. who did, I just felt in my heart like. that's a line in the sand for me because. now with everything that I know and. Shannon knows a little bit about it. I. did send her some things and she was in.

shock. She was in she was praying. She. said, "I'm praying." And I appreciate. her prayers. But really what I would. have appreciated is if she were to be. one of the people that signed it if she. didn't could go back and not because you. can't come forward and talk about any of. it. And it would be really great to be. able to sit down and call my group. members right now and say, "Hey, do you. remember any of these certain things. that are I'm being faced with right now? Do you remember any of these details? Do.

you remember any of this? and you could. help me with categories of situations. that are. horrific. >> Was their abuse at the same level as. yours or did they just get to witness. your abuse? >> Uh I I can't speak on I don't I I think. I was treated differently than. everybody. >> Um but uh Don continued on with him so.

she saw a lot from what she told me. >> Mhm. Um, but again, you know, if she. wanted to come forward and speak and. tell everybody what she's said to me, she could help a lot of the victims and. protect them. But she's not. >> And everybody can. understand that as they will. If you. were to have signed that contract, you. wouldn't be able to come forward and say. anything right now. >> Crazy that they would choose silence. over. >> and I don't know who or what. I'm not.

suggesting anything cuz I really am. going to respect the text message that I. got, but I. I think a little more protection in. these times for each other as women. would have been really crucial and way. cooler than $300.30. Yeah. >> And I understand that maybe some people. need the money or maybe some people. thought there was some big play that. they could have by owning the rights to. the songs we wrote on. But the songs we. wrote on were never made singles, of.

course, on purpose. They were some of. our best songs, but they were never made. singles. >> Um, and they likely. they'd only pick up damaged showto like. our big singles if some campaign were to. pick it up like in the future or they. have already at this point. Multiple. people have, >> but that's not paying our pockets by. owning the publishing. We don't own the. publishing on Damaged or Showstopper. >> Yeah. >> So, so like it really wasn't the get. that anyone thought. And what it did was. really show that like no one was really.

>> I don't know. I asked everybody, "Hey, could you not sign it? I'll send you 300. bucks if you need it.". >> Literally like let's band together and. be girls. Let's not. >> and maybe Shannon s if she were to have. signed it. Maybe it would be because she. doesn't want that anymore and that would. make it so that would couldn't happen. anymore. >> Yeah. Just final straw. >> Yeah. like, you know, not it's hard if. it's hard when like Shannon knows the.

power of like like she told me toward. the end of Dumb Blonde, I'm like, "This. is how I see this going." Like I we. could create this. I mean, I did the. second album alone basically. >> She came in for a couple days at the. very end, put her voice down on some. tracks, did some shoots with me, and. that was that. I I I did the whole. album. >> Yeah. >> But like But like, as I would tell her, we were on Danny Kane's tour while that. album came out. It was like we were. multitasking a lot of cuz Don came back. and wanted to tour, >> right? So, we were touring and then um I.

was telling Shannon and she just was. like I she has a husband at home and she. needed to go home and she wanted to go. home and she didn't want to do it. anymore. >> and that didn't make sense to me and she. never had had a problem with any of that. prior and like as I started to get into. it with her at one point she just turn. and I was like I I have this TV show. that I think I can get us and blah blah. blah and she was like I no it's a pass. for me and I was like Why? And she just. was like, she had been doing a lot of.

reflection and journaling. She was. always really good at that. and she. said, "I think that I've been on this. train way longer than I was meant to. because I thought my purpose was here. cuz your desire for all of this is so. overwhelming and encompassing that I. thought your dream and desire was mine, too, >> but it it isn't.". And I I don't have a rebuttal to that. I.

simply have to respect that it hurts. like crazy. >> Yeah. >> But I can't tell a grown woman that's. older than me at that like you don't get. the right to feel that way. I wanted to. say that. I mean the most selfish only. child. defense of me if I had a dad and I had. that protection. I wanted to say to her, you know what the goal was when we.

started this. You know what my vision. was. I would not I was never interested. in anything temporary. >> That's why I've been building so long. for the other project that got up. because of somebody else. >> Yeah. >> And you know that I didn't want. disappointment, abandonment, or any of. that. We could turn Dumb Blonde into a. podcast. You We could have turned Dumb. Blonde into so many things that didn't. necessarily require her to be on tour if. her husband needed her home or whatever. it was. >> Yeah. You could have definitely. capitalized on all of that. >> A lot of it. I I think it was. So for.

me, I never really got to say like um. you don't get to give up. This is a. partnership and you don't get to just. decide that you don't like it anymore. I've built spent years of building a. brand with you. >> Yeah. >> But you know, I mean, I could I have. done Dumb Blonde with somebody else that. is still at it and still competitive in. the market like me? Yeah. There was a. ton of girls I know that would have done. it with me and I could still be. releasing music and doing that project. I don't really like being a solo artist.

It's not fun on tour alone. >> You're like a you like uh you like to. run in a wolf pack. >> I'm a I'm an only child that doesn't. have stable, healthy parents or. parenting. Like. >> it's almost like you want that family. >> Yeah. That family, that friendship. around you. >> Yeah. I want friendship. And friendship. requires loyalty. something I never saw. to the the last person that came into my. life on this crazy back of this horrible.

man that's being exposed now. Like we. came back into each other's lives on the. phone at night for hours. I I literally. told her, "We need to we need to just. start recording our phone calls and put. them on YouTube. It's more entertaining. than half the [ __ ] I see anymore.". >> You can't make people want to, you know, do. >> No. I mean, a little business deal. changed all of that. And and I just I I. just got disappointed by Danny Kaine for. the last time. I just really.

I have a slight interest in protecting. the legacy. But frankly, like every time. I'm asked, it's kind of routine that. anyone that's kind of still relevant. that gets asked questions in the media. says, "I'll always come back to Danny. Dane." And there's only two of us left. that are still like taking. >> bigger inter I think probably just me, but my other bandmate still does like a. little independent thing. >> Yeah, >> she gets interviewed sometimes. But like. it's always the move to just say you.

never know and I'll always come back. But that's cute to say, but are you. bringing it all back and taking. responsibility of everyone's feelings. and desires and needs of all the girls? Cuz that's what I did every time. I. didn't just say, "Oh, I'll come back if. everybody wants to." I made it happen. >> I brought the opportunities. I brought. my agents and makeup artists. And. >> that's the hustler in you, though. The. one that. >> You can't make people hustle, baby. I've. tried. I've tried to do that with all my.

friends. >> She just never hustled for. >> Yeah. >> She, you know, you can attach yourself. to it all you want, but are you making. it happen? >> Never. >> Well, moving on from Dumb Blonde and the. whole Danny Kane situation. >> Yeah. It's a rough one obviously. And. there's so much more fresh the last. piece. >> No, for sure. And there's so much more. And if you guys want to know more about. the whole Danny Kane situation, she's. done other interviews. You can go Google. and go listen to it. But I just feel. like you have lived so many lives. It's. been crazy. So, moving on, you go on The.

Apprentice. >> Yeah. >> And is this how you met Don Jr.? Obviously. >> Tell me about the first time you saw Don. Jr. God, I don't remember like the first. time. I mean, it would have been during. filming or prior to maybe during a. thing. >> It wasn't like butterflies flew out from. his or anything like that. It wasn't. like an an iconic moment that you can. remember cuz I I remember the first time. I met my husband. I remember, you know, and I know that you. >> And that's why he's your husband. >> Yeah, literally. But I know that you and.

Don have said to each other that you. guys were soulmates and stuff like that. >> I I'll explain it. I'm not attracted to. physical things. Yeah. Yeah. >> I love visuals. Like as much as I love. visuals, you. >> Well, you like Luke Bryan. So, I mean, >> but I liked him because he gave dad, he. gave loyal, he gave like. >> brave and strong, but the lyrics were. sensitive and vulnerable. I love it. >> It was like it was the attributes. It. wasn't like I can't really tell you what. he looks like. I just remember watching. him thinking like that is a husband.

>> Oh, wait till you see Luke Bryan get his. little hip girration on stage. You're. going to love it. >> I can't wait. I mean, it was years ago, but I just remembered his name from. that. I can't wait for you guys to to. meet each other. I'm so thankful. Thank. you. >> Um, no. So, so, um, I don't remember. I. think we met each other during we did. like big press and photo shoots and. stuff before the competition started. I. think we I remember us talking then. M I. think the first time I saw him. So for. me that means you impressed me with your. mind. >> was something I remember like um a witty.

little smartass comment he made during. the boardrooms and no one in the room. catching it except us and we both. chuckled and then looked at each other. >> and then we just never stopped. They. literally like fun facts that no one. knows and they just did a whole book I. read it on the plane right here laughing. like how Mark Brunett and Trump took. over the world which actually it's not. false that writer is very accurate in. that because they did create the. reputation that made the world feel like.

they were in the right hands with him. Like there are funny stories about like. at the beginning of Celebrity Apprentice. when they first started up, the. production company went in and the Trump. towers were like old wallpaper stale and. they had to like redesign the whole and. make it look like it was money. >> Yeah. >> The helicopter, the gold, all of it that. makes it look like it's all his flying. in on his jet that says Trump. All of. that was production. And I've had. producers literally at dinners tell me.

have grief over feeling responsible for. having created the persona behind a. person that they now don't stand behind. that's running the country. And I sat. there and I thought to myself, >> well, more producers need to start. feeling that grief because these. producers out here with reality TV. stars, especially with how many there. are now, >> they're they are not treated right. reality TV stars. I mean, we're seeing a. lot of it with Bravo and a lot of things. that are coming out with people speaking. out about things. >> Reality TV, I never got into it. I have.

had so many opportunities to do reality. shows and the settings and the. environments in them were never for me. I. >> there aren't very many people that are. taking responsibility over being over. understanding that we're all humans and. we're not animals that are there for. your enjoyment. >> Literally, they just manufacture. It's. it's very like I a lot it wasn't as much. in the beginning. I mean I had a. producer from making the band at her. wedding pull me in the bathroom and say.

to me I still know like the one time in. my career where I really compromised. myself. was I had to go in and pull you out of a. bathroom stall. You were hiding behind. the toilet crying in a ball on the floor. and I had to pick you up and put you. back in a room where I knew you were. going to get attacked by Diddy again. And against all my best judgment did I. want to do that, but I had to. My bosses. were telling me to go get you. And she. was the person I trusted on that set.

The only one that could have got me to. go back into that room. >> Yeah. >> And she apologizes to this day for that. multiple times now. M. >> so so like I I do I did see more. responsibility then there are. responsible producers I'm still making. television with some people that are. responsible. >> but there's there is so many shows I did. for a couple years I didn't even watch. them because the sets were so egregious. >> Yeah. >> Celebrity apprentice edit was like super.

that was the first time I really saw. flagrant edits. Like they have an. episode where our senio hall is leading. and he literally got a paper cut I think. in the first two minutes and left the. set for the whole day and I took over. and won him his challenge. >> and then like the whole episode makes it. look like he's present the whole time. and then someone asked for ideas and I. gave the whole lined it up from start to. finish how we're going to execute the. whole plan my creative and then. everybody was like thank you Aubrey you.

saved the day like let's do this and in. the edit on TV, they show everybody. looking like, "Oh god, here she goes. again." Thinking she knows it all. And I. was like, "Okay, y'all are up for that. edit.". >> It's just how controlled TV is. It's. wild. >> That one was the first one I saw like, "Oh, there's people with real money that. run real behind this show cuz they just. took a whole ass scene and made it. something. They made a This is I'm. watching Scripted now.". >> Yeah. >> This is not giving the reality of what. happened in that room that day. >> So, let's circle back to you and Don Jr.

When was the first time that you and Don. Jr. were intimate? >> Um, it was the night, this is a very controversial topic. because for a long time the pressure on. us was the franchise. >> Like I was told at certain points that. edits were being sent over in the ninth. inning to NBC being re-edited at Mark. Brunett. This is allegedly because Mark. Bernett didn't tell me this, but I.

who I heard it from was pretty uh. reliable. >> Um they were editing clips in the ninth. inning because in boardrooms they always. show Ivanka, Trump and Dawn staring. forward looking at the like the cameras. and then they show the cast staring. forward and looking straight ahead and. they get those shots all the time. And. in every single one of the shots, as the. relationship started to be understood on. the back end and the show's airing and.

everybody's like aware of the problem. for the franchise, like they were going. in and tightly re-editing all the. boardrooms because they said in most of. the shots where everyone's looking. forward, Don is looking at me and I'm. looking at him and we're the only two. whose heads are off. M. >> and it was like visibly present in the. edits and they were going back in and. chopping down and so it could not be. noticeable, >> right? >> Which I I don't I don't remember if I. even watched the show or if it was.

noticeable or not. It was the night the. finale of Celebrity Apprentice. Um I remember like Don called the hotel. room. I was with my assistant. He asked. me, it was down to a couple of us. He. called me. This is some I'm about to. say, but in the in the. >> What a place to do it, though. >> Keeping it 100 raining in Nashville. I'm. dressed like a hooker. Let's go. Um, >> you look beautiful while you're spilling. seeds. All. >> thanks, babe. Um, so.

my assistant was in the room. He called. me at the Trump Tower. I think I don't. know if that was the first time. My. assistant remembers he did it a few. times. She always spent the night with. me and would help me. So, I was like. making sure we were all dressed in the. same outfits. I was doing like the extra. when we'd get off. I wanted my team to. always win and be the best and be color. coordinated and perfect. >> So, I'd go on rent the runway and rent. every get get everyone dresses to make. sure we all were like perfect cuz I. couldn't trust their fashion. Um, but so.

my assistant was with me and he called. and he asked me did I want um help being. in the finals being the final two. Did I. want him to make it happen for me? basically. Um, and I said no. And that I I think then we kind of. established like. we had talked a good amount at that. point enough to understand. He was like. writing me on TW there. There were ways.

we were finding time to communicate with. each other. And I think at that time he. realized, oh, she's not just using me to. win this competition. She likes me. So, he was like testing the waters to see. >> probably. >> I also should have won it and whoever. won could have potentially had a. must-win in their contract because they. had a big talk show that dropped right. after that came back to NVC, but who. knows? That's just allegedly. Um, but I if he could have potentially.

put me in the top two, um, I said no, I want to do it on my own. merit and if I don't, then I don't care. I'm the last female standing. I felt far. I I was used to winning. It would be the. first show I did that I didn't win. >> Yeah. >> But I was so like falling in love with. him so deeply at that point. And. >> falling in love just by the. conversations or just by working. together? Was there stuff going on. behind the scenes?

>> Did you guys go on dates? Was there. secret rendevous? >> No. No. You can't. You're locked down. >> I was going to say locked down. But that. show films for like it airs for like two. months. That back that was the longest. show I've ever filmed and aired on on. television. It's a. >> a hefty show. If you make it to the end, you're doing it feels like centuries go. by. I suppose it it isn't centuries, but. >> in Hollywood, >> you're working for huge companies every. episode, building movies and. commercials. I mean, it's a real.

competition show. Best show I've ever. done, frankly. The edit wasing garbage. Mark Brunette should like seriously have. regrets over some of those flagrant. edits that he threw on me, but um or. whoever did over there. But um. I. I told Don no and I think there was a. conversation like this is serious, isn't. it? Yeah. And then we did the finale. I.

we all come back for the finale to raise. get see who wins it by giving helping a. team being picked for one team or. another throwing a big event. So Clay. Aken and I sang during it. He was. standing next to Daddy. I was singing. like um. >> Daddy Daddy Donald. >> Yeah. Uh. uh I will survive by Donna Summers. Yeah, >> that's the song Clay had me sing. >> Um I sang it like to Donald's face and. whatever. And then after.

I was I think I was hosting or I was. getting paid to go to a gay club. Um and. at the time like everyone came back and. Marco trying to think the son. Marco's. the son and dreddy was uh supposed to be. in it but there was this horrible crash. in his world and then like one of his. very good friends passed in it. >> and so he dropped out last minute and. his dad took his spot and I liked his. dad during filming. He came back to the. finale and he kind of had a crush on me.

>> So he's like. >> the dad did. >> No, the son did. Marco. So he So he like. came to the he's like, "Can I come like. meet up with you?" I don't know. I was. on I was on my at that point in time. because I had Marco Andredy and Don. Trump Jr. here and here, my assistant. and my gay uh best friend who was my. hair stylist and in on all this because. for all kinds of reasons, but he styled. me during Apprentice. you weren't. allowed to have your own teams, but I. had it in my contract. But because.

>> that's how that's how I would move. >> But he was able to hear everything that. was said in the boardrooms when they. would take us out because he was. watching the monitors with the rest of. the hair and makeup who don't have. personal relationships with anyone. So, I got to learn a lot about what was. being said about me behind closed doors, which I shouldn't have been getting. access to, but I did. >> Yeah. >> So, I knew things that they were saying, fights that they were having. Trump. didn't feel I was pretty. Ivanka was. fighting for me saying like you can't. keep like putting Miss Universe over.

somebody that's smarter. >> Like this needs to be a real like she's. smart. Like she was taken up for me. >> Ivanka seems to me to be to be like a. stand-up woman. >> I can't get into that. I can't that's I. I can't co-sign that that statement um. based off of Dawn's. portrayal of things. But um but anyway, so um I went to a gay club and Mar Marco. Andredddy and Donald Trump Jr. he showed.

up. I couldn't believe it. He showed up. to a gay club. Everybody was gagged. My. whole team was looking at me like we. have seen you move, but this is real. you're you're moving real serious right. now. And at that time, maybe it wasn't. so crazy that nowadays, I mean, when I. said that on a podcast, it went viral. that Don and I were in a gay club the. first time we had sex. >> Um, but like I remember going back and. forth between Don and Marco and just.

like Marco got dropped out pretty fast. >> Someone clutched in, kept him busy. Don. and I were like locked in, locked in. Like it was in the every touch, every. stare, every word. It was like. >> he's a handsome guy and I don't like. square dudes, but he's he's a handsome. dude. >> I don't even know. I don't even It's. attracted to him. I don't know if his. visual is like necessarily attractive to.

people or not. I don't know. >> Um but. >> he's got swag. You know, Donald Trump. has swag, too. They just there's a. reason why they're politicians. They're. not, you know, they're not just. >> Yeah. >> fuddy duddies. They obviously h have a a. mouthpiece on them and know how to have. a conversation and how to persuade and. how to talk. So, I could see where the. allure would be. >> Yeah. I never saw it in dad as much, but. >> she's like, "Not dad." But Don is def. Don is clever and witty and very smart.

and every conversation was interesting. and every conversation was a challenge. and a a brain challenge. Who can. outsmart the other and how much more do. they know than the other? It was so fun. for me. I was so stimulated on every. level. >> That's you're a sapioexual. You like to. be stimulated by through your mind which. I mean every a lot of women do. why I. know so much of his life right now. likely is fraudulent in my opinion.

allegedly because it just doesn't fit. who I know him to be unless other people. aren't who they are showing themselves. to be. I don't know. But um. >> so did you guys end up having. >> So long story. >> I'm like I'm like I'm invested now. >> So I told my Don and I I don't know if. we planned on I think we wanted to make. out for sure. We didn't want anyone. seeing us. And I told my my hair stylist. who was like knew all the people at the. club in New York and was coming to the.

gig with me. So we went I remember he. brought me over to the bathroom with. Dawn and there was like this big ass. black guy outside of the bathroom and he. was like no one's coming in like this is. for whatever. And he was like listen. this is this and this. He's like I don't. care dog. And there was like a little. bit of a dispute and I think either he. had to kiss him or I somebody k I had to. kiss him. Somehow something with a. bodyguard happened in order to get me. and Don into this bathroom. I'd have to. like go back and ask all them what.

happened that night. >> So your hairdresser had to kiss. >> No, I don't if maybe it was me. He. worked something got worked out that was. wild. But he let us in this bathroom. that was like this big. Yeah. There was. like a full-blown like chase in the. bathroom and all kinds of [ __ ] We. definitely didn't think we were going to. hook up. I wasn't I didn't know any of. it was going to happen because the whole. like. >> joke and our relationship started at. that night which was we started making. out. We started to have we were trying.

to have sex trying because I was still. in my dress from the finale and that. dress was tight as like a all diamond. gold dress and it took forever to get. the dress unzipped and once it unzipped. I had the most the craziest Spanx you've. ever [ __ ] seen on like they didn't even. have the hole in the crotch or anything. They were like all the way up to here. down to here. So he had to like. >> you know how your girlfriend has to like. get you.

>> Spanx moment. How it's you would never. do that if you were going on a date. You'd never deal with a dude. They have. to like get it down past your fat rolls. in order to get into you. >> Yeah. >> He did all that. And so he. >> he worked for the. >> he he got those Spanx all the way down. and we had and I remember like he would. call me like Spanky after that. Like we. would just joke about like the how we. had the most ridiculous in a middle of a.

gay club. So you go home that night. What do you say to yourself? You're like. I just had with Donald Trump Jr. in a. gay club bathroom after making out with. the. >> I think it was me that made out with the. bodyguard. at night. >> Do you in your mind are you like I'm. going to pursue this? I want to be with. this man or did you think of it as more. of like a flash in the pan? >> I don't remember. I'd have to ask my. assistant. She has like stellar memory. of all these things. Half the time she. reminds me of these of what cuz she was. with me in the hotel room at every stage. of this.

>> Um she would have been there that night. as well. I probably talked to her the. whole night about it. I don't know. I. remember like shortly after, maybe I. still had to do some like final things. like photographs or takes or something. like that at the after we were wrapped, >> but I was probably in the Trump hotel. for maybe like a few days after. >> Um, and I remember he called me. um, and we had like a serious talk about.

does this continue? Um, and I was just like, I just feel. like you're my soulmate. Like I I didn't. say the word soulmate. He said it first. to me, but I I said, I just feel like I. can't stop this. And he's like, I feel. that, too. I mean, >> I mean, did you guys talk about his wife. at all? >> I So, I know this was like a long. conversation. I don't honestly remember. all the details, but I do remember me. saying something like.

like like we we just seem to be like so. aligned in every way, like made for each. other, like perfect for each other. And. he said like um. is the perfectly made man for you. married? Um, and I said, I don't I don't know. I need to. understand that better. So, I think it probably in the very.

beginning might have been like, >> sorry, >> a lot of conversations about what their. marriage looks like, >> right? >> I heard enough without being. disrespectful to her. Um, I heard enough. to have at the time felt like they had. an understanding. >> kind of like an open marriage. >> on his end, I'm sure. >> I don't know about. >> I know he had he told me he had cheated.

before. I don't know if she had caught. him, but he had only physically cheated. He had never like mentally fallen in. love with any of the girls. I think. there were like two people. before me, but um he. um he explained it in a way and I was. naive enough. This what it changed for. me and I said this on Michael Cohan's. podcast podcast, but it changed for me. after I saw my best friend give birth. years later. Um when I saw a child come.

out of her, first time I've ever seen. that. I realized what a woman does for a. man to when they have a child for them. And that put a lot of grief on me for a. while over. how naive I was to think that all of. this was okay with her. I don't know. that it was as okay as maybe I thought. it was or he described it as. He said enough to me about their.

relationship that made me feel very. comfortable knowing that as he's living. there and I'm on the phone with him all. day and all the way up. We had talked. all day long until tree time. We called. it tree time. He'd walk home from Trump. to his house and that was like our time. to like climb up in our tree and like be. best friends and lovers until he went. into his life. And I'd have to wait till. the morning for to have my best friend. back.

>> Do you miss him? >> I don't remember him. unless I'm asked to talk about it and. then. like we had a final conversation and it. was recorded. Um, and I listened back to it when I was. doing all of my psychedelics and he. alternative healing in Bali or any other.

place I went where psychedelics are. legal. >> because I would never do anything. illegal in a place where things are. illegal. But um when I was going through. my healing stages, I listened to it for the first time, like all of it back. And. you know, when everyone's when daddy. came to be president and everyone. started to come forward and they all.

kind of had the same nickname and you. saw what a problem it was and how many. girls had the same experiences, I was. like, "Oh my god." had like that's what. I was for the son. I like would identify. with Stormmy Daniels who by the way is. actually like witty and very. interesting. I'm friendly with her and I. like her a lot. So I wouldn't I wouldn't. mind the the the comparison. She's very. she's smart. She's very interesting. >> I feel like Twitter I love her. >> I feel like the Trumps secretly love.

blondes but Mary brunettes. >> Oh, do I miss him? I I can't say. >> the phone call. What what the phone call. I like so I was doing PTSD shrooming and. I would take like very large doses of. shrooms. It wasn't like. >> uh date how people like micro dose. It. was like I had never done them before. and I was taking like 12 grams or. something. Most people take like two or. three. >> Yeah. >> Um I take. >> brave soul. That's a lot. People don't. realize that's a lot to DMT mushrooms.

all that. >> None of that happened under under the. title of bravery. I would if I were if I. were wearing a mask, I would tell you. that. But it I didn't care about living. anymore. So. >> maybe I could find a reason or a purpose. or an understanding that I didn't have. if I tried to go to a different realm. >> None of it was ever done to get high or. party. It was all done in like. facilities. Yeah. >> With therapists and people guiding me. And I'd have to like, you know, drop.

down into the highs with like cacao. ceremonies and breath work. And then I. had to like write lists of intentions of. like anything I think that could be. traumatizing me in my life. Mom was a. big one. I thought when she started to. cover my mom when I was dropped down. under because she would record the. sessions or diary them. I have all of. it. >> Yeah. >> I look back on it and um she brought up. like some really heavy stuff that I. thought was living inside me about my. mom. Like when I first arrived, I saw a.

girl um having an experience with. shrooms and she was crawling on like. grass, clutching it and saying she. wanted to be like let out of her body. And I looked at it and I was like, "Oh, this shit." And then I like turned. around and I was like, >> "What are you going to do? Go home and. not want to live another day? You You. got to push yourself. Now's time to. figure out if we we'd take some pills. and go sleeping night nights. Like.

that's where I was at with it. >> Yeah. >> I had them ready. So I I saw the girl. clutching the grass and I was like, "That's going to be me." The second she. brings up my mom. She brought up my mom. She brought up some very severe memories. and I just had one tear. It's. documented. One tear ran down my face. and she said, "Tell me what that tear. is." And I said, "I'm so sad for my mom. because I ended up being so neat. I.

ended up being such a neat kid who. like became super like. I I heal. I went and got healing. I was. uh on a aderall ambient cocktailed life. for 20 years. M. >> I went and left the country and see. healing, got off of pills and learned. about my pain and my trauma and I dealt.

with every hor horrible thing that was. living inside of me and I let go of. being Aubrey Day and everything that. meant. >> So you go death. >> Yeah. I murdered that person off. And. like I'm pretty neat when I'm not her in. the the one that the world knows, >> right? >> And I did it all by myself with no help. And I didn't even know where what Bali. was or where I was going or what the I.

was I went into Bali as it became a red. zone during COVID and every red zones. where everyone was dying, right, on the. map. >> Yeah. >> I never saw one person have COVID the. entire time I was there. But either way, I was like, um, what the am I doing. every day? What the am I doing? Like I. just had no will to live anymore. I was. I was done. >> Well, I mean that you went through a. lot. How long were you with Donald for. Don Jr.? >> A long time. >> Like years. >> A long time. >> I mean, that's got to be heavy cuz you.

got to think all this trauma that you're. suffering. You went through the. childhood. You went through Danny Kane. You went through Don Jr. You went. through, you know, Travis back to back. When I first met Travis, I just always. dreamt, like I saw you say this in an. interview, I want to marry a rock star. Like, >> I wanted to be with a man that sung me. to sleep, that had this voice better. than anyone. And it doesn't hurt that. he's easy on the eyes and hot and just. one of the best vocalists I've like been.

around in life. >> I was more famous and made way more. money. He was struggling to get by and. way more talented and had to feel all. the things a very talented person feels. when they see somebody else getting. everything they want. So, he had to love. me and also be a bit jealous of me, too. And it didn't work. >> Yeah. Jealousy never works in a. relationship. >> Then I was attracted to a guy who was, you know, three years with Travis. The.

singing was like, can you shut the up? It wasn't like I can die in a ditch and. be broke with you. If you just sing to. me, it'll be okay that all the mucus. that everyone just put in their toilets. is dripping down me in the sewer. No. >> After 3 years of that, I realized I need. a man that actually is going to be where. they say they're going to be in three. years. His was a millionaire and Justin. Bieber every year and it just never. happened. And while all that was. occurring, we were living in my house on.

my dime. It was like you don't want to. pay for everything and then your man. after you paid for everything on. vacation. It's like you can come on. vacation with me but if I don't want to. go to your side and leave me alone, >> right? >> Well, it's a it's a. >> it's an imbalance of power too in the. relationship. >> and that I'm sure that that hurt him. He. was more talented than me and and I'm. not saying I'm not talented. I'm not. putting myself down when I say that. However, t I can recognize the truth.

Travis was far more talented than me as. a singer. >> Yeah. >> Not as a star, but as a singer. He was. And he did so much to inspire Dumb. Blonde. me taking myself seriously. I mean, he. came in my house and was like, "First. thing, let me look at your wardrobe, open my closet, and was like, you were. taking everything with color out." He. taught me how to dress Kanye colors, beige tones, brown tones, black tones,

filter my like he kind of started me on. a cool vibe, right? >> I just realized in three years every. time I saw used to see him three years. prior going like this on Instagram in a. photo thinking, "Oh my god, he's so. fine." I was the one taking those and it. took three hours to get that pose and he. did it 50 times and it really wasn't. that sexy. >> Yeah. You just. >> Well, what happened is the allure and. the the mystique behind it comes off. I. trust me, there's been a a few musicians.

that I've been like, "Oh my god, he's so. fine." And then I meet him in person and. I'm like, "Nope." Cuz like. >> if you met Travis in person, you'd be. totally attracted to them. He's such a. charming winner in person. But. >> I like men that wear makeup. That's my. thing. >> I'm trying to think if he wears makeup. >> He might. >> I don't think I mean maybe when he's I. don't even know. I don't know what he. does now. >> I don't know who Travis Garland is. I. just know that you've dated him. >> Well, you should check out his music. He's incredible. He's an incredible. singer. He's married now. I think he's. got kids from what I hear. But, um, but.

no, he was he was very inspiring in a. time and a place, but he wasn't right. for me. I I hated leaving the. relationship. I was sick. I held on to. that with all my might. And when it was. let go of, I went straight to TV and the. first guy that sat in front of me was. Paulie. And it was out of that into this. like that. And that was backtoback. Don. Jr., Travis, Paulie, like it all was. backtoback. Very long relationships, all. of them. >> So then after Paulie, I I was so damn.

bad. I I didn't have sex for. >> I didn't have sex for a year after. Polly. And then I went to Bali during. COVID. I didn't have for like. >> two and a half years, two and a half, three years. During Bali, somebody asked. me that and they were like, "Are you. serious?" And I was like, is that weird? >> No, >> I just been out here healing, living. I. I'm not really attracted to anyone. I. don't feel the need to like have. somebody text messaging. I used to have.

10 guys on Ready. >> It gets exhausting. >> I don't need anyone. >> My husband and I were talking about that. last night. We were laying in bed and we. were watching this uh series. And in the. series, these this like almost. 50year-old couple is like they're going. on their first date together. And I. looked at and they were like telling. each other everything about each other's. lives. And I looked over to Jay and I. was like, "Babe, I love you, but we are. riding this out." And we like dapped. because I was like, "I'm not doing. that.". >> No. And he he agreed. He's like, "Man, I. can't." He's like, "I'm cringing right.

now thinking about having to tell. somebody my whole life story." I'm like, "There's no way." And sometimes you just. don't want to do that, you know, and. that's okay. >> I listen, I feel that so deeply. I I'm. like because I adore you. I'm so happy. that you have that. I wish I did. >> Thank you. It's been a lot of work, you. know, and I try to always keep it real. with everybody. Like Jay and I are. amazing now. And it has been smooth. sailing for us so far, you know, this. this end of our relationship. But man, in the beginning, it was rough. It was.

toxic. He was a struggling musician, too. Despite some people always want to. be like, "Oh, Jay Jay was famous. Jay, you know, everybody knew who Jay was.". No, the they didn't. Nobody knew who my. husband was unless you lived in Kentucky. in Ohio, um Indiana and Tennessee. That. was it. Like when I first got with him, he was a struggling artist, too. And I. was making a [ __ ] ton of money in the. beginning, you know? So, it you know, it. it was very rough. We had a very. >> How quickly did he become f famous. within you getting with him?

>> Well, you know, I married a rapper, right? >> I heard you say that, but then I I know. Jelly raps sometimes, so I was thinking, is she considering him a rapper? No, he. was he is a rapper. My husband is a. rapper. >> No, I know he raps. That's what I. thought you were talking about. So, you. write a different rapper. >> No, no, no. My husband. >> Oh, yeah. No, I know he's a rapper. His. whole. >> I heard you say that and I was like, is. she meaning like a thug? Like a rapper. rapper? But I guess I was like jelly. rap. So, >> he is a rapper. His entire dis. discoraphy. Is that what they call it? Until they until you get up until the. two country albums that he's Well, the.

second one he's about to drop the first. one. That's he's his entire catalog is. rapping. I love that. >> He's a great rapper. >> You guys are like such a atypical. understanding for the country world that. to me when I looked into your guys'. story, I just fell in love with it. Yeah. >> Because it felt like. >> I wanted to come visit this area cuz. music is my life. Yeah. >> I wanted to come visit this area, but it. just felt a little too. I wouldn't be a I couldn't take this.

person to every room I roll rolled. through. Like I couldn't bring this. person around the thugs and the A. >> but Jell's like you could bring He was. at the. >> Oh, he's he's invited to the cookout. Okay. >> He's definitely invited to the cookout. >> Anywhere. >> No. And I was more bougie than he was. Like I'm West Coast, you know. I grew up. in Vegas was grew up on the streets of. LA, you know, like that was my life. So, you know, meeting him and us coming. together, it was um it was a beautiful. disaster and I'm just thankful that it.

has turned out the way it did. But to. answer your question, my husband uh. dropped Save Me. He was always he his. music was gaining traction, but it. wasn't to the level that. >> it's a co I I met with a guy that told. the comedian guy that did that. He. showed me a video he did during co see I. wasn't here so I missed that he got that. Jelly got famous for that. I knew more. of the serious like I loved the lyrics. obviously he kills on lyrics because. he's vulnerable and honest about the. dark days and we love that. >> Even his raps were like that. I'll have. to send you some of his rappers. I have.

to I have to hear them. >> I love I rapper on like the country. stuff, but I was like I don't know if. he's serious about this cuz the co thing. was more like. >> rapper jelly is is a boss. >> Is he going to rap tonight? >> No. No, he won't. But rapper jelly is a. boss. And I tell him all the time. I'm. like, "Baby, bring it back just one more. time.". >> Wait, do you make him talk? Do you like. that in bed before you? >> My husband is so He is the sweetest. little teddy bear dude. Like I'm the. wild one and my husband's like, "Come. cuddle with me." you know, he's just my. big teddy bear. Um, but yeah, we do when.

we would get drunk and, you know, have. wild nights like that, we I would make. him do some crazy, but for the most for. the most part, the hubby's a sweetie. pie. Um, but he didn't get really famous. until the last what, three two and a. half years. >> Two and a half years. >> So, how long into how long have you guys. been together? >> Eight years. >> Yeah. So, you held on longer than I. could. But Travis never became anything, right? I never my thing is is like I. always wanted to, you know, I always say. the rockstar thing because my dad was a.

musician, you know, so I wanted to marry. somebody like my dad and I always. envisioned as a little girl like I was. going to be Tony Kain and I was going. toing dance on somebody's, you know, old. school car in a music video. Like to me. that was that was my happy ending, you. know, like and I just knew that I was. always going to have my own going on. So, I didn't really care what my husband. had going on as long as he was chasing. his passion. And that to me was. >> How quickly did you fall in love with. him? Because I saw an interview where. you said you guys [ __ ] right away. >> Yeah. >> But what. >> Well, that's how I move.

>> Well, girl, listen. I'm not throwing any. shade your way. I [ __ ] the first. nightish, too, after all the cameras. were gone. >> The first night I met my husband, I he. >> you guys had But did you love Did you. fall in love with him instantly? >> No. So, the first night my husband and I. met, we didn't have I was with somebody. else. I was in a very abusive. relationship and it was a nightmare. I. had been with this person for like three. or four years. Um, but I met Jay and. when I met him, he was not my type. He. was not somebody that I was into at all.

I'm not his type. He likes little. brunettes, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we just both had this weird strange. attraction to each other. But we. >> swagger probably for you. >> But yeah, it was just his little. southern charm. He's so cute. Um, I'll. have to call so you can meet him and. talk to him after this. But um you know. I just was so attracted to him and I. didn't know what it was and then a year. uh about 5 months later my ex ended up. going to prison and his manager at the. time was like one of my friends and I.

was like tell Jolly to call me you know. give him my number and so Jay started. calling me and like you know pursuing. you. >> We were just kind of like feeling each. other out and then he came to stay with. me to record some music videos. is I had. a penthouse in Vegas and he came and. stayed with me and my girls and you know. we just kind of fell in love and we. ended up getting married that like right. then like a couple days later. Yeah. Oh, we we got married after being together. for. >> he was like I'm not letting you out of. my mother. >> 30 days. >> He wasn't going to let anyone else come. near you,

>> you know. And actually smart man. >> No, we fought about it too cuz I was. like I am not marrying you. And he's. like but you're going to marry me. And. he's like you're not going to be doing. this line of work for the rest of your. life. He's like, "I pro before we. >> What line of work was it?". >> I was uh I was a highriced call girl, so. I made a ton of money like. >> Okay, by the way, you know, like. everyone that's real famous right now. was doing that back when I was in Danny. Kane that time. >> Come on now. Yes, for sure. I. >> Crazy, right? >> I was like I was like escorting isn't. what everybody nowadays they know cuz.

it's just you go to Only Fans. >> Well, there's different levels to this. too. >> Yeah. I was like half these bosses out. here are doing they're moving. Yeah, but. I always had like side projects going. on, you know, like it wasn't always just. >> No, wait. Can you tell me about that, please? Because I'm so curious what that. life feels like. Do you do you connect. to people physically or you can detach. from them? Like when I have with. someone, I see it as like a soul. exchange. So like why I didn't have for. like that long period of time. I was. just really like I connected my soul. with someone that was so bad.

>> and I got so unhealthy after. >> Yes. that I realized I cannot h I have. to know your soul before your is in me. >> So I I and I have. >> talking the mic I have friends that. still escort and do that kind of stuff. and I'm like don't you. >> is it just a me thing or did are you how. are you able to connect from allowing. the transfer of energy to enter you in. that profession? >> Yeah. So I was on a lot of Xanax and.

cocaine and I was drugged up drinking. all the time. So I knew if you got a if. you knew you had to go show up. somewhere, you would make sure that you. were. >> So I worked Yeah. And I in my mind I was. working sober because I wasn't sloshed. But I was always under the substance of. something, you know, and when you're. that low vibrational, you're not. thinking about exchanging souls. You're. thinking about surviving. And that's. where I was, you know, like I had came. from such a long line of trauma and just. been through so much that to me it was. like, oh, I'm just I'm gonna the way I.

looked at it was like I'm going to take. this mother's money, you know? And. that's where. >> that's how they all everybody in my. company looks at it like that now. Literally, that's how I'm like the the. the. transactional element of sex, like the. transactional like money sex business of. it, >> I'm watching play out in front of my. eyes, kind of in front of the world. I. see. I know a lot of girls like and I. don't I'm like all of them and I and I. try to think like how does it feel? What. does it feel like? Like I try to. understand just. >> it's it's powerful for some and for some.

it it. >> it's like how you like vibrationally. >> Yeah. I was molested as a child. So my. thing was I didn't I hated men. And it. was like if you're going to cheat on. your wife then you deserve to pay me. If. you want to touch me you have to pay me. >> I've heard that a lot. So it but for. every girl it's different. I don't um I. don't glamorize the lifestyle because. you know my situation was completely. different. I knew my worth and I. demanded my worth. One of my sugar. daddies was Donald Trump, one of Donald. Trump's best friends and he was a.

and every bit of money that he gave me. >> I [ __ ] deserved. Yeah. Literally because. he was so mean to me like you know. >> can you explain that to me if you don't. if and if I'm if that I'm being too. intrusive just tell me. >> Girl, I'm an open book. Okay. C can you. tell me like what is it what happened. like with someone like him? You said he. was not cool. Um I can picture it if it. were a cool exchange. What does a not. cool exchange look like? Like you walk. in and they make you do something weird.

immediately or like. >> he would tell me. So I even I have uh. him on video. Like I have these videos. that if I ever wanted to I could release. them, but I would never do that. Um he. would tell me you're you're fat. You. need to get your body redone. >> Then why was he paying so much to have. you there? But me being the strong. person I am, I'd be like, "Okay, well. then uh pay to get my body done and he'd. be like, "Okay." And so we'd get or. whatever and the next day I'd go to the. surgeon and be like, "Okay, so I need. 35,000 to get, you know, this this and.

this done." Like he would pick you. >> He would be like, "What are you doing. with your life? You're a hooker." You. know, like just talk just be emotionally. >> abusive. He must be he must be on all. day to be a man that needs to find a. woman to take it out on after hours. >> Yeah. >> He you you have to cuz I. >> But a lot of women that would break them. down. He just didn't realize. >> breaking me down hearing that someone. even said that to you seeing how. beautiful you are and your work and I. just rolled up to a multi-million dollar. home and and I I really want to love.

Nashville but this rain's killing me. But if I could have seen the thunder and. thundtorms during the middle of summer, I was like, "This is summer in. Nashville. I don't know if I can live. here now." I could barely see through. the window, but. >> it's not like this all the time. >> Okay. He was like, "This is how it is in. summer." I'm like, "This is summer. Who. wants to live like this?". >> No, no, no, no. I would go crazy. This. is like Seattle if it rained like this. >> all the time. That's what I was like, "This is summer." I don't I was like. shocked when the and the the the thunder. and the lightning is like intense. But.

um but I just rolled up to a very. wealthy area and beautiful home. So to. me, I'm I look at you with such I know. you're a boss [ __ ] and you're worth. just physically without even knowing. you. So to me it hurts me to hear that. someone even spoke to you like that in. life. >> But to me like it it never hurt me. because I was like you're paying me, you. know, like but to a lot. >> see through the manipulation. >> Exactly. And but you know a lot of women. that would break them down and that. would make them hurt and that would add.

to their trauma. And for me. >> there because they already were hurt. >> Exactly. Well I nobody gets into sex. work because they had a perfect. childhood. And if they do then they're. just they're searching for something. else. You know there's something else. that they need the answer to life about. You know 99% of women that are in work. have some sort of you know childhood. trauma whether it be sexual emotional. abusive. Can I tell you that that I want. to touch on this because I've had such a.

strong reaction from people with Only. Fans. >> I've. slightly. It's a Let's not play like Only Fans. tries to act like you can be a sports. star and show your sports workout and. make millions over there, >> right? >> It's website right now at least. Yeah. >> Um like I'm assuming that's Listen, I. love Only Fans. They're so amazing. But. like I think most people go on there to. see sexuality for the most part. I know. people play.

>> different things on there. I get the. hustle for a lot of people, but it's. made me have to really be bold about my. sexuality and understanding. >> Well, take your power back too. >> Take my power and not like I used to. like kind of tell somebody now I'm like. I'm not only Only Fans. Is that an. issue? Like, and. >> if a man has a problem with you, >> all women have a problem with it, they I. immediately get treated differently now. I don't I the the way people come at me. once they learn that element, it's so. different and it's different than.

anything. >> You need a thug. You need a drug dealer. >> Well, no, that's what I'm saying. I'm. like, I'm starting to realize if I cuz I. just make so much money that I'm like, it could be I don't feel like I'm not. compromising myself. I feel perfectly. fine. I'm totally in control of what I. do. Yeah. >> So, so for me, I'm just like, and I I. like being sexual and feeling that in. myself again. I mean, I went for 3 years. and didn't have a man near me. I didn't. even kiss anyone. >> Yeah. >> Like, if I want to be sexual and embrace. it, but. >> when this diddy [ __ ] started happening.

and all this stuff started occurring, I. started asking myself like, is this a. result of some like grooming a as a. child? um. >> maybe even younger child. >> I think I think you put and this is my. assessment of you just from sitting here. with you for the past 2 and 1/2 hours is. I think that you have so much hurt from. your father that you're not recognizing. >> I don't care about him at all. >> Even though you don't.

>> my mom Yes. I'm hurt as by her. >> Even though you don't. >> I'll be offended the rest of my life. There's still a wound there and there's. still a little girl searching for a dad. that like. >> could my mom be my dad and my mom that. I'm looking for? I think I dad and my. mom. >> I tell everybody I have mommy and daddy. issues. Like you you can have both and. you don't have to have one. You know, you can have both. >> But could one parent represent both. those issues? Cuz my mom had to be my. mom and my dad. >> I Well, I feel like that she's all. you've ever known. But I do think like.

when you were a little girl, did you. ever see like dads with their little. girls and like yearn for that because. that's normal. >> Like did you ever. >> I'm an only child and I. >> I. my best friends were all gays in. theater. I didn't have nor. >> I I don't really have a lot of real I. got famous so young. >> Yeah. >> So my only real friends are from before. that. And I have a couple that like they. like they were the popular girls in.

school and they really came around when. I got famous and took a liking to me and. they were cool with me during that time. too and they might not be seen out in. public with me everywhere but they were. my friends then too. >> Yeah, >> it was cooler to be my friend later on. in life for sure. Mhm. >> But you know, they all have regular. lives, so we can't So I just don't that. element I don't have I don't I don't. >> It could be stem from your mom, too. But. anything, you know, that's happened. They say that trauma starts in the womb.

Like your mom could have been upset. It. could have been, you know, you you could. have heard your mom and your dad. arguing. Like there could have been so. many things that have happened. And then. on top of that then you have the diddy. you know and it's just like there you. just have a lineage of you know this is. where it started and this is where it's. continued and you just have to now that. you've gone to Bali though and like done. all of this work have you tried dating. again since ever since since you came. back from Bali? Have you noticed that.

you've been able to to, you know, stop. some of these patterns. or are you still going for the same kind. of guy? >> Definitely went for something completely. different when I got home, but. >> Well, you were fresh off the, you know, the the healing journey. So, you're. probably. >> fresh. I was like overhealed by the time. I left. I was like I started look going. to all the healing things every day and.

looking at everyone like I'd go to. poetry you know spoken word nights and. prophets would go up there and talk. about their country and big pharma and. this that and do it super poetic and. this justice like this. >> Yeah. >> And I'd be like in it like these pe like. in the world. I was in the culture. I. was in it. But then I started going to. them and being like, "Well, if it was so. bad, then what the are you doing here? Go home. Go start your own political. party. Go organize and assess and change.

for your country. Change for people in. it. You're sitting over here.". >> That's the analytical side of you, too. >> I just I started looking at everybody. like, "Y'all are a little bit. fraudulent. I love that y'all want to be. healers here, but all y'all mother are. not healers. Most of y'all are faking. healing so you could stay in a nice area. because you don't want to go back home. or maybe you don't have a direction in. life. But y'all mother aren't all. healers. >> Yeah, there's a lot of fake positivity. in the world. >> It It rings true in Bali. It It was less.

true during CO because you couldn't get. in. So, I was really there with the. people. But there I did see a lot of. false prophets. Listen, I don't know if. they're false prophets. I would I would. in my opinion feel a little bit of. flagrant. uh flagrant energy coming off of certain. people. >> and I just started to realize like all. I've done is run away and reenter in a. place that's really easy to reenter. Can. I do it at home?

>> Right. And so since you've been back, have you applied everything that you. learned in Bali or are you still dating. the same. >> types of men? >> So right now I'm not dating at all. Um. when I first got back from Bali, I only. dated one guy and I he was clear with me. from the very beginning that he doesn't. feel he can fall in love with a woman. He's never he was like a little younger. than me, but we had always he had stayed. friends with me. You want to fall in.

love with a man? >> No, he just said he doesn't have that. He's got his own trauma, I think, from. his parents and other things. He doesn't. see. >> Okay. So, just saying in general he. can't fall in love with anybody. >> He was he said I we were been friends. for so long. He was like I don't I'm. scared to have with you because I don't. want to lose our friendship. >> And I was like I've detached from Aubrey. O day. I don't need all the most. powerful in the country and only that. and only like fairy taleish fake things.

like I made with Polly in my mind. Like. all that's done. I can casually be with. somebody and just get off for the sake. of getting off and this guy's great and. he's super nice to me and we're great. friends. That ended in a pregnancy and a. whole thing. So. >> what happened with the pregnancy? >> Um didn't work out. So that situation got really muddy. I. walized. the whole time I thought I was able to.

be detached and not care and not I was. like becoming. >> I was outside of myself. I was jealous. I was stalking. I was not stalking like. physically but like in in Instagram. scrolling checking for checking up on. reaching out instead of being reached. out to all the time like I wasn't being. courted I was. >> you were doing the change. >> sex with a guy every couple days we'd.

meet up and have and the sex is like a. soul exchange for me for him it isn't. and he tried to explain that to me in. the beginning and I thought that I was. healed and have ventured ed outside of. myself so much that I could take on a. relationship like that. And I absolutely. failed miserably and it didn't end well. It was like um just. traumatic for us both probably. >> Yeah. >> And I look back on it like like I really.

did he really was like a friend or maybe. he wasn't. >> Is this Pros that you're talking about? >> No. So So you're I totally forgot about. that one. So yeah, there's pros too. There's this guy and then there's Pros. Um yeah, Pros was interesting, but um. no, he this was a different guy. Um, and. I just it the relationship I realized. like, whoa, I thought I could just come. back here and join Only Fans and pop up.

on this man's every couple days and. >> not catch feelings. >> and be freed from all the ties and. boundaries and titles and entitlement. and all the [ __ ] Holy, I got taken. I I went through like a whirlwind fast. of like what is my identity and what am. I seeking and what am I attracting and. why did all of this just get so out of. pocket? And then I was like, okay, I'm. going to chill. So, I didn't have for. like a year. Then pros came along.

Um, >> have you ever done traditional therapy. that isn't on a reality show? >> Yeah. Half the time, if I'm being real. with you, I'm so observant of people. that I'm talk like we've said when we're. on set, we can multitask. I've been. seeing every time he thinks something's. funny or he's trying to end it and. looking at his clock. I've peeped like. everybody I can in this room. I I've. seen Listen, the most handsome gentleman.

over here with his tongue out for the. past two hours. Like I. >> I've been like trying to wake him up. because he's over here sawing logs. That tongue has been increasing this. entire time. It's almost to the couch. It is literally my favorite thing in the. world right now. >> So, >> um, but no, I've I'm assessed so much. that like when I'm sitting with normal. therapists, I can see. >> the cracks in their Mhm. that I'm the. same way. >> One was projecting, one I saw her look. at the clock when I was saying something.

very meaningful to me and I was like, "Oh, this [ __ ] is just working for a. dollar." And then when I got back with. Paulie after paying. >> thousands and thousands of dollars, I. went right back to the chaos after we. everybody thought we broke up on. marriage boot camp, but he came right. back. >> and I went right back into Vegas and I'm. in his whatever his nice car was. He'll. remember cars that are his, you know, they all give him his power in his mind. You know, they're all his they're all. what makes him him. I was so unimpressed.

by it by even in the beginning, but by. the end so. >> I feel like you guys had a really sour. go because you like you you talk you. even talk about Diddy like so much more. endearing than you talk about Paulie. >> Yeah, I. there's elements. So, >> how long were you guys together? Oh, not. the guy that I received like during the. TV show that Polly, the one that. everyone sees in front of the world. Oh.

my god, fell for him. >> It's just not at all. It's like, you. know, when you see those pictures of. what you thought you were buying and. then once it comes and it's like a. raincoat and it looked like Versace in. the picture, >> that's what it was. Like straight up. Everything that I thought it was going. to be, I slowly realized none of that is. what happens when we're behind closed. doors. And we had to be behind closed. doors a lot because I had a lot of like, you know, instantly out the gate. Like. there's a lot of parts of this. relationship I don't explain because.

they're so less traumatic than the more. serious things he did. But like in the. beginning, one of my first things like. I'm never been with a girl and and. announced a girl as my and been had a. girlfriend publicly like you're the. first one like you can't follow anyone. You have to undo all your followers. My. assistant had to unfollow like 20,000. people because at that time on Twitter. you had to like unfollow them one by one. >> and he put a time limit on it and if it. didn't happen then I wasn't getting the. job. >> and like my assistant was like I.

remember like calling her and she was. crying and her dad was sick and she's. like I'ming trying I'm deleting them. like as fast as I can like is this for. real? Like are we really having to do. this? This is stupid. And I was like get. it done Jules like hurry up. That was. the start of of just a example of like. these rules like not follow anyone. I. couldn't have my cleavage showing. I. couldn't f Fashion Nova. Later I. literally saw him do a Fashion Nova. campaign and it broke my heart cuz I was.

like I was literally like made fun of. like, "Oh, you want to be one of those. like wearing Fashion Nova online? Then. you're not a wife. Oh, you want to go. have your own place with a pool where. you walk out in a bathing suit in front. of other guys that live in that complex? You think that's what a wife does? No, you're not a wife if you do that. You. want to be my wife or do you want to go. do that? He kind of paints it to the. public as if y had rules. Don't don't be. with other men. And I'm like, no, that. that really wasn't the rule. I was never. with any other men. I'm so loyal. I I.

was however like a personality. I was my. own star. I mean on dumb blond's. birthday I remember like you know my. first year without Shan saw a lot of the. abuse of our relationship early on she. hated him and then I kind of. went with him and with him means. everyone starts to get iced out. I had. to I couldn't be friends with any gay. guy. He didn't feel gay was real. Gay. was just guys that want want to be in. the room while you're getting changed so. they could see some quick titty. Like I.

had so many roles. my gay best friend. from before he was gay and we we would. like each other in college to after. being full-blown gay uh you know a. lawyer and prominent with a boyfriend I. had to cut him completely out of my life. and that was a friendship that was so. hard. >> Um there was just so many things like if. I left Vegas and came to LA he was. clocking it. I didn't know how. I didn't. I a guy found uh I got my car cleaned.

and the guy found uh trackers, but like I would want to just stop by. 7-Eleven so I could grab. >> So he put Wait, he put trackers in your. car? >> I can't say I don't want to have any. That's the least of my concerns in life. So I want to just I don't know how they. got there, but there were trackers in my. car. I didn't understand. But I would do. things like I would want to go into. 7-Eleven by my house for when I'd go. home at 2:00 in the morning and grab a. snack so I could eat. But that would put.

an extra 10 maybe 15 minutes if I looked. around. And then I get home and I had to. check in the second I got home. I had to. check in. There was a rule. It was like. every 15 minutes or 20 minutes. There. was literally a time where I went to the. movies with my assistant, but I was not. allowed to do that. And the fact that I. did not report that I and I really. wanted to go and she wanted to go and. she told me we could get away with going. to the movies. Like you can just tell. Polly like we're at home. We didn't go. anywhere. You're not around any men or. guys in a facility. And like we went to.

the movies just in downtown. I was still. living down there. And he he wanted a. picture. I was like, "Oh, I'm just with. Jules." We came upstairs and we're. putting our feet in the hot tub. Meanwhile, we walked down and went and. ate some our favorite Mexican food spot. ate some our favorite Mexican food spot. and went to go see a movie. But I could. and went to go see a movie. But I could. ne that would never be okay. I would not. ne that would never be okay. I would not. be able to be around men like that. be able to be around men like that. >> So, I just would say I'm at and and. >> So, I just would say I'm at and and. Julie knew. She knew all the rules. She. Julie knew. She knew all the rules. She. saw how many times he and every time. saw how many times he and every time. there I didn't do what he said. I was. there I didn't do what he said. I was.

unfollowed. Uh I was blocked. I had to. unfollowed. Uh I was blocked. I had to. make over like 60 phone numbers in that. make over like 60 phone numbers in that. relationship. It was the sickest thing. relationship. It was the sickest thing. Meanwhile, we walked down and went and. When I was on Big Brother, I sat on a. old man that was like 70some years old. and like a gay icon there and he was. singing some Broadway song and I sat on. his lap and I sang the other part of the. song. Jules was like, "When I got out of. that show, Julie was like, "I've never. in my life understood what you had to go.

through until you left." And I became. Pauliey's thing that he had to talk to. all the time. She's like, "It was all. day, non-stop. He found got a VPN. He. watched you 24 hours a day. Every time. he he called me freaking out that you. were going to cheat on him with that. 70-year-old gay man when you sat on his. lap. I wasn't allowed. There were. conditions of doing that show. I was not. even allowed to do that show, but I told. him, Paulie, you're not allowing me to. make money." And so I thought to myself,

I'm gonna either gonna have to go back. on tour, which means different cities, different men, men are on the crew, men. are in them on putting our mics doing. our production. I'm going to be around. lots of men and and you're not going to. have any control and it's going to he. that would be a no. Or I could just go. do Big Brother and I'm on camera 24. hours a day in the UK. You can watch. everything I'm doing. You're I wasn't. allowed because there's guys in the. house. And I'm like, Paulie, you're. going to be able to see every second of. it. you're going to see if I do. anything. I'm not I I had to It It was.

just so much just to be able to take. that show. And after and I had a few. rules and I did and I broke one of them. and he had like pictures of every time I. broke one of his rules and I had to. explain myself. I didn't even do any of. the press for Celebrity Big Brother. And. I was in the final five or whatever it. is till the last day. And the next day. we were supposed to wake up and do press. all over the UK. Huge huge uh news.

things. I wasn't allowed to go to any of. it. I had to stay up all night. I. literally got off the show and Renee was. with me. She saw all of this. I got off. the show and I walked out of literally. you're in like a box for a month. They. won't tell you anything unless somebody. dies. They didn't tell us there was a. bombing in a in a train in Paris and. Hillary Clinton won the nomination. All. these things were happening in the. world. You don't know it. You're. completely isolated. There's not even. cameramen. They're built inside the. house.

>> So, like I had no idea what the world. was saying about anything that I was. going through. So, I got out and I. walked You literally open the door to. the house as you're leaving and you walk. into a studio audience. And I walked up. to the host, I think her name was Emma, and she goes, "Well, guess who's here. for you?" And I was like, "What?" And. she goes, "Your boyfriend Paulie D." And. he walks on stage, and I'm like, "Oh my. god." Walks on stage, comes, gives me a. hug, and he's like, "You're in big. trouble." Whispers it in my ear on that.

stage as he hugs me as my loving. boyfriend. And I walk back and I was. like, "Renee, he told me I'm in big. trouble. I I don't know what to do." And. she's like, "Let me try to handle it.". Because meanwhile, Big Brother to me was. my best friend. I became best friends. with Renee. She taught me how to be. Graciano. Yeah. She taught me how to be. an Italian housewife, how to cook. meatballs. And I I thought I was like. becoming a better wife for him and doing. right by him. And uh I would have liked. to have a bit more fun and been a bit.

more Aubrey. I would have won if I could. have been a bit more Aubrey. But I was. so scared because I didn't want to lose. my relationship, but I still wanted to. be the star that I am, but they couldn't. meet. I couldn't be without a bra on at. all times. The problem is is in a full. month of being on a show, girl, these. titties got to breathe when I go to. sleep. But because I woke up one time in. the middle of sleeping and went to the. bathroom, it's caught on camera. You can. see a bit of a nipple on the t-shirt. and he had the picture of the proof that.

I was bralless on that set. and like that was like killing me. because I'm like dude I barely took it. off a couple nights my bra when I was in. sleep in bed like I didn't nothing. so it was just such I mean everybody was. on that show I could have done a million. things a lot of people have you know. like I could have gone the off I could. have really ran that but I just stayed. with Renee and we talked about Polly all.

the time. She taught me how to be all. the Italian ways. >> Yeah. >> I came home like excited to cook for him. and I had no idea how much trouble I was. in during that show after I sat on that. man's lap, Paulie, who decided instead. of having me put my dogs in in the. facility, he was going to take them. I. didn't realize how much of a problem. that was going to be until I got on that. show. I did not know any of this had. happened. I knew I was in trouble when. he told me. We still walk over to a. contestant pool. I don't know what I'm. in trouble for. We can't talk. There's.

cameras on us. Not able to talk the. whole night until we get into this hotel. room. He had gotten into the hotel room. prior. They had had like my wrap up. contracts and everything. He had gone. through all my contracts, all my. payments. Uh there were all kinds of. things. All the pictures. I had to. explain one by one. I remember him. screaming at me like, "Why would you do. this?" And I didn't understand. Like I. thought I was like a great girlfriend. the whole time. All I did was [ __ ] talk. about him and he had broken up with me.

so many times while I was on that show. I had no idea. I see his frustration. Julie calls me and I'm like, "Hey, Jules. is asking me to just say hi to her. I. haven't talked to her in a month." I. walk outside and she goes, "Is Paulie. near you?" And I was like, "Hey, I. haven't talked to you in a month. Like, is everything okay?" She's like, "Yeah, is Paulie near you?" And I'm like, "No.". She's like, "Girl, he caused a lot of. problems while you were in there." I was. like, "What do you mean?" She's like, "He broke up with you a few times." I. was like, "What?" She's like, "It's all. over the news. It's on TMZ." I was like, "What do you mean?" She's like, "It was. really crazy. He went during the first.

time he broke up with you, he went and. put your dogs inside the gates of your. house and left them there to. leave them there alone." And I was like, "He took he drove all the way from Vegas. to my house and dropped my dogs off. inside the gate." And she was like, "Yeah, luckily I got like your my best. friend Sarah from college to drive from. Orange County over to LA to get my. dogs." But she said like when she got. there he was like rumaging through my.

house. I don't know what was in my house. or play. He had my car. So that's after. after that is when I found those things. But like I was broken up with multiple. times and I didn't even know I had done. anything wrong. This was before I walked. in and had to do explaining all night. Missed all the press the next day. We. ended up going on this whole lovers. uh. you know week in Paris and all over the. place. We're having like to make a baby. which we did.

>> Um. >> so you ended up being pregnant with. Polly also. >> Yeah. >> And what happened with that situation? >> Both times I had an abortion. >> Was that because you wanted it or was it. agreed together? first time we I got. pregnant the first time we had. um and then. the second time was when we were. traveling and we had gotten through that. major hump and my thought was I'm making.

a ton of money doing this show then I. can go back to Vegas and be under all of. he basically said to me like I want a. housewife that cooks cooks, cleans, you stay here all the time. He goes away. on the weekends. Usually would cheat. I'd have to deal with girls every time. he'd come home. Writing my DMs. Had your. boyfriend's in my mouth last night. He. tasted good. Cute photo. Nice post. I. had your man's me. I was arguing with.

every cocktail waitress from north to. south with tattoos on her face about. what was this and that. I mean, I had. never in my life even experienced. >> cheating like that. It was crazy. And. then he started making it so I never. really could know because he'd have his. person collect all their phones at the. door. >> and it was just a meet and greet. But I.

went to one of them, they turn into a. full-blown thing and then he ends up at. the end of it. It was me when I was. there. But it I don't think it happened every. time, but even he had a show after where. he was dating out on the prowl again. with Vinnie. And I heard during that. show a girl came forward and was like, "You cheated on Aubrey O day." My friend. told me she you when you were at this. thing. He's like, "Oh, we were broken up. then." He likes to do this we were. broken up then thing. I don't know one. time in the entire time that we dated. where we had a big breakup. I think.

after marriage boot camp, we didn't talk. for maybe a week. My assistant was there. and then when I was taking her to her. plane, he called me and told me to come. back to Vegas. How dare I humiliate him. and tell the truth? How dare I not. follow the script he gave us? How dare I. x, y, and z? >> How do you detach from a relationship. like that? Who ended the relationship? >> Oh, I mean, he ended it over like [ __ ]. 500 times probably. Every time I broke a. rule, I was blocked. And usually what I.

started. >> What was the final blow? >> Like what? >> Oh, the final blow is a really great. one. The final blow was no blow at all. I was with him all the way up to going. to the airport when he got Jersey Shore. back again. He hadn't had any of that. The last show he had done was famously. single with me. And other than that, he. had a few DJ gigs here and there. Jersey. Shore decides to come back. And this is. after marriage boot camp. People don't. think we're together anymore because he. it doesn't end where we're together, but.

we were. I was at his house. I heard. every horrible thing he had to say about. every single one of them. I know the. truth behind all of that. I feel sorry. for everyone on that show that has gone. in interviews and I've heard many. horrible things that have been slandered. on my name. Yet, I saw everything he had. to say about every single one of them, and it wasn't pretty. >> for the most part. Um and and I brought him to the show. He.

called me on the first layover. Called. me when he got to the hotel. The whole. first night I had to talk to him all. night like usual every 20 minutes check. in and then talked to him and he as the. producers were taking his phone to start. the series and he said he was going to. call me on my birthday which was like. two weeks in or something. Two two weeks. into filming. Mhm. >> Um, and then I didn't get a call from. him on my birthday and I called Lauren. or she called me, one or the other, and.

she's Mike's wife, I think, now. >> Yeah. >> Um, and I was like, "Hey, she didn't. know I think that we had gotten back. together." Um, and I was like getting. trying to get information like what was. going on. I was like, "Hey, like have. you talked to Mike?" And she's like, "Yeah, he calls me from the house. phone." And I was like, "Oh." I was. like, "What's going on?" on. She's like, "Oh, this happened. That happened. Ronnie cheated on his girlfriend and she. doesn't even know it yet, and she's. about to come into the house in a week. It's about to be crazy." Blah, blah. And. I'm like, "Oh, okay. What about Polly?". And she was like, "Oh, he like fingered.

two girls in the club last night." And I. was like, "The last night was my. birthday." So that's how I found out. We. never talked again. I wrote him a text. message and was like, "How? Like, are. you serious?" Like probably a bunch of. words, like a paragraph. I'm sure I. thought about it for weeks and weeks and. never spoke to him again. >> He never tried to reach out after that. Never heard. >> And he was he got his fame back. He. didn't need me anymore. >> That's got to hurt because there's no. closure there, you know.

Let me tell you. the because the show was big back then. and when they brought it back they went. like doubled down on the literally a. billboard a block from my house and I. had to pass it if I just wanted to get. food for the day. >> So it was like I c I was just seeing. like everything's fake. That's all bull. Uh, I. probably meant I I mean I I believe.

because it got so abusive that a few. times I could see that he saw himself. and my fear of him. >> Um, >> he put his hands on you. >> I don't want to talk about any of that. type of stuff, but. >> I I. >> abuse can mean a lot of things, right? It was toxic as. >> and and like fairly I played a role in. the fact that I stayed. He always would. say to me, "If I'm so bad, why are you. staying?" I didn't learn until years.

later that that's what all narcissistic. abusers say to their victims. >> Pray. Yeah. No, >> I was in an abusive relationship, so I. get it. It took me forever to I would. have never left had he not gone to. prison, you know. >> Yeah. I mean, I I I think my assistant. was so I mean, everyone in my life was. so happy to that it to see him go. There. was something about. Paulie felt like um a guy's guy, you.

know, he wasn't smart. He wasn't like. Travis D. Everyone before was like. intellects. He wasn't an intellect, but. he could fix things. He was always. fixing things with tools and taking it. apart. And it felt like this is a man's. man. He knows how to like build cars and. fix things and he was funny. >> Yeah. >> You know, he had funny, you know, was. like butt and fart humor, but it was. funny. And it felt nice to like.

>> I had this idea that we were both these. big stars. We both ca were babies at. MTV. We both grew up on that network. We. fell in love on TV. And I thought this. dream that like we'd be like Nick and. Jessica and you know we'd both we'd have. these famous kids in our shows and I. this dream. stupid stupid stupid idea that like. >> stupid. >> you know you want to end up with a guy. that's like this and it's all going to. be like this. But when the realities.

hit, I mean, even with the second child, I. just saw. traits where I just knew. I think the second one bothered him. For. me, I was like all about it and then I. changed my mind because he like fell. asleep on me one night or dur like late. early night and we both passed out and. then I kind of woke up and he was on his. phone scrolling through his DMs and like.

he opened a DM and the girl had her tits. out and she was like jiggling them and. like saying I'm waiting the these are. waiting for you or whatever and I just. realized like he's never gonna going to. uh he's never going to. allow me peace. >> I'm going to forever be chasing women. I'm going to forever be. um suppressing all of my light, all of.

my shine. I could not be special around. him. I was saying on Dumb Blond's. birthday, I was like, "Can I play you. like all the music?" I did six music. videos for this project. like can I play. them all so you could see like some of. my work as a musician and like my career. cuz you don't really know like a lot. about how hard my my work ethic and he. was like that I'm not [ __ ] a bunch of. videos where you're all over guys. touching guys and and I'm like oh. there's not even a guy in any of our. music videos don't worry he's like yeah. right and that was the end of that.

>> that's hurtful. >> yeah it just there was no room for me. and I allowed that because I thought. that up until then I had always chosen. me and my career first. And with him, I. thought, I'm getting into my 30s. This. is the time to marry and have a child. This situation looks exactly as you've. always thought it should be for Aubrey O. day, right? >> So, make it work.

And I saw that he needed me to stop. There were all these instant things. I. mean, take down all the bathing suit. photos. I mean, all the photos I had to. delete off my Instagram when we first. started dating. I I mean, I saw his the. new girlfriend. um. when he first he had a show where he was. like getting to date new people. Of. course, all that was outside my house as. well. I mean, it like haunted me for. such a long time. >> And even on that show, he like treated. that girl like crap. She comes back. there. It's his girlfriend still to this.

day. And I think um as far as I mean. like as of a couple years ago, I'm sure. that he doesn't like having to do. everything all over again like you were. saying. >> Um but like I saw like a she had all. these photos and then like after they. started like it started being official, all those photos came down and I was. like thinking that she was someone else. on this world on this earth was going to. know what it felt like. But then it. never ended. And at some points I had. issues with that and I was like, why was.

I the one that had to go through all. that? >> We don't know what goes on behind closed. doors. >> Yeah. I mean, listen, I I I hope that. she's being treated good. I pray that no. girl ever goes through what I went. through with him ever in life. I don't. even know that anyone would would be. able to. They would leave probably. I. should have left. >> I don't know. A lot of a lot of people. in abusive relationships don't leave. though. Yeah. >> I mean, listen, the first couple girls. that like called me and were harassing. me were like, "I'm glad he's with you. Good luck. You're going to see. They. told me that like this ominous you're.

going to see. And boy did I see. >> I feel like whenever exes tell you that, a lot of people take that as like, oh, she's just jealous. That's what I. thought. Not anymore. >> It's always proven right. I swear. anytime I've like my abusive ex has she. was like, "Girl, you are beautiful. I. love that he landed you, but you're. going to see." And I just never. understood what she was talking about. And boy, it was crazy. So, yeah, I get. it. >> Yeah. >> Well, let's What is Aubrey doing now.

that she's single, that she doesn't have. a man in her life, bringing her down? Like, what is life like not having a man. constantly in your life? Does it feel. weird? Because I feel like you're like. me. I'm kind of relationship based. I. always like to have that love cuz I deep. down inside I think Aquariuses, we are. hopeless romantics. >> Aquarian, what day? >> January 22nd. I'm Capricorn Aquarius. >> Oh my god, that's crazy. Okay. Yeah. So. you're February 11th, you're a February. Aquarius. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I think deep down inside, as. analytical as we are, as you know,

justified and as we are and how honest. and raw and truthful we are, we do. romanticize having a happily ever after, whichever whatever that happily ever. after looks like for each of us, you. know. >> Yeah. >> How is it now that you're single and. that you're still in TV? Because to be. relevant as long as you have been is. kind of crazy because that's that's a. testament, you know, to your tenacity.

because. >> to be as to be relevant I mean you've. been in the industry what like how old. are you now? Am I allowed to ask that? >> 40. >> So. >> I just turned 40 this year. >> 30 years pretty much, right? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like 29 28. I'm I'm not great with. math. >> Yeah. Over two decades. a long time. Like almost three decades that you've. been in front of a camera and now you're. still going to do another reality show. >> I know. >> Where are you at? Where's your mental. health? Where's your heart? How's your. spirit?

>> Well, which category are we talking? Like men or a career? >> No, just you by yourself. Just Aubrey. I'm I would say I'm well right now what. I'm in is like um I have a 17 and 18. year old dogs. >> Oh. >> So I'm in there. I'm I'm we're I'm. guiding them to the afterlife right now. We're getting close. >> Um on my. >> I'm not ready for that.

>> Yeah. Girl, how old? >> He's six. >> Oh, you have some time. He has a bigger. dog. They don't go that long usually. >> Yeah. Um, prepare yourself. I wish I. would have thought about everything. earlier, but. >> um I. >> I'll have him taxiderermy. >> Oh, >> I will literally have Chachi tax. >> I froze my one of my dogs sperm. So, I. feel you. >> No, literally I will have him. taxiderermy. I wonder Chachi doesn't. have balls though, but can we dig some. sperm out of him somewhere?

>> Not if he doesn't have his balls. >> Damn it. >> I don't know. No, I mean nowadays with. Janette, I don't know exactly, but I. wouldn't want to lose him either. He's. like incredible dog. >> No, he's my baby. >> The sweetest. >> He's my baby. >> Um, so anyways, with them on my 40th. birthday this year, I got a call from. not even the luxury boarding facility. that I put her at. Um, but by like a ER. doctor that said they had to put her. down and she was attacked at the. boarding facility, that was not an.

option for me. And then when I got. lowered from dinner in the sky and Dubai. was hanging in the sky from a crane when. I got the call, >> I got down and talked to the ER doctor. and he said that. um her eye was in like multiple pieces. dangling out of her face. They had her. on like fentanyl or something like crazy. oxycottton or something crazy. And um. and that usually when a dog's eye. something happens, scratching or.

whatever, they just push it back and sew. it down because there's an artery that. runs behind the eye. And if you nick it. in surgery, it's brain damage, like dead. on arrival. >> That happened to my pug. My pet bull. attacked my pug and they had to do that. with her eye. >> Take it out or push it back? >> Push it back and sew it. >> Okay. Well, my dog Ginger's eye was so. in so many pieces that they didn't have. that option. I I never have like talked. about this because. trust and believe I wanted to run that. girl's business because she couldn't.

provide me with any of the camera. footage even though she had 24-hour. cameras running everywhere. The stories. changed multiple times. I felt. really angry. I still have that's the. only thing that could really get me. heated right now when I look back on it. Um because my dog's not the same. anymore. But um but anyways, I felt that. I didn't want to bring that type of. karma my way and nothing was going to. bring her eye back. So I had everyone. else deal with her and I just worked on.

getting my dog back healthy. But she's. got like, you know, she has one eye now. She she went on the surgery table at 17. with a heart murmur. >> for a few hours of a surgery. stayed. alive, which the doctor was not board. certified, but he said he had been. trained a lot by a doctor that did these. surgeries and that he thought he could. do it. >> I had no control in Dubai. No control. I. would not have been able to say goodbye.

Like nothing. And she's my baby. I mean, I got her like her both my dogs. Like. she's my Broadway dog. I got her when I. was on Broadway. Like she's got her own. wire image and Getty image except none. of her photos ever look bad because. she's. epic. >> I love that. >> But um but anyways, it was like so. dramatic. So for me, when I got home, that was in February. When I got back, I. was like, I make so much money doing.

Only Fans. Right now, I'm going to focus. on making sure that both my dogs have. the best life possible and that I'm the. best mom possible. So, like right now, a. day in my life, if I'm not working, I'm. with my two dogs doing every fun thing a. dog would ever want to do possible. >> all day. And then we all fall asleep on. each other. We're at the like peeing and. pooing in bed stage. >> Just diapers. Put diapers on them. >> It's I'm I'm figuring out how to handle.

different things. Right now, it's kind. of like assessing quality of life. >> So, like we go week by week. If they if. I see a moment of happiness in them, one. moment is all the vets I needed. >> I they can stay alive for another week. >> So, right now, I don't give a anything. except my dogs. >> Yeah. >> Um, working when I work. I love like. moments like this. Like going and seeing. Jelly tonight will be like special for. me cuz I get to be background music. And.

Nashville's I'm sure very special if. it's not a hurricane. >> Yeah. Tornado. Torn. We have tornadoes. out here. Oh, I don't know what I. experienced, but that [ __ ] was wild. Um, but I I'm like mostly focused on that. Love lifewise. I'm not I don't think while I'm on Only. Fans, I'm going to find the right kind. of person that I am right for and have. them be able to respect or understand it. the way that I do. >> Well, I beg to differ. I met my husband.

when I was escort and he loved me. Loved. every bit of me. Knew everything I did. would talk to me while I was at tricks. houses. I would send him videos of us. making tricks do weird. >> Can you please tell me about one of. those videos? I just need to know. >> Oh god. >> Did you ever make anyone do animal. noises? I saw one thing where this guy. was. >> Baby, that is child's play. >> Please tell me. Did you make them put. dildos in their anything fun? >> Oh, for sure. Yes, absolutely. Anything. you could think of. >> Did you Did you ever do the humiliation. stuff? I get asked I got asked.

>> Not intentionally, but it would happen. And there was there's a I've told this. story before. There's a trick that um we. call them. >> Yeah. >> Wait, did you have to do the poo. parties? >> No, I didn't do that. I'm not into that. No, no, no. That's gross. But this was. unintentional. We were doing, you know, eight balls of cane and he was naked. running around the hotel room and this. man would scoot down the bed to like go. do a line and when he would scoot a skid. mark would get left. And I was videoing. this and I still have the videos in my.

phone. I was lethal. >> I was videoing. >> We could take down a lot of people with. both these phones. >> Oh, literally, dude. Jay says it all the. time. He's like, "If you really wanted. to," he's like, "You could up some." And. I'm just like, "I would never want to.". You know, like there's a part of me that. sometimes I'm like, and then I'm like, "No." You know, but um I would send them. to Jay and like and then when Only Fans. came around, Jay and I had already been. married what, maybe like three, four. years. We had already been married. And. I came to him and I was like, "Baby, I'm. going to do Only Fans." And he was like,

"All right, >> I love getting choked.". >> I So do I. I used to until I got really. choked. And so now I'm now I think I. have a [ __ ] aneurysm on my corateed. artery from being choked out in bed. So. be very careful. >> It's sick. No, it's sick that No, I'm at. a point now where I'm like, it's sick. that I normalized and then fetishized. and liked it. It's really unhealthy. It's porn. I think like being so like. Dr. Drew said this to me one time. me. was like, "My generation of men got off.

on Jean Kelly and Fred a stair and we. saw a man throw down his jacket and hop. over the water puddle." Your generation. learned relationships through two girls. in a cup or two what is one cup. >> Two girls one cup like we imagine the. young kids now what they're looking at. >> Oh, I couldn't imagine. >> Is definitely just average nowadays. Not. even it's I can't get off unless I'm. choked at one point and I was like this. is sick and unhealthy that I've. normalized this.

>> Well, it's also pain. I think it's pain. that we we push down and it's almost. like we are like. >> it's like dominating. >> glutton for punishment, you know, like. it's like we feel like we deserve to be. treated that way because secret. >> No, I don't like it for that reason. I. like it cuz I like to be dominated cuz. I'm. >> No, I love to be dominated too because I. we're big personalities. >> Is that an unhealthy thing? >> I mean I there's so many factors that go. into it. I mean, what you like is what. you like. I will never yuck somebody's. yum ever. But it's like. >> I love that line. I will never yuck.

somebody's yum. That needs to be the. title of this podcast. >> Yeah, we can make it the title of this. podcast. But I I think that there are. reasons why us as women do gravitate. more towards certain things. You know, like in my abusive relationship, I loved. the fact that he was so possessive and. jealous over me. And you know with Jay. it's the immediately opposite thing. My. husband is like you want to go somebody. go ahead. Love you. Don't want to hear. about it. You know like my. >> have an open marriage.

>> We don't have an open marriage. Everybody thinks we have an open. marriage which is crazy to me. But we. don't own each other. He's not my. property. I'm not his property. >> Do you ask him if he has with anybody? >> Well my rule with my husband is if you. have with somebody call me before it. happens because I don't want to get that. DM, you know? like I don't want to be. the last to know. Don't let me be the. last to know. They're like, "How? She's. only with the for the money.". >> You hate that. You know how much I get. that? And I'm like, you know, the the. amount of uh God, I hate to say this.

because it sounds so insensitive, but. if I would have kept the babies that. I've received in life, I'd be chilling. >> Yeah. >> Like a villain. Yeah. >> Cuz there's only one other person that. that happened with, and that one's way. bigger than that, the first one. Like, um, >> did you get pregnant with Don Jun? I'm. not talking about any of that, but um I. I think in my soul I feel like um every. time I see that I just think to myself, this is like an easy scapegoat for women.

that own theiruality and are open and. honest about it. Yeah. >> To like throw them down that lane and. and set them aside instead of just talk. about what it all looks like. >> I've been on both sides. When I was with. Polly, I I when I was started getting. cheated on like and dealing with all. these women, I was like, I did this to. another woman. >> Then my best friend gave birth during. that during Polly. I'm like, that woman. did this. >> Yeah. >> I'm a piece of for that for for.

>> as life happens, you start to see the. cause and effect of things. And but but. by the way, like how I understood it. then and I still don't even know like. they could have had a full-blown. arrangement and it was exactly as it was. presented and whatever. I don't know. I. know enough that I'm settled on it, but. like I in my mind like I've been on both. sides. I've seen what it looks like on. both sides. I think that. >> women group themselves into, oh, you're.

a girl's girl. you're not someone that. would take someone's husband or now. you're not like the my why my team was. like you're lethal after Dawn was that I. was a woman that would take a man's take. a woman's man and that was such a big. thing and a lot of those w types of. women that don't like girls like that. >> didn't like me and stopped talking to me. or I was like looked down upon and I was. lowered in my my status. >> meanwhile these girls and I'm not not. saying what you did was right but. meanwhile these women have skeletons in.

their closet too I don't think we're. here to judge I mean, we all do. And I I. think more honest conversations amongst. women that have done all the things like. this. Yeah. >> Are super powerful for women because it. releases the chains that bind us. >> Mhm. >> There's, you know, I being an escort, there was plenty of men who wore wedding. rings. There was pastors who wore. wedding rings, you know, like, >> and do I feel bad? >> Did you Did you ever come to a point. where you felt guilty? >> I know what you felt while you were in. it. these guys that they're gonna cheat.

>> After after I I got out of it, did I. feel guilty? I don't know if the word. guilty would be what um. >> Did you feel like you got your karma? >> Yes, absolutely. >> I'm I feel proud for you for talking. about that. Honestly, to me, I I'm. talking about things now and I see a lot. of the people that want to silence me. say, "Oh, you're just you don't you're. nobody anymore. You're a hoe on Only. Fans. That's why you're dropping. Paulie's name or that's what you're. going to get under your comments on this. video. >> Yeah.

>> No, I'm just being more honest about who. I am and what I've now. And I'm happy to. not have to. >> fake things in a room. What I'm not. comfortable talking about with you, I've. not talked about. We've moved past it. And what I am comfortable, I did not. give you any rules of what I will and. won't say. I told you I'll say I'm not. talking about that if I don't want to. talk about it. >> Absolutely. boundaries for myself that I'm I'm not. I'm still protecting. >> for whatever reasons. If I decide to. move through those boundaries in any. type of way, I'll come back and we chat.

some more. >> Yeah, absolutely. >> First of all, what is tricking? You said. trick a trick. >> Yeah. So trick is a pimp. >> No. So trick a trick is like somebody. who pays you for. >> Okay. Wait, did you have a pimp? Cuz I. know two pimp. They're they're handlers, I guess. But. >> no, I would never have. >> They're gross. And I was like, man, the. fact that girls are going through this. person. >> I And see, I would never shame girls who. have pimps because they, you know, obviously there's something in their. childhood too that they need that sort.

of like. >> protection. >> I I don't If it's protection, then okay. I mean, they can say it's protection. >> You don't have to cut anyone a. percentage. >> No. >> How did you get business? >> Very easily. You There's Well, there is. a site called OS.com that you can go on, which you know, it's a huge website. You. can book your own calls. You can work. for services in Vegas. You can um. >> And it's legal. >> I mean, >> you say you're only date going on a. date, right? That's. >> it's legal to book a a beautiful woman.

and pay her for dinner or, you know, but. whatever you guys do after that is. transactional and that's your business. >> So, you could technically get everyone. arrested that you've ever had as well. But then you could do like an immunity. deal and then. >> No, I would never. I'm not a snitch like. that. I would never, girl. I came from. the streets. I could never do that. >> Okay. >> Um but you know, it it's um. >> I love how open you are. It's an. Aquarian thing, I think. But it's so. beautiful. >> Well, I appreciate that and I recognize.

that in you, too. And that's what has. always drawn me to you. And I honestly. can't wait to see how you transmute all. of this and just make it your [ __ ] Cuz. I know you're going to do that. And I. know that you're going to just go. through this world and keep leaving your. keep stomping your heel on these mothers. and I can't wait to see it. Are you. happy? >> I am so happy. Finally, in my life, I am. happy. If you would have asked me this a. few years ago, I was still searching for. happiness because I didn't know how to. be happy in um peace. I didn't know how.

to be happy without chaos. And for once. in my life, I'm I'm like fighting for my. life. I just got a diagnosis last week. where they told me that I could. potentially have an aneurysm on my. corateed artery. And I have for the last. >> year for the last week I've been praying. to God like please I am finally so happy. and so peaceful in my life. Do not take. this away from me. >> Can they do something about it? A. surgery. >> Yeah, there's surgery. But I mean it's. still scary. Anybody walking around with. a grenade in their neck? But I had a.

neurosurgeon tell me that it's not. I'm. getting a second opinion tomorrow. So. it's just. >> surgery just line it up quickly. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. For sure. >> But yeah, I am happy and you will find. happiness too. Crazy how we fight so. hard to get to that place and then right. when you get to that place we're at an. age where. >> somebody tries to take it. Yeah. It's. just crazy. But the devil's not going to. win. I'm telling you, man. I have this h. I am the type of person who looks at. anything that could be bad potentially. >> I wonder if it's only temporary or it's. only what you choose to make of it, but.

there's not any real happiness. It's. just a mind state or a feeling that you. have that will always end up being. temporary. I feel like happiness is. peace. Happiness is comfort. Happiness. >> is it something we choose or is it an. actual destination? >> I don't think we're ever going to get to. that destination because I feel like. life is a journey or is it just a. man-made word that means nothing. >> Yeah. No, seriously. I genuinely believe. that happiness is a journey and there's.

levels to it. You're going to be super. happy one day. you're going to be down. here one, you know, like there's so many. levels of happiness. And I think. whatever one that your heart that sets. your soul on fire and that your heart. recognizes, that's your happiness for. this life. Cuz that's what you picked. for your soul contract before you came. down here. Everything that you've gone. through in your life, you've already. picked this out to happen to you. >> Oh Lord Jesus, please don't say that cuz. I would never have picked Holly. I could. have gone.

>> You say that. You say that, but maybe. your soul was yearning for that lesson. You know, before you came down here, you. were like, >> I feel like all I've been gotten in life. is lessons. I'm kind of want to get to. the stage where I get a bunch of. rewards. >> And you will, but you have. >> Only Fans has been the only thing that's. done that. Imagine it's going back to a. place that's supposedly trauma land as a. sex worker, but like trauma land is the. only place that's actually like properly. rewarded. You're taking your power back.

That's in some way. You're taking your. power back. No man can tell you what to. do. You're making your own money. You're. shooting your own content. You are your. own boss. This is your little baby that. nobody can take from you and that you. only you are doing. You know what I'm. saying? So, in a way, you are taking. your power back. You're taking your. power back from Diddy who told you that. you're promiscuous and that you can't. work for him because you're this type of. person. You're taking your power back. from Polly who told you you can't wear. low cut shirts. You're taking your power. back from Dawn who obviously hurt you.

>> and chose his family over you. You know, like there's just little bits and pieces. here. So maybe your happiness is not. only fans. Maybe your happiness is not. being told what to do and being able to. just be Aubrey. You want a hug? >> Yes. Let's hug. because. >> sorry. Yeah. In like two and a half. hours and then we'll close this podcast.

out with a hug. But Aubrey, thank you so. much for coming. >> I'm giving like ass to the camera. >> Thank you so much for coming. >> So good. >> Wait. Tell everybody. It's getting crazy. over here. Tell every. >> Tell everybody your only fans where they. can find it. She She loves that skunk breath. I'm. telling you. Tell everybody your only. fans. >> My only fans? Oh my god. I don't even um.

>> uh I don't know. It's on my It's on my l. on my Instagram. Ao day on. >> Just Google Aubrio Day and you'll find. it. And thank you guys for tuning in to. another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will. see you guys next week. Bye.