Dr. Cheyenne Bryant On Summer Walker, Side Chicks, Tracee Ellis Ross, Offset, Cardi B & Cam Newton

One of the biggest things that kind of. breaks my heart with you is you've. accomplished so much in everything. you've touched transactionally, it has. turned to gold all the way down to the. gold jacket. >> Mhm. >> But like the fig tree, you still haven't. found yourself. >> Mm-m. >> And finding yourself takes the heart. >> The mind replays what the heart can't. delete. >> Hello. It's time for the grown man in. you to grow up. All my life been. grinding all my life. Sacrifice, hustle,

paid the price, want a slice, got to. roll a dice. That's why. All my life. I've been grinding all my life. All my. life been grinding all my life. Sacrifice. Hustle paid the price. Want a. slice. Got to roll a dice. That's why. all my life I've been grinding all my. life. [Music]. >> Hello. Welcome to another episode of. Club Shay. I am your host Shannon Sharp. I'm also the proprietor of Club Shay. stopping by for conversation on the. drink today is a revered voice in. popular media and academic circles.

She's dedicated near two decades to. transforming lives. A renowned life. coach, a spiritual mentor, a psychology. expert, a community activist, a. motivational speaker, a cultural change. maker, influential brand ambassador, a. producer, an author, and a host. Here. she is, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant. >> You know, that was good. That was good. >> Did I Did we do you justice? >> You did me good. I. >> Well, thank you so much. Appreciate you. for stopping by Club Shay. been it's an. honor. It's an honor to have you here. >> Yeah, it's an honor to be here. I, you. know, I watch your show obviously. >> Thank you.

>> Um I think you are genius of what I just. told you off camera right at um how you. you know pose your questions. Um it. ain't messy but it's creative. >> Thank you. >> And it's word play and I like it. So I'm. excited to be here um and be able to. provide my expertise to your viewers. >> But you good today. You good. You're in. a good space. >> I'm so good. I am so good. My book. launched today. Dead. >> Literally today that we're filming at. least. Yes. My book, Mental Detox, launched today. I got a double book. deal. Shout out to 50 Cent, Curtis. Jackson for taking the lead on that um. with Random House, which is the biggest.

publishing company in the world. >> Wow. And so believed in me and he took. the lead and they said, "Well, we. believe in her, too. We love her." And. so here I am with two book deals. Um my. first book, Mental Detox, launches. today. And then my second book, Marches. in 2026, launches. So I'm excited. I'm a. happy camper. >> You would like to toast this to the. great Congratulations. Two book deal. Mental detox just launched and another. book coming in 2026. Yeah. >> Congratulations on all your success. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> Well, I'm not a drinker, but this is.

some. TALKING ABOUT. >> OH, WE ABOUT TO get It about to get good. in here. It's about to get good. >> My chest ain't even burning this, but. this is good. >> No, >> but you know dark brings You sure you. want this interview after this dark? >> That what that what I'm Dark make you go. crazy. Okay, let me tell. >> we we going to be tame. We going to be. tamed. We going to be tamed the first. the first hour. >> Mm-. >> No. >> Now you ain't going to tell me what to. do. >> Okay. Okay. My bad. My bad. >> Let's go back. Let's start where it.

began. >> Yeah. >> You're a native Los Angeles. >> I am. >> Um, as a kid, what was what was Dr. What. was What were you like as a child? >> What was Cheyenne like? >> Yes. What was Cheyenne like? >> Um, I was always feisty and strong. >> Um, always um an overthinker, a. processor. I was naturally an analyst. I've always been um the leader amongst. my friend group who are also leaders. You know, I don't have followers in my. group. Everybody's leaders. Everyone.

leads. I love that. Um we're all strong. and we all are so solid and vertical. within oursel that we don't need. followers. We saw it with the. leadership. >> Um. >> I was a product of teenage parents. My. parents were 16 when they had me. They. were high school sweethearts. >> Um and they planned me. And so I wasn't. a product of Yeah. of a of a oopsie. They said, "Hey, walking home from. school one day, a true story, my father. brags about it all the time. He says, "Baby, you were made from love." And he. says, "They were walking home and they. they planned me and they can only afford. a motel and they went and paid for a.

motel and they conceived me." Yeah, I. was born conceived in a motel, y'all. Okay. In a motel and then, you know, and. then here I go. And so my grandparents. stepped in and raised me cuz my parents. were obviously teenage parents um that. didn't understand that you know you have. to raise a child after you birth a child. >> cuz they were they were they were. basically kids themselves trying to. raise a kid. Nobody had look. >> there's really no guide to how to you. know be a parent. I mean everybody. thinks they had it figured out but at 16. >> we're kids trying to figure out our life. and now we brought another life into the.

mix. >> There you go. And so I mean it's like. you're growing up beside like your. parents are like 20, you're four or five. year old and you're like is that your. sister? Is that your brother? >> And so we grew up together. We grew up. together. And um what was that like? It. was actually know it was amazing. Um my. father he he ended up being um one of. the biggest gangster and dope dealers um. in uh the South Bay area. And you know. moving way to the east coast. >> uh Ohio being one of them, Youngstown.

And um I could tell it now cuz it's no. longer going on, but he transitioned. from being one of the biggest dope. dealers into being one of the biggest. entrepreneurs and a long Sherman here in. Los Angeles, which is working for the. port for 20 years. And um I got to see. him go from um from the hood to the. hills. >> Wow. >> And it was really beautiful seeing that. I mean, Shannon, we would come home days. when he was in his his gangster era and. um I couldn't have a key to the house. I. couldn't be there alone. And he would. have to go in the house with a pistol. first and check everything to make sure. we can go in. um I had the password to.

um the safe that was in the garage and. so that if anybody came in, give them. everything. You know, don't let them. hold you hostage or do anything. So, I. grew up a product of a street guy, a. straight gangster who didn't play about. me, who if I made a phone call, he was. going to air it out. And um that was a. luxury for me. And so, I was on uh SUe's. radio one time and he said, "You know, doc, you talk about your upbringing and. your father and being the little girl. from the inner city as though it was. like an honor. We don't talk about it in. a way that's like, you know, I came from. the hood and it was all this this um. adversity. It was adversity, but uh I'm.

I'm a proud little girl from the hood. and I'm a proud product of a father who. was a street daddy. I'm a proud product. of a mother who, you know, also was in. the streets with him. And if it wasn't. for um me being a product of them, I. wouldn't know how to create um the peace. and the tools that I have now to provide. to my clients, to your viewers, to. everyone else who follows me because I. wouldn't have had to bear crawl to. understand how to get out this thing. called the inner city. And I always say. it wasn't me knowing where I was going. It was me knowing that I had to get the.

hell out of there. Right. >> And often times, I think of all ages, people get stuck in uh well, I don't. know where I'm going. What's my purpose? >> All you really need to know, Shannon, is. that I don't want here. I don't want to. be here. And that day that I realized. that, I put my track shoes on, even. though people see heels every day now. And my track shoes are still on. I'm. never taking them off. And I ran as far. as I could. I ran into six degrees. Three doctorates, a master's degree, a a. house at 19, my first home, a a daycare. at 19, three retail stores on Merrell. I. was. >> Well, damn. You was a professional. student.

>> But I was a professional student for a. long time and entrepreneur. But I really. want people to know, and I know we're. early on the interview, but I want. people to know who are watching that you. do not have to know where you are going. You just have to know you want to get. the hell out of whatever you're in, whether it's a relationship, a. circumstance, an environment, just go. And when you start to trust God, he does. something really special, which is. ordering your steps. And as he orders. your steps and you stay vertical in who. you are and you lean on him and all your. understanding, you nest in that word and. you call him out on his principles that. are in the Bible that he promises you.

I'm telling you, God shows up and he. shows out and he does give you back the. the the the time that the locust and the. cake and worms took from you. He really. does give that back to you. So I want. folks watching this to know that listen, I was just a little girl in the hood and. I promise you there was nothing around. me, not to put the people down around. me. There was nothing in my environment. that I looked at and said I want to be. There was everything in my environment. that said hell no. hell no and hell no. And those hell nos got me to all my. yeses. So, I just want people to know. that early on because people look at me. or you and they're like, you know,

they're way over there. I'm not way over. there for people, right? >> I'm still touchable. I'm still that. little girl in the hood. I just happen. to grow up and make different decisions. now, >> but I'm still her. And I never ever will. um not claim her. I never will not allow. her to show up in a conversation and not. allow her to be in her abandonment. sometimes. And I will always make sure. she knows you can feel that way as a. little girl. The woman in me, I have. your back and I'll knock everything off. this table for you every time. That's. what self- loveve is. And I want people,

men and women, to know that, especially. within our community, cuz it's important. that they see our wounds, not just the. heal Dr. Bryant, cuz that's not where it. started. >> So, you made a conscious decision that. I'm not going to be a product of my. environment and I'm not going to be my. circumstances in which I'm currently in. you made that decision at a very very. young age that you know what yes this is. my environment I don't really see. anybody that I aspire to be like so. >> let me get the hell out of here and find. some people that I do aspire to be like. >> there you go and I'm the oldest of seven.

>> oh so that's. >> and I'm the first grandchild so there. was nobody ahead of me Shannon to say. this is the blueprint it was just folks. around me to show me what not to do and. I say this about a lot of folks who are. are PCs pastor kids right or they got. parents who've been married 30 40 years. and the marriage is rocking and rolling. Oftent times those kids are robbed of. seeing all of the. >> fake perfection. >> Yes. >> And not seeing what not to do. So they. usually come out that household and. they're extremely rebellious and they. end up doing the total opposite of what.

their parents did. And I say this, you. know, cuz I love Cam. Me and Cam, we are. great friends. Cam has thanked me for a. lot of um of of the impact, positive. impact I've had on Cam Newton. Cam. Newton. Okay. >> Cam Newton. >> Okay. Okay. >> Cuz you say Cam Newton. >> Cam Newton. Throw it up. Cam Newton. But. I say uh and I want to say Cam is a a a. perfect example of what I just. described. He is a pastor's child. Yes. His parents are still married. He comes. from good stock. Yes. And we're not. saying that Cam in good stock, but his. decisions are not good stuff. >> So just want to show people the example.

of what I'm referring to. Then you get a. little girl like me from the inner city. and parents are teenage parents. We got. a lot of trauma and different drug. dealing and drug addiction and things. going on and trauma in the house. And I. was had the luxury of seeing what not to. do. And I just knew if I did the. opposite, it had to be better than that. >> And it ended up being way better than. that. >> Now it makes sense to me why your dad. was so inapp. You're the oldest. You're. the older. You was the girl. You're the. oldest. You was daddy's girl. >> Daddy's girl. Yeah. >> It makes perfect sense now because you. adore I'm listen just listening at you.

talking the first 10 minutes. Your dad. is your world. You adore him. >> I adore him. >> And and I and and we're going to get. into this because it I mean it's I mean. all these advanced degrees that you. have. Were you a good Were you you were. good in school? >> I was good in school, but I was uh I was. very um very You got me up. >> Oh, no. There you go. You. >> I was very good in school, but I was. very power. You're not going to talk to. me anyway. You're not going to. disrespect me. And one thing my parents.

did, and I say my parents are my mother. and father, Kim and Darren, and my. grandparents, Mariah and Bailey, cuz all. four of them was a village that raised. me. Um, one thing, not one, one of the. many things they did amazing was they. raised a little girl with a lot of self-. loveve and a hell of a backbone. I'm. very vertical. And so I stand very. strong on respect and on boundaries. That wasn't something I was lacking. But. when those boundaries were crossed, when. it came to, you know, K through 12. academia was amazing. But I was one that. I got kicked out of LA Unified School. District and I had to go district permit. to Long Beach Unified School District.

Um, I mean, I was just not going to. tolerate no BS. And so if that meant. that I had to strongarm or use muscle, whether it be verbally or physical, then. I was going to make sure that they. understood that this is a tree. You. don't bark up. >> Look at like this. Cuz normally when we. came up, women like that had this. complexion like this and they were like, "I'm not I'm not going to even entertain. this.". >> Oh. Oh. So listen, >> I think I brought the entertainment, the. production, the cameras, and I edited it.

just the way I wanted it to be edited. Yes. you about that life. >> But also, you have to remember that I. was a little girl who had the privilege. privilege of being able to make one. phone call. >> Ah, they were scared. You see, you had. scared of your dad. >> So, but I had I had that muscle, too. And I got to give my father and my. family props because we were the family. that would, you know, they would pull up. and they would be very very protective. over me. Um, my father has done many. things that has uh protected me. He's. ran into clubs. He's done a lot of.

things on behalf of me um alongside my. grandmother, my mother. They we are. they're a very protective family. >> You ain't going to never get no mad. >> Well, listen, you my father passed away two years ago. >> Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to hear that. >> That's okay. So, so being that. >> Yeah. >> I might get You might get one now. because to your point, he used to be. like, "Ain't nobody coming around." And. he used to say he gave me a ring when I. was a teenager. Funny you said that. And. it it was a his it was like his uh pinky. ring, which is a big ring with a lot of. diamonds and say, "Put this on your.

finger and until a man gives you a ring, I'll take it off." Well, I've had two. rings, >> right? >> But he also wasn't too fond of me being. married. Cuz he would say, "Baby, you. know, successful women don't have to get. married." I'm like, "Daddy, no. I want. to be a mother and a and a wife, right?". >> So, it's going to happen on your my. watch, your watch, everybody watch. >> This episode is brought to you by Prize. Pick. It's the holiday season, the best. time of year for sports. bowl games, basketball matchup, playoff pushes, it's. all happening at once. And while you and. I are out here making decisions every.

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right. >> You mentioned that you you uh teenage. parents and your father sold drugs and I. think your mom became addicted to drugs. >> My mom was addicted to the drug that my. father sold at the same time. >> How did that work? >> How did it work? You mean for them or. for me the little girl trying to. process? >> I'm talking like if if I'm selling and. the person that I care about that I. conceive the child with, I'm going to do. everything I can not to let her get a. hold of it. And I definitely don't want. to see my little my my baby see this see. her mommy in this condition and knowing.

I'm the supply. I'm part of the reason. why. >> Wow. I love that you said that. You're. so on point. Um he went and put out a. flute on the street and said if anyone. sells to her then um. >> got to deal with me. >> Got to deal with me. And after he seen. that um he couldn't control or take. everybody out, right? Um at some point. from what he told me, he had to put his. hands up and he had to just let um you. know, life take its form. And uh the. beautiful thing is that at some point.

before he passed away, thank God, uh my. mother end up being um she got some. health conditions that um handicapped. her where she couldn't pick her arms up. and she couldn't even move or walk and. it was in her addiction. And I remember. her calling me saying, "Baby, I can't. lift my hands." And I'm like, "Huh?" And. so we we spent years of having her go to. different specialists and seeing what. they can do. And finally, my good. friend, Dr. Aromo Urso, Urso Romo, he. said, "She needs surgery or this is she. has a disgenerated disc disease. It's.

never going to get better." So anyway, she had surgery. When I tell you that. God um. >> God keeps his promises and he does hear. your prayers. And the funny thing is, Shannon, all my life I prayed for her to. be off drugs, to be off drugs, to be off. drugs. When I finally told God, you know. what? I no longer can pray that because. it's starting to consume me. >> Um, I'm going to let you have her. Now, I'mma pay bills and I'mma feed her, so. I'm going take care of my mother. But as. far as her trajectory of her life, >> I got a hands off your hands. Hands off. That's when her health her health. condition.

>> uh came upon her. And um he broke her. down to where she couldn't even move. And after her surgery, she came home and. it was just her and I and she had a bag. that she had to use the bathroom in. She. couldn't get up. I mean, nothing. It was. a eight hour surgery. And um they. removed all of her disc and just it was. it was just so intense. Um she ain't. touched a drug ever since then. She is. now the vice president of my company. She has her own healthc care company. where she helps people who are disabled. like herself. That is her company, her. business that she started. Um she cooks.

and cleans and runs my entire household. I bought the house. She makes it a home. And so when I tell you again that God. would give you back the time that the. locust and the cake and worms took, I am. not playing. But the the key to him. doing that is your obedience to him. >> And and you know the Bible says it's. better to be obedient than sacrifice. And I was obedient to his word. And I. never wavered in welloing even with the. adversity that was going on with my mom. being on that. When I turned him her. over to him, >> God showed me the power of surrender. >> And from that day, my mom has been.

sober. Um, she has been the best mother. that me and my brother could ever ask. for. Um, she does everything she's never. done as a child. And to this day, it is. I still look at her sometimes across the. room. I'm like, >> she is really like sober and a momow. And. >> it's natural and she's doing this and. we're here. And you know, that's. something that when someone was in. addiction for 20, 25 years, >> it's a long that's a hard habit to. break.

>> You don't break it. they usually die. Yeah. >> At the hands of that substance. Um so. just always wanting to give God that. glory. But but I I again I want people. to know that God's promises are always. sitting right there available for you. And I'm telling you what breaks that. promise open is our obedience and our. trust and our faith in him. That's all. we need. He don't ask for much. And. faith isn't something that we know. Faith is an action word. Belief is an. action word. It is keeping your. commitment to God. doing what you said. you would do even when you don't feel.

like it. Also saying, God, and this is. my affirmation to this day. I said, "God, I don't know what's going on, but. I know that I trust you. As long as I. can trust you, I can nest in you, then I. know that I'm good. And so, I show up to. whatever GPS God gives me." And I say, "But I showed up." And when I tell you, he always does everything in the perfect. position and in the perfect um in the. perfect alignment when you just show up. See, people think they got to know. everything. M. >> if I know everything or if I don't know. everything I should say then I can't. show if I don't know how to do it. But. what does God say that I am.

>> but if you know everything that's not. faith. >> faith is believing in the unknown that. you're going to take this leap and know. that everything's going to be okay. >> And faith is a spirit thing. It's not an. ego thing. >> Faith is I know like I know like I know. It's not I think. And it's also you. saying that I understand that if God is. closer than my breath then he can't be. outside of me. So that's why he says, "I. never leave you or forsake you because. he can't." And I want to wrap on this. He also says, "If you make your bed in. hell, there I am." That means that God.

allows you to have your free will. because he loves you. >> But if your free will happens to be in. hell, he not going to stop you, but. he'll be in there with you. Which means. all you got to do is tap him cuz he's. there. Ask and he'll shift you. But how. many of us are not willing to shift? Because we get so stuck in the. dysfunction that we know, >> the dysfunctional relationships, the. dysfunctional part of our self that we. know that the shift becomes so scary. that the better is something that is. uncertain. So we don't go to the better. We stay with what we know. And God says,

"Well, I'll stay with you." But the. Bible says, "What reports will you. believe? Will you believe the reports of. your dysfunction, your trauma? You're. not good enough, you're not qualified, that you are the things you've been. through, you are the things that you see. in your environment. Or will you believe. the reports that I told you that I'm the. big dog, I'm the alpha, the omega, I'm. omnipresent, that I know the plans I had. for you when I formed you in the belly. and them plans plans were to prosper. you, give you a good life, not to harm. you. So whenever you are in harm, you're. not in what? My plans. >> So how do you know when you're not in.

God's alignment? Is when it's you in. harm, when it's not prosperous. Because. he also says, "Think only on these. thoughts that are prosperous, positive, and praiseworthy." The reason why he. tells you that is because as a man. thinkketh, >> so be. >> Come on, baby. So he's telling you what. to think. So when you think on those. thoughts, hold on. So are you. >> So the man that says he is and the man. that says he is not are what? Both. Right. >> Right. >> So God said, "What reports will you. believe? And I love you so much. I'll. let you believe them. And even if you. believe yourself in hell, I'mma ride.

with you in there. There ain't listen, there ain't a human. >> that could ride like that. And this is. why I tell people I'm not here to be. liked. I got a purpose. >> And my obedience is to God, not to. y'all. Because as long as I'm obedient. to God, >> we riding in his will. But the moment. that I fall prey to dogma or being. obedient to your thoughts or what you. think or what you need, now I'm in your. will. And the only thing that that had. Peter who was walking on water to Jesus.

depart and fall was because he took his. eyes. >> off. >> off the wheel. >> And really quick, I got to say this. because Peter called Jesus out. How many. of us call God out? I'm asking for this. If it's really you, God show up. Peter. said, "Jesus, if it's you and you real, call on me to walk on this water." Jesus. said, "I'm that dude. What's up?" Peter. got off his boat, walked on water, and. Jesus said, "All you got to do is keep. your eyes on me. >> because I'm the one you called.

>> I'm the one that's blessing you.". >> He looked down and. >> he looked down, but you know why he. looked down? Because a storm came. >> a storm. How many of us have been in. storms. >> that have us lose our faith, lose our. walk, lose our goal, lose our focus. >> Most of the time storm, you know why? Because most of the time that's the only. time we really call on God is when we're. in trouble. >> Like when we're prosperous, we we're. ascending to the top. We don't we don't. need him. >> We need him when ah damn, lost my job. I. lost this. I didn't get this promotion.

Things happened in my life. I'll call on. him now. But when things was going good, you thought it was all you. You didn't. know he was right there with you the. whole while. He been riding. He Well, you was riding shotgun. He was driving. But you didn't realize that. And when. you called on him, like Peter called on. Jesus, when the storm came again, why. did you take your eyes off of who. already saved you from the last storm. and the last storm and the last storm? This is why I say the only person I have. to focus on is my God. The only person.

I'm obedient to is my God. It don't. matter who don't like me. >> No one has to like me. I'm vertical in. the God that's in me. Nothing else has. to make sense for me because I'm not. here for it to make sense. I'm here to. do what? Trust him in all my ways and. acknowledge him first. >> Congratulations on your mom being sober. But let me ask you this. >> Now, y'all know your favorite aunt, but. I'm also a last minute shopper. I'm. talking about a guy that sprinting. through the mall on Christmas Eve like. it's the fourth quarter. We're down by. six and we got to have it. Shelves.

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and boom, I can upload unlimited photos. and videos. And the best part, I can. preload everything before it even ships. So when my brother opens that box, he's. already got a whole highlight reel of. family memories waiting on him. And let. me tell you, Ora doesn't skimp. It comes. in a premium gift box. No price tag, and. it looks like it's planned out weeks. ago. You can't wrap togetherness, but. you can frame it. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting. orframes.com to get $35 off or. bestselling carbon mat frames named.

number one by Wire Cutter by using promo. code SHE at checkout. That's. orframes.com promo code shay. This deal. is exclusive to listeners and frames. sell out fast. So order yours now to get. it in time for the holidays. Support the. show by mentioning club Shay at. checkout. Terms and conditions. You say. you're the oldest of seven, correct? >> Mhm. >> Your dad has six kids with five. different women. >> Oh, you done did you did your homework, baby. >> With that being said, and we know how.

you view your dad. >> when you found out that you had other. siblings. How did that make you feel? >> I love that. So, when my father went to. have uh my first little sister, >> okay, >> Ginger, uh I said, and I was only 10, and I said, "Dad, why would you have. another child?". And I said, "It better not be a girl.". >> Uh-oh. >> Yeah. And he said, "Well, baby, it's a girl. >> It's a girl.". >> And things happen, right? Cuz I'm.

kidding. >> And I said, "Well, I don't like her. I'm. not happy. You ain't even met her yet. >> And I won't be her sister. Right. At 10. years old, >> my little sister Ginger came out to love. and worship the ground I walk on. >> And it took me, and this is something. that I I just have to be transparent. It. took me until I was early 20s to have a. sit down with my sister Ginger, who is. my baby now, and say, "I'm sorry. I. didn't I didn't accept you. It had. nothing to do with you. Um, but I love.

you. You're my sister. I rock with you, you minds. And so from my father, um, it. was an issue, but what saved him and me. was he kept having kids. >> So what I realized was, you know, anyone can replace the baby. You just got to have another baby. >> But guess what? Person can never be. replaced. You can never have another. firstborn. >> Nope. >> Ever. So when God told me, listen, I put. you in the firstborn order, so you ain't.

got to worry about being replaced. whoever's next got to worry about being. replaced. I said, "You know what? I'm. good with that." Um, and my father and. I, not that he doesn't love all of his. kids, they know he does, but they also. know I grew up with him. I grew up in. his gangster era. I grew up in his dope. dealing era. I watched him transition. from from, you know, being bullhead in. the streets to being Darren, the family. working man. >> And he always tells me no one else got. that opportunity. You know, I I. witnessed him, you know, being shot. I.

witnessed him just so much. And it's. like I had the opportunity of seeing the. transition that they didn't get. And not. that, you know, they were robbed because. it was tough times. They actually. probably had a luxury of not seeing it, but it gave me a different ump in me um. that we all have, but that makes me the. most like my father. And yeah, we we. have a special bond. We really adore. each other. And he he dotes on me. Um he. would tell me, "You're the Kobe Bryant. You're the Michael Jordan of the women.". And you know, um to all the fathers out.

there, that is so important. >> Yes. you have daughters. Um, you know, a. a woman is what her daddy makes her. straight up, especially when it comes to. men. And, um, she can easily be. manipulated if you're a man who doesn't. input the things in her that allow her. to see red flags. Uh, my father would. have real one-on-one conversations with. me. He talked to me like his baby, but. he also would say, you know, do X, Y, and Z, and would be a, and I like that. because he talked to me straight up, right? And he would explain to me that,

you know, men use money to run power. like this or men may say these things. that mean this. And so I had this open. relationship where I was. >> So you had the playbook. >> I had the playbook and I can come to him. and say, "Dad, you know, this is what's. happening in my relationship. What does. this mean?" Um, even if it was sexual. now, if it was sexual, he loved Jack and. Coke. He said, "Baby, let me give my. Jack and my Coke before we have that. conversation." Um, but he was very open. to those conversations. But I want men. to know that that that a woman is what. her daddy makes her. And so it is your.

responsibility to build that woman up so. that when she's out there, she has a. realistic expectation of a man, not a. fairy tale ideology. Cuz I ended up to. you what you said earlier about, you. know, you're never going to have a man. I ended up with a fairy tale ideology. that I had to work through and process. and unpack because I expected men to be. this fairy tale that my father was. He. was this night shining armor. You call. him, he's there. He bought me my first. car. we're in Vegas and you know he was. a drug guy so we're in Vegas and I'm 16. he's giving me thousands and thousands.

to gamble to spend and that was reality. for that type of guy but my dad also. told me if a man looks like me smells. like me or acts like me. >> run. >> run. >> do not bring him home and do not date. him so he never glamorized being a. womanizer he never glamorized having sex. by five women he told me this is what. daddy did but I don't want this for you. and there's too many men who do those. things and because they are too eagle. centric, right? Versus caring about. their daughters that they would. glamorize their behavior so their.

daughters won't look at them in a. certain way. But you are tearing her up. because now she thinks that the right. chosen person looks and acts like you. So when she brings you home, that's your. problem. But my father told me from the. beginning, it's a hard note. And when I. did attempt to date, because I really. never dated street guys, probably. because he raised me like that. I dated. more like athletes when I was in like a. college athlete or some of that sort or. just a really good boy next door. Um, >> go ahead. I'm just Go ahead. I'm just. I'm just. >> See, I told y'all he not messy but he.

crafty. I told y'all that. See See? But. when I when I first tried to date my. first little street guy, my dad didn't. even said, "Let me see a picture." He. said, "What do you do?" I said, "He does. real estate." He said just like he said. that don't do real estate. I said I said. he don't he don't he don't and my dad. called me every day I'm not lying for. seven days to tell me to get rid of that. man because one of them going to end up. dead or in jail. So guess what. >> you got rid of. >> got rid of him. >> The right thing to do. >> Yeah. You said your dad uh uh said that.

if he ever got married the wife would. become before the kids. Is that. >> He said the opposite. >> The kids come first. >> And I disagreed with him. >> Oh yeah. Absolutely. >> I disagree. >> Absolutely. >> We had literally almost a 2hour debate. Me and my father would debate a lot. We. have almost identical personalities. Okay. Um and he would never tuck his. tail to anybody. I'm like the only. person he tuck and say, "Baby, listen. If we got to agree to disagree, then. then that's fine." Or, "Daddy's not. trying to say nothing that's going to. upset you." Baby, we saying the same. thing. We saying because he's just. trying to be daddy and not hurt me. But.

anybody else, it would have been, you. know, just. >> it is what it is. So, move on. >> Move on. Would have been war. But we had. a long conversation. And he told me cuz. I had a fiance at the time who actually. had two beautiful girls and he was. putting me before his adult daughters. and that's the right hierarchy. >> Yes. >> And my father said he can do that in. your household but um the woman in my. house uh would never come ever before my. kids. And I said daddy I don't agree and. I'm your daughter. I don't agree in that. hierarchy. He said you don't have to. agree with what I do in my household but. when y'all come here um a woman will.

never come before my girls ever. And so, you know, but again, >> that's also a man who has six kids by. five different women, >> right? >> And I love my father, as y'all can see, but I'm also a realist. A man who can um. procreate with multiple women. >> and not make a family with none of them. or only one of them. That says a lot. about his lack of respect for women in. general. >> Okay. So I would have never expected my. father to say that he respects a woman. who he's romantic with so much that she.

would come before his kids because. obviously the respect level for a woman. was limited from the jump in order for. you to be able to do things in that. nature and that's for any man including. my. >> You think that's you think that's a. respect thing? A man that he he lacks. respect for women if he lays down and. have kids with multiple women he doesn't. respect them. Is that what. >> Yes. And in addition to that he doesn't. respect himself. And I also think that. he lacks self-love. Any man who will lay. with a woman um unprotected, right?

Let's not just talk about obviously. procreating that can happen. We're. talking about health-wise diseases that. can happen. >> Um he lacks. >> well if he protected himself, it'll be. better. >> He if he protect if he Now this is my. thing. I do agree. I think that it's not. about what we do, it's how we do it. Okay? >> So if a man wants to be a man who was. very honest and transparent about look, I'm just trying to be intimate. I'm in. my intimacies. I'm just trying to have. sex and have a good time, but we're. going to do it safe. We're going to get. tested and use protection and no one's. getting pregnant. And I'm telling you. out in the front, there is nothing wrong.

with a transparent man who women are. signing up to or a transparent woman. that men are going to sign up to be in. alignment with. Nothing at all. I'm. talking about a man who is sleeping with. the woman and the woman who's sleeping. with the man and both are unprotected. It ain't just the man's uh. accountability. The woman is accountable. as well. And now you have multiple. families and multiple homes. that are. broken. We have an issue here that is a. a a bad decision-making crisis in our. community. And it's also people who are.

living in this very present world of. they're so used to dysfunction and it's. become a pathology within our community. that that is the norm in their baseline. of what they do. And so doing anything. outside of that is not just only. unknown, but it's not even a norm that. they know how to create. That's the part. that makes it sad to me. >> You hold held your father in such high. regard. Mhm. >> How was it? How were you able to shift. and says, you know what, I love my dad, >> but I don't love him enough to have a.

partner like my dad. >> Love that. My dad is a hell of a father. He is not a good man to his women. >> My dad is a womanizer, but he is a hell. of a father. I truly believe that the. womanizer in him and him being able to. take his ego out of it when it comes to. his relationship with his kids and not. glamorize his bad behavior. >> is what made him such an amazing father. >> Okay? >> Because he's able to say, "I know what I. do to women,

>> so let me teach you what it looks like. so you don't run into the same type of. joker." And my father never. put himself on a pedestal about the. decisions that he was making. When I got. with my ex- fiance who had two beautiful. girls, right, by two different women, my. father said, who took great care of me. I was a kept woman. The man was a great. guy. My father said, "Let me explain. something to you, babe." When we got. engaged, he said, "You told me since you. can even speak that you never want a man. who has multiple kids with multiple. women. That you never want a man who is. a man like daddy is." He said, "What.

makes that man different because it's. two and not five? And I said, "You know what? You're on to. something. You're on to something. You're right. It doesn't make a. difference. He still is a man who has. multiple kids by multiple women.". >> But even in that, my father didn't say, "Well, it's okay because I I got. multiple kids. You know, some guys like. that could be good men." He said, "You. told me as as my daughter, you didn't. want that." So even as a father who is. doing the same thing, if I have to put. myself in a bad light for you to have.

what's right, then hey, then then so be. it. That is what parenting is about, Shannon. Parenting is about I remove. myself from this. Yes. For the. betterment of you. That is what love is. Not if I tell you, Shannon, don't get a. woman who's of age like me, who's a. doctor, who don't want a man with kids. Don't, you know, don't get a woman like. me. I don't want to tell you that. Because if I tell you that, then what? It makes me look bad. No. If I love you, that means I use anything I have to help. you get in a better position and do. what's best for you. That's what.

parenting is about. >> It's funny that you say that. Why can. women have choices but men can't? Women. can say, "I want I don't want a man to. have kids. I want this. I want that. I. want I want a man that makes six, seven. figures. I want him to be educated. I. want him to be God-fearing. I want him. to be able to be world travel.". >> But a man can't say, "Well, I want a. woman that's 5'7. I want a woman that. has long natural hair. I want her to be. of this complexion. I want her to be. shaped like this." Why can't men say. what we want, but women can say what. they want. >> Let's add one more thing because I feel. like we're deflecting from one more.

thing. Okay? >> We want her to be this race. We want her to be this type. Let's keep. it real. Let's We're not going to. deflect from nothing. >> What thing? >> There's men who There's black men who. only date non-black women. >> Okay, >> we don't have to say white women. Just. say non black cuz there is black men who. only date Latino women, but not white. women. There are white men who only have. a thing for black women. >> Yeah, >> there's nothing wrong with a preference. I don't think a man saying. I am only attracted to or I have only. been attracted to this type of woman.

means that he doesn't love or respect. these other kind of women. >> Now on the flip side, a man who says I. am turned off and do not like black. women. So I date non-black women, right? >> He has mommy issues. He has an identity. crisis because you came from the woman. you're saying you dislike. So now we. have a deeper rooted issue. I'm not. saying that a brother who only dates. outside a black woman cannot also have. mommy issues. But if that's just his.

preference, then that's different than. saying, "I don't date because my. experience was bad. I don't date because. I don't like the way black women show. up. I don't date because I don't like. the way black women are strong or they. talk too much." And I'm not saying those. things ain't true for a lot of us, okay? Yes. >> But what I'm saying is everyone has the. right to have their preference. But I do. believe that people need to look deep. down and say, "Why is that your. preference?" Take inventory on that. I. know my preference of a man with no kids.

is because growing up as a little girl, I had to share my father with six other. siblings. >> You want undivided attention. >> And I'm not sharing another man in my. life. >> Damn. And I'm also not going to put my. children in a position to have to share. their father with anybody else at all. And I'm going to go even deeper. When my. father passed away, which I'm happy my. dad did it so perfect, right? >> His life insurance when split up amongst. >> his babies. >> Yeah. >> Now, I love that because I love my.

babies. I'm the oldest of seven. Those. are all my babies. Okay. And if he would. have gave it all to me, I would have. split it with everybody anyway, right? >> But I'm happy he did it on his own. But. my point in saying that is when a man or. a woman gets with somebody who has other. offsprings and kids, you have to not. only think about the relationship. presently but also in the exit strategy. >> So my kids do have to split things. My. kids are being born into a deficit. because guess what? You won't be able to. be present every day with my child if.

you are going to be a father to those. children. And when Christmas comes or. holidays come or school comes or god. forbid something happens to their other. children like an emergency. What if our. kids have an emergency at the same time? Who do you choose? What happens? Do I. show up as a single mother in that. moment? Because dad has to be here. How. do I explain that to our babies? And why. do I have to? And I won't have to if I. choose a man who I know can be present. Because being present is being in my. house, in our house, in our children's.

home, taking them to school, waking up. in the morning, them seeing you with the. good morning. Our son being able to. watch how you process your emotions as a. man. Watch how you interact with me as a. man. Watch how you sit with your legs. like that. Watch how when the game is. on, you you sit and watch it in a. certain statue. Watch how you yell at. the TV the way you do what you do. I. yell at the TV when I watch football. And I am a football head because my. grandfather and my father were football. men. >> So we would sit and watch football. non-stop. I'm calling pick six all day.

I mean I I'm calling flag on the plate. Pi. Come on ref. That's me, >> right? >> Other women don't watch it like that. >> Correct. >> Because how do I learn it? By watching. the men in my house. >> By being the only girl for so long. >> Kids are very observant. >> So my thing is, and I I'll wrap on this. is it's not that people with kids, multiple folks are doomed. >> Mhm. It's a different way that they have. to parent. And whether you parent. perfectly, not perfectly, but you parent. at your best or not, those kids are.

still going to be in a deficit. And I. want to say this part, too, because. >> a present parent can also present. trauma. Mhm. >> So, I don't want to make it seem like. because if you're in the household, you. not present trauma. >> because it's also sometimes. a parent or a couple that decides not. being together will create a more. peaceful, healthy environment for the. kids and us is the better decision. So, I'm not condoning or advocating for. people to stay together in traumat,

dysfunctional, abusive relationships. where they're creating now not just a. broken home, but a broken family because. those are two different things, right? I'm saying you got to do what's best. But if you make decisions at the very. beginning that are good, then you are. able to date better, marry better, parent better, and you do get kids, even. if they choose to detour off like the. Bible says, who have the tools to be. better. And that's all that I'm pushing. for our community. I'm not pushing that.

people who are baby mamas or baby. daddies, to beat themselves up and say. they're doomed. That's not what it is. But what I am saying, damn it, is now. today, make a better decision. Do. something different. show your kids that. there's a different way to do it. And. you know, let's teach folks to get out. there and figure out the sense of self. so our divorce rate isn't so high. And. let's figure out, Shannon, how we can do. more than just make good love and have a. drink together. Like, how come we can't. have better conversations together? We. don't have to be romantic to have good.

intellectual, emotionally intelligent. conversations. We don't have to have. gender wars cuz we don't agree on a. topic. You believe men and you believe. men and women can have a friendship. Steve Harvey said he ain't got no women. friend. >> and and he shouldn't. >> But you married. >> so a man so like me you and not married. on this conversation. >> I'm just saying. So you you believe men. and women can have a a true platonic hey. let's meet here. Let's go get a drink. Let's go get a bite to eat. And it stays. that cuz a lot of people like oh he just.

waiting for his opportunity. He just. waiting for you at a moment of weakness. and something went wrong with in your. other relationship and he got that big. shoulder for you to cry on and next. thing you know, voila. I had a best friend of 24 years. He was. there through both engagements. He was. going to be on both weddings. And as. soon as that second engagement was off, he said, "Have you found someone new?". >> I do it. I do it. >> Hold on, Shannon. I said, "No, we were. friends since we were 14." I said, "No,

I haven't." He said, "Well, why don't we. try it?" I said, "I know you too well.". Listen to this. So, I could never be in. relationship with you. He had no kids. He does well. Attorney, all those. things. I had NO KIDS. WELL, THAT'S YOU. THAT'S ME. THAT WAS ME. >> MY MAN BEEN HAVING PLAIN SIGHT RIGHT. HERE IN FRONT OF ME. >> RIGHT HERE. Right here. Okay. So, I. said, "We can probably be home lover. friends and be intimate because I've. known you for so long. So, I feel very. safe with being intimate with you." And. he says, "If I can't have you in every.

way and marry you, I won't touch your. body." So I said, "Okay, well, let's try. this dating thing." We tried the dating. thing. Exactly what I told him was. right. Sex was. >> fire. >> Absolutely amazing. Absolutely amazing. J, the relationship. Mm-. >> What was wrong? >> Everything that he did and all his all. of his previous relationships, he. started to do in ours. He brought back. >> because people are who they This is. another thing. People don't change. We.

shift. We learn how to manage the things in us. that we don't like or that we learn. don't serve us. So if lying never serve. nobody, that person is still a liar who. has to manage the behavior of not lying. No different than a than an addict. A person who was addicted to porn is. managing, no longer looking at porn. Management could look like this. They. won't go in the environment of maybe a. strip club. They will not go in an. environment where there's a porn on.

television. Um same thing for. alcoholics, right? They try their best. to not go around it as much as possible. There's a lot of lot of um willpower. that that takes, a lot of managing. You. don't wake up in the next day or go. through 6 months or a year of therapy, Shannon, and you are no longer built the. way you are biologically. You no longer. think the way you think. You no longer. have the appetite that you used to have. Do we grow out of some things naturally? Yes. But evolving and growing out of. something is very different than saying, "Now that I'm with you, I want to stop.

smoking cigarettes. Now that I'm with. you, I no longer want to watch porn.". You're managing yourself. So, it's only. a matter of a time before who you don't. like about me shows up in this. relationship. So, I always ask people. this. Instead of finding people that you. have to change for or that you want to. change for you, find somebody who's. conducive to the [ __ ] you got going on. Meaning, if you are in your. dysfunctional era, I'm serious. You find. someone who your dysfunction does not.

create dysfunction in them. Your. dysfunction may be something that they. need and they can feed in a healthy way. because that happens often. For example, people who have anxious attachment. Those are the people who are just always. want to be up under you, want to call. you, want to text you, want to do that. Right? >> What you doing? >> Not talking to you right now. >> Watch this. Now, I'm an abandoned little. girl, okay? >> Who's grown up to be an abandoned woman. I have worked through a lot of my stuff. >> But that anxious attachment person would. drive somebody who is in avoidant or.

even secure attachment crazy. That is. system overload way too much for them. me. I love me a clingy man. So if my man. Hold on. I'm not saying he's sitting at. home not doing nothing playing video. games. I'm saying he's traveling, he's. doing work, he's doing his thing, but. maybe in between work, in between. sessions, in between lunch, he wants to. FaceTime me or text me or baby, I miss. you. And when he's done with work, he. wants to get right back home to mama. I. love me a man like that. Oh, he wants to. fly me out. Oh, hell yes. >> You So he So you you you you uh you got.

a therapy session. You talk. You told. Mr. Johnson. So how is it that Mr. Johnson feel that you're not meeting so. forth and so on and then you get out of. that session, you got like five m five. text messages, three missed calls. >> Okay. So, see see now you're going. obsessive. I didn't say that the person. will crash out. That's different. That's. somebody who's having an anxiety attack. because you're not available. That's. more of codependency. >> Okay. >> I'm saying somebody who has an. attachment style where they love being.

plugged into their partner. >> Okay? They want to plug. They want to. see. You want to see your woman's face. before me and you do this interview, >> right? >> So, when I walked in, you might have. been saying, "Okay, baby. Hey, Dr. Brian. just walked in. I'll call you right. back." And then you hang up and I'm. like, "Hey, Shannon.". >> Yes. >> That is what's healthy for me. >> Okay. >> But for many other people, >> that attachment style may not work for. them. They may say, "I'm too needy or. that person's too needy." So, what I try. to teach people is. >> stop finding someone who is avoidant,

right? And I want someone who's going to. be attached. And now I'm telling you all. day, Shannon, like you don't call me. enough. >> Like, are you not into me? >> You know, you're not slapping my ass. every time I walk by. You know, it's. like, you need your space downstairs in. the man cave for an hour when you get. home to debrief. But to me, that makes. me feel a little detached from you, >> right? >> Mhm. >> Versus finding a man who says, "Shit, you are my man cave. I can't. Daddy. can't.". >> Come on down here. Let's watch this game. together. >> Come on, baby. Now we talking. And while. you at it, mama, bring that Bring THAT. GOOD SHADE. THAT GOOD SHADE DARK. BRING. THAT GOOD SHADE DARK. YOU know what I'm. saying? That's what I mean by us finding.

what's conducive to us, not finding the. person who needs us to change and be. something else. Because that's also a. deeper rooted issue. If I'm always. attracting and choosing people who want. me to change, that is a identity crisis. issue. That is a lack of self-love. Something in me doesn't like myself. So, I'm calibrating you who was pointing out. for me what I don't like that I need to. change. And I'm making you my motivating. factor to change when if I don't like. that about myself, shouldn't that be an.

inside job, right? >> Shouldn't I sit with me first and say, "These are the things I don't like about. me. >> Let me lose the weight. Let me have. better self-care. Let me tailor down on. my smart mouth or whatever it is I feel. I need to do. Why do I need to choose. you to tell me I need to change and me. be motivated by you?" That's. codependency. That's unhealthy. >> Okay? So people listen, get a sense of. self and then find somebody who's. conducive to who you are because no. one's ever going to be perfect. We all. going to be broken when we meet whoever.

we meet. And there's no such thing as a. fully healed person. So all this wait. till you heal to find somebody, you. going to be waiting forever. And what. happens is while you are trying to. isolate to heal, you are also unlearning. how to socialize. You are also deading. your chemistry muscle. So when you go. back out the house 6 months, 5 years, however long y'all trying to isolate, then you're going, I'm socially awkward. >> How come I can't connect with people? How come there's no chemistry with. anybody? Well, you ain't used it. So you. lost updated. >> There you go. So it's about having.

healthy distractions. I'm going to heal. for 2 hours a day and meditate and take. self inventory and do my therapy, but. then Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7. o'clock, I have to get out and. socialize. I have to get out and meet. people who are celebrating me. I have to. get out and create a circle of wealth. who are pouring into me so I have a. balance of healing and also a norm. that's going to allow me to be me and be. around people and socialize and meet. someone who I can possibly be conducive. with who I don't have to look forward to. being my motivator to change and be a. better me. Being better comes from the.

inside. A woman will never make a man a. better man. Y'all going to change when. you want to. As you see, in my father's. words, a going to be a [ __ ] A. womanizer is going to be a womanizer. A. woman will become a product of your. environment. Offset and Cardi B is a. perfect example. Cardi B came into it. She had no kids. She was in her career. She's going diamond and platinum with. her records. No kids. Offset had how. many? By how many? >> I think you had a couple. >> So, who became a product of whose. environment? >> Cardi now has two by two. My theory.

proven right again. She has two by two. So, she's a product of his environment. I'm just saying what it is because a man. who's going to marry. is a man who's going to what? Marry. He's looking for marriage. But a man. who's just looking for ass is what he's. looking for. It don't matter if he runs. into Dr. Bryant. People in general, especially women, have to be stop being. so arrogant to think that anything we.

got from a face to a walk to a drop to. anything can take a man and make him. what he's not. We ain't build him. We. ain't never made y'all. We will never. change y'all. Only thing we can do is. choose y'all and say, "If this man never. changes this right here, I will love. everything about this man exactly how he. is." But we don't do that. I do now, but. most women don't. We go I like 25 35% I. think I think that's that's 65% once he. meets me, makes love to me, see I can.

cook and I can clean and I can do these. other things and my knees is good and I. do cook. Yeah. But the man cleans. I'll. cook it for you, but I But I'll eat red. meat. >> But I'll cook it. I'll cook it for my. man, but I'll eat red meat. But. >> dang, >> you do all that. >> Mac and cheese. B. >> But guess what? >> What? >> That ain't going to change who you are. That's not going to change the type of. man you are. >> I don't even want to go out no more. >> Lose my number, homeboy. Don't ever call. me again. I'm happy here.

>> There you go. >> Let me ask you this. Because it seemed. like to like in today's time, Doc, when. I was coming up and and with. >> But this is so good. I'm I'm don't even. drink. This is so good. >> Thank you. >> Shoot. I'm about have to come up with a. with a a Shay a a Dr. B something. This. is good. >> When I was coming up, it was it like the. ladies wanted you to call them. >> and you just couldn't call. Like now if. you call if you talk to the person once. a week, they cool. If you. >> Who's that? Okay. hat once.

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Don't call me once a week. Call me all. Listen, I said love me. >> at least once a week. >> Love me like this. >> Do not love me like that. Literally and. figuratively. Love me like this. >> You got to love me up close. >> Dark on demon time. >> Call demon time. See see THIS DARK. IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG. >> Love me up close. But you know, but I.

want you to finish your question because. healthy people know how to love. >> Okay? >> Healthy people don't have to love you at. a distance. >> Okay? >> Because a distance means that I'm. putting barriers in front of them. >> Yes. Yes. >> So if I am not afraid of love, then why. am I not loving all the way like this? Why am I not loving like this? Why am I. not loving like this? Why is it that I'm. putting stipulations or barriers or. limitations on how I love you? I was.

made from love. My parents love the [ __ ]. out of me. My mom still treats me like. I'm four. My dad still open my door at. the age of 38 when he would take me to. dinner. >> So, I am a love bug. So, I don't need. you to love me from a distance because. you are starving me of the love that we. could both be having if you didn't have. issues with love. Because when you think of love, Shannon, you think of love as limitations. >> You know, it's limitless.

>> So then why is there a number amount on. how many calls or texts I can give or. get from you a day? Why is it that, you. know, too much time is too much time to. be spent if we really love and like each. other, >> right? >> How come I can't just miss you while I'm. in your presence? How come I can't just. had made love to you, laid up under you, and want to lean over and still smell. you again? >> What is wrong with that? >> Nothing. >> How come I can't make love to you, been. with you for four days straight, we done. made love four or five times already,

and then say, "Daddy, I miss you.". >> Really? >> That's not obsessive. That's healthy. love. that that that happened in today's. time. >> It that's how I love [ __ ] It's healthy. love and that's why I can't just be. giving my loving to anybody because not. because. >> you have you have that kind of. personality. >> Gallon, >> there's people who are pints. >> Okay. >> Gallons have to be careful of pints and. pints have to be careful. No one's. better. It's just different bandwidth. Right. >> My love is this. >> So if a pint pours everything they have.

into me, how much is left? >> Uh you still got room. >> If I pour everything into them, system. overload. They cannot facilitate me. This is why I said we have to find. conduciveness. We have to find people. who are what? >> Bandwidth, capacity driven. We got to. stop looking at this dude got a contract. for $100 million so that contract could. pay these bills. But then after you get. these kids and you see that the trainer. that you've been training with who. possibly can't pay all the bills, has. the bandwidth. I'm not saying be with.

the trainer. What I'm saying is you got. to find the in between where it's. conducive for you. Okay? Because people. are too driven in things that don't. sustain them and then they end up making. decisions that have them doing time. because they didn't take their time. That's a problem. >> Is it in the relationship now? Do we. have two unrealistic expectations? Because I think the thing is is that and. and what I like I'm a firm believer and. the lady told me say Shannon you're. never going to find someone that has. everything. You're not going to find. someone that can cook, that has a job, that do your X, Y, and Z because.

Shannon, if she has a job, how do you. expect her to be at your beck and call. and and then you're going to get tired? If she's at your beck and call all the. time, you're going to get tired of her. being being at your beck and call. So, you're not going to find someone that. has everything. Just find someone that. has enough of the qualities that you. want that a few of the ones that she. don't, you can survive. >> Perfect. And I say this, what are your. non-negotiables? Right. My non-negotiables is a man with. children. >> That's pretty much it.

>> Yeah. >> Right. I mean, of course, we can be. abusive. Those are the common sense. Common sense. Okay. No kids, right? >> So, as long as he has no kids, I go down. the list. He's kind. He's loving. You. know, he has that attachment style. I. like he wants to put get his suitcase. and live up in me. I love it. You know, that type of thing. And he loves on me. He's faithful. I like transparency. I. don't like honesty. So, he's. transparent. And and and so what people. need to do is say. >> transparency is telling you is something. that you didn't even ask. >> It's forthcoming. Honesty is.

>> ask a question and then you answer me. >> Fthcoming is babe. Let me tell you what. happened at the meeting today. Babe, I. was driving home and got an email from. my ex and I ain't talked to her in 10. years. >> Really, babe? Yes. And the email said. boom, she's in town. She wanted to go to. lunch. I said, "What'd you say, babe?" I. told her I'm married and that she didn't. see that on social media. I got a wife. or I didn't respond at all, baby. Okay. And guess what? We resume our day. >> Okay. >> Because the fact that you're. transparent, you are now depositing into.

our trust bank. >> But when I have to ask you, B, say you. didn't respond to the email at all. You. did everything right. But I happen to. run through and I say, "Baby, you didn't. tell me such and such emailed you." And. you go, "Oh, babe, you know, I won't. even think about. >> I ain't pay that no mind.". >> But let's say you did everything right. You really didn't pay it no more. >> Now, it's not about you doing anything. right. It's about what? Why didn't you. tell me? >> Most people say that. Now you are. starting a little bit of cracks and. crevices in our trust foundation when. you ain't did nothing wrong. So now, of.

course, I'm not going to leave you for. that. But now we got to work through me. trying to say, "Baby, next time could. you tell me?" But when you can just be. forthcoming. If you know you have. nothing going on, transparency is the. way to build the best trust is, "Baby, look, this is this is what it is." And. let me go. It's going to be a very. unapologetic opinion, but for my players. out there, >> for the men who trying to play, for the. women who trying to go dig, even as a. player who got a little bit of game, transparency would be what you want to.

do. Because when you tell a woman everything. that's really going on, she trusts you. Hold on. Trust creates. what? Security, right? >> What do women want? >> Security. M. >> and you give an opportunity to make a. choice. >> because if you deny that. >> so how many women are dealing with a. married man who they know is married. >> I would. >> and that married man has no problem with. the side chick because she knows and in.

her raid ass mind she says. what say. >> eventually he going to leave her and be. with me. >> and guess what he a good man Savannah. because he's honest with me he told me. he was married, I could trust him. But. see, Savannah's man was married in that. movie, too. >> Mhm. >> That's the problem. And the wife don't. know about you. And even if she does, he's a womanizer. So, a womanizer is. going to do what? Womanize.

>> Right? >> So, when a person shows you who they. are, my dad used to always say, "Believe. them. Don't wrap them with your fairy. tale ideology of what you want them to. be and then gaslight them when you see. that's not who they are." So. transparency is the foundation. Whether. you are trying to move in a good. character, which I condone good. character, or even if you're not, it's. about the transparency piece. We all. want to know that whether I like you or. not, Shannon, I can trust you. I'll hire. you if I could trust you. >> Yes,

>> but I'm not going to hire this snake who. does a better job than you, but I can't. trust him. >> It's transparency. >> Do we have two two unrealistic. expectations of what a relationship. should be? >> You mean on the man and woman's. perspective? I think so. I think the. perfection thing is one definitely and I. think that's both men and women. I think. men want this perfect woman who does all. those things you named. Um, in today's. society, what woman is not working? I. mean, you do have some women that were. kept. I was a kept woman. But to your. point, >> I cooked, I cleaned, he had in-house. I. never denied them. All I did was work.

out and run. I'm the president of NAACP. here in Los Angeles and I ran that and. ran my foundation. But I didn't work. He. didn't want me to work. But I also was a. woman who was okay with not working and. just fully submitting to him. I was okay. in that position. Um, >> would you be okay not in that position? >> So I I believe that I would be okay in. that position. Um, if my husband said, "Baby, you know, once you have our kids,

I want you home with them, and I don't. really want you actively traveling the. way you do for your career. and he was open to me still creating and. producing all the shows that I produce. where I don't have to be so hands-on, right? Um having my Dr. Brian Institute, which I have therapists that work for me. that see clients. If he understood that. um what I built, which is bigger than. me, it's about healing our community is. something I can still have and allow it. to operate and heal folks. Yes. But if. he said you got to shut up, shut down.

all shop when I would say what does it. make sense because this contributes to. our economic household and it. contributes to our legacy and these are. things that I can leave. >> behind to our children and also that you. as my husband will fully benefit from. because this is not mine. I built this. and it's ours and so let's take it and. build it together. And I don't mind. hiring, you know, office manager, a second. assistant, a another CEO. I could hire. four, five more people, >> right? >> But I want to make sure what I built can.

sustain sustain. But but but what I will. say is I am 100% open to um dialing down. and being more available and convenient. and accessible to him. Absolutely. Cuz. I've done it before and and I love that. position. Yes. >> You mentioned the shows that you. produce. You uh co-produce MTV, Teen. Mom, Family Reunion. Uh you on. Basketball Wives. What is it about I. remember I had a conversation with a. guy. This had to be Dr. Brian probably. in 2000 and this was a time like kind of.

like MTV the real world was just. starting to come on Survivor and he said. that he said that is television moving. forward. >> Mhm. >> I said what do you mean? He said reality. television is going to be the wave. He. said I said why? He said because it's. cheap. He said, "Instead of paying. somebody a h 100,000, 200, 300,000 an. episode and you shoot 20, 25 episodes, you can pay somebody 5,000 because. everybody wants that 15 minutes and. everybody feels they'll be able to take. that 15 minutes and transition into.

something bigger." And lo and behold, but I think real television has done a. disservice too somewhat because they got. people, they got people thinking like, "Come on, bro. It's not like that. It's. not like that.". >> Yeah. And people can't trans many many. most people cannot transition out of. reality TV to anything else because. they've exposed the parts of them that. most people don't want to hire or don't. want to represent them company their. company. So um for me uh you know with.

Teen Mom family reunion going on that. show I developed it and I co-produced. it. I was an on camera life coach right. so my reality was my real life position. So I love it on purpose. I I love I love. those those teen moms and dads and. families that were on there. We built. great relationships and I was able to. really really transition their lives. It. was it was beautiful. Um and for people. to see it on TV, basketball wise, I also. went on there as the psychology expert. >> Okay. >> Um and it just took a different toll. because those group of women were not in.

a position of wanting healing, which I. believe the network knew that and we. it's all it's business. I get it's. entertainment. um they were more in the. position of saying well this is our norm. what we've been doing with reality TV we. turning up right so at some point I. understood that that wasn't the the show. for me because I wouldn't be able to use. my expertise on that show I would have. to use you know check a [ __ ] on that. show. >> that's just the truth and so I said let. me just remove myself uh before I uh. ruin myself and somebody on this show.

but reality TV I think it was good for. its era um you know I think that it it. still plays plays a role in. entertainment. >> Uh but a lot of people are stuck in that. and so what they're doing is they got to. create certain timelines to stay on it, right? Um and I feel like their life at. the beginning is the real life. >> and then after they're on there for so. many years, the question is how much of. it is real now because now you you have. to create sustainability for you to have. a story, >> right? >> Um but a lot of my friends are on.

reality TV and you know, so for the sake. of them, I hope it stays and they keep. getting their bag and they keep doing. their thing. Uh, but for me, if I'm. producing it, you know, I wouldn't mind. doing it. If it's a show where I can. provide healing, like Iana Vanzant, fix. my life, that's reality that I love, >> right? >> You know, so shout out to her. That's. that's my first coach and still someone. who I go to for wise counsel. >> But shows like that, I think, are good. But I also think some people, Shannon, want to be entertained. I don't think we. have a right to tell somebody. >> What they need to watch to be.

entertained. People love it. They do. >> They do. You know, and and for some. folks like myself who don't have drama. in my real life, thank God. Um, I don't. watch. >> Why do we like drama though? Why Why do. we Why do we like the car crash? Why do. we like Why do we Why What is our. obsession with seeing someone else crash. out or seeing someone misbehave? What? When do we have we always been this. voyeristic? >> Well, it's relatable to some people. It. also validates that they are not alone. in their crash. >> Perfect example, >> before Tubi became Tubi. Yeah.

>> Now, when Tuby was Hood movies. >> Yeah. I used when I don't watch movies, but. when I did watch a movie, it was Mr. Society, >> Boys in the Hood, or a good hood, Tuby. Hood movie. Why do you think I like. that? It was home for me, >> right? >> It was childhood for me. I related to. that. I grew up in that. I didn't want. to recreate that. But every time I watch. it, I'd be like a little kid in bed in. my pajamas, right? Eating, having my my. drink, my wine, and I'm just loving. watching this gangster type of love.

story that I was an a product of at one. point. Um, and so people watch what they. relate to. Remember that. And we live in. a world, especially within our. community, where you do have the broken. homes, you do have the dysfunction. But. I do want to give us our props real. quick because um there are so many. people in general, but especially black. folks who are understand that faith. without works is dead, >> who have the faith and the principles. You know, most of us grew up in a church. home. We black. We know God. We know. principles. We know the Bible. But. they're coming to therapy. Um, they're.

making therapy a lifestyle. They're. understand that mental health is real, that mental health will make or it has. been breaking us. And so I want to give. our community the props of saying that, you know, listen, super proud of us for. showing up and making mental health a. conversation and making therapy a. conversation on many podcasts, on many. talk shows. Um, m 80% of my clients are. celebrities, are athletes, um, NFL. players, baseball players, and a good.

90ish are black and black men at the. highest rate of any of my clients, especially my A-listers and my athletes, have experienced suicide attempt or. suicide ideation and never told anyone, and they're just blessed and happy that. they didn't act on it or follow through. That wasn't always the case. >> It was not always the case. >> We grew up, I'm old enough, and grew up. in an environment where you weren't. allowed to cry if you're a man because. that was a sign of weakness. When did.

you think this shift happened where. black men were comfortable coming to sit. down and talk to a Dr. Bryan? Or they. were willing to go seek counseling. What. this is what I'm thinking, this is what. I'm feeling. >> I'm not okay. >> And I'm I'm big enough. I'm man enough. >> I love that. I'm pr I'm not prideful. enough to say, "Doc, I need to talk to. somebody cuz I got these thoughts going. on inside and I don't know how much. longer I can bite them.". >> So, as much as most people hate social.

media, I believe that that is one of the. positive impact social media has had is. folks being able to see other folks that. look like them. Black men being able to. see other black men, black boys seeing. black men on social media that look like. them, expressing themsel. um having mental health breakdowns on. social media, showing the results of. therapy, the results of not getting. therapy. We've had black folks on social. media commit suicide. We've had clips of.

that. I think social media, the power, the positive power that it does have is. the witnessing of other people having. the same crash out or mental health. crisis as we as a viewer are having and. normalizing it for us so we don't feel. alone. and then seeing what they did to. cure it or to help it and saying, you. know what, I want that help too. >> Right? >> And then when you don't have the vision. of what is possible for you, like the. Bible said, we perish. We perish.

>> Right? It's the Bible says it. It says. people without a vision do what? Perish. >> Wow. >> And it says hope deferred does what? Makes the heart sick. So when you lose. hope, we have a sick heart. Which make. what? Sick people. Whether it's. physically or mentally. Um, but one. thing you said that I love is you said. them coming to session and being like, "Okay, doc, you know, I'm I'm I'm broken. or I have these thoughts and I feel this. way." Y'all don't come to session like. that. By the way, >> it takes a while to get. >> y'all work my ass, okay? And don't be. like that. Especially black men, you.

come in session and and I love this. about y I have a soft spark for my. black. I love y'all, boy. Y'all come to. session. >> I don't even really want to be here. I. don't even know why I'm here, but I'm. here. or my wife made the the. appointment or they y'all sit in session. and I love this part. You're waiting for. me to create a safe space. Why do I love. that? Because. I am not. I am not um entitled.

to hear your issues just because I have. a title. You should make me work to create a safe. space for you so that you know you can. trust me. However, you should do that as. well in your relationships. Before you. putting your penis in a woman, you. should make sure that that body that. space body and that space is safe. >> so that your trauma and your issues. wouldn't become buried in your. codependency on and sex. And you would. be able to gain a sense of self and not.

a sense of your codependency where all. it does is trigger and inflame your. traumas and your existing self-hate and. issues. And then we would have better. men. Not for women but for their self. And the suicide rate is the highest in. black men. >> Really? >> Do you know what the root of suicide is? Is selfhate. It's identity crisis. You. have to hate yourself so much and the. identity that you tell yourself you have. to want to kill the biggest part of you.

That is an identity crisis. >> But then you don't realize, okay, I'm. hurting so bad. >> And if I do this, I'm no longer hurting. But you miss the most important part. The people that you leave behind that. got to hurt forever because now they. question what where did we go wrong? What did we do wrong? What did we what. signs did we miss? >> And you know what's funny? The people. that you want them to think about that's. going to hurt the most when they gone. are the people that got them in the pain.

that hurts them the most. >> Wow. >> So you think they give a care about. leaving you? Let me tell you something. I've had a boy sit on my phone and tell. me that. he was going to kill himself in the. kitchen. time it so perfectly so that his father. could walk in and see him. because he wanted his father to feel the. pain that he projected onto him that he. was not aware of. You think that little.

boy cared about his father being in pain. for the rest of his life when the whole. intention was. killing myself. is the measurement of the pain that you. have projected onto me that you ain't. you ain't said nothing about it. You. going about your daily life, >> dating, working, doing whatever you're. doing, and I am bleeding to death in. front of you. In front of you.

I had to sit on the phone with that boy. for hours and hours. He's now doing. well. Suicide ideations are gone. Him. and his father have the most amazing. relationship. Wow. >> And his father always says, "I am. forever, ever indebted to you." I'm. like, "No, you're not." Yeah. >> Right. But I said that to say that's not. how a person who was in excruciating. pain to the point where they want to. kill themselves as act. >> They don't think like it. >> They're not thinking like that. But also. as an accountability piece to the people.

who are around them. It's not good. enough, Shannon, for me to ask you, baby, you okay? Let me tell you. something. I have two brothers, >> both younger. If I ask our baby brother, his name is Shane. He's a baby of all of. us. If I call his phone, freaking out. If I call his phone and he don't answer. too many times, you can ask my best. friend and assistant who's in here, Shannon. I'll pull up and lay on that. lay on that horn, knock on that door, come in the house because, bro, what is.

up? What is going on? And there has been. times where that was needed. And he. didn't want to say what was going on. He was raised to be that man that you. said that if a bill is short, he not. going to ask. If he's feeling some type. of way, he's not going to speak. But. when he walks in the house, I can tell. when his mood's off because I pay enough. attention to that boy cuz I love him. And as folks who love our folks, we have. to pay more attention than just Shannon.

said he was good. >> We caught up in our own self. We ain't. got time to be thinking about all that. But if I noticed you weren't good, that's the only reason why I asked you. >> and you said you was. Why did I take. that as okay? Why didn't I say no you're. not? >> No, cuz you asked that question for a. reason. >> Or you got some people who ask it for. the okay, which is an egocentric. approach just to say, >> well, I asked him and he said it was. okay. I done my part. >> So ask me when you really care. Don't. ask me how I'm doing if you really don't.

care. Because if I'm not doing well and. I told you I wasn't and all you was. asking to say you did your part, how was. you going to provide resources? >> How are you going to be someone who can. help me with this impairment? So what I. want to say honestly to everyone within. our community, this is just real. The. whole what's up dog, you good? Needs to. be a real but are you good? Well, I ask. you that because I know you're not. >> Mhm. >> So what's up? And I need to be pressing. you like I press you when I want to go. have a drink. Mhm.

>> Like I press you when I want to go hang. out. Like I press you when I want to. turn up. >> Like I press you when I want to be. outside. >> Like I press you when I want to watch. the game. I should be pressing you when. I know something's not right with you. Because that's what real friendship is. That is what real love is. >> And I don't care if you get mad. I'm in. your business. And I want to know why. Especially with black men. >> Yes. >> Especially with black men. We need to. cuz y'all will get fussy and get. emotionally uncomfortable. And why you. bugging me? why you want to talk about. because I'm because I'm bugging you and.

until we talk or you tell me something. I'm not going away because I love you. I've had to tell clients who've been mad. at me in session. Listen, I'm doing my. job. You can't get rid of me. So, you. can get as mad as you want. I'm not. going nowhere. Do you know how that. shifted the whole trajectory in that. man's whole attitude when I said, "Well, I'm not going nowhere." So, you can get. mad. We still got 30 minutes. I'm not. going nowhere. >> Wow. >> And I'll be here next week, too. I'm not. going nowhere. I've had men break down. and just cry by me saying I'm not going.

nowhere. So, we can unpack this and we. can do this tug of war, >> right? >> But I'm in your pain with you. >> What about this situation? And I think a. and I've heard this and this happens a. lot is that sometimes when we reveal our. deepest, innermost thoughts to our. partner, they turn around and flip it. when they get mad and throw it up in our. face. >> Yeah, that happens also. So now I don't. feel this is a safe space. So I've got. to go to someone that doesn't have a dog. in a fight. I know they're not going to.

throw this up in my face because they're. like, "Well, you know, you can talk to. me about anything, but I can't because. the moment you get mad at me, you're. going to throw this up in my face and. say, see, your grandma didn't do this or. your mama didn't do that. You got blah. blah blah." And I mean really try to. hear that. >> But why are you the only one going to. someone to talk? Why are they not going. to someone so that they can learn the. proper tools to facilitate a healthy. relationship? Y'all both need to be in. someone's office, >> but they perfect. So, but anyway, >> but but but. that's a bit of narcissism is what. you're describing cuz if I'm perfect, >> but you don't have a safe space with me.

and I throw everything you say back in. your face because that's just ego. If. I'm throwing something back in your. face, I'm intentionally trying to hurt. you. >> Mhm. >> And that's also a competitive nature. because anytime I'm trying to chip away. at you so I could feel more what? Superior to you, that's a narcissistic. behavior. So, what are we doing here? Now again, I said narcissistic behavior. So you can have traits and not be. diagnosed. You can have the behavior and. not be diagnosed. Okay, y'all. So yes, but we have to be aware of that. And I.

think as women in general, especially. black women, we do got to do a better. job of holding space for y'all. We do. got to do a better job of having a safe. space for y'all. >> Mhm. And when we do get upset, knowing. how to have. knowing how to have a fair fight, I can. easily say you ain't [ __ ] for not. telling me about that email. >> But do I have to say that's why your. mama left you? >> Exactly.

>> Because you probably was a lying ass. when you was a teenager, too. >> Mhm. >> That's why she abandoned you. because she didn't want to be around you. either. Like, so those are things that. we have to be aware of because that's. venom. >> Yes. >> And if I'm spitting venom at you, that. means venom is where? In me. >> Me. >> Yeah. >> So now my trauma has just entered into. the relationship. Not the woman you. probably chose, which was the healthy. me, right? >> That showed up. >> My representative, which is still me,

was a healthy me. Mhm. >> I didn't tell you it was a nothing as. dude when when we first start dating, >> but now that you have entered into my. vulnerability, which is encompasses all. of who I am, you are getting who? All of. who I am. So, you're not just getting. the baby talk to me. Are you okay? Well, are you hungry? Well, what happened? Oh, that's okay. Just next time the email. comes through, just tell me. Can you. commit to that? Yeah. Okay, babe. We. good. Now, you getting the trigger. little girl in me who's abandoned. So now she's the one that's having an.

argument with you. >> and she is going to de emasculate you. She is going to dismantle you. Why? Because she was dismantled as a little. girl. And misery and healthy both love. company. So when I'm in my healthy, I'm. going to pull you in. But when I'm in my. dysfunction, I'm going to pull you in. >> So this is why I say you have to have. people who are hybrids, high functioning. and low functioning. We have to both be. both because when I'm in my low. functioning, what do I need you to be.

in? Your high functioning. >> All right. >> I need you to say, "Baby, that's that. little girl in you who's broken. >> And I know you don't mean what you what. you're saying, and I love you. And I'm. going to have grace for you right now, but I'm going to ask you not to talk to. me like that because you're crossing my. boundary. >> And I'm working very hard to make sure. the little boy and me don't get in the. ring with her, >> right? >> Because then we going to trauma bond. And I don't know if we can come back. from them blows. >> Yes. >> You have to stay in that position. And.

then if when you go low, I have to be. able to be aware of my man and say, >> "Yeah, >> he's in that space.". >> Cuz normally, Doc, when they go low, I. go to hell. I bypass the basement. >> Hold on. Both of us. Because let me tell. you, >> I pass the basement THOUGH. >> AND THEN I THEN I remind this how bad I. get. I say, "Yeah, Sh." Cuz God said if. you make your bed in hell, he there. I. said, "Well, then God, >> come on. We're going. >> Yeah, >> we going. Yeah. Yeah. We We got to work. on that. >> Yeah, >> we got to work on that. I. >> I'm getting better, Doc. >> I'm getting much better. I.

>> I ain't got to fight a bit like I used. to have. I'm getting older now, Doc. I'm. getting wiser. >> The problem is I still got the fight and. the grit and the strategy. So, I'm. managing all that. >> Is there a difference between a. therapist and a life coach? >> There is. So, I started off as a. marriage, family, and child therapist. Right. where I was um working for a. nonprofit under a license and diagnosing. and doing progress notes and billing. insurance and dealing with courtordered. families from DCFS um the department of. child and family services and so that.

was um where a therapist diagnosed we do. progress nose we bill insurance a life. coach is somebody who um still provides. resources and tools right similar to a. therapist but we don't diagnose um we do. not bill insurance and we obviously. don't need progress notes. Two totally. different things. Also, a life coach um. isn't treating clients. A life coach is. seeing clients. A as a therapist, I was. treating clients, right? Um not just. seeing them. Um my modality is a hybrid.

modality because I started off as a. therapist and my approach was um. cognitive behavioral therapy and. psychonamic. And because that's my foundation, I use. a lot of those tools still in my life. coaching. And to blend it all together, um they're both needed. And that's why. my hybrid approach is the most effective. because therapy is like tell me more. Let's talk about your childhood wounds. And um these are why you do what you do. This is why you think the way you think, right? Your three-part house is how you. think, how you feel, and how you behave.

This is why your three-part house is. disaligned. Then we get you aligned. Coaching says, "All right, Shannon, now that we got you. somewhat together, where do you want to. go with this? Who do you want to be?". You see, coaching, if the person doesn't. have a therapeutic background like me, doesn't know how to penetrate the. trauma, >> right? And therapists are not coaches. They're just trying to help you process. through your stuff, but they're not. going to get you to where you want to. be. When you take both of them, which is. me, the hybrid, I'm going, we going to. talk about the stuff and then we going. to get you to where you want to be. So.

your stuff does not come in and sabotage. you once you get there. Cuz one without. the other really is a deficit to the. client. It just really is. >> Yeah. >> Did you get this kind of vitriol before. you came before you became viral and you. became an internet sensation? Did people. dislike you then as much as they do seem. to dislike you now? Because every time I. turn around, somebody got something smug. uh to say about you. >> Well, you know what I say about that, Shann? >> What you say about it, though? >> Because you know the internet lit your.

ass up too many times. >> Oh, man. They got. >> You see, I ain't I ain't even on the. internet no more. I. >> You ducking. Shannon say. >> y'all don't want Shannon to go to hell. So, leave him alone. >> You just leave it alone. I always say. this. When everybody likes you, you're. on your way. When they start to hate. you, you made it. >> That's how I put it. But to answer your. question, um, people have always loved. me, >> but not always loved the truth that I. speak. >> Okay. >> I've always been a truth speaker before. I was even in my field. And I just. learned now that I don't give the truth.

outside of sessions, >> stage interviews, or my speaking events. >> If my friends don't ask, I don't give. Um, it works better for the friendship. and it saves me the headache, >> right? >> Um, but I've always been a person who. rocks the boat. Um, I'm here to. interrupt, you know, generational. pathologies. I'm here to interrupt. dysfunctional pathologies. And as a. disruptor, people are going to have an. issue. Um, and usually the hit dog is. what barks, right?

>> And so, uh, I'm used to that and I'm. okay with it. And my intent is to hit. the dogs. >> that need a bark. >> And so long as they barking, I'm doing. my job, right? >> And I always say, um, you know, my sheep. will know my voice. even the wolf who's. in sheep clothing because that woof is. where in my her either way my thing as. long as you get something and you do. something with it then I've done my job. because I'm obedient to who God not. people. >> China passed a law that said influencers. need to hold a degree.

>> in the topic in which they discuss. >> to reduce misinformation. Do you think. as American America should adopt that. policy? >> I don't personally. I don't because I. think sometimes experience is the best. teacher. >> I agree. I don't think anyone should. need a degree of accolade or credential. to give any type of expertise. No, >> cuz I agree with you. I always want the. first thing I say when I talk is when I. went and spoke to the Steelers, you. know, shout out to my Stiller family. I. said, "Listen, my accolades, these six. degrees, they don't qualify me to speak. to you.

>> It's my experience. It's my pain. It's. my abandonment. It's my trauma that's. going to make me relatable to you.". >> Yes. >> Nothing. nothing I read in the book and. none of these plaques and degrees that. are in my office on the wall is going to. be what makes me relatable to you. >> And so I agree with you and I also um. think that it's not just a person who. has had experience. It's a person who. has gained wisdom from that experience. because I always say you know um when. folks say how can you give advice or. wisdom to folks who never been married.

to their mother? Well because one I. don't teach people how to be married. I. teach them how to get out of their own. way. So, I'm teaching you how to process. through your stuff so you can be a. better, healthier, happier man and her. do the same. Happy people make for happy. relationships. Trauma, dysfunctional. people make for trauma, dysfunctional. relationships. However, I don't want to. hear from a married couple that have. been married 15 years and miserable 13. How y'all did it? Because you're giving. me your blueprint to your failed. marriage. So, it's not just about. experience, it's about the wisdom. Because if you look at really quick the.

Moses journey, he freed the the the the. um Egyptians from Israelite, right? The. the the from Israelite and what happened. the Israelites from Egypt, right? >> They cross the Red Sea. He gets there, you know, he's disobedient. The people. are. So God makes him do what? Spend 40. years in the wilderness. >> Mhm. >> He gets out the wilderness. Now Moses was the leader. >> Mhm. >> He was supposed to be the expert. Yes. >> He done freed everybody, right? He didn't freed these Egyptians. So now.

uh he gets to the promised land. So God. tells him, "I'm going to bring you to. the promised land." Remember, God's. promises never return void. >> So he brings him to the promised land. Yeah. That means the promised land right. here. Right here. >> And he tells Moses, "Talk to the rock. Water will come out.". >> Well, Moses being so experienced but not. wise, he hits the rock. >> Mhm. >> Water still comes out. Why? Because God. does what? keeps his promises. >> But guess who made it to the promised.

land but not in the promised land? >> Moses. >> because he was what? Disobedient. But. let me go further. >> Everybody that Moses led, >> everybody that was under Moses's wise. counsel that wasn't wise, it was just. experience also didn't make it into the. promised land. Only Joshua and Caleb. made it into the promised land. So what. am I saying y'all? You got to be careful. who has your ear. You got to be careful. about this person has experience because. they've been married for 20 years. That. makes you think they have experience.

But do they have wisdom because the. Bible says to seek wise counsel, not to. seek experience. So you got to make sure you're doing. your due diligence because like Moses, you don't want to end up being his. follower who does all of this work. He. could have left you in slavery for. >> that bondage. You could have stayed in. captive. You still didn't get to the. promised land because it's takes one. decision to change the entire trajectory.

of your life. And that one decision to. follow Moses got them where? 40 years of. wilderness. >> And then where? Back in bondage because. they never made it to the promised land. >> Wow. >> And so again, it's not to to ding Moses. We know Moses was doing God's job. He. just was disobedient though. >> Right. >> I just want folks to really be careful. to your point of who they're listening. to and do your due diligence. Don't look. at someone and say, "Well, because this. this man, you know, has three kids by. three different women, there's nothing I. can learn from him." Let's see if what.

he's doing now is breeding the results. that you want. Let's not look at a woman. who doesn't have kids or a man who. doesn't have a certain career. Phil. Jackson, how many years of basketball did he. play? >> He played He was on the uh the Knicks. team, >> but Bill Bich is a better he didn't play. football. >> But Phil also didn't do nothing. and. Kobe and the people he coached did. >> No, no, he didn't play at that he didn't. play at that level, but. >> but was he is he one of the best. coaches? >> Yes, >> arguably. >> Mhm. >> Okay. And you can go with Bill Bichc.

Same thing. >> Yes. >> OG the Hall of Fame coach in my opinion. >> Didn't didn't. >> Coach Sab. >> Okay. So, my point is those people are. folks who are wise cancel because. they're taking you to the promised land, >> right? >> And allowing you to enter, >> right? >> So, we got to be careful with that. And. so again, I'm teaching people results. that I have. >> If I don't have the results, I don't. teach on it, >> right? >> Because I don't know about it. And if I. have had the experience, but it didn't. get me wisdom or a good result, I'm not.

going to talk to you about it. I have a. wise counsel for that. >> Wow. >> Cuz I'm not a know-it-all. But I do want. to give you what I do know works. >> That's fair. >> You do a lot for the the black. community. Um, women, black women are. some of, if not the most educated, but. seem to be losing in the job market at. an alarming rate. >> Why do you think that is? >> Why do I think black women are losing in. the job market, >> but they're the highest ed? We are the. highest educated folks out here. You.

said that part. >> Yeah, I did. >> Okay. Want to make sure. >> I want to make sure. Um, I think that I. I so I think that what's happening is. more black women and studies have shown. this are turning to entrepreneurship. So. it's not that we're losing in the black. in in in the work in the work force. It's that we are not really applying in. the workforce. A lot of us are going. into and studies have shown that um a. lot of women have gone to law school. which means they're having their own law. firm. So they're not being hired by. anybody. They are going back to get. their doctorate meaning they're going in. private practice. So, who are they hired.

by unless they're working for a. hospital? And a lot of women are. starting their own entrepreneurship and. doing their own thing. A lot of black. women, let me say, are starting their. own businesses. And what I love about. that most is these businesses are. businesses that are actually um they're. able to capitalize off of them and. they're successful businesses. And I. believe the reason for that is um there. is or has been for a while a sisterhood. that black women have been able to. build. Um there's no longer this uh this. barrier or angry black women between. black women. Like we have a village over.

here. We supporting each other. We are. rocking with each other. And the issue. is us trying to blend with y'all. >> And it's not y'all fault. It's just so. that we don't have this barrier of this. gender war. And it's not a us against. y'all. It's more of how do we blend and. support each other? even if we're not. procreating or marrying or creating a. family, how do we support each other. just as community folks? Just as a black. woman to a black man and what does that. look like? And again, this has nothing. to do with whether the black man dates a.

a non-black woman. I'm saying as a black. man, I don't care who you date, you can. still support black women because you. believe in that. Because if you're a. black man, there is a 100% chance that. if you have a daughter, >> she's black. >> I don't care what a mama is. which means. you do have a responsibility to support. us because in return you're supporting. her, >> right? >> And that's important. >> Doc, what is the. how do I want to phrase this? A.

relationship. >> because you get into a relationship. Today is Tuesday. We get in a. relationship on Tuesday and Wednesday. that person is a different person. Thursday, that person is a different. person because the greatest uh key to. survival is adaptability. How do you. evolve every day as that person evolved. without losing yourself? >> I love that. Um, it's impossible. Well, I think the Bible says cleave. One person, one person. This is. cleaving.

Do you think that as we don't lose our. self, we are going to not cleave. So. when we bump up against each other, there has to be some movement, which is. a bit of a loss of a self. Doesn't mean. you become a person before we can. intertwine and cleave. That means you. have to be willing to lose some pieces. of you. And this is the thing. >> When you're single, don't you want to. evolve? >> Yes. >> Don't you want to prune or do you want. to be a fig tree? You know, the fig tree. in the Bible got cursed because it. didn't produce anything.

>> God said, "You'll never be blessed. because you weren't fruitful or. multiplied.". >> That's why people don't like figs, huh? >> But on the flip side, you know, the fig. tree is actually the most fruitful tree. ever. >> It grows year round. But let me say. this. When you are by yourself, you want to. evolve. >> Yes. >> Which means parts of you die. So why get. in a relationship? >> And I love this question for black men. and black women, especially black men. Evolution is about parts of you dying. So why is it that y'all okay with doing.

it when you're by yourself? Why is it. that when you get with a woman and that. is a necessity, it's she's either trying. to mother you, trying to change you, or. you're not willing to do it. That makes. no sense at all because you have to. evolve. And evolution is parts of you. dying. >> That means you're losing parts of you. >> Yes. >> But when you get into a relationship, you're resistant at losing parts of you. that are necessary for you to cleave. with the person you want to spend the. rest of your life with. If that is.

what's necessary for the bigger picture, for the mansion within y'all, the. sanctuary within y'all, why is that an. issue? I want to ask you that as a black. man, >> why is that a problem for y'all to. cleave, which means evolve, which means. lose parts of you when you are in a. relationship? Why is there so much. resistance of I am who I am. I'm not. changing. You met me like this. >> Yeah. Yeah. That that's a lot. Uh. cuz I feel like because like you said,

we are losing parts. If we lose parts of. ourselves, >> am I still the same Shannon? >> But why do you want to be the same. Shannon even if you're by your So do you. want to be the same 30-year-old Shannon. you? >> Nope. Nope. >> So then why do you want to be that on. your number two with me or you're number. five with me? Why is it that me being. the woman you chose? I got to be of some. good character. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, my good character. hasn't influenced you in any way to want. to. >> It made me want to do right.

>> To do better? >> Yeah. >> To do right. Can I watered any seeds in. you? >> Yeah, you have. >> And so, when those seeds are watered, right, and you start to grow, >> what about the pruning season within our. relationship? So, you just don't want to. prune because if you don't want to. prune, that means you don't want to. grow. >> Because it takes pruning for growth. >> Yes. >> So, explain to me. And even when we sew. up the soil to plant new seeds, >> yeah, >> there's seeds down there that get sewed.

up that end up dead. >> So, at what point do we grow together? This is one of the biggest deficits and. issues within our black community of. black and men being in relationship. At. what point do we grow? If you're not. willing to grow, fig tree, at what. point? And then when God curses this marriage. head because you covering me because you. refuse to be fruitful, multiply fig. tree, then what? I didn't do my job or was I. too controlling? Or was I trying to be.

your mama? Or was it that you chose to. sit up there with branches unfruitful, not multiplying because you didn't want. to be pruned for us to grow? >> I'm just I'm waiting to know the answer. >> I wish I knew the answer. And you look. like you might be the only black man in. this room besides the brother over there. and he not in this interview with me. No. >> So why. you got to answer? You got to come. >> Well, what do if I knew that I probably. wouldn't be almost 60 and and and not.

married. >> And I've heard you talk about how you. are in relationships. >> I am. I mean, like you say, you got. something nonnegotiable. I got some. >> but but you're very and and I don't say. this to, you know, poke you. I'm saying, you know, wrapped in love. You're very. stuck in who you are in relationships. >> Oh yeah. >> Yeah. You're very this is who I am. >> and when I want my space, I want my. space and I don't need a shift or. change. You can do what's conducive to. me type thing. >> Yeah. >> And so that is the resistance. But you. just said as a single man you would not. want to be the same 30 year old.

30-year-old you are now. >> I I don't but I I just. >> So why do you want a woman to be with. you while you're the same person you. were when I met you? >> I'm I'm working I'm a work in progress. It's taking me longer than anticipated. You know, I had to repeat a couple of. grades. >> Okay. >> Um I think uh. to be honest, Doc, I don't you know, like like I don't know, maybe like you. say you you had this vision of being. married. I don't know if I really really. deep down inside thought about I was.

going to ever be married cuz I was just. >> my whole focus was to get my family out. of the environment that we was in. >> And I didn't necessarily think I thought. I needed a wife in order to do that. So, it was just work, work, work, focus, focus, focus. And I don't do a great I. don't do a great job of multitasking. >> So, I can't do my job and love this. person like I love this job. That's the. hardest part because I've always put. work first. Work is always come first. Uh when I played, it was the most. important thing. It was the only thing. You play second or if you can't play.

second, just we we we we ain't no sense. in you getting in the car. And so, it's. it's so hard for me to turn that off. because I've done it for so long. And. now that I have so many people counting. on me, you know, brother, sister, mom, kids, it's just it's just hard for me. and and and you know, the thing that I. got that's all you do is work. The only. thing that you care about is work. And. sometimes I think that is true cuz I've. never I' I've gone on one vacation in in.

57 years. >> But what are you overcompensating for? Because workaholics are overcompensating. for something they're lacking. And often times work is transactional. >> Yes. >> It's not relational. It's transactional. Yes. >> Often times folks will overcompensate in. transactional worlds for what they're. lacking in relational worlds. And it's. usually because of what you said. >> They don't know how to operate in the. relational world. >> No. >> But they do well over here.

>> I do. >> And we all go where we do what? >> Best. Yes. That's why I don't have I. don't do a whole lot of things, but what. I do do, I'm very good at. >> Yeah. >> I don't take on new hobbies because I I. hate Well, how do you know if you're. good at it? I know. >> And so, what I'm good at, I become great. at. Um I I. >> But I want to know when are you going to. give yourself a chance to love and be. loved? Because. you don't have to enter into it being. great already. You just have to enter.

into it with a willingness. to shift and be malible not to the woman. but to the opportunity of you being. loved and loving somebody back. >> Yeah. >> Which is really, you know, the ultimate. fulfillment. The reason why we have to. keep working and keep working and keep. working and turn into workaholics is. because there is a monetary or a limited. fulfillment over here. >> Yeah. >> So we have to keep to get it.

>> Yeah. >> Like a drug to get it. >> Yes. >> But see love is not like that. It's not. I think doc for me. growing up how I grew up and not having. it. It it it just drove me and that was. the thing that I really obsessed about. was to like to see my grandmother not. have to worry about bills and not have. to worry about things. And so I just. poured everything. God gave me the. ability to be disciplined, be dedicated, and be determined. >> And so for me, >> but but not to a woman.

>> No. Cuz if if if there was a choice, doc, if I had a choice between work or. woman, I'm choosing work. >> But that's cuz work is safe for you. >> It is. >> What is so unsafe with you emotionally. with the woman? >> I think for me, I haven't had the best. luck with women. >> Why? >> But I haven't been the best for them. >> That's okay. Talk about the luck. What. is the narrative around you haven't had. the best luck with women? I.

because I've never given them all of me. like I have a job. I've only g I only gave them what they. couldn't hurt. >> There you go. I This is good. What is it. that they could hurt? What's that? >> Me. >> What part of you? My heart. >> that was hurt when when was the first.

heartbreak you can even think of. >> We I don't even. >> Who was it by? >> I'm not even sure, doc. Um cuz uh. >> was it by dad? Where's dad? >> My dad died when I was My dad died when. I was uh when I was 13. >> Was he with mom? >> No. >> What kind of guy was he? >> Um I only saw my dad once to really know. who I was looking at. There you go. >> Um, >> there you go. So, that abandonment.

that abandonment wound, >> what is your what what is your narrative. about your father? What kind of guy was. he to only have seen him once? >> Well, um, when he and my mom divorced, um, my grandfather, you know, growing. up, how we grow up, get divorced, the. kids are going with the maternal. grandparents, and that's what that's. what we did. We came down to South. Georgia. >> Let me let me word a different thing. What kind of father would you have to be. to only see your child once in 13 years?

>> I think he was embarrassed. >> about what? >> Um, not being what he wanted. He wanted. to what he thought he should have been, not being there. My dad had some. drinking issues. Um, and he didn't think. he was the the father that he should. have been. And I remember my grandmother. uh grandma Charlie, his mom told us that. he wanted to come home. But at that. point in time, he had had both jawbones. removed because of cancer. And he didn't. want he said he, Grandma Charlie, he. call her Charlie, he said, "Charlie, I.

don't want the kids to see me like. this." And she said, "Pete, they going. to love you regardless. They just want. to see their dad." And he said, "You. know what?" He said, "You know what, Charlie? I'm going to come home in. September.". >> Yeah. >> Well, he died in August. M. >> and so. yeah, I would have loved cuz I I when I. when I played college ball and I played. in the NFL and I saw guys have their dad. in the locker room or standing on the. sideline, um I used to think, man, it'd. be so cool to have my dad here and to. and and to to to to be a part of this, but it it it didn't happen. But, you.

know, my grandfather died when I was. eight and that's who raised my. grandmother and my grandfather. But. granny poured every ounce into me. But. there are some things I think that I did. miss because I didn't have uh uh uh my. brother was like my father. >> Um he was really the dominant male. figure that was in my life. >> Um but. that's Doc I I mean poverty that's what. that's what kind of shaped me and I I. you know I joke I said man we grew up so.

poor I had to win the lottery just to be. broke. >> Right. >> That's how bad we were doc. And that's. what drives me now. All I think about is. like, okay, if something happens to me, what's going to happen to Libby? What's. going to happen to Spanker? What's going. to happen to my mom? My kids, well, they. going they going to be okay. They going. to get more money than would they do. right by would they? And that's what. keeps me up at night. And and I and I. need to devote I need to shift that. >> y. >> and say, "Okay, Shannon, >> if something were to happen to you, your.

your family is going to be okay. >> because I do want someone.". >> And I'm going to say something, okay? >> And I I totally wrap it in love, okay? Cuz it's going to. >> probably sound a little pokey, but. >> the same selfishness you just described. your father has, you have it. >> You have it. And um the pain that his. selfishness and his pride and his ego.

implemented in you is the same pain that. you're implementing in everyone you come. in contact with, including your girls. and their mothers. What your father. taught you was nobody, not even y'all, were good enough for him to come around. or stay around. And nothing has been good enough for you. to stay around, not even your kids, because you obviously are not or were. not with their mothers, >> right? >> And it doesn't make you a bad man. It.

just makes you a man that needs to be. aware of your makeup and how you're. built. >> because you can't change that. When we. talked about it earlier, you can manage. that once you realize, damn, I'm him, too. Mhm. >> So until you realize that ego, that. pride that he has, that he has taught. you, and it's obviously in your DNA as. well, and that selfishness is what will. always be a barrier between you and your. heart. Not you and a woman, it's you and. your heart. Then you will always. overcompensate and work. And you going.

to do damn good over here. But it's. going to come a time, if it hasn't. already, that what you're. overcompensating for, which is the heart. space, start to consume you. And you're. going to need that to even balance you. over here because we can only do. something out of moderation for so long, right? >> Before the moderation says, "Yo, what's. up?" Especially the matters of the. heart. >> Um, and with you, it's it's what I said. earlier, right? Hope deferred makes the.

heart sick. And when a little boy. becomes deferred from hope at a young. age with his father and they take on the. father role like you did and go and get. it and put the family on the mat and. take everybody out of poverty. He usually never returns to find. himself. And the only thing or one of the biggest. things that kind of breaks my heart with. you is you've accomplished so much in. everything you've touched. transactionally. it has turned to gold. all the way down to the gold jacket.

>> Um, but like the fig tree, you still haven't found yourself. >> Mm-. >> all the way at the age of 60. And. finding yourself takes the heart. >> The mind replays what the heart can't. delete. >> Hello. And so you have been operating. from such a mind space so that you don't. have to even have a connection with the. heart that it has put you in such a.

deficit of self. And that's what goes back to when I said. a man who can procreate with multiple. women. without wanting to make sure that there. is a foundation of family there, he has. a loss of self and that man has an. identity crisis and there is a huge. self-love deficit because a man who. loves himself makes decisions that. represent self-love. and everything that you have. externalized is a direct reflection of.

you. The brokenness in the families you. created, that's just the brokenness in. you. How you can be successful. transactionally, but your heart is over. here talking about, well, at what point. am I going to get seen? And then with. the little boy and you tells the heart. is. then nobody want to see you when you was. young. Why nobody tripping off you then? >> So why do we think anybody is deserving, right? or why do I think as a little boy. that you're deserving of someone who.

would take your heart and really protect. it and create a safe space so it's. easier for you to have transactional sex. or have things that are convenient for. you because that gives you control and. control is just insecurity and security. is just fear. >> and that's that little boy in you who. was so afraid. >> that if I can't touch and go and touch. and go with everything I might end up. touch and staying. and might get stuck in a place that I. don't know how to navigate let me say. this again not in a place that isn't. safe. Not in a place that isn't loving, but in a place that the little boy in.

you does not know how to navigate. It's. time for the grown man in you to grow. the up and give yourself a chance to. love whatever that looks like and to. gain a sense of self of who you really. are at your heart's space because. transactional life isn't really legacy. It just isn't. It's nice on paper. >> Yeah. >> But it's not legacy. The real wealth and. the real legacy is what Dion has and. that's family. >> That's family. And I'm not saying you. don't have it with your girls. And I'm. not saying it's too late to create it,

>> right? >> But what I'm saying is I would like to. offer that at some point you do start to. say, "Let me just dive into my heart by. myself." Even if you still doing your. transactional stuff with women or. whatever, I'm not saying stop. You. grown. But start to just get a sense of. self of like who you are at the heart. space. Cuz that's our heart is who we. are. Our mind is something that we have. to have dominion over to control. But. our heart is something we can't control. because it's the authenticity of who we. really are. >> Well, since you put it like since that,

what is it about good girls and bad. guys? >> What is it about good girls who like bad. guys? >> Yes. >> Uh you mean like the women who've been. liking you? >> I guess you could say that. Do touch. >> got to get crafty. Um I I think that. those women again are women who um are. overcompensating for that kind of. fatherly. bad guy who can come in and create a.

leadership. that they believe leadership is. >> Mhm. >> Usually those women are fatherless. little girls who don't have a clue on. what leadership, healthy leadership. looks like. So they look at the bad guy. who can puff his chest out and who can. call shots or who can have some control. over her as this is leadership because. he's given me some type of guidance, some type of direction. Yes. A woman who. has had a father knows how to decipher.

from. a controlling man who's the bad guy and. a man who knows how to lead her. And. what happens is it's not that the woman. with the father doesn't want a man who. can run [ __ ] because I like a man who. will run [ __ ] will tell me exactly where. to go, how to go, and I'm even okay with. saying how high when he say jump when. the leadership is right. I'm quick to. submit. Okay, daddy, no problem. >> But a man who is a bad guy with ill. intent because if you don't have good. intent, you have ill intent. There is no.

lukewarm. >> Okay, >> that's it. So you're either deceiving me. or you're allowing me a safe space where. I can trust you. There's no in between. So the bad guy is in deception. And only. a woman who wants to be led by a. deceiver is a woman who is lost in. herself. >> But a woman who is not lost in herself. and has a sense of self and a sense of. what a male healthy leader looks like. Like my father led me, >> right? >> Not to. a ditch, but led me even when he had to.

crucify himself to lead me, >> right? >> That is what a husband looks to me. A. bad guy says, "I'm not crucifying. nothing over here. You'll be on the. cross before me. And here you can carry. mines, too, because that's what's. conducive for me." That's a woman who is. lost in the sauce. And she has daddy. issues and often times she may even have. parental issues. Um, and that's also a. woman who has to take a step back and. take inventory on where did I learn that. this leadership is accurate leadership. If I keep being led into the ditch,

that means that all she's ever known is. what the ditch. >> And what did I say? We go two places. where we're good at or where we're what. we're familiar with. >> So if you want to know. where you at, just understand that you. are where you're familiar at. M. >> So my expectations are of men are very. high because my father created a very. high familiar standard expectation. This. is why I said a woman is what her daddy. makes her. Especially when it comes to.

men. >> My dad actually made the expectation too. high. >> And then he had to tell me like, "Baby, you going to keep being the bride's. maid, not the bride, if you keep having. these unrealistic expectations." And I'm. looking like, "Well, >> well, you the one that set those. expectations unrealistic." explain to me. every man's not going to be daddy. >> He can be daddy to you in his own way. It may not look like this. >> Yes. >> It doesn't mean he's not a good guy, >> right? >> When it comes to you. >> So that's what it is. It's it's folks. not understanding what healthy.

leadership is. Men do the same thing. Men will, you know, pick women who. run them, emasculate them, verbally. abuse them, talk to them anyway because. for that man, that's all he knew was. that that is how a woman leads. toxic relationship. Mhm. >> How soon do you think a person do can. you tell I mean could you tell within. say a week, a couple of months that this. is going to be tox this is toxic. There's too much toxicity in this and.

this is not going to end well and I just. need to go now. >> Red flags show up I believe in the first. interaction. People just choose not to. see him because they're desperate. There's two people. There's people who. have a full plate. >> Mhm. >> And they got to make room for what they. want. And there's people that have an. empty plate and they want anything just. to fall on it at any time. That's called. desperation. >> You can see red flags when you have a. full plate. >> from the beginning. Me and you can have. a conversation at a restaurant or at a. gym, right?

>> And the first 5, 10, 15 minutes, I can. tell he's too resistant for me. He's not. going to be conducive for me. Or this. man knows how to have conversation with. my strong personality. This might work. out. You will be able to tell. Oh, she. feisty. Not my type. >> Yeah. Right. Look. Or. >> we got a live one here. >> A live one here. Or like that fiery is. kind of sexy to me. I like this. strength. I can play with this. >> Those things show up the first 5 10. minutes if you're not desperate.

>> Desperation means I'm coming in with my. own idea of what I want you to be. I'm afraid to see you for who you are. because then that means I may have to. say no to you and I want somebody so bad. that I'mma put my idea on you not see. none of the red flags on purpose so that. I can have something to plug into. That's desperation. >> How about I see you as you are and not. how I wish you to be. >> because I think that's a lot of things. that be at play. >> They don't see the person for who they.

actually are but who I wish you to be. That's that's the fit ideology. I wish. you were uh wine, but you water. We are. not Jesus. We are not turning water to. wine, right? It's this is always going. to be water. And what people do is they. go, it's wine. Set it on the shelf. Watch this. And every time they take a. sip, they're like, "Oh. me, >> right? I don't like you cuz you're not. wine." But how many times does that. water tell the person, "I'm just water.".

>> Just plain water. >> I'm just water. Can you fix a toxic. relationship? Can you be toxic in the. beginning and all of a sudden not be. toxic? >> Yes, but it takes a whole hell of a lot. of work and a lot of dedication. And it. takes two people that are in therapy. having individual sessions and couple. sessions. So, my couples come. individually one week and then a couples. the next week, individual and couples. And it takes a lot of. um self-awareness, meaning I'm going to. be poking and thriving and giving.

inventory on this is how you show up. that is causing impairment for yourself. See, we don't really cause impairment. for people first. The impairments that. you experience, I'm already experiencing. within me. Otherwise, you could have. never experienced them. >> So, if you think you have a problem with. the [ __ ] you got a problem with me with, how you think I'm dealing with myself, >> right? That's what people have to. understand. So that thing that you do. that doesn't work for us, you do it with. you and don't like it anyways. That's.

how it shows up in our relationship. >> So when you're in session with me as. your doctor, I'm saying, "Listen, Shannon, that thing that you keep doing. that she doesn't like, tell me how you. like it within yourself." And I've. almost never heard a person say, "Oh, I. love that I drink and I'm abusive." Do. you? Because what does your self talk. when you're drinking? How abusive are. you with your narrative to yourself when. you are under the influence? >> Damn doc, you right. >> Right. >> Damn dog. So, let's fix it with you.

because if I could fix it with you, guess what? It won't happen with her. But what people where people go wrong. at, they want to fix it within the. relationship. >> without fixing them. >> Come on now. But you still got it, >> right? >> So, if you've got it, you're going to. project it. We are all just little. projectors walking around here. Everything I have, you're all going to. feel it. So, I'm just projecting on to. you who I am. If I feel sexy, you're. going to see sexy in me because I'm. projecting that. I'm alluding that. If I.

am feeling insecure, you're going to. feel so we're just projectors. And yes, folks can go from toxic or uh you know, trauma bonds to healing bonds. >> But that usually happens with folks. who've been married for 10, 15 years. I'm being honest, where they have toxic. and trauma the hell out of each other. and they came to a peak of saying one. thing we know for sure we don't want to. leave we don't want to leave each other. >> right. >> but we don't want to stay like this. >> but we can't stay like this. >> now unless those two people know that. one thing is I don't want to leave you.

don't want to leave me we just can't. stay like this the relationship can work. past it right. >> but if one of us wants out. >> it's over. >> it's not working past it it's not. working past it. >> no. >> but when you get a relationship where. they say look Shannon. I'm just never going to leave you and. you like doc I'm option. I ain't going. nowhere. But we got to do better than. this. And you like we do. >> We're in a good position. >> Okay. >> And we can work through that. >> Okay. I like that. >> This this uh.

this relationship with the the women. now. You got to take me here, you got to. take me there. We go in half on the. bills. I just grew, like I said, I I I'm. going to come from a different time. My. grandfather handled all the bills. Um, I. never remember I when I was in high. school or college, I never really heard. a woman says, "I took my took him to the. movies or I bought I never heard that. that I guess I don't know when did that. when that came about that you know women. took guys on dates and they paid for.

things.". >> You got like that. >> I've just all I've just all I just. That's how. >> you're a man's man. You're just a man's. man. >> So I pay I pay all the bills. We go out. to eat. I pay I do I do I do all that. It's I don't know. I mean, have has a. woman taken me to dinner? Yes. But I. probably can count on one hand in my 57. years of living that someone has taken. me to dinner and actually paid for it, taking me to a movie and paid for it. I. just I just I don't feel I feel I don't. I feel less than. >> Yeah. What's you're you're saying? What's the question? >> So, yeah. What happened?

>> That's sexy. You ask Wait, what's the. question? Cuz if a man is saying, I'm. taking care of everything and you got a. woman who is you're a man's man and I'm. a ladies lady. Um, of course I'm going. to want to spoil you at times, but I. would have no problem with you saying, "Baby, I want to take care of. everything." It wouldn't stop me from. still buying you things and loving on. you. But. >> when did when did the 50 when did the. 50/50 come into effect? Or when did we. get to this notion that. >> these some of these restaurants and. everything ain't got to be Mastros or.

State 48. When did we like, "Oh, that is. beneath me. You can't take me there.". Mhm. >> So, there's a two-part question that I'm. hearing. >> When did the 50/50 become the thing? Yeah. Right. >> Um, so there's that's a two-part answer. >> Okay. >> One part is when desperation start to. become um a thing with women where. >> again anything just a breadcrumb, please. fall on my plate, right? >> And I'll I'll even buy the breadcrumb.

and the loaf just fall on my plate. That's a woman operating from a. desperate space of I will do anything to. have somebody. I don't care what it is. or what I have to do. I'll take care of. you. I'll pay a bill or two or three. You can move in with me. It doesn't. matter. You can be the father of my kids. and do nothing for these kids. As long. as you come by and sleep with me once a. week, I'm okay with that desperation. Then you have these other women who say, "Look, I'm with this man. He's a great. man. He's faithful. He's loving. He's a. family guy. He does well but not enough.

to sustain my lifestyle. Okay? >> So he may pay for 60% of things. Okay? And I don't mind doing the other four. >> That's a whole different woman who's. saying that I want to build with this. man and I see so much value in him that. I don't mind making some monetary. investments in us. Nothing wrong with. that. Desperation big problem. Okay. Um. but as far as you know a a a I think a. man saying I want to take care of. everything. And you remember I was a.

kept woman. >> Yeah. >> And I can say this, I was engaged twice. My first fiance who was a great they. great guy. He made money, but I was a. bread winner. >> Mhm. >> Okay. The second guy was a kept woman. I. wasn't always as respectful to the first. guy where I was winning the bread and. where I was in the more masculine row. when it come to bills. >> Oh dog, I can't believe you was like. that. >> This is the truth. Let me tell you what. happened though. What happened. >> when a man can't provide for a woman and.

he wants to, he naturally emasculates. himself. >> Mhm. >> And when you emasculate yourself, how in. the hell do I respect a man who was. emasculated within himself? Because. remember, I'm just a mirror. Life is. mirroring you. >> Mhm. >> So, as you become emasculated and you. feel less than because you can't provide. what you want to do. Yes. Yes. Even if I. ask, we're provided. That's. >> even if I ask you to. Now, how am I. supposed to respect someone who doesn't.

respect themsel? I'm going to respect. you at the level that you respect. yourself. Doesn't mean that I'm calling. you out your name. >> It just means respect level. Now, the. second fiance who took I was kept I. didn't buy a grape. I mean, I don't have. car notes now, but I had car notes then. to a Gwagon, a Bentley. This man took. over everything. >> WHAT? >> EVERYTHING. >> YOU AIN'T MAD HIM, >> HONEY. EVERYTHING. NOW, THANKS. YEAH, be. quiet. Mind your business over there. Mind your business over there. Everything. My love or respect for him. was very different. Very different. Um,

now, not that I denied either one of. them, you know, love making in the home. or But the first guy was by all means. necessary. I'm in college. I'm building. my business. I'm making money. I'm in my. bag. You're secondary. Kind of how you. are with work. >> Oh, you would deny him. >> Not well, not intimacy. >> You ain't denied that? >> No, not in not neither one. I don't. believe in that. Okay. If I'm with you. and we're intimate, I'm not. >> you know they didn't women y'all be. doing that sometimes. >> I don't I'm very submissive when it. comes to that. If we if we I'm not into. casual sex. So if we are doing the do we.

are committed and we are together. I. have full access to you and everything. you got going on and this we are. >> committed. Sounds about right. >> So I don't need to deny you. My sex. drive is so high that if I'm mad there's. no denying. We gonna do what we do. Now. um we move past that. We move past that. Okay. It always been like that even in. my 20s and I'm in my 40s. So use YOUR. IMAGINATION NOW. >> WHAT? >> WHAT? YES. Now the guy who took full. care of me, >> he might circle back. >> No. Please don't. >> He might circle back here and you talk. like this.

>> Do not. >> do not. >> you go home, he he right the driveway. >> Do not now. Now I had a level of respect. for him where um I. put work second. >> Mhm. >> I couldn't wait to cook for him. >> There was times where he would get back. from practice. It's 12:11 a.m. at night. and we sitting in bed and he's like, "Babe, like I want X, Y, and Z to eat.". And it wasn't him asking me to do it. I. got up, put my gospel music on, and was. making sure I was cooking for this man.

Um, whatever he needed when he was. working, I would make coffee every. single morning. And I was so submissive. that, you know, I can just warm the. coffee. I'll put the damn milk in. No, he wanted the milk in first, the milk. warmed up, then the coffee put in after. Now, how would he know I'm doing it that. way? He went in the kitchen, but I still. did it that way. You know that's what he. liked. >> Cuz I know that's what he liked. And. because the investments that he was. making in us to cover me, to take care. of me, >> how could I not make any and every. investment that I had to show him that.

I'm grateful and that my position that. he put me in as far as being kept was. not taken for granted. >> And so there was nothing that he asked. of me that I didn't not want to do. Meaning I wanted to do these things. And. I would even check in sometimes and be. like, "Is there anything more that I. could or not be doing?" Whether it's. from sexually to cooking. I don't eat. red meat. He a black man. He love his pork chops. and his. >> Yeah. No good. >> And I'm cooking all the red meat.

>> that I don't eat. And I'll just make me. something separate on the side. >> Wow. >> But because this man created an. environment that was safe. Now, not only. was he paying bills, but this man was. faithful. I had full access. Not only am. we living together, but I have passwords. to cell phones and social media. >> You sure you don't want to go bank? >> Bank account. I don't. And bank. accounts. >> I mean, >> you ain't going to find nobody better. than he paying all the bills. Let you. get the password to count. Hey, babe. Let me get your phone. Let me call my. Let me call my girlfriend. Here you go,

babe. >> He has two beautiful girls by. >> Oh, that's right. He had to He had to. keep. >> by two different women. And the girls. were never an issue. He did a great job. at the cop. And I got to give Miss. Flowers. did a great job at blending, meaning like there was never baby mama. drama. The girls were very respectful of. me and me of them. You know, we did. things as a family. So, but I say that. to say. >> there plays a role in certain women on. how they can respect who they're with. I. want to say this to women, >> if you can't respect them, you shouldn't.

choose him. If the dollar amount that he makes is. going to lessen your respect for him or. lessen his value to you, don't choose. him. If he needs to take full care of. you for you to submit, he ain't the. right one. You got to choose somebody. who you know that every time you give. them every single thing that you got. that you're doing it because you love. doing it and it turns you on too. Every. time I did something for that man, I was. turned on. I don't remember doing one.

thing, Shannon, for him that I was like, >> "Oh, yeah.". >> I mean, nothing. I mean, it was just, "Okay, baby. Okay, daddy." To the point. where, and folks going to have an issue. with this, I don't care. I would get. dressed and wear certain things. >> and we go out and do our wherever we go. into a game or whatever to families. If. he said that's too much, >> I changed. >> What? >> Mhm. Without a problem. He wasn't. controlling. It wasn't take that [ __ ]. off. It was like, "Baby, that might be a. bit much." Yeah,

>> no problem. To the point where I would. come out and be like, "Okay, is this. good?". >> Because. >> he had me so safe. He had me so covered. >> that I wanted to make sure that I. reciprocated that same safety and. covering for him. See, women cover y'all. differently. >> And our covering is allowing you all to. one, be exactly who you need to be, >> right? to be in your full flesh of your. masculinity. >> and also to submit to your needs of us. that are past just sexual and.

domesticated. >> If he had a request by me that wasn't. abusive and I was okay with, why does it. matter? >> And like he would say, if I am the only. man you're trying to be sexy for, why does it matter? >> Right? >> There'll be times where he would say, "Baby, don't wear makeup. Like I like. you with no makeup. It's gorgeous. Just. throw your hair up with no makeup." Now, I love I love to be daughter. I love to. be daughter. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But I would do it for him. No makeup. because I'm sure there's many times. where I wanted just boots or the Paris.

trip him and I hold on or that the the. the trip to Africa we took that that he. probably not probably that I seen him. have to work double and triple for that. he didn't huff a puff about. There were. times where this man got two jobs to. make sure that things were covered that. I wanted. So me changing clothes or him. having a request at something is minute. to me seeing him put in the work to make. sure that I'm happy beyond just having a. roof over my head. And and I think that.

you know and that was his first time. taking care of a woman and he was 50 at. that time. I was 14 years younger than. him. >> I think that women state they want a. safe space for them to be in their soft. and their feminine. But on the flip. side, men also need an environment that. makes them feel very loved, submitted. to, appreciated. >> when they're taking care of your ass as. well. >> I think it goes both ways. >> Yeah. >> It is definitely a a reciprocal thing. And I I think that when we get to a. place of understanding that, it's a.

win-win situation in the relationship. And then you start to see what the Bible. talks about equally yolked. >> So yeah, I would take that offer again. of being kept in and loving the hell out. of out of my man. It just has it has to. be the right the right one. Not him, >> but the right one. >> Why you saying like that? >> I don't want it. When Listen, when I'm. when I'm when I'm when I'm done, when. I've gone on, I've gone on. It's nothing. to do. >> Oh, you you a you you've never spun the. block. >> No, I don't really I don't spin the. block. No. What happens is I can have. long-term relationships and if we happen.

to, you know, have a break of something. like we're just no longer in. relationship and then we happen to maybe. get back into relationship. Yes, but. spinning the block meaning like we're. just going to go back and sleep together. and do this thing. No, that's not how I. how I show up. No, >> let me sit my dark. >> You see, uh, did I know you saw it cuz. you you you you know all things that's. what's going on. Sumber Walker went. viral cuz she's had a relationship with. Rich the Kid. >> who's engaged and.

he's he saved her under Pizza Hut in his. phone. I don't know what that means now. Pizza. Hut used to have, this is before your. time, but Pizza Hut used to have. buffets. They have all the pizzas up. there and you just go get a slice of. pepperoni, you know, whatever mushroom, you get uh ground beef, all that. anchovies. >> Just I don't know what that means. >> How did the fiance find out that she was. Pizza Hut? >> Do we know that? >> Don't Don't start me to lie.

>> Okay. I'm just trying to figure out what. >> what is it about women. >> and married men because normally married. men like oh she married I don't want I. cuz men are different. >> Hold on just a second a man. >> he might not even want his wife he might. not be he might not be as interested as. he was once before. >> but the moment another man show interest. you will have a problem doc but women. what is it about women that are.

attracted to married men because I just. saw the study. They say women are more. attracted to married men. >> Okay, another two-part question. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> See, you're not messy, but you're. crafty. >> First of all, >> uh men love married women as well. >> We're not going to let men off the hook. A man will love Listen, a man will love. to say, "How you doing?" "Oh, I'm good." "Um, can I get your number? I'm married." Oh, that's fine. It's all good.

>> You can't have friends. >> It's all good. You can't have friends. So, we not going to make this a one. gender thing. >> Men and women both. >> How about that? >> Will cross that boundary and disrespect. the safety of marriage. equally. >> You think so? >> The difference is the man who was saying. I don't care if you're married is. clearly boldly saying I just want to. sleep with you. >> Okay. >> The woman who was saying I like you cuz. you married. She's saying at some point. I want her position. And women are usually attracted to the.

married men who are good men to their. wives. >> Not faithful men, just good men through. their transactions, >> not from their heart. Cuz they're not. committed. Commitment is a heart thing. That's a spirit thing. So. transactionally, I see that you do the. things, you got first, you got diamonds, y'all go on trips. >> Mhm. >> So if you do that for her, maybe that's, you know, I'll be the starting. quarterback one day. >> And y'all do it for her. Let me go. further. Y'all do more for her than you.

do for the wife. Way more for her. I. have clients who have the password to. their married man's phone that the wife. don't have the password to. She thinks. that's a flex. You have the number. because you know that he's married. So, you know there's other women. That's not. a flex. She don't have the password because if. she finds out, guess what? He got. something to lose with her. He ain't got. [ __ ] to lose with you, sis. cuz you're. the side chick. And it's very rare that. y'all leave the wife for who?

>> Side chick. >> Very rare. That's a position that ain't. up for grabs. Because even if he ain't. attracted to her, the fact that he's. even cheating on the wife is what makes. him feel indebted to her. Side chicks. are stupid to think it's the other way. I'm already cheating on her. I've. already cheated on her multiple times. cuz that's not his first time doing it. >> She has my kids. At least we have family. over here. And the side chick is what gets me in a. good enough mood to come home to her.

anyways. >> Damn. >> And I can't leave her hanging like that, baby. Because then she wouldn't get my. retirement. And I've already done her wrong. So. guess what? I'm forever indebted to her. So I can't leave this. This is why men. say, "I'm not going to leave what I'm. indebted to. But I can come over here and play.". And often times I found that the married. man be in love with the side chick.

>> Yeah, for sure. >> In love and has still left her every. time to remain. >> home. >> At home, it is a very deadend situation. when a woman is attempting to take a. position that ain't even up for grabs. They're just not up for grabs. It's not. >> You are this man's pacifier. and you are what this man needs to. survive his marriage, you are not his promised land. whatsoever. And so those kind of women.

are women who are extremely broken. They. have parental issues. They are. definitely lost in the sauce. And there. is no self- loveve or self value or self. worth there whatsoever. You cannot value. yourself and see yourself in the. position of two or three because if he. got kids that means you three. You can't. be one or two. the wife and kids. >> Where kids come? >> You're number three. So you have so much. selfworth that you want to be number. three for a trip to Bali when women now.

women nowadays are making so much money. on their own. Shannon, >> what that we can take ourselves to Bali? >> Hold on. You can take Hold on. A mad man. can take a side chick to Bali. HOW HE. HOW HE PULL that off? >> Oh, hey you know me and the boys going. to Bali. Me and the boys going to the. Maldes or THE MAUI COACH. HOW? >> SHANNON, don't you sit up here and try. to uh follow the boy code? No. >> And I call the boy code on purpose cuz. men don't have codes. Men are grown. The. boy code. What you mean? I'm going to. work to Costa Rica to check on the.

restaurant that we own out there for a. little bit. >> Oh, they got Oh. >> And end up end up in a whole another. country. >> Oh, I don't know nothing about. >> or some men. Okay, let's be real. Men. who can move like that have money called. motion like that. You can't be broke and. move to B. Now, you can be broke and. have a couple side chicks in the hood. We talking about going to Bali and going. shopping. So, usually those men have to. have businesses. >> Yeah. >> And they're taking business trips. >> Okay. Okay. I see what you. >> and they're different places. >> So, I always tell women this, if a man.

is trying to fly you out the country or. the state that he lives in. >> to see you or date you, he has a wife or. a woman 100%. >> The first place you should be going when. you visit this man is to his house, HIS. COUSIN. >> WHOA. WHOA. >> IF IT AIN'T in his house, there's. somebody else in his house. Let me tell. Hold on. Let me tell you something. >> Was dating somebody. and don't ask me who cuz you know him. real well. So mind your business, okay? Don't be messy right now. You know him. real well. >> Mhm.

>> And he takes care of his mother. >> Yeah. >> And so she's there often. >> Mhm. >> My first time him flying me to see him. He says, "Baby, do you want to stay here. knowing moms is here or would you rather. us get a room somewhere else?". >> Yeah. You like get a room? I said, "Stay. there.". >> Huh? >> YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH the mom in the. house. You can't do that. >> First of all, I'm not doing nothing my. first time flying. Okay. Okay. Casual. sex. >> Okay. I I didn't know. Okay. My bad. My. bad. That was very presumptive for me. I'm sorry. >> Yes. That's okay. Take it back.

>> Okay. I take I'm sorry. I I thought. this, you know, >> but this is my thing. It was a test on. his behalf for me. But it also gave me. transparency. >> because he didn't just say, "My mom's. here. I'll take care of my mom. Let me. just put us in a room." Because I would. have said no to the trip. He welcomed me to his home and gave me. an option because he's letting me know. ain't no woman here. You more than welcome. So, I came and. stayed with him and mom and had a great. time. A great time. And let me go. further. You said, "Mom, is there any.

grown ass man your age?" Yeah. >> Taking care of your mama. She not in the. room next to you, baby. >> And your house better be big enough to. where she in another quarter. >> Still I still I feel bad. >> I'm just saying. Do you get what I mean. by if a man is not inviting you to his. home, he is not thinking about making. you his home? That's just what it is. >> Why am I flying out the country or state. to see you for the weekend or two? Fly. me in when we are at your house and.

after I visit at your house a couple. times, we could talk about going to. Florida or Miami or Costa Rica or. Columbia. Until then, I don't want to. take a trip with you. I'm good because I. have to have clarity that I'm not. wasting my time. See, I have money. I. can spend my own. >> Wow. >> But I need to make sure that my time, which I don't get back, >> right? >> That I can't clock in or get another of. speaking event, >> right, >> back, is not wasted. >> And I don't want to be in a situation. where I've allowed you to deceive me.

Because every woman knows when a move. when a man moves a certain way, her. spirit does something. women just decide. to go against it because they want that. trip. They want that bag. They want that. experience. We have to stop wanting. experiences at the expense of our. dignity, at the expense of our respect, at the expense of our self-love. Absolutely not. And I also find to women. and men going to hate this, and I'm okay. with that. The more we hold off on what. y'all usually want,

that thing, the more y'all do anyways, the more. y'all give and the more y'all do. The. only men who won't do more. are the men who only want that. So if. you want to vet them out anyways, sis, vet them out and watch them show up. A. man should penetrate your heart and your. mind before he ever penetrates your. body. then you will really experience. the true essence of an orgasm. Anyways,

I've had men say to me, which besides. the best friend, um the guy I just. mentioned about flying out to his home. with the mom, he was one of them. If I. can't marry you, >> I don't even want to touch your body. Now, that's a man who isn't a sucker. That's a man who is of age, a mature. age, >> who is ready to have a wife, >> and he is no longer so superficial in. his thinking that the best thing about a. woman is her sex. He's finding value not.

only different in women, but watch this, in himself. Because I only get to experience. the parts of you that you've already. given you. And so a man who only sees. value in a woman being just sex is a man. who doesn't see value in himself. It is. just we are just mirrors to each other. I see value in myself. That's why. casually you cannot make love to my body. cuz I don't see value in casual sex. I. don't see value in an orgasm without.

being connected to you, without being. committed to you, without having access. to your home or to who you are or what. you do. I don't see value in that. An. orgasm doesn't do it for me. But your. heart does. Your commitment does, your. time does, right? Your thoughtfulness. Yes, that's what I want. Then you can. take me to Bora Bora. >> Then we we could be tearing Bora Bora up. and you could be tearing me up in Bora. Bora. But until then, >> until then, >> hey, it ain't happening. >> You going to access me, love me, you're.

going to pursue me, you're going to. court me, and I will do the same with. you. And then by the time we do do what. we're doing, it will be fireworks. People are having horrible sex, too, because all they doing is. casually and they're calling freaky good. sex. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And this is why nobody But how come. sexual relationships aren't even. lasting? If it's so good, why y'all not. the same person for years at a time? I'm. confused because it ain't good. It's. freaky. It's something you can get.

anywhere you go. That's what makes it. casual. When you plug into a man or a. woman and y'all are having real central. sex that is nasty, not just freaky, you. can't get that anywhere. >> That's a fus nasty freaky. >> You can do freaky and nasty, but as long. as it's fused and connected. >> on a deeper level than just casualty. >> And that means the orgasm isn't what we. are thriving for. It's the act and the.

engagement of the sex that's orgasmic. within itself. See, that's grown people. talk. >> You kids, y'all having y'all having this. this little high school sex. Y'all doing. that little rabbit [ __ ] still. We don't. want that. We don't want that. You can. keep that right over there. Right over. there. >> I thought I thought the further the the. further the trip, the freak and THE. NASTIER IT GOT. DOC, >> LISTEN. Let me. >> The further the trip. >> Yeah. to my heart, to my safe space,

>> to my mind, to me accessing everything, your cell phone, everything you have. >> Yeah. >> Is the more sex we have, that's the. nastier that a woman who loves herself. and respects herself will get. The more. that you create an environment that I. can trust you in, >> that I am safe in, it's not about. freaky. I'll never say no about whatever. we as long as I have the capacity to do. it and take it. I will capacity abound. with you. >> But I got to be safe. I got to have.

access. And there has to be. transparency. >> They say I I read a study say the more. educated a woman is, the freakier she. is. >> Facts. >> I'M JUST SAYING I READ THAT. >> FACTS. >> I READ THAT IN COSMO. >> THE FACTS. >> SHOUT OUT TO COSMO. Shout out to Cosmo. >> Cheers. >> Yeah. Mhm. >> How many degrees you SAY YOU GOT? >> SIX. >> OH MY GOODNESS. >> SIX. >> JEEZ. >> Lord have mercy. >> Well, your guy when you going to fight, you got a good one. >> Six.

>> Hey, somebody. Hey, she I'm just telling. you, she say she he ready. >> Don't have them in my DMs talking. >> They don't be talking about bullboard. >> Do men and women cheat differently? >> They do. They do. But I'll answer that. But do we. care about the different ways of. cheating or do we care about the. dismantling and the impact of. >> the act of cheating? >> Because it's I don't care how you did. it. I'm dismantled now. My heart is. broken. My safe space is scattered.

>> Right? >> And now I have to learn to love myself. different and you. because see if I didn't know you were a. dog from the beginning, I was loving a. good man. >> Mhm. A good man eats something. different, sleeps different, and I love. you different. But if now I'm loving a can corso, I'm. feeding you different. >> Right. >> Right. >> I'm loving you different, and I have to. become a different what person. >> So this is why cheating is is so.

excruciating because it's not about. people always say, can we get the trust. back? The trust back is way down here after we. work through all of these layers. Can. you learn to love a dog? >> If we're married and I cheated on you, >> can you learn to love a dog? Not can you. trust me again? Because trusting me means you have to. believe that I'm no longer the woman. that cheated on you. That's deception in. itself. Can you love a woman who has deceived.

you and has the capacity to do it again? Because whatever I've done to you, I now. have the capacity, >> right? >> Which means what? You now know what I'm. >> capable of doing. >> Come on, baby. >> So, can I love you knowing that you. capable. >> of being a snake? Can I sleep in the bed. with you knowing that you may not bark. for 6 months, but in August I might hear. a rougher? Oh, that's right.

>> That's who you were. >> I'm with a dog. Mhm. >> And now this negro, this can corso needs. that stake. >> because he already got a taste of blood. >> Can Can I do that? >> If the answer is no, you have to. decipate the relationship. >> Wow. >> If the answer is yes, then we have to. talk about what that looks like. >> And it's going to look different on both. of you. >> Yes. Because you might can forgive. because this is what happens, Doc. You might forgive,

>> but you're not going to forget. Cuz the. first time you get mad, you probably. with that beat. >> You probably called that. You probably. did this and now we. >> and men cheat off of lust. >> Women cheat. Y'all, >> we cheat often times because now we're. vindictive on that [ __ ] you did. Now, let me go further. Let me go. further. We so cold. Your homeboy, >> I'mma tell you how women work. your. homeboy.

that was already looking at me five, six. years ago who I curve because I'm a good. woman. >> Yeah. >> Cuz I wouldn't do you like that. >> because I was loving a good man and not. a dog. >> Now I said this to you earlier about. Cardi B and Offset. >> Yeah. >> H I've become a product of you. That means if you're deceptive, I became. a product of what? >> Now you got to be deceptive. Or you. could be deceptive. You don't have to. be. You could be. >> There you go. This doesn't happen with.

everybody, but it happens with most. people, men and women. I will become a. product of my environment before it. becomes a product of me. My environment. will change me before I change it. That's just law. So, if I'm with a man. who cheats long enough, it doesn't mean. every woman will do it. But it does mean. this. The deceptiveness in her, you can then. uproot. >> if it's in her. If it's in her, you are. going to uproot it. Period. Now, whether.

she acts on it or not is up to her. But. when a woman cheats just because she's. cheating, not because of deception. >> It's not that we do it different. It's. that the male counterparts or for some. women they cheating with a woman. The. woman counterparts. seem to be able to regulate their. emotions better, >> right, with the woman who's married than. let's just say women who are dealing. with the married man. Cuz usually. remember again the men who are sleeping. with the married woman are sleeping with. her for the sleeping compatibility, the.

sex sexual compatibility. >> But when a woman is sleeping with the. married man, she has an end goal of. taking that position, >> right? Men ain't really looking like, "Oh, I want to be a hubby.". >> Because you said it earlier on, a man. who's trying to be a husband, he like. he's turned off by a married woman. >> Mhm. >> Cuz he not trying to go behind no other. man anyways. >> No. That's a man who's like, I'm just. trying to swing in when I can. And that. man usually already has some at home,

even if it's not a wife. So, that woman. is already his overcompensation. for what he already has. So, it's a. win-win for him, >> right? How do you how do people break up? Is. there such a thing as breaking up. amicably? Because you know sometimes you. know look and and I I was telling. someone this I said breaking up is easy. if you're the one that want to do the. breaking up. >> when you don't want to be broken up with. it's hard but just move on. It's not. that simple when you still want to be in.

this relationship. Now if you want out. why you hit the door hey a and don't. even look back at the door. >> And sometimes you when you want out you. don't hit the door and not look back. Sometimes you hit the door and you. because I don't want to make it seem. like the person leaving also isn't. experiencing some heartbreak. >> You know, I left both my fiances and my. first fiance um I left and I was very. heartbroken leaving him. It took me. almost a year and a half just to leave. and we worked through the leaving.

together until we both were like and. we're both crying in excruciating pain. and tears. his parents are there trying. to help us break up. >> what. >> healthily and you know so yeah so this. was in my 20s my first fiance but that. was a very heartbreaking moment for him. and I right it wasn't like scat and I'm. good the second fiance um it was easier. for me right cuz I was already fed up. and wanted out and. >> and knew that you know I started to.

dislike him as a person that's what made. it easier to leave right um I liked his. covering of me, but I started to not. like him as a man. >> So, that's easier to leave someone cuz. you're like, I'm just turned off, right? The first one was like, you're just a. dope ass man and leaving you is. challenging. And if. >> you could be a provider and didn't have. certain. conditions that I'm not going to share. about him, right, cuz I'm going to. protect his privacy, >> then this relationship could be.

absolutely amazing. So, that was. challenging to leave. So, I just wanted. people to know that there are folks who. are leaving who are bleeding while they. leave, too. >> And they're not running out the door. saying, "Oh, I'm out. I'm free." Now, that is a a coping mechanism. That is a. mask and it's fake. >> Right? >> Everybody leaving who is doing the. departing is feeling. >> something. >> They're feeling the detachment. >> It might not be the one It might not be. to the extent of the one that's getting. left, but they feel something.

>> They feel something. Do have you uh I think there was a. situation you uh Offset was in your DM. Have you revealed anybody else that's. ever been in your DM? You put anybody. on? >> I love that you said that. Offset was in. my DM. Um and he just posed a question. that said, "Hey, >> you know, maybe you can help me with. something.". >> He didn't say what it was. That's all he. said. >> Right. >> Um and because we he never followed. through. I never followed through. We.

never did a session. He was never my. client. >> when I shared that on Jason Lee's show. That was not a. breach of confidentiality. First of all, he was not and is not my client. So, it. was no breach. And he did not slide in. my DMs asking um for anything that had. to do with me. It was very specific to, >> you know, hey, maybe you can help me. with something. He never said what. Um, and so when I said that, I was saying. that to more use Offset as an example. because I could because again, he's not.

my client. So that's not a breach of. confidentiality to say, listen, other. black men being that Offset has a. following. He's a rapper. He's in the. limelight. He's, you know, he's attached. to Cardi B. Asking for help is powerful, >> right? >> You can slide in a DM to ask for help. It doesn't have to be to ask for. something else. >> Yeah. and the fact that he did the. appropriate thing and my intention was. to give him props. Now, the internet. took it and made it something else. >> You tried to put him. >> and I was trying to say, listen, this.

man with all of his bad decision-m, we. going to call it what it is. >> In that one moment, >> he was he made a right damn decision. And I was giving his him his flowers and. the internet took it as this is her. client. She's I ain't telling [ __ ] He's. not my client. >> Right. >> Neither one of us followed up. >> And that's just what it was. It was more. saying he did the right thing in that. moment. And no matter how many wrong. decisions you've made, >> there it's okay to make a right one, even if it's one out of 2,00. Because. that one right one could be the one.

decision that changes your life or saves. your life. Right. >> That's it. >> Would you respond to a guy in your DM? >> Would you go out with somebody in your. DM? >> Um, would I? I. >> You have. >> I have. >> I KNOW YOU HAVE. >> I have. We went on a nice date actually. >> Okay. He is a fine, you know, he was. younger than me too then, but okay, I'm. back. Yeah, it was nice. We went on a. nice date. Um, >> just one time that was it. >> We went on one date cuz I'm busy. He's.

busy. He. >> No, it don't matter. Bees are busy. >> People can find time when it's something. they want to find time. That's what you. just told me. Oh, did she just tell me. that? Thank you. Your your friend or. your told me that's what you just told. me. >> Yeah. No, we just it he was in season. >> Oh, you like athletes, huh? Still do. Cuz you told me you like athletes when. you were younger. >> My ex- fiance is a retired basketball. player. >> Uh-huh. >> So, I mean, but it's not just liking. It's I work out, you know. I like men.

who work. So, it's just more of an. attraction. >> You like what you like. >> You think you think the. >> But I want No, I want to say this. >> But. >> I don't walk into a room and say I want. an athlete. Those are the only guys. >> That's what you attract. >> That's what I attract. But also that's. what I'm attracted to. >> Exactly. Because you think the you think. the moth want to fly into the flame. >> It can't help what it's attracted to. >> So I am attracted to athletic men. >> Yeah. They work out like going. >> However, >> he probably could pick me up and I can.

do it. >> He can pick me up. However, >> however, you know what I liked about my. ex- fiance was that he was retired. >> because I like time with my men. Yeah. >> And so there have been, you know, men. who have attempted to date me who are. still in season and. >> I could be supportive in that, but. that's a lot of time. >> that's taken away from us, you know, for. a woman like me and I'm also busy. So. anyways, the young man was great. We had. we still talk. We're still good friends. Um. >> we're still good friends because it was.

something very shortlived and casual. But yes, >> is it something that can be, you know, >> uh, I think he's too young for me. Not. in number. >> Okay. >> But in mindset, sweet guy, but just too. young for me in mindset. >> But you did work publicly with Ray Jay, right? >> I do. I did. >> You did. How was Ray? >> I still do. I love Ray. Yeah. >> We've had Ray J on I had Ray on the. show. >> I know. >> Why you say it like that? >> Cuz Ray's Ray is my guy. like I me Ray I.

love Ry. Ry has been with me for a long. time. Um and Rey is just a person who is. who he is. Right. And um that comes with. a lot of misunderstanding. >> Yes. >> But I always say this and I' I've said. it to you know just people and even my. my assistant and best friend here that. when you build a relationship with Rey, you start to get a clear understanding. why the people who love him love him. >> Mhm. because he's just that genuine of a.

person. >> And with whatever tactics he has and. that he does, raise a type of man that. when you are his person, like meaning. >> someone he loves as a friend or family. or me being his his his psychology, his. doctor, >> um. >> he's loyal. >> And that man, he will turn a table over. for you. Rey will move a mountain for. you. And it's because he loves so hard, honestly. And because he's so into that,

I feel like sometimes the way that he. shows it comes out very different than. folks want to see it. And and I just. think that's what it boils down to. So, you know, I just love Ray. I have. nothing but love for him. >> Where are you on prenups? You good with. a prenup? >> Me giving it or me signing it? >> Both. >> You got assets you want to protect? >> I'm not signing a prenup. >> You're not? >> No. Now, will I have one drafted? Maybe. But I'm not signing one. >> Why? Well, why would I? >> I mean, I just think, look, even before.

I had, I used to tell my homeboys. I. said, "Y'all got a prenup." They say, "Sh, we ain't got nothing." I say, "So. when you leave, you keep all your. nothing. You don't want half of your. nothing.". >> Mhm. >> So, I mean, I look, I get it. If we in a. relationship, okay, I got X. >> Mhm. >> We get to the uh uh we get into this. relationship and I get YZ. >> Okay, I'm cool with that. >> But you're not going to get X. I had X. before I met you. >> So, a prenup that would be appropriate.

for me would be a prenup that lines out. if I stepped out and performed. infidelity. >> Mhm. >> This is the amount that will be paid. out. >> Mhm. >> And it's not going to be pennies. >> Okay. >> If we were to divorce amicably, right, which I don't believe in that. So, I'm. never leaving unless, like the Bible. says, two things that are permissible to. leave, which is infidelity and. unfaithfulness. That's it. Right? Otherwise, I'm not leaving. So, we going. to work through everything.

>> How about death? >> Mm-m. Would death do you part? But. you're still married in the covenant, you know? Oh, okay. >> But, um, >> so if the prenup said, "If we were to. divorce, then like you said, right, there's X, Y, and Z. Okay, doc, you get. Y and Z, you know, and maybe not X, but. Y and Z is something that. >> we could split.". >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not. What do you mean splitting? No, no, no. I'm not splitting. >> Hello. >> I'm talking about on the prenup. You. going to be lining out what exactly goes. to me being your wife,

>> right? >> For sticking by your ass, submitting, loving, making love, not denying, and. and pouring into you cuz I'm going to. give you everything I got. I'm going to. flip this whole table for you. >> Everything. >> Okay. >> And I'm not going to say no unless I. don't have the bandwidth for it. Then. it's just that I don't have the. capacity, right? So in that prenup, you're going to draw out if I cheat, >> right? >> This is the amount that you get and it's. going to be a large ass amount so that. my heartbreak don't also feel broken in. my pockets. One. Number two, if you got. X, Y, and Z, it's going to be lined out.

that. >> let's just say X is $20 million, right? Of of a property. I don't mind if you. say, "Hey, then Doc gets 10 million of. this one and then of Z, Doc going to get. her 7 million." But it's going to be. lined out clear on what I'm agreeing to. There will be no prenup that says if we. divorce, you get nothing. We don't. marry. I'm not signing up for that. That. is to me. a woman who would sign up for that. I. just feel like it's not that she's in it. for love. I feel like she's been.

misguided. >> Okay. >> And again, I had a father. So my dad. would turn to his grave if I signed up. for that and he would turn in his grave. if I didn't get a prenup. So I would. have a prenup that said, "Hey baby, >> you know, this is my stuff." And I. couldn't see a man who's a man's man. like you said you are, like my father. was, >> who would have a problem with signing a. prenup with me that said, "I built all. this. This is mine." I just don't see a. man's man wanting that from me or from a. woman, >> right, >> per se. I just don't see that. I see now. a.

>> different kind of man, right? >> You know, maybe saying I want but who? No, I wouldn't marry that type of guy. >> When you see these um and this my you. let me know what you think. I think like. when you date publicly, you married. publicly and you outward with your. relationship when it ends, you know it's. going to be public. >> We see Cardi and we see Cardi being. offset. We see I think Candy Burus uh. just filed for a divorce uh and you know. make it's starting to make his round. >> Where where are you on on public dating.

public marriage? I mean, I just think. there's a lot of things that can be. handled if if it wasn't so public. Like, if we get into, you know, something. might have happened, we might can handle. it behind the scenes, but once he gets. out into this public sphere, everybody. got an opinion, you're listening, your. family's listening, he's listening, his. family, his homeboy, your home girls. It's hard to put that thing back. together, Tom. >> Yeah. So, I don't believe in public for. myself. Mhm. >> Um until we're locked in married or.

maybe possibly even a ring on my finger, but I want to say married. >> I've dated I've been um single, I say, meaning not out of my last engagement. that I caught off my wedding for like. nine nineish years. I don't want to. times, but it's been some years. But in. between that, I have dated, >> you know, I have dated public figures. like myself. >> And we one thing I pride myself on is I. do a really great job of keeping my. stuff private. >> Yeah. Nobody knows who I dated. Um the. gentleman that I brought up that I said.

you know him well. He is extremely um um. high-profile and a public figure and we. weren't hiding it. >> Um but we just weren't being public with. it, right? And so. >> we went to restaurants and went out and. people screamed his name or my name and. it just was what it was. And if somebody. would have got a photo, we didn't care. But I do a good job of being private. I. think that the privacy piece is needed. because to your point, you know, had I. been public with everyone I'm dating, then I would have been having to delete.

or explain, you know, multiple. relationships when really nothing is. >> serious in my opinion. If you're in a. season of dating or even in a season of. being committed as boyfriend and. girlfriend, until you are married with. the covenant of God, I feel like there. really isn't anything that you should. allow people to be privy on, right? >> Because you you have a relationship, but. to me, you really don't have any. substance of value yet until you enter.

into that next covenant. So for me, nobody will be ever public on my page or. on my platform until it is my husband. And um I haven't really had people to. have an issue with that. You got some. people that kind of feel like why are. you hiding me? And I explain it's not. the hiding. It's one the field I'm in. And two, the last person on my page was. my fiance. >> with the ring on my finger. >> Until then, not doing it. >> What about you? Do you you don't I mean. >> there you go.

>> I mean, do do you go p? I mean, have you. been public with. >> No, with nobody. >> So, you So, so to the public, you've. never had a woman? >> Nope. >> Which cause which leads to speculation? I have. >> Well, we we know that you have. >> you have you have done sexual things. with women. >> Oh, Lord have mercy. >> We heard. No, dog. Come on, do dog. It. we still we I need another year. Give me. one more year. >> No, I'm talking about we heard. >> And I'm saying that I need another year. from that. That's been a year ago. >> So, we two years got to get two years. grace. You can't Yeah. statute of.

limitations still on it. >> Okay. Okay. Oh, so we didn't hear. nothing. You know, >> nothing. >> [ __ ] The backstrokes was good. Okay, I'm back. I'm sorry. >> Another guy that's been in the the media. a lot lately is Brian McNight situation. >> Um I guess he went on he went on. somebody's pod and was saying some. things about Mark Lamont Hill. Mark Mark. Lamont Hill fired back and says, "I've. interviewed you several times and you. were, you know, you weren't nasty to me, but you were nastier people on the set,

so forth and so on." And then I guess. he, what did he do? He had a son, Brian. Mcnite, Jr., but he had another son. recently, named him, and then took the son's name. So there's supposed to be like he's. Brian Mcnite senior, he had a Brian. Mcnite Jr., So he named his son Brian, gave him a middle name, and then took. the name from the son. >> But for what? What was the point? >> That's what people tried to figure out. >> What's the benefit of that?

>> I I guess he's really trying to remove. himself from the past. I mean, it's, you. know, he's he was talking about his his. sons and that he's done all he could do. Uh I I don't know. It's just maybe you. need to talk to him. Maybe you need to. have him on your podcast. >> Logical son. >> Yes. that he is trying to disconnect. from. >> They're older. I think one's like. probably like almost 30. >> But this is his biological son. >> Yes. >> And he wants no no dealings with him. >> I guess they had a you know I guess they. had a falling out about something. >> But see that's what I mean by some.

things are not privy to be public. >> Yeah. >> I think that is a conversation between a. father and a son. Yeah. Because if we. want to be realistic about family and. parenting, >> there are some times where a parent and. child can go a week or two or sometimes. months without speaking because of. >> whatever that parent may feel needs to. be done based on consequences for that. child to fail. I'm not saying Brian's. right or wrong, >> but those are things that should stay. private. Now, if he feels like he has to. pull back because something his son has.

done as a parent and that is going to be. for the benefit of his son, I see. nothing wrong with that. But if he's. doing it because he's saying, "I don't. want to have any type of involvement. with you as my biological baby and my. bloodline." I think that's something. that needs to be. >> I think it's odd though that you have a. junior, but then you have another son. and name him and give him a different. middle name than what you gave the other. son and then end up taking the the new. son's. It's not I just think. >> yeah it just I mean it seems off but I.

also remember we don't know people's. motives and what is in. >> and he said he was never in love with. his ex-wife. Say I mean. >> but what the hell does that have to do. with a child? >> I I guess I guess because unlike your. mom and dad say you was conceived out of. love. >> cuz I was going to say something. You. know what I also have found most of the. time that that father loves that child. at the level that he loves the mother of. that child. And you can see the. difference in those relationships. And. um if y'all don't believe me, take some.

inventory. A lot of times when that. father really loves that mother, that. child gets a different type of. relationship and love from that father. >> It it's just it's it's just been proven. and it's unfortunate. But you just said. it here with what be Mcnite that, you. know, I wasn't in love with the mom and. so he automatically feels some type of. detachment from that child and it's. showing. >> and it's unfortunate, right? Look, they're not the first family to I just. hate when when people it becomes public. because people are going to look at him. a different way to like, you know, and I.

just I just hate I just hate when. private matters become public. >> Yeah. And then the public makes it. worse, I feel like, because then it. makes people take on a public TV. personality. >> Yes. >> And you start to behave in ways that. aren't even your true authentic self. >> Right. And so it's like and then you. feel like you have to respond which you. don't. >> right. >> because it's no one's business. >> Correct. >> You know, especially when it comes to. kids and family. You don't owe anybody. >> an explanation. >> An explanation when it comes to your. child.

>> You still want to have kids, doc? >> I do. I am. >> How many? >> Now listen. It It was four a while ago. I think I'm maybe down to two. Cuz if I. can do twins. >> If I could do that, don't knock on my. door. >> That's a clock. That's a clock. Another. clock ticket. >> What you waiting on? Oh, you don't you. don't. >> I don't want to be a I don't want to get. a personal, but you froze. >> I'm still bleeding and I'm not in. peropause. >> Oh my goodness. >> I'm not in par menopause. >> My period come. my my menstrual comes every 28 days. On.

time. >> On time. >> No, you could have just said, you know. what? Yeah, I froze my eggs, >> Shannon. On time. >> That thing. >> like clockwork, huh? >> Like that. Like do that again. Like. like that on time. Ain't no permenopause. over here. >> Ain't nothing dried up over here. >> But h how long are you willing to wait, doc? Look, I look. >> so I so I said earlier this year. >> that I was now my choosing stage.

>> And so I literally said, "Okay, I'm now. going to choose." Because you know be I. I liked my space and my season of like. building my career coming out of calling. off my wedding and I was very honest. with guys. I never said you know. manipulating was like oh we dating to. get married. No I was very honest about. you know we're dating spending time but. this is what I'm focused on. >> and that focus paid off. And so I am now. in a place that I told myself when I was. a younger woman I want to be here before.

I do that. Right. >> And um. >> and you're here now. >> I'm here now. And and and this is the. thing. I'm not saying this from a place. of of of bragging or trying to from. arrogance, but from a place of humility. I think if more men and women map out. their life, life is a good life. Now, it. ain't going to come out perfect. But if. you say, "I want to reach these. milestones before I do this." I feel. like you have a better chance and better. odds of success at family and at career. and business versus just letting life. give you whatever crumbs it gives you. because it's already given the people. like me who are asking and curating what.

they want, what we want. So you get the. crumbs that we said no to. Don't do. that. But now, you know, it's only been. probably about. >> 6 months since I said, "Okay, God, I'm. ready." You know, I took my IUD out. I'm. in my choosing stage. I'm ready to rock. and roll. Let's. >> You took it out. Gone. Out. The doctor. I said, "Show it to me. Doctor, show it. to me." I was like, >> "Hey guys, be careful." She say she. still have a cycle and. >> they ain't got to be careful. It would. be an excellent investment, but it can't. be casual. Be careful, guy.

>> You need to tell me to be careful cuz. the way these men are set up, they worse. than women. A man, they try to trap you. >> A man try to put a baby in a woman who's. successful, especially no kids and. beautiful. Shannon, you act like you. ain't You act like you stay on one house. on the block. >> Stop acting like that. >> You a man and you know men. Let me tell. you, it's not just broke men that do it. You got men who are well off who go. beautiful, no kids, look like she's 25, >> can't wait to put one in you real quick.

And a lot of times it could it be the. men who already have the damn kids who. are saying but you who I want to be. >> that then that keeps it they keeps. that'll keep an attachment to you. >> Hello. This is why none to casual sex, especially now that my IUD out. Ain't. nothing coming through casual. You hear. me? Right. >> Nothing. >> Yeah. But I'm excited and I can't wait. and I'm hoping that it happens, you. know, by next year and I can be on tour. with my little belly and. >> happy and or happy year, I should say. Cuz I'm very happy. >> You happy right now?

>> And I think that's it, too. When you. wait and you find what I call God's. peace. >> Mhm. >> And um you're real happy. People are not in competition with your. desperation. They are not now in. competition with the healthy self of. you. Mhm. >> Which means your choosing becomes a. little more slim, >> right? >> But your relationships become a lot more. prosperity pro prosperous than. prosperous than you know you choosing. from a place of like I'm young. There's.

a clock. >> But I mean you look at Abraham and Sarah. in the Bible. Yeah. >> God kept his promise. And because Sarah. jumped the gun. >> and said get Hagar the maid pregnant. because I don't believe God to deliver. his promises. Hagar got pregnant. and had Abraham's first son. And then as. soon as she got pregnant, guess who got. pregnant? Sarah. >> And Sarah told Abraham, "She got to go.". And Abraham said, "Baby, you got to go.". Just for Hagar, the maid to come back.

And now they in a house that's now a. broken home. Because Sarah, not Abraham, he just listened to his wife. Said, "Baby, God's taking too long. get the. maid pres pregnant pregnant. And as soon. as Sarah got God's promise that he never. ever pulls back from and never returns. void, guess what? She wanted her gone. So you're not going to see me. being a Sarah who says, "Let me jump the. gun and and and take over God's timing.".

And then I end up choosing a man with. kids. Or I end up jumping the gun with. some other man when God said it was. probably only going to be about a six. more months, baby. It might have only. been another year, but you already in a. good place. You already happy. You can't. wait on me. >> How many How many men should a woman. entertain? She's not She's a She ain't. been locked down.

>> How many? One, two. >> Entertain, meaning date. >> Yeah. >> So, so I don't condone a woman having um. sex with multiple men. But I do want to. say, y'all do what you do. You grown. It. doesn't mean I'm judging you. Um, but I. as far as dating and getting to know, I. think a woman should entertain as many. men as she wants in the dating space. Yeah. Dating means we're going on dates. We're not exclusive. And I'm getting to. know you and I don't know if I if I. don't know if I like you, I don't know. if I like this man yet. I think women. should do now. Me, I tend to I tend to. go on dates or talk right to maybe one.

or two. But once I find that you have my. attention, it's just challenging for me. to. >> So you tell them to lock in with you. You tell them unfortunately I'm not. going to be able to. >> or I just don't just you know you. ghosted. >> No, you don't ghost but people So. there's. >> starting to pull back. >> Yeah, there's a different man. There's a. different sequence when you're not. locked in or you may talk once in a. while and you kind of know what's going. on or like when I text Shannon he he. texts back sometimes but if it's like. every day we talking then you got to. have that conversation, right? >> But I like exclusivity. So, even if.

we're just dating and we're locking in, I like it. I like a we thing. I like a. us thing. I don't like anyone outside of. you or me until we decide either we not. going through with this or we are. I I. like I like I don't like scattered. energy. Okay, >> that feels safe for me. And then again, I'm not into casual sex. So, if my. spirit feels like you're not fully here, then I'm not turned on. >> to be intimate with you. Not even just. sexually intimate, but intimate with our. conversations or with my time, >> right? Um,

is it like is it true that you. terminated a pregnancy as a teen? >> Uh, two I terminated two pregnancies as. a teenager and yeah, my father played a. big role in that. >> cuz the women I think the women I read. the women wanted you to keep the the uh. the children. >> Yep. >> So, does this had did that. >> Shannon did his homework on the doc. y'all? This man get a A+ plus. >> Did that those pregnancies early on? Mhm. >> Has that shaped how you think now?

>> It has. >> But it wasn't because I terminated them. It was because I had a covering which. was my father cuz my mother and. grandmother were crying saying keep it. >> and my father was saying not on my. watch. >> And I leaned more with my father's. choice because nobody was forcing me. with his choice. And uh his exact words. were you may hate me now but you'll. thank me later. Mhm. >> And when I got in college, I think my. sophomore year, I called him. I said, "Daddy, thank you." And he said, "For. what?" And I said, "Because you made the.

right decision for me." And so for me, it more shaped my trust in. men who can lead. >> Because he led me into a promised land, right? Um that allowed me, and I always. say this, it that allowed me to beat the. odds. >> Didn't mean the odds didn't come against. me, because they did. It allowed me to. beat the odds. It allowed me to not be a. statistic. It doesn't mean women who. have kids already or who kept yours and. didn't terminate that you're bad because.

you're a statistic. But if we going to. speak real, >> you are a statistic if you are a little. girl from the hood and you end up. pregnant as a teenager. That's called. teenage pregnancy. Right. >> Um and my father allowed me to beat odds. that were against me. How did you I mean. were you nerv were you not nervous to. tell your father that you were pregnant? >> Um well. >> feel like he because you his. >> Mhm. >> the apple in his eye. >> Mhm. >> And his little girl that he adores.

>> that he loves so much. >> is is expecting and it's not the first. not the you know one time okay baby. that's accident can happen and but then. it happened again. Were you were you. afraid to tell it? Were you ashamed? What were some of the emotions that you. felt as a teenager? >> I love that question. So, my parents um. and my father in particular, he's not a. a a a you're a shame you type of father. >> Okay. Okay. >> He's a very um if you love me, I'll love. you more. If you're honest with me,

you'll get more out of me. Okay. >> And so, I knew he wouldn't be ashamed of. me, >> but I did know that he was going to keep. it 100% real with me. And I knew that. what he seen was uh me becoming a. product of him and my mother and me. becoming a product of the woman that he. made a product of him which is a baby. mama and a baby daddy. And uh because he. knew the pain, the heartbreak.

>> that those women experienced. um he couldn't see his little girl. having that same experience. And so for. him again, he was crucifying who he was. to tee up what was best for me. And that. is what a parent does. That is what a. great father does. And I got to go a. little further. Not only did he say this. is the decision that you need to make, >> but he was the first along my parents um. face the last face I seen walking in. >> to termination. And they were the first. faces I seen walking out. And my dad.

took me to eat after. And he, baby, how. do you feel? Are you okay? you know what what's the plan moving. forward. So he didn't just tell me the. decision. He was there with me. >> He walked you through everything. >> He held my hand through it. And when I. walked out, I got to see that man's. face. And I asked could the boyfriend. cuz it was my boyfriend. >> Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Did you tell him? >> Yeah. The boyfriend knew. I asked could. he come? Cuz we were in a relationship. This wasn't a we were together all. through like for years.

>> My dad said, "Do you want him dead?" I. said, "Well, then no. I guess he can't. come." But I got had to give that to my. dad. I mean, he's he's he was a father. Like he he's not trying to be next to. this dude who is even touching his. daughter's body. So. >> yeah, it's one thing to think about it, but now you and I got to see you here. I. already know what he been doing. >> Yeah. And my dad um again, he we had an. open relationship where I can talk to. him about anything. And so his support. in that um is what allows me to be the. submissive, loving, trusting woman of.

you men. And and that's why I don't have. a, you know, I'm not going to submit to. you. What can you do for me? It's. >> I love submitting to you. And that comes. from a little girl who had a father who. submitted to me, >> right? >> And through his submission to me, he. taught me the value, >> right, and the beauty of submission. >> Wow. >> And had he not did that as a man, I. probably would have used submission. differently. Mhm. >> And he also uh would have me do acts for.

him like make his plate or make his. drink. >> And that taught me how to submit to a. man. >> And when his drink got low, I would. watch as a little girl would watch and. I'd be like, "Daddy, you want more?" And. he'd be like, "Yeah, baby, go in and get. me some more." And I knew two ice cubes. I knew how much Jack and how much Coke. I knew when his plate got low on food, it was a reup or a throwaway. There's. just things I knew when he was. emotionally not in the right place. And. he taught me because being a man in my. presence, I knew how to say, "Daddy, it's okay if it's financial. Like, we'll. be all right." Or, "Is there something.

you need me to do?" So, this is why men. are so important, man. Just in women's. life and in their boy's life, because he. taught me how to navigate through a. man's emotions. >> He taught me how to identify when those. emotions are offkilter. And he also. taught me what he needed to be said as a. daughter. And so when my fiance had an. issue, my last one, and he just sitting. on the couch with ESPN and them top 10. plays, you know, he over and over. >> I sat on the couch right here, literally. And he sitting I sat here and.

I just put my hand on him. I said, and. he just he ain't looking at me. I said, "Baby, I don't know what it is, but I. want you to know whatever it is, even if. it's financial, I'm not leaving you, and. I love you, and we'll get through it.". And he was looking how you looking. And. I'm sitting here, he did this. and tears just rolled by. In that. moment, I was a product of my father, a. product of my father teaching me what a. man needs. When women don't get that, we. don't know how to navigate that. And a.

woman who doesn't get that can easily. take that as that man is disconnected. from her and she can start to ask him. egocentric questions like, "What's wrong. with you? >> Right? >> What did I do? >> Why you not telling me? Why aren't you. talking to me?" I knew in that moment. there was nothing that that man wanted. to say to me or anybody, right? >> He was having a moment. >> and all I needed to do was reassure him. that I'm not going nowhere. You're not. going to lose your woman and whatever. else you just lost. >> and whatever I have to do. >> to hold it together. >> I am going to rise to that occasion to.

make sure that we are good. That's why. that man felt so good about taking care. of me. That right there cuz he knew the. value of who we had. How different do. you believe your life would have been. had you not terminated those. pregnancies? Would you have would would. Cheyenne Bryant be sitting right here. today with all these advanced degrees. with all this popularity and fame and. all this money? Would you have been the. same person? >> I would have been a different woman. >> Yes. >> Um but I would have still went and got.

that [ __ ] cuz I'm built like that. Um I. may have even went and got more. I'm. just saying cuz I had two little ones to. feed. I will say this, I would have. married much earlier. >> Yeah. >> Because I would have took one for the. team. >> and I would have made sure that my. babies had a home that was complete. >> And so, uh, who I would have married, it. wouldn't have been the teenage boy. Teenage boyfriends don't laugh. >> You done had you done had your photo, that's for sure. >> Yeah. >> Might have been five or six. >> That's the thing. It would have forced.

me to make a decision quicker than I. wanted to. >> Yes. And I would have chose what was. best for them. >> right then and spill out the long. >> and not for me. This is where I tell. women the leverage of waiting is and the. power is right now I am in the pit of my. power not in my biological clock because. I am choosing for me. and obviously for my babies secondary. who are not here yet. >> right.

>> but I'm choosing a husband with just me. >> right. >> and and that's it and I can choose to be. a mother or not to at any point in time. >> right. >> that's power and I'm now choosing from a. place of wisdom, not just experience. >> Forget accolades and degrees. I'm. choosing from a place of my healthy me, >> from a place of being a woman who has. experienced relationships. And my husband now gets to get a grown. ass woman who's processed through her. stuff and still got a lot more cuz ain't.

nobody perfect. Not a little girl who's. trying to figure out who the hell she is. and where does she land. Those are two. different people, >> right? >> Two different people. Now, would I still. wear his ass out if need be? Yes. But. the little girl would have told him a. whole new one, right? You don't want. her, >> right? >> You don't want her. >> What about sex and arguments? Sex after. arguments. Yeah. No. >> So, again, I keep saying this disclaimer. just because it's for me personally. All. right, ladies. I want y'all to casual. sex all you want. For the grown folks,

sex after an argument and we're. together, >> Yeah. >> it needs to happen as quick as it can. because I am a love bug. So, I don't. like to be disconnected from you. I. don't want to be in a negative space. with you. >> No, you try to you try to make me feel. you try to forget make me forget what we. argued about. >> That's fine, too. But I I just need I. need you to love me. How? >> Like this. Okay. Like that. Like that. So, if we arguing, we like this, right?

>> Yeah. Yeah. You want to be up close. >> No. I need I I need skinto skin. I want. you in my skin. Let me tell you. something. You see that zipper you got? >> Yes sir. >> I'm the type of woman I want you to. unzip it. >> I want to hop in it. And And what I want. you to do? >> What? Zip it up. >> And this and I'll be in there just like. this. >> And then when we have to depart, I. didn't say want to. >> Have to. >> Yeah. >> You can unzip it. Not for a shower cuz. you can get in with me. >> Yeah. >> We're not talking about me doing things.

like. >> No, y'all water be too hot. Y'all be. cooking lobster and crab in that hot ass. water. >> And And I'm even talking about just an. intimate shower. I'm not talking about. we have to do all the do. Just get in. the shower. >> No, no, no, no, no. Get no. Get the I'm. at the back. It's cold back there. Mm-. >> See, see that's your selfish ass. Look. at your selfish ass. See, look at you. stand in the cold for a minute because. your woman want a damn shower. Shannon, take one for the team. >> or switch. >> Okay. >> And then when we get out, we cuddle. >> Man, what I was thinking about though, >> cuddling comes with the love making you.

talking about. Yes. Yes. But you have to. start involving your heart. Okay, I'mma. do that. >> So that it ain't just sexual. >> Yeah. >> See you. >> I'm going to do that. >> You ain't ready yet. We need We need. more sessions. We need more sessions. >> You see that study that came out? Sex. before work leads to better. productivity. >> I agree with that. I think that I could. see that. That means morning sex for the. most part. >> Yeah, that's exactly what that mean. >> Now, what I will say is this, women, I'm. going to advocate for y'all. Okay? I got. you. I've been listening. This ain't.

just this ain't for me, but it's for. y'all. If y'all could roll over, assume the position, get it in, do your. thing, and get up out, more women would. say yes. Not every woman, which I am. this woman, I don't mind the full act of. sex in the morning, right? Cuz I am a. sexual person with who I'm with. So, I. like the act, right? >> It's not just that. >> But a lot of women are like, I got to go. to work, too, buddy. So, can you roll. over, >> not expect me to do a full production? >> Yeah.

>> And get your [ __ ] WHY YOU LAUGHING? YOU. CAN'T GET ON with your day. >> You look quicky, huh? >> Most women do. >> Y'all like quickies. >> Most women I'm saying. >> No, they don't. Mhm. I thought Who that. Miss Ella said, "I don't want no one. minute one minute man.". >> Well, it it's going to take you more. than one minute to roll over and do your. >> No, not in the morning. Oh, never mind. >> Oh, there you go. See, then you be the. you the perfect match for a lot of women. cuz when I'm in session, most of my. wives are saying, "I don't mind it in. the morning, but I got work too and he's. taking too long." Now, the women who are. saying.

>> start earlier. >> He the women who they don't want to work. early because that that sleep is what. they need because they got to go to work. and come home and also be mothers and be. a wife to your ass. So, there has to be. some type of compassion for the fact. that I'm already letting you have. >> I got the kid this afternoon. >> Can you [ __ ] please? >> I got a kid this afternoon. >> That's what y'all say. Then y'all fall. asleep and we have to feed their asses. cuz you coming up short. >> The biggest difference between Dr. Cheyenne Bryant in her 20s and her 40s. >> I I knew you was going to come with a.

good question. You sound so good. You. too good at what you do. Um 20-y old. Cheyenne, straight shooter. >> I can see that. >> Um. >> still are though. >> Yeah, I'm about to tell you different. Straight shooter. Um but probably bullets flying at. everybody. >> Mhm. >> Right. 40 Cheyenne straight shooter um. knows her target. >> Uh 20 Cheyenne outspoken.

um because she has a message that she. wants to land and she's not really. considerate or compassionate about who. it lands on or how it lands I should. say. Borio Cheyenne aware and very. calculated. >> um on. her message, the delivery is much better. now. >> and how it impacts you cuz I want to. make sure the impact is coming from my. true intention. >> Wow. >> Um 20 Cheyenne was a lot more. conservative than I am at 40. Um.

you think I'm big on no casual sex now. I was very relational, but I also had a. fiance my whole time, right? Um, and I. was a I was less emotionally regulated. then, >> so I could be a lot more fiery and. dominant in my relationships. >> And in my 20s, my submission hadn't. peaked yet, >> right? >> Um, and then in my 30s was when I was. with my ex- fiance, right, >> who took care of me and my submission. fully peaked. And so in my 40s, um, I am.

very emotionally regulated. My emotional. intelligence is extremely high. And um I. am, you know, extremely submissive. And. it's not submissive cuz I'm waiting for. you to create an environment. It's I'm. submissive because that's who I am. internally, innately as a woman, >> right? And so it's nothing you can do to. make me not submit. It's just if I can't. submit with you, I probably won't choose. you. >> Wow. >> Cuz I got to be with who I can be soft.

and submit to, right? And so, um, lastly, the 20-year-old Cheyenne, um, I. was the nest. I was the nest. >> Um, and that's probably why I ended up. with the guy who made money but wasn't. the bread winner, cuz I was the nest. >> Mhm. >> And equally yolked means he can't be the. nest, too. >> Now, I'm a neester. So, I am nesting in. you. And it's not that I'm waiting to. see if you're a nest. I'm nesting in. you. >> Wow. because that's just my position. Now, if you can assume that role or not,

it's up to you, >> but I'm nesting in you and it's soft and. it's safe. And um lastly, um one thing. that's in common though, 20 shine and 40. shine was never looking for a safe. space. I already knew very early on that. I was that safe space and so I bring. that with me everywhere I go. >> And so, yes, I want you to add to that, right? Um and don't attempt to dismantle. it because it's mine so you can't. But I. don't need you to come in and I'm.

sitting here in fear until you create. this space that I can nest in. >> That's not how it works at my age. >> Now, the man that's going to. make a home, >> create a family, same age, a little younger, little. older. >> Because I don't because I want a man who. doesn't have children yet. Um he would. probably need to be about my age or. younger. M um but I haven't had a. problem with meeting men with no kids. >> It's I always say people people's.

limited thinking is what gets in their. way. Right. >> Right. And so if you think there are no. men with no kids, then you're right. I. happen to know that I'm not looking for. men with kids. I'm not polyamorous. >> I only need one. And if anyone is going. to tell me that one man, >> there ain't one man in this world. >> I know kids who does well and he's a. great human. >> between the ages of 38 and 45. That's. only 38 and 45. That's what you're. looking for. Get the out of here. Yeah, that's crazy. That's like saying one. person ain't going to buy. >> or ain't going to like this. That's.

crazy. We know you looking for a lot, but we're talking about one. So, yeah. And I don't mind even like 35, 36, as. long as the maturity is there, you know. And because I've learned, and you know, a lot of these younger men in that 35ish. range, even a little younger than 30, >> they are a lot more mature than a lot of. these men who are 45 and up. >> They're not stuck in their ways. They. are very flexible. Um, they open doors. They know how to date. They are actually. hunters like men used to be. They're.

calling. They're texting. They their. love bugs. They want to get married. They're all. >> they like the old school that we the old. guard. We the hunters. >> Yeah. And let me say this, not only. women, but men in their 30s are the new. generation that don't have baby mamas. You'll be surprised at how not thirsty. for sex and women these younger men are. Meaning like they are literally saying. if we can't date or if we can't have. some type of owl with the bear romance. I'm turned off. There's so many young. men who are like women are just throwing.

>> the [ __ ] at me. >> versus back in the day it was men were. the you know the chasing the cat. >> and that's a turnon for me and you have. the older men who are just kind of like. look. >> it's kind of like you're saying I'm. working I'm doing me what you see is. what you get and I definitely want the. intimacy as far as sex with you but I'm. not sure if I can commit I'm not sure if. my old ways will allow me to to to you. know to maneuver or to uh transform into. what's needed for a relationship. And.

you're finding studies have shown the. older woman and younger guy is having. the higher success rate when it comes to. a healthy marriage. And. >> I I beg your pardon. >> The older woman and younger man, they're. finding that that that success rate. >> has actually outdid the older men and. younger women. >> Oh, really? >> And think about it, Shannon, though. the. older us older women. >> We actually keep oursel up a lot better. than the generation of older women did. >> Yeah, for sure. >> Prior to us, right? And so we are.

working out. I mean, of course, there's. other augmentations that can be done. I'm not knocking nobody that women are. willing to do. The self-care is there. Women are taking care of their skin. I. mean, it's just it's a whole another. world for women right now in the sense. of how they keep themselves up. And so. there is no competition for us when it. comes to young women because. we really are those women like that 35. to 45 and I've even seen women at 55. where I'm like. >> yeah sis. >> I've seen them. >> what are you doing and.

>> what. >> Tracy Ellis is one of them. Oh man, >> most of the women who are gorgeous and. still doing their thing and have that. glow, they ain't been married and they don't. have no kids. >> I'm just saying. I'm I'm just saying we. we we we out here. >> glowing. >> Yeah, a lot of y'all out there. >> not stressed out. >> Yeah. >> Very sexual, very happy, very loving, very rich, >> very well taken care of. >> Dating. No. Having our way. Very happy.

Yeah. And I'm not saying that there's. not happy marriages cuz there are. >> But when you choose from that place, >> yeah, >> you calibrate. likeminded like vibrational energy. You're less likely to get somebody who. is not happy, who's not healthy. You. repel a man who's out there womanizing. and doing certain things because that. man also knows he can't sustain that. quality of woman. >> Do you think men are lonely?

>> I think men and women are lonely. I. think both are I think that um again we. are in an over sexualized culture right. now and sex satisfies the flesh. like it's been doing you. It doesn't. satisfy the heart. Our satisfaction. comes from the heart. The heart already. knows what you want. >> Half of us just are too afraid to let it. have that because we don't know how to. navigate it at the mind intellectual. space. But the heart is saying but that.

right there is going to make me fully. complete fully satisfied. >> Wow. >> So yeah I think people are just lonely. I think because folks are operating from. this transactional space and everything. is transactional either sex or you know. a bag or prostitution or not and um. there's no relational things happening. and I think relational. [Music]. experiences is what really makes the. heart full. Michelle Obama, former first lady.

Michelle Obama said, "Uh, >> America's not ready for a woman. president just yet. So, get out my. face.". >> Yeah, I heard her. >> Do you think America's ready for a. woman's president? >> I don't think it matters what America's. ready for. America thought they're ready. for Trump. And obviously, we were very. unprepared and ready for this type of. leadership. Right. >> I think what America needs. >> is um a little younger leadership. I'm. not saying 20 or 30. saying younger than. like Biden or Trump, right? Even if it's. >> the.

40 to 50ish range. Um it could be male. or female. >> Bill Clinton is younger than both of the. last presidents and he was president 25. years ago, >> right? And Obama was a one of our. youngest presidents. >> Yes. >> Um and so uh but I think for the right. woman. Yes. Uh and it could not be. Michelle, but I love Michelle. But I. think that what we do need is a change. in leadership and a and a woman would be. a great change in leadership. And I do. think that um a woman leading doesn't.

mean that the leadership will be soft or. the leadership will be less led. I think. that for the first time in history that. leadership will be different than what. we had. And if there is any time but now. where we need different this is the. time. Well, there at this current time. there's anybody can be president. There's not a political office that you. can't hold. No matter whether you think. you're qualified, whether you're black, whether whatever whatever your political. affiliation is.

>> What we've seen is that Let me ask you. this cuz I I I've always because she's. caught a lot of criticism on on online. and I want to hear your expertise on. what she's trying to say, Aisha Curry. Because when she says that, man, I. didn't really see myself as a as a wife. I would like this career. I'm going to. be this this entrepreneur. I'm going to. be this. I don't think she's saying she. didn't want she don't want to be. married. She's upset that she married. Steph Curry and has this beautiful. family. >> But what can what can you deduce from. what she's trying to say?

>> What I heard, which is exactly what you. said, um nothing more or less. And I. just heard her I heard her being a woman. with a voice. >> Mhm. And it's kind of when you said how. come women can have preference but men. can't right from your experience in the. world and I can see that I don't believe. that to be true for me but I can see. that perspective society with the. constructs. When a woman speaks out. against the societal norms of a woman. being domesticated or being a wife or. being a mama, then she sounds ungrateful. for having this wonderful husband who's.

providing and taking care of her because. that is most women's. >> dream, >> right? But there are other women like. myself, right, and probably her too from. what she said that. >> their dreams are not limited to a. position of a wife or mother. >> and to just being this person's wife. And where I do understand her is that I. told God early on my years, I said, "God, I would love to marry a man of. affluence and a man who does well, but I. I don't want to be known as, let's just. say, Shannon's wife.".

>> Mhm. >> I want to be known as like, "This is. Shannon Sharp." And, you know, this is. Bryant hyphenated Sharp. >> Oh, you going to keep your L. Oh, so you. will hyphenate the laugh. You know, I. mean, I've already built this thing. >> Okay. I was just checking. >> And this is his wife. And people go, "Oh, I know exactly who you are. You're. the one that produced. You're the. doctor.". >> Yes. next to you or if I introduce. myself. Oh, that's Shannon. He's the. Hall of Famer. Like, you did your thing. We love your show. >> Power. >> Right. And so. she wanted to have.

>> what he had the luxury of having. He has. a wonderful career. >> and he has a wonderful family. >> Family. >> She has a wonderful family. >> How come she gets she gets deemed for. saying, "But I want to have the same. equality as my husband." All I'm saying. is love being a mama and wife because. she's obviously doing a damn good job. Yes, obviously. >> Yes, kids are great. >> But how come I can't also one? >> Why can't I have both? He has both. Why. can't I? Why I got to be really has.

both? Because she sat at home and. allowed him to build one, >> right? >> And she built the other. >> that she is allowing him to also take. credit for, right? >> Because we know he been on the road. Not. that he ain't been a great father. I. love Steph Curry. But what she's saying. is I should be able to now that my kids. are they're of age. The kids look kind. of grown to me, >> right? >> Go create what I want. And she did try. She started doing magazines in the past. and cover. she tried. And so I think there's. nothing wrong with her saying, "Look, I. have aspirations, too. And I'm not going.

to take away from what I've already been. excelling at, but I'm also excellent at. other things." We had two young men, >> black men, uh, Kairen Lacy and, uh, Marshon Mean. Um, and we kind of briefly. touched on it, not those guys. specifically, but mental health in the. black community. Um, do you think there were signs that. these young men were dealing with. something? It come to find out, I think. they they the the police in in Louisiana.

said something about he caused an. accident that cost someone his life and. the reports about he was about to get. indicted and and it was just. overwhelming. Nean just had scored his. first touchdown on a Monday night game. and then all of a sudden his girlfriend. is calling frantically saying he's going. to end it. He's going to end it. Um what. is what with the a with the black. athletes and and mental health because I. think now more guys are getting more. black. Let's speak to that cuz this is. our community are starting to get in. touch with their emotions starting to. get in touch not as much as not more.

probably more need to but we are. starting to see that shift where black. men are not so rigid and like man I. don't need I'm fine I'm I can I can I'm. my daddy didn't do it my grandfather. didn't do it what what what do you think. caused the shift and how can we prevent. the Marshon Neland and the Kron Lacy. situation. >> you said something really really um. really really primal You said that back. in the day, black men would just pretty. much shove their emotions down, right?

And they would not allow them to come. up. So, they didn't have to see them or. face them, which means they didn't have. to feel them, >> right? >> The suicide rate was way lower then. >> The suicide rate is high now because you. just said black men are getting more in. contact with what? Their emotions. >> That emotion that's tied to trauma, that. emotion that is tied to pain. And when. that comes up, they. have to fill it and they have to face. it. And when there's no place to dump it.

or place it, then they eat it. >> And it internalizes. Anything that we. internalize at some point is going to. externalize in some form of action. Whether it's them ending up in jail cuz. they beat the [ __ ] out of somebody, domestic violence, which is a big one in. sports, especially NFL, >> um or suicide, unfortunately, right? Or. deep depression. And so I think that. what needs to happen is what I am so so.

so honored to be able to provide, like I. said, with the Steelers and the Browns, with uh the players, a safe space where. I am um allowing them to not just feel. what they feel, but externalize it. And. I'm holding space for that. and I'm. helping them feel it and understand what. those emotions are and also teaching. them what to do with those emotions. For. example, um there's one of the young. players has some emotions around his.

family using him. Um and um there's some. addiction involved and different stuff, right, within his his parents. And he. has a lot of emotions behind that about. him being used. But he also has emotions. behind him saying no because guilt comes. in, >> right? Because there's a sense of in the. black community entitlement. I'm. supposed to take care of my family no. matter even if they didn't help me or do. for me. You know, otherwise I'm looked. at as what? The sellout or the dude who. didn't do nothing for no one. And so. he's dealing with the duality of I'm.

being used and it feels horrible, right, to be taken advantage of by my parents. who did nothing for me, but I feel. guilty when I say no. So what I mean by. helping him is helping him identify. those emotions. >> and then teaching him how to set. boundaries that help him regulate his. emotions. See, boundaries are not for. people. They're for us. >> And they are emotional regulators, which. says, "Look, mom, dad, I'm going to give. you this amount a month. That's all you. get. After that, him and I are still. working on what? The guilt that comes.

from when they ask for more, him saying. no. That may sound like a small problem. to people, but to your point, that small. problem to us puts that boy in a dark. space of depression. >> And if we don't see that sign as big. because it's small to us, that suicidal. ideiation can turn into the act of. suicide manifest. >> and depression turns into suicidal. ideiation. And so my job and I feel like. it should be all of our jobs, I mean. every human because mental health is a.

human right, not just a one race or. gender right, but especially within our. black community is what I said early on. The check-ins need to be deeper than. just you good when you know they're not. good, >> right? >> Stop asking people that what's going on. with you. Talk to me or talk to somebody. else. I'm not leaving until you talk. No, I'mma sit here until you express. something. I'mma call you. I'm on my. way. Well, let's take a drive. Well, let's go have coffee. Let's go have tea. Let's let's watch a movie, >> right? Those things have to be where we.

show more care and compassion, >> right? >> I have to do it with the guys. Them guys. sitting there and a lot of them are just. like, you can tell it's at the tip of. their tongue. >> and I'm still pushing and pushing and. poking. I even sometimes appropriately. confront them and say things that are. completely rude and off that I know will. trigger them because if I can trigger. the emotion to come out, then we got it. to be externalized. I just need to come. out. You need you need them to. verbalize. >> You need it to come out and I need you. to know it's okay. So, we have to start. creating safer spaces for our loved. ones. And loved ones don't mean someone.

you live in a house with all you love. I'm talking about you see someone on the. street and you just a loving person that. looks like us. The check-in should be. there. When I see a man get off the. plane with a cane and he's a black older. man, I have waited next to him until his. wheelchair came and said, "I'm going to. wait with you." And he goes, "You are? But that's just me checking in with this. older black man because you're here with. nobody. So, I'm responsible as a black. woman to sit here and make sure you are. cared for because I'm going to take on. that responsibility. And that little.

waiting for him made that man's whole. year. He kept looking at me and he goes, "You're just an angel.". >> No, I'm a human that's trying to do [ __ ]. right. >> Right. >> And I respect my elders and I would want. someone to do it for my father or my. grandfather or my husband. So, I'm going. to do it for you. So, we have to do them. check-ins. You said, "Were there signs?". There's always signs. And I'm not. blaming the loved ones. I promise I'm. not. But we do have to be accountable. because I'm telling you, we see signs. We are too busy to get involved or them.

been the same thing he been doing for. the past four or five years. He been. doing that since he was 13. >> But he been dark since he was 13, >> right? >> And you've been doing the same thing. you've been doing since he been 13. just. letting it do what it does, letting them. get back on the football field. And you. know, cuz you play ball, a lot of these. kids, especially these black kids, I'm. learning from working with the NFL so. close now from a mental health expert. standpoint. >> Um,

the black boys don't have supportive. families. They have entitled families. You not saying you had entitled family, but you had a family that you took out. of poverty. So, you get it. I'm not. saying they were entitled, but you went. back and still gave it to them as though. it was your duty. And I'm not saying it. wasn't, >> but you did that like it was your duty. >> These black young men, >> Chadora is an anomaly. >> Yeah, >> he is an anomaly. A very blessed young. man to have that. Okay. >> Yeah.

>> Those boys don't have that. And I'm. calling them boys cuz they are they they. 20s, they 22, they think like boys, they. making decisions like they don't have. that support. And the NFL needs to do a. better job, which they are. Thank you. for having me be a part of you're doing. better job with mental health of having. the MI in there. >> um and the ones that look like me in. there to help these young men because. see I represent more than just Dr. Bryant to them. I'm black and I'm woman. >> I represent their mama who they never.

had. >> I represent their mama who using them. right now. I represent sometimes the. mama who abused them. I represent the. mother who they despise, who they they. are resistant toward. And when they get. a different experience of me being a. black woman, it changes everything in. them. And the way I'm able to love on. them, the way I'm able to pour into them. and not judge, um, but hold space for. them is what they need. If you would. have seen their reaction,

let me tell you this. The session was so. vulnerable, Shannon, that the director had to stop them and. say, "Doc, got to go." I didn't. I would. have stayed out. I love what I do. But. some of the dudes was getting out their. chair and walking out like not walk, but. get up like, "Yo, I just did." One guy. walked up and said, "Yo, this is not her. talking. This is spirit talking." Like. as though it took him to church. That showed how his spirit was moved in. that session. Those young men not only need it, but.

they deserve it at the level that they. are playing in that league. >> And the fact that the league is starting. to care more or at least the staff. that's working for the league is saying, "Yo, I'm working close, especially the. the player development directors. Those. are the ones." Y, >> you know, shout out to Ron and Dy. them. dudes are are changing lives in there. >> Mhm. >> And they're working next to these. players and they're seeing the hardships. of these players. They're knowing when. someone's grieving because their mom. just died, >> right?

>> And they coming in there and all they. and they all they can do is perform. because football is performative. >> Yeah. >> It's performative. And then you got. family who wants you to perform too with. your money. So that's how you end up. breeding men like you who's just. performative and transactional and ain't. got no space for the heart. love you to death, but we don't want a. gang of Shannon stars running around. from that capacity. Now, the [ __ ] you do. that's good here, we do. Yes. >> But from the place of being disconnected. from yourself as a man or the heart.

space, >> we don't want that because then we don't. get husbands, >> right? >> We don't get not saying you're not a. good father, but we don't get fully. engulfed involved fathers. We don't get. families. We don't get the real wealth. We get detachment. We get transactional. We get someone who can perform. And so. because all you can do is that all you. want to do is be able to perform in my. body and that ain't good enough. And now. what I love about our sisters are we. saying we we not going to settle for. that, >> right? >> So y'all got to come better. which is I.

believe also what has. caused y'all to have to become more. vulnerable and get in contact with your. emotions because we are now holding. y'all to a higher standard and saying. that although we love and going to have. y'all back, we need more than just. performance from you. We need more than. just y'all taking care of us and paying. the bills. We need you present. >> We need your pain. We need your trauma. and we are strong enough and big enough. black women to hold space, facilitate. them like we've been doing this entire.

time and we will continue to do it. And. y'all have to just allow us to do it. But I can say this, the emotions that these black men are. now coming in contact with. >> and not having a place to dump it is. causing depression. >> because what do you do with emotions. that you don't understand and that you. didn't see your father process? He. didn't show you how to process them. >> because to your point, he shoved him, >> right? >> But you feeling him. >> And so even if you went to him, what. does he tell you? Suck that [ __ ] up or I.

just kept it pushing, son. That's what. you did. Work, son. Work. >> Catch a ball. Just slide through, stick, and move, son. Don't Don't commit. It's safe in. the transactional world. It's not safe. over there, son. because if you don't tell him that, he's. still going to see it. So, it's learned. behavior either way. And so, there's a. gap, and I'll wrap on that. There's a. gap between the men of of who are men's. men. I love that y'all y'all your age.

range are just man's man. That's sexy in. itself. But it's but y'all have no. emotional. >> attachment, >> [ __ ] attachment or intelligence or. heart and space. It's like, yo, hello. >> So, there's a gap between y'all, >> right, and the younger generation, >> right? and how you both process. emotions. >> Absolutely. >> Y'all see them, am I saying you have to? Y'all see them as soft sometimes. >> and they see y'all as old and stuck in. your ways and don't know nothing. >> and just stern. And there's that in. between of who is teaching them when.

they don't know cuz they never done it. how to process their emotions so it. doesn't become a mental health illness. And we don't continue to have these. beautiful young men like these two men. who had a hell of a day one day and then. all of a sudden. >> it's dark. >> It's the worst day of your life. And you. cannot tell me that that happened within. >> that little time frame. >> It did not. There was conversations that. that girlfriend heard. There was things. that were said and often times loved. ones don't know how to respond because.

you also don't want to take the wrong. action and trigger it, >> right? So, it's sometimes a a hard. position for everybody, but the best. thing you can do is to get that person. help. Whether it's calling the police to. do a wellness check, and that is so hard. because in our black community, we don't. do what? We ain't calling no police. >> Police. >> Or make a doctor's appointment and say, "Hey, he just needs a wellness check.". >> You can call the school that they're at, the school psychologist. If it's school, if it's college, you can even call up to.

the NFL and say, "Yo, I think. something's going on." Do a wellness. check. They have psychiatrists and. therapists that are on site that are. supposed to be working for what they pay. them to do. >> This is your your first book, correct? >> So that's my first book I wrote in 2014. >> It's called Mental Detox. >> Mental Detox. Yeah. And it did so well. that um Hay House, Random House, my. publisher, the biggest publishing. company in the world. Shout out to uh. Hay House. They picked that book book up. in addition to my new book and said, "You know what? We want to redo that and.

add a workbook component to it because. it has been so life-changing and it I. self-published and it sold. it it just sold I mean literally sold. off the shelves as a self-publisher. So. they picked it up. I added a workbook. component and we added more um new. information to it because I'm 2025. I'm. a new woman. I got you know new tools. and yeah. >> you said 50 Cent 50 Cent helped you. Uh. Laa Anthony wrote the preface. >> the forward. Excuse me. She wrote the. forward. >> Um, >> what is what can we expect for people.

that haven't read it? >> What is mental detox? >> It is, um, it teaches you how to detox. your mind of negative thinking, um, of. your three-part house, how you think, how you feel, how you behave, and those. things that don't serve you, that have. only been putting you in positions that. breed results that you don't want. Right? So, when we do things with an. intention of what we want and we reach a. different goal, that's called out of. alignment. Manifestation doesn't. manifestation doesn't take place in that. um, space of disalignment. And so it. talks about that. It talks about the. lover's garden, how you show up. emotionally within yourself so that you.

can actually connect and fuse with. somebody else. It talks about um the. professional garden. Um so we use a. garden metaphor in there, the. professional garden of how you show up. at work and how it impacts you, how you. can optimize yourself by making sure. that your thoughts and your mind and. your mental health is um impaired and. not you know having impairments. And so. we talk about all that and we cover I. mean everything from how you process. your emotions, emotional intelligence. Um you bring about what you think about. um you have domination over your. thoughts. All you have to do is possess.

it. A lot of us are letting our thoughts. dominate us. And our mind is here to. serve us and we are um serving it. And. how do you allow your mind to serve you? Like it's supposed to. Um as a man think. it, >> so is he? We said that earlier. Yep. And. so we have to be very aware of what. we're thinking and you work backwards, right? um what do I want to be? How do I want. to show up? Then what thoughts do I need. to think so that those that person is um. curated? Another thing the Bible says. you can tell a tree by the fruit that it.

bears. Yep. >> Right. And so I talk about well we first. have to figure out what fruit we want to. bear. People are trying to figure out. what tree they want to be or what seed. to plant. It's like wait a minute. Well. how do you know what seed to plant if. you don't know the fruit you want to. bear? >> Right? >> That's where exposure to environments is. important. That's where choosing someone. with wisdom and not experience is. important. Because if I'm hearing your. wisdom and it's getting me what I like, then I understand this is the fruit that. I got to try to bear. Then I understand. what kind of tree I need to become. What.

kind of seeds? Your thoughts are your. seeds do I need to plant? >> And so as I realize these are the. thoughts I need to plant cuz they're. seeds. I can water and become this tree. and I can become the fruits of my labor. And that's exactly what it teaches you. in that book. And these are all. principles that I've used and I still. use on myself and my clients and so. they've been proven to work and um yeah, the book has been going crazy. I'm. really excited about that book. >> Congratulations. I saw you at the Browns.

camp. You caught a pass from Shador. >> I did. >> You you athletic. I said, "LOOK AT. THAT.". >> I had a little trot and but I look I. made I made it all the way. >> You took your heels off. >> Took my heels off. Yeah, Shador was. getting fussy. He was like, "Go run." I. was like, "Hold on. I'm trying to I'm. trying to get in position." He said, "Girl, just run.". I said, look, I told him, I said, "Go. and throw me one of them Colorado. passes." But that was before he had. >> before he started. >> The good game with the Raiders when he. threw that long 55 yard pass. I said, "Should throw me one of them good. Colorado passes." He's like, "You crazy, dog." I said, "Th one of those.".

>> Yeah. >> Go get a book. New book is out. Mental. detox, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant. Doc, thank. you so much. >> Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you. for having me. >> All my life been grinding all my life. Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price, want. a slice, got to roll the dice. That's. why all my life I've been grinding all. my life. All my life been grinding all. my life. Sacrifice, hustle, paid the. price, want to slice. Got to roll a. dice. That's why all my life been.

grinding all my life. [Music].