Your Friends Aren't Therapists

Hello, Daddy gang. Welcome back to. another Sunday session, guys. Um, I. couldn't be happier. I am actually in. the best mood in the world. Why, Alex? Why would you be in such a gorgeous. mood? Oh, because it's a Sunday session. and we're all just hanging out. Yes. Yes. But also, no. Um, it has been. raining for about seven straight days in. Los Angeles and it is finally cold and. it's chilly and it is the most gorgeous. weather I could have ever asked for in. the world. Everyone in LA that's like.

from the West Coast or in LA is like. people are acting like they don't know. how to drive. I'm from the East Coast, okay? My mother used to put my siblings. and I in the minivan and we would be. like sliding on ice, okay, to get to the. soccer game and Lori would just plow. through the snow, okay? And it was like. a normal day. Rain. Rain was just like a. sunny day in Pennsylvania growing up. And people on the roads right now are. acting like they could swerve off the. road from like a little bit of rain. So,

the east coaster in me like could not be. happier and cozier that it is finally. actually. kind of feeling like winter time. Okay, I do love living in Los Angeles, but I. am a seasons [ __ ] through and through. And this is feeling, you know, it's it's bare minimum. It's. giving bare minimum, but I'll take it. It's like let the rain fall down. I'm. all of a sudden not drinking my ice. coffees in the morning. It's like 70°. outside, but I'm like, "Oh my god, I.

have to make a hot chocolate." Anyways, um because of the rain, I have been. doing something lately that I wouldn't. say I don't do often, but I've. definitely amped it up in the past. month. And then this past seven days, I. feel like it's all I've been doing in. between work, which I will get to. Um. cuz I can't believe I'm going to say. this, but lately I have found myself. just really missing. learning. [laughter].

You know, you couldn't pay me to say. those words. When I was in high school, middle school, high school, college, I. was like a good student, but I didn't. want to be like I wasn't happy. You know. what I mean? I wasn't enjoying studying. I wasn't enjoying doing all these. things. Like I I actually really quite. hated it. Um, so I know that may sound. weird, but it's the honest truth. Like I. feel like for so much of our lives, yes, although we may not enjoy it, when we're. in school and then even in the start of.

our careers, we're learning all the time. whether we want to or not. And we're. constantly being exposed to new ideas. and we're being forced to grow and. evolve. And then as you get older, you. kind of settle into your life and your. career and that external push to keep. learning really starts to go away. And. then it becomes solely on you to stay. curious and interested in wanting to. learn and expand your knowledge of the. world. And a lot of us are like sayanara. [ __ ] I'm never opening a. textbook again. Which is so fair. Which. is so fair cuz I feel like a lot of us. are traumatized from school and like the.

SATs or you know midterms and you're. like I don't want to I don't want to do. this again. I want to watch Gilmore. Girls and Gossip Girl and that is my. education. That is so fair. Okay. But I. will say that I have noticed, and I'm. sure it's not this way for people. directly out of college, but as I'm, you. know, entering my 30s and I'm in my. early 30s now, like I will say I've. noticed just how much better I feel when. I am taking time to learn just for the.

sake of it. Whether it's, you know, spending a day reading articles or. watching a documentary or reading a book. that I wouldn't normally pick up, it. just feels good to be curious and to. think on topics that aren't in my. immediate world view. What a concept. And so why I'm bringing this up on Call. Daddy on a random Sunday session is. because I realized I'm not alone in. this. I have seen so many videos on the. internet of people being like,

I'm like craving some form of substance. and intelligence back in my life. And I. feel like so much of our life right now. is consumed by the internet. And. obviously at times it is there is. nothing better than to sit and relax and. watch people make new food recipes that. you're going to save and you're going to. never make or try on makeup and you're. watching them try on the makeup and the. clothes and all the things. Lovely. But. I do feel like a lot of us are starting. to kind of hit a wall where we feel. like, okay, my brain is literally. rotting and I need to stimulate myself.

in order to actually learn something and. so that I can continue to evolve and. have interesting thoughts and. conversations with myself and also other. people. Like what a concept. And so. today, I kind of want to start carving. out time on these Sunday sessions to. just do that together. This isn't going. to be me like preaching at you guys. I'm. trying to also [ __ ] learn myself. And. I kind of want to make this like a. little book club for us. It's going to. be bite-sized podcasts where I'm going. to compile articles, essays, think.

pieces, and talk to therapists when we. could obviously use an expert opinion on. a topic. But when I find something. interesting or ideally even challenging. to understand that I think I am. interested in and you guys would be. interested in, I am going to bring it. here and we will get into it together. Okay, this is not turning into an. educational podcast. Okay, we're not. going to be talking about the microbiome. unless you want me to do that. You know,

we could go back to the plasma. I was. never good in science. Um, no. But I. just I think it's important like I went. to a dinner the other night with my. husband and some of our friends and. someone brought up this question and I. was like oh I was recently reading a. book that talked about this one of the. chapters and everyone was like. tell us more Alex and I don't know the. last time anyone has done that at a. dinner table with me other than they. were like tell us what it was like to. interview Kim Kardashian or tell us what.

it was like to interview which is still. so fun but this was something where I. was like oh I'm actually bringing. information and I'm sharing things with. people that people are like, "Wait, that's fascinating. What is the book. called and I want to read it." So, you. know what? It is kind of fun to feel. like you're smart, even if you're just. learning it from a book and you're. retaining it. What a concept. Let's try. to do that a little bit more often. And. if you don't want to read the book, great. I will distill it down to you. from me reading the [ __ ] books for. you guys. Okay, so let's get into it. This week we're starting with a somewhat.

I think pretty easyish topic, but I. found an article about the expectations. we place on friendships and. it really had me evaluating the. relationships that I have in my own life. and it is from the New York Times and it. is called The Vexing Problem of the. Medium Friend by Lisa Miller. And so. just off the bat, let's start with like. um what is a medium friend? Like what.

does that mean? Cuz I've personally. never heard that term before I read this. article. And so according to this. article, the medium friend is someone. who you're not that close with, but. they're more than just like a casual. acquaintance. Maybe you hang out with. them a few times a year. Maybe you see. them weekly at a shared activity like. pickle ball or pottery or, you know, Pilates if that's your thing. And they. are people that we enjoy seeing and can. share fun experiences with, but they're.

not actually in your closest circle of. friends. I think in a time where we are. so caught up in the weeds of labeling. and quantifying who our best friends. are, like, oh my god, who is coming on. my bachelorette and who's going to be. my, you know, in my bridesmaids and. who's going to be invited to my birthday. dinner and all these things. Like, I. weirdly think there's actually something. beautiful about the medium friend. And. I'm going to get into truly what that is.

because the point is is this person. doesn't have to be everything to you, but they can still serve a genuine. purpose in your life. One of my medium. friends is a girl who I met in college. and she lives in LA now, but we don't. really see each other very often. Let's. call her Jessica. Okay, Jessica and I. have both been saying like, "Oh my god, we need to do this." And then we'll be. like, "Oh my god, wait, can you actually. do it next week?" And then once it's. next week, then it's like, wait, could. you actually do it next week? And we.

have literally been trying to get. together for four months now, trying to. find a time that would work for both of. us for dinner. And so by the time that. the day actually rolled around that. worked for both of us, I am not going to. lie, I was a little apprehensive and in. my head about just like what would the. vibe be? We hadn't seen each other in a. minute. I also was so tired from work, so it was easier for me to just cancel. I was like, "Maybe it will just be. simpler because like will we even have. that much to talk about and like how. will the conversation go and all these. things." I just had no idea what I was. getting into. And then you guys, it. turned out to be one of my favorite.

nights that I've had in a really really. long time. And I think it's because. one, there was nostalgia there. So, I. was able to talk about a time in my life. that I don't get to talk about that. often anymore. Like, I don't have that. many people that live in Los Angeles. that I went to college with that I'm. like actively just like going to dinners. with. But then on top of that, she and I. have actually like couldn't have more. polar opposite of jobs and professions. So it was so fascinating to talk to her. about what was going on at work for her.

and what was she was up to and hearing. her talk about something that I had no. vested interest in, but I also was. fascinated because it was like taking me. out of my life for a minute. Also, weirdly like hearing about like what are. your family doing for the holidays and. what are you guys gonna be doing? It was. nice because I also don't really know. her family at all. So yes, she was even. giving me some of the family drama, but. it wasn't directly going to affect my. life. And I almost weirdly like didn't. need to give advice. I was just kind of. like, "Oh my god, wait, while I can tell. you my family drama." So it was kind of.

really lovely to get more into it. I. want to read you a portion of the New. York Times article on this topic. Medium. friends are genuine friends. You share. history such as the same alma mater, circumstances such as an employer or. interest. Medium friends make you laugh, bring news, offer insights or expertise. But unlike the closest friends, medium. friends test the limits of your time, love, and energy. There are only so many.

dinners in a week, so many people with. whom you can be incessantly texting. Medium friends prove the lie in any. naive attempt to be all things to all. people. The tension embedded in medium. friendship is this absence of clarity. The anxious silence around medium. friendship are recognizable to anyone. who has ever fibbed about the duration. of a business trip to postpone a date in. the calendar and to anyone who has heard. I'll call you too many times. The stakes. increase in crisis or celebrations when.

the lack of clarity and any lopsidedness. reveals itself. In a personal emergency, the inner circle knows to rush in while. the acquaintances feel safe to. commiserate from the sidelines. But the. medium people orbit in a wobbly way. unsure of their obligations around how, when, or even whether to act. So this, in my opinion, is why I think so many. people, and myself included, struggle.

when it comes to a medium friend in our. lives. Like we don't know how much to be. there for them. Maybe we feel guilty. when we're not there enough. We're not. sure what the right and the wrong way to. handle things may be when the boundaries. are unclear. But at the same time, this. is the very thing that allows for so. much joy to come from these type of. friendships, right? Like the lack of. expectations, like I just referenced. with my friend, is the reason that. you're able to be completely genuine in.

the way that you show up in this. dynamic. And it's not fake and it's not. maybe it is a little surface level, but. like maybe we need a little bit of that. in our life. I think something that I. think about a lot is like the. expectations. of medium friends is maybe where things. get a little murky, right? Of like, okay, wait, so you're not my best friend. and you're not in my inner circle, but. we have been having a lot of good. conversations, so like there can be like. this levity and almost a sense of relief.

that comes with knowing a conversation. with a medium friend is going to be. light and easy. And that's what I'm. saying about your best friends are your. best friends, but sometimes I think it's. nice to go and laugh and relax and like. have a glass of wine or don't have a. glass of wine, whatever you are into. But it's like just going and just like. sharing light-hearted stories and not. having to go so so deep sometimes, I. weirdly think can be healthy. Oddly, something I also think is and and I.

don't know the actual answer, and I. guess I'm posing it to all of us, which. is, is it sometimes easier to be around. a medium friend when we're going through. a hard time? Of course, you're calling. your best friend when you go through the. breakup or when your parents divorced or. when something traumatic happens in your. life. Like, of course, you're calling. your closest friend. But then after so. many nights of commiserating and sitting. there and being upset and whatever, maybe sometimes it is nice to have a. medium friend where you're like, I need. someone that doesn't know all of my [ __ ].

that we're close enough where like I can. say I'm going through a tough time and I. just want to have a fun time and you. guys can go to a dinner or you guys can. go to a pottery class or you can go to a. party or an event or you can go on a. walk, you can go to a workout class and. you kind of get to just like talk about. your favorite restaurants that you tried. that month or talk about some fun things. that you saw online and it's like very. casual. I don't know. I would love to know your. guys' thoughts because I think as we get. older there's this emphasis right on,

you know, keep your friends close and h. and you don't have we don't have that. much time to invest in a bunch of. friendships. But I'm not saying that. you're really investing that much time. in medium friends. It's that once a. month or maybe it is you're seeing them. once a week because you're in a workout. class with them or you're doing. something actively. But it's not. requiring the lift that is required of. true true intense friendships where. there is an actual understanding that. like you need to show up for me similar. to a romantic relationship almost some.

people would look at their best friends. as right in a medium friendship. I think. a lot of the times your energy can be. replenished by your time spent together. You typically don't feel drained or. overwhelmed by someone who like again, not to be rude, but just like is kind of. this like side character in your life. And that's okay because it's the same. for them. And again, I'm not saying you. don't care about this person. It's just. a more casual, lovely, surfacy. relationship that is doing exactly what.

you both want it to be doing. you both. have a lot of other things going on in. your lives and it doesn't really bother. either of you, right? The emotional. labor associated with these type of. friendships is typically pretty low. I. also read another article about this. specific idea. It's called Why I Cherish. My Superficial Friendships and You. Should Too by Hazel Davis. Okay. I And. again, I'm actually interested to hear. what you guys think about this cuz some. of you may be like, "Absolutely not. I. don't want any surface relationships in.

my life anymore." That's so fair, but I. think a couple can kind of do you good. Okay, here's what she writes. Superficial friendships can provide all. manner of benefits. You might do. different things together and get new. perspectives because you don't have a. habit with this person. You get to be a. free and easygoing person who can forget. about your problems for the night. And. that person doesn't have a preconceived. idea of who you are and what you think. You have a light-hearted, fun, and easy.

companion without baggage. By. definition, a low-risk friendship means. that very little is required of you. The. highstakes ones can entail arguments, anger, tears, and heartbreak. I'm not. saying that there aren't friends for. whom I would drop everything, and of. course, I have some pals who I'm closer. to than others, but I certainly place as. much value on both types of friends. I. don't know if I agree with that. statement. I definitely think I don't. place the same value in my medium. friends than my like lifers. But I do.

place the same value, I would say, in. terms of like what you're. recognizing that each person is going to. be bringing exactly their value and what. you're expecting of them. And that is a. beautiful thing. It's like tailoring. your expectations per person and what. where your relationship is, right? She says, "Unlike romantic. relationships, we don't have. conversations about friendship. boundaries." So true. Instead, you will.

have to use social cues and behaviors to. understand them. Essentially, anything. that sits uncomfortably with you, you. know that you are not at the same level. friendshipwise. So, I think what the medium friend. concept forces us to consider is that. more often than not, friendships are. supposed to be fun. And while deeper. friendships are supposed to make us feel. safe, seen, and loved, they also open us. up to the possibility of feeling. disappointment or resentment when that. dynamic isn't equal. Right? And since we.

don't talk about expectations, needs, or. boundaries as much in friendships than. we do romantic relationships, I think. that we typically only have these. conversations with a friend after a. conflict or a fight. So that means. dayto-day it is on us to look inward at. our friendships and be like is this. dynamic mutually supportive when it. comes to getting emotional needs met. Does it feel equal? I have definitely. experienced the type of friendship. before where I essentially became the.

therapist to one of my close friends. And of guys like of course when a friend. is going through something you should be. there for them and open to talking. through a problem with them. And that's. l I feel like that's all my childhood. friends and I do. I go, then they go, then I go, then they go, and then we do. like, okay, wait, it's a you night, tell. me everything, and then I'm going to be. here and we're going to solve it. Okay, next night is my night. I'm going to. tell you, and that's how it goes. But I. do think sometimes it can come to a. point where you cannot be the sole.

source of a friend's emotional. well-being. And that usually happens. from these really, really close. friendships, right? Really close. friendships. I don't think I don't think. there's anything more beautiful, but. then there's also nothing more delicate. than friendships, right? Like romantic. relationships are so complicated, but. they're I think they're way more. straightforward than friendships because. friendships it's a lot. It's a lot of. push and pull because you aren't living. together. You're not sleeping together.

Some people are, you know, elevating and. growing in a different way that you're. actually not privy to because within a. romantic partner, you're with them all. the time and you're like ebbing and. flowing and you're with each other all. the time. Friendship, it's like, oh, wait, whoa, what happened? Or again, sometimes your friend can change because. of who they're dating. Like, there's so. many variables in friendships that you. can't control, which is why they're 10. times more beautiful sometimes than. romantic, but also can be really, really. hard in moments to navigate those close. friends. And when you become the sole. source of your friend's emotional.

well-being, that is where things I think. get really tricky. I had this one friend. when I was living in New York where it. started off, I would actually say, as a. medium friendship, which is kind of. ironic cuz I didn't know it was called. that. And it was like we were close and. then slowly I became her therapist. And. I was so happy to do that in the. beginning. I was like, "Oh my gosh, like. I am so happy that I can be here for. you." and I was in a little bit more of. a stable place in my life. And I think. then all of a sudden it crept from being.

a medium friendship to oh my god, now. I'm feeling like you're thinking we're. super close because I'm here for you all. the time, but you don't really know any. of my stuff. And when I try to share my. stuff, somehow it always turns back to. but your stuff is worse. And then I'm. sitting here feeling kind of like. drained and exhausted and resentful. because you're getting so much more out. of this relationship than me. And again, I'm so happy to be there for a friend. That is what friendship is. But when it.

is so imbalanced, you start to be like, "Wait, I'm but I'm actually not a. therapist. Wait, wait, wait, Jenny. Um, I'm not a therapist, okay? And you're. not paying me for this. I'm supposed to. be your [ __ ] friend. And now let's. like have a margarita and ask me how my. day was and for the past 16 dinners. we've only talked about you. Like what. am I getting out of this? This feels. really weird and this is starting to. feel icky. And I think when this dynamic. of intense emotional labor becomes the.

core of the relationship, that is when a. close friendship can become problematic. in a way that a medium friendship is. typically safe from. Call Her Daddy is. brought to you by Tinder. All right, let's talk about Tinder. Or better yet, let's talk about the early [music] days. euphoria that comes with having a new. crush. The kind of crush where you've. been maybe down bad, but in the best. way. Okay, you cannot stop thinking. about them. Every single song reminds. you of them and you are making up. scenarios about them in your head.

There's kind of nothing better, right? Well, amazing news. That crush feeling. is waiting for you on Tinder. Like, literally right now. You have no idea. what is out there unless you start. looking. And Daddy Gang, the. possibilities are endless. Once you have. a crush, even the most mundane moments. become beyond monumental. It is time to. find the person who makes your entire. day better by simply just texting you, "Hey," with a smiley face. You deserve.

it. Okay, we all know there's no better. feeling, and finding a new crush is. easier than you think, thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for. yourself. Tinder. It starts with a. swipe. Download Tinder today. Call Her. Daddy is brought to you by Uber Eats. Make your holiday beauty gifting a whole. lot easier. Order from Sephora on Uber. Eats and get $15 off orders of $75 or. more. Daddy Gang, it's honestly a. no-brainer. All your favorite gifts are.

just a tap away from one size setting. spray to K18 leave-in hair masks. Even. the Dyson Air Straight. My friends and I. just did our secret Santa and about two. hours before I realized I had no time to. make it out shopping for a gift. The. friend I had to get a gift for always. asks me about my lip combo. So, I just. went on Sephora through Uber Eats and. ordered her the exact products that I. use. It showed up so fast that I even.

had time to package it up in a cute. little gift wrapping. I tied a little. ribbon on and I pretended that this gift. was planned all along. I've had this for. so long, sweetie. Okay. And yes, she. loved it. And now we have the same lip. combo. Skip the crowds this season and. have your beauty gifts delivered. straight to your door from Sephora on. Uber Eats. Get $15 off your first. Sephora order of $75 or more through. December 24th. New clients and US only.

Order now. Enjoy. In order to be in a healthy friendship, you both need to internally evaluate how. much you're expecting the other person. to take on emotionally. A close. friendship needs to be mutually. supportive in order to maintain a. horizontal rather than vertical. relationship, which I will get into in a. second because I've been reading a book. and it's been so fascinating about. vertical versus horizontal. relationships. But first, I just want to. pose some questions to ask yourself that.

I also asked myself earlier this month. If you are sitting there kind of. reflecting on the dynamic you have with. a close friend and realizing it may be. emotionally imbalanced. Okay. Um after. you hang out with this friend, how do. you feel? Right? Are you anxious, tired, maybe frustrated? Are you regularly. making sacrifices in your own life to. make sure you're able to best show up. for them? Do you find that you don't get.

a chance to ask them for advice because. their issues completely steamroll the. conversation? And most importantly, do. you feel like you can be your authentic. self and say how you truly feel? Or are. you constantly walking on eggshells? The goal, I think, in all relationships. is for the dynamic to be horizontal. rather than vertical. And so, two weeks. ago, you guys, I had no idea what the.

[ __ ] that meant. I mean, I can I can. gather what it would mean, but like what. is happening? And so, guys, that's why I. said we are going to be learning here on. Call Her Daddy today. So, I have been. reading a book called The Courage to be. Disliked, which opened me up to the idea. of what horizontal and vertical. relationships are. And I think it's. really interesting and it's an. interesting way to view a friendship. dynamic. So, a horizontal relationship.

is basically a completely egalitarian. relationship, which basically means both. sides view each other to be of equal. status, right? and each one is able to. show up authentically without worrying. about being inferior or superior to the. other. In a good friendship or a good. romantic relationship also or in really. any good relationship, a horizontal. dynamic means that like each person. makes their own choices and there's. mutual respect and consideration and.

there is always reciprocity when it. comes to support and encouragement. In a vertical relationship, one person. is more needed than the other. Okay? And. so, one person typically holds the power. or the influence and then controls the. outcome of the dynamic as a result. Right? So, like in your life, the. earliest most straightforward example. would be like a boss in an employee. relationship. But something that's more.

leaning towards unhealthy in a vertical. relationship would be a friendship. Like. why would one friend have more power. over the other? That doesn't make sense, right? And so in vertical friendships, which I urge you, because guys, I've. been doing this in my life and I'm like, "Oh my god, is this a vertical or a. horizontal relationship?" And Matt is. like, "Okay, enough. Like, let's talk. about that [ __ ] TV show you were. watching." I'm like, "You never want to. know about my reality shows." And he's.

like, "You can't sit here and go through. every single relationship in your life. right now, Alex." But I'm like becoming. obsessed because I want to evaluate. truly like to the core what I'm. fascinated. I'm like, "What? Where do. each of my relationship stands?" It's. kind of [ __ ] fascinating, right? And. so in vertical friendships, one person. tends to be benefiting more than the. other. So you would think the person. that's giving the advice is like, "Oh, you're wiser and you're this, so you're. on top." No, it's the weaponized.

incompetence. And I'm not saying people. are doing this on purpose, but it's. like, does your friend always vent to. you non-stop, but never ask you what's. going on? Are their problems always. projected to be bigger or worse or more. important than yours? Aka, you're in a. vertical relationship with your friend. because they deem themselves and their. life and their priorities and their. issues above yours. And then do they guilt trip you when you. aren't perfectly there for them? Like.

are their expectations on you constantly. increasing? Because when you are in a. vertical relationship with a friend, you. then feel like it's it almost becomes. like codependent, right? Because you're. like, "Wait, but they're going through. this." And how now am I going to break. the cycle where I'm like, "Hey, Barbara, like I got to get some words. out, girl. Like I I know now about your. [ __ ] up brother in rehab and I feel. horrible for you. But I why I know so. much about that and I know your sister. who married the [ __ ] that now it's.

turned like verbally abusive which is. horrible. And I know your mother has. been hit in the bottle. Horrible. And I. know you love your dad, you lucky [ __ ]. And there's so much going on here. But. like do you even know if I have a. sibling? And they're like but we're. going to get to that. Listen to me. So, the other night and you're like, "Oh my. god, [laughter]. Barbara, Barbara, Barbara, shut the [ __ ]. up." You're like, "Bara, I would love to. know." Barbara, do you know my last.

name, Barbara? She's like, "Yes, only. because you're on as my emergency. contact." Like, it somehow always flows. back to them. You're like, "I'm your. emergency contact." Barbara, like, [laughter] Barbara, shut the [ __ ] up. It. can literally start to drive you insane. where like you feel like, "Oh my god, I'm beholden to this person." And then. they also make you feel like a bad. person if you try to impose like any. semblance of equality in the. relationship. And you're like, "How did. I get to this point? How did I get to. this point where I'm literally just this. person's therapist?" And anytime that I.

try to actually talk about my life, they. make me feel like I'm a bad person for. trying to talk about my stuff because. their stuff is so much more important to. me. Guys, that is not what a friendship. should be. There are moments when your. friend needs to be all-consuming and. have you listen because that's life. one. friend is going to be way more in it. than the other and it es and flows. Yes. But if this is a constant, you need to. get the [ __ ] out. You are craving. horizontal friendships, equal. friendships, right? Horizontal. friendships, you're able to actually. show up authentically for one another.

because you're not dancing around these. power imbalances. There's no forcing. each other to fit into certain. beneficial boxes in each other's lives. because the expectations are aligned. And a lot of times, and this is. something that I wish I could do an. episode on, but this is not something. really that can be taught, which is most. of the problems in the world just come. down to self-awareness. And you can't. really teach self-awareness. So, a lot. of times if you're finding yourself in. these dynamics, you can try and you can. try and you can try and you can push as.

much as you want to push to try to get. out of it not being an equal dynamic and. try to get it to like a fair standing. with a friend. But after a few attempts, I hate to admit it, but that probably. means that relationship is so molded and. grounded in what it is and its patterns. and also that person is getting exactly. what they want out of that relationship. that they actually wouldn't be. interested in an equal friendship with. you, right? Like it takes knowing both.

how you want someone to show up for you. and what your limits are for someone. else. I just and someone else. Sorry, I. just had a lisp. Someone else. And both. of those things take the inner work and. the reflection to figure that out. Setting the boundaries are so necessary. in order to maintain a horizontal. friendship. And it might occasionally. end with like being disliked by someone.

And you may even lose a friend. But you. need to reframe that and realize that. this means that your parameters are. protecting you from something really. unhealthy. Like if you lose a friend cuz. they can't handle the friendship being. an equal balanced dynamic, um then yeah, then it probably means that it's not. serving for you to have that person in. your life because guess what? It means. probably that you're just serving that. friend and they're never serving you. They're never helping you out. They're. never giving you the amount of effort. that you're giving them. And you being.

scared to speak up or end the friendship. only furthers the point. You're in a. people pleasing situation where this. person sits on top and holds the power. And I know it can be easy to take the. loss of a friendship like beyond. personally. I get it. Trust me. Someone. wanting more from you than you can give. them, it can feel like you're failing. and you're like, "But what's wrong and. why won't this work?" I'm telling you, it's not your fault in most situations. So many of these interpersonal dynamics.

are going to make you feel guilty and. scared to do this or that. And a lot of. it is because we allow other people's. projections of us to affect the way that. we view ourselves and therefore interact. with people. All of a sudden, you're. like, "Oh my god, why am I worrying so. much about how much this person is going. to perceive me and view me and they're. going to think I'm a bad person for. finally not answering the 16th [ __ ]. call and they know I'm with my mom in. the hospital, but because they're. bringing up with their 16th boyfriend, they're thinking that I need to be there. for them." And I'm like, you never are. here for me. I can't keep doing this. I.

get it. But if you keep leaning into. these dynamics that are vertical, that. are not equal for you, ultimately it's. going to cost your ability to be. genuine. And that is a whole other topic that the. book I'm currently reading also hits on. So after I finish it, I can do a whole. Sunday session about how basically we. can all be better about not taking other. people's [ __ ] personally. That is like I. feel like that's literally like the.

biggest problem in life is we're all. like taking everyone's projection on us. and then you're overanalyzing and you're. like, "Oh my god, I'm a bad friend. I'm. a bad daughter. I'm all that." Half of. the time you literally were just like. sitting there eating your [ __ ]. breakfast and this person is spewing. this [ __ ] and then you're internalizing. all of it and it's like a lot of times. it has nothing to do with us most of the. time. Well, no, maybe again I don't know. who I'm speaking to. I don't know who my. audience in some corners of the [ __ ]. Tik Tok world or whatever, but like I. know that most people we're trying to be.

good friends. We're trying to be good. partners. So, we will save that deep. dive of how to stop people pleasing and. just ex essentially absorbing the. world's wants and needs of us and. actually living for ourselves in some. capacity for another time. But, um, I. hope you enjoyed this first little. Sunday session of book club and I'm. excited to do more episodes like this. If you guys have obviously any other. topics or articles that you're. passionate about and you want me to do. deep dive on, let me obviously know. But.

overall, I think to sum up the medium. friend thing, it's like I get that a big. conversation that may come from this is. like, "No, Alex, like why? I I just want. my close friends." I'm not saying close. friends are not as important. If. anything, they Yes, of course, close. friends are more important. I'm just. saying that in the chaos of life and how. crazy life is with parent dynamics and. romantic relationships and close. friendships, like we can only be so much. to everyone. and then also show up for.

ourselves. And so, yes, there are. moments where having these medium. friendships are [ __ ]. lovely. And it's kind of a relief to go. out. And I think a lot of times with. medium friendships, we can convince. ourselves, and this is literally what I. did with that one friend. You convince. yourselves, but it's not my best friend. So, it's like, what's it it's not worth. it to like spend my time on a. relationship like this because whatever. It's more surface level. And then all of. a sudden it's like the biggest fear with.

your medium friends is the drive there, is the committing to the date. Then once. you get there, you're like, "Oh my god.". Like half of the time it also could be. like they were just like talking about. some [ __ ] going on in their life and it. made you 10 times feel better about. yours because also they're not asking. you for your advice because they're. sharing how they're handling it because. you are not a close enough friend that. they're expecting anything of you. They're just sharing it actually as just. like kind of fun fodder at a dinner. table of like, "Yo, guess what my. mother-in-law did?" And you're like, "No. [ __ ] way. guess what mine did and. you're like, "Bro, cheers. Let's have. another martini." It's relaxing. It's.

light. And sometimes in the chaos of the. world of how crazy everything is right. now, it can get to the point where you. need that. We've never been more. politically, financially, religiously, ethically, gender, all of it divided in. this world. And you can have those type. of conversations sometimes with really. close friends and you can talk politics. and all that. Again, it still is. painful. But with a medium friend,

you're like, "Babe, even if a medium. friend brings it up, you're like, anyways, swerving can't talk politics. I'm so burnt out." And they'd be like, "Totally." Because a medium friend is. not going to push you on that because. it's that is what it is. It's your. pickle ball friend. It's your Pilates. friend. Your core reason for having each. other is light. It's fun. And so I urge. all of us, not once a week, again, unless it's literally you guys doing an. activity that requires once a week, but. find time for your medium friends. because really what it is is it's more.

to fill your cup than it is anything. else. And you both are having a fun. little selfish moment of like, I'm here. to put on a cute Also, can we also admit. I feel like with medium friends, you. will go a little bit cuter on your. outfits. You'll put on some makeup. because you're like, oh, this is more of. like my surface levely person. Like I. want to like impress and have fun. You. kidding me? Like with a lot of my. girlfriends were like literally I need. to like put on my sweatpants and again. that means I'm so comfortable with those. girls and that is beyond good and fun. too. But having both it's kind of.

amazing. So, I hope that that allowed. you guys the goal of these type of um. episodes. Really, it's just for me to. hopefully get you guys to think about. some fun things. And instead of. scrolling on Tik Tok or Instagram for an. hour on your Sunday, hopefully you were. just hanging out and listening to this. And now maybe this will hopefully allow. you to reestablish in your life some of. your vertical friendships that you're.

realizing have been draining you. And. maybe you need to cut some off. Maybe. you need to try to reestablish them. and. then maybe enjoy some of those people. that maybe you haven't made as much of. an effort in because you think you would. rather just sit home and watch TV and. you need to decompress. But really what. it is is you need to go have a good fun. girls night and you need to have someone. talk to you about what's going on in. their life so you can stop [ __ ]. sitting in all of the [ __ ] that is your. own life. It's kind of nice to hear what. other [ __ ] people are doing and also. just be like, "Whoa, how crazy. Oh my.

god, I'm so sorry you're dealing with. that." And that's the that's all you. have to give. Nothing more. No advice. You just keep drinking, eating, and keep. the conversation flowing. It's kind of. fun. Try it. Call Her Daddy is brought. to you by Old Navy. From everyday. activew [music] wear to cozy sweaters, Old Navies got presents at perfect. prices for everyone on your list, including yourself, sweetheart. Okay. I. always say I am going to be that person. who gets my holiday shopping done early.

I make sometimes even a list and I will. open up a bunch of tabs and I'm like, "Oh my god, I am literally ahead of the. game." And then all of a sudden it's the. week before Christmas and I'm like, "Oh. my god, I'm paying for overnight. shipping and I'm stressed out." But. Daddy Gang, this year we're both going. to do it better. Okay, this year we're. going to Old Navy. I know that everyone. always needs a good pair of jeans and. they have got that tons of trending. styles for everyone and anyone on your. list and for your friend who basically. lives in sweats. Hello me, Lauren, if.

you're watching this. The bounce fleece, it's a must, okay? It's smooth, lightweight, and has a cooling finish. Plus, it comes with a matching set so. you can look put together even when. you're just running errands. We love a. matching set, okay? They also have the. dynamic fleece, which is sleek and made. to move, and Old Navyy's bestelling. active wear power soft that's supportive. and keeps sweat out. Plus, there's tons. of little gifts like fluffy ear muffs,

pompom hats. Hi. You need those? Yeah, me too. Gloves and faux fur accessories. that make the perfect stocking stuffers. So, while I was shopping for my mom, I. ended up purchasing myself a few pieces. from the Power Soft Activewear so I can. look cute while I hit the gym. It's hard. on Old Navy cuz you're like, "Oh my god, I'm shopping for my sister. Oh my god, I. need that now." You can do both. We can. do both, ladies. So whether you're. shopping for your sister, your best. friend, or secretly again yourself. Um,

Old Navy has it all for all of us. Shop. in store or online at old navy.com. Okay, now that we have all re-evaluated. every single relationship in our life. and we are really really clued into what. the horizontal, vertical, medium friendships are in our. life. Um, let's go to [ __ ] France, [ __ ] I'm going to be answering some. questions of the [ __ ] week. Here we go. Okay. Hi, daddy. My fiance.

and I have been together six years and. are getting married next year. He. recently landed this amazing new job, but now two months in, he says he can't. do it because he's too stressed and he. doesn't and he feels underqualified. He's always struggled with stress since. he's never really had to deal with much. growing up. Now he wants to quit and. take an easier job. He asked for my. input, but I didn't really want to hear. it. I'm very careerdriven, and honestly, this is making me question marrying him. I know that sounds harsh, but I can't.

help wondering if this is how he'll. handle challenges down the line, like. when we have kids. How do I talk to him. about this? Okay, I think just, you know, very valid for. you to be a little like shaken on the. concept of like, wait, wait, wait, like. we were so excited for this job, you got. the job, and now you're already wanting. to quit the job. Like, we what the [ __ ]. is going on? What I will say is like. having a little bit of empathy because. not every single person is going to have. the same career driven mentality as you.

So I do think like if you're projecting. that you want him to be something he's. not. That's also just something for you. to acknowledge within yourself of like. has he always been this way? Has he. never really cared as much about his. career? And now for some reason you're. getting closer to the concept of. marriage. So it's becoming more apparent. to you that like maybe you aren't. aligned. I think you can't really get. mad at him if he's kind of always been. this way. Um, I also think another thing. that I wrote down that I was thinking.

about when you wrote this in is like. you've been with this man for six years, you said. And so you have a sense of. like does he often take the easy way. out, right? Like I get it. This is like. one moment with his job, but like is he. constantly kind of like cutting corners. to try to make something as easy as. possible? And if so, that's more on his. character that you have been observing. for the past 6 years. And I don't think. that's going to change, right? But I.

also think to be more a little bit like. kind to him, being in the wrong job is. so draining and can be so overwhelming. for someone and can directly affect your. mental health. Like you can become so. unrecognizable to yourself if your job. is so depleting and so anxietyinducing. and you feel you're not qualified enough. or whatever it is that he's saying. Like. I do think if he is not someone that has. shown these characteristics and this is. a new thing that you're lacking empathy. in, I think you need to look inward and.

you need to say why am I not willing to. show up for my partner in this moment. Is it because I know this is a quality. about him and I'm freaking out cuz I. don't want to marry him. Or is it. because there is something within you. that is like wanting him to be a. specific way or are you just like, "Oh, wait. I need to recalibrate. Yes, this. is fair for him to not want to have this. job." Um, but I get it. It's It's. Listen, everything gets more heightened. when you're thinking about marrying. someone because dating the [ __ ] a. hockey player when I was in college. I.

was like, "Oh my god, my baby got an F. [laughter]. He's so cute." Like, I didn't give a. [ __ ] I would help him like write his. [ __ ] papers. I'm like, "He's so. stupid." But like, okay, like wait, where's the party tonight? I didn't give. a [ __ ] that this man could barely read. But you know what? Like, he was the. hockey player and he was hot and he was. fun and that was enough for me at the. time. Then when you start thinking about. marriage, I'm like, "Love you, babe.". But like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I need. I need I need I need at least at least. you to get a D. Okay, I'll start with a.

D. Um, so I think it's all gauging of. like where you're at is also going to. amplify. A lot of the things start to. look a lot crazier when you're like, hold on, are you going to raise my child. with that mouth and those hands and that. brain? like I don't know. I don't know. So, fair that you're overthinking it, but just recognize within yourself if. you're being a little too hard on him. Um, oh, [ __ ] K. This one is.

juice, juice, juice. Listen, I don't. love when people get cheated on, but. like, you know, we love a good caller. daddy cheating story. Okay, I need some. advice. I went through my boyfriend's. phone and discovered he was cheating on. me, which I expected since I felt the. need to snoop at all. Love the. self-awareness. I've already broken up. with him, so don't worry about that. Love this for you, girl. Okay. However, while looking at his phone, I also found. out that his friend is cheating on his. girlfriend. I'm not super close with. her, so I don't think it's my place to. tell her, but I do think that she should.

know. What should I do in this. situation? Okay. Normally, I would be. like, "It's not your place. Like, don't. get involved in other people's shit.". Because half the time, a lot of people. do know that they're getting cheated on. and they don't want to know or if they. don't, they're going to find out. And. like, don't get involved. this though, I. don't think you owe absolutely anything. to your ex-boyfriend, that little piece. of [ __ ] And you definitely don't owe. anything to his shitty friends because. most likely they both know they're both. cheating. And so they're almost like.

enjoying that they've had this little. like thing together. And so I do think. this is like one of the very few times. that I would say you could maybe help. this girl and you could slide in with a. little hey girly. And I think you could. kind of go about it by being like, I'm. not sure you're aware, but my boyfriend. and I broke up because I found out that. he was cheating. And I saw some stuff on. his phone that I just wanted to flag to. you because I saw some texts from your.

boyfriend that seem concerning. And I. just want you to know like I I am here. to give you more information. I also. 100% respect if you don't want to know. And I will like never bring this up and. I won't talk to anyone about it, but. like here for you if you want to know. That is being a girls girl of like being. not vindictive enough to be like I have. this horrible thing that like now since. I'm [ __ ] over I'm going to [ __ ] you. over too. You're like no. I want the. girl to know that I've got the info, but.

I also am like I'll respect it if you're. going to stay with this guy. This ain't. my [ __ ] relationship. So like let me. know what you want to do, queen. Up to. you. Cuz you made your decision and now. let her make hers. Oh my god. Wait, honestly though, like why do I kind of. love it that like you guys can like. literally come together and probably. become friends from this, right? Like. you said you don't really know her. That's like weirdly a beautiful. beautiful beginning to a friendship if. you're like, "Wait, my friend, my. boyfriend was friends with your friend. and we were both getting cheated on. Babe, let's go out for a drink. Like we.

got to talk." How cathartic to be able. to go to a bar with this woman and sit. and have a drink and be like, "Tell me. everything." because you will feel so. less alone and because they're like. intertangled. That's a good one. Okay. Um I have been dating my boyfriend for. about a year. Everything's been great. and I trust him completely. But the. other week he got super drunk at a golf. outing and when I checked to see if he. got home okay, his location was at a. strip club. The next morning I asked why. he didn't tell me since he always tells. me what he's doing and he said he just.

didn't think to. He's going to Vegas in. a couple weeks for fun and I don't want. to sound crazy but I feel like I need to. address it. I just think it's. disrespectful to spend money on a lap. dance or even go at all. Am I being. irrational? Okay, here's the thing with. strip clubs. I think that strip clubs. and conversations around places like. Vegas and bachelor parties and all that, they definitely need to be discussed in. relationships if they're not already. just like a casual conversation of being. like, I would never do that or I would.

never do that. And then you're both. like, oh, cool. Like we're on the same. page. if it's never been discussed, you. do need to kind of set boundaries with. these things because it goes as far as. some people would consider a lot of this. cheating. And so I think that you need. to do this because you are clearly in a. serious relationship. And to validate. you, it is disrespectful for him to be. getting drunk and just going completely. awall on you. Like that is not like. healthy for a relationship. I would not. personally want to be in a relationship. where my partner is getting drunk,

always out with his boys, and I'm like. laying there being like, I wonder where. he Let's check the Oh my god, he's at. [ __ ] Marty's. Is that That's not even. a script club. It probably be like. Cassandra's. Like that's not that's not. fun. Like wait, he's at Blue Diamond. Like I'm What the [ __ ] And he didn't. even tell me. Like what? Like that's. crazy because it also insinuates like if. you can't be honest of like babe I'm. going to the strip club with the guys. Do you care? It's he knows the answer. If he's not if he's hiding it from you.

and he shares everything with you. He. knows the answer that you would be. upset. So then also why is he doing. that? He knows he's going to be. upsetting his partner. So like do you. want to be in a relationship with. someone that's acting that casually. about something that he knows you would. not be happy about it? You know you'll. be upset about it and yet he's still. engaging in it. That's really [ __ ]. shitty. So, let's pretend this was just. a one-off. Okay, he was an idiot. He had. too many [ __ ] Jagger bombs. He ended. up at the strip club. Oh my god, how did. he get there? Idiot. But now he's going.

to Vegas. Okay, so he has a time to. write his wrongs. And he has a time, first of all, like if he made you this. upset, like him going to Vegas just for. a boy's weekend, it seems like it's not. no one's birthday. It's no one [ __ ]. bachelor. Like he's just going to Vegas. Yeah, probably stay home, [ __ ] Jerry. Okay, Jerry, you've done enough damage. Okay, your dick's been [ __ ] grinded. off enough, Jerry. You got your weenie. up and down and up and down and. flip-flopped over and you're fine, Jerry. You don't need to go to Vegas to. do it again and again and go on the. [ __ ] merrygoround, but Jerry wants to. clearly. So, you got to have a. conversation with Jerry and let him.

know, baby, I'm not in on this [ __ ] And. let me just tell you, sweetie, Vegas, oh, it's one big strip club. So, what I. would say is you need to evaluate number. one, what are your boundaries? What are. your boundaries, Franny? And fringe, if. your boundaries are, oh, he could get a. lap dance. He just has to tell me about. it. Boom. Tell him. If your boundaries. are you even look at a girl's [ __ ]. double-decker and her cheeks, we're.

done. Boom. You know your boundaries, Franny. But you got to know what. boundaries you're setting before you get. mad at him. And then he's going to be. like, "Okay, so what am I allowed to do? [ __ ] dumbass man. What am I allowed. to do?" Well, Franny, pull out the. [ __ ] list. Okay. do a long scroll, be. like, "Let me start number one." He's. like, "How many of there?" They're like, "50." There's a list of 50. [ __ ] sit. down. Robbie, what was his name again? I. forget. Jerry. Um, okay. So, first you. need to make your boundaries, obviously. And then I would say you need to clearly.

communicate them before he goes on this. trip. Okay? And if any point in time you. have a sick to your stomach feeling, if. you feel like you're overly checking. your phone, then I am going to help you. out on this sweetie and tell you this is. not the relationship for you. If you. have a partner that when they go to the. bar or when they go out or when they're. with their boys or when they're wherever. and you're like trying to focus and like.

it's like Lucas Scott and Payton and. you're watching One Winry Hill and. you're on episode one cuz you're trying. to feel something and distract yourself. and feel a rush and you're like, "Oh my. god, it's my favorite show." And then. you're like constantly checking the. phone and then you're like looking at. the [ __ ] location and then you're. like zooming in on his friend's [ __ ]. stories and all of a sudden you're like, "I'm becoming that crazy [ __ ] It's. time to go. It's time to pack it up. And. trust me, I've been there where you're. like, I'm turning into a monster because. guess what? He doesn't do this when. you're out. He doesn't do this when.

you're out with your friends. He doesn't. cuz he's like, I don't like I I I know. she won't do anything cuz she's like I. just or like he doesn't care. You. deserve better. If you ever have a pit. in your stomach and it's not just from a. moment where then you get clarity and it. never happens again. the pit in the. stomach. That is your body literally. rejecting the situation and being like, "We have to get out of here. Franny, Franny, Franny, pack it up." So, um,

yes. But listen, to be more positive and. not a pessimist, I would just say, "You. got this." You can just say, "Hey, I. know that was a weird one. I really want. to set some boundaries because I didn't. feel great about it and I want you to. have fun, but I also I think that. there's like a level of respect that I. want you to have for me and me to have. for you in this relationship and so. let's get clear on what our boundaries. are. And the dream would be if he was. like, "Babe, I don't even need to go to. Vegas." Or if he's like, "Babe, I'm. going to go to Vegas." And this is also. a dream where he's like, "And I promise. you any situation that I would 100%.

obviously know that you would be like, "Oh, come on, Jerry. I will not put. myself in that situation because I love. you and you're my priority." Boom. Boom. Boom. Then you're good, Franny. You. don't have to pack it up. Franny and. Jerry are going down the aisle. Okay. And then you can have a joint [ __ ]. Bachelorette and Bachelor in Vegas. together. Oh my god. That's literally my. nightmare. Um, okay. Support [music] for. Call Her Daddy comes from Google Pixel. Okay. So, I recently had one of those.

Sundays where I convinced myself it was. a great idea to reorganize my entire. closet. And of course, halfway through, I found myself sitting on the floor. surrounded by clothes, completely. overwhelmed. So, I pulled out my Google. Pixel 10 because it comes with Gemini. builtin on the phone. I launched my. camera using Gemini Live. showed it my. crazy closet and asked for help. And it. immediately hit me up with all sorts of.

pro-organizing tips like what to hang, how to fold stuff, and even helped me. decide which items to donate and where. to drop them off. It was a lifesaver. But while I was neck deep in hoodies, I. totally lost track of time until I got a. text from Matt asking, "Hey, what's the. address for dinner tonight?". Fortunately, the Google Pixel has this. feature called Magic Q that just pulls. up the info you need without you having. to dig through old emails and stuff. It.

popped the address right into my text. for me and tap it was sent. Daddy gang, we could all use a little help making. Sundays less scary. So, get outside of. your comfort phone and try Google Pixel. 10 Pro. Check it out at googletore.com. These AI features are for users 18 plus. Check responses. Availability and. results may vary. It is officially the. holiday season, which means backtoback.

parties, hitting up your hometown bar, and squeezing in every second with your. favorite people. And that, ladies and. gentlemen, calls for bringing a White. Claw variety pack to every party this. holiday season. My personal favorite is. Black Cherry. But I've learned you got. to have something for everybody, right? My brother loves the raspberry. My. sister is obsessed with the natural. lime. So, whatever celebrations you've. got on the calendar this year, just grab. a White Claw variety pack and make it a.

moment everyone is going to enjoy. My. absolute favorite part of the holiday. season is always the night before. Thanksgiving when it's just me and my. siblings and our significant others all. hanging out before the rest of our. family arrives. And I always bring a. White Claw variety pack. Cheersing with. a White Claw. It just gets everyone in. the mood to laugh and have fun together. So, pick up a pack from your favorite. local spot and grab life by the claw. with your favorite flavor this holiday. season. Please drink responsibly. Hard.

seltzer with flavors. White Claw Seltzer. Works. Chicago, Illinois. Hey, Alex. I am struggling with major. mom guilt. About a year ago, my husband. and I moved to my hometown and then. found out I was pregnant. We just had. our baby girl and it's been a hard year. We don't have many friends here. My. husband works from home and it's caused. tension in our marriage. We realized. we'd be happier moving back to his. hometown where our friends and support. system are. But my mom is taking it so. hard, guilt tripping me and acting like.

I'm taking her grandbaby away. We'd only. be a couple hours away, but it's making. me feel like I'm a terrible daughter for. even wanting to go. How do I handle her. emotions without losing my sanity? Okay, we're going to get to your mom because. one, it's not right for your mom to be. guilt tripping you. Like, if it truly is. that this is the right thing for you and. your family to be doing and moving back. to your husband's hometown, then your. mom should be supportive of that. And of. course, it will be lovely if you guys. can find a good cadence to when she can. come up and when you guys can, you know,

see her and maybe if you have a an extra. bedroom, like a two-bedroom apartment. that like maybe she could sleep in or. whatever it be or you have a house that. whatever. If you have some accommodation. that she could come stay once in a. while, lovely. But overall, your mom. should not make be making you feel. guilty. Your mom should be like, "Honey, you're miserable. I'm going to figure. this out. You're going to figure this. out. like we've got to get you happy. again. My bigger problem though in. reading this is let's yeah let's be done. with your mom because it feels like. there's a larger.

thing going on here for you. when you said that my husband works from. home and it's caused tension in our. marriage. My fear is that there is. something going on with you guys and you. are thinking that changing your. environment and your location is going. to immediately solve this. And listen, it may be that simple where it's like, no, we're literally just like on top of. each other and we were back in his. hometown. He had an office to go to and. so we like had separation and it was. much better. But again, like it's it's I.

get it. Like actually I don't get it. I. don't have a kid yet. So I I I've heard. from my friends. I can imagine the first. year is a lot. I totally understand that. and I empathize with that. I totally. empathize with that. But I guess I would. just say to you try to make sure and. this goes to everyone in life and this. is like again I'm I need to do this also. more in my life like I can't just like. preach this and not practice it. It's. like when there is something larger. going on a lot of times we will nitpick.

these little things of like well if I. just quickly change this everything will. be good and this will if I just but is. there something bigger going on? Right? Are you resentful because, again, I'm. literally making this up and I'm not. saying this is your situation, but just. to get thought starters going, like, are. you resentful because your husband is. sitting there and he's working and when. the baby is crying, you're the only one. that picks up the baby or you are not. getting enough sleep and then he's at. home and he's not helping. Or is he.

helping and you're going through. something, right? Like, how is your. mental health? And although he's being. so supportive, he's smothering and. you're trying to just get your identity. back after having a child. Like there. are so many dynamics that I can assume. come into play when you have a child. that all I hear from women is just like. there's a complete shift in your. identity. And in that first year to two. years to three years even, you have to. recalibrate because now all of a sudden. you're not just Paloma on the block and. you're hanging with your girls. Like.

you're Paloma, the girl on the block, but you also have a child. And so now. your husband um is trying to also either. help and be there for you or maybe he's. not. So all of these factors I fear you. should try to solve and get to the root. of it before you head off to his. hometown thinking that it's going to. solve something because my other worry. is. maybe it's really nice having your mom. around, right? And so you're you you.

could be again guys, I'm not even in. this. I'm just like hypothesizing from. the little amount that you wrote in, but. like maybe your mom is helping you a lot. and now the only way that you can find a. semblance of a of a way to just like. keep moving and going forward is to kind. of be like put it on your mom like, "Oh, she's being so this or that." But. really, it's like, wait, you said that. it's been really hard at home and he's. been working from home and things have. been tough and you know, you guys have. caused a lot of tension in your. marriage.

I think let's start with that and then I. think let's talk about the move. Um, always handle the bigger issue. And I. think a lot of times that's easier said. than done, right? Again, like I'm not. perfect and I think sometimes you have. to slow yourself down and ask yourself. what would the move be solving and is it. a band-aid or is it actually. logistically this would solve this for. you? And only Paloma, my dear, will. know. Love you girl. I'm sorry. That's. Oh my god, dude. I can't even imagine. having kids. Like I can cuz I want them,

but I'm like that's going to be a whole. another chapter of your life and like. not making it your whole personality but. it also transforming your identity and. you're just like. help. Okay, Daddy gang, that is it for this. week's Sunday session. I hope that it. was helpful and I love you all very. much. Goodbye. Father.