Why We Self Sabotage

Hi everyone. Welcome back to Call Her. Daddy. Um, it is a beautiful Sunday to. have a little therapy session. Quick. life update. I had to go to Europe for a. really big work conference and when I. tell you. traveling pregnant is getting harder and. harder and harder. We have got the. compression socks going on, very sexy. I. brought my own pillow to help with the. back support on the airplane. Um, I'm.

having to get up and like stretch my. hips and my joints throughout the. flight. My bladder, girl, my bladder. I. have to go to the bathroom every single. 5 seconds. Not that my bladder isn't. already compressed, but my child's head, every time I go to the doctor, my. doctor's like, "Oh, the head is right on. your bladder right now." So, I'm like, "Oh, perfect. That's why I can't sleep. and I have to go to the bathroom every 5. seconds. Lovely." Um, and then you guys, when I got to the conference in Europe,

every single person that I came in. contact with was like, "Why are you here?" Like, everyone was. like, "You need to go lay down." Which I. do love. I was like loving the support. and just everyone being so nice to me. I. was like, "Oh my god, thank you." But I. was like, "I got to work. I got to work, babe, okay?" What I will say is. something that I kind of. never have done in my life is listen to. my body and slow down when I know my. body is telling me it needs it. Having. been an athlete playing a Division 1.

sport, like I would literally have blood. seeping out of my white cleats from my. blisters that were like 5 in deep and my. coach would just say like, "No, keep. running." And you would keep running. So, I feel like in a way I have trained. myself to ignore my body to a capacity. and just kind of like push through pain. and push through discomfort. And I will. say that pregnancy has really changed. that for me, and I am extremely grateful. for that honestly. If like pregnancy is.

making me in a way take care of myself. in a way that I never have, which. obviously I should be doing. I'm. literally growing a human being, but. back in the day I just never would have. I don't know. Like I would never would. have slowed down or pushed a meeting or. rescheduled something because my body. was telling me that's what it needed. And now that is literally at the. forefront of my brain these days. So, as. busy as I am, I have been really. cognizant of taking care of myself,

which we love. And it is making me. realize that that should not just. pertain to when you are pregnant, okay? What a concept. Which kind of I feel like is a nice. little segue into the topic that I want. to address today, which is the toxic. relationship. that you literally cannot block on. Instagram. You can try to ignore, but it. only works for so long. I want to talk.

about the relationship you have with. yourself. Everyone's like, "I'm turning. this off. [laughter] This is too deep. for a Sunday." Um so many of you guys. wrote in and asked me to talk about this. topic today actually. So, this is. actually on you guys. This has nothing. to do with me. I asked you topically. what you would want me to discuss, and. this is one of those topics that. everyone every other DM was like, "Hit. this topic." And so, I ended up having. a lot of really long. interesting conversations with my.

friends about it. I had multiple coffee. dates, dinners, and I feel prepared to. tackle this one. So, I want to start by. all of us being really honest with. ourselves today, okay? This is a safe. space. No one's judging us. Um to the. single or non-single girlies, I want you. to think if you have ever finally met a. stable amazing person who actually text. you back and your immediate response is,

"Whoa, okay, this is like kind of. boring. I kind of miss the chase." And. then you ghost that person for. a toxic narcissist, whether that be your. ex or just like a new piece of [ __ ] you. met. You've done that, right? I've done that. Um another one, have you ever gotten a. massive career opportunity only to. procrastinate until the absolute last. second, hand in mediocre work, and be. like, "See, I knew I couldn't do it. Like I knew it wasn't for me.".

>> [sighs]. >> I'm going to hit you with the hard. truth, Daddy gang. That is not called. bad luck. That is called. self-sabotage. And today. we are going to be talking about. self-sabotage because you all wanted me. to talk about it, and I basically want. to expose the psychological war we wage. on ourselves when it comes to this. issue. And then. obviously we're not going to just say. what it is. We're going to actually try. to figure out how we get out of our own.

way and solve this extremely large. problem. Um. Okay, self-sabotage, what a good Sunday. episode. You're all waking up with the. scaries being like, "I did that last. night." Let's get into it. So. when I was talking about this with my. friends, something I realized that was. quite sobering in my opinion is that the. sneakiest thing about self-sabotage is.

it doesn't really feel like you're. ruining your life at the moment. It. actually feels like you're. protecting yourself, right? Like it. almost feels like. a defense mechanism disguised as. intuition. And so my friends and I were talking. about some examples of self-sabotaging. You know, what is the ruining your own. life playbook look like? Like, what does. that look like? And I think a classic. example that really embodies this that. comes to mind is picking a fight. The. picking a fight ritual.

Ah, it was such a classic of Alex's back. in the day. I used to do this so much in. my 20s. I relate so heavily to this, so. I am judging no one if this relates to. you and pertains to you. The fighting. Things are going perfectly. in your relationship. It's been 3. months, maybe 3 weeks, maybe even 3. days, and it's just like pure bliss. Things are going right. So, what do you. do? You bring up something that their ex. posted in 2021 at 2:00 a.m. just to.

create a problem. And why do we do this? It's because we almost are like. preemptively leaving before we can get. too close or hurt. You're so terrified. of being rejected or broken up with or. being vulnerable and rejected one day. that you pull away, you act cold, or you. try to end things first. And you cause the issue basically before. they can. You destroy the relationship.

so they can't get a chance to destroy. you. And if you've been in a situation like. this, the worst I feel is when you look back. and you remember so clearly. the guy or the woman that you were in. the relationship with being like, in the. moment, they're like, "What are you. doing? Like, why are you doing this?". And at the time, it felt necessary. It. was like this intuition feeling, right? That you're like, "I have to do this.". But in hindsight, no, babe, that was. self-sabotage. That was self-sabotaging.

Um. another example my friends and I were. talking about is like, and I think this. one's really sadly relatable, is. using procrastination as a shield. And what I mean by that is like. you don't start that passion project or. you don't apply for that dream job. because if you try your absolute hardest. and fail, it's devastating. That hurts. But if you don't try at all, you have an. excuse of like, "Oh, I just haven't. didn't have the time or like it just.

wasn't the right time to do it, so I. just haven't done it yet.". And I think the hardest reality of that. is like. when we get underneath it, guys, cuz. we're going to do a lot lot of that. today, is like. if you do this, it really is because you. subconsciously don't want to be let. down. You don't want to fail. The unknown of not taking the chance, you convince yourself is actually better. than the potential of failing. And so you make up a million excuses to.

just like of why, of course, I can't do that thing that I love or. that I've always wanted to do. I can't. do that. Or you're like, "I not right. now. Not right now. It's not the right. time.". And most of the time it's like, "No, no, no, guys, you can do it. It just requires you to look in the. mirror and confront your fears, and that. can be so scary. Because. what the truth is is when you do. confront it, there's no pointing fingers.

at the toxic ex. There's no blaming anyone. No blaming. the people that have ghosted you. No. over-analyzing, you know, "Oh my well, it's their birth chart. It didn't align. with mine." That's No blaming. retrograde. Like, "No, no, no. It's on. you.". And you have the power. to hold yourself back from the life that. you want. How terrifying is that? It's no one else's fault but your own?

Oh my god. Then it just comes down to. accountability, right? And some of us. don't want that or don't even want to. hear that, which I get. But, you're. going to hear it today. Um. Also, here's the thing. When it comes to self-sabotaging, I. think the reality for a lot of people is. and this one hit home. My friends and I. were like, "Oh, this one kind of hurts.". We crave familiarity. over happiness. If you grew up around. chaos, stability actually feels unsafe.

And you mistake peace for boredom. And you mistake anxiety for passion. And so then, obviously, the question is. like, "Why do we do it though? Why do we. do this to ourselves?" And when I was. thinking about this, and as backwards as. this sounds, I think it's because. >> [sighs and gasps]. >> I think it's because staying in the.

trenches is actually really quite. comfortable for a lot of us. We know. the layout. >> [laughter]. >> of the trenches. You know how to handle. heartbreak. You know how to handle. failure, chaos, like easy. You have. survived it a million-plus times. But, you know what's actually terrifying? Success. Staying happy. Being loved properly. Because when things are good, you actually have something to lose.

When you're constantly miserable, when. you're constantly heartbroken, it's like. you're you're looking up. You're like, "There's got to be a better But, when. you actually achieve that for yourself, now you're looking down of like, "Oh my. god, what is there to lose?" And the. voice in the back of your head starts. whispering to you, "Oh my god, when is the other shoe going. to drop?" Like, so instead of like waiting for the other. shoe to drop, you guys, we literally. just like throw the other shoe out the. window. We're like, "Oh my god, >> [laughter and gasps]. >> I it's never going to happen, so I'm. just going to ignore it.". It's so.

humbling when I when I was breaking it. down for myself before this I was like, "Oh, this is like a gut punch." Cuz. basically what I'm saying is you create. the disaster yourself because at least. you're the one in control of it. No one else is doing it to you, right? >> [gasps]. >> So now I'm like, "Okay, you're probably. all like, 'Okay, Alex. Again, it's. Sunday, babe. Like we got to we got to. raise the roof. We got to What do we do, right? What do we do? How do we stop. How do we stop essentially blowing up.

our own lives? How do we stop the. madness of this cycle? How do we. actually sit in a happy, healthy. situation without trying to. subconsciously or consciously set it on. fire?". And I know what I'm about to say. probably seems really, really simple and. maybe even like sounds a little bit. corny, but just please hear me out. I believe that you have to build a. tolerance. for peace.

We're all like, "That, babe. That. obvious." No, no, no. I like essentially I believe the. survival guide for when the. self-sabotage. itch starts ticking. It's like, "Ooh, you know, let's do it." No, no, no. You. need to sit in the discomfort of. good. The next time someone treats you right. or you get a win at work. and you have this wave of anxiety, you. need to stop. You need to take a breath.

and you need to say to yourself, "I am. feeling anxious right now because this. is new and safe, not because something. is wrong.". Like. we cannot act on the anxiety. I would. also say sometimes it literally helps to. write it down as again corny as that. sounds. Like it it's helpful to write. down of like what is the reality of what. is actually happening versus what it is. making you feel. Those are two. completely different things a lot of the. times. And that I think helps you separate the.

familiar of what we're used to. from. what's actually healthy. If you start asking yourself, okay, do I actually dislike this person or am. I just freaked out that they haven't. made me cry? That they aren't making me wonder and. feel insecure. And my nervous system is not constantly. going up and down and up and down and. freaking out. Like if a healthy relationship feels.

boring, all I ask of you guys cuz. listen, they actually may be boring. But. what I ask of you is at least give it. three more dates. Like rewire your brain to realize that. guys, peace is everything. Like it is. hot and it is attractive. Your mental. health thriving on peace and not. instability and anxiousness, that is the. goal. And you know, that may not feel like groundbreaking. news, but if you look at a lot of the.

decisions we're all making, we're so. regulated for this up and down. We just. need to regulate our systems and that is. going to take time. And giving yourself. a lot of grace. You. have to essentially change. the complete narrative that you've been. telling yourself. You need to stop. telling yourself like, oh, I'm just so. I'm just such a disaster like or like. everyone else can have their happy. ending but like just not me. Like I'm a. failure. Like you're a human being.

We are all healing from old patterns, but you need to start to force yourself. to get really comfortable to own your. worth. And that is so sad to me that. that is so hard for so many of us. Understandably though, right? I also think my friends and I were. laughing cuz we're like, oh, like I wish. someone told me this in my early 20s, even my teens, honestly. Like, guys, we. force ourselves to get used to [ __ ] boys. making us feel like [ __ ] or we force.

ourselves to accept everyone else just. like gets the better opportunities. It's. just never going to be me. If we are. able to do that and convince ourselves. of that, then I feel like we can. redirect that energy and force ourselves. to accept that you are allowed to have. good things without there being a catch. Because if not, I think the scariest. part of all of this, and this is like. where I'm going to hit you with maybe. some hard facts, but I need you guys to.

listen up. It is the domino effect of. self-sabotage. The domino effect that. this has on your life. I. I don't want to say I was excited to. talk about this day because it is again. very sobering and it's hard to think. about, but we need to acknowledge it. Self-sabotage. is rarely. a single event. It's not like this one. thing and then you're like, okay, I. never did that again. It is a very slow. burn with massive repercussions, daddy. gang.

Like these little consistent decisions. will slowly, one by one, have you. looking back realizing that you. compromised so much of your life. It affected the entire foundation of who. you are and what you accept. And what I don't want for any of us is. to realize that slowly. you actually kind of let it dictate the. trajectory of your health, your wealth, and essentially your sanity. Okay? Like.

we I think I've I've mean I've seen. online, right? You do it with your. friends. We can joke about, oh my god, I'm such I like I always self-sabotage. Like, uh, I'm the worst at it. But it's. like, no, no, no. It eventually will. actually take an extreme psychological. toll on you. Cuz every single time you set a goal. like, "Okay, I'm going to eat better. I'm going to go. for that job that I've always wanted. I'm going to leave this toxic. relationship." And then. you deliberately fail to follow through,

you are essentially teaching your brain, which is really dangerous, this lesson, which is my word means nothing. >> [sighs and gasps]. >> When my friends and I started talking. about that, we were all like, Let's take a beat. Let's take a beat on that one because my. word means nothing. Again, accountability with that one, you're. like, Huh. Like, that is what completely destroys.

self-efficacy, aka your. uh belief in your capability to succeed. Like, you're just like ruining your. self-esteem. And so, this little word of like. self-sabotage, the long-term impact of. that, here we go, okay? You no longer. trust yourself. And you become entirely dependent on. external validation. >> [laughter]. [gasps]. >> My therapist has been like, "Are you.

needing this help or is this also for. like all the daddy gang?" I'm like, "Both.". >> [laughter]. >> I'm like taking notes in my therapy. session. She's like, "Honestly, I'm happy I can help more. than just one in this, Alex." Um. yeah, you start looking for external. validation, you lose your intuition. You become so highly susceptible to. gaslighting. And essentially, you develop a chronic. imposter syndrome. Okay? I know this is really scary, guys,

but like, we got to go down the rabbit. hole because it is the effects are. crazy. You stop making decisions. altogether, right? You're kind of just. like letting life happen to you rather. than being in control of your own life. Also to women, I think it's really. important to note this like when it. comes to your career, this is so important to emphasize with. self-sabotage, again, it can be really slow, so it. doesn't usually look like, "Oh my god, you did this insane [ __ ] thing and.

then you got fired for this massive. blowup." No, no, no. It looks more like. quiet procrastination. It looks like. you know, turning opportunities for. visibility and being seen for your worth. and your value. It looks like maybe. you're avoiding risks. You get trapped. staying in your comfort zone. So, you. stay at the job that undervalues you. because the anxiety of interviewing. somewhere new feels worse than.

the. daily misery of being underpaid and. undervalued. And then over a lifetime, you have. avoided negotiations and so you've. missed promotions. You've missed. opportunities to take yourself to that. next level. Like. self-sabotage. in the moment looks like a tiny little. decision, but it directly translate, ladies, to money in your pocket. Thousands of dollars could be left on. the table. Your retirement plan, babe, okay?

>> [laughter]. >> And. I know I always say this, but it is. important to say like I know it is. easier said than done. I know I am like. laying this out and it's like okay, okay, okay, this is. I'm I'm saying what's obvious, but it's. really [ __ ] hard to change it, right? I think what is important to acknowledge. and address though is all these things. so you can change it, right? Cuz look, we can't change a piece of [ __ ]. boyfriend. You cannot change the family. that you were born into, but you can.

change how you approach your life. And I. think that's what I love talking about. here. It's like what can we actually. control? You can control how you treat yourself. cuz I truly believe and I'm sure there. are literal studies out there, but I. didn't look them up, so someone else do. it. Um there's no way that self-sabotage. and doing that heavily. isn't manifesting in how we treat our. bodies. There's just no way. There has. to be a correlation, someone look it up. and DM it to me. Like procrastinating on.

work or avoiding hard conversations, it is going to create chronic stress. Like I I just want to emphasize. self-sabotage, guys. This isn't just. like a buzzword online of like uh. I self-sabotage. Like no, no, no. If you are in it, it is. all-encompassing. And then the side effect, which I think. is really um. very applicable to our generation right. now is like then you start to numb if. you're constantly self-sabotaging. You.

cope with the anxiety of your own. self-sabotage by. coping mechanisms. Maybe it's doom. scrolling 24/7 and then you're actually. making yourself feel worse all the time. Substance abuse issues, binge eating, um. reckless spending, ruining. relationships, like the list goes on. It has this. trickle-down effect essentially. And so. I know it's a lot, but. if you go all the way back to how I. started this conversation, what.

essentially started as a defense. mechanism or what feels like a defense. mechanism can manifest into so much. more. And the amount of people who wrote in to. me and asked me to talk about. self-sabotaging, I really appreciated it. because I was like, okay, this is. clearly very pertinent to. the conversation for the Daddy Gang and. myself. And it's also really important. that we have the conversation so we can. adjust something. I remember when I was. doing research on this, I read a quote.

that I felt was so applicable to this. topic. If I butcher this, just you'll get the gist, but it. basically said, "We must all suffer one. of two things, the pain of discipline. or the pain of regret.". Which one do you want to be? Do you want to live your life with. regret or do you want to be like, "God, that was really, really hard that I. held myself to this standard and it. wasn't easy. It wasn't even fun.

sometimes, but I got through it and I. did it.". At the end of the day, I think. the most. tragic way self-sabotage ruins a life is. that it literally robs you of your own. potential. I don't want anyone listening. to this show and I definitely don't want. myself also like at 40, 50, or 60 years. old, we all look back being like, "Oh my. god, the only thing standing between the. life that you wanted and the life that.

you got was just like. your own refusal to tolerate the. discomfort. of growth.". Good night. We're all like, "No!". But it's like, I swear to God, guys, this is so, so real and it is. all-encompassing and I just urge the. daddy gang like the next time that you. feel the urge to self-sabotage.

and you know, you want to text your. toxic ex, you want to pick a fight with. your partner, or you want to blow off an. important meeting, please remember this. You have survived all of your worst days. so far. You have, you're here, right? So, you don't need to create new ones. just to prove you can survive those, too. You don't. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself win. You genuinely deserve. it. Because at what point do you say. enough is enough? I'm done. I'm done.

hurting myself. I demand more for. myself. But I get it's really scary because when. you start to do that, it's you have to take accountability of. your own life. You cannot say it was. this person's fault or this person did. this to me. You have to actually start. to be like, okay, I'm in control. People. can do things to you, but how do you. react? How do you get up every morning. and say, no, I'm not going to let that. affect me. Or yeah, that affected me, but I'm going to turn it into this. Like.

at some point our victim mentality needs. to shift to be like, for sure [ __ ] can. happen to you. How are you going to. react and how are you going to adjust. and how are you going to change from it? Because if you keep letting others. completely dictate your entire life, then you are. then you're never going to have control. of anything. You've no autonomy over. yourself. And what is a life like that. to live? That's miserable. Your life is. in the hands of all these other people. And let's be real, most people are just. thinking about themselves, so no one's.

really thinking about you. The least you could do is think about. yourself first. No one's think No one's putting you. first but you. So like let's start with. that. What a concept. Um. Okay, I think that's enough on that. topic for today. I just. >> [sighs]. >> I hope that that hit home and I hope. that maybe this could be used as a. little reset to anyone who has found. themselves in any capacity. self-sabotaging. I love you. Again, I. know this is like a very difficult thing.

to. change. This isn't going to happen. overnight, but at least acknowledging if. you're doing it and if this felt like it. was applicable to your life, let's start Monday, okay? Tomorrow's. Monday. It's a fresh new start. Let's. stop self-sabotaging. Okay. Um let's answer some questions. Support. for Call Her Daddy comes from Google. Pixel. Okay, picture this. You are on [music]. vacation with friends. You finally get.

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about a thousand screenshots. Every time. I'm scrolling and see a gorgeous living. room, a coffee table, a lamp, immediate. screenshot. The fun part is collecting. all of these ideas, but the hard part is. actually making them work together in. your own space. We've all got a vision. for an aesthetic, right? And that's why. I am so excited about Ashley's new. Ashley Lux collection. Ashley Lux has. beautiful furniture that's designed for. how people actually live. We're talking. sculpted wood, soft velvet and leather,

brushed metals. The kind of pieces that. instantly make a room feel more. elevated. I love how versatile. everything is, especially their White. Haven collection. You basically melt. into it, which is literally the goal, right? Personally, I've also had my eye. on the Ashley's Neo collection. The wood. tables are so stunning and exactly the. kind of timeless piece that works for. literally everything. But it's not just. furniture. Ashley Lux has gorgeous, gorgeous rugs, lighting, artwork,

throws, and accessories. So you can. basically layer everything together and. make your space actually feel like you. If you are feeling ready to upgrade your. space, Daddy gang, it's time to head to. Ashley. Discover the new Ashley Lux. collection by visiting Ashley in store. or online at Ashley.com/luxe. The first question someone wrote in and. said, "Hey Daddy, first of all, congrats. on becoming a mommy, too. I've recently. started therapy and it has been such a. game-changer, but I feel like I run out.

of things to talk about when nothing. crazy is happening in my life. What. should I do? Do you have any. suggestions?" Oh girl, do I have. a very, very. very good suggestion for you. I will. never forget when I said to my. therapist, it was like years ago, where. I was like. >> [gasps and sighs]. >> like I don't like really think we need. like a full session. And she was like, "Oh, why's that?" And I was like, "Everything's going really well. Like I. don't really have much to talk about.". And she was like, "Oh, amazing. These.

make for the best sessions.". I believe that therapy is so helpful. when you are in a crisis. That is. absolutely true. Like this person is. specialized in this. They can help you, they can guide you through it. But I. think the most progress you actually. make is when you're not in crisis, so. you can actually get underneath the. things that are a part of your DNA, a. part of who you are, that are little. triggers that you just feel like, well, I I don't need to talk about my. childhood right now cuz the issue is my.

mother-in-law or the issue is my um you. know, my boyfriend and I have been. fighting or my husband and I have been. doing this or at work this is happening. Like when you're handling a direct. in-the-moment issue, there's of course. moments in therapy you're going to be. able to lightly get into the weeds of. like why is this triggering and what is. this bringing up for you? But for the. most part you're not actually able to. like get into childhood and previous. wounds and who you are to the core in. the way that a full session just being. like let's just talk. Let's just talk. I.

think my advice, cuz I had someone close. to me recently do this, was like you can. say to your therapist, I'm feeling. acknowledge it to her. Like, I'm feeling. like I don't really have anything to say. and that makes me. want you to kind of push me of like. let's explore let's explore. Like what. what should we talk about today? Put it. a little bit on your therapist to then. guide you through cuz the minute you. give her the opening she will go. I used. to do this with my therapist which is.

such a bad habit and maybe this is just. because I literally can't like shut the. [ __ ] up for a living. Um I would just. like keep talking and just like make not. like make stuff up, but I would just. like kind of like fill the room with air. and I would just keep going and I would. never allow for silence. So I don't. think my therapist ever actually [ __ ]. knew that I actually felt like I didn't. have anything to talk about because I. would just literally keep talking. And. what I needed to do was shut the [ __ ] up. and be like, I've got nothing. And then she could have filled the void. to be like, great. So let's go back to.

when 4 months ago when you brought up. that it brought up a lot of insecurity. when XYZ happened. I'm going to go back. Let's explore that more now that we've. had time away from it. Like so much of. therapy is not actually dealing with the. direct issue at hand. That's half of. life, right? More than half of life. It's like there's something in front of. you that's triggering you and it. actually has nothing to do with what's. actually in front of you and what's. triggering you. It actually has. everything to do with what happened way. back when and now it's bringing it back.

up for you. So, let yourself explore and. don't be afraid to kind of like go on a. little journey with your therapist. But give her the permission to allow it. and don't be like me and like just make. up fake stories to just fill the 50. minutes. Not me like literally being a. people pleaser being like I don't want. her to feel awkward and like whatever. So, like I'm just going to kind of like. bring up a random story that like I. completely have clarity on but like this. will fill the void. You're paying this person. You're paying. this person, you guys. Use them, okay?

Okay. Next. Ooh, this is a really good question. Okay. Hi Daddy, I would like your current. perspective on sharing locations with a. partner. When in a relationship do you. ask? How do you ask? Do you think it's. ever healthy or is it always toxic? What. does it mean if you're in a great. relationship but they say no? And do you. believe in sharing locations with. friends? >> [sighs]. [gasps]. >> This is really. It's such a good question cuz I feel. like recently just socially everyone.

kind of shares locations with each. other, right? Like I mean for God's sake. on Instagram there's like a feature. where you can share where your location. is. I feel like so many people on Find My. Friends just like share their locations. Some of my friends have like 40 people. on there share their locations. So, Matt and I do share locations with. each other but we didn't always share. locations. I remember in the beginning. of our relationship that wasn't even a. thought of mine or his. And. I think it was more like.

I think we change I think I think it was. when we changed when we were living. together nothing happened that made Matt. and I share it it ended up just like. naturally happening one day of like oh. when are you going to be home or. something and then it like the other one. was like here and then we just shared. our location and then we never stopped. sharing the location and now. when I check it. you want to know when I check Matt's. location guys. is when he says I'm leaving the office. and I'm trying to like get our dinner.

together. and I check it and he still hasn't left. the office and I'm like you haven't left. though and he's like [ __ ] so like that's. what I use it for. um. so now I'm trying to backtrack cuz I. know I'm now talking to my own situation. so I'm like okay I think it's toxic if. it is coming from a place where you. genuinely are wanting it because you are. trying to find out where this person is. if it's coming from insecurity if it's.

coming from distrust at all. that is a problem because then you don't. need the the the location you need a new. relationship you need to build trust in. the relationship and just sharing a. location is not going to knock off all. the distrust that you have with this. person do you know what I mean like you. have to look at it from a standpoint of. is this helping fuel anxiety and you. think it's going to give you less. anxiety cuz now you'll know where he is. and even though he says he's at work you. don't actually believe he's at work so. having his location would actually make. you feel just like a little bit better.

about it that's unhealthy that's like. you're trying to have this little. stopgap thing to help you fill a void in. the relationship that's actually just a. glaring issue that like this isn't. actually going to solve it I definitely. would love to know like if you're. married or if you're like living with. this person like I think when you're at. a really serious place in your. relationship I don't personally care. about sharing my location cuz I have. nothing to [ __ ] hide and Matt has. nothing to hide so we're both like here. but if someone is actively saying no to. you and that's like your husband or your.

boyfriend that you're living with, I. guess I would just love to know why. I'm. not someone that like needs it. I would. just love to know like, "Oh, what why?". You know what I mean? Like, I get it can. come off a lot if you're dating and it's. kind of like cuz I don't like I want you. to trust me and like I don't need you to. be like tracking my whereabouts. That's. weird. I feel like that's more of like. an early relationship thing. I think. there should be no problem if you're. married sharing your location. I. literally like life happens, right? You. have kids, you're trying to figure out. your schedule, where is this person? If.

you can't get a hold of them and you're. trying to set up something and then you. check and you're like, "Oh, they're. still at work." Or, "Oh, they're still. at grandma's house. I'm going to do. like" that's logistics, right? But, I. know people have a lot of feelings on. sharing location and I think that anyone. that is extremely defensive about it. when it comes to a relationship, I think. there just needs to be an overarching. conversation and a look at the. relationship and not just like why is. sharing a location triggering? Is there. other [ __ ] in your relationship that's. making this issue more pronounced? You.

know? Cuz I just feel like everyone. that's written in to me about locations, it's always like "Well, he won't share. it with me." And like I always on. Saturday night like I just feel like. when he says he's out with his boys, that a babe, you don't need his. location. Again, you need a new. boyfriend. You're so insecure because he. makes you feel so insecure because he's. being shady. Getting his location, actually you're just going to be like, "Oh, he is at that woman's house." Like. it's just going to confirm that he's. cheating on you. Do you need to You know. what I mean? So, I think you have to look at your.

relationship and what you want it for. And if they're being really shady about. it, that is weird. That's weird. No? I. don't know. Internet, tell me. I'm not. saying that it should be like you have. to share your location immediately, but. I don't really care. Again, I'm not. sharing it with everyone, but like I'm. sharing it with my husband. Why wouldn't. I? He should know where I am. He should. know where I am. God forbid I'm at the. supermarket and someone takes me, Matt's. got to come to the rescue. Or God forbid.

God I don't know. I have my mom, my dad, my sister. I have. my family and my closest friends and. Matt. No. >> [snorts]. >> I'm not checking it all the time. Okay. I don't know. Next. Let me know. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Tinder. Daddy gang, I was going through. my liked songs yesterday and it is crazy. to see how many eras of my life I have. been through. There were some down bad. breakup songs. There are my happy and. love songs. There is my teen angsty.

music still on there from high school. And let's just say I've you know, I've. had a lot of phases, okay? You can tell. a lot about someone by what they're. currently listening to, which is where. Tinder's new music mode feature comes. in. Now with music mode, you can add. your favorite songs right to your. profile and easily connect with someone. who actually gets your taste. Tinder is. making it easy to get straight into the. important stuff like whether your music. tastes are aligned. Plus now you have so.

much better conversation starters than. just a simple hey. Respectfully, ask them about their. favorite artist or share your own to get. things going, okay? By the way, hitting. a concert for a first date kind of. amazing. Definitely better than the. movies. Worst case even if the date. flops, you still got to see one of your. favorite artists. Like a win is a win, okay? Try Tinder music mode, explore all. the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder. today. I have a question for you. Have you.

thought about how you will approach work. once your baby is born? Will you take. time off? Do you think it will shift. your perspective overall? This is such a. great question. This is my favorite way to just drum up. some anxiety. Do you guys want to Do you guys want to. have a quick chat? Do you want to hear. where my my brain's been? Um. yeah, I think I've been anxious about. this because for the past. almost decade of doing Call Her Daddy, I.

have never taken off more than. like what looks like through my episodes. 2 weeks for like Christmas and New. Year's, but it really isn't even 2 weeks. because I'm I've I'm working. those weeks to get the episode for. January. like the second week ready. So like I've. never really taken off more than a week. for Call Her Daddy. And that is just the. nature of this business, right? Like you. need to upload every single week and.

this is the name of the game. And so. I've kind of conditioned myself to be. like there are no breaks. And that's. been amazing and very fruitful for my. business, but I think when I think about. having a child and every woman deserves. to have maternity leave, I'm like I I. How's that going to work? How's that. going to work cuz I can't take 3 months. of off of Call Her Daddy, you know? And. so what I have been doing for the past. few months, and I will say it hasn't. been the easiest, um.

but so hopefully it will make you guys. just appreciate those episodes extra, is. I have been working double during this. pregnancy to bank episodes for the. months that I will try to take off. during this. pregnancy leave. And I just am so. looking forward to the minute I have. this child. I really really want to be. able to disconnect. I want to be able to. turn my phone off, turn the internet. off, um and and honestly for myself like.

turn Call Her Daddy off for a second and. be 100% present with my child and my. husband and just be in this cocoon of oh. my my this is my first child. I've never. done this before and I want to soak it. all up in the last thing I want to be. thinking about is work because I. shouldn't have to think about that, right? Um, and so I have been banking a. lot of episodes. It's giving me anxiety, but in a beautiful way. I have such an. incredible team now where basically you. guys will be set. You're going to have. Call Her Daddy episodes rolling out.

every single week like nothing has. changed and it will just be because I've. been working the past few months to get. those done. I think that my. goal is to also take just like a break. from social media. Obviously, I'll post. here and there of little things that I. feel applicable, but I think I want to. do like. just like a. cleanse of the soul and bringing this. child into this world and like I don't. know. I just kind of want to be off the. grid. So, that is what I'm planning and.

then to come back. Um, who knows if I'll. actually be able to take 2 months off. But, we'll we're going to try and I said. to my team like I'll be down probably to. get on Zooms after a few weeks. No. And then they could be like, "No, I. thought we were going to take you were. going to take a little bit more time off. than that." And I'm like, "We'll see.". But, I just I'm going to be easy on. myself and as every woman should like. maternity leave is it seems like such a. beautiful time where you really will. never get that time back and I want to.

enjoy it as all these other women tell. me it's so great. So, yeah, you won't know I'm on maternity. leave except but I will know and that is. all that matters, right? You're getting. fed and I'm getting fed. Okay. Um, next. My story is short and sweet. Our bride is asking us to all wear Lilly. Pulitzer for her bachelorette. Not only. is the brand not everyone's style, but. it's also out of some people's price. range for a dress/shirt/outfit.

A color scheme is one thing, but a brand. like am I out of line for thinking the. themes have gone too far? I bite my tongue every time anyone. writes in about anything with regard to. Bachelorettes because I'm scared. I'm. scared of the culture, I'm scared of the. women, and I'm just scared of everyone. is so specific about the way that they. viewed this topic and it's like you will. get crucified if you don't have the. right take, but there is no right take.

cuz everyone has a different opinion. So. I'll just give you my opinion and just. know it's coming from a loving place. I. think this is crazy. Um the only way I. think this isn't crazy is if the bride. pays for everyone's outfit from Lilly. Pulitzer. If you say, "Guys, pick. something out from the website. I'm. going to get everyone it cuz on Friday I. want us all to be in this outfit.". That's the only I think acceptable thing. to ask of someone. I understand when. it's bridesmaids dresses where it's like. the this is the dress or these are the.

dresses that we're looking at. Before a. Bachelorette, you're already spending so. much money. I'm assuming if you're also. doing Lilly Pulitzer, this [ __ ] has you. guys going somewhere. You know, you're. going somewhere. You're spending money. on flights and stay and all of it and. decorating. And so the fact that you're. also being asked to purchase a specific. I guess it is kind of weird. Yeah, I. think it's like oh we're going to do a. pink party on Friday night. Totally. fine. But like we're doing a Lilly. Pulitzer party? Like did you get a brand. deal and you're going to give us all the. dress? Or like why? Um and I also think.

that's annoying because it's like it's. not like you're asking to do like you. know, a a Hawaiian theme where everyone. gets like cute little leis and all that. Like this is like a a a bougie nice. brand. So I agree with you. I don't. think that that's out of the question. and I think that you could just go back. and say like, "Hey, these dresses are. like way too expensive. Is there any. other brand that looks similar that you. would be like that you could recommend. that we could get?" Um and that will. feel right. Cuz it's kind of like uh.

then you pay for it. I think the bride. needs to pay for that if she's going to. get that specific. Sue me, but. sorry. Okay, next. Okay, hi daddy. Would love. your take on this. I have a co-worker. who constantly says, "I'm just being. honest." But really, they're just mean. >> [laughter]. >> Oh my god, that's actually kind of. funny. Not funny for you, but just like. funny cuz like I know people like that. Is there a professional way to tell. someone they're using honesty as an. excuse to be rude? Oh my god, that is.

such an amazing question. Oh my god, we. all know those people. They're like, "I'm just being honest." But like, "You. look like you've gained some weight.". And you're like, "What?". >> [laughter]. >> How did How did the what? I think what. you could say is the next time they say, "I'm just being honest." I think you can. say, "Hey Betty, I know that in your opinion, you are just being honest. I think. there's a very big difference between. honesty and putting someone down through. that honesty. There is no need for the. way that you speak a lot of the times to.

It's It's more jabs through honesty. It's disguised as honesty. And so, every. time you go to be honest with me, I. would just ask that you remove me from. those moments because I every single. time you've ever done that, it just. feels really personal. And if anything, it's very derogatory and in a way that. like I don't feel comfortable in a work. setting being spoken to like this. None. of this has to do with work, and if it. does, there should be no emotions or.

anger or rudeness brought with it. You. can just tell me. honestly what needs to be done with work. and not in a way that is is mean and. aggressive." And I think that once you. shut that down, and I think you. Let me also just tell you this. The calmer you are in conversations like. this, the more. effective. you are going to be. And that took me a. really, really long time in life to. figure that out. Like, I feel like.

whenever I would want to confront. someone, I it was like still the high. schooler in me like defending my friends. or defending myself. Like, you feel like. whether it's the louder you get or the. more intense you get, like it will hit. better. Actually being so calm. and so in control when you are telling. someone your honesty, you're using. honesty to disguise actually like cruel. and meanness, and I'm not interested in.

the way that you are presenting it. You're weaponizing fake honesty as a way. to get at people, and I have no. interest. And this is a work setting. This isn't a friendship, so I don't need. to subject myself to that. So, I would. really appreciate I'm setting a. boundary. I don't need your honesty. actually anymore. You're a coworker, and. let's just do work together. Thank you. very much, but please keep me out of. this. The more calm you are, the more. the poundage of [ __ ] is going to collect. in their [ __ ] pants when you approach.

it that way because they want you to. react crazy. They want you to come at. them because then guess what happens? Then that person who's being. inappropriate is able to flip it of. like, "Oh my god, you're being so out of. control. You're being so crazy." When. you keep it right here, ooh, you keep it. right here. You keep it real calm, cool, and collected, there's nowhere to go. There's nowhere to go. You just hone in cuz it Listen, and then. you can go to the bathroom, and you can. like curse into the [ __ ] like.

But what Don't even give her an inch. Don't give her an inch. Works for me. every time. And by every time I mean. like in the past 2 years I've learned. this, okay? It's. easier said than done, I will say. But. honing on that craft, and it's going to. get you very, very far in life. This. episode is brought to you by Polymarket. So, everyone has that one friend. That one friend that's like they knew. the couple was going to break up. They. called the surprise album drop. They. somehow knew who was getting cast on the.

reality show before the announcement. even happened. Like we all have that. friend, right? And every time you ask. them how they knew, they're like, "I. don't know. I just Guys, like I just had. a feeling.". Well, let me tell you something, Daddy. gang. Lately, I have been getting my. feelings. from Polymarket, okay? Polymarket, my god, how I love it. Okay, it is the. world's largest prediction market, basically a place where you can trade on. what's actually going to happen across. pop culture,

entertainment, sports, relationships, and more. Everything in our life, girls, is on Polymarket. So, instead of just. sending these hot takes in your group. chat, you can actually trade on them and. see what other people think is going to. happen before it does. And the market. moves fast because when people actually. have something on the line, they pay. closer attention. For example, hi, Love. Island. So, it could be who's winning. Love Island, whether Kylie and Timothy. are getting engaged this year. What do. you guys think? We'll go to Polymarket. When is Taylor Swift going to drop.

another album? Do you have any ideas? Go. to Polymarket. Who's going to take home. the Oscar that year? Go to Polymarket. Do you see what I'm. saying? It gives you real clear idea of. what's going to happen before it becomes. the obvious take all over the internet. Even if you're not trading, for me. personally, I always tell my friends. like just it's so fun to be on it and. it's a great way to keep up with culture. and to see what people are thinking and. starting conversation. It's just starts. a lot of conversations as well. So, Daddy gang, if you're the friend who's. always calling things early, this is.

basically built for you. So, download. Polymarket, p o l y m a r k e t, now. available in the United States and free. to sign up. New entertainment and. culture markets are coming to the app. every day, so be the first to trade on. them using code Daddy 50, d a d d y 50, to get $50 when you deposit your first. 20. Have fun. Love you guys.

One of my friends is constantly filming. and posting everything we do. Sometimes. I don't want to end up on Instagram or. TikTok every time we hang out. Do you. think it's weird I'm bothered by this? How would you approach this. conversation? I feel like this is. probably the most um relatable issue. maybe that friend groups are having. nowadays because there's going to be one. woman who is way more active on social. media regardless of follower count. And. then there's going to be people be. people who are more private. I think. that's a completely fair feeling to.

have. I think that you can just say. that. I think but without being a dick. So, I think you can approach your friend. and be like, "Hey, I want you to know. that I completely support that you post. on social media more. I know you know. I'm not really doing the same amount and. I think like both are great and we both. have our opinions on social media and. like the way we approach it and I want. you to keep posting. I just don't want. to be in the content a lot of the times.

and I would just appreciate it if you. could just kind of like remove me from. those moments but like obviously keep. doing your thing. It's just like a me. thing and I don't really want to be in. it." I think if your friend is like, "What the fuck?" you just have to make. sure that your tone is correct because I. could see it coming off as judgy to her. Like, "You know, you and your social. media thing, it's cute but like I would. never want to be a part of something. like that." You have to watch your tone. Something I also think is just etiquette. at this point where maybe back in the. Facebook days it wasn't. Like.

and obviously I know I'm in a different. situation cuz I have. um like this public platform but like. every single time I'm on a trip, most of. my girlfriends that are my closest. people in my life either don't have. social media or have complete private. social medias and. most of the internet doesn't even know. who my closest friends are, right? And. so, you sometimes you'll see a picture. of them and be like, "Who is that?" But. it's like, I ask my friends always, like, "Are you okay if I post this story. and you're in it? Are you okay?" Did And. they're Some of Sometimes my friends.

have been like, "No, I don't really want. that." Or yes, I'm sometimes they're. like, "Oh my god, totally post me." It's. It's case-by-case dependent, but I ask. them and I know, again, my situation's a. little different, but I think it is. still applicable. Like, we're in a time where everything is. being filmed and that is so normal for. some people and they feel comfortable. And then other people want privacy and. or just like don't want to have to deal. with it. Of like, "Ugh, I wanted to go. to the dinner and I don't want to have. to worry about like, am I in the. background of that?" It's the same thing.

when people are like, "Oh my god, you're. going and you're filming the Pilates. class and the poor woman in the back is. like, guys, like, I literally. dragged myself out of bed today. I. barely got my kids to school. I'm at the. Pilates class. I look like [ __ ] and I'm. in the back of your Tik Tok or your. Insta like, please. Like, find But. again, film yourself in Pilates, but you. have to be respectful that you're not. filming all these other people because. they didn't sign up for that. I think. there is such a shift in the way that.

social media now it's almost similar to. television rights back in the day. Like, if you happen to be in the background of. The Jersey Shore, they had to blur all. of their faces because the the enormity. of the platform at this point, there is. such a consumption problem where this. could be this could reach many, many. people on Tik Tok or Instagram. Same. thing goes for even if you only have a. certain amount of followers, like, these. people deserve discretion and they.

deserve privacy. And so, you can post, but why should they have to be a part of. it? I think is the name of the game now. So, I think your friend should be. completely understanding and if she's. not, um I think that's like a really. weird dynamic and I think you can just. say like, I respect that you want to. post, but I don't see why I need to be. in that content. And if she's like, well, sometimes it's just cuz I'm like. going around and you happen to be in the. room. It's like, well, I think there's a. way to compromise because the compromise. shouldn't be then I don't get to go on. the friend dinners and trips. Like that.

doesn't feel right. So, because your. Instagram story is so important and. you're not willing to just make a. concerted effort when you know I'm. sitting over there like, just don't show. it over there. Instead, I now need to. remove myself from actual normal life. events so that you can get your. Instagram story for what? To look cool. cuz you were at Catch that night? Like, your social self-validation is more. important than our actual friendship. Got it. Then you probably don't want to. be friends with someone like that. >> [sighs].

>> I mean, this and maybe I'll do an. episode on this, but this goes all the. way to posting children on the internet. Don't even get me started. Like, it is a. it is a problem and it is it's a whole. it's a whole it's a whole thing we can. talk about. Um but maybe it's not for. this episode, but I'm I will gladly talk. about it if people are interested in. that topic. Thank you guys so much for. tuning in this Sunday. I hope that it. was informative. It was. you know, we started down in the dumps,

but then I hope it got inspirational, you know? Little bit of a hit to where. it hurts and then build us all back up. And yeah, I have so many exciting. episodes coming for you. And. I'm just excited for Wednesdays and. Sundays because two of me on Sundays and. then it's some fun guests on Wednesdays. So, Daddy gang, I love you so much and. you know the drill. I will see you. [ __ ] on Wednesday. Goodbye. >> [music].

>> It's a lie. It's a lie. >> [music]. >> It's a lie.