The Wellness Industry Is a Scam

Hi, Daddy gang. Welcome back to another. Sunday session. I wanted to first just. start this by like checking in with. everyone. How are the girls feeling? How. are we all doing? I feel like something. about January has felt a little more. stressful than usual. Or at least maybe. it's me. Like, I don't know. Work has. been so insane. I feel like my schedule. has been insane. And I really told. myself this year that I was going to hit. the ground running. And I started off. the year feeling so motivated. I was so.

excited about the projects that I wanted. to accomplish, all the like self-help. that I was going to be doing. I ordered. a goddamn journal in December. I was. like, come Jan 1, I'm going to be a. journaling girl. And then all of a. sudden, life just immediately started to. get in the way. And if I'm being honest, part of me has been kind of just I don't. know. I've been like beating myself up. about it because I feel like there is so. much pressure in the new year to grind. and to do a big life overhaul and be in.

this new year, new me mindset as if. suddenly there are like now more hours. in the day now just because it's 2026. And look, I get it. It is a new year and. we have new goals and we want to build. new habits. Um, but it feels like I. don't know. It just feels like you put. yourself in this position where you're. like it's time to reset your life this. time of year. But I also think this. intense focus on becoming your best self. just because it's a different number on.

the calendar, it can it can leave a lot. of us feeling like we aren't good enough. as we are. And when I get too focused on. optimization and hitting next steps and. you know living for the future version. of myself, I notice that I completely. begin to lose sight of all the things. that are currently going well in my. life, right? Um I think it's easy for. all of us to get trapped in this mindset. of once this certain thing happens then.

life is going to fall into place and. everything is going to feel great. once. we get a new job or you know finish the. self-help book or for me it's like start. the self-help book um or quit the bad. habit or uh get over the breakup. whatever it may be we tell ourselves. that then we will finally be happy and. ultimately what I have come to realize. is. this hyperfixation on self-improvement.

can. slowly over time just be a form of self. rejection. I can feel everyone like, "Okay, you're. going to [ __ ] come guns blazing at us. today, Alex." But I think we need to. have this conversation because. as I've been thinking about it, like. there is no final destination that you. are going to reach one day where you. feel like you have absolutely all of. your [ __ ] in life together. That's just. never going to happen. So while yes,

working on yourself is amazing and we. all want to try to do that, if it comes. at the cost of feeling good daytoday and. feeling good in the present, then I. think we have lost the plot a little. bit. And I yes am taking accountability. and also talking about myself. I'm not. just preaching at you guys. This is. something I heavily relate to. And so I. want to read an article um that I came. across. This article is from the medium. um by a writer named Leila and it's. called you're allowed to be happy even.

before you've fixed everything. And. here's what she writes. If happiness. required having your life together, none. of us would smile again because healing, it's not linear. It's not like tripping. over the same emotional pothole 15 times. and still getting up. You don't have to. be in your final form to deserve joy. You're not an app update. You're a human. being. So maybe your room is a mess. Maybe your goals are in the same folder. as your forgotten dreams and unwashed. laundry. Maybe you're still trying to.

forgive people, including yourself. That. is okay. Let yourself be happy in the in. between. Romanticize the tiniest things. like putting on fresh socks or hearing. your favorite song in public. That stuff. counts because life doesn't begin once. you're fixed. It's happening now in the. middle of it all. I used to think, "How. dare I feel happy when I haven't even. fixed myself yet?" I put joy on layaway, waiting until I fixed my flaws or healed.

from the past or built a life that looks. perfect from the outside. We don't. always realize how heavy this mindset. is. That need to deserve happiness. It. keeps us in a state of quiet punishment, like we have to suffer now to earn peace. later. But the truth is there's no. finish line when life suddenly becomes. easy and everything makes sense. There. will always be something unresolved. Some insecurity we still haven't shaken. Happiness doesn't mean you're ignoring. the hard parts of your life. It means.

you're giving yourself permission to. experience joy in spite of them. Because. life isn't an exam you have to pass. before you can finally enjoy it. Guys, I read that and I was like, I'm hoping that this isn't just. applicable to me because I almost. started sobbing when I was reading that. I was like, okay, why is this so. relatable? Like, I really wanted to. share that with you guys because I think. it really I don't know, it just for me. and I hope for you, it really puts in.

perspective how much pressure we put on. ourselves to fix all of our flaws and. the way that we can obsess over things. that we want to change, right? I think. the wellness industry has just made this. whole idea feel so much more. pressing and toxic to be quite honest. than it ever used to feel. Like wellness. culture was originally conceptualized to. help us lower our stress and now it has. turned into a massive industry that is. profiting enormously on making us feel.

like we all need to be fixing ourselves. 24/7 constantly. It never ends. Everywhere I look right now, it is. 10step wellness routines. This isn't. anything new, right? Like the cold. plunges, the red light masks, the under. eye patches, the lymphatic drainage, the. machos, and the peptides and the Pilates. and all the things. And it's like, look, there is a reason we are called unwell. over here, okay? It is because that. stuff is literally impossible to keep up. with. We are all a little unwell and.

that is okay. None of us are perfect. No. one should expect themselves to be. perfect, but the wellness industry is. profiting off of convincing us that. maybe if we spend $40 on a Pilates glass. and we chug some freaking seamos gel and. we buy all natural skin care and we. shove coffee enemas up our [ __ ]. [ __ ] They're like, "No, babe. That's actually not a part of the. wellness category." I'm like, "Oh, okay. That's just me. Cool." Um, but then you. know what I'm saying? It's like then. maybe we can get to a place where we can.

accept ourselves when in reality. this endless seeking for self-care can. actually become a form of. selfpunishment. And I think this has. really become very apparent to me. And I. think when it does become apparent to. you, you almost can't unsee it, which. I'm hoping this happens for all of you. right now. Like every single flaw we. have has a fix that is being marketed to. us. But the truth is, and please listen.

to me when I say this, not every insecurity is actually. something that has to be solved. Maybe. solved within yourself of how to embrace. that part of yourself, but we don't need. to fix it. We don't need to always. change things. Wanting to be a better. version of yourself is wonderful and I. think it's integral into growing as a. human being. But feeling like you're not. taking care of yourself properly because. you cannot keep up with these insane. unattainable trends is.

I would argue so much worse for your. overall mental health. I saw so many. people posting videos online um when. everyone was doing the like you know new. year goals and new year new me or even. how about this when everyone was. reflecting on what their year was and I. did see a good amount of people being. like this is making me feel horrible. like maybe you had a horrible year or. maybe you the biggest thing that defined. your life this past year was loss and.

grief and change and. you don't want to reflect. You want to. keep moving forward. And so it's like, but the internet sometimes is forcing us. to feel like we are 10 steps behind most. people and we cannot keep up and we're. not good enough and oh look, their year. was way better than mine and oh wow, they got the job promotion. Wow, they. went to, you know, Paris and I didn't. even leave the like we're just. constantly comparing. And I think. especially right now in January, we all. just need a little PSA reset on what.

wellness actually is. Because they have. us so [ __ ] up, Daddy gang. They have. us so believing wellness is something. completely the opposite of what it is. Because you know what? Wellness, first. of all, let me just say it doesn't need. to cost a million [ __ ] dollars. Contrary to what everyone is telling. you, wellness can literally be finding 5. minutes of quiet in the morning to sip. your favorite coffee before the workday.

starts or reading a few pages of a book. that calms you before bed. Lighting a. candle, putting on music, sitting on. your floor and just stretching. Okay, the stretching one sounds weird. Just. did it the other day. I was like, I. don't know the last time I've like. stretched my body. Did it. Felt. incredible. Oh my god. Guess what? Didn't have to purchase an app. didn't. have to purchase anything online. Didn't. have to do it. So, we can't just wait until oh my gosh, I.

need to be richer and thinner and and. you know, I'm going to I need more free. time. All of this to reach some other. arbitrary threshold to feel like we are. allowed to finally start prioritizing. finding enjoyment in these simple. things. Daddy gang. If you keep looking. for the when and the where and the thing. and the what, you're just going to keep. moving the goalpost. You do not need to. constantly strive to attain being the. best version of yourself. You don't. You. just [ __ ] don't. And the reason. you're doing it is because of the.

internet and all of these things that. are marketed towards you to tell you to. do it. Because what I've come to find is. that there is no final benchmark that. actually exists in life. You talk to a. woman in her 60s, she's still trying to. work on it. 70s, 80s. And you know what else it kind of makes. me think of as um I've been reading. articles about this and and researching. and doing all these things like I see. this kind of same idea come up a lot. amongst my friends and myself in the.

past when it comes to dating. Everyone's like, "Oh, [ __ ] Okay, now. you're going to really hit us hard." Um, yes, I have noticed that this cultural. focus on self optimization is. ironically holding some people back from. actually having a healthy relationship. One of my single friends and I were. discussing this recently because her New. Year's resolution is to force herself to.

go on one date a week and she is not. letting herself cancel. Even if she's. tired one of the nights, even if she has. a zit in the middle of her face, like. whatever, if she's not feeling her best, that's like she's going to force herself. to go. And what I specifically like. about this concept is that. truly the right partner is going to see. you at your highest highs and your. lowest lows. So, why do you need to only. show up as your absolute best self in. the very beginning? Like, listen, I get. it when you're going on a first date.

like you're not going to show up in your. sweats and your like greasy [ __ ] hair. and all that. Like I get it. But there. is something to be said of like, "Hey, like I'm so excited to meet you tonight. I'm going to be really honest. I had a. really shitty day at work. That's probably [ __ ] refreshing, right? Be real. Like needing to work on. yourself, and this is really something I. want you guys to listen to cuz I wish I. had had someone tell me this when I was. dating, is like needing to work on. yourself before dating.". Yes, of course it it can absolutely be.

great and be beneficial, but it can. also, I feel like, end up trying to kind. of it can almost like create this type. of avoidance at a certain point, right? Like it almost can it it can hold you. back essentially is what I'm trying to. say. It becomes a problem when it. becomes an excuse. That is what it is, right? We've all heard of a guy using. the classic line. He's like, "Oh my god, like he can't be in a relationship.". right now because he just needs to work.

on himself. How bad when they like break. up with you and they're like, "No, no, it has nothing to do with you. Like, I. just have to like work on myself." And. you're like, "I'm sure you [ __ ] do, Jeremy. Actually, I know you [ __ ] don't, Jeremy. Just say that you want to break. up with me." Like, or they're like, "Hey, sorry. Like, I'm just like not in. the like I can't right now cuz I'm. working on myself. I can't be in a. relationship." No, if it was the right. [ __ ] person, Jeremy would be in your. [ __ ] pants. Okay, trust me. But it's. like we let them get away with this. rationale, I guess, because we're like, "Oh, that's so sweet." Like, he wants to.

be a better version of himself before. dating anyone. Like, oh my god. And it's. like, no, they're just like trying to. get their [ __ ] dick wet with a bunch. of girls before he wants to settle down. one day with a chick that is 10 times. [ __ ] younger than him. Okay, we have. to normalize, I think, the concept that. you need to be the best fully healed. version of yourself before you start. dating anyone. In reality, that's just. not true. Dating forces a level of. self-reflection that you just don't get. on your own. I'm not saying if you are.

in the worst part of your life, you. should be actively like trying to date, but like at some point, you got to rip. the band-aid off. You don't really. discover what you still need to work on. when you're sitting alone in your room. journaling. Unfortunately, trust me, I. wish that was the case. I wish we could. solve all of our problems without a man. across from you at the [ __ ] table. But you do discover things when someone. doesn't text you back for two days and. you start spiraling and you're freaking.

out and then you're trying to track. their location and you're refreshing. their Instagram. Then you may realize, "Oh, wow. I do still have these. abandonment wounds that I do need to. address, right? Like that. that deep inner work of crashing out. over a situationship that does not. happen unfortunately in isolation. Okay, I wish it did. Sometimes it actually it. takes interacting with people. Sometimes.

you have to go into the dating world a. little unhealed in order to get to the. other side of it and actually become a. better partner in the future. Again, I. just want to make sure and pause that. you guys understand like I'm not saying. be irresponsible. I'm not saying if you. have extreme. trauma that you're dealing with. I am. not saying that yes, maybe then you're. unpacking it and you're trying to then. also start dating right now. That is not. what you should be [ __ ] doing. But. yes, go [ __ ] date people and see what.

it brings up for you and if anything. triggers you and what you learn about. yourself. Like, stop hiding and stop. using, you know, I'm just not ready as. an excuse because what you're really. doing is you're just prolonging learning. more and more about yourself. And so, I. want to end with one more article that. kind of drove this idea home for me. and. it is titled, "Do we really have to be. healed to date people?" by Lois Shearing. from Cosmopolitan. Okay, here we go.

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Shopify. I'm not typically a New Year's. resolutions kind of girl, but you guys. know I am big on goals. Last year, my. goal was to read more, which I did. finally get around to um you know, in. December. You all know how it goes. you're busy. Life gets in the way and. then suddenly things were that we were. excited about just turn into something. that no no I'll find time later for it. later I'll do it. But Daddy gang there. really is no better time to start than.

right now. The new year is when everyone. is reflecting and resetting and thinking. about what they want next. And January. is about actually doing something with. that energy. And Shopify makes the first. step easier than ever. Whether you're. working on a side hustle or you're. finally going in on that business idea, Shopify helps you become who you are. meant to be, no more waiting, no more. maybe because Shopify's AI tools are a. total game changer. You literally get. your own AI assistant that helps with. everything from images and content to.

reports and data. It's like basically. having a co-founder who never sleeps. And I love that everything lives in one. place. I can check sales and see which. new Unwell beverage flavors you guys are. actually loving or what hoodies you. can't get enough of all right on my. phone. It keeps everything organized and. lets me stay focused on my goals no. matter where I am. So, if 2026 is your. year, go to shopify.com/daddy. and make your move.

This article is titled, "Do we really. have to be healed to date people?" by. Lois Shearing for Cosmopolitan. What do we owe the people we date? Respect, for sure. Clear communication, definitely. The most healed version of. ourselves, not so sure on that one. While working on yourself and being. aware of your flaws can certainly make. you a better partner. What that looks. like will be different for everyone. Romantic relationships are not something.

you have to earn by being a productive. member of society with a gym membership. and a mindfulness app. In a perfect. world, people would fully work through. any past trauma or cognitive blocks. before waiting into the world of dating. But we don't live in a perfect world. So, if someone great comes along, it's. better to be open and honest about where. you're at and just communicate what you. have the capacity to offer at this time. Because what's often left out of the. conversation is what it actually means. to heal. And perhaps more importantly,

what we're supposed to all be healing. from. Unlike healing from a wound where. there's a clear beginning and end, healing in the dating sense seems to. have morphed into a perpetual state of. self-optimization. One where we're. trying to heal from the fallibility and. messiness of the human condition itself. Here is the secret. You can't get better. without other people. You can't think, journal, or meditate your way into. trusting people again after you've been. betrayed. You have to take the plunge to.

get proof that other people can be. trustworthy. Demanding that people. should only date once they've reached a. certain level of healing, one that. conventionally aligns with capitalist. ideas of success, is a way of trying to. protect yourself from the possibility of. getting hurt. You are not required to be. perfectly healed to deserve love. In. fact, you will never be healed unless. you get out there and work on your [ __ ]. with other people. Boom,

guys. I read that and was like, "Okay, well, I needed that when I was dating.". And I hope it's helpful to hear because. look, I'm not saying. self-awareness and accountability don't. matter in dating because they absolutely. do. And no healing can happen without. two elements, right? But real. self-awareness, I feel like, also means. accepting that you are a work in.

progress. Like, don't even get me. started about where I was when I first. met Matt. Like, if we were going by the. standard that you need to be a fully. healed person to start dating, I would. be single. in captivity. and the lights would be off and they. would board up the windows. Okay? I was. in no capacity in a mental, physical, well-being standpoint to start dating my.

now husband. So, let me tell you that. because I hope it makes you feel more. seen in we all have childhood [ __ ] We. all have trauma. We all have. insecurities. We all have fears. We all. have things that we don't want to. immediately expose to people about. ourselves because we're embarrassed or. ashamed or whatever it is. But in order. to work through that embarrassment and. to work through that trauma and that. shame or whatever it is, you need to. have interpersonal dynamics that can.

help you work through these things. We. don't live in a society where we all. just isolate ourselves. We gain. happiness and we prosper by having human. connection. Yes. Does it mean you're not. going to have miserable human. connections? Trust me, babe. Some of my. exes did a real [ __ ] number on me, okay? But every single person led me to. finding my happiness with Matt and. finding my happiness within myself, and. I'm still working on it. So, don't short.

yourself by thinking you're too much of. a project and you're too much to handle. and you're too [ __ ] up. You got to. start somewhere. And I agree with, you. know, what they were saying in the. article of like, of course, there is a. responsibility. Like I said earlier, if. you are dealing with something. traumatic, you don't need to disclose all details, but you could just say, "Hey, I'm going. through a really weird time in my life. or a really difficult time in my life, and I'm not fully ready to share things. yet, but it is really nice to have. company with someone, and I hope at one.

point I feel comfortable to open up to. you, but yeah, let's go to the movies. tonight." Like, don't selfisolate. It's. just going to make things worse. You can. get out there and go on dates knowing. that you've still got some [ __ ] to work. on. I mean, I can do a whole other. Sunday session on how to actually know. when you're ready for a real. relationship, right? I feel like going. out and trying to date versus like. really being ready for like a committed. relationship. There's kind of a. difference. But, I don't know. Right. now, I just wanted to reiterate that you.

don't need to be the most perfect. version of yourself to get to that. place. You don't. We do not need to just. keep growing and self-optimizing. endlessly to be so happy with ourselves. Like maybe you're just feeling good and. the only reason that you're not feeling. good is because a bunch of other people. around you are making it feel like you. got to keep we got to keep evolving. We. got to keep changing. Like yeah, to a. certain degree, but like not in every. aspect of your [ __ ] life. No matter. what you change, some version of all of. the [ __ ] that you still need to work on,

it's always going to [ __ ] be there. There is not an end date where. everything is just magically perfect. So, stop delaying your own happiness. because you think you need to change. yourself first. Yes, you can do dry. January. I'm personally trying to do it. myself. And you can do your 75 hard. challenges. No, I'm not doing that. personally myself. Um, you can grind on. your New Year's resolutions. You can. prioritize therapy and learning and. growth. You can you can do all these.

things that you want to do that you. think will help you feel your best, but. you can also be okay with yourself if. none of that stuff happens. Babe, you've. gotten this far, okay? You've gotten. this damn far. So, Daddy gang, I hope. that was a helpful little reminder this. January that yes, you can work on. yourself or you can choose not to and. that is completely fine. Just take some. time off. Honestly, I'm exhausted. Stop. with the self-reflection maybe for a.

second. Give yourself a break, right? Or. just take the time to acknowledge that. the things that you already have, you. can be proud of. That's that's it. That's enough sometimes. So, I don't. know. I don't know what this means for. 2026. I think it means do whatever the. [ __ ] you want. Do whatever makes you. feel good. Stop comparing ourselves to. all of this fake [ __ ] Cuz let me. tell you, as someone who's on the. internet, like. half of the time that you see people. sharing this [ __ ] they just needed a.

post for that day. It's like really not. that deep. But it is that deep to people. who follow these type of people, right? You see this influencer and they're. like, "These are my goals and this is. what I'm doing and this is my year. recap." They're literally just sitting. there being like, "Oh, this is going to. perform really well. I'm going to put. this up." But you are the one though. that's being impacted by it. So, I think. we also need to have a level of. discernment of like how much are you. allowing influencers and creators and. their content to personally impact you? And if it is significantly impacting.

you, if you felt so horrible at all the. 2025 recaps and all those things and the. 2026 goals, like you have to look inward. and say to yourself, why is this so. triggering to me? And how can I stop. this from impacting me so heavily? Right? Okay, with that I think it's time that. we wrap up this little PSA. Um, and I. hope this alleviated a lot of pressure. that maybe anyone was feeling because.

you guys, let me end it with this. I was drunk in London with my husband. over the holidays having such a lovely. time. Went to the countryside. Matt was. like, "Do you want to go to the beach?". And I was like, "No, I want to go live. my holiday fantasy. I want to be Cameron. Diaz in the rolling hills with wild. horses and I want to sit in a cabin and. I want to put on my fuzzy socks and I. want to sit by a fire and I want to. stare at a wall and I want to get bored.

I was like, "We need to get bored, Matt." He was like, "Okay, let's get. bored." And so in that boredom, I did. allow myself to kind of start to think. about what is the next year, you know, what is coming for me? I have so much. going on with business that I'm so proud. of and so excited about, but I think a. lot of times my brain just spirals to. like what's next and what's this and. what's that and I'm, you know, all of it. So then all of a sudden I'm. on [ __ ] Amazon and I'm ordering.

myself a goddamn journal that looks like. it's a journal from like the 1950s. I. wanted it to look a little bit like worn. in and like vintage, like nothing too. cheesy, like really original, right? And. here I am ordering this [ __ ] journal. at like midnight as I can't sleep. And. then I forgot I ordered it. And then I. got home. It was like January 2nd. Um, Prime showed up and I was like, what's. the Oh, and you know what? Only the only.

thing I did, it just made me feel like. [ __ ] [ __ ] about myself. Cuz I was. like, "Bitch, you are never going to. write in that journal. You were never. going to write in that journal." It was. like a fleeting It's like kind of like. when you go on Pinterest and you have. all these ideas of like I'm going to. become the most aesthetic [ __ ] you've. ever seen. My aesthetic. I'm going to do. a full rebrand. Like full rebrand. aesthetic. And you're like pinning these. things and like your fashion and all. these things. And then you go to work. the next day and you put on the exact. same slacks and the shirt that you.

always do. And even though you've got. the new outfit, you're like, "Ooh, like. I'm just going to like go to like my. basics." And you just guess what? Cuz. that's who you are. We try to like mold. ourselves to things we're seeing online. and like ooh the cool girl aesthetic and. this aesthetic. And it's like just be. who the [ __ ] you are because the minute. you start to try to do things for. aesthetic or things that you see people. doing, it's a waste of time. It's a. waste of time and a waste of money. It's. a waste of money that I bought that. [ __ ] journal. If anything, now I'm convincing myself.

like, you will write in that journal, you little [ __ ] [ __ ] And I'm like, but I don't want to write in the. journal. And it's like, so don't don't. buy the [ __ ] cool girl boots that you. think like, I don't know if I'll wear. them a lot, but I do know I'll get. street cred if I wear them. Stop it. Stop it. Don't buy anything for street. cred. Don't do anything for aesthetic. What makes you happy? What makes you. comfortable? And do that. So, should I just like do a giveaway in. my journal? All right. So, we're gonna kick this uh.

episode and this year off with a. giveaway. I'm No, you know what I'm not. going to do? I'm not going to do that. cuz guess what? Not that I'm not in the. giving mood. I don't even want you guys. to get a whiff of what the journal looks. like. You guys are going to be like, "Alex, you are really you are really leaning. into that cottage core vibe. boyfriend. in London. You are trying to be. something you're not. And I'd be like, "Read me to filth, [ __ ] You're so. [ __ ] right." No, the worst two was.

like my um my husband comes home and. Matt goes, "What's this?" And I was. like, "Nothing, nothing, nothing." And. he was like, "What is it?" And I'm like, "It's a journal." And he was like, "Oh, are you going to start journaling?" And. I was like, "No." He's like, "So why?". And I said, "Just stop." He was like, "Oh, okay, Alex." I'm like, I'm going to prove him wrong and just. start like spite journaling. No, that. goes against everything we just [ __ ]. said. Okay, can we just go to France? I. need to stop. I'm just going to keep. rambling. Okay, questions of the.

[ __ ] week. I need to answer. some of your questions. Let me help you. cuz obviously. you guys just help me through that. I. just need to talk that through. I. haven't talked about it yet. I haven't. talked about my [ __ ] journal. Everything's fine. Okay, question number. one. Listen, Daddy gang. Winter is here. I know it's freezing out there and I. know the sun is setting insanely early, but hear me out. Just because we have to. throw a couple extra layers on doesn't. mean we can't still enjoy ourselves, right? And that includes finding some.

time to crack a few claws with our. friends. Whether you're at your favorite. dive bar, warming up in the crowd at a. concert or just having friends over to, you know, watch a football game, the. best winter nights are really just about. doing something together. Personally, I. love getting together with my friends in. the winter because it's an excuse to. make every hangout even cozier. I'm. talking blankets out, fuzzy socks on, and white claws in hand. There is.

nothing better than sitting by a fire. with your friends catching up all night. long and never leaving the house. So. pick up a pack from your favorite local. spot and grab life by the claw with your. favorite flavor this winter. Please. drink responsibly hard seltzer with. flavors whiteclaw seltzer works Chicago. Illinois. Question one. Hey, Alex. I love my. boyfriend and he's a genuinely good. person, but I'm starting to feel weird. about our financial dynamic. I make.

significantly more money and end up. covering most dates, trips, groceries, even random expenses like parking or. Uber rides. He always says he'll get me. back, but it rarely happens. I don't. think he's using me intentionally, but. I'm starting to feel resentful. How do. you bring this up without sounding cold? Okay, that is a recipe for disaster. whether it's, you know, money or. whenever there's just like a a clear. imbalance in a relationship and it. wasn't like a clear boundary that was.

set of like, oh, you handled this stuff, I handled this stuff. That's just where. resentment is going to build. And. especially when it comes to financial, this isn't something to [ __ ] around. with. Like, this is a boyfriend. And not. to be a dick, but you're like, you don't. know if you're marrying this person. And. so to spend an exorbitant amount of. money that you're essentially investing. in this person and they're not equally. participating in some capacity, I worry. for you. So I do feel like this is. completely valid to write this in. I. think you need to set some base level.

boundaries of what you're willing to. cover and you're going to contribute. Um, I think if you can. be honest with yourself first, you. always have to first I think before. going to the person, like what would. make you happy? Like if you're like, I. actually am just looking for a thank. you. Like I actually don't care about. covering the cost. I just need like. thank yous and more just like honest. just like recognition, great. Or are you. like, I'm struggling. I need him to pay. 50/50. Or even if you're not struggling, you just want him to go 50/50 with you.

I think you need to know that before you. go into that conversation. Um, I also. think you need to figure out what. percentage you're comfortable with. contributing. Like, there's a lot of. dynamics. If you're going to live with. this person, if you're going to one day. marry this person, like, are you going. to pay for the whole [ __ ] wedding? Are you going to pay for the kids? Are. you going to pay for the house? Like, money conversations with partners at the. end of the day are very can be very. uncomfortable. And if this person has. genuine respect for you, I think you. need to bring it up. I do suggest.

because there could be an element of. embarrassment. Maybe he is not. comfortable obviously with how much he's. currently making. I do think you can go. in really soft at first and loving just. being like, "Hey, I just want to first. acknowledge like I know this. conversation is an awkward conversation. No one will likes to talk about money. It's always going to be a little stiff. and awkward, but I really do think we. need to have this conversation for the. good of our relationship because I do. feel an imbalance and I don't feel like. we're in a position where this is being.

fully like fair and I wanted to just. have an open conversation about what I. think would work for me and then I want. to hear obviously from you what would. work from you. But yeah, this doesn't. sound like something that is going to be. sustainable unless you have an honest. open conversation. Finances are. it's harder. It's it's it's sex and. finances. That's the I feel like those. are the two hardest [ __ ] things to. ever talk about. People always struggle. with sex and finances and to talk about. them honestly and not to have lies or.

deceit or anger or resentment. You need. to have really clear open communication. And sometimes it leads to answers that. you don't like, but then you have the. answers instead of pouring money into. this person. And then imagine if he's. like, "Bitch, I never am going to pay. for that [ __ ] Like, you I expect you to. pay for all this." Then you're probably. going to break up with him, but you need. this intel. Okay? We always need the. intel, girls. Okay. Question two. Hi, Daddy. I'm engaged and genuinely so. excited to get married, but my parents, who have had a rocky marriage, keep.

making comments about how marriage is. very hard, and just wait, it changes. everything. I know they think they're. being realistic, but it's just starting. to feel like they're projecting their. own issues onto me. How do I protect my. excitement without dismissing their. advice? Okay. I like. it is so annoying just past your parents. when you're so excited about something. and someone had a bad experience in. their own life of like you're pregnant, you're excited about kids, you turn to a. [ __ ] woman and she's like, "You're.

going to be miserable. You don't want. that kid. Oh my god, just wait. Your. life's about to get hell." and you're. literally like, "Thanks, [ __ ] Thanks. I'm about to have to push this thing out. in 4 months, but thanks, babe." Like, again, you can give advice, but to just. be a negative Nancy, same thing if like. if you're going to go to like, I don't. know, you get into some college or. something you've never been excited. about. Oh, yeah. My sister went there. She [ __ ] hated it. Okay, Becky, good. for you. I bet your sister's a [ __ ]. [ __ ] And she probably [ __ ] the whole.

hockey team and then they exiled her. from campus. And now, no, I'm just. kidding. That's not Becky can Becky's. sister can do whatever the [ __ ] she. wants. Honestly, [ __ ] the whole hockey. team slay. But for you, do you know what. I'm saying? Stop putting your [ __ ] onto. other people. So, when it comes to your. parents, you obviously can't use the. like, "Hey, mom, you're a [ __ ]. whore." We got to we got to dumb it down. a little bit here. We got to kind of go. uh we got to go non wrath because. depending on your relationship with your. parents. I would literally just say, "Guys, I know the two of you turmoil, chaos,

you everything went wrong, right? And. you've let me know this my whole life. Please give me a fighting chance to. create my own version and my own history. and my own legacy. Okay? I have learned. from you. You guys have so beautifully. laid out how horrible your relationship. was, how much you hate each other. I. have been very cognizant of that. I have. been very mindful of that. And I am. trying to forge my own path. And I would.

love if you guys can support me. Obviously, I'm being like over the top, but you get the sentiment. Love you. guys. I appreciate that you're looking. out for me, but it's coming off as like. your baggage on to me that like I don't. I don't have this baggage yet, Daddy. Okay. Frederick hasn't cheated on me. yet, Dad. Like, you cheated on mom. Okay. So, give me a fighting chance. Give me a fighting [ __ ] chance, Dad. God, parents are so problematic. Isn't. it crazy? Like growing up, even if. parents are problematic, you're kind of.

like, h, but it's like my parent. And. then you're just kind of like, yeah, but. that's like my parent. And even if you. like hate them, you're like, but it's my. parent. Then you become an adult and. you're like, you guys are so [ __ ] out. of pocket, out of control. You guys need. to go to therapy. You need to go to. rehab. You need to keep 10 feet away. from me. I need a restraining order. Like, you start to see parents in a. different light as you get older. And I. think it's for the best. I think it's. 100% for the best. may not be for the. best interest of them and the family,

but for you, it's for the best. Okay, moving on. Next. Hey, father. I've. gotten really successful in my career. and over the past few years with a. couple key promotions and raises, but. I've almost been more anxious and more. competitive the higher I climb in the. ranks. I feel like having this cutthroat. job has just made me a meaner, less. empathetic person. I don't like how work. has taken over my personality. Am I in. too deep? How do you decide whether a. job is worth it when it's changing you. in ways that you don't like?

Oh, sweetie. Let me try to give you some advice. because. on one hand I want to say when you are. someone who is capable and smart and. determined and you have a vision. there is nothing better than being. rewarded and acknowledged for your hard. work and especially as a woman in any. field you're like I'm actually. succeeding and I'm growing and I'm.

moving forward. That's incredible. And. so it seems like you are clearly a very. capable person. What I understand in certain industries. and almost all industries especially is. like it can feel like a rat race. It can. feel like it's never enough. It's never. good enough. You never did enough work. You can never like and you're like I. feel drained and almost when you were at. more of a baseline level there was less. to lose. It felt more like, you know, you could see this trajectory and there.

was more of a climb and you felt more. like there were people above you that. were, you know, dictating down to you. where you're probably now dictating down. to people and and delegating down to. people. So, there's more responsibility. in your head. But I think what you have. to recognize is like as long as you do. the work, you have to be able to compartmentalize. your mental health to work. And if. you're not able to do that, I think you. should start writing down things of what.

you love about your job and what you're. struggling about with your job. Because. this could be an easy solve. Again, I. don't know you, but like it could be as. long much as like, babe, when is the. last time you went out to drinks with. your girlfriend? Oh, but I stayed three. extra hours at work that one day, but. you do that every day. You stay 3 to. four extra hours every day. So what if. one day a week, every Tuesday or. whatever is that one day of the week. that you know is like a little less. busy, you always have a set plan that is. for you to release. Whatever it is, maybe you get a massage, maybe it's.

going out with your girlfriends, maybe. if you have a partner, you're going on. date nights, you're whatever it is, indulge yourself, enjoy like reap the. benefits of your hard-earned work. And I. think if I can relate at all, like that. is something that Matt is very helpful. to me in where like I have a tendency to. just put my head down and be like I I. I'm let's just go. Let's go. Let's go. Because I'll be honest, and I'm sure a. lot of people who work hard, you feel.

this, like it's kind of easier sometimes. to not [ __ ] up your flow. It's kind of. easier sometimes to just put your head. down and be like, "Oh, I'm in grind. mode." And you just keep going. And. actually would in your head you convince. yourself that. I can't I don't deserve to go to that. dinner or I can't I can't indulge in a. night out or a Friday of like drinking. with my friends and all that because. that's going to set me back or or it's. just going to take me out of this bubble. and like I'm in my bubble. Pop the. [ __ ] bubble.

You're not going to be able to enjoy. your success. I'm sure like you've said. with these promotions and these raises, you're making more money now, right? like you deserve to enjoy what you've. worked so hard for. And I I always think. about this with myself and I hope this. is relatable for you, too. It's like. think back to that young woman at that. desk who had so many hopes and dreams. and was grinding so [ __ ] hard and. would probably be like, "Holy [ __ ] we. got to that position. That's your title.

now." So instead of running away from. the challenge because you wouldn't be in. this high energy of an environment if. you didn't love it to some capacity, look inward to find how you can carve. out personal moments. Because and I know. that sounds so simple, but it's not. When you are someone who's a workaholic. who grinds their [ __ ] ass off 24/7, it is harder to disengage from work and. pop into a family dinner cuz then. everyone's agitating you sometimes. You're like, you don't even know what's. going on with my work. You don't even.

know how much I have on my project. You. So sometimes it's easier to selfisolate. Stop doing that. Stop. Because guess. what? The work will be right there when. you get back. And knowing you, you're an. overachiever. You're already ahead on. your work. The last thing I will say, if. none of this was applicable, is you may. also just be burnt out and this rat race. of a job is not the job for you. And not. wanting to push yourself to try to be. the president of the company. That's. okay. I think sometimes this, you know,

hustle culture can convince people that. you need to be the best at what you do. and you need to go for this and you need. to make this amount of money. That's not. for everyone. There are different people. all over the world. There are people. that are like, I want to make this. amount of money. I want to live this. lifestyle. Great for you. There are. people that are like, I will be so happy. if I can just make this amount of money. and I'm then able to pour this amount. into this lifestyle. Great. Who are you? You have to answer that question for. yourself first and then you can apply. this advice. Are you quit closer to. quitting your job or do you just need.

more balance? Boom. Okay, last question. Hi, Daddy. I. need advice on how to handle my mom's. constant comments about my weight. I. before I keep reading this, can I just. My PSA wants to be to all the mothers. and the mother-in-laws out there, but it. seems as though they can't help. themselves, right? Like you can. literally be like, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, you are such a [ __ ].

miserable [ __ ] Can you stop [ __ ]. commenting on my weight? If anything, maybe worry about yours a little bit. more, Cassandra. Okay, maybe worry about. yourself, okay?" and you want to dig in. and you want to make such a backhanded. or or straight fuckinghanded comment. back to her and rip her face off, but you can't because there's a power. dynamic because this is your mother and. she's been doing this, I'm assuming, since you were a young girl. This isn't. new. This isn't this isn't new. And so,

I don't even have the answer yet cuz I. haven't even read your [ __ ] question. I just read the first sentence and I'm. literally like, can moms and. mother-in-laws stop? How about this? Also, but it goes back to the can women. stop. because I'm assuming this is a. projection of your mother. Your mother. is self-obsessed with weight. So, she's. putting it on to you and she's only. going to make you more self-obsessed. because she's your mother and this is. the person who raised you. So, how could. this not rub off onto you even if you. try your damnedest to not let it affect.

you? I'm so sick of people doing this to. their children and then you become an. adult and we feel like as adults it's. easy for us to just be like, "Well, now. you're an adult. Just tell your mom.". Like, "Mom, stop commenting on my. weight." I'm like, "Yeah, you go tell. your mom that. Yeah, you go have an. honest, open, healthy. conversation with your mother. I'd film. it. Put it online. We'd all love to. actually see if you are capable. We'd. love to actually see. We actually would. love. Please help us understand because.

child parent dynamics even when you're. the child and you're 40 and your parents. are 70 and 80 it's still the child. parent dynamic. It may feel like you're. now the parent and they're the child but. it doesn't matter. You came out of them. Okay? There will always be a power. imbalance. There will always be a. hierarchy. So, it is so [ __ ] and. unacceptable when parents do this to. their children and put them in a. position where what do you want your.

daughter to say? What do you want, Martha? What do you want, Martha? Okay, Martha, you're you're sending her down a spiral. Martha, okay. Do you want to pay for her. to go away to a clinic again? No. And. guess why she would have to do that? Because you can't stop. you're. perpetuating like these people are. But. it's again because maybe her mother did. it to her. So it's like we we Yes, we. can have a level of perspective and. grace to recognize that mothers probably. learned this from their mothers and.

their trauma. And I've talked about this. on color daddy before. And I'm so sorry. I'm not even going to read this comment. because this is this is this is Yes. This is basically this is your question. Yes. Okay. My point is this. At some. point, we have. two things. We have to stop the. transgenerational trauma and we also. have to take accountability of how we. let other people's actions and words. affect us. And that is the biggest croc. of [ __ ] if I'm going to sit here and be.

like, "So, just go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, Gertrude. Do it, girl. Who cares if your mom told you to. lose a couple lbs? You're good. Just. ignore her. Put her on ghost mode. Ghost. her. Like, okay, that's literally not. possible. It is. So, it is going to take years. It. is going to take decades. There are. going to be regressions. You are going. to put up boundaries with parents. You. are going to fall back on those. boundaries. You are going to get in. fights. You are going to plate. It is.

the pendulum for parent and child. dynamics is so [ __ ] complicated. And. so when you though are able to even. recognize this with your mother right. now, my first advice to you is. boundary setting and using your voice as. a first step to see does she respect a. boundary. If she cannot respect when you. ask her to stop inappropriately. commenting on your weight, then you are. going to have to say, "I am no longer. comfortable being around you." If you.

are going to do that, now there you go. There's the next step. Okay? Okay. So, now you're not going to see your [ __ ]. mom ever again. No. But if she can't. respect your boundaries, but you still. want to see her, then you're going to. have to figure out a way to navigate. How can I find a way to not let these. comments affect me? Because you can't. change. You can't make her change her. actions, right? You can try and if she. doesn't, then what's your game plan? And. it just goes on and on and on and on. And I'm not to make us all feel horrible.

because I'm now like, "Okay, well, where. do we go from here?" It's actually it's. actually this. There is nothing more. heartbreaking than looking at a parent. and saying, "I wish so badly you could. hear me and you could see me and you. could understand what I'm trying to. express to you right now." But they're. still looking at you like, "You're a. 5-year-old kid." and they're either. going to grow with you and appreciate.

and embrace boundaries even if it's a. little uncomfortable or they're not. You're then going to have to take some. accountability of how you navigate that. dynamic knowing that these people. potentially and a lot of them won't. change. And that is where it's hard. because I think a lot of us just keep. fighting the back and forth. And what. really sucks is when you start to go, "Okay, now it's on you. So, don't invite. her to the dinner tonight and let her. know it's because you cannot be around. her and food at the same time. And that.

is a boundary. And until she's ready to. adjust her behavior, she cannot come to. family dinners with you and your husband. and the children. Done. That now let me say that makes me want. to crawl out of my skin and [ __ ] die. because to do that to your own mother, you're like, "Oh my god, she's going to. kill me." But it's your life. When does. it not become your mom's life? And it's. your life, right? So guys, I could do a. whole [ __ ] episode on. parent dynamics with children. And I.

think we're all probably daddy gang. getting to that age where we're more. getting to that point where you're like, I'm kind of becoming the parent of my. parents, right? And how does that feel? And how do you navigate that? I think. there's so many. really tough dynamics that I empathize. with you guys and I see you guys because. it's like this is that's one of the. hardest. It's harder than a romantic. relationship most of the time, right? Cuz that power dynamic has been since.

you opened your [ __ ] eyes and you. took your first [ __ ] breath on this. earth. They have, not saying it's. manipulative, but just conceptually, if. you're thinking about romantic and. things can be toxic, they've had your. claws in you since you were a [ __ ]. fetus. Jerry's known you for [ __ ] two. months. Okay, you're like, I can't get. out of this toxic relationship. Jerry. has just been like, I'm like, babe, he's. known you for two [ __ ] months. Okay, Mama Bear over here, she's known you for. 32 [ __ ] years. She is the master of.

all masters when it comes to toxic. manipulation. But yeah, Jerry's child's. play, honey. Okay, Jerry doesn't have. [ __ ] on Ruth. Okay, Ruth. Ruth knows how. to get in there. Ruth knows your trauma. Ruth knows what you were insecure about. Ruth knows how to get in there. Ruth. knows everything. Jerry Jerry just told. you you're [ __ ] [ __ ] spelled once. and you were like, Jerry, like, no. When. you have a [ __ ] up mother or. mother-in-law, oh, boys start to look. like [ __ ] pennies. You're like, babe,

can you shut the [ __ ] up? I'm dealing. with a war over here. Okay, you're on. the [ __ ] playground. Okay, I don't. even care about this this over here with. the mothers and the fathers. Oh, that. [ __ ] that [ __ ] [ __ ] stings. So, anyways, um, bye. No guys, I'm not going. to leave you hanging. I feel like even. if you don't want it, I promise you I. will do an episode about parents and.

parenting. your own parents as we get older and all. those things because that is um that. couldn't be more [ __ ] relevant to I'm. assuming a lot of you right now. So, I. love you guys so much. 2026 is the year. of growth if you want it. If you want to. do it, if not, totally regress totally. text him back. totally unblock all the. exes and just get back into your old. rosters. Like, do whatever the [ __ ] you. want, okay? Ignore social media. [ __ ].

all those people that are making like, guess what? It's most of it's all fake, okay? I know a lot of these people. Trust me, it's all fake. Okay? So, um. enjoy your [ __ ] 2026. Don't don't put. a lot of pressure on yourself and pop. the puss and happy [ __ ] new year, [ __ ] Love you. Bye.