The Unknowns of Motherhood

What is up, Daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. >> Here's the thing. Today, I don't want to talk about. dating. I don't want to talk about red. flags. I don't want to talk about toxic. ex-boyfriends. or, you know, how to break up with him. Today I want to talk about the absolute.

wild mind trip that is transitioning. into. motherhood. So whether you are currently pregnant, maybe you're trying, or you're just at. that age where your Instagram feed went. from shots of tequila at 3:00 a.m. to, you know, just those aesthetic gender. and nursery reveals. I want to talk about the side of. motherhood that it seems like people are. usually too terrified to talk about out.

loud. To remind everyone, this is my. first pregnancy. And I will say through. this process already, I have been really. fascinated by the entire world. It feels. like I have just been opened up to and. continue to be opened up to. Um there's. so much new information. um so many unth things women do or feel, things that women feel comfortable. talking about when it comes to.

motherhood and pregnancy, things that. people don't feel comfortable talking. about. Um, and it is very exciting, but. it's also a lot because like anything in. life, the unknowns. bring a lot of excitement and and. positivity and it can also bring some. fear and negative emotions. And that is. really what I wanted to talk about. today. I kind of want to talk about the. deep dark unknowns of motherhood. The.

excitement, yes, but also. just to be quite frank, just like the. absolute paralyzing panic of your entire. life, your identity, and your body. changing forever. So, grab a glass of wine. For me, I'll just. be sticking to a glass of water today. Um, and here we go. Let's get into it. Okay. So, let's first start off with.

being completely honest for a second. Just you and me here, okay? Why does society act like the second. that you see those two pink lines on the. test, your brain is supposed to. magically just delete the last 20 to 30. years of who you were. It just like. doesn't it doesn't work like that, right? And I think the biggest most. unspoken fear I have heard from women. and honestly one that I have felt myself.

is the fear of losing you. I just. interviewed Emmy Rossom and she spoke. about it so beautifully. You are allowed. to be so deeply, overwhelmingly excited. to meet your baby and simultaneously. mourn the girl who could pack a bag in 5. minutes and sleep until noon on a Sunday. and make completely selfish decisions. Both of those things can exist in the. exact same brain at the exact same time.

And I think it's important that we just. are acknowledging that so that we rid. all women of the shame of having any. doubts or fears or concerns around the. new and next chapter they're about to. enter in life. Understandably, there are. women who. are sitting with the realization that, you know, she will never truly be alone. or free in the same way again. And that.

concept, to be fair, that's really. terrifying. You've lived 20 something or. 30ome or 40ome plus years of your life. and you've only really been responsible. for yourself and now that's all about to. change. That's pressure and responsibility and. just extreme overnight change. Right? And. again, I really ask when I'm talking. about all this today that people are. able to please see the nuance in the. fact that I am not saying you don't want.

this new life. We want the I'm we're so. excited about this new life. But what. I'm also saying is it's really normal to. process and wonder and think about all. of this and yes be a little freaked out. or a little scared or whatever emotion. comes up for you when you start thinking. about this massive change because that's. your reality and you should never feel. shame for that. Some women will go through an identity.

crisis where you feel like you are about. to go from being this main character of. your own life to suddenly feeling like. you're just playing a supporting role to. this tiny, very cute, precious, adorable. little human, but it's a demanding. little human, right? I also think the. reality for a lot of women is they. silently fear and they don't want to say. it out loud but like am I going to lose. my drive and how do I keep my career.

burning when my body is entirely focused. on keeping someone else alive and being. there for them? How do I balance that? And so I think at some point we have to. strip away the polished Instagram. filters and the nursery reveals and the. toxic positivity for just a second. I'm. not saying we don't love all that stuff, but it's a lot of that stuff, right? It's a lot of that. And I think we also. need to get comfortable and a little bit. more familiar with talking about the.

absolute psychological warfare that. happens when a woman realizes that she. is grieving her old life. And. that can be heavy and that can feel. suffocating. And there is shame that. comes with actually admitting that out. loud. So, I'm going to do it for us. Okay? I got you. Okay. I do also want to clarify and to make.

sure to provide essentially a disclaimer. here that when I am going to talk today. about normal negative feelings, those. are different from pre or postpartum. depression. And to clarify, pre and. postpartum depression, that is not. something that you should feel shame. over or be afraid to discuss publicly. But I do think it's important to note. there is a difference which I could do. an entire episode about and even have. specialists come on and discuss and who.

knows what my personal experience will. be. Um but I will keep you guys in the. loop, right? And we can totally talk. about that. I also understand as I'm. going to talk about this today, like in. anything in life, there may be some. women who don't have any of these. thoughts or experiences, right? They may. just be like, "Oh my god, I am I don't. even know what you're talking about. My. identity's never been more solid. I'm. not worried about work. I'm not worried. about this and this and this." That is. so fair. I have yet to meet a woman. I've yet to meet a woman like that. So,

I would love maybe to meet you. Since. I've gotten pregnant, all I feel like I. have been doing is having more and more. conversations with incredible women who. are sharing their most honest and. vulnerable truths around pregnancy and. motherhood. Some of them are sharing. some of the most fun and positive. experiences and tips and tricks and all. of it. But when it comes to the fears or. the negatives, a lot of my friends or. people I've met or even guests I've.

interviewed off camera will say like, "I'm telling you this, but I would never. admit this publicly because I know the. judgment and the backlash that would. follow.". And doesn't that suck? Like, think about. that. If a majority of women are feeling. a way, why are we not openly feeling. comfortable to talk about it more, right? Call Her Daddy is brought to you. by Uber. I think I need no explanation.

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praying to God that I get the. pronunciation correct. The term is. matressence. Okay, it sounds like. adolescence because it kind of is in. that same vein as adolescence. So just. like adolescence, matressence is the. massive transition of becoming a mother. It is a huge physical, hormonal, psychological shift. But of course, while we're all out here and we give. teenagers grace for being so moody and.

confused and essentially these. teenagers, we give them grace for being. identityless, right? Somehow we expect. pregnant women and new moms to just. instantly transition into this serene, gorgeous, selfless goddess. It's a complete lie, you guys. It's a. complete lie. Not to mention over the last decade. there have been advances in neuroscience. obviously and a lot of those. advancements have showed and revealed.

that pregnancy and childirth trigger one. of the most radical rapid restructurings. of the human brain ever observed ever. Okay. And so I think a lot of people. would be like yeah that makes a lot of. sense. Okay. But then like slow it down. So, if we are going through one of the. most transformative restructurings, why. are we then being like, "Oh, she's. having a little bit of a crisis. She's. having a hard time. She's not a good.

mother." We should be happy to be. standing up. We should be happy to be. walking around and interacting with. people, guys. Like, we give women no. grace and then we make us feel like we. can't talk about it. And then it just. makes us spiral more. Like no wonder we are going through it. When you become a mother, your old self, I was thinking about it. It's like it's. not like your old self just exits the. stage gracefully, right? The more.

accurate picture is like we are dragged. off while you're forced to kind of like. step into a new role that you have never. rehearsed. And we're like, "Wait, wait, wait. I need a little bit more time. I'm. not ready." And they're like, "Go get on. stage. Do your best. award-winning. Also, by the way, we expect awardwinning. behavior out there. And you're like, "Wait, but I I've never learned about. this. I've never done this. I don't know. what I'm doing." And they're like, "We. don't care. Make it look easy.".

So, of course, we're grieving. You're mourning the loss of the girl who. had zero dependence, who could make. reckless decisions, who owned her own. time, and who was the main focus and. priority of her life and her story. And so, like, this isn't to be negative, guys. I'm more just like this this whole. episode, I want it to be like a big hug. This is a big hug to all the women. around the world. I'm just like, come. right into this cocoon cuz I'm feeling.

it. Okay. And we need more empathy from. everyone. because I think here is where the real. damage, in my opinion, is done. It's not just the grief that hurts. It is the shame that we pile on top of. it. And I want to talk about this on. caller daddy today and I want to. continue to talk about it moving forward. because we have to. We live in a culture. that demands absolute unwavering. gratitude from mothers. That is a fact.

We are told we should be so blessed, so. lucky, and cherishing every single. second. So when you have those late. night thoughts like, "Oh my god, what. did I do to my life? Like I want my old. body back. I miss when it was just the. two of us and you have those split. little seconds where you're just like oh. I miss like. you're like I don't know if I'm cut out. for this. You immediately feel this wave. of sickening guilt. You feel like a. fraud. You look at other women who seem.

to be effortlessly glowing and doing it. and you cannot help but think, "Oh, okay. I guess there is something. fundamentally. broken in me, right? I'm already a bad. mom. And a lot of this is these thoughts. are happening when the baby isn't even. here, right? You're like, "Am I. prepared? Will I do this? Will I be able. to do all of this?". And by not being so sure and so ready. and so this, it's like. shame.

And as we know, shame. thrives in the dark and then it grows. because we don't talk about it over. brunch or we don't really post about it. on social media as much as we do the. positives. And so I'm like, you know what, now we. do on color daddy folks. But it's it is. similar if you think about it. the way. that everyone is becoming more. acclimated and attuned to okay Instagram. is fake and all this is it's like it is. kind of similar to some of the. motherhood stuff again it is I cannot.

wait to be a mother I. I growing up wasn't sure if I wanted to. be I didn't know I was selfish I was. loving my life I was like and then it. hit me and I was like oh I'm so ready to. be a mother I can't wait and that. doesn't mean I didn't have all of these. other question marks and fears and all. of it but Like I cannot wait to meet my. child. I. just everything is feeling more and more. real as the trimesters go on and the.

time goes on and I feel the baby and I'm. you know Matt and I are connecting more. and all the it is so exciting. and it's so terrifying. when I have spoken to friends who have. also let me let's get into this. When. I've str spoken to friends who have. struggled with infertility, they have shared the shame for them. They feel like also is twice as loud. because you think, "Oh my god, I fought.

so hard for this. How dare I complain. now?" Right? And then if you're a. career-driven woman, you feel guilty for. mourning your independence. Like, well, I chose this, so like, why am I. questioning it? But thinking about your old life and. thinking back to it and and missing. certain parts or whatever does not mean. you won't love your baby does not mean. you do not love your baby. It just means. you loved your freedom and it means you. loved your life and it means you valued.

the woman that you spent your entire. adolescence and then teens and 20s. building. And it's confusing to watch. her change in a way that is so unknown. and scary and nothing is guaranteed. You are allowed to hold space for both. feelings. That is okay. You can look at your pregnancy test or. your baby with tears of absolute pure. joy.

And then you can also still get a little. emo for the girl that you used to be. I'm not saying you're completely losing. her, but things are going to change. And. it's not hypocritical. It is called. being a human with emotions. Guys, I think the truth is we have to. acknowledge how completely incapable the. world is of understanding nuance when it. comes to women approaching motherhood. Society has this incredibly toxic black. and white binary. They look at a.

pregnant woman or a new mom and think. you can only be one of two things. You. are either the grateful goddess who is. glowing. She's rubbing her bump. She's. thanking the universe for her blessings. She never complains. She's so happy. She. loves her life. yada yada yada. Or you. are the ungrateful complainer. where if you voice even one second of. fear or exhaustion. or regret about how hard this is, you.

are labeled as bitter, broken or unfit. to be a mother. There is zero middle. ground. And I have to believe this is. driving women into isolation. I feel like the struggle to see the. nuance comes from this just collective. cultural obsession with keeping women in. like this gratitude prison, right? the. second you get pregnant, whether you by.

the standards had a quote unquote um you. know, easy time conceiving or if you. went through hell to get there, like IVF. or losses or years of trying, either or. people expect you then to sign it feels. like this invisible contract that says, "Okay, I completely waver my right to. ever complain or to be scared ever. again.". How does that make sense? And then obviously then when you're. standing in the shower crying because.

you're terrified of the birth or you're. panicked about money, you're panicked, will I get postpartum, you're panicked, you know, can I manage my career and. handle this child, you're panicked about. how this is going to impact your. relationship with your husband or your. wife or your partner. You're panicked. You're just stressed. You're mourning. your freedom. because of all of this. You just end up. not telling anyone. because the response that you're. terrified of getting is,

"Well, you wanted this, didn't you? Yes, but I can also be scared.". Like, yes, I want this. But guys, I've. been in my cheesy analogies, but hear me. out here, guys. Wanting to climb Mount. Everest doesn't mean you aren't going to. freeze your ass off and panic when. you're halfway up the mountain looking. down the cliff. I could find a better.

analogy, but it tell me it doesn't make. sense. You are like, "Oh, I am a beast. I am powerful. I am strong. I am. climbing Mount Everest. I am doing one. of the craziest things a human being. could ever do in the world." Some people. don't survive it, right? Actually, this. is kind of a good analogy, but it would be almost impossible to not. have fears on that journey, right? Human emotions don't fit into these like.

perfect neat little boxes. So, I hope this is validating for women. of like we can be so happy and scared. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Clavio. So, Claio says it's your brand's. best friend, which okay, bold claim, but. all your customer data is together in. one place. So, it knows your brand, your. tone, your campaigns, your flows, and it. knows your customers. Clavio's AI agent. can do all of it because the data is.

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and savings is offered through SoFi bank. na member FDIC. I was doing research on this topic and. there is data from clinical. psychologists who basically specialize. in prenatal mental health that. explicitly states that ambivalence aka. holding on to two opposing emotions at. once is actually the most normal healthy. part of entering parenthood.

So, if we have studies, we have clinical. studies to prove that this is normal, h how are we still not up with the times. socially talking about this? How are we. still making women feel crazy for being. scared and grateful and excited and. nervous? Like, how are we still there. when we have literal studies, psychological studies? Think about any other massive life. event, okay?

You start your dream company, you are. thrilled. You're like, I cannot believe. I left corporate America. I'm I'm. finally taking this chance on myself and. I this is my dream. This is my dream of. all dreams. So, that's all happening. You're excited and you're thrilled and. you're sweating in bed, baby. You're. laying awake at night wondering if. you're going to go bankrupt. You're. like, but I'm putting everything into. this. So like these the duality of both. of these emotions are colliding and.

you're managing it cuz you're like well. this is life right? When you marry the. love of your life you are ecstatic. You. are like oh my god I found my person. This is amazing. This is amazing. And. you might feel a little freaked out by. the word forever. This is a lot. But with motherhood we strip that nuance. away and we act like fear overrides. love. If you are at all scared, if you. are at all nervous, if you are all. questioning yourself, then you don't.

love this baby. Then you're a bad. mother. You're horrible. What. I think something I'm now realizing. now that I am pregnant is. instead of ever asking another pregnant. woman like, "Are you so excited?" with. that like intense energy that everyone. always says like, "Oh my god, can I. touch your bump?" First of all, please. everyone stop asking to touch people's. bumps. Like, I don't know why we now. feel more comfortable touching women's.

bodies unprovoked when they're pregnant. Like, we already are like on absolutely. extreme inappropriate terms just with. women in general and how we treat their. bodies. But then somehow when a woman. becomes pregnant, we almost feel more. entitled to their bodies like, "Let me. touch." And you're like, "Please take. your hands off of my stomach right now.". But a lot of times, you know, people go. up to pregnant women and are like, "How. excited are you?" you and it kind of. like forces them to like basically lie. to your face. Again, they may actually. be like, "I am so excited." And that's.

true, but it's such a heavy question. Of. course, I'm excited. And I'm also my rib. cage. I'll tell you how I'm feeling. right now. I couldn't be more excited, but last night, if you want me to tell. you, last night, I think I slept maybe a. total of 2 hours. My rib cage is in so much physical pain. right now from this pregnancy. Don't worry, I've checked with my. doctor. The normal amount of physical. pain, which is a lot of physical pain. because my rib cage is lodged up and.

being pressed on and there my ribs are. expanding. And a lot of times if you're. pregnant, your abs are separating, right? And sometimes they go to your. back, sometimes they separate, whatever. And my stomach is completely moved and. shifted up. My intestines are all the. way over to the side of my body to make. space for this womb. So, there's just. like a lot going on. But, yes, I'm. excited. I couldn't be more excited. I. was feeling my baby all night. The baby. was moving all around and I was like,

we're in for a joy ride right now. And. it was so fun to feel this baby, but. also I'm I'm starting to breathe like I. am heart of breathing. So, yeah, that's. how I'm feeling. You know what I mean? So, asking a woman if she's just so. excited, like, of course. And so I think. moving forward I at least am always. going to ask and said, "How are you. doing trying to handle all this?" And. then if the woman you catch her on a. good day and she can say, "I have never. been more excited." I just went and got.

our nursery all set up and amazing. Or. asking with that tone and just that. open-ended question, the woman can be. like, "I'm really excited, but it's been. a little bit of a struggle this past. month. I have been dry heaving over the. toilet between. um meetings and I can barely, you know, hold down food and my bladder feels like. I have a UTI. Like leave some room, right? Give them permission to say, "I.

am so incredibly grateful and I'm also. really scared out of my absolute mind.". Because when you allow those two things. to exist together, that's when the shame. evaporates. You aren't a bad mom for being terrified. of how your life is going to change. You're just a woman who is paying. attention to your mind and your body and. your reality. The unknown in life is. always going to be a little exciting and. a little intimidating. And there is so. much beauty in that. So we as women.

should feel. we are entitled, not only able, we. should feel entitled to talk about the. hardships and struggles without feeling. like we are coming off as nagging and. ungrateful. cuz we do this in every other aspect of. our lives. We complain endlessly and. express frustration or exhaustion or. fears about our jobs, about our. families, about our friends, about our. relationships. So, let's make some room. and normalize putting motherhood in that.

category. Cuz everything else, everyone's like, "Oh my god, like give. me the tea." Like, "What's the family. gossip?" Like, "Oh my god, like drag. Aunt Betty." Like, "Drag her. Drag your. mom. Drag your dad. Oh my god." It's. like, "Oh, like we feel better after. that vent session." You're like, "Ooh, I. actually feel better." And like Aunt. Bettyy's not horrible, but like we just. needed a vent session. Why can't we have. vent sessions about motherhood? Don't get me on a sexist rant. I don't. want anyone to go there. I also think. adding to the unknown element that can. cause fear and anxiety, right? We're.

talking a lot about the shame and all. this. Let's now talk about the physical. aspect of this. We are so bombarded with bounceback. culture on Tik Tok and Instagram and. it's a lot. It is a lot. and trying to. wrap your head around the fact that your. body is about to stretch and shift and. literally tear itself apart to create. life. That is one of the craziest, most.

incredible, most beautiful. transformations. Yes, but it is also. intimidating as hell. Like I have been. meeting with my doula. I wasn't sure if. I wanted a doula and then I had a lot of. people saying they didn't do one and. then other women said they had a doula. and I was like you know what I feel like. I'm the type of person who. I'm very independent and. I feel like I just do a lot on my own. and I weirdly was like I actually want.

someone to really. force me even more into the process and. even if she brings some woo woo or. whatever it is like I want to immerse. immerse myself even more in this. experience and this woman has been so. transformative already for me and just. talking with me as a woman and and being. like what are you worried about? What. are you excited about? Like she has just. this it's what we're talking about. today. She has this unwavering support. that I feel so safe when I'm with her.

And even just as far as like asking. certain things about my body that I was. like what like if I want to you know. have this natural birth and and of. course we'll see what you know happens. and where life takes me and if I'm able. to have a natural birth like I that is. what I think I want to do and what does. that look like and what is an epidural. versus non-epural and like all of this. and like I didn't understand I didn't. even understand when people are like oh. she's 10 cm dilated like I didn't know.

any of this what biologically and. physically and all of it. I didn't know. I didn't know it because I'm sorry in. health class they just said like babe. use a condom and if you have sex cuz I. went to Catholic school if you have sex. you're going to die before marriage and. I was like okay perfect. So I think I'm. still alive but that's crazy. I'm like. one of the few who survive. I didn't die. and I did have sex before marriage. This. is wild. Like that's the gist. Put the. condom on. Don't die. And we don't learn. about our bodies and and this process,

right? And so I understandably fear. comes with that. I had a whole idea of. what I thought I wanted to do and then I. met with my doula and I've met with her. and met with her and met with her and. slowly I will be honest and I can share. this in another episode but my idea of. my birth plan and certain things I. wanted and certain things I didn't want. it has evolved since becoming educated. on what happens to your body and what. your body goes through and just certain. things. What a blessing, right? But we.

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like a literal superhero, one of like you you will never probably. feel more powerful, right? You're like, I can't believe I'm doing something that. is this incredible and insane. And. simultaneously, you also kind of feel. like a hostage in your own body. On one hand, you're standing in front of. the mirror looking at your body and. you're thinking, "I can't believe my. body is capable of doing this. My organs. are shifting and expanding and moving.

and making space." Currently, I have two. hearts inside of me. I have two hearts. Like, what? I have two brains in my. body. Like, it is insane. And so, how incredible, right? Your. body's expanding, like I said, creating. new organs. We're preparing to push out. a whole human being or, you know, have. it remove, however you're going to have. it, right? It's so impressive. And so, it's probably the most hardcore thing a. human being could ever do, right? And.

then in the very next breath, you are. hit with the cold, paralyzing wave of. terror because you realize, I am no. longer in control of my body. Is this. even really my body anymore? And that inevitably is going to create a. lot of push and pull psychologically. I. would basically equate this to it's like. your body. has been rented out by this tiny. demanding tenant who does not care about.

your comfort or your sleep or your. mental health or your plans. And you. can't control the symptoms, the nausea, the exhaustion, the random pains. Your. body just does what it needs to do and. what it wants. when it wants and you. just have to buckle up and you got to. just be along for the ride. And so you look in the mirror, your hips. are widening, your skin is changing, your boobs are changing, your nipples. are changing, your center of gravity is.

off. And I want to emphasize this because for. women who have spent years. learning to love or control their. physical appearance, which is almost. every single one of us during pregnancy, this sudden rapid change can be really. triggering. And so as we're all dealing with all of. this change and the unknown, then you. go, "Okay,

so my body is completely changing. My. brain is changing. It's not fully my own. body anymore. I've got this little. tenant in here. It's doing its thing. What about your relationship?". Oh, right. The person you made the baby. with or the person that you're going to. raise, right? If you are doing that, right? And so if you have a partner in. this journey of pregnancy, the dynamic. is going to shift. forever permanently. You are no longer just lovers or.

partners in crime or roommates who hook. up. You guys are now fully co-parents. Add that to the list. And so naturally, the unknown. is going to start to creep in. You're. going to wonder, "Oh my gosh, will he. still look at me the same way?" And he's. probably wondering, "Oh my god, will. she, you know, still look at me the same. way and give me the same attention? Are. we going to fight about stupid things. like who got up last at 3:00 a.m.?" And,

you know, how are we going to keep the. spark alive when we both smell like spit. and throw up and all the other things. that come with it? How are we going to. make time for each other? Like, these. are normal things. These aren't. superficial worries. They're real. vulnerable fears about the foundation of. your life shifting underneath your feet. Everything's changing. That's so normal. And it doesn't mean you have a bad.

marriage. It doesn't mean you're on the. rocks or like, "Oh my god, there's. trouble in paradise. They're asking. these questions." Like, no. Most of the times, no. I obviously can't. speak for everyone, but no. You just now. have a huge added element being thrown. into your dynamic that is going to. require a lot of adjusting and a lot of. communicating and a lot of talking. You and your partner probably have. schedules and hobbies and plans and. rhythms that you're used to within your.

dynamic that naturally will have to. shift when a child is born. And that's. amazing. But it's going to be change and. it will be sacrifices. and so the unknown it's like yeah we can. be excited and we can be scared and I. think that is my true advice for women. watching today. Amidst all of this panic, there.

is this other incredibly loud feeling of. just pure excitement. And holding both. is like, "Oh my god, what are we doing? I feel like I'm going insane." There is. this. primal wild magic it feels like to. realizing that your body is capable. of creating a whole human being. And it. is actually one of the coolest things in. the entire world to be like, "Oh my god, my body can do that.".

And then there's also the excitement of. the firsts, right? I will never forget. seeing that like first flutter or kick. when my stomach was moving. designering. the nursery, imagining them sleeping in. that crib, bringing them home from the. hospital, picturing the first time. you're going to hold them, realizing, "Oh my god, this is the person that I am. going to protect forever.". And it's this brand new. kind of love that everyone talks about,

right, but you can't fully comprehend. until you're on the edge of it. And it's going to be this ultimate. adventure. And it is the highest stakes. game that we will all ever probably ever. play in life. And the prize is just pure. love. And it literally from when I speak. to other mothers and what I'm feeling. right now, it just literally expands. your chest, right? And so there is like. so much to be excited about.

and it's a lot and at times it might. even feel like too much. At times I've had my low moments during. this pregnancy. I've had. just moments where I'm like not feeling. my myself and I also am feeling like I. don't know if anyone else like around me. right now is going to understand what. I'm going through and like I've done the. thing where I'm not giving the advice of. this but I've done the thing that I. would give myself advice of like talk to.

people, right? But when we feel like. it's too much, I. it's not because we are capable of all. of this. Doesn't mean we won't need to. lock ourselves in the bathroom for just. the quick occasional cry. Just a quick. just a quickie. Just a little I'm fine. Oh no, I'm completely fine. Have your. full therapist on speed dial. Maybe. we're hitting it multiple multiple times. a week. Oh my god, that month you're.

just like, it's going to be a heavy one. Maybe you will get in some fights with. your partner just out of sheer. exhaustion or because the dynamic is. shifting and you guys are still trying. to figure it out. Yes to all of that, right? Also, if you're sitting in your. car right now, you're walking your dog, you're at work, you're laying in bed, and you're feeling overwhelmed by. the prospect of motherhood and all of. these conflicting emotions. I just want. you to take a deep breath. You are not.

failing because you are scared. I would. actually argue in fact the fact that you. are scared means you actually care. It. means you understand. the gravity of what you're about to do. I know it. I I'm terrified. Right? We. want to give our children the best. possible life. We want to give our. children, you know, everything and more. And the pressure that we put on. ourselves is intense and it can feel.

really overwhelming. You want to either give them, you know, a better life than what you had in your. childhood or you want to make sure you. live up to the standards that your. parents gave you. All of these fears and. the dynamics that are going through your. head are so understandable. But I am. telling you and what my therapist told. me, the fact that you are even thinking. about these things, the fact that you. are even thinking, okay, how do I write.

the wrongs of my childhood and do this. better for my kid and and how do I be a. present parent and how do I show up and. how do I make sure this and this and. this and this. If you're all these. thoughts, you're already winning. You're. already showing up for your child. You're already doing it. We don't have to be perfect moms. We. don't have to have the beige aesthetic. through and through, okay? You don't. have to have perfectly organized. pantries. We never have to, you know, raise our voices. Like, we just have to. show up. It's going to be a little messy.

at times. And we can be real. We can be. ourselves and we can love those babies. with everything we have while also. holding on to a piece of ourselves, too. So. what I hope and I ask Daddy gang of you. is like. don't let anyone make you feel guilty. for your fears. Wear them. Talk about. them. I promise. you're going to get through this. And I.

genuinely believe it's way easier when. you go through it together by talking. with other women, being vulnerable, sharing the real truths of our. experiences. I am convinced we will. always be able to rise with that kind of. support. So when you are feeling down, when you're feeling like, "Oh my god, maybe I am one of those like weird ones. that's just like really not vibing right. now." And call a friend, call someone. who is going through something similar.

because I promise you, they're probably. going to be like, "How. much time do you have? I'm feeling the. exact same way." or I'm not feeling. that, but I'm I felt that last month and. let me let me tell you, you're going to. be fine. I just think that. when I look back at my life prior to me. being pregnant, I was so. attuned to my body and my emotions and.

what I wanted. and having this baby. inside of me makes things. more clear and also confusing like but. again the nuance right it's like I've. never felt more of this like maternal. instinct I've never felt more like I. want to. get rid of just like negative energy in. my life I I feel like I'm I'm very.

protective right now and I'm very just. like I want to not be around bad energy. or negative people. I don't want to. involve like there's just this feeling. of like I just want pure bliss going. because that's literally chemically a. thing, right? I want to send bliss and. happiness to this child. But then also. as I'm doing that, I'm I'm sitting here. and I'm like, I need to work harder than. I've ever worked. I've got to get. prepared for maternity leave. I've got.

to do all these things. And so it's like. there's this push and pull of Alex prior. and Alex present and then Alex future. And. a lot of us on the dayto-day like unless. you are the most mentally sound. psychologically strong person like. already without a child you're a little. like oh who am I? What am I doing? And. so adding on that it's going to add a. level of just. light chaos. And I want the chaos. I.

just want to know that I can talk about. it and not get judged and and what I I I. hope a headline doesn't come from this. be like Alex Cooper is saying, you know, that like you can be so unexcited and. no, that's not what I'm saying. And so I. hope people really digest this and. listen to this of like give ourselves. grace. That's all I'm saying. This is a. lot. So I love you guys. You're going to. be amazing. And don't worry, I am. feeling it too, girl. Okay, of course,

every woman's experience looks a little. bit different, but most of it is all. connected. Same fears, same wants, same. hopes. And so, yeah, I guess the. fatherhood saga, it's going to be a wild. ride. And it's just the beginning, which. is very exciting. I hope this made. anyone feel a little less alone, a. little less in their heads. And just. know, I promise I'm always going to say. what it is on Call Her Daddy. Even.

Even if I'm the one that gets the. backlash, guys, I got you. Okay? I got. you. Um, please know, guy, I am very. hormonal right now. I don't need that, but you know what I mean. Okay? I love. you guys. You know the. drill. I will see you on. Wednesday. Goodbye.