Shay Mitchell: Let Him Go, You Deserve Better (Full Episode)

[Music]. What is up, Daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. Daddy, >> can we talk about this set? >> Mhm. Mhm. I know. I I'm really happy about it. There's so many things I have to change. I know. I know. I see it cuz I'm a crazy. person. Like, there's certain things I. need to. >> I would have changed like those one. flower that were in your last set. I was. like, I'm going to move those when I. come over. No, I'm not lying. like cuz.

I'm. >> It was bad. >> It was just the one flower arrangement. that was always beside be behind you and. I was like I just want to move that when. I go on our show I'm going to this is. ins. >> You like it? >> I love it. >> Good vibes. >> I feel very serene. >> Isn't this like you want to tell me like. all your secrets in this room? >> I mean yes. That and the truth serum. right here. >> Okay. Wait. Let's start. Shay Mitchell. Welcome to Color Daddy. >> Thank you. >> Shay made me a drink. What is in this. drink? >> This is Okay. This is passion fruit on. But I made you a passion fruit spritzer.

So I actually got passion fruit before. coming over here. I'm just kidding. I. lied. I got it delivered. I have two. kids. Okay. I love you. But like, thank. you Postmates. Um, so I had passion. fruit. Like the guts of it. I put in one. whole one and then over ice and then. just passion fruit on. But like. >> it's honestly really [ __ ] good. >> It's good. Right. A little spritz. So I. was told why I wanted you to drink. Why? >> I was told you were a lightweight. >> Oh, that's crazy. And if that was Kate, >> let's start. Okay, everybody listening,

let me give you a little backstory. If. you don't know who Kate Bailey is, actually, this is what I was going to. say. >> The only reason it's appropriate the. amount of times that we've canceled on. each other is because we have a mutual. friend. Shay and I have been like, we're. going to do it this month. We're going. to do Iceled on you. You canceled on me. And I was like, it's good that we have a. mutual friend. Her name is Kate Bailey. >> Kate Bailey. >> Kate Bailey is my publicist. Kate Bailey. is your very very good friend of how. many years? >> So many. >> Obviously, we've met before, but like we. haven't like hung out. >> And I'm I kind of feel like I already.

know you from Kate. >> Kate, every time she's with you is like. Shay is the most fun, outgoing life of. the party. You're like, stop. Oh my god, keep going. She truly all every time. that she's with you, I feel like she's. having the best time unless she's with. me. And I'm like, why are you like what. makes you so fun? Like what is your. social life like right now? >> Oh my gosh. What is my social life? I. don't know if it's necessarily like my I. don't go out a ton. I say that and then.

I was just at a concert last night until. one. Um I think what it is is like my. perspective on things may be good. So. even if Kate's stressed out, I kind of. am the opposite. I'm not stressed out or. like I kind of feed off of people's. energy and I like. >> want to support you in your like I'm. just I I'm like a real energy person. >> I can get that from you immediately. because we were just joking. We're like. Kate's always working on her phone 24/7. and you're like live in the moment. >> I'm super present. Like I will be super. present. If we were out to dinner unless.

there was something where I'm like hey I. have my phone because of my kids, right? >> But aside from that I'm very big on. living in the moment. So, another vibe I. got from you. >> is that before you met your partner, which we'll get into, I'm like, I. [ __ ] know Sheay Mitchell was out. there on the streets getting after it, dating, hooking up, having a good time. Tell me. Yeah. You're like, "Okay, I'm. going to chug this whole thing." What. was your dating life like in your 20s?

My dating life was I think I always. thought about my life in ways of like. chapters to a book. >> I always kind of said yes to things so. that I could have that experience and be. able to like. >> I don't know talk about it after like I. do things for the experiential like. aspect of it. I want to add that to my. chapter. I'm like oh that'd be a fun. thing. Oh okay fly here I cool let's try. it or like he does this profession let's. see what that's like. Mhm.

>> But as long as I was in control and. like, you know, it was my decision to do. things and like I felt comfortable. >> I was good to go. >> You were good to go. >> So I like Yeah. I type. >> Not at all. >> Not at all. I have zero type. >> Really? >> Zero type. If you were to look at like. the trajectory of my past, there is no. type. It's a vibe. >> I love it. >> It's a vibe. It really is. Like. >> Okay. What kind of vibe? What do you. need though?

>> I need confidence but not cockiness. >> And that is something I need. somebody who is like respectful and like. a good human. >> and that's the like truthfully I feel. like I've been in maybe like I've. experienced like a couple bad ones and. that's it out of like a bunch. I'm. curious. >> if all of your exes were like having a. text thread, >> what is you're like, "Oh god." Um Shay. like loves it. She's like, "Oh, like.

what are they saying?" What do you think. that they would be like saying about. you? Like was there any theme after. relationships? >> She knew what she wanted. I think that. would be like the group chat. Like she. knew what she wanted. That's what I. think everybody would say. And I. actually have really good rel There's. you know again aside from a few like I. really have awesome experiences from my. past and they were great guys. We just. weren't right for each other. We all. know you like originally originally you. popped off Pretty Little Liars.

>> and I want to talk to you lightly about. Pretty Little Liars because I can. imagine. I don't want to say you're like annoyed. by talking about it but that was 13. years ago. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So like I'm sure in every interview you. do people want to talk to you about it. >> How does that make you feel? >> AOK. Okay. You know why? because that's. what gave me my start and I will never. forget that and I will never look down. on that. >> Pretty Liars was the biggest turning. point in my life. I was doing bottle.

service before that and when I booked. this job, it changed my life forever and. it it gave me the opportunities and the. experiences that I've had and I owe. everything. I'm like I still talk to. Marlene King all the time and I'm like. thank you for saying yes in that call. back, you know, and like it changed my. life. I could never talk badly about it. and I love it and I love you know when. they do the spin-offs and I'm always. like that's amazing that's awesome. I. love the fact that I was a part of so. many people's lives. >> and a really important part like for me.

like watching the OC like that was my. thing you know Gossip Girl that was my. thing. >> so when people come up and they're like. I loved you you know I grew up with you. I'm like that's awesome and the fact. that I got to play the character that I. did is like even more amazing. Well, yeah. You have now played how many queer. characters in your career? >> Almost all of them. Maybe I was just. like meant to be. I'm like a vehicle to. like tell their stories, but I also feel. like I have never also put myself in a. category. I I am not one. I don't love a.

label. I don't love a title. >> Mhm. >> Like I don't want to label my sexuality. I don't want to label my relationship. I. don't like I never wanted to be a wife. Like I don't I don't I don't want to be. put in a category. Why do you think that. is? >> I just want to be free. Like I just want. to be me, whatever that is. And like. right now I'm in a relationship with a a. man and I don't you that's cool and it's. amazing but like in five or 10 years I. don't know. Could be you like I just I.

never know and I never want to put. myself in a position where I feel like. constricted. >> Yeah. Did you had you ever kissed a girl. before you took on the Emily role in. Pretty Little You had? >> Yeah, I had an experience before playing. these characters. Yeah. It wasn't like, "Oh, I'm playing this character. Let me. see how this feels." And that was the. thing when people were like, >> "How do you know how to play this if you. haven't been in a relationship with a. girl?" Like, "What? How do I know what. it's like to like somebody loves?" Like, I hated those questions. And that's what.

I would always get. Like, how do you. know how it feels? Or like, "How can you. play this character if you're not a le?". Like, what? I don't know. I know what. it's like to like somebody. It's the. same [ __ ]. >> right? And I feel like we felt that in. your character where like you are so. confident in that role that I think it. probably does help a lot of people. watching you on screen being like, I. want to be like that. I want to emulate. that energy of just like confidence in. still such a hetero world that we're in. Like. >> it's still not completely accepted, which is so [ __ ] And for you to be.

like, I don't give a [ __ ]. >> I mean, there's so much stuff that I do. that's not accepted. Like I really. obviously aren't like I'm not one to. stand by tradition. Like. >> let's talk about that. Okay. Let's talk. about that. >> My hands are freezing. I wish I You know. what? I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THE whole. Let's chug our drink. >> Let's chug it because. >> let's do a little breakfast. >> Mhm. >> That was a loud gulp. Wow. I'm. impressed. That's. >> okay. >> But you're not going to eat the. pomegranate, are you?

>> No. I'm going to pour more into it. We. got. >> I got it right here. Guys, I just knew Shay Mitchell, the. media trained queen. >> Media trained queen. >> That's what Kate said to me. >> Media. Oh, >> she was like, she's media trained. She. will swerve your questions. I'm like, yeah, for the first 15 minutes, >> then I'm going to sau her up. That's. like the complete opposite of like what. I'm supposed to be doing. I'm like, I'll. just get her a little drunk and then. I'll ask her all the hard questions. >> Amazing. I love it. I also did say, let's just tell everybody. There was no. question. There was no question that was.

there was no topic that was off. >> You did say that. >> Okay. Thank you. >> Okay. You're welcome. Wow. My hand is. cold. We should like koozies. >> Just like put it on my thigh for a. minute. Okay. Support for Caller Daddy. comes from Google Pixel. All right, Daddy gang. Let me set the scene. You. are on a girls trip. Everyone's dressed. up. It's the perfect golden hour. lighting. And somehow it is impossible. to get a group photo where everyone.

looks good. One person's blinking, another hates their angle, and of. course, the one where you look amazing. is the one your friends hate. That's. where Google Pixel 10's camera comes in. This thing is wild. It has auto best. take that automatically finds and. combines similar photos into one where. everyone looks great. So all those. blinks and lookaways are replaced with. picture perfect smiles. And you know how.

you always take great photos of your. friends, but they can't seem to take a. decent pick of you? Well, the Google. Pixel has a feature called Camera Coach. that literally coaches you on how to. take the best photo. Left, right, zoom. in, step back. It maps it all out. So. when you ask someone to take a photo of. you, you know it's going to look good. It's the girls trip essential I didn't. know I needed. So yeah, get outside of. your comfort phone and try the Google.

Pixel 10 Pro. Check it out at Google. store.com. Camera Coach. Results may. vary. Let's talk about your. relationship. >> Yeah. What one? >> No, I mean like what kind? Like what? Like. >> you're. >> just joking. >> You're slowly unbuttoning. >> I know. But one your partner. >> Mhm. >> Did you when you were thinking about how. you were going to ask me this, were you. like, "What do I call him?". >> Yeah. And you know what's interesting is. I want to ask you,

>> is the term baby daddy insulting to you? Cuz I feel like Nick Cannon really has. put a little downer on that one for. everyone. No one wants to be called a. baby daddy anymore. So it's insulting to. you. >> It's not insulting. Listen, listen, it's. not insulting. No, because he's more. than he's more than my baby daddy. He's. not Nick Cannon. He's more than. >> my baby daddy. Um, and so I think that. there is like a I love the word partner.

>> Some people don't. Some people don't. love like you're never going to please. anybody. So, let's just get that out of. the way. >> Totally. >> For me, >> um, I like the term partner. He is my. partner. He's my partner in a lot of. things. He helps me with so much with my. business. Obviously, we're partners in. raising our girls together. He's my. partner in life. >> that we're living right now. And I like. it. You know, >> how does he feel about the term partner? >> I don't know if he loves it. I don't. know if he loves it. You know, sometimes. he'll be on calls and he's like in my.

wife and I'm like, what? You know, and I'm always like and not. because I'm like like I want it like I'm. like. um. >> Why do you think that is? >> Why I don't like the word white. Yeah. >> I don't know. I just like I I'm not and. he's not my h like. >> I don't know. I love like I think like. girlfriend is cute and like I we met. when I was 19 and I love that. Like we. weren't girlfriend and boyfriend at that. point. >> but I love the I love I love that. Like.

I'm like his I'm like his girlfriend. Like we are friends. >> So you have two kids together. >> Two girls. Yeah. >> But you met and you were friends first. >> Yeah. When I was 19. How did you. transition from friends to relationship? >> It's been a lot of years. I met him. actually when I was doing bottle service. at Drake's birthday. Like Drake's like. 21st birthday in Toronto. We're from. Toronto. So I was doing bottle service. there and we met and um we didn't start. dating right away. Like we were just.

talking. We found out that we were. neighbors and we started hanging out. I'd go to his basketball games. Like we. just started hanging out as friends. And. then, you know, we tried to like make it. work in more than a friend way. Didn't. We tried it a couple times. Didn't work. And then we took some time apart and. then I think it was like four or five. years or something. And then randomly a. mutual friend just kind of connected us. together together. And it was like third. times a charm. So. >> when you started getting serious and.

like even when you got pregnant like did. you have to have a conversation with him. to be like. >> I don't ever want to get married. >> I think we had that conversation like. even when we were friends I think I. always spoke about my feelings. >> and I will never say like. >> never say never about anything but I. just was never that girl of like who had. a Pinterest board of her wedding. never. did. And my parents have been married. for like 38 maybe even 40 years. >> and they've had an amazing relationship,

but it just wasn't something that I. wanted. I didn't feel the need to like I. didn't feel that a piece of paper and a. big celebration and a ring would like. justify my love. Like it's like it's. more. >> Yeah. No, no. But I like that you're. saying it because I was sitting here. thinking like I think there's some. people when they listen to that of you. are like whoa like that that's so. interesting and like really crazy. And. I'm like if a man was saying that they'd. be like oh he never thought he was going. to get married like okay dope. I like. that you're saying it though because.

it's really healthy to not just keep. doing what the [ __ ] came before us and. not questioning it. >> There is a trend because there's more. people that aren't getting married now. like since the 1970s. I think it's like. a the age is getting later on, which I I. love because I think similar to how we. have to hit a certain age to drink and. drive, we are developing so much in our. 20s and like we are learning who we are. and when you get together and you're. married, you grow as a unit, you know, and sometimes that's great, but. sometimes it's detrimental to your own.

development. >> Totally. And I think the reason why I've. I've been very lucky to be in for the. most cases, you know, great. relationships is because I've always. felt pretty secure and confident with. who I was first before getting into a. relationship. And I think that, you. know, with marriage sometimes you're. more concerned about how you guys are. both growing. You're trying to help him. lift up when at that point in your early. 20s, you you need to get your own self. out and you need to like figure out. yourself. >> That's not to say that it can't work in. your 20s. For all of those people, I. love it and amazing. But I feel like for.

me it just wasn't necessary. And that's. not to say that I don't believe in. something I like, hey, I'd love to have. a commitment ceremony. >> Maybe in like I don't know 10 years, whatever the like if it ever happens, I. could look at him and be like, "Hey, we. should have a celebration cuz we just. did that. Look at our girls are like in. high school and like we crushed it. We. went through storms and we are here and. we are standing and we're like high five. cuz we just did that." like let's make a. commitment to this family and to raising.

these girls and or kids at that. whatever. But like I would be all up for. that because sometimes I think the. celebration happens before you've even. been through some storms, >> you know? I [ __ ] love it because it's. basically you're saying like do whatever. feels good for you and like we can make. up new [ __ ]. >> Take a sip. >> Matt works with Drake. Yeah. >> And when I think about that, you know,

he goes on tour with him, right? >> Yeah. He's on his like management team. He like a lot of the creative is from. him. Like he's like a creative genius, truthfully. >> So he's like in the world that is like. he's traveling, he's with all these. people, there's parties, there's girls. around, there's a lot happening. How. does. it feel or how do you handle when he's. like away and like at these parties and. at these events and you're sitting at.

home with the kids being like, I wonder. what he's doing. And I'm not talking. recently. Take me back to like more. beginning stages of like building trust. around this type of lifestyle. >> Yeah. I mean, it is 100% hard. Like I. can't be like, "It's fine. I don't feel. a thing." No, it's hard. >> But it's hard because I care. >> Yeah. It's hard because I love what we. have, you know what I mean? So, yeah, it's like it's difficult, but then at. the same time, I'm like, we just talked. and they're away in South America and. I'm like, "Are you having fun? What are.

you guys doing?" Like, there's also that. element because I feel like in the same. way that I have with my friendships, like those are so successful because I. trust them and there's communication. And not that it's the same, but like. there's trust and there's communication. with us. And it's not always perfect by. any means, but there has to be trust. And I can't think about other scenarios. or like think about hypothetical. situations. >> If it ever were to come out or anything, there's like deceive, any of that, then.

like I'll deal with it then. >> But I also can't live my life worrying. about what he's doing. He is living his. own life. We are two individuals that. have come together and chosen to like. have kids together and like have a. family together. But at the same time, he is like doing his own thing. And I. love that for him. Like he's having fun. He's crushing it. He's so good at what. he does. >> And I love that he's with his friends. getting to work and have fun, you know? Totally. So I love that. But like as. long as there is communication once that.

is broken for me, then it's done. And. that's that's a known thing that we. have. So as long as he knows that and I. know that, like I feel like we're good. >> I dated an athlete. >> Uh I love how it's singular plural. I. dated athletes in the past and. >> I found myself like in moments being the. same as you of like. >> what do I give a [ __ ] Like I'm [ __ ]. sitting here with my girlfriends. We're. at we're having a great time like and.

he's going to do what he's going to do. >> But then there are like the spiral. moments. I remember I used to if he was. like in [ __ ] Milwaukee or [ __ ]. Texas or. >> Milwaukee. >> They always would go to like the worst. places. But that's when I know like. you're desperate like you're going to. find some type of like. >> So I would always be like, "Oh, they're. if they're going out tonight, I would. like spiral and like look up like the. bar that I knew they were at and then I. would go to like the Instagram and then. I would be like, "Oh, who's like at the.

the bar?" And if they tagged anyone, I. would go to that girl's Instagram and. like look for him in the background and. then be like, "Oh my god, there he is. Like he's standing next to that girl. Like he's really close to that girl. Like what's happening?" And then I would. text him and be like, "Hey, like how's. your night?" And like. >> it's a normal like I always used to be. embarrassed to admit that. And I was. like I was in love with this person. I. was in a relationship with this person. and I cared about this person. And I. think jealousy and anxiety in. relationships is can be normal depending. on like the level of it. >> Sure. So I'm wondering like because this.

is like a very public touring facing. situation. How do you not spiral in moments? And I. don't even mean now. I mean like. beginning of like girls that are like. >> for sure. Absolutely. I can't I could. not pretend I did the exact same thing. back in the day. >> I would say for sure in my 20s I fully. get you. I could do the exact same. thing. But it got to a point where I was. like, "Okay, so if he did,

>> then what?" Or if anybody at that point, I was like, "If he did, then what?". >> Yeah, >> I'll be okay. I'll keep it moving. And. it wasn't meant to be. >> But that is how I live my life. And once. you think about it like that, I don't. want that. Then if you can take him from. me, then he's yours. I'm good. And I can. keep it moving. Be there for my kids or. that's another story. But like in terms. of us, then our story ends. And that's. okay. I still have my life to live. I. cannot live my life like I did in my 20s. cuz I did do that. And it's like, for.

what? I wasted so many sleepless nights. For what? Did that change how we acted? No. >> You're going to do the guys, the girls, whatever. We're going to do what we're. going to do. Regardless if you're. staying up at night, not sleeping, stalking Instagram, he's still going to. do what he's going to do. He's not going. to be like, "Well, Alex is probably up. looking at the club's Instagram trying. to like, you know, zoom into this.". That's not going to stop him. So, like. what is that? You just lose sleep. >> You're so right. Okay. Like, I'm not. going to worry about it before it. happens. If you do it, then we we we.

deal and I'll figure out like. co-parenting. But like then it is. And I. hope you're happy and I genuinely mean. that. I want you to be happy because I. feel like when you truly love somebody, you want them to live their happiest. life. And I do. And if that's not with. me, I don't want to force that. >> I love this energy, too, because I feel. like I've said this on my show. It's. like I know there's so many people. I. always just say women because I know. women listen to this podcast the most. So I'm like, "Hi ladies." Like. >> I think there's a lot of guys too. >> You think you think. >> you have a video you have a video. component to this?

It's gotten a little too sappy that. they're like, "Okay, there's no more. like full sex like you talking about. like the dick going into the [ __ ] Like. I'm [ __ ] out." I'm like, "Okay, perbs." I think I've had a lot of. conversations on this podcast trying to. when women write in being like I'm so in. love with this person. >> and I love your advice too because I. know Kate has always said like you are. like almost like the friend therapist. like all your friends go to you and I. feel similar with my friend group of. like you have to almost like back out of.

it and look at it like from a third POV. of like what would you tell your friend. and I feel like a lot of women listen to. this podcast being like yeah but Shay. like I'm so in love with him. >> Okay. >> But. >> I just have that like feeling almost. every time. He's always doing boys. nights. He's always kind of like. out and I just feel like I'm not fully a. part of those moments and I sit at home. But like when we're together our. relationship is great, but he makes me. feel really insecure. Like what do I do? Like what?

>> You should be in love with yourself more. then. >> You need to love yourself more because I. would tell my daughters like you. shouldn't be doing that. I don't want. them having a million sleepless nights. A couple are fine. like it's healthy, whatever, we get it. But like you. shouldn't be feeling that way in a. healthy relationship. And if you are, then maybe it isn't the right one. >> I don't want to constantly be living in. a state of anxiety wondering where they. are, what they're doing. Like I actually. love the fact that he's traveling with. the biggest person. And like you get to. see all of that. And if you still come. back, then like I'm the baddest [ __ ].

You know what I mean? Like that's what I. feel like. And if I don't then like. cool, go be with her and then I'll keep. it moving too. Like it just wasn't meant. to be. And I'm such a believer of that. I feel like that's why my perspective on. life and different experiences. If I. miss a plane, I was like, "Oh, there was. a reason for that." Like that is how I. live my life. And let me tell you, it's. a lot more peaceful than what it was. before. I had this sort of like real. realization about. >> how it how it works for me and how it. should be. >> I love that advice, too, cuz I feel like. it's like half the time, more than half.

the time, we have to look at it like. it's actually not about him. you're. sitting there like why are you sitting. there stressing? Why was I on my phone. zooming so intensely? Like cuz I was. bored in college being like this is. better than the guys I could be dating. here. There's always if you break it. down like I wanted to be with him. because of the status and the money and. the lifestyle and I loved it and I. didn't want to lose it and I was willing. to maybe look the other way cuz like I. loved that. Now in hindsight I'm like. that was perfect for where I was in that. moment. I absolutely loved that moment.

in my life. Now, I would never put up. with that because I want. >> That's time you could be putting into. building yourself like a. >> g reading a book, educating yourself, going to the gym, hanging out with your. friends, like doing other things. I. think as you get older, and the reason. why I say like I did that all in my 20s, but like it changed when I was 30 is. because I realize how valuable every. single day is. And I do not want to. waste my [ __ ] time stalking other. people's movements. You know what I. mean? like then I'm taking away my time.

and living my life and like spending. quality time with friends or people that. here. >> watching somebody else's move. They're. going to do it if they're going to do it. and I can't stop it. So like it's not. healthy. We need to cut it out. It's too. short. I don't want to look back in my. life dedicating so many of my like. precious days to doing that. I Amen. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Pacifica. Pacifica has been 100% vegan. and cruelty-free since day one. No. animals harmed, no exceptions. They help. turn your everyday routines into acts of.

well-being, packing their skincare, makeup, and beauty products with natural. plant-powered ingredients. And yes, they. smell incredible. Truly aroma therapy. level products. Everything from Pacifica. is conscious, effective, and totally. guilt-free. Here's the secret, Daddy. Gang. You don't really need to spend $80. for a vitamin C to actually work. Pacifica's Glow Baby Booster Serum is. formulated with a daily dose of.

stabilized vitamin C and natural. cockadoo plum extract to keep your skin. radiant, glowing, and even toned. Plus, does your skin care smell like. creamsicle? I'm obsessed with the. vanilla and fresh orange scent. This. serum addresses fine lines, wrinkles, and dullness, brightening your whole. face and therefore your whole mood. Get. glowing, daddy gang. Hit up www.pacific. beauty.com and use call her daddy for.

20% off. Your glow up just got way more. affordable. Call Her Daddy is brought to. you byop. You guys, we all have those items in our. closet where we can't even remember the. last time we wore them. Maybe it's the. dress that you splurged on, but you have. nowhere to wear it. Or maybe it's your. favorite going out top from years ago, but now you are obviously in your. grandma era and you have no use for it. These pieces may not be in your current. fashion rotation, but they could be the.

fit for someone else. And that is. obviously where Depop comes into play. Depop is the marketplace where every. kind of style has a place from bold to. minimal and everything in between. And. Dep Depot is for everyone. Parents. selling kids wear, street wear fanatics, and those in search of a one-of-a-kind. item. Another thing I love about Depot. is there are absolutely no seller fees, which means more money stays in your. pocket. And with AI listings boosting, and a builtin audience, selling on Depop. is easier and faster than most people.

expect. Download the Depop app now to. discover more. >> So, you're a mother? >> Yeah. >> I'm a mother. >> You're a mother. Did you always picture. you going to have kids? >> Yeah. >> Mhm. >> Yeah, I did. >> Okay. >> I mean, I never had a set age. I wasn't. like when I'm 26 I'm going to have No, I. I I. >> I knew that I wanted to experience that. >> When you think about there's so many. beautiful things that come with. motherhood. >> Yes. >> But I feel like you're a good person to. talk to about like because you don't.

like to label things. >> Like absolutely not. When I think about. mothers, there's a lot of pressure if. you're not just dedicating your entire. life. >> in other people's eyes to your children. Did you ever lose yourself in the. beginning stages of trying to navigate. like being a mother, being also Shay. Mitchell, this like independent. successful woman that wants to have.

both. >> Oh my gosh. I remember when I was first. pregnant with Atlas and I was like nine. months. I was talking to my doula at the. time and all of a sudden we're talking. and I just started balling and she's. like, "Oh my gosh, are you so excited?". I was like, "No, a piece of me is dying. I'm going to be a mother. Like I'm now. going to be a mom." And she was like, "Okay, like that's amazing." I was like, "No, I'm a mom now. Like I am a mother.". She's like, "Okay, amazing." Like not. understanding. And I think what I had to.

come to an understanding with is that. yes, old Chay did a part of me did have. to be put to rest. I am a mother now. I. wasn't beforehand. Like and it does. change. There's a leaf that turns when. you get pregnant. And like from the. moment you see that you are pregnant on. that stick, it changes. And that life. that you lived before is over. And. that's okay because there's a new life. Like there's a new chapter, like a new. relationship. And that's it's fun and.

it's exciting. It's also scary. And you. know at that at that point it was also a. little bit lonely because like your. partner won't understand. They don't go. through the same thing. They don't. understand the changes and the. sacrifices that we make especially being. somebody who also you know was very. active like in my work and you know my. social and and everything. It was like I. have to take a pause. is I can't be like. I was fortunate to be able to act up. until the point where I was like 8. months but still I had to take a moment. I had to take a break whereas he didn't.

and so that was really difficult for me. >> when I was pregnant. >> Do you have advice for someone that's. currently having a little bit of a. difficult time finding. their like regaining their identity. after they just like gave birth. Now. they've like their kids alive and well. and they're like [ __ ] who am I. independent of being a mother. >> I think you need that time. outside of your kids. I think it is so.

crucial. >> I love my girls. I will do anything. Of. course it is like having kids truthfully. is like having a heart live outside of. you. Like my heart beats in them. But I. also need to continue to do things for. myself and for me to feel rested, for me. to feel like, you know, I've done what I. needed to do because then I'm a better. mother when I can come back and like I. feel good, you know. And I think that. that's the thing. It is really hard, especially after like I always say, I. love a baby shower. I think that's.

great. Even though I did mine at like. Magic Mike. >> What? >> Mhm. Um, I also think there needs to be. like a another like a postpartum sort of. like a mama shower after because it's. all fine and dandy when you have that. celebration when the baby's in your. stomach and like things are cool and. there's a million beautiful flowers and. friends and all of that around you. There needs to be something after when. you're in the postpartum, when you're in. the bed by yourself or maybe with your. partner like in and feeling like a mess,

feeling like if you're breastfeeding or. you're feeding them with a bond, like. you just don't feel your best. >> There needs to be a celebration for you. at that moment. I'm like, I want to. start, you know, the mama shower. Something where you have all your. friends come. I needed a flower crown. then when the babies were crying, when. Atlas was screaming, when the house was. a mess. I need that like, you know, yeah, that kind of like group and party. then. And. >> I actually love that too because I. you're so right. There's such a. celebration of like right before like. this is going to be great and then like. life happens.

>> and then life happens. >> and there's judgment. >> Yeah. >> You're a very independent person. >> and I wonder what does independence look. like for you? Um, independence to me means that like. this is like ASMR because I'm crunching. these passion fruit. Is it. >> Are you hearing that? >> Independence is. >> um independence means that like I can. make my own moves and do what I want to. do and like when I want to do something.

I do it. I don't know. Listen, let me. tell you something. This is when I was. how old? Driving age. When I got my. first car, my. >> parents got me a car. >> Okay. >> And I was so excited. Drove it around. everywhere. Me and my girlfriends had. picked them up, you know, as you do. You're like, "Just got my license. Let's. drive to McDonald's." Um, and then one day I came downstairs and I. was like, "Where are my keys at?" And I. couldn't find them. And I was like, "Wait, hi mom, dad. Like, where are my.

keys?" And he's like, "You don't have. your car today." I was like, "Wait, why. is it in the shop? You getting it. washed? You filling it up? Like what's. going on?" He was like, "You just don't. have it today. I took it." And I'm like, "Okay, so like, you want to drive it? Can I drive yours?" Like, "What's going. on?" He's like, "No, I bought it. I own. it. It's mine. You don't have it." And I. was like, "Wait, what? You bought it? It's my car." He's like, "It's not your. car. I bought it for you and I can take. it away." And I was like, "I didn't even. do anything." Then I'm like trying to. think. I'm like, "Did I do something. last night? Like, did he go through my.

Like, what is happening?" Nothing had. happened. He just took my car away. because he wanted to prove a point that. like he bought it and I didn't own it. And just because, you know, he had. gotten me the car at that point, like he. could also take it away. And I was so. annoyed by it. But then I also was like, you're right, he did buy it from, but. like this is so [ __ ] annoying. And. from that moment, I was like, I don't. ever want that to happen. Cuz I actually. had to go somewhere that wasn't a. drive-thru and I needed my car at that. time. So I was like, of course you did.

Of course I did. you know, I was like, you need to go to the mall. Um, so I was. like, I will never have that happen. again. I'm going to own my [ __ ] And. like that is what kind of clicked in. There was a bigger message with that. that was just really like I need to own. my [ __ ] because nobody can take that. away from me. And everything just feels. better when I like I did that, you know, and like I don't need somebody else to. do that for me. And so I've always been. super independent when it's come to. that. Like if I want to go to dinner, I'm going to dinner. I don't need to. wait for somebody to invite me or like.

No, no, no. If I want that on the menu, I'll order it cuz I bust my ass to do. that. And I think there's such a power. and with that everything just tastes. sweeter. It feels better. You rock it. better when you're wearing that bag that. you got. And again, gifts are nice and. I'll always take them and I love that. So, if you get that, like, good on you. and amazing. However, I feel like. independence gives you a freedom to live. your life. as authentic as you want it to be. like. I can do things that feel right to me. without any sort of hesitancy that like.

oh so and so might not or this may get. taken away from me or if I act this way. I'll get kicked out. No, I don't want. that. I never wanted that and I don't. want my girls to ever do that. You will. be independent. You will own your own. [ __ ] and you will always have it. Nobody. can take that away from you. what you're. saying is so empowering in terms of just. like you can't then be that affected. >> by anyone other than yourself when you. have that independence. And I think it's. so important for young women to hear.

because when I was dating professional. athletes or rich guys. >> in the moment it felt so like. >> invigorating to me and I felt like alive. and I felt so powerful because I was. attached to someone powerful. Right. >> And then if they ended it, >> I was on the street with nothing. >> Then you feel like back at square one. again and you're like, "But wait, like. what happened?". >> And you look around and you have. nothing. And so it's like I'm also not. even talking about financial [ __ ] Like. if you have your own [ __ ] in terms of I.

know who I am. I know I'm stable with my. [ __ ] confidence and my personality. And you if you [ __ ] end it tomorrow, I'm still good and I can carry on. focusing on your independence, recognizing your worth, cuz then when. you [ __ ] meet someone and you're like. that, you're like, >> but having your own life outside of. them, having your own friend group, having your own places that you go to, like you are so much stronger when. you're like two pillars holding. something up than when you're trying to. like conform to one,

>> you know what I mean? Just like have. your own life, I think, is so important. >> Totally. Totally. >> And then you're stronger and then it. like offers up more questions. Then I. can genuinely be like, "What did you do. today?" you know, >> totally. >> but different strokes for different. folks. Like again, this is just how it. is for me. I've also seen it on the flip. side where like it works. They work and. they have the same friends and all that. and that also works. Agree. >> This is just how it works for me. >> No, and I think that's like also I love. this job because I get to just talk to. so many different people that it's like. there is no right answer for anyone.

It's like you're going to find your own. [ __ ] but it's helpful to hear if some. people are lost or just like kind of. looking for guidance. like you have a. very specific way that you view life and. the way that you view your worth and. yourself and the way that you like to. move. My question though for you is if I. think. >> you always know there's going to be. something juicy when she like. >> well her head and like you're getting. real comfy now. You know, I just like to. ask this because sometimes it's helpful. to humanize people in terms of you're so.

confident, but. what is your biggest insecurity? What is my biggest insecurity? Like my biggest insecurity is I mean I. can be in rooms like just recently I was. in Paris and I was around a group of. people that were speaking so many. different languages and I was like oh my. gosh that is amazing. I feel like I.

I could be spending more time educating. myself instead of doing some other. things. Maybe if I cut down some social. media, I feel like I could be I could. have learned another language, you know? Like I get on myself sometimes for that, for education. So, I'm like, "Okay, I. need to work on this." But then I. download Word of the Day and I feel. like, "Okay, I've done something. >> I'm trying. >> I'm trying." Um I I feel like that's. what Yeah. I mean, I think every day. there's like different things. Of.

course, I'm not like the most confident, most secure person. The reason why I sound like that is. because I'm a big believer of. saying things and and like manifesting. and words being very powerful. You will. never hear me say, "Oh gosh, I'm such an. idiot." Or like, "Oh, dumb me." I don't. speak like that. I don't ever say like, "I'm starving." I don't ever say like. like I'm very careful with my words. because they are very powerful. And I am. a big believer of manifesting. When I. was doing bottle service, I had a.

corkboard in my kitchen. Had Teen Choice. Awards. It had Blake Lively and Gossip. Girl. It had a white Range Rover. It had. palm trees. >> A lot of that has come true. And I. believe like working hard in addition to. just manifesting. But I am. >> a very big believer of manifesting. And. there's a difference with just saying. like, okay, I will come into success. I. will meet the love of my No, no, no. You. need to believe it and you need to own. it. And if that at the beginning is. called delusion, then let it be cuz I.

was delusional when I was doing bottle. service. But when I was rocking to your. table asking you if you wanted kettle. one or Greyhos, I thought I was the. biggest actress like playing a bottle. service girl. And I walked with that and. I walked in the snow in my Uggs like to. my office to the bottle service place. being like bottle service place to the. lounge being like I own this like no not. today. Like I was an actress and I was. living in the States and I was you know. I felt it. So like delusional. manifesting all of that. I'm a big. believer of saying and putting out there.

>> positive energy. And so I don't know. what the first thing was that you were. asking me. Oh yeah. So it may come off. as being super confident, secure, but. even like Rihanna like that Tik Tok that. was going around where she's like. sometimes you don't feel confident. You. just get up and you do it. You do and. you own it and you and you have that. because if you do and other people feel. it then like you become that. How the [ __ ] did you become a bottle. girl? >> Bottle service. >> Bottle service. >> Um, it was like a it I wasn't a good.

bartender. My memory wasn't good. So, like bottles. were easier. I could like have my little. thing, but like bartenders, it was like. too many people ask me for too many. drinks and I never got it right. Also, why I wasn't a good waitress. Like, I'd. forget things. Um, hostess crushed. I. could always offer up a smile and take. you to your table. Um, but bottle. service was just it was like fun. >> It wasn't fun. I hate going to it. No, I. actually. >> I did it for one day and then I went to. bartending. >> Dude, what was like some Do you have any. memories of back in those days? Like, >> oh my god,

>> how creepy. >> A guy slapped my ass and almost broke. his arm. >> No. Like I was not that person. And then. I charged you like crazy and I made so. much money that night because that was. not okay. I am not good in those. situations. I'm not good being disres. like not that anybody is, but that like. I will not handle disrespect. Call Her. Daddy is brought to you by Uber Eats. Okay, Daddy gang. We all know Uber Eats. has the best selection of local. restaurants, but did you know they also.

eat when it comes to a whole range of. delivery services? Now, that might be a. lot to take in. So, let's break it down. Okay, Uber Eats isn't just for locked in. salad bowl lunches or pregaming with. Tai. When you can't make it to the. store, you can just get about anything. you need delivered straight to your door. with Uber Eats. Right now, you could be. checking off your whole shopping list. Okay, of course, I'm locked in on Uber.

Eats when it comes to getting my. lunchtime sandwiches or a good delicious. meal after work. But say I need a little. cocktail at the end of the day. Uber. Eats is my go-to spot to get all of the. ingredients I need sent to my door. I. also use Uber Eats for pretty much. everything. paper towels, groceries, snacks. I even order a pair of flipflops. to the nail salon. Okay, they've got my. back no matter where I am. When you. can't make it to the store, Uber Eats. brings you the store essentially. Okay,

there is nothing better than putting on. a good show, getting cozy on the couch, and having the perfect meal delivered. right to me along with five other things. that I forgot to pick up that day. Uber. Eats makes it easy to have it all. Get. grocery, alcohol, and everyday. essentials in addition to the restaurant. food you love. So, in other words, get. almost almost anything with Uber Eats. Order now. For alcohol, you must be. legal drinking age. Please enjoy. responsibly. Product availability varies.

by region. See app for details. I've heard through the grapevine like. Kate, hi. um you really are such an. incredible friend and I think especially. when you get to a certain age like I'm. not going to say it's easy to be a. friend in middle school and elementary. school and high school but like there is. something of that you're all kind of. going through similar [ __ ] at that time. you're all in the same environment and.

then when you get into your 20s and your. 30s and your 40s and on, like it is a. [ __ ] of like being selfish of. your own [ __ ] being there for your. friends. Like, what kind of friend are. you? I would have to say I'm a really good. listener. >> I'm always there. Like if I hear like in. high school if a girl like a friend of. mine had a bad relationship or some guy. did a wrong like don't ever talk to me.

again that guy like do not come across. me. I am a girl's girl. I love women. I. really do because I just there's such a. like beautiful sensitivity and. vulnerability to women and I love that. and I and I see it like through all ages. and now having two little girls like I. see it in them. But then I also see the. [ __ ] up part where I'm like we're. watching these Disney movies and like. everything is about like finding your. happily ever after happily ever after. with like this prince and I'm like. doesn't have to be like that. Like if. you don't want to end up with a guy you. don't have to. Like if you don't want to.

end up in a relationship at all you. don't have to. Like I'm like constantly. doing this cuz I'm like hey like she she. loves this princess life which I want. her to live. But I'm also like this is. kind of [ __ ] up when I'm watching. this. Like happily ever after doesn't. mean you always have to end up with. somebody. It doesn't always mean you. have to have kids you know. And so I. always forget what I'm talking about. What was the January? Oh, >> WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU? NO, this is. great. >> Okay, so on the friend level, like I. love my friends are my family. They are. And I have a very small group of. friends. I have a lot of acquaintances.

I have a lot I love people too, but I. have a very small tight-knit of friends. who I feel like have are my they are my. family and they've like just held me. down. and why I feel like I can be the. way that I am. It's because I have such. a solid support group of people, >> you know, and they are there for me no. matter what. And I feel that they are. like that because it's a two-way street. Like I am there for them as well. And if. anybody needed me like any my girl, I.

will be on that plane. I don't care. I. will be there for you because life is. crazy and it's wild and sometimes you. need me more than I need you and. sometimes I need you more than you need. me. And so it's a beautiful. relationship. It's like a teeter totter. of like. >> I don't know. It's a teeter totter. Like. I just feel like that is how my. friendship is with people. Women go. through it in their 20s of kind of. losing that friend group that maybe they. had in school. >> and feeling like almost ashamed if they. don't have like the big friend group and. they don't have like all of like the big.

like can you talk about that a little. bit of like the cattiness of women being. like oh she doesn't have that many. friends or like she doesn't cuz I have. people write in all the time that are. like I have two really good friends but. I feel bad that I don't have like this. big. >> group you're blessed you have two solid. friends like no we do not compare. ourselves to movies we do not compare. ourselves to other people. You have no. idea what's actually happening. A girl. could have 15 solid friends. You don't. know if they're all. >> talking [ __ ] about each other. Like. >> if you have two solid friends, that's. amazing. And like own that, you know,

and be thankful you have that. I have my. childhood best friends. And the amazing. part is that I talk to them. >> the least out of everybody else. >> My best friend I talk to like once every. three months and it doesn't even matter. I pick up, I talk to her, and she's. like, "Cool, cool, cool. We got Like she. gives me what I need. I give her what. she and I'm like boom. You like I didn't. even talk to her for the past three. months. >> and you do like your quick rundown like. what's going on in your life. >> and that's it. You catch up. I have no. photos with her. Like it comes time to. be in her birthday and I'm like.

>> I have no photos with her. Like we never. take photos. That's it. When you have the best night. of your life, you're not taking photos. You forget. And that's the same thing. with your friends. It's like. >> Yeah. But I mean I have a lot of photos. with Kate. So like Kate, you're awesome. >> Yeah. Kate's like the lowest of your. friends. Kate's like, "Wait a minute. We. have thousands of photos. in the periphery [ __ ] You're not in. the inner core. >> But even with like my solid group of. friends, >> I go to them for different things. Same. with like [ __ ] title. But like I have.

different friends that I go to for. different things, you know, and I think. that's like a. >> beautiful thing. No, I love that you. said that cuz I just at my engagement. party like my three like best best. friends from childhood were there and. then I was talking to my friend Kristen. who has literally been there since I. don't even remember what age and I was. like I don't think we have more than. like three photos together and we do the. same thing where it's like every four. months we're like hello and I'm like.

okay go and she gives me the rundown and. that is like I think should be more. normalized of like you don't need to. talk to someone every [ __ ] day. You. don't also need to feel like you need 15. people around you cuz that also usually. means like well who's your who's your. one, >> right? >> Everyone knows who they're like best. [ __ ] friend is or their three or. their four best friends. I just think. it's like important to normalize cuz. like all these like I feel like women. online are shaming of like she doesn't. seem like she is friends of everything. literally trying to appease everybody.

That would be so exhausting. you are happy and you are good with your. life and your circumstances regardless. of if they go against the norm then like. you're crushing it. >> Tell me about a time that you had to end. a friendship. >> Oh my god. Um I ended a friendship. because I stopped respecting her. >> Mhm. >> Truthfully, I didn't respect certain. decisions she made and I think once you. lose a respect in any relationship, it's. over. And I don't know if that's the. Aries in me. Probably. I follow this.

account that's like Aries facts or. something and like every time they post. I'm like [ __ ] that's so true. Like I am. an Aries. Um but yeah, it sucked. We. were friends for a long time and it got. to a point where I just kind of like you. know when you're like with a guy you're. dating a guy and you like see something. that's so unattractive. It could be. anything. It could be like I don't know. his hands or like hair in a certain. place and you're just like and it's. done. >> You can't unsee it. >> Can't unsee it. That was the same thing. with this. I couldn't unsee this one.

part and I just it was over and I never. looked back. >> It was it it happened and you know we. had a good amount of years together as. friends. >> but I had to cut it again. Life is too. short. I have a very limited amount of. time that I get to spend with people and. I want that to be quality over quantity. >> And you're either in or you're out. And. like same thing with me. you know, who's. to say like her life isn't better. without me, but whatever. It's just it.

wasn't meant to continue. And that's. okay. >> Yeah. >> People come in and out of our lives. It's like look at seasons. That's the. same thing with people like have them. come in. You learn different things. about each other and then you continue. And that's okay. I love that too. I feel. like there's such like again stigma for. women of like the bitchiness and like. the friend loss. And it's like I get so. many questions about this all the time. And I'm like, if you had a great thing. for a certain amount of time that gave. you something in your life and vice. versa and it ended, >> that's okay. Cuz I know then like then.

you go to a new part of your life where. you have kids and you meet friends. through your kids parent and it's like. you're always going through new. iterations of your life. >> Exactly. >> Like being open to it. Like the unknown. is so exciting. >> No, I agree. Okay, we need advice. I. figured I'd be like, okay, let's talk. about some situations, hypotheticals. Okay. Number one, what would you tell someone who opens up. Instagram and sees the person that. they're dating out partying at a club at.

2:00 a.m. and they haven't heard from. that person all night? I feel like we. kind of talked about this. >> Yeah. But like what's your boundary? Like I have it, you know, for for us. it's like, "Hey, I always just want to. know when you're like safe in bed. I. don't need a photo. I don't need a. FaceTime." But like just a text, >> you know, like, hey, just and also we. have two kids. I want to know like. around the area of what you're doing so. I can be like if anything were to. happen, I don't want to be like, I don't. know where he is. Like tell me the. country you're in. You know, maybe the. hotel would help. I don't need to know.

anything else, but like like I need to. know certain things. So it depends what. your boundary is. Like did you set it so. you're like, "Hey, I want to hear from. you in this amount of times or like. >> is it okay if they text you when they go. to bed?" Like what's your boundary? So. it depends on that. I agree with you. because I think I remember in the. beginning of dating. Matt and he was like. >> you just have to send me a text when you. get in bed. Like I just want to know. you're alive and at home. And at first I. was like that's being clingy. And then. afterwards I was like oh wait I get what.

he's doing. He's actually respecting had. the best I just want to know you're. safe. >> I'm like what a great boundary. But if. you're so triggered by seeing him on the. internet of like stalking him again, like I go back to that version of. myself, that's your first. >> real red flag to be like, >> why are you so stressed? Cuz that's. probably, you know, he's actually doing. something shady. Totally. I don't have a. doubt in my mind like right now with the. partner that I'm with that I'm like, >> nothing but.

>> with other relationships I'm like I. knew. We always [ __ ] know. You always. in your gut kind of [ __ ] know. I. truly believe it. If there are certain. [ __ ] that they're doing, I think most of. the time you do, >> but there have been the odd cases true. that you're like where some people may. not have and that's okay too, >> you know, then then I mean, yeah, that's. okay, too. If you don't expect it, >> true. But I also think it's like having. the confidence and the selfrespect to if. this is bothering you so much, tell him.

>> Yeah. >> Say it. It's like you're not being needy. or clingy. It's like if you're in a. relationship and you're like, "Hey babe, it really upsets me." I realize like I. get so triggered and anxious when you're. out and I don't hear from you. >> Like think about what it is about that. because just being out as a human. I. mean I go out I come back sometimes at. 2, 4 or 6, you know? So it's like what. what about that is bothering you? Is it. that you think there's other girls. there? Is it that he hasn't told you. where he's at? Like like ask yourself. and then have that conversation. >> And then if there's [ __ ] that it's like.

well cuz he does this all the time and. he cheated once. Well, that that's. right. >> And then reassess the situation, but. like just being out. I mean, we're. humans. >> We got to go out. >> Got to go out. And also like I love it. when I'm like, "Do you go out there with. like hot girl?" Like I want you to see. that. I don't want to keep you in a. little room with blindfolds on like. please go out there and see. >> It's so healthy to have your partner go. out. Like every time Matt goes out and. he comes home, I'm like, "Okay, tell me. everything." And I'm like laying in bed. like hi. I'm like, "Oh, what happened?". And he's like, "This person was there.".

this ex and like let me like even when. we've been out there have been girls. that have come up and been like oh my. gosh she's so handsome. I'm like thank. you like yes absolutely. >> because he doesn't wear a ring. >> No. >> And you don't. >> But also like if you wore a [ __ ] ring. does that deter anybody? Does that deter. them? Does that deter like no it doesn't. do anything. Sometimes it's more. attractive. I like look go out live your. life. Be free. If you come back awesome. If you don't we'll figure it out. >> Peace. >> Peace. I don't have time for that.

anymore. Like, >> okay, let's say someone wants to. approach their partner about an issue in. their relationship that they're insecure. about. >> Okay. >> What advice would you give them in. approaching this topic? So, you're going. to someone, you're like, I'm [ __ ]. insecure about this. I want to talk. about my part about it. >> They're nervous, rightfully so. But. also, I feel like I've had this so many times. where I've been so vulnerable and like I. can't be any more vulnerable. Like, he. knows. And I think that's okay because. the right person will accept it and take.

it and hear you. >> The wrong person might run from it and. then let them run. It may seem like I'm. like, "Let them go. Let them free. Let. But also like, yeah, cuz if it's the. wrong person, why do you want to waste. your time with them anyways?". >> Dude, my mom always said it and I. remember in the early days of my show, I. would always say this. My mom would. always be like, and at first it was. friends cuz when I was younger, my mom. would always say like, >> "Why would you want to be friends with. someone that doesn't want to be friends. with you?". >> Same thing with relationship, right?

You're like, "Why would you want to be. with someone that doesn't want to be. with you or doesn't respect you?" It's. like, >> well, answer the. >> you don't. >> you don't. But that's also why like my. whole thing and like again love it for. everybody else but like the whole. concept of like we need to have a. bachelorette party or a bachelor party. because this is the last night of. freedom. Like what? No, you can have all. of those nights. You want to go a Timmy, Tony, John, and Frank all day long. You. can go. Like I'm not holding you back.

>> That would never be the life that I live. where you feel the need that like your. last like I hate that. >> Dude, you're so right. Okay, we need. like a little tea. Okay. Tell us about. some like. >> drama you've ever had in a relationship. All of this is like Shay's got it all. together. She No, no, not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. But it's like you are. you have this you have it all together. right now in terms of like. >> how you think about [ __ ] Give us your. 20s. Give us a [ __ ] story about Shay.

not having it together and a. relationship. I mean, in my 20s, like I. think in your like again that it did. really change for me in my 30s. So, I. will say I feel like good now. But no, in my 20s, all my friends will be like, "Wait a minute. Sammy will like there. through with me through like thick and. thin and she knows those times where. she's had to like sleep over and I'm. like convulsing into a paper bag. I'm. like, he did this." Like, I've had those. moments a thousand%. But sometimes I.

think I brought them on me because I'm. dramatic and wanted to experience that. Like I don't know if I was listening to. a song and I was like, I can't relate to. this. Let's relate to this. And then I'd. go out and cause [ __ ] because I was like. I like I'm telling you that tattoo is. white. Not because I wanted to get it. for you to see. I wanted to feel it. Like I am that person where I want to. feel it. So like I wanted to cause [ __ ]. sometimes and I would. And that was just. me experimenting. at that age. So, like I had so much. drama in my life and I would do things.

that would put me in like situations. where I'm like, "Oh, that wasn't fair.". But like, let's see how it rides out, you know, and then that's going to be a. story to tell. And yeah, I did it. because I wanted to be able to have that. story. >> No, I get that. I relate to that in a. lot of ways of just being like, do it. for the experience. >> Yeah. Or you're listening to a song and. like you want to put your hand on the. window when it's raining too and like. sing out to it. Like sometimes I. wouldn't feel that way, but I wanted to. So I would go and set that situation up. for myself, you know, like it's like I. did that. >> So good. No, that's like I relate to.

that. And then on top of it, I then. started a show where I had to talk about. my life. So I was like, I need a [ __ ]. up story. Like let's go out. I get it. I. think that's in a weird way. I think. it's healthy cuz then you do experience. [ __ ] where you're like, I don't want. that. I want this. Looking back on your. single days, what's one piece of dating. advice you can give my listeners. straight from the Shea Mitchell. playbook? >> Oh my god. >> Something you haven't said yet. to all the single ladies.

>> I don't know. I feel like listen if. Madden like I feel so happy with the way. that everything turned out because like. if we had been together from the moment. that I met him I don't know if I would. be completely content and happy right. now. I would have wondered my mind would. have drifted and that's not to say it. doesn't drift. We're humans. >> But I got to live out a lot of of. different experiences and I had a lot of. fun. I loved that. I thought that these. were the years where I will be able to.

do this. And you can still do it later. on when you're married, blah blah blah. But like it was fun. It was fun to go. out one day with this guy and then. another with this guy. As long as I was. in control, >> you know, like conscious control, all of. that. It was like on my terms. I loved. it. And I thought there was nothing. wrong cuz I learned so much about myself. through each of these relationships. And. that's what I loved. I was like, "Okay, if I date this person, I wonder how this. would be. Well, let's find out. Let's. see how I can deal with his lifestyle. let's see how I can deal being taken on, you know, in this way or like that. Like.

I loved learning about myself through. other people. >> I think that's such good [ __ ] advice. and we almost can end on that one of. like when you are in your single part of. your life, it's such an opportunity to. get to know yourself better. And it's. like there's such a pressure I think for. women to like settle down and have kids. and start your life. And it's like just. make sure that you know yourself before. you pick that person. And that's where. like you're saying and I feel the same. way of like I've gone through so many.

things that like I wouldn't have been. able to be with my partner now had I not. been through all that [ __ ] So like. sometimes you have to put yourself into. weird [ __ ] situations. Like if you're. sitting at home being like I haven't. been going on dates like I've been kind. of like put your like listen to Shay. Like put yourself out there. create a. scenario. Even if you get the [ __ ]. story, it's ending up creating a better. version of yourself because you're going. to learn what you like, you're going to. learn what you don't like, and you're. going to be like invigorated to find the.

next story, find the next thing for. yourself so you can look back and be. like, "Holy [ __ ] I lived it. I did it.". And then when you find the right person, there's no doubt in your mind it's the. right person cuz you've been with so. many different people in different. settings. I don't mean sleeping. YOU'VE. SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE, >> SO MANY PEOPLE. But it's like, you know, your [ __ ] of like, I don't like that. I. like this. And you're like, you're a kid. in a candy store of like, you know what. you want, what you don't want. However, don't just date anybody. Always have. that self-respect. And that's why. looking at my past, I can say, like I.

said, besides a couple out of them, >> I always have that respect. And that's. important. Don't just date a loser to. date a loser. We don't need to. experience that. You always know the. outcome on that. But if you can go into. like a respectful relationship, hookup, whatever, with somebody, then do it. Experience it. explore it and learn. about yourself. Now is the time. >> Is that it? >> I don't know. I feel like once WE TURN. THIS OFF, >> she like keeps it ro like. >> I'm like keep rolling. No, I I do think.

this is in an in an odd way. >> But that is the thing. It's like even. like having two daughters, I always look. at it like what would I say to them? I. like yes, talking about even thinking. about that right now and there [ __ ]. yeah. But like if you are going into a. relationship and experience with like. selfrespect, you know that that person. has respect for you. You are aware. You. are conscious. You were all then I think. there is like no harm in that. You are. learning about yourself through that. And I love that. I love I wouldn't take. away the experiences that I've had. And. the other thing is I would never take. away the experiences that my partner has.

had. I don't talk [ __ ] about any of the. people he's been with because all of. those people that he was with made him. the person that he is today, you know? when sometimes I'm like, "Well, wish you. could have had a couple." Like, you. know, like there's like I never talk. [ __ ] about that because Thank you. The. last thing that I would like to say is I. feel like this episode also. it sounds easy but no it sounds easy and. it seems kind of hard but like it really. is easy where you were kind of talking.

about if you're not being treated right. if you're not feeling right in a. relationship like if you're listening to. this and you have a pit in your stomach. right now because your partner's doing. something. If you're questioning certain. things. If they're not acting the right. way. if they're not treating you right. Like. that's it. >> That's your answer. >> That's your answer. Life is too short. And you only recognize that when you're. in a moment where you realize that, which doesn't happen for all of us, >> but it's like I don't want to wait for.

that moment if you know when it happens. to be like, "Oh [ __ ] I should have done. this differently or why did I waste. those those days or those sleepless. nights worrying about this? It didn't do. anything." It doesn't do anything. So. live your life how you want to live it. Don't worry about somebody else because. your worrying isn't going to change the. outcome. It's not going to change the. outcome. I can promise you that. They. don't care if you're worrying or not. Live your life. Do what you what makes. you happy and do what you love. Like do. what makes you happy. I don't want to.

waste any more days. I did that enough. in my 20s, like I said. But like for. those listening who are in their 20s, save yourselves. Learn from us. And like. don't waste your days worrying about. somebody else. Let them be. God bless. you. >> If you What's that quote? If you love. something, let it go. It comes back, it's yours. That's the same thing. Every. day he comes home, I'm like, "Hey, there. you are.". >> You know what I mean? But like you have. to like, "Hey, you're back." Like, "Hey, can you put her to bed?" You know what I. mean? But like that's how it is. And I I. think there's something so romantic.

about that. And like I always say, I. think it was like Charlies Theren that. said this in a quote where like if you. come home because you want to, not. because you feel like you have to or. like then you'd have to call the lawyers. and do I I think there's something so. romantic about that. Like we don't need. anything else to like define our love or. relationship at this moment. We have two. beautiful girls. We are very fortunate. to have the life that we live and we. recognize that and if that ever were to. change then we'll deal with it. But like. nothing that I can do or especially like. signing the paper or getting the right. like confirms that. We confirm it. You.

confirm it in your relationship. And. don't let societal public pressures. parental religious deter you from doing. what you feel is right. >> You know, >> Shay, thank you for coming on Caller. Daddy. >> I mean, thank you for having me. [Music].