"Right Person Wrong Time" is a Myth

Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to. another Sunday session. We're bumping. [laughter] We are. bumping. It's funny because when I'm. wearing my sweatpants and my hoodies, I'm like, do people know I'm even. pregnant? So, I'm like I'm trying to. like lean into the bump, but it's also. hard to situate yourself in front of. cameras while you have a bump. So, it's. just go with me here. Um, I will say. pregnancy so far has been a lot of ups.

and downs. There are some incredible. days and there are some really trying. days. Um, I haven't slept. So, I think. that just gives me a pass on whatever I. say for the next few months. Like, it's. not me. I didn't realize so much about. pregnancy. And I'll be honest, like in. hindsight, I've had friends who are. pregnant, but I've never. explored and questioned the process and.

the ailments that come with it and the. just all the things like I guess I've. just never really asked. And so now that. I'm living it, I am really discovering a. lot. And so I didn't fully realize that. you just don't you just don't sleep in. pregnancy. I mean, I have seen a lot of. women say, "Oh, it's just preparing you. for when you have a kid." I'm like, "Oh, [laughter]. oh, that's amazing." Um, but so, yeah, you don't really sleep when you're. pregnant. And as my bump has gotten. larger and larger progressively, what.

happens during the middle of the night, you guys, is it's it's a really big. experience that you go through, and you. go through it alone. So, while my. husband is doing like his light little. snoring, I want to just whack him in the. face with the pillow. And I do do that. sometimes. Sometimes I will whack Matt. and he's like, "What? What?" And I'm. like, "What? What?" I pretend. I'm like, "Oh my god, was that a ghost? What. happened?" Cuz I just want him to like. sit there with me and be awake. You know. what I mean? Poor Matt is like. constantly getting jarred awake. Um, he.

falls asleep also in four minutes. He. was looking at his he wears one of those. um health Google bands at night. specifically and I have stopped wearing. it for a second cuz I'm like I don't. want to see it right now. Maybe in a. little bit but like I can't see right. now because I know it's going to be so. dark. And Matt last night said you fell. asleep in four minutes. Oh, okay. Divorce. Oh, okay. Divorce. I. was like you you fell asleep before I.

the things I wish I four minutes it's. not even I mean I would love for any. woman to tell me if you can fall asleep. that easily but I'm convinced that men. just he'll be in the middle of talking. to me you guys and I'm like so yeah so. then I was thinking you know we should. talk to Erica about and he's like. and I'm like wait you were just talking. two seconds ago so Matt's having the. time of his life being dead asleep I am. I'm moving and shaking so your bump. basically. When you go from side to side, you don't. just flip from side to side like you.

normally would when you're sleeping as, you know, a non-pregant person. This is. this is heavy. Okay, this is heavy. weight and so I'm physically having to. be cognizant of my motions as I'm moving. over because also I've had it a couple. times where you can get a cramp or like. currently my baby's foot is lodged like. so high up here and so if I move too. quickly and I flip over like I used to. be a gymnast in the bedroom, okay? I.

would be dead asleep and I'm just I'm. like I'm literally like the exorcist. where I'm flipping my body and I'm. somehow on my right side and I'm still. asleep. Now it's like all right, let me. just let me just turn over here and it's. like a big crane. Okay, it's a big. crane. And I know to all my women who. are like really about to give birth. I. know you're like, "Oh, girl, just wait. because this third trimester you're just. going to get even bigger and bigger and. bigger." I understand that. But for. right now, it already feels big. So to.

get bigger is going to be an adventure. Anyway, so the sleeping situation isn't. great. You pee at least two times a. night for myself. Again, my child's. head, what's so lovely, again, it's just. like preparing me for parenthood is. every single time I've gone to my. doctor, she's like, "Oh my god, the head. is still in the same location." I'm. like, "Oh, just say it." She's like, "Right on the bladder." I'm like, "Boom." I'm telling you guys, this. child's head has not moved off of my.

bladder this entire pregnancy. So, you. already have so much pressure because. it's kind of like compacts your bladder. when you get pregnant. But then to also. have a head and a growing head just. right there, just sitting right here. We're peeing 24/7. It almost feels like. a constant UTI cuz even after I pee, I'm. like, "Do I have to pee again?" And it's. like, "Nope, that's just that's just. your body." So, like there's things that. I'm getting used to. I will say, let's. pick out a positive, you know, not to. freak everyone out. The positives I will.

say, um, is there is nothing more. connecting and incredible and wild and. just. it it's not even out of body cuz it's. obviously in my body, but it feels that. way when you feel your child kicking and. moving. I don't even know how to. describe it, you guys. I feel so. in shock that I can feel now how big. this child is and I can watch as this.

part of my belly bumps out and this part. is moving. It looks like it's doing a. somersault and I'm like whoa whoa whoa. So there's just like a lot of cool. fascinating parts I think about the. body. My boobs keep getting bigger. Don't look. Okay. I would think I'd be. like thrilled that my boobs are getting. bigger and just like more fuller, but. I'm just kind of like h I don't know. I. would love to hear from other mothers. and who are pregnant like something. about the boobs. You go through a little. phase where you're like, "Okay, this is. kind of like looking good and then.

you're kind of like I don't even It's. just a little it's it's a lot. It's a. lot." So, overall, I'm enjoying. pregnancy. I'm I'm leaning in. Um, but. there's anxiety that comes with it. because you just want this child to be. healthy and you want to be healthy and. yeah, so that's what's going on. Call. her Her Daddies brought to you by Hogen. Daddy Gang. I think we all deserve a. little more me time. Whether it's work, school, or whatever is bringing you. down, it's so important to take a second.

to slow down and treat yourself. And. lately, my favorite way to do this is. with some rich, smooth, creamy ice. cream. And none better than Hogen. You. guys, you have to try their cherry dark. chocolate bar. Let me just tell you. something, okay? Picture rich cherry ice. cream with some tart cherry ribbons all. covered in a thick layer of dark. chocolate. Yes. It's the kind of thing. you don't want to just eat, but you like. literally experience. Okay. Usually, I'm. the type to just like crush a dessert in.

two seconds. But this, oh girls, I'm. taking my time. I'm like, savor every. bite. Hogen is just one of those things. that's meant to be savored. I've. literally been eating hogen since I came. out of the womb. My entire family has. always had it stocked in our fridge. It'd be like movie night, boom, sit. down, get our hogenas. And now the. cherry dark chocolate bar, it's always. in my hand. Okay, it is just the perfect. sweet treat that I just can't get enough. of. It's my go-to treat at the end of a. long workday. So, take your sweet time.

That's Do available at retailers. nationwide. Okay, now to you guys. [laughter] Enough. about me. Okay. I hope you had such an. incredible week. I hope you hydrated and. I hope you are ready to get called out. today because in preparing for this. episode, I realized I think that we need. to talk about one of the biggest most. toxic lies we have all collectively.

agreed to believe. We are going to. tackle the ultimate relationship coping. mechanism today which is right person. wrong time. [laughter and gasps] Everyone's already. triggered. I know we are going there. How many of you right now are sitting. maybe you're in your car you're walking. on the treadmill. You're laying in bed. You're staring at the ceiling and you. immediately when I said that you're. thinking about that person, right? the.

one who got away. The one where you're. like, "Oh, if only we met three years. later. If only they didn't move to. Chicago. If only they were done with. their f boy phase. If only, if only, if. only then it would have worked.". And it's like, guys, I hate to break it to you, but I. am going to give you some tough love. today, okay? We are basically gonna.

completely tear this concept apart. because I want to be clear. I used to be. the queen of rationalizing bad. situations with this exact phrase. So. you are not alone. I want to make you. feel very very cozy and comfy when I say. I am speaking from so much experience. Not just you know experience. I am. speaking from lived experience. But. today instead of focusing on feelings, I. do want to just.

I want to look at the facts. Why do we say it? Why do we say right. person, wrong time? I think we say it because. the truth is too painful to face. It's. so much easier to just blame the. universe or a calendar or a zip code. than it is to admit the harsh reality. They just didn't want it enough or you. didn't want it enough. That's it. That's. the truth. Like it or hate it, those are. the facts.

Because. be real with me here, please think about. it logically. When you are truly deeply madly in love. with someone, when you look at them and. you think, "This is my person," you do. not let timing. be an issue. And you don't let that stop. you. You figure it out. you move the. mountain. If someone tells you, guys, if. someone tells you, "I love you so much. You're perfect for me, but the timing is.

just wrong.". Okay, what they are actually saying is, "I like you, but I like my current. lifestyle or my current freedom or my. current career more than I like the idea. of being with you." And I am choosing. that over you. Let the tears fall down and wake your. dreams. It's It's harsh. I get it. Okay, I get it. But I have to acknowledge and. we all have to acknowledge that's their.

right. That is your right. Right. Like. if that's the case, that is so okay. But we need to stop wrapping it up in. this pretty little bow and calling it, oh, it's just a tragedy of the universe. It's not fate playing a trick on you, Daddy Gang. It is a choice. It is a. cognizant decision that one human being. is making. The stars did not force this. one to happen sadly. Like I know people. including myself who are watching are.

like no no but like he is my soulmate. It's just he's focusing on his career. right now. Like that's it. Or like she's. the one but like she's just kind of. going through this phase. girl, I love. you, but we are just lying to ourselves. And how long can you keep lying to. yourself? Right? So, as I was thinking. about talking to you all about this, I. was like, "Okay, okay, okay. So, fair. A. lot of us do this, but why do we do. this?" Right? I think that one reason we.

do this is kind of very obvious. It's. protects our egos, right? Rejection, let's be real. It is a very, very brutal. pill to swallow. It hurts way less to. blame a construct like time than it does. to admit, hey, this person just doesn't. want me enough to make it work. And so we convince ourselves it's not. me. Obviously, it's not me. It's the.

clock. It's time. Spoiler alert, [ __ ]. It's not the clock. It is you. Actually, another reason we do this, I think we. love a tragic movie plot. We have been. brainwashed by romantic comedies to. believe that love needs to be this. struggle. We think we, you know, if we. suffer through the wrong time, the. payoff will just be the most cinematic.

reunion of an experience. Let me just. tell you something. This was me to a. tea. To a tea with a previous. relationship, you guys. If anything, the. fact I feel like that we couldn't be. together at the time, it somehow made me. like him more. Like, like, and now in. hindsight, I'm like, it almost made me. like him more than if we were actually. together. The idea was better than the. reality. and I somehow found it oddly. extremely romantic that we just.

we couldn't be together. Just wasn't the. right time. Okay, but of course we're. going to come back together. It's just. timing. Like obviously we're going to. reconnect. It's just we got to just It. never happened, guys. It ne it never. [ __ ] happened. Okay, all those. sleepless nights, all the journaling, and you guys know I don't journal, but I. journaled and the letters I wrote, it. did nothing. Okay, right person, wrong. type. Like, he never came back. It never.

ended up working. And so then I think the most important. and obvious reason that we do this and. we lie to ourselves is. [sighs]. this one hurts, but it's really the. truth. It keeps the door open. If it's just the wrong time, you don't. actually have to mourn the relationship. and move on. You get to basically keep them on this. shelf in your mind waiting for the right.

time to magically appear. It's basically. a full coping mechanism for avoidance. If you don't have to fully face that. it's over, babe, we can just still live in our. delusion. It's not over. He's coming. back around. He's coming back around the. merrygoround. It's like, babe, that. thing shut off years ago. Okay. And I. think what's really important to. acknowledge is that is a very dark. psychological trap that we have to. address because what happens when you.

believe in right person, wrong time, you essentially put your life on pause. You can become a ghost in your own. dating life, right? You go out on a date. with a perfectly great guy or girl and. the entire time you're just comparing. them to the right person who. unfortunately is currently living across. the country or is currently just finding. themselves and you're just like holding. this torch for a fantasy but it actually. doesn't even exist anymore.

because that's what right person wrong. time usually is. It is a fantasy. You. are in love with the potential of what. could have been, not the reality of what. actually is in front of you. The reality. was that it didn't work out. I remember. I remember. All right, let's go back. I've kind of like blocked these days. out, guys. So, give me a second. But I. do remember, if I can recall correctly, back in the day, the guy that I did this.

with, I convinced myself for ages that. if the stars just aligned, we're going. to be together. Okay. I was like, "No, no, no. We got a couple hiccups. There's. like couple little road bumps. He's. doing this. I'm doing this, but we will. be back together." And I wasted so much. emotional real estate on a guy who is. simply not ready to commit to me. And.

when someone shows you or tells you they. aren't ready, we have to believe them. Don't try to rewrite their narrative. into some romantic story that keeps you. hung up even after it ends. You're lying. to yourself. you are romanticizing a. really not so romantic situation. Okay? And so I ask that please listen to me. closely when I say.

if someone is truly your right person, the timing becomes a secondary factor. and it kind of becomes a non-issue. When. people want to be with you, they don't. give you a rain check. They don't say, "Whoa, you are the love of my life. I. think we just need to pause and like, let's revisit in three years. Like, let's revisit when my schedule clears up. a little bit. Let's reschedule when I'm. a little bit of a different person.". Like, no, no, no. They figure it out. They move cities. They change schedules.

They lose sleep. They make room for you. If someone is letting you go because of. timing, what they are actually saying is, "You. are not worth the inconvenience of. adjusting my life right now. And I know it sounds harsh, but it is to. some degree liberating if you can. finally accept that. You're all like, "Speak for yourself." Okay, speak for. yourself, Alex. That feels horrible. That I don't I don't want to hear any of. that. I get it. I get it. College me. would have also maybe turned this off by.

this point. You're like, "La.". Um, trust me, I get it. And I really get. it more than I wish. So, I'm not going. to leave you hanging. Obviously, we got. to we got to make ourselves feel better. here, right? Let's acknowledge how we break this. cycle, okay? How do we move on from the. wrong time trap? When I think about it, if I could go back and give myself. advice, it would be step one is.

you need to close the chapter. You need to stop checking their. Instagram stories. Stop checking their. Spotify to see what sad songs they're. listening to. You are feeding the. delusion. You, not them, you. And you. need to stop holding on to one day. Because that mentality is making it. quite literally impossible for you to. move on. And you feel less guilty for. checking in on them and stalking their.

social medias because again, it's the. right person. It's just the wrong time, right? Maybe maybe it will be the right. time soon. And you convince yourself. So. like I got to keep tabs. I got to keep. tabs on them. How am I going to know if. it's the right time if I don't keep. tabs? And it's like no. No. Slick. You're you're being very like I see. where you're going with that. But no. If. you want to be real with yourself, it's. a hard [ __ ] no. Then step two. Step two. After you are like, "Okay, I I.

need to actually close that chapter.". You need to reframe the narrative in. your head. They weren't the right person. at the wrong time. They were the wrong. person. Period. Because the right person. is someone who is willing and ready and. capable of choosing you right now. Timing. I mean I I think it it's obvious, but. maybe we've convinced ourselves so much. that it doesn't seem obvious, but like. guys, timing is a part of the package. deal of a person being the right person.

If they can't meet you where you are, then they're not your person. Period. So when you say right person, wrong. time, what it actually means is wrong. person, wrong. You're seeing a little bit of like. green, yellow, and it's like no, it red. because the right person is the right. time. When you say, okay, here we go. This is this is this. hopefully this will help hurt and help.

When you say to yourself they just need. to find themselves, what it actually. means is they don't want to be found. with you. Okay? And when you say we'll end up. together eventually, what it actually. means is I am pausing my life for. someone who is moving on with theirs. Guys, life is way too short to be. waiting around in the waiting room of. someone else's life. and you're just. like, "You ready yet? You ready?" And.

most of the time, these people aren't if. if they've let it drag on this long, then they're probably not going to give. you the hard truth. And so, they're. going to just let you linger in the. waiting room. They're like, "Oh my god, she's still there." You deserve the. person who looks at a chaotic, messy, inconvenient timeline and says, "I don't. care. We're making this work." Stop. romanticizing potential and start. looking at reality. If they wanted to, they would. If they aren't, they aren't. your person. Period. Close the chapter.

Put on your hottest outfit and go find. someone who aligns with your present, not this hypothetical future. We all. deserve that. Last thing I will say is I remember. when I was dealing actually kind of with. this like wrong right person wrong time. in my head shortly after I met Matt and. so many things in my life and Matt's. life did not or shouldn't have worked at.

first. I was living in New York. He was. living in Los Angeles. Let's just start. there. I have no interest in. long-distance relationships. Like, I. have never been a full long-distance. relationship kind of girl. And every. time I did it, I just ended up feeling. like, uh, I don't want to be doing this. And when I met Matt, it was like, oh my. god, I actually want to do this. I will. do long distance with this person. I. actually like don't really care. And it. was so unlike me. But it was like. because I felt like this was actually. the right person. And he felt the same. way. our traveling schedules were so.

crazy and hectic and and he was on. different time zones or he was traveling. to different countries to make movies. and he would stay up and it would be. like 4:00 a.m. his time to make sure he. got to talk to me in the morning or vice. versa and like it was hard and in the. beginning days it was a lot of work to. like actually find a way to merge our. lives. And then when I did move out to. Los Angeles, there was so much that also. went into how different at first our.

lives were. And we just kept working. through it because we knew, oh my god, you're the right person for me. And so. none of this logistically should stop. us. Even if we're getting some sleepless. nights, even if it's hard in the. beginning, even if it's like we're. having to adjust, I want to adjust. certain things in my life so that we can. make this work together. And so then I was able to look back at a. lot of the people that I thought like, "Oh my god, right person, wrong time, and I'm like, one of them specifically, you guys, I was really convinced he.

really, oh my god, this really could be. my person." I look back and I'm like, "Oh my god, I had painted this entire. picture in my head that. he was actually quite direct in a lot of. moments, but I was hearing it in a way. that I wanted to hear it. He was telling. me that we couldn't, you know, fully. date because of XYZ. And I took that as. like he's actually caring about my. feelings and he's giving me the heads up. because he cares so much about me.

[laughter]. Guys, it's so crazy when your frontal. lobe isn't fully developed. Even saying. this out loud, I'm like, "Okay, this is. embarrassing. I convinced myself like. he's saying we can't be boyfriend. girlfriend right now because his. schedule's so crazy that like he doesn't. want to commit and like hurt me. So, like we should just stay in this like in. between, you know, situationship phase, [ __ ]. Then I meet Matt and he's like, I I'm. into you. I'm going to make an effort. We're going to do this. We're going to. do that. I like and I was like, oh my.

god, that's what this is supposed to. feel like. An actual person being. direct. And even when Matt would like. not like something I did or or like. something like he just would always tell. me. Meanwhile, I looked back and I was. like, I got so good at like decoding. You know, you know, you've really been. through the ringer in your past. relationships when you're like, I am I I. could de I it's like the Swifties. We. can look and there's Easter eggs and. you're like, I can put these pieces. together, but in a romantic. relationship, you shouldn't have to be.

like, all right, so on the 24th, he did. tell me this, but really I think he. meant this, so this kind of fits into. this category, and this should make me. feel this way. And it's like, no, stop. trying to make this fantasy and this. whole thing happen. you're just. literally concocting a big big lie in. front of your face that you're just like. drinking the Kool-Aid. And the longer. you do that, you go down this really. really dark path. And so I hope today. anyone who is listening who was in my. situation, I wish I would have had.

someone who could have given me this. advice when I was going through that. because those tangibles I would have. been like, "Okay, maybe this is actually. like completely my situation." I know. it's hard to hear, but that's what we do. here on Color Daddy, okay? We talk about. the hard things, not the easy things. And then we try to make the hard things. easier by talking it through. Oh, maybe. it's the glasses, you know? Maybe it's. the glasses today. They give me that. little edge. Um, okay. Let's answer some. questions of the [ __ ] week.

Call her daddy is brought to you by. Airbnb. Okay. As you guys know, basically my whole family has followed. me out to LA, which I love, but all of. our schedules are really crazy now, and. it can almost be hard to find quality. time for all of us to get together. So, we ended up deciding it was time to get. in touch with our East Coast roots. And. we planned a big family trip to. Nantucket. We booked the most beautiful. home on Airbnb that is steps away from.

the beach. You could literally hear the. waves crashing from the house. Yes. Yes. And yes. Thank god there was an outdoor. shower because listen, Bruce and Henry, when they spend the whole day running up. and down the beach, they're going to. need that. Um we drove into town. basically every morning for breakfast. And you guys, this place, it was so. charming. It was the cutest like. cobblestone streets, little harbor. I'm. just in heaven. We love Nucket, right? One day, my dad and Matt picked up some.

seafood from the local market to grill. back at the house. We ended up eating. outside on the porch while the sun was. setting. Picture this. We stayed out. there talking for hours. And honestly, it was the exact quality time that we. were all looking for and that I wanted. from this trip. So, I have to give it to. Airbnb. Booking a stay on Airbnb was. perfect for this trip because we had. enough space and privacy to actually. relax while still being together under. one roof. So, Daddy gang, the summer is. here. It's time to get the group chat.

together and to plan this trip. One of. the easiest ways to start is by booking. your stay on Airbnb. You'll get the. space, amenities, and location you need. to make your stay fun, seamless, and. comfortable. Whether you need a place. for the friend group or somewhere calm, and relaxing for a solo getaway, you'll. find all kinds of options to help make. the perfect trip on Airbnb. Question number one. My friend wants to. have her wedding in Greece next summer, but we've already committed to another.

close friend's wedding in Italy that. same summer. It's the exact same friend. group and we'd all be bridesmaids. We've. explained that two European weddings in. one summer would be financially and. logistically difficult and close to. impossible, but she says it's normal and. that everyone has expenses. We suggested. choosing a closer destination or spacing. the weddings farther apart, but she. feels that's unfair. I know it's her. wedding and her choice, but I'm annoyed. that she doesn't seem to care how much. stress and expense this puts on the same. group of friends. Thoughts?

[sighs and gasps]. Okay, I want to preface this before I. answer this with I have been so um. fortunate that my friend group when it. comes to weddings. somehow, knock on wood, we have not had. any major issues when it comes to like. logistics or animosity or resentment. building. And so when I answer this. question, I am not speaking from. experience. I'm going to be speaking in.

hypotheticals, which I do think is. important because obviously I've never. gone through something like this. But. let me just let me just try to work this. out with you for a minute. My first. thought is. whenever I've posted about weddings or, you know, bachelorettes, there's such a. huge issue when it comes down to. everyone's personal opinion of how much. they are willing to spend, how much. they're comfortable spending. understandably and also just like.

etiquette that goes into it. If you. lined up 10 people on the street, every. single person is probably going to have. a different answer of how you should. handle this situation. So, I want to be. very mindful, okay? I'm not getting. cancelled over no opinion on a Greece. wedding that isn't mine, okay? This is. hypothetical. Everyone calm down. Two. Europe trips in one summer is so. financially straining. It is psychotic. when it comes to taking off work. It is. logistically hard. If any of these.

people have kids, like I don't know a. lot of people that go to Europe twice in. a summer. So, this is a lot. So, I'm. acknowledging that this is a lot that. this person is asking of you. What sucks. is how close you all are. You're going. to be a bridesmaid in this. I would say. that God, it it is a little bit on you. You feel like, yeah, of course you have. to go, but how you go, I don't know. And. I literally think what sucks is it seems. like this bride is kind of unwilling to. have a conversation about the reality of.

the situation and she's kind of like, you kind of have to suck it up, but what. if you can't? What if you literally. can't afford this? I think that's what's. hard about these destination weddings is. in my opinion, okay, sue me. I think. that if you have a destination wedding, you are basically acknowledging that. you're okay if a bunch of people don't. come. Don't shoot me. But I do think that's. the case because to expect people to.

travel and the finances again and all. the logistics that go into that dynamic, it is a lot to ask of someone. And so I. do think that like half of the people I. also talk to, they're like, "Oh, we're. doing it there cuz we're hoping no like. half of the list doesn't end up coming.". And you hear people say that, right? So. I do think there needs to be some honest. conversation. I would be interested to. see if you could bring your friend group. together and all have an honest. conversation about like what what is. everyone doing? Um, and who knows, maybe.

it impacts like do you do something a. little less with the Greece trip so that. you can also spread it out to the Italy. trip. I have no idea. But I think you. need to talk to your friends about it. because obviously each of you is going. to be in a different financial. situation. But it seems like you all. have this like big group where like one. person making a rogue decision, it's. going to alienate them. And so I think. getting on the same page with your. friends and if the bride is unwilling to. talk about it with you, fine, leave her. out of it for now. But get all the. bridesmaid together and be like, "Guys,

literally, what are we doing?" And. that's where I think this kind of stuff. like literally ends friendships, right? I I've had so many people write in being. like, "Oh yeah, I never I don't even. speak to my bridesmaids anymore." I'm. like, "Oh my god, what happened?" I. think that emotions get really. heightened and the bride sees things. completely different than the. bridesmaids. And I'm not saying one is. is acting better than the other, but. this kind of brings out like the worst. in people. And I will say it sucks, but. like everyone has a lot of weddings and.

then when you're the person that it's. your wedding, you expect them to show up. at 100% capacity in their best selves, but it's like babe, I have seven other. weddings this summer. And I think. sometimes brides forget that. And I'm. not saying that's their issue. But I do. think there needs to be a little bit of. understanding when it comes to if you. know that they're already going to. another European wedding and it's not. where you could bop over. It's like you. have to come back to the States, wait a. little bit, go back to Europe. I don't know if you can be that mad if.

some people don't show up. Please don't get mad at me. I'm just I. never said any of that. And again, guys, pregnancy brain. Come on. Pregnancy. brain. Pregnancy brain. Okay, next. Oh. my god, guys. These ones I didn't pick this. week. I had someone else pick them. So, like I'm going to get slammed again. Okay. Is it rude to turn down a. bridesmaid invitation? [gasps]. How funny that like on the controversial.

RTOR scale, bridesmaids in weddings. I. just can feel it in my bones. I'm like, tread lightly. Tread lightly. Tread. lightly. It's a very sensitive topic. Um, is it wrong to turn down a. bridesmaid invitation? An old friend. from college asked me to be in her. bridal party, but we're not close at all. anymore, and I barely even know her. fianceé. She has plenty of other. friends, so I'm honestly confused why. she even invited me. Okay, I think I can. handle this one a little bit easier. I. think that listen, everyone in life is.

going to have different opinions on. friends and nostalgia and um you know. the connection that they have to whether. it's high school or college or whatever. it be. And so you may not think that. you're this close and she knows you're. maybe not that close, but it may for her. be more of like a, oh, she was at such a. big pivotal time in my life. And let's. keep it real, she may need to be filling. those slots, you know, like they may be. like, we want to do seven and seven and.

she's up to six and she's like, who else. could I get to be in that row of, oh, Jamie, Jamie would be Jamie will so show. up. And so I actually do think that you. can pass on this, but I don't think you. need to be honest. We're not liars here on Caller Daddy, but I do think sometimes you can omit. parts of the truth when you're letting a. friend that you're not close to down to. not make it a bigger issue. Okay. I. think that you could just say, "Hey. girl, I am so happy for you. Um, I can't.

wait for you to have such a I imagine. the wedding's going to be gorgeous. Unfortunately, I have a prior family. commitment that weekend. You could also. say like, "Oh my god, I'm sorry. This is. bad." But you could be like, "I'm so. sorry. Like, I actually have already. committed to a family wedding that. weekend, so I won't be able to make it, but like I love you and please like send. me your wedding registry and like. sending you all the good vibes." I think. you can totally respectfully pass on the. bridesmaid thing without passing like.

hey guy I mean guys unless I would love. to hear if people would actually want. you to be honest cuz I think that's. psychotic. Hey girl um Jamie here we. haven't really talked in a while so I. was kind of thrown off that you asked me. to be a bridesmaid and I'm going to be. honest I don't think we're close enough. I don't even really know your fiance so. like I don't really think it's. appropriate for me to come to your. wedding. I mean yeah you could be that. type of person. I'm not g I would not do. that. I'm not gonna do that because. that's just gonna hurt her feelings, you. know. Let her down easy. She's got.

enough to deal with. She's got to go. fill that seven slot, baby. Okay, next. Hi, father. I need some help. I got. lunch with a good friend I haven't seen. in a while, and she began completely. slandering another friend of mine over. some drama. It felt like she was looking. for validation, but I honestly thought. she was overreacting and found the whole. thing super uncomfortable. I think she. could tell and now she wants to talk. Am. I supposed to automatically take a. friend's side when they're beefing with. someone else I know? Fabulous inquiry.

So, here's the thing about women. Uh, men like sports. and we like drama. We like pop culture. We like drama. We. like a little bit of gossip here and. there. And so when you go to a lunch and. maybe maybe you went to this lunch and. Becky was just on her [ __ ] She's. feeling herself and she's like, "I need. to vent." I think what happens sometimes.

is clearly she was looking to vent and. it was coming off way too aggressive and. she wasn't reading the room and she kind. of went into a blackout rage. It's. classic. We've all been there. So I. think when a woman needs to get. something off her chest sometimes we we. can't read the room. And I think with. her clearly she went in spiraling a. little bit and thought that you could be. a companion. And in that moment you were. like actually you're putting me in a. really difficult position. What I really. respect about you and it seems like you. did is like you didn't just jump in and.

you didn't just start immediately. gossiping with them because those are my. least favorite kind of people where if. you're in the room with one person, you're just a yes man and you're just. like, "Oh my god, totally. They're so. annoying." and then you go see that. person later and you're completely fake. and nice to them and then you'll [ __ ]. about the person you were just with. earlier. It's like that is so two-faced. And I think there are a lot of people. who would rather just indulge it rather. than like have a backbone and stand. their ground. And even if it's just. being quiet, that's being a good friend. And sometimes I think it's lost on.

people. So I love that you didn't. engage. If she's following up because. she has a feeling it was making you. uncomfortable. I do think just being. really honest with her can't hurt. I. think you can just say, "Listen, I. definitely felt a little uncomfortable.". And I don't mean in a way that like I. was, you know, wanting to leave the. brunch, but I just felt like it was a. lot. I just didn't really know how to. act being in the middle of it because. I'm on really good terms with her and I. have a great relationship with her. So, I feel like I'm kind of not the right. person to be talking with this about. If.

she freaks out, that's like on her and. she's immature and she needs to figure. that out. But I do think this is a. classic like the girls are beefing. They're looking for, you know, the. neutral party to like sway and bring on. their side. And I think you hold your. ground because instead of get having to. sway left or right, you actually don't. need to be a part of this. And that is. something that I think that it takes a. while to learn that. You know, I feel. like none of us knew that in high. school, right? high school, you were.

like, "Oh, you're either on Taylor's. side or you're either on Francine's. side, and there ain't no in between. You. team Taylor or you team Francine." And. it and and there there's no gray area. because maturity and honesty and um. boundaries, they don't exist back then. But then we build that muscle a little. bit. And I have a lot of respect for. people when you build that muscle if you. can maintain it and do it in a way. that's very mature. So kudos to you. You're on the right path. Um, okay. Next, Call Her Daddy is brought to you.

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Father, I need some help. I love my. boyfriend so much and would never cheat. on him. But the other night, I was out. with friends and ended up talking to a. guy I used to be really flirty with. We. talked for hours and even though I. mentioned my boyfriend throughout the. conversation, I know I enjoyed the. attention a little more than I should. have. I woke up feeling so guilty even. though I technically didn't do anything. wrong. Is that a sign that I crossed a. line? How do you know the difference? Okay, so there's a couple dynamics here.

that I would like to point out. I think that. it's human nature to, you know, be out. and you're like, "Oh my god, this. person's giving me so much attention.". If you are feeling like you're not. getting that in your relationship, right? Like I'm trying to think of. myself if I was out and a guy was giving. me attention, I I would just immediately be like I'm. so not interested in this because like. I'm I'm completely fulfilled in my.

relationship with my husband. So I would. be like immediately shutting that down. and I'm not I'm not making you feel bad. I'm just acknowledging for you that like. form in my opinion that's what this is. you're craving that attention because. something is missing in your. relationship because otherwise it would. just feel like it just wouldn't hit. Like if a man was giving me attention, I'd literally be like, "Do you see my. ring? Like I don't need I don't need. it." Even if I didn't have a ring and I. was still in a relationship and we were. dating like Matt and I like I just. wouldn't entertain it cuz I'm like I. don't need this. I I'm fulfilled. I get.

attach. So you have to recognize within. yourself that yes, you leaned in. I. don't think you're a bad person. It just. really is exposing something within your. relationship. You also saying, "I woke. up feeling so guilty and I feel like I. crossed a line." For me, that means that. like maybe you really do love your. boyfriend. It was almost just like you. felt like that night such a thrill. You. were like, "Oh my god, I felt hot. I. felt wanted. I felt desired. I felt. pursued." And I think a lot of times,

woman or man, when you're not getting. that in your relationship, if you get. it, you know, a night out, a little bit of. flirting, no physical connection. happens, you you feel alive again. But. unfortunately, that is really a negative. sign. It's a negative sign because it's. either like the romantic relationship. that you're in is not fulfilling you. enough and so you're having to seek it. from other people and if you felt guilty.

the option is number one you need to. have a conversation with your boyfriend. not telling him about this night. Okay, I don't think you did anything to the. point where you need to you know. disclose this to him but you need to. approach the issue and you need to. handle the issue so you don't keep doing. that. And I think approaching the issue. is whatever the issue is for you, right? Maybe you guys don't really have sex. anymore or maybe you are lacking kind of. that intimacy. Not sex the actual sex.

act, but like you guys don't really kiss. anymore and he doesn't really do this or. you don't really do this and you kind of. become, you know, just kind of partners. in life. Um, I think a lot of times when. couples move in together, things can get. very hard to spice up if they aren't. making concerted efforts. And so. sometimes you almost become like best. friends and you're like, "Wait, where. did we lose our way?" Like he used to. court me and I used to surprise him with. things when he would come home. And so. like the effort has dwindled and you're.

clearly feeling that and so the. attention is feeling so invigorating. You're feeling so alive, but you clearly. want that from your boyfriend. So, put. the effort there in whether you need to. put date nights on the books or whether. you do need to put on a cute outfit and. you guys need to reconnect and you need. to feel good about yourself or you need. to plan a date where you both meet from. work so like you don't go together and. you look for him in the bar and you spot. him and whatever it is. You don't have. phones at dinner. You actually connect.

Like I can't tell you what's missing in. your relationship. I'm obviously coming. up with a bunch of ideas where I'm. guessing, but I think this is really. common sadly for a lot of people in a. lot of relationships and they look for. external validation. and they don't pause to just recognize. and maybe they internally like. subconsciously they know it's cuz. they're not getting it from their. partner, but instead of trying to do. anything about it, they just go get it.

somewhere else. And that's what leads to. I feel like all these people cheating, right? You hear all the men like, "Well, you know, she doesn't [ __ ] me anymore, so I" And it's like, "Fuck off." Like, that's not an excuse to ever cheat. Like, did you bring this up to her? Have. you had conversations? Have you gone to. coup's therapy? Have you worked on. things? People are so lazy and people. are so quick to just jump to the next. thing cuz it's easier. It feels like, and guess what? If you got into a. relationship with this person and you. broke up with your boyfriend, I'm. telling you, the same thing is probably.

gonna happen because I'm it does take. two to tango of like if you're not. putting the effort in with your. boyfriend. And I'm not fully blaming. you. I'm just saying it's going to. happen again in another relationship. And how are you going to solve that? You. need to put that amount of effort and. more into your relationship. and it's a. quick easy fix at a bar and a night out. and you you know you're flirting and all. the things but then life happens right. people are it's so crazy how like.

distracted we can all get by like the. little shiny thing and it's so temporary. because real relationships are built on. hard conversations and merging your. lives and the reality of life work. finances family dynamics and so when. you're out at the bar none of that. exists s it's just physical attraction. It's just this, oh my gosh, you're hot. I'm hot. I'm feeling this. And then you. wake up the next day and if you actually. wanted a relationship with that person, then you're going to have to go through. all the trudging of the mud that you've.

gotten through with your other with your. current partner and so you've done the. hard work and clearly you like this. person. So actually, I think it's so. easy. The easiest part is to regain that. little spark. Oo, I need more attention. I want to feel sexy. I want to do that. Easy. the you've done the hard work. Now. just pour into the relationship right in. a way that makes you feel seen and him. feel seen. All right, let's do one more. My close friends all moved across the. country together where I stayed in the. city where we originally lived after.

college. Whenever I visit, I feel. pressure to justify my decision to stay. by talking about how great my life here. is still because they talk about how. much happier they are now in that other. place. How do I stop seeking validation. for a choice I know was right for me? Oh, this is like so relatable and. annoying because I feel like. when you're on the same page as your. friends in college, it's just the best. feeling. Like you're going to the dining.

hall together and you're going to the. parties together and everything is just. so I mean at the time it doesn't feel. easy, but you look back and you're like, "Oh my god, it was so easy." Right? It. was so easy. We all had similar. schedules and we had similar interests. and we just did everything together. And. then when you leave college, it feels so. disorienting. how that foundation. almost immediately disappears and. crumbles and everyone starts to go their.

own directions and it's kind of really. depressing in a way. You're like, "Oh my. god, we were all joking about how, you. know, it's going to be so fun to get out. of here and start our lives." And. although it is in some way nice to start. my life, I miss that comfort. I miss. that familiarity. And so the fact that. you have stayed in the place that you. guys all went to college, you're still. in your familiar bubble, but you're. growing and you're loving it and that's. amazing. and them having left. I think.

something that makes your situation a. little different maybe than others of. just like oh I moved to this city and. they moved to that city is like. there's a part of you I think after. college that like really wants to shed. like I'm not a college person anymore, right? Like I'm an adult. And I'm sure. that they feel like when they're. associating any conversation they're. having about the city you guys went to. school in, they're thinking about. themselves in college. And I think that.

you have to separate that for yourself. where like they're not [ __ ] on, you. know, oh my god, I'm so much happier now. that I live in Denver instead of Boston. Oh my god, Boston. Like I was just like, oh my god, I could have never stayed. there. Meanwhile, you're like, I. literally still live here. I think what. they're trying to probably say is it's. more about themselves because let's be. real, everyone only [ __ ] cares about. themselves. And so they're really having. a self-reflective moment of like, I'm so. much happier in Denver now because da da. da. And they're comparing college them. understandably what they're not being.

thoughtful about is like you're like hey. guys so I still live here and then. you're having to over compromise and. almost prove yourself like but I've. grown too just cuz I've stayed in the. same location I've grown too what it. comes down to with friends in this. moment is it feels like a rat race when. you get out of college it feels like. you're all in the same line and it. starts a little bit in college where. like who got the internship or like who. did get the job out of college. Like it. slowly begins, right? But then the.

minute and there's a couple people a. little ahead right before you get out of. college cuz like they've got some job. secured or they've got this or that or. maybe they have family money so they've. got the apartment and you still are. going to have to live at home with your. parents, whatever. It's a little bit of. this and then the minute college is. over, everyone starts looking to their. left and right to compare like, well, wait, she got the job and then I didn't. get the job and I'm still living with my. and you're all in this comparison game. and it doesn't feel that overt, right? It doesn't feel that contentious, but. it's there cuz you're just looking.

lightly left to right. You're on social. media. You're checking in. And so, understandably, you're doing that with. your friends right now. And because a. group of them have left, you're feeling. like it's like 5v1. I think what you. have to start to do when you see that. group of friends is have confidence that. you know who you are and that you made. the right decision for yourself. And I. almost would test you to be like, next. time you're with that group and they. bring up how h much happier they are.

that they're not in Boston or wherever. it is, you actually don't then match it. with a Yeah. No, but like I've just been. like Boston has been like did just don't. answer. Just say I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you that you have found. this place that is making you feel so. fulfilled and happy. And then when they. ask you, "How are you doing?" Then you. can share and be honest. I'm really. happy. I am shocked that I'm still so. fulfilled in Boston. I found such. different areas since college and I did.

it. But don't preemptively almost like. word vomit to defend yourself. And I. think that goes past obviously this. dynamic that's like obviously very. specific. anyone when you're dealing. with a friend group, the constant. comparison almost can have you innately. jumping to prove yourself and then you. leave and you're like, "Oh, I didn't. really like that version of myself.". Like, "Why was I being so like tryh hard. and like convincing them who I am and. that I'm feeling good about myself?" It.

kind of has nothing to do with them. It's it's you're clearly feeling a. little insecure. So work on that and. then all of a sudden you won't care. because the best feeling is when you are. so secure and you don't care that you're. like, "Oh my god, girl, I know. I'm so. happy I stayed in Boston and I know you. literally hated it. I [ __ ] love it.". And it doesn't it doesn't bother you. So. anyone in friend dynamics, stop the. knee-jerk reaction to defend or to prove.

stop yourself. And I think you'll start. to find that they actually aren't really. pressing half the time. it's you that's. trying to engage. They don't really. care. That's the That's the most. like eyeopening. experience you just continue to. have as you progress in life and you get. older and you have more experience is. like no one cares. No one cares. I was going to say about.

you and I was like that's not true but. like kind of like let me say it and then. take it back. No one cares about you. No. one really gives a [ __ ] what you're. doing. No one actually gives a [ __ ]. They're everyone's focused on. themselves. Yes, they care about you. because you're their friend, but they. don't actually care if you stay in. Boston or you move to Denver. Would it. be more convenient for them if you live. in Denver? For sure. But they're like, "Okay, well, she's still in Boston.". Like, they don't actually care. And so, you have to start to try to like let. yourself go of all these people's.

opinions on your own life. At the end of. the day, you have to live with yourself. the longest out of anyone in this world. That's the real facts. You're with you. till the end, whenever that end is, okay? And so to try to plate and justify. and, you know, all these things for all. these other people when the reality is. no one really gives a [ __ ] You're going. to spend your whole life constantly like. [panting and gasps]. and then people are literally like, "Oh,

I like forget what did you do?" and me. are like, "I spent so much energy making. sure that they saw me in that moment. They didn't care." And when you start to. realize that, put that amount of energy. back into yourself. It's so much better. Life is just sweeter and easier and more. enjoyable. And then you can just enjoy. And then it also prevents you when you. do have [ __ ] around you that kind of. can seep in or or try to make jab. comments to make you feel insecure. because they're insecure. instead of. making a snarky comment back, you.

literally are just like, "Oh, okay. Wait, what do you want to get for. dinner?" Like, you literally don't care. And that is freedom. When you just kind. of like relinquish all of the. expectations and the all the [ __ ] of. comparison and projection and you're. literally like, I [ __ ] love my life. I love myself. I'm focused on myself and. I'm not focused on what anyone else. thinks about me. Nor am I really focused. on what anyone else is doing other than. if they're my friend and I'm there to. support them. But I still also don't. really care what they're doing as long. as they're happy. The same goes for you.

Stop treating your friends like their. word is God. Your word is God. What do. you want? What makes you happy? So, I. hope that was an uplifting little sermon. from your father. Um, I had such a. lovely time this Sunday session. I am. excited for Oh, we have we have some. good interviews coming up, you guys. We. have some really good episodes and I. also have some really good Sunday. session ideas. I hope you guys are. liking these, you know, like hit you.

with a little truth at the beginning, something I've been thinking about, something I've been chewing on, you. know, and then boom, get into questions. of the week. But obviously, I always. want your guys' opinions. So, please. write in if there's anything you want me. to talk about on these episodes, if. there's anything that you have been. struggling with that you're like, "Oo, I. could use a little girl talk on this. one, Alex." Um, and then also obviously. always write in questions. I think a lot. of times the questions in a beautiful. way, they can be very specific, but. there's always like a broader theme that. does relate to so many women who are.

watching this. So, I appreciate. everyone. Obviously, all of your. questions are always anonymous. All the. names that I'm making up out of the top. of my head, you know, they're fake. Um, so your secret is safe with me. All. right, Daddy gang. I love you so much. I. will see you [ __ ] next Wednesday. Goodbye. >> [music].