Rachel Bilson: From People Pleasing to Knowing Your Worth (Full Episode)

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. Rachel Bilson, welcome to Call Her. Daddy. >> Thank you so much for having me. >> I am a big fan of early 2000s TV shows, [laughter] and not to freak you out, but. I am the biggest OC fan, maybe not ever, but like kind of ever. >> I I still watch it to this day. You know.

those shows you go back and like rewatch. a little? The OC always, through and. through to the core, love it. >> That's so awesome. >> happy to have you on today. Very fun. Very fun. >> Thank you. I'm flattered. >> For my problematic listeners, you know. who you are. If you've never watched The. OC, you have to watch it. To give them. like a little background, it's basically. these rich kids living in Orange County, California. >> Yeah. >> Drugs, sex, relationships, family drama, all the things. And you're doing a rewatch podcast.

>> Yes. Yes. >> Which is amazing. >> Oh, thanks. >> What is it like going back to relive The. OC phenomenon? >> Oh my god. So, it's so interesting. I. was 21 when I did the show, and it was. my first real big job. Um watching it back, honestly, the first. few episodes, I had such an emotional. reaction. I got like depressed. I was like, "Oh my. god." Cuz it's like 20 years later, basically, right? And I'm like, "So much. life has happened. What did I do? What did I do?".

>> Like when you And when you say, "What. did I do?" Like, do you mean like in. terms of like the show, or just like. >> No, just life. >> Just life. >> Yeah. >> You're just like, "Wow.". >> more like you're basically playing back. the last 20 years-ish of your life, and. you're like, "It's all just going. through your mind as I'm watching this.". Cuz I'm like looking at this like little. like pudgy face like 21-year-old with. like a lot of bronzer on, and like. questionable clothing, which is coming. back, which is also very confusing. But. like, I'm watching it just going like, "Oh, shit." You know? And my boyfriend. at the time was on the show with me. And.

so it brings up all that about life. behind the scenes. >> When you're that young and you're on a. show and you're dating someone on the. show and you're like the it girl on the. show, everyone's obsessed with you, but. then you're saying like, I'm looking. back and like that was still me as a. young woman. Like and I'm watching back. So there's like emotions for you and. then. >> sure. >> Yeah. So and then everyone still wants. to talk about it all the time to you. Which how does that feel? >> Well, you know what? I will say I wasn't. like Mischa Barton was obviously like. the it girl and she was 16 years old.

And I can't even imagine what that would. have been like to be 16 with that kind. of attention and every magazine cover. Like I still had a lot of anonymity in. like my own life and my boyfriend and we. were very domesticated and kind of like. grandparents at the time. Like we were. like old people. Like newspaper in the. morning, same breakfast every morning. Like it was really. >> Wait, so you guys were like the couple. on the show? >> You know what? I GUESS YOU'RE. I guess you're right. Josh Schwartz, the. creator, would always take. you know, things from your own life and. incorporate it into the into the show.

Like Golden Girls, huge Golden Girls. fan. He put it in the show. We'd sing. the theme song. So there was so much You. had to be careful around Schwartz. Like. what you said or did. >> Cuz he'd be like, that's in next week's. episode. >> Absolutely. >> What is like the most common question. you're asked about your time working on. The O.C.? >> I mean, a lot of it was just like, what. was it like, you know, getting that much. attention that quickly and working. together and how was everyone on set? I. know there's been like mixed things out. there. We had a great time. We had a lot.

of fun in general, together, personalities, hanging out. Um but yeah, a lot of the things are. like, how did it feel to have that much. success that quickly? >> It is kind of a. unfathomable feeling at that age. Like I. know what I was doing at 21, it was not. that. I was drinking in college being a. full degenerate, having [laughter] sex. and making bad decisions with my life. >> Oh, I did that just earlier. So. >> Okay, but still on a on like kind of a. pedestal of people watching you and so. I'm interested to know like when The. O.C. became popular, how did it affect.

you, your family, your friends? >> Well, you know, like I said, because I. was in a relationship, I was definitely. on a different track and going through. it together. So, having that support. really made the difference. >> Okay, so to anyone that hasn't watched. or The O.C. stands that are just like. just say the name, Summer Roberts, your. character, was hot, popular, rich. She was the it. girl and then she starts basically. getting into a relationship with Seth. Cohen, who was played by Adam Brody. And. so you have an on-screen relationship.

and then you start an off-screen. relationship. >> Yes. >> When was the moment you knew you had. feelings for him? >> god, it's so funny. I feel like. on-screen was kind of playing off-screen. cuz in the beginning there was a. triangle between another character, Anna. Stern, played by Summer Armstrong, and. then and myself and Seth. And I felt. like it kind of played into real life a. little bit. Like Summer and I were both. like, "Wait a minute." And like, "I like. Adam." "No, I like Adam." And like it. kind of was happening off-screen. And. you know that that competitive side of.

you like with a guy and you're like, "No, no, no, like hold on.". Um it was like I don't know if that. heightened it. I obviously thought Brody. was super cool. I knew him before the. show. A friend of ours had dated him. actually. I know. So, we knew him a little bit and. he was hilarious. And I'm a sucker for. his sense of humor. Like absolutely. I. mean that is my weakness. >> So, was there like a moment on set that. immediately you were like, "I'm going to. go for this?". >> I remember standing in the hallway. Okay, I don't remember anything and the.

fact that I remember this is kind of. insane. I I was standing in the hallway. and I was dating someone else at the. time and Brody like talked to me about. the relationship and gave me advice on. why I shouldn't be in it. And it was. like this moment of like. "Oh, I I I to be with you." You know? And it was like this this pivotal moment. and there was like a Halloween party, I. think it was a Halloween party, and then. he kissed me for the first time and that. was it. Like it was like, "Okay.". >> And it that was off camera. That was. like that kiss you're saying off camera.

I'm like, "Wait, was this Seth and. Summer?". >> But the first time he kissed me on. screen, I think that was like the first. time like, "Oh, is there something. here?". >> Right. >> can be confusing, you know, if you're. doing a show or a movie and that. happens, sometimes you get confused. Like, "Oh, do I really like feel this. way? Am I feeling something or is it. just. >> Is it true? I've heard from actors like. you can tell a little bit if someone's. more into you because there's like an. appropriate way to kiss a co-star? >> tongue in television, okay? If someone. tongues you, you're going to be like, "Oh." Either like, "Oh, no." Or like, "Oh, wait a minute.".

>> Oh, yes. No, I'm just kidding. >> Did you guys ever do tongue on. >> No. No. >> But then off camera? >> No. >> Okay, wait. So, [laughter] that's really. fun. And then do you have any advice for. someone who is newly dating someone in. their work environment? >> Oh my god. >> [sighs and gasps]. >> Uh, advice. You know, >> [laughter]. >> it sounds like I should probably be a. pro with my track record. Um, I think that. just. be friends first because I think that'll. help cuz usually it ends.

sometimes. >> I You know what? I love you being. realistic about it. We love We love the. realistic side of it. It's so funny. >> very real, like to a fault. So. >> So, when you're on set, was there ever. an instance where dating someone you're. working with? Like was there ever. something that was like hard about that. aspect? >> Um, when we broke up. Like that's the. harder I don't You know, and then we. both dated other people on the show. while we were together in real life. So, sometimes you can be a little jeal- I. mean, he was kissing. The characters.

No, no, no. Like he was like kissing. Olivia Wilde and like of course I'm. going to be like, "Well, fuck." You. know? But I also get it. Like can I kiss. her? Like. >> That when you guys broke up? >> No, we were together. We were together. while that was happening. >> That would be a hard one. >> That's a hard one, right? >> Only if you wild walks in her picture or. something. >> and so cool and she's the coolest person. in real life, too. So, you're like, well, I love her. >> [laughter]. >> And you're like, wait a minute, your. boyfriend's kissing her and then it can. be confusing. Yeah, it's just that kind. of stuff, but that's normal. >> So, how long did you guys date for? >> I think like 3 years? 3 and 1/2 years?

>> And was that three seasons? >> Yeah. We dated pretty much the whole. show. >> It was such a huge show that blew up and. everyone was obsessed with you guys, like the four people that were like the. main kids on the show and to have you. being able to have a relationship with. someone to be your rock and your go-to. person while like your life is kind of. changing before your eyes. That's a I'm. sure like a bond you guys will always. have and like a cool bond. >> Yeah, yeah. And even reconnecting with. him, I spoke to him, he came on The OC.

podcast. Yeah, it was great. I love. seeing him. Anytime I see him, nothing. but fond, like loving feelings and great. memories. So fun. Yes. >> Yes. >> Okay, your character, you were so. lovable. I'm wondering how was your. personal like real life Rachel Bilson. high school experience compared. >> Oh my god. Oh man. Um, school for me, I. wasn't so much like an academic, I would. say. I just it would just didn't. interest me. It's not like I couldn't do. it. If I sat down and really studied and.

focused, I could do it, but my interests. were like all over the place. And. growing up in LA, I think I grew up a. little young, like at 15, my friends and. I and Olivia was here with me, like we'd. be getting into the clubs, like doing, you know, that's just what life was. like. >> sounds like Summer Roberts. >> I mean, a little bit, a little bit. >> I still remember exactly what I was. wearing, where I was, the time of day, who I was with for the season 3 finale. >> Oh jeez. >> I just got the chills.

>> I've never and I still have not. recovered from it. >> I don't I mean. >> Spoiler alert. >> hasn't? Marissa. >> To anyone that hasn't watched the show, pause and go watch it, please. Spoil. alert. The main character dies. Tragically. >> Tra- Like the most tragic. >> Like [ __ ] you, Volchok. Okay. >> Yeah. >> But he was so hot. Oh my god. He was so. hot. Olivia dated him. Sorry. Wait, you've dated him? Oh my god. Absolutely. As you said, we. have someone in the audience and God. bless you because I had his like poster.

this guy Cam Gigandet. >> Is that how you say his name? >> I don't know. Gigandet? >> Gigandet. >> Yeah, okay. Well, I was obsessed with. him. Anyways, Marissa dies. >> Yep. >> Mischa Barton's character. >> Yep. Yep. >> What was your reaction when you learned. that Mischa's character was getting. pulled off the show? >> It was very traumatic. Everyone felt it. It was It was so somber on set and you. really because you're a family and it is. like a family member is leaving or dying. and it was brutal. Um. I mean, still I can picture it in my.

mind and it's it's just it was. traumatizing. >> Literally. >> Yeah. Yeah, and I don't remember like. behind the scenes really like the last. time she was on set or anything like. that, but it was definitely a dark time. >> Did you talk to Mischa about her. decision to leave the show? >> I don't think I ever had a personal. conversation like, why are you leaving? I think it was a joint decision. I don't. think it was like her decision like, I'm. going to leave or Josh and Stephanie's. decision to be like, we're we're. getting, you know, you're you're being.

killed off because whatever. You know, I I don't know what really. happened behind the scenes as far as. like who made the actual decision. I. think that Josh felt like a lot of her. storylines had run through. I mean, what. else could you put the girl through? She. literally like overdoses, shoots. someone. You know, I mean, every. possible storyline was done with that. character. >> You're right. And it didn't seem fitting. for her to like go I think it was like. she was going to go work on her dad's. boat or something. It was like that's. not Marissa's not going to work on a. boat. Like absolutely [laughter] not.

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on something else at the same time. simultaneously. So, I was so distracted. that I wasn't really in it all the time. presently. So, I wasn't feeling all the. things. >> And you had broken up with Adam at the. time. >> Towards the end. >> So, I guess it kind of felt probably. like time to move on like by season 4. >> Yeah, especially like working on another. project and it was a film feeling like, okay, like let's this is ending. Like, what's happening? What's next? >> Totally. Okay, we're moving on. Okay. >> [laughter]. >> We are both the daughters of therapists,

but in your case, you were raised by a. sex therapist. >> Yeah, so my mom's always like, I'm not a. sex therapist. I'm more like a sex. counselor and whatever. >> The woman will talk about sex till. you're blue in the face. Like, >> as a daughter, like I know your mom's a. therapist. So, yeah, but just like. really coming with it, no problem. I'm. like, I remember going on the Wendy. Williams show and I think I used. cunnilingus and they like blurred it. like they had to bleep it out. I'm like, is that a bad word? Like, what did I.

say? You know, cuz my mom's always like, cunnilingus and you know, like all the. proper terms and. >> Right. And you're like, that's what I. grew up around. >> I'm like, isn't that what it's called? Oh, sorry. Eating eating me out? Like, what you know? >> [laughter]. >> I'm like, was that would that HAVE BEEN. BETTER, WENDY? >> I totally get it. I that's I think. fascinating where when you grow up, usually you're hiding everything from. your parents. You're like, I don't even. want them to know. And to be raised by a. sex counselor or therapist, >> [laughter]. >> how do you think having your mom have. that profession impact the way you.

handled relationships growing up? >> You know, it was always like a very open. household like nudity, like all of it, you know? So, feeling like really. comfortable in your skin, which was. great and talking about it all like the. night I lost my virginity. I was very. young. And my mom the next day sitting me down. being like, let's talk about sex. I'm. like, how did you [ __ ] know? Like, how do you know these things? Like, you. know, it was just like that all the. time. >> you're glowing, sweetie." I know. >> like, "Honey, there was like a weird. crunchy towel in the bathroom.".

>> No, that's not real. >> not real. Not real. Condoms only. I was. like very young. Okay. >> Um okay, so you So, did you then tell. your mom in that conversation you lost. your virginity? >> Yeah, I was like, "Yeah, Mom, I did it.". She's like, "How was it?" I'm like, "It. was very quick and like whatever.". >> So, I mean, who is like, "I had the best. sex of. >> time? Like. >> don't enjoy it. >> No. >> You don't know what your vagina is. supposed to feel like. >> don't enjoy it. Like I didn't really. enjoy sex until I was like much older, you know? >> And I I respect you for saying that cuz. I think a lot of women, I've said a lot.

of on my podcast, it's really. it's almost like you feel shame if you. don't experience an orgasm or you're not. enjoying it right away. And so, there's. like this weird thing. And then women. don't want to say they're not cuz like I. had a lot of teammates, I was on a. soccer team in college, and everyone. would just be talking about like, "Oh my. god, like I had the best sex last. night." I'm like, "Out of these 12 girls. talking, there's no [ __ ] way every. single one of them just had an orgasm. last night. There's no way.". >> way. Like. >> like you lie about it almost because. you're embarrassed and you want to like.

fit in. >> For sure. >> like, "What's wrong with me?" But I love. that you're normalizing like, "Hey, I. didn't enjoy sex till later.". >> always been brutally honest. I've never. faked an orgasm. Like I'm not that. person to lie to, put on airs, or. whatever it is. Like it's like, "No, I. No, never faking it. Uh no, I can't do. it." It took a very long time for me to. be able to, and I think it's important. to Why would you lie? >> What is the best sex advice that your. mother has given you? AKA, give it to. us.

AKA, share it with us, Rachel. >> Oh god, I'm trying to think. I mean, she's always very into like relaxing. Like to the point where your first gyno, you know, your gyno appointment, like. envision your vagina opening up like a. flower and take breaths. And like I'm. like, "All right, I'll try it. Like here. comes the rose. Like, you know what I. mean? But, it's helpful because it makes. it so relaxed and just even having those. visuals, which is like super weird to. some people, can be really helpful, you. know? I was like 13 the first time I.

went, and you're young. Like, it's hard. to do that. Oh my god, you're so in your. head. And that's the thing about. orgasms, too. Like, you're so in your. head, and if you have that pressure or. whatever, it's never going to happen. >> Never. >> Ever. >> And it's so but it's so hard, and I just. want to normalize that it is hard, and. like you're not alone if you're. listening and you haven't had an orgasm. Like, you are not alone. >> No, you're not alone. >> I feel like in the past, I know I have. definitely faked an orgasm. I know. friends that have. >> have that I've spoken [clears throat]. to. >> I think that there's an there's two. parts. Number one, it may be if I was in. college and I was like, I'm never having.

an orgasm. I'm going to [ __ ] fake it. so it can be over, which I know is so. bad, and I don't do that anymore, but. >> There's another way to get them to. finish. Like, you say the right things. You're like, "Okay, let's keep going.". >> Absolutely. Here we go. Oh my god. Oh, I'm screaming. Yeah, and then boom. Woo. Like, here we go. And then I think. the other part is like, there's also. sometimes where I know like I'm having. such incredible sex, but I just know. that I'm not going to get there. And so, I'm going to fake it because I genuinely. like, "You know what? I had great sex, but I'm just going to fake it at the end.

because like I He probably is going to. keep going cuz he thinks I'm haven't. finished yet, and I know he can finish, so just go ahead and finish.". >> Right. Just like do it. >> What do you do though to like if a guy. is like, "Have you finished?" Like, the. pressure, like how do you tell guys. basically like, "No, I didn't finish.". >> what? I am so honest. I can have great. sex. It's hard for me to orgasm, but. after all, it's like, "Oh my god. Like, you know, that was great." Or whatever. you want to say. Like, it felt so good. And it's it's hard for me to orgasm. It's nothing to do with you. Like, obviously, I think we can get there. Or. sometimes if you can't, you don't say.

those things, but. but if it feels good, you want to give. them props. >> Obviously, the phenomenon of like porn. and guys being obsessed with trying to. like get a girl to squirt and like get a. girl to like come. >> Yeah. >> They try so hard and they're almost Have. you ever had a guy be so focused on. trying to give you an orgasm? Like how. do you go about that basically being. like. like tapping his head being like, "Okay, calm down." Right? Like what do you do? >> Yeah, I just pull them up. You pull them. up. Like it's just not Yeah, you know. And I.

think a lot of guys if they know what. they're doing, they can tell if it's not. going to go that way, you know. And I. think that comes a lot with experience. and age. Like with a younger dude, they. might not really know, you know, but a. guy who's been doing it for a while. >> He gets to head. >> what's up. >> I agree. I think sometimes ladies, if. you're listening and you're struggling. with that, like that's such good advice. of like sometimes you literally don't. need to say anything. Like I've done. that so many times where I'm like, "Okay, like come [ __ ] me." Like. basically just pull them up and like. >> Yeah, for sure. >> let's go. And then they'll be like, "Oh, okay." And then it's They'll just move. on. >> Yes.

>> Okay. Have you ever been in a. relationship where your partner had. different sex drives than you and how. did you guys handle that? >> For sure. You know, that's an example of. getting in your head cuz I have been in. one where like. or maybe I haven't been as interested. after a while in having sex with the. person and in my head I'm like, "Okay, I. had sex today. If I wait. two or three days, okay, maybe I can do. it again on Thursday and then he'll be. okay, you know." But then you're in your. head and then you're like, "Oh, fuck.". And And I had that for a while like even. after a relationship being stuck in that.

and overthinking. Like we had sex today. Okay, when do I have to have it again. to, you know. >> That is the most relatable thing just. [laughter] to pause you right there. I. can't imagine how many women are like. "Me too, Rachel.". >> [laughter]. >> What the [ __ ] do you do to like combat. that? >> Right. It's Yeah, it's it's it's so. tough, right? Because battling your head. and your body because they're totally. different things. And even if I want to. have sex, my head could be like, "No, I. don't really want to." And then you're. stuck in that pattern of like, "Okay, I'm going to calculate this.".

>> Do you feel like when that happened to. you with that partner? Cuz I hear what. you're saying. Like that that specific. it felt like you're kind of like, "I'm. not sure if I'm in this anymore and like. I don't know what I'm doing. Did it go. on for a while? Did you end it? Did you. find any like remedy for it? >> probably like the last year and a half. of doing a pattern until it finally. broke off, you know? And just sticking. to that and being like cuz I'm a very. I'm a people pleaser and that carries. over into relationships. >> But I feel like I feel like in those.

moments, I feel like that's a good red. flag for yourself to know like, "Hey, Henry.". >> No, I'm letting him know he needs his. space. There he goes. >> Oh my god, thank you. I think in those. moments, what I would say to women is. number one, it may be a good red flag. for you to be like, "Hey, maybe I'm not. as into this person as I thought.". >> Yeah, like listen to what's going on. >> I would say I've sometimes had moments. where I'm just like out of it with my. sex drive and it's not my partner. And. so, sometimes like maybe finding time.

for yourself to masturbate or maybe. finding time. >> easier. Like if you need an orgasm, it's. so much easier and quicker yourself. because you know your body so well. >> I feel like sometimes for me and I don't. know if you feel the same, but like. sometimes then when I do that, like. maybe I'll be a little bit more horny. that day and then like I'm like, "Ooh, I. kind of would want to have sex tonight.". Like so, just making sure just checking. in with yourself is really what it is. about and it's really not about your. partner. >> Yeah, it can be either. There is a. difference, for sure, and I've been in. both. >> How do you approach bringing a toy into.

the bedroom for the first time with a. partner? >> Okay, so I have very little experience. with this. I didn't even have a vibrator. until a few years ago. Like I was gifted. one from a guy I was dating. I was like, "Fuck yeah, like that's awesome." Like, "Okay, he's totally open." And that I. feel like that shows a guy with. awareness, right? And I had I've only used one with that. person. Uh and I haven't really brought it back. since, but I would like to. >> Did you like using it with your partner?

>> I did, except there was like one thing. we were doing and it like really hurt. Like it was not the right way. I was. like, maybe this isn't the right way to. be doing this. But I think it can be. totally fun. And it should be more. accepted and I know there are guys out. there that would feel like their ego. hurt. Like a why do you need this? Like. I can give you this. >> It's like no, but your tongue can't buzz like that. >> No, like it doesn't actually vibrate. But like just having guys that are aware. and are like, oh this is going to help. her and then they actually are about you. being pleasured as well, I think is.

awesome. >> Have you used it alone eventually. without your partner? And I think. they're great and I feel like I actually. it's funny I was gifted one as well back. in college. >> one? >> Yes. I was literally using a toothbrush. at the time that was an electric. [laughter] toothbrush the back of the. head. Hey, you know. And my friend. Lauren was like I went through a breakup. and she was like, Alex, come with me. I'm like, where are we going? And she. brought me to a sex shop and she was. like, we need to get you a vibrator. because stop using your toothbrush. I'm. like, I don't brush my teeth with it. Please let me clarify. But I think it.

was a it was a cute moment because then. afterwards like I definitely enjoyed. time alone with myself and I enjoyed. time with my partner more, but I agree. like you have to find the right one for. sex. >> Right. >> And I think you're right. It takes a. certain partner, someone that's. confident in themselves and wants to. make sure that they're pleasing you. If. maybe even if your partner was like, oh. Rachel has mentioned like sometimes it's. hard for her to orgasm. Like let me. think outside the box cuz I want her to. enjoy sex as much as I'm enjoying it. Like let's get her a vibrator. I think. that's someone that's really confident.

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with actor Bill Hader was worse than. childbirth. >> Okay, I did not actually say that. I'm. happy you BROUGHT THAT UP. >> WOO! >> LET'S CLARIFY. I said, okay? >> Mhm. >> Obviously, he and I we're not still. together, so we broke up. But, um it was. during, you know, a time where you could. not leave your house, okay? You had to. sit in whatever it was that you were. going through. So, I had to deal with. this. I had to deal with being alone and. taking care of my kid and like. everything else. And I'm like. being isolated and not being able to.

connect with any humans, not being able. to help myself. Like I got into a. depression. Like all of these things. That time having to be forced to face. all of your [ __ ] I said was harder than. childbirth. Is anything more painful? [ __ ] no. Maybe kidney stones, which. definitely is a close second. But, like. no, I didn't say that, you know? >> All breakups are hard. >> Of course. >> You know? >> Of course. >> Like especially when you are in. something that you're really into and. things happen, you know? And [ __ ]. things change and uh you know, there was.

a pandemic. Like there were so many. things going on. Um yeah, so it was a. hard time. >> I cannot imagine. I think I know a lot. of people messaged me going through. breakups and pandemics. I mean, people. were going through so much in the. pandemic. Whether it was almost like a. breakup within yourself of. self-realizing something. There was a. lot. >> Yeah. >> And so, I completely understand what. you're saying with regard to that. >> Think about it. And the first thing you. want to do like after a breakup is like. get out there and, you know, socialize. and be out with your friends and like.

you're, you know, do your thing. And you. literally can only sit in a house. with your child that you're taking care. of. You can't even take care of yourself. first, you know? >> Right. >> And just sit with life and everything. that comes along with it. >> Totally. >> was just like about being isolated and. going through the pandemic with all the. things in life. >> When you broke up, because it was a. pandemic, was it like a phone call? Like, did you even get to see this. person in person when you guys broke up? >> not Yeah, it was not in person.

>> Ugh. >> Yeah, well, because, you know, in the beginning, when you're so. isolated and you're so scared, cuz you. don't know, like, you're like, "Oh my. god, I looked at someone. Like, am I. going to die?". Um and, you know, he has his own family. he has to think about. I had my own. family to think about. And like, obviously, Briar's dad, like, you know, it was like our bubble. So, like, we're. not going to see anyone. He's not going. to see anyone. So, it was definitely. done in not like your normal, like, in-person way. >> What helped you ultimately heal from the. pain of that heartbreak with Bill?

>> You know what was so interesting? Having It was almost like a blessing in. disguise. So, having to be alone with. all of the [ __ ] and your thoughts and. not leave the house, like, I had to look. at everything. And I'm like, "Okay, I. would I have been in therapy for years, which I love. >> Love. >> Big fan. Big advocate. >> Huge. Huge. >> Um and like, do therapy, like, right if. that helps you. Like, I was reading. books. I was doing things that I I never. had time to do. Um and it gave me that. time to just really do things for.

myself. Like, yes, I'm looking after my. kid, but there was obviously shared. time, so I would have time absolutely. alone. Alone alone. >> Yeah. >> And I got to do the things that I always. wanted to do. And it really helped me. And it was like, "Oh, I'm focusing just. on me." And it's not about the guy or, you know, the relationship. It's. literally just about me as a human. I. was happy that I was forced to sit in. >> Mhm. >> like, the pain or the the hurt or, you. know, all the feelings that come along. >> Yeah. >> with it, because I got to get through. it. Some people will hold onto that for.

years, like, because they'll distract. themselves. >> Totally. >> actually face those feelings you're. feeling. >> I mean, can if we can talk about that a. little bit, cuz I think a lot of people. can relate to that topic of like, kind. of knowing something maybe isn't right. >> but and again being in a pandemic like. how did you. or I don't know if it was your decision. but come to that decision of like I'm. this is going to end even if it's a. pandemic like how did you get to that. point to end it or at whoever ended it?

>> I think it was the stress of the. situation in the world that led to it. Um. no one knew how to be or react you know. and. I think it was just a result of that. alone the stress of it all. >> Oh really cuz do you think if the. pandemic hadn't happened maybe. >> I mean I would think it probably would. have went on maybe a little longer but. then in retrospect looking at it you're. like obviously it would have ended cuz. it did. >> but maybe it almost ended faster.

>> so I guess it's kind of like a good way. to look at like a positive because I. think a lot of times like we have. >> deeper into it and more time goes by but. ultimately it's not the one. >> right. >> so it was like I said blessing in. disguise in many ways. >> have you through relationships now like. when you think of the one and like what. your wants are how have you found that. through what you've gone through with. your past relationships in your mind? >> everything and I think people and as you. get older you know I'm 40 years old you. go through all these experiences and.

you're like oh I'm taking things from. each thing right so there's always a. positive cuz it's like I recognize. something in this relationship that did. not work for me so the next time I need. this and I've gotten to a place now. where I know exactly what I want what I. need and for the first time I'm not. afraid to say it. >> can you give us an example of something. from any relationship you've ever been. in that you're like this is something I. know personally for me that just like. doesn't work for me in a relationship? and then also a need. >> like someone controlling's never good.

you know and I like I said people. pleasing I was definitely weaker and I. could like be subjected to that and be. like, "Okay, like yeah, I'll just do. whatever he says." And that's a pattern. with me in a lot of the relationships. I've had. So, that's something like huge. that I'm like, "No, I need to make my. decisions and I need to stick to what I. know and be strong like the strength in. me would always be a lot weaker in. relationships when I was younger. And now being older, I know exactly like.

how to speak up for myself, I should. say. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Sephora. As you guys know, my mom and I. are really, really close, but when. [music] it comes to giving her gifts, I. feel like I am running out of good. options. I'm spending time trying to. brainstorm something. >> [music]. >> that she needs and that like she. actually will use and then suddenly it's. the last minute and I'm like, "Okay, let's just get some like flowers and. maybe like a sweater and we'll just like. call it a day." No. Mother's Day is. coming up and this year I'm switching it. up, okay? We're all switching it up. Instead of trying to guess what your mom.

wants, I personally, and so should. [clears throat] you, we're going. straight to Sephora, girls, okay? Sephora has Mother's Day gift sets for. every mother figure in your life that. feel special and personal, whether she's. into her skin care routine or never. leaves the house without a good perfume. on, these sets are designed to make her. feel good, look good, and actually take. a second for herself, which we all know. she deserves. Sephora makes it so easy. to find something thoughtful without the. stress. You can go in, grab something. cute, and be in and out. So, Daddy Gang,

this Mother's Day, let's set it up. Skip. the basic gifts and get her something. she'll actually be excited to open. Shop. Mother's Day gifts at Sephora. >> Have you gotten to a point though where. like you can recognize when it's. happening. >> Yes. >> and then know how to get out of it? >> Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things. because when you're in something and you. don't see it, but then you get out of. it, it's so clear that now that you can. recognize it cuz you've acknowledged. that you can recognize it. Anytime it.

comes up, you're like, "Oh, no, he's. doing this thing. >> Yep. >> I'm not okay with it.". >> What is a need? What are you like, "These This is something I definitely. need in a partner.". >> I need. >> [laughter]. >> someone make me coffee in the morning, like, [ __ ] yes. Thank you. Honestly, I. crave just like on top of me, missionary. Like some dudes that like. aren't down with that. I need a man on. top of me sometimes. You know what I. mean? And like that's another thing. sexually. I'm like, "Yes." Like, "Own. it." I need to feel it. Like like Carrie. says in Sex, I need to feel the weight. of a man on top of me. It's like I can.

so relate to that. >> Guys, if anyone's listening, Rachel. needs coffee and missionary. >> [laughter]. >> I mean, I feel like it's doable. >> Are you currently single? >> I am not. >> Okay. Okay. Is he bringing you coffee in. the morning and is he doing missionary? >> [laughter]. >> That's actually great. Okay, great. Is. there anything that you look back and. you're like, there's a theme throughout. people you've dated? >> A theme. I do I have noticed This is.

This is a generalization, right? I think. I've dated quite a few actors and I do. think that some of them, not all, have. very like self-involved tendencies. Um and I think that just kind of comes. along with the territory a lot of the. time, right? I'm not saying all of them. that I've dated have them, but it is a. theme. Um and I don't like it. >> Do you think [laughter] you would ever. stray from the actors? >> Oh yeah, for sure. I always tell myself. like never again and then of course, you. know, you're in another project, another. person. Um but no, you know, and I will.

say, you know, with respect for my. daughter's father, he is not like that. >> I get what you're saying of like it you. don't want to fall into that tendency. and then you're on a movie set. Is it. hard when you're um single and on sets. to like not get involved in that kind of. stuff? >> sure. Because think about it. Any. workplace you're in, you're surrounded. by the people, you're round them every. day, and you'll meet different. personalities and sometimes you'll.

really have chemistry with someone. Doesn't matter where you are. Yes, it's. a set but it's literally someone you're. spending mostly 12 hours a day with. So, you're going to get to know these people. better than you would get to know. someone you're just casually dating in. the beginning because it's literally. >> That's why I feel like a lot of people. do get into like workplace. relationships. I'm not encouraging it. everyone [laughter]. but like any job you're at, if you work. in sales, real estate, it does it. doesn't have to be entertainment and you. are with that person all day everyday.

and it starts as a friendship, right? It. starts as you're cordial, you're going. to get to the coffee together, going to. craft services together and you're then. talking about your life and all of a. sudden that blossoms into like oh wait, maybe you could be. Know though it could. always end. >> Of course. >> And if it's going to potentially always. end. >> Be [laughter] friends and like protect. yourself and like make decisions of like. before you jump in. I think some people. that have maybe like I think actors are. lucky cuz it's like then you're off to. your next project. >> Right, it's like summer camp a lot of.

the time. >> Yes, yes and if you're in a 9-5. sweetheart, that's not summer camp. That. is all day round baby. So, make sure. you're going to be cozy if he's in the. cubicle and like a couple weeks later. you guys break up. >> Yeah, for sure. >> difficult. >> Way difficult. >> Okay, you get very personal on your pod. Has it been cathartic to talk about your. personal life on your podcast? >> It has like I'm still a very private. person. Like I won't like name names or. you know, but I want we wanted to create.

a space that and you know what? Before. we started, I listened to your first. Call Her Daddy and I was like. >> On my first Call Her Daddy podcast? >> Yes. The fact that you. were so just transparent and like didn't. give a [ __ ] Like you said every you. know what I mean? It was just. >> texted me and I said I want you to. degrade me. Oh my my that's awful. God. bless. I remember that recording that to. this day. >> You do? >> Oh my god. I remember going in there and. just being like, I'm just going to say. everything that happened this week. I. had no idea what I was doing. I never.

listened to a podcast in my life before. I recorded that. I think my voice was so. affected, so fake. I was like, "Hi guys, this is Alex.". Like. I can't listen back so it pains I was. like so bad. >> your first project. You're like, "Oh my. god. Like what is that?" I get it. But, that being said, just the very like. transparency and just being super honest. and open I [ __ ] loved, you know? And. so, my best friend Olivia and I were. like, "We want to create a safe space. where women or even men, you know, we.

have men coming on now, just being open. and honest and getting into it and not. afraid to speak whatever's on their. mind." Like obviously we go there about. sex, but we it's life, right? And we're. moms and it's it's a whole different. thing and it's a different phase of. life, but it feels really good to have. our own platform to do that. >> that. And I think that listen, I have. had some. where I come up with fake names for. people and then people still find it. out. So, don't do that. >> [laughter]. >> If you're private, Rachel will give you. that tip. Don't come up with like, "Oh, this one's door number three and this is.

Slim Shady." And don't do that. But, when you talk about the themes of what. you're going through, that is relatable. because every we all can relate in some. capacity. We're all human beings going. through depression, anxiety, happiness, stress, sadness, like hard times with. your romantic, with your family, with. your friends. And so, I think like it's. cool to have anyone sit down in front of. a microphone and be open. Like I think. everyone can appreciate that. >> I would hope so. And I think it's. accessible and people like kind of crave. that authenticity. And I think for me. it's like, "Okay, I can speak personally.

about my own experiences." But, I don't. want to like bring other people in that. don't have a mic in front of them and. can't either defend or share their side. >> That is the catch-22 of it all, sweetie. [laughter] And I'm still trying to. figure it out because. you got to like push the boundary, but. it's also like respecting, I get it, respecting people in your life. >> Absolutely. >> I think I read you don't introduce your. child to people you date. >> I've learned yeah from you know mistakes. in the past that you don't want to do it. too quickly.

>> Yeah. >> But luckily, you know, she's only seven. now and she was a lot younger before and. whatnot. So it probably didn't resonate. as much as it would now per se. Um but. yeah, I think that's super important cuz. I don't want it to look like some. revolving door or I don't know how it's. going to affect her and she's number one. for me. >> Totally. >> Hands down. Before work, before men, before anything. Um and so I don't take. that lightly. >> Have you had a lot of people that are. respectful of that? >> Yeah, I've only had positive experiences.

luckily, but also that speaks to like me. knowing what I need and want now. So I'm. not going to entertain anything if they. don't understand the kid comes first. >> And I think that's great and it's also. like ladies be [ __ ] confident. Like. you did the most incredible thing in the. world which is bring a human being onto. this earth and like if someone is not. going to be positive and accepting of. however you want to handle the. boundaries. >> Yeah. >> tell them to go [ __ ] themselves and find. someone better. >> For sure. And a lot of women have those. insecurities I think. >> Absolutely. >> Being moms or whatever age you are at.

that point and just thinking like oh are. guys going to want it? It's like oh [ __ ]. that. >> Yeah. Totally. Being a public figure most of your life, is there anything that you would like to. share that you think maybe is like a. misconception about you or people maybe. think about you that you're like oh I. would like to like clarify just say my. piece on that. >> God, you know, I feel like I've been. fortunate enough to have mostly a. positive response and I think you know, I love that. It's important to me like. how I carry myself setting an example. whatever, but I'm super [ __ ] crass.

and like have a dirty sense of humor and. I'm not afraid to show it and I think. it'll come through on Broad Ideas like. the new podcast. Um but I feel very. fortunate. Like I feel. like I've gone through this time of my. life where I've been, you know, working. or whatever um in a decent way where I. can be proud that my daughter will see. how I carried myself. >> What do you attribute that to? Cuz I. think a lot of people are like, [ __ ]. like this [ __ ] like I got me [ __ ] up. by being in the public whether it was. maybe they didn't come from the best. family to give them values or whether.

>> yeah. >> Like what do you think you why you just. end up having such a good like straight. and narrow path of there's not a lot of. drama around you? >> I think that the support system you have. around you is huge. All my best friends. are my best friends since high school. and before and junior high. Never. strayed from that. I don't make new. friends often. Um and my family. I have a very. supportive family. Um and I grew up that. way and a loving open mom, clearly. Um and I think that is such a big part.

of it and people around you that know. you so well they can just if you have a. moment, you're like, no no no no no no. Like get the [ __ ] back down here. What. are you doing? And I have that and we. trust that and it's like the friends. like, no you can't borrow my new dress. Like it's that comfortability of like I. haven't worn it yet, you know? >> Yeah, you can be real with each other. >> be real. >> Totally. No, I I really respect you. saying that and I feel like it's really. cool to get to sit down with you because. we respect your work so much and so now. it's cool to be able to like sit with. Rachel Bilson and and talk with you and.

get to know you. >> such a fan of yours. I was like, oh my. god, I get to sit like it was just such. a cool thing. And I think this is so. beautiful what you're doing. I love it. and inspired me to, you know, just be. able to go there. Like you gave me the. confidence is like, you can be who the. [ __ ] you are and say what the [ __ ] you. want and still be a successful woman in. this world and it's awesome. >> Rachel, thank you so much for coming on. Call Her Daddy. Woo! >> [music].

[music].