Olivia Wilde: Dating, Double Standards & Dealing with Scrutiny

What is up, Daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. >> Olivia Wild. Welcome to Caller Daddy. >> Hi, Daddy. I am so excited to meet you. >> Likewise. >> It's been a long time coming. >> Yeah, >> I have so much respect for you. You have. had such an incredible, impressive. career. started as an actress, still are. an actress, then obviously evolved into.

being a director, and I just feel like. you have been at the center of some of. the biggest conversations for women and. motherhood and ambition and. relationships and public everything. Like, you're it, girl. So, I'm so. excited to talk to you today. >> Ditto in all the ways. >> Last night, let me paint the picture. >> Yeah. Take me through it. >> So, I get into bed. I get all my. favorite pregnancy snacks. Yes. >> I sit back, relax, put on my heating. pad, and I turn on your new film.

>> And I had no idea what to expect because. at first I was like, I saw the trailer, >> but it's still it was kind of ambiguous. and like I didn't know what to expect. >> The invite is so incredible. Screen time. zero. I didn't pick up my phone. >> Whoa. >> Well, because you throw us right into. it. >> Yes. And it was so incredible the way. that you explore modern relationships in. a very like nuanced.

um psychological. way. It was right up my alley. It's. amazing. Seriously, >> it's so you I'm so happy that you. watched it and that I mean we are both. Pel heads. We both love Estair. Estair. is all over that [ __ ] and was our. literal consultant and we have to talk. about that. Yes, we have to. But I'm so. happy that that I can discuss it with. you because it deals with so many of the. things that you bring up so eloquently. with your guests and it's relatable for.

so many of us going through relationship. dramas in every single way. >> Well, that was what I found so. fascinating was I I didn't know what. when people were telling me like, "Oh my. god, Esther Prell was involved." I'm. like, "What does that even mean?". >> Yeah. Yeah. and she was a consultant on. the movie every single time I've ever. sat down with her because she's been on. the show multiple times. She reframes. everything for me. She reframed my life. Um, intimacy, relationships. What initially drew you to her work? >> Well, she was my shrink at one point.

>> Oh, yeah. Years and years and years and. years and years ago, I learned about. her. I read Mating in Captivity 20 years. ago and it blew my mind and I was. immediately drawn to her and her. completely original p like perspective. on relationships and on individuality. within relationships. And it felt like. it was smashing this idea apart that we. had all I had been raised with which was.

the idea that you um kind of needed to. be in relationship with someone else as. opposed to like who are you individually. within the relationship and all the. responsibility one needs to take within. a relationship. But I have to tell you, I don't think I understood it 20 years. ago. And I spent then 20 years of like. going through relationships and then. made this movie and suddenly felt like I. understood a stair and and okay so when.

I read the script Rashidita Jones and. Will McCormack had written this script. and it was based on a Spanish play that. was turned into a movie and this English. language adaptation arrived and I was. like this is so [ __ ] funny and real. and it feels like it has a stere vibes. and I asked Rashida I was like did you. talked to Esther. She's like, "Well, she's obviously so she inspired it, but. we haven't sat down with her yet." So, I. was like, "Let's get her in here." We. sat down with her. We asked her to come. on board as a actual consultant. And.

then she became our guide through the. whole thing. And then Penelopey Cruz. based her character on Esther. And so, you get to kind of almost hang out with. Esther through Penelopey. >> Okay. First of all, the fact that you. actually had her at your shrink, that is. the biggest flex. >> Can you imagine? No, like I I can't. But also like I. don't I wonder how many clients she. actually has. But to be one of hers, that's an honor and a privilege and. scary. >> and she's tough. You can imagine she's.

tough. She would she she like holds your. feet to the fire. >> She does. >> It'll be like [ __ ]. >> I read that you would call her. throughout and in the middle of filming. you would literally call her and be. like, I need your take on this while you. guys were trying to dissect the script. >> What is something that she really helped. you resolve? She really helped us resolve how to talk. about. sex and kind of tension in the.

relationship in a way that allowed. everyone in the conflict to be right. so. that it didn't become an oversimplified. conflict of like this guy's being an. [ __ ] and she's being kind of a [ __ ]. and it was like everyone is right. because everyone's coming from within. their experience and that's what she. sees all the time in her on her couch. and so I she was like the person never. presents with their the truth they. present with you know their. interpretation of it the kind of.

reflection of the truth and so so they. don't ever say what they really mean. They're saying this kind of feel. >> Exactly. >> She's so [ __ ] smart. >> She's so [ __ ] smart. And she just I'm. the same as you. Like she every time I. listen to her or read her work, I am. blown open again and I'm like, "Oh god, I forgot." Of course, it's so eyeopening. and it really forces you to. look internally of where am I wrong? And. it's so much easier to point the blame.

on your partner. Yes. and it's way more. fun. But then when you're like, "Oh, I. have to do the hard work now." Like, "What is this triggering for me? What am. I projecting right now?". >> Exactly. And and and you get. >> you get to the point, I think, in life. when you go through enough relationship. drama where you realize your patterns. And she's so good at analyzing those. patterns and saying like, if this keeps. happening to you, if you keep facing. this, what's actually going on? Why are. you why are you drawn to this kind of.

thing that is something you clearly want. to resolve? But also just like learn how. to be a whole [ __ ] person. Stop being. mad at someone for not completing you. Who are you? And and it takes sometimes. a long time to figure that out. Took me. a long time to figure that out. >> Let's get into figuring it out. [laughter]. >> We're still figuring it out. Olivia. Caller Daddy's brought to you by Hogen. Daddy Gang. I think we all deserve a. little more me time. [music].

Whether it's work, school, or whatever. is bringing you down, it's so important. to take a second to slow down and treat. yourself. And lately, my favorite way to. do this is with some rich, smooth, creamy ice cream. And none better than. Hogen. You guys, you have to try their. cherry dark chocolate bar. Let me just. tell you something, okay? Picture rich. cherry ice cream with some tart cherry. ribbons all covered in a thick layer of. dark chocolate. Yes, it's the kind of. thing you don't want to just eat, but.

you like literally experience. Okay, usually I'm the type to just like crush. a dessert in 2 seconds, but this Oh, girls, I'm taking my time. I'm like. savor every bite. Hagenas is just one of. those things that's meant to be savored. I've literally been eating hogen since I. came out of the womb. My entire family. has always had it stocked in our fridge. It'd be like movie night, boom, sit. down, get our hogen, and now the cherry. dark chocolate bar. It's always in my. hand. Okay, it is just the perfect sweet. treat that I just can't get enough of. It's my go-to treat at the end of a long.

workday. So, take your sweet time. That's Do available at retailers. nationwide. I feel like so much of your directorial. style is heavily influenced obviously by. your own life and your experiences and. where you've come from. And so I'm. excited to get to know you a little bit. better today. Um, >> I know it's unfair. I feel like I know. you really well. >> I know. Okay. So, let's go back. Both of. your parents are in a way storytellers. >> Yes. They're journalists. Yeah. >> So, what were like dinner conversations.

like at your house growing up? >> They were great. There was so much. curiosity and that's what I really. valued. There were so many questions. asked and people were, you know, people. because we always had lots of people in. the house. They're very social people. We always had really interesting people. around the table challenging each other. The idea of like discourse and debate. was really valued. So having an opinion. as a kid was encouraged. It wasn't just.

like shut up and agree. It was like what. do you feel? What do you think? Have. have something to say. And they are. really funny people and really great. storytellers. And like I showed them. this movie and it's funny cuz it's. actually kind of similar to you like. like your dad has heard you talk about. >> everything. Gluck luck. [laughter]. >> Olivia. Yep. Yes, he has. Hi, Dad. >> I get that because my dad has had to sit. through so many movies where I've been.

like buck ass naked doing sex scenes and. he's like, "Oh, wonderful work, darling." [laughter] And this movie he. had to hear me talking about like DP. pegging. Like I was like, "How's he. going to react?" And they loved it. And. I was like, "I'm so lucky to have. parents who have a great sense of. humor." And that started really young. They were just laughers. That's so. beautiful because the lack of shame in a. household completely disarms then you. for the rest of your life where you. almost are like, "Wait, what's wrong. with all of you? Like, why aren't you as.

open and what? Like, why wouldn't we. talk about this? Because this is what. everyone's doing." And that's such like. a privilege that I've learned in a. household. I've had my mom is such a. feminist and I wanted to ask you about. your mom because I know I read something. where you talk about your mom in a way. that you're like she's strong, she's. fierce, she's an independent woman. >> Oh yeah. >> What was it like growing up with a woman. and a mother like that at the head of. your family? >> It's interesting because she was unlike. all the other moms and when I was young.

sometimes I was like why aren't you a. normal mom? why aren't you always uh um. you know the one picking me up from. school and at home and like making. dinner. I was like trying to t wife my. mom and she was not having it. And she. let me come to the realization on my own. of like girl you're going to understand. the value of this example as you get. older and all my friends wanted to have. my mom. They would come over and sit and. just sit at the kitchen table with her. and tell her their hopes and dreams. and.

she took everyone seriously and that. that is also something I feel like you. have from from what I've observed is. like your mom clearly like took you. seriously as a person was like go for it. and I think that was the greatest. example. She also was in a. male-dominated industry showing me how. to blast through those walls constantly. She worked her ass off. She dealt with. so much, I'm sure,

judgment for not being. she was going to really dangerous. places. So my my mom was my parents were. both war correspondents. So it wasn't. like she was just like missing ballet. because she was at uh you know a board. meeting. She was like in Afghanistan. like it was she faced a lot of judgment. for being a mother who's putting her. life on the line for journalism. And it. was like she couldn't [ __ ] win. It. was like, you know, you can be a a mom.

who's who's present and giving a great. example to your daughters and your son. My brother's way younger, so it was for. a long time it was me and my sister, but then you get, you know, then you get. [ __ ] for like not being there for. everything. And that is something that. any working mother faces and you will. too. [laughter]. >> The end. It's about to begin. Yeah. >> W That's fascinating because. hearing right hearing the experience as. a child of you being like I had so much.

respect watching my mother navigate all. of that and at the same time then people. being like, "Oh my god, she's she's. considered potentially a bad mother by. leaving and going doing what she loves. because she's not staying with her. children." And look what it instilled in. you though. It's like to each their own. But the judgment placed on a working mom. is it's unlike anything you've ever. seen, right? >> It it's crippling. It's so hard. And the.

only thing that heals it is talking. about it. And like sharing, [clears throat] like all things with. shame. Once you air it out, then it. dissipates. Then it it it shame dies. once you once you share. But it is it's. hard. It's hard. Like I think it's one. of the reasons that more women don't. direct films is because. the feeling of saying like I have to go. I'm going to miss soccer practice. I'm. going to miss this per adorable. Christmas pageant because I'm going to.

be on set. And I'm not even like. speaking truth to power as a journalist. like my mom. Like she was like making. the world better. I'm just like telling. funny stories on film. And sometimes. you're like, "Oh man, I it is it's. really hard to to get over that. judgment." But there's a lot of other. moms going through it. And. >> without a doubt. >> How do you think your mom like you. mentioned being in such a male-dominated. industry and then you obviously were. going to come into one. Like how do you. think she.

>> kind of taught you how to hold space for. yourself and be comfortable taking up. space when it's mainly men leading the. rooms? God, I think just by example and. just by. kind of. not really entertaining insecurity. Like. it was like seen as like, "Yeah, you'll. get through it. It doesn't matter. Push. through that. You'll do it. You want to. do it, then you'll do it." And I think. that she was always just encouraging a a.

sense of. real faith in me that that made me have. a real sense of faith in myself, which. is very valuable. I think Yeah, I think. she just she just seemed to demonstrate. maybe it was by demonstrating that the. the the [ __ ] was inevitable so you. don't get kind of floored by it. You're. like, "Here it is. Heard about this. This is going to be fine. I'm gonna move. through this.". >> Something that made me think about too.

with my mom and when you were like, "Why. can't you be one of the normal moms?" I. would always say that to my mom, like, "Why can't you be more oblivious?" Like. my [laughter] mom like was too on it. that I was like, "Lori, like pretend. you're you're like the other moms. Like, you don't notice these things." And I. think at a young age there is a respect, but there's also in a capacity like you. can't truly appreciate it when you're so. much younger. And because it does kind. of force a light on you to be mature and. to grow up and to be in your own at a.

young age where maybe another kid would. be more like, "Oh, we're just still. playing with fairies and all this." And. my mother was like intense and she had a. lot of opinions and she wanted me to be. a very bright individual woman and I. can't thank her enough now. >> That was the thing. The only thing she. really criticized me for was when she. felt like I was assimilating. She was like, "What what is that? Who. are you being right now? Now, is that. from something you saw on TV? And I. remember being so annoyed by that. And.

you know, I I think the most important thing you. can do for your kid is just have their. back is just make them feel like even. though you might have you'll have your. conflicts, which is healthy. We learn. conflict through battling out with our. moms. I swear it's like a little. training zone. So true. >> But then. >> you know they have your back. I remember. I went to boarding school and I remember. my mom coming to visit and I was in. trouble. I was always in trouble, but I. was in trouble because I had a a giant. poster of Bob Marley on my wall that.

just had like a five foot joint across. like the side of my wall of my room. >> They're like, "No, Olivia, she has. paraphernalia." Like you she can't have. a like drugs on the wall. And my mom. came in and looked at it and she goes, "Well, what's your proof that that's a a. joint? I think that looks like a. cigarette. that's legal. And the woman. was like, I think it looks it's not. It. like clear literally was like a huge. blunt. It was like a Bob Marley like. >> like, let's go. You know what? It's so. interesting. I had this conversation the.

other day with a friend where we were. talking about the value that it has when. you had a parent who would stick up for. you when you were younger and would. believe you. Like I I have friends who. are like, "Oh, my parents were always. like, "What did you do wrong?" And. instead to have a parent to be like, >> "I believe her. I'm with her." That. changes everything. That's again another. privilege to have parents that are like. rallying for you and standing up for. you. >> Even if in private they're like, "Get. the [ __ ] joint off your wall, Olivia. [laughter]. >> [ __ ] are you doing?" But to publicly.

present. Yeah. She's like, "Rip it. down.". >> Yeah. >> That's what I was going to ask you. I. feel like people often describe you as. someone who is unapologetic about having. strong opinions and I really. >> respect that about you. But I can. imagine, like you said, when you were. younger, there's some getting into. trouble and there's people not. understanding you. What do you think. people didn't or maybe misunderstood. about you in like high school era? >> Oh god. Oh, everything. I I guess Elsa.

cuz like in high school you don't really. understand yourself, >> right? We're like, who am I? you're like. trying on different personalities, but I really felt like I felt like such. an alien and I didn't feel oh god did I. mean I had my best friends. I always. always formed really strong friendships. with girls and they were my like ride or. die crew and that's why when I made. books smart it was all about that that. your first deep love is the platonic.

love with your best girlfriend because. or your best friend because it's the. first person who understands you and you. feel that m maybe they understand you. more than your parents more than anybody. so I had I had individuals who I felt. understood me but as a whole I the. feeling of being misunderstood has been. like a consistent thing in my life. And. I think that. when I was younger, it made me mad and I. like bucked against it in every way. And.

and I think as you get older, you're a. little bit more um forgiving of it. It's. like a little bit I don't know. I think. I think the the the wisdom you gain is. really that you know nothing, right? You're like, "Oh, I don't know anything. I'm very o I'm much more kind of. open and humble and empathetic like with. age every year it's just like oh maybe. I'm wrong is actually a great. >> true. >> bit of wisdom. >> and I also think it does make sense when.

you're younger you're so malleable that. you're even when your peers are telling. you who you are what you shouldn't be. you do have the question marks in your. head because you also are like I. actually don't know who I am so maybe I. am like that maybe I am this or that. when you get older you do start to get. more set in stone of like, okay, this is. a pattern. I know myself. I'm good like. this. I don't like this about myself. And so when you're still misunderstood, you're like, yeah, that's actually kind. of right or that's kind of right. But. you're more you're set and you're more. of a human being. So when you're.

younger, it's just harder kind of like. rootless when you're younger. You're. like, you know, and and then as your. roots get deeper, >> then then I guess like to continue with. this metaphor of like a tree when the. when the storm hits you, it's not as. destabilizing. True. >> You're like, "Okay, but I know my. roots." And and you're just getting more. and more rooted, and that's what really. matters. And when you're young, you're. just like, "Uh, it's too easy to push. you over.". >> When you graduated high school, you took. a year off, then you never went back to.

school. [laughter]. >> I'm on a 23 year off right now. >> Perfect. You're like, "One day I'm going. to go back." Just kidding. Never. Like, at that point, what did you want for. yourself? >> I wanted to act. I really wanted to be. an actress. I always wanted to be an. actress. And so I I deferred I was going. to go to Bard in New York and I um. instead of going to like to have like. orgies in the waterfall of my liberal. arts college in upstate New York, which. is all I would have done, I came to LA.

and I was a casting assistant and I. pounded the pavement going to auditions. and I was in the cattle call of pilot. season where we all were looked exactly. the same and tried so hard to assimilate. like and then slowly learned to value my. singularity as we all hopefully do and. and but it was a I gave myself nine. months. I was like if I don't have a job. in nine months I'll go back to school.

>> Okay. And in the midst of all of this. you eloped and got married at 19 years. old. [laughter] I read that and I was. like wait wait wait. aloped and married 19 also. Was it at. Burning Man? >> It was at Burning Man. I Well, yeah. We. had the decision was made at Burning Man. and I believe there was a Burning Man. sort of ceremony and then the paperwork. was done back in uh Los Angeles with a. man who I think we found on the internet. and like showed up and like so we signed.

a paper that's probably invalid and then. I was like all right and then. immediately was like wait what the [ __ ]. did I just do? because I had a pattern. already at that point of spontaneous. decision making and I think that is one. of the beauties of youth but I would get. myself into a whole bunch of trouble all. the time. >> Were you looking for marriage? >> No. My god. No. I I think it was like it. it seemed like probably the craziest.

[snorts] thing to do and and it was so. romantic and insane that I think I was. like yeah that's an let let me do the. most unexpected insane thing. >> It's funny cuz I was coming in here and. I was like this doesn't feel like 19. like very traditional Livia being like. I'm going to settle down and build my. this feels like a little bit of a. rebellion of like [ __ ] I'm going to get. married. Of course, my parents were. like, "Oh my god." Like, of course, the. rebellion because I had because I could.

have done anything. The way I rebelled. at that point was to do this thing that. was like really traditional. And then we. did not have a very traditional. marriage. It was very bohemian. Uh, and I am grateful for it because. it's it meant that I spent most of my. 20s I mean, I guess we broke up when I. was like 25. How long did it last? >> I guess really like six years, seven. years and I that was my only marriage. I.

never got married again. I think that. being a 25-year-old divorce is a really. funny imagine dating and you're like so. I'm 25 recently divorced [laughter]. where you're like I can rent a car. I. don't have barely but I'm divorced. So. [laughter]. >> chic. I mean what a weird I it was so. funny. How did it ultimately end? >> I mean, I think just an awareness of. like, whoa, what are we doing? This is. nuts. And um I just I I I had worked.

constantly from like 18 to 25. Once I. started working, I did not leave set for. many many many years. I mean, I I just. worked and worked and worked and then. hit like, yeah, 25. I was still working. all the time, but I was starting to feel. like we wait a minute. What is my life. out offset and who am I really? What do. I want to do? >> And it was not a very tumultuous. breakup. It was just like this is. clearly we have we have grown up. We're.

in very different stages of life. And. you know, and it's funny now like we're. friends. I mean, it seems like a 100,000. years ago. >> It's crazy. >> That's so young. I also loved it because. the invite, your new movie starts and it. opens with a. >> pretty bold Oscar Wild quote. I. literally am like eating my ice cream. like oh [ __ ] Like it just opens and the. quote is about marriage. It says one. should always be in love and that is the.

reason one should never marry. And I. [laughter] was like oh you're like oh. no. And it everyone every I when I put. that in there, people are like, "Oh, it. just it's people are going to think. you're just like you've lost all faith.". And the thing is like. I I think that quote is both very. optimistic and cynical. It's like. the thing that often happens to love in. marriage is that we stop actively.

loving. Like Esterea likes to say to us, love is a verb. It is something you have. to continue to engage in. And I think. the quote is acknowledging that in many. cases marriage becomes the end of that. engagement in the process of loving and. it becomes something that involves a lot. of entitlement and that's where it does. So how do you feel about marriage. Olivia? >> I mean I I guess that's sort of how I. feel. I feel like it's something I think.

it is an optimistic thing to do in. pessimistic times. You know, like when I. see people getting married, I'm like, "All right, good for you. Give it a go.". Like, "Why not?" It it I was having this. conversation with uh you know, Terry. Reel. >> No. >> Oh, you would love Terry Real. He's kind. of like the male ET, although they have. very different opinions, but he is a. really insightful. uh couple therapist. And we were having. this conversation. and he did a Q&A in. Boston after one screening and I was.

like, it's crazy that the like 50% of. marriages fail. It might be more than. that now. I don't even know. And yet. people do it every day. And I was like, if we if 50% of planes crash, would we. keep getting on flights? [laughter] Like. >> everyone's like, Olivia, shut up. We. don't want to hear this. >> Yeah, but it's true. >> That is a little bit we like to be like. LA. It won't be me. But the thing is. like I actually do think it's a. worthwhile institution. I think there's. a lot of value in ceremony and ritual. I.

think making a promise to somebody to. continue engaging in love with intention. is a beautiful thing. I just think most. of the time once there is not most that. sounds so bad. some of the time for some. the the contract. leads to this entitlement that stops the. active engagement and and the also the. institution of marriage has never really.

been favorable towards women and I think. there is this. part of me that's that's resistant to. the idea of of of subscribing to that. but at the same time I'm also like the. most like ludicrous romantic in every. way. So, you know, I get it. >> So, you will never get married again? >> I don't know. I mean, knowing me, like. I'll get married like I was got married. at whatever 19. I'll probably get. married at like 85. >> Fair. Okay, that's cute. That's cute.

You're like from Burning Man to 85. >> When I'm back at Burning Man at 85, I'll. I'll get married. >> No, but I get it. I agree with you. I. think for women historically, it has not. been something that is even favorable to. the woman. not even a 50-50 situation. And so I think there is a lot that needs. to go into it before you decide. I never. thought I wanted to get married. I met. Matt and I was like I literally told him. like we will never get married. >> And he was like, "Okay." And I was like, "So just know that we're never getting. married." And then I changed my mind, which is also a beautiful thing to do,

but I almost needed to know that he. didn't care about the piece of paper and. he was down to just partnered up with me. for the rest of our life. >> Also, you didn't need it, which is why. you can enjoy it is a beautiful thing. When I hear girlfriends of mine saying. like, "I just want to get married." I'm. like, "You won't. That's not going to. lead to the result you're looking for.". Because if you are just if you're. looking for it to complete you, you're. not completing that part of yourself. that obviously deserves that that work. And you're looking for it to somehow. feel chosen. And I get it. Like society.

has taught us to look for that from. [ __ ] Disney on. Like we are all. encouraged to find this. But I I just. think that if it was something I don't. know if if we could turn it into. something that felt a little bit more. modern in terms of what what the. promises are and also like acknowledge. that it doesn't mean you're not you're. going to stop changing. And I think for. a lot of people it places expectations.

on you remaining the person you were. when you signed said contract. >> That is such a good point. Like. >> that's a really great point. >> Change. >> We're going to come back to this. Um. >> your early career. >> I would. really be upset with myself if I didn't. bring this up because younger Alex, there's something that you did. >> One show. >> Oh no. >> That is still my favorite show of all. time. What do you think it is that you. were in?

>> Is it the OC? >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Damn it. You were Alex. Is it still so. crazy that people ask you about this. [ __ ] character? You're like. >> wait also for you that was like that's. old. Like you did where did you discover. like Nick at Night? That's like old. >> It was so old. It was my friend's older. sister would watch it and I'm like. watching in the corner like this is the. best show and I'm living in Pennsylvania. at the time. Like the concept of Orange. County a dream. I didn't even understand.

it. And your character. >> she was such a badass. I loved her so. much. And yes, people, young people. today, like a 16-year-old the other day. came up to me in a deli and she was. like, "I just want to say I love the OC. It's my favorite show. Alex Kelly's my. favorite." I was like, "What the [ __ ]. Where are you finding it?" But I think. it's now it's available on streaming and. people are finding it. >> I loved her. I was so I was so excited. to to be there and and to be a part of. something that I had no idea was such a.

phenomenon when I joined it, which is. very me. I was so. completely out of touch. I think I was. still living cuz the thing I didn't. mention about the aforementioned. marriage is we we lived on a school bus. in Venice. I lived [laughter]. >> you're like just like the Burning Man. wedding, shotgun wedding and then boom, we're living on the school bus and then. I'm on the OC. >> bus and then I was on the OC. So I would. get like picked up for events from the. bus and they'd be like what is she? It's. like I don't understand. And I would be. like no no no this is my choice. We I'm. this is how I like to live. eventually.

did move into a a a home with walls, but. I was so I didn't watch TV and then I. was on TV and I was like, "Hey, this is. really fun. I love this." But had no. [ __ ] clue the phenomenon that show. was until I was on it and then I was. like meeting hordes of teenagers and. being like, "Oh [ __ ] this is like a. thing." And I joined once. It was. already a thing. I should have known. better. But that character was. incredible. And she was this bisexual.

badass who loved live music and ran a. business. Like none of it makes sense. How did she own a business? She's like a. minor. None of it makes sense. We can't. dig too deep into the logic. >> No. >> But she was. >> she was amazing. And I think I was. thinking about it. I feel like that was. like one of the first times that we. actually saw like an openly queer female. for millennials on television. And it. was so tame, but by today's standards, we are just like raw dogging it in.

heated rivalry. And now it is nuts to. think about the fact that I remember. when Misha and I did The Kiss and it was. like sweeps week, which is when like. that was a big deal and the ratings um. would spike and and for that show it was. a m it was like an event. It was an. event and it was like the most tame. [laughter] kiss. >> It's literally just like it's not even. like a full make out. >> No, it's like a greeting. It was so and. and I think that I think it had a lot to.

do with the fact that her character had. been. kind of created as this like idealized. like like gorgeous. sweet. pure. thing. And the idea of of queerness at. the time was still relegated to like the. um the like quirky weirdo weird kids and. like you had to and it was not.

mainstream girls. It was like it was not. that girl was never the the popular. pretty. It was and that I think the idea. that this girl might be figuring out her. sexuality, that was what people were. really like, oh my god. And there were a. lot of young people who saw that and. started to ask themselves questions and. have conversations with their parents. And that's what I hear till to this day. >> It was incredible, which is amazing.

>> I love also how you went from one iconic. role to another. 13 house. [laughter]. >> I know. I'm like, >> listen, I have one skill and one skill. only. I I that was another show that was. big when I joined it. I'm really good at. like hopping on board like this is fun. >> I feel like such a [ __ ] it attitude like. just defiant. Um and both of those. characters were very very. I I don't know just memorable for you as.

a character. You really brought them to. life. You did a great job. >> I think I aspired to be them. I think. that that kind of badass attitude was. probably what I what I wanted. So, I got. to like cosplay as them. >> Okay. Quick rapid fire questions about. the OCN house. >> Yes. >> What is one medical term you remember. from the house? >> Senesthesia. >> Oh my god. [laughter] Okay. Okay. Which. cast was more intimidating to join? >> The OC. >> Yeah. Oh boy. >> Fair. Kids. They were just cool kids. >> Yeah. And they were they they were they.

knew how to take it in stride. They I I. was would watch them on red carpets and. be like, "What do we do? How does it. work?" They were just cool. They It was. like suddenly being. seated at the table with the most. popular kids in the cafeteria and you're. like, "Thanks [laughter] for letting me. sit here, guys.". >> That's so fair. You were in your late. teens and early 20s when you were. filming both the shows. Did you have a. crush on anyone on either set?

>> Um, yeah, I'm sure. Wait. Well, oh god. I mean on house how could you not have a. crush on Hu Lori? I just I I love him. He was he was so dreamy and so smart and. so warm and taught me so much and h he's. extremely crushing. >> It's good. It's good. Okay. Which. character did you relate to more, Alex. or 13? >> Probably 13 because she was more of um. she like Alex was way cooler than me. I.

was not that. I mean, the idea like I I. the idea of being someone who uh I think. that character was like she like lived. on her own in a beach house and ran a. bar and like knew everything about cool. indie music. And 13 was like kind of. like a like a little more of um a nerd. who was like really determined to do her. job. And I mean I think I I related to. her more. >> fair. Okay. Better kisser. Misha Barton,

Adam Brody. [sighs]. Misha was a great kisser. I remember she. had really pretty lips. She had the most. beautiful She was. >> perfect. She's perfect. >> Yeah, her She has the most extraordinary. face. >> The two of you on camera together. >> Oh, but I I did not I know I had extreme. imposter syndrome with that. I was like, but she's such a pretty pretty doll. [laughter] No, >> you guys were amazing together. Okay. Should we bring back Alex's bumpet.

hairstyle? >> Oh my god. Which ripped from Gwen. Stefani with the purple streak? >> Yes. With my My Little Pony Rainbow. Brite. >> So psychotic. >> Yeah. >> Which shows need a reboot? Would you do. it ever? >> Oh my god. Wouldn't that be so fun? >> Uh the like geriatric version of the OC. would be really funny. >> You're the mom now. >> I'm the mom. >> Or you're still at the bar. >> Still there. And now it's just like a. little sad. It's like h she's still. working in the bar. We're still waiting. One day. One day.

>> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Airbnb. So, sports are usually Matt's territory, but when it comes to soccer, [music] you. guys know, you know what? I'm all over. it. So, safe to say I am very excited. for the FIFA World Cup coming to LA. The. last time I went to a global sporting. event was during the Olympics. And. honestly, the trip became so much more. than just going to different games in. Paris. I just remember Matt and I ended. up booking the cutest apartment one. weekend on Airbnb to explore different.

parts of France. One night after dinner. instead of I remember rushing home, we. stopped into this tiny little local bar, ended up sitting next to a couple from I. think they were from Madrid and we just. started talking and somehow found out. that they also worked together and they. had golden doodles and we were like, "Oh. my god, this is meant to be." Um, and. then when Matt and I got back to the. apartment that night, we opened a bottle. of wine, sat on the balcony talking for. hours about all of the random moments. that somehow end up becoming the best.

part of traveling. It was one of those. trips where you come home and you just. feel like you actually lived in a space. instead of just visiting it. And that is. what I love so much about Airbnb. During. the FIFA World Cup, people from all. corners of the world come together. They're swapping jerseys, grabbing. drinks after the match, maybe debating. who actually has the best goalie, like. whatever it is. And Airbnb makes it easy. to stay together under one roof. You get. to live in neighborhoods that actually. feel local and experience a city beyond. just the tourist spots. Airbnb, the.

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daddy. So provides a Vantage score, credit score, and associated information. based on TransUnion data. Not surprisingly, our society, you know, it's a classic where I feel. like your looks. became a huge topic of conversation in. your career. >> and it seemed like your beauty was. treated as one of the most important. things to talk about. >> Do you remember noticing that shift or.

did it always feel like that? It's so funny because it's definitely. the same for every woman in this. business, right? And I think. I really. didn't feel like I fit normal beauty. standards. for most of my life. So, there was um it. was a really interesting thing to. suddenly feel like I was suddenly.

hitting those standards. And it was. like, wait, did this the standards must. have all just changed cuz now they fit. me. Like I this is so crazy that this. used to exist [laughter]. cuz now it's like what in the [ __ ] But. we when they had the ranked. maxim 100 list, hottest 100, and I was. number one, and I remember my publicist. called me and said, "Uh, you you're. number one. Um, it do you want to accept.

it?" And because you can like say no, I. guess uh if you accept it, then then. they'll do this cover shoot and they'll. do a piece about it. And I remember. being like, I understand that this is. the most [ __ ] up thing in the world, but the part of me that felt like the. girl who didn't fit in from high school, the girl who never felt like I fit those. standards, who felt awkward and wrong in. every way, I know that part of me was. like, [gasps]. really? Like, you want me? I I fit it. now. And I it took me many years to.

understand and to unravel that. Um it it. is a it's a dangerous thing to suddenly. be told like now you are good and we. want you and now your value. You are. literally being ranked and your value is. entirely dependent on our. fickle subjective. definition of beauty. Crazy. >> It is so interesting. I guess that Yeah, that must have been the one because I. feel like I remember like you got like.

most beautiful woman in the world or. maybe that was another one you won. It. was just a crazy thing and it was like. the standards change and you just. happened to fit that and and. I wonder if that would have existed if. social media had been a thing if if if. that would have even been able to to. exist. I don't know. I guess it exists. in different ways now, but I just. remember being like it it's just so. crazy. When do you think the fixation on. your appearance started to impact the. way that you viewed yourself? Because at.

first you're like, it was kind of great. >> Yeah. >> And then. >> Yeah. >> Well, then it's like it's easier if you. never feel like you have it and you. don't expect it. You're not trying to. maintain it. But once you've been told. that you like ding ding ding, you made. it. We think you're pretty now. And it's. like great. And then it's like and how. about now? And now and then inevitably. anytime someone uses a superlative to. describe you like you're the hottest. there's going to be a whole bunch of.

people who are like I don't think so. I. think you're the ugliest. >> And then that's the part of you that. that act that I mean that's the thing. that the in inner part of you actually. is going to is going to agree with. because you're going to be like see I'm. not the prettiest. I'm the ugliest and I. knew it and they see it and now I have. to like run from that. And I mean, God, I think about actresses in their. I mean, it's women and it's not just. actresses, but it's just highlighted.

here that that the the desperation to. maintain that and you can't and and it's. just um exhausting. >> It is because it's all in the. >> hands of the the eyes of the beholder. So, like you said, like the beauty. industry and the way that it so. constantly is changing and the standards. for women like the conventionally. attractive man has never shifted. It has. always been the same standard. >> True. >> And for us, it's like it's either the.

heroin chic thin or the like the curvier. or this and it and it's like it the fact. that a body type goes in and out of a a. fad and it's like a phase. You're like, how is how is a body type? >> It's blowing my mind. >> Beauty. You're so right that for men. it's always been like uh it's always. been that like Paul Newman, Steve. McQueen, like hot like there's that kind. of vibe but then for women at the same. time we went from like Audrey Heburn, Marilyn Monroe and then even the.

difference between like that like like. Cindy Crawford, Kate Moss, and then like. Jazelle and it's just like no, now we. want boobs. Now we don't want boobs. Now. we want eyebrows. We don't want. eyebrows. Now we want skinny. No, we. hate skinny. and you're like, "Oh, okay. How I can change. Don't worry. Just give. me a minute." And it's [ __ ]. >> it's exhausting. I think something. you've talked about before, the. limitations about being reduced to your. appearance. >> And then there's also the. >> side where you're like, but there is.

beauty can be of power. And so you're. kind of. >> dancing on this tight rope of like, do. you lean in? Do you not lean in? Do you. >> when are you being objectified? When is. it self objectification that's somehow. empowering? When like those those lines. are blurry. >> Do you feel like you've ever used your. beauty to your advantage? >> 100%. I mean I think that's what I guess I. could have you know at 21 or whatever I. was when the max and thing I could have. been like I reject I refuse. [laughter].

>> No. >> on a matter of principle. No thank you. I was like great. And guess what? I got. rolls upon rolls from that. It led to. casting. It's crazy that it put me in. the at least put me in the room to get. roles for sure. And I think then. you you have to take responsibility for. your own participation in that. self-objectification. It's like I put. myself here. You can't be like why is.

everyone looking at me? It's like you. [laughter]. >> right. But here we are. >> Here we are. >> Right. And and I think yeah that. understanding of really keeping an eye. on how much you are are participating. and and and understanding you have. control over that you can disengage. when you choose but understand that you. are the one putting yourself in it. >> Speaking of when you had said you know. maintaining it and as women as we get. older we're like oh my god oh my god I. need to stay that same maxim girl that I.

was. >> Oh god. >> 2026. Oh boy. >> This year you go on a red carpet. [laughter]. >> Olivia, >> I'm so happy you're bringing this up. >> Olivia, >> I feel like I opened my phone that. morning and [laughter] was like, why? No, I'm like, why am I seeing Olivia. Wild all over my page right now? >> An actual dead body. I looked like Did. you ever watch Are You Too Young for um. Tales from the Crypt? >> Yes, you are. >> Okay. Oh my god. Somebody out there will. know what I mean. There was like a like.

um like a little a dead sarcophagus man. that Oh, I looked like a shrunken I. don't even know how to describe it. It. was absolutely insane and. >> I could not believe I was like but. here's the thing. I I was like oh you. know I was at a small regional film. festival. I was in San Francisco showing. the film so happy. Um and then uh that like it's a tiny. little red carpet. It wasn't much. It. was a tiny slip of a carpet, just like.

basically like a mat. We did the thing. and then I saw saw that picture and I. was like, "All right, but it probably. won't that probably won't go very far. That probably won't no one's going to. see this. [laughter]. >> No one cares about. >> no one cares about Oh. And then suddenly. it was [ __ ] everywhere. And I was. like, "Oh my god." Cuz all of us have. had this situation where like you take a. bad picture, your friends, you're all. hanging out in bad picture and your.

friends send photos to like the group. chat and you're like, "Okay, well that. one guys kill it. Kill that one dead. We. all agree like that one goes nowhere.". >> And imagine if then it was in like a 100. million people's phones and you're like, "Oh no, but that is not how I actually. look." I I laughed so hard. I mean, the. thing that is great about having really. good friends is that they are the ones. who laugh the hardest. Like I guarantee.

anything that has any joke that's been. made about me, my friends have made it. first in a much funnier way because it's. that's the important thing. And yeah, we. had to laugh. >> I have to say, and I get what you're. saying. You're like, "Okay, it wasn't. the best." But be having been on carpets. myself and prior to engaging in this. industry, I didn't understand it. >> I will see some things of myself and be. like that's not me. >> That's not me. >> No, that's not what I cuz I have a photo. from a different angle and that's just.

not so I actually I will not I don't. accept that. And so I looked at that. photo and I was in no way people are. like we're so worried for her worried. >> She's she's she's definitely sick. She's. dying. people were diagnosing me with. like Graves disease and I was like, "Wow, Megan Kelly did an entire segment. about how much I looked dead." I was. like, "All right, [ __ ] You'll do. anything to not talk about like. eliminating the Equal Rights Amendment.

or like the [ __ ] Voting Rights Act.". But I was really like. >> I was like, "This is this is undeniably. hilarious." And. >> it's insane. But it's insane. And. I I was in New York. I flew to New York. from from there and I was on I was. hanging out with my brother and we were. drinking a bottle of wine and I was. like, "Oh man, did you see this thing?". And he was like, "No, what?" And I was. like, "Look at this thing." And I showed. him and he did a full spit take that I.

He was like, "Leave [laughter] it to a. brother." He was like, "You look. insane." And I was like, "People are. saying I look dead." He's like, "You do? What is happening?" And so he took this. video of me because he was just laughing. at me. And I just ended up posting it. probably because I had consumed that. entire bottle of wine. And I was like. I'm just it it was just so funny and I. was like you have to [ __ ] learn to.

laugh at all this [ __ ] cuz it's not it's. >> you can do. Also I loved it from your. brother's that my brother would do the. same thing being like explain yourself. Why do you look dead? Why were you. exumed from the ground? >> And I'm like sitting here with you right. now and I'm like, you look stunning, gorgeous, and you're glowing. And that. was not an But again, the way the. internet. >> Oh, yeah. >> It was Everyone had a commentary on the. way that you looked. It was [ __ ]. crazy. >> It It's It is crazy how we seem to.

want like I was there promoting my. movie, so excited. I'm there as a. director. I'm so proud. It's almost like the internet doesn't. know how to talk about a woman. It's. like there's two levers and they're like. men in your life and body and they're. like uh oh she's speaking. Okay. Which. uh boys men body men body and they're. like you're like you could also talk. about other things. I mean that one I'll. hand it to them. That picture was so.

[ __ ] crazy. Like I too would have. been like is she okay? But you've been. in other situations that it's still. about your body and you're like, "I'm. here to promote my work." And they're. like, "But let's focus on her outfit.". >> Oh, we can't see that. >> Does it feel at all like a betrayal when. you know it's mainly women now. participating in the conversation? >> I think that. it's tough because I wish we didn't do. that.

I. I think about how we do the job of the. patriarchy for the men. We really are. like, "Don't worry, we've got it. We'll. keep ourselves like shackled in this. way. We'll we'll take care of it for you. guys. You go have fun and we will keep. each other down." And I think it's it's. a misplaced probably biological. um skill tendency. You know, they say.

like the origin of gossip was actually. something um in medieval times that was. a positive thing. It was something that. like women have this power of. communicating and sharing and talking. about uh you know just being able to to. communicate with each other. We are. verbal in a way that is like a beautiful. gift. It's almost like we've taken this. very positive thing and this desire to. actually I don't know I think at our.

core really connect with each other and. and take care of each other. And it's. been manipulated to be used as a weapon. against us. And I mean it's it's [ __ ]. up. It's [ __ ] up. But like you know. it's something that we sometimes just. don't even know we're doing. We it it we. also expect more from women because I. think that at our core we do understand. that we are like we we have high. standards for ourselves and so when we.

when we see a woman doing something we. don't approve of. I like to think that it's us being like. come on girl like you can be better than. that but most of the time it just feels. like it's trying to smash each other's. faces in. >> I I agree. It almost feels like this. like cyclical cycle of we don't feel. good about ourselves because another. person was sexist toward us. So then we. then don't want the other woman to feel. like she's winning because if I can't. win then you can't win. And then we. literally just keep going in this loop. and the men are like laughing and being.

like. >> thanks ladies. Thanks for taking care of. that for us. I mean yes it's like hurt. people hurt people. I get it. But it is. uh it it is wild. It's crazy when it is. women being like really the most cruel. We also know the ways to be we know the. words to use to be the most cruel. Like. we understand the weapon. >> Oh, we know. I that's what I think it's. interesting you talking about, you know, we have these levers and it's like talk. about, you know, boys or talk about the. body and then you.

>> have books smart and you were that was. 2019. Yes. And that was your first film. that you directed. And. >> I remember you had said you you stepped. into that feeling like you were finally. valued for your ideas. And so to go from. >> Maxim 100 and being this smoke show and. and having everyone talk about your. looks and you're finally now on a set. where it is your brain that is bringing. this vision to life. >> Yes. >> What did that moment when you look back.

like mean for you personally in your. career? Oh, game changer. I mean, it was. like, oh, now I think I can stay in this. career and and stay in it for a longer. time and be happy because I think there. is this I imagine it's the same for like. athletes that there is this ticking. clock. And it is like, well, it I better. enjoy this because by the time I hit. like 35, I'm a geriatric. Like I I I think that. >> for actresses.

>> it's crazy that the more experience you. have, the less valuable you are. >> And it shouldn't be that way, but it is. As a director, you are more valuable the. more experience you have. And I loved. the idea of like, oh, I've shifted into. something that I can grow old in, which. made me really excited as opposed to. being anxious about getting older. >> Oh, I love that. I also think that like. it is so much more common for men to. take the transition from acting to then. going to being a director compared to.

women. >> When you were directing the film, >> did you feel like there was an added. pressure though because you are this. woman and you've got now the mic now and. everyone's looking at you? I think that. I felt a pressure that was like, if we. pull this off, if I can do this, it will. be good for the larger female director. community and more of us will get our. movies green lit if this works. So,

I remember Greta Gerwig had just made. Ladybird and I had watched her make this. triumphant transition from acting to. directing and and and it was no surprise. to anybody cuz she just was that good. and that smart. And I was so aware that. without Greta doing Ladybird, I was not. doing Books Smart. Like, she walked so I. could run and I felt. I still feel that with her, man. She. keeps elevating and it's like, thank you. for continuing. She's like blazing the. path and there's women before her of.

course, but it allows you to connect. with like, okay, I I want to make this. work because I want other women and also. other actresses to see this as a. possibility to make this pivot. >> I mean, I love that also, Olivia, of you. just being like, "Oh my god, like thank. God to her because giving again giving. flowers to other women and you not being. competitive with Greta, but you being. like, [ __ ] yes, Greta.".

whoever. it holy [ __ ] she basically just allowed. the rope to fall down and now we can all. climb up in a more in a a faster. capacity cuz there's a woman sitting up. there. >> They can know after Greta Gerwig made. over a billion dollars with Barbie, no. one can claim that female directed films. are not bankable. No one can say now. obviously it's also Marggo producing and. starring in that. That is a game.

changer. It just diffuses any argument. made by any studio shareholder anybody. that like should we be investing in. female films? It's like we sure as [ __ ]. should. That one made a bill. >> Yes. >> And way more. >> I'm curious about your experience of. being behind the camera. Like what has it taught you about. people's willingness to take direction. from a woman, especially a. conventionally attractive woman? Like. maybe if you're directing women or men,

like it's so interesting. I feel like. being a director is basically being. multilingual. You have to be able to. speak any language the actor speaks in. terms of their emotional language, also. their training. Everyone comes at it. from such a different place. you have to. be able to like morph into their. language and so you can help them get to. where they need to be. And I think that. the energy you have as a director and. maybe your gender, your appearance, your.

anything, you you can sense how that. affects that that that actor or that, you know, crew member who you're also. directing in a different way. You can. sense how it affects them. So, I think. that I've been really lucky, for. instance, to have a lot of men working. for me in crews, let's say, in like. camera departments who are so supportive. and and ab like just the most supportive. and the most encouraging. And I've never.

had the experience of being like, I have. to be more tough because I'm a woman. I. have to show them my authority. I've. never had that experience. I've heard. people talk about that. In my. experience, I've gotten really lucky. with people who I've never had to like. flex to show that I'm like, "Don't [ __ ]. with me. Look how angry I can get." It's. not that at all. I think that. >> women are naturally better communicators. and leaders. I also have to say like, wait till you see what an even better. boss you are once you're a mom. Let's.

talk about it. >> because. it is not only so humbling to become a. parent but but it just teaches you. multitasking. and the ability to remain calm in high. stress situations. So taking that to a. set as a director or into an office of. any kind, I think you are just more. effective. I couldn't wait to ask you. about that because yes, on one hand, I'm. so happy that you've had that experience. with men because I don't think men are.

used to taking direction from women and. then what they probably once they let. their guard down and realize to come. find out, oh my god, you're way better. at communicating, explaining what you. want than the other man over there. Like, thank you for being so clear and. direct about what you want. >> Exactly. And then you add on motherhood. And I I was reading this quote from you. you were talking about directing and you. said, "The greatest demonstration of. power is the ability to listen and stay. calm when everything is falling apart.".

And I was like, "That sounds like. amazing parenting advice as well, Olivia.". >> Um, talk to me a little bit more about. how. being a mom has changed you in your. career. >> Oh. Oh, it it removes any sense of. oh god like it it it it humbles you in a. way that is so helpful because you just. understand the second you become a.

parent that you know nothing and that. every day is a discovery of new skills. and the thing that you thought you. learned yesterday doesn't seem true. today and you have to pivot. you have to. remain so flexible and I think that just. has affected the way that I approach. work. I really do think though the. remaining calm under stress is probably. the the most helpful one because as a. parent it becomes immediately clear that. you getting stressed out doesn't help.

anything and that when your kid is. having like a defcon one meltdown in the. middle of the street if you were to. freak out and scream [laughter] nothing. is gonna it will make it worse and the. the more stressed out your kid gets the. more calm. and in control. You have to be. >> Have you had though the comments made. about like, "Oh, well, don't you miss. your kids?" Like what? And you're like, >> "Yeah, >> but all the men here have kids, too.".

>> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And. >> how do you deal with that? >> You know, it's again like I imagine that. my mom faced it a lot. And I think that. if I know that I'm showing up for my. kids in an in all the important ways, then I feel confident despite any. judgment you might subtly feel from, let's say, another parent at school.

It's like, "Oh, I didn't see you at the. pot." And it's like, "No, you didn't. You didn't." Cuz I was at work and I was. in charge of 250 people pulling off this. impossible thing. So, I missed the. [ __ ] potluck. I'm sorry. I feel like. it's okay because you know what? I was. there for my kid after the potluck, talking them about their day, like. engaging with them in the way that. actually mattered. So, I think it the. only time it would probably get to me is. if I actually knew deep down that I. wasn't showing up the way I needed to.

And then I probably would that would. probably break me because it would feel. like it was tapping into something real. But I'm a very. present mom even when I'm not able to be. consistently present. Also, like I'm a. co-parent. I share custody and I am. really grateful for the opportunity to. have this space when I am completely.

with my kids completely engaged with. them and they are. you know the focus in a way that I think. that if you. it's a it's an interesting thing like. once you are sharing custody with. someone. It shifts the way you think. about parenting. I really. value the opportunity to be completely.

present with them and then to hand them. off to a very capable co-parent who is. very present with them when he's with. them. And then I have this space which. is permission to then go work my [ __ ]. ass off. I mean, my life I feel like I'm. like a superhero. Not because of my. skills, but because of the switching in. between identities. Because I my version. of like going into the phone booth and. putting on the the suit is like going to. work and being like 100% hardcore. available to work 24/7. But everyone in.

my life knows that then when I'm with my. kids, it's the opposite. And sometimes. that's challenging. You have to find the. balance. But I actually find this this. um kind of divvying up of of. responsibility in a way can allow for. really amazing parenting because we are. always our best with our kids. They get. the best of us. >> That's so fascinating and I love the way. that you talked about that cuz I I do. think there are so many people that. understandably if they are separating or.

going through a divorce there. understandably is a fear of like oh my. god how are we going to make sure the. kids are taken care of? And to hear you. talk about it, I think to anyone. listening that is going through that. right now. Oh, yeah. That's so. >> like such a relief. >> Oh, yeah. I really want to tell people. you you can be an incredible parent. Even if you are not with them 100% of. the time and you're sharing them with. their other parent, you it doesn't mean. you won't be as good of a parent. You.

might even be a better parent. um your. movie. Yeah. When literally what. Penelopey Cruz is like so in her. Eststerare voice, she's like, >> "You think your kid is happy in this. house right now? You think she doesn't. feel the anxiety and the all of the. turmoil that's going on between the two. of you? She'd probably be happier if you. two split up." And it, you know, it's. funny because that still feels like a. risky thing to say. It it it is. something that for some reason still.

makes people feel uncomfortable. And yet. so many people are dealing with this. And I really do. I think that there's a lot of people who. stay in relationships because they feel. this obligation. And a lot of the time. it has to do with the fact that they. feel this extreme shame and guilt for. breaking up a family because they assume. that that means that the kid will have. less love. But that's a choice. And you. can create a dynamic that allows that. kid to have maximum amount of love. I.

mean, we are great [ __ ] co-parents. These kids are consistently getting the. best of us in a way that when we were. together was not possible because we did. not work together, but we work really. well as separated co-parents. And I so. when I talk to people who are just in. very unhappy situations and staying in. it for the kids, I'm like, you're doing. no one any favors. >> Something that you referenced about um.

you know, when if someone's saying. something about you and you're like, oh. wait, that does kind of hit close to. home, then it's going to affect you. And. I can't help but think about. >> Olivia Wild as the public persona, right? >> And there is so much that is said about. you at all times. And when I was. preparing for this interview, I noticed. that you had pulled back kind of from. the public. >> almost for the past four years. Like you. haven't done like long form interviews. since promoting your last movie that you. directed. >> And I wanted to know like how did taking.

that step back feel? And was it. intentional? >> Totally intentional. I feel like I felt. like I needed to get quiet. I needed to. hear myself again. I was there was so. much noise and it was a very unfamiliar. thing to me to be thrust into such. chaos. It was not my. vibe. That was a unfamiliar thing for. me. And I was suddenly in a tornado.

and I needed to excuse myself from the. tornado and just go and get quiet and. hear myself and and and process. process all of the the the pain and the. lessons that I could find in it. I did a. [ __ ] ton of therapy. I I took it as an. opportunity to. rebuild myself at this point in my life. And I think there is value to that.

There is, you know, it sounds dramatic, but say like, you know, rock bottom is. just a place to jump off from. And rock. bottom just sounds very dramatic. And I. I think for me it was like it did feel. like a destruction, but there is beauty. in destruction because you can rebuild. And I needed to take a breather and just. think like, wait a minute, what have I. learned, who am I? And how can I how can I uh.

accept this this humbling as a chance to. kind of spend the rest of my life a as a. person who has grown from this because I. have to have grown from it or else it. was for nothing. And and I'm a very. different person than I was three years. ago. I think a much better version of. myself because I have just taken the. time to process it. >> Well, and you went through a lot. Like. even hearing you say like rock bottom. I'm like for sure we can't ever speak. for you publicly or like personally, but.

publicly like. >> it felt like [ __ ] rock bottom. Like I. remember when Don't Worry Darling came. out and you were the most talked about. woman in the world, Olivia Wild. You and. it wasn't just for the the movie. It was. [ __ ] was about. >> [ __ ] It was your relationships, your. parenting, your looks, and and overall. really like your morality as a woman. >> Yeah. >> Now that you've had time, like you're. saying like you're a different person. Like when you look back like what was.

that time like when the world was just. like. >> [ __ ] bananas? It was it was so. strange. The world was also in a weird. place because it was co so like. everything was topsyturvy weird. But but. I've never felt more disconnected from. the person that people were talking. about. Like I was like, "What? Who are. they talking about? Who is that girl?". It was it was it was also very strange.

to see complete fiction traded as fact. And I. I I it's really funny. I had an. assistant at the time who's one of my. dear dear friends and she was like, "Man, working for me, working for you. has really like ruined the tabloids for. me cuz now I know it's all fake." And I. used to really love it and now I'm like, but now I know it's not real because you. would there would be like fake sources, fake stories, fake because once there's. a narrative formed, they are just trying. to maintain that narrative and it has.

nothing to do with the truth anymore. It. is just clickbait that they have to. maintain and it doesn't matter what. really happened at that point. >> The truth does if anything they're. looking for the better story. >> Yeah. It's like and you could be like. wait a minute but there's here's this. evidence to the contrary. They're like. excuse me be quiet because that does not. fit what we've already decided. And I I. understood that. And and I will say like. that I had a really there was all this. public madness but my private life was.

very far from it and very actually kind. of like wholesome and sweet and I was I. had a really I had a I had a lot of like. real joy and love and happiness during. that time. It was like it was like the. tornado was right outside the door and. if you were inside you were like it's so. nice and then you'd open the door be. like [laughter]. a [ __ ] like cow and a tractor would. fly by. You know. >> what makes I have so much empathy for. you because not even like close to it.

but like I've gone through an experience. similar. Can you talk to me about the. frustration though of seeing essentially. a a smear campaign being created and. >> not like you can't you can't come out. and and dispel every single rumor. because then you look like a [ __ ]. crazy lady. >> thing and it was so hard to cuz I wanted. to be like can I just talk to people can. I just go and say like that's not true. that's not true and it was like no that. won't help and that was really hard I.

just I I I was also responsible for. uh uh you know promoting a movie. I was. responsible towards the movie. I was. like it's not about me. It's about this. this movie that everyone worked so hard. to make and I felt like I was working on. behalf of hundreds of people who had. worked through co to make something. really difficult and I I I felt I felt. frustrated that I couldn't defend myself. but it also felt like okay it's not. about you it's not about you just get. the movie out. And.

the pummeling that I took was so. insanely disproportionate. But I think. the the thing that I understand like how. you can get really angry. You can be and. I'm sure you have felt this. You're like. the frustration you feel so angry. Thing is like I get it. Like shit's. hard. The world is insane. And the. escapism of the tabloids is something. that is in a way very soothing for.

people. It's understandable and that's. such a weird thing that we we all are. are capable of. So I felt this like. understanding. I also felt like oh no. wonder people are filling in the gaps. with with fiction because they don't. have all the information. >> No. And so that and then they're going. to create stories and it is fun to. create crazy stories. It also when you. talk about the disproportionate aspect. of this um and kind of similar to what.

we've been talking about as women in. this industry and everything we have to. go through, >> your clothing. >> even became a huge topic of conversation. during this time. You were trying too. hard. >> Oh yeah. >> You were attempting to outshine the. cast, right? >> Then you were showing too much skin. Then you were copying your boyfriend. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, [gasps and laughter]. what do you think was. underneath people's like drive and need. to take a style choice and use it as an.

opportunity to essentially judge your. entire being and character? I I think. that what happens is people become hyper. sensitive. They they're looking for evidence to. reinforce the narrative they've already. created about you. So if they've decided. because the kind of tabloids have cast. you in the soap opera of the tabloids as. the villain. that's been determined and so anything. you do it's like it'll reinforce that. same thing. I mean. again like I don't I don't blame people.

because I unders I mean I sort yeah I. felt I feel like hurt by it and and. confused but but I don't know it in a. way it was almost like it wasn't me. It's like I could I think that people. just removed the the human from it and. it was just like a thing but. I also think he had lack of information. But also I at the time I think didn't. understand the value of vulnerability. I.

think I thought that. put a [ __ ] smile on and get out there. and put on a beautiful dress and like be. teflon and that that was the way to get. through it. I actually think there's. value in being vulnerable and just being. like, "Oh, ouch. I don't know. This [ __ ]. hurts. I don't I and I think that my own. attempt to be strong and to kind of like. rise above it in a way came off as.

inauthentic because people are like you. must be hurting. Why are you pretending. to not be hurting? I think that feels. inauthentic. And there's almost a six. sense like uncanny valley thing where. people are like I sense. I sense that you're not showing us your. pain and therefore I'm going to cause. you more pain. That's, [laughter] you. know what's hard too is like the way. that it's so peacemeal on the internet. and the tabloids. You're like, this is. such the weirdest wrong story and like. that's not what's happening behind the.

scenes at all. But again, then you have. understandably PR people being like shut. your [ __ ] mouth and get on the carpet. and don't say anything. >> Get out there. And it makes me think of. I had a conversation with Michelle Obama. this past year and she talked about how. she put so much thought into every. single outfit she wore every day and she. had to and what would the message be and. what how would it you know come off and. her husband never even had to think.

about that. Men don't have to think. about that. >> And then his only scandal was that tan. suit. >> Yeah. [laughter]. It's like they don't have to think about. it and yet he did because people were. like there's got to be something we can. say and it's like that suit unacceptable. Brock. >> unacceptable apologize. >> So I couldn't help but think like how. much thought are you putting into your. fashion choices for promoting your new. film? >> Oh funny I mean. >> because this is a different vibe. the. [laughter]. I think that there I think that I am at.

this place where I. I rather I think when you go through. something like that you can choose to. say like I'm never letting anyone in. ever again. I am a lockbox and you can't. come near me or you can choose a path. that is more vulnerable but is more. authentic. And I think that I as I've. gotten older have become more and more. myself. Um there's a Miles Davis quote.

that's like it takes you a long time to. to sound like yourself. And I think that. it is clear to me that I am way more. comfortable with myself now than I was. before all that happened. And so again, that like the the kind of destruction. that it felt like allowed for the. rebuilding, but it was it was [ __ ]. insane. Alex, I can't even describe to. you. Like when it got when it got I. remember when we got to the point of. like spitgate, we were like, "Okay,

>> oh my god, I forgot about that." You. remember that? >> Wait, wasn't it like you they thought. that you spit on someone? >> They thought that Harry spat on Chris. Pine and it really looked like it. It. was really funny. We were all we like. did the Venice Film Festival. We're like. that was fun and we we flew home and we. we got to New York and then it was like. um you guys did um did Harry did you. spit on Chris? And and we were like. what? And they're like look at this.

video. It really and we looked at we're. like okay fair enough. That looks. >> kind of lowkey looked like it. It was. like this weird. optical illusion, but the fact that then. it turned into this massive thing, I was. like, "Okay, we've tilted into a a world. of like insan complete sur. [laughter]. >> analyzing. I remember that." Yeah, it. was like. >> the biggest thing in the world. >> It was the biggest and again it was must. have been that like America was trying. to avoid its own pain because wait that.

must have been an escape. But it was. crazy. Like. the funny thing was the funny thing. about all of that was that I continued. to try to tell myself throughout all the. things like the movie and then after the. movie like it's okay. Like you're. probably just the only one noticing. these things. Like my cadaavver Gollum. photo, you're the only one who noticed. and I'm sure no one else saw and then. being like oops. Like I will never. forget I one of the most [ __ ] up. things that I went through among so many.

was that I was served papers on stage. And I'll just say that now with enough. space behind it, the part that I can. laugh at is that obviously it was. incredibly traumatizing. There's so many. elements to that. But I get through it. because weirdly as women we're taught to. muscle through the most insane. experiences. I was like just finish your. speech. Got through it. It went. backstage completely like like dissolved.

into a puddle. But then I thought was. like I was like no one saw it because. there's no phones allowed in this event. And so that is no one saw. Oh, what's. that? It's already up on page six. There's a video. Okay. Well, no one's. going to look because like no one's. paying attention. And then I remember. like a couple months later I had the. chance I met Tom Cruz and he was like, "Hi, I'm Tom. [ __ ] up what happened to. you in Vegas." AND I WAS LIKE, "NO.". [screaming]. >> You were like, [laughter] "I convinced. myself, Tom, that no one knew. Why are. you talking Olivia?" No, you've had like.

a crazy [ __ ] [laughter]. >> Bro, I that that moment. Did you ever. get clarity on like if it was purposeful. or not? No. >> Okay. I had J basically. I. I know. Jason has has has told me that he did. not know and I need to believe that in. order to continue and you know I I think.

that lawyers can be super [ __ ] up and. do [ __ ] up things and I'm aware of. that and and all of it is is is you know. but I think that. people are never them their best selves. when they're engaging in that kind of. process. And it was it was so [ __ ] up. in so many ways. I don't think I know. that whether or not he knew it was going. to happen. I know it really hurt him to. see it happening to me. Like I think it. was undeniable that it was like a [ __ ]. up thing and I know he felt very very.

bad that it happened to me. Um. it it was. it was a moment that I ended up doing a. lot of therapy about. Still kind of do. There's a there's the feeling of being. on stage, you know, like that is a. vulnerable feeling. Also, that room was couldn't have been higher. stress. The people in that room at. Cineacon are all the um they're all the. most it's all the studio people. So, it's all the people you were trying to. like impress the most in your with your.

work and all the exhibitors, the people. have the movie theaters, the people you. need to sell your movies and all the. press. And it was like, I cannot [ __ ]. believe this is happening to me here. And yet, you know, the crazy thing is. like once you make it through things. like that, you kind of feel like you can. make it through anything. >> I would assume because these are these. are we're at we're peak, babe. Like, we. it couldn't get crazier. And I I have so.

much respect for you in that moment. I. think everyone in the world did. And I. can't help but think too of like you're. navigating like, you know, the. dissolution of a public relationship. you're in a public rel. >> she's abandoning her family and her. children. >> That was bad. That hurt. >> How did you feel about being like how. much women are judged again. disproportionately than the men in those.

situations when you were reading those. headlines? I remember there was a um it. was Thanksgiving. and we were separated and I was with the. kids because it was my time to be with. the kids. Uh everything was as it should. be. Uh kids were with me and Jason was. photographed with his girlfriend on the. beach in like Costa Rica or something. and the press were like, "Yay for him. Like he looks so happy,

so wonderful." And I was like, if I was. away from my children on a national. holiday. >> walking on a beach, it'd be like. literally just burn her at the stake. now. >> Dude, take her out. >> Take the kids away from her forever and. burn her to the ground. >> She should lose custody. >> She should It would have been used in. the court of law. It was crazy that, you know, he wasn't doing anything. wrong. I knew where he was. He knew. where we everything was as we it was my. week with the kids, but I was like,

"What the fuck?" And then I would on my. weeks when I wasn't and I would be, you. know, somewhere people would be like, "Wow, my my my she forgot her kids.". >> Oh, she forgot her kids. I guess she. forgot. She's a mom. >> The double standard. >> It was nuts. But, you know, there was. never any public understanding, of. course, cuz they're not a part of our. private lives. But of that breakup, like. it's no surprise to me that I ended up. making a movie about relationships and.

and the complexity of. determining whether a relationship is. over because it is not an overnight. process. It's very difficult and the. idea that relationships can come to a. place where you become strangers. Like I. I mean I I I always I remember the date. cuz it was my birthday, but this is. March 2020. March 10th. And Jason and I. had had been having a a rough time of it.

for a while. Like we had we had a real. bumpy bumpy ride. And and and we were. driving home from my birthday party. my. friends had had. And I said, "Did you. get me a birthday present?" And he said, "What would I get you, Olivia? I don't. know you.". And he wasn't wrong. We didn't know each. other anymore. And this is the thing. that made me want to make this movie. because or one of the things because you. can get to a place in a relationship.

where you stop engaging in the knowing. of each other, in the curiosity about. each other. and you find yourself in a place where. you're like, I don't even know you. And. that was a point that was when we. realized it was over and it was [ __ ]. tough and and and it brought us to the. place of like, okay, this is done. We're. going to end this. And then literally. two days later was lockdown co. [laughter]. >> You're like, oh.

>> And then we, you know, I'm sure there. were a lot of couples. I wonder it would. be really funny to have a convention of. like everybody who broke up the day. before lockdown and then had to live and. then be like we are now co-parenting in. the same house and and obviously trying. to make it work and trying to put it. back together because you want to always. put it back together for your kids until. you realize like this isn't helping. anybody. That is so. insightful because when I was watching. this movie, I was blown away by how you.

were able to. so eloquently. slow roll for us essentially. the way. that a marriage can become so. frictionful but so subtle cuz even the. banter that you provided us and the. brilliant dialogue it's funny and I know.

couples like that where like it's. entertaining. >> Oh that was how we were. >> mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think. that you it's when you're still there's. so many couples who are like bickering. in a way that becomes kind of a little. comedy act. >> Yes. >> But there's contempt underneath. And we. all know contempt is the end. And it is. this kind of poking and scraping, but. you can go a long time with that. And it. takes somebody stopping engaging in that.

that to to to have the real. conversation. And you're right, this. movie is about Seth Rogan and my. character are are engaged in this kind. of passive aggressive. non-communication, constant bickering, constant talking over each other and. just little digs, dig dig dig dig dig. and yet and they are living in the same. space and yet they are miles apart. They. don't know each other at all. >> at all. And what I love so much is you.

exploring um what Esther Sarah always. talks about was like that need and want. for desire. The moment I remember you. put on the shirt and he's like, "Is that. a new shirt?" You're in the middle of. fighting. He's like, "Is that a new. shirt?" And you're like, "Yeah, it's a. new shirt." And he's like, "It looks. really nice on you." And you're like, "Well, you could tell me that more. often." AND HE'S LIKE, "I JUST TOLD. YOU." AND it's so real where like you're. not feeling seen. He's seeing you in. that moment, but you're then like. equating it to the larger understanding. like, "But you never see me." And he's. like, "I'm just [ __ ] seeing you right. now." It's like that's so real.

>> It's so real. So real. >> Also, once we It's kind of like what we. were just saying about how like the. public once they assign this identity to. you, then they just confirm it. Everything's confirmation bias. I think. in a relationship. that can happen too where you've decided. like you're an [ __ ] and you don't. listen to me. And then if they're. listening to you, you're like, "Oh, really? You're listening to me right. now? >> You're now listening? >> Why?" This just draws attention to when. you don't listen. And it's like, "Okay, but at what point are you going to allow. for change?" And I think people often. don't allow for change until something.

calamitous happens. Until there's like. >> somebody cheats or something falls. through and then then people allow for. change. >> Call her daddy is brought to you by. Tinder. Daddy gang. I was going through. my liked songs [music] yesterday and it. is crazy to see how many eras of my life. I have been through. There were some. down bad breakup songs. There are my. happy [music] and love songs. There's my. teen angsty music still on there from. high school. And let's just say I've, you know, I've had a lot of phases. Okay, you can tell a lot about someone.

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things going. Okay. By the way, hitting. a concert for a first date. Kind of. amazing. Definitely better than the. movies. Worst case, even if the date. flops, you still got to see one of your. favorite artists. Like, a win is a win. Okay. Try Tinder Music Mode. Explore all. the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder. today. I want to ask you so much about the. movie. I have two more questions that I. think are kind of pertinent to like what. we've been discussing. Um, especially as. a woman. I need to hear just your take.

on men date who are in positions of. power date younger women all the time. Like it is and everyone's like and. >> yeah, >> like there's no there's no question. What do you think was so triggering to. people seeing you dating a. man that they deemed you the position of. power and the older woman? Like, what. was it there that you think was. upsetting to people? >> Oh, man. I don't know. It really did. upset people though. [laughter].

>> The resentment, the suspicion of you, like. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. It It was crazy. I don't know how. much. I understand it yet. That's one of the. factors that I never really felt like I. fully I I don't know. I mean, I know it. I know that it has existed for a long. time in our society. Like I understand. it had very little to do with me. It is. something that we have we've done this.

to women for a long time. Why is it? I. don't know. People were [ __ ] pissed. I think that. >> I I don't I think that it it also had a. lot to do with the kind of parasocial. relationship people had with have with. him which is a a burden that is. >> very weighty and not something I envy. and he he carries it with grace. I I. think that is an enormous enormous. responsibility that all those.

like stars have to carry and it's. [ __ ] impossible. I don't know. It. It's wild cuz. I mean we had the loveliest relationship. like so so sweet and so beautiful and. like really actually very um like. domestic and kind and and lovely and. like I think that we existed in this. like little.

bubble and the judgment. never really like got into that bubble, which was a a miracle, a real testament. to like to us like making that happen. I. think that people were mad. They were they were just it's almost. like the the happiness made them mad. Like I would like go to his shows and. dance and people were like, "Oh, >> oh good. [laughter]. >> You [ __ ] You [ __ ] slut." and you're.

like, "How dare you dance and smile?". But you know, like, >> oh god. Yeah. That that is why what do. you think? Why do you. >> I think it's almost similar to what you. and that's why I was so fascinated to. ask you because I do think this is such. an important conversation to have. I. think that it's similar to Thanksgiving. that you just talked about. I think that. it's we police women's morality to such. a different degree than men that and. especially mothers. the fact that you.

have kids, you're [ __ ] So, you're. presenting in a way that when you do go. through a separation and then you are. dating someone who is, you know, >> by the way, Jason was dating someone. >> I think even younger. I think his. >> No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't. matter. I think that there is a. expectation, especially as a mother, that when you go through that public. separation with the kids involved, you. are supposed to be self-sacrificing. >> to a convent. >> and you need to be sexless. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's funny.

I think it even happens before. separation. I think in the Aster writes. about this a lot, but like in this. country, motherhood, motherhood means no more sexual being. for you, young lady. You, that part of. you is over now. And there is this. puritanical basis to that which is like. you are no longer capable of desire. You. don't deserve it. You have served your. purpose and now if I see you without.

your baby and you are like enjoying. yourself as an individual woman I see. that as a betrayal of this covenant and. it you know writes that like in France. when you see a baby when people see. babies they think about sex cuz they're. like that baby came from sex so that. couple must [ __ ] When we in America see. a baby, we're like, they're not [ __ ]. they're not [ __ ] And it's like cuz. she's done. And if we see a man alone. with a baby, we think that's hot. We are.

attracted to that man. He it suggests. like he is a he's a daddy. >> He's capable. >> He's capable. When we see a woman with a. baby, it's not like, oh yeah, sexy. Look. at that. Look what she can do. >> Like she's done. >> She's done. And. I know you're already facing this. And. it is something that is it's wild. because. what you've done to remove shame from. the conversation around sexuality and. women is [ __ ] revolutionary. It is.

it's essential. >> But it's crazy, Olivia, because the way. that they're like this [ __ ]. >> oh yeah, [laughter]. >> is now having a baby. She's the biggest. [ __ ] hypocrite on the planet. >> I know how babies are made and it's so. healthy to be the example of both. and. that after you pop this baby out, you. will continue to be a fully realized. sexual human being and that that's good. and it's like a very healthy thing and. that if you in your relationship were to.

um lose that that wouldn't make you. happy and it would be unnecessary and I. think that you're right once there's. separation involved then it's another. level now it is like you go sit in the. corner young lady old lady and you old. lady and you think about what you've. done and the only time you're allowed. out is if you are like holding a child. or else like we don't want to. >> we don't want to see you. Can you talk. to me about sex in this movie because it. there was so much to it. There was so.

much explored like you talked about the. you know you dynamic with Seth Rogan and. you guys as you know actors not having. sex in your dynamic and and realizing. you hadn't had sex in almost a year. The. other couple looking at you guys like. what the [ __ ] is wrong with you? Like. talk to me about sex. Yeah, it one of my. favorite parts of the movie is this. argument we have about why we don't have. sex. And. I I I love this one moment where it's. Seth as Joe says, "We don't have sex.

because you won't have sex with me. You're supposed to be attracted to me. You're supposed to want me. You're my. wife." And that. line it I remember when he said it and. you can see on camera you can see like. veins popping out of my neck because I. WAS LIKE NO BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE IT WAS. LIKE this is the core of what is wrong. with the the society and how what we're. expected to do as partners and as wives. and and husbands. It's like you are. supposed to want me forever without any.

participation in that without earning. it. And I think that we don't talk about. sex with the person we're in a. relationship with, Esther. And we then. just decide that we deserve it. And it's. their fault if we're not getting it, even though we're not typically. communicating about what we want and. what we need. But the other thing is. like, and Seth and I felt very.

passionate about this when we were. making the movie. We were like we feel. very strongly that sex is important in a. relationship and that it people who. don't have sex and say well we don't. have sex but we have like a really. healthy relationship. I call [ __ ] on. it and I understand that some people. might disagree but the thing is the. value of nonverbal communication and the. practice of the kind of trust and.

curiosity involved in intimacy that is a. big part of of of a relationship and I. think if you have have have. [clears throat] ceased to engage in that. you have to pay attention it's not I'm. not saying like if you don't [ __ ] 11. times a month or a bad marriage. It's. not that. It's like like the old like. Cosmo quizzes or whatever. It is It's. just that you have to look at it. You. have to look at like why aren't you able. to nonverbally communicate in this very.

vulnerable way? Is it because there's a. deeper conversation that needs to take. place? and the way that you explored a. lot of these topics from the female. perspective when you guys brought up. menopause. and Penelope is like let me let me. equate menopause to you and you're like. crushing your balls pulling that and. Seth Rogan is literally like I'm so. [ __ ]. >> that was all Penelopey and Rashidita. they felt very passionate about making.

sure that was in there and I was like. [ __ ] yeah let's go talk about. parameopause I learned so much from the. process of of all of us putting that. together because I was like I had never. heard of a lot of this. I hadn't heard. of Frozen Shoulder. I hadn't heard of. like all these things and I was sitting. there like a student being like what's. going to happen? Why don't we talk about. this? And I I we're hearing it more and. people are really starting to bring it. into like the discourse and that's. awesome. But I I think that that is one.

example of the kind of conversations. that people are just not having and. particularly with their partners cuz it. also feels like I think that topic. specifically feels like an. acknowledgement of aging in a way that. feels scary because then it's like will. you not want me anymore? Blah blah blah. >> No, it's so true. It's so true. I cannot. wait for people to see this movie. I. think that. again I had no idea what to expect and I. am so excited to also see the difference.

in reaction between men and women. >> I thought about this morning. >> No. And I called him this morning and I. was like oh my god you have to [ __ ]. watch this. And he was like is it like a. thriller? like I the the trailer I don't. understand what and I'm like I I don't. want to tell you much but it starts and. and you just get so entranced in this. entire dynamic and I want to hear your. perspective on it cuz Matt is someone. who's in therapy. His mom's a therapist. like he's into this type of [ __ ] But I. cannot wait to see men verse women and.

how they feel about it. >> Also there is an ambiguous ending to it. that. >> ambiguate. I WAS LIKE WHAT THE [ __ ] AT. THE END OF every screening, I've been. doing a poll and. I have said, "Do you think these people. stay together or not?". >> Oh my god. I'll tell you off camera what. my thoughts. >> It's really interesting because I will. say. women tend to believe that they don't. And it it is interesting to me because I.

think it's brought me to this. realization that. when women are done with a relationship, they're done. >> They're done. Women don't really come. back. A guy. sometimes comes back. Women by the time. we decide to go, we've thought about it. >> We have we have reviewed it with our. committee and we have internally. >> the committee's like this is how we'll. leave.

When men do it, it's like I think I want. to end it. >> I think Never mind. I didn't mean to say. that. >> All right, we'll stay. >> And so I'm fascinated by the response. that the audiences have been having, but. also my my interpretation of it is. changing based on like how romantic I'm. feeling on any s day. I'm like, I don't. know. And. >> I can't believe you're So you're a real. big romantic. >> I am Olivia Wild. >> It doesn't make any sense considering. everything we've just covered. Like how? That's the thing. The the.

>> like if you can if you can grow older. and stay hopeful in every way about. everything, then you've really won, right? Like you've you've managed to. defeat the like pitfalls that allow you. to just like become pessimistic about. everything. And I think that like. romance I'm I'm still a sucker for it. I. I think that I've learned to be alone,

which is amazing and which has made me. capable of relationships. But like I. tell everybody, and I I know the daddy. gang knows this because you've said it. in different ways, but like. spend some I can't spend some time. alone, be single, be figure out who you. are as a whole being and then you might. be ready to be in a relationship. But. until you do that, you just don't know. >> You don't know. And then you could. potentially be someone who settles. >> Yes. >> And we don't want to settle.

>> No, there's no need. >> I could talk to you for so many more. hours. I had so much excitement coming. into this. I literally had been talking. to my mom, my sister, my friends about. this. When we booked this, I was like, I. have so much respect for you and I feel. very in sympatico with you in a lot of. ways of like being a very confident, strong woman. And I say that and I know. people can roll their eyes cuz it's like. don't have too much confidence, but it's. like I feel that in you and I feel that.

within myself. And when you're. unapologetic, it can really rub people. the wrong way. and I have so much. respect for the way that you have. navigated the public and and just. everything you've done because you're so. bright and intelligent and smart and it. shows in this movie and all the other. things that you've done. And so to not. give credit to that first and be like, but I think she's a [ __ ] And it's. like, I don't give a [ __ ] if she's a. [ __ ] She's talented and she's. intelligent and guess what? She's.

actually also not a [ __ ] What a. concept. The thing I'm so glad the thing. that. the thing that I have learned and I. actually didn't I I learned this from um. this sounds so crazy but after I saw the. documentary about Pamela Anderson I. reached out to her and I was like yo. respect just want to say big fan respect. and she was aware of some of the [ __ ]. that I was going through and she wrote. to me and she said the most rebellious.

thing you can do is stay soft. Don't let. it harden you. And I think that connects. to what I was saying before about like. being staying vulnerable. And and I want. to tell you because you are only going. to get more and more powerful and. successful and you're going to continue. this work which is so essential as I was. saying like don't don't let them [ __ ]. with you. But the unapologetic thing you. can misunderstand to mean invulnerable.

And I think like staying soft and. vulnerable and being comfortable saying. like you guys, it's that [ __ ] hurts. and that's not real and it's not true. And like don't feel like you have to. stay so strong for us. We know you're. strong. It's okay to be soft if you need. to. [laughter]. >> My pregnancy hormones. I'm like. um thank you so much for coming on. Caller Daddy. This was beyond beyond an. honor. Seriously, love you. Thank you. I. love you. [music].

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