I’m Not Ready For A Baby… (Full Episode)

What is up, Daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. Hello everyone. Welcome back to another. episode of Call Her Daddy. Daddy gang, I. have been wanting to give you an update. on my life and not just like a, oh, this. is what I did last weekend kind of. update, but in a more serious way. I.

feel like I haven't really sat down and. talked to you guys about what's actually. going on in my life. And while it's. obviously so exciting that Call Her. Daddy has been having a huge year with. insane interviews and big guests, at the. end of the day, this show was built on. you and me feeling personally connected. So, I am very excited to hang out with. you today. This past April, Matt and I. celebrated our oneyear wedding.

anniversary. Very exciting. We went to. Hawaii with Henry and Bruce, obviously, and it was so relaxing and romantic, and. Matt and I were sitting together. reflecting on our first year of. marriage, how amazing it was, all of the. life decisions that we made together. We. talked about all the things that we had. overcome, the things that we. accomplished. And as we're discussing all this, I.

couldn't help but think to myself, you. guys don't really know about any of this. in my life. And that feels weird to say because I. recognize I started this show talking so. openly in extreme explicit detail about. my dating life and really all aspects of. my life, but specifically me [ __ ] on. the men that I was hooking up with, detailing the sex positions that we were.

doing the night before, all of the good. stuff. And I recognize that that has. shifted over the past few years. So today I want to explain why I pulled. back and then in the spirit of. reconnecting, I want to give you one of. my most personal life updates that I. have to offer right now. Call Her Daddy. is brought to you by Tinder. Have you.

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today. I have been an open book with you. guys. and obviously that started to shift when. I met my husband. And I kind of want to. walk you through the evolution, the. thought process, and conversations that Matt and I had. along the way in. deciding how much I was going to. publicly share about us and our. relationship. So, let's go back to the.

first time I podcasted about Matthew. I. was working at Bar Stool at the time. [ __ ] throwback. And I had asked them, it was in the pandemic. I had asked them. to send me to LA once restrictions kind. of opened up a little bit more so that I. could go and interview some guests for. Call Her Daddy. If you all remember, that was the trip where I got Miley. Cyrus on the show. And it [ __ ]. changed everything. And at the time, I. was extremely single. I was talking to a.

few guys on my roster and the first. night of my LA trip, I had a work slash. dinner date scheduled with Matt. I had. never met him in person. We had one Zoom. meeting together prior and he invited me. to go get sushi with him when I got to. LA. When I landed in LA, I remember I. immediately set up my podcast equipment.

and I just did what I would always do. I. just started to talk about a date that I. was about to go on with this sexy guy. that I met on Zoom and I decided to call. him Mr. Sexy Zoom Man and that is what. he should be referred to by all of the. women around the world. And I held. nothing back. I talked about how I. thought he was so hot and I obviously. searched his IMDb and I looked up every. [ __ ] possible interview known to man. His entire digital footprint I had.

memorized. Um, he barely had an. Instagram. I found it and I did all the. top tier recon. You know what I mean? All the recon that I have taught you. guys to do before you interact with the. male species. And I remember I paused. the podcast and I said, "I will be back. with updates. It's it's time to go on. the date." And to anyone who's new here. and has become maybe daddy gang in the. interview era of Caller Daddy, this was.

a very normal occurrence. No man was. safe. No detail was left untold. If you. were interacting with me in my life, you. were getting talked about on the. podcast. And so I will never forget Matt. pulled up to pick me up at my hotel and. immediately when I got in the car, I. thought he was hot and I could tell I. was going to get some great podcasting. content from the night. And when we sat. down at dinner, I was extremely upfront.

with him about this. I told him I had. already banked 30 minutes of pre-date. content. And so whatever happened on the. date, you know, obviously it's going to. make it into the second half of the. episode. He's like, "You're insane." And. I do remember like Matt definitely. expressed that he he would love if I. didn't do that, but overall his vibe was. chill about the situation and it more. became kind of like a joke of the night.

than something like serious that was. deterring him from like having a good. time. And Matt and I always say to this. day, it was hands down the best first. date we could have asked for. The date. ended up being like 3 plus hours. We had. really emotionally stimulating. conversations and I think overall we. both were just really surprised at how. much we liked each other after one date.

So, I got back to my hotel room and. obviously I immediately podcasted about. it, every detail. But the debrief, to be. fair, was like pretty [ __ ] tame for. my standards. I kept it PG. I'm pretty. sure I just detailed like our make out. behind the restaurant. Nothing that. crazy. And so, the episode about Matt. Kaplan went live 48 hours after the. date. And shortly after I got a call.

from Matt. himself. I remember I'm in my hotel. room. I pick it up. I'm all like giddy. I'm like, "Oh, he's calling. What does. he want?" And I remember he's like on. the golf course outside and he's. laughing because someone clearly had. sent him the episode and he told me that. he hadn't listened to it yet. Okay. and. he demanded that he hear from my lips. what I said about him. And I obviously.

just gave him the top line. I did leave. out, I'm pretty sure, like the throbbing. of my vagina when I looked at him and. all those like little just like little. little details that he didn't need to. know. But overall gave him the top line. We kept it [ __ ] moving. And he like. again kind of thought it was funny and. endearing and he was chill about it. It's not like he loved it, but the. episode was harmless enough that he. wasn't going to get mad at me. And so. after that, we ended up hanging out. almost every single night for two weeks.

straight when I was in LA. And when I. got back to New York, there. was this excitement that I had, but. also this feeling. of a little bit of. uncertainty because I think Matt and I. were both. so [ __ ] happy with the time that we. had just spent together, but I think we. were also trying to be realistic and not. get ahead of ourselves. He lived in LA.

I still lived in New York. He was an. adult. I was a little bit of a [ __ ]. degenerate. And there was just a lot of. unknown variables. So, we kind of. decided to keep talking and just keep it. somewhat casual. And so, all of this was. smooth sailing until I decided that I. was going to ramp it up 10. notches. and the Daddy Gang in my heart. I just knew they were due for a.

graphic detailing of my sex life. Obviously, we needed another Gluckluck. 3000 moment. Okay, we needed a banger. So, obviously, insert the sloppy toppy. delight. Okay, you. guys, I will never forget that episode. and hopefully you don't. Here is the. thing. Before I met Matt, I had good. sex. I had a lot of good sex. But this.

man changed the course of my life and. changed everything for me. Okay? And so. I felt obligated as a woman who had. previously claimed that she, you know, didn't enjoy getting eaten out. I needed. to tell you guys what this man had done. to my vagina. And so I remember in the. episode I detailed. graphically, actually, wait, hold on. You know what we need to do? We need to. pull up the [ __ ] episode description.

because you guys Oh my god. Okay, this. is the description. This week is a solo. episode with your father. Alex is. detailing her sex capades with Mr. sexy. Zoom man featuring her [ __ ] in his beard, his [ __ ] eating skills, oh my god, her. sex with him, and a battle between him. and another man that made her realize. how she feels about him. Oh my god, I. forgot that was about um this musician. that I was talking to at the same time. as Matt. Wait, I'm not okay. His [ __ ].

beard. There is so much to unpack here, but let me just [ __ ]. say that episode did numbers, okay? Sloppy toppy delight. Genius. You guys. [ __ ] loved that one. Anyways, for. context, I remember my headspace of when. I went to upload this episode. Like, back in the day, I had this obsession. with really pushing everything to the. limit. And what I mean by this is like. Matt was getting on a plane to come.

visit me. The day that that episode. dropped, Matt was in the air flying. cross country to my ass and I boop. pressed upload. Boop. Knew he couldn't. download it. Boop. Let the world [ __ ]. listen to his [ __ ] [ __ ] eating. skills. He's flying from Los Angeles to. New York at this point to take me to the. Hamptons for my birthday. And I thought. it would be a good time to just bing let. the world in on a little bit of our.

detailed sex. And so I remember Matt. landed and this time he didn't just call. me. I got a FaceTime from him as he's in. the car driving to my apartment. And I. remember answering and he goes he just. opens the FaceTime and he goes, "Alex, what did you. do?" I'm like, "Oh my god, babe. I can't. wait to see you. Like, I know where. we're going to go to dinner tonight. We're all good. What are you talking. about? He's like,

Alex, I just got a call from my. dad. No, Steve. Steve, that's like the real. [ __ ] kicker. I can handle Matt being. like, "Me and Matt, we can go all day. Your dad is calling you.". Matt's father was aware that his beloved. son was flying across the country to see. a girl who lived in New York. So, naturally, he decided to do a little. Google search of his own to find out.

what I was all about, right? Steve's. just trying to catch a vibe. And when he. realized that I had a. show, obviously he just went to click on. the most recent episode just to get a. feel for my morals and my values and. like what I'm talking about each. week. And unfortunately for him, my most. recent episode was detailing how his son. was intricately up inside my vagina to.

the point where it was so good he made. me come all over his son's beard. He made me come all over his son's. Does. that make it sound like the dad? No. No. Matt made me come. Steve's son made me. come on his beard. Regardless, Steve, I. forever apologize for this one. However, you're a real one because we do laugh. about this to this day. We actually. recently talked about this at this past. Thanksgiving. Steve was having a hoot. and a half. Uh, yeah, it is funny now, but it wasn't that funny back then.

Overall, I just remember we hung up the. FaceTime and what ended up actually. coming from that was Matt and I had to. have a serious talk. This may have. slightly pushed Matt over the edge. And. it was because he started to get calls. and texts from family, friends, employees, work colleagues, the random. [ __ ] high school friend that he. hadn't talked to in 10 years. Everyone was starting to kind of put it.

together that Matt was the sexy Zoom man. the call her daddy girl was talking. about every week now. And I could tell. Matt was uncomfortable and a little. overwhelmed by all of this. He is such a. private person. And when Matt and I now. talk about that time back in our lives, he always laughs and is like, I just had. no idea how serious you and I were going. to become. So, of course, I was like. trying to protect myself, and I was.

hesitant to have someone talk. so explicitly about me in a way that. could probably impact my life. And I'm. always like, totally fair, babe. Totally. fair. Thank god it worked out, but. totally fair. Like, I get it. That's He. wasn't in control. I had like all the. keys and I was driving and he was just. hoping I didn't [ __ ] go too far each. week. But so that though I will say was. the first time in my life of having.

Caller. Daddy that I was torn about next week's. podcast. It was the first time that I. ever thought about sparing a man's. feelings. because I actually cared about him. And. trust me, I hated myself too at that. point. And I was like, "No, you cannot. care about him. Like, [ __ ] this." Like, exploit your life. Exploit him. Keep it.

[ __ ] moving. But that just wasn't the. truth. I did care. And so, I will say. this situation kind of forced us to have. more honest and real conversations than. we probably typically would have had at. that point in seeing each other. and we. really had to talk honestly and openly. about whether we could fit into each. other's lives. The reality was I was a. very very very public person and he was. beyond private. How the [ __ ] is that.

going to. work? I think what was confusing was the. compatibility like immediately off the. bat was there. compatibility, the. intimacy was there, everything felt. right. But this aspect was going to take. compromising from both of us. Obviously, you guys know how this story ends. It, thank God, worked out. And Matt and I. over that next year, we found a rhythm. that worked for us. And looking back,

without a doubt, I think my biggest fear. at the time had been. that I. genuinely believed that I wouldn't find. a man who would let me just be me and. support me and support my career because. it is a lot to take on. And you. know, I think for Matt, I feel like. Matt's biggest fear honestly was he was. just like, I just don't want you to ruin. my life. Please don't take me.

down. I didn't. Everything is fine. But. overall, I think the more and more we. fell in love, I. actually I felt this internal shift in. myself where I didn't have an urge to. talk about everything that happened. between us because I wanted to protect. our relationship and I was the one. leading this. decision-m which was nice. Matt had made. it clear once he and I basically knew. like, "Oh, we're in this." He made it.

clear that he trusted me implicitly and. he expressed to me that I'm now all in. Like, I'm down for whatever. I trust. you. I trust what you're going to share. on Call Her Daddy will be like, "Fine. for our relationship and I love you and. like do your thing. I I love you." Which. was nice because I don't again I don't. think I could have been with someone. that like put guard rails up for me. And. something I don't want to get. misconstrued when I'm saying all of. this, Daddy Gang, is like, you all did.

absolutely nothing to make me feel like. I didn't want to share about my life or. I needed to hide things. Like that is. not what this is about at all. You guys. have been the most [ __ ] supportive. people in my life truly. And I think it. really was just a natural evolution. within myself and what my relationship. needed to build into what it is today. I also think something I've learned from. spending more time in this crazy [ __ ].

industry is that when you start doing. things for content and public views, it. really starts to blur the line of what. is real and what is fake. Because when. you are sharing your relationship, inevitably you're going to want to. present the best possible way. And I you. guys see it all the time. Like someone. breaks up and everyone's like, "What? They broke up? We've only seen them kiss. and hug and be in love." And it's like,

"Of course." Like, no one's posting the. fighting video online. And I just think. when you're doing that, you're. constantly deciding how you want to be. perceived by the world. And I know no. one wants to hear this, but this is so. [ __ ] common in Hollywood. Like, a lot. of the decisions people are making in. Hollywood are heavily influenced by. public opinion and image and branding. and personal gain. And. so, that was.

also something that Matt and I. personally recognized. Neither of us had. interest in falling into that trap. together. I didn't want to make. decisions and do things that I wouldn't. naturally do with Matt just for likes. and views and attention. Like I quite. literally know couples who spend their. entire Saturday night filming content or. they go to certain events so that they. are photographed together and so the. internet gives them the stamp of. approval of like couple goals. I also. sadly know couples who attend events or.

just go out to be seen in public so that. they are seen together and they're able. to confirm to the public like, "Yay, we're happy. Look, we're not breaking. up. All is good in our. life." It's just not something we were. interested in doing at all. And. obviously those are the extreme. examples, but like you're still kind of. trying to appease the public. And so. you're making decisions about your. relationship for the public. And by not. leaning into any of that, it was the.

best decision we as a couple ever made. in the beginning to just keep it as. private as we could. And now to clarify, I'm not saying I can't throw up like a. couple moments with me and Matt on. social media occasionally, but I do it. in a way that feels very low stakes and. low pressure to me. And I now have an. understanding of what specific aspects I. need to keep private and what aspects. are okay to share. So. now I want to share something extremely.

personal that I have been holding on to. for the past year and I am finally ready. to talk about it. So here we go. This is. an advertisement from. BetterHelp. You guys know we're here for. the girls and call her Her Daddy. But I. do want to take a second, just a second. to talk about the men, okay? Because. let's face it, when the men in our life. take care of their mental health, our. mental health gets better. So, I think. it's time we destigmatize men getting.

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first month at. betterhelp.com/daddy. That's. betterhp.com/daddy. Like I just, you know, told all of you, pretty early on, Matt and I were having. very, very real conversations about. life. We talked about ideal timelines, our views on marriage, what we wanted. out of life, whether or not we wanted.

children, and if so, when that would. ideally be. And we were pretty much. aligned on everything. All of these. decisions Matt and I went on to make in. lock step together. Marriage, buying a. house, starting a company together, all. of it. But one of the decisions that we. have been actively trying to figure out. is when we want to try and have. kids. And so much has gone into these.

conversations. and we ultimately decided. that we wanted to start trying to get. pregnant last. summer and we were so excited. Like we. started planning renovations on our. house to build a nursery and upstairs. kids bedrooms. We told our families. Um,

our, you know, date nights consisted of. us talking about how excited we were to. watch each other become parents. We. started doubling down on what baby names. we liked. It was at like the top of my. notes every week. We were refreshing it. and we were. both ready. Like, we were just so. excited. and ready. And so shortly after our. wedding, I went off birth control. And I.

really want to talk about that for a. second. because holy [ __ ] [ __ ] that was an. experience that I was not prepared for. And I know everyone's experience is. different. So, first I just want to be. clear like birth control is a privilege. I am so grateful that I was able to be. on it. And again, I'm not a doctor. I am. not advocating for anyone to go off of. it. I just want to explain to you what. my experience was. For context, I had.

been on birth control since I was 16. years old. And. so, when I was about to go off the pill, I started talking to my friends around. me about their experiences. And every. single one was varied. For a few of my. friends, they went off the pill and it. took over a year for them to get their. period back. For some others, it only. took a month and then their body was. just like basically back to normal. So, there is just like really it feels like.

no way to know what will happen to you. or what your body's experience might. be. But for me, when I first went off. the pill, at first everything seemed. fine. The first month I experienced. spotting. I didn't get my period back, but overall I felt pretty normal. And. then about a month or so. later, things changed. I started to.

experience extreme vertigo and dizziness. and the new hormonal fluctuations. were just so intense and really. affecting me. I would be in interviews. about to pass out. I would pass out in. the shower. I was. so [ __ ] emotional all the time. And.

it was frustrating. I like physically I. could feel my body trying to reregulate. and find its new. normal. And it was struggling. I started. breaking out like crazy. I felt awful. 24/7. And I just felt so out of control. with what was happening to my body. I. could tell something wasn't right. And. of course, all of the questions any.

woman would start to think were running. through my head. I'm [ __ ] googling. everything. Obviously, the biggest one. being like, "Am I fertile? And will I. even be able to get pregnant?" And I. just started spiraling and assuming the. worst, as we all do. And. so four to five months went by and I. ended up getting my period back, but my. cramps were beyond excruciating to the. point that my doctor considered that I.

may have PCOS. And so all of this is. happening and we're all trying to just. figure out like how do I get back to. normal? How do I feel okay? And while. this is happening, Matt and I have a. conversation and we decide to just put a. pause on getting pregnant because the. first priority was I need to get back to. feeling good and normal. And. so, as shitty as all of this was, that. things weren't exactly going according.

to plan or our timeline about getting. pregnant. My career on the other hand. had never been busier and never been. bigger. And when I look back at this time last. year, I felt. like I really had hit my stride in. feeling so confident in running a. company. I started Unwell about two.

years ago and I am so [ __ ] proud. about what we've built. I love being a. podcast host more than anything. And now. being able to branch into this new role. as a CEO and owner. I feel even more. creatively stimulated. I've never worked. harder or been more excited to be doing. what I'm doing. This past year, I signed. a huge new deal. I turned 30.

And at that. time, I didn't want to slow down. And. getting. pregnant inevitably would. mean I had to slow down. And. so I. remember starting to have doubts. and it started to eat me alive inside.

because you know this wasn't the plan. Like this wasn't the plan that Matt and. I were so excited about and it's not the. plan that we talked about and that we. agreed upon. And I don't know exactly when it hit me, but in the moments where I was being. really honest with myself, which took a. minute, but I eventually. realized I wasn't. ready.

And even when I got to feeling healthier. again, as nice as that was, it didn't make me want to rush and have. a baby. Instead, it made. me more anxious because I should have. felt ready and I felt. so frustrated with myself and I. felt I felt. guilty.

like how had I gone from being so sure. and so excited to start this process and. then now I'm doubting ing myself and. second-guessing. everything. I. also think I felt so conflicted. because in the back of my mind I had. this. imaginary number. It almost felt like. like counting down like okay so if I.

delay the process one year now then I'm. going to get pregnant when I'm about you. know 31. And so then now I'm not having. a baby until I'm 32. And ideally if I'm. able to get pregnant like I don't want. one. I want I want more than one. And so. then I'm like and I'm doing all this. like [ __ ] math in my head and I I. think I started to like get so anxious. and panicked and I started to feel like. it was all just like getting away from.

me and I was losing this precious time. and. it was this. allencompassing overwhelming. feeling. And so, of course, I had. moments, I'll admit, when I started to. think, "Fuck it. Just try and suck it. up." Like, maybe once I'm pregnant, I'll. feel differently. But then I always came. back to like, I just know myself and I. know in my gut.

like I need more time. Call Her Daddy is. brought to you by Uber Eats. Okay, Daddy. gang. We all know Uber Eats has the best. selection of local restaurants, but did. you know they also eat when it comes to. a whole range of delivery services? Now, that might be a lot to take in, so let. me break it down for you. Uber Eats. isn't just for poolside poke bowls or. late night pizza on the patio. When you.

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Please enjoy responsibly. Product. availability varies by region. See app. for. details. And. so all of this was going through my head. and I. was. spiraling. And so I knew I needed to. tell. Matt. I wasn't nervous about his. reaction because I know the man that I. married is always going to support me. I. think if anything I was it was it was.

almost like I was more hesitant. to speak it into existence because I. don't know. like I feel like I'm a very certain. person and I'll be honest I felt. very disoriented about how uncertain I. felt. felt about this one thing in my. life. And also, I knew Matt was.

ready. And although I knew he wouldn't ever. show it, of course, he was going to have. some level of disappointment on his end. And. so I told him all of this. We I remember. we were just like sitting eating dinner. at our house one night and I just kind. of word vomited all. I was like, "Matt, I know you know that I've been like. thinking about this, but I need you to. like really understand what I've been.

thinking and what I'm going through and. like what I'm thinking about." And it. always makes me emotional because I. remember I'm like going on and on and on. like I do and that Matt literally like. grabbed me and like put me on his lap. and he was like, "Look at me. Oh my god, I'm going to cry." Um, he was like, "Look at. me, Alex. How long have you been carrying this? He. was like, I love you so much. When it is.

the right. time, it will be the right time. I love. you and I will support you no matter. [ __ ]. what. And oh my. god. Um, I'm just. so beyond. grateful that Matt could not have been. more supportive. He. is he is truly the best partner to me. and he is so loving and supportive and.

selfless and I know he is going to be oh. my god. Okay. I know he's gonna be the most. incredible father to our babies, but I. realized I need more. time. And that's tough. to say out loud,

but I. realized I need time to live a little. more before I enter the next beautiful. chapter of my life. And I'm in no way. saying I have to stop everything once. I'm a mom. If anything, what I'm saying. is I want to be so [ __ ] present. I. want to be capable of being the mom to. my children that my mom was to me and my.

siblings. My mom worked. She was so. motivated in her career. And she still. gave us everything we needed and more. And so I just felt in my body that I. want to grind at work and I want to be. selfish a little longer. I want to enjoy. what I've worked so [ __ ] hard for. I. want to go on a weekend trip with my. husband and [ __ ] and have no. responsibilities after the longest work.

week. I want to throw unwell parties. after a million meetings that week. get. on a plane and go fly and have drinks. with the Daddy Gang. I want to host. events where we get to talk and connect. and meet and celebrate everything we've. built, which is this gorgeous, incredible community of women. And. so this past. year, that's what I've been doing. I've. been being selfish and I've been.

living. And another thing. I recognize is. that life is. so annoyingly. unpredictable. And I sit here and say. that I want to wait a little longer, but. who [ __ ] knows, right? Like no life. is perfect or ever goes as [ __ ]. planned. And I pray to God I can even. get pregnant when I start trying. It may.

potentially be such a long road for me. and my husband when we do decide the. time is right, but we will cross that. bridge together when we get there. So. for. now, I'm in my newlywed era. I'm enjoying this current phase of my. life. It's been almost a year since I. pushed back my timeline. And so just. reminding you all like this isn't. happening. This didn't just happen. This. was a year ago that I made this.

decision. And you know, who knows when. I'll decide the time is right to start. trying. But if I. can give you any advice, Daddy Gang, from everything that I've just been kind. of experiencing and living out this past. year is like the thing about timelines. is they can be. helpful, but I also don't think we can.

let them dictate our lives. I have. talked so much about timelines on this. show because I genuinely believe that. there is just so much more pressure on. women regarding when they should be. hitting certain milestones in their. lives. And so there may be some women. listening who maybe you're the first. generation in your family and who. doesn't want kids and maybe there is. this intense pressure that you're. feeling from your parents or your. in-laws or whoever to get pregnant. My. advice is just.

remember you know yourself best. At the. end of the day only you have to live. with the choices that you make about. your life. That is way more stressful in. my opinion than sticking to some like. dumbass arbitrary madeup timeline or. your like mother-in-law bitching. Like. no no no it's okay. It's your life. How. do you want it to play out? And even. when it comes to relationships, like I. think getting fixated on a timeline is. only going to box you in and make you.

feel stressed. There may be some of you. listening right now who are engaged, but. something in your gut is telling you. that they're not the right person. But maybe you stay because you already. whether it's you already put the down. payment on your wedding or your families. get along and you feel like you've. invested too much time. There's no way. that I could start over. I get it. It's.

hard. But my advice is don't be. shortsighted. [ __ ] the plan. [ __ ] the. timeline. You can start over with. anything at any point in your life. Whether it's moving to a new city, you're ending a relationship, you want. to get out of a job you're miserable at, or you're pushing back when you want to. have. kids. I feel like we have this story in. our head that we tell ourselves.

about why we can't make certain changes. timelines. Yes, they can help us feel. safe and comfortable, like we have. structure and maybe like we have a sense. of security, but the minute a timeline. daddy gang starts to make you feel. anxious or stuck, please be honest with. yourself and check in with yourself. because I think that's when you really. need to start. re-evaluating. As difficult as it was to.

want to get pregnant and then need to. pause, I look back and I am so [ __ ]. grateful that all of that happened. because changing the timeline allowed me. to really look inward and recognize that. I wasn't. ready. And that's okay. So, for now, um I still have things in. my life that I want to do before having.

kids, and I'm going to let. myself do them. I'm going to enjoy it. And I think especially to any of the. women listening, there is something I. feel like we all have like an aversion. to the word like be selfish. And because. I feel like that's just not what we're. taught to do. Don't be selfish. Like. what do you [ __ ] mean be selfish? And. it felt odd for me. to lean into that concept, but I don't. know if you guys, well, I guess you. probably have seen on social media like.

I've been boopping around and I'm. throwing these parties and I'm having so. much fun cuz I'm like, [ __ ] I'm living. and it doesn't mean you can't live once. you have kids. It's just your life is. different in a beautiful way. And so I'm. having the [ __ ] time of my life. Like. Matt and I have so many plans for this. summer and we were definitely like, "Oh, we're doing like a little bit more than. we usually would and traveling or like. going with our friends places and. partying and having fun." And then we. both just keep looking at each other.

being like, "Let's just [ __ ] go and. do it. This is what this year is for.". And we still will do those things, but. it will just look different when we are. able to hopefully like build a family. So, Daddy Yang, I guess I will leave you. with choose yourself and choose what's. right for you. And just know that I love. you and I'm so grateful that I feel. comfortable to share all this with you. And again, thank you for always.

supporting me. Had I come on a year ago. and said all of this when I was going. through it, I think that it would have. been a little bit of a disaster and I. would have felt I don't know. I just I'm. glad that I waited and I I kept this to. myself for a little bit because I feel. like I now have a perspective that. hopefully will be helpful to other women. listening. And if you guys have more. questions, obviously DM me and I can do. more follow-up solos. But I love you.

guys so much and I will see you [ __ ]. next Wednesday. Goodbye. [Music].