"I Got Out of An Abusive Relationship"

Hi Daddy gang. Before we get into. today's conversation, I just want to. share a content warning. This episode is. going to include discussions of domestic. violence, sexual assault, and abuse, as. well as references to substance use. If. you or someone you love need support, um. I have included resources in the show. notes, so please take care while you are. listening to this. Welcome to a very. very special Sunday session. I am so.

honored and grateful to be bringing you. this episode today. For those who don't. know, today, Sunday, March 8th, is. International Women's Day, and I am. really excited to use today as an. opportunity to highlight some truly. amazing and incredible women. I am going. to be sitting down with two women who I. have gotten to know through working with. an organization called Harvest Home. I. began working with Harvest Home pretty. much immediately once I started the.

Unwell Foundation. I was looking to. partner with groups that put women's. issues first and centered conversation. around mental health and provided. necessary resources for underprivileged. groups. International Women's Day feels. like the perfect time to honor Harvest. Home because this is an organization. that really reflects what's possible. when we as women show up for one another. and find strength in leaning on each.

other. Harvest Home is a safe haven for. women who are pregnant and experiencing. homelessness. They open their doors to. mothers and their children. They provide. housing, therapy, financial programs, and so much more to equip these mothers. with everything they need during. an extremely vulnerable time in their. life. Um. from getting to know the stories of the. mothers in Harvest Home, one thing I.

found is so many of them are coming from. unbelievably challenging situations, ones. that are often out of their control. Many of them are survivors of domestic. abuse. Many of them are breaking long. cycles of generational trauma. And. all of them are looking to put the. health and safety of their children. first. And so today we will be joined by. Sarah, who is the executive director of.

Harvest Home, and by Angie, who is an. alumni of Harvest Home that has offered. to share her story with us. I hope through this conversation that we. are all reminded that women supporting. women isn't just this buzzy thing for us. to throw around. It is something that. can actually be transformative and. powerful in its impact, whether it is. your friend, your mother, your sister, your neighbor, your co-worker. Every single woman in your life is.

navigating something that they could use. support on. And just showing up for each. other actually matters so much more than. I think we even realize. So, with that, I am at Harvest Home today and I am so. honored to be having this conversation. and I hope you will all enjoy it. Call. Her Daddy is brought to you by Ashley. I. love being able to look around my home. and genuinely feel like every little. detail reflects [music]. who I am and what my style is because.

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founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. >> [music]. >> We are at Harvest Home today, and I'm. joined by Angie and Sarah. Thank you. guys so much for joining me, and welcome. to Call Her Daddy. Thank you for having. me. Okay, first I just want to kick this off. with you, Sarah. To someone who may not. be familiar today with Harvest Home, could you give a little background of. what this is? Absolutely. So, Harvest. Home is a nonprofit organization here in.

Los Angeles, and we work and serve. unhoused pregnant women. So, we have two. homes here in LA where women come in, and we help them with all of the. physical needs that they need to get. back on their feet, but also really just. helping them to be equipped with the. tools that they need for motherhood. And. what are the types of services that. Harvest Home provides for women? Yeah, so first and foremost, the. physical needs. Obviously, if someone's. been, you know, living in the streets or.

coming out of instability, being able to. have a safe space. And I do emphasize. safe, that it's not just, you know, being in a shelter. Um I think one of. the things we really pride ourselves in. is our homes feeling like home, and. women really feeling valued and. supported and seen when they walk in our. doors. And so providing that sense of. physical safety um in the home, but then. all of the other things, you know, we. provide healthy food and healthy meals. And because we are maternity focused, it's also everything you need for a.

healthy pregnancy. So we have, you know, all the classes that are necessary. We. have doulas that come in. We have um. therapy on site. So really um you know, actually in my own my own journey to. motherhood, I was like, "Oh, like this is expensive stuff." Like. Harvest Home really does like provide a. lot, you know, for the Like I could have. used this kind of stuff. >> Yeah. Um and could you explain like what. situations or dynamics would typically. lead a woman to come to Harvest Home? It. looks a little different for everybody.

I would say the common thread is either. experiencing homelessness, being. unhoused, or some other type of housing. instability. So sometimes it is a woman. who's been like physically living on the. street. Sometimes a woman's been in a. car or um more often than not what we. see is somebody who's been couch. surfing, you know, from place to place. Maybe they wouldn't even have said they. were experiencing homelessness until. they're pregnant and realize like, "Ooh, I need some stability." Um and also.

people and women who are are walking. away from unhealthy, unsafe. relationships. >> Yeah. Um so those are those are some of. the biggest things we see. Angie, when did you first come to. Harvest. Uh came to Harvest Home in 2023. 2023? And what do you guys remember. about first meeting each other? >> [snorts]. >> I was really nervous at first just cuz I. didn't know what to expect. I didn't. know. um. how it was going to be cuz I had been in.

and out of so many programs, shelters, and stuff. So I was just like, "Well, how is this going to be?" Yeah. >> So I was just really kind of. meeting it with an open mind and. gratitude obviously because I was coming. from the street, you know, basically in. a car like she mentioned. >> [clears throat]. >> And when you got here, what ended up. being your first impression of Harvest. Home? Man. >> [sighs]. >> How was that? A fresh of breath air, you. know? It was uh safety, comfort, and um.

just being able to relax and sleep. without being worried of I had to look. behind my back or anything like that. I. was safe in a place on a bed, stretched. out fully not in a car, you know? And um I was just secure, you know, safe. It's incredible to finally feel that in. your life after probably feeling so. unsafe for so long. Yeah. Sarah, through our work together, you.

have shared that domestic violence is. the leading cause of homelessness for. women. 80% of unhoused mothers have. experienced domestic abuse. What are. some early signs. that a woman might be in an unsafe. relationship? Such a good question. First and foremost, I think is that. their entire world revolves around this. person. Um so often a relationship. um that is is, you know, does have this.

abusive element to it, it may not start. that way, you know? It starts. maybe by feeling like you're. that person's whole world. And you know, it could be could be what some people. think of like falling hard for somebody, right? Like you're their entire world. Um but then over time, you know, starting to isolate more from the. relationships that you have, you know, in your life and starting more and more. to maybe things that felt protective in.

the beginning like, oh, this person is. you know, providing things for me or. um this person calls and checks in on me. a lot. Like that feels so wonderful. Um but over time you can see that those. are actually like controlling or. manipulati- manipulative behaviors. Um I would say first I would say though. more than anything it's. those early signs are more visible to. people on the outside than they are. often to a person inside of a.

relationship. >> Yeah, that's a great point. And how do. you think pregnancy could impact when. someone is experiencing an abusive. relationship? Yeah, it's interesting. So. there's actually been, you know, some. rese- research that has shown that. domestic violence actually increases. when a woman is pregnant. Um. you know, I it's wild to me to think. about that. Um but if you think about it. if. if the relational dynamics are often.

about control. um as someone who's experienced. pregnancy, you have very little control. of what's happening in your body. And. I'm sure within the dynamics of the. relationship that. that you know, that is present as well. Angie, was. domestic violence a part of your story? 100%. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Um. I think it shaped my whole. history of relationships cuz I had never.

experienced that until I did. And then. when I did, it did such damage that I. felt that's all I deserve, because I. ended up believing what the person was. telling me, you know. When was the first time that. you experienced um abuse or mistreatment. from a man? Um I mean, we can say that. since I was like five, really, you know, um if we want to get into it, you know, that was.

uh mistreatment, you know, sexual abuse, that's mistreatment, right? Um so that's. the first time I actually experienced. it. But when I became conscious and. aware and a willing participant to the. relationship, >> Yeah. that was when I was like 21. And did you ever feel like your. childhood informed, maybe. subconsciously, like some of the. partners that you were choosing? >> Yeah, absolutely, 100%. Um. since there was so much objectification. and sexualization when I was a child, um.

it made me believe that I had to be. desirable to the opposite sex in order. for me to feel worthy, right? And I've. discovered that through therapy and. counseling over the years, um but if. you didn't want to [ __ ] me, I didn't. feel hot, right? I didn't feel worthy. Can I curse? I'm sorry. >> Yes, yes, yes, [laughter] you can curse. Do your thing, girl. Got you. Um if you didn't want to, you. know, um. sleep with me, I didn't feel like I was.

good enough, you know? So that. also branches off into separate things. like self-image issues, self-worth, um. you know, it can even develop eating. disorders or anything like that. Um I. developed a lot of anxiety. Um. so yeah, definitely my childhood, you. know, shaped. um. the relationships that I got into. What. was your first serious relationship. like? Um I was in high school.

and I was with him for like. I think two three years. I lost my. virginity to him. And. um. he was a little older and I was in high. school still. So I was sneaking out of. my house to go. you know, spend time with him and go. drink and. smoke and do things that we were doing. and um. you know, I I I started going towards.

like the older. boys, you know, just because that felt. like. that's what comfortable. I felt you. know, like I had. a way in. I'm sorry. [snorts]. >> No, it's it's okay. I think um. it's a very hard thing to describe as a. woman and I think I've spoken to so many. women about being attracted to older. men. There is almost back to what you. were saying about there is this desire. You feel worthy. You feel like I'm. special. There's something about me that.

like he wants me for a reason and I'm. mature and I can hang out with them and. I'm different. And so it does play into. our insecurities as a young woman. Don't. fault yourself for that cuz there's so. many women who get into those situations. and you can yes, look back now and be. like, "Oh my gosh, I could see it." But. at the time, you're just going off of. your heart and what you felt. >> Yeah. Um when you would would you know, find yourself in situations that you. started to realize, "Okay, this is not.

healthy. This is abusive." I think. abusers typically try to isolate and. control their partners, right? You you. referenced that. Um how was that. personally for you showing up in. relationships, Angie? So um I was. already isolated from the jump because I. had moved from California where I was. born and raised and I had my family and. graduated from high school. Everything that I knew was in. California, so I moved to Washington. state after my mom moved there. Um so, I was all alone, right? And I.

started trying to meet new people, and I. met this person, and I should have gone. with my first gut instinct cuz of my. first gut instinct said, "I don't really. like how you do things." And I said, "I. don't want to [ __ ] with you anymore.". And he got really upset, right? We. didn't talk for like 6 months. I ran. into him again, and he approached me in. a. different way. And he got me. I was like, "Oh, maybe I. was wrong about you, right?".

But he played me like a little fiddle, man, and. um. yeah, he approached me a whole different. way, and um I was already isolated. I. only had my mother there. Um and then. eventually she moved back home to. Honduras, and it was just me and him. And I was away from everybody. So, I. only had the few little acquaintances. that I had met throughout the first year. there,

and my work people, companions, and um. coworkers and stuff. So, um. yeah, I felt like he was my everything. because that's what I came home to, that's what I left, that's what I worked. on, that's what I put all my time and. effort into, that relationship his son. in the household, right? Because as a um. in my culture as I grew up, you know, really old school, you take care of the. house, the children, and the man, right? And to an extent I like being a little.

house mouse, you know, I really enjoy. it. He took it too far, though. Like uh to a. point I felt like I was just his maid. and. sex servant, pretty much, you know. >> Yeah. When you were going through this. isolated difficult time, where would you. turn to find relief from the pain and. the anxiety that that relationship was. causing you? Unfortunately, um that's where my drug abuse started.

Um. I didn't have anybody. Um. I didn't know the people that I met. good enough to vent to. I couldn't tell. my mom because I felt embarrassed and I. felt like I would worry her and stress. her out while she's in a different. country. Um. So. I remember I had gotten my wisdom tooth, it was pushing through. And they. prescribed me an obscene amount of. Percocets. And when I took them, I was.

like, "Oh, this is great." I was like, "He's yelling at me and talking smack. and telling me the dishes aren't done or. blah blah blah." And I'm like, "Okay, you know, just you know, so that's what. gave me relief. Unfortunately, that's. what I had to lean on. You know, um I. felt like I didn't have anybody else. besides the pills. And when did you. realize that this had turned from a. coping mechanism to a physical. dependence for you? Oh, boy. I remember that day clearly because it.

was snowing outside. Um and. I remember waking up and feeling like I. had a cold and my body hurting and also. my chest beating really hard. And I text my friend cuz she's like, "Hey, what are you doing?" And I was. like, "I don't feel good. My nose is. runny. I got the chills. I feel like I. have a cold, you know, and I feel really. anxious." And she's the one that said, she's like, "Well, maybe you're. withdrawing." And I was like, "What are. you talking about?" She's like, "Well, you've been, you know, you're.

withdrawing, you know, I think you need. another pill. You'll probably feel. better." And I was like, "No, there's no. way, you know." I was like, "There's no way." And then when she put. that into my head, then I started. obsessing on that and I was like, "Oh my. god, I need it." Because now my body is. like asking for it and then I started. getting more anxious cuz I started. obsessing on it. So then that triggered. that like cycle. And I think something. that you said about, you know, this.

essentially was a way for you to escape. a form of this abuse. Like there was a. numbing that [clears throat] when he was. being abusive, you were able to kind of. be in a different realm essentially. because of these drugs. When you look. back at that version of yourself, um how. do you think the way that you were. treated by those type of romantic. partners really really impacted your. confidence as a woman? I didn't have. any. I didn't have any. I didn't have any. self-worth. I felt like I was getting.

exactly like Oh my god. You got it. I felt like I was getting. exactly what I deserved um because I. ended up believing him, right? Believing. them. And unfortunately, our brain does. this really weird thing that we stick to. the negative more than the positives, right? We really I have to really work. on. focusing on the positives more than the. negatives. And at that point, I didn't. have the tools that I have today, right? So looking back, um yeah, it affected I. didn't have any confidence. You know, I. didn't feel like I was worth.

diddly squat, you know? Yeah. Like did you internalize like were there. statements that he would say to you that. stuck with you for a long time? Um. yeah, that I wasn't going to amount to. anything. And that um that I wasn't. going to amount to anything. And I was just going to end up a gutter. rat and dead in a gutter or something. like that. Something along those lines.

Oh my god. Angie, I'm so sorry. And now look at you and where you are. today. Not in a gutter. Girl, no you are not. >> [laughter]. >> Um. you know, Sarah, I think even while. we're speaking about this, um. the statistics say that women will go. back to an abuser seven times before. walking away for good. Why do you think. it's so common to go back to abusive. partners? Yeah, I think kind of thinking about.

that question of are women going back or. is something drawing them back? Um you know, Andrew just spoke about how. her identity and worth as a woman was so. beat down. that sh- she didn't think she was worthy. of anything better [clears throat] than. that, right? And so um thinking about. really the isolation and and also um. we Angie hasn't really spoken to it, but. the financial abuse is huge, you know, one way of isolating and.

and uh it's is essentially controlling. finances, right? So if if you don't have. a pathway, if you don't have money, then. if your option is. living in a car or being back in the you. know, a a house that's unsafe, hm maybe. the house doesn't sound so bad at this. point. >> Yeah. Um I I can think of we had a a. um a resident many years ago who was um. her stepfather was her abuser. and she actually viewed the abuse, this. is just heartbreaking, as he's not.

charging me any rent. And so these are the the stories that. we, you know, that women tell. themselves, the stories that we tell. ourselves that we think that it's we're. not worthy of anything more than this. And so, you know, the. what is that phrase? Like the devil you. know is better than the devil you don't? Like the known chaos, being in that. environment actually feels sometimes. more safe than stepping out into. something that's completely unknown. >> Right. Understandably, a lot of women.

it feels like the safer option to stay. Um, how does Harvest Home provide safety. for women getting out of these really. dangerous situations? Yeah, so I mean, Harvest Home is is not. exclusively a domestic violence shelter, but often women coming in, you know, have had this experience. And so, I. mean, the first thing is just making. sure that both of our homes are. confidential addresses. Um, all of our. residents start out at our home in. Venice, and we ask that no one disclose.

that location for like the first 30 to. 60 days that they're in the program. because often what comes up is women. don't even always recognize that they've. been in an unsafe relationship. And so, one of the very first things that we do. are group therapy. Actually, at our. Venice home, we do a curriculum that's. called Seeking Safety. And it is from a. very basic fundamental place being able. to define what does safety look like. And the number of women who walk away. from that course and go, oh, I didn't realize, one, I didn't realize.

I experienced that as a child. I didn't. realize I watched my mom every. relationship she's ever been in. You. know, just that. And so, starting from a. very foundational place of defining what. safety looks like. Um, but then I think. it's really is is helping women, you. know, Angie spoke to like just feeling. unworthy. And starting from that place. of we believe in you even before you. believe in yourself. So, helping women, you know, through therapy and through, you know, the classes that they're.

partaking in to really work on those. core beliefs and those core wounds. And. to, you know, really, you know, kind of. untie this knot of I think often women. think, well, even walking out of a. relationship that's unsafe, it feels. like, well, something's wrong with me or. I wouldn't have been there to begin. with. >> know we just lightly touched on this, but I do want to get a little bit more. into I think there are people who have. never experienced abuse before, you. know, and it may be really hard for them.

to understand like, "But why wouldn't. you just leave? Like just leave." And I. think that's like a common rhetoric we. see often where people like, "Okay, but. she could have just left. Like why did. she stay?" And it's so privileged to say. that and it's so not that simple for. women. Um Angie, from your experience, could you shed some light on why it felt. impossible to escape abusive situations. you've been in? Absolutely. Uh Sarah. touched on it, financial abuse, right?

Um. even though I had my finances, at some. point or another. they try to take control, right? So all. of my finances were going into one. account that I barely had access to, right? Um also, you know, maybe the vehicles, you know, I didn't. get I didn't have my own vehicle. Um or also, um. the self-worth, you know? Um I felt like. I couldn't do any better. I couldn't do.

it by myself. I needed him for some. reason. Um. Um I I felt like I couldn't. possibly succeed on my own because. he said it so much, you know? And I. ended up believing it, like I said. So. like my spirit, my motivation, my um. confidence, my self-worth was just. crushed, you know? And I don't think. that people um.

realize how much verbal abuse has an. impact on people. I've I would rather. get punched than verbally abused. Because the punches just kind of they. wear off, right? But the words have such. a deeper. cut, [laughter]. you know? Especially when they're met. with such um hate in their uh. personality and in their in the way that. they say it, you know, or how they're. talking to you in such a derogatory way, it has such a weight, you know, that um,

I felt like for myself, it just cut me. deeper than anything could ever do and. it just. made it that much harder to leave, you. know, because. there's so many. unknowns, right? Like, well, if I leave, like, am I going to be able to make it. financially? If I leave, am I going to. meet somebody worse? If I leave, am I. going to be alone for the rest of my. life? If I leave, um, will I ever feel like myself, you know?

Will I ever heal? Will I ever, um, be better, you know? So, there's just so. much unknowns and the and the the. feeling and the pressure of the. unknown and the change is so scary. sometimes that we'd rather. sit in the misery because it's. comfortable and it's familiar, you know, just Sarah was kind of touching on. >> And I feel like from people I've also. interviewed, I think that there's verbal. abuse and physical abuse, there's an.

element of brainwashing that happens. because it's like your whole reality is. distorted because you are isolated, because you are alone, because this. person is in a position of power and. they are abusing you. day in and day out, you slowly your. sense of self is chipped away at and. then you are kind of beholden to this. person. So, when people from the outside. are like, "But she could have just. left." What upsets me about that is. there's so much emphasis put on why. didn't the woman do something about it.

and the question isn't why did he not. stop abusing her? Why was he not put in. jail? Why was he not taken care of? Why. is it always on the woman to fix the. problem when the problem is actually the. man. Um, Angie, can you walk me through. the year of your life before entering. Harvest Home. Like what was going on? Can you tell me the full story? Um so the year before I came into. Harvest Home. Um I had a relapsed and I had been.

hiding my. uh use for the last year. Um I was working, you know, I had a. little job. I was seeing my son on the. side, my oldest. Um. And I was just kind of in really an. unstable environment, you know? Um. Can you explain what that was? It was so. I was in an unstable environment because. I kept coming in and out of programs, right?

So um I couldn't stay clean long enough, you know, to get my own place. And um. I was in and out of treatments, you. know, so that was really unstable. Um I was really trying, you know, cuz I. really wanted to get my son back and. even though there wasn't like a custody. order or anything official on paper or. through the courts, um I wanted to be reunited back with. him. But yeah, that was that's what kept. pushing me to keep trying, right? But, you know, after several overdoses and in.

and out of treatments, sober livings, um it was I was just not stable enough. to be able to care for him or give him a. good life for him to thrive because I. wasn't even thriving, right? So um. before I came to Harvest Home, I was. like I said in in and out of treatment. Um. My current partner at the time, um. he you know, kept you know, kept trying. to help me. He just didn't know how. Um so he would, you know, encourage me. to go to treatment and um show up at.

treatments where I was at and be there. for me and be consistent and be, you. know, supportive and he believed in me, you know? So I found out I was pregnant. um. I was in my addiction. I could not stop. I wanted to stop and I would pray every. night crying, you know, that I I I was. scared that I was hurting my baby. And I just couldn't stop, you know? So. then. um.

he's like, "I think you should go back. to treatment, right?" And I run away. So. that's how I ended up sleeping in a car, you know, out on the street um. for a few weeks and then um I knew. something had to change, you know? So I. started Googling places. Uh I was too. far along to go into detox without risk. of losing my son. And then I was too far. along to go into a treatment, right? And. uh nobody else would take me. So then uh.

I found Harvest Home. I called them. I. did the interview and then I was really. hoping that, you know, they would call. me back and they called me back the next. day with an in-person interview. And then they interviewed me in person. and the person that interviewed me um. it was such like a spiritual thing. Like. every time I talk about it, I always. cry. Because I remember being so desperate. for help and um.

so desperate for God, you know, and. guidance that. um. I think it just put me exactly where I. needed to be because she ended up just. praying for me out of nowhere, you know? And um. I was so grateful for that. Um. because that kind of kick-started. uh a much deeper relationship that I. have with my God, you know? And um. that's how I got into Harvest Home. You.

know, I think I was like, what? Six six. and a half months pregnant or so. And um I got into the Venice house and. um. you know, I was doing counseling and. therapy and um all these classes that I. had to do just to make sure that I had. all my ducks in a row cuz I was. terrified that they're going to take my. baby away. because I had drugs in my system, right? And um.

I don't know. like since I was a little girl, like I. always. played with my baby dolls of being a. mom, you know, and playing house and um. that's all I wanted to be a mom, you. know? So scared that they're going to take my. son away. So I tried to be proactive, you know, no, I did. I was proactive, you know, with everything that I was. doing, uh my counseling uh my uh. medications, my therapy, my uh. psychiatrist everything and everything I. was just taking care of. I was in and.

out of that Venice house like crazy. And of course, he comes early when I'm. totally unprepared. >> [laughter]. >> I had nothing. I literally had nothing, right? And I came home one day to my. room in Venice and there was like this. big bassinet. with all kinds of baby clothes. With all kinds of baby clothes and. bottles and like. um.

bibs and um. everything that I didn't have that I. needed, you know? I was so grateful um cuz he came early. >> [laughter]. [snorts]. >> And uh you know, they were telling me. that there might be some risks of him. like withdrawing them, you know, from. birth and I had heard so many stories. from being in and out of the rooms. of NA, um you know, you hear stories and. you hear people of their babies like, you know, being addicted and growing,

you know, withdrawing when they were. born and I was praying every night in my. room. that he would be okay. By the grace of God, he didn't. experience one single symptom. God. Wow. Oh my gosh, Angie. He was a whole month early, no. withdrawals, no breathing problems, no. stomach problems, nothing. I knew I. would never ever touch another drug in.

my life. Wow. I was like, he had given. me such a miracle and such proof of his. presence. that I was like, I'm never turning back. I'm always going to go forward, and I'm. not going to give this gift up ever, you. know, because I didn't care for my life, of course, you know, because I was just. doing such reckless things during my. addiction, but he was born and nothing. happened. I was just like, never again. Such a blessing. Wow.

>> I um, thank you for sharing that story. because even just. you talking about that, it's. and I'm sure everyone watching and. listening, like. I can see. understandably how hard you were being. on yourself because you had this baby. coming, but to hear the beginning of. your story and how this man. beat down your confidence so intensely, how he was abusing you, how you were in. this really, really horrible situation.

to the point where it drove one day. after getting that surgery to be like, "Oh my gosh, this alleviates that pain, and I don't want to live in this pain of. being abused." And then this cycle just. it continued. And then now to see where. you're sitting here today, like you are. a fighter that got through that abuse, and so many of these things that. happened to you were because of what he. put you through, um, and how beautiful. that you were able now to give your. child this better life and it's because.

of you. It's not because of him, it's. because of you and the work that you did. on yourself. It's incredible. When someone in Angie's. position does reach out looking for that. immediate help, what does the intake. process look like? Yeah, so she mentioned our Venice home. So we have all of our new residents. entering through. our home in Venice and. you know, it's it we first just do an. interview to make sure they're okay,

make sure they're they're safe, you. know, do they have a place where. they're, you know, able to be in for the. immediate future, right? For the next. couple of days until we're able to to. bring them in. Um but it really isn't just a. conversation of like where, you know, what is happening in your life? What are. the the needs that you have? What are. the goals that you have? How can we. support you. in those things and really the the. entire design of our our home in Venice. is really just providing a place for. women to feel safe and to stabilize. And.

so our goal is to help women, you know, come in as quickly as possible. Um it is. kind of funny because um you know, the. things that. typically within our process like well, we're not a domestic violence shelter. even though we show we serve a lot of. women who are walking out of that. experience or through that experience. and we're not rehab, you know, and it's. it's really funny to me that in both of. those situations for Angie, like that. is, you know, you weren't actively in a. domestic violence situation when you. when you came to Harvest Home. Um but. but to me it just it shows how important.

it is to um. to take a risk on people and believe in. them, right? And this woman has just. it's just so amazing all of that she's. like walked through and accomplished in. the last couple years, so. Angie, um I know [snorts] obviously you. started in the first Venice location and. then you eventually became a long-term. resident at Harvest Home. How did that. feel and how did it go? Um it was a little scary at first, you.

know, just cuz. um there's more people in this house cuz. it's bigger, right? And um. but as far as like the, you know, dealing with the baby, I was already. kind of in a routine cuz he came early. I actually had him at the Venice house. when he was supposed to be here, you. know? They move us here before we have. our babies and um. he just wanted to come, so he was early. Um but when I came here, um. you know, I was already kind of ready,

you know, on a routine of of the baby, right? But then when I started doing the. groups with the other moms and the other. babies and seeing each other's process. and um. progress and process with the babies and. you know, being able to bounce off like. concerns and ideas and like, you know, just kind of check in on each. other and be like, "Hey, I heard you had. a rough night last night cuz, you know, I I was up too, you know? Like, are you. okay?" And like, "Yeah, I'm good, you. know?" Or you know, just kind of being. there for each other because as a new.

mom, not everybody understands unless you've. been through it or you're in it, you. know what I mean? And uh. a lot of my friends and support groups. support system, you know, their children. are older, you know? So, they're not in. the infant toddler stages, right? So, they're having somebody to be, you know, in with it, you know? Like, we're in it. together. We're we're doing this thing. together. We're, you know, we're doing. it at the same time. It just gives you.

kind of like more confidence and like. strength to do so. I'm like, "Well, if. she can do it, I can do it, right?" Kind. of like bouncing off of each other. And. I've met so many wonderful women in. here, like with just such big caring. hearts. It's just. a blessing, you know, and to see their. children grow and to see them grow with. their children, like as a mother, as a. woman, as whatever they're doing in. their field, it's so cool, you know, to.

see them blossom to who they really are, especially from hearing their stories of. where they came from, you know, it's. just like. yeah, girl, get it, you know, like. that's right. No, it's obviously I think. nothing more powerful than community. through women to uplift each other. Can. you remember a time where another woman. here really helped you through a. difficult time during those first. initial months of, you know, having your. son?

Yeah, um. I think. um I really. do well on praise, right? I found that. out. I think everybody does to an. extent. And I remember this woman was so. genuine with her. um admiration towards me, I guess is the. word, um that it made me feel so good. that I wanted to keep doing better, you. know what I mean? And she was so like,

"You are so strong. I always see you. You're on top of your stuff and you're. in and out and you're always busy and. you're always doing something and. I know that if you can do it, I can do. it." She's like, "I always looked up to. you." And she is just such a sweet, sweet, kind, loving person that I. gravitated toward her, too, because she. was so strong and even her story, too, she was just she's the gentlest woman I. think I've ever met, you know, and um.

she helped me a lot through a lot of. times that she probably doesn't even. know that I was struggling mentally and. she would just come up to me and tell me. random little things. She's like, "Damn." She's like, "I really admire how. you do A, B, and C, you know?" And she. probably has no idea that like that. helped me so much. And also hearing. Angie from. the years that you experienced the. complete opposite of people telling you.

you weren't worthy and you weren't going. to amount to certain things. Like to. have other women that have no agenda. other than just being honest, being. like, "I recognize these beautiful. um. hearts of you, how amazing then you are. internalizing those finally for the. first time in a long time." And you. deserve to internalize those because. they're accurate to who you are as a. woman. Um how do you think when you look. back at your time at Harvest Home did. your confidence shift from what we did. initially talk about where it was you.

didn't have that confidence at all? Oh. boy. Uh it's a complete 180. I still. struggle, you know, with my little Yeah. negative talk. Uh. But yeah, like because, you know, Harvest Home like. we cook for each other, right? Like we. we cook like once a week for each other. And um. I forgot how much I love to do that, right? So like certain little things. that they implement here in the program. that kind of reawaken some things in.

you, right? Like whether it's exercising. or crafts or cooking or. um just being with the littles, you. know? And. um. I think the cooking really helped me get. into that a lot because it's such a love. language for me. Like I've always loved. cooking and I love cooking for everybody. else. So like that made me feel so. capable. It In the kitchen makes me feel. in control, you know, because I know. what I'm doing with these things and I.

know what the timing of everything is. Like so it's my. my little center of control, right? Like. I can't control anything else, but I can. control how this dinner's going to look, right? [laughter]. So, um. that helped me a lot, personally, you. know, the cooking, especially, you know, when everybody enjoyed it and they. weren't faking it, you know? So, that. was even the best thing. Like I remember. one of the girls was. um. she when I first the first meal I. cooked, I think it was like a marry me. chicken or something like that. She's. like, "Dang, that chicken was fire." And.

she had never talked to me before, right? She's like, "That chicken was. fire." She's like, "And that rice was. perfect." I was like, "I've been making. rice since I was like eight, you know?". >> [laughter]. >> And um so, that felt really good, you. know? So, I was just like, "Okay, well, I'll keep cooking, you know?" And then. every time I cooked, no complaints, you. know? And it was um. that made me feel really capable. And it. makes me so happy for you because you. did say, you know, in that those. relationships you had, you were supposed. to take care of that household and you.

were cooking for these men and it wasn't. met with anything of thank yous or. appreciation. And so, the fact that you. do have such a love for it, but you. probably lost that love because it came. with control and fear, you now got to. reassociate something you love so much. and have people be not only just. enjoying your food, but also giving you. thanks for something that you put a lot. of hard work into, which is beautiful. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Sephora. Girls, how many of us have.

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favorite lip liner and then everyone's. like, "Just use this one." And I'm like, "I won't look the way I want to look. I. need that exact lip liner and only. Sephora has it." So basically instead of. running around or settling on whatever's. ever left in my bag or borrowing from. someone, I can just open Uber Eats and. get exactly what I need right when I. need it. Order Sephora on Uber Eats. today and get your glam delivered. straight to your door. Check app for. availability. Delivery fees may apply. And Sarah, could you talk about some of. the ways that Harvest Home puts a focus. on the community for the women? I know.

you guys just talked about the nightly. dinners. There is group therapy. What. impact do you see from these resources? Yeah, absolutely. I I do think that the. the relationship building is kind of. sometimes people are like, "What's the. secret to your sauce?" Like you have. really strong outcomes and see so many. women women being successful and it. really is that communal relationship. building and certainly among the. residents, but also. from our staff. Like the staff we have. such a caring staff that truly sees the.

women here as valuable and worthy and. capable and just has such vision for. their goals to come to, you know, to. fruition. And so, I think that's so. amazing. But, on the the community. relationship side, so. that nightly dinner, so every dinner. every night, Monday through Friday, 6:00, our residents sit down and share a meal. together. And I would say the number I. mean, Harvest Home is 40 years old. And. like the piece of feedback that I feel. like is most consistent.

is how. how stabilizing and normalizing just. that nightly dinner practice was. And. just I mean, the number of women who. have said like, "I thought that was just. on TV. Like, people actually do this?". And then moving out on their own and. like, they're like, "I have a toddler. and I'm still cooking my nightly dinner, you know, for my toddler." And so, that. but what I love is you would literally. go to that dinner on a Monday and. everybody's mood and energy would be one. way and on the Tuesday, it's like. completely opposite end of the spectrum,

you know, nobody talks or whatever. But, that isn't that what real life feels. like? Isn't that what family feels like? That we feel safe. We can show up in our. home however we we need to, just as we. are. And so, that though and then every night, Monday. through Friday, we have classes as well. And so, we mentioned the group therapy, but each of those times are just the. times for women to connect. They're. they're building skills, they're. learning, you know, new things. But, I. think what it solidifies over and over. again is I'm not alone. Like, there's.

other people who are walking through. this same thing. And and then, you know, like Angie mentioned, like it's the the. moments in the kitchen in the morning. where like two bleary-eyed women are. like, "I I heard your kid last night. You heard my kid, you know?" And um. those things are just like, "Oh gosh, these postpartum bodies. Like, whoa, I. didn't expect this to happen." You know, just um I. I actually think that um. after my own like experience becoming a. mother, realizing how isolating in. general the experience of becoming a.

parent can be. And so what a gift it is to really be. able to I mean I consider it such a gift. to have be able to have community with. our residents here and it's just you. know, it's it's really wonderful. >> It is really beautiful. You know, when we volunteered here. seeing these women the way they interact. with each other, the respect that they. have for each other, the community that you have built here. and you have built here with all these.

women. It is really inspiring. You know, Angie I know eventually. obviously you left Harvest Home because. you were ready for independent living. But after years and years of being put. down by these romantic partners and. experiencing abuse, how did the. positivity of Harvest Home change your. outlook for what your future could look. like when you were ready to leave? When. I left, I was still really nervous but I.

felt more grounded. I felt more capable. I felt more sure of myself as a mother, right? So next I had to work on all the. other areas, right? Like I had to get my. foot back in the door of like school to. get you know, where I wanted to go. Um. and it gave me the confidence to do it. You know, it gave me the confidence to. actually be like yeah, I can do that. instead of like oh no, I don't know if I. can or making excuses cuz I'm good at. making excuses for myself, you know? Or.

no, I have a kid or oh no, I can't do it. with my son or blah blah blah. No, Harvest Home gave me the confidence to. say I can do this and that and more. You. know what I mean? And I did. Like I was. able to go to school. I I finished my. course as a. uh peer support specialist, you know, medical peer support specialist. Um and. I'm going to take my state exam soon, you know, and I'll be working in the. field soon. I'm not sure where I'm going.

to end up at, but I'm. confident that it'll be okay. I'm not. terrified by the future and I'm not like. super scared about it, you know? It's. beautiful. So, it gave me like a good. footing. It gave. our relationship a good footing to start. off on and to. continue to seek help, which we have. You know, me and my partner have He's in. counseling. He does his therapy. I do my. counseling. I do my therapy. We keep up on our.

on our agendas, you know, like we we do. things differently. We hear each other. out. It's the healthiest relationship. I've been in. We've had our ups and. downs, but that wouldn't have been. possible, you know, without the. experience that I had here, without the. therapy, the classes, the the hope. Right. You know, the hope that I got. here, you know, the the courage, the. They believed, like she said, they. believed in me before I did in myself. Right? They loved on me until I could. love on myself, because I'm always the.

one to love everybody else and I forget. to fill up my own cup, you know, and um. they're always on. What are you doing for yourself? What. are you going to do for yourself. tonight? What are you going to do for. you today, you know? And they always. bring me back to self, right? Because. that's where it starts. That's where. everything begins within me, you know? Um. It's been invaluable, you know? Um now I. have my own two-bedroom. Now I have both.

of my kids full-time, you know, and. including my oldest, and I've been. fighting to get my oldest and I. finally have him, you know? He's 9 years. old and he's finally with Oh. I'm sorry. I'm just so happy that he's. with me. I'm so happy for you. How did that feel. when you finally got custody of both of. your boys? Um surreal. I was fighting for and it. just happened in an instant, you know, and I was just so happy.

And [snorts]. uh you know, we're building our our. we're starting to build our routine, you. know, we're starting to build our little. schedule uh. with my son, you know, the old my my. oldest Draven. And. um he's seems so happy there, you know, he never wanted to go home anyways in. the in when he did come and visit, you. know. And [snorts]. um that's why I got the two-bedroom, you. know, to be able to have the space for. both of them. And I want to give them.

what I never had, you know, I want them. to be able to have their voice. I want. their be able them to have a choice in. what they want to do. I want them to. feel safe to come to me to tell me. anything, right? And I've been. practicing that with my oldest because. through the transition between. coming with me and coming from his dad, you know, it's there's a difference, you. know, and there's some, you know, issues. in between. that we're, you know, kind of smoothing.

out in the process. >> [sighs and gasps]. >> But I just love that. I'm present enough today. That I'm here enough today. as my whole self to be able to be there. for my son. Like. my mom tried, you know, and she did the. very best she could and I love my. mother, but today we have more tools, we. have more knowledge. Um. we have more information, right? So.

um. I want to carry all of that into I want. to pour all of that into my son and I. want to. you know, make him realize. what Harvest Home made me realize. You. are enough. You are worthy. You can do. whatever you want. You know, so to be. able to pour what they poured into me. into my children means a lot to me. because it's done a lot for me and I. want that for my kids, you know? Well,

they are very lucky boys. They have a. very strong mother who has fought so. hard to be able to be present for them. and be there and change the course of. your history and you know, transgenerational trauma and what your. mom went through and who you are today. Like that takes strength and that takes. true effort. It takes pain. It takes. time. It is not easy. I think a lot of. people think, oh well, then just get.

better. Just get better and it's like it. is this is for you the rest of your. life. Like we have to work on ourselves. for the rest of our life and it can. either be scary or you can embrace it. and it's so clear that you have embraced. this part of your life and it's going to. change yours and your family's lives, which is so beautiful. I also think. um. in wrapping up one of the last things I. do want to emphasize cuz I think this is. so applicable to everyone who will watch. this episode is. the power of women and community and.

obviously there's a lot of times where. women can feel pitted against each other. and we can feel like there's competition. in a room, but Harvest Home and your. story today is such a testament to when. we do come together as women, how. powerful it can be and how we can. actually get ourselves out of these. horrible situations that we should have. never had to have been in in the first. place, but it happens. Um if you guys. have any advice maybe for people.

listening, if someone is, you know, watching and they have a friend who is. in a toxic or abusive relationship right. now, how can a friend be there to. support their friend through that time? Like, what's the right way to do that in. your opinion? Keep showing up. That's. what I would say. Um the, you know, you touched on that. number of how many times it takes for. someone to actually walk away. Um also. shared early on in our conversation. about how isolating, you know, those.

those unsafe relationships can feel. And. um. keep showing up. Just keep showing up. Don't always And And it doesn't every. conversation. it it's to what Angie just spoke of of. wanting her children to feel safe coming. to her. Be the person that people feel. safe coming to without judgment, without. shame, without harping on the boyfriend. or the person all the time. Be the safe. person. Keep showing up. Yeah.

Angie, do you have any advice that you. wish you could go back and share with. your former self? Um don't go with that guy. >> [laughter]. >> Don't do it. Um listen to your gut. Uh definitely. that. Um trust myself more, right? Trust. your gut. Trust your instinct. Trust who. you are. Right? Because when somebody shows you. who they are, believe them the first. time. Trust yourself. Listen to.

yourself. Trust who you are as a woman. You know, trust who. what you want, what you don't want, what. you tolerate, what you don't tolerate. Trust that. Don't budge for anybody or. anything. That's what I would tell. myself. It is so beautiful that you. >> [snorts]. >> are at a place where you can be sitting. on this couch and giving advice to. women, right, who may be in a position. where you were years ago. Like how does. that feel?

Uh. I uh. I have no words, honestly. Um I never. thought I would be here because I. believed that for so long that I was. going to die a gutter junkie, you know? I believed that for so so long. So now. that um. I'm here today, it's surreal. I still. don't know how to feel. Um. I'm sure I'm awake. That hurt. Um. Like pinch myself. Okay, we're good. >> um it's just surreal, you know? And um.

I'm so glad that. my. um. my friends were right, you know? Like my. biggest asset is my story, and my story. is the biggest thing that can help. somebody else. And for a bit like a long. time, I'd be like, "I don't have. anything to say. I don't have anything. worth blah blah blah.". Again, that's just my um my little. negative side talking, and I you know, we put work in I've put work into that. into just kind of brushing it off. Be. like, "That's not true." You know? Like.

um so those positive affirmations, the. confidence building, the um. >> [snorts]. >> it takes some effort, it takes some. time, it feels weird at first, but it's. worth it because now like I believe it, and I don't believe the negative. anymore. I don't focus on the negative. I believe I I focus on the positives, you know? Like those little glimmers. during the day. Um I start my day with a. gratitude list. I start my day with. prayer. I start my day with the. um the verse of the day, you know? And.

um. that's how I start my day with. gratitude, you know? Like an attitude of. gratitude. And that's um what's helped. me so much because. I came from nothing, you know? I have. never had a stable place in my life for. more than like. a year until recently, you know? I've. moved so much. So now that I'm stable. with my kids in my own place with my. name on it, right? I have the keys for.

it. They're mine, you know, it's just. amazing, you know, um. it feels so good, you know, to be able. to tell my kids like this is our home. Nobody can get mad at me and say get. out. Nobody can tell me I'm done with. you, get out, you know. I'm the boss. I'm the one that has that. it's my house, right? So it's our house. with my kids, of course, but I. [laughter] like it's my house. Let's go.

>> Right. I have it decorated how I want to. I. clean it how I want to. I organize it. how I want to and my partner just says. yes. >> [laughter]. >> Which he's the best for. He's like, you. know what, babe? Sure. Do your thing. And you deserve that. Your story is so. inspiring and I'm so happy for you to. hear how we, you know, you started to. where you are now. Again, it's just a. testament to like you did that. Um and obviously Harvest Home had such.

an impact. Sarah, if someone is. listening who wants to support Harvest. Home, what is the best way for them to. get involved? Yeah, absolutely. Well, if. you're here in LA, we would love to have folks join us as. any way they're ready to step in. Honestly, volunteers, I think that's. another relational aspect we didn't. really talk about of just when women. have been isolated and people show up. and say like, "Hey, we want to support. you. We're here to help." Just how much. that speaks. People you don't even know. And so we have opportunities to.

volunteer. Certainly always. opportunities for people to to support. financially. And so yeah, well, I'm sure our website. will be in the show notes or something, but if people are not, you know, in Los. Angeles, find a place locally to show up and and. serve and you know, be of support to. others. So, Yeah. >> Yeah. I cannot thank you both enough for. sharing your story today, for informing. us on what Harvest Home can do. And.

again, like if you're not in Los. Angeles, there's so many other places. like this that are changing women's. lives. And I am so inspired and I know. that your story is going to reach so. many people and touch so many people in. a way that, you know, we don't know. who's going to listen to this and it. could inspire them to literally that day. call for help. And you did that today. And so, thank you so much Angie for. Thank you for you. >> being vulnerable. I know this can be. intimidating with cameras or all the. things. You were a pro. Thank you so. much. And I think this was a perfect way.

to celebrate International Women's Day. So, thanks ladies. >> Thank you for having us. Thank you so. much. Okay, Daddy Gang. I hope this. episode was as meaningful for you as it. was for me. Um. as women, our community with each other. is vital to our success in this world. That is a fact. And when we choose to. meet each other with kindness and. sensitivity instead of judgement, the. impact can be genuinely life-changing, as we just heard today. Um to anyone. watching today who saw parts of.

themselves in Angie's story, I want you. to know that you are not alone, whether. you are struggling with an abusive. relationship or unstable living. situation, or maybe you're just in a. really challenging time of your life. You deserve support. You deserve. compassion. There are so many resources. out there that literally exist because. you should not have to navigate this. without community. In the show notes, I. have included contact information for. the National Women's Shelter Network,

the National Domestic Violence Hotline, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National. Network, and the Crisis Texting Line. If. any of those could be helpful to you, I. highly encourage you to reach out. And for those watching and listening who. are. in a position to give back, there are a. ton of ways to get involved with both. Yes, Harvest Home and the Unwell. Foundation. I can put more information. in the show notes. Um whether it's. financial support or volunteering, truly.

anything helps to make an impact. So, I. love you guys so much and I am so. grateful that we got to share this. together today. Go call your. girlfriends, check in on your loved. ones, and remember that the community of. women around you truly is everything. Daddy gang, I will [snorts] see you guys. on Wednesday. Love you. Bye. >> [music].

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