How to Pick Your Life Partner (Full Episode)

What is up, daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. >> Welcome back to Call Her Daddy. The. guest this week is you, Daddy Gang. You. are the guest and I am interviewing you. I want to have a very honest. conversation today to.

explore one of the biggest decisions. that you will ever make in your life, which is who you choose as your life. partner. Now, before I move forward, I. just obviously need to clarify. I am not. saying that finding a partner or a. husband should be the sole purpose of. your life. We are all so much more than. that obviously and there are people. listening I acknowledge today who may.

not even be interested in that and may. not want that and that is perfectly. okay. What I want to talk about today though. is if you are someone who wants a. monogous relationship andor wants to get. married, then the decision of who you choose as. your life partner is so important. because the effect that it has on your. mental health and just your overall.

well-being, right? It can impact every. single aspect of your life. So today we are gonna get really deep. and I just want to pose some questions. to you that can hopefully get you. thinking about things that maybe you've. never considered before or maybe have. been avoiding. So now let's rewind for a second to give. you all context of like why this is on.

my mind is because my parents recently. just celebrated 40 years of marriage. together and my family and I went out. and we celebrated. We went to a dinner. and there were a lot of happy tears. because the night turned into me and my. siblings asking my parents, "How have. you guys done it? How have you made it. work? How are you still so in love? And. truly the wisdom and advice that my. parents were sharing, I literally left. that night being like, "Oh my god, I.

wish I could have recorded that and just. uploaded that to the podcast for you. guys." Because not only does everyone. deserve that type of love, but the first. step is knowing what to look for and the. standards that you should set for. yourself. So, I ended up writing a bunch of stuff. down and then after that I continued to. reach out to other couples who I look up. to, who I respect and who I know have.

put in the work. And so, that is what. this episode is. It is going to be a. conglomeration of all of that wisdom. broken down into hopefully a very. tangible conversation that helps you. evaluate what you want out of life. Because whether you're single and you're. searching for your person, you're in a. relationship wondering if he or she is. the right one, or maybe you're already. married and sometimes quietly asking.

yourself, did I choose the right person? Regardless of where you're at, I think. there is something in this episode for. everyone. So, Daddy gang, let's get into. it. Support for Caller Daddy comes from. Google Pixel. All right, Daddy gang. Let. me set the scene. You are on a girls. trip. Everyone's dressed up. It's the. perfect golden hour lighting. And.

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listen, I recognize everyone who is. tuning in today and watching this like. you are an individual coming from. different backgrounds and you have. different perspectives and beliefs as. the other listeners. So like what you. want in a relationship may not be the. same as your friend or the same as me. And that is okay. As long as you're able. to decipher what is important to you, that's all that matters today. So,

one of the biggest things when I was at. this dinner with my parents that they. kept going back to was. the foundation of their relationship. And. its success was really built upon. the alignment. they had when it came to their core. values. And they emphasized. they're in love with each other. Of. course, they're attracted to each other, but that's the easy part. When things.

get hard, love can only get you so far. If you fundamentally view and approach. life differently, there's not much you can do, right? So. guys, I took notes. Okay, I want to talk about like I feel like. you always hear like values. Do you have. the same values? Like do you value the. same things? And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like what actually. are core life values? Like what does. that even mean? that is your view on.

kids, finances, family, religion, politics, and sex. So, I think we should start with one of the. easiest ones. Um, let's start with kids. You're like, "What? No, no, no." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start with kids. Okay. Talking about kids in your relationship. is way more than just like, "Oh, yeah. I. think it'd be nice to have them one day.

Like in order to actually know if you're. aligned, you do need to go deeper. So. yes, obviously the conversation can be. start with like the literally do you. want kids? And if they do, and you do, you have to keep going. How many kids. would they ideally want? That's still. easy, right? Like do they envision. having a small or a large family? And then when do you want them? And what. is your ideal age to to start trying for.

a baby? Do you want to be married for a. few years first? Is there like a. specific career milestone that you want. to hit before you start building a. family? I had shared with you guys this past. year that my timeline around having. children changed. So, I'm not saying. that these decisions need to be 100% set. in stone, but it is important to make. sure that you're at least in the same.

ballpark as each other and that you can. both find common ground on what it is. you want and what you see for. yourselves. For example, if one partner thinks that. they want to have two children and the. other one wants to have four, that's. much easier to compromise on than if one. partner wants nothing more than to be a. parent and the other one doesn't even. want kids at all. Right? And trust me, trying to change your partner's mind on.

this large of a core value is not only. going to be really difficult, but it can. be borderline problematic. One of my friends who I spoke to before. this episode had a previous marriage. that didn't work out for this exact. reason. leading up to getting married, they were having conversations about. kids, and she knew 100% that she wanted. them. And he was really honest and open. that because of his difficult childhood, he didn't think that he really wanted.

kids. And she went into the marriage. thinking that he would change his mind. once he got older and they were actually. married. And guess what? That didn't happen. And so they had a. really heartbreaking divorce because. although there was so much love there. and they were in love, she wanted to start a family. And when she was reflecting back and. talking to me about it, she acknowledges.

that she saw what she wanted to see. She. realized that she swept a really big. issue under the rug because she. convinced herself that like, "No, no, no. He'll change his mind. He'll change. his mind.". Here's my take. People can obviously. change their mind and evolve regarding, you know, what they want out of life. And I actually think that's one of the. most beautiful aspects of being a human. being. And it's like when you do. eventually change your view on. something, that's awesome. That's great.

But when someone is telling you where. they stand, you have to listen and you. have to take it seriously, Daddy Gang. Cuz let's say she was somehow able to. convince him, right? Maybe she got him. to be like, "Yeah, yeah, like maybe I'll. Yeah, maybe I will." Yeah, like or like. maybe. Okay. It's so unhealthy when. someone changes their mind about. something this large solely to appease. their partner. That is going to cause such issues down.

the road. And I know it can be extremely. difficult when you are in love with. someone and it. it just feels like you're not aligned on. that one aspect of life, right? It's. just that one thing. thing if we could. just fix that one thing cuz everything. else is great. Trust me, it will do more. damage than good. It's just a band-aid. So, my advice with kids is like listen. to what your partner is telling you when. it comes to this value, right? Another.

thing about kids that I think people. really don't talk about and my mom was. talking to me about this is like what. happens when you struggle to have them? Obviously, having children looks. different for everyone and can be. really, really difficult or even. impossible for some women. So, ladies. watching this, you should be asking your. partner before you decide to sign up for. a life with them, hey, if we struggled. to get pregnant, hypothetically, like,

how would you cope with that? Would they be open to IVF? Would they. ever consider adoption? And I also fully. understand. when you first start having these. conversations, right? You're like, you're in progress of trying to figure. out is this your life partner? You're. dating for a while. Maybe you've moved. in. Like, I get that when you're. broaching this topic, especially with. kids. This may not be something that. he's thought about before, but you can. catch a vibe. If you ask him his.

thoughts on kids and he is constantly. swerving the conversation or somehow. making it more about him than you, please, for the love of God, listen to. your gut. I'm going to move on from kids in a. second cuz I also recognize there's a. lot of people that may not want kids. But lastly, on this one specific topic, I will say. we're still talking kind of about the. easy part, right? You're fantasizing and. dreaming about the life you'll hopefully.

have. Oh my god, this is so fun. How. many kids do you want? Wait, how many. kids do you want? And oh my god, if. everything works out and it's super easy. to conceive and we have this like what. are their names? But then what happens. after you have kids, right? Does your. partner expect you to stay home with the. kids all day? And how do you feel about. that? How will you divide up the child. care responsibilities with your partner? And like guys, I know again. these questions that I'm asking you like. you may not be able to get the exact.

firm answers to, especially the first. time that you bring them up, but even I. would almost urge you just start within. yourself. What do you think your. partner's answer will be to all these. questions? I truly believe that more than half the. time you actually know exactly what. their answer will be. Because when. you're in a relationship with someone, you learn their morals and their values. You know how they treat you. You watch. how they treat other people in their. life and in the world. Most of the time,

the answer is right in front of you. So, you have to stop avoiding it because. that is about to be your reality and. your life. Okay, let's keep going because I feel. like. you cannot talk about kids seriously. without talking seriously about money. Money, honey. Okay. When you are looking. to build a life with someone, you need. to be aware of your partner's finances.

Full stop. You need to know how much. your partner makes in a year, what their. financial commitments like rent or loans. are, and what their overall financial. goals are. Cuz if you're merging your. life with someone, you are most likely. going to be merging your finances in. some capacity with them. Now, I want to be so clear. I am not. saying that in order for someone to be. the one, you need to be making bank. They need to be making bank and all this. money. What I'm saying is that you need.

to be aware of the financial situation. that you're signing up for with your. partner so that you can make sure you. are both aligned. Do you want a joint bank account? Do you. not? How are you at budgeting? Do you. want a prenup? What lifestyle costs are. essential to you? What are your. financial priorities? I totally. understand that comparing your 401ks. isn't exactly the hottest conversation, but are you aligned on the way that you. are approaching savings or investing? Do.

each of you have a 401k? Do you know. what this person's credit score is? Does. he even know h where to find his credit. score? You don't want to be the person who. shortly after getting married realizes. that her husband is $90,000 in credit. card debt and you had no idea. and now. it's somewhat your responsibility. I think it's really important to have an. open discussion with your partner about. your career goals and your ambitions. What about, you know, work life balance?

It's the classic saying like, do you. live to work or do you work to live? There is no right answer. There's a. right answer for you and your partner. But I can tell you right now, it's. definitely going to affect your. relationship, whatever that answer is. And if you're on different pages and you. never discuss it, it's going to heavily. impact your dynamic. Matt and I are both workaholics right. now and his drive is one of the things.

that I find really, really attractive. about him and we definitely prioritize. our careers in certain moments. And we. both had previous relationships where. that was a pain point and our partners. resented that we didn't make them feel. prioritized. But it is something that really works. for Matt and I and we are aligned on. So. my final thought is just. there should be no secrecy when it comes. to finances in your relationship. If one.

person is more of the bread winner, it. should not give them more power and the. right to withhold information from you. if you are in a committed partnership. Okay. So we have kids, we have career. and finances. Guys, we're crushing. This. is like easy. Okay. Um, but don't get. too comfortable because this next one. may truly be the trickiest of them all. Um, let's talk about family. His family, her family, your family.

Family. Oh, family. [gasps] Right around. the holiday season, too. This is. perfect. Family is a really tough one. because. a lot of it comes down to priorities and. boundary setting and navigating dynamics. that existed way before you came into. the picture. And you can get a sense of. this early into dating, right? The more. you spend time with your partner and.

their family or don't spend time, you're. going to begin to understand the. dynamic, the role that your partner. plays in their family and how their. family treats them and you. guys, every single family has baggage. There is no way around it. But my. question is like, are you and your. partner align on how you handle it? I. remember a guy that I was seriously. dating had a very very unhealthy.

relationship with his parents and I. don't know like at first glance in the. early days of dating. I didn't really. think much of it because he would. lightly talk about it with me and I was. there for him and sometimes it was. honestly just like a bonding moment for. the two of us and whose family isn't a. little [ __ ] up, right? But then once our relationship started. to get more serious and I was starting. to become an actual more permanent.

factor in now this family dynamic, spending holidays together, right? Like. going on family trips or whatever, I. started to feel the. extraordinarily. unhealthy lack of boundaries that I was. now being pulled into. And it quickly. dawned on me how this would impact the. rest of my life and if I did choose to. spend it with him. And I need to.

emphasize that the reason that I became. acutely aware of how negative of an. impact it would have on me was not. because of the inappropriate behavior. from my potential in-laws. Like that is. literally going to be every [ __ ]. family. I feel like everyone's going to. have a weird one with their in-laws. That is a classic. But it was the way. that my partner handled the mistreatment. and the boundary crossing that made me. realize he. was never going to protect our.

relationship or me when things got. unhealthy with his family because I. would bring it up. and then I would bring it up again. And. I want to be really clear. I have so. much compassion and understanding and. experience with unhealthy families. I get you don't get to pick your family. and sometimes it is the hardest thing in. the world to break these patterns that.

have been there since day one. But this wasn't that. It quickly became. him and his family versus me. So often. that I would feel alienated. I was. publicly being disrespected and my. partner never made any attempt to. validate me, to comfort me, or to change. anything. He just fell immediately back into who. he was as a little boy in that house. with his parents.

It was kind of, you know, like he was. just kind of like, this is the way. things are and they're not changing. He. had no interest in therapy. And so for. me, I was like, "This is there's no way this. is going to ever work.". And I know it's really, really hard, but. Daddy Gang, this is something that you. have to consider. Is your partner honestly interested in. breaking unhealthy patterns that yes, may be transgenerational in his family, but he's willing to do the work. Doesn't.

mean it's going to be quick. Doesn't. mean it's going to be easy. This could. most likely this is going to be for the. rest of your life, right? Like you're. marrying his family. Everyone's family's. [ __ ] up. Are they willing though, your. partner, to do the work to protect your. relationship and protect both both of. you individually and as a couple? I'm not. here to judge anyone on the threshold of.

what you are capable of personally. handling, but I'm just asking these questions, Daddy Gang, of like. talking openly about your family. dynamics and past issues is so so so. important when you're building a strong. foundation as a couple. You're building. a partnership. I get that family is special and sacred. and also so complicated, but if your. needs are constantly being put second to.

their family's drama, it's going to take a toll on you. And. you have to make sure that you are. aligned with your partner on boundaries. when it comes to family and what you are. both willing and not willing to put up. with. I know that's a really tough one because. I just feel like everyone. it's so it's so hard because it's it it. it takes a second to broach the topic. with your partner because they can be. defensive cuz then you compare like. whose family is more [ __ ] up. I get. it. But as you continue to watch.

patterns with your partner, are they. essentially just abandoning you in these. moments and you're left to be like, "Wait, wait. When we're home, it's. completely different than when we're. here. I like completely lose you. What's. going on? That's the [ __ ] you have to start to. look out for. Okay, [laughter]. Daddy King, we are like kind of almost. out of the trenches. Um, we've had a lot. of the big conversations. The next one. is a little I'm going to keep this. short. Okay, but the next one is Yeah,

this isn't this is a little bit of a. doozy. Okay. Um, the next one is. religion. Guys, how fun is this episode? There is nothing sexier than falling in. love. That's the easiest [ __ ] part of. being in this life, you guys. Falling in. love. Oh, [ __ ] me. So fun. It's this. [ __ ] that then you're like, "This is why. [ __ ] doesn't last." Cuz not a lot of. people go through these [ __ ] items. and actually make sure, are you aligned? So, here we go. Religion. Woo. Um, okay.

Some of you may know, I was raised. Catholic and Matt is Jewish. And before. we got engaged, we had a lot of. conversations, a lot a lot of. conversations about the role that. religion would play in our marriage. How. would religion factor into our wedding. ceremony? What holidays and traditions. would we honor together? How do we want. to raise our children? And I cannot. imagine.

being married to Matt today without. having had all those really detailed. intimate conversations, especially as we are thinking about. having kids. Religion and faith is so. deeply personal and it's so important. that you know where you guys stand. before committing to a life together. Um, I will never forget. It was the first guy that I was like. truly truly in love with. And at the.

time, he was probably the first person I. was like, "Okay, I actually think I. could like see a future with this. person." And I remember I was visiting. him in his hometown and we were driving. home from a dinner and somehow the topic. of kids came up and it was like exciting. and fun and just like, you know how you. do it? you just kind of like romanticize. and you have fun and you think about it. And at first everything was like pretty. aligned. We both agreed on how many kids.

we would want. We started going through. just kind of everything that I mentioned. in this episode so far. Like, oh my. gosh, like what would you want to name. them? And like if you were working, what. would I be doing and how would we handle. that and blah blah like we were really. aligned. And then somehow. religion came up in relation to how we. would want to raise kids. And again, before I say this, I just. want to be clear. I do not judge. anyone's religious beliefs.

What he shared with me. deeply went against my personal beliefs. and what I want to instill in my. children and raising my children. And in that moment, like we couldn't. have been less aligned. And I could tell. he didn't really think it was a big. deal, but I knew it was just something I was. like, "Oh my god, I don't think I'm I.

don't think I'm going to be able to get. over this." And I definitely like. pressed him a little bit and kept asking. him like, "Well, would you be open?" And. it was just like flat out no. Kind of. like I said earlier with the woman with. the kids thing. And he was saying no. And I had to. I kind of had a pit in my stomach the. rest of that trip with him because I was. like the love is there, the sex is. there, the like lifestyle concepts, and. then this was the one thing that I was. like, "Oh my god, I can't I don't think.

I could look past this." And so, yes, it. can be awkward early days to talk about. religion. You're like at a [ __ ] like. hot sexy restaurant. Your tits are. pushed up. You're looking hot. It's date. night. And you're like, "So, let's talk. religion." It's like, "No, I get it. It's not sexy, but it is not something. that you should put on the back burner. and leave until after marriage to figure. out.". And this kind of wraps into politics.

[laughter]. You're like, I have to go take a lap. around my neighborhood. I feel like I'm. in a [ __ ] history lesson class, Alex. Trust me, I'm Listen, I know it may not. be technically fun, but it's kind of. fun. Come on, it's kind of fun. Um, politics. I get these are really sensitive topics. and. you do have to like you have to have. these conversations at some point. You. don't have to have the exact point.

bypoint beliefs as your partner, but you. have to, I truly believe, have some sort. of alignment and respect for where the. other person stands, right? Like, I will. leave politics to you guys. You don't. need me to weigh in on that one. But. like, I guess I would just say I do think it's. important as a woman to know, does he. support women having equal rights to. men? And does he support women having. rights to their own body? Does he believe women should have.

autonomy over making decisions about. their own bodies? Just throwing it out. there. Good to know as a woman. You know. what I mean? Um, it's so sad that these. are the things that we need to be asking. nowadays, but this is the reality that. we're in. So, you catch my [ __ ]. drift. Um, okay. We're swerving. Let's talk about sex, guys. See, I told. you this is going to get fun. Um, here's the truth. We all know this at. this point. Attraction can fade and your.

sex drive will obviously fluctuate, but. where do you guys stand on just baseline. expectations? Do you both agree that you should both. be having orgasms, not just him? What a. concept. Are they willing to put in the. work to make sure you're actually. getting pleasure from sex? Are you. aligned with how you talk about sex and. the role of sex and what it plays in. your relationship? Do you feel like it's.

an open conversation that you can safely. share your wants and your needs with. your partner? The end of the day, every. relationship puts a different emphasis. on sex. Some people want it, some people. don't want it as much. Some people have. this habit. Everyone has a different. thing. That is up for you and your. partner to decide. But I really. recommend making sure that you feel. comfortable having open communication. about what you want when it comes to. this. And have these conversations. before you're committing your life to. someone because your sex life matters.

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. T-Mobile. Daddy gang, let's be real. I'm. not exactly known as being like the most. like outdoorsy girl, okay? I like a. little hot tub outdoor, maybe a little. drink on the patio, but that is like. literally probably the furthest that I. will ever go from my couch. But when. Matt and I were on vacation last week, the only thing that this man wanted to. do was go on a hike. Was I thrilled. about this? Absolutely not. But luckily, Matt didn't have to hear me complain. because I was able to text my girls.

group chat the entire time we were on. this hike. I updated them about how. miserable my feet were. Sent them some. cute pictures of Henry and Bruce, obviously, and I was even able to vent. about how mad I was that we took the. wrong turn instead of yelling at my poor. husband that we went on a longer walk. than I anticipated. But even in the. middle of nowhere on a random trail with. zero bars, I was able to stay connected. with T-Mobile. The new Google Pixel 10. automatically connects to T satellite. when you're off the grid and has early. access to T satellite ready apps like.

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Status, but now you won't believe where. you are with it either. Check it out at. t-mobile.com/magenta. status. Call Her Daddy is brought to you. by Tinder. All right, let's talk about. Tinder. Or better yet, let's talk about. the early days euphoria that comes with. having a new crush. the kind of crush. where you've been maybe down bad, but in. the best way. Okay, you cannot stop. thinking about them. Every single song. reminds you of them and you are making. up scenarios about them in your head.

There's kind of nothing better, right? Well, amazing news. That crush feeling. is waiting for you on Tinder. Like. literally right now, you have no idea. what is out there unless you start. looking. And Daddy Gang, the. possibilities are endless. Once you have. a crush, even the most mundane moments. become beyond monumental. It is time to. find the person who makes your entire. day better by simply just texting you, "Hey," with a smiley face, you deserve. it. Okay, we all know there's no better.

feeling. And finding a new crush is. easier than you think. Thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for. yourself. Tinder, it starts with a. swipe. Download Tinder today. Okay, so. core values. Check. Check. Check. We are. literally thriving. Okay. Um we may have. lost I realized some soldiers along the. way. Maybe you maybe you paused this and. you went and dumped your boyfriend um. because of you know you realized, oh, I've had these conversations and he's. given me nothing. He's given me nothing.

He's shown his true colors. I really. love that for you. I love when someone. pauses an episode of Color Daddy and. just completely breaks up with their. boyfriend. That is that's being. efficient, babe. Okay. Um, but I want to go back to my parents for. a second because hearing my parents talk. about the foundation that they built. before even getting married and then. continued to build upon, it was just. really helpful in understanding what it. actually takes to maintain and grow a.

healthy 40year marriage. And something that my mom also. emphasized is that. you can be aligned on all of this. All of this. Oh, check. Religion. Boom. Politics. Boom. Sex. Boom. Family. Well, family's [ __ ] crazy, but boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Checking it left. and right. Boom. Boom. Boom.

But then life happens, [ __ ] Okay. And. life is beyond unpredictable and you. truly never know what it's going to. throw at you, okay? Stress, change, loss, parenthood, financial pressures, identity shifts, life is going to test. us. But there is no denying that having. a partner who you can trust and you. respect and they respect you to go.

through the bad times with, it makes it. a hell of a lot easier than going. through it alone. Which brings me to my next point. How does your partner handle hard. moments? When stressful or traumatic. situations happen, obviously we all. respond differently. You don't have to. have the same response as your partner, but. you do want to pay attention to how.

they're able to cope with and handle. these type of situations, right? Like, is your partner able to stay present and. get through a hard time or are they. immediately emotionally withdrawing and. disappearing and shutting down in tough. times? Do you still feel safe and secure. with your partner? Do you feel like the two of you are. going to be able to work together to. figure out a way through it? Do you feel. supported? If you're sitting here. reflecting on.

a tough moment that you and your partner. have been through and you're sitting. there and you're kind of thinking like, "Okay, wait, Alex. Um, no. I actually. felt really isolated or scared or like I. was the one taking on all of the burden. while they were completely checked out. Then really think about if this dynamic. will work for you long term. Look, when life throws something. horrible at you, I understand there is.

no rulebook on how to handle it. perfectly. And honestly, in those type. of situations, people are going to need. a lot of grace. A lot of times, we're. dealing with things for the first time. But overall, you just need to have trust. in your partner that when you are faced. with any form of adversity, this person. is not going to run away. They're going to stand next to you and. weather the storm. Okay? Picture this, Daddy Gang. You get a.

phone call. You find out your mom has. had a health emergency and she's being. rushed to the hospital right now. God. forbid. Let's knock on wood. Okay? You. are working. Your partner is working. Your dog's at daycare. You got, you. know, a friend's birthday dinner that. night. There's a million things going on. in your life and you are freaking out. rightfully so. You call your partner. You say, you say, "I have to go to the. hospital. I lit I literally can't think. about anything right now. I have to go.

see my mom. Can you handle everything? Daddy gang, do you trust them to. actually handle it? Do you trust that they will call and. tell your friends that you can't make. dinner? That they're going to go pick up. your dog and take him on a walk and then. give him dinner? Do you trust that your. partner will show up to the hospital. later that night to check on you? Are. they asking what do you need? Oh, wait. I don't want to ask her cuz she's so. stressed. I'm just going to think to. bring her clothes and get her dinner.

Like, do you have a partner who you. trust will be there emotionally for you. to help you get through these type of. moments because they're going to come? Or do you think that you'll have to send. them a checklist of everything that. needs to be done to keep your guys life. moving? Will they even show up? Have you guys seen um the Tik Tok videos. those like girls have been posting where. it's like the boyfriend is doing dumb.

[ __ ] and they film the boyfriend and. they caption it like I can't believe. this is my emergency contact. Obviously. I know that's a joke and it's like. really funny but if you actually think. about that for a second now be serious. If you actually are having a medical. emergency and the doctors need your. partner to make insanely highstake. decision for you. Do you trust your. partner can make the right call? And I get it. I get it if you're sitting. here being like, "Okay, Alex, relax.". Like you're being a little like you're.

being dramatic. This is a little. dramatic. I I get it. These things sound. so far off. It sounds like so far away. This won't happen. But stuff like this. happens all the time. And you need to be. asking yourself these tough questions. If it's your boyfriend in high school, no. I don't give a [ __ ] if he's going to. be capable of like deciding when you're. on your deathbed what to do with you. That's not where we're at in life. But. when you are now deciding for a life. partner, not just like a he's so hot and.

he brings me flowers, he's going to be. such a hot dad. Like when you're 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, do you want this person by. your side through the hardest times? My dad recently had a really big health. scare and his recovery required him to. be at home on bed rest and my mom. significantly stepped up. And I remember. my mom said to me it was one of the.

really really tough difficult nights. She had been sleeping on a hospital. chair. Then they got him home and she. was up all night and. she found herself. feeling so grateful. and she had she was like I just remember. sitting there and I'm so uncomfortable. and I haven't slept in my and then I'm. like oh my god I'm so grateful because. there wasn't a question in her mind that. although she's exhausted and she's. drained and she's scared.

they were in this together and she. wouldn't want to be doing this with. anyone. one else. and the amount that she had to do for. him and care for him. She knew that he. would do and will do the exact for her. And. honestly, stressful moments or hard. times, they don't have to be life or. death. Okay? So, if you're all like, "Well, I've never been sick. I've never. gone to the hospital. I can't relate.". Okay, fine. Then, let's give a dumber.

example. Okay? Um, Matt and I were on. vacation one time and I remember we had. a really long drive from the hotel to. the airport. It was the end of the. vacation and it was going to take about. 2 hours to get there. So, we budgeted. for three just to be safe and we figured. we would still have, you know, like an. hour and a half at the airport. It was. an international flight. It was a. straight shot literally down one. singular road to the airport. Easy. Easy. No problem. Right. What do you.

think happened? It ended up being one of. those travel days from hell. It ended up. taking us over 5 hours to get to the. airport. And it became extremely clear. really quickly that we were going to not. only miss our flight, but we had one of. the most important meetings for our. company the next day. And so we're on. this remote in the middle of nowhere. Bum [ __ ] And we started to run out of. gas. Naturally. Naturally. The guy. driving's like, "Oh yeah, we're fucked.". I'm like, "Perfect. Perfect. Love this.

So overall stress couldn't have been. higher. And in that moment, we could have. started bickering, blaming each other. We could have started fighting. But we. sat there and we were like, "Okay, we. can't control any of this. We can't. change this. What can we do to try to. make this a little better? And let's try. to find a solution." So I called the. airline to see what we could do. Matt. called the car company to figure out the. gas situation and we were just working.

together to get through this [ __ ] show. And honestly, even though it was a. horrible day, we were both so stressed, but I felt like we were on the same team. the whole time. That's what I have felt. with Matt since day one of meeting him. We are on the same team. Doesn't mean we. don't fight, but it's like. I have had it also on the other end. Daddy Gang. I remember a similar. situation actually just with a different. guy. I was driving out to the Hamptons.

with an exboyfriend boyfriend at the. time and everything literally everything. that could go wrong was going wrong. Insane traffic, road closures, losing. cell service in the [ __ ] Hamptons. Like somehow all of these uncontrollable. factors though of like, "Oh my god, how's that?" All became my fault. He's. screaming at me in the car saying, "You. should have thought ahead. You know, why. didn't you print out the directions?". I'm sorry. Who owns a [ __ ] printer?

Like, oh, Map Quest. No one even knows. what that is watching this [ __ ] show. Okay. But I remember I felt so. shut down and just like. attacked and upset and alone in that. moment. And it's because when I look. back, that was not just a one-off. That. was a theme in that relationship. And I know we're talking about [ __ ]. travel, but again, I'm saying these are.

themes. The difference between the way. Matt and I were handling that extends. into our life. The way that my ex and I. were handling that extended into our. life. So advice is. pay attention when things are stressful. Does your partner get angry and just. blame you and the world when [ __ ] is. going wrong? Or do they actually have. the wherewithal to dig deep and face the. discomfort with you and if anything. double down on being a good partner,

step up for you. I think this also can tie into the more. day-to-day disagreements and arguments. that you might get into. Like when it. comes to how your partner handles. conflict, some things I think that you. could consider are can they take. accountability? Can they acknowledge mistakes and. apologize? Like my mom was pointing out. like if every fight you have feels super.

intense and exhausting, that is not. sustainable. You should be able to have. a disagreement, hear each other out, and. arrive at common ground without this. becoming a multi-day argument. It may not sound like a huge deal, but. if you aren't compatible in this area, it can really start to [ __ ] up other. parts of your relationship because. when you don't feel seen, understood, taken care of, you start to get resentful and.

distrustful of your partner. Small disagreements are constantly blown. into something much bigger. Like, let me. give you an example. I had a. relationship where sometimes the guy. would put down my career and I would. constantly tell him in the moment how. much that hurt me and instead of taking. accountability and whether he was, you. know, explaining his intentions or even.

just apologizing and whatever, he just. refused to engage and would brush it off. with a, okay, you're being sensitive. I. didn't mean it like that. and then it would happen again. And we. were constantly having all of this. conflict but never ever getting any. resolution because he wasn't willing to. engage in any honest accountable way. And so then I would be like, so then you. so then you as the person that's like, wait, why won't they take.

accountability? You end up just kind of. sweeping it behind you. But then when it. keeps happening, you're like, what? Wait. and you're never going to grow as. a couple. I think that accountability, it's a nonnegotiable, Daddy Gang. It is absolutely essential. to have a partner who knows when they. have hurt your feelings or done. something wrong, who then can own it and. apologize. And I get it when I'm saying. that. We're all sitting here and we're. like, "Of course, of course, of course. That's life. It's not just romantic.

It's, you know, work and friends and. partners and family." guys, actually ask. yourself, cuz I've been in it. I'm. giving you my examples of like when you. are in a relationship with someone, it's. it can feel really small. It's not that. overt of like, I'm not going to. apologize, Casey. It's no, it's it's the. slight little deflection. It's the. slight little gaslighting of just like, oh, well, I sorry you felt that way. No, no, no, no. Not sorry you felt sorry. I.

any any lack of accountability. I really. don't think that you can have a. relationship with someone like that. And when they say, "I'm sorry," it. should be because they genuinely mean it. and they want to learn and to grow from. it because they love you and they don't. want to upset you and they want to grow. as a partnership. They shouldn't be. saying I'm sorry because they're trying. to people please and avoid any type of. conflict and just get it over with and. move on. Guys, every couple is going to argue at.

some point. Matt and I argue. That is. life. But what matters is how you do it, how you fight, how you argue. You should be able to express how you. feel without fear of retaliation. And. that is something that my mom growing up. always instilled in my siblings and I. with whatever romantic relationship we. were engaging in. And she talked about. it at dinner. She talked to us about how. your partner should listen to you and. work to make you feel heard and vice. versa. You should do this all for them.

as well. They should never stonewall you by. ignoring you or giving you the silent. treatment. Like if you if this person's. giving you get out, get the [ __ ] out cuz. that's just manipulation 101. I feel like. I've seen a lot of couples get to the. point where they just stop bringing. things up, right? Like my mom was. talking to me about this. One of her. friends has gotten to that point where. it's just like it's not even worth it. it's not even worth it to bring it up. because they know they're never going to.

get any resolution. And it's like you deserve better. You. don't have to settle for that. If you. are settling for that, you are. essentially alone. That's not a. partnership. You're just coexisting. You shouldn't emotionally feel exhausted. at all times. And therefore, you just start avoiding. and ignoring your feelings. Something I um saw recently online that.

really got me thinking and I want to. pose the question back to you guys is. would you be insulted or would you take. it as a compliment if someone said. you're so similar to your partner? You. remind me so much of your partner. Would. you be like, "What? [laughter]. What the [ __ ] Take that back." Or would. you be like, "Oh my god, I really.

appreciate that." Because you respect. the [ __ ] out of your part. Which would. it be? That that ask yourself that. today. That could end almost that could. cut off a 100,000 relationships right. there. People could be like, "Oh, fuck.". Well, when you put it like that, get me. the [ __ ] away from that loser. Right? Obviously, how the two of you exist in. your relationship is so important, but. they also need to be an individual that. you respect. It's so important that you can both.

individually grow and then grow together. as a couple and be supportive of each. other in that process. That's what my. mom. not even just at this dinner something. that you know I always have asked my mom. about with my dad and her is like my. parents have gone through so many. different life phases. I remember. growing up and my dad was. primarily the bread winner and my mom. although was working but she was kind of.

part-time working cuz she was taking. care of us and I remember when my dad. lost his job and I remember when my mom. and him I just remember as a kid them. having like the longest conversations. after dinner. They'd be like you guys. like go play outside or whatever and. they would just sit there and you could. just tell they were like tag teaming. this thing of like what is our move? what is this is completely shifting your. identity, my identity, the kid, we need. to figure this out. And so I remember. that where my mom stepped up and my dad.

pivoted and the all these things. happened and then now I'm watching them. grow and it's like, oh my god, my father. just retired. My mom is still wanting to. work. Like there's all these dynamics at. play. But what my mom has always talked. about is the way yes, step one was the. foundation and the values and all that. And then we had to grow together. And I think a lot of times people. struggle to if you're growing sometimes. we are like is our partner growing with. us? And it's and it's a lot to navigate.

because it's three dynamics. It's you, them, and then the us. And my mom just. said the thing that has kept your father. and I together through all of it is like. we are in lock step with growing. and pushing each other to be better. And. that is such an inspiration to me. because I idolized my parents and their. relationship. I literally the reason I. didn't want to get married at one point. in was my life because I was like I'm. never gonna find what they have. And so. it's like that point. Think about that,

right? Ask yourself, is your partner. actively doing the work and looking for. areas in their life to improve and. evolve. or are they just kind of coasting. through life? Pay attention to how your partner treats. their body, their career, and their. hobbies, right? The baseline expectation. you should have is that your partner is. taking care of themselves. Do they. exercise? Are they eating right? Like, of like guys, we all eat like [ __ ].

[ __ ] at times, but like, are they doing. some type of do they have some type of. daily routine? Do they show up on time. to work? or are they constantly going. out getting [ __ ] up and kind of. letting their body run on autopilot? I'm not saying these things at all for. vanity or because you need to like go. find a gym bro or like go be the. healthiest people ever. I'm not. I'm. just saying the way that someone cares. for themselves says a lot about how they.

care for other people. Call Her Daddy is. brought to you by Shopify. I cannot believe it's almost been a year. since we released Unwell Hydration. Our. winter launch party was beyond fun. We. had ice sculptures, [music]. fur boots, and of course, Unwell. Hydration in everyone's hands. The. holidays are truly the most exciting. time of year for entrepreneurs. You can. do limited edition drops, market popups, gift sets, and just kind of anything you.

can imagine. And there's just so much. opportunity. But you really need to be. ready to take that opportunity. And that. is why I use Shopify. It keeps literally. everything organized in one place so I. can stay creative and focus on making. things people actually want. With. Shopify Magic and their suite of AI. tools, I basically have my own assistant. helping with literally everything from. giving reports to even generating. content ideas. And I love that I can run.

my entire business right on my phone. Like I will be standing in line grabbing. a coffee, checking orders, tracking. sales. It's all right there and it saves. me so much time and lets me actually. enjoy this season while growing the. business. So Daddy gang, it is your time. to build your brand. Head to. shopify.com/daddy. to see how easy it is to start your. business today. It is officially the. holiday season, which means back-toback.

parties, hitting up your hometown bar, and squeezing in every second with your. favorite people. And that, ladies and. gentlemen, calls for bringing a White. Claw variety pack to every party this. holiday season. My personal favorite is. Black Cherry. But I've learned you got. to have something for everybody, right? My brother loves the raspberry. My. sister is obsessed with the natural. lime. So, whatever celebrations you've. got on the calendar this year, just grab. a White Claw variety pack and make it a.

moment everyone is going to enjoy. My. absolute favorite part of the holiday. season is always the night before. Thanksgiving when it's just me and my. siblings and our significant others all. hanging out before the rest of our. family arrives. And I always bring a. White Claw variety pack. Cheersing with. a White Claw. It just gets everyone in. the mood to laugh and have fun together. So, pick up a pack from your favorite. local spot and grab life by the claw. with your favorite flavor this holiday. season. Please drink responsibly. Hard.

seltzer with flavors. White Claw Seltzer. Works Chicago, Illinois. When it comes to their career, do they. have ambition? Do they have a good work. ethic? What is their relationship like with. their boss and their co-workers? A lot of times if your partner feels. successful and secure in their own life, then they will bring over that sense of. safety to the relationship that they're. in as well.

But if they feel unstable and without. purpose, then that's what they're. bringing into the relationship. Again, I want to be so clear. This. doesn't mean that you have to always be. in a job. people get laid off. They are. we you're gonna struggle there. All of. this what I'm just saying is are you. with someone who do they have a passion. or how about this? How are they just.

showing up in their daily life? How did. they approach life? Is this person a. functioning human being? Do people. respect them? Do people like being. around them? Do people go to them for. advice? Do people respect their opinion? Do people like them to be at the party, the function, the event? Are people. excited when they see this person? You don't need a perfect partner, but. you do need someone willing to evolve.

because if you're doing all the growing. in the relationship professionally, emotionally, financially, mentally, it's going to become really unbalanced. really fast. and that just won't work in. the long run. So, [sighs]. as we wind down, like my therapist says, whenever she says that, I'm like, "Okay, bitch." I'm like, "Oh, I see how it is. We were just hitting our stride and now. the 50-minute mark hits and she's like, "Anyway, you're like mid-trauma." And.

she's like, "We will discuss this next. week." You're like, "Wait, no." Um, listen, I get that this is a lot. I also. need to again preface this of like I. don't have a picture perfect. relationship. I have things that I need. to work on in my relationship. I just. felt like this week after I was so. inspired by my parents. I was so. inspired by the other couples that I. spoke to and I recognized that. whether there's people in the world that. you didn't have the.

example in front of you growing up, whether you don't have maybe people. around you that you can use kind of as a. sounding board. Maybe you've had a lot. of relationships that you're trying to. break out of patterns. We're all coming. from a different perspective and place. But if you're sitting right now, right, listening and you're like, damn. Okay, I. like I like this, but it honestly.

I feel like maybe this is just too much. to ask for. There's just this is I can't. expect this, Alex. Like this all sounds. great, but like there's not actually. someone out there that's going to align. with me on all these values and be able. to meet me blah blah. I promise you it. is not expecting too much. You are not. asking for too much. You are just with. the wrong person. To be clear, I'm not telling any of you.

to just like run out right now and dump. your boyfriend or your partner. I think. what I'm trying to tell you is just. think about what you're willing to. compromise on, not in the short term, in. the long run. And think about what you. already have been compromising on and. what you absolutely need to be aligned. on. Because in order to have a healthy, stable, long-term relationship,

it's so fun when there's passion and. it's the early stages and it's the. honeymoon, but when that wears off and. you're stuck with the real life [ __ ]. that's when being on the same page with. your partner is really going to [ __ ]. matter. When you're aligned on the big. things, you build a solid foundation in. your relationship. the little stuff, it. just makes it seem so much easier to. navigate together. So, yes, people can. grow and change, but there's a limit and.

you can't force someone to completely. alter who they are. And I will be. honest, I really struggled with that for. a really long time. Like, I'm coming to. you guys being like, I have been in so. many relationships that whether some. [ __ ] up, some actually quite healthy. that I was like, this is going to be it. But then it's like. I genuinely believe that. doing the work you will find your. partner.

You can't redesign your boyfriend to fit. your exact needs, right? But there comes a point where you. do need to accept that they are who they. are. And that's not easy. But I also want you guys to leave. knowing and I wish someone would have. told me this when I was younger of like. you are never asking for too much. You. are asking for the right things and now. you just have to figure out if you're. with the right person that can give it. to you and meet you there.

[sighs and gasps]. So. I know this topic can feel a little. heavy. Um, but I really hope this. episode reminded you like you're not. alone in feeling the pressure. This is. one of the biggest life decisions you're. ever going to make, right? This is. [ __ ] heavy [ __ ] Whether you're. dating with intention, you know, questioning your current relationship, or you're maybe you're reflecting on. your marriage. The point is, this is real. It's deep. and it matters.

So, take your time. Prioritize this. Prioritize yourself. and ask the hard questions. And most importantly, ladies, trust your. [ __ ] gut. Because like I said. earlier, I have a feeling when I look. back at my previous relationships, most of the time I didn't even need to. ask the person a lot of these questions. to know the answers. People show you who.

they are. You can fill in the blanks and. the context clues. And don't let. yourself. keep convincing. They're going to change. It's going to. change. It's going to change. I know I. say this all the time, but you know, she. is my north star. My mom since day one. has always said, "Anything that bothers. you in your relationship is only going. to get worse when you get married and.

when you have kids and when life just. keeps happening. So, if it's bothering. you now and it's a big pain point in. your relationship, none of that, all of. the the milestones are going to fix it. The marriage, the wedding, the kids, the. holidays, the house, none of that's. going to fix [ __ ] Cuz it's just you and. them with your heads on those pillows at. night. And when the kids leave and they. go to college or something happens and. someone's sick, do you like who you're.

sitting next to? And no one can answer that for you. except for yourself. So, I hope this was. helpful. I hope that you guys can take. something from it. And always know that. I'm not judging. And I'm always just. hoping that anything that I'm learning. in my life, whether it's through therapy. or through family or through friends or. through resources, that I can give it to. you guys and hopefully it can help in. your life in some capacity. So, Daddy. gang, you know the drill. I will see you. [ __ ] next Wednesday. Goodbye.

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