How To End A Relationship Rut

Daddy gang, welcome back to another. Sunday session. I hope everyone had a. nice holiday break. Um I hope you guys. got some rest. I don't even know why, but I feel exhausted even though I. should be so relaxed because it was the. holidays. So I'm about to crack open an. Unwell energy. Everyone calls this the POG flavor or. the POG flavor. It's passion fruit. orange guava. You can get it. Oh, little ASMR. You can get it at your. local Target everyone. I'm obsessed with.

these. You guys I didn't really even. drink like energy drinks like I think. most of my friends do. Like I would have. one like once a week or something, but. now I'm drinking one every single day. because they're so delicious. Oh my god, that's what I needed. Okay, holiday break we're back. Also, I feel. like New Year's resolutions don't even. start until Monday, right? Like we're. fine. Okay, we've got one more day. We. can just relax and we can chill before. life hits us in the freaking face. I.

hope you're all laying on the couch. eating some holiday leftovers. Maybe. your screen time is up. It's a beautiful. time to be alive. I actually came across. a Tik Tok the other week while I was. scrolling that I saved because I wanted. to come on here and talk about it with. you guys because it got me thinking. The. Tik Tok was essentially a girl asking, "Please help girls like what are we. talking about at dinner with our. long-term partners?" And she went on to. say that at a certain point after years.

of being. you kind of just know everything about. each other. So what the [ __ ] are you. going to talk about? You know, I think it's interesting. because. I will say like usually my day-to-day. life Matt and I. don't have enough time to talk about all. the things that we want to talk about. Like we don't run out of things to talk. about. We both have really hectic jobs. We're going out. We're meeting new. people. We're both so busy with our own. routines and that kind of makes us come. together at the end of the day and it's.

like pretty easy cuz there's just so. much for us to discuss, right? But I. have noticed that say we go on like a. 2-week vacation, which is never, but I. guess just happened because it's the. holidays. But like if you are away. together maybe or things are slowing. down like for the holidays and you're. just together 24/7 at home, let's say. There is a lot less to discuss when you. go and sit down for dinner because you. literally just spent the whole [ __ ]. day together. You're like, "We moved. from the couch to outside and then we.

took a little 5-minute walk to stretch. our legs to go rot in bed again." Like. we were together the whole time. We. brushed our teeth next to each other. So. what do you talk about when dinner hits, right? And so as I was scrolling through. the comments on this girl's Tik Tok, I. saw a lot of people who were struggling. with the same thing. And it can lead to. I think some feelings of anxiety, right? You're like, "Am I bored with this. person? Should we just turn on the TV.

during like is there something wrong if. we sit in silence? Has the spark died?". And while I don't think necessarily that. silence is a bad thing, I do feel like. it can potentially be a red flag if it's. happening all the time. It's great to be. so comfortable with each other that like. you can sit in silence, but it is also. really easy to become complacent in. long-term relationships. On topics like. this, I obviously find it really helpful.

also to turn to people for advice who. have decades more experience than I do. Like I'm coming to you fresh into like. what a 2-year marriage? Like yes, Matt. and I still have so much to talk about. We're not struggling. So I I do think. that I think, "Okay, who would have. experience that could really [ __ ]. talk about this?" And then I think about. my parents who have been together for 40. years. Like how do you not run out of. things to talk about for 40 years? I. actually I'm actually quite fascinated. And so I started doing some good old.

research so that we can go down a rabbit. hole, right? And just I wanted to hear. from older couples who have dealt with. this issue. And you guys. let me tell you what I've been up to. today, okay? I ended up on a website. called 60 and me. Okay? This is an. online magazine for women who are over. 60 years old. So you know, I'm not. personally perusing this website often. To be quite frank, I didn't even know. this [ __ ] website existed.

But let me tell you they've got some. really interesting things to say over. here. The conversations that are. happening on 60andme.com. This is not an. ad. This is just a genuine Thank you 60. and me for providing us. absolutely hard-hitting research. So I. came across this article called Have you. and your spouse run out of things to. talk about? By Pam Lamp. And I'm going. to read a little bit to you today.

Here we go. In our younger days, I'd. watch the older couples next to us in. restaurants and I'd vow we'd never be. like them. Those folks who sat across. from each other and ate their meals in. silence. I'd nudge my husband, "We won't. be like them. That won't be happening to. us." Well, never say never. As we. celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. with white tablecloths, soft music and. menus loaded with French dishes, conversation lasted through cocktails. But after we gave our orders to the. waiter, we struggled. How had we run out.

of things to talk about? Before kids and. mortgages, our younger selves had a. steady stream of thoughts we couldn't. wait to tell each other. Now we. floundered. I wanted more, so we sought. therapy. The therapist we visited did. not think we were falling apart. Still, I winced when she used words like. complacent and stale and stagnant to. describe our relationship. It seems we. expected our marriage to hum along in a. happy rhythm without a lot of effort or. energy on our parts. Our relationship.

craved a good shot of novelty like. humans are wired to do. We had. gravitated towards activities requiring. us to stretch ourselves the least. We. chose restaurants where reservations and. parking spaces were easy to come by. We. hung out with those friends we knew the. best, the comfortable ones who were the. most like us. But newness, it injects. excitement and passion and brings. couples back to life. Novelty we. discovered didn't have to be on a grand. scale. Cooking new recipes or sipping.

coffee in a trendy neighborhood or. watching a wildlife documentary all. contributed to our relationships reboot. Nowadays, we are the older couple in. restaurants, but we are talking. We. converse about the long list of things. we want to do and learn and how we can. continue to grow together. Um I don't. know about you guys, but I'm [ __ ]. crying. Okay, 60 and me 60 and me coming. through. Guys, if you told me OG color.

daddy days like you're going to be. quoting 60andme.com, [ __ ]. I'd think it was like a sugar daddy. site. I wouldn't think that it was. wisdom, okay? We've come a long way and. so clearly has this couple. Look at that. transition. Basically, she also goes on. to say in the article that she talks. about how their next date night as a. couple was rock climbing together. So. you know what? Go go Pam. Okay, we love. to see it. I hope you are still thriving. with your husband. But what I kind of.

took from reading this is that as human. beings, it is natural for us to drift. towards routine and familiarity in our. lives. Trust me, I know that it is so. much easier on a random Wednesday night. to come home to your partner, get your. favorite takeout, watch your favorite. show that you've seen 19 [ __ ] times. and maybe do your favorite sex position. that night and just like be like, "All. right, calling it a night. Good night, sweetie. Quick kiss. We're done." And. there is nothing wrong with that until.

it becomes the routine every week for. Thursday night and then Friday night and. then Saturday night and then suddenly. you look back and you realize you guys. have been doing the same activities day. after day after day over and over. because the comfort is a lot easier than. trying something different. Over time if. you keep going on like that, of course. you're going to run out of things to. talk about together cuz nothing new or. exciting is ever happening between you. two, right? But if we can prioritize.

trying new things together in a. long-term relationship, then I think. that spark really does start to come. back to the relationship. So let's say. one random Wednesday night, you guys. turn off Netflix and go take a cooking. class instead. There is now so much more. for you to talk about that night, right? When you get home. You're like, "Babe, what did you think of the class? What. was your favorite dish we made? What's. the best meal that you've ever had in. your life? Oh my god, live octopus? When.

did you eat live octopus? Wait a second, you've been to Korea? Like when you were. 12? Oh my god, why did your family go. there? Oh my god, like you went with an. ex-girlfriend? I'm going to [ __ ] kill. you. Tell me about her. What does she. look like? Did you have better sex. together?" I'm just kidding. Don't go. that route. But you know what I'm. saying? Like and then even at the actual. cooking class, you can be flirting. You. can be people watching. You can be. judging people. You can talk [ __ ] You. can have a good [ __ ] time and bond.

together, right? I think when you and. your partner, especially I was thinking. about this when I was preparing for this. episode is like when you move in. together, it becomes even more important. that you two make this a priority. because it's so easy to be like, "Oh, you know, we're nesting. We need to. leave the house to see each other. anymore. Like this is perfect. We love. it. Like yay!" But then you're sitting. on the couch staring at each other and. it's like, wait.

Why are we now just the same person. doing the same thing at the same time? Like, what happened here? There is no. foreplay of you getting ready and. shaving and putting on a cute little. outfit to like go see him. And I think. this kind of leads to my next point. because I have to say that yes, well, trying new things together is so. important for the health of your. relationship, it is also equally as. important that you're trying new things. on your own, daddy gang. In a. relationship, you both need to be.

continuing. to push yourselves individually to. evolve and to change, right? Like, you're not No one Who's interesting if. they're not trying to like become better. or change and evolve? Like, and I think. it's important to have a commitment to. growth from both partners. It's so vital. to have long-term. health for the relationship. If that's. if if if that is what you are committed. to, I genuinely think you will have a. prosperous relationship. And that starts.

with maintaining your independence. From. my experience, I have found that. relationships start to get really stale. when people become too intertwined in. each other's lives. And it's weird cuz. you're like, wait, I thought that's the. point of a relationship. And it's like, to a point. Like, at first it feels. sweet. Like, oh my god, they're my best. friend. We love to do everything. together. But, then over time that dynamic can. take a toll on the relationship. We all. know those [ __ ] couples, right? Every weekend, they have the same social.

calendar, right? Every dentist. appointment, they're by each other's. side. You plan a girls night, well, you. know what? John George Joseph is coming. right along. Oh, babe, I'm coming. It's. like, no, it's just a girls night. Oh, well, John George Joseph, what the [ __ ]. is that? Is coming along, okay? Yes, that's one person. Um, their hobbies are. the same. The shows they watch are the. same. And all of a sudden it's like, they've just become one person. Your social life should not entirely. revolve around your partner. I'm not. saying a majority can't be. I just think. that like, I do think it's beautiful to.

have shared interests with the person. that you are dating or you are married. to, absolutely. But, it is also. necessary to prioritize maintaining your. own individuality. I. look back at relationships that I have. been in and. I wish I had been able to maintain some. more independence in those. relationships. In one of my past. relationships that I ended up getting. cheated on that I recently talked about, my partner's life had just become my.

life. Our days revolved around his. schedule, seeing his friends, watching. his movies, discussing his career, doing. his favorite things. And I think that's. a big reason why it felt impossible for. me to leave even after he freaking. cheated on me. Because having your own independence in. any relationship is so important. Outside of just keeping the spark alive, it's also potentially imperative for. your safety as a woman. If you stop prioritizing your individual.

friendships and make all of your friends. just couple friends or his friends, who. do you turn to for support when you. break up? Or when maybe he doesn't have. the right opinion. So, you're like, oh, I needed a a second opinion. Oh, wait, I've alienated myself. I don't have any. friends anymore. How do you escape. something toxic if you feel isolated to. that person? How can you even picture a life outside. of your partner if you're trapped fully. inside of their world? And I'm not even. saying sometimes it is intentional. Sometimes, you guys, this just happens.

And sometimes it's not even a toxic. situation. It just creeps up and you all. of a sudden look around and you're like, oh my god, we don't interface with. anyone anymore. We're just in our own. bubble. And not only is it interesting. and sexy when your partner has their own. life and friends and hobbies going on, but it's also just healthier overall, especially as women in long-term. relationships. I feel like being in a. relationship does not mean the self-work. just stops. If anything, having a.

long-term partner is actually the. perfect springboard to become even more. curious and interested in learning more. about the world as a whole. Because you. do have someone to go home and bounce. ideas off of it and be like, oh my god, look what I just did. Like, this is so. interesting. And then be getting to. share with your partner, how fun. You guys fell in love with each other as. separate individuals. So, you need to. continue to grow separately to keep that. excitement and intrigue alive in the. relationship. Of course, you need to. bond. Of course, you need to have.

commonality. But, if you completely lose. yourself in the relationship, it's going to get stale. It's going to. get so [ __ ] boring, guys. So, let's say. you and your partner prioritize time. apart. And you prioritize new. experiences together, right? Amazing. Great. We're on the right track. Now, we're looking for that final step. to make sure that you not only are. actually communicating, but you're. having good conversations together as.

long-term partners. I think this is a. huge key because sometimes, and I think a lot of times, there's an. imbalance in relationships. A lot of. times I feel like you'll look at a. couple and you're like, one person is. more interested in growing and working. on themselves and the other person is. kind of stagnant. And that is where it. gets so complicated cuz one person is. like, babe, come on, let's go. Let's do. it. And the other person's like, no, like I don't want to. That's where I. think people start to either gain.

resentment or kind of slowly move apart. from each other. And so, I think when. you're having conversations, even if. let's say you are the one that's going. out and being active, the big key to. these conversations. and keeping them interesting after years. of being together is just to start. asking each other better questions. And. I know that sounds so simple. You're. like, oh, no [ __ ] Alex. No, no, no. Maintaining curiosity about your partner.

and engaging with them in. bids for connection is pivotal to. keeping that spark alive long-term. Listen, I'm sure all of us have seen. that weird trend on TikTok that's like, hey, babe, I saw a bird today. You know. what? I need to go do that to Matt. tonight. And basically, the girl's going. to the boyfriend being like, babe, I saw. a bird today. And then you can kind of. decide how much the man is like. interested in this woman and what she.

has to say because a lot of the men are. like, what the [ __ ] is wrong with you? Or some. of them are like, what color was the. bird? What kind of bird? It's like, whatever you say, babe. I'm going to go. along with it because I love you and I. actually am interested in whatever. you're saying. So, ideally, your partner. hits you with some [ __ ] questions, like I just said. Like, where did you. see the bird? What did it look like? If. And I know this is like the dumbest bare. minimum example, but the point is if.

they are curious and open to engaging. with you on any level of depth, then. that opens the floor for more. substantial conversation. Let's say. you're sitting at dinner in silence. trying to. conjure up the strength to be like, where do we start tonight, babe? Just. hit him with a few open-ended questions. It's this simple, you guys. Tell me about your work day. Explain. your work day to me. What did you do? Tell me about a challenge that you were.

dealing with at work. Ask about things that you're. Okay, I was going to say genuinely. interested in. Maybe you're not. genuinely interested in his work, but. you're genuinely interested in him. And. that is his life and that's what he was. going through that day. So, ask him. about it. If all of a sudden you guys. have these siloed lives where you've. kind of just made it like, we don't want. to talk about work together. I feel like. a lot of people today in our day and. age, like, that's a lot of people's. lives. So, if you have no idea what's. going on in your husband or your wife or. your partner or your.

boyfriend/girlfriend's work lives, maybe. start to ask it. And you don't have to. ask if you don't want like, if they. don't want to talk about the details, totally fine. Did you have a win today at work? Or. what was stressing you out? How can I. help you? I'm a sounding board. I'm. here. Like, try to let them unpack things with you. Also, try to probe them for new stories. Like, even if you have been with this. person for what feels like a million. years and you know every freckle on. their body, you could draw their [ __ ].

tattoos at this point. They're ingrained. in your mind, okay? There are still, I. promise you, stories that you have never. heard from your partner. With Matt, if. we are on a I we've been on certain. vacations where we're like, okay, we've. hit week two and like, now we're sitting. at dinner and we've been talking all. day. Like, there's nothing new to talk. about. I will hit this man with some of. the most random [ __ ] questions I can. think of. I am digging into the. childhood friends. Tell me more about. Jeremy. What's going on with him and his. wife? What do you think's going on, okay? [clears throat] And wait, who did.

you take to prom? No way. Oh my god, she's stunning. Wait, what did you wear. for your What was your first job? What. did you wear for your first day of work? Do you remember? What did your mom pack. you for lunch when you were a kid? Wait, no way. What was your favorite song in. college? When was the last time you. talked to your brother? What's going on. with him? Um, what did you guys talk. about? Literally, we will just go back. and forth asking each other random [ __ ]. on those type of nights where we're. like, we kind of are out of [ __ ] to talk. about. And let me tell you something, it's really fun. Cuz there's like a.

levity to it, but you're also connecting. and learning more. Sometimes in the. day-to-day of life, we're so busy with. work and family drama and and finances. and friends and family and all that, you. don't actually have time to have these. dumb fun conversations. And so, I would. suggest that you also, when there is. silence, it can be a good thing where. you're like Oh my god, wait, babe. We're both kind of like. bored. What a [ __ ] lovely luxury of a.

concept. Let's have a fun night. Let's. play a game. Let's look up a game online. and let's sit here and let's ask each. other the questions from the game. You. know what I mean? It's a privilege. almost in moments to get bored with. what's going on in the world. Um also, I. would like to shout out my parents. lately because they have been doing this. thing once a month that I think is so. adorable and cute and they started it. when they were living back in Philly and. now they have kept going with it now. that they live in LA and they basically. signed up for this speaker series and.

basically a speaker comes whether it's. someone who has a book or has a project. or just has something like interesting. to say and then my parents go and it's. all over different parts of LA and. you'll get the email of where the. event's going to be and they go to this. speaker series together. I'm [ __ ]. crying and picturing them in the car. together like excited for their speaker. series and then they sit together, hold. hands. I made that part up. I don't know. if they do that, but I fantasize. They're holding hands. They're watching.

their speaker series and then they're. getting in the car and they go have. dinner after and they discuss the. [ __ ] speaker. Why is that the cutest thing I've ever. [ __ ] heard? Like my dad is retired. recently. Like they're both acclimating. to LA. They they they have that newness. and now it's settling cuz they've been. here for a few months and their speaker. series is like their fun little thing. that they do together. I'm emo. Like that's the cutest [ __ ]. thing. Okay? So it doesn't take you to. be in your [ __ ] 60s to go to a. speaker series. If shit's getting stale.

with Robbie, sign up for the speaker. series and get downtown and listen to a. lecture about feminism and really see if. he can [ __ ] hang with you, okay? Cuz. maybe also you should be dumping these. [ __ ] if they're getting that. bored. The point is find a hobby that. you can actually enjoy together that. will also be interesting that you can. learn about. >> [gasps]. [sighs]. >> Robbie, okay. Your partner, I think, just to clarify. cuz I also know people like nuance is. something we have lost in this world and.

people are like, "But what if what if?". Listen, I get that your partner, most of. the times, yes, they should be your best. friend and yes, you should know a ton. about them. You should share interests. and hobbies and you should of course. enjoy spending ample time together. They. should be the person you spend the most. amount of time with, but you also need. to give each other some space to be your. own people and your own person, right? The truth is in a healthy functioning. relationship, silence is not always a. bad thing and I want to be very clear. about that. I'm not saying if you're.

sitting at dinner and there's nothing to. talk about that's always a bad thing. Sometimes after a long stressful day, nothing actually sounds better than. laying on the couch with Matt, leaning. back, closing our eyes and sitting. together without saying a damn word. Ah, heaven. Being able to sit fully in. silence together can be a sign of how. close you are and how relaxed you can. feel with each other. But my point today. is when silence becomes the only option. or it starts to feel lonely, that's when.

it's a problem. There are going to be silences in your. relationship, some that feel good and. some that you wish weren't there. That. doesn't mean your relationship is. doomed, also to clarify. They may just, you know, be a little flag to notice. that you need to spend more time doing. your own things or trying something new. when you're together. Remember there's a difference between. comfort and complacency, but if you two. have grown complacent, you don't need to. freak over, "Oh my god, our.

relationship's over. We're complacent, babe. We've lost it. Time to move on.". No. Curiosity can easily bring the spark. back as long as you are both willing to. put the effort in and that is a huge. point, Daddy Gang. If he's not willing. to meet you there, you have to also look. at that. But if he is, great. Ask good. questions, try new things and enjoy. learning about each other again. And to. the TikTok girlies out there that were. spiraling about this, report back and. tell me if any of this was helpful and.

worked for you. Let me know if you guys. obviously have any more questions about. this topic. I think it's a good one, right? And I'm sure a lot of people went. through ups and downs during the. holidays and all the things and so. yeah, write in. Tell me all of your. problems. Tell me all your fears and Big. Al will try her darndest to solve them. for you. So with that, I've got the energy. I think we can go. to Paris. I know we haven't been in a. while. I want to take you down. I want.

to put you on a first class flight. I. want to bring you to the Maldives. Then. we're going to pop over to Japan. Then. we're going to swing back over to London. and then we're going to land in. [ __ ] Paris and we're going to. do a little something called questions. of the [ __ ] week. Let's get. into it, okay? This shit's so good. Hi Alex, I loved. your episode on medium friends. I'm. dealing with a friendship mismatch and. need your take. This girl and I were. really close in our early 20s when we. lived in DC and went out together all.

the time, but she moved to LA and our. dynamic naturally shifted. We still talk. regularly, but it's surface level and. we're in totally different phases now. When she was back in DC for. Thanksgiving, she asked to get dinner. which turned into me basically. babysitting her all night when she was. blacked out at the bar. I don't really. drink anymore and the whole night felt. off to me. She kept saying things like. she felt heartbroken if she's not at my. future bachelorette party and it made me. realize she still sees me as a close. friend. I'm completely down to be a.

medium friend because I do think she is. a sweet girl and a good person, but how. do I walk this friendship back? Oh, you know, I feel like a lot of times on. Call Her Daddy we have to talk about the. pains of long distance. You know, oh, he's so far away. I can't grab him by. the neck and kiss him or oh, my friend's. so far. We've lost touch. This? Ugh, sweetie, this is the beauty of a long. distance friend. You're like, "Oh my. god, we we don't see each other as much. anymore. We're not as connected." Um.

sorry, Tracy. Sucks to suck. No, I'm. just kidding, but like not really. Like. weirdly, it's kind of nice that like you. have this person at like an arm's length. and you don't have to deal with them on. the day-to-day and so when bigger. moments come up like a bachelor party or. choosing bridesmaids, that's kind of. your excuse if she does come to you and. you can be like, "Hey, Tracy Stacy Tracy. Rebecca, I don't know. I forget what I. said. Um it's it's a weird day. Um. Rebecca Tracy Stacy, like listen, like I.

I love you as a friend. I think just. like proximity-wise like we have grown. apart because we haven't been able to be. as day-to-day in each other's lives. I. still love you and I would love for you. um I would assume you want her to come. to your wedding or maybe you don't want. her at your wedding. Then obviously. that's going to, you know, you're going. to have to say that, but I think you can. just. be truthful that like I think we've. grown apart a little bit and I'm totally. down to work on our friendship, but I. think just like the distance has shifted. things. I do think that you though can. give her a better idea of this by like.

take a little bit longer to text back. Maybe don't answer every time she. FaceTimes you. I don't know if this is. me being. I'm not direct. Like maybe some people. would disagree with this. I guess you. could just say to her like, "Hey, uh I'm dropping you down to the medium. friend category, Carol, and that's just. how it's going to be. So buck up and. I'll see you every time I visit DC and. don't Or wait, is she in DC? You're in. LA. She's in LA. And I won't call you. when I'm in LA. I don't know. You have. to find your rhythm, but if you really.

feel like this person is so not on your. wavelength with regard to your. friendship where like she's blacking out. and she's being kind of weird, maybe. this is kind of like the end of a. friendship and that's I think where the. difference and when I talked about. medium friendships were for you're. watching this, obviously, go um you can. go watch the medium friendship Sunday. session, but I do think that medium. friendships do still have a beauty to. them and I worry for you as I'm reading. this that I'm like, "You're sober. She's. getting drunk. You know, it feels like you guys aren't on the.

same page." And so I'm not saying. completely disregard the friendship, but. maybe you need to go to a museum. together next time. Maybe we're not. hitting the clubs. Maybe we're not two. tequila shots deep and you're sitting. there drinking your [ __ ] spritzer. like, "I'm sober, Debbie, okay? And. you're hammered." Like we're not on the. same page. That's really [ __ ] hard as. friends. And again, it's like we don't. have that much time as adults. We really. don't. And so to actually have someone. visiting and you're going and you're. putting an effort in and then to leave,

there's nothing worse than when you. leave after a friend dinner and you're. like, "I feel horrible. Not only was she not. great, I literally just wasted a night.". And I know it sounds selfish, but it's. like when you become an adult, a night. off from work or from life is [ __ ]. needed for your mental health. So I. wouldn't take that for granted. I think. you still can prioritize yourself and. still pour into the friendship, but. there needs to be a rejiggering of. boundaries and that is okay. That's the.

biggest sign it needs to happen is. because you are you know, she looks at. me like a very different way than I look. at her. Perfect time to reset the boundaries. How you go about that, I think, is kind. of a personality thing. You could be. direct or you can get let it kind of. wean off. I think sometimes if you're. the person in the power position cuz you. don't care as much, you could just start. to let it wean off and then if she comes. to you and says something, then you can. have a conversation. I don't know. That may be being. passive-aggressive, but like I'm in a. weird mood. So I'm not in the mood for. confrontation right now and if you if.

you caught me in a 24 hours, I may be. like, "You're going to sit this girl. down, okay?" But right now, girl, fade. off into the distance. Okay, question. number two. Hi Alex, my friends and I. recently graduated college and moved to. the same city. We went to one of the. biggest party schools in the nation and. now that we're post-grad, it seems like. half of my friends are still stuck in. college. Despite having real jobs, several of them still go out every. night, get blackout drunk, go home with. random guys, and try to pressure me into. drinking. They literally treat the city.

like a college campus. I've started to. make friends outside of this friend. group, but it's hard watching my friends. do such immature things. Any advice on. what I can do? I'm ready for this next. chapter and to leave college behind, but. I don't think I'm ready to leave my. friends behind. Oh, [sighs] girl, this is like one of. the hardest things because. you cannot force your friends to grow up. at the same speed as you. And you also. have to recognize that they may look at.

you. the way you're looking at them. Like, "God, she's not being fun. Like, chill. out. We just graduated. Like, we don't. have to grow up. We're 22. Like, we. still have time. We all Like, I So, I. think it's all perspective-based, and I. and I can imagine Let me empathize with. you. I can imagine how lonely it is. right now that you are That is your core. group. Those are your people, but you. have never felt more disconnected from. them. That [ __ ] sucks, and I. acknowledge that. I do think though, if.

you are pouring into work and you're. pouring into maybe not wanting to drink. and you're going to yoga classes or. you're going to the park on weekends. instead, in moments you have to start to. try to find more of a community in the. areas of life that are making you feel. happy because I have a feeling then that. you weirdly will either one, enjoy your. friends on a Saturday and be like, "Oh. my god, I worked my ass off. I've been. doing like coffees and work sessions. with new friends, and I've been so. stressed, and I can't wait actually to.

go hit up One Oak. Is One Oak still. alive? I don't know. I can't wait to go. to, you know, Bootsy Bellows. That's. definitely closed. I don't know any of. these places I'm saying. I can't wait to. go to the [ __ ] club and rage my tits. off with my friends. And now I actually. am excited to take shots with them and. to do beer bongs and to have a Natty. Light and just to really, you know, throw up and have a crazy [ __ ] night. with them, you know? Like, [ __ ] Take my. top off and shake my tits in the middle. of New York City. We're thriving. Like, maybe you need one of those a month, and. that's the group you can tap into for.

that. But for the most part, you're now. leaning into Carol at work, and she's. She's organized, and she's going to. Staples, and she's getting organizers, and she's got binders, and she's got. plans. Finn has plans. You guys remember. that from Grey's Anatomy? Um, she's. Finn, okay? And you think you want. Derek, but you want Finn right now. You. want Finn who's organized and has plans. and is there for you and is going to. help you grow into the next phase of. life. And Derek is the sweet treat that. you occasionally bounce back to, but. he's not good for you. Okay, if no one.

has watched Grey's Anatomy on this, you're going to be like, "What the [ __ ]. are you talking about?" The point is is. you have to find a balance. There are. people that also have different life. situations. There are people that's. parents are going to be paying for their. apartments to move to this new city, and. they don't have as many responsibilities. as you. Instead of getting angry and. upset with your friends, because the. only thing I think that's going to do to. you is alienate you, I think you just. have to reconfigure your expectations of. what you want out of that dynamic and.

how you love them. You just are. growing up, and your relationship's. going to look a little different. And as. depressing as that sounds, it's only. going to be depressing if you just sit. there and watch it all fall apart. instead of actively starting to. reconfigure your life a little bit so. you're still getting what you need on. the day-to-day and so your friends are. like, "Oh, I'm going to meet my friends. where they're at. They're degenerates. They're having fun. You know what? I'll. pop in once a month, and I love them to. death. Boom.".

>> [sighs]. >> I miss going to Staples. You know, I. miss going to Staples, getting a fresh. new notepad, maybe buying like something. I know I'm never going to use. Oh my. god, remember those five-star. like multi-pronged. organizers? Like, you'd have social. studies, and then you'd have, you know, math. I always wanted to be an organized. [ __ ] and then I just never took a. [ __ ] note in my life. All right. Oh, >> [gasps]. >> that's for another time. Um, okay, next.

question. Guys, things are going off the. rails. It's also getting a little hot in. here, so I'm sweating, but I have like a. 9-lb sweater on, and I have nothing. underneath. So, we're not doing that for. views today. Um, okay. Hey, Daddy. I'm a. junior in college dating a guy who's 2. years older than me. Let me get one. thing straight. I'm a crier, and I'm. proud. I've always been in touch with my. emotions and easily able to communicate. about them. The same is not true for my. boyfriend. He told me that he's only. ever cried once in his life when his dog.

died 7 years ago. Oh, Jesus. Okay. I know men can be less. emotional than women, but I find that. low-key shocking. Is this a red flag? I. mean, crying I don't think is a red or. green flag. Like, if he's not crying. often, I think it's okay, you know? Maybe it just takes a lot to like. wi- wind up a tear, you know? Maybe his. body is just not like ticking that way.

Um, and especially since you are such a. crier, like you said, like, you're kind. of going based off of like the extreme, and he's on the other end of it. So, you're really kind of like looking for. him to be like, "What's wrong with you?". I think the bigger red flag is Does he. express his emotions? I don't give a. [ __ ] if a man is going to cry, okay? Um, I care if he's unable to tap into his. emotions. I care for you that if you're. having a. vulnerable conversation with him and. you're coming to him genuinely wanting.

to have an honest, open conversation. about something in your life that you're. struggling with or in your relationship. that you want to try to work on, and. he's sitting there stone-cold. Bert, and Bert's like, "Uh-huh." And. you're like, "And so? I just feel like you don't see me. anymore, and we haven't been connecting, and like, you're never there, Bert. You're always. in the video games. You're always in the. tech. You're always in the whatever.". And Bert's like eating the chip like, "Yeah, I see what you're saying,

Michaela." And you're like, "Bert? Bert, you're looking for him to muster. up a tear? No, [ __ ] the tear. If. anything, the tear could be crocodile. tears, performative tears. [ __ ] Bert. is all of a sudden going to realize, "Oh, you just want a tear, and then I. like am good for the [ __ ] month that. I like filled your cup with emotion.". But what is he saying? What is the. substance, okay? That's what I think you. can focus on is actually what is this. man saying or doing? If he is so. emotionally in in tune, which I'm I'm. gathering What the Who the [ __ ] are we.

kidding? I'm gathering this. motherfucker's not. Now that I'm thinking about it, if this. man was holding your hands and able to. meet you in the highest EQ capacity, this man's emotional intelligence is off. the roof. It's off the charts. This man. should be studied. This man should go. and be a [ __ ] be a therapist because. he is. he he's in it with you. We're We're. locked in. He's one-on-one. He's like in. that [ __ ] with you. You wouldn't be. writing in, right? So, I can feel, Michaela, you've got your answer. What. you're not missing that he's not crying,

and that's not what's freaking you out. You're lacking emotional connection and. depth. And. here's what I will say because I'm in a. weird mood today. And you know what? Again, ask me in 24 hours, and I may. have a different opinion. But the hard truth I think I will tell. every woman and man, I guess, is. I don't personally believe that. emotional. intelligence. and depth.

is something that will. significantly or even at all be gained. during the course of you in a. relationship with someone. I think if you meet someone on a date. and you're like, "I Everything's great. I just don't know if like. he's like emotional intelligence is. there or like, yeah, his like if if like. the emotionally we connect on the like. deeper like EQ level.". I hate to break it to you because I. recognize there's potentially a lot of.

women out there cuz trust me, I've been. in that relationship where you're like, "No, he's going to grow." Growing is. different than like emotionally being. intelligent, emotionally being in tune, emotionally being able to like regulate. and recognize when someone needs you to. be comforting them and recognizing, "Oh, this dynamic is happening. I'm going to. actually provide very like emotionally. sound advice because I'm an emotionally. intelligent person." If you are dating. someone that you're like, "I just don't. feel like it's there,".

I don't think it's ever going to get. there. Now, the the outliers could be. they have trauma, and they just needed. to get into therapy to break through. that and to like work through. dissociation and to work through um the. like suppression of the emotions that. they have not acknowledged for their. whole life, and now once it's all coming. up, they're now able to actually now. start to self-regulate where they can. participate in conversations like this. But my fear is that it's like one of a.

million. If you do not think your boyfriend is. emotionally intelligent enough, that's never going to change. And so you have to make a a decision for. yourself then. if. you are happy with a relationship that. you may need to be going to more outside. people in your life for emotional. support and advice. When you are going. through something emotional with a.

parent or something, you may not feel. like you're ever getting the answers. from your boyfriend. And it's not even. like we need answers from them. We just. need someone to like be able to [ __ ]. regulate and be like yes, I understand. you. I see what you're saying. I think. in this moment this obviously happened. and you're feeling this way because of. this. If your boyfriend can't do that. for you and he's like. yeah. Oh god. Okay. So are we like still going to go to. their house for dinner on Friday? And. you're like.

I don't know, Frederick. I don't know if. we're going on [ __ ] Friday because I. just told you that my mother brought up. my [ __ ] eating disorder again that. she has [ __ ] been enabling since I. was 5 years old and I'm struggling. because I can't look my mom in the. [ __ ] face cuz I want to rip her. [ __ ] face off and how that makes me. feel is so infuriated and he's like. Oh, so should we not do dinner? Should. we just do drinks? And you're like, oh. my [ __ ] [laughter] god. And then you're like, do you even know I.

struggle with this? And he's like, well. I've like sometimes seen you like at. dinner like like move your And you're. like, oh my god, that is never going to. change, girlfriend. You are never ever. ever ever going to feel. emotionally. held, supported, and seen by someone who. does not have that on day one. I'm. sorry. I would love people in the. comments to argue with me because I. think EQ is one of those things that. you're born with and then yes, you can.

build it. but it ain't [ __ ] easy and it ain't. quick. It's going to take a long time. This [ __ ] could be 70, okay? And. the light bulb just goes off when he's. 70. Do you want to wait till 70 to have. him recognize and see you for all your. worth? Ditch Frederick and hit up Josh, okay? Okay, Josh, I can see it now. Josh has. got the wisdom. Josh has got the IQ and. the EQ. Josh is [ __ ] cruising.

Frederick is a [ __ ] loser. Okay, guys, something's in the air. today. Um I think that's it for today. I. think the more I keep going, I'm going. to start spiraling. I'm kind of like. running on no sleep and this energy. drink is like making me feel alive and. I'm like let's [ __ ] go. Um but I also. want to be you know, realistic about my. advice to you guys because I always want. to keep it real. Um also if I, you know, didn't answer some of your questions. this week, I have so many more that are. coming every Sunday session. Please.

write in and send in your questions. I. think the overall arching uh topic for. today was growth. Yeah, it's growth. It's from the. beginning of this episode talking about. like wanting to grow, wanting to be a. better person, wanting to learn, actually having like an like an interest. in the world and yourself and your. partner and life is so important and. when you feel like you're getting. stagnant, that's a bad thing but it. doesn't mean it's the end of the world. But if then you try to progress and be a. better person and a better version of. yourself and learn more about the world.

and experiences and yourself and your. partner. is holding you down, I think that's. something that you need to look inward. at because life is only going to get. more. boring. Like as you get older, there's. less to do, right? There's more sitting. around. So you better be really [ __ ]. happy with the person. that you're sitting around with. Okay. Well, I love you guys. Um. Again? Shameless plug, Unwell Energy is.

officially at Target. I don't know if. you guys have seen my um. little marketing push for this. I. basically have like been making these. insane short videos that I got to put. wigs on and it's basically like. everything I could have dreamt up as a. kid getting budget to just like play. with wigs and dress up and I had so much. fun with the campaign and Unwell Energy. is officially out now and I totally. understand that probably a lot of women. watching this have been drinking Alani. Nu or Celsius and I get it. I get it but. unfortunately I need to [ __ ] on them for.

a second. You don't want to put. sucralose in your body which is. chlorinated um sugar. It's disgusting. and it's horrible for you and you're. probably closer to getting cancer than. getting energy. So drink Unwell Energy. because we have no sucralose in it. We. have no artificial. um flavors. This is uh Big Al's got you. covered, baby. So drink up, go to Target. and I love you guys and happy Sunday. session. This is going to be a good. year. This is going to be a good year. for us. I can feel it. I feel like even. the way that you guys are writing. questions, I feel like it's so fun when.

you start to be like, I think I kind of. know the answer but I just wanted to ask. Father really quickly. And I'm like, oh. [ __ ] you didn't need me. You knew. exactly who that [ __ ] is. You. read him to filth and you now just. wanted me to like, you know, memorialize. it in a podcast so that you could be. like, I was right. You guys always know. It's. always in our gut. A woman's intuition. is never wrong. I think what's beautiful. about Sunday sessions and what we've. done here is like getting to talk. through things that maybe you're sitting. and you're ruminating on by yourself is.

extremely important that I want to be. there for you guys because trust me, a. lot of the [ __ ] you guys write in, the. reason that I'm able to respond is. because I've also personally been. through it. And so I love you guys so. much and you know the [ __ ]. drill. I will see you [ __ ] on. Wednesday. Goodbye. >> [music].

[music].