Hannah Berner: How to Scare Men (Full Episode)

What is up, daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. >> Hannah Burner, welcome back to Call Her. Daddy. This is incredible cuz you did. not have to have me back. [ __ ] you did. not have to. >> You know, [laughter] I was just thinking. about this. I think you, Lauren, and. Harry are like the most reoccurring. guest I've ever had on Call Daddy. I've. never had. >> that was my only goal in life was to be. a regular uncle or daddy and I was like.

but this I do have to say it feels like. a family reunion whenever I come on. >> I know. >> everybody that's not watching so Hannah. texted me and she told me that she. wanted to give me a heads up [laughter]. that she would be wearing jorts. >> out of respect. >> out of respect to which I said thank you. because that does shift the energy. >> completely. I'm going to be honest. When. I think of jorts for women, I think of. jorts that are just like kind of the. color of like my jeans. >> Like what's like Stacey wearing like hot.

cute Jord. Yeah. We didn't go that. direction. >> You walked in. I said these more look. more like floods where like your pants. are literally just like too short for. you. >> I look like I stole a kid's pants. >> and put them on. >> But [laughter] Hannah, I'm going to have. to get a video of you because to be. fair, Do you guys have video on this. pod? >> Yeah. This is the [laughter] [ __ ] you. This is the camera. I love how I like. thought for 5 seconds you're being. serious. I was like, "Yeah, wait. Look. into the camera.". >> Well, also, this is the thing about me. that I learned in college. I have a long. torso and nubby legs. I didn't know. that. I didn't know I had short legs. until someone told me. And then my whole.

world shifted. >> Who the [ __ ] told you you had short. legs? >> Someone who had who was jealous of my. long torso? Cuz it goes on forever. And. I've learned to embrace it I love. Britney Spears. >> Wait, was it a woman or a man? >> It was definitely like one of my good. friends who was like, "Well, Hannah has. a long torso." I go, "Has everyone been. talking about my torso for years and no. one told me?". >> That's like when I was in college and. the girl told me that everyone was. talking about my banana roll under my. butt. Do you know what a banana roll is, Hannah? >> No. And I don't want to know cuz now I'm. going to be paranoid about what a banana. roll is. It sounds cute. >> No, I only have one cheek. It's just.

like a little extra fat under the lip of. your butt cheek. And they would talk. about how I have a banana roll. So then, of course, in my most insecure days when. I got to New York City, I remember I. went to a surgeon and asked, "Is there a. way to remove this little chubba?" You. go. During a dark time, [laughter]. during a really dark time, I went to. this woman and I asked her, "Can you. slice it off?" And she's like, "Sweetie, it is not a big deal." A banana roll is. one of those things that is girl on girl. crime. No man has ever been like, "Whoa, I'm not [ __ ] that girl. She got that. banana roll thing.". >> Thank you, Hannah, because you know.

what? More to love. Little extra. It's. just like a labia. An extra big labia. >> Yes. Yes. Make that labia clap. Make. that labia clap. The last time I saw you. was on tour, my tour and I remember when. I was sitting down creating my guest. list and Boston was the opening. I was. like, first of all, I was just [ __ ]. my pants that I was even doing a live. tour and I was like, who I need someone. I'm going to feel so comfortable with. that will like lights out kill it. So if. I fail, if I freeze, if I [ __ ] up, this. person can just like take the thing and. run with it.

>> I also feel like you knew that I would. never be judgy. Like if we failed, we. failed together and we would make fun of. ourselves. If I was cringe, you would be. like, "You did you [laughter] did good. You there. We can work." Like, you would. be honest with me, but you wouldn't like. make me feel bad. You would just be. like, "I've got you. I'll come to the. next [ __ ] show.". >> I felt like a teammate. I felt like I. got called up to the majors just to like. vibe for a sec. >> So Hannah comes on tour with me. We open. in Boston. And I will never forget, you. walk out. Actually, you didn't walk out. Hannah starts doing the worm. And.

although I think you like were did you. do the worm or did you chest bump the. ground and bounce back up? It was okay. That's That was an attack. That was an. attack. I risked my life for you. I. risked my whole body. My lower back was. [ __ ] killing me from the flight. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. But. then it's so loud from the cheering. We. can't hear each other. >> This is what we need to get [laughter]. into because No, this is Okay, so when. you think of standing on a stage in. front of thousands and thousands of. people, you're already like, "Ooh, I'm. I'm getting anxious. I'm going to [ __ ]. my pants." Literally, you guys, I could.

not hear a word that Hannah was saying. >> I couldn't hear a word I was saying. either. >> So, picture this. I'm asking Hannah. something about like dating. >> and all I remember is you start speaking. and I read your lips and you say bondage. and I am literally like, where the [ __ ]. is she going with this? And then the. crowd is laughing, but I have no idea. what you're saying. So, I start fake. laughing. I'm like, so [laughter] I you. were like laughing at parts that like. weren't really the right part. So I. could tell and you had like a little.

fear in your eyes and I was I just go. I'm like I need to start monologuing. because we're not going back and forth. here. So I would monologue and then like. give it to you. But like we were. fighting for our life in the best way. Like the high was incredible though. >> It was insane. It was good energy. >> It was perfect. And now you're here and. you have a [ __ ] Netflix special. Like. >> it's crazy. >> We're going to talk about the Netflix. special a little bit later because I. want to go through it all. But first, we're just going to have a good combo. because silly. >> I just want to get silly with you and I. have so many things I'm thinking about.

for like the summer girlies that are. listening. I think we have a lot to talk. about. Support [music] for Caller Daddy. comes from Google Pixel. Okay, so I. recently had one of those Sundays where. I convinced myself it was a great idea. to reorganize my entire closet. And of. course, halfway through I found myself. sitting on the floor surrounded by. clothes, completely overwhelmed. So, I. pulled out my Google Pixel 10 because it. comes with Gemini builtin on the phone. I launched my camera using Gemini Live,

showed it my crazy closet and asked for. help, and it immediately hit me up with. all sorts of proorganizing tips like. what to hang, how to fold stuff, and. even helped me decide which items to. donate and where to drop them off. It. was a lifesaver. But while I was neck. deep in hoodies, I totally lost track of. time until I got a text from Matt. asking, "Hey, what's the address for. dinner tonight?" Fortunately, the Google.

Pixel has this feature called Magic Q. that just pulls up the info you need. without you having to dig through old. emails and stuff. It popped the address. right into my text for me and tap, it. was sent. Daddy gang, we could all use a. little help making Sundays less scary. So get outside of your comfort phone and. try Google Pixel 10 Pro. Check it out at. google store.com. These AI features are. for users 18 plus. Check responses.

Availability and results may vary. first and foremost because maybe if. someone hasn't listened to our previous. episodes, >> could you just share from your. recollection, it's okay if you don't. remember, like what are some of your. like best Caller Daddy moments? >> I have to say the first time, you know, I'm going to say sleeping with the. mascot. I didn't expect to go as viral. as it did. >> I didn't either. >> Shout out Bucky Badger. You little. animal in the bedroom. Like I go to.

Wisconsin and girls would be like, I. [ __ ] Bucky, too. Like it's become a. >> Yeah, Hannah [ __ ] the mascot. If. you're reading contextual clues, [laughter] she [ __ ] the mascot. But it. was me like flexing from it to be like, "Yeah, like my type is professional. athletes." And you were like, "Um, the. closest thing I've ever come to [ __ ]. an athlete is the [ __ ] mascot. of the college team.". >> No. The funniest thing though is that. before him, I was with the like 68. studly football guy that I thought. everyone wanted, but he like wanted me. to go to Bible study. He has CTE, so I. don't know how he read a Bible. And he. was just like so not my type, but I.

thought I should like him. And then. instead I I liked Bucky. But the. funniest thing about Bucky, which I. don't know if I even fully explained, was that like he rejected me in the end. Like he was one of those like guys who. you're like, "Oh, I'm doing like a Make. a Wish." And then he hurts you more than. anyone. >> You're like, "Make [laughter] it.". >> I go, "This was a what the f like one of. my most embarrassing moments was I got. drunk.". >> Okay. >> I remember I was going there for the. summer and I was so excited to see him. Like you know when you're playing music. just like dreaming of all the moments.

you guys are going to have together. I. was like, I have a boyfriend this. summer. I have a boyfriend. And I got. drunk and I went up to him at the KK the. bar. >> where he was the manager. >> I know. >> He was the mascot and the manager. >> No, I know. He was like double life. But. like. >> Hannah Montana, >> no jaw. Anyway, so. >> no jaw. >> Yeah. So I was like, this is going to be. easy. Like we can do this. Shout out. He. DMs me sometimes. I love you. I'm not. lying. You know that. >> he has no jaw. like you're saying it's. like just let's just say he wasn't study. but he was funny and nice and I was like.

Hannah this is what you need. >> and then I go up to him now this was. very specific for the time. >> I go we don't have to be Facebook. official. but like you can date me. don't hear from him for two weeks. [laughter]. and uh to the point where like I'd go. out and like you know when you can't. enjoy the conversation with your friends. cuz you're just like This literal mole. rat of a man who's running around like. skipping as a mascot is not responding.

to me. >> Dude, those things make you grow. They. And we me and him laugh about it now. And he's like, "Honestly, I was young. I. was scared." Whatever it was, >> he really regrets it to this day. What. is Bucky up to now? Sorry. >> But looking now, like your early 20s, >> it's so chaotic. And I feel like we the. girls are trying to establish like a. nice connection with a guy. Guys are. trying to like show off for their. friends. We want two different things. How did any relationship ever work out. in your 20s? >> It's impossible. It's literally. impossible. I'm sorry. I just have like. a visual of you like what sport was he.

the mascot for again? >> All the sports. >> Oh Jesus. A [ __ ] What? How did he have. the time? >> He's friends with the hockey guys. >> Okay. So, I'm picturing you showing up. to one of the games that he's got his. full like mascot duty on. And are you. like walking past the mascot? Like do. you know what I mean when you're like. trying to make eye contact with the. guys? eight guys who were mascots and. you don't know who's the mascot that. day. So you'd see him dick. No, literally I'd give him a little tab. I'd. be like, "Oh, wrong mask on buggy. Sorry." Um. >> Hannah. >> So I would just hope you know it was him.

and I would look at him and his beady. little eyes. >> and then he's like, "Fuck off, bitch.". And you're like, "Oh, sorry. You're not. him. Sorry." He like, "Can you quickly. show me your chin? Nope, not you.". >> Also, I don't want to [ __ ] shame myself, but. >> you know how you block stuff out. I. actually made out with another Bucky. So. I hope he's not jealous if he's. listening. >> Through and through. She's always been a. mascot lover. >> I ran through the mascots. [laughter]. Ran. At least a light jog, I would say. >> Um, let's talk about drinking. >> Yes. >> What are you doing this summer? Are you. raging? Are you keeping it chill? Are.

you sleeping in your bed like and. getting in bed at 7? Like what's our. vibe? >> Good question. So, I actually have never. been a good drinker. >> Oh, >> like I in college wanted to be a good. drinker. Like I would we'd be pregaming. and I'm like, "Okay, let's get [ __ ]. up." And I would I was always the. younger one of the like tennis teams. And I just remember getting pulled to. the side by like one of the girls and. being like, "Hey, can I talk to you for. a second? >> You're at a 12. Everyone else is at a. four. We need you to calm down.". >> So then I would be like, "Oh, I thought. we're I thought we're getting drunk.". Okay. And then I would like start.

getting tired and then at some point the. night I'd be at a four and everyone else. is blackout. And then I get sleepy. So. I'm like the worst. I'm just not a fun. drinker. Like are you if I took you to. dinner tonight, would you be like doing. two cocktails and no or you not even. having a cocktail? >> The thing is I don't need a cocktail. ever. I'm an eater. But like if there's. a celebration I'll do one. If someone's. peer pressuring me like well I'll do it. Like I respect the effort of a good peer. pressure. I do have to say after reality. TV and I stopped getting paid to drink. >> I stopped drinking. [laughter].

I basically was like, there are so many. days that your the cameras go up and. they're like, "Okay, we're having a. theme party." And you're like, "Oh my. god." And I I don't like theme parties. and I don't like partying. I hate a. theme party. I hate a group of people. that I don't know. >> And you like the last time I blacked out. was on reality TV, but if you black out, you have to during the parties, the only. way you can get your mic off is if you. jump in the pool. So, if I'm ever in the. pool, that means I'm blackout floating. around just like farting in the pool.

just hoping that they don't ask me to. have a conversation because they'll be. like, "Hannah, come up and like fight. with this person." I'll be like, "I'm in. the pool. I can't get out." Hannah. Oh. So, I got in big trouble once. Why? >> So, the first thing they say, they're. like, "The only rules are like, if. you're going to go in the pool, take off. your mic. That's the only rule." And. they treat us like we're kindergarteners. at a summer camp. They'll be like, I'll. be talking to someone like, "Oh, they. want to go in the pool." And they'll be. like, "Hannah, if you want to go to the. pool, let us know first so we can take. off your mic. Are you going to go in the. pool?" And I'm like, "No, I don't want.

I'm hungry. I'll go eat salami." So, like, they're just dealing with like. toddlers. So, then at one point, I. decide to do like a sprinting cannonball. cuz I love attention. And I was like, "Guys, watch this." And I start running. I do a cannonball. I land. I get up. Everyone's looking at me like I just. drowned their baby. No. >> Everyone's like, [gasps] and I'm. standing there and I'm like, "Was it. bad? Was [laughter] it bad?" The mic. guy, audio guy, starts running knees up. like Olympic sprinting towards me, hops. in the pool and like yanks me out and he.

like takes it off me and like huff huff. puffs leaves and they're like okay he's. really mad at you and he [laughter]. >> I'm sorry it's a mic pack. >> Apparently they're like really expensive. and the mic person like it's their own. mics. >> Oh [ __ ] So you [laughter] little piece. of [ __ ]. >> So he was like this dumb drunk [ __ ]. And I remember like seeing him the next. day and being like, "I'm so sorry. I was. a little bit drunk." And we laugh about. it now, but like I was never more scared. in my life. Um, whiskey [laughter] dick.

>> Oh my goodness. >> I haven't had like Well, I guess I'm. trying to think back to like college I. feel like was like whiskey dick central. Have you have ever had like a weird. experience with whiskey dick? >> So, as an Italian we call it al dente. dick. >> Oh my god. >> And I that needs to be normalized. >> You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's like a little hard, but. >> it's a little hard, but you're not It's. not good. Okay, you're not gonna give it. five stars on Yelp. [laughter]. >> I actually hate lente. Is that like.

criminal to the Italian? >> Some people [ __ ] up the pasta and just. go, "It's al dente." And I'm like, "No, it up.". [laughter]. >> Same thing. Same thing. >> Or just like m the macaroni that like. you put in the microwave. That's like. guy's dick sometimes. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> The smooshing of a guy's dick into your. vagina. People don't talk about it. enough because then how does it also. feel so not good when it's so innocent. but just feels like when I used to be. [ __ ] up in college and I would like. see that he clearly had whiskey dick and.

he's like no no no I got this I got this. I got this and he's doing the whole. thing. >> there even if I had literally taken a. bottle of tequila to the head there is. nothing that soers me up faster than. being like just put it. >> what the [ __ ] are you doing and then all. of a sudden I'm completely sober and I. see his little weenie. >> dried up. >> It's just I think let's give advice to. the daddy gang. >> Mhm. >> The next time that Willie takes your. pants off and little Willie is.

al dente as Ann [laughter]. likes to say. >> and you you want him to have a little. cream sauce coming out. >> These dicks are like cats sometimes. where it's like if you want it to get to. come to you like they won't come, you. know? Like you know it gets so mental. like you're playing all these games you. have to like not look at it and pretend. you don't want it and you know when he. you know what I'm saying [laughter]. cuz he'll be like don't like don't look. at me right now like I'm it's happening. and you're like are you don't don't ask. about like so you have to like look away.

and like don't be intimidating and don't. put pressure on him. It's like a whole. thing. If people would wear a shirt that. said dicks you would need merch that say. dicks are like cats or cats are like. disc. What the [ __ ] Hannah? I guess. you're kind of right. We have to. normalize that sex is not good a lot of. the time. And I love talking to you. about it because I feel like you've. shown women that they can have the sex. they want to have. But I also know just. from numbers, just from girl math, you.

with all those good experiences, you. have had to have some of the most. horrible experiences in bed to get. there, too. Hannah, it's almost like if. you had to count the bad, I would be. able to count the good orgasms I've had. on my hand over the bad. Like every. experience, I guess I would consider up. until the age maybe of until I met Matt. and maybe a couple stragglers. Bad. Bad. >> And that is iconic for everyone. Take. notes on what you just said. >> No. And I, you know, I it's interesting. I was doing an episode the other day and. I was saying how like Matt and I go. through periods of like, oh, we haven't.

had sex in a week. Like we And I was. like, oh my god. I bet people are going. to be like freaked out to hear that from. me because I'm just being honest. Like. we get so [ __ ] busy and even if we're. in the same house, we're not traveling. We're in the same house. We're so. [ __ ] busy. The reality is we go. through these ls where we're like, "Fuck.". >> People get too busy to break up. It's. very easy to be too busy to have sex. >> Please, please. >> You know that couple that they're like, "He has a meeting tomorrow and then like. I'm going to Italy and I just don't and. then his mom is visit. I just can't.". And then it's his birthday and you know. I [laughter] I know what you mean. Oh my. god. I've done this with my brother so. many times where he's like, "Well, I. can't break up with her here and then I.

can't break up with you here because I. already invited her here." I'm like, "What the fuck?". >> He's like, "I don't want to do it over. the phone." And then like she's coming, but like Right. Oh my god, I didn't even. think about that. People have plans that. they're going to break up and then they. just never do it. >> Gets in the way. >> So sex gets not like put on the back. burner. And you're so right. The amount. of times that it has hurt that I have. not had an orgasm and I faked it. The. amount of times that they thought they. were going to make me squirt and I was. really just bleeding. [laughter]. >> Wait, that hit me late. I was like, you're like and then you literally just. like blood. Like you literally just.

hogrifics inside of my [ __ ]. >> so traumatized in college. One of my. friends who was older was like sitting. on the floor outside the bathroom and. just in college and I went up to her. I. was like, "Are you okay?" And she's. like, "Just never do anal." And I was. like, "Why?" And she's like, "I've been. leaking for 5 hours." And to that day, I've been scared. Like, but that's. girlhood. >> That is like the scene from the [ __ ]. ring. Like the girl just being like her. [laughter] head was down anal. >> She's like, "I can't move. My body's.

leaking. I'm like, "What's coming out?". She's like, "You know what? [laughter]. Have you ever done anal? >> Okay. I attempted it once in the shower, which is. >> Wait, [laughter]. >> I don't know. Don't do sex in the. shower. Period. >> Water is not lube. >> Water is not lube. It will be bloody. Don't. My friend told me like it is so. [ __ ] up. >> You tried anal in the shower. >> I know cuz I guess I was thinking like, oh my my butt's clean and whatever. It. was so painful. I also want to talk. about Okay.

>> There's so many sex things that you try. to do that you don't like. Everyone lost. half their virginity, right? >> Absolutely. >> People don't talk about the half. virginity. >> when people because it's the movies. Like he took my flower. No, he literally. grazed my lip and then I was in pain for. like. >> goes in like a tiny bit comes out and. then you're like am I not virgin. anymore? And then he tries to push it. more and you're like, "No." And then. you're like, [laughter]. >> "No, I do like a whole bit about losing. your virginity." Oh yes.

>> I'm trying to normalize all the. experiences girls have and doing these. shows in front of thousands of girls and. them laughing tells me oh we all like. lost their virginity and then he was. like did you come and you're like unless. the blood everywhere was come I don't. know what just happened and I don't want. to do that again thank you and then he's. like always accidentally hits your. butthole during doggy and you're like. what is going and your butthole is like. has the reflexes of a ninja and will be. like don't touch like it is there's so. much stuff. And I do have to say for all.

the younger girls, like my cousin was. like going off to college and I was just. like [gasps] I just wanted to hold her. cuz everyone has bad experiences. I mean. it's so hard. I remember once there was. this guy who was like so hot cuz that's. the problem. The hot ones does not mean. the rest of it is going to be okay. >> If anything is worse, >> if anything it's worse cuz girls have. not taught them. They're untrained. I. remember he was like trying to touch me. and it just wasn't good and I didn't. like his vibe and he like I could I. could smell cigarette on his breath and.

I just remember being like I can't deal. with cigarettes and he's like what are. you talking about? I'm like I just I. don't like cigarettes and I just like. kept running and he kept chasing me. around. I'm like the cigarette thing I. don't like it. >> But you know that's just like turning. him on more that you're being like. >> then just throw astrology at them. Just. be like it's giving I'm a Libra. You. don't get it. It's just it's a Libra. thing. Like I'm an a Libra but just say. it. Like I literally have a bit about. that I didn't put in the special where. I'm like guys hate cats in astrology so. just look at him and be like my cat's. name is Collide and his rising moon's. Aquarius. He'll be like okay never mind.

Thank you. Check please. Weaponize. astrology to get him away from you. Weaponize astrology. Matt rife that [ __ ]. >> No. [laughter]. >> Do it. Use our knowledge of what they're. afraid of. We're afraid of getting. murdered. They're afraid of astrology. Use your weapon. >> We write it on. [laughter]. >> Go watch it on Netflix now. Mother [ __ ]. How much does that say about our [ __ ]. world? We're afraid of getting murdered.

and men are afraid of astrology. I'm. going to go [ __ ] my life. >> She said she's a Leo. Like I don't trust. her. I'm like I don't trust him because. for many reasons. [laughter]. >> I'm obsessed with you. I missed you so. much. >> No, I love you dad. These are like the. call. >> All I want to do is make you laugh. No, I'm I My face is hurting. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Airbnb. Okay, so as you guys may know, when Lauren comes to California, we. usually grind at work and then we just.

end up hanging out at my house. And. lately, work has been insane and so. busy. And by the time that we close our. laptops, we are beyond exhausted. So. recently, we decided on Lauren's last. trip that it was time to make her trip. to California a little bit more fun. And. so we drove up to Napa for a weekend and. we found the cutest farmhouse on Airbnb. to stay in. The location could not have. been more perfect. It was right by a.

vineyard and it overlooked this. beautiful golf course, which, yes, made. Matt extremely jealous. Um during the. day we went for wine tastings and then. we brought our favorite bottles back to. the house at night for cozy long talks. on the couch. We even fully leaned in. and went to the farmers market one. morning to pick up bread and cheese for. a little chuderie board. Booking a stay. on Airbnb really made our time so much. more memorable because it became more. than just a trip to Napa. We got to go.

back to our roommate era and just live. like we were actually living together. back in the day for a minute, which was. incredible. Daddy Gang, a girls trip is. never a bad idea. And before you start. booking flights and dinner reservations, take a second to find the right place to. stay. Airbnb has options for all kinds. of travelers, from extended families to. couples looking for an endofear getaway. It's always the first thing I lock in. Hidden Valley Ranch is America's number.

one ranch. Boom. Okay. The classic. flavor of Hidden Valley Ranch pairs so. well with all of your favorite foods. Okay. We got pizza, wings, and chicken. tenders. Amazing. Okay, we all know. that. Personally, I've been loving. getting a big chicken Caesar wrap for. lunch lately, but I can only truly enjoy. it with a big side of ranch to dip it. in. And Hidden Valley Ranch is a staple. It's in my office fridge. It's in my.

home fridge. I brought it over to my. parents, so it's in their fridge when I. go eat there. At home on the weekends, I. am very much a ranch kind of wing girl. Matt knows the only way to get me to sit. through an entire football game is to. have Hidden Valley Ranch and Buffalo. Wings in the living room waiting for me. Hidden Valley Ranch is it's the original. ranch, okay? They created it in 1954 and. there is a reason why it is still. America's number one ranch today. It is. packed with all of the best herbs and.

spices and is perfect for dipping, dunking, or topping whatever you're. eating. Okay, visit walmart.com/hidden. valley to find Hidden Valley Ranch. today. Quick question. What do you think. about retired athletes? >> You're like, put them behind the bar. put [laughter] them BEHIND THE BAR, >> BEHIND BARS, or just take them out to a. field and end it all. [laughter]. Honestly, it is I think they. >> at our age, we're dealing with them now.

>> Hannah, I hate to say it, I actually think they. could be more toxic than the ones in the. league. >> Yeah, but Oh, please extrapolate. >> So, get my diagram off for me, please. I'm. like, I have a [ __ ] whole power. pulled out like a laser [laughter]. projector just goes down. So, here's the. thing. Although they don't have like. that fight in them technically as much. anymore in terms of like they're on the. road, they've got the road beef. Like.

they're like, "Ooh, my Kansas road. beef.". >> They now have like less to lose where. like a lot of guys although they're. protected sometimes like ooh but when I. get in trouble then I can't play. tomorrow. I feel like the retired. athletes are now just in this like. sedated state of just like entitlement. but no purpose and so they can hone in. on you and just be like you're my. purpose and I'm like no no no no get. away from me and they become psychotic. I lived across from one. >> can't even start. No I can't tell the.

story because he's literally the most. ill person on the internet and he. basically was the most psycho person. I've ever met in my life and I was like. this I'll tell you after but it was one. of the scariest moments. However, athletes are scary, too, because you. know what? I'm in New York City. This is. actually not that long ago. It was like. towards the end of my New York days. And. I am hooking up with this hockey player. It's one night. I We had followed each. other on social media. We met in college. a couple times. I had maybe sucked his. penis once. That was kind of it. It was.

just a casual. >> an appetizer. [laughter]. >> A palette cleanser. >> No, this was not a pallet [laughter]. cleanser. This dick is so mucky, scary, and large and curved. >> No, I hate that. So, I like the curve. >> The curve was um fine for a [ __ ]. but it went It's either left or right. I. can't remember. Okay, so I'm in New York. City. I run into him at a club. immediately. I'm like, he's one of the. hottest people in the NHL. I'm like, "You're so [ __ ] hot. Let's [ __ ] do. this.". >> But I'm convinced he has a girlfriend. I'm like, "Wait, isn't your Instagram.

like full of this like girl that is like. your girlfriend?" And he spends the. entire night convincing me that they're. not together. And I'm like, but like. what? Like why? Like I just know. athletes. >> That's when athletes are good at sales. They go into sales after they all become. [ __ ] [ __ ] true. He I'm like, but. any also I'm not an idiot. I've dated. athletes before. Any [ __ ] athlete. The minute you're done with someone, you. delete all the [ __ ] pictures. You. don't need to prove that you have a hot. [ __ ] on your arm. Like you're not a. [ __ ] loser. Like you're good. >> So I get super drunk and then I'm like, you know what? He's so [ __ ] hot. I'm. going to I can't even say out loud. I'm.

going to trust him. >> Ew. >> Disgusting. Alex, >> we go back to his place. We start having. sex. >> Oh my god. [laughter]. >> Just let's do it. I'm sure she's not. your girlfriend anymore. I choose to. believe this man. After like 3 hours, we. go back and his curved penis comes out. and we start having sex and a [ __ ]. was one thing cuz his mouth can do great. things. This curved penis is so large, Hannah, I start bleeding. I am in so. much pain and I just kind of stop it. I. leave. Two months later, he's engaged.

How the [ __ ] did this man explain blood. on? [laughter]. Cuz it was either a murder or a girl got. her period. Okay, you know, no, you want. to know what's even worse? As I'm. deciding to leave, his drunken friend. comes in to tell him that he has to be. up for a brand deal the next morning and. the lights are all on as I'm getting my. clothes together. Murder scene. Hannah, I thought it was a little bit of blood. His sheets are just red everywhere. And. now this man is married to this woman. >> So praying for you. >> Praying for her.

>> Like it's just sad. Like they're little. pieces of [ __ ]. >> Yes. I did. You There's this thing going. around on TikTok. Oh, I want to give the. guy credit. This guy basically said that. he realized and he's like, I got to tell. all the guys this cuz we didn't know. Do. you know when girls say, "I want you to. come." It means they want you to stop. Like they want you to be done. Like I. thought they were into it. Whenever you. go, "Can you come in me? I want you to. come. Oh my god, can you? We are so big. Can you come right now?" She's done.

She's already thinking about what she. has to do that night. She's thinking of. her chores. She's. >> all the girls in the room. >> nodding. And the guy was like, "Wait, men did not know that." And I'm like, "You think we just like We're like, you. know what? Make this better.". >> Yeah. We're saying we want this to end. >> Hannah, I've done it many times in my life. Everyone's done it. It's so. >> The second I start talking in the. bedroom, it's not cuz I like dirty talk. We're speeding up the process. Okay, we.

have [ __ ] to do. I have emails. Mom has. to work. Okay, [gasps]. >> mom has Pilates. [laughter]. >> This is so [ __ ] accurate and. terrifying. And I say, "Your dick is. big." That means I'm like, "Let's. >> I'm like, "Oh my god, you're so big.". Like, "Come for me. Come for me. >> Come for me. Come for me. Come. [laughter] for me.". >> And literally if And it's usually in. doggy. And when you're in doggy, no. If. you're face to face, you're like, "Come. for me." When you're in doggy, you're. literally this. Come for me. Come for. me. Your face is literally like I will. murder you. [laughter].

>> Do you know when you ever sarcastically. like roll you're like okay he liked. that. Okay. [laughter]. >> You're smiling. He's like losing his. mind. You're like okay let's just. >> Hannah every girl. >> that's girlhood. >> Is it hot in here? >> No. I just sweat profusely all the time. >> Is it Is it a little hot? I get so hot. in here. I'm sweating. Are you sweating? >> I'm always sweating. >> Hannah. Imagine me on my wedding. I was. literally like why did I [ __ ] choose. a drop? >> Humbles me every day with my sweat and I. I'm thankful for it. >> Okay. But you don't get spray tans, do. you? >> No, >> I do. So, I'm literally leaking orange.

at all times. >> I just had a memory of somehow me. finding a YouTube of you being like, "Bitches, this is how you [ __ ] spray. tan. The best [ __ ] spray tan in the. [ __ ] world.". >> Sage Lopez. And I was like extra dark. >> I was like taking notes. I was like, >> you were like, "Exfoliate, [ __ ]. Lotion." I don't think people understand. how pale I am naturally. Look at my. skin. Wait, I'm translucent. Have you. discussed though? like your evolution of. beauty. >> Oh, here. >> No. Should we?

>> I feel like I want to. >> Oh my god. I don't even know what that. means. >> I feel like it's been like so subtle. with you, but like you're not as tan as. you were. >> Oh, I'm getting a spray tan tonight. [laughter]. >> I go She goes, "You just called me pale. to my face." But I don't think you're. going as much. >> I'm only I'm only I'm not Oh my god. I. used to really. >> And I feel like the makeup is is more. subtle. >> Oh my god. But like was it conscious or. were you just as you got older you were. like oh I [ __ ] with my face. >> I relate to Oh I think you I saw you.

saying something about this on your. podcast on a clip I saw um you know how. people are saying what is it eyebrow. blindness and you were like people are. boyfriend blindness facts. I had and I. probably still do have eyebrow. blindness. If you look at pictures of me. from college it it started to get scary. Like it was just. >> insane huge black. It was it was too. much. But I do think I've reeled it in. more. >> And you you have blonde eyebrows. >> Blonde. >> So you like to tint them a little. >> Yes. >> But blindness can happen with that.

>> It's also scary because I look back and. like. >> I'm convinced when I started at Bar. Stool, I really leaned into the bimbo. Like that like like iconic like cover. art of us. I photoshopped the [ __ ] out. of it. And I remember us sitting there. together, me being like, "Ooh, lips. bigger, tits bigger, like cinch, boom, boom, boom.". >> Facetune blindness is such a thing. >> It was insane. But back then we didn't. have Facetune. So I was like using. Pmonkey. Um, so I was like on my web. browser in STEM. >> I [laughter] was I was literally coding.

and making my lips bigger. Okay, we. didn't have Face App anymore. So I was. like, "Dude, code XYZ lip bigger." Boom. Boom. Plump plump plump. >> 01 code. [laughter]. And then when they were like, "Can you. send us another version of just the like. the original?" And I was literally like, "No, [laughter]. not only can I not send you the. original, I can't send it because you're. like, "No, the one of you guys, it. looked nothing like us." So because of. that, I feel like I had to live up to. this thing. So overline the [ __ ] out of. my lips. I was like doing so much.

dramatic [ __ ] that I was like I now look. back and I'm like, "Oh my god, I. literally looked like a [ __ ] whore.". But you know what? Cheers. It made me a. lot of money. Well, I was going to say. [laughter]. I was going to say I've learned like the. way you present yourself does a like in. this town. It's a thing and that's why I. wear ties sometimes cuz it's powerful. >> People like, can you wear ties? I'm. trying to make ties a thing. >> Are you Abra Lavine? Wait, what the. [ __ ]. >> I wore a tie once on Giggly Squad and it.

was mixed reviews. She's nodding, but I. really You feel so. >> What did you wear it with? Oh, I fully. looked like an 80s salesman. I wore it. just with like a button down. Like I. went full like I want to feel like how a. guy feels with a tie. Right. >> You feel First of all, you mansplain. You start like explaining things you. have no idea about. >> Page is like shut the [ __ ] up. [laughter]. >> Sorry, I wasn't listening you speaking. I feel like a there's like a shrill. noise. So [laughter]. the tie like you feel like you have a. dick cuz it's like hanging around and. you and you like you got to you got to. make sure it's not like Yeah. You got to.

keep it in its place. You feel powerful. And I just think a girl with a like you. with a tie it's like hot. >> But do you have to wear a colored shirt? Could wear like a tank top with a tie? >> You can wear a tank top that is very. Averil. >> Yeah. >> But like I think it's Yeah, I think you. I mean you know her now. You can text. her [laughter]. >> on it. if she is ever. Hannah. Oh my. god. [laughter]. Melissa, if you're watching this, I. Hannah, there was nothing funnier in my. career, baby, than when I was like. really kind of like maybe pressing a.

little too hard being like, "Okay, but. Melissa," and she's literally like, "Do. you believe it? [laughter] Did you start. the conspiracy theory?" And I'm. literally thinking back to my username. like xxx22 and I'm like, I was probably. in those chats. >> No, but you were just speaking for the. people. You were asking the important. question. >> When I was doing my research, all I. wanted wanted to know was like Melissa. So I was like, okay, what's up Melissa? And she was fun about it. >> Yeah. >> But then you can never win because. everyone's comment was like, "That's. what Melissa would say." And [laughter]. I'm like, "What the fuck?" I feel bad. I. was like, and then I love her though. She's like that's like the least of my.

worries. Like if that's the biggest. rumor about me. I'm like that you're. dead and then you came back as someone. else. Um you have a body double. I guess. that would be kind of cool. Imagine if. that was the [ __ ] rumor about you. Honestly, I would die for those to be. the rumor. If I do something stupid, I. was like, "That wasn't me." That was. Melissa. [laughter]. >> That was Barbara. >> Barbara again. Ah, [ __ ] Barb, reel it. in. Hannah [laughter] would never do. something like that. Hannah would never. >> Honestly, please start that [ __ ]. rumor. Alex is dead. Someone else came. back. Um, okay. Your ex men trying to. pick up a penny. >> Oh my god. >> Cuz they're like struggling.

>> How often do you see this? >> Honestly, I've never seen a penny in the. last 10 years. But like the concept of. them like trying to with their like ny. stupid hands. >> Where are the pennies? This is like a new Chappelle. >> I haven't seen change in a while. >> Well, that was very rich of you. [laughter]. >> She got this change sort of thing. Spotify's never given me change. Can you. pay me in quarters next quarter? [laughter]. >> I'm [ __ ] dead.

In LA, there's no change. There's. literally no [laughter] petties. Not. even quarters. >> [ __ ] Um, [screaming]. [ __ ] you. Have you ever stolen. Just clip that. Honestly, just clip it. away. Oh my god. Is it hot in here? Oh. [laughter] god. Um, that was very rich of you. >> Everyone got quiet. >> You're the one that said you hadn't seen. a penny in 10 years. [ __ ] you. Um, have. you ever stolen anything from a hookup's.

place? Apartment, like a house, apartment, like anything? >> Gosh, I have. >> What did [laughter] you say? You're. like, you're that friend who's like, I. want to tell you a story, but I am going. to ask you first to pretend. Like, I. want to know what have you stolen. Airpods. I feel like AirPods are the. easiest thing to steal cuz everyone. loses their AirPods every day. >> But I have literally unintentionally. stolen AirPods before and I'm like. walking through the airport and I look. down. >> It's impossible to not steal an AirPod. >> But Hannah, then it comes up as their. name on your phone. Like you have.

Jeremy's. I like. >> track you or something. >> I don't know. I don't [ __ ] with AirPods. I have the old school. I use Delta. headphones. >> What? >> Oh, you don't you don't do Delta. headphones? >> No, [laughter]. >> I thought you The amount of Delta I. could. >> we strangle myself to death with. [laughter] the amount of Delta. headphones I have knotted up in my bag. I could definitely kill, >> you know, [laughter]. a small squirrel. Wait, Hannah. >> With the amount of unsafe Delta.

headphones I have lying around, it would. definitely The whole ocean would Every. fish would die with the amount of Delta. headphones I have. >> Wait, wait. I feel like the Delta. headphones kind of like don't stay in my. ear. >> Do you want to check out each other's. ear canals right now? >> No. Honestly, I think I have ear wax. Oh. my god, someone handed me [laughter]. No, I don't shower. No, listen [gasps]. to me. Your intrusive thoughts are so. crazy and they're just coming out right. now. >> It's getting really hot, so it's.

starting to get to my head. It goes, I. haven't showered in [laughter] seven. days. >> I haven't showered. >> I've been searching for pennies. I can't. find them anywhere. [laughter]. >> I'm like, I'm so rich and I have ear. wax. I can't. [laughter]. >> Doesn't matter how much money you have, your ear wax will find you. >> I can't I don't know who to go to. No, Hannah. When I was in This is. disgusting. It's actually not. This is. important. When everyone get your ears. checked. [laughter]. >> Do you have a worm in your ear? >> I [ __ ] wish. Listen to me. [laughter]. Then I would go viral. Listen to me. I'm.

such a [ __ ] for views. I'm like, oh my. god, someone put something in my ear. Listen to me. In college, I always would. talk so loud. That's actually natural. I. don't know why I'm going to blame this. on my ears. I talked loud. But then I. was like, maybe I need to get like my. ears checked and I go, [laughter]. >> you thought you were deaf? >> I'm like, maybe it's cuz I'm deaf. You. [ __ ] They're like, it's like you. can't judge anyone else cuz you've never. shut up. >> [laughter]. >> They're like, "You're just annoying.". The doctor's like, "Just shut the [ __ ]. up." So, I go and they're like, "Oh, you. see a little ear wax." And they do this. thing where they like pour it into me, whatever. And it's basically like a.

honeycomb looked like it came out of my. [ __ ] ear. And I was like, "Holy [ __ ]. that's been in my ear." Then I kept. talking about. >> getting a what's it called up your butt? >> Colonoscopy. >> It's like a colonoscopy for your ear. >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Yes. You colonoscopy. >> Literally [ __ ] my ear. It's all. draining. It's all draining. And then I. could hear like. >> a little better. But really I was just. getting anxious because every time I put. headphones [laughter]. on. >> Oh, it would give me like a little. remnant. And I So the other day I'm.

doing this prep and this girl was like, "Can I give you these AirPods? You need. to listen in." And I'm literally like, "I brought my own." And she was like, [laughter] "No, you have to use these. ones because they're connected to the. screen." And I literally like literally. almost start crying and I literally take. it [laughter] out and I'm like, "Are you. going to like let me keep these after?". >> It's like when someone lends you your. their underwear and you're like, "I'm. kind of spotting right now." [laughter]. It's just like little like discharge. We're like, "Don't look.". >> What is disgusting?

>> Give me some egg white. [laughter]. >> We are literally vile. But Alex, a Q-tip. in your ear. Better than sex. Said it. I. said it. We all were thinking it. >> Better than sex. cuz it's naughty. Like. you're not supposed to. >> I have one better. >> You're like, "This is bad.". >> No, I have one better. And it's going to. be so [ __ ] disgusting. And I'm really. never going to recover from this. You. know what's better than a [ __ ] Q-tip? >> A fake. >> Gel X. I think all girls I want us to be. secret spies. I want us to break into. car doors with our Gel X. Like literally.

like hold on one sec. I want this. >> These are too long. >> Yeah, >> this is giving like I like I can't text. right now. I'm at the point where like. they've grown out the last amount where. I have to I actually have never gotten. fake nails before. And. >> but is this the longest you go? >> Yeah. And she put them on. I've never. gotten full cuz I like I killed the. whole family. You know when you you. break one you're like [ __ ] it. >> Yeah. Get over. >> And I was like how do you get them off? And she's like, "Oh, it's a whole. process. You have to like soak for 3. days and then you have like it's a whole.

thing getting like I don't have time for. this shit.". >> Cana I the other week just took a. [ __ ] clipper and just clipped them. all off. So they were just straight. >> Every day I have to fight that urge. >> It's disgusting, but I have them now. So. anyways, pro tip. If you have any wax, just take your gel and scoot it around. because the best is you can scoop it out. because my fear is these Q-tips are just. shoving it deeper in. You've seen those. videos, Hannah? >> Yes, I have seen those videos. Oh, I. remember the one my favorite moment from. Caller Daddy. >> I just remembered it. It was when I said.

the only way I can orgasm is with my. legs straight. And I've never had more. of a connection with girls in my life. Hannah, I want you to know that. I did end up trying that. >> oddly maybe like a week after we filmed. together and I thought of. >> me this. How do [laughter] I say this? I. thought of you my entire time. >> I was having an orgasm. I'M LIKE, HANNAH, YOU WERE RIGHT. [laughter]. >> WELL, you got to clench. You get to.

clench. I'm afraid, too. If I bend my. knees, I will fart. >> Oh my god. [laughter]. It's literally terrifying. You You're. holding a doggy. I mean, you don't even. get me [ __ ] started. But yeah, I I. guess I can say I've had an orgasm and I. have thought of you. So, thank you. Cheers. Oh my god. What did I feel? How. did we get here? You're watch. >> I I took us off. >> Delta AirPods. Have I stolen? I was. dating this rich guy at this point and. he was pissing me off. I knew we were. going to. >> When they're rich, does it count? >> Did you just say what is it? >> When they're rich, does it count? Like, you know, like with the big big box. stores, there's like taxes.

>> I thought about this for stealing. >> Well, let me take you through my thought. process. So, he was sleeping. >> [laughter]. >> I drugged him. >> I. >> The melatonin hit. I finally drugged. him. He was out. I am in his apartment. and I start to spiral cuz I'm like I'm. looking at him breathing and I'm like, he's definitely cheating and he's. definitely being sus. We weren't even. dating, but I'm like, he's cheating with. other women, blah blah. So, I start to. panic and I can't sleep. So, I start. walking around his apartment and then I. get this crazy idea. I'm like, [ __ ] him. I'm going to [ __ ] take something from.

this apartment. Like, [ __ ] you. >> Cuz you're in a full fight with him at. this point in your head. >> Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say in my. head, he doesn't know. He doesn't know. >> So, I start going around and I'm looking. at these Rolexes and I'm like, I feel. like this is jail cuz I feel like he's I. feel like I'm crazy that like he would. actually call the police on me. And I. was like in college, so I like couldn't. handle that. And I was like, I'm not I. can't bail myself out. >> If I was older, would have taken the. Rolex, [laughter] but I need to finish. college first. >> I didn't want to be in juvie. >> Couldn't handle juvie. >> I couldn't handle juvie at that point in. my life. Although a mug shot would be.

kind of like chic. That's what you. literally got. >> I just had to figure out like what could. I get a mug shop for? And then like. Yeah. So anyway, so I'm I'm cruising. around and I'm passing by the Roches and. I I finally am like let it go. Al, >> did you say watches? >> Watches. Got it. Rolexes. [laughter]. I see the Rolex. And I can't afford [ __ ]. at this point. I'm like, okay, can't. take that. So I'm looking around, looking around. And then finally, this. is the most petty thing because it's so. stupid and it might as well have been. headphones. Hannah, I find this box that.

has not been opened. and it's a GoPro [laughter]. and I look at it and I'm like, "Huh?" I. pick it up. I put it in my purse and I. fling my purse over my [ __ ] shoulder. and I steal this man's [ __ ]. GoPro. I haul myself a cab. I get home. and I put the box on my decks and I'm. like, "Ha, there you go, motherfucker.". And I never used the GoPro and I would.

look at it and I would I did nothing. with it. I have two things to say. No. one's ever used a GoPro. [laughter]. Second of all, if a man has a GoPro, that is the biggest ick I've ever had. Men with GoPros. I'm like, he was an. athlete. I'm like, what is he doing with. his GoPro? And then I [ __ ] an athlete. a couple months later and he had a GoPro. on his [ __ ] headboard and I was like, "No, >> wait, that's [ __ ] up, >> Hannah." He had a GoPro on his [ __ ]. headboard. >> I was literally like, >> "Did you steal it after?" [laughter].

>> You're like, "Wait, I love attention.". >> He's like in the shower. I turn it. >> You go, "Is that the government?". >> Hi. Sorry. [laughter]. >> So that's what I stole. Okay. Um, if you. want to steal something though, that's. like actually them off. >> What? His remote. >> You're the devil. >> Ruin his [ __ ] life. Ruin that man's. life. Just take the remote. >> Every. >> And he'll always think he lost it in the. couch somehow. Taking someone's remote. is probably the meanest thing you could.

do to a person. [laughter]. >> More time that he has now to text you. >> I'm like, "Babe, I'm just taking it so. you can respond." like, [laughter] "Oh, you just keep taking everything from his. house.". >> This is like distracting you from like. our connection. >> He's like, "I hate you.". >> I do have to say, you don't really know. a person until you've seen them in a. room trying to find their remote. [ __ ]. going to a restaurant and seeing how. they treat the waiter. Hide their remote. and see how they act. That is the real. person right there. Oh, cuz you've had. it where THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT THE WHERE. THE [ __ ] [screaming] WHERE THE FUCK?".

AND THEY'RE FLIPPING TABLES. You're. like, "Okay, I don't want to have a. child with you." And then the next is. you literally just like it was under. your pillow. Like here you go. It's. really not that deep. >> That's the ultimate problem with men. >> They can't even find the thing that you. told them where it is, but they're. running the FBI. But I'm not I digress. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's move on. >> We don't have time to solve those. issues. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Pelaton. For me, this time of year always feels. like everything's happening at once,

right? you're planning holiday launches. at work and you know you're heading to. dinners at your in-laws and somehow the. thing that actually that you want to do. for yourself it kind of ends up at the. bottom of the barrel the bottom of the. list and that is where Pelaton comes in. ladies and gentlemen their new. crossraining tread plus is powered by. Pelaton IQ and designed to make working. out feel manageable again even when life. is at its busiest aka this time of year.

right Pelon IQ basically acts like your. private trainer, helping you set your. goals, find the right weight, tracks. your movement, and even corrects your. form. You never have to guess if you're. doing it right anymore, and you can just. focus on your workout instead. Thank. God. And with the swivel screen, you can. go from a 45inut. run to a 5 minute stretch in one quick. spin. Whether I want to run, whether I'm. lifting, or I just want to squeeze.

something in really quick before work or. dinner, there's always a class that. matches my mood, I don't get bored, and. that's why I keep showing up. Plus, Pelon IQ builds personalized plans and. class recommendations based on my goals. so I can stay on track and see results. faster. Daddy gang, let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the. new Pelaton crossraining tread plus at. onepelon.com. Daddy gang, it is time to stop wearing. the same pair of stretched out busted.

leggings from 5 years ago. We deserve an. upgrade. Okay, so here you go. I know. that these leggings are going to. officially become your favorite go-to. leggings. Just launched their new Vista. collection, which I know is going to. become your go-to favorite. They are a. classic style, so they work with. literally everything. They're also soft, high-waisted, we love, and flattering in. all the ways that make you feel like you. actually have your life together, even. if you're crashing out on a random.

Tuesday. Okay, and it's not just. leggings in this collection. Roback also. dropped matching bra tops and layering. pieces so that you can create the. perfect set. And you guys know there is. nothing that I love more than a cute, comfortable matching set. It looks like. you have your life together. It's like, oh my god, she's a fashionista. You know. what I mean? Worn together or worn. separately, Roach's Vista collection is. perfect for hitting the gym, grabbing a. coffee with friends, or looking hot. without trying too hard when the new guy. you're talking to comes over. Daddy. gang, it's time that we stop pretending. that those 5-year-old leggings are still.

working for us, and upgrade to the Vista. collection. Use the code call her daddy. on roach.com. for a generous 20% off your first order. Woo! Through the end of this week. That's spelled R H O B A C.com. Love you. >> Do you have any exes that like hate you? Do you have any like are you on good. terms with your exes? >> Great question. So, my therapist told me. that I'm a little like I don't talk to.

any of my exes except British Dave. >> British Dave. >> I love British Dave. Shout out to. British Dave and Angel. >> So cute. >> And then there's some who I know don't. have good boundaries, so I block them. and one blocked me because um he's a. [ __ ] [laughter]. Any man who blocks you, that's an egg. >> It's so [ __ ]. >> cuz I didn't even do anything to him and. I'm like, "Oh, my existence." And it. makes me I check and he still has me. blocked and I'll be like, "She's still.

that girl. She's a girl." That's. literally [laughter] the craziest thing. to think of a man, a grown man to press. grown up. Like if I was the person he's. with right now and I if I knew my. husband had a girl blocked, I would be. jealous. >> cuz I'd be like, "What's wrong? >> If you are blocked, he's in love with. you.". >> But then I had to blow up on TikTok, so. he'd have to block me on Tik Tok, [laughter] too. >> He's literally going to every Now I have. to block [ __ ] Netflix, [ __ ].

>> So that's the thing. I I joke about I. don't care what hard times you go to. because I actually this particular man. had did stuff that like he tried to hurt. my career which like that's when I don't. [ __ ] with that. So then I was like I. didn't even want a Netflix special. >> but now I have to and my friends would. joke cuz I'd be in Vermont doing like 10. shows I'm dying and they're like is it. worth it? And I'm like it's [ __ ]. worth it [ __ ]. >> It's worth it. >> So I don't And the thing is sometimes. you get this motivation from anger. It's. >> so good. But the best part is when you. get to the point that you forgot why you. were even mad at them and then people.

are like this is your time like go on. caller daddy drop the name call him out. tell show the receipts. >> you don't care anymore. >> right you're literally like we I have a. Netflix special who is he again what did. he do. >> you literally forget and that's called. healing. >> it's not only is it. >> I'm not like fully healed by any means. but it is close to healing. >> yeah I know but think of him getting the. email to want to reup up your Netflix. subscription.

and he goes in to re-up it and your. [ __ ] face. >> No, that's that's the Lady Gaga moment. Like anywhere you go, you'll have to see. me. >> Do you think any of them would label you. a psycho X? >> It's so funny. The most psycho thing. about me is that I avoid confrontation. So, I've had so many relationships that. had zero fighting and then one day I. would just call them because I had a. talk with my mom [laughter] and I'll. listen to anything this angel [ __ ]. says. One of my worst relationships that.

like on paper like everyone was like, "This is the greatest thing for you.". And one day I just poured my heart out. to her being like, "I don't feel good. about myself. He's never laughed at one. thing I said. He always walks in front. of me by like 5 feet. Like I He controls. everything. thing like when I get to see. him, all that stuff. And I was young. I. was like 26. He was older. >> And she goes, "You're not going to his. apartment.". >> And this is like two days ago. She's. like, "He's the best." She goes, "You're. calling the picking him up. Calling the. phone. Calling him. [laughter].

>> You're picking the phone to call. You're. calling your phone to pick up. >> You're picking up the phone to call him. You're. >> And she goes, "You're breaking up with. him." And I was like I was like And she. goes, "I'm sitting with you. We're doing. it right now." And I called him and I. said like, "I want to end it." And he's. like, "What are you talking about? And. what. >> what and he I was like, "Okay, like I. want to I I can't do this anymore." And. then another guy was really [ __ ] up. >> That's a mind [ __ ]. >> Another guy which was so [ __ ] up. He. was so sweet, so nice. And my I was like. 23, 24, and my mom was just like,

"Hannah, he's not it." And like I really. liked him. He was so nice, but like I. knew deep down that. >> it wasn't right. >> He wasn't the one I wanted to marry, but. he was so nice. Like just so and like he. was great. My mom was like And she was. like, "Hannah, you're wasting time. like. just get out of it. We have no issues. I. call him and I was like I think it was. in person. I was like we have cuz once I. decide I'm out. >> So I was like we have to break up. And. he just looked at me. It was the saddest. thing ever. He goes so I can't like talk. to you tomorrow. >> Oh. >> And I remember just being like I'm.

sorry. Like my mom's a savage and I'm so. scared of her and she wants the best for. me and she knows big picture and I can't. waste my time with you cuz you're kind. of a loser. Hannah, not you blaming your. [laughter] breakup on your mom. You're. like, "It's my mom.". >> But you can talk to Lenor. You can like, but she's over it. But then I've had. times where she one guy she liked that I. wanted to break up with. I waited for. her to go on vacation and I broke up. with him when she was on vacation cuz I. want her to enjoy her vacation. Comes. back. I go, I broke up with him. SHE WAS.

LIKE, HOW DO I obsess? I think that's. like the most fun thing with like I. would say with my mom, too, is like Lori. has lived all of my relationships. Like. when I just did an episode about this. athlete, she was like, "Oh my gosh, but. you didn't tell the story of this and. this [laughter] and this." She's like, "My mom literally goes, "You should make. it a whole summer series that you do all. these stories about him." I'm like, "Mom, we're trying to not get sued. Mom, also like I'm married. Mom, calm down.". She's like, "But I wrote them all down. I have it in my notebook from your. college days when you would call me. I.

knew you would need these stories one. time." Like one [ __ ] up thing. If my. mom doesn't want to [ __ ] him, I don't. want to be with him. And I hate to say. it, but it's so true. If your mom is. like, "He's nice." Nope. I want my mom. to be flirty with him. I want to see. that she gets excited when this man. walks in the room. And that is so. disgusting and sick. But my mom is. nodding listening. Be like, "Yep, I want. my daughter to be with a [ __ ] hot. like [laughter]. cuz mom my mom and I are very. independent and like we're going to have.

a man in our life that need to be an. asset and good to look at." [laughter]. >> Period. >> And that's all that period. But I do. have to say I tell my mom everything. too. >> And I posted cuz I was so excited to go. and color diet today and I was like, "Guys, what? I'm going on a big podcast. Which one do you think it is?" And I put. like the little thing where people can. comment. >> So like Rogan. >> My mom goes, "Call her daddy." She. knows. And I'm like, "Mom, you're like, "Mom, I was just on the phone with you.". She like got excited to [laughter]. answer. >> No, she she's that girl. >> I'm obsessed with your mom and I'm just.

obsessed. I think it's really nice to be. able to like rely on your mom and then. also blame your mom for everything. Well, there was was it Julia Drifus? Louise. Sorry, she has so many names. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. >> I think someone I think it was her gave. a speech where she was just like, "Can. we listen to older women?". >> Like older women know so much. >> They know everything. >> So, it's like you have this asset that. is your mother. >> You came out of her. Use her. >> and ask a ton of questions. And yes, but. I know some moms like they, you know,

it's not always great. And then. >> ice her out. >> Ice her [laughter] out. If she's a. [ __ ] nice like literally a narcissist. like can I speak. and you're like I'm going to pick up him. and call the phone. [laughter]. >> It's literally so funny. You knew what I. was going to say though. You knew what I. was saying. >> Anyway, so yeah, that's my problem. And. I think some guys have been probably a. little confused, but um I've never I've. never pulled like a crazy moment. Like I.

have so much pride and it could be insec. where like I never want people to think. that I that's why like things in my past. have annoyed me where people are like. she's obsessed with him or whatever. Like I I'm never put myself in that. position cuz I am prideful and insecure. >> I get it. >> So like when people like guys in the. public I'm like that man has never made. me laugh. He's like annoys the [ __ ] out. of me and like I just want to have fun. >> But isn't it annoying? I hate it. The. double standard of like a man can say. that stuff and then people will then.

other women. >> will agree with the man and be like, "You're so right." And then if a girl. just goes right back at the guy, people. are like, "She's such a bitch." Like, >> yeah. I also. >> Why don't we gang up on the man, you. [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> I had weird thing, too, where some guys. would like they would like my attention. or they liked my conversation or. something. And that's like the most. valuable thing to me where it's like I'd. rather us just [ __ ] and me like have a. fun story than you consuming my life, calling me eight times a day and then. like men are not your friends. I have.

hilarious, beautiful people in my life. A man who's hot with no personality is. not your friend. >> and never will be and probably shouldn't. be your boyfriend either. >> No. If they're too hot, they're scary. [laughter]. >> No, they are so scary. >> Like really scary. Let's talk about the. special. >> Okay, Barbara Walters. >> I. >> Rest in peace. >> RIP. [ __ ] yourself. >> Um, you need to explain to me how did. this come to be. >> Tell me everything. >> I do have to say from doing a reality.

show, you kind sometimes you feel larger. than life. You feel like you're the. coolest person ever. You're funny. You're perfect. Everyone loves you, which is like also not true. Or you can. feel like they put mud on you and. everyone just sees you with this stuff. on you and you're trying to shower it. off and you feel misunderstood and. feeling misunderstood was like my. biggest fear and the universe was like. let's do it to you and I was in. definitely a place but it I was in a. dark place but I never felt stuck. I. just was like okay we got to pivot we.

got to pivot. I was in this like where's. the next thing? And Tik Tok was this new. crowd where like people didn't know who. I was and I got to just like. therapeutically I would go on stage. after reality TV and I would in my head. be like I hope these people don't hate. me and I was but I had this drive to. show them like I want them to at least. not like me cuz they don't like my. comedy which is such a like uh more. peaceful. >> perspective. kind of like all in your.

tell me if you don't like the art and. like cool we're expressing ourselves and. also and I needed to get better and when. I was on stage it's [ __ ] up but my. mind is very doesn't shut up so when I. was on stage it was the only time that I. wasn't repeating or trying to figure out. like my past so I got to be present in. that moment telling my quef jokes but it. was like it was like my safe space and. then comics was this crew of people who. made me feel so much better about myself. they were like dying laughing at the. [ __ ] I was going through with reality.

TV. Like they were I was telling them. these stories. They were like I would. have burned the house down. I would and. they made me feel a little more seen. where you can feel in the wrong crowd. You really do feel like you're losing. [laughter] your. >> your mind. >> and that's what the point is a lot of. the time. >> So I I started to get this I almost feel. like hot girls don't traditionally go. let's do standup comedy tonight or let's. go to the standup comedy club. go with. your boyfriend. >> But I was able to kind of cultivate this.

algorithm of like I'm biased, but like. hot, successful, funny women who wanted. to laugh and felt safe in their bedroom. laughing at comedy. And then with Giggly. Squad and getting the girls to come out. to the show, I was like, "Oh my god, we. have this like group of women coming out. to comedy shows loving standup." And a. lot of them it was their first ever. shows and it was powerful. And because I. was selling tickets, I didn't have to. wait to like get chosen to be on lineups. and stuff. Interesting. >> I was like producing my own shows. And.

then I started doing Hand on the Street. where I was making friends with all. these comics. And then the comedy. community started. >> embracing me in a way where I was just. like either you like me or don't. I. don't care. Like I don't need you to. accept me. But like cuz I came in with. some of some followers. So some comics. will be like well she didn't bomb in. enough basements. But I'm like I want to. build you. I wanted to be like Chelsea. Handleresque where I I bring people that. are talented around me. Um, no matter. how many followers you have, I [ __ ] with. you if you're like a nice person who's.

talented. And it's again selfish of me. to be like I I want to before you go. famous, I'm going to put you on. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, but I think it's like. you recognize people that you [ __ ] with. And I feel like sometimes, you're right, people will be like, "Oh, I'm too big. for that." Like they make it, they make. it. And then I'll give them. acknowledgement where you're like, "No, I felt like that person that didn't have. that." And I wish someone would have. recognized how talented I was and not. been threatened, but like helped lift me. up. >> Yeah. And then I just continued touring.

I continued touring. Get on the road, be. with my girls, work on the jokes, work. on the jokes, work on the jokes. And. then Variety kind of noticed me and was. like, "She's definitely got [ __ ] going. on.". >> And we get a call from Netflix. >> Oh my god. Now, the crazy thing about. this call is my agent's like, "Netflix. wants to do a special with you." I I'm. freaking out. Like, I have a video of me. like I was like shaking. I go to the. other room and I'm like, "Dez, I got a. Netflix special." Oh my god. He looks at. me, no smile, and he goes, "Yeah, you're. not shooting that." And I was like,

>> "I'm sorry. Isn't this like the goal?". Wait. >> And he goes, "You have nine more months. of touring and you're going to do those. nine more months because your bits are. going to be tagged up and that much. better at the end of and you tell them. you'll shoot it the latest you can. possibly shoot it.". >> So like he's immediat a protector. >> of course. >> and he has done his own career where. he's like you don't rush into a special, right? >> But like I love this material so much. and I'm so happy that I basically told.

Netflix like in a year I'll I'll do it. So they were like, "Why?" And I was just. like, "I think I could make it even. better." Even though they liked it at. the time. >> That's like, >> so I like sat on that [ __ ] like and I I. wasn't allowed. I didn't even tell Paige. for like a month. >> For [laughter] a month, >> just for two minutes. >> I like looked at it too long and I was. like cuz I just wanted to sit in it. But. it was such a great moment of like. >> it's not about the special. It's not. about clout. It's about like putting out. something you're proud of.

I thank you for sharing that because it. makes it even cooler now to like I can't. wait to watch it. I was literally like. can I get a screener and they're like no. and I was like [laughter]. >> we were actually doing color correction. still. >> I was like can I watch it and they're. like no and I was like. >> no [laughter]. >> okay fine I'll watch it with everyone. else. >> I'll [ __ ] text. >> I'm excited. I'm going to like have. wine. Matt and I are going to sit down. I'm going to be sending you pictures. I'm going to watch it. I'm so [ __ ]. excited. But. >> I truly am so proud of you. Like I feel.

like when I met you, I was like, "Oh my. god, this is someone I could have been. friends with my whole life." Like having. been athletes, like knowing the [ __ ]. trauma that you have from being an. athlete, knowing the type of person, it. just like builds you into and you're. like so competitive with yourself. And I. think sometimes for especially women in. sports, I feel like that gets. misconstrued and we've dealt with like. being our worst critics. So you fight. similar battles. I think that's why when. we message each other, it's like, "How. you doing against your demons?".

[laughter]. >> No, I losing. >> If you go through all of our messages, we are only texting each other like. check-ins. We're like, I just saw this. How are you doing? I'm so proud of you. Proud of you. You good? Okay. Talk in a. couple months. >> Like, have you slept? >> Right. We're like, you good? And then. we're like, you ready to come on the. pod? You okay? Okay. You're wearing. jorts. Amazing. Midlife crisis. Cue it. now. >> Cry for help. I I just am so excited for. people to watch this. And I feel like. you from when I met you to now is what I. was saying is like you were so funny.

back then, but we both were insecure. And of course, we're both still insecure. in some capacities, but like I can't. wait to watch the special because you. are so much more yourself now than when. I met you. You were we were both going. through it. Not that we weren't. ourselves, but like you're you're. leading with like. >> you're so [ __ ] talented. You are like. anyone I talk to about you recently are. like, "Oh my god, [ __ ] Hannah Burner. She's lights out. Like I can't wait to. see the special." Like you are just I.

get chills when I talk to her. >> I feel like I'm living in a dream. Like. I feel like I I we did the last pod with. Paige and I fell asleep and then had a. dream that you were sitting here being. like, "You got a Netflix special." Like. it feels like a dream. But I'm turning. into my dad. He loves quotes. And he was. it basically is like what if your. [snorts] biggest dreams came true? And I. think you are a good um example of that. because you showing that because it is. kind of lonely sometimes at the top and. you showing that a girl could get a lot. of attention and run a full company like.

it's paving the way for other people to. be like, "Oh, that dream is not too. scary." And I do feel like with this. special, I really hope that more girls. are going to be like, "I'm just like. Hannah. That's how I am with my friends. Wait, I like I like [ __ ] with this. I. want to do standup because I have this. conspiracy there that like women are. made for standup. We're gossipers. We. complain. We overanalyze. Like that is. what standup is. So I just like.

disrupting male spaces and making men. upset. And I think we write at dawn. We. write at dawn. Last question, Hannah. How are you gonna feel if your Netflix. special is potentially in the background. of some Netflix and chill sessions and. people are [ __ ] to your special? Oh, have you thought about that? That it's. going to be so awkward cuz I'll. literally be talking about how hard it. is to ride a guy while you're riding a. guy and I don't know how you'll recover. from that. Or like how like you're.

holding in your fart when you're. cuddling and it's like you haven't had. to fart all day and then suddenly the. second his dick's on your butt you're. like I have the biggest gas bubble I've. ever had. Hannah, they're going to be. Netflix and chilling watching you. And. she's like, "Oh my god, isn't it the. worst when you're holding your fart and. the girls literally like, [laughter]. "Shut the [ __ ] up, Hannah." And you're. like, "How about a queef?" And she's. literally like, "Oh my god, maybe watch. this with your girlfriends." [laughter]. But I think your boyfriends and the men. in your life should watch it cuz it's. quite educational. It's very. educational. >> It's for everyone. We ride it, Don.

Hannah, I could sit here and talk to you. for 17 more hours. I love you. Thank you. for also being so good at interviewing. because you make me look good. >> [ __ ] you look be difficult. >> Except for the shorts. I'm just kidding. [laughter]. >> You're turning. Pa judging. I'm patient. I'm like is going to be furious when I. tell her I wore shorts on Caller Daddy. She'd be like, "You [ __ ]. disrespectful cunt.". >> But you guys have to It's good. You both. have You're You're different. It's. perfect. I love that. I'm like, "You're. different, Hannah. It's just because. you're different." I love you. Thank you. so much for coming on Call Daddy. This.

was everything and more. I love you. This may have been her best work yet. No, I think it is. I love you.