Charlize Theron: I Don’t Need a Man (Full Episode)

[Music]. What is up daddy gang? It is your. founding father Alex Cooper with Call. Her Daddy. Charliss Theren. Welcome to Caller. Daddy. Thank you. I'm so excited to be. meeting you. The same here. Cheers to. it's happy hour. somewhere in the world. Somewhere in the. world it's happy hour. We're cheersing. We've got a little vodka and we're going. to have a great conversation today. You. look you're in your cozies. Yeah. I.

apologize if I was supposed to get. dressed up. No, no, no. I'm usually in. my cozies and I have to I have a meeting. after this. I would usually be wearing. exactly what you're wearing. So, this is. perfect. You look great. You look like. me today and I maybe look like you in. another life. Um, okay. In doing. research for this interview, I realized. we have a couple things in common and. maybe we'll find out more today, but one. of them being we're notoriously known. for saying the word [ __ ] Yes, I am. That's why I love your show. Well, I love your show for many. I just.

love you're very authentic and I love. your use of the word because, you know, if somebody uses it that much, it has to. feel like it's coming from a real place. and yours feels very grounded. I Okay, I. haven't heard you say it yet, but I know. it's going to come out today, but I'm. like, I've heard that you have you say. it all the time. I remember reading it. said Hollywood Reporter profile said. that you said [ __ ] 154 times in 3 hours. in an interview. They have to fact check. that. I don't think that's true. There's. no way I was like humanly possible. Have.

you ever said it in a really like. inappropriate setting where people were. like, "Shiss, what the [ __ ] are you. doing?" Listen, I I I I. have definitely I trying to think of how. to say this without. uh getting the right context around it. I swear in front of my kids because I. feel like, you know, I feel like I like. I am a responsible mom, but I also I am. who I am. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I.

I also want to teach my kids that there. are things for them to look forward to. They don't necessarily get to say that. right now, but that's really fun because. they're going to grow up and get to say. what they want. And also just because. it's sometimes it's hard to articulate. exactly what [ __ ] cannot replace. Like I. just feel and maybe that's cuz my. vocabulary is just not very strong and. English as a second language, but it. just there's it's hard to sometimes.

really get that thing across, you know, and you can just you can special size. it. You can custom it for your what. whatever the [ __ ] is that you need, you. know? It's [ __ ] amazing. I do this. really fun thing with my kids in the. morning when we drive to school. They. DJ, so I can't DJ at all. So, they'll. take my phone and they'll just like. alternate with each other and like play. songs. And then they got a little older. They were like, you know, it used to be. like the clean versions. And then I was. like, "Mom, can we like play the dirty. versions?" And I was like, "Okay, just.

for this car ride." So, in the mornings, this is now where I think they get a. half hour of just getting they play it. every inappropriate song. so incredibly. loud that I like lose my hearing and. we're driving for a half hour and. they're screaming every single. inappropriate word that they possibly. can and then I load and I can tell like. all that energyy's out. They're going to. have a great day at school and then I. put a podcast on and I probably listen. to you. It's like by 10:00 a.m. I've had. a full life. It's a it's a full day. You're listening to like [ __ ] at like 700.

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White claw seltzer works. Chicago, Illinois. Okay, let's go back to beginning days of. your life. You grew up on a farm in. South Africa. What was that like? It was. it was normal, you know. It's what I. knew. It's all of my friends kind of. grew up on these small farms. They. weren't like these like out of Africa. kind of farms. They were called small. small holdings. We ate off the land and. lived off the land. My mom grew.

she's she's growing stuff on our farm. out in Ohio now. She's like a just a. natural farmer. Uh knows everything. about fruits and vegetables. So we we we. lived a farm life but not as isolated as. people would imagine a farm life to be. And growing up, you went to a boarding. school, right? High school. Yeah. If I. was to ask your classmates like what. were you like in high school, what do. you think they would say? Oh, that'd be.

interesting. I think there was a side of. me, you know, my I grew my my there was. a lot of um alcoholism in my family on. both sides and a lot of shame. um that I think kids in general have. about a parent that might be an. alcoholic. Um because my dad was like. very uh he'd show up in states that you.

know was just very inconsistent. And so I think my friends or people who. knew me in school would say that there. was a part of me that was very. uh like closed off and. not necessarily sharing the truth about. my who I was in my life. like kind of I. think I think I created somewhat of an. alter ego that came from like a happy. house and like my family were good happy. people and um.

and I think. the other side would probably be that I. I never really like fit in anywhere. It wasn't that I was unpopular. It was. just that I. almost like weirdly wanted there were. two girls that I very vividly remember. in both my lower school and my high. school. Um, one was called Charlene in lower. school and the other one was called.

Marliss in my high school. They were. both girls that I absolutely just. admired. Like I just thought the world. of them. And if you asked me today why, I actually couldn't answer that. Do you. think it was like their aura or their. confidence? I think it was their. confidence and that they were. authentically. truthfully. being who not only they are but also. living the truth of their circumstance. at home. I think that was the thing that.

I really admired about them. Not that. they had I don't think they dealt with. this the same issues that I I don't. think they had a parent that was dealing. with alcoholism, but I and I still have. this with women who like when they date, they're just like very open and honest. Like they don't try and hide anything. They'll say whatever they want. They're. not walking on eggshells. And I think. that's the part that. kids in my school probably remember the. most. But it's I think now looking back.

at it I understand why I was that way. better. But don't you think when you. look back too like. why you admired those girls so much. What you're saying also is like being. that young and like masking in. situations is exhausting. like you wish. you could just be out in the open, but. family is family where you still it is a. reflection on you even though you're. doing nothing wrong that your family is. dealing with this but you still feel. this almost like pride that you have to.

try to uphold something because it's. like currency in high school like what. is this person like and what is their. family from? And so you try to create. this narrative but that's exhausting and. then you walk in the door at home and. you're like well this is [ __ ]. miserable. It's exhausting. It's very. exhausting and it's uh it's crazy how we. carry all of that weight. Like somehow. it's us like somehow their actions are. reflective of us. And it's it's it's a. crazy thing that I continued in other. relationships in my life. And I just I.

think I admire women who are just like. that's that's that like that's not me. But that was exhausting for sure. Yeah. And it affected my life in a way that I. think it took me a long time to be able. to figure out. So when you ask me like. how do how do my my friends or people. who went to school with think of me? I. think they think of me in a way that was. not really authentic me. It was it was. it was a put forth version of me in. dealing with that in high school. Then I.

know like we don't need to get into all. the details today but you experienced. such trauma at such a young age. How do. you think experiencing that ended up. impacting you in your later life? Not. just in the like, oh, she's not as. authentic, but then once the trauma. really hit, like, how did that impact. you in the next couple decades of your. life? I think it was just I was I I the. first part of it was full denial because. my mom didn't really have the tools to.

deal. um with that tragedy, but it was also. just years and years of. this consistent kind of like walking. into a house or waking up in the morning. and not knowing what I was walking into. It's like what a lot of people say about. living with an alcoholic, right? You're. kind of living at their whim. like what. whatever they're feeling that day or. wherever they are, that's what is going. to be the vibe and the energy of the. house. And that inconsistency, I think,

was what affected me way more than just. that one night. And I and I think what. happened was that there was such a focus. placed on that one night when that. tragedy happened. Um, and it was very. very unfortunate. I wish I could say it. was only a one-time occasion. This is. something that happens in homes across. the world. uh more often than we want to admit. But, you know, I think. I think it took me like well into my.

late 30s to really be able to look at. that and actually like shake off the. weight that I felt like I carried for my. father, for my mother. You know, I felt. like even when I got famous, like I. couldn't quite honestly speak about it. because I didn't want to hurt her. feelings. I felt like people were. involved that didn't ask to be in the. spotlight. But then I also got older and. I was like, but this is also my truth. Like this is where I come from and I. don't want to have shame about it. anymore. You know, my dad was an. alcoholic. He wasn't healthy. And my mom.

stepped up and protected me. And if that. happened to me with my children today, I. can tell you right now, I would do the. same thing. It doesn't make it less. unfortunate. But, you know, I but and and again, I. can't protect people all the way. through. like I have to also live my. authentic self. So now it's not it's. it's was a one night event in my life. I. am still dealing with. the everyday consistency of a lot of.

damage that I think I experienced as a. young person. just in my every single day life. I. think that is so. relatable in the sense that like if. there is something catastrophic that. happens that shakes a family or a. relationship that event feels very. like palpable and you just people think. of that event but when you're living it. you're like oh it's kind of actually. like not even where my head goes to when. I actually think of all the trauma.

because that was an instant the rest of. my life my entire childhood was this. thing of living with this alcoholic and. learning how to plate or hide or defend. and shield and then go to school and. pretend like this isn't ruining my. entire life and smiling and pretending. I'm this like cute girl that is fine. Everything's fine. I know that you've. talked about it, but you said later on. in your life you then got into therapy. because you realized like, "Oh, this is. really still affecting me." Was there.

something that made you realize like, "Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] I've got to I've got. to get control of this." So, strangely, I went into therapy because of a. relationship, a long-term relationship. that I was in, and it was falling apart. And I I think I touched lightly on I was. in relationships in a sense doing the. same thing that I did at home, which is. common, right? walking on eggshells. trying to protect protect ego, protect.

uh uh embarrassment for a partner, you. know, because of their behavior and. feeling like somehow that reflects bad. on me. Like all of these things I was. kind of repeating in my relationships. And I had a a a narcissistic boyfriend. that said, you know, you're the problem. And not that I believed it, but I was I. felt like I had invested a lot of time. into this relationship. And I was like, well, maybe, you know, let me put my ego. aside. Maybe I am. Maybe I should go.

And there was always this kind of thing. thrown in my face like because everybody. knew about my life like, oh, you must be. this damaged woman, right? So, I went. actually to try and save this. relationship. And what ended up. happening was that I ended up saving. myself. Yeah. So maybe in a weird way, I. do owe this guy. some gratitude even though you were the. narcissist. Thank you. Well, two things. came out of it. The therapist was like, "You should leave him.". Yeah. And also, by the way, you're not. the problem. Like, other people have.

been the problem in your life, and you. need to start admitting that. I have. gotten into therapy and it's changed my. life, too. And so, I'm always such an. advocate for it, but I know that. everyone has to go at their own pace. So, it's interesting to hear you be. like, I actually went in for something. that for sure was at the forefront of. your life and it was like an annoyance. and painful and you were like, I need to. fix this. But really, it's like, oh my. god, girl, we have so so many bigger. problems in this like douchebag that. kicked to the curb and now let's focus. on you. Interesting. So once you got.

into therapy though and you realized you. needed to start working through a lot of. this, did you. struggle a lot with coming to terms with. bringing back up trauma? Because I think. a lot of people are like terrified to. engage with it because at for a long. time if you just leave it in the corner, you think like I don't need to bring all. that back up. I don't want to relive. those days and memories. Was it hard for. you? Yeah, because you I've I became an.

expert. I practiced avoidance, right, my. entire life. And. um also I I was the product of an. environment where therapy didn't exist. in South Africa. Uh I didn't know one. person who wasn't therapist. I don't. even think we had therapists. Now I. might be totally wrong and some South. African person feel like first of all, okay, in my community, I never heard the. word therapist. We also didn't have AA.

Nobody was an alcoholic. You never use. the word alcoholic. Like um this was. just I think I grew up in a culture. where men were men and a real man drinks. and uh it was a very toxic culture. But. therapy was just never something. And. you know again like I said my mom didn't. have the right tools. my my mom. and my my mom does not understand the. the concept around therapy and I don't.

listen. she shouldn't she didn't have it in her. life she she doesn't know what what that. is and. uh so when it happened her her kind of. words of wisdom like she sent me to. school the next day like that's that. that tells you everything. My mom's like. a survivor. My mom is like, you wake up. the next day and you get up and you. continue and nobody brings you down and.

you just and that's what she did to me. and I was 15 years old. So. coming to therapy was. not because I was avoiding it. It was. just so foreign to me. And even I have. I'm of a generation where I didn't I. didn't even know a lot of friends that. were in therapy. I think I knew like one. friend that was in there and it was this. friend that I reached out to and said, "Could I meet with your therapist?". Like, I didn't even know how to get a. therapist. So, it was all very foreign. to me. So, yeah, putting aside the the.

behavior that I had learned for years. It was also just like it wasn't in my, you know, in my it it wasn't I wasn't. surrounded by it in a way where it felt. very natural or normal or I had easy. access to it. as you've evolved and. continued to peel layers back of like. how your childhood impacted you as an. adult. I think I've even dealt with this. with friends where it's like as you. become more therapized.

You look at your relationship obviously. with your parents differently and it. sounds like you have such a beautiful. relationship with your mother, but like. how have you navigated being someone in. therapy and dealing with that trauma. whereas you have then someone in your. family that's not? Cuz I think there's. probably a lot of people listening that. are like wait so how do you handle those. moments? We're like no mom remember. and. she's like, "Shh, let's go out to the. let's go out to the garden, honey.". Like, I don't want to talk about that. In my 30s, it was very it became.

contentious. it became. um. because I think I was finding my my. voice and I also felt I still I feel. very protective of my mom because I. think that you know without contacts and. people really knowing who she is and but. you can ask anybody who knows her. she is trust me I cannot tell you I. can't go on a hike I can't walk through. a store without somebody coming up to me. like oh my god I love your mom she's one.

of those people that just she has a. superpower and her superpower is. incredibly infectious but it's also very. very damaged. you know, she but what therapy taught me. was that she is who she is and I I'm not. here to change her and if she doesn't. want to change herself, that's okay. And. for our relationship, there's enough. compromise there that it works that it. doesn't feel like I am compromising too.

much or she's compromising too much. And. we know how to kind of like live in be. copathetic with each other and live in a. very loving way with each other without. me going like I cannot like you are so. unhealthy. You have like I'm beyond that. now, right? And she thinks the same. thing about me. Like she's like okay. whatever like you with your therapy and. that's what I love about her. She's. authentic. She's very very authentic. Um, but yeah, it's interesting. Not to. like I don't want to put you on the.

spot, but that's what I loved about. hearing about your story. Yeah. Um, it's. just so rare to talk to somebody on in. this kind of environment. I've never had. that where your story really moved me. and I was actually excited to sit down. with you. Thank you. Because sometimes I. feel like, you know, you feel so kind of. alone in sharing a story like that. yours is obviously different, but to. have trauma at that young age and what. you experienced was really painful to to. listen to and to hear your family talk.

about it. It is it's like such a strange. thing when you get to connect with human. beings because you're right, our stories. are so different and yet so similar so. similar and there's so much pain and. there's so much hiding who you really. are. And I agree like when you were. talking about the women or the girls in. high school that you were like I just. was, you know, like attracted to their. aura. I had the same thing with so many. women where I was like, I wish I could.

live free like that. I wish I could walk. into a room and just be me and feel like. I can just own it and and I'm even if. someone calls me out, I don't care. I. can't get embarrassed. You can't. embarrass me. And I didn't have that. Yeah. So, I think a lot of my career has. been actually searching to find a way to. get to that place because I wanted it. You're there. I feel. I feel so much more at peace. Like even.

putting out the documentary, I feel. another love like layer of peace because. I think. that medium also is different. Like. podcasting, I do this every Wednesday. like it's a thing that my audience is. used to, but putting something and a. piece of work out in a different format. I think was really a good way to engage. Therapeutic in a way. Yes. Cuz like I. kind of had hands off and a director was. like I'm going to tell your story and I. was like please don't ruin my life but. like I trust you. But you almost had to.

not be in control of it, right? Like. you're you're a little in control of it. And but was it was kind of nice. And so. I think that's how I also feel about. therapy where it's like I'm learning. I'm uncomfortable what I'm learning. about myself. I hate sometimes I'm like, "No, there's no way." And my therapist. was like, "Uh-huh, keep going. We're. about to get under it." You're like, "No, no, no, no, no." Really? So I um I. relate a lot to that. I also was. thinking about your mom when you were. just saying how your relationship. dynamic. You are a single mother and.

your mom essentially after the passing. of your father became this single mother. role. She was a single mother prior. prior to that. Your whole life she was a. single mother. How have you kind of. found a way to appreciate each other. even more and connect on a deeper level. becoming a mother and her watching you. be a single mother also? Yeah. Um that's. such a good question. I feel Yeah. It. feels familiar, right? But it also feels.

God, you know, if there was a cautionary. tale, it was definitely their. relationship and how I didn't want that. And I think in many ways, maybe that did. I think it's not just one thing, right? It's it's it's. very layered and complicated. But one of. those layers of why I don't think I am. in a relationship was just purely. because I still not.

it's a combination of like I don't want. what they had and then also being very. honest with myself and understanding. that I. I did not have the capability of being. healthy in a relationship. Um, and those two things I had to. acknowledge when I decided to be a. parent. And I think it's probably one of the. healthiest decisions I ever made. I. think people look at it so like in in. our society as this kind of something.

must be wrong with her, right? With. women, it's always like something must. be wrong with her. She can't keep a man. And it's it can it's never part of the. discussion of like, wow, she's really. living her truth. Like she's living in. her happiness. It's like this is. actually a choice that she made. I like. want to just like look at them and just. be like, do you know how [ __ ] great. it is to live exactly how I want to. live? To experience motherhood exactly. how I wanted to experience it. And I. know the next thing they say is like, well, that's not fair on your kids. Can.

I tell you something? That will be their. story to tell. I can't tell you. I can. only tell you that this is the best way. that I know how to be a mother to them. And maybe they'll grow up and tell their. story. And I will respect that. I just. know that this was the only way that I. knew I could do it. And my [ __ ] god, do I love every single day of it. I love. that I don't have to share them with. somebody. I love that I don't have to. run every [ __ ] thing by a guy. I. don't I love that I don't have to Well,

oh my god, co like I [ __ ] love that I. don't have to do any of that stuff. And. my children, you know, we joke. Listen, I think you can tell like this is how I. raise my kids. Like, right, we don't. hide this [ __ ] They're like, they're. like, "Oh my god, mom. I can't go to. Sarah's house because like her father.". And I was like, "Oh my god, aren't you. guys so happy we don't have to deal with. that?" Like, "Oh my god, mom." Um, that's amazing. Yeah. So, I this was how. I wanted to be. I don't even know if I'm.

answering your question. I'm so sorry. No, no, no. This helps because it's like. you broke the cycle essentially. I broke. the cycle. I am raising. It looks from. afar like I'm doing what I know, which. is being a single mom because I was. raised by pretty much a single mom. But. I think I'm raising my kids as a single. mom because of. definitely avoidance of things that I. know I don't want and also. understanding who I am fully and being. honest with who I am and what I can give.

right now. And who I am is at the time. that I wanted to be a parent was not. somebody who should be having kids with. another person. I think that is the most. mature, self-aware thing that anyone. could ever [ __ ] do. You have to be. that honest because it's a child's life. You have to. And you again sitting here. being like, I've lived what a single mom. looks like who's not actually single but. happy about it, right? And it's like the.

autonomy you've given yourself to find. your happiness and give your kids a. different life and a different meaning. to what a single mom is. It's beautiful. Yeah. It's it's Thank you. Thank you for. recognizing that. I I also love that I. don't know what the future is going to. hold, right? That's the other thing. It's like this is like this moment in. this time in my life now. And I mean, I'll be honest. I have tried dating and. I can tell that no man's moving into our.

house while my daughters are there. Like. that's And by the way, I don't think I. can do it. Like I literally can't. imagine a man moving into our house and. me sharing my closet or like I just I I. don't see that happening. But then I. imagine like being an empty neester and. how that part of my life will be and by. then feeling like maybe I will feel like. I I want to be in a relationship. There's this this notion that somebody. like me must be missing out on something. and that people feel sorry for you.

somehow that you're missing out on love. and you're like wait guys I'm I'm. telling you I'm good and they're like no. it's the thing that you don't quite. realize until you have kids and I'm not. saying that it replaces one love with. the other but it is such a tremendous. love that I do not miss love you know I. might miss X. Fair. That's fair. Like, my vibrator is only doing so much. Yeah. No, look, the vibrator is good. And I'm. having Listen, I'm having I'm having.

I'm having the kind of sex I never had. in my 20s or in my 30s. Yes. And so, that part has been really exciting. Um, but I'm not missing relation like a. relationship. I'm not missing the. partnership that I think people think. you miss when you're me. And it feels. like what you're also saying is it's not. that you're not open to it. You're just. at a point in your life where you're. really content and you're really happy. And I want to also point out because I. can only imagine now even you just.

lightly explaining to me the judgment. that comes with a woman in your. position. And I we know women in. Hollywood who are single and people are. like, "Oh, what is actually [ __ ]. wrong with her?" Yeah, she must be a. real [ __ ] What a [ __ ] Truly like you. [ __ ] [ __ ] How crazy are you? Yeah. How crazy are you? But how gorgeous to. also hear you saying like everything. you're saying makes me more wanting to. put it back on other people who are so. triggered of like how many relationships.

do we know of these women in these. households with these men who have lost. their voice who are not happy. It's not. everyone but being alone. you have that control that a lot of. people don't have in these certain. relationships that they've lost. themselves to. So, I think it's. commendable that you're like, I know. myself enough. I'm going to stay right. here until I want to change it and then. maybe I'll change it. But guess what? It's your decision. Yeah. Yeah. And then. I watch you with your husband and I'm. like, God, that's so incredible. And why can't we just as women.

experience these these two. have these two very different. experiences and let that be okay? Be. completely okay. Like I never thought I. was going to be someone that can get. married. you work with your husband and. it works and I'm like exactly and I get. why people have opinions but I'm like. but I'm happy that's the other thing. like yeah exactly everybody will always. it's like an [ __ ] we all have one. it's like please get out of here yeah. this at my age I'm like I honestly.

there's like not I can't make enough. zero [ __ ] like I'm like I love that. from you though immediately when you sat. down I was like I [ __ ] love you like. This energy is what we need. The girls. need this energy. Okay, let's go back. 19 years old, your mom buys you a plane. ticket to LA and is like one way you're. going to become an actress. Go. And you. land. What the [ __ ] was the plan? Well,

I think now you understand a little bit. better that she was like the next. morning she was like, you're going to. school. Right. So, I was in New York. I. was living in somebody's basement. Um, I was there. I I did not have I think I. overstayed on a a tourist visa, so I was. kind of in this no man's land of I. wasn't there legally. Um, I couldn't. really dance anymore. I wasn't happy. with my life. I felt like um my my only.

other option was to go back to South. Africa, a country that was in tremendous. turmoil at the time. Um the brink of. civil war breaking out. and I had nothing really to go back to. I like, you know, when I had to like. think about how was I going to survive? I was like, am I really going to like. take over my mom's construction company? Like I.

I was willing to take and also when. you're young you just you're [ __ ]. insane. You're so stupid. So naive. I. was like this sounds like the best idea. ever. Yes. Let's get a one-way ticket to. this place called Hollywood and I will. get on this plane mother with this. credit card that there's no money in. there. I know. But you're trying to make. me feel better about and I know nobody. and I will get in a cab and I will go. and find some motel to live in. Those. were better options than getting on a. plane and going back to South Africa for.

me at that time. So you get there and. like how are you initially making ends. meet before you get modeling? Yeah. So. modeling was kind of my waitressing job. Okay. Turns out nobody's really checking. your visa. They every once in a while. will get you an 01, but they don't. really care. Um or back then. Yeah. Sorry. I'm just going to take this out. Oh, you got it. I tore my cortal intercortal muscles or. whatever. Coastal inter coastal muscles. by doing something. Yeah, I did.

something stupid. But anyway, um, get. cozy. So, I got here, I didn't know. anybody, but modeling was always kind of. an income for me. When you started. making money, what did you spend your. first like big paycheck on? Call Her. Daddy is brought to you by Tinder. Daddy. gang, you know that feeling of finding. an amazing hole-in-the-wall restaurant. when you're traveling to a foreign city? There is truly nothing better than. having the best meal of your life. surrounded by locals where nobody knows.

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to paycheck. I was like two I was. waiting for two paychecks to fill in. Um. the first job as a model that I ever got. that I was I I I remember going to the. bank and cashing this check for $75,000. And I. I can tell you exactly what I wore that. day. I can tell you exactly how I felt. I can tell you the how I walked to my. Ford Escort. Like I it's so vivid in my.

mind because it was a moment of complete. freedom. Like it's so hard to explain. but I think women or having financial. freedom is something that is so. important and when you don't have it and. then one day you feel like you have it, it's a feeling that you never forget. You never forget and you never want to. go back. No. You're like, but I also. like stupidly I was like, well, I'm. done. I'm set for life. Like I was like,

I'm balling. Yeah. Like, oh well, I. don't have to worry about that again, you know? But I didn't spend it on. anything. Just do Yeah. I didn't I. didn't I I was so scared of having to. like go back to South Africa. You start. getting into Hollywood as a young woman. Like what were your first impressions of. Hollywood? Conf. It was confusing, you know, because I didn't have really a I didn't. have I didn't know what it was. So, I. was kind of like, you have to understand.

where I was raised, we had television. from. 6:00 until 9:00. Like, we had 3 hours of. television and then we had nothing. And. my access to Hollywood was so limited. We had a magazine that would write about. celebrities. That was really the only information. that I ever got about celebrities.

I watched movies and thought that it was. like a job that your neighbor did. I. didn't know they were celebrities. I. thought that Tom Hanks was just some guy. that had this job and he was an actor. The stat like that status thing didn't. exist for me. So when I got here it was. crazy. I was like, "Oh shit." Like. people are like celebrities here. So, it. was very it was very strange for me, but. again, I was just so excited. I was so. excited. I want to ask you about one of.

your early auditions that you had in the. industry where a director asked you to. go to his house for an audition late on. a Saturday night. Yeah. Can you just. explain what happened when you got. there? Yeah. Um, I didn't know what an audition or what. the process really what that looked. like. An agency that I was working at as. a model, I said, "Listen, I am.

interested." So, naively, didn't know. how you went about being an actor. I. said, "If you hear of any auditions, I'd. like to go.". and they said, "Uh, oh, we think there's a casting uh for. this movie and you'll have to go on. Saturday night." And they gave me the. address and it was this director's. house. And I my the little voice inside. me definitely said, "This isn't right.". And but then the other voice in me says,

"Well, I don't know. Maybe it is right.". But you know that like that voice that. we don't listen to, that voice knew that. voice was like, "This isn't right." and. it wasn't right. And as women, like you. we're constantly in positions where we. almost like we want to be like, "No, I'm. overreacting." Like, there's no way I'm. going to get there and it's going to be. weird. There's no way. And even when it. is weird, you're talking yourself out of.

this isn't weird. Like, no, I'm taking. this the wrong way. That's not what he's. mean. What that he's not. And by the. way, this guy, he got a little nervous. for a while there. I've never said his. name because honestly, I don't want the. story to be about him, you know. Honestly, it's not because I'm. protecting him or anything, but he got. nervous for a little bit. Why? Because. he heard me tell the story and he knew. it was about him and he wrote me a. pretend letter trying to explain his. behavior and how I must I must have.

misunderstood it, which is classic, isn't it? It's so classic. No, Chariss. Yeah, he wrote you a letter. Yeah, cuz I. think he panicked. He started panicking. Of course, he was like waiting for me. And I just realized like I won't even. [ __ ] say your name because you know. you're the scumbag. Like you know it's. you and if anybody ever asked me about. him, I would be completely honest. And. he knows that. And I kind of like that. he's got to be on a hot seat. He doesn't. know when it's going to come. I kind of. like that a little more.

I'm so sorry because like I opened up in. my documentary about this person in a. position of power that abused their. power and sexually harassed me and all. the things. And. coming forward about it, I had like such. anxiety and it's interesting cuz it's. like you're in a position of power now. You were so young in your career. From. what I understand, this was like a huge. director, huge. and the power imbalance.

being there in that room on a late. Saturday night. What the [ __ ] are you. going to do? And most people would be. like, "Well, why don't you just get up. and leave and yell and go immediately. report it?" And it's like, it's so. nuanced and complicated. Like, can you. just explain cuz I have so many women. listening like a little bit about in. those moments now when you look back how. to not feel such shame and guilt for. something that clearly was not your. fault. Yeah, it's it's so hard to even it's.

like we can only share these experiences. and we can talk about them enough so. that hopefully it becomes normalized. that we hear it enough where women can. just go like okay I I've heard about. this time like and you're while you're. sitting in there you can hopefully say. like okay force yourself to do this. thing that you that we maybe the the the. point that I'm trying to make is that we. have to be careful Because it's very. hard for people to understand why. someone with a strong personality,

someone who's outspoken, how someone. like that can be find themselves in a. position where they won't say something. And that is the story that it's a. classic story, right? It's very very. complicated. And even though I want. younger generations of women to not do. the same thing, I also understand if. they do do the same thing because I. drove up Laurel Canyon and I was so mad. at myself. I remember like being furious with.

myself because I couldn't believe how I. had let myself down. Like I was like, "What the [ __ ] Who the [ __ ] are you? Like where the [ __ ] why the [ __ ] would. you allow that? Like why? I still get. those feelings, you know, because it's. like you you know yourself so well and. it's very. it's there's something that really like. kind of like breaks my heart to the core. when people so so um in this very.

luxurious manner talk about well you. know what next time you should [ __ ]. say something like don't wait 20 years. Okay. this kind of like callous way of. not. wanting to believe. Like that's really. what it boils down to. It's instead of. saying like I don't believe you. It's. like well don't be a [ __ ] [ __ ] Like. maybe you shouldn't have been a [ __ ]. about it. And we all know what that. feels like. It feels like no matter what.

they say, it can't hurt more than what. you're telling yourself. Like I beat. myself up over that. I was like you can. say whatever that you want, [ __ ] Trust me, you can't hurt. me more than I hurt myself about what. happened that day. I mean, even just. listening to you say it, it's so. it brings up so much I think for every. woman probably listening cuz you're like. you're so right. in those moments. I remember I was. sitting it every time I talk about it. makes me emotional because I was when I.

was sitting on the stage at Tribeca um. because that's where my documentary. premiered and I did a Q&A after and I. started talking about power and balance. and when someone does something to you. and you're in this moment and you freeze. and or you fawn or whatever it be and. I'm looking at the audience and there's. like a couple hundred people in this. audience and I'm looking at all these. women's faces and multiple women have. just like that look where I almost. wanted to pause and be like, I see you.

Yeah. How many women in this room? How. many? And I'm not kidding you, Charlies. I literally think almost every [ __ ]. ham would have gone up. And it breaks my. heart cuz I'm like, "Holy [ __ ] this is. happening as we're sitting here. Someone. some woman has experienced this. feeling." And I agree with you. I think. for me, I relate a lot to what you're. saying of being someone that's so. outspoken. I do think a lot of people are like.

there there's no way that would happen. to you. There's no way. And it's like, oh no, the minute you're in that room, you're not yourself. You are the. smallest version of yourself. You don't. even remember who you are. And the. minute you walk out the door, you kind. of start to remember. And that's when. the shame hits you cuz you're like, "Wait, how did I not just I I said it to. my husband, less than a year ago, I had an executive say some of the most. insane [ __ ] to me." And I'm Alex Cooper.

I'm me. I'm supposed literally froze. Yeah. Froze. Yeah. So, if it's happening. to me now, and it happened to me back. then when I didn't have a voice, there. is no throughine of this can't happen to. her. It doesn't matter where the [ __ ]. you are on the totem pole of power and. success as a woman. When those men get. you in that position or there's a power. imbalance, you're [ __ ] Or in your. case, a woman. I I actually I think that. story isn't told enough. Definitely not.

So, I'm really I'm grateful and and I. really respect your choice in wanting to. tell that story because I think just as. I feel like when I meet men who have. experienced this kind of power play, I think that we need to tell these. stories so that we can understand that. we're not alone. Like that's the thing, right? And it's hard to tell them in a. world where people don't want to [ __ ]. believe you. It's really, really hard. It's not doesn't make it easy for us.

And when it starts to sound repetitious. and it's like, "Oh, it's the same story. again." It's like, "Yeah, but guess. what? We're all made of the same [ __ ]. D. We're human beings. And until you are. in this [ __ ] environment, don't tell. me how you're going to behave because I. will not let a [ __ ] [ __ ] with me. any any day of the week. Like, step up.". But when somebody catches you off guard. like that, you know, I don't like want to get. emotional about it, but I think it's the. fact that it's in an instant, within.

seconds, somebody is telling you your. value and they're telling you you're not. really that valuable because guess what? I was never going to get a part that. night. And I knew that as soon as I. left, like when I was driving up Laurel. Canyon, I knew I wasn't there because I. had some value that I was going to bring. to this man's movie. I was there for one thing. I was only. valued for one thing. That was it. So when somebody does that to you, you. will [ __ ] freeze. No matter who you.

are, you will [ __ ] freeze. And the conversation you also brought up. of why did it take you so long, right? I. had experienced some people being like, "Oh, 10 years. It took you 10 years.". Now that you have this platform, now all. of a sudden you want to talk about it. And it's like 10 years. Yes. Because. like you just said, when you're driving. up Laurel and you're leaving that moment. and how quickly you realize your worth. and who you are and then you're mad at.

yourself, it starts to almost seep into. every single decision and interaction. you go forward having in that industry. whether or in your relationships, whatever it seeps into. So, yes, it took. me that long cuz I had to repair what. that person broke in me and I had to. find a way back and it still [ __ ]. hurts and I still feel uncomfortable and. I still cry about it. I'm not there's no. closure, but there's a little bit of a. semblance of healing, but yeah, it took.

10 [ __ ] years and sometimes people. are going to live the rest of their. lives and never get to feel any bit of. healing. So, like there is no timeline. There's also the complication of. I feel when I watch your documentary how. much you love playing soccer. Someone's. taking something away from you that you. love so much. So there's that fear on. top of it, right? Like I remember I had. this constant kind of worry for myself. Like I was like if I don't make this. work like the alternative is just so.

[ __ ] dark. Like I don't want to have. this other life. And so that was like. the added thing on top of it was like. they're [ __ ] with something that you. really love. So it makes it even harder. It makes it more complicated. That's their power. Yes. That's their. power over you. That's the why didn't. you speak up? Why? But most of these. women are sitting there and like this is. my job. This is what I It's so. complicated. So I think the takeaway for. any woman listening is also just like we. see you. There is no answer. But and.

we're not sitting here saying because of. our experiences you should do this. You're probably not. And we understand. And we need to be a community that can. support each other. We can stand. together. Truly. And [ __ ] those [ __ ]. [ __ ] those pieces of [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]. those [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] ass. [ __ ] [ __ ] you. Um, what have you. learned? That's the beginning of your. career. What have you then learned about. your own strength through this crazy.

time in the industry that you've had? I feel fortunate that my. un that I think I I don't mean this in. like a feel sorry for me way, but I feel. like I had a hard childhood. I think it set me up for an industry. that's hard. I'm hoping that it can. become less hard. I'm working. I'm. trying to be part of solving the. problem. But I think it was the thing that helped. me. It kind of set me up in a way where.

I was so the fish out of water. Like you. don't understand. Like if you look at a. map, that's where I was. And this is like it. was so I'd never been on a plane. Like I. had never left South Africa. It was so. insane. to be that kind of a fish out of water. But I the core of my experience as a. child and being a survivor really really. helped me. It just really helped me to.

kind of I I and this is not I'm not I'm. not prescribing this to anybody because. I don't want this for my own daughters, but I could suck it up. In though coming from a situation where. you weren't really privy to the. information about Hollywood, you had a. really rough childhood. Then you get. here like did you ever get to a point. where you felt. like you could lean in and be proud of. your success or have you or what is your.

relationship to success? Like have you. had like an I made it moment and you're. like this is when I got that $75,000 I. was like I'm done. Um I have had many. moments like that because I think I. always you know I think what happens. when you have when you experience death. at a young age this is I'm not speaking. for everybody but for me it um. it had it made me hyper aware of time. and I also think that growing up in.

South Africa um at the time that I did. when AIDS just ravaged my country in a. way it brought it to its knees. I as a. woman you just couldn't help but feel. like you were going to die of AIDS. Like. that's just what it was like. Like I had. this constant fear every time I had sex. with somebody I was like I'm I have. AIDS. Like I would go and get tested. And so I had this constant feeling of. time running out. So when good [ __ ] came. my way I really like I felt it. But I.

also felt this thing kind of chasing me. like time's going to run out, time's. going to run out, time's going to run. out. like you got to get it all in, you. got to pack it all in, you got to get it. done, which is a horrible way to go. through your 20s. So, I have had this this I've had great. success and I've had a a ton of great. opportunities come my way. I've always. said this. I really believe this. It is. not just about talent. There are people. out there that I know that are way.

surpass my my talent well that will. never have the opportunities that I had. to showcase them. These are all things. that I'm so aware of. So I try to. it's gotten better now that I'm older. for sure. Like I can definitely like sit. in. a moment. I don't feel like I have to. make a movie every 5 seconds. I feel. like I have other things that are more. that I kind of gauge my success at. It's.

not just workrelated, but I also listen after you win an. Oscar, there's a part of you that can. go, "Oh shit." Like, what do I do now? Like, how do I what what do you what am I. stepping up to now? Like everything is. going to be [ __ ] after this. And then. after you realize like, yeah, it's. probably going to be [ __ ] You just go. like, "Well, the [ __ ] that then." And. then I'm just going to [ __ ] make. movies that I want to make. Like I got. an Oscar [ __ ] Like I got nothing else. to prove. So let me just [ __ ] make. [ __ ] that I want to make. So [ __ ].

great. It's great. It's very freeing. Something I think a lot of people. obviously respect you for is the way. that you have transformed yourself from. for so many roles. Like you've gone. bald. You've gained 50 lbs. Like you've. you've gone bald. Sounds like it was it. was like that was a shaved head [ __ ]. like we don't have to go that far. Like, you know, you've gone bald. You know. what I mean? Well, you were bald. You.

shaved your head. There's a buzz and. there's bald. Like, let's just You've. gone bald. You're like, I buzzed my. hair. Um, but you know what I mean? Like, you've really taken things to the. extreme. How when you were doing those. things within your career, did it affect. your confidence or did it not? No, I. found it very freeing. I think that. there's it's much easier for me to kind. of lose myself. uh when I'm working to really kind of be. a good actor. Like I if I look in the.

mirror and I see Charize, I'm like. like this is just all feeling like now. I'm just feeling like I'm being like a. fake version of myself. I don't know. There's something for me. Maybe it's. because I come from the world of dance. there is a real appreciation for costume. and music and like the this kind of vibe. that you have to set to this world that. you're creating and I don't know how to. work without that. Like I am always in. awe of actors who can just you know.

Philip Seymour Hoffman just be Philip. Seymour Hoffman and be [ __ ] amazing. in every movie but that's not who I am. Like I really rely on finding a. character from the outside in almost. sometimes. Let's talk about your dating. life. Oh, here we go. Okay, hard pivot. Let's swerve. Um, okay. So, when you were bald, so when you I. literally Let's say so now that you're. not bald anymore. Um, okay. So, obviously you we spoke about it earlier. You've been outspoken about never.

wanting to probably get married. And. once you kind of accepted that, like how. has that impacted your dating life. knowing that you're not looking for. marriage like with men and how has it. affected them with you? Well, I think. there's a mis like Okay, let me just be. clear. Marriage is a long-term. commitment and I think I want long-term. commitment. I just don't need to get.

married. So, so I just want to clarify. that I. I will tell you in all honesty and the. work that I've done on myself, I think a. lot of that also has to do with the fact. that I have a tremendous fear of not. being able to get out of something. Um, and that's again me just. understanding me, right? And you know, now obviously by California laws, after. seven years, you're in a [ __ ]. marriage. Whether you walk down the. aisle and sign the piece of paper, like.

you're it's 50/50, [ __ ] Like Like. let's just be clear. So I'm like I my. semantics is like crazy, but I want if I. if I were to find a relationship, I. would think of it as something that I'm. aiming for for a long term. I've never. been somebody that really wants to like. jump from one thing to another. From the. time that I was in relationships, I was. in one relationship after another. relationship after another relationship.

And so when I earlier said I'm having. sex now for the first time, like I never. had before, is because I'm not in. relationships. And it's not because I'm. not I don't want to be in relationships, but I'm seeing things for what they are, right? I'm not trying to force a circle. into a scram or whatever the [ __ ]. American saying is the peg and the hole. and the I can never say it right. But. goes, right? No, it's a but I when I. meet somebody, I can I can see where. it's going to go pretty quickly. What is.

relationship you like verse single you? So, this is what we were talking about. earlier like I am ashamed of being a. person in a relation or that I used to. be, I should speak. Now, I've done a lot. of work, but I used to be someone in. relationships that would lose herself. And again, it's that thing you like, you're such a [ __ ] power [ __ ] Like, you're a baller. Like, why? That. couldn't be you. But it goes back to how. I looked at girls who were so I've never. really had a lot of practice and just.

being confident and like saying I' I've. always felt like I've had to like. protect other people so much that that's. that codependency. has just remained in my relationships. So, I used to be a person that would watch. herself, would also attract narcissists, men who wanted me to kind of treat them. that way. And if I didn't, there was a. lot of conflict. And I actually don't.

like conflict. Yet again, something. people are always surprised. I don't. like conflict. But when I feel like I'm. being. if I feel like I have to choose between. conflict or just placating, then I will. plate. because I don't want the conflict. But. when you're in those type of. relationships that you've lost yourself, how have you pulled yourself out? Friends. Yeah. Great friends. Psych. And now I'm. going to cry. Just great girlfriends. Wow.

Yeah. Cuz I think sometimes you can't. see when you're in it at all. And you. need a friend that doesn't hit you over. the head because you won't leave until. you can see it for yourself. And a good. girlfriend knows that. And so they. support you while you're in the darkness. because that's all you have. Like you. need that support. And I've had I've put some girlfriends. through [ __ ] hell.

So yeah, I love that the show's for. women. [ __ ]. girlfriends. You need good girlfriends. But I think that the biggest also point. that I want to highlight that you just. said is like there's a difference. between being a really good girlfriend. and then when someone's in a really. unhealthy relationship, making them feel. shame about it and being like, "We can't. [ __ ] do this again. We can't what are. you doing?" You then pull away and if. anything, you lean more towards the. person you're in the relationship with.

We've all been there. If you have one of. those great friends, and I've had it. with my friend where I was in a horrible. situation, and then when you give them a. light opening cuz you're really looking. for them to pull you out and they're. like, "Okay, let's just let's talk about. it." Like, and then they slowly pull you. and then you're out. But it takes you. opening even the like a crack in the. door cuz if you don't want to hear it, it's like the same thing like we were. saying earlier with therapy. You can't. [ __ ] force someone to go to therapy. They're going to sit there with their. Yeah. They're like, "I'm not going to.

listen to you." They have to be ready. And the only way they're going to come. to you though as a friend is if you've. been there with them. And I know it's. hard as a friend, but there's always so. hard. That's the thing that makes me. emotional because it's the patience. and it must it's so hard when someone. you love so much is just constantly. hitting their head on the same wall and. all you want to do is to remove them. from the situation. and you know that. you can't and you have to like walk this.

fine line. Those those. Yeah, I I have I don't know what I did. in a past life. I really do know what I. did in a past life, but I. [ __ ] me. I I have been blessed with really really. good people in my life. That's half the. battle. I'm a lucky [ __ ] Call Her. Daddy is brought to you by Neutrogena. Summer is here and the sun is shining. You need powerful sun protection that.

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When you're having these like fun little. new romance moments that you're in your. era of not dating, but you're getting to. have good sex. How are we How are we. meeting these men? Are they men in the. industry? Do you not want a man in the. industry? No. My god, no. No. No. I have. zero interest. And again, like I say. these things, you know, in a very glib. way, but I I I don't think that dating. somebody in my industry is a smart.

thing. I agree. Yeah. It's not. It's. everything. I have to I and I'm not. saying it's impossible. I'm not saying. that it's that binary. I just think that. in general, it's not a good thing for. me. So, how are you meeting these. people? Are you on the apps? Are you out. dating or I am on the apps, but I don't. use the apps. I am I love that. It's so. I have a few friends that are very very. good and one of them I know is listening. to this right now who who always is like.

okay you need to come here right now and. you need to meet this person and I'm. very grateful for her and you know who. you are and I I have not taken I have. not been brave enough on a lot of her. offers but recently I have and I it has. paid off tremendously and so yes my dear. friend Amanda out there when she says. like you need to just R we would be in. [ __ ] Paris be like you just need to. [ __ ] like come and say hi to this guy. right now so fun and yeah and then it.

totally pays off and I'm like yeah I. need to do that more often honestly cuz. the apps are just horrible it's hard the. No it's not hard it's a [ __ ] it's a. clown show I'm sorry guys but please. like no. like I need like honestly not because I. want to date you but because I want to. help you no burning man photos. No. photos of you with other women. Like, I. don't care. I don't want to know that. you have girlfriends. And I don't want. you shooting a [ __ ] selfie in your. closet of your hand in a jean pocket. I.

don't. I'm sorry. I don't want to see. you looking at yourself in a mirror that. way. It makes my vagina close. I just. can't. And don't tell me you're a CEO because. you're not. Like, I'm sorry. Of what? of. some business you can't explain to me. that I'm not none of my friends can. understand like no and then no you don't. live in this apartment if you're no you. do not have a business stop you're a.

[ __ ] joke you know I get like I get. wet when you just tell me who you are. like don't be pretentious I'm sorry. picturing you on the [ __ ] apps with. your girlfriends over like wine one. night being like let's just open this. [ __ ] up well by the way that's how it. started I was like drunk enough to have. a girlfriend be like, "Let's just. [ __ ] do it." I was like, "Yeah, let's. do it." And that's how I ended up on. this [ __ ] app. Listen, I could take. myself off the app, but I like secretly.

[ __ ] enjoying the joke. It's great. It's the joke. I'm sorry. I'm not I'm. not trying to be mean. No, it's okay. I'm not trying to be mean, but like I'm. trying to like help. This is like, think of this as like help. as I'm a 50 ass year old woman telling. you don't do it. Girls don't like it. They don't [ __ ] like it. It's so. true. Yeah. The hand in the gene in the. closet. I just can't. I just can't. I'm sorry.

The CEO is also crazy and he like works. for his dad. Yeah, he works for his dad. Um, okay. How do we feel about sex on. the first date? Well, so I like what do you consider. what do you consider a date? Oh, are you. going on dates? Yeah, but I like I feel. like when you like there's certain. circumstances where you meet somebody at. a party and Yeah. you have sex and then. that's it. You know, that's what it is. You're not thinking you're going to. marry this person. That's fair. Yeah.

Are you down for a one night stand? Yes. I don't have many of them. I sound I'm. sitting here sounding like I do. So when. I do, I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] yeah. I should. have done this in my 20s." I was married. from the time that I was like having sex. to the time that I had my last. relationship. Then I had children. Who. has [ __ ] time for dates and shaving. and waxing and makeup and like I've got. two children that have to go to school. Then I like I got to like this shit's on. a time. Like we got Do you need me to.

send you a call time? I'm obsessed. And. it's this you got two hours. Like what's. happening? Cuz like I need to know. Wait, how do you have any. sex tip for the girls? Sex tip? Like. what does that mean? Like what does that. mean? Like how to have good sex? How to. what? Have an organ? Anything. Anything. that like you think a girls could just. like you're hot, you're having good sex. Okay, you're like I almost choked.

Um I am the last person to ask. I'm like. sounding very cocky here, but I think. it's because I have found this freedom. in my 40s where I'm like, "Oh my god.". So, I just want to say this in. perspective. I've probably had three one. night stands in my entire life. Okay. But I did just recently [ __ ] a. 26-year-old and it was really [ __ ]. amazing. [ __ ] yes. Yes. And I've never. done that. And I was like, "Oh, this is. great." Okay. Let me just say that. 26-year-old is the luckiest [ __ ] man. walking on this goddamn planet. He's.

walking different today. knowing. Oh my. god, he for sure is not. But thank you. No, he is. He is. I will just say this like I wish that. this goes back to I think this is kind. of like a thread throughout our. conversation. Women who come across as confident, women who come across as like outspoken, ones that wouldn't speak up for. themselves. tend to also be in bed people who want. to please males. Like, and I have found.

this in my experiences with talking to. other women about this. Isn't it. strange? Like, we should be the ones. that are like, "Fuck you." Like, I'm. going to have an orgasm. And yet, I my. whole life was so concerned about same. The same. Same. Okay. Oh my god. So, my. advice would be this. Don't [ __ ] do. that for two reasons. You're going to. have better orgasms. And guess what? Your your man's going to like that. They're gonna have such a better time, too. It's so true. It's really hard. I.

think back to my 20s and I and in. college, like I was so thinking I was. doing the right thing. And when you get. the feedback of how great it was and. then you're walking away feeling great, but then you're also like, yeah, I don't. know if I've even had an orgasm in my. life before. Like, this is kind of is. this what it's supposed to do and be and. what? And then the minute and and it. takes reps. Like sometimes it just takes. you like getting cuz no man is like. unless he's the most amazing man in the. world which go find him but no going to.

happen. It's all all of these men it's. about them and they're not actually. being like I know it takes you longer. than my [ __ ] dick just getting off in. 2 seconds. So it's like it's a process. to you advocating for yourself in the. bedroom being like yes hold on and. actually then speaking up but it takes. time. But I agree, once you hit that. part of your life where it's not just. like, ugh, I'll just like do it and then. like he'll get off and like I'm like. faking it, your life changes. Then. practice helps. You have to practice and.

then you'll figure it out. Yeah, that's. good advice. See? Yeah. Yeah. In the. safe way, please. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Please. Please, for the love of. God. Okay. What is the biggest dating. disaster you've ever had? Oh my god. I I I had a guy once asked me to make. out with his nose, which was really. really probably one of the most bizarre. asks ever. Yes. In a very like like he. was getting off on it. Um that was. really gross. Um I would say aside from. that, nobody's ever asked me to do.

something that I was like, "Whoa, that's. really [ __ ] weird." Like I guess I'm. I like weird [ __ ] Like I'm not like. thrown by weird [ __ ] Like the nose. thing was the weirdest thing. That. That'll do it. Yeah. But I'm not like. thrown easily. So that's why I think I'm. kind of like I'm like, "Oh, this sounds. Let's see what happens." Let's give it a. try. Yeah. Okay, we're gonna play a. game. I'm having the best. We are crying. and we are laughing and we are I'm not. never going to get over the bald comment. that.

jail for me. Okay. All right. I'm going. to go through some dating scenarios and. I want your opinion. Are you in or are. you out? Wow. Okay. Okay. He tells you. he loves you after one month. That's. usually what I would do. Chariss, that's like a Charize move. Oh. my god. This is like a constant joke. between me and my friends. This is how. unhealthy I am. Like I just will tell. you I love you in a heartbeat. Like I've. never understood this conversation. Like. have you ever had been in love? I'm like.

[ __ ] I'm in love all the time. Like I like I like while I'm [ __ ] you. I'll tell you I love you. like and for a. long time I was like this is not healthy. and then I just went you know this is. who I am like honestly like I'm not. going to beat myself up over this. anymore so I'm going to say that's okay. I don't know if I want to hear it from a. guy though. Fair. So fair. I feel like. again it's like the photo the selfie. like no like calm down. Yeah. Let me be. the one that's like I think I love you. Yeah and make me chase you just a little.

bit. Like god don't be Can you believe. it? I'm in love with you. [Laughter]. Then you're literally at home being. like, "Oh my god, I can't believe he. believes that anyways." But maybe I am. How quickly do you actually think you. know if you're in love with someone? I. in all seriousness, I feel like I have. the ability to go there pretty easily. for someone who is as like have been so. I think maybe it is because I've been so. protective of my life and I have to. protect so many things in my life that.

there is and it's maybe why acting is is. feels safe to me. I have the ability to. kind of like go into that kind of like. reckless vulnerable place. It's. beautiful easily. Yes. Have you ever had. a guy tell you that he loved you and you. were not on the same page? Yes. Yes. Yes. And do you just let them down easy. or I I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not good at letting people off the.

hook easily. Do you say it back? No, I. don't say it back. But I don't know how. to like I will pretend and then I'll. probably ghost. Like I I'm not I I know. it's really terrible and I have to work. on that. I love it. But after that, I. just don't know. Like, it's it's part of. me is like I don't have I don't know. I. like it's a lot of time to get into like. the softness of all of this. And. sometimes I just think it's easier to. just be like, let's just not talk. Let's. just not Yeah. Let's not cuz I don't. love you. Yeah. And it's easy for me to.

tell people I love them. So, if I can't. say it back, you're really a [ __ ]. lose problem. There's a big problem. here. Like, it's not going to happen. Holy [ __ ] Okay. You caught him going. through your phone. No, I don't like. stuff like that. Mm-m. I really caught. someone. Listen, I when most of my. dating and serious relationships. happened, there were no iPhones. She's like, "No iPhone gang over here.". Yeah, we didn't have that problem. We. didn't have I I mean, like, isn't that. Yeah, but I don't like stuff like that.

Even with my kids, like my kids find it. really hard that I'm like, I don't want. to go through your phone. I want to be. able to trust you. Yeah, that's Have you. ever been cheated on? Yes. How did you. find out? I found out after, not while I. was in the relationship, but I always. felt it like, you know, again, it's that. little voice. Yeah. But it's actually it. wasn't worse for me because part of me. was like that wasn't the reason why I. broke up with the person. And also, I. don't think I was with like I don't. think it was constant all the way.

through. I think it was like towards the. end or it was like somebody thought like. a [ __ ] wasn't cheating, like [ __ ]. like that, you know? But I classic them not thinking a. [ __ ] is cheating. Just the classic. white stuff of men. Like that doesn't. count. Oh yeah. No, you getting your. dick sucked did not count. For sure. Not. at all. Totally fine. 100%. Wait, did. you ever confront him about it or No, you just let it go. No, because most of. the time I found out afterwards and then. by then I was like I like couldn't give.

two [ __ ] Okay. He hates cursing and. asks you to stop saying [ __ ]. Impossible. Absolutely. If I if I can't. do that in front of my children, do you. really think I'm going to do that for. you? Go [ __ ] yourself and I don't even. love you here. Like this is like before. I've even told you I love you. So true. Yeah. True. Okay. What is something. you'll never compromise on in a. relationship now? Mhm. I I I think you. know I've talked about it. I will not. lose myself. I will not make myself.

smaller and I will not do things that. are not authentically. It doesn't mean. that I'm going to be selfish, but I I. will not make myself somebody that I'm. not for you for you to feel better about. being in a relationship with me. I [ __ ] love it. Oh, thanks. No, no, no. Cuz it's like you being aware that. that's your one thing. We all have that, right? Like I had that for so long where. it was like I you everyone knows that. one thing that you're like, "Okay, this. next time I've got to stand my ground.

and I can't let myself do X, Y, or Z.". And I think that in it like for me mine. was like I really loved the games. Like. I was like addicted to like the push and. the pull and the p and I'm drama. You. wanted the drama and I'm like what am I. doing? I'm I'm exhausted and like I want. to feel safe. So why am I doing this? And finally why why we're still working. on that? I I still don't fully know why. Do you still do it or I am so happy. where you're aware of it now? Matt was. the first person that literally it was.

like a couple like a month or so in and. he was like, "I don't know what you're. doing, but I have literally no interest. in it. So, let me know if you want to. continue or I'm done." And I was. literally like, "Oh, I'm in love with. you." But you obviously didn't stop it. straight away, right? No, it just it. took it was a concerted effort for me to. recognize like I had become used to a. pattern and it became familiar to me and. then you jump right into it into the. next thing. And a lot of it made me feel. like if we fight then when we come back. together we feel closer. And it was a.

bad cycle I got into. And then Matt was. the first person that I broke that cycle. for. And it was like I made such. different life decisions with him that I. was like, "Wow, I must really love you. that I'm trying this hard to like. noting." Yeah. So, you know, we all have. our thing. Um Okay. So, you told him. right there you loved him. That was. Yeah. Then I was like, "Let me take my. pants off. [ __ ] me. And I love you all. in one night. Let's go. Woo. No games. He's like, "This [ __ ] is crazy." You're. like, "You want no games?" No, literally, "Let's go." Yeah. But.

actually, that is We're getting married. No, tonight. Let's go to Vegas. He's. like, "You're insane." Um, okay. Let's. talk about your new movie, The Old Guard. 2. Yeah. What does it feel like playing. this character again? Like, are is it. exciting to get to do something a second. time? Yes. Really? It's challenging, but. also excite. Yes, it's exciting because. I've never I've been wanting to do. television for a while or like a limited. series because I I've never experienced.

having several hours to kind of build. arc and explore a character. And so, like my 20s, it's always felt like pack. it in two hours or under two. Um, and so. this was nice cuz it it gave me an. opportunity to kind of like go and. revisit a a character that I had played. before and I'd never done that before. But it also makes it challenging because. then you're like, well, am I what do I. want to go and explore? Like what what. are what are the themes that I or the.

the behaviors that I didn't feel like I. fully fleshed out on the first one. So. So then it becomes complicated in that. sense, but good complicated. Okay. You're hanging out of a helicopter in. the movie. Yeah. How do you even train. for something like that? You don't. There's no training for that. Um I. wanted to do something. I'm actually I I. don't like risk. I like challenging. myself, but I'm actually not like some. reck like I have kids. Like I But even. prior to that, I'm not like someone. who's like I don't give a [ __ ] Um let's.

just jump off this roof and see what. happens in the water. I'm I'm not one of. those people. But I do like the. challenge of being a producer and being. able to have some power over talking. about that developmental part of what is. the narrative and the action because. that's where you can start to challenge. yourself a little bit. And if you're. making if you're making these movies, you should be asking those questions. What is the most insane stunt that.

you've ever done in your career? Well, that would probably be one of them. But, you know, if you hear the story behind. it, it's it's not as cra it looks. insane. That's why we did it. But, but. it was explained to me by this. incredible man, Fred North, who is like. the guru of all helicopter stuff and. movies. Um, it's completely, he's like, "This is really safe. No one's ever. really done this, and you can do this. completely practical." And that's really. what I was looking for was to do.

something that we didn't have to go on a. stage and fake. and you know that I. could have some cred and have a. behind-the-scenes video that looked. really [ __ ] badass and I could be. like, "Yeah, and that's me right there.". Um, but yeah, so that's probably the. craziest things. But I've done hard I. mean I just had uh elbow um surgery four. weeks ago. I did this movie in Australia. I just. wrapped it like a couple of months ago. I play like a really a professional.

uh rock climber. Um like a like a free. soloist kind of like rock climber and I. worked with a mad director from like. Iceland who just like was like you have. to climb the mountain and I was like. holy [ __ ] like he's going to actually. make me climb this [ __ ] mountain. She's like, "For the next 3 weeks, we. are only shooting this mountain and you. are climbing this mountain." And I. [ __ ] climbed that mountain barefoot, like no shoes. Like I It was insane. I.

look at the footage now. Like I go back. to the dailies and I go, "What the. fuck?" But it's amazing. It's like. you're in it and you just kind of go. like, "Wow, it feels good to feel this. strong that I can do this." that is. picturing you barefoot climbing up and. just being like Yeah. And they were like. they were making these silicone feet for. me to protect my feet and stuff and I. was like I'm from Africa. Okay. I didn't. have shoes until I was 13. Like I climb. trees. I I don't have and I was a. dancer. I have no [ __ ] feeling in my.

feet. Okay. Put me in. Yes. I'm going to. be fine, you guys. She's perfect for. this role. Thank god we got her here. Holy [ __ ] This is amazing. at the end. This mad man of a director who's [ __ ]. brilliant and I love him. He like he. never gave me one compliment. It was. like my dad relationship all over again. I was trying to please this [ __ ]. every single day. I'd like be on the top. of the mountain. I'd be like my elbow. I. couldn't feel my [ __ ] toe was broken. My ribs were and he'd be like walking. away and I'd be like, "What did he.

think?" He's like, "Oh, he went home.". And at the end of the film, he like. pulled me and he was like, "You are. [ __ ] amazing." And I was like, "All. right. All right. I I I deserve that. I. got it. I got it. I got the approval. Thank god." We did your daughters go to. the premiere last night. They did. They. My My youngest um likes to kind of like. just ride along with me. I wasn't The. movie isn't right for her. She's She's. too young. There's too much violence in. it. But um she walked with me cuz she.

knew I was going to go home afterwards. So, she just walked. She just waited for. me and I said a little thank you in the. in the theater and then we went home and. and I was like she was like, "Why don't. we?" I said, "No, no, no. I'm so tired. Like, we're going to go home. We're. going to have a girl's night and we're. going to have ice cream." And we got. like the ice cream out of the freezer. and I ate like a half a pound of ice. cream and then I fell asleep like like. an old man. Literally, like she was. like, "Really? This is our date? Like, this is your premiere night? I wish that. was the headline. Like, you're in this.

gorgeous outfit and then you get home. Little does everyone know you're like. I'm on the couch with my ice cream like. I was shoving a hing hog and dust and I. was like I should walk this down to the. freezer cuz it's going to melt. And I. was like [ __ ] that. I'm rich. It's fine. It's a half a pound of [ __ ] hogen. dust. Like what am I worried about? It's. so good. Do your daughters understand. like who you are and what you do fully? I honestly I couldn't tell you. You. know, I feel like maybe I think that.

they're also. they've been they've been around it. I've I've most of the movies that I've. made since they've been around have been. during the summer cuz I don't want to. leave them. So, they've been on every. set that I've worked on from the time. that they've been in my life. So, they. know that is mom's job. They obviously don't, you know, they. they don't watch the kind of movies that. I make. So in their eyes, I'm like some. dinosaur, right? And so like every once. in a while when I work with somebody,

they're like, "Wait, you know her?". Like, "Oh, Renee Rap's coming on. Saturday." Like what? Like every once in. a while I'm like, "Yeah, motherfuckers.". Like I'm cool. Yeah. So I last I was. just driving here and my oldest daughter. who's a real [ __ ] like she does not. make it easy on me one bit. Like she. does not suffer fools easily. She has never given me a compliment in. my [ __ ] life. I was driving here. She. was at a sleepover and I called her to.

tell her that, you know, her sister was. coming home and she goes, "Oh, I really. liked what you wore last night. I almost. fell off my chair." I was the phone fell. out of my I was like, "Oh my god. Oh my. god." Like, "Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.". You're like, "Thanks." Yeah. So, they. they play with my emotions. I think I. think That's really cute. Yeah. It. sounds like you are such an incredible. mother. You're a great daughter and. you've had such an incredible career and. you will continue to have such an.

incredible career and like this is why I. love my job is getting to meet you. I. had no idea what to expect. You know. what I mean? Like I didn't know like I. didn't this [ __ ] woman that can't. keep a man like this [ __ ] like let's. now. but I didn't know you know and I think. not that it was bad or good. I was just. like, "Oh, I'm excited to hear you and. and in getting to speak with you. It's. so inspiring hearing what you've done. with your career, what you've done with. your family.

I think it's such a testament to women. and it's really, I hope, a message to. women of like you really can create your. own path. Your past doesn't define you, but be aware of your childhood and any. trauma you've had and and you've done. such an incredible job like making your. own version of what you want your life. to be, which is so inspiring for women. to hear. Yeah. And we I'm still trying. I'm still figuring it out. Of course. Yeah. But we should definitely try. For. sure. Life is too short. As you enter.

this next gorgeous decade of your life, what are you the most excited for? I Okay, so everyone's like talking about. the celebration. You're the first person. that's ever asked me like what is this. next chapter in my life, right? I think. outside of what I touched upon, which is. that I do think about like because it's. very real. My oldest is about to be 14. Like I will be an empty neester soon. I. think about that a lot because I love my.

[ __ ] kids so much that they can never. know cuz I can't imagine my life without. them. And the idea of them not being in. my [ __ ] house like scares me enough. to be like who is this sad man that I am. going to [ __ ] catch in 6 years and be. like you can have my whole closet just. don't let me be alone in this house. So. real. Aside from thinking about that, I. don't know because work feels really. satisfying. I really feel so blessed and so lucky.

that I get to do something every single. day that I love that doesn't it doesn't. feel like work. And I'm glad that I get. to show my kids what that looks like to. find something that you love that it. when if you can have a life where you. don't feel like you're working but you. are working hard that's a very rewarding. life and not all of us get to have that. So, if I can continue that um and and. and. make sure that my kids are okay, like. that's going to be okay for me. I'm. going to be okay. This is good to know.

So, whenever we see you pop up with a. man, we're like, "Oh, the kids moved. out." It's literally our Oh, she must be. 18. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] She's She's. miserable cuz the kids are gone. This is. just the [ __ ] that happened to be at. the coffee shop earlier that day that. she's like, "You're moving in with me, motherfucker." And he's like, "Shit, I. get to be with Charlie staring. My. secret's out. I just [ __ ] myself.". Yeah. Well, there goes my vagina's joy. Like, that's not happening anymore. Thank you, Alex. Really? Great. No, I. will tell this man I love him before I.

know his name. I will hook him so fast. and you'll hook him up. Good closet, nice life. We're doing it right. We're. doing it right. Exactly. Exactly. Thank. you so much for coming on. This was. truly a pleasure. You're such a good. hang. And it felt like I don't I forgot. there were cameras. Like it just felt. like we were having really nice girl. talk. I was looking forward to this cuz. it's nice to to know you. Like I feel. not in a weird way. I'm not going to. tell you I love you. Come on. Come on. Come on. It's nice to know a little bit.

about you. And I'm a huge fan, by the. way. Well, I'm a huge fan, too. So, look. at us. Woo. [Music]. Hey, [Music]. hey,