Cara Delevingne: Sobriety, Sexuality & Self-Love

What is up, Daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. Cara Delevigne, welcome to Call Her. Daddy. >> Hi. >> I couldn't be more excited to have you. here, seriously. >> I'm nervous. I'm nervous. >> Don't be nervous. I was just thinking. about. my first show tonight, so I'm just. There's a lot going on today. >> Yeah. >> Well, I've got you. It's going to be. fine. And I also can't believe we've. never met.

>> I know. It's I feel like I've just. I feel like I've just been a fan of. yours for so long and watched the show. and watched your documentary. I just. think you're incredible and I love how. comfortable you make people feel and how. like the different interview styles you. get from people. Yeah, you just have a. really incredible way, I think, with people making them feel. comfortable, which is something I also. like to do. >> Well, you are so sweet. Thank you for. saying that. >> Not that I need to make you feel. comfortable. This is your house.

>> I feel the same way about you. I. Thinking about coming here, I was like, there's so many different things we have. to talk about. Obviously, you came into. this industry as literally one of the. world's most famous models. Then, you. just so casually also pivoted and you're. in some incredible movies. And now, you. have an album coming out this summer. Congratulations. How are you feeling? >> A lot. [laughter]. It's a lot. I am Yeah, I'm not sleeping. a lot right now. I feel.

so crazy, but in like a very. like this is only going to happen once. in my life that I'm going to feel like. this. So, I'm also quite. enjoying the mania. I'm getting quite a. lot done, but also I'm ready to to to. have a little nap after the after. tonight's show. But no, I I'm really. It doesn't feel real. This is like all. my dreams have come true with this. album, really. >> Well, I'm like, you're going to do your. first show tonight. You also just got. back from the Cannes Film Festival, where your movie Club Kid got a 7-minute.

standing ovation. No big deal. >> I know I've never been in the room when. that happened, and it was it's. definitely one of those things where. you're like, "Oh, it's really It's worth. It feels like a long time.". >> What did that moment feel like to you, though? >> Oh, I was just so happy for Jordan and. like little Reggie, who is the kid in. the movie, and. uh yeah, Jordan is an incredible person, and I think people are really going to. get to see just how enigmatic he is and. how multi-faceted and talented he is to.

create a movie like that, where it. really shows queer culture in such. a realistic way for people who don't. experience that or have never. experienced that, those kind of clubs. and drugs and all of it, but then also, you know, it's a real tear tearjerker. >> I know I was going to just say like, "Congratulations." My husband, who's in. that industry, was like, "Oh, well, she's been the talk of Cannes, so you're. getting heard at a great time." And I. was like, "Oh, and she's got an album, Matt." So, he was like, "Oh my god, this. is perfect timing." So, congratulations. on that entire trip, seriously.

>> Thank you. >> I'm sure you noticed, but the Call Her. Daddy studio outside in the offices is. under construction. >> Oh, I'm obsessed. >> And we are building like a little tunnel. for people to walk through when they. come to the studio. And I know that in. your old house. >> going to say, is it crazy? >> You Uh-huh. You converted a hallway into. a vagina tunnel. >> Glorified hallway. It wasn't a hallway. It was for sure. It was the the tunnel. Small, petite, cute. >> Gorgeous.

>> Gorgeous. Fluffy. >> [laughter]. >> Soft, warm, vibrates, all of it. >> Did it have a name, or was it just. vagina tunnel? >> It was my vagina tunnel, and the really. the best part of it is that. uh people would ask about it, and I'd be. like, "Yes, I've had so many people come. through my vagina tunnel. It's so great. Can't wait for you to see it." It just. was such a good gag. Even that it The. fact it existed was weirder, but um. Yeah, I think it was just. me during COVID. I think I'd done some. mushrooms and I was like, I need to.

make a vagina tunnel that you crawl. through and you can sit in and you can. meditate and it can feel warm and. there's like visuals and lights and. yeah, it vibrates and is warm. Am I. forgetting anything? No, and there's like there was like a. little hammock in there, too, and then. you crawl out of a washing machine and. you feel cleansed. It's like baptism. >> It's. genius and it's amazing and I'm sad that. I never got to experience it. >> I'm so sad cuz you would have loved. >> have been really up my alley. >> And no house will ever be like that. house. You can't really replicate it. And also I'm in a different time in my.

life where I don't think. that's also something I want, but I do. want a vagina tunnel again. I'll always. have one, so I might as well. invite people in, you know? >> Okay, so no matter what, you're going to. get when you get a new house, you'll. find an area for a vagina. >> Yeah, and even if it's more like a. vagina cave, maybe it doesn't go. anywhere. Maybe it's more just like. a cozy. crotch space. Yeah, I don't know. A. reading corner just. It's a different kind of vagina tunnel. >> I love. >> tunnel's matured.

>> I love it so much. I literally I was. like, I know it hasn't been a while. since you've had it, but I was like, I. just. >> Oh, it's one of my favorite things that. I had, yeah. >> And I had to bring it up. >> No, you had to. >> Um I'm so excited to get to know you. today, truly. I feel like I want to. learn so much more about all of your. life experiences, especially that. inspired. >> How long you got, girl? >> Girl, I wore my cozy pants today. >> I wish I wore cozy pants. >> I'm ready to get into it because this. album is very personal.

>> Yeah. >> And there's a lot that you talk about. that I think does require us to kind of. go back to the childhood a little bit. >> Sure. >> So, you down to go back with me, Cara? >> still there. >> Okay, let's go Oh, perfect. Okay, let's. go. >> Still regressing. >> Um so, you grew up in London. >> Yes. >> What is the most like British thing. about you? >> I mean, I've made an England tattoo on. the bottom of my foot. I don't think. that's the most British thing about my. personality, but it is. I'm a I'm a pretty proud Brit. I love the sense of humor.

Um. I'm really self-deprecating though. Like. I'm really on borderline like I hate. myself. Not anymore. I've done a lot of. work on it, but. I think that's. that's part of something about being. British. Yeah, the dry humor, which I. think a lot of the time in the beginning. of my career people really didn't. understand that I was being sarcastic. quite a lot. Or maybe I was also just in a bad mood. and trying to play it off as sarcasm. Either way. >> Isn't that weird when the beginning of. your career you hope you're like, "Wait, no, that's not what I meant." And now.

it's kind of like great to be. misunderstood. Yeah. You're like, "I. don't care.". >> I just I think I was so desperate for. love and for people to like me so much. so that. I just I don't know what I was doing at. some so many points. >> You, I know that your parents kind of. ran in circles of like. that were considered high society. >> Yeah. >> What was that like for you growing up? >> It's so interesting because I don't. think. it's so I mean, people can see things.

like. stuff on TV, right? Of like, oh, you see. The Crown. It's not how I grew up, but. like in that certain way of like there. was nothing quite like British high. society. It's. to me something I really didn't enjoy. I. was very confused by the whole thing of. people growing up having. kind of a lot of money and not really. doing anything and. kind of feeling very entitled and. having a lot and expecting a lot for.

really nothing. Whereas I. grew up and I just really wanted I mean, when I was a kid, I really wanted to. change the world. I felt like I wanted. to be a superhero. I think that came. from like. a hero complex of like trying to fix. people and make people better, but. for me. I don't know. I really wanted to earn. people's respect, and I think there's. that saying of. society where if you're born into it, you don't really have to do much, and. people can be. pretty horrible and pretty rude and.

spoiled. Not everyone. I mean, it. doesn't always work like that, but I. think the circles that my parents ran in. I don't know. I was like, I don't like. these people's kids. Like, they're not. nice to other kids, or they're not nice. to people who work here or for them, and. it's just like it felt very. I don't know. I preferred. going to raves and breaking into. festivals and doing drugs in a park. Like, that was my vibe. I really wanted. to like do the opposite, I think. It Is. there anything though that you felt like.

there were I know you're saying like, oh, you kind of didn't have to do. anything. You kind of just like had. money, and that was the expectation of. like just kind of go, and then you. become the next generation that goes. into the wealth. But like, were there. expectations in terms of the way you. were supposed to act and the way you. were supposed to present when you I. think so. I. >> [clears throat]. >> If anyone knows me, they know that I'm. not. I'm not a super put-together person. Like, I think my I think especially for. my parents and for my family, like.

manners are super important, and I. believe that. It's very important to be. kind to people. Um but when it comes to like. in terms of like eating in a pretty way. or whatever. Like, I'm not Like, to be a. model for instance, or to like walk. well. Oh my god, it took me so long to. like pretend to be graceful, cuz I'm. just not. I'm a feral. human. Like, I'm way more like of a. Neanderthal than I am. a human being. That's not the right. word. >> Like, proper and grace for me were just. not something.

>> No, and also I. I also think because. my parents ran in these circles, I. assumed when I was younger, you know, I. went to I was very lucky. I went to. incredible schools, you know, I would go. on amazing holidays. Um. but for me there was something that was. missing underneath it all which was I. think a lot of about high society is. that people try and really pretend to be. perfect and act like in a certain way. and everything has to be wrapped in a. very neat box and.

when I knew there was so much stuff. going on underneath it, it really. confused me and I was like, I don't. understand. But there was a certain. element where I was like oh, you know, all my friends that and their kids they. get trust funds. Like when when does. that happen? My dad was like, are you. kidding? You don't have a trust fund and. I was like, oh, so you run in these. circles but it's not to the same degree. If that makes sense. It's a perception. of. you know, go to the parties and do all.

the things and look nice but it's not. the same level of like. >> It's not the same reality. >> No. But also I think for my. you know, I love my parents and there's. been a lot of like. there was a lot of resentment I had. towards my upbringing and growing up but. I also think cuz I pushed myself too. hard and it took me a long time. to get over it but I think their. perception of. how it was especially for men and women, you know, my dad had three girls and his. his ideal was for us to you know, marry. someone who would look after us and I.

was like, that's never I never want to be looked. after by anyone. >> It's so interesting obviously. generationally when they have like an. idea for you and you're like trying to. break away from it but it also feels. like then you are abandoning what your. parents want which means feeling like. you're letting them down and it's. >> also don't think he knew it was possible. for a woman to I don't know in the same. sense that I'm sure he did but. I also just knew I was different too. Like I knew. I knew I was a little queer kid running. around like I didn't feel like I.

belonged. in my body, in my in any of it. So, I. was like, "Yeah, anything you guys tell me, I'm. not going to listen to.". Which also is part of how I am in just. terms of like rules. I can't really. handle them. >> I also think something you said was so. interesting and relatable for probably a. lot of people growing up is like the. feeling of we why are we all not talking. about this? Why are we all pretending. everything's fine? And I remember you. said from the outside my family's life. looked extremely privileged, but behind. closed doors there was a lot more to the.

story. Like. yes, we're talking about the parties, but can you kind of paint the picture of. what your life did look like. in the home with your parents and your. siblings? >> Unfortunately, my. my memory of a lot of it. my memory's my memory. It's not fact. I. can remember what I can remember. And. unfortunately, the way that I'm wired, my brain will tend to hold on to. darker things and trauma than it does.

the nice parts, which I know they were. there, uh. because there's videos of it and there. are memories I I have of it that I. worked really hard to. to remember, but I do. Yeah, I I think I. I don't know. I don't feel like I had a. voice as a kid. In terms of I mean, who. does, I guess, at that age, but I don't. feel like I was going through a lot and. I don't know it what I was going.

through, but there was a lot going on. with my mom, who especially was very. sick when I was growing up. And. I didn't know how. I felt about it, but I also. wasn't asked or wasn't allowed to feel. And also, she was so sick, so I couldn't. make it about me. I just had to look. after her. And that I was actually. really good at it. Like I loved doing. it. But she. it overtook everything to the point. where like I just.

I still am really trying to learn how to. look after myself at 33. Sorry, excuse. me. Can I swear? I forget every time. >> You were just talking about vagina. tunnels. [laughter] Yeah, you're right. >> Please swear. Um that's also a very I. think interesting theme in a lot of. people's life is like feeling like if. there's someone in your family that's. really going through it, then you kind. of have to then your problems aren't as. big as theirs. And I know you have. talked about kind of like. the struggles that your mom went through. mental health-wise and with substance.

use. Is there a moment as a kid that you like. acutely remember being like, "Oh, something is off with her?" Or was it. just always a constant? >> It did It felt normal. It felt normal until, you know, being at. a certain age where you're told your. mom's going to die and being in hospital. being like, "Huh? Like, I don't. understand what that means." And also. the very very physical visceral memory. of. her being away a lot and.

you know, either being in hospital or in. uh rehab of some sort. And that feeling. of not knowing where she was. No one. told me, so I just thought she was dead. and I didn't understand. So, and that's when that kind of thing of. like trying to control the. uncontrollable would come in where like. I just would stop eating at 7:00 and. like just be on a hunger strike because. I. didn't know where my mother was. So, I. was not going to eat because that to me. was the only thing I had control over. >> And what would you like would you ask.

your father and he wouldn't share? >> No, I didn't I just I don't know. Again, I don't remember and I think my. dad We We all have very different. memories of this. My sisters are, you. know, 6 and 8 years older than me. They. were teenagers. They were out the house. My dad, bless him, you know, he. my drive and and ambition and my He. works really hard and to him security. and money is the most important thing. and to look after people but in the same. sense he wasn't around a lot as much as.

I think I. I was around I guess my mom. >> Well and I think something Cara that is. so weird. as adults that you have to we have to. start to realize which I have a lot of. conversations with people about is like. >> Yeah. >> We love our parents and we also are like. that was a weird [ __ ] up thing that. happened in my childhood and I think. it's hard to grapple with like. you can still say that.

things did not feel right in your. childhood and both things can kind of. exist and I think it's a odd feeling. because it seems like you've kind of. made amends with your family and you. guys are like on great terms. but also a child's perception is. everything. It doesn't matter if you. were seeing it slightly different than. maybe your father was seeing it. That. was your reality and so the fact that. you were saying I literally thought my. mom was dead. I had no idea where she. was. That's like your you're in shock. and you're going through grief and all.

those things that are really young age. and you're just alone and like it seems. like you didn't really have anyone to. talk to. >> I just didn't have the tools to talk and. I also think. I remember. you know I remember when I started. dealing with my own struggles and. my dad was like what? What do you what. do you what do you have to struggle. about? You've had everything you've ever. wanted you know. presents and holidays and a good school. and I was like.

that's that's not your fault for not. knowing that but that's also my it's. it's not it's. it's not based on anyone's fault but. that the conversation just was not. there. And I didn't know how to have it so. I just held everything in to the point. where. you know I had a mental breakdown at 15. but it way too young and had to drop out. of school and. >> [gasps]. >> but it also happened at the same time as. starting to do drugs, but to me that was. like. it all happened at once. And then, yeah, it's still.

I still don't think I found that proper. way of talking about anything until. I don't know, this past 4 5 years. >> Well, I think also cuz like you just. said like then you just kind of go on. the run and you're like, "I've got to. figure myself out. I've got to get. through this." And you don't No one has. time to [ __ ] like think about their. childhood until you finally can breathe. a little bit be like, "What happened. back then?". And it's also like to your father's. credit and I have had um people in my. life like this where clearly whatever. happened in his life he was able to kind.

of plug those wounds with being like, "If I can be so successful, if I can get. money and status, that will help me.". And you're like, "Wait, the material. things don't mean anything to me.". >> to his credit like he kept our family. together. He could have left my mother. Like to stay with someone who. had struggled and had been through. you know, and not to hurt not not that. she ever wanted to hurt people, but she. hurt everyone a lot. And he stayed and.

he kept it together and that to me. is pretty incredible. I I really. I loved. I've loved getting older in the sense of. that resentment and that anger that you. hold on to is just so poisoning. It's. just it's honestly the worst. Like you. can do anything to yourself, but when. you hold on to stuff like that. you just make you get so sick. >> It is. >> do. >> And I remember in one of your past um. interviews you said.

"I didn't feel like I had the right to. feel. I didn't want to cause any more. pain.". I'm like, "Whoa, that's a really heavy. burden to carry as a child to basically. force yourself not to feel.". >> Mhm. >> if you look back at that time in your. life, what. traits or habits do you think you kind. of developed in response to being like, "Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't cause. anyone pain."? >> Uh danger seeking behavior, for sure. I. cuz I also think at some point around.

the time of. the not eating, I also just started like. throwing myself off stuff and like I. broke like. I don't know how many bones in like a. year because I just. started. I I was in pain inside, but I didn't. know how to express it, so I just wanted. to feel pain. And I. it didn't it didn't consciously happen. in that way in my head, but I remember. breaking my elbow straight through for. the first time and going to the hospital.

and finding out it was broken and being. like, "Yay! Like I can finally have a. cast and say like, 'Ow. I'm hurting.' You know? It was like the. first time I could like. like feel like I deserved to say. "Ow.". >> [laughter]. >> Right? Like have someone validate you. and be like, "Oh, you must be in so much. pain.". >> I broke it and pain now. Oh my god, that. >> Yeah. That's so That's sad, right? As a kid? >> Yeah, it is. It is sad. I definitely.

I definitely now like I wish. I had. given myself. I'd been more gentle with myself and I. didn't have the tools to do that, but I. wish I you know, now. when I look back at like photos of. myself as a kid, I was like, "I didn't. deserve. Not that I didn't deserve to be treated. like that. I didn't deserve to then do. what I did to myself.". Cuz things can happen. It's how you deal.

with them. It's how you hold on to them. No one deserves to, you know, be hurt or. to be neglected in any way, shape, or. form, but. I didn't make it easier. I made it a. hell of a lot worse. >> I know, but I also think. that is something that humans and it is. frustrating and I think especially as. women there's a lot of this of like. when the pain is not something that. someone can tangibly and like physically. see, you are dismissed and you're. discarded and it's like, "Oh, you're.

being dramatic." And so really it's it's. they're all the repression of the quote. I read of you being like, "I literally. tried not to feel." Eventually your body. was like, "We have to expel this. We. have to do something.". >> exorcism was like, yeah, it has to come. out. And also my my trait was. I just wanted to fix other people but. had no concept. of receiving love. So in any like. relationship or anything I'd be like, "Oh, that person's not doing well. Oh, I.

can look after them." And hopefully, you. know, I I wasn't able to save my mom, but I could save this person and that. will hopefully wrong that right. But. then at some point. someone would actually try and show me. love and I would be like, "Oh, no, that's not what we do here. I. look after you." I would I'm still not. even equipped to do that at the point. but like. no, that's and I would just run for the. hills. >> it's all you knew. It's like you loved. your mother, be there for her. Everybody. wait for her to come home.

>> these and like, yeah. And I love I I. loved doing it. I don't know why. Because it gave me a purpose and it. helped me not think about myself, which. I didn't like doing that point. >> So what happened at 15? >> Uh. I was experimenting a lot I think with. like hallucinogens at that point. You know, which. pretty young, 14, 13, 14. Um. And yeah, you know, growing up in. England and London at time was a lot of. drugs and.

ketamine was very big that point and I. think. I love what drugs made me feel. I loved. not having to think about my mom. I. loved not having to feel the pressure of. not being good at school because I. couldn't. focus or concentrate. The pressure of. not feeling like I was good at anything. or good enough or love myself. All of. that it went away. And what drugs really gave me at that. point which is what I was desperately. looking for was connection. Wasn't real. I mean it is to some extent but it's.

not. It's there. It's tangible but it's. not deep enough, right? For what you. really need. Maybe what you want. But I loved that part and I loved the. friends I had and the music and the. you know, breaking into it was just like. such an amazing period but then. especially with things like. hallucinogens and when your brain is not. formed yet. I just remember having. a really bad trip. A really bad trip. where I just I thought that.

um. that my dad was God and my mom was the. devil and I had to kill her to save the. end of the world. Like like I lost my. mind and uh. at the end of that trip though I thought. that Bill Murray, Tim Curry and Jim. Carrey were the same person and I'm. still convinced that they might be. I. don't know. [laughter]. >> Acid is a crazy thing. >> To be determined. But I really I I also. was taking it like every day. Like I was. doing it a lot and. my brain was just not stable enough to. be able to do that and I just kept.

having bad trips and. I just I was just became suicidal. Just because at that point then when I. was at school. whether it was the drugs or the fact. that like whenever I was anywhere else. away from my mom, I could feel her. I. could feel her all the time. I could. feel when she was in pain. She would. call me. You know, we were so close. So whenever I was away from her it I I. couldn't think about anything else. It's. like almost codependency. Beyond.

Enmeshment, they would say. Um. So, yeah, I just. I was so confused because I also didn't. have a great relationship with my dad at. that point. But suddenly something. started to switch where I was like, maybe my mom's actually. not. in the right here and my dad's actually. not in the wrong and why do I hate him. and protect her so fiercely in life? Like what? I think my whole world. exploded and I was like, I think.

everything I've thought. for the last 15 years is wrong. And then at that point, especially at. school, I wasn't great at school. I. loved what I loved which was music and. theater and. but exams and sitting there, I my brain. just would go so fast and. I also think I'm left-handed. I was. forced to write with my right hand, not. forced. I just did to fit in. I don't. know. Uh but I couldn't keep up with my head. and. yeah, I would just try and knock myself. out physically cuz.

and that that is why I think. that same feeling was why I started. having a bad relationship with drugs was. because I just wanted to. knock myself out. >> escape. Did your family at this point in. high school when you were using know. that this was happening? >> No. I mean, I'm the youngest by a pretty long way. Uh so you just get away with more. I was. also at boarding school so like and I. wasn't using at boarding school. It was. kind of more like weekends and da da da.

Um. but it was when I would probably go to. London on the weekends, do drugs, and. then go back to school where. all of it would just come and I'd be. sitting there going, I can't. My brain. is just absolutely in turmoil. >> And I think also something that's. interesting what you're referring to is. I feel like everyone in high school. starts to you have a little bit of. independence. You're at boarding school. specifically. So your brain does start. to be like, what was happening in my. childhood a little bit, right? So you're.

starting to lightly gain this. consciousness that you didn't have in. those like elementary middle school. days. And then you're around more people. at boarding school. You're seeing other. people's dynamics. And the fact that you. were like, is my dad the villain or is. it my mom? And your whole reality. >> I'm so angry. >> Mhm. >> That was honestly the hardest thing is. the anger. Because I. That was a also the part that I I didn't. know who to be angry at. I was so angry. at the world and I was so angry I. couldn't make my mom better. And every.

time I would go home. something would be different. It was out. of my control and then I'd have to go. back to school and still I was felt like. I was split. I was never in one place. I. was like, my head's here, my heart's. there. I don't know where I am. >> And so drugs. >> No. >> And that helps it kind of all the. question marks and all of the curiosity. it alleviates that from you so you can. kind of. >> But it doesn't wipe it. It puts it under. a rug and then the rug you're hoarder. >> You're a hoarder. >> Hoarder of trauma. >> You drop out of high school. >> Yes. >> And you pursue modeling full-time.

>> Mhm. >> How did everyone in your life feel about. that decision? >> Not great. I I didn't also. That was not something I was like, oh. I'm going to drop out and do modeling. It was more that I have to drop out. because I will either do something. stupid at school. I'm so depressed. I'm. going to do so badly. I'm either going to get expelled. Like I. have to get out of here. There's no. This is not helping the situation. And I. think I needed. a shock into like Cuz I was like, oh.

school, this is such a nightmare. My. life is so hard. This is so difficult. No, the real life the real world is way. harder. But I needed that. I kind of. needed that reality check. And my. parents were like. you know, you had to take a year out of. school. You know, you managed to get your [ __ ]. together, you put on antidepressants and. go back and. but now you want to drop out. Like you. have to have a plan. You can't just You. know, my parents are also like, you. know, you need to go to university. It's. like that stuff. And I was like,

"Well, I'll have to figure out how to. find a job." I was scouted at a rave. Also, my sister had been a model what is. a model and. yeah, I mean, I was like, I did it. because I was like, "Sure, you want me. to be a model? Like, good luck. I'll do. my best." Like, it means I can leave school and get out. of here. But I definitely didn't I wasn't like, "This is going to work.". >> And then. And then. >> And then.

>> you become one of the most recognizable. faces in the world. >> Just the eyebrows. >> You're so right. Just right above those. eyes, girl. Just. >> thing. >> [laughter]. >> It It looks like you literally took over. the world. And so, the fact that you're. like, "Ugh, I got to get out of this. [ __ ] school. Like, maybe I'll give. this a try." And then it's Cara. Delevigne is. [ __ ] everywhere. Do you remember what. that early early success felt like? >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where.

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brought to you by Häagen-Dazs. Daddy. gang, I think we all deserve a little. more me time. Whether it's work, school, or whatever is bringing you down, it's. so important to take a second to slow. down and treat yourself. And lately, my. favorite way to do this is with some. rich, smooth, creamy ice cream. And none. better than Häagen-Dazs. You guys, you have to try their cherry dark. chocolate bar. Let me just tell you. something, okay? Picture rich cherry ice.

cream with some tart cherry ribbons all. covered in a thick layer of dark. chocolate. Yes, it's the kind of thing. you don't want to just eat, but you like. literally experience, okay? Usually, I'm. the type to just like crush a dessert in. 2 seconds, but this Oh girls, I'm taking. my time. I'm like savor every bite. Häagen-Dazs is just one of those things. that's meant to be savored. I've. literally been eating Häagen-Dazs since. I came out of the womb. My entire family. has always had it stocked in our fridge. It'd be like, "Movie night, boom, sit.

down, get our Häagen-Dazs." And now the. cherry dark chocolate bar, it's always. in my hand, okay? It is just a perfect. sweet treat that I just can't get enough. of. It's my go-to treat at the end of a. long work day. So, take your sweet time. That's Dazs. Available at retailers. nationwide. Do you remember what that early early. success felt like and recognition? >> No, I don't remember. It's weird. I. don't. I do I remember before and I remember. you know, logging my book around with.

the model friends that I made and being. this stupid idiot on the tube and going. to all the castings and being told I was. too short or not pretty enough and I was. like, "Oh, [ __ ] this sucks. This is. really way hard. Like, this is. not easy. Also, if you do a show, you. don't get paid." I'm like, "I don't. understand where this like goes.". Um. I got a job at ASOS. It was 5 days a. week. I had a paycheck. I was like, "This is it. This is my life. I'm so. happy. I can move around the corner from. the ASOS building. I became the like,

you know, number one internet model. clicked on for ASOS." Like, it was a. massive deal. I really was like, I I got. my free like sandwich every lunch. There. was also like a sample sale for like £5. you get a bag of clothes. I really that. was like a very highlight point. And I. really thought that that was going to be. it. And then. And then yeah, I I I remember I'd been. into Burberry before and I'd done the. show castings and I remember even. walking out in the jacket and the woman. just being like, "No." Like, before I'd. even walked or even said anything and.

you're like, "Oh, god.". So, I remember going in there again. and being like, "Oh, okay. I'm being. back again.". And meeting Christopher Bailey who was. like, "You know, what do you like to. do?" And I was like, "Huh?". "What do I like to do? Oh, uh. well, I I mean, I'd love to act. That's. always been my dream and I I I play the. drums and guitar and I you know, I'd. love to do music. I just I don't think. I'm good enough." And. I'd just never been asked that before. Especially during modeling. I was like, "This is the weirdest thing. Is he just.

I don't know.". And the next day, I was doing the. campaign uh with Jourdan Dunn and Mariac. as you know, shooting at. on a beach in Brighton freezing cold and. I was like, "Oh, this is different. This is really. different. These clothes are different. This environment is different. Like, you. know, you're in the like the PVC. plastic jacket that it is so cold that. you're getting blood blisters down your. arms, but it's fashion. And you got to. make it look good. And you're in high. heels on a like pebble beach and you're.

like, 'Whatever I'm going to do, I'm. going to make this look easy. But that's. what I've done my whole life is go, I'm. going to make whatever pain this is, but. I'm going to make it. Yeah, I'm going to serve the [ __ ]. >> No matter how much pain I'm in. >> Yeah, I'm going to make it look hot and. I'm going to make people want to want. it. >> Was any of that sudden like attention or. validation healing immediately for you? >> I think the.

the thing that I found. wonderful and I'll never. I'll never not appreciate and love. Christopher that for this is that. showing me that people there was people. that cared more about some other stuff. and like. to be able to be I wouldn't have had a. career without that and without him. because especially when one brand wants. you then everyone wants you and the. whole thing happens and I was just like. But it also gave me a pretty fickle view. and a bit of a chip on my shoulder of. like, you all told me I was not good. enough and you all made me feel like dog.

[ __ ] and now you all want me and that. sucks. But also. >> You. >> [laughter]. >> Look where I am now, [ __ ]. >> Yeah. And I did [ __ ] like I I loved. it. I enjoyed it. I loved going to shows. and everyone at that point being very. like, modeling is so important. You. know, I don't know what accent it is, but like just it being so serious and I. was like, what are we all doing here? Let's get crazy. Let's put on my. favorite Let's put on Biggie Smalls and. [ __ ] go Like I loved.

shaking everything up because I was. like, people taking my picture, I'm. going to do weird faces cuz I don't take. this seriously and I don't feel pretty. Like what am I doing? Everyone thought I. was either very annoying, which I can. see how I was. Like I could look back at. at myself and go, wow, that would have. really this little thing just bobbling. around, but also like it's a lot. Um or. people were like, wow, that's different. >> I was going to say I remember. Obviously we think of models and we just. expect them to be seen and not really.

heard. >> Yeah. >> And you. brought this personality. that was even if we didn't hear you. actually speaking was just like popping. off the page and it was so loud and it. was so exciting to see but I agree I do. remember some backlash of people being. like what the [ __ ] is this girl doing? What is she doing? >> taking it seriously. You're not working. hard. You're not which. But to me I was like. it didn't I was like we're taking photos. here and we're like isn't the vibe of.

like if we're all sitting here being. really super serious like no one's. having fun. I don't really understand. Isn't it lucky that we get to do this. but then enjoy it, play music, have fun. and sing and dance and. anyone that especially at that time who. knew me. as a model all I would do is sing and. dance and be. that's what made me feel comfortable on. set. >> But did you ever have people be like you. need to stop? >> They just wouldn't hire me. They just don't hire you or or you know. they do it once and then you never work. with them again but they.

But you know I had people that it was I. was pretty polarizing. I was quite vocal. about how I didn't think modeling was. like the fashion industry was healthy. for girls and for so many people. I was. in a really a fortunate position and was. in a top percentage where I was making. money but so many of these girls were. taken from countries and parents and the. agencies. I was very like. that was why I started really feeling. quite empty because I didn't like what I. was representing and when little girls.

would come up to me and their moms and. they'd be like my daughter wants to be a. model because of you and I was like. don't. Don't do that. >> a weird feeling Cara because [laughter]. you're like the thing that I'm doing for. a living. >> believe in it. I don't believe what I'm. selling and I what I'm selling is a lie. Sorry. >> Oh. >> That's what it felt like though cuz it. also wasn't me. Like it was me but I was. so like when I'd see a billboard of. myself, it wasn't me. >> Oh god, that's a mind [ __ ]. >> But because it's not I'm a girl who. wears a hoodie, smoking a joint, like.

[ __ ] walking around barefoot, and. like. like a little roster. Like I'm not this. Like what? The billboard Like it didn't. make sense. My friends found it very bizarre. Like I. came back from doing the Victoria's. Secret, and my friends were like. I remember I had so many guy friends at. the time, and they were like. We didn't know you were like hot. I was. like What? And then they were all trying to like. They were like which one of us is going. to [ __ ] us first? I was like this is. horrible. Like I'm no different. It's just a bad environment latex.

>> I do think though something and that is. why you've had such success is because. you have never dimmed that side of. yourself and you have stayed persistent. and consistent in the day you got into. this industry and the fun kooky faces. that you brought in the personality. I. think that as alienating as it probably. was in the beginning cuz you're all like. Wait guys, we all are in on this, right? This is [ __ ] crazy that they're doing. this to these women and we're Some of us. are really privileged from where we come. from, so we don't have to maybe do.

certain things, but you're like. >> And it's also to do with the you know, the body. the body stuff, the body shaming, how. skinny everyone wants, the racism, the. everything surrounding it, the like. it was really. it was a pretty rough time. If I mean, listen, the '90s and everything were. different because I think everyone was. on drugs, but it turned into a thing. where like everyone just became really. mean. It was just mean, and people would. do things and really degrade you because. even if you were really big model. you know, someone would be like, "Why.

don't you stand on her head in a high. heel?" Or "Why don't you get on your. like all fours and bark like a dog?". That's kind of like because it made. people who had been in the industry, who. were assistants, who'd been treated. badly feel big and feel important. And. it was just like, "Oh, I'll do anything. you say because I just. >> Right. And they're perpetuating what. actually was so painful to them coming. into the industry and then it just keeps. going and going and going. And then it. does take people like you though. That's. what I'm saying. It's like at first it. probably was alienating, but then I do.

think you refusing to conform in some. capacity allowed room for other women. coming up to look and be like, "Oh, well, look at what Cara Delevigne's. doing. Like if she can do it, I can do. my own version of that thing.". >> It makes me so happy when I see models. and I'm. It's I'm never going to be like, "It's. It was me." It's not, but it It. definitely I think with social media and. people having more of a voice, I also. think that was. something that allowed me to feel like, "Oh, I am a person actually and I can.

Oh, this is fun. And if I don't talk, then what else am I here for?" Like I. don't know. And to see people like Alex. Consani and stuff who I like are just so. The personalities now and like it makes. me so happy cuz it does make me feel. more that. more There's still a lot of work that. needs to be done in the world in. general, but that at least people are. being celebrated for being individual in. their personalities, which it was back. in the day. >> And I think we have to recognize as. women that like when you felt like, "Oh.

god, I'm kind of this outlier doing. this.". It feels that way, but then now like. you're referencing Alex and all these. other people, you clearly were able to do something. that then allowed some room for the next. generation to do something and it will. just continue, but like it feels small, but in the collective, if you look at. history of what women who push the. boundaries do, like what is that quote? It's like, "Well-behaved women rarely. make history." And it's like here we. [ __ ] go. >> Well, I remember seeing something I. think it was Jane Fonda who talked about. when she was younger making funny faces.

And I don't know why I did it. I never. really understood why. I never tried I. wasn't trying to do it. It's because I. felt so not pretty and I felt so stupid. posing all the time that I I had to do. something with my face. I never do that. anymore. Maybe it's cuz I don't want to. get wrinkles, but also because I I feel. way more comfortable. But I remember her. talking about it and I was like, "Oh my god, it's this thing I can't. control." Like maybe it felt like a bit. of a tick. Like I do have ticks, so I. think it could have also been that. But.

it was interesting, especially when you. learn more about women who come before. you and. women who paved the way, they're very. they're always, you know, they're more. more likely to rewrite history. Exactly. what you were saying by not conforming. >> It is and it's almost like Freudian for. us. Like you had that thing of Jane. Fonda and it seeped into you and then. someone is thinking unknowingly about. Cara Delevigne as they are going into. their field. So it's like it all is a. trickle down effect. >> stick my tongue out still, but that's a. >> We love that version of you, Cara. Um I.

have a couple of pictures. >> I was thinking about it. >> Oh no. >> Social media. >> Oh god, yeah. >> A reason you also, you just said it. yourself, like you were able, I think. for us to see your personality and you. were able to shine is because Tumblr, social media, like that was such a huge. part of you when you kind of came on the. scene. So I have a couple of pictures. I. just want your reactions to them. >> Okay. Like facially? >> Yeah, whatever you want. >> dance. >> Okay. >> Oh my god.

>> Okay. >> Still have that T-shirt. >> You do? >> Yeah, and that hat. Oh my god, I'm a. hoarder. I told you this. >> This photo, it like broke Tumblr back in. the day. Obviously. >> I wasn't so I wasn't super aware of. Tumblr. When people talk about it now, I. was like, "Oh. yeah." I never. >> You were like the face of Tumblr. >> Yeah, I didn't know. >> I wasn't aware. You're our darling. >> No, I wasn't aware. I really wasn't. >> People still comment this photo in your. comment section on TikTok. Like this photo, Cara. >> love.

>> Do you remember anything about where. this was taken, what this photo is? >> No. >> Nothing? >> No idea. No, babe, there are so many. photos of myself that I see and I'm like. couldn't tell you when, where, who took. it. No idea. >> Okay, every girl wanted the eyebrows. They kind of were like a staple. Do you remember the commentary on the. eyebrows and did it make you more. self-conscious or more confident? >> Really good question. I hated my. eyebrows. My mother was always like you got to you. got to keep them.

But I don't I don't know. I just. remember as I got older I. When I say I don't remember any of it, I. think because. fame is even more powerful of a. whatever happened to my central nervous. system. I was so completely burned out. and short. I was like I'm just going to. black this all out. Like I really. That wasn't even when I was doing I. think I was doing more drugs when I was. a teenager and that period of time I was. just working so much. Obviously, I was. probably partying a bit. But.

Yeah, I don't know. It's It's when I got. older and people would ask me about my. eyebrows all the time. It made It. annoyed me. >> I was like, please. You're like, I have. other things. >> I was like, I can't talk for them. I. wish they could speak, but I don't know. how to explain them. I don't know what. they would say. Like what? I I It's like trying to represent a part. of your body that I wish had a voice. It. doesn't. I'm so sorry. >> Okay, here we go. Oh my god, I love that. picture. I love that. So good. What do. you remember about this iconic photo? >> remember that because it was around the. time where it was like me, Jourdan, and. Karlie and we were all Leos and we were.

bopping around New York and they were. like. the height that models were meant to be. at that point, which was like 6 ft and I. was 5 ft 7 and 1/2. I say 5'8, but. whatever. And that again, I'd love I love the. statement tee. I love the cap. I don't even know if I thought I was gay. at that point, but I was eating a. sticker saying, "Eat Treat your girl. right. Eat your girl right." Yeah. I I I. remember that photo. I don't remember it. being taken, but I remember seeing it. >> Okay, I love this photo.

Um okay, next photo. >> Yeah. This is fun. Oh god. >> This is you at the Victoria's Secret. Fashion Show in 2012. >> Oh my god. >> Is it true you were originally supposed. to come out on rollerblades? >> Yes. >> And why are you like. shying away and looking and blushing? What is this bringing up for you? >> Because I. Anyone that asked me if I could. rollerblade, juggle, drive a car, anything that I couldn't do, I'd be. like, 100% I could do that.

I couldn't, wasn't good. Uh, because I. always. I had a confidence that I if I learned, if I really tried to do something that I. could. I mean, they asked me to do that maybe a. day before and. uh, in the rehearsals. I don't Whatever rollerblading, is it. skating? They were the four-wheeled. Skating down the thing and the the. catwalk is slippery. I was closing that. section, I think, at that point and I. fell and Justin caught me and they were. like, >> [gasps].

>> "You have to do that again." Like, "You. have to close the show like that." I was. like, "Sorry.". Basically, because I didn't know how to. stop at the end. So, I fell and he. caught me and that was very sweet. But, I was like, "I don't know on like live. TV like No, I can't do that." And that's. probably one of the first times I said, "No.". But, also at those shows like I was not. sober in the sense that like. I don't want to speak for the rest of. the girls, but like that is not a nice. It wasn't a nice environment, personally.

I think something about. I don't know what my gender ex-. I know what my gender expression would. be. I'm very happy and proud of being a. woman, but it definitely changed. how feminine I. What is the word? How feminine I. seem or come off because of modeling. Cuz it felt like that was a part like I. growing up I was like. I had short hair. I didn't like having.

long hair. I didn't like wearing girls'. clothes. Like, I really. didn't like being a girl because I just. thought that girls didn't get the same. opportunities. They didn't get to play. with the toys that I wanted to play. with, and I didn't want to. you know, that kind of stuff. So, I. think for modeling I really had to. become this. girl that I wasn't and this like sexy. like that's just not. >> And this was peak like. >> that. >> is presenting so presented. >> Presenting. >> Presenting. >> Thank you. >> You were presenting so ultra feminine.

>> not that. >> And that's not who you are. >> At all. >> And so, before. >> that was fun. It felt like dress up, but. then there was something darker about it. that I. Because also that show like I. was in the closet. I was gay. I was also. like, am I the only like lesbians ever. done [ __ ] Victoria's Secret? Like, this is a big deal. Yeah, shake your. ass, it's got You want me to do up your. bra like 100%? Like, I was having a. great time, but also like very confused. I felt like I was an undercover lesbian.

>> [gasps]. >> No, >> [laughter]. >> you're backstage being like, "No one. knows, but Okay, >> I remember seeing Candice Swanepoel. being like, I fainted like such a weird. story. Oh my god. [gasps]. We were in a We were in a hotel room. eating pizza. And I can't remember I. hope she doesn't get angry if I'm. telling this story. It was really funny. She came in the bathroom. I think maybe we were smoking drugs. She came in the bathroom, and she took. like she took off her clothes, not in a. sexual way. That's what models do. And I.

passed out. >> Cora. >> [gasps]. >> I fully passed out. Or like, I I was. like standing up, and I had to fall back. on the toilet. And she was like, "Are. you okay?" I was like, "Mhm, 100%. [clears throat] I'm fine. You okay? I'm. going to I have something in my eye.". You know? >> You're like, "I got to get out of here.". >> It was a lot. Like, the gay panic. People talk about gay panic now. Like, I. was constantly panicking. >> And I think I think that really makes. sense though now looking back like first. of all this baby Cara having so many I.

can't the. >> I can't I can't with with the butt up. again I woke up probably had a couple. shots of whiskey and a Xanax. >> and you wouldn't get. you wouldn't get nervous to walk a. runway on after that. >> I was having a time of my life after. that oh horrible. >> I think. I do think that is so so. just illuminating to that entire time. period because I do think that seeing. you up there so many women would look at. you and just be like I want to look like.

her I want to be her and that's real. life though this is like the same [ __ ]. as Instagram where you're like babe. >> no not so bad the amount of cutlets in. that like especially cuz like everyone. else was very like womanly bodies and. like you know skinny and muscly and. whatever else but I was. I am still up and down like a little rig. like I have no ass like at that point I. was like. I'm not a Victoria's Secret Angel I'm a. devil like I'm not. part of this I remember when they asked. me to be one I was like I don't think I. belong here like I don't think this is.

>> and then you do it and it kind of goes. back to the beginning of what you were. saying about modeling where you're like. I don't fully know if I believe in this. so this feels weird so I'm going to. numb myself essentially to get through. it. >> okay. this is so cute are you [snorts] ready. >> oh yeah hi. >> [laughter]. >> okay. the internet is obviously obsessed with. you and Kendall Jenner's relationship. and all the iconic photos we have of the.

two of you do you remember who came up. with this friendship name. was it you guys or was it the internet. >> was us. oh god I don't remember. I don't know but I had necklaces made. but we were I think it was us I'm pretty. Cara and Kendall, okay. I don't know, actually. That is a super good question. >> Okay, but you leaned in. >> No, but maybe it was that love cover. that we did for the first time, which is. where we basically really became friends. and met. Maybe it was on that cover where I I'm.

holding her or she's holding I don't. remember. That was. >> When you have such like iconic. friendships that the internet is. obsessed with, like do you enjoy leaning. in and doing stuff like this? >> I think at that point it was so because. it felt like at that point we were like. >> [gasps]. >> Especially when you have friendships. when you're modeling like that, it makes. I wouldn't have been able to do it with. any of those girls that supported me. through it. Like especially at like. again, Jourdan Dunn and like women who. even before Kendall when I was really.

young that they were [ __ ] worried. about me, you know? And they were ones. being like, "What are you doing? Like. this is so bad. You're working too much. Like. you know, whether it's agents are giving. you drugs to get to walk on catwalks or. whatever else." Like it was I had. really, really solid friendships of. people who were really honest with me. So, when you have that camaraderie, yeah, you want to lean in. People going. to take a picture, you're a model. At. that point you're like. >> Let's go. >> Yeah, we're on a world tour. That was. our, you know, we went to I took Kendall. to Glastonbury and Gigi was hysterical.

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I think that, you know, you're talking. about having like externally all these. crazy levels of success, right? And you. have said before, and I think this quote. is really profound. You said, "If you. have problems going into this industry, they will only get magnified and. exacerbated.". How did your career heighten. all of these wounds from childhood for. you? >> Access to excess, though. Money. You know, and.

my dad was pretty smart with me when I. left school cuz he was like, "I'm not. going to give you money, you know? You. can't I'm not going to fund whatever. they thought or maybe didn't think." I I. remember when I had a mental breakdown, I I told them that I'd been smoking. weed. Like, they didn't know I was doing. drugs, but either way they. they didn't cut me off. I still lived at. home, but they weren't like. you know, they were smart about that. Um. but then I had my own [ __ ] money. I. could do whatever I wanted, and I knew. where to get all the drugs and all the. things, and.

I also was in a friendship group that. they none of my friends had money. So, I. was just like, "Let's go! Let's [ __ ]. go. Like this is going to be so fun. And at that point, you know, we were. like we're it's going to be Entourage. We're all going to live you know. >> Love that. I also can't help but think. like you're in the middle of trying to. figure yourself out cuz we talked about. like high school you're repressing, you're kind of using so you can just be. like I can't handle this. I don't know. what's going on. You get thrown into. fame and like you've talked about and. I've talked about with a lot of people.

like there is no way to describe it, but. it's hard to not just black out. >> And you can look back on it, but when. you're in it, you just have to survive. and go go go. And so you're trying to figure yourself. out. You have all this attention on you. How is this impacting your dating life? And like you said that Victoria's Secret. moment you hadn't come out yet. You. hadn't, you know, explored your. sexuality fully. >> Yeah. >> Tell me about that. >> Well, also back to what you just said. before as well, I it's also not an. identity thing and. I think.

when you come from being like. what feels like a kind of. traumatized child not to be dramatic. about it to then a suicidal. druggy teenager to then being a model. that you're not, but you're pretending. to be so many things for people. You're actually I'm like who the hell I. haven't processed any of this yet. This is all. a mess and I'm none of these things or. all of them. I really felt like such a.

shell at that point and a real like. I remember writing a lot about how I. just was a mirror of everyone I'd ever. met and there was nothing underneath it. I was just an empty vessel not to be. depressing about it, but especially with. dating, oh my god, I. Oof. I. Oof. Yeah, it's rough because again, I. didn't want to be gay. I really wanted. to fit in. with people in like like I didn't know.

many gay I didn't know any gay people. I. definitely wasn't straight, but I really. like and especially in something you. have been so incredible in talking about. like I never knew how to ask for what I. wanted and it was very much a. performative thing that I'd be like. whatever this guy and to the point where. it's like. you know. whether it's sexual assault or it's like. to the point where you're just like oh. I'm just.

abusing myself to. to to basically make someone happy. If. you want to have sex with me, I should. feel lucky for that. Like that kind of. thing. Horrible. But then. you know, I discovered more about my. sexuality through sleeping with my. friends because. there was a safety in that. That also didn't mean we were gay. You. know, we all had boyfriends, but. whatever, you know, whatever happens. when the lights go off and that doesn't.

really mean anything. Um. But then I started to look back on when. I was a kid and I was like I always had. this thing where. with like friends of mine I just think I. cared about them more than they cared. about me. But then I also realized that any man. I'd ever been with and I feel very bad. for these men because they'd always. I think I'd play such a role of this. cool girl who loved to play video games. and would let them flirt with people, but was just like so cool and chill that.

they would fall in love with me, but I. was so pretending to be something I. wasn't. And I just felt I felt I feel. any man that I hurt, I feel really bad. cuz I did take these actually very nice. guys for a ride because I didn't know. and I also. I was quite hurt by one guy. specifically. He took my virginity and I. was like after this I'm going to hurt. all of you. It's so rude and mean. But I do think it's like you Yes, so you. can be like, "Okay, I'm sorry, boys.".

But I also think in the grand scheme of. what you were trying to do. >> also want me even when I tried to speak. about maybe my sexuality being something. different, they were like, "No, that's. not. I'll show you." That kind of stuff. It was very much like But that was so. back in the day. That was exactly. >> men where you're like No, you can't show. me [ __ ] You don't have a vagina, okay? So, [ __ ] off. >> [laughter]. >> And they're like, "Oh, I'll show you.". >> is here. It's not here. >> Oh, wow, Cara. Okay, that makes I think.

the um. so many women, regardless of you know, what they're dealing with, I do think. that's a really relatable thing of just. going through that period as a young. woman of being like. is this validation? Should I just feel. good in this? And should I not ask for. more? And if he's treating me like this, like I can look past it because at least. someone wants me and someone is, you. know, giving me attention. And so, then. you. >> said something about validation and it. helping me, in my head it really did. because.

it helped my ego. It helped my ego in. the sense that I was like, "Oh, maybe I. am pretty." But it it didn't come from. inside. I think. something that I really had to learn is. that I really believe that we all have. everything we need inside of us and I. was so. externally reaching for anything that. like. I just was empty. And so, you really. have to like grow that garden in. yourself, I guess. >> You do. And from, you know, like then. experimenting with your friends. Like, do you remember when you finally. realize, like, "Okay,

I think it's women for me here.". >> Immediately. Deep down, immediately. But. I couldn't My brain was not computing. that. It was not happening. Like, absolutely not. But my body was like, "Oh, this is where I feel safe.". Oh. And then my heart I couldn't. control. Like. I always felt like I was in control with. men. Like, like go on and on and on and. on. With women, I was in It was a. nightmare. But, also I think I hadn't.

There was still a lot of trauma with the. thing of trying to fix people and the. abandonment, which I think I put into a. lot of my relationships. for a long time. When do you think your. mind and your body connected and you. were like, "I have to accept this" and. >> [sighs and gasps]. >> Um. I think. I think when I was in my first real. relationship with a woman, and I think. I'd never been with someone who was gay,

either. And. you know, we. she was 10 years older than me. Uh. and I really admired her, but I I Yeah, I'd never been with someone who was. actually. gay and not we're kind of in secrecy and. stuff like that. And I was like, "Oh, this is This is everything.". >> How did you feel with regard to your. upbringing? And I know you had said, like, "I didn't really have anyone. around me who was gay." And and I didn't. know with my parents or people around. me, like, how I How did everyone handle.

it when you did come out and just say, like, "This is who I am"? >> Oof. Uh. I didn't come out because. that's again a conversation that. I didn't know how to have. And I. I didn't feel like I owed that to. anyone, either. And I think it would be, unfortunately, different. And I think I would have. found it a lot harder if I hadn't have. been famous or successful, because I. think. you can't really.

have an opinion too much. when that person doesn't need you or is. not vying for your. I mean, of course, I always want to make. my parents proud, but I wasn't like. They couldn't stop me. And I felt like they would have been. able to. They would have been able to have an. opinion more if. I don't know. I think that was also just. part of the drive of wanting to. look after myself and survive on my own. and be like, I can do and be with. whoever I want and.

>> I think that's very relatable. I think. when you are financially or emotionally. dependent on people and I think that's. why a lot of young kids are so scared to. come out because they're like, I still. live under their roof. I know what their. reaction is probably going to be and so. it's so fear-based because it's not. just, you know, coming out and and being. open about your sexuality, which which. should be such a beautiful and. celebrated thing. There's so many. repercussions that can come that. actually safety-wise for a lot of. people, it's just it is a privilege,

unfortunately, which is so crazy to even. have to say to this day. So, I see what. you're saying where you're like, I had. kind of cut those ties in that way of I. made my own money. I was this public. person. So, if you don't like me, you. can go [ __ ] yourself kind of. And what a. freeing feeling that must have been. >> Yeah, but also at that point the. industry didn't want me to be gay. either, you know, that was. why. But like that point that point and. when I just started acting where like. Harvey Weinstein called me and was like,

you can't be gay. It's just stuff like. that where I. Again, there were also no real gay. models, but it's weird because now. you're. Now as I've grown up, there are so many. people I went to school with or people I. was close with who now we're all gay, but didn't know it at the time, but we. were all friends. And you're like, that's just interesting. We all had this. thing. that we knew and now everyone, you know, they have wives or you're like, that's. just it's just crazy.

>> At that time, when you were trying to. search for relationships, what do you. think at in those like mid-20s was. holding you back the most from. happiness? >> Cuz I couldn't love I couldn't receive. love and I don't think. I didn't love myself enough to have. healthy sexual experimentation in the. sense that. I think I had my healthy fair share of.

sexual experimentation, but it was. usually fueled by. uh drugs, danger-seeking behavior, situations where I thought, "Oh, that's. a fantasy I have.". But I didn't really actually want that. You know? And I think that came into. that thing of. just wanting to feel something. even if it's bad and even if it's empty. and. Yeah, and I also think it took.

it took until all the Harvey stuff, too, to really realize. that I had. been sexually abused and. I hate to use the word rape. It just. always makes me so sad. But that that. that kind of thing and I'd put myself in. those positions, but never admitted it. or wanted to deal with it or made. excuses for it. I felt bad. But that made so much sense with how I. would. just let people use me a lot, whether. that be sexually or in any other way,

because I felt like that's all I was. good for sometimes. >> So, can I ask So, he called you and and. told you you cannot be gay. And is this. before or after. this experience with this man? >> So, God, that was way It was before. It was still when everyone was doing his. movies, bopping around. You know, he had his wife who was you. know, in that industry, you know, I'd. been to dinner with both of them with a. bunch of people.

You know, he had a wife and kids. He. seemed safe, right? >> [snorts]. >> Um. and he got my number. I was doing a. movie called Face with an Angel in. Italy. And. he called me up and said, "There are. images of you. uh. and he named some famous women I'd been. seen with and he was like, "I don't need to know." He said, "Are. you sleeping with them or whatever?" I. was like, "I don't really know if that's. any of your business.". And he was like, "Well, you can't you can't be with women.

You'll never be an actress. You'll never. be hired. People don't want. Yeah, you know, we'll have to find you a. boyfriend. At least if you're going to. do that, just do it behind closed. doors." And I was like, "What the [ __ ]. is this?". I was and also but at that point that. wasn't my reaction. I was like, "Oh, [ __ ]. I've always wanted to act. Like this is. such a big deal for me. I can't.". >> You're terrified. >> This is. Yeah. Like he's a big deal in this [ __ ]. >> And how did you respond in that moment? >> I don't know.

I just said, "I'm not gay. I promise you. I'm not. I I just I'm not seeing a boy. right now. I. really love my female friends." And of. course I didn't. I think even the people he brought up I. I don't know. I can't even remember, but. Yeah, I was I was pretty terrified. >> Of course, cuz it's a person in a. position of power who's literally. talking about how you won't work in this. industry if you essentially are. authentic and true to who you are. And. so you are just getting. re-confirmation of like, "Hide. Keep.

suppressing.". >> But also at that point I. you know, and still I I. I regret not. It's not a regret. I don't have regrets. But every role I played at that point. was straight. I was the lead and I had a boyfriend and. you know, I was playing that woman. So, I mean, was he right at that time? No, but at at that point what was I. going to do? >> Right. And again, I think for you, Cara, it was like there's so much pressure of.

like the Victoria's Secret moment and. this you're like I know what I want but. it's like how do I get there? Like how. do I roll this out for myself in a way. that won't make other people upset and. won't have people trying to hurt me. because of me just trying to be honest. to myself and that is so complicated and. then like you said like you then are in. these situations where you're you know. you're using and you're trying to. suppress and then you're also repressed. and it's like. woah I need all this to kind of stop so.

I can try to get my head on straight. I. know you have like lightly spoken about. your sobriety. >> Not a lot. Yeah yeah yeah. >> Not a lot and you talked about this. earlier too where you've said you tried. to match the emotional pain inside with. physical pain on the outside since a. very young age. Can you talk more about. what that just like looked like for you. as you kind of started to get to peak. where you were like maybe this is. getting a little out of control. Yeah. >> Yeah I think.

you know as I said when I first started. doing drugs it was that seeking for. seeking connection. And I felt like I found myself. You know. I was fun and I. loved music and I loved dancing and I. was like oh this is someone I really. like. This is really cool. It was at a pretty young age I started. because I didn't have money at that. point. I started buying drugs to sell. them and to do them. And I remember.

ketamine was really the first thing that. I think. which which is a really crazy thing for. me now because I remember. when I got sober from that and that was. in my early twenties. >> [snorts]. >> um that it blew up in America and it was. like this thing to treat depression. Everywhere. Instagram adverts. Billboards. People talking about it. I. was like. what? I mean I knew it numbed me out like. 100%.

But like a lot of things, people don't realize the danger behind. that because. how badly are the things you're running. away from and how badly when you numb. them, they all come flooding back. They. don't go away. They don't. Um. so that's when I think when I when I. bought the drugs to sell, I just did. them all by myself. Not all of them. I. sold half of them, did the rest. So I. basically did the drugs for free. Wasn't a great drug dealer. But um I. definitely.

I knew it was bad when I started doing. them alone and how much I liked that and. how much I knew that people weren't. judging me and I didn't judge myself for. it. And I could disappear. And that I knew it was a problem. And that was wrong. >> [snorts]. >> But with work, it's not a problem because I'm working, I'm making money. You know, it's. you know, I would be in a state or I'd. definitely be more [ __ ] up than.

people, but I am going to work. When. you're 20s, you can kind of do that a. little more. But then my body just couldn't take it, you know? I think. I also again, I think the kind of. suicidal ideation came back around when. I was at my height of fame, when I should have been the most happy. and I felt the most guilty and I felt. the most like I didn't deserve any of. it. And I was so.

close to ending my life. Not I mean, yeah, I was. music at that moment really saved me. Um. because a song came on on shuffle. when I was alone in this hotel room and. it was a song that played at my friend's. funeral who died of an overdose. And it was a really. it was like that's the thing. When. you're in that position where you can. choose to. try and end your life or not, that it is.

such a quick flip. And in that one. moment, I was like, "What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I I can't believe that I am in this. place.". And I threw all the drugs down the. toilet and I am. So yeah, it it it had been a problem, but when you're successful and when you. seem you're doing great, you have your. hair and makeup done, it's kind of fine. People make excuses. People are making money. You're paying. for people's lives and jobs and kids, you know, you don't.

You don't want to stop. You don't want. to say no. Um. >> Did you have friends close to you that. ever were like, "Cara, >> Yes, but also I was good as. If I say I was good at hiding it, people. be like, "No, you weren't.". But if people thought it was bad what. they saw, they didn't see half of it. The damage was really being done alone. Because that's where no one could stop. me. And also I was so good at.

flitting around different countries and. different groups of friends. If I. haven't slept for 3 days, but then I see. these group of friends and I've still. whatever. No one knows how long I. haven't slept. No one knows that I've. been partying for this long. It's. You can kind of. >> Yeah, you can get away with it in a way. that but un- fortunately for you, it's. like then you also have you're like, "Oh, I'm I'm lying and I'm avoiding. >> The lying is the worst. It's horrible.

It's a secret. It's like. And that just wears away at you so much. And that was also. I didn't realize how many friends I. lost, not even lost, but had pushed. away. Because there was nothing no one could. do. And I didn't want help. I didn't. want people close to me. I didn't want. people. you know, I could talk about it when I. was high. I'd be like, "I know I have a. problem like I know it's really bad la. la la.". But, also there's a power in having that. because then you seem really self-aware.

>> Right. You're like, "I'm owning it. You. can't say that.". >> Like I know how bad it is and la da da. da. And I had all the answers. I'd also. been to therapy since I was a kid from. stuff that had gone on with my mom. So, I knew all the chat and like. >> Uh-huh. You knew how to get around it so. people like, "Oh, well if she's this. open about it, then." But, really it had. also come it seems like you earlier had. said like it was so I connected with. people and it's like it went from. connecting to then isolating and hiding. And that is when Yeah, then no one's. really seeing at its worst. I know there.

were paparazzi photos of you. >> There weren't many, by the way, throughout my throughout my tenure. I. don't know why I just said tenure. But, no obviously the. the worst ones. >> The Burning Man photos. Yeah. Yes, the. Burning Man photos ultimately I know. they kind of became a wake-up call. Um. can you talk to me about like just where. you were at mentally leading up to that. moment? >> Yeah, I. I had.

sworn myself off love. I had been in too many relationships. I don't want to say. >> [laughter]. >> that I think you know, when you abuse. yourself, you allow abuse to happen, right? That's as probably far as I'll go with. that. But, I think. Yeah, I was done with love and. I was in a pretty. hardcore time. Again, I I'd stopped.

doing ketamine, but I was. It It's really interesting the drugs. that people choose to do and what that. means that they're covering up. Alcohol. was never really my thing. I would. drink, but it wasn't I I like it. I. liked like dissociate, knock yourself. out things. So I was doing a lot of like. GBL GBH which is like a date rape drug, which is you're just effectively. knocking yourself out and then. uh taking like cocaine or whatever to. keep me awake. So it was that kind of. like mixture, but I'd met my girlfriend,

my current girlfriend, my life partner, who we went to school together and from. the moment that we had remet after. school. I was like, [ __ ]. You make me feel safe, and that is. something I haven't felt, and I am way. more terrified of that than I've ever. been of love, because in that even. immediate moment I was like. Oh, no. I'm starting to realize how bad this is.

You don't know how bad it is when you're. alone and single, I guess, and. I was honest with her from the first. get-go. I was like, I have a problem. I. take G every day. I'm going to get better. I'm going to turn my my 30th birthday. was that year. I was like, I've. [ __ ] gained it for however long and. had a great time and it's just not great. anymore. But I'm going to have a blowout 30th. birthday and then I'm going to get sober.

and it it tied up in a neat little bow. that I just thought was going to be. really. easy. Um. I didn't know that how addictive that. stuff was. I just thought I took it every day. I. didn't know. that you really had to like medically. detox from it and I started having. seizures and that's literally those. photos were taken right after I'd had a. seizure at Burning Man. And. I was meant to go to work. I mean, it. was just.

a absolute storm. And also. uh it was just it was so rough and it. was right after my birthday, so I'd had. the 30th, which. was just me in It was so stupid, but I'd. rented this amazing house, and I'd had. all my friends there, but they were kind of all there to watch. me hurt myself. I was so skinny and. covered in bruises, and I just locked. myself in this little tower, and I would. barely come out. And that is like But that was what I I. just.

I don't know. There's something quite. traditional in the sense that when I'm. like, "When I make this decision, it's. going to happen." I also just couldn't. give up that easily. Um cuz then obviously I went straight to. Burning Man. Then that happened. And I was like, "I can get sober." I'd. been to rehab before, but I'd focus more on trauma. And then I'd kind of dip back into. things. I was like, "If I don't you. know, the one thing I always told myself. was. cuz my mom did very heavy drugs. I was. like, "If I don't do meth or crack or. opiates, I'll be fine.". If you do enough of anything, it's just.

as bad. Um. which is really interesting, which is. why also I found it. I found it important not to talk about. what drugs I did. But then it's interesting the comments. that people make when they're like, you know, "Go back and do meth and die". and stuff like that. When I'm like, "Maybe I should have spoken about it. Why am I hiding?" Because also I want. people. I think especially getting sober, I. didn't see anyone else who did the same. drugs I did. And I was always like,

"Maybe they do Adderall, and that's. alcohol and opiates." And I don't. When you find someone who has a similar. thing to you, it's like finding like a. long-lost sibling in a way, cuz you're. like, "You're running from a similar. thing. There's a similar torsion there. There's a similar. the battle of it feels the same. So I. felt it was necessary to to talk about. it today, I think, which I've never done. before. >> Well, I really respect that, too. >> But the fact that I was But people. always thought that I was on such crazy.

drugs. I was like, a lot of those times. though, I was so manic. And also, I'm a super hyperactive. person. I don't drink coffee, and I am. just. It's a lot. >> [laughter]. >> How how does it feel to say it out loud? >> Nice. Nice, and I'm sweating though, for sure. >> [gasps]. >> But, it's nice. I don't. >> Is it like a relief? >> My my whole thing is is again, with this. stuff. people are going to take clips of what.

they want, and that's always going to be. what it is. But, I don't. I've made peace with it. And if I can. help people. anyone can say whatever they want. I. know what I've done. I'm happy with who. I am. I don't have any regrets. I love myself. I've stopped hurting. myself. I do sometimes still in ways. that I like. again, like dangerous seeking behavior. I'll push myself too hard or work out. It comes out in other ways. But also, to me, sobriety is not so. linear, like.

12-step really helped me, but that's not. what's been my saving grace, and I think. Yeah. I think the whole thing of sobriety and. the the shame and the guilt surrounding. it, I found really difficult. >> I can imagine that. I want to cuz I want. to ask you about that, but also. validating you in like so much of what. you were going through for so long, you. were saying you were hiding, and there. was this secrecy element, and there was.

this rationalizing you're talking about. in your head of like, well, I'm not. doing what my mom was doing. So, I'm. fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Right. And. then, it's almost like naming it allows. you to. own it in a sense, and be like, there. That is that is what it was, and I'm not. hiding from it at all. I'm not hiding. anymore, and I'm not going to hide from. it because there is also no shame, and. like, you're sitting here today, and. you're right, it really could help. someone who's sitting there being like. oh my god I. never thought that that could be.

addictive and I've been doing it too and. maybe I need to look at myself whatever. it is or it's just for yourself that. you're able to [ __ ] say it and move. forward with your life in a way that's. not shame and holding it back. Um I. think that's really beautiful but. getting sober um. also the element of being so public like. I can't help but think these videos and. these photos come out in one of your. worst moments. >> and I don't know why I do that and I. apologize it's cuz. it's so outrageous. I was wearing a.

Britney Spears t-shirt not that that. means anything but like it's it's so but. also like I'd seen that person I know. that girl so well. I had to look at her every day in the. mirror. So when everyone else saw I was like oh. oh that's scary to people. Oh [ __ ]. >> I see so you it wasn't even you're like. oh those are pictures of me and then. they did. >> I realized it was bad but. oh it was horrible the shame.

Oh the shame was really bad. Again that. was that part of myself that I hated and. I was hiding from everyone so for. everyone to see it it was like. [ __ ]. the jig's up. That still that person is still a part. of me though. Once you get sober that. that girl isn't gone she's here. She's pretty mean to me sometimes but I. made friends with her.

and she makes me want to be better and. gosh she's a stubborn [ __ ] sometimes. but my god yeah I mean you have to make. friends with that part of yourself. >> So much of your. the songs in the album is like is. talking about this part of your life. >> Yes. >> And. >> Never ending inspiration. >> Can you talk though cuz you just said. like you know it wasn't the 12-step. program for you like what was that. process for you like of getting sober.

and what really helped you? >> There's a narrative right about. addiction addiction that is uh. you know abstinence is the most. important thing and. uh it's very rigid. I don't do well with. that. But they also will tell you you know. addicts always think they're different. You're always going to think you are the. one that's going to cheat the system and. da da da da for sure I feel that way. I know it's not healthy. I know I have.

to combat that sometimes but I also know. that that system for me. hadn't worked in the past. Uh it didn't. uh there's a part of it where like. you know whether it's oh I've decided to. I'm going to try a microdose a mushroom. right? In previous iterations of. sobriety. that would take me down. That might my. count has gone back to zero again. I'm. not sober. I can't call myself a sober.

person. Then that cycle of guilt and. shame oh I'm done now. I'm not sober so. now I'm [ __ ] up and now I'm going to. do drugs was so strong and such a pull. that. I also like in my head when I'm told I. can't do something when I have the. option to go I could go have a beer. but I choose not to the power I have in. that. is something I would never realize I. could get. And like I love people doing drugs. Not.

that sounds like a crazy thing but I. love the culture. I love music. I love. festivals. I loved that part of going. into a bathroom with loads of people and. talking. So I still love doing that. I. just don't do the drugs cuz they don't. work for me. But I. the whole thing of like you cannot do. anything because this will happen and. this it was too. I would prefer to. I don't feel like they're mistakes, but. I would prefer. to tow a line of I'm not trying to walk.

an edge. I'm never trying to go back to. what I was doing. My priority is. clarity, sobriety to the utmost. and loving myself. And so I never want. to go back to that place. But I also think just pretending it. doesn't exist and never seeing it and. never doing it isn't how I get there. >> Giving yourself some grace. >> Yeah. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Tinder. Daddy gang, I was going through. my liked songs yesterday and it is crazy. to see how many eras of my life I have.

been through. There were some down bad. breakup songs. There are my happy and. love songs. There's my teen angsty music. still on there from high school. And. let's just say I've you know, I've had a. lot of phases, okay? You can tell a lot. about someone by what they're currently. listening to, which is where Tinder's. new music mode feature comes in. Now. with music mode, you can add your. favorite songs right to your profile and. easily connect with someone who actually. gets your taste. Tinder is making it.

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all the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download. Tinder today. This episode is brought to. you by Polymarket. So, everyone has that. one friend. That one friend that's like they knew. the couple was going to break up. They. called the surprise album drop. They. somehow knew who was getting cast on the. reality show before the announcement. even happened. Like we all have that. friend, right? And every time you ask. them how they knew, they're like, "I. don't know. I just Guys, like I just had. a feeling.".

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New entertainment and culture markets. are coming to the app every day. So, be. the first to trade on them using code. Daddy 50 d a d d y 50 to get $50 when. you deposit your first 20. Have fun. Love you guys. In your new single I forgot, you. describe. >> know how much I say I forgot without. knowing it now? And I say it every day. I'm like, I've got to stop. I forget a. lot apparently.

>> because you named your song that. I didn't know. >> [laughter]. >> Um and now you'll never forget. >> Never. >> Um. >> Never, never. >> how jarring it can be to experience. daily life while now sober. What were. some of the first things you noticed and. had to kind of confront as you really. started to wean off what you had been. using? >> Oh, I was just so fragile. I was so fragile and I. you know, another another point was that.

I I first started talking about me. getting sober. for American Vogue when I was in rehab. and having that conversation and being. like, "I'm going to be sober now. This is what. I'm doing and I'm going to do a Vogue. cover and that I'm going to talk about. it.". I was still. what I felt like was that I. was a baby. I you I feel like a a. newborn child but who can technically. talk and walk and feed themselves I. guess and hopefully change your. underwear but you don't. you are not. fully formed. Your brain is like.

Oh, yeah, a lot again I don't. when I was. I wrote a lot of that stuff in poetry. A. lot more of it was so intense when I was. using. So it wasn't as extreme. But you're just a raw nerve and that's. what that song is about. I don't feel. that way anymore, thank God. But I still. relate to it and I love that song. because. for me it's that thing of.

like that softness of a phrase and then. the whiplash of absolute distortion like. being slapped around the face with a. sonic boom. And that's what it felt like. being in my head and in my body. And. when you talked about like your head and. your your body syncing up again, it's. like my. my body and my head started to talk. again. But that's what the different sounds. were happening. It was just like. >> That's what you said in that Vogue.

piece. You said, "I hadn't uncovered the. [ __ ] hole inside, the real whirlpool. within.". Now, as you are that cuz that was in. 2023 and you're like, "I was basically a. baby deer walking around being like, guys, I know I'm saying I'm sober, but. like this is. >> Bambi all night with the feet [ __ ]. spread over. >> We're trying here. Um now it's like, what have you found inside of you that. had been repressed and waiting to be. uncovered of all of these wounds of.

childhood and repression and then you. just get famous so you don't have time. to think about it. Like, has anything. come up recently that you're like, "I've now been able to kind of tackle. this?". >> That is the first question. I'm like, I. It's a really interesting question in. the sense that you mean like. tackling things. uh that happened or that happened now or. that things I've learned about myself? >> Anything. Anything that you're like, "Oh. my god, I realized from childhood.

because I was never able to feel the way. that I da da da da da or. when I was using, I felt this and. >> Straight back to anger. >> Mhm. And where does the anger come from? >> I have a pit of anger in me. Because I. never expressed it and I I think yeah, when you grow up. loving someone who is sick and you can't. help them and. you would die to save them. And there's no reason for it. You have.

no one to blame. You can't really blame. them. You try, doesn't work. You just. hate yourself cuz they're sick. There is this [ __ ] anger that you. have that you're just angry against the. world. And. but then also angry at yourself for. feeling angry because you're like there. are so many people with so much worse. [ __ ]. in this world. How do I feel that it's. just It's that that cyclical thing. >> But anger is a secondary emotion.

>> But I also Well. >> underneath the anger, Cara? >> Oh, I don't know. I really love anger and my relationship. with it now. It is a secondary emotion, but I also. think. for me. it's like a fire. I need. it to come out. It doesn't have to be. anyone, but it has to come out in a. healthy way, otherwise I hurt myself. That's it. So. there isn't And look, I cry. I would. feel as much as I can, but there is.

something. I can't describe it. And it feels like. whatever stuff I had to deal with after. I was coming off of drugs. I would black out with with uh. Well, like a physical trauma thing. And. it came from this. I can't describe it. You just see red or. black and slide and I would wake up on. another side of a room. And it just. comes from this like. this repressed thing. And I think that's.

what the anger is. It's just the. repression of so long of. it's just that. But. with that comes so much. creativity and fire. And for this album too, like. I feel like I can be angry and funny and. sexy in a way that I like, not in like a. way for anyone else. And. every emotion that I was scared of, I now see as like an amazing gift, and I.

never had that. I was so scared of. feeling. >> Well, I think that's. >> Well, yeah, and it's like you're making. space for all these different emotions. that like you also weren't. able to feel while you were using. And I. I wrote that down the other single, obviously, out of my head, which is. great. I love it. It talks about these. intrusive thoughts and dissociation.

And. now having, you know, been living in. your sobriety, um. how are you managing these emotions on a. daily basis? Like what what have you. been able to process after coming out of. that kind of dissociating? >> That song's really interesting cuz it. was based on. the idea of being at dinner with a. family. Not mine, specifically, but maybe. Uh. but being at a dinner with people. and everyone's talking, but no one's.

saying the truth of what's really going. on underneath. And originally the song was called. Talking Heads because everyone's just. chatting and no one's really. [ __ ] saying it. And um. >> [clears throat]. >> And that song, for me, it was funny because changing it. to Out of My Head is something I. constantly am trying to do is get out of. my head and into my body, but people can. take it as I want to get [ __ ] which I. just like the dichotomy of that. Because. I also don't want this album to be like. this is a sober album, and people who.

have to listen to it really have to. understand Like I really. It's really interesting when I played it. to people cuz people think it's about. something completely different, which I. love that part about music. How do I. deal with it every day? It's really hard. sometimes. This period of time, the. couple of weeks have been a lot harder. than I've realized. Uh like. >> [clears throat]. >> I guess with. rehearsal starting, but then going to. the Met and Canne and everything else, and feeling like.

this music coming out and this live. shows is the most important thing that's. ever happened in my life. And I am. someone and I used to be someone that. used to go. "Well, this thing is my next goal, but. then that needs to happen." And and then. there's never enough. I. I don't I'm not going to say I don't. want I could die happy, but it is. everything has led me to this point. And. when I've done other things like movies. or cabaret on the West End or something,

there's other pressure on other people. to make it good. So, there's less pressure on you because. you're like, "Everyone needs the show to. be good, so it's going to be good." It. felt like it was way more on me, or I. was putting it on me, because no one. else. is going to be like, "It needs I mean, they are." But in the sense that I'm. like. >> You know, it's you. >> It's you. >> I'm doing this and I'm choosing to do. this to myself and I'm driving myself. crazy. Because the pressure I can put on myself.

is sometimes unmanageable. So, yeah. I mean, it takes a strain on. on my relationship, on like, you know, my incredible girlfriend has been so. supportive through this. I wouldn't have. been able to do this without her this. whole process. She's a musician. I was. so scared about what her reaction was. going to be. >> What was it? >> She was so incredible about it. I cried. It was so soon after I got out of rehab. And I remember every day I prayed. I. prayed to create something with this.

pain and to have. the clarity and the confidence and the. awareness and all of it to be able to. make something from it. And I didn't. want to name what it was, but I was. like, what what else would it be? Like, what else would it be? I write all this. stuff. I've done music my whole life. This is not new for me. This is always something I believed I. was going to do when I was older. I just. knew I couldn't do it until I had gotten. to this place of belief and. self-love. Um, but I remember crying to her in the.

shower and being like, I don't I don't. know what to do. But I have to do music, and I don't know. what you're going to say. And I think in. previous relationships. I'd had a thing of whether it be. competitiveness or, you know, some. people may not take that well if that's. their job or whatever. And. especially because in in so much of the. sense, like. and I'm sure many people will say this, I've had a leg up. This is I'm not. starting from scratch here in terms of.

music. People are going to listen to. this, they might listen to it because. they want to hate it. Fair enough, but. people are going to have eyes on it. more. That may be a gift, but it also might be. a curse. But in that sense, I'm starting with a. head start. And I never wanted to do this unless. I thought it was incredible. And I hate. saying that cuz I'm really not someone. that believes in like. or feels proud of myself, but I really. needed it to. so that if anyone bought this out, it. didn't matter that it would still be.

good and people would love it. Well, that's why it was so interesting. I was. reading all these different quotes. You. had once said this is your biggest fear. and your greatest love. You also said. you were scared to explore music for a. long time because you cared too much. what other people would think. >> Yeah. >> And now obviously we're hearing that. progression of you now have gotten to a. place where you're like, well, it is. [ __ ] perfect and I'm happy with it. So, you better like it. >> It's not even Oh, trust me, there are. notes. I still There's so many things I. would change, but. >> How long did you work on this? >> Directly, as soon as I got sober.

I said to my team at the time, I have to. get in the studio, and they were I'm. Sure, but like how So many people are. like you really have to want to do this. and I'm like I get it. I really need to. I don't know what it's going to be at. You know, I've had many iterations of. doing music and being in the studio. But again, I would mold myself into. whoever the producer wanted me to be and. I was like. Oh my god, I can do that or this and it. just never felt right. So I just started from the get-go and in. that first week of sessions, every.

single one of those songs is on this. album. That first week was so. Like the first song. is the mask which will come out and then. I don't know. It. Every day was one of these songs and. they were really heavy. Those first. group of songs were really heavy. And over that period of time I was like. I was finding the joy in it. I was. finding my voice in it. I was trusting. my creative instinct more. I don't know. It's definitely not. perfect, but it. I could have.

I don't know. I didn't I wouldn't want. to change it now. I know how my head is. and I could have worked on it forever, of course. But yeah, it's been basically. since then and. I think doing cabaret really helped. You know, I'd never. I performed live before. But really singing no help with a mic. every night moving around and really. like. there's no hiding in that play. There's. no soft like pop star like. like timbre to your voice. You are.

[ __ ] belting and screaming and crying. and hitting yourself and I was like. Oh, I can I can I can be that nuts, but. I can do this for myself. Like that's. rad. >> I also I'm thinking about you sharing. this first yes with your girlfriend and. then did you do like a listening party. for friends and. >> No. >> No, no. >> No, Cara. So like has Margot Robbie. heard it yet? >> No. >> Yes. >> What? >> No, Margot's heard some.

People have had Listen, I'm not uh. until things are done as well. >> Okay. >> I also like. my girlfriend's incredible because she's. [ __ ] honest with me. And so I'd come. back and be like, "Look how good this. is." And she was like, So I was scared. I was scared, but I. needed that from her because also when. she would say something I would go, "No. No. Actually, I like how it goes. into like a weird time signature and. bends and sounds like you're being. slapped slapped around the head with a. distortion.".

But yeah, it it helped I've played songs. to people. I've sent people a video. >> Oh my god. >> But everyone says something so similar, which is it's just so you, but I didn't. expect what that would be. >> That's exactly what I said to you when. we sat down. >> you said, but also but that is literally. what everyone says and it's really That. is. as as an artist as I still find artist. say sometimes as a musician. Um. it is one of the nicest things you can. hear. >> Cuz I don't I said that to you. I was.

like, "I don't know like what should. Cara Delevigne sound like?" Because we. know your personality. >> Yeah. >> But I had no concept of how that would. translate into music. And I remember. pressing play and being like, >> Huh? >> "This is incredible." And it you like. take us on a ride that it was so. unpredictable and yet so now in. hindsight predictable to who you are. that it all makes sense. Um but it was. so unexpected in the best way because. again we had nothing to pull from. We.

had no. >> No. >> Okay, so we have two singles. I forgot and out of my head. They'll be. coming out. Then I heard. that maybe you're down. to give us a little sneak peek. >> Yeah. >> of another song. >> Yeah. >> Just play us a little something. >> Yeah. >> Can you give us any. >> Context? >> Yeah, context. >> Yeah. I'm. It's about my girlfriend. It's uh.

She is. one of the most She hates grand. gestures. She can I'm definitely one of those. people like write a song about me. Oh my. god, I would love like we're very. different in that sense. So, I wanted to piss her off in a cute. way by writing her love song. And. but it's also like Sorry, but this is a. love song. You know, it's like. apologizing for the fact that like. >> I can't help it. I love you so much. >> When did you first show it to her and. what was her reaction? >> Oh god, that's such a good point. I.

don't remember because it was so the. original iteration was not good enough. yet. And I knew if I had to play that to. her that like. that would be the first thing especially. if that song wasn't good enough that. she'd be like you can't. I'm so sorry, you can't put that out. So, I really it took me a while to. >> this is a good disgrace to our. relationship." Like don't you. >> Like please. I'm like, "Oh damn it." And. especially cuz she the worst part is. that she's like an incredible guitarist. Like I could listen to her play guitar. and sing forever. But in this. I play guitar for forever. I'm not.

I'm I'm fine. I'm fine at best. Listen, I'm still getting better. But like I've. decided in the show that I'm going to. like shred a guitar solo, which. again, the pressure. When we went to school together, she's. like just. the pressure of playing her any of this. music or playing in front [snorts] of. her. >> god. >> when she is like a phenom of a guitarist. makes me want to. die a little bit. >> Cry. Cry. >> But she supports this song. >> She really does. She loves it. >> And that's all that matters. Okay, play.

us a snippet. Come on. >> No, but also I can't help it. I love her. and she's going to have to deal with it. >> No, it's all very sweet. >> We're not asking about techniques today, you know. >> Why not? >> [laughter]. >> I thought that's what I was here for. Sex education, girls. Let's go. >> Cuz when you. >> [music]. >> kiss me, I GET. A LITTLE BIT CRAZY. >> [music]. >> BABY. BABY.

>> I LOVE YOU SAYING I'M SORRY THIS IS A. LOVE SONG. YOU'RE LIKE, "Hi babe, sorry. I'm sorry.". Cara. >> It's definitely the more poppy one, but. that's the thing about that is like all. the other songs are quite heavy and. about abusive relationships and. whatever. And that song I was like, "Oh, let's just go. >> Have fun. >> Yeah. >> Joy. >> Rad. >> Love. >> Love. >> It's so fun and I love that you did that. for her where you're like, you have no. choice. I'm sorry. I'm I'm writing you a. love song. Take it or leave it, but it's. going to be in the album. It's so.

incredible and I'm so excited for you. I. can feel your like genuine passion and I. feel like you're right. Like we've seen. you do so many different things. obviously throughout your career, but. this to see how you talked about. obviously modeling and you're so. grateful for everything it gave you, but. the amount that you are passionate about. music, I think hearing your whole life. story, it's like you've been kind of. waiting to find you and your thing.

And it feels like that. is this, which is really beautiful. >> It's like a perfect little crossroads. cuz also. the music industry is not easy. You have to really want to do it and I. really. I. again kind of like writing that song, I. didn't have it I don't have a choice. Like it is where my heart is, it is. where my head is. I can't. there is nothing else I can do right. now. I don't know how to describe that. >> And you're about to go on stage tonight. Are you. >> No, don't.

I have to transition into like. >> Yeah, yeah. >> It's freaking me out, but yeah, no, it's. going to be fine. >> You're going to be fine. You're going to. be completely fine. >> cuz the show's called getting my [ __ ]. together and so but also I was like I'm. not going to invite anyone I know and. I've invited people I know. >> Everyone that you know. >> And now I'm like, what am I. >> Cuz it's harder to do things in front of. people you know. >> Yeah. >> Like if you were playing that song in. front of like a bunch of I'm a random, right? >> nervous of playing that song just now, and I'm not even seeing I'm sat here. >> No, but because now we know each other. more. But like if you're playing it for. random, you're like take it or leave it. >> Yeah. >> The people you're friends with, you're.

like don't look me in the eyes. >> No, don't I can't I played it to two of. my friends who. two of my like oldest friends, well, my. oldest friend and her girlfriend. Her. fiance, I should say. But it was just. two of them in the studio and the lights. are pitch black and all I I couldn't. even look at them. I couldn't open my. eyes. And I look over and my friend's. just sobbing and my friend doesn't cry. and I was like Oh my god, that makes it. even worse. What am I meant to do? >> Cora. >> It's you're going to be amazing. You're. going to be so amazing. This album is. going to be amazing. I can't wait for.

you. I'm so excited for you. I think so. much of what you've gone through in your. life, it's really inspiring to see how. you are sitting here today and what you. have done with every aspect of your life. and your career and how you've kind of. like molded all together to make it be. your purpose essentially. It's really, really inspiring and I think so many. people are going to love your story. They're going to love the music and. they're going to love the music video. We got budget, baby. >> Girl, we got budget. >> Girl, we got budget.

>> I had to do on that one. >> Um no, seriously, thank you so much. >> just wanted to say thank you. I really. love what you do and what you stand for. I think it's incredible. So to be on. here and talking about this. was a very big deal. I was honestly more. nervous about it than I was about doing. the show tonight. But I also love the. fact that. finally coming and talking to you now. feels like the right time. And also for anyone who feels stuck in. their life, like. I'm not saying sobriety is for everyone,

but what it did for me, obviously I had. definitely have more of a problem than. most people do, but what it can do just. because the society we we in. we are so. filled with so much information and pain. and so aware of what's going on in the. world that escaping and numbing is so. easy and so whether people have a. problem or not escaping is always a. problem. So to be able to. get sober with your friends even if it. is for a period of time or whatever is. never a bad thing but it also doesn't.

have to be perfect and also any sort of. creative endeavor or any endeavor that. makes you uncomfortable will always. allow you to grow and if you are ever. stagnant just keep moving in that sense. so. Oh girl. wide mouth open. >> [laughter]. >> done done. Um thank you so much for coming to. Daddy. >> [music]. [music].