Breakup Bootcamp (Full Episode)

What is up, daddy gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. >> Hello, Daddy gang. Welcome back to. another episode of Call Her Daddy. I. just wanted to start out by saying thank. you to everyone who watched and listened. to my last solo episode about choosing. the right partner. I am so happy that so. many of you resonated with that one. A.

lot of you also reached out to me saying. that the episode made you realize that. you are in fact not with the right. person. I got a lot of DMs that started. to sound very similar. Like, you know, Alex, I don't think I'm with the right. guy, but I'm also scared to lose this. person. I'm scared to be alone. I don't. want to go through with the breakup and. have to start over and so on. Um, and so. first thing I want to do is like. validate you today because I know that. breakups firsthand are so hard and a.

really big deal. And it can sometimes I. get be easy for me to just sit here and. joke around and be like, "Oh my god, [ __ ] dump him. Like we don't need him. Like he's not [ __ ] Like he doesn't. match your standards and he doesn't. respect you and all this." But in. reality, I do know that relationships. are such a huge huge part of our lives. and ending a long-term relationship is a. very big decision and it is extremely.

emotional and draining. So, the reason I. wanted to talk more about this today is. because I actually think we need to. reframe how we look at breakups. Yes, they absolutely suck. I'm not going to. sugarcoat that. Breakups can take you to. some really dark and hard places, but I. really do think they are also necessary. in getting you closer to what's actually.

meant for you, right? You can learn so. much from yourself from a breakup. They. can end up being extremely important, transformative periods of your life. When a relationship ends, that just. means that there is a lesson you still. need to learn before you're able to. choose and find that right partner. And. if done right, a breakup can completely. redirect your life into something so. much better. But I also get that there's so much.

fear, right, that comes along with. realizing you need to end a. relationship. It can seem like you're. completely losing the version of your. future that you thought you were heading. towards. The marriage, the house, vacations, kids, whatever you were. looking forward to with this person, you now need to accept that you aren't. heading down the path that you pictured. and fantasized about and dreamt about. And sometimes that can make it feel like. you're failing when a relationship ends.

Sometimes it's not even about the person. and actually losing them. It's also just. it's mostly about. the idea of everything that you were. building towards. And I just want to say the reality. actually is is that you are succeeding. at moving into a healthier stage in your. life. If you are having to go through a. breakup that was not meant for you and. you have to believe you're moving. towards something healthier. But again, I know when we're in the. thick of it, it is really hard to feel.

like something good is waiting on the. other side. We always have our friends. being like, "Girl, it's gonna get. better." And your parents are like, "It's gonna get better." And you say the. same thing to your friends when they're. going through it. But when it is you, it. is so hard to see the light at the end. of the tunnel. And I also think that we. can [ __ ] ourselves over with worrying. about what other people are going to. think about our relationship ending. And. it's sucks to admit, but it's true. I. think it can be really overwhelming.

wondering, you know, how is their family going to. take it? How is their mom going to take. it? How are his friends going to react? Will people in my life be disappointed. or mad? Like, that's a legit fear, right? It's this huge mental load. because society still puts so much. pressure on women specifically to be in. relationships. And it's really scary to. feel like you're not hitting an. expectation. But I am here to remind you, Daddy Gang, that you have to remember, no one else.

has to live with your choices but you. After a breakup, people are going to. make dumb comments like, "Oh my god, you. guys were so cute together." Or like, "Oh my god, I'm going to be honest. Like, I [ __ ] hated that guy. Thank. god he's gone." Either way, you're going. to get in your head and start spiraling. if you put too much weight on how other. people are viewing your situation. The. truth is, and I hate to say it, but no. one actually cares. No one cares as much.

as you think they do because a decision. on your relationship only actually. affects your life. The only thing that you need to do when. it comes to thinking about other people. is remind yourself that they're on their. own path and it doesn't need to look. like your life, right? What they're up. to doesn't really impact you. So, every breakup that I've been through, I. now, again, emphasis on now, can look. back today and be like, seriously, thank.

God that didn't work out. And I have. been through some pretty rough and. heartbreaking breakups. In my worst. breakup, I was completely blindsided. I remember feeling like the rug was just. ripped from out under me on everything I. had pictured for my future life. I can. quickly tell the story. If you are OG. Daddy Gang, you probably already know. this one, but um so one of yeah the.

worst breakup of my life, it happened in. my early 20s when I was living in New. York City after college and I was living. with my boyfriend. We were super in. love, or so [snorts] I thought, and we. were always talking about the future and. marriage and kids and where we wanted to. buy a house. And. at that time, we were so deeply. ingrained in each other's lives. Like.

you guys know how it goes. My friends. were his friends. His friends were my. friends. All of our free time was spent. together. And because of that, understandably, I truly couldn't imagine a life without. this person in it. And then I found out that he. was cheating on me. And I still was willing to try to work.

through it because again, I just. couldn't see a future for myself that he. didn't exist in. He was my complete life. at that point. So, we did couples therapy. We went to like. one [ __ ] session. and. I could see that he wasn't really. going to fully take accountability. And. so I kind of ended up like taking the.

blame of like, well, I could have done. this better and I could have done this. and maybe that's what drove you to feel. that way. And I just tried to make it. work. And I was essentially willing to do. anything even though in my gut I knew. this relationship wasn't working. But it's hard again to see when you're. in it. And you'll put up with things. that once you get out you wouldn't put. up with. But when you're in it, it's. really hard to be objective with.

yourself. And then one day, I will never. forget this. It was a gorgeous fall. Saturday in New York. My best friend was. in town and I told my boyfriend that I. was going to take her around and we were. just going to go around the city and. have like a fun little girls day. and we. kissed goodbye. All was fine. I headed out. I didn't. hear from him all day, but I wasn't too. concerned. And then when I got back to our.

apartment, as I walked into our lobby, my doorman stopped me and he looked at. me and he said, "Alex, I'm so sorry, but you're not allowed to go upstairs.". I was like, "Wait, I'm sorry. Like, I I. live here. Like, what do you I live. here." Like I was so confused. I'm like, "What do you mean I can't go upstairs?

Like all of my stuff is upstairs. My. life is up there. I'm just trying to go. home to my apartment. Like what is going. on?" And. before I could get any answers, he just. proceeded to lead me towards. a storage closet. And inside. were. garbage bags. just a bunch of garbage bags filled with.

all of my clothes, all of my belongings, everything I owned, laptops, cards, everything had been thrown into garbage. bags and tossed out of my apartment. And when I tried to call my boyfriend. and figure out what was going on, I got. no response. He was completely ghosting. me. and he essentially ended our. relationship without even having the. breakup conversation. I remember I went.

onto social media that day to see if I. could even just like figure out where he. was and he was at a football game. [laughter]. with his friends drinking beers. He's at. the Giants game. I was like, "Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm. fucked." And I'm like sitting on the. side of the road with garbage bags. calling my parents like begging them to. come pick me up and help me because I'm. like I don't know what to do. I literally in that moment remember. tears coming down but also feeling numb.

but confused and scared and all the. things. And I remember just like I. literally thought my life was [ __ ]. over. I was so lost after this happened to me. I felt so discarded and disrespected. Like, wait, you cheated. I agreed to. stay and try to make it work. And now. out of random, you're just you're done. And so, I had no apartment, no boyfriend. It was like everything in.

my life that gave me a sense of. stability just suddenly was ripped from. out under me. And it's so crazy to think now I'm. sitting here almost 10 years later and I. am so grateful that all of that. happened. Yes, I was heartbroken. I was. embarrassed. I was devastated. But I was. also forced to.

literally pick myself up off the side of. the road, get my [ __ ] together, and really look at myself and look. inward. After I got broken up with, I needed to. figure out what I actually wanted out of. life. And had this not happened, I probably would have continued trying. to make it work with this guy and would. have sacrificed parts of myself to just. preserve what was left of the.

relationship. I know it wouldn't have. lasted forever, right? But it probably. could have kept going. And I felt without a doubt rock bottom. cuz I had completely. merged my identity with this person. I. was relying on this person. It it was. just it had just gotten so toxic. And. even though it felt rock bottom, I got through it. I got a shitty little.

apartment that I rented for a couple. months off of Facebook Marketplace. I. started figuring out what actually made. me happy. And. guess what that directly led me to? Right after that breakup, I went on to. Star Caller Daddy. So, like. if I really look back, I want to send.

all of those [ __ ] flowers that made. that breakup happen and be like, "Kisses, thank God. Thank you so [ __ ] much.". Like, getting dumped set sent me on a. complete new path that changed my life. for the better. In the moment, I was. like, I'm I actually feel like I'm going. to die. And meanwhile, little did I. [ __ ] know, I didn't see any of that. at the time. I wouldn't have believed. that things were going to get better. My. mom kept saying it's going to get. better. I was like, "You don't get it.

You don't get it." Because after. something flips your whole life upside. down, understandably, it can feel. impossible to move on. But daddy gang, listen to me when I say I promise you, you can. get through it. If you know your relationship is coming. to an end or maybe you're fresh out of a. breakup and you're struggling with how. to cope, this episode is about to be for you. Okay. Today I want to share some breakup.

wisdom. Whether you are the one who's. doing the dumping or the one who just. got dumped, we've got you. What? We Who's we? What are you talking. about, Alex? I thought this is another. solo. No honey, we I am not going to do. this whole episode alone. There is one. girl who has been by my side for all of. my terrible breakups and I have been.

there through all of hers. So, Daddy. Gang, make some [ __ ] noise for. Lauren. Hi, Lauren. Call her Daddy is. brought to you by Tinder. All right, let's talk about Tinder. Or better yet, let's talk [music] about the early days. euphoria that comes with having a new. crush. The kind of crush where you've. been maybe down bad, but in the best. way. Okay, you cannot stop thinking. about them. Every single song reminds. you of them and you are making up.

scenarios about them in your head. There's kind of nothing better, right? Well, amazing news. That crush feeling. is waiting for you on Tinder. Like. literally right now, you have no idea. what is out there unless you start. looking. and Daddy Gang. The. possibilities are endless. Once you have. a crush, even the most mundane moments. become beyond monumental. It is time to. find the person who makes your entire. day better by simply just texting you, "Hey," with a smiley face. You deserve.

it. Okay, we all know there's no better. feeling. And finding a new crush is. easier than you think. Thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for. yourself. Tinder, it starts with a. swipe. Download Tinder today. Okay, Lauren, welcome to Call Her Daddy. >> Thank you. I've never been invited to. podcast in this studio before. >> I know. I. I think it's time. >> You deserve [laughter] it. This This. means literally nothing. We were just. saying like, "Oh, I feel like we This is.

a more serious topic and let's really. like do a full interview conversation. style." Um, okay. Yeah. So, you heard my. breakup story. >> Yeah. Every time you say it, it's always. like, >> damn. Like, I forgot that happened. >> And I can't believe that happened. And I. was literally there for it. >> No, you guys, not only were you there. for it, but I have it ingrained in my. mind that when I was going through that. breakup and I found that random cuz this. is before Lauren and I lived together. I. found that like random spot that I got. for 2 months and I called you. You came.

over cuz you were living in New Jersey. Yeah, I was living in Hoboken. And she. comes over and I'm I all I have in this. place that I rent for like get for the. night is this like mattress on the. floor. >> Yeah. Cuz you were doing like a. subletter situation with like random. roommates. >> Yes. And I like roll up. We've got the. mattress on the ground and I remember. Lauren's looking at me and she's like, "Let's go get a sandwich." And so we. walk to this deli. We get a bunch of. like [ __ ] food. We go back. We both like. lay on my mattress and I just cry in.

your arms. >> I think that's what we did that night. though. >> That's what we did. We just slept and. cried and you were like, "Dear, dear, dear Alex." Meanwhile, you're like, "Who. didn't see this one coming?" But again, I think that's like the perspective of a. friend versus the person in it cuz. you've been through breakups, too. And. it's like when the person is going. through it, the friends in the back of. their head are a little bit like, "I. knew this was coming most of the time.". >> Yeah. But I wasn't saying that to you. that night at all. You were like, "This. is horrible. How dare he?". >> Like, oh my god, I didn't see it coming. like I can't believe like you're. probably so like I was not telling you.

like Alex like you needed to get out. like you don't it was too early for. that. >> No no no and I think what's so weird. about breakups is like I've been the. person that's done the breaking up and. I've been broken up with and both sting. so much. So Lauren, why don't you take. us through this conversation today? Really lead us in. So, I have like a few. things that I like topics that I want to. talk about that I think apply to both. whether you're breaking up or getting. broken up with. Um, and the first one I. want to talk about is the closure.

conversation and kind of hear your. thoughts on when you think closure is. necessary, when to have the. conversation, what to say in the. conversation, and kind of both of our. experiences with it. But let's start. because I even have more questions about. this with your breakup you just. described. So, can you like take it me. through and talk about like when you had. that first conversation? Talk to me. about that. >> Yeah. Well, that's interesting of like. when you deserve closure cuz I think my. first reaction goes to this is a pretty.

perfect example because I think you. deserve closure when you're blindsided, right? Like I was completely blindsided. so it was like no, no, no. you now. cannot disappear off the face of the. earth and just never give me an. explanation as to why this is happening. Especially since he was the one that. cheated. I was like, wait, I've put in. so much work. Like, if anything, I. should be the one breaking up with you. Like, what the [ __ ] So, yeah, it was. pretty brutal. I didn't hear from him. I. again, and this is like 10 years ago, so. this is just like from what I remember.

is about a couple days went by and then. I got an email from him. >> I forgot about that. I know that email I. think I remember I will never forget. like the [ __ ] subject line was like. hypocrite and I was like oh hello but I. like saw his name so I was like happy. and also terrified and we then went back. and forth on email for about 24 hours. and it started with him being like super. nasty and it was clear that like his. friends had gotten into his head and. then slowly it got to him being like.

I've never been more miserable. I miss. you so much. And that really [ __ ] with. my head because as hard as a breakup is, for those 72 hours, I was slowly trying. to, like I said, pick myself up off the. side of the road and really start to. like repair. I was in no way, shape, or. form ready to completely be like, "All. right, I'm back on my feet." But you. start to grieve. So then for him to come. back and be like, "I miss you." was so. disorienting.

But I think I also clung to it because. it felt like. it I don't know. It felt like why. wouldn't I take that, right? Like I was. angry, but I also when you're angry at. the person that's breaking up with you, there's also a part of you that's like. but they also were the closest person to. you in your life. So I was kind of like. wanting to get. >> That's what I was going to ask. That. first like conversation that you guys. had going into that, were you hoping to. get back together? I think I was just. looking for some form of I know this is.

[ __ ] up to say, but like closure in. the concept of like somewhat getting my. power back. I felt so embarrassed and. hurt that I felt like. >> when he was telling me that he loved me. and like he was I remember him like. texting me after we transitioned and he. unblocked me um and we got back to. texting, he was like, "I'm still your. person, right?" And so imagine the mind. [ __ ] which I think we should get into. today, is like, I'm looking for closure, but he's still saying, "I love you. You're still my person." So it's like, "But why did then did you break up with.

me?" And he I think he kind of was. unresolved in what he wanted. And so it. made it really, really hard on me. And. so the closure ended up lasting for like. 3 months. We ended up. >> ongoing conversations. >> ongoing. >> like trying to get back together just. trying to like figure out like. >> are we making the right decision? Is. this really over? >> I think that was like I think a part of. us knew it was over. >> but then we wanted to like see if we. could relive it for a second and maybe. like maybe we could make it work. And it.

was so clear that there was so much hurt. on my end of like you disrespected me. >> I mean he had publicly tweeted our. breakup. I guess when I look back, the. closure was not the closure I would. suggest for anyone listening is like you. should not allow closure to be that long. and to continue to be that long cuz. you're really only hurting yourself by. engaging in it. But who am I to say at. the same time because it's like well I. lived it and I did that. >> So that was going to be my next.

question. like now where you are and. like the experiences you have, the other. people you've dated, the therapy you've. done, what advice would you give now? >> Okay, so I think my biggest advice, which is really, really hard again and. I'm giving you the advice that I wish I. could have given myself, is like. trying to avoid getting so into the. weeds when you're having a breakup. conversation, when you're the person. that's getting broken up with. Because. for example, I remember saying to him. like, "We literally were like looking at.

houses in Westchester. We were talking. about getting a dog. Like we like what. do you mean?" So like how did this. happen? And so pausing right there, I'm. asking him like, "How were we talking. and planning our future and then you're. doing this to me?". That's like something I needed to work. on in therapy because what I now have. perspective on is I was asking those. things because my reality had just been. completely shifted and it was now. distorted and literally less than 10.

minutes ago at one point I was like, "Oh. my gosh, I wonder like what color we. should paint the walls of that house. that we're looking at to then all of a. sudden he's no longer in my life." But. asking the person like, "But so did you. not mean it about the Westchester. house?" No. Most of the times they do. mean it about the house and the planning. and everything, but something shifted. for them. And so getting so in the weeds. of like, okay, but what about when we. were looking for a dog? Did you know. then? You're only going to upset. yourself more. And they are not going to. give you the answer that you want. So.

try not to get so deep into like but. this this this this and just I think try. as hard as you can to stay more high. level about like do you have an idea of. like when you knew what is the biggest. factor for this and like was there. anything that we could have each done or. have you known this for a while like. it's pretty much that. >> and I think you can kind of get clarity. on like is this done done and like do. you see this is like completely not.

being fixable and like not holding on to. hope. And if you're the person doing the. breakup or initiating the closure. conversation, like not giving false. hope. >> No. And I think that that is one of the. biggest traps on both sides that people. get into because most of the time, even. if it's a nasty breakup, this is someone. that you were in love with, you sleep. with, you are building a life with. When. the person that's getting broken up with. looks at the person and it's like, "Wait, but wait, but like so this is.

it." I think the person that is doing. the breaking up, there's a part of them. that is like if they loved you at all is. trying to ease the blow in any capacity. >> You think it feels better if you're like. well like maybe there's a chance. sometime and it's like do not do that. That makes it worse. >> cuz it feels better. It's selfish. That. that is you being selfish. If you're the. one breaking up with someone and they. ask you if it's completely over and. you're like, "Well, maybe I don't know. Like, let's we just need some time." Do. not do that. Especially if you know. that's not your true answer because.

you're leading them on. And it actually. is so much [ __ ] better if you just. close the door. Like you guys, as I'm. saying this, I'm realizing, and we've. talked about this before, Lauren, like I. don't know who I am to be giving advice. I guess now because I like found a. relationship that is working and works. But I have never ever in the history of. all of my relationships ever been able. to do a clean break. I have never been. able to be like, "Okay, this is over. Goodbye." I have always lingered. Most.

of the time I'm the one that's doing the. breaking up except for that really that. tough one. We still lingered. When I've. been breaking up with people, >> I still am going back. They're coming. back and we're and it is so [ __ ]. messy. Again, I think it depends on what. point of your life you're at. Like, I. can sit here and tell my college. [ __ ] like, "Guys, don't do that.". Who am I [ __ ] kidding you? Are you. kidding? It's so hard. It's so fun. Like, it's so [ __ ] up to be like, "Oh. my god, [ __ ] then you see him in the. [ __ ] dining hall or you see him at. the frat party and then like you're. getting each other jealous." So, it's.

like. >> I don't want to also be like, you know, don't go back and have a clean cut. I if. you're engaging in a little less mature. relationships, I think that's normal. If. you're really talking about life. partner, marriage kind of [ __ ] you got. to close the [ __ ] door right then and. there. >> Kind of keeping on this like closure. conversation. >> Well, why don't I turn the tables on. you, you little [ __ ] Because Lauren, we lived a breakup of yours and you've. broken up with two people.

>> I've ended two serious relationships. >> Yes, you've ended. And. um you've gotten better. That's so funny. to say. Like you've gotten better at it. The first one I remember Lauren's like. going to my. >> to call your mom that morning. I'm. breaking up with my college boyfriend. We're living in New York City. >> And I'm like, look at me in the eyes. Not more than an hour. Okay. I know that. it's tempting cuz at that point you were. like, he's going to be so blindsided and. like I need to really ease in. And I was. like, not more than an hour. I'm not. [ __ ] kidding you. I think it's five.

hours later. I'm looking at your. location being like, "They're getting. back together. They're getting back. together or something's happening." Talk. to me about that breakup of how you. handled that conversation and like any. advice you have for people or like. learnings you had from that. >> I think like my biggest thing that I. went into that one with was I was going. to lead with like we were just going to. sit down. I was just going to lead with. the line, I'm sorry, I'm not in love. with you and I'm breaking up with you. >> We practiced it so many times. I was. like, "Okay, we add a little bit more. emotion." She was like literally I.

remember telling Lauren, "You have to. let him know you're not in love with him. anymore." And Lauren was like, "Okay, I'm not in love with you." And I'm I'm. like, Lauren, Lauren can be so like. analytical that I was like, "No, no, no, no." Like like welt up a little tear. I'm like, Lauren, >> well, the whole like thinking behind it. was that like we weren't sure if I was. going to get literally anything else. across. So, I'm like, I just need to. like rip the band-aid off immediately. and lead with that line. So, it was. >> Why did we think that? >> I wasn't in therapy then. I don't know. I was kind of like avoidant. I don't. know what we thought, but we were just. like, I need to get in there, sit down,

look him in the eyes, and say, "I'm. sorry. I'm not in love with you, and I'm. breaking up with you.". >> Wait, I'm literally listening to us, and. I'm like, "That is horrible." [laughter]. We were like, we thought we were so. locked in. We were like, "Rehearse it. again. Wait, one more time." She's. walking out the door. I'm like, "One. more time." She's like, "I'm not in love. with you." I'm like, "Oh, man. It's. going to be great." That is not the way. [laughter] to. >> No, I was going to say I actually have a. different opinion on that now. >> Okay. Because one of the things I had. written, one of the things I had written. down was when you're breaking up with.

someone, can you say like, "I still love. you. Is that [ __ ] up?" And if you're. getting broken up with, can you ask. like, "Do you still love me?" And if. they say yes, like. >> what does that mean? >> Two things. Number one, if you're. getting broken up with, I will actually. [ __ ] punch you in the head. If you're. like, "But do you still love me?" Shut. the [ __ ] up, [laughter]. girl. Take the [ __ ] L and your pride. >> Okay. Actually, though, you feel that. way, >> Lauren. What do you mean? If someone is. like, I don't want to. >> like we've been dating for like 5 years. and like I thought we were about to get.

married and like you're breaking up with. me. I can't be like, "So, do you not. love me anymore?" Oh my god, I just said. that. [laughter]. >> Do you see how crazy and delusional that. is? It's like, does it matter? He's. breaking up with you. >> Okay. So, if you're getting broken up. with, don't ask. Do you So, it's so. interesting. >> But if you're breaking up with someone, because now I have thoughts on this, but. I'm going to hear your thoughts first. If you're breaking up with someone, can. you say like, "I still love you.". >> Okay. First of all, I just want to be. clear. Clearly, we're not We haven't had.

the best track record with this. >> No, my second one was better. I spent I. spent thousands of dollars in therapy. preparing for that breakup. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But still, we. could have done better. Um we listen. Oh, we did plan that one. We're getting. to that. But for this, I think I'm want. to be clear. I'm saying don't do that. I'm not saying I haven't done it or I. like I get it. It can happen if you're. like, "But do you still love me?". Because I think it's a natural thing of. like maybe it's your only hope left of. being like, "Wait, this part of this was. real, right?". >> And again,

>> that goes to the person getting broken. up with. You're trying to find some. semblance of like your reality and. you're trying to ground yourself in. like, "I just got [ __ ] whiplash out. of this thing. This has been my life. Now it's not. Hold on. Give me one more. soul of like hope that I wasn't [ __ ]. missing everything.". >> And I'm not like crazy. Like am I just. like a dumbass blind? Like. >> yes. But to answer that, I think that it. is not appropriate to say, "I'm still in love with you.".

I think that's beyond inappropriate. If. you're breaking up with someone and. saying, "I don't want to spend the rest. of my life with you anymore. This isn't. going to work out, but I'm still madly. in love with you." Oh, okay, Fernando. Well, what do I do with that? Like, [laughter] awesome. Should we go to. dinner? like like okay and then because. that's that's where the person getting. broken up with and you've seen the. movies where they're kind of like. so are you still coming to my cousin's. wedding with me this weekend like what. are we doing? I think that you can say.

I still have love for you and I will. always like feel love towards you but I. just think cuz you cannot be madly in. love with someone. >> and be like I'm leaving you unless what. I talked about the other week was like I. am madly in love with you but you don't. want kids and I do and so like I have to. leave for myself and for you. This is. not that if it's a very specific. Baby, if you're just like, "Oh, it ain't.

working, but like so obsessed with you.". [laughter] Like, where do we go? Do you. disagree? You disagree? >> No, I ag I No, this is the evolution. from breakup one to break up two for me. Breakup one, like I wasn't in love with. him. I still had love for him just. because there was so much history there. >> And I think you said I I like of course. I still love you. No, for some reason in. my head we drilled it in that I have to. go in there and say I'm not in love with. you. You were like, "You disgust me.".

He's like, "Wait, what?" You're like, "I. don't know why I just in my mind I was. like, if I even say like I have love for. you, like that's misleading.". >> You know what I think it was? And this. is why that one was really difficult is. because. the length of it. >> Yes. >> Seven [ __ ] years. I mean, that's. where most marriages. Like I needed to. like go in and be like. >> we outy. [laughter] We [ __ ] gone. >> We need a hard break. >> So yeah, that's true. I think we thought. he was going to like fight you a little. bit on that. We were worried he was.

going to be like Lauren, calm down. Like. hold on and talk you lightly out of it. in a way that you were like, "Oh, I'll. fully get talked out of it. I'll stay. another year." Cuz you had already been. [laughter]. >> you would [gasps] already. stay five extra. >> Just going to say for context. [laughter]. For context, we knew by about like year. two and then all of a sudden she's. hitting year seven and she's like what's. another [laughter]. year? So I was like you will not get. talked out of this. >> That's why we have. >> that's why I went down and laid the.

hammer down. >> Okay. So any learnings from that. breakup? >> I think my breakup one was cold. >> Yeah. As cold as I. >> So breakup two. I was in a very different place in life. I'd been through therapy. This was a. much more mature relationship. >> Let's talk about this. So, I think. something I was thinking about the other. day, like knowing we were going to like. talk about this when I was living with. him and we were having these. very like everything on the table. conversations acknowledging like, can we.

make this work? Is there compromise. here? Are these differences too big to. move forward? And when we were living. together and like just in this house. that we both lived in and that kind of. represented like us trying to like have. this adult relationship and like look to. the future. I just like couldn't get. myself to end it and like couldn't. really picture ending it. And then I we. were going on tour for like tour two and. I came out to LA to do rehearsals for.

like a few weeks with you and like. getting out of our shared space and kind. of just having time away and it was at. the point where we were having those. like every single night those like. exhausting conversations where you wake. up like I'm so like emotionally. exhausted like I can't see straight like. I don't even have the energy to like. >> you guys were liter It wasn't even like. fighting. >> It was just like we were hitting such. walls because we just wanted such. different things and I was just so.

emotionally exhausted and like also like. confused that it took me like physically. leaving our shared space and like. >> not that like I got to LA and you sat. you didn't like sit me down and be like. you need to leave or like anything like. that. It was just I think the act of. like which is my advice for people. If. you're in something like I just. described where you feel like you're in. this cycle and like we just keep hitting. the same dead end over and over and over. and you have that gut feeling. You're.

just like I know and I think but you. wake up and like you're kind of. oscillating like you go to sleep knowing. you want to do it then you wake up and. you see them and you're like but wait do. I? It just made like the world of. difference getting out of our shared. space, having a week away, and then I. literally I remember it. I woke up, you. had we hadn't really talked about. anything. I woke up, we sat at the. breakfast table, and I was just like, "Alex, I need to end my relationship.". And you were kind of like, "Wait, what?". Yeah, I remember that, too, because I.

remember where again, we had gotten to. that point where you. were so drained. And I agree with you. I. think had you been not able to get away, I think that it probably would have gone. on longer. >> Oh, I know for a fact. >> Literally, Daddy Gang, even if you go. away for a girls trip, if you go stay. with your parents, >> go home for a weekend, like ask your. friend like, "Can I sleep over a night. or two?" And just like. >> clear your head cuz I agree with you. You were like, "But then we're like have.

we had a nice dinner.". >> Yeah. >> So then like does that mean I should. stay? And it's like when you're in the. weeds again of like life and then you. have these moments where you're it. starts to kind of [ __ ] with you because. you have one little good moment. >> and then you can be like, "Okay, I can. push it off." No, maybe it is. >> There was still love there. So that like. you're saying was what was confusing. Like we'd have this fight and like be. crying and being like, "Can we make it. work?" And then the next morning we'd be. laughing over breakfast and I'd be like, "I'm so [ __ ] confused." This is an ad.

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at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's betterh lp.com/daddy. Call her daddy is brought to you by. Pelaton. For me, this time of year always feels. like everything's happening at once, right? you're planning holiday launches. at work and you know you're heading to. dinners at your in-laws and somehow the. thing that actually that you want to do. for yourself it kind of ends up at the.

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doing it right anymore, and you can just. focus on your workout instead. Thank. god. And with the swivel screen, you can. go from a 45 minute run to a 5 minute. stretch in one quick spin. Whether I. want to run, whether I'm lifting, or I. just want to squeeze something in really. quick before work or dinner, there's. always a class that matches my mood, I. don't get bored, and that's why I keep. showing up. Plus, Pelon IQ builds. personalized plans and class.

recommendations based on my goals so I. can stay on track and see results. faster. Daddy gang, let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the. new Pelaton crossraining tread plus at. onepelon.com. >> And so you do it on tour. >> Yeah. >> It went as good as it could go. >> Yeah. >> Now let's fast forward to closure. Talk. to me about that part cuz you ended up. going back and seeing him and going back. to your shared space because you had to.

get your [ __ ] I think like the main. driving force of the closure. conversation was like logistic based. because we live together and we needed. to figure out like when I was moving out. what how we were dividing up all the. stuff and the furniture. So that was. like the main reason that we were having. the closure conversation and I also kind. of just like opened the floor and was. like. >> you didn't ask a single question really. during the breakup. So, like if you need. me to answer anything or explain. anything during the closure.

conversation, like I'm open to do that. >> That's really nice. >> Um, >> most people wouldn't do that. That's. really nice. >> Oh, thank you. I mean, I cared about. him. >> Totally. So, I think overall closure. conversations. a lot of times I've learned don't go in. asking for the weeds. Don't ask all. these qu you can ask a couple questions, but at the end of the day, most of the. closure is going to come from within. yourself. Um, after closure, without a doubt, something that I failed. at, but we should talk about now that.

I'm reformed. Um, is no contact. Let's. talk about no contact. Warren, how are. your thoughts on it? Have you been able. to achieve it? Cuz we know I didn't. Tell me. >> I think if someone were to ask me and. say like, what if you can give one piece. of a breakup advice, what would it be? without a question, no contact. >> Yeah, I wish I could have done. [laughter] that ever. The the. self-restraint is.

impeccable over there. >> Oh, well, um, okay, I'm lied. So, I did. go no contact in theory in the sense. that like after the closure. conversation, we like never texted. I. didn't have social media at the time, so. like I had no easier. So, I had no. social media to follow him or anyone. And we like really didn't even have like. a mutual friend. So, like it was like no. contact and like I actually had like not. the slightest clue what he was up to. except I did this one like slightly.

creepy thing that was like my like. >> back door way into like a little bit of. contact. >> You don't come off as a creep. So, I'm. ready for whatever this [laughter] is. about to be. >> I don't think I'm normally a creep. I. think this was just like my one little. thing that. >> creeper mentality. Yeah. This is like my. one thing where I kind of like looked. back and I was like, "Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.". >> I mean, breakups can make you go [ __ ]. crazy. Okay, what did you do? >> Um, so the year prior for Christmas, I. got his parents one of those digital.

photo frames that you can control on the. phone app. So, I had the phone app for. his parents um photo frame and I still. like had the login was like Wi-Fi up to. date getting all the live time. So, the. photo frame app became like my social. media and I would just go in daily and. see what photos the family were. uploading to the family photo frame. I. watched him go to a a baseball game the.

week after we broke up. Uh, one of his. little cousin's birthdays was a few. weeks later. They looked pretty happy. there. >> And you're like waiting to see him pop. up with a new girl. >> New girl. >> How long did you do this, Lauren? >> Just like a month. And then I And then I. [laughter] was a month. And then I was. like And then I was like, I need to. delete this photo frame app. But I think. they maybe caught on because like you. can like see like the little bubbles. like who's in the app, like who's logged. into the photo frame. And I think they. saw me in there because they then like. really slowed the ropes on like the. amount of photos they were uploading.

>> [ __ ] creeper. They're like, I mean, Lauren's in here every [ __ ] day, 24. hours. That's. >> Yeah, that's going to do it. Um, that's. creep. That's creep mentality. But I. agree. >> That's like creeping on the family. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's that's like a different. level of creep. You're kind of like, "What's your dad up to?" And it's like, "Why do you care?" I think that that's. normal though, not that. >> to go on the person's photo family photo. frame. I think the curiosity when you know. someone's [ __ ] family and have been.

to family dinners and functions. It's. weird to just be like, "Okay, see you around or I guess I won't.". Like, it is an odd feeling to lose. essentially this new community that you. built into your life through this. person. It's an extension of your life. and then it gets completely cut off and. every weekend you were going and seeing. his family and now they're gone. you. kind of need to wean off, you know, and. so no contact can be a little difficult. because when you go cold turkey, you can.

start to have like the jitters of like, [laughter] oh my god, I think I'm like. I'm like it's it's too much. So I agree. I think social media plays that part. But my biggest advice for social media. was I remember when door number three. and I if you guys remember door number. three um we had a very serious. relationship and we. ended so cordially which is such a weird. >> it's almost harder. >> Oh it's horrible. >> Yeah. >> And we had a really tough breakup.

because we were long distance and we. decided it wasn't right. But then we. continued to follow each other on social. media because You could do it like. amicably because there was no bad blood. >> Yes. And then I would see him post or. post on his story and every single time. I saw his face pop up, I had either a. negative or positive reaction. Some days. I would be laying in bed and I would. miss him and then I'm seeing him on.

social and then I'm romanticizing and. then I'm going through our DMs. Sometimes I would see it but I'm on a. date with another guy and I'm like, why. am I looking at this [ __ ] And so. eventually I did unfollow him and I knew. it was the best decision, but it was. really difficult because I think as much. as I hate to admit this, we all take. social media followings and blockings. like the [ __ ] word of God. Like. people will be like, "You unfollowed me. Like are you're so [ __ ] immature.". Whatever that it's almost like a flex. like, "Oh no, like we can still follow.

each other and be cordial." And it's. like, please hear me, Daddy Gang, when I. say I would rather you have your now ex. get pissed at you temporarily to be. like, you're so immature that you can't. follow me. And then that be the one. conversation and then you keep moving. forward rather than you stay following. someone and you stay having to follow. your life. And listen, you're all like, "Well, you can just mute the person.". No, no, no. >> You can feel when you're following. someone. get this person out of your.

life. >> I so agree with that. >> I also think for no contact, something. that I would put into the category of no. contact, which is really, really, really, really hard, >> is I am someone who takes pride in the. amount that I save things. And prior to. being married, when I started Call Her. Daddy, it it was like almost validating. for me that I had kept all of my exes. and I conversation, all of our pictures,

all of our screenshots, and that it was. great content for Caller Daddy, and I. was like, I knew I needed this one day. But in hindsight, when you do break up. with someone, I really, really believe. that if you know in your heart that. you're never going to go back to this. person, you really should be deleting. your text messages with them. Because in. dark moments where you're in bed and. it's raining and you've got the notebook. on and you're crying, you're like, "What. did he say to me on December 15th?" Then. you go back to your text and you're. reading it and it's only hurting.

yourself because you're rereading a. reality that doesn't exist anymore and. you can trick yourself into being like, I missed that. I want that. But there's. a reason it ended. So I would say delete. the text. And I'm not saying you have to. delete the pictures, but put the. pictures on a computer or something that. are not hard. Yes. Because let me. [ __ ] tell you, as a girl that has. 500,000 photos on her phone, when I'm. scrolling and I'm like, "Oh, I need to. find that picture from 2020 and I'm. like,

>> or when your phone's like featured. photos of the day. >> and it's like you two cuddling and. you're like, "No, no, no." So, I think. delete. No contact though is hard. Let's. pivot into when you have a similar. friend group. >> Oh, I've been there. >> Yes. So have I. Let's talk about that. because so. when you do a breakup, the best success. you're going to have is if you can. literally cut off every single form of. everything and you act like this person. literally died. I know it's morbid, but.

that's the truth. Because you need to. start to like flush your system of this. person and that life that you had with. them. When you have a similar friend. group, it's close to impossible. And I. remember, so I had a boyfriend in. college that we were really serious. And. when we broke up and I broke up with. him, I remember being so resolute in. this decision. I knew at the bottom of. my heart I loved him so much as a friend. and I just didn't see us romantically.

lasting. But we were intertwined in. everything in college. And then I will. never forget I think the bar is shut. down now. It was called Tease back in. the day at BEu. We were all at Tease and. he shows up with a girl on the field. hockey team. And [clears throat] I am. like, "What is he doing?" And in my. head, I'm like, "He's still mine.". Meanwhile, it's like, "You broke up with. him, Alex. Let him go. He's with this. girl on the field hockey team, and I'm. really not proud of this." After like my.

like third shot, I remember being like, "I'm going to get him back tonight." And. I was so immature and I went up to him. and I ruined his good thing and I. seduced him into coming back with me and. we had sex. And in the morning I woke up. being like, why did I do that? It was. like my ego needed to like not let him. go even though I was the one who let him. go. But the proximity of seeing him with. another woman clouded my judgment so.

heavily in believing that I still wanted. him. But really, it was just jealousy. And all of these things led to I hurt. him because he woke up and he asked me, "So, what does this mean?" And in my. heart, I was like, "Fuck, this means. nothing.". >> And so, having similar friend groups, I. started to realize like, I need to stop. when I know he's going to that bar, go. to the a different [ __ ] bar that. night. the temporary annoyance of having. to pivot with my friends to go to.

different places was worth me able to. start to move on and him also being able. to move on more importantly. What do. what is your um friendship situation? >> Um. my solution is I think a little. unrealistic so I'll also give some like. realistic solutions. Um, but when I. broke up with my college boyfriend in. New York, we my whole New York friend. group was our college friend group. Like. we had like the most overlapping. possible friend group. And that's when I.

moved. That's when I was like, >> you were like a [ __ ] Audi [laughter]. [ __ ]. >> Oh yeah. So like, okay. Yeah. To. backtrack, >> she moved from New York to LA. Like. >> So that's when I sat down and I was. like, "Hey, so I'm breaking up with you. I'm not in love with you and in a week. I'm moving to LA." He was like, "Are you. going through an episode or [laughter]. something?". >> Like, I actually knew if I did not move. because our lives were so ingrained that. like there's no chance that I would have. stuck with the breakup. So, yes, I know. that everyone can't just break up with.

someone and pack up their life and move. I know that's not realistic, but I. really do think if you share a friend. group, you need to do like. >> at least one month of. >> it's going to be annoying, but like. being mindful of like we're not going to. go to the same things and like asking. your friends, asking people, do you know. if he's going to be there? Sorry, can. you find out if he's going to be there? Like don't just like do the thing where. you go in being like I don't think he's. going to be there. Like knowing he. probably will. And like cuz every time. you see them, it's just literally like. setting you back and setting you back.

And I also think like don't let it. become an ego thing where it's like well. these are my friends like he needs to be. the one to not come like no. >> And when alcohol is involved oh my god I. just feel like every time you go out and. you run into your ex and everyone's. drinking you're at bars or restaurants. or whatever it be really watch yourself. If you know you do have to randomly be. in a situation where you're going to be. with a recent ex. I think protect. yourself from like do not overindulge. maybe don't drink that night because the. minute you hit that second drink, he may.

start to look nice again or you're. looking for a fight, it's going to go. wrong. I agree with you though, Lauren. I think. >> this is probably one of the hardest. situations is when I mean, even if you. have a [ __ ] coworker, that's also. [ __ ] horrible. >> because when you go through a breakup, you're like, I want to lean into like. the social element to like distract. myself. So, it's so much harder when. you're like, >> oh, cool. Like, now I have to like. decide like is he going to be there? Am. I going to be there? it's given me less. social opportunities. >> I do think though something that I could.

give people advice for. >> if you are in that situation with a. friend group is being really open with. your friends because I do think. sometimes when you are the person that. you guys are both in the same friend. group, you both broke up, everyone's. kind of like, >> "Okay, we know you broke up, but like. we're now not going to like not go enjoy. our Saturday night because you guys. don't want us to all be together.". >> I think you can make that clear. Like. guys, I'm not asking you to pick sides. I just need you to help me because I. want to navigate this like the most. respectful way.

>> That's what I'm saying. I think you need. to have an honest conversation being. like, "Guys, I know this is really. annoying. Trust me, I didn't want this. Like, I really didn't want this. Like, I. I knew this had to happen for our. relationship, but I didn't want this to. impact the friend group. Unfortunately, this is my reality now, and I don't want. this to [ __ ] up your plans and. everything. I just need you guys, if you. don't mind, like just help me out a. little bit here in this transition." and. I know it's annoying and I love you guys. so much. I think just giving your. friends a little bit of that.

like just acknowledgement that you know. this is not ideal. >> and you don't want them to pick sides. >> at all. Oh, you know what else this. reminds me of? Kind of if you're. navigating I think if you're navigating. a shared friend group or you just have. like a few mutual mutual friends. >> Don't do the thing where you start like. sitting people down like so do you know. if he's going on any dates recently like. oh like do you know what he's up to? Like. >> you literally did. [laughter]. >> I wasn't going to throw that out there. >> You like rewind and zoom in on Lauren's.

face. She's like don't do this. You. literally go oh my god Alex calling me. out. No. [laughter] I didn't think you. were going to call me out for that. >> I didn't even think I told you about. that. >> I know. Sweetie, sweetie, [laughter]. [gasps] we I will not specify when and. where, but I trust me, you're talking to. the queen of the [ __ ] crazy back in. the day. Are you kidding? >> Cuz I only have one I actually only have. one mutual friend with my ex and like. the odds that I see this person are so. low. So, I'm like, "Oh my god, the. universe like just wants me to like.

corner this person and like grill them.". >> We get. >> I'm like going to the bar and being. like, "You need another drink? you need. them a drink. I'm buying this like. mutual friend like all of these drinks. to get them sauced up and then grill. them. >> You're like, "So, what's going on?" And. meanwhile, it's like you have That's. also what's so [ __ ] And that's why. you'd have to get away from your ex is. because there's such an ego trip where. like you I couldn't pay you to get back. with this man. I couldn't pay you to. even kiss this man ever again. You have. no interest. >> I was just curious. >> It's the curiosity. Like I used to have.

memorized like grid for grid, row by row. some of the [ __ ] [ __ ] that were. dating my exes. I'd be like, "Wait, why. did you delete that picture? It's like. from like 15 weeks ago." I'm like, "Where did the picture go?" I was such a. creep, a creep on creep, but I get it. and that's natural. So, if you can. indulge a little, but don't overdo it. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. T-Mobile. Okay. Tell me why the holidays. are so much better when you don't even. have to leave the house. Like [music] a.

blanket, wine, and something to watch. I'm in always. And as soon as November. 1st hits, I'm turning on my favorite. holiday movie without a doubt. Daddy. Gang, you already know the one. She. trades her LA house for this cute. English cottage and meets the hottest. guy who just happens to be single. And. during these movie marathons, snacks are. covered with perks that truly deliver. Honestly, the benefits with T-Mobile. just keep adding up. The more we use it, the more we get out of it. And this.

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So, Daddy Gang, whether you have. overlapping friends groups or not, one. of my biggest pieces of advice is after. a breakup, you have to switch up more. than one thing from your routine. you. just lost your girlfriend or your. boyfriend. That is a big blow. But you. now need to kind of like implement a. couple other changes so there is not. just one glaring gap in the corner of. like, I lost this person, but I'm still. going to our favorite restaurant every.

Friday and I'm still going to the. workout class we frequented. Like, change it the [ __ ] up. So, you almost. just feel like you're entering into a. new season of your life and you're. trying new different routines. Because I. also think that can be extremely helpful. in in forcing you to re-engage and like. stimulate yourself and focus on things. Like literally as dumb as like if you. went to the same coffee shop when he. would sleep over and you would go down. to this one coffee shop, go to a. different one. Cuz guess what's going to.

happen? Not only are you not going to. think about your ex, you're also going. to be stimulated by a new experience. that then you're not even thinking about. your ex. Oh, this new coffee shop. Oh, this aesthetic is cute. Oh, I just met. this cool barista. like change it the. [ __ ] up. >> Oh, fully. I was even thinking like this. is like such a smaller example. Um, but. I changed my perfume because you know. like how like scents can like you smell. something life like. >> Oh, that's a good. >> Yeah. Like I towards the end of that. relationship I had bought a new perfume.

and I didn't even like realize it but. like that perfume was just like. reminding me like I would spray that. perfume after I moved out of the place. we shared. I would spray that perfume. and it would literally just like jolt me. to like our shared bathroom of me. getting ready in the morning. >> That's so Oh my god, I didn't. >> neuroscience fact. >> No, that's like a really good point. Also, this was hard for me because you. guys know I'm such a hoodie girl, but. like I would always have hoodies from my. exes and I think a lot of times I would. justify keeping them because I'd be.

like, "Oh, I get the [ __ ] rid of their. stuff." I know that sounds so simple, but I do think we hold on to little. things. And like. again as the lingerer like I I don't. know if I've ever not gone back to an ex. in my life. So I think if you're one if. you're someone like me in that way I. think that we [ __ ] ourselves by not. getting rid of the hoodies, not getting. rid of the text messages cuz why am I. not deleting them? Cuz a part of me. thinks, "Oh, I'm definitely going to get. back with them at some point." Like with. door number three, we would end and in.

my head I'm like, "I'll talk to him in 3. weeks.". That's not healthy for anyone involved. if you really want to move forward. So, you got to kind of get rid of it all. >> like restart some stuff. I think my. final thing about redoing change making. changes post breakup. >> I think it is definitely really hard if. you shared a space and like you were. living together. if you have the option. if like you guys are figuring out. logistics and he's like do you want the.

place or do you want if you have the. option because I know like financially. this is like a huge thing so like you. might not have the option if you're. trying to figure it out and you have the. option. >> leave. >> leave and start with a new place if you. don't and you guys break up and you are. now living alone in your shared space. mix some things up have some friends. come over do some rearranging even if. you just like funue put the bed facing a. different way. pair of curtains, maybe a differenti.

just like as much as you can mix up if. you have to stay in your shared space. after. So like you're not just like. constantly looking around. I think what. we're saying is just like. >> when you're going through a breakup, you're essentially going through with a. withdrawal. So you want to limit the. amount of constant reminders you have. >> Yeah. And my last point would be because. I know that there's probably a very very. just black and white line on you either.

recently got broken up with or you. recently broke up with someone to the. people who just recently broke up with. someone. I'm assuming that there is a. form of guilt that you have and there. could also be doubts, right? Because. when you do break up with someone, and. as much as we always wish in our head. like, "Oh, I wish I was the one that was. doing the breaking up," it's still. really hard, especially if you were in. love with this person. And my advice to. you would be, >> you did this person such a favor by.

being honest. And again, I get you. probably like, "Well, I could have done. it a year ago." It doesn't matter. You. did it. breaking up with someone, especially because if you have. peopleleasing tendencies, if there is an. emotional true true connection, it is so. [ __ ] hard to let go of someone that. you love no matter what the circumstance. is. It's really [ __ ] hard cuz it's. really [ __ ] rare to actually have. like a genuine connection with someone. So, I would say be proud of yourself,

but also be proud of yourself for the. other person as well. That you made a. call that was hard, but in the long run, you're releasing that person and you're. giving them the ability to now go find. what will make them happy. And a lot of. times, I think when people are going to. have to break up with someone, something. that I mean, we've discussed when you. were doing it where it was like, "Oh my. god, it's going to hurt them so much and. it's going to No. What would hurt them. more is if they know that you are in a. relationship that you're when you're not.

100% in it. If you're faking being with. this person. Don't stay with someone out. of pity. Because yes, at first glance. that person would be like, "Wait, no, don't leave me. No, no, no." They will. thank you in their head. It may not be. tomorrow and it may not even be in a. year, but eventually they will see. Thank [ __ ] God that that person let. me go. So, you're fine. you did the. right decision because when you know you. know and you got to [ __ ] do it. >> Then to the people that just got broken. up with and it kind of goes back to the. beginning of this episode.

>> You are. without a doubt probably feeling like. you are at one of the most devastating. points of your life. You feel confused. depending on how close you were to the. ring and the house and the marriage and. the kids. you can feel, especially as a. woman, like. I would almost just rather go back to. him than start over because starting. over actually as we continue to get. older as women looks like a bigger and.

bigger and bigger [ __ ] mountain to. climb and it feels almost close to. impossible. That settling feels easier. than starting fresh. And what I will say. to that is my best friend sitting across. from me had the ring, had the idea of. the house and all of it and we had these. conversations and now she is entering. this new chapter of her life and we were. literally sitting together last night. over wine and we were like, "Can you. imagine if you stayed?" Yes, we're both.

31 and we were like, "Bitch, it it guys, it changes in a couple [ __ ] months. You will be back. You will find a new. person and you will be thanking yourself. for having the strength to actually get. out. It is the momentary discomfort that. forces you to think, "Oh my god, maybe I. should go back." Lean the [ __ ] in. Everyone goes through it, you guys. Everyone goes through heartbreak. Everyone goes through breakups. You're. not the only person that's had to deal. with it and prove to yourself you're.

strong enough to not just settle and. accept something. force yourself to go. forward because you're gonna get. something so much [ __ ] better on the. other end of it because. that's where my best friend is right now. and I'm really [ __ ] proud of you. So, this is a heavy topic and it's not a fun. topic, but it's also it should start to. once you get out of the weeds of like. the first like 3 months, four months of. a breakup. It is kind of a fun topic. because it's also just like the.

beginning of something so new that's. coming that you have no idea what's. about to happen. And that is exciting. >> Three months post breakup, the most. common thing people were looking at me. and saying was, "I have never seen you. look lighter, freer, or happier.". >> And if you asked her one month after, even though she was the one that broke. up, you were doubting yourself a little. bit. You were wondering if you made the. right decision. >> I was overwhelmed. we talked about. I. was like, "Oh my god, I'm 30. I I'm. starting my life over. >> and now here you are better than ever.".

>> Don't let it be for nothing. Like my my. therapist used to say, every person that. you date gets you one step closer to the. person you're supposed to marry if you. do it right because you're not just like. having these past relationships and past. experiences for like the hell of it and. for companionship. Like take stuff away. from all of them. Like let them be life. experiences that inform the next person. that you're going to be with. So, Daddy. gang, if you are going through a breakup. right now, please be nice to yourself. and gentle with yourself. This is not.

something that you're going to wake up. the next day and be able to just get. over, especially again if you were. actually genuinely in an honest. relationship where there was love. Like, that shit's going to [ __ ] sting and. it's going to take a lot of time. And. you may have moments where you regress, right? You may go on a date with someone. and think that you're ready to date. again and then you end up crying at home. because you miss your ex. This is all. normal [ __ ] But overall, all I can say. is just be really, really [ __ ] honest.

with yourself about what that was and. what now you want in the future. And if. you do that with yourself, any hiccups. or whatever the [ __ ] have your friends. and your family there for you. But. you're going to be okay because we both. have gone through kind of really [ __ ]. messy breakups. >> Mhm. >> Some good, some really [ __ ] bad. >> Mhm. >> And look, one of them led me to start. Caller Daddy. Maybe. Maybe you're about. to start a [ __ ]. >> Yeah. I'm like, what did they lead me. to? >> Um.

so much. >> to call her daddy cuz I wouldn't have. moved with you to LA. >> Boom. >> Boom. >> They led us both to call her daddy. >> What is it going to lead you to? I don't. know. DM me and let me know. Maybe. you're literally about to start a. Fortune 500 company. Boom, [ __ ] Let's. [ __ ] go. Love you guys and we will. see you next Wednesday. Goodbye. [music]. [music].