Aly Raisman: Thirty, Single & Thriving

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your. founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call. Her Daddy. Aly Raisman, welcome to Call Her Daddy. >> Thank you so much for having me. >> I am so happy that we're doing this. I'm. such a huge fan. I've been a huge fan. for a while. To to be able to like sit. here in person with you, it's an honor. So, thank you for being here. >> I am such a big fan of you, too. And I. think we have the same name. Is your. real name Alexandra? >> Yes.

>> Me, too. Should we call each other Alexandra? >> Should we go by Alexandra today? >> Yeah, nobody calls me Alexandra in. interviews. >> god. I wonder like how did you get Aly. and how did I get Alex? Like who Where. did you Oh. >> Okay. So, well, first of all, I'm a very. big fan of you, too. Congratulations on. everything. It's amazing. Love listening. to your podcast. Um I So, my legal name is Alexandra. And really no one calls me that. When I. was little, I used to actually be called. Sexy Lexi, which is probably weird. But. when I was like 5 years old, everyone.

called me Sexy Lexi. I don't know why. >> Okay, Aly. >> I didn't know what sexy meant, but. everyone called me Sexy Lexi in. kindergarten. Like even like some of the. moms around me, too. They still call me. that to this day. >> What? >> And then when I was like a couple years. later, I I thought my real name was. Alexandra and I I asked my mom one day. and she said it was Alexandra and I felt. like I had been lied to my whole life. cuz I was a very dramatic kid. So, then. I went by Alexandra for a little bit and. then I actually don't remember where Aly. came from, but I love when my childhood.

friends call me Lexi cuz I just just. like they knew me before everything. >> I was about to say I I thought you were. going to say I love when my childhood. friends call me Sexy Lexi. I'm like, yeah, I wish my childhood friends would. call me Sexy Lexi. They call me Big Al. Like you got Sexy Lexi and I got Big Al. from Alexandra. Like make it make sense. I love that for you. >> I don't know where it came from, but I. was 5 years old and it's funny cuz some. of my guy friends that are married now, I'm like, I don't think they call me. Sexy Lexi anymore. >> Oh. >> But they're I don't think they do. >> Their wife is like, "What the [ __ ] is.

that?". >> I know. [laughter]. But, my girlfriends do from childhood. It's It's funny. But, now that I look. back, I'm like, if imagine hearing. someone call a 5-year-old sexy Lexi. It's so weird. >> god, you were exuding just like. confidence. >> what it was, but. >> Okay, well, today we're both Alexandra. >> Yes. >> So, I read your article. And to anyone. that didn't read it, you're going to. read it because you're going to fall in. love and we're going to talk about it. today. But, you basically wrote an. article about being single at 30. And. you talk about how it's really not where. you thought you were going to be in your.

life at that point. So, there is a lot. to discuss today about timelines, comparison, just how hard it is to date in general. But, before we get into that, because. the Daddy gang is going to freak out. over that conversation. That's literally. all we talk about over here, okay? Um we. need to talk about the Olympics. >> Mhm. >> You are going to the Olympics this year? >> Yes. >> I am going to the Olympics this year. We. will be hanging out. >> wait. >> Um what are you most excited for about. Paris? >> I am so excited. It's my first time. going, not competing. So, I don't really.

know what to expect, but I'm so excited. And I'm obviously the most excited to. watch the gymnastics. And I. got to go to Olympic trials last week, and it was so fun. And it was It's so. emotional watching everyone. And I know. everyone works so hard. So, I am a huge. fan of gymnastics, too. And I grew up. just being obsessed with it and watching. it. And so, I love watching incredible. athletes from all over the world, too. And I think that's what's so cool about. the Olympics is obviously I'm rooting. for the US team. And I think that they.

look so good, and I'm so impressed with. them. But, I also love how as an. 8-year-old, you know, one of my favorite. gymnast was a Ukrainian gymnast. And so, I just feel like what's so cool is the. whole world comes together, and you just. really appreciate just greatness in such. incredible um athleticism. So, I'm so. excited. And then I also want to go to. like my brother is coming and he wants. to go to ping pong finals. I'm like that. would be so cool. >> Can we go together? >> I would love to. >> I'm like ping pong and then also like. break dancing is a sport officially in.

the Olympics this year. I'm like, I will. be there. My favorite movie growing up. with Step Up. Maybe Channing Tatum hit. me up. We can go watch together. He's. like absolutely not. Um, there's so many. random things that I want to go see. Obviously we have like the big massive. sports that get so much like notoriety, but there's some like random things. I'm. like I want to go see fencing. Like I. >> Okay. >> Yeah, we'll go together. >> together. Okay. Um, you started. gymnastics when you were two. Is this I. like you think about that. I'm like how. do you like two years old and you're. starting gymnastics and like being an.

athlete I feel like that just becomes so. much of your identity from such a young. age, right? But overall. we're going back to the beginning like I. love to do here on Call Her Daddy cuz it. really paints the picture of who someone. is. Like how would you describe your. personality when you were growing up? >> That's a good question. Aside from sexy. Lexi. >> I've never been asked that. I think that. well I was obsessed with gymnastics. I. loved it more than anything else in the. world. I just always wanted to be there. I'm the oldest of four, so I loved being.

a big sister. I still do, but I'm two. years older than my brother Brett and. then six years older than Chloe and. eight years older than Madison, so I. felt like I was like I just like loved. being the big sister and I remember you. know those little like. cars, the little mini ones that like. kids drive around. I just like would. pretend I was like the mom and taking. them around the driveway. Like I just. loved being a big sister and they used. to sleep in bed with me every night, which is just so cute. I know. So. sweet. >> Um, I grew up in Newton, Needham, Mass.

Um. >> Yeah, and I just I have so many great. memories of that and then I just loved I. used to beg my coaches to let me stay. later at practice and actually. thankfully they wouldn't let me cuz they. didn't want me to burn out, but I was so. sad to leave the gym. I was obsessed. Like I remember. I would miss Halloween even at a young. age because I wanted to be at the gym. I. was just like so driven. I think you. have to be like born with something a. little bit extra crazy in you to be that. intense, but I loved it. >> I can see how you being the oldest.

probably shaped a lot of then like your. relationships in gymnastics because it's. like you have this like maternal feeling. about you. What was your relationship. like to your parents? >> I'm very close with my parents. I still. am. So very grateful for that cuz I the. older I've got I've realized a lot of. people don't have good relationships. with their family. So I didn't realize. when I was younger just how lucky I am. for that and I also appreciate how. when I didn't do well at a meet or.

practice they didn't get mad at me and. they were even more I think loving and. supporting when I didn't do as well and. if they weren't supportive I would have. never survived. Like I had teammates. when I was younger that were actually. better than me but because their parents. put so much pressure on them, they just. couldn't do it and I don't blame them. I. wouldn't have been able to do it cuz. we're already I think our own worst. critic and then our coaches are hot on. us and then you go home and your parents. are on you. It's just So I'm so glad my. parents I knew that if I didn't do well, they would be there for me and support. me. >> Oh, that's like invaluable. Like I.

playing soccer growing up had. the same vibe with my parents where it. was like they were so supportive. Of. course if I like asked them like what I. could have done better at like my mom. was like, oh I got you. Like I was. watching but she's not I'm not getting. in the car with a pit in my stomach that. I'm going to get yelled at and I knew a. lot of my friends had those parents that. were like the dad was yelling in the car. like screaming like you've seen the. parents that are like insane [ __ ] that. you're like, whoa, I can't imagine not. being able to go home and escape it and. it feels like a full-time job and we're.

talking about being like 7, 8, 9, 10. year old girls and it's like. it's not that deep. It is and it. eventually became your like life but. it's also like you have to have balance. and order in my opinion to survive and. to go the distance or else you just burn. out. >> I completely agree and I think that it. also maybe without the parents realizing. it, it's I think it teaches the kid that. your only value is being a good athlete. or being very successful and I think it. also.

so many athletes struggle with their. worth being wrapped up in how they do in. the sport and I know a lot of athletes. struggle with that and even for the. Olympics this summer, so many athletes. if they do really well, they might not. know who they are outside of their sport. cuz that's what they've been doing their. entire life and then if they don't do. well, I think it's really hard if you. don't have the support or the sort of. like mental preparation if you don't do. well um to know that you're more than. just your result and like everyone is. human. It's really I think hard to.

accept that so I always feel for. athletes when I'm watching. Like I get. nervous even when I don't know people or. even when I see a gymnast from another. country. Like of course I want everyone. to do well and obviously again rooting. for the US team but even if I see a. gymnast from another country like not do. well, I just feel so sad for them. because it you put so much into it and I. think so many athletes their worth is. wrapped up in their result. >> It is. very intense and I'm curious though. because you saying you love to stay at.

the gym and you loved all these people. like you decided to go to public school. for high school and I feel like really. intense athletes specifically in. gymnastics, they usually get home. schooled. How did you make that. decision? >> Thankfully, my coaches and my parents. were really wanted me to stay in public. school and I'm actually really glad that. they did. I mean everyone's on their own. path and into your point a lot of my. teammates were home schooled and so I. feel like everyone has. a different journey of what works for. them but for me it was so important that.

I could go to school and have that. balance and I can remember I would train. six days a week um, 4 to 7 hours every. other day except Sunday I was off. But. then 2016 when I was done with high. school, I would sometimes go in on. Sunday on my day off. So, I was I'm. still. >> Allie. >> exhausted. I'm still exhausted from it. Sometimes people when I tell them that. they're like, "That's not bad." I'm. like, "Yeah, it is. It was bad." But it. was really exhausting. It was. exhausting. I'm like still recovering. from that, which we we can get to after.

But I can remember I would train in the. morning and I would then like literally. be like covered in chalk and like go. right to school. Like I was so. self-conscious because I'd like be like. trying to like wash my body like really. quickly, go to school trying to look. cute for boys. I was so uncomfortable. High school is also so hard. I was so so. insecure. And then I would go to class. and then I would quickly do my homework. after school and then go back to the gym. after. It was just so I was so driven.

and so like none of my friends. understood I think how serious I was. about it. Like when I competed in 2012. at the Olympics, um, it was right after. I graduated high school and I remember. my high school friends were like, "You. never told us you were like that good.". And I was like, "Well, [snorts] I don't. know. What do you I'm like, I don't. know. I didn't want to say anything.". >> But also like, "What did you guys think. I was doing? I'm like bad at this thing, but I just get up every morning and go. every afternoon and I just keep at it?". Like, "Oh my god, Allie.". >> It was so intense, but it's funny one of.

my family members admitted to my mom. He's like, "I have to admit I always. thought that he said to my mom that you. and my dad were crazy because he's like, "I would. He was like, "I would just watch you. like drive Allie to practice over and. over again and I just thought it was so. odd cuz I would, you know, miss a lot of. days of school. I was, you know, like. traveling all over the place." And he. was like, "I didn't understand how good. she was." So, he's like, "It took me a. really long time." And I he would he's. like, "I kind of judged you." And now. he's like, "I'm just telling you I don't. anymore, but.

>> Wait, okay, hold on. No one knew how. good you were. That's kind of. interesting because why? >> I still it's funny when people ask me. about gymnastics and my career like in. normal life like if people don't know. who I am they're like were you good? I'm. like I was fine. I don't know I just. like it's just not something that I. don't know. >> like metals on metals and you're sitting. here like I think I was okay. >> I I just I don't know. >> you think that is? >> I it's so funny I'm so uncomfortable. talking about gymnastics. I don't know I.

think probably maybe some of it is that. if it's someone doesn't know who I am. then I'm kind of I'm like excited cuz. I'm like oh they really like me for me. There's something about it where like. there's no it makes me feel so good if. I'm out somewhere and like a guy is. interested in me and they don't know who. I am because it just makes me feel like. oh they like me for me. And so I think. it's that and I feel more connected to. them. It's not to say if someone does. know you you you know you can kind of. get the vibe when you know why someone's.

sort of talking to you but I think it. maybe I feel very guarded but then also. I think gymnastics I have such an. interesting complicated relationship. with it that I feel like sometimes I. don't love talking about it. in my personal time all the time but I'm. doing a lot of therapy to. work on that. >> No I get it and I think being a woman. like we just learn like it's not even. about the sport it's just about how we. are we just learn in life like never be. too confident cuz it will come off as.

cocky and like don't talk about your. accolades because now you're just like. drawing attention to yourself and like. that's just like what being a woman is. like and it's like I'll brag for you. Um. you're amazing. Um so you did you like. flourish with like. friends in high school though? It sounds. like you had like a lot of friends. >> I had I had friends. I do feel like. because I was gone a lot I felt. like I missed out a lot at the time. because I can remember if I was.

away for a weekend at a competition, I'd. come back on Monday and then I'd hear. everyone talking about the fun weekend. and everything happening. And so, I feel. like. I I can remember feeling left out a lot. just because I or FOMO maybe is the. better word, but. I felt like I had. everyone was very nice to me in high. school and I had a good experience in. high school. My friends were very. supportive. I felt like um people were. very nice to me and so, but I just. remember feeling kind of like I was.

missing out on stuff and it was hard. coming back and hearing everyone talking. about how fun stuff was. And I I. remember being very insecure. Like I. just didn't think that any guy in high. school thought I was cute, which makes. me so sad when I look back. And so, I. just remember. you know, any little thing that was. wrong, I just felt like everyone was. looking at it or everyone was noticing. it. But in gymnastics, it's a subjective. sport, so. I was taught from a young age that like. every little thing is picked apart and. it's actually really hard for me in life.

now to realize that people aren't. looking at me like that. Like no one. cares. So, it's a it was very interesting. But in. the moment, I was so in the thick of. always kind of being critiqued all the. time that I thought other people thought. of me that way. >> Can you talk a little bit more about. that of like insecurities in high. school? And it's crazy to even talk. about high school cuz it's like in. gymnastics world, like that is when most. women are like really girls. I literally. say girls are coming into their prime in. the sport, but you're so young. Like.

what insecurities when you're talking. about boys versus then what you're. working towards on like in the gym? Like. what were the insecurities for you. personally? >> Yeah, it's really interesting. So, I. when I was younger, I used to get made. fun of all the time for how muscular my. arms were. And I remember when I was in. fifth grade, the boys would make fun of me and tell. me I looked like I was on steroids, and. they would call me roids, and it made me. so sad. And this has affected me so much. that at 30 years old, I have just.

started to be able to like wear like. sleeveless or tank dresses, and it makes. me so sad that I wasted that much time. But it's really incredible how I guess. incredible in a bad way, how when people. make fun of you, how it can really stay. with you. And then I remember in seventh. grade so vividly, I was wearing a tank top, and some guy. told me that I looked disgusting, and. said my arms were disgusting. And so I. literally. Actually, this was a big moment for me. at Olympic trials last week. I wore a. dress that totally showed my arms, and I.

was saying to my mom, I was like, this. is like such a big deal for me that I'm. doing this, because I would have been so. self-conscious and worried. And now I'm. just trying It feels so freeing to just. try not to worry as much, but it's just. so. I think that like as I do more therapy, it's amazing how much stuff sticks with. us. And I think that's also why I have. anxiety or social anxiety, because I'm. like, I hope I've never said something. that would ever. stick with someone. I would feel so bad. And I know sometimes,

you know, sometimes we We're all human. We all say things sometimes we don't. mean, or we don't even realize someone. interpreted it in a different way. But I. think I'm like so afraid of making. someone feel the way that other people. made me feel, that I'm almost like too. hyper aware. But so that was a really. big one. I think I was always. self-conscious of like my body, cuz in. gymnastics, they were so strict with. my weight. And even though we worked out. so much, I still had to watch what I ate. a lot. I also want to be careful with. saying this, cuz I know how many people.

struggle. with body dysmorphia and eating. disorders. So I think it's so important, no matter. what sport you're in, to fuel your body. and eat a lot of food. And I wish I. could go back and tell myself to eat. more and fuel my body, but I just felt. so much pressure to always be skinnier. and skinnier, and it was so unhealthy. because I was already working out so. much, and it's crazy for me to look back. at photos of myself where I was being. told to lose more weight, and I'm like, I was.

didn't have an ounce. of fat on me. It's just I This is for. any of people that are athletes. Um and. I'm obviously not a medical expert, so. don't quote me on these exact numbers, but I do believe that women are supposed. to have a higher body fat percentage. than men. And I remember going into 2016 Olympics, I was. very, very thin just from the pressure. in the sport to be a certain weight. And. I was 22 years old, so I was kind of. like fighting with like becoming a woman.

and still looking like a little girl. And I remember um the person who was. taking my body fat um. they had said that. I remember when I did it. So. go back actually when I was 16, I had. someone else do my body fat, and they. were saying that they'd never seen. someone under 12%. And they had said. like women should be like 18 or 20%. I. don't know how accurate the 18 to 20%. is. So he was like, "So you're probably. going to be maybe around 12." And I. remember I was at like 8%. And at the. time, I was 16, and he was like really.

concerned about it. He's like, "You're. way too low. That's" And I was 16. And. then when I was 22 about to leave for. the Rio Olympics, I remember my body fat was at um. 5%, and I remember the person who uh. works with NFL players was like, "I. He was like, "This is not okay. Like you. can get seriously hurt, and this is this. is terrible." He's like, "I've never. seen" He's like, "Even the guys. sometimes being this low." He's like, "You're lower than some of the men on. the team." And I remember I was like, "I.

just need you to There's nothing I can. do about it because like this is what. the judges and the coaches like need. from me." I was like, "I just need you. to be supportive and tell me it's going. to be okay." He's like, "I can't. Like. he's like, this is so dangerous for you. And I actually feel like my body has. never recovered from being that. thin and like fighting against that. So, it's very. it's very interesting because I can. remember I would. still eat and feel my body, but at the. same time there was this like trying to.

like I can there was so much pressure. I. can remember like. this is so gross now. I'm like I've. become more of a germaphobe as I've. gotten older, but this is so gross. But. it just like desperate times call for. desperate measures. Like I remember. times like literally because there was. so much pressure to be thin, I had to be. careful what I ate in front of, you. know, people on on the staff. And I. remember like I would go into like the. airport in the plane bathroom, which is. disgusting, and like eat a power bar. So, like no one would see me, where that.

is just like so gross to me now. But. when you're so hungry, it doesn't even seem gross. But it was. just So, I remember like I would try to. eat, but there was so much pressure to. be thin that it just was very very hard. So, I was very insecure about that in. high school, of course, cuz I thought, oh, well, the guys think that I'm big, too. So, that's why they're not. interested in me. >> No, and Ally, like. it it's it's not gross. Like it's so. sad. Like that I like my heart breaks. for you that you had to go into that. bathroom and to like.

eat in secrecy because of the coaches. and like the mentality and the rules and. the strictness and like even thinking of. like that doctor saying that to you of. like, wait, you're a 5% like, do you. think you were numb at that point? Like. did you feel anything? Like what did you. feel when someone said that to you and. looked at you and said that to you? >> I think at that point because the. Olympics were so soon, I was just. consumed with anxiety and stress all the. time. It's just so I just constantly had. butterflies in my stomach and I was so.

nervous that. I also think part of it in a way was. probably I I don't I don't even. remember. I think I was just at the time. I had actually had a really sore. Achilles and I was really stressed about. that. That's obviously a terrible injury. and if you know, something happened, I. would be out. So, I was really stressed. about that and I remember every morning. waking up and like it was so stiff in. the morning and I'd have to like brace. myself to get out of bed. Like there's. just so many things I feel like now that. I'm done, I'm so much more relaxed, but.

I remember just being so stressed hoping. that my body would keep it together. But. I think one of my biggest concerns with. competing was I hope my muscles don't. cramp up and I feel I'm so exhausted. So, that was what's so interesting to me. is that I was so good at gymnastics and. successful in the sport while I had like. so little energy, my muscles were. cramping up, I was so exhausted and so. fatigued and I also would. in 2016, I remember.

a couple years maybe before the. Olympics, I would start to get like. extreme nausea and I think because I was. so thin for my size, I would like wake. up in the morning and almost be like. dry heaving because I was like gagging. because I was so nauseous and so it was. really hard for me and it's really hard. when you're nauseous to eat. So, I I. just remember feeling so sick all the. time that I was so I think I was numb. and I was so dissociated cuz I just. needed to get through it and.

I was so nervous. Uh it I don't know, it was just such a. weird thing and I'm now like doing a lot. of therapy and going through it, but. it's hard because you're like reliving. that and going through that and it's a. very it's very interesting. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Airbnb. So, sports are usually Matt's territory, but when it comes to soccer, you guys. know, you know what? I'm all over it. So, safe to say I am very excited for. the FIFA World Cup coming to LA. The. last time I went to a global sporting.

event was during the Olympics and. honestly, the trip became so much more. than just going to different games in. Paris. I just remember Matt and I ended. up booking the cutest apartment one. weekend on Airbnb to explore different. parts of France. One night after dinner. instead of I remember rushing home, we. stopped into this tiny little local bar. ended up sitting next to a couple from I. think they were from Madrid and we just. started talking and somehow found out. that they also worked together and they.

had golden doodles and we were like, "Oh. my god, this is meant to be." Um and. then when Matt and I got back to the. apartment that night, we opened a bottle. of wine, sat on the balcony talking for. hours about all of the random moments. that somehow end up becoming the best. part of traveling. It was one of those. trips where you come home and you just. feel like you actually lived in a space. instead of just visiting it and that is. what I love so much about Airbnb. During. the FIFA World Cup, people from all. corners of the world come together. They're swapping jerseys, grabbing.

drinks after the match, maybe debating. who actually has the best goalie, like. whatever it is and Airbnb makes it easy. to stay together under one roof. You get. to live in neighborhoods that actually. feel local and experience a city beyond. just the tourist spots. Airbnb, the. world is meant to meet. >> Well, it's I appreciate you sharing this. too because I think what's really. difficult for athletes is. you hearing you say all of this and. knowing you are like one of the best and. you've won medals and gold and all of it.

and you've done what every gymnast. dreams of doing. And then there is the dark side of it. and I think what we learn and I. appreciate these type of conversations. is like. most people that get to the top of where. they're at, there is also just like a. lot of pain and suffering that goes into. being the best at the time and it. doesn't mean that it's not a incredible. sport and you are so talented. But, the. reality is like there were a lot of.

things that happened throughout your. career that. probably could someone could have been. like, "Hey, can we do this differently? Can we. protect you in so many different. aspects? You know?" And I And my heart. breaks for you, but I think that these. type of conversations hopefully will. help future athletes. Not that it's on. you, and it sucks that it had to go this. way for you, but I know there's so many. amazing things that came from your. career. >> Yeah. >> But, now you're 30 and you're like, "Damn, I'm having to [ __ ] peel this [ __ ].

back, and it. is rough." And I can see it on your. face. It's like, "This is heavy shit.". And I'm so sorry that it's like the. thing that you loved and that you're so. [ __ ] good at. also caused you pain, and that is. relatable and sad and [ __ ] up, and. it's tough. Like, it's tough hearing you. say it. And I And I appreciate you've. been saying it cuz I can imagine it's. terrifying to even admit this because. now is the headline just going to be.

like negatives about it? And I hope. people don't see that. It's just like, "No, this is just the reality.". >> Yeah. >> This is the reality, and that's why I. hope when we watch the Olympics this. year, it's understanding that like. having grace for these athletes when. someone doesn't perform at their best, it's not just because, "Oh, they had an. off game." Or they had an off like No, there's Listen to what you're saying. The body, the pressure, the mental half. of it is just the mental. >> I know. >> People forget. Like, this is We are.

human beings. Like, there's so much more. that goes into this than just the minute. that the person is standing at the top. and about to do the beam or what It's. like. >> It's so stressful. >> stressful. >> It is. I like I It's funny cuz the. Olympics are coming up. I like I'm. having dreams that I'm competing, and I. wake up I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so. glad I'm done." I mean, look, like you. mentioned, there's so many beautiful. things that have come out of my. gymnastics career, but it's also it's. such an interesting time right now. Obviously, as the Olympics comes up, I'm. so excited and I can't wait. And I've. been doing a lot of actually exposure.

therapy right now where for people who. don't know, it's sort of like exposing. yourself to the trauma or. um whatever it is that. has caused you stress or pain. So, that. could be. if you had someone that hurt you and. they had wore like a specific perfume or. a cologne, like maybe you like smell the. cologne or the perfume every day to like. remake better memories with that. Um or. it could be, you know, writing down a. memory or talking about a memory or.

watching something. So, I've been doing. that a lot and that's been really. helpful, but it's kind of like. sometimes it can make things worse. before it gets better or I'm like, "Oh. my god, I have so much to work through. It's so overwhelming. There's just so. much there." And then there's stuff I. forgot about that now I'm like. >> It's coming back up. >> Yeah. I was going to say like I I think. a lot of women write in about therapy. and and everyone has like a different. journey with like what type of therapy. will work for them. And I think the. exposure therapy is like has been known.

recently to be very effective, but I was. going to ask you like in. doing that type of therapy. are do you have to be strategic? Like if. you know you're going on a long trip. coming up, like if you're going to. Paris, like are you doing sessions while. you're in Paris? Are you doing it. before? Are you too anxious around this. type of like we're talking about. gymnastics right now and that's the crux. of the trauma, like you know what I. mean? Like. >> Yeah. Such a good question. Yeah, it's. So, we actually have stopped doing the. exposure homework. So, what we what I do.

is I do therapy every week and then I. would try to do exposure um a little bit. every single day, but um because of I. had mentioned before like my body's. never recovered. I've struggled with. some. health stuff, which we can get into. after from just like the over exhaustion. of what I put my body through. So, depending on the day, however, because. there are so many actually like. exposures of. you know, whether it's doing interviews. or even going to Olympic trials was.

actually such a wonderful experience and. I'm so glad I went, but I was so nervous. and just like being back in that. environment, like certain smells or even. like there's like a bell that rings. before you compete and I'm like, "Oh my. gosh, I haven't heard this in so long.". Like all these little things. So, I'm stopped actual exposure homework in. therapy, but I feel like I'm being. exposed in throughout a lot of different. things right now. So, we're doing baby. steps and just working on like ways to. cope with some of that stuff, but it's. been.

Um it's really interesting and I'm glad. like my therapist has really. worked with me. Like for example, there. was um a person's name that someone who. had abused me that their name was so. triggering for me. And so, like anytime. I'd be with someone and they mention. their name, not about the person, but. maybe like their friend or someone. they're golfing with. I was just like. I'd feel this like feeling and so I. would read a children's book with his. name that was just like or I'd read a. book about an athlete that had the same. name. So, it's like getting used to that.

name in a more positive way. And so, I. feel like my therapist has done such a. good job of meeting me where I'm at. because in the past maybe another. therapist is like, "Just tell me all. about your trauma." I'm like, "I just. let's just start with the children's. book." Like I'll watch a little kid. show, something to like baby steps into. it and I've learned there's no right or. wrong way and I think like I have. so many people come up to me all the. time and share their stories of like. being a survivor of abuse or their. mental health struggles and I always.

will say to them like if you're having a. tough day, it's okay to watch your. favorite show on Netflix or whatever it. is. Like it's okay to just like give. yourself a break because when you are. people don't realize when you've. experienced trauma you have PTSD you're. going through it even if you're on the. most beautiful island in the entire. world you are not there mentally. sometimes and you're just like reliving. your trauma over and over again and so I. always try to validate people's. experiences because I think so many.

people don't understand. trauma and like the mental side of it. and how hard it is to. be present when you're going through a. hard time like even if someone's hard. time happened 10 years ago you still. could be living it every single day you. still could be super paranoid you know. PTSD is like not one size fits all it. affects you in so many different ways. you could be totally fine and then there. could be like you know someone's body. lotion reminds you of a smell and it. brings you right back and so I think. that we all just have to.

talk about it more so we're all more. aware of like how much people are. struggling and dealing with and give. people grace because sometimes you just. need to it's okay to just be home and. take time for yourself so I'm glad my. therapist has kind of given me. permission to um. to just like take it really baby steps. and she's really good about like taking. a break and now finding like good coping. ways if I feel stressed or something. >> No and I love you sharing that too thank. you because like I love how you said. like I've had certain therapists that.

tell me one thing and it's like it's. okay if you do not vibe with a therapist. it's like dating get out and it's it's. not anything hurting to you it's right. cuz it's like it doesn't even mean that. person's a bad therapist of course there. are bad therapists but it really is a. match of like there are people there are. certain even techniques like you can't. have a therapist asking like you said a. certain like way and maybe that works. for someone else you just have to like. it's not linear with PTSD and you have. to just figure out what works for you. and being like easy on yourself but I.

also just want to say like. thank you for even just like talking. whatever you feel comfortable because I. can imagine it's [ __ ] exhausting. No, just hearing you speak, Ally, like. you're you're so wise, but it's like. you are 30 years old. Like. you're so young and I can imagine it's. like a lot of [ __ ] pressure when. people want you to speak up and like be. an advocate and be the face of it and. and it's like you still have you still. have your [ __ ] that you have to work. through. Like. I I hope that you know that like.

it's not on you to like always help. other people and like you focus on. yourself in moments where you I can. imagine so many young girls coming up to. you is amazing, but it's also like. you can't help them if you're not good. >> Thank you. I I feel I do feel a lot of. pressure and I care a lot and I've even. had male CEOs pull me aside and say I. was abused as a child and thank you for. saying something. So I've I've had. a lot of men come up to me and share.

that and I think that what's so hard. about our world is that there are so. many young boys and men who are. survivors of sexual abuse and they don't. feel comfortable saying anything because. our society doesn't. like there's so much pressure on men to. be so tough and be manly and the. statistics are so alarming, but there's. also so many I think it's actually so. much more than that. There's so many. people who are really suffering in. silence and I have some people sometimes. who I'll be in the grocery store and.

they're like, "My abuse happened. 50 years ago. You're the only person. I've ever told." And so I. can't even tell you how much I've had to. work on in therapy of. like not overthinking what I say and. worrying because I know from personal. experience. when we share what we've been through. with someone and it's the only person, the first person, like that is so. correlated to how they're going to heal. is being validating to them. So I feel. I felt so much pressure and now I. have found that.

um when I'm honest and just real with. them and just supportive that people are. always like so understanding and I think. people who've been through hard times. always like give people the benefit of. the doubt and are there for each other, but it is it's really it has affected me. so much and it's interesting I've never. I've never actually shared this publicly. at all because it's been something that. I deal with I'd say most days and I. think that I've thought about this a lot. where I think that if I didn't train so. intensely in my whole entire life and I.

didn't experience trauma in my you know, teenage years and younger years, I have. actually been. hospitalized several times for just like. my body has I read something on. Instagram that I think really um. encapsulates it. It says if you don't. pick a day to rest, your body will pick. it for you and it was it's happened. twice where it's been like this intense, but I I feel like I have different minor. issues as well um depending on what I'm.

going through at the time, but where. like I have literally stroke-like. symptoms. I can't remember my name. I'm. like slurring my words. I can barely. speak. Um. both times I was tested for a stroke. because like I literally couldn't move. my body. It was so scary. And. um the first time the doctors had like. absolutely no idea what it was and it's. it was so scary because also my abuse. happened with a doctor. So being in the. first time it happened was during COVID.

and so they wouldn't let my mom in the. ambulance with me. So I was also it's. really interesting cuz I'm I can't I can. understand what someone is saying to me. um and asking me like I know they're. asking me what my name is, but I can't. remember my name or say what my name is. and I was aware enough to know like oh. my god, I have two men that I can't move. my arms and my legs. I can't move my. body. I can't speak. Like what if they. take advantage of me? And so that at the. time this was years ago during COVID. so. I was like really still struggling a lot. with PTSD where people don't realize how.

much. it still lives with you when you've been. through something traumatic. Um, and so. that was really hard hard for me and. then um it happened again um a little. bit over a year ago where it was like I. it actually was in the hospital for 3. days and like they obviously don't keep. you in the ER for 3 days for for. nothing, but it was really scary and I. remember like I they wouldn't release me. because I couldn't like. sit up on my own. It took me so long. I. needed help like walking, going to the.

bathroom. Like it was just the most to. be able to to go from being like an. athlete and being able to push myself so. much to being able to literally not even. be able to like move my fingers, move my. legs. I had like complete like body. paralysis um and not even to know like. what my name is. It was so scary. And. it's something where like on a daily. basis like I have to. manage making sure that I'm not. like cuz stress exacerbates it. Like.

what I have is a real medical thing, but. stress makes everything worse, so I have. to like be very on top of my therapy, but then also my therapist has to work. with me of like if I'm starting to feel. off, like I just don't do the exposure. stuff. So it's very. it's very hard and very interesting. because I'm also like to your point I'm. very young. So to have something like. that happen was very um. hard and then also when I went both. times actually the second time.

they didn't know who I was when I first. got to the hospital, which is totally. fine. That shouldn't matter. And the. only reason why I share that is because. my mom had said that they kept coming in. and asking me to like lift my legs and I. couldn't. They kept saying what's your. name and I was kind of just like it. almost like even like lifting my finger. would like take so much energy that I. couldn't even like. I just was so out of it. and they kept kind of like rolling their. eyes and not really paying much. attention to me and then finally. um my mom was like I really hate to do.

this but you guys are like ignoring her. I think you think she's like I don't. know what's going on but you should. treat everyone the same way but she's. like I just want to tell you because. you're not believing her but just to. give you a perspective of how like. abnormal this is and how freaked out I. am. She She was like do you know who Aly. Raisman is and they were like yeah we. know who she is and my mom was like well. that's her and then they were like oh my. god and then from there they like took. such great care of me and were there for. me and I'm like it's I want to share. that because it's appalling like it.

doesn't matter who you are everyone. deserves to get excellent medical. treatment and I don't know why they were. like rolling their eyes at me or thought. I was faking but it wasn't until they. realized. that I was a very high level athlete. that they were very nice to me and. taking care of me which is just like. that's also triggering for me because I. already have trust issues with doctors. so it was just really. it's just it's been a very complicated. um thing and then I also have anxiety. like what if I don't feel well again. because there's the fear of like when.

I'm in Paris this summer I'm going to be. so busy there's going to be a lot of. triggers I might see someone that maybe. didn't protect me in the past and so I. always am just like so it's working on. that it's a very complicated so I know. that was a lot but. >> No I first of all I want to just like. pause and be like. I'm so sorry again because yes you like. went through it all and I'm like wait. Aly Aly Aly wait I want to like hug you. I'm like I'm so sorry hearing.

the effects of what happened to you in. the past still live with you I think is. so important to highlight because it's. infuriating when people and there are. ignorant people out there that believe. that like well. it happened so long ago. What why aren't. like and you said you went to therapy. like why aren't you better? Like this is. with you for the rest of your life. And. not that it is going to define you or. not that you can't like live a happy. life, but like this happened to you and.

it was so traumatizing that this is like. this is going to impact you. This is. going to impact like you like I want to. talk to you about your future. relationships and all of that we're. going to get to, but like. I just think it's important to have. these conversations though because it's. like. educating people on the concept of like. this lives forever and this isn't. something that goes away and those. photos that the entire world remembers. of all of you standing there together. and speaking up on this. That was like. day one of the beginning of the rest of.

your life of like trying to heal from. this. And so like you talking about. these effects. I I think it's really important and it. is like. it's it's I think important we're having. this conversation around the Olympics of. like there are so many newscasters and. broadcasters and people that stand and. it's almost like the athletes are like. horses. It's like go like everyone go. like win and it's so fun to watch. But we have to stop like. neglecting to acknowledge that like.

these are also the realities and it. doesn't take away from the beauty of. sports, but it's the reality of a lot of. the things that are happening behind. sports and it's on all of us to listen. and to now like whenever someone sees. anything happening again like someone. better stand the [ __ ] up and I hope that. this is like again, it's not your job to. educate these people, but I hope this. can change the culture slightly. And I believe it will. I believe the two. of us sitting here and continued.

conversations like I believe this will. empower people to speak up, but it's. it's [ __ ] hell and it's a lot. It's a. lot to go through as you're sitting. here. I'm just like I'm I'm so sorry. There's no right thing to say other than. like, I hope people can listen to you and hear. you and know at home if they have. endured anything similar. We see you and it and anyone that's. trying to say, "Well, it happened so. long ago. It happened when you were. five.". >> Yeah. >> Oh, well, then it's definitely with you.

for Like, this is ingrained in you and. you can get through it, but don't feel. like you have to get over it. >> Yeah. Yeah, I think also both can be true. Like, I. love gymnastics and I have so many. wonderful memories with my teammates and. I'm still so close with them and there's. been I'm so proud of my gymnastics. career and I'm so excited to watch the. Olympics, but then also it could also be. true that there was also a lot of. moments that were really hard for me and. I still struggle with it. to this day. And I also think to your.

point of, you know, whether someone I. think a lot of times people will. naturally, I think. when people have been through hard. times, will be like, "Well, mine wasn't. as bad." We kind of justify why it's not. as bad. So, I also want anyone who's. listening to know, like, don't compare. your experience. to mine, whether your abuse happened one. time or hundreds of times or thousands. of times. Every experience is real and. valid and it all affects us in different. ways and. you didn't do anything wrong and it's.

not your fault. And just know that if. you're struggling and to your point, if. it was 10 years ago, yesterday, 50 years ago, it's okay to still feel. however you're feeling. Um, I think that. there's not enough people telling. people that have been through hard times. that we all are on our own path and, you. know, also I think sometimes people. might not be ready to do exposure. therapy and that's fine. It took me a. really long time to be like, "I'm ready. to. take this on cuz it's really hard to. open stuff up and I think if you want. to, it's important to find a therapist.

who will like really do baby steps with. you. And also, I'm here to validate. I. also I get so annoyed when people ask me. why I'm tired. I just like can't stand. it because I also think like why do. people need an excuse to be tired? You. have no idea what someone's going. through. You could have like the most. you know, incredible job in other people's eyes, but if you're having anxiety, if you're. stressed, we have no idea what people. are dealing with at home or. in their personal life and I just think. stress can be so exhausting. Like I have.

seen the way that my. stress and trauma has affected my health. so much to the point where it has made. me so careful. Like when someone's like, "I'm tired." I'm like, "That's cool. Like just go rest and take care of. yourself." But I think people can be. really judgmental. We're judgmental with. ourselves when we're tired, but we're. also judgmental when with other people, I think, and it drives me nuts like when. someone's like, "Well, why are you. tired?" I'm like, "I don't have to. explain myself to you. Like you have no. idea what I'm dealing with." And.

also like this will probably shock. people too, but I barely have worked out. in 8 years because my body is just like. so tired and it's interesting like I. don't recover because of the. similar with the hospital stuff. Like my. body doesn't recover the way that it. used to. So if I were to. run even for like a couple of minutes, like it might actually take me like. several days to recover or I'll get like. a migraine or I'll get super nauseous. So like I just have to be very careful.

and get very creative with. how I take care of myself, but I think. that, you know, for people who are. obsessed with working out, like they. might be like, "Well, why don't you work. out?" Like and my favorite is like when. I'm It's funny when you talk about. dating. Like when I've dated guys, a lot of them are like, "But if you work. out, you'll feel better." I'm like, "No, I have like a full-on like medical. diagnosis." And like I'm going to be. okay. Like my doctor is like confident. that it's not going to get worse because. I'm aware of it and everything, but I'm. like I just because you might feel. better working out, like right now for.

me, it literally makes me like almost. like vomit and I get a migraine. So I. just have to do like I might have a good. day, but sometimes when you have a good. day as an athlete, I like push myself. too much and then I'm exhausted. But. people it's been hard with dating to get. a guy to be very empathetic and like. know how to like be there for me if I. don't feel well. Like people. people don't always know how to like. handle it well and my mom is so good at. it like in the times where I've gone to. the hospital, my mom instead of being.

like you're fine cuz that's also the. worst. You're like I'm not fine. I'm not. okay. >> No, >> Yeah, it's not Yeah, so when um my mom. will always just say they're going to. help you. Like it's okay. I'm here for. you. They're going to help you and that. is just like everything I need to hear. because it's like she's validating like. this is crazy and we're going to figure. this out. We're going to help you, but. she's also like there for me and. encouraging me, but other people just. like don't know what to say. They're. just like just breathe. You'll be fine. I'm like no, I literally I literally am. laying on the floor. I can't move my. body. >> I think sometimes like note to anyone.

that finds themselves doing that which I. understand maybe you're trying to help, but it's like. sometimes not saying anything, but being. like I'm here for you is all you need to. do. Like stop trying to solve the. problem. Why are you tired? Cuz I'm. depressed? Cuz I'm anxious? Like. whatever it is, just saying like I'm. here for you. Let me know if you need. anything. Like and shut up. >> Yes. >> Just shut up. Like sometimes people it's. like read the room. Like just stop. Um. your dating life and and let's I want to. talk about this because it is all.

intertwined and I think there's so many. young women that listen to this podcast. that like. it's it's hard because when people write. in and ask me questions, I wish all the. time I could sit there and answer all of. them being like well, I need backstory. Like what was your upbringing like? It. all is affecting when you're trying to. date and the men that you're picking or. the women you're picking or whoever. you're picking. So obviously you're in. this moment of your life right now. We're kind of trying to like process. separating and correct me if I'm wrong, but like kind of process separating your. identity from gymnastics, and then.

separating that of like Ally and like. the adult woman you are today. And like. you're trying to separate that. And in. dating, that's like a third head that's popped. up that's like another beast that you. have to take on. In this article that you wrote, it was. so brilliant and beautiful. When I read. it, I was like I wanted you to read the. whole thing today, but I'm not going to. make you do that. But I have a card that. I printed out that has a couple lines. from your article that I want you to. just read because I thought it was so.

profound and accurate. And when you when. I was reading it, I'm like yes, yes, yes, yes. So if you don't mind just. reading this for the Daddy Gang. >> Okay, yes. This is actually my favorite. part. This is like one of the first things. that I had written. Um. okay. I've lost count of how many times people. have told me, "You're too picky. You're. difficult. Your standards are too high. Give him another chance. You're probably. intimidating him. Maybe you should make yourself smaller. Your biological clock is ticking. Don't. you want to have kids? You should put.

yourself out there more. How are you. still single?". Rarely am I asked, "How are you? How do you feel with your partner? Do. you like the person you are when you're. with them? You're single? That's great. It's so important to take time to figure. out who you are.". >> Preach, [ __ ] Like what the hell? When. I read that, it felt like it it was so. like truly emblematic of every young. woman's experience with society of like. we give him another chance. Like why.

don't you And it's like cuz I don't like. him, cuz he makes me feel like [ __ ] cuz. it's toxic. Like there's just so many. things that women go through in their. 20s and 30s when they're trying to find. a partner. And so I want to talk to you. First of all, like why did you decide to. write this article? And I'll link it in. the description, Daddy Gang, so you guys. can all read it cuz it's amazing. But. why did you decide to write that? >> This episode is brought to you by. Polymarket. So, everyone has that one. friend. That one friend that's like they knew. the couple was going to break up. They.

called the surprise album drop. They. somehow knew who was getting cast on the. reality show before the announcement. even happened. Like we all have that. friend, right? And every time you ask. them how they knew, they're like, "I. don't know. I just Guys, like I just had. a feeling.". Well, let me tell you something, Daddy. gang. Lately, I have been getting my. feelings from Polymarket, okay? Polymarket, my god, how I love it. Okay, it is the world's largest prediction. market. Basically, a place where you can.

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20. Have fun. Love you guys. Call Her. Daddy is brought to you by Uber Eats. Daddy gang, we have all been there. It. is the night of your friend's birthday. dinner. You are halfway through doing. your makeup and suddenly you realize, "Oh my god, I never got her a gift.". Now, you're frantically digging through. drawers looking for like, "Oh my god, maybe I could re-gift this unused. candle." and realizing you're about to. show up empty-handed and you're going to. be 20 minutes late. Well, thankfully.

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I can talk about things that are. important to me, but it's also really. important to me to be relatable, and I. want to be relatable, and I know that. so many people are going through so much. different stuff and I know for myself. that I do feel the pressure. I've even I. love my parents, but I've literally had. to tell them like you can I like yeah, like every time they would be like, "Well, we really want to have. grandkids." I'm like, "I would love to. be a mom one day, but like you can't. control when you're going to find the.

right person." And I'm like, "I love you. guys so much and I would love to give. you grandkids, but let's just take a. beat." And so they like I told them one. time and now they now it's like totally. fine. But they they're so. well-intentioned, they're just excited. But I also will tell my mom and dad. stories like when I don't have great. experiences with dating and because I. want them to understand it's not easy to. find that right connection. And I think. it's very it's a very different time. than when they were dating when they. were younger and.

I just know that. there's a lot of people who feel the. pressure to find someone and I think. that especially in this Instagram social. media world, there's so much pressure. for like this perfect relationship and. we want to post the most perfect version. of ourselves. And you know, no matter. who you are, nobody's life is perfect, no one's relationship is perfect. But I. also think. it's kind of interesting to me. It. almost feels like there's this like. pressure that in your late 20s we're. like supposed to find.

the right person. And I feel like the. odds of us all finding that right person. is just not realistic and. I wanted to sort of be a part of the. narrative of trying to change that cuz. it is so much pressure. And I feel like. even I was just for um July 4th weekend, I was with friends and just like the. amount of people that were like, "Are. you dating anyone?" And I'm just like, "I don't I now no matter what I'm like, "Oh, no, I'm not. I just don't I also. kind of feel. more guarded and protective cuz I've. shared so much publicly that I'm very.

protective over. people that I date in my relationships. just cuz it should be sacred and. special. And I think that. um it is it's it's really hard to find. that good fit, and I also feel like. you know, I've gone through so much that. I didn't really have the confidence to. know who I was, and I feel like now I'm. like just. feeling more confident. And it's really. interesting because I feel like now I'm. finally at the point where I feel like. when I was younger dating in my early. 20s, it was so hard in the early 20s cuz. I was so afraid to like.

even tell them, like, wait, this makes. me uncomfortable or I don't want to do. this. And now it's so interesting. The. more I communicate, whether it's like. from the first date or the first text, they're so like they're more into me. because of it. It's really interesting, and I I feel really grateful for that. because it makes me feel I feel like. very quickly I realize who. actually is really supportive and. understanding, and it makes me when I do. communicate what would make me more. comfortable and they're. like totally fine with it, in fact go. out of their way to do that, it just.

makes me feel so much safer with them. So it's it's I'm going into dating very. differently now where I'm not as afraid. to be like I really would like this, this would make me feel good, where I. was so afraid. I think I was afraid they. would leave. Then you know, and it's. actually like. >> amazing. Thanks for letting me know. I. think that's so relatable, and thank you. for sharing that because boundary. setting with like a romantic partner, and when I say romantic partner, it. could be your first date. Like. you're trying to come off like you know, fun time girl, and like you want to not. bring like your baggage and be like,

when do we have this conversation? And. there's so many things that everyone. wonders. Like I was having a. conversation with my sister recently, we. were having fun girl talk, and like she. was asking me a question, and I was. like, this is such a good question. Like. she's dating, and she was like, is it. weird if I bring this up here? And I was. like, I don't think so. But you know, what if. you do and he acts weird, leave the. date. Like there's so many things that. you second guess yourself for when you. are dating, and I think it's so. understandable because there are so many.

pieces of [ __ ] out there that can make. you feel small and that can make you. feel insane for bringing something up. and to have you now realize like, "Oh my. god, I said what I've always wanted to. say." And like I was just met with like, "Amazing. Like thanks for letting me. know." And you're like a little like. Wait, but you probably couldn't have. done that back then not because you. weren't actually capable of saying those. words. It's a confidence thing and it's. like a learned habit that you just have. to like exercise the muscle more to. become cuz it it's actually not about. them. It's all about you. It's about you.

being able to sit there and to advocate. for yourself and be able to even express. that because maybe in your early early. 20s, you didn't even know you needed. that. >> Yeah. >> You knew it was uncomfortable, but you. didn't know why or like what to say or. what if you didn't want that, what did. you want? Now you're like. >> Yeah. >> Uh, she's figuring it out. I'm. interested like have you ever kind of. like continued seeing someone because. you just felt like you were behind and. you were like, "Fuck it. Like I'll just. keep kind of like I'll go on another. date because I'm single and like.

whatever." Before you kind of like got. to this new relationship. >> good. I feel like. yes, I have, but it's. Okay, someone told me recently and it. really helped me. They were cuz I was. saying I was like, "Oh my god, I'm like. so like cringing that I dated this. person for so long." And they were like, "If you're not looking back and. cringing, you're not growing." And I was. like, "That is what I needed to hear.". That made me feel better. >> on that for all the daddy gang. If you. are so embarrassed by an ex of yours, me. included, let's all pause and.

>> You're so right. It just means growth. >> Uh, it's growth. >> Thank god we're all cringing being like, "Uh, but I'm just sometimes like horrified at. the stuff that I would put up with, you. know?". >> Can you give me an example? Like. obviously we're not talking specific. people, but just like a little example. >> like it's interesting. I Something that. I've struggled with with dating is that. in the beginning the guys are like. really great. They're happy. They're. chill. And And also to what we were. talking about before, I would want I. want a guy to communicate to me what. they want, too. And I also have had a.

therapist one time told me this and I've. never forgotten it because I used to. like wait and then I'd like we talk. about it and be like this whole thing. where like it's funny I feel like if you. bring something up when it's like just. the littlest bit like on your mind. versus like you have like a 30-second. conversation about it and the other. person's like great. Like you're on the. way to dinner, you're like, "Hey, by the. way, this would like really mean a lot. to me if we did this instead or didn't. do this." And they're like, "Cool." And. whereas if you wait till it happens like. 50 times and you have a 3-hour. conversation about it. So I I try to. like also just bring it up really fast.

and then it's quick and it's done and. then they like forget about it. It's not. a big deal. And I would want the same. >> Such a good point. >> them. But I've struggled with. I think I don't know if it's because. some of the guys I've dated maybe. weren't like okay with my success or my. life, but I feel like they've gotten. very resentful and very moody. I don't. know if like moody is the right word, but have you ever dated a guy that's. very moody cuz it is just not fun. >> Oh, it is miserable because then you're. tiptoeing around them. >> Everything's ruined.

>> You are on eggshells and it almost it's. You know what it is? I feel like that's. so interesting. I've had that where. because of their insecurity about your. success, through the moodiness and through the. like the lashing out moments, it it's a. way it's like a power tactic where it. becomes all about them. Everything is on. their terms and you're kind of like, "We. are we still going to dinner or are you. pissed and we're just going to sit here. in silence? Like what are we doing?" And. like everything is on their terms, but. it's all like a manipulation tactic at. the end of the day and like it may not.

be so manipulative in what they're. doing. It's the insecurity that breeds. this like how can I gain control because. I feel so out of control because she's. the one in a position of power in their. mind. Meanwhile, you're literally like. in in my success that has nothing to do. with you. Like I'm here in this. relationship. Why are we acting like. moodiness? >> Oh, it is like I would say And something. that immediately like within, like, immediately I bring that up to any new. guy I'm dating. I'm like, this is a. total deal breaker for me. I can't Like, a guy is allowed to be upset or in a bad.

mood, but when you take it out on me and. you're mean to me and you. like, ruin something that we're doing. together, that's not okay. But, everyone. is allowed to Everyone has good days, bad days. Like, if someone's in a bad. mood and they're like, "I'm in a really. bad mood, but like, I need like, I'm. going to go to the gym or I need some. space or like, can we talk about it?". Totally fine. But, when I'm sure you've. had like, when you do something together. and you're like, "I We just went to this. concert. I would have gone with my. friend. I'd rather you have not gone.". Or like, why are we going to dinner. together if you're just like, miserable?

Like, I would have rather you told me. and we wouldn't have done that. So, I. just That is something I look back and. cringe on. I'm like, I think because I'm. a people pleaser and I tried I really. wanted to help them. I didn't realize. there's like a difference between being. supportive to your partner and then. having them treat you not well. So, I've. I'm learning that, but that is something. like, I immediately bring up to a guy. I'm like, I am like, that is a deal. breaker for me and I'm not going to be. treated like that. >> That's interesting. When you look back. at that, like, moodiness is like one. thing and I feel like now that you're.

talking about it more, it's a little bit. more than moodiness, Ally. >> Yeah, I think. >> [laughter]. >> I'm like, wait a second. >> Yeah, it was it was it's I don't think I. realized. >> Moodiness is the people pleaser in you. being like, "He's just moody." I'm like, "Hold on.". >> No, I think it's Yeah, it's. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you are. [laughter] right. >> Add that to the list of uh therapy. Yeah, write that down for me. Hold on. >> Yeah, that's a thing that I'm like, that. is a full-on deal breaker for me. >> not treating you right.

>> interesting because. I don't want to like, you know, give in to Well, it's interesting like, when you think about stereotypes, I feel. like women are stereotypically told that. we're very moody and like, we're like, on our periods and everything and this. is just in my experience, so I'm not. trying to generalize, but like the women. in my life are not in bad moods. And I I. honestly I honestly like or if they're. in a bad mood, they'll like communicate. with me. But I really there are a lot of.

men in my life that are do not And I. think it's because our society doesn't. let men be men. I'll give them the. benefit of the doubt for a moment, but. like I feel like a lot of men in my life. and not even just in relationships in. different areas will take out their bad. mood on me and I'm also like sometimes. too nice or I'm working on I I need to. be better at being like it's just it's. very hard for me, but it's really. interesting because I'm like why is. there such. a like stigma that women are always. moody, but I think cuz we're more open.

about therapy, we could call each other. and be like I'm having the worst day. We. talk it out and we're good, but I don't. think men have that same outlet. >> Okay, I think you're on to something and. you're so right. I think it's this. I. think women are more emotional in the. best way because we actually express our. emotions and we actually are trying to. like constantly work through things and. the way that we get through it is most. of the time communicating. Like if I'm. upset, I'm going to say something. We. all know that. We cannot hold back. Like.

>> Are you good at saying something if. you're upset? >> Oh, yeah. I've gotten better, but even. when I was bad at it and I hadn't been. in therapy, like it's going to come out. one way or another. It's just a matter. of if it's coming out immediately or am. I going to go sit in the room for an. hour and then I'm going to walk out and. tell him I'm upset. It like it's coming. out. With men, men are moody, women are. emotional and I would way rather be. emotional because at least I'm in tune. with my emotions. The moodiness is this. big twister of a storm of all these. things and it's like poke the bear and. they're so moody and it's like why are. you moody? They can't tell you because. they don't know how to half the time. express their emotions. Bye.

>> I just wish men knew like I find it so. attractive when a guy is vulnerable. [snorts] and open. Like if a guy It's so. I think it's so hard to find a man who's. secure enough in himself to be like, "Can you just sit down with me for a. minute? I'm like having a really tough. day or I'm struggling on this." Like I. would feel so into that and so attracted. to that that I wish more men knew that. that is so attractive and I I feel. I have empathy for them that they feel. like they can't. They have to be so. tough all the time cuz it's so There's.

literally nothing better when you're. like on a date and you're just like. vibing and and you're just like socially. connecting. about stuff and it's just It's really. nice to have that connection where you. both don't feel judged. You both can go. to each other and I think that that. is hard to find and that's like I think. relationships it should be they should. be hard to find cuz I think that's what. makes like finding the right person, um, you know, more special. >> Um, in your 20s, what partners were you. pursuing? Like describe.

>> Oh, um, I used to I used to really go. for the athletes, THE PROFESSIONAL. ATHLETES. >> OH. >> AND, UM, it's really hard to find a. really good [laughter] one. Um, there have been a few very sweet. ones and I'm grateful for that, but. yeah, it's, um, it was It's hard. It's hard to find a. good one. I just think that. >> Give me some qualities that they. >> Yeah, I definitely wasn't treated, um, the way I think that girls deserve to be. treated. I think, um,

yeah, I think that was definitely my. type, but. I also will say what's interesting is. like for years people were like, "You. got to stop dating the athletes." And I. was like, "All right, I'll date like. I'll go on a date with anyone." And I've. been like so open. I literally would. like. if someone set me up with someone, I'm. like, "I don't need to see a picture.". Like I'll just go on a date and I'd go. on these dates and I'm like, "Okay, maybe I should be like It's like finding. the I was trying to like find the right. balance of like trying to be more open. because I also think it's like crazy. when we meet someone, you feel a vibe.

and like, you know, you think about like. maybe if someone showed you a photo of. them, you wouldn't have maybe said. "Yes." So, I try to be like very. open-minded, but like even dating guys who are not. professional athletes and like not in. the public eye, like some of them are. not great either. So, it just really. just depends. I think that there's. always like good guys and same thing. with I'm sure guys will say the same. thing. There are some girls who they or. women they've dated that are wonderful. and others like we all have had probably. good and bad experiences, but.

um. I think that what I've also learned, I'm. curious what you think about this, is. like I used to take it so personally. when I was younger, like if I dated an. athlete, they were probably texting 30. people at the same time. Like if they're. not looking for something, there's just. most of the time there's no chance. Like. they're not interested. And it's not I. wish I knew like dating wasn't personal. cuz I used to take it very personal when. I was younger. And now I'm realizing. like at least for me, I feel like guys. show pretty quickly like what they're. looking for and what they're interested.

in. Like I'd have a guy like years ago. who like you know, would like text me. like once every, you know, 2 weeks or. like barely take [clears throat] me out. to dinner. I'm like, "Oh my god, do you. think he's just busy?" It's like, "No, he's just not interested.". >> He's definitely not busy. He could be. busy, but he's also not interested. >> Yes. Yeah, [laughter] like I think now I. do a better job of not overthinking and. just being like they're either like I. love I saw something on Instagram that's. like when a guy is into you, know. If. you're confused, it's just not it. And I. really tell myself that, too. Like it.

doesn't mean especially in the beginning. like every person has like a different. cadence of how like even if you know, sometimes I think people get so caught. up in like oh, if you're texting every. day or doing this, like is are they. taking you out to dinner? Are they. showing interest? Are they like you I. think that our gut is usually right and. we should listen to that more cuz I. think that that is something I wish I. listened to more is like. understanding. that if a guy is like looking, then. they're looking, but if they're not,

it's like it's kind of hard to, I think, in my experience, like change their. minds. >> I completely agree with you, and I think. though what I have started to realize, I. would say in the past couple years, is. like. I used to. look at it a lot like, oh, I wish I. would have done differently. And I. actually, the only thing I would change. about everything you're saying is like. I think that guys definitely do show you. immediately like what they're kind of. down to give you. And I think a lot of. the times, when we are not completely.

like full within ourselves and healthy. and good and like know exactly what we. want, we ignore that and we just choose. to like kind of see what we want out of. them. And I think that's normal and. that's natural because that just means. you're not ready for that. end game relationship yet. You still. have work to do because if you are going. for someone that is treating you like. that, it's cuz you're working something. out on your end of like you needed to. get this certain validation and you. liked this one part of them and you're.

completely ignoring the part where. they're like treating you like [ __ ] And. then eventually it ends because you wake. up to being like, I feel like [ __ ] Why. is this happening? And then you go to. the next relationship. And then maybe if. you go for something a little different, it's because you're looking for. something different to fill the void of. XYZ. All of a sudden, this string of. moments of dating all these different. people. builds you into this healthy person. because you start to just. create your palette of like taste of. like I like this. I definitely would. never go for that because.

we all know it. You go on the date and. all of a sudden you're like, I remember. my ex did that. I'm nope, I'm not. interested and you're out. But you. needed to learn it in the first place to. even recognize it. That's how I felt. like when I met Matt, I there were so. many green flags and I I always say, had. I met Matt when I was like 22, I would. have probably not dated Matt because I. wasn't ready for Matt. So like. I I think in a way when you're dating,

there's there's almost like a hopeful. element I can give to all the girls. listening if like and you of like this. is really exciting because you are like. building this like repertoire of like. memory and understanding and you're just. understanding what you like, what you. don't like, and you're putting up with. things as shitty as it feels in the. moment that you'll never put up with. again unless you don't grow. And half of. the battle is on you. When people are. like, "God, what this happened to me. again." Did it happen to you or did you.

put yourself in that position again? >> I know I once had a actually a male. therapist say to me one time um he was. like I was just talking to him about. dating and he was like, "Why do you. think you're attracting these people who. are treating you that way?" I was like. >> Fling yourself [laughter and snorts] out. the window. >> um you have a point." I was like, "But. maybe you can say it you can say it a. little bit nicer." But he was like, "Why. do you What do you think is like wrong. with you that you're attracting people. like that?" And I was like, "That is. something that like I'm the common. denominator so like I have to and also.

that is separate from like if someone's. in an abusive relationship very. different like very very different um. but for me like I just had to take a. hard look at being like also go through. phases where like I'll go on dates and. then I'm like I need a break and I need. to take time. Yeah, I need to take some time for. myself and it's really interesting cuz. like the times where I'm the most happy. being single and on my own I like really. try to think about I'm only going to. date someone or let someone in my life. if they just like enhance or add to my.

life and I think that really helps when. I have that foundation of knowing. what I want and what I'm looking for but. it is it's it's um. I definitely like the idea of being with. someone when it's not right is just so. lonely to me and I just don't want that. >> It's so lonely and I I need to find this. article. I read it so many years ago. that my mom sent me. Now looking back, I'm like, I think she sent this to me. when I was in my previous relationship. that I was miserable, and thanks, Mom. And it's a little like diagram that this.

person wrote, and it's an article about. how like someone that is single is one. step away from a healthy relationship. Someone that is married in or in a. relationship in a miserable relationship. is three steps away from a healthy, happy relationship because they have to. remove themselves from that. relationship. Then they have to get good. on their own again, and then they can. start to seek health and happiness with. another person. But it's like that's so. exciting. And you have to be I be so.

intentional about who you let into your. space. But I agree, it's like you have. to get so good with yourself, cuz that's. when you really start to attract good. energy. When you get out of a. relationship and you fling yourself to. the next that's when you're just kind of. like off balance, just trying to find. anything that will like make you feel. happy. but for a quick moment. It's not like. you're actually stable enough to be. like, hold on, what did I learn from. that relationship? Let me be alone for a. minute. Now let me go find something. better. It's really tough, though. It can get. exhausting. >> It is exhausting. I'm curious what you.

think about this, cuz I feel like a lot. of people are have different opinions on. like when I go on a first date. Like. if I am not excited to see them again, like if I'm even on the fence, I'm not. going on a second date. I'm curious what. your perspective is on that. I just. think it should be like easy and. comfortable. >> Okay, I have thoughts. >> Okay. >> Call Her Daddy is brought to you by. Depop. Daddy gang summer is obviously in. full swing, which means [music]. so is my shopping addiction. As my.

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him." And I was like, "Why?" And she was. like, "Um I don't know, like the sparks. weren't there." And I was like, >> Did they kiss? >> No. >> Sometimes you don't know until you kiss. >> Right, I agree. I agree. >> Sometimes it's like I I will say that. Like sometimes there's almost this like. awkwardness. >> Yes. >> And then when you kiss it's. >> get it out of the way. >> Yes, yes. >> of like I'm so down for a first kiss on. a date. Like I actually condone it. >> you know what's kind of funny is. sometimes like. I feel like it's funny the guys who are. like comfortable just like grabbing you. and kissing you on the first date. I. found sometimes they're just like so.

smooth, know what they're doing, and. maybe they're a little bit more of a. player. >> Yes, I agree. >> so it's And then sometimes the guys that. are a little bit more timid, not always, but they're just like trying to be like. really sweet and. and it just depends on like. their experience. Like if you're dating. a professional athlete, like they. >> Grabbing the back of your NECK AND. YOU'RE. >> YEAH. >> ROMANCE, BUT THEN IT'S LIKE 3 WEEKS. LATER you're like, "Hello?". >> Yeah, yeah. You're like, "Wait, you just. ghosted me. You just told me you wanted. to date me and then you just ghosted me. What is. >> I thought we were getting married. Now. we're gone. Okay, that this.

Yeah. >> depends on who it is. You have to like. know the person. So. I think it depends like. I do Yeah, whenever I Yeah, okay. Okay. >> Okay, my theory is this. What my friend. said to me was she was like, "Well, you. said that like you and Matt had sparks. immediately on the first date." And I'm. like, "That is true. However, I have. been in love before. And I have been in. love with people before that I didn't. feel the like insane spark on the first. date. And so I think my.

my new rule to that I tell my friends is. unless it was like so bad that you were. like, whether it was how they spoke. about something that you're like, "I. don't like the way they spoke about like. their family or their mom." Or like, "Woah, that was a red flag." If it was. like a "It was a good date." Like, "I. don't know if the vibe is there, but I. can't tell." Like, go on the second. date. Because I feel like first dates, unless you are a [ __ ] pro, and then. yet again, why are you a pro at first. dates? It is like harder than a job interview,

in my opinion. Because a job interview, you have your piece of paper and you're. reading your exact qualifications, and. it doesn't actually matter that much on. your personality. This is like every. [ __ ] thing of the delicate dance of. your looks, your Are you funny? Are you. charismatic? What's your personality? Do. you vibe? It all has to match perfectly. in 1 hour at a dinner. Like. give it a second shot. I think once the. second date doesn't go well, never see. them again. But if it was like a.

"Hmm, I don't know." I would say try it. again, and I would say try a different. vibe than the first date. So if you did. a dinner, now go do an activity. If you. did an activity, now go sit down and. have face-to-face dinner. I would say do. a second date. >> I think it also depends on if you're. dreading going on a second date. >> Yeah. >> Don't, but I think you should. >> Check in with yourself. Check in with. yourself because I used to do that and. it was like, am I dreading going on the. second date? Does it have anything to do. with him or am I being lazy? And am I. being And when I say lazy, I'm not. actually being lazy. Am I being like, I.

want this to be easy. I wanted to feel. it immediately. I wanted the spark to be. there and I. It's not easy because do the work in the. beginning because then once you're. actually in a relationship, like that's. also another set of just hell where. you're like figuring out each other's. trauma and boundaries and family [ __ ]. Like the first date, I don't know. I. don't think I don't think we can count. people out unless there's a glaring. issue. You're like, okay, let me open my.

phone. >> No, I feel like a lot of people say. that. But what do you think about if. you're on a first date or a second date. and you kiss and the kiss you don't feel. that's that I don't want to use the word. spark cuz I feel like that's like. unrealistic, but you just. yeah, it's not there. Do you I don't I. think if you don't have that like. physical like sexual chemistry in the. beginning, I don't think you can like. create it. >> agree and I think. >> That is so disappointing when that. happens, too. >> It is so sad cuz you are like. Worse is when if you went on a first.

date and you didn't kiss and you go on a. second date and you are like kind of. fantasizing about it. You're like. walking around your place. You're like. drinking your coffee in the morning like. picturing like you're almost like. creating like a movie in your head of. like what it's going to be and then it. happens and you're literally like. >> You're like, I need to go home. >> You're like, oh god, I'm never going to. see you again and that was not And then. when they're into it and you're not. >> That's what I was going to say, too. I. sometimes feel like Do you think that. like. we are sometimes more picky about that.

than men? >> Yes, because I think that there you also. then don't know their intention. completely. Are they just hoping that. they're going to sleep with you while. you're like, oh I'm actually like. looking for a partner. So they're like, hey Ally, that was amazing. Let's go. back to your place. And you're literally. like, I hate you. Like [laughter]. I literally felt nothing below the belly. button. Like we got to go home. I think. that men are less picky cuz men are just. like dogs and they're just like, oh that. was great. Meanwhile it's like, no that. wasn't great. Like what about that was. great, Daniel? Like that was bad. Like.

leave me alone. So no, I. I think you I think you're on the right. track. I also think everyone is. different, but I don't know ladies, maybe this is like the year of second. dates. Because then at least you're. I think then you're training yourself to. maybe then you can just start knowing in. the first date. But start pushing. yourself to see if there is a shift ever. on the second date. And then maybe there. is and then you're like, holy [ __ ]. Maybe I need to stop counting people. out. Because what I said to my friend. was. she was. so cute. She was like, you know me, I.

can be a little socially awkward in the. moment. And I was like, but think about. this. How many times have you told me, I. wish people knew me like in settings. with like all of us and our friends when. I'm the most comfortable. You wish that people would give you. that. So give that to the other person. >> That. Wow, okay. You have convinced me. >> We're going on a second date. >> Okay. >> Get your phone out, girl. We're like, do. do do. I think it's Listen, there's. there's no harm in it. And what I can. say is, if you are super anxious about. the first date or second date, or you.

could do it as like a drinks or. something that you have somewhere to go. afterwards. So you always have an out. And then if you're vibing, be like, let. me cancel my [ __ ] dinner. Like let's. actually have dinner together. Let's go. down the street. But you can always give. yourself an out. Like let's I have like. an hour before like a work thing I have. to go to. >> Like want to meet for drinks. Like it. doesn't have to be this [ __ ] three. course sit down dinner where you're. literally like at the appetizers and. he's eating his calamari and and like, oh my god, I literally hate you. And I'm. stuck here for 2 hours." Like this is a.

waste of my life. Like don't do that. Grab a drink. >> when you're when they're just like you. just know right away. You're like. >> Oh, you're gridlocked. You're literally. >> You're just like, "Ugh." But also, I. will say sometimes you like go on a date. with someone and you are like, "You are. the nicest person. You are going to be. an amazing. >> You are just not it. >> Yeah, you're amazing. You're going to. make some person so happy. >> I just not me. >> No, it's just not me. But it doesn't. That's what dating is isn't personal. I've gone on so many dates where I'm. like, "You're just like so wonderful. I've nothing bad to say about you." But. it's just like and it's the same with.

men I've been in serious relationships. with too. I'm like, "You're so. wonderful." It just there's you know. when you're it's Yeah, >> When was the last date you went on? Come on. >> Um it was a few weeks ago. >> [laughter]. >> It was a few weeks ago. But I'm not. sharing anything else. I'm not sharing anything else. >> Was it a first date? >> Yeah. Not sharing anything else. >> [laughter]. >> I'll keep saying that. >> Yeah, I'm not sharing anything else. They're like, "Alex, Alex." I'm like, Did it go well? >> Mhm.

Yep. >> [laughter]. >> And but I'm not sharing. I just keep asking if you're answering. >> Yeah. >> It did. But that's what I'm saying. >> Did you meet on a dating app or. >> Nope. Nope. >> [laughter]. >> Should I keep asking you? >> Okay, okay, okay, okay, we're moving on. We're moving on. Um this has been. fabulous. >> I know, this is fabulous. >> having the best time. I'm like I could. keep going. Um I I love though the the. biggest point that I love about you. writing that article too was about.

calling out like, "I'm 30 now." And like. everyone's like, "What do you do?" Like. you are young and you are beautiful and. you are successful and I think it's. important especially for women. I. understand we have our biological clock. Don't rush into something just because. of a biological clock. Like what? Like. what and be miserable with a random. person that you hate just because it. like we're 30, times up. Like no. Um. what are you the most excited about like. entering your 30s right now?

>> Well, I feel like I'm most excited. because I. I've been told for a long time that when. you hit 30 you kind of care less. And so. I'm like slowly getting there, but I. think I'm just excited to. like peel back the layers of who I am. and just have more fun, focus more on my. personal life. And and also I had a. friend one time tell me it was at her. bachelorette party actually. And this. was years ago and she just said you have. so much to look forward to. Like you. still have like that. So for anyone.

who's single this actually really helped. me. It's like you still have that like. first day, your first kiss, like you. know, going into that like talking stage. and falling in love. And like there's. just so still so much to look forward. to. And if you're in a relationship or. you're married, you still have so much. to look forward to as well. Like there's. so much different beautiful variations. and chapters of life that I'm excited to. keep. growing and evolving and. figuring out who I am cuz I also think. it's important to give ourselves like. space and permission to if you want to.

outgrow a friendship, you want to try. something new, you want to whatever it. is. Like do what you want to do and do. what makes you happy. So I'm starting to. like. care a little bit less. But um I think. that's beautiful. >> Can you tell I care too much? >> [laughter]. >> Too much. >> You're like I don't care Alex. >> I swear I. >> don't, but I do. >> Like I literally don't give a [ __ ]. Um I I actually think when you were. saying that it just made me think of. something. that is kind of beautiful. I when you.

when I was reading that article you. wrote, it. was really interesting, you know, and. you mentioned it earlier like talking. about comparison, right? Of Instagram. and it's like every [ __ ] week you. open your phone and it's like someone. got engaged or someone had a baby. And I look back at when I was single and. I talked about this recently. Like I. have two different friend groups. One. friend group is like all married and. have babies and I'm like the one last on. the totem pole and then my other friend.

group is like I'm ahead of the friend. group in terms of like my relationship. status or whatever the hell you want us. to call it. And I realized like we compare ourselves. when we're single to the people in. relationships that are getting married. and all that stuff. We need to stop because what I can tell. you all is this. Here's a secret. I am. now married and now I'm comparing myself. to the moms and what I hear from the. moms is then you compare yourself in. your parenting style and where your kids.

are at and then you compare what your. like what is your life balance to your. kids and your career. It's like the. comparison literally never stops unless. you stop it. And so yes, it feels right. now like this big point of like whoa, I'm either married or I'm not. It's not. just that. It's every [ __ ] aspect of. life is every [ __ ] thing. Women are. just we keep comparing ourselves. Am I. doing it as good? Am I doing it as good? And so I thought it would stop like. whoa, I'm I'm about to turn 30 this. summer.

I just got married and I'm like. it really doesn't matter that I got. married. Like oh no, it does. Sorry. Matt. No, it does. It does. It does. I. promise. But I but I mean in terms of. that like of course it was amazing and. beautiful, but I also would have been so. happy if it happened at 35. You know. what I mean? Like or 40 like the. timeline we need to be nicer to. ourselves because the comparison game, the next step you get to, that's a whole. new can of worms of comparing. So like. don't worry.

>> It it it it is it's so interesting. because for women as you mentioned. before like we have that biological. clock and it's also like so unfair how. inaccessible. egg freezing is for women and how. expensive it is and I think it's so. unfair because for the women that are. able to afford it. I think for so many it gives you sort of. like a little bit more a little bit. longer timeline. Not a little bit but. probably a lot longer if you're able to. afford it and you're able to even like.

take off the time you need for work and. everything where men don't have to worry. about that. So it's very different and I. I think it's so messed up how expensive. egg retrieval is. It's. >> It's It's so expensive and obviously. people need it for various. reasons but I think that adds a really. complicated piece to it and I also think. that there's also so much pressure. I. was going to put this in the article but. then I just like didn't It's like a. balance of not writing too much and um. but. >> Right. >> there's also so many people like don't. want to be a mom and that's also okay.

and I think a lot of people feel guilty. for that and if someone doesn't want to. be a mom or a dad they don't have to be. and I feel like people are so judgmental. and I I know um. you know for some of my friends that are. married like they must feel like. everywhere they go people are asking. them when are you having kids and it's. like it's just not everyone wants to but. it's also so much pressure and also so. many people struggle with infertility. and it's just such a personal thing that. people go through and um there's just. like so many layers to it but I just.

think like I'm someone where I've always. wanted to be a mom and I'm excited for. that but I can't imagine like how. frustrating it must be for people who. don't want to be a mom but maybe feel. like they have to be or they feel the. pressure. Yeah. >> No, I love that you're saying that Ali. and I think this is like it's like the. trickle down effect of like I think a. huge thing I'm also taking from this and. I try really hard like I never ask. people in interviews like do you want. kids cuz it's like we don't know. anything behind the scenes. Kind of like. when you said when people ask me why are.

you tired? Literally stop. Just stop. Stop asking people like I like oh my god. the minute I got engaged when are you. getting married? When are you having. kids? I'm like, oh my god, like. some of these people feel so entitled to. answers that they have no business. having or even asking. And I feel like. we need to stop asking people, do you. want kids? Or oh my god, when are you. getting married? And like, are you. dating, Ally? It's like, read the room. If you have now asked Ally or one of. your single friends constantly every.

time you see them, imagine how annoying. that is. Like, imagine how frustrating. that is. Like, maybe wait, like, how. what's going on in your life? Like, how. are you doing? >> Well, like, if I was in a like happy. relationship, like, you would know. I. will tell you. Like, they'd be here with. me, you'd know. You know, but sometimes. it's Yeah, I was at a group dinner and. someone actually that I didn't know the. other day was like like in front of. everyone. And they mean well, but. they're just like, so Ally, like, what's. the dating life like? And and what like. are you dating anyone now? And I'm like, after being asked 10 times that day, I'm.

like, I just why is this always have to. be the conversation? Like, why can't it. just be it's just all the time. >> Really? Like, what have you been up to? Like, do you have like anything fun. you're looking forward to? What are you. up to this summer? Like, I think that we. Yeah, I would just say Daddy Gang, like, be more cognizant anytime you're asking. your friends, whether they're the single. friends, whether they're the married. friends, whatever it is, like, be. mindful and read some context clues. Like, if your friend hasn't brought up. kids to you, maybe it's because she. doesn't want them or maybe she's having.

a hard time with it. Like, being a little bit more generalized in. our questioning and like letting them. answer what they want to answer about. their life and stop leading with like. something so pointed that kind of puts. them on the spot. It's like, excuse you. >> It's like shocking, I think, for people. The reason why I also wanted to do the. article was because it's like how often. do we hear someone be like, I just. turned 30 and I'm feeling better than I. have in a very long time. And I'm also. like, I'm okay with being single. Like, I'd rather be single and wait until I.

have. a good. match. It did And I also feel like as a. woman, too, I don't know if you ever. struggle with this with dating, but I. felt like as I got older, I have this. I'm like, I really hope that guys don't. perceive just cuz they know my age that. I'm like desperate or like You know that. like perception of like I feel like I. hope they're not thinking I'm just like. in a rush cuz I don't have a timeline. I. genuinely don't. And I always wonder. that. >> you can.

I think you can um. point to that by the way you speak on. your dates of like, "Yeah, like I'm just. like I'm I'll be honest, I'm dating and. I'm kind of just like. looking for people that like I like to. spend time with. And like I'm not in any. rush to do anything. I'm just like. looking for like a good. person to like hang out with and spend. time with. And like I think the way that. you speak about it can immediately. disarm that concept of like, "No, you're. not desperate. You're actually like. better than ever right now and you're. like working on yourself and no one is.

going to get to just come in and like be. your partner. They're going to have to. be really [ __ ] great." Um okay, last. question. What is something that you've. learned about yourself recently that you. wish you had known in your early 20s? >> Ooh, good one. I wish that I. trusted my gut more. And just listen to that more and um. and also realizing it's okay, in fact. important, to be myself. And I found the.

more I figure out who I am, the more the. better relationships I have and the more. fun that I have. So, um yeah, I think trusting my gut. >> Allie, I cannot thank you enough for. coming on. This was like one of my. favorite conversations. I just feel like. we. we hit so many different points. You are. so smart and just like such a. fascinating human being and I really. appreciate you opening up because I just. know this episode is going to touch so. many women and like you really went in. so many different directions that I'm.

like. I have no questions left. Like you. killed it, you crushed it. Thank you for. coming on. Like I I'm so happy we. finally met and now let's go hang out in. Paris. >> Oh my gosh, wait, are you going to be 30. in Paris? >> No, August. But we'll just be. >> fine. Yeah, we're going to like we're. going to be like our 30s. Like yeah, we're going to have Okay. >> Perfect. >> Yeah, I'm thank you so much for having. me on. This was so wonderful. >> amazing.