Asian Son Brings Dishonor To His Family | Financial Audit (Hans Kim)

Do you have a good CPA in your corner? No. No CPA. Oh my gosh. What do you do? Nothing. I. did it myself last year. Did you claim everything? I claimed like 3 months and then I got. tired and I just sent it in. My name is Hans Kim. I'm 34 years old. I'm based out of Austin, Texas. And this. is my financial audit. First of all, I thought you were a lot. younger, but that's just cuz [laughter]. you like look younger. But I was going. to be really impressed if this was you. if this is what you were doing in like. your mid20s, but you're in your mid30s.

So took a long road to get to pay. 14,000 for large purchases. So what do you do here in Austin for a. living? Uh standup comedy. I travel outside of. Austin to make money and then I come. back and spend it here. I'm like a. reverse. You don't make any money in Austin? [clears throat]. I make a little bit but not really. Most. of my money is from the small towns and. cities that I'm pilfering. Small towns and cities. You don't get. the big You don't get the big boys. I do. I get the big boys sometimes.

Yeah. But yeah, I was in Springfield, Missouri. You're mostly known for for uh least. exposed from Kill Tony. Uhhuh. Do you make anything from being on Kill. Tony? Uh I played the fifth. This dude told me he wanted to talk. income before coming on here. And the. first question about income, [laughter]. you don't you don't want to tell me? Well, that's not really to do with me. I'm really going to reveal anything. about me, not about, you know, the thing that made me. So, you're not allowed to tell me how. much money you make from there.

Yeah. Okay. [laughter]. Is it survivable? Okay. [laughter]. All right. [snorts] Well, how much money. do you make on the road? Uh, one weekend, probably like an. average weekend is like 10,000. Kill me, dude. That's incredible. 10,000. That's your average weekend. And. that's most weekends. Yeah. 52 weeks of. the year. No, that's usually uh that's usually. like uh maybe three weekends. I mean, I've been taking a break now, but I used. to work a It really depends. Okay.

But like last year, I was working pretty. much every weekend, running myself. ragged. Um making enough, you know, sometimes it's five, sometimes it's 20. So, I think average 10. Hm. You're taking a break now? Yeah, I'm taking a couple I'm going to. Tampa on Friday, but I've been taking a. couple weekends off. I've been going out. with Tony. Yeah. Uh on his tour, on his theater tour, and. that was fun. And uh yeah, but uh yeah, I don't like to travel too much on the. weekends. It takes a lot out of me. That's when the shows are, right?

Assuming when people are going to go out. to shows on the weekend. Yeah. When taking a break, how long are we. taking off? Like two weekends max. Oh, okay. So that's not really a break. That's you're taking a vacation, not a. break. Okay. cuz you make you make me. immediately worry when we start to do. well in your financial situation. You're. starting to make some money and then I. hear you say, "I'm going to take a. break." It's like, "No." Well, you're in. a what can be a limiting career. sometimes like YouTube, this is like a 3. to 5 year type thing. I I don't know for. comedy as well, but you know, some.

people have their peak and then they're. off. Yeah. It's like I would want you to just make. thating money, man. Yeah. As much as you. can get. So, I mean, after the two. weekends, you're gonna start you're. gonna start hitting it again really. hard. Okay, cool. So, how many weeks do we. think a year that we can average out. that 10K a weekend? Um, I would guess I make like 300K. So, 30 weekends, maybe over half. Dude, that's insane. How long have you been making 300K?

A year. Maybe a year and a half. Okay. How long have you been on the the. podcast? Three years. So, it took a year and a. half of grinding. and then you started to bring in some. money. What What went from the not. making any money. to all of a sudden making money? Where. was that transition? What. agent? Oh, my agent really helped me out. He did. the dirty work of calling the clubs and. getting me in there. If it wasn't for him, I would have to do. it all myself. It would be a pain in the. get the deals right, whatever. I give.

him 10% and it's like, well, I assume you have any connections. being a regular. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It took you so long to get an agent. Year and a half. You gave up a year and. a half of earning potential. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I just was. lounging on my ass. Um but uh yeah, I mean I guess just. having the agent, the agent came to me. The thing about it was that it was so. easy. I didn't have to do anything. He just called me. He's like, "Do you. want me to do it?" I said, "Yes." He did. everything else. cuz it's easy for someone in your. position to make decent money and they.

want to make nut off of you. So it makes. sense. uh what's your overall goal? What. are you what are you trying to do? So, in general, your financial picture, we're going to have a lot of cash to. look at and that's kind of where we are. Decent amount of spending, but a lot of. cash. You bring in cash, but you're not. doing anything with it. So, in your. overall financial journey, your. financial life, what are you trying to. get to now that you're actually starting. to make those monies? I just want a house, a nice house. I. just want to be like.

Yeah. Or anywhere. uh like Tim Dylan. Rich or like Andrew Schultz or like you. know all these amazing comedians. How rich are they? I don't know. They must be super rich. just knowing how much I've been doing. just little baby sips from the fountain. So yeah, they must be balling. But yeah, just to have like a normal life, you. know, just like a house and you know, like I don't know. I don't want that. much. Maybe like a you know, like a nice. house and that's pretty much it.

That's it. the house. What about like set up for like cash. flow in terms of if the the comedy. career falls off, you know, being able. to sustain yourself till the end? Sure. I mean, I think that's on a. different level, but like actually being. able to sustain yourself if a the career. peaks at some point and we start to. taper. So, that's like one thing that's really. important to me in this career. It's. like I'm just like saving like every. penny, right? Do you think I've concerned? Um, well, you're we'll go through. I think.

what you're doing with your money is. stupid. You're setting an okay amount aside, but. the most you're getting on your money is. like 2%, which makes no sense cuz you. can get in treasuries right now for 5.5. And that's like basic level. Yeah. Where I would want to see you like. averaging 10% a year over the course of. a decade in the market. That's crazy. This is This podcast is. paying for itself for me right now. Well, I'm confused. way, but you have. connections in the industry. So, a lot. of people have gone through this. Has no.

one sat down with you and been like, "Here's how to navigate this the. financial part of this career.". No, it's like sex. Not even Tony, cuz he makes a ton of. money. He did. He hasn't sat down. You're his boy. He hasn't sat down and. been like, "Yo, take care of your. No, he's just concerned about joke. writing and you know.". Well, that's fair. Other stuff like that. Okay, that's interesting. Well, I wonder. I wonder if they're all too now. [laughter]. No, they're probably doing great. I'm.

just an idiot. I just It's just never. happened and I don't trust anyone. What about your parents? Who doesn't have a podcast? Have they not helped with this? Who. doesn't have a podcast? Yeah. Um they I don't really talk to them that. much. Yeah, I should talk to them. My. dad is like an investment stuff. He does like houses in Korea. He the I have to like sign papers every. now and then. They call me up from Korea. and they talk in Korean and I have to be. like, "Okay." And he like bought an. apartment for me in Korea or something. I don't know what's happening.

What are you? Why haven't you a asked. him any questions [laughter] to just. like try to be somewhat successfully. financially? I should call him. I actually just think. it's awkward to call your parents. I. think it's kind of gay to call your. parents. Oh, [laughter]. okay. I should call my parents. Let's let's. let's deep dive into this. Deep dive or. Well, actually, you're taking a uh. sbatical. from Killil Tony.

Kill Tony, which is your like main, you know, plug into the artery of. American comedy. [laughter]. Yeah. Like a million people tune in a week, right? Something like that. At least on. YouTube. Yeah. So, which is incredible. And you're just depriving yourself from. that. I assume that's like the easiest. way to get your ticket sales. Hans Kim. from Kill Tony. come to my show and you're taking a few. months off. Why? Uh just because uh. I played the fifth again on that one.

Can I. Well, you got I'll tell you that. [laughter]. Also, fun fact. Maybe that's why. I was there. Oh, nice. The arena. Hans versus Rick. Embarrassing. by KLLWS Squirrel. The crowd decided. hands. The comedians and anyone paying. attention saw that Rick won based on the. minutes alone. Hans's emotionally and uh. emotionality and sore winning was.

disgraceful, not funny, just acting like. a total even when Rick was a good sport. I was already tired of hands, but now it. just looks like. Jake Jke a huge piece of for the way he. acted after that. What a loser after. even winning. drama. Oh wow. This is. And now what do you think? Confronting my haters. Yeah. Do you ever go on everyone every. creator's favorite platform, Reddit, where everything is very positive and. constructive?

Not anymore. Did you witness the drama? I assume you. witnessed the drama. Yeah, of course. What' you think? How'd that feel? I thought it was unhinged and it uh just. made me grow stronger in my conviction. that I am God's gift to earth. Yeah. Do. you think you honestly beat Rick? Uh, like legitimately like. joke on joke. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't even listen to a. set. I listened to it later. I uh I know my jokes.

I don't know how they did on that night, but I think I like those jokes and. they've done better in smaller clubs, not arenas. Um, I think on that night I. might not have had the better set, but I don't think his set was very good. So, I'm not that worried. The audience was obviously tilted. towards you, though, cuz you're the boy. I've been showing my face for 2 and 1/2. years. So, that mere exposure effect. So, did it like seem fair from an. objective perspective as someone who. very much likes you and loves the show?

I thought Rick won. Yeah, it's [clears throat] subjective. And I think that like, you know, a lot. of people think he won. I think that he. might have, but that's not because he's. such a great comedian, but because I had. a minute. The feud's not actually real, though, is. it? It's very real. No, come on. He was so nice to you. What? He He was He was like, "Oh, good job, man. Good job. That's. So what? That's all it takes to forget. about all the betrayal? Shut up.". So it's okay to Yeah. Like I invite him. into my house and then he tries to take. away my job.

I was nice to him. Really? Yeah. What do you think he was doing the. whole time? Honestly, from an outside. perspective, it felt more like a bit. It felt like it was like kind of fake. It's a bit where he's pretending to be a. little friend. He couldn't actually take your job, though. No one would fly him in every. week. That would that would like. bankrupt the show. Well, he just is acting like he's uh. wants to challenge me. And so, like, yeah, if someone challenges you, it's. not a very nice thing to do. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, he's doing it for. himself. I don't respect that. like he's.

just doing it to so that he raises his. profile at the expense of me and my. emotional stress and my career. My parasocial relationship, I. legitimately thought it was fake the. whole time. But everything on the. internet like feels fake. That's so. interesting knowing that it was real. Uhhuh. I think like prank culture ruined that, you know, where you see anything online, you're like, "Oh, it's fake. It's fake.". But yeah, I think like uh his set wasn't. that good. I'm not afraid of I'm afraid. of certain people. Rick Diaz is not one. of them. Yeah. Like Casey Rocket is very funny.

Liz Splat very funny. Cam Patterson. I'm. afraid of these people. Rick Diaz, I want Cam on this show. They don't even stand a chance next to. those people. Like and his minute wasn't. that good. I know my minute sucked. because I was like preparing in this. weird way. But like his. What was your process? Why was it weird? I guess I just picked a joke that I. liked two month two months ago and then. I just worked it in clubs over and over. again and didn't realize that an arena. would be a different situation where. they're also listening cuz the joke that.

I did about squirting requires like a. suspension of disbelief and it's uh um. it's kind of it it's not really logical. but I mean that joke does well in clubs. and I can. yeah I I like that joke. Lots of people. like that joke. I just don't think it was a good joke to. do in an arena because it's just. didn't make sense. You think the sobatical is going to hurt. your financial situation? I don't think maybe yes in the short. run, but in the long run, no.

Where do you think your career is going. to go in terms of income? Like what's. your overall arc and plan? Uh just to keep making money on the. road, getting exposure from doing. different shows. Someone who doesn't like to travel on. the weekend though, how long do you. think you'd do it until you're burnt. out? Well, I don't hate it. I like doing. it to a lesser degree than I have been. doing it. Yeah. So, it's just like a lot. I don't want. to do it too much. But, yeah, it is it. is fun like as a comedian to travel. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay. So, you never carry bounces that.

acrue interest. cuz you pay it off, which is good. So, you did talk to your dad a little and he. taught you some good things. So, that's. that's good. You paid off your previous. balance of $2,886, but you purchased $4,991, which again, we're making $300,000 a. year. So, I mean, is that really that. bad? It's all about percentages, right? Mhm. So, we're looking 20. First of all, taxes. How was that for 2023's year? It was brutal. I paid like 20,000, I.

think, in taxes. How was it only 20,000? Oh, maybe more. Unless unless you just. wrote off because a lot of stuff is. travel and you're probably eating on the. road, stuff like that. But even still, man, it's like I don't know if it adds. up. So, what 25,000 hours a month? I'd. see you closer to like maybe 100,000. Yeah. In taxes. Well, you want to set 30% aside. Oh, you. said 300,000. So, maybe you got it down. to about 75 or so potentially depending.

working with your CPA. You have a good. CPA in your corner. No, no CPA. Oh my gosh. What do you do? Nothing. I. did it myself last year. Yeah. Doesn't make any sense. Did you claim everything? I claimed like 3 months and then I got. tired and I just sent it in. You're not going to be able to tour on. the road. You're going to jail. Is it that serious? IRS is not the people we with. Oh god. But I'll get you connected with someone. like legitimately after this.

That'd be amazing. I I'll [laughter] help. I got you. Some. guy wanted like uh $5,000. Is that a. fair price? Well, potentially cuz he probably could. save you tens of thousands. Okay. Uh instead of you just going through. like Turbo Tax or something. Is that. what you did? That's was my plan for this year. What do you mean for this year? You mean. for claiming your 2023 taxes? Yeah. You haven't even claimed your 2023. taxes. We got till April, right? What's the filing deadline? So, I always. just do my. So, as soon as the year ends, you do the.

your taxes. Well, first of all, you're. self-employed. You've been self-employed. for 3 years. So, you have to pay. penalties if you do not file them. quarterly. Oh, I assume none of the taxes you've done. have ever been correct. So, I'm not. sure. Yeah. I need the CPA. April 15th. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Monday, April 15th. So, someone in your situation, if you're. sitting down with the CPA, it's going to. take you weeks to gather all Have you. saved literally a single receipt from. this last year? Um, like I didn't know.

I just thought the credit card thing. would be fine. Okay. So, people in very wealthy. positions which you're headed towards. can face some serious consequences. They. are the ones who face the serious. consequences. if the IRS comes and. knocking a few years later and you your. taxes for a few years and it looked like. you were uh essentially hiding taxes um.

and just not paying them in general and. people have gone to jail for it. Not. saying that's something that's going to. happen. That's usually a wealthier. position than you anyway. But for the. direction you're heading, I I I want. that to be on your radar. It's like a. legitimate fear, okay, and something to get ahead of. You're. only a year and a half into making. money, man. But this is something I need. you to take care of now. So, let me give. you a contact of a CPA who I work with. personally. That'd be awesome. Yeah, it might just be a little too. late. That's what I fear is that like.

it's going to require so much work that. he might not take on someone in your. position. We can try, but So, we're. going Uber the Roxy the Roxy Amazon Uber. Uber Uber Uber Uber Uber Eats. uh Amazon Door Dash Door Dash Amazon. Door Dash. Do you think is most of this. when you're on the go? Is this when. you're home? Uh, Amazon and Door Dash is. when I'm home. Uber is usually when I'm. on the road. But I had my car in the. shop for a while, so I was Ubering. everywhere. Patreon. Who are you subscribed to on.

Patreon? Uh, the Chapo Trap House and uh, Nick. Mullen and Adam Freriedman's show. Stopping at 7-Eleven. Get some bull. Taquitos. Door Dash. Door Dash. Amazon. Door Dash. Amazon. Door Dash. Door Dash. Tacos. Amazon. Amazon. Door Dash. Makaco. Amazon. Door Dash. Dude, you're. lazy with your food delivery. Amazon. Amazon. Door Dash. Door Dash. Amazon. Parcel. Door Dash. Door Dash. Papa. John's. I get Poke House, too. It's.

pretty good. It's the best Poke in Austin. Door Dash. Sidebar. Uber. Door Dash. Uber. Uber. Uber. Uber. Dude, it's crazy. Hello. Uber trip. Door. Dash Uber trip. Uber trip. Amazon Amazon. Door Dash. Amazon Paramount Plus. So the. you there's nothing on there. What are. you watching? Halo. Are you watching the. new Halo bull? That cuz that sucks. Yeah, you pay for the daily show. I pay. for Paramount Plus. Daily Show. But it's pretty much all.

uploaded to YouTube. I just paid for it again. Yeah. I like watching the whole show though. Casino. Amazon. Amazon. Some computer. ASUS computer. Oh yeah. I bought a thousand monitor and. then it broke and I had to pay $700 to. fix it. That's probably not financially. good. Did you buy it on a credit card? Yeah. Yeah. It was on like this. Yeah. Did you uh How long in between. purchasing and it breaking?

Like 5 months. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. I was like, man, might be able to [clears throat]. dispute something, but 5 months. [snorts] Amazon, Uber. There wasn't even. like a Who' you buy it through? Uh, I. think I bought it from Amazon or ASUS. directly. I don't know about ASUS, but Amazon. Did. [clears throat] you talk to sportman? Yeah. Okay. Usually they're pretty lenient, but it depends on the product. Door. Dash, Uber, Trip, Amazon, Door Dash, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Shakespeare's Pub, Amazon. [laughter].

It's a crazy amount of spending. But. does it really matter? Potentially not. Because if you're making a lot of money, if you don't have any bad debt, and. congratulations. cuz you don't have any. bad debt. It's okay to spend money if. it's in within certain percentages, but. you don't own a single stock, do you? No. Zero. That terrifies me cuz you're losing. compound growth in the market, man. Yeah. So, you're already like 20 is like the. perfect time to start investing with. even if it's just pennies. You being.

what, 34? You've lost a decade and the. best decade and a half of your life at. compound growth. Meaning you're gonna. have to work overtime essentially in. terms of throwing money in the market to. get to the point where you want it to be. for you to withdraw three or 4% a year. in order to sustain yourself. Yeah. In a long form. like social security. Yeah. Which probably won't exist by the. time we retire. But. So do you think like cuz I'm Asian, I'll. live longer. So it's like 34 is the new. 24 for me. It could. So you could start throwing. extra. Maybe you have a little less.

catchup to play. Yeah. Ketchup. Yeah. Ketchup in the market. Oh, catch. up. Okay. Then we purchase $5,925. on this credit card. That's my business card. [laughter]. How nervous do people get when you're. looking over there? Are you nervous? Yeah. Oh, I'm nervous. You're nervous for me or. No, I'm nervous because I watch Kill. Tony. So, we're both nervous. It's okay. You don't have to kiss me.

I don't get to [laughter]. Uber. Uber, Hotspot, Uber, Facebook, Door Dash, Crows, Uber Trip. Man, this. is food, food, food. Smashburger United. But again, I bet a lot of this stuff. except for the I mean the transportation. around the different areas. Do you have an LLC form just for the. sake of Okay, good. Cuz that at least. makes organization easy. Are these. Okay, that's my business card. Yep. So everything business related, I use. that. So at the end of the year, I can.

just be like, "Hey, this is all this. stuff." Okay. But sometimes I forget. And this is eating out and Uber trip and. eating out and Uber trip and hotels. And. it makes sense though because I mean. someone in your position you can do it. Now what is this MercedesBenz? That's the repairs on my truck that. costs lot of money. 1400 bucks. Yeah. They called it in again for $2,000 more. What is it? What What's your car? Uh Sprinter van. I drove it here today.

like a year and 2014 and freight liner. How many miles? 250,000. Kill me. But you'll be able to buy a car. in cash pretty soon. Yeah, that's probably what you're going to. have to do. Okay. I wouldn't lifestyle and inflate. yourself yet. I mean, you're not a. millionaire status. Not yet. I saw a lot of speculation online that. you're a multi-millionaire, which was. interesting. Um, so I I wouldn't want. you to go like too crazy and buy. something fancy, but we can get you a. halfway decent car in cash, which you'll. have to do pretty soon.

Like a Mazda or you think I get a Lexus? Well, really, if I could just keep you. in like the 30 to $40,000 range, I'd. feel comfortable. Uh, more price range. versus the car itself. Uh, that we just. you just write a check, man. Cuz right. now you're going debtree and I'd like to. keep you debtree unless you can manage. it. And well, actually you can cuz you. pay off your credit cards every month. Yeah. And that's actually automatic. Yeah. And that's great. That's great. So, what do you think about like the. people that are like, "Hey, get a loan. so that you can pay it off." Like at the. dealership, they're trying to get me to.

get a loan. You think that's a scam or. What kind of like interest rate were. they offering you? I don't know. It was like 300 bucks. more. I don't know. I have no idea. Well, okay. Well, you can finesse it, right? And you demonstrate that you're a. credit card person. You know how to. utilize credit. There is the potential. that you could finesse it if you got it. if you were able to get an interest rate. that was like 3% or or less, which is. what I like to go for for cars in terms. of finessing. So, if you get an interest. rate at 3% or less, the money that you. put down instead of paying the whole.

thing in cash, you can throw the rest in. the market, and it will beat that 3%. plus depreciation of the car most. likely, which is good finessing, but you don't. know anything about money. So, I. probably wouldn't want you to do that. anyway. Just buy the car in cash. Yeah, like dealer. Was my new CPA in my corner? Yeah, he's for taxes. Oh, okay. Not investing. [laughter]. So, I got to get a different guy for. that. You got to get a different guy for that. Okay. So, Wells Farmer Prime Checking. This This is what's wild to me. This.

money is losing to inflation. $127,895. is sitting there. Then platinum savings, which what are you getting like 2% or. something? 118,000. And then certificate of deposit. Yeah. So you got a CD62,000. Why did you choose that? Uh I don't know. It seems like the safer. option and is at the bank and they told. me to get it. They told you to get it? Yeah. They were strong armed to me, I. think. Who Who told you to get it? Like the. teller? Yeah. One of the tellers made me $2,000.

in like 6 months. Yeah. It would be making buddy if you. $2,000. How much. now? Past performance is not indicative. of future results. But when did you put. it in? Uh 6 months ago. I have no idea. Do you. want me to check? No. 6 months is great. I can do 6. months. S&P 500 in 6 months. is up 64 points. I'm so nervous. It is. my instinctual thing. We can leave this.

in too. I it is my instinctual thing in. a situation where like I know you're. good with just like knocking back and. forth to make some what I find to be. funny and I think you would be too. racist joke but I can't cuz I'll get. cancelled by these. by who? Everyone. Is that happening? There's sensitive people out there. Oh my gosh. Well, good content. is the death of haters. Yeah. No, that's. So, if you have a great Asian joke, just.

it up. I don't have a great one prepared. Okay. But in the moment. Oh, your control panel on your iPhone. has a lot of stuff on it. Is that like. Does it. You got something on every little space. That's really efficient. What am I doing? What am I doing? I got. distracted. So, your CD you put in 6 months ago 60. How much did you put in? You made 4,000. So, you made 2,300. [laughter]. I put it in February 22. So it's been. almost a year. Oh, it has been a year.

Oh, a year. All right, let's do one year, which is up 27 28%. Okay, 1.28. It would. be worth $76,800 if it was in the S&P. 500 instead at that exact time. Nice. So 16,000 almost $17,000. Yeah. Free money. So, this is just showing. that you're in such a conservative. investment like that. Sure, over the. short term, yes, the S&P 500 could have. lost money. And I'm not advising to buy.

any specific stock, but historically S&P. 500, take all the down years, up years, combine them, it evens out to 10% a. year. And comparing that to where you're. getting 2% a year on this, that's. bigger, 10 or two. You like to go with. the bigger one. Yeah. What about the apocalypse? Like if the stocks all fall apart? Yeah. You know what happens in that. situation? Money won'ting matter. None of this.

matters. You won't be doing standup. People are. killing each other. [laughter] So it. doesn't matter. Invest while there's no. apocalypse happening. [laughter]. Go buy a invest in a gun when the. apocalypse happens. Oh, I bought a gun also. So, like if. you're playing the money game, you might. as well play like it's not going to fall. apart in five days. I don't know. I bet in the American. economy. Yeah. What do you think? I think it's good. What do you think.

about the Chinese economy? Well, their population pyramid is. terrible. They're having terrible growth. rate and no one is immigrating into. China because no one wants to live under. that kind of rule. So, their whole. social safety net's going to be and. their economy is already starting to. grow slower. So they're going to have. good years ahead of them, but long term, no. Where we get a decent amount of. immigration to help with our low growth. rate of population of people banging. Yeah. So. So what do you think about. I think America's still on top, baby. USA.

Okay. Is there like that's that's cool. Are there any other economies that you. would like invest in? Like France. Look. at France. Like. France. I don't know what's going on in France. Uh. I'm just random. India. Yeah. India. You think India is. better? They like to throw kids in a. room and make clothes. I feel like. that's good for [laughter]. the economy. Okay. And then Okay. So, here's your CD. $62,333. Yeah, it's at 2.48%.

Like, what are we doing? Like, that's. not even You could throw in a treasury. for 5.5. You can throw in like I put my. money the my tax money I put it in SoFi. high yield savings, which is 4.5 right. now. That's just a high yield savings. account and it's making almost double. what you're locked in at. Like your bank teller making $10 an hour. that doesn't know anything about money. gave you really bad advice. [laughter]. You essentially asked the cashier at. McDonald's what you should do with your.

money. Well, how do I get it out? Let me see if there's any information on. this. Terms 6 months, maturity date, uh. 7224. in order to reap the rewards. But it. might be worth just, you know, if you. get 1% total by taking it out. I'm not. 100% sure, but if you get like 1% by. taking it out, just throw this in the. market, man. Of course, there's always. the chance that you take this out, you. throw it in the market, the market. crashes 30%. But you don't look at a. year. We're not looking at a year. When.

when do you want to retire? Uh 59. So a year doesn't matter. Year doesn't. matter. You're going for the 59 and a. half. So you can withdraw penalty-free. Wonderful. So, I want you to start. taking advantage of compound growth in. the overall marketplace. Not going to tell you what to invest in. I will say what my portfolio is balanced. as for legal reasons. This is a legal. thing. There's certifications required in order. to give investing advice.

Yeah, I know. It's very exciting. I'm. like 80% S&P 500, which follows the. overall stock market. Then I'm about 15%. in the Q's uh in the NASDAQ um which is. more tech heavy. So there's a little. more risk. There's a little bit more. movement there. Better gains, bigger. losses. Then about 5% in individual. stocks. And those are just companies. that I believe in that have uh good. numbers behind them. That's what I do. But I mostly just invest in the overall. United States economy, the top. companies. Nice. And that's what averages about 10% a.

year from all down years and up years. combined. So, okay, I'm going to do that. H. I'm going to do the what you just said. for someone in your situation that's not. fully educated on like the. the different investment vehicles that. you could go into. I would rather you. sit down with a certified investment. advisor though, certified financial. planner. who can like take a look at your money, calculate your goals, and as long as. they're not someone who's like trying to. get commissions selling different. packages and they're literally they make.

money if you make money, that's what I. would want someone in your situation to. do. Okay. So, I would probably not do that. then. Probably not like just do it on my. own. Is it like Robin Hood or do do you. go through like a certain ammerit trade. or something? So, I do Fidelity for like. my index funds and stuff. And then. instead of Robin Hood because they just. have uh better rates when you keep your. cash in there, I use an app called Mumu. for my individual stock picks. Uh but I. use Fidelity for like my You've never. like maxed out a Roth IRA or anything, have you? Or like back door IRA.

So, you're Yeah, cuz I want you to take. advantage of tax advantage accounts as. well. If you're your own business owner, I'd want you to have like a. self-employed 401k or SE IRA. I'd want. you to take advantage of those which can. save you some tax moneyies over the. year. That's why since you haven't taken. any in terms of actually paying taxes, the number you said makes sense for if. it was for 2022's year. I thought you. meant for 2023's year, but you meant. what you paid in 2023 for 2022. But what. you're paying in 2024 for 2023, it's. going to be closer to that 75 to.

$100,000 if your numbers are correct. And if you're not doing anything to. uh actually take advantage of any. tax advantage accounts and that's what. like a solo 401k can do. It can save you. a good amount of money and then you know. contributing up to the limit of where is. it 6,500 or 7,000 now of an IRA and then. you can backdoor you know as well which. gets you into a uh it's a different. conversation. We'll go there. Essentially, I just want you to be able. to take advantage of tax advantage.

accounts, and that's where sitting down. with like a certified financial planner. is going to help you. Okay? So, I also have a couple I can recommend. for that. I personally do my own stuff. on my own, and then I like meet with. them every like couple years just to be. like, "Okay, we're doing something right. here." But that's cuz like I'm very. invested in this. I like to learn as. much as possible where you're just like, "Let's tell a joke in front of a bunch. of dumb people." So, like or drunk. people. though, like you don't you don't. think about stocks and and you don't. need to. So, have someone else that does it for. you and tries to keep you up to date and.

informed and educated on what you're. doing. That'd be awesome. Yeah. People have requested that I do a. live Q&A for a while now, and I'm. excited to announce that I finally am. On Wednesday, March 20th at 8:00 p.m. Eastern, 5:00 p.m. West Coast, we have. an exclusive live Q&A for anyone taking. or has already taken our budgeting. program. It has changed thousands of. people's lives and we're constantly. receiving testimonials from those saving. money and fixing their financial future, showing that we made the best budgeting. program in the history of the internet. at the best price. Sign up using the.

link in the description below and join. me for the Q&A where I answer your. questions live. Business checking. 44,000. Are these additional savings. like extra versus the ones we just. looked at through Wells Fargo? No. So, this is all the same. Yeah. Okay, cool. Perfect. Yeah. So, someone that makes $300,000 a year, not thrilled. Cash on hand essentially, including the CD. The Wells Fargo.

Platinum Savings is one% a year. Kill me. It's 4.5 so far. A city is like. four. You're just losing money to. inflation. Inflation is close to like 4%. now. So, like you're losing on that. savings 3%. Your money is going down 3%. in value. Plus, you have to pay taxes on. that gain anyway. So, like three and a. half%. You're losing. Damn. Like, you're literally losing three and. a half%. Just sitting in there rotting away. Yeah. But you have uh essentially cash. on hand for considering the CD uh.

353,660. bucks. 30. It's okay. But you invest that in the market. Let's. say something happens now. You get like. uh you get kicked off the show forever. and no one ever wants to tour [snorts]. with you again for whatever reason. So, let's say you throw that all in the. market. You have no cash on hand. It's. all in the market. And you want to live. on that till you retire. You'd only be. able to live on $10,69 a year. Till I'm 77 or. until you die.

Okay. 77. Is that your death year? Yeah, that's the American average. Oh, okay. Is that the Asian average. though? You said you're living longer. [laughter]. Yeah. Oh, 884 bucks a month. Sick. [laughter] Like that's great, right? Is that is that what you're going. to live off the rest of the year? So. that's why I want this money to start. growing. That's my big fear. The money doesn't grow. You just keep. throwing it in there. It loses to. inflation. It doesn't grow other than 1%. a year. This is it makes it more. difficult. You need to take advantage of.

compounding growth. So let's get a. compounding uh calculator. Yeah, I. already took advantage. I already uh. took a look at this account, so we're. good. Okay. So this is math. So I assume. this is what you like care about, right? Yeah. Math. Math time. Okay. So, of. this, let's say you keep $50,000 cash on. hand. Let's throw $300,000 in the. market. Let's start with that. You're 35. You really think you're going. to be doing standup until 59 and a half? Yeah. Okay. Probably longer. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. How What's like.

is there like an average lifespan? Not. lifespan, like uh like u success span of. a comedian. Is there like a you know. like a bell curve on a comedian's. I don't think so. I think comedy like. ages like fine wine. Okay. That's what I'm kind of relying on. But like your fan base can like die out. and move on though, right? Yeah, I guess so. I guess if you're get. super old. I don't know. I don't really. know. Yeah, that would suck if you had. old fans. And Seinfeld's still touring and his. people are all old, right? So,

yeah. I uh Yeah, I think that's the good. thing about comedy. It's not like sports. where your body decays. No, for sure. But people's interests do. move on, especially in Tik Tok world. Mhm. like you you're on a very popular. show right now and it's not like that. it's not that same kind of industry but. attention spans we do move on to the. next thing quicker and quicker these. days. Yeah. I don't want to be dooming that. I'm. just thinking investing and like you. know how long are we going? Yeah. So $300,000 a year let's call it that's. what you're making. You're setting 30%. aside for taxes.

Mhm. So $210,000 a year is takehome. Okay. Let's say you invest 20% of it. So. you'll live a lavish life. 50% going to. needs, 30% going to want. So you can. just, you know, do whatever the you. want. So we're gonna invest 20% of it, which is $42,000 a year. This is this is. your income never growing, by the way, which is basically impossible. But on. your trajectory, we're going to do 8%. for an annual return just doing the. overall stock market since the history. of its creation. Okay? So 25 years until.

you start pulling money out. 24 years. So, you put your $300,000 in now, keep. 50% or $50,000 cash on hand, and invest. $42,000 a year at a return of 8% on. average over the course of 24 years will. end you up with uh uh $38 million. Wow. By the time you retire, Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. That's pretty sick. You got to in order to do that, you got. to actually start putting money in the. market. [laughter] So, I think that's.

your next step is sitting down with a. CFP. Um, so I mean that's my take on. your overall situation cuz your finances. aren't bad. You're just not doing the. thing that needs to happen with someone. in your position and that's you're in. the grow wealth stage of money which is. an exciting part. You just don't know. anything about it. Yeah. And that's okay. Food is 3 point or 6.3%. of your spending or $1,6001 just going. out to eat. Transportation mostly. because uh Uber is 17.4% 4%.

and travel. which is $4,424,000. a year. Housing with your rent situation. is 4.3% or $1,092. a month. Sorry, these are a month. I. think I said a year. Unknown shopping. This is hard, man. It's hard to qual. It's like it's Amazon. It's whatever. We. don't know what it is. This is unknown. shopping. $13,717. in the most recent month or 54% of your. spending subscriptions. You must have. had something, but it essentially comes.

down to 0%. Other large purchases, 18% or $4,583. Of the large purchases, looks like we. got some Amazon, United Airlines. So, I. guess that wasn't in transportation, your computer thing, and DJI services. But again, total income that came in the. most recent month was $63,822. and all that was spent was uh $25,000. So, I mean, that's pretty good if that's.

if that that's wants. But of the. $63,000, right? You should be setting 3%. aside, leaving you with net 43,400. So, you spent about 50%. Which is fine, which means you get to invest the other. 50%. Or you could even live a little. more if you wanted to. Okay. So 50,000 is a good amount for me. What? 50,000 what? Uh to set a for cash on hand or what is. the 50? What you need to survive is very. minimal.

Mhm. So actually I would have 50. First of all again every month check. hits take 30% of it set it aside. That's. taxes. It doesn't exist. But the cash on. hand, I'd probably put $20,000 in. savings as an emergency fund. As a. business owner, that would take you. about a year because your actual living. expenses are very minimal. So $20,000 is. what I put aside. For your business, I'd. probably have about 50,000 bucks in your. business checking account. Again, that.

just gives you that extra comfort if. things just touring slows down, whatever, a pandemic happens and you. just can't um do shows for a bit. And. then your personal checking account and. probably keep about 10,000 bucks in. there. So across everything, not. including taxes, what is that? 100,000. Yeah. 90 90 to 100, you know. So maybe. we're investing 250,000 right now, keeping 100 distributed in those. different ways. Yeah. I think that gives you a good base level. of comfort. Then we're still taking. advantage of compound growth.

I was thinking of moving apartments and. getting a better place. How much. What's your rent right now? 10 $1,50. Okay. And what do you want? Like 2,000? Yeah. 3,000. Sure. 4,000. Well, you want me to tell you your max? Yeah. Your max would be stupid. Let's get Let's do your average. $300,000 a year. You get to keep 70% of. it for the course of 12 months. So, let's call it $17,000. So, you had a. really good month. Yeah. This one I've been out every.

weekend in January. Okay. Absolute max that I would never. want you to go over is $5,250. Okay. That's a lot. I would never go. over that anyways. I was thinking like 2. thou 3,000 max. I can't. do it. Do it. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. 3,000. Go for it. Totally fine. That's. like your. I'd be uncomfortable when once you hit. that number. I'd be uncomfortable you. approaching that number. But that's your. hard limit. Hard. Oh my god. Yeah. That's so good to have. How has no one talked to you? I'm so. confused. How have you not sat down with.

your comedian friends and just seen what. they were doing with money? Cuz they always make a joke about. everything. They're always like making. no one can have a serious conversation. I guess they can, but they don't want. like to like this is what they got into. comedy to avoid is so they didn't have. to bust out a calculator. Calculator. [laughter] This took us 45. minutes. It wasn't that crazy. brain knowledge that you have that you. can use it. Like I'm just like saying. words and cash on hand and like is that. doing something for you? [laughter] Like. I have no idea what any of this is like.

a spell and I'm Asian. I'm not even the. worst. My producer, who I make him work. constantly to deliver shareholder value, [laughter] wants you to roast me for his. own pleasure. So, if you want to give me. a roast session, this is it. This is pleasing the investors. Yeah, Caleb, you are fat. Um, you are exploiting poor. people like Dr. Phil. [laughter].

Um, [snorts] and they don't even get to. throw chairs here. You guys have like a. chair throwing guy. They should You. should guys should be watching out for. that. You guys should have security. here. This could turn into Dr. Phil real. quick. Um, Caleb, you have like a way of. talking to people that's not very human, which is great because sometimes we need. a calculator just to spit us numbers and. stuff. Um, you have a un unblinking stare.

Okay. You're just taking in information. and just compounding it and analyzing it. all the time. It's great. I wish I was. better at this. Me, too. [laughter]. I just think you're a cool guy, man. I. think that you guys have fun. I saw you. like. in a car on one of your Instagram. stories. Oh, the cyber truck. You guys were in the cyber truck. Yeah, you have seem to have a fun life. You.

seem to like be able to be like a. hard-nosed like, you know, like Mr. Nanny when it comes to finance, but then. when it comes to having fun, you're. like, "Okay, yeah, this isn't a roast. You're you're being. nice.". Well, you don't want to be called Mr. Nanny. Oh, you can sure. you're a little like. little like mean and strict when it. comes to finance cuz you're like h you. know you love like getting to that point. where you're like we got to get down to. business and got to do this and but then. like when it comes to fun you're like. okay well I'm the I'm the weird boring.

guy so you guys have fun. Um but I don't. know much about you man. I think you're. a great guy and I think like you are. probably like a lot of fun in fun social. situations and I I can't wait to get to. know you and hopefully we can go out and. you know we could fly my drone together. if you want. Yeah. Another legendary roast by. comedian Hans Kim. [laughter].

I'm not really a roast guy. I'm more. like you know like guy. Yeah, you are. this guy. You are You just broke up, didn't you? Yeah. Is dating dating scene can be expensive. We loop loop it back to money. It's a. money show. Money show. How much you. spending on each individual girl to try. to take them back home? I know that's. your thing. Not a lot. Maybe like 40 bucks, 80 bucks. max a night. Is that Is that what Is that what it. costs for you to get your your fill? Yeah. $80 max. That's [laughter] not that bad.

Yeah. It's like five drinks. F. No, I'm getting drunk, too. I'm taking. three drinks. She's taking two. Well, I guess for me, co. I'm drinking the drink. I'm taking. advantage. So, I don't count that as a. cost. Well, you like to be taken advantage of. Yeah. Oh, okay. [laughter]. Yeah. I want them to take me and do with. me. I want to be a My body is for the. people, just for the women. I did some investigation. I mean, the.

people that you're with are objectively. attractive. I mean, what do you mean? Like the. people that I kissed on the show, the. spurs I've never touched. No, there was like someone you were with. at like Barton Springs or something. They're like they were like Hans is with. his girl and. Oh, that's Morgan. That's my. girlfriend's friend. Oh, well that's not good. I was going to. say you're like a solid three, right? And but she was like eight. Okay. Well, I've been mewing. I've been. uh breathing through my nose more, so. I'm trying to up that number. But yeah, I mean I'm not trying to be the physical. guy. I'm not like a hot guy. I'm more. like a guy that's, you know, just like.

I saw a video on uh uh the platform that. loves you the most, Reddit, where on. Sixth Street after like a show or. something, there was like this girl and. you you kept trying to grab her hand and. hold her hand and she just rejected you. the whole time. She's flaunting around. Yeah, that's pretty much my relationship. with her is like she's out having fun. and I'm just trying to grab her hand and. trying to touch her. [laughter]. Yeah. So you can take her back home, right? Okay. drag her back.

But yeah, no, she's wild. She's crazy. I. love that about her is that she's living. her life. Oh, okay. I was going to say she broke. up with you, so I was like, I'm glad you still enjoy her. [laughter]. That's nice. I love the idea of her. I love who she. is. She's great. I mean, we built all. this skyscrapers and iPhones for the. approval of females. And if the females. aren't enjoying it, then who is this all. for? And we just destroyed the. rainforest so we could all be miserable. So, I like to see like people taking.

advantage of like their power in life. Women have a lot of power and it's good. to see them using it. You're taking advantage of your power. dynamic is what people would say. Yeah. I'm taking advantage of mine. Well, that that's why I respect uh party. people so much is because I see like, oh, they're taking advantage of it of. whatever they have to like try to gain. as much endorphins as possible. It's. like that's what everyone's doing late. at night. They're just trying to get. more happiness than. you a big party guy. You out there. raging?

No, I get tired really easily. Dude, me too. We're playing I was. playing games with my friends before. they flew back to England last night. It. was 10:30 and I was like dying. I was. dying. [laughter]. But comedians, you have to stay up late. Shows are late. You probably sleep in. late. Yeah, my thing is later. So like, yeah, it's just [clears throat] shifted. But I. get tired. I got to go home. I can't. always stay up. And. you know, it's hard to make conversation. with people. It takes a lot of energy. That's what our brains are designed for. is to like take in cues and taste. signals and say something and then they.

say something back. So it's like. So we're both miserable right now. Yeah. Good. [laughter]. Well, I think we're going to audit your. dating profile from our dating. professional here in this show. So I'm. going to let. I have to download Tinder. Yeah. Yeah. Get on that Tinder. Tinder. We're still on Tinder. You haven't. evolved me on [laughter] Tinder. No, I hate dating apps. Like you said, I'm a three. I'm not out here trying to. put my face like that's not my strong. suit. I gotta go where I belong. No, it's not. You got You got the body. You're a butterface. Thank you, man. [laughter].

Um, yeah. I wish I was meaner to you. Wish there was something I could say. I know you you pulled out the fat card. Fat's classic, but like I mean, dig in. on it a little bit. Pull out some Rolls. jokes or something. I don't know. You're in You're telling me to invest in. the standard and poor. You're investing. in your caloric intake, just saving it. up, compounding the interest. No epic joke. No insulin. All right. It's all right. That's what David Lucas would be great.

at. Severely disappointed. I'm more of like a. kind of a rye. Sort of like a weird like. nerdy guy. Taking advantage of poor people. Is that. what. That's what That's what Noah wrote down. Yeah. All right. Really is Reddit. Okay. So, I'm going to let Noah come in. He's. going to You want to give us a screen. recording so he can save that? Yeah. I don't do well on dating apps. It's just like, you know, it's so crazy. Like, I do way better in person, but I. guess I could do I just don't like the.

rejection. Y'all, this is the time to. switch to my favorite high yield savings. account. With SoFi, you can get 4.6% on. your money. I hate when my money is just. losing value, so make sure you're. keeping up with inflation at the very. least. You can also get FDIC insurance. on that money up to $2 million with. them. Plus, they'll give you money up to. $300 when you set up an account with. them. There's even extra perks like. being able to get paid a couple days. early. SoFi is what I use when I'm. setting money aside, and it is the.

banking app of the future. Sign up, link. in the description below. I always want. my money to be making more money, so. don't lose money on yours. So, do you. have any interest in improving your. online dating profile at all whatsoever? Yeah, it would be great to get easily. Got it. I mean, it's not easy. I think. that like if you have like okay, you're. rich and famous. It should be easy for. you to go and you're a comedian. Like. Caleb doesn't think so. Why not? He thinks I'm poor. Well, you could be richer. And I agree. with Caleb. Like, it's really funny to. see that you have all this money in a. check. It's like, bro, go put it in the.

anywhere. Like, I don't know. [laughter]. Um, I don't know. So, basically, uh, uh, you've got this picture of you zoomed in. as as much as possible. Um, what was the. thought process behind this one? You're. just like, I want to show them who I am. [laughter]. I just don't I don't want like a photo. with me holding a mic, which is most of. my photos. Why not? Uh because it just makes me look like a. comedian. Yeah. And you are a comedian. I know. I don't want them to comedian. I. want to get it like totally on the off-.

grid. Got it. Now, does this photo support. that as well? [laughter]. What was the thought process behind this. one? Well, it looks more horizontal when. you're picking the photo. Yeah. So, it shows me like, hey, I'm. social. I can talk to people. Well, what that what I'm seeing here is. this man's back [laughter] is what I'm. seeing. A lot of it is his back. And that's. shows that I'm not insecure. Like, I I'm. okay with another man's back in my. dating profile. Yeah. I Well, okay. Interesting. [laughter] Now, this one, um, this shows.

to me that you've never been inside of a. gym in your entire life. Is that. I do look a little doughy, but it's like. old man strength. Okay. I'm going for uh yeah, just. showing off my body, I guess. I mean, it's. my ribs are more defined than my. muscles, so how that works. Do you have a tattoo? Is that a tattoo? Yeah, kill Tony tattoo. Oh, sick. Upper right chest. Did he do that? Did he make you do that? Calebs all of us. Caleb said like you're his little boy.

He kept calling you like his like Tony's. little man or something. I don't know. Little [laughter] man. Yeah, like his little doll. Does he like own you? Well, I hope so. I would love to be. owned by him. It's really lucrative. But. yeah, I don't think I'm worthy of the. title of Tonyy's slave. Got it. No, that's kind of how I feel. about my relationship with Caleb. Caleb. kind of owns me and I kind of love it. cuz it's [laughter]. it's kind of nice. Oh, cool. And then. and then you liar. You Here you are. doing standups. Yeah. One that's okay.

Sure. Okay. But it's also from like 10. years ago. No, it's not. That was recently. This was recently. When was it? I was young. This was like literally. like this year. January or December? That was this year. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I'm I suck. Um. interesting. Okay, cool. Um. you don't think I look like that right. now? Not at all. Maybe it's just the hair. I. don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't. know. You're wearing a different shirt, too. You guys don't have a makeup person. here. That's true. I can take 10 years off me. Sick. You're wearing makeup in this one.

at this photo. [laughter]. Um cool. if you if you really want my. input. Um, this is a this is a very this. [laughter] is a very. Can you go look through my things and um. yeah, pick a photo. I mean, we probably can't. screen record all the photos in. there. But can I Yeah, we'll we'll blur. that. We'll blur that. Brandon, everybody in post, do that. Um, let's go. full access and we're going to pick a. photo. Um, also, by the way, this is all. very subjective and so the I pick Also, if I do this in two seconds, like it's.

not going to be. it can't be worse than what I did. Fair. Um, oh, this is funny. There's you. after a dental surgery. I feel like I'm. really on this. Um, do you I mean, like, dude, your Instagram I feel like is like. popping off. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Hanskim, this is Okay, here's the. thing. You're rich. You're famous, right? And you and and and you're good, right? Are you cool with like. capitalizing on those strengths in your. profile? Are you going to try to make me a dude? What are you talking about? What? Like you're rich, you're famous. Go, dude. No, it's better.

I don't just my mind. and he told me. everything I'm doing is wrong. Now I'm. feeling like you're doing the same thing. and you're going to try to make me a. dude. I really if you want to a dude I will I. guess I can try to help but like I that. was. a dating coach. Isn't that like such a. great solution to a lot of guys. problems? I mean honestly I so one I'm not a. dating coach because what the is a. dating coach? That's ridiculous. What I. would like to do is make eventually when. I have some free time in this studio, I. would like to make a common sense online.

dating advice show, right? That's I. think very different than a dating coach. because a dating coach to me is someone. who sells you a course and is a scumbag. So, I don't want to do that. You want to be like the Jordan Peters. Peterson of dating. You want to tell. them to make their bed and brush their. teeth. I mean, honestly, like Yeah. For most. guys, for most guys, the advice boils. down to like, hey, become a better person and like be. cooler and be better and like get richer. and get fit and you will like it will. become way easier. Um, if we're going to. pick a picture of you, um, let's go to.

head shot. Okay, literally any one of. these pictures would be like you could. literally do any of these. They're like, "Oh, this is just like a. fake guy. He's not like a real person.". Dude, this picture right here is a. bangeral. Which one? You're not You're not going to like this. because it is going to be if we if we. went with that you're smiling. It says. that you do standup, right? That to me. is like a solid first picture, right? If you are rich, famous standup. comedian. Do you have a photo with. somebody who else who is famous? You.

were oning Rogan, dude. Like [laughter]. like. Oh, yeah. We should put that in the. Tinder. Yeah. You and Joe Rogan. If you're. trying to like, you know, show your your. current girlfriend that you're or. current ex-girlfriend that you kind of. live with or whatever, uh, if you're. trying to like dunk on her, then put you. and Rogan in this. We can get you really. going out in this city. Um, do you have. a picture of you and Rogan? Um, probably on Instagram. Sick. Also, your Instagram's great. You.

could just take stuff from your. Instagram and put it up there. Do you. have any hobbies outside of comedy? I like drone flying. Yeah, it's kind of really nerdy. [laughter]. Look the screenshot. Sick. Okay. Well, that's not going to. work. [laughter]. You didn't you didn't like pose for one? I did. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's what. That's perfect. Okay, dude. You're Oh my god. You're. with Chappelle in it, too, bro. How are you? What are you? This is. You want me to just use famous people to.

get laid? I I'm I guess. Okay. it. I mean, look, I. agree with you that there is a little. moral dilemma there. It's a quandry, [laughter] okay? You don't want to, you. know, be with people for the wrong. reasons. That said, if you're trying to. get laid, absolutely. Is that fair? Like, yeah, that's your goal. Are you trying to meet a soulmate? Are. you trying to like, you know, I would like to meet a soulmate that I. can, you know, have casual relationship.

with. Got it. and then eventually turn into a. child or something. A kid. Yeah, sure. Okay, sick. Well, I mean, this way you. could have many casual relationships. Yeah, cross my odds. There you go. Okay, so we've got you. doing comedy. We've got you with Joe. Rogan. Um, I'm going to delete this. cringe machine p or is it cool if I. delete some of these? Yes, please. Okay, we're going to delete We're going. to delete cringe machine picture that. says I've never been in a gym in my. life. I'm also going to delete man's. back from your profile. Is that cool? That's very smart.

Sick. Okay. What about the super. close-up selfie? Um, super close-up selfie. We're We're. going to I mean, we're going to nuke the. whole thing, but like we need we need. things to replace it with. So, um I. don't know. Okay. Can I can I hit your. Instagram really quick? Yes. Sick. Um. just don't respond to any of the dudes. Yeah, the thirsty dudes coming for you. Yeah. Um. why do you think I dudes? Do you think I. give like a. I just thought that's what you were. going to tell me to do. Like I looked at. your Tinder. It's hopeless. So, your. only shot now [laughter] is to be a.

bottom. I mean, I You might be a great bottom, you know. Never say never, dude. [laughter] I don't know. How about something like this? That was great. Yeah. Yeah. I look harmless. You do look harmless. Do you just screenshot it? Cuz I mean, yeah, why not? Hard to download a photo off Instagram. For now, let's do it. I just won't show my body off anymore. Look, I'm in Korea. That's sick. But there's nothing like. Korea about that, you know.

Um, make sense. How about me and my boys at the PC Bang? No. Would you somebody who wants to sit. in a PC chair and [laughter]. play video games with you? Oh, look. That that I like. Do that one. Okay. Screen cap that one. We'll throw it in. there. There's my drone. I like that. That is way better. You can. not see your like tummy flab or. whatever. That's a sign of wealth. What? Tummy flab. That's true. That's. true. Is it cool if I'm an to you? Aren't you kind of a professional on.

stage to other people? Yeah, but I can't take it. I can only. This is Look at this. I don't know what this is. Who's Juju? It's an island in Korea. Got it. Nobody cares. Okay, cool. Um, now you're correct. Should you, you. know, exclusively farm your clout to get. laid? Probably not. That said, are you. trying to create something that is going. to be successful? Uh, if so, like I. think this is going to get you a lot. more uh attention than than the other.

thing. Would you agree with that? Yes. Okay, sick. I don't think they'll mind either. I. think Joe Rogan would be like, "Hell. yeah.". I also want to clarify that I you'd. probably have to So, I don't use Tinder. because Tinder was developed a decade. ago and um I do use Hinge though. And so. the other answer here is make a hinge. profile if you want to. Yes. I'm going to do this profile on. hinge cuz it's the same thing, right? It's just a different skin.

Yeah, that's true. And Bumble. What do you think about. Bumble? I think Bumble's good. Um my other piece. of advice is that when So, so part of. the reason why Tinder I think is less. good is because um like their prompt. stuff uh is not like there's no like. prompts built into this. And I really. like the prompts or actually I think. there are prompts. No, they're not. Um. and uh with your prompts, um everybody. writes three prompts and then they never. do it again. If you actually are trying.

to make a really good profile pick uh. for dating, write 20 prompts. Just like. comedy, right? Like how many jokes do. you write that just suck? Like. zero. You don't you only write good jokes. Yeah. Okay. Well, typically my experience when. writing jokes because I've written a lot. of jokes is you write 20 jokes and then. you take the top three or the top five. and that's your set. Right. Right. Same thing for dating profile in my. opinion. So it tells you which one people. responded to most. So it doesn't um but that's why you use. your your brain and your thoughts.

Edit it yourself. Yeah. I would actually write I'm a loser. and I like online dating. So I like. write them down in my notes app and I do. like 20 different things and then I'm. like okay out of these 20 which ones are. the funniest ones which ones like are. actually the most descriptive of who I. am and do that. Um cool this profile to. me is this my best work? Probably not. We're going to wrap it up. Um is this my. best work? Probably not. There's your. first second. Hey, he's famous. Uh cool. He looks good. Uh, oh, he goes outside. occasionally and I don't see a big flat.

fabby tummy. And then, oh, sick. He. here's a cool poster that he's on. Cool. I also think that your uh description. needs a lot of work because it doesn't. give any information about you at all. whatsoever. So, I would write some cool. clever things about you, give you that. Um, you start swiping. The other thing. is you got to I would definitely get. premium, which people can roast me in. the comments for, but like premium will. put your profile at the top for I would. do Hinge personally, but yeah. And um. Hinge Premium uh will like put you on. the top of everybody's stack. So that. means you can increase your number of. impressions. So if you're paying money to get more.

Yeah. Who is the prostitute? I think I am in a way. Okay. Cuz you're paying money for But. there's no. Did you punch somebody? Prostitution. Uh yeah, a little bit. Not. somebody. Just. something. The wall. Yeah. Why? Cuz the girl. uh that was a part of it. Dude, it was. great meeting you. I bet you're really funny. I'm going to. go watch your stuff. Okay. Well, you don't have to. Thanks, man. All right. Let's let's close it out. Let's get your hammer financial score.

So, we have a score here. This is how we. rank your overall finances. Zero being. the worst, 10 being the best. Where do. you think you are? 0 to 10. Five is average. Like in terms of like. how much money I have or how much how. I'm using. overall financial picture overall. Overall, I would say I'm a seven, which is better than a three physically. So, I'm out batting my looks. It's a mess. Why did you make such a. mess? If you want your Hammer financial score, description below, it's free.

I break it down by categories and then. we do an overall score. The only one. that has to do with age is retirement. Your retirement's going to suck, [clears throat] but that's okay. Spending in a budget, I mean, you're. it's fantastic. It's great. [snorts] Uh. the only reason why it's not going to be. a 10 out of 10 is because you're not. contributing things to retirement. It's. literally just sitting in savings. So, that spending isn't like perfect, but. it's going to be 8 out of 10, which is. great. One of the best we've had on the. show. Debt. You don't have any debt. Yeah, my parents paid for my college. Yeah, that's 10 10 out of 10. Emergency.

fun. Are your parents rich? Yeah, my dad is. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Is that why you don't like care. about like [laughter and gasps]. I guess so, cuz I always know I have a. golden parachute at the end of the day. But yeah, I try to care. I try to have. fear. You have fully funed emergency fund. So. that's 10 out of 10. Retirement. You. don't have anything in retirement. Let's. count that. CD is retirement as getting. started. So I'll give you a three for. your age. But you need to start shifting. things over there. That's obviously your.

big failure. Zero out of 10 for real. estate cuz you don't own any real. estate. Yeah. Well, you have some. You said. my dad has something. He has it or is it under your name? It's under my name. I think he has to. die for me to get anything out of it. Well, then you don't have to have any. more gay conversations. So, that's. pretty good. [laughter and gasps]. Which I don't want him to die, but I. think I might be rich if he dies. But I. don't. That's the retire That's the retirement. plan. It's all coming together. All right,

I'll give you five out of 10 for the. real estate since you own some in your. own name. Yeah, I have to sign things. out cuz I don't think you know, but that's okay. I'm glad investments. isn't. dude. You nailed it. Hammer financial. seven out of 10. Thank you, man. Make sure to check out all the resources. linked in the description below. They. are what I use or would use in specific. situations, including the best budgeting. program in the history of the internet. Thanks to all of our Patreon producers.

for making this episode possible. If you. want to participate in an episode of. Financial Audit and you're able to make. it to Austin, Texas, please fill out an. application in the survey linked in the. description below. You can also send a. link to your friends or family who you. think might be good to be on the show.