Yellow Cave of Wonders | Ep 7 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

hey you want to see some bad friends. click below click on the link below to. subscribe to the bad friends clips page. so you can watch the condense clips page. of me and Bob [ __ ] big do you think my. head is [ __ ] Bobby have you ever seen. you ad I'm just happy that you're.

watching the show yeah that just shows. that you really watch the episode I have. to because people keep sending me the. link they keep sending me the clip why. cuz I didn't talk any [ __ ] about you. Griff oh I think cheese is dumb dude I'm. dumb yeah yeah I'm gonna lipless [ __ ]. I'm a lipless boy shave your fight look.

at how tiny your little [ __ ] lips. are you a [ __ ] ramen lips go get your. little lips look I got [ __ ] you God. [ __ ] you bad he was making use like. [ __ ] his upper lip did you get did you. have sex this morning why cuz you're in. a good mood. I feel great yeah load somehow whether. you jerked off to fortnight or something. but you did something I don't know. did you thicken your eyebrows did you. send your [ __ ] eyebrows look at that. look at that that looks like someone. took a crop shear through those [ __ ]. things can you grow them out or is that.

as long as they get you want to go toe. to toe I want to go on foot of you man. yoshiwo new tank yes you are you said. did i thicken my eyebrows I came in here. with a positivity man positivity you. attacked me twice in a row and is that. positive oh you you don't have a [ __ ]. upper lip look at your lip sorry Andre. hey Andres yeah yeah how are you feeling. today dude are you feeling good I feel. great you know why tell me baby boy.

because I've been playing video games. and it really makes me feel good I've. been a star too Valley you start do. belly. I know how much you love starting if I. love stardew valley so much and I. started with a new farm and it's just. instinct right now baby well the last. books too many lost books I have the new. the ability to chop trees down and get. hardwood that's a nice asset and I also. have the thing where you get to go to. the crab pots and it doesn't have junk. stuff in it it has like lobsters and all.

the good stuff so I have that ability. and I have truffle oil going and duck. mayonnaise and it's real good no this. sounds so cool yeah yeah it's great it's. a great game because you're constantly. uh you have to think ahead through the. seasons you know and go of course I need. to get ancient fruit going which is. ironic because you don't do that in your. real life at all what do you mean you. don't think ahead about stuff in your. real life my whole life is thought ahead. is it yeah bro where do you think do you. even know where I'm at in life do you.

know where you're at in life I'm [ __ ]. good with no education I know you fell. you fell face-first Anna luck you're. basically Kramer your crane [ __ ] you. you're Kramer to me alright look in the. mirror do your Kramer you fell. face-first into luck you should initiate. what you are Timothy McVeigh love. personal hero murder. yes Oh keep running your [ __ ] mouth. and see what happens alright yeah that's. the kind of person you are in your heart. you went you had a nice Italian Irish.

Chicago family that steered you this way. but your heart could have gone either. way. no no less than two or more three more. times you would have been McVeigh bro I. don't remember the first couple of times. yeah it didn't happen as far as I'm. concerned yeah you know the kid that's. why so were you know I was molested so. much no way it was a free-for-all you. were ugly when I met you I was a. free-for-all as a kid how many times you. get molested for real. 12 times no way yeah what do you mean go.

away [ __ ] you I was prove it. I'll show you the scars you only got. molested twice no I have 12 times over. buddy yeah 12 times 12 to 15 hmm so why. I was a cute kid that's not why they. molested you why do you think it was. your Z you're easy to manipulate. they could trick you so easily yeah you. were just simple you're a simple man. you've been eating a lot on your face s.

actually your face has gotten a little. chunker I like it I do I do I like your. face before you're in serious no. honestly because do you really think I. look a little bit a little chunkier I. like it that way that's cuter we really. do I seriously yeah you really do your. face I [ __ ] shaved I should look sky. should look no no no when I saw your. face or lack of what the [ __ ] is going. on with his face. maybe it's the corona scare or whatever. having eaten a lot yeah I mean you guys. so much it's it's really it's nice it's. filling out it's filling out yeah.

because before you're doing that this. Hollywood like I'm gonna make it kind of. a vibe and now you've covered your face. is given up it's cool because I'm hungry. although I'm sitting around the house. all the time hey [ __ ] you man your. regret you've gained some weight you. know what I've been doing and ask. [ __ ] kalila every night one hour of. peloton and I brought I busted out the. weights bro are you seriously lifting. weights oh yeah and you know by the end. of this [ __ ] thing I'm gonna look. like [ __ ] shame you're gonna look the. exact same no I'm [ __ ] you you're gonna.

look the same I'm gonna look like Jet. Li's thicker jet it's good jumbo jet Lee. you're gonna be jumping alright let's. make a monetary bet that you're not. gonna let's make a monetary bet that. you're not gonna um you're not gonna. change you're gonna be the same weight. you I'll give you a pound and a half you. know it's rude that you say I love it no. buts keep talking that way because I. love challenges I love naysayers and I. love negative people well here's the. thing Nene I say name the thing I came.

in here I honestly think that you you've. changed a little bit through this. through this um Stross doing the show. together no since the show you've now. and since this quarantine and since the. coroner coronavirus now that you've. become little paranoid yeah yeah yeah. probably you know it could do it could. have something to do with the over. 20,000 people that have died it could. have something to do with it's affecting. people of all ages all around the entire. world it's an international pandemic. could be do with the fact that people.

are losing their jobs but we do to the. fact that the shelves are being emptied. out a grocery store. go be. to the fact that people are fighting. over toilet paper could be due to the. fact that why the [ __ ] aren't you. panicking of course I'm freaking I'm. doing my due diligence. what is your due diligence Bob I haven't. left the [ __ ] house except for this. thing for here yeah right number two. number two I wasn't even gonna come same. yeah I know yeah we I did we didn't want. to do it we don't want to do it but five. point seven five feet away I measured. okay yes and number three I have to make.

an apology by the way a couple of months. ago I'm that month ago maybe three weeks. ago two weeks ago I don't know what day. it is um I um I was on my brother's vlog. and I said that Whaley the [ __ ] the. fight or the straw straw weight champion. of the UFC yeah I called a coronavirus. you called the fighter virus yes yikes. you [ __ ] you because it was before Trump. said calling it a Chinese virus and all. that kind of stuff right for it was a. thing so why did you why did you call.

the fighter a corona virus because I. thought was funny yeah and then I go um. so I want to apologize to Whaley and I. wanted to and I want to apologize to you. know all the Ching chongs out there that. might be offended here's the thing. though i'm ching chong - number two you. are you Americans like there was this. Asian kid that was in a Walmart whatever. and he coughed and a bunch of white. people started you know screaming at him.

going you know I mean you Chinese you. know you got started gonna start yeah I. want to say this first of all why is an. Asian kid in Walmart well you think. she'd be a Costco what do you mean. mm-hmm why these cheap no Walmart is. ours that's all that's for whites it's. not us where we buy guns and tires you. can only claim that if you if only check. if Chinese things are being made and. sold at [ __ ] Walmart everything is. Chinese things well Chinese saying we.

Chinese thing Chinese thing. Chinese thing how could I say this yeah. if your liver was made in China you'd be. Chinese my liver is mine it's still. Chinese though the you would be Chinese. your that's like the stuff that's inside. the Walmart if it's Chinese it's Chinese. so if it's in Chinese and then I'm. Chinese because I buy it and purchase. you can't just say something from her. and so you got an applause no no I want. to see about the Walmart like yeah so I. I'm gonna claim this I've been in an. American longer than you have. I've been an American longer than you.

have when did you get your citizenship I. was born here so I'm older I don't they. make you apply still right and so um. yeah the racism out there when it comes. to this this [ __ ] part it is real. it's real yes and it's gross and um you. know I don't know anything just I don't. know anything about Asia I don't wait no. just hear me out I don't wake up and you. know it's like when I wake up yeah I. don't think to myself ah Asian well no.

I'm Korean. you know I it it doesn't even enter my. thoughts it doesn't even strike your mom. when I wake up I go I'm your hyung go. right or I mean honky yeah Bobby hunt my. left foot itches because I have a foot. thing right now or like I have other. issues but when you leave the house I. never think about it so do you never get. in a situation where you've where. somebody makes you feel like oh I I'm. Asia.

that's only one yeah that's what I I go. out of the world and people say [ __ ]. like you know hey you know when if an. old white man goes oh I'll be at. Starbuck I fought in the Korean War. yeah yeah yeah we talked about that yeah. yeah and that makes you then you go oh. my god oh why would you oh yeah I'm. Asian right but that's the only time so. I don't feel Asian I feel like an. American but you have no connected you. do but you have connectivity to your. Asian heritage don't you look in one way. I meditate but so do you.

yeah but but do you but do you have like. do you have anything family tradition. why's that. that is that's Korean that you take oh. yeah I by my feet I walk on people's. back and I do the gong and I and I have. also stars and the ninja outfit what the. [ __ ] are you talking about. I didn't say any of that [ __ ] I mean are. you talking only tradition do you eat. food that your mother cooked for you. that was your destiny and Express is. that then okay. it's not me yeah I've been a panic. spreads I got a PF Changs both of those.

places are Chinese no so you have no. there's no traditional things. there's no I do things that are like I. guess physically Korean like you know. colder Korean men walk around the malls. with their hands behind their back I do. that now yeah that's it's okay so you do. some Korean stuff but that's not it's. not a cultural thing I think it's just. uh it's definitely a cultural thing. that's literally what it is you just. said it old Korean men do it yeah for no.

other reason then it's cultural all. right that's what they do. yeah so your cat's your connective. tissue to your Korean heritage you smoke. and you squat when you smoke and you. yell at cars yeah I've said he outside. of the studio yeah yeah will you do. Italian things I'm so expressive with. your hand I do more Irish stuff than. Italian stuff but know what you know Qi. you do stuff look it's been a panic. moment but the one thing that saved us.

is has been friends texting friends. funny stuff I've gotten so much funny. [ __ ] I want to bring up you know this. man we taught you and I talked about. this man Bob I love this man we talked. about this guy and we said he was. probably one of our favorite my it was. my favorite meme to get it was my. favorite little like mmm thing to get I. should say is look at this this is a. collection of photos we might have to. blur this do you think we have to blur. this would you you don't you didn't blur.

before well. why the tits well so this is a. modification of the original photo the. original photo she has a big black penis. yeah yeah many people recognize this man. here's this is him with the crying. Jordan meme which i think is just. awfully funny very funny yeah this is. the original picture is his face with. this his name is meat he passed away. dude rest in peace you know he passed. away when you tonnison when you told me. that the other day because I remember I. called you and I said we should do. research about this cuz this guy you.

know me is she happy about his new. coward the internet you can find nothing. I'm so I swear to God we don't know his. real name a PR person reached out to the. to the porno company that owns the. rights of this photo yes. pornstar yeah and they will not release. his legal name because they say it's not. their responsibility the family might. not want that out so they just meet his. meat is his formal porn name but he's so. talents so talented I mean here's. another sons great this one is great you. know what I mean that's really good yeah. there's some really good ones going.

around this is a phenomenal video if. you've seen this it's a bold package. it's a big package. I mean so many I mean I gotten non-stop. from so many friends a little bit of Bob. Ross love he's got in there it's great. this one's phenomenal the old workers on. the beam he's kind of like you know what. he's like he's kind of like van Gogh.

yeah yeah because the van Gogh did all. his work without people really knowing. about him it's only when he died yeah. when people started appreciating his. work that's true so it's got a van Gogh. kind of a vibe to it he's got a he's got. a very mysterious way about him that I. think is is why he's it's so like we've. seen big black dicks before you and I. have seen a lot of them but this one. there's something special about this guy. it's well it's very special because the.

head right sometimes when you see a dick. right the head is bigger than the shaft. aspect of it yeah yeah they call that. true it's called Truman Raya shrooming. much like mine although mine is the side. of the size of one of the veins on his. distance it's one of the broken veins. yeah one of the broken veins is the size. of my dick but hit but his yeah what's. interesting is he's got the sleeve still. on right he's still got the sleeve he's. not circumcised and the sleeve still.

encompasses such a large mass yeah you. can't even tell yes sometimes they look. the sleeves people who have sleeves at. home it looks like you know anteaters. they kind of look. remember Ren from Ren and Stimpy who's. yeah remember that Ren from Ren and. Stimpy sometimes he looks like like Ren. and Stimpy has he has a mouth that looks. like a the sleeve of a penis or a or a. bad vagina yeah look at like this look. at his mouth right like this look at. that yeah it's like a weird vagina or a.

slit like oh this is the image that's. the what's what you were looking for. yeah yeah that kind of looks like this. it looks like a it looks like an. anteater penis or that or a bad lip Eva. Gina yeah it's also like when you when. you're I guess having anal sex with. another man I'm not I've only done it. twice pun I'll fill you and go ahead. yeah you probably the Warriors you're. gonna rip you gonna rip your man the. actual muscle around the anal you know. the muscle the anal muscle right you're. gonna tear that with meat it's like he.

might puncture your stomach along yeah. all the way yeah I honestly think that. he's probably punctured many men well. they don't know how he died. there's a lot of speculation on the. internet of what killed him if maybe I. like to think that he died cuz all that. blood was going to his [ __ ] not his. heart I think it could go bad yeah. but I think I think getting that meme. has been a Golden Nugget of my day cuz. yeah you're right I have been panicking. I came in I was panicking we I put up.

some new some new do you like the fish. paper I love it. new fish paper and the whole time I was. freaking out I just want to talk about. the day's day-to-day I want to talk. about day to day I honestly and then. before we started this podcast I was. like I don't even know what to talk. about because it's like I'm a [ __ ]. zombie man I know you wake up you don't. know what day it is you don't you know. it doesn't matter when you wake up you. don't care I don't care I haven't cared.

it's really strange this morning I woke. up at 9 am but yesterday I woke up at 3. p.m. you slept till 3 p.m. yeah but you didn't go to bed till what. time just seven 8 a.m. right that is. only watching that Tiger [ __ ] oh so. good I love that Tiger document I'm Joe. exotic oh no I was watching a National. Geographic tiger doctor oh yeah I mean. you're Joe exotic I am Joe exotic yeah I. want to be that other guy Mach Vaughn or.

whatever they got with gaga bhagwan yeah. you went well his real name is doc and. teal is that really doc antiochus yeah. you want to be doc and teal and and the. reason being is because well first of. all I'm not gay. same not I mean yeah who knows this is. who Bob wants to be yeah doc and teal I. don't want to be any of these people but. by the way I don't wanna be anybody if I. had to choose because he had a harem of. women he had a hair oh yeah he's also um. I feel like he took like he took you.

know number one I want to talk about how. you can manipulate women. with [ __ ] Tigers Tigers yeah because. you know white trash that they go hey. honey I mean I've always wanted to take. a photo with a [ __ ] cub yeah and then. when I come but gets to a certain age. you mean it's no longer like it's like. Hollywood yeah it's been female girl. like girls in Hollywood it's like Vegas.

at 21 it's over yeah it's you know the. pool girls at Vegas oh yeah buddy lived. in Vegas used to say that all the time. one of his friends was a pool girl and. she's like at 18 you're a [ __ ]. commodity yeah by 22 23 so funny they're. burnt there was a you know that hotel. the standard at that one in Hollywood oh. yeah yeah and they used to have those. they used to have this like gigantic. like Windows display where models Oh. would sleep she would like yeah yeah I. remember the right but I knew a girl. that was an actress but she'd that's one.

of the gigs yeah did she get pay your. money I don't I never asked her that but. at one time I wrote something so she's. laying there right right against the. window I go you're never gonna make it. and I remember her reading it and just. being so angry and you're never good. people you have to imagine I'm in the. front desk like I'm at the hotel this is. what it looks like yeah right behind my. head yes is a woman human in a K in a. cage in a little glass cage and I'm.

taking your high well room what room. number and this woman is sitting there. reading a book or they're on their. laptop or they're on their phone yeah. and she gets paid to just be in a case. nine hours feminism Burberry yeah it's. so sad to see like in LA to see. actresses on the internet trying to be. funny and stuff right now but no way. that just come I were just remember time. were you would see girls at your the. store you'd meet them and then three. four years later it's just like they.

work at the store now no they would they. had to get a dictator that does one girl. that she was like I'm an actress it's an. that and for years she got hooked on. drugs she came back she looked like a. homeless bag lady. what did she and she was actually. successful as an actor I said well she. never made oh oh yeah but you see a lot. of that well dude you I see I would say. you see a lot more people that get a. little bit of the thing and then they. piss away their money get into drugs and. then you see them years later and you're. like oh. my god how did you fall so hard oh my. god this is the craziest thing so when I.

auditioned for MADtv she this is real I. can't tell. cuz this girl it came back just don't. say her name. I know I'm not gonna okay so remember it. was 19 it was in the 48 49 [ __ ] you I. don't know no there was this group so. we're so when your audition obviously we. have to tell people when you're. auditioning and then you get to the. final audition there was now six of us. it's called a test a test yeah but the.

day before the test there was like a. producer session and I was walking out. of the producer session with this girl. that I knew from the Comedy Store she. was a comic but also a sketch person I. want to know so I'll tell you later okay. and I at the time we got paid $4,500 a. week. oh okay okay that was our deal right so. when you if you get the show you get. $4,500 guaranteed yeah and this girl was. just like nah man now I need 10 grand.

well as we're walking in the [ __ ]. parking lot and she's never done and. he's never done anything and I looked at. her could not you know you me back then. yeah oh no I was at really Asian ah. we should be getting 10 grand it's a TV. show man right so she knew something. right so she doesn't get it she bailed.

out she didn't test Wow. and then 12 years later I was at a. restaurant all right. I'm ordering a meal and I look up and. it's her he's waiting Wow and instead of. saying oh my god it's good to see you. she said I should have taken it no it's. stuck with her oh my god all those years. yeah and I go yeah and a side Caesar.

salad and a diet coke please. yes you should have and our soups are. gonna come out soon right. oh my god how far it's so sad but that. happens dude cuz she was too cocky huh. she thought she was bigger than the. thing you know sometimes you know people. think they're bigger than the thing. guess what the thing doesn't give a [ __ ]. about you yeah who was that Trenton New. Jersey are it let's answer it put up to. the mic hello. come back to bed me and all the boys.

want you to come lay down with us during. our pour only gonna be 16 for a little. while I will call you right back. I'll call you after my poly in a couple. hours okay come back to bed that was the. Love Boat is that who that was. are you doing The Love Boat the TV show. you want to know what that is. yes it sits in a a meeting that I go to. no that's not fun I thought that was a.

job. no it's called The Love Boat it's called. the lifeboat oh and you know I have a. disease called alcoholism and I need to. treat it I know shut the [ __ ] up for a. second I need to treat it by going to. meetings and get in contact with other. members of AAA and if you ever mock me. again I'll rip your [ __ ] eyes oh shut. up. support me was a Hollywood job I thought. that was a holiday show called Live Love. Boat there was a show called The Love. Boat yeah I'm not gonna play that what.

what's that gopher or whatever his name. is so you're not known to do shows that. went away and they're coming back. are you not no junior television shows. that went away that came back. [ __ ] back of me is and you did a game. show that's just like another game show. that already existed stop pretending. God you do you do some revamped stuff. that's okay have you no have you ever. done revamped stuff. I've never done a show that existed once.

and they brought back all right. no bad shows just in general but so of. you mixology is great great work okay I. have it on blu-ray okay great work okay. oh well you make fun of me now I'm not. gonna all right I'm I respect all your. work. look good no I like it all I can't wait. to see you in this rob gronkowski game. show if by the way people have been. googling shout out to lifeboat by the. way and shout out to shout out to people.

that are in a a and that need help I'm a. product of it I highly believe in it are. you being real you know my I'm just a. kid of addiction what do you mean you. know that yeah yeah I I really do. believe in it in fact I think it's such. a you know there's a lot of people that. don't like rehab and that don't agree. with meetings and they go their own way. and all that [ __ ] yeah I think it's. such a great proven reinforcement that.

when people that I know that our addicts. that don't choose to do it it's a bummer. and there's nothing I can say to change. their mind I know oh yeah [ __ ] burn your. face put your face over that candle hear. hear hear hear hear spare this give me. the spray spray this on your face well I. let me do it nice it's natural to if. you're listening to this podcast right. now I want you to take a second and look. down let me see when was the last time. you shaved your junk Andrew two weeks.

ago in a while Jill I know it's been two. weeks let's take a second to thank our. sponsor manscape for holding you. accountable to get rid of the funk and. shave your junk. shave your junk dude man escapes the. only man brand dedicated to below the. belt waist grooming and hygiene Bob and. Bob uses it I use this literally use it. I use it every other day know you shave. that often yeah it's like a [ __ ]. Cambodian jungle back there manscaped is. forever changing the grooming game with.

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thank you my friends. yeah here I know wait timeout let me ask. you one thing I'm being serious do you. do you think that this pandemic has. causing addicts to slip up no because I. this morning I woke up the reason why I. woke up at 9:00 is because I did a zoom. a meeting and it works great but I'm. saying do you think there's some people. out there that this is really think. about the thing about this I'm just. putting life in perspective there's a.

guy who makes an hourly wage he works. hard he's an alcoholic he's struggling. he's recovering and he lost his job now. we can't work and times are tough no. because if I'm winning I'm gonna be I. would tell you personally I'm telling. this would crack me up but I'm gonna. tell you you don't understand what it. feels like to actually not being a dry. drunk mm-hmm.

somebody that refuses to use spiritual. elements because that's what 12-step. groups are where there's a spiritual all. right a higher power it's not even just. that there is just a feeling that you. have right and once that's in your. and your blood right you're gonna you're. gonna know that you know this is all. meant to be I'm at the right I'm in the. right place I'm gonna live in the moment. and you're gonna do all the necessary. things to keep that condition alive.

inside you do you think because you. think getting clean made you a better. comic I don't tell you God honestly that. was really you know people have asked me. that and it's like regardless if it did. or didn't my life is more important than. doing stand-up so in a weird way. the addiction helped you really find. your purpose in life. IIIi I know that I can't live you know.

with drugs and alcohol in my system it I. just I just not made up you know I I. unravel really quickly yeah and um I I. just can see what I can do is I can look. down the road when I'm using drugs and. alcohol I can we look down the road and. see where this is gonna lead me and that. destination in my head. is enough for me to go I can stop now. yeah hey stuff was very real and good.

yeah I really liked it cuz you're. struggling to crack you call me on the. phone what you mean you sound like. you're losing your mind over there with. that broad that you live with you talk. to her - I do I text her - I text her a. lot because I want to make sure that. everything is good she has panic she. didn't want us to come do the show no. you know why you know a couple of people. have called me and said I don't know. about that George and I go I don't know. where he's been what do you mean because.

he's in the farms yeah George. honestly why are people calling me and. not to trust you a lot of people are. saying that they shouldn't who the. heck's calling you I don't want to name. names of people put people on the. [ __ ] no we don't blow up people spot. yeah no I want to know who I know but no. are you leaving the house for walks with. who uh my cousin making it up up picking. it up what a huge pause yeah you're. making it up what do you weigh you don't.

you don't take this thing [ __ ]. seriously not even a little bit look at. me. have I ever worn one of these things. before chef Rochelle we had people I. asked people to send us in with their. what their food rations were we got some. good videos this is Jeremy Roger he sent. us in Andrew hey Bobby this is Jeremy. from Syracuse New York originally from. Puerto Rico I'm just a [ __ ] living in. New York you know I don't know what. pantry and being real quiet because my. roommates are out there this is my. secret stash right here in SOL vinegar. chips I can Twitter.

bombo's boy cheez-its oh yeah yeah this. is my quarantine thank you right now I. run out then I'm gonna have to go to the. store and probably die we'll see how far. this vest is probably last 15 minutes. cuz I'm about to get real high right now. so the peace guys Thank You bud shoutout. to Jeremy he that's his collection this. is Adam Bullock I said send in what's in. your fridge what are you eating maybe.

bad friends today we got some pickle. juice no some wieners no homo a nice. towel some Korean cheese. oh so spice eggies some soup some human. dog food some human cat food some maple. syrup I drink this straight we got some. liquid eggs we got a cap and we got you. know the baddest butter and then in the. freezer we got some cheese mozzarella. yeah that's the winner fave my favorite.

part about this yeah this [ __ ]. has a towel in his fridge look at that a. towel yeah why there's something in the. towel look at it I don't know he just. literally said it too does this human. here's what he says though he a nice. tell a nice towel yes I don't think so. I'm saying I have a [ __ ] light bulb I. have a light bulb in here I've got a. couple of screws have a tire iron. here's Ruben roaches you know it's not. bad friends I got the stock Oh Oh milk.

some yogurts that are probably old. we got ships for days so many chips a. lot of salsas and that's all we've been. doing that's what's up I love your. podcast we love you too doc you too bro. this is the people some people have some. good rations look at how many do by the. way how Mexican is this dude look at all. this look at that. what I have that that's tajin I have.

that that's how you that's nine types of. hot sauce right there yeah and then more. hot sauce and Mexican sauce down there. yeah man I love it dude what do you have. in your house just honestly yeah what. have we been eating yeah tell NT gelato. ice cream every single day no really. breakfast lunch and dinner yeah I make. kalila order me Lou Magna Lou Malnati's. we've done this my favorite sponsor from. Chicago so we're getting I just ate.

seven in a row every meal seven in a row. I love how the beginning of this podcast. we talked about the losing weight no. belt peloton for an hour oh yeah I make. up for it yeah and then you know one of. those pizzas has like 6,000 calories and. the thing is and then here's another. thing that they offered and I think the. offer is 12 pack Chicago hot dogs oh I. made her order that and yeah and then we. Oh last night we got I had made her made. her or you know put tortillas bakery. pour pour tous Porto sporto's Porto's.

bakery but they can send you stuff. that's not bet you can bake it at home. yeah so we got 15 boxes of like chuckle. chip cookies and meat meat pies and all. these strong things look at this I know. what the deep dish did you have from Lou. Malnati's I get the pack I get that on. variety pack - cheese - sausage and -. and - um pepperonis all right so there's. 670 there 730 there wow you're really. good so yeah wait a minute 730 calories.

for what though for the whole thing one. slice one slice it doesn't matter I. don't give a [ __ ] it doesn't matter. seven or calories and one slice how many. slices are you eating I eat the whole. [ __ ] I'm not kidding you I'll eat the. whole [ __ ] thing dude will you. seriously yeah not eat the. [ __ ] you can eat like force deep-dish. slices of pizza it's ice cut him into. six but yeah oh my god. not in one sitting I'll in in like a.

30-minute period that's like but then. I'll do an hour on the peloton I guess. that makes up for it yeah how many. calories you think you burn on the. peloton it only says 150 that's like. that's like one bite of cheese I know. that's like one bite of a corner he's a. guy right but I ride yeah if for an hour. and then at the bottom it'll say you. only burn 150 calories doesn't make any. sense maybe it's because your output is.

not that high it's not like you're you. are you doing the class I refuse now so. you just ride on it I do free ride okay. that's not good but I'll watch like you. should do the class know what I love. doing is I'll take my [ __ ] I you know. I love disaster movies yes did you know. that about yes I love deep impact we all. love volcano volcano yeah I loved the. other day after tomorrow I love the I'm. so well I'll watch it all did you like. the rock that one that he did like the. earthquake one who did the rock the rock.

did one about an earthquake in Los. Angeles oh I like that one. that one was good that's pretty good. okay good I like that yeah what do you. put it on the screen and watch it so. I'll watch it but then I'll look down. after I'm done like halfway during a. movie it'll say 150 calories so are you. just are you sitting are you sitting. down riding do you stand up and ride and. do that thing or no I never power a riot. why did you get a peloton kalila did yes. it's for her yeah. does she use it all the time yeah but. she did the classes and she'll do the. weights that's right and I'll watch her.

on it and I'll just stare at her watch. it and that's my turn. and then casual but at least something. and I've been doing weights so you're. gonna see my body transform honestly I. swear to god I'll pay for a trainer I. will pay for a trainer to see you get. jacked so you could be like Kumail. Nanjiani and I saw that's what Jack to. [ __ ] up yeah he got in jet he got an. unbelievable shape yeah why because one.

time. I did that show this is not happening on. Comedy Central yeah yeah that's the one. we talked about with Tom yeah yeah and. then he after he was done he got. offstage and I didn't know him at all. but he knew I was there to do it I was. after him and I go hey man that was. great. and he didn't say anything to me really. yeah I eat the same thing happened twice. with Taylor Tomlinson you said that's.

great and the one time she was at the. Laugh Factory and she got offstage I go. wow you're really good and she just. looked at me and walked away. shut up yeah she did that twice and then. when she become up and then when she. became a paid regular at the store. uh-huh she started saying hi but that's. all I can get out of her maybe she's. just not a social person yeah we've. never I've never said hi to her we don't. know each other I know but she's so good. I've never we don't know each other even. it doesn't matter it's like when you see.

somebody that good you know she's good. I've never even seen her stand-up she's. very good she's a good writer a very. good performer and she's you know beyond. her years so when I saw her at the. laughs Archer once I just said um you. did a great job and then maybe she. doesn't respect you as a comedian that's. what I said that's when I started asking. that question around town you thought. maybe she hasn't respect you I guess I. would do people that knew her I went to.

Derek and a song you know you live. together yeah yeah and cuz they knew her. from San Diego and I said she likes me. and they go well I don't know if this is. true or not but they said she's a little. weary of dudes from the Comedy Store was. this before before she became a paid. regular why I don't know why because I. think that because we beat and rape and. pillage in the basement of the comedy. show no I think the Comedy Store comics. imagine being somebody that's not a.

regular yeah and then going there I can. I can only assume we were all people. that weren't regulars both men then went. there and became regulars I know but do. you remember it being hard it was. impossible that's what I'm saying they. get [ __ ] deal everything is hard and. stand up stand up so nightmare I still. was I still do. like not respect regulars yeah I don't. know I don't know what the reason was I. mean I think it's she doesn't like you. she probably doesn't god I want to ask. her so bad yeah IIIi can there's a lot. I'm gonna go up to her and be like hey.

I'm gonna quit the podcast with Bobby. because I [ __ ] hate him what do you. think about but then a lot of it's in. your head right almost all of it is in. your head I know it's pop that's. probably in my head and then here's a. here's how I know it's in my head for. years I thought what's this indian guy's. name. Kumail Nanjiani no the other one well. there's sorry. yeah for years I would say out loud as. he's Pakistani right there's any from. Pakistan whatever he's a moment before.

is he I don't know for years I said I. would say around town I would literally. say that that guy hates me. yeah just not knowing if he does or if. he does it yeah we just say it do you. like him I love him he's so talented no. I mean do you as a guy do you know him. as a guy I didn't really know him so how. would you he because whether like it was. its social situations I would say hi. yeah maybe he didn't see the hi or. whatever sure I don't think these people. wasn't one date but then here's what one. day he came up to me goes hey you're. really funny man you know I loved you on. WTF I think he said and he was super.

sweet to me that's nice yeah and then in. my head I was just like oh he was on my. head it is why is that because comedy. comedy is based on people who are. insecure already and so we're now more. secure it's everybody in comedy you're. insecure littered what are you insecure. about everything that's why I yell at. you all the time yeah like why sometimes. I make fun of you and I no sense of. response so many I know I mean everybody. has I know but and then you get really. angry horse yeah isn't that part of it.

all what are my sensitive spots do you. think when I'm asking you so it's okay. to say um ask me let me tell me what you. think I would be insecure about your. weight your height your penis no you. show that a lot your weight your height. no those are the things that you I'm. being real I'm telling you you should be. but I'm not. no what do you what are you insecure. about I know the the one thing that. you're the most insecure about no jokes. all jokes aside is stand-up yep it's.

like the biggest most insecure it's like. the biggest so I'm so insecure I know I. know it's but we don't talk about it and. we don't talk about the idea of you know. fans constantly ask why you don't put. out a special hmm. people at the Comedy Store talk about it. mm-hmm comics that you're friends with. go they asked me you know Bob why. doesn't know I've had why doesn't Papa. thousand people a day and the thing is. for me is that I need somebody to ask me. to do one yes and no yes you could also.

make a bigger move to - well I want I. need somebody to ask me okay so there. you go a little out of your way. no I'm sorry I'm sorry let me defend. myself okay all right I'm sorry. okay okay is that it I I listen I feel. insecure about gloating yeah about. bragging about your not accomplishments. but just the amount of time I've been.

doing it what I've done is what I'm. saying well you've done eight years on a. sketch show. yeah national TV being a fat Korean dude. on SNL I'm a TV oh and MADtv yeah yeah. that's a sketch show yeah yeah all right. so eight years on that yeah um I've got. been in a bunch of movies you've done it. right. I you mean a regular and all the clubs I. sell out everywhere I go as a stand-up. yeah my podcasts that I do.

Tiger belly and this bad friends are. popular there yes yeah I just think that. somebody should call me and go hey you. want to do something what do you think. is what do you think is holding you back. nothing so why do you think no one's. calling you that suck no that's not it. but in my head that's what I think this. is a perfect this is such a great. microcosm of what's going on. watch what I'm gonna tie in right now. all right guys what I'm [ __ ] saying. like a psychologist is what I need in. the same way you assumed a season sorry.

Taylor Tomlinson XYZ continue on. whomever didn't like you or didn't. respect you is the same way you feel. about these. says that you think why don't they ask. me so instead of you going Taylor hey do. we have a weird is it a weird thing with. you because I want to let you know that. I don't have a weird thing with you if. there's something about me I wish you. would tell me and then she would go no I.

didn't I didn't think that what I. thought we were good in the same way is. uh having my agent of my manager go hey. Netflix hey Amazon HBO you know Bobby. wants to do a special but he thinks you. guys don't want to do one with him wait. really does he think that because we we. just didn't think he really wanted to do. one we don't know these are the same. things taking place in your life if you. don't ask no no you don't know and this. is exactly why I wasn't even bring it. out okay because it's not a war what do.

you mean I'm gonna say that I didn't say. anything negative can I say something. Raj yeah but what you don't understand. is I'm diabolical and crafty and if they. say no you're gonna blow up the building. no that's what I want to say say what. I'm saying is is that but this is how. I've always been yeah whether you like. it or not oh I like it right and it. gives me motivation because if I don't. have an enemy honestly I know who's up.

enemies who's your enemy now I'm not. gonna say it please I can't say it. because we'll have to bleep it out well. bleep it we bleep last week and it was. fun. okay I'm not gonna say because I don't. want George to keep bleeping [ __ ] yeah. but it's fun if you say it no but I have. people out there in my bed yeah right. that I perceive as people that are. against me and it motivates me to write. it motivates me to go do more Stu stand. up even if it's not true yes you. fabricated and you enjoy brocade enemy.

is in my mind to motivate me and I don't. I don't think that that's healthy no. right not even think it's healthy but it. is I think the truth but do you think. that you don't well okay this is. self-sabotage what it means this is you. saying essentially you're okay with. self-sabotage it's that I'm not. sabotaging anything yes no at the end of. the day I'm going to win but you're. saying I want to win you're slowing down. the process instead of just going. through why don't you go directly to. Netflix or Amazon or whom. and go hey I want to do a special.

because I'm not ready yet how my what I. gotta get I need about another 15. minutes I'm good what you do you have. our and you probably have to three hours. I need a fifteen better minutes let's. write it right now no I'm not gonna. write guys [ __ ] 50 minutes work with. you right let's write it right now no. I'm at the right 15 [ __ ] minutes. right now hey so uh so I'm Korean honey. we all shop online a lot I know you can.

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love it I think it's so great got a. hundred thousand plus five star reviews. on Chrome not using honey is literally. passing up free money in your pocket. just free to use free stalls in just a. few seconds plus is backed by PayPal. PayPal so secure you know it's good get. honey for free go to join honey calm. slash that's right that's right join. honey calm slash yeah what you've been. doing in your standup that I like what. yeah because we did that show with. brought a pro Trump stuff coming out of. me lately no build the wall no what no.

no and this is what I cause I hadn't. seen you in a while and we did that show. Brian Collins. show at the Laugh Factory I was sitting. there and I wanted you to fail. because you just went on and crushed I. did pretty good and he did kill I went. on right after you yeah and I sat there. and you did something you there was a. moment in your set there was a minute. where you I forgot what it was but you. were being real and you had a message uh. right yeah and like oh you were making a.

point yes a lot of stand-ups you know we. just want to go for the kill but you're. revolving to the point now in your. standup. or you're saying messages and having. your point of view rather than and I. really like that thank you. it's very nice daliyah went up after you. I appreciate you saying something nice. it wasn't Leah did go up after me and uh. the reception was not as good yeah what. a crazy show you me me you Krista Leah. Bryan Callen wait bill burr burr yeah.

bill burr I can't believe we forgot. Bilborough well he's rich Oh bill is a. what you know what you know what a love. about bill and I'm gonna say something. positive okay you we best comic in the. country in the world one of the best to. me yeah to me too I love watching you. doesn't I learned from him you know he's. so good up there worst comic in the. country oh go ahead. I can't say it but but when I saw bill.

playing with his daughter oh I saw bill. we were at a thing and I saw him playing. with his daughter and he was out there. for hours playing with his daughter and. I was just like oh he's a good dad too. yeah it made me like my heart warm good. comic a dad yeah you'd be a shitty dad. huh I don't know I babysit you every. [ __ ] that's every time we do this. yeah you're my child you people don't. realize you're my child why because they.

don't know oh dude speaking of our. mutual child I did promise your favorite. King black that we'd call him before you. do though he did say Eric really yeah. well y'all do me a favor y'all call me. on the show I said of course we'll call. you know sure he said well well he was a. heap [ __ ] he was harassing me. wait why I'm just redid that thing. before you call him I'm gonna put this. out no let's cut let's talk to him I got. I don't know before you call him do you.

just let me do this okay all right so he. goes um he texted me like three or four. times we texted last night I didn't I. didn't respond to respond right so his. last text to me was really you have to. talk [ __ ] about me so bad all the time. jeez he said y'all ready to Skype right. and then yeah and then I go I lied and I. said I have personal [ __ ] going on right. now man I can't talk right now relax. right well he's gonna hear this yeah.

that's fine now because this will come. out next time or the next week I don't. know if I can deal with it now yes. yeah I want to call him but we have to. keep the lie on that I had personal [ __ ]. but let's inflate of this alrights. inflate it let's make the lie even more. prevalent what is the lie you think well. let's make it up right now. yeah before we sit my cousin has it no. no no something-something. um it was a scare my mom it's gotta be. something about kalila or your mom or.

your brother for it to be real to him. because he's best friends with my. brother my brother and I am Tom well. they can't be okay so yeah my momma Lila. then no it has to be what something. about kalila coladas friend okay here's. the deal. yeah this really happened okay so when I. was in Denver Kyla's friend hung out in. the green room with us yeah and then the. next day I flew out and she has a week. later she now has it no yeah Bob what. what if you have it I don't have it it's. been 11 days okay. but let's say kalila think she has it.

was there was a skirt that she thought. she hasn't okay we turned on okay I mean. he's the one that was like y'all ready. Skype he said it to me I know hello.

hello hello hello what's up baby baby. boy brother. oh here we go again what's up baby boy. what's up what are you doing working. toilet you're washing your toilet yeah. and I'll just drop to do so should stay.

fresh now will you really so when you. tested me will you mad that I didn't. text you back right away. Bobby you never tell your back right. away. okay angry about what any angry what are. you talking about. I saw your freaking podcast where all. your doing a talk [ __ ] about me What did. he say. oh what am I talking about all your.

words I'm probably going to get in. trouble for this but I if I got it I'm. gonna die what do you think you're gonna. die you know me but don't worry happened. didn't that happen you said you said to. me you said Muhammad SAW I do not say. that like a crazy person okay that's you. alright so yes I see why you're worried. don't bring me down offensive that you.

thought that Griff what you're saying is. who think Bobby would die before you oh. yeah for sure Bobby would go like in an. in a second you know to me why he would.

just like no it's just I think that. Corona would live stronger in his heavy. head you know what I'm saying. so it would like wait you saw [ __ ] my. head is big do you think my head is. [ __ ]. your life have you ever seen why because.

I'm yellow wow that would be a mustard. bottle inside of us I'm just happy that. you're watching the show yeah that just. shows that you really watch the episode. sending me the link.

I didn't talk any [ __ ] about you Grif. you know what you know what we say this. to your face we all say this to each. other's face yeah because we love each. other. Thanks one thing we talked about you is.

because we love you I love you yeah like. Hitler talked about the Jews what are.

you what are you making what are you. making for dinner right now are you. cooking or you haven't you haven't your. lady cook cooking show do you know this. he's been doing a cooking show online. really yeah paleo I got this paleo shoot. from the place called fun basket and. then they don't sponsor on our show it's.

like those pre mates you make it. yourself. yeah then you everything you need. there's a lot of companies like that. yeah yeah just one oh can you spare my. face again yeah spend like 20 minutes 20. 30 minutes it takes to cook and it's. pretty great meals for two it's like. eleven dollars look I'm doing freaked. out by your voice but I said since what. I said is your your you know what Bobby. your butthole is probably ground zero.

yellow cable wonder will you send us. will you send us a video we can put up. on an episode of you cooking something. please okay yeah now I need you to call. me on skype later today we do tomorrow. I can't wait up what do you mean well. because you want to video chat it yeah.

we video chat and I put my little. podcast that's not good enough for you. guys apparently that's not true we both. lost your show we watch it here that's. not true in fact Bobby Bobby Bobby and I. sat the other night we sat and just. watched a couple episodes straight of. riffin with Griffin yeah I hope you good. Wow you got the better liar than this no. I'm telling you some of my favorite.

episodes on there of me that I know if. you're gonna call pretend like you're. gonna call me the whole cool yo you just. watched your guys's episode yeah who's. that who's that that this is riffin with. Griffin. we're talking to receiver here we go Oh. with 75 what's up everybody. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].

no wonder what the snuffleupagus is. gonna look like without hair that's what. it looks like hey is that weird or are. we gonna get clipped by YouTube is that. your music yeah that's mine you made it. up from scratch right I came and I did. it on the singing mic yeah no you did it. you go look at your episode you didn't. do it on the thing about you actually. being Rick what did I do.

you don't know if you've done his show I. haven't been on this set before Eric yes. you had cuz you were talking [ __ ] about. the brick piece of [ __ ] and then you did. a wait wait wait wait by the way what do.

you say about your place what do you say. about your place that was he just was. talking [ __ ] yeah Bobby does you know. what I'm saying that's what he does yeah. but you know what I'm not honestly. though during this whole epidemic that. we're going through and pandemic endemic. and I've been thinking about who my. friends and family are and you're in. like you literally I'm not kidding you. you're in my top 5 ok of the people I. love the most I really do love you don't.

get sentimental on me now people [ __ ]. yeah he won't he means it I believe but. is Andrew like number 7 I'm just curious. Andrew now is in my top 10 as well we. have to go now because I have to talk. about something else. hey Griff here we go getting offended. and getting sensitive and plug plug plug.

plug your show right quick do like a. radio drop like the old school days go. oh my god make sure you watch Ricky with. Rick I love him yeah I [ __ ] love him. so much talk about who just texted you. all right so here's ah this is very. sensitive but I have to call him back. you know fact I don't think I should. call him online live but no why not tell.

him can I call you live on my show ask. can I call you live on my show. well while you're talking while you're. sending that text he'll tell everyone. who you're talking about I'm talking. about Carlos Mencia and what happened I. don't know if people know this but for. the first six years of my stand-up. career as an open mic er I used to open. for Carlos Mencia yeah I probably did. over 500 shows with them when I was. young I went all over the country.

No and you know I used to open for him. and Pauly Shore mm-hmm. so when it comes to those two people. specifically I get a little sensitive. because um you know um I know things. about them that other people don't know. obviously you know so um you know I've. been talking about him on Tiger belly. and some other things and um he's been. in comedy jail for a long time two.

decades 15 years okay two decades - five. yeah and um and his his argument you. know his argument has always been him. defending his position about stealing. jokes about what bits mm-hmm all right. and my argument has always been that. even if you did it a two or three time. or whatever it might be I don't know.

exactly the number right I don't know. what then up I don't know why you're. smiling I'm not smiling you're smiling. I'm smiling I don't know the numbers. yeah I don't know what specifically the. number is I'm being very genuine I don't. care I mean I don't know cuz I thank you. thank you. I just don't run I have a regardless of. what the number. is that um you should just do a blanket. statement right I'm sorry yeah right. because there have been the times where. I had seen him write a write a bunch of. bits on his own workouts work [ __ ] out.

right you're saying he didn't steal. everything yeah I think that the thing. is is that people people think even. today right even if when he's on stage. if they think that everything that he's. saying he's stealing which is impossible. because he doesn't do open mics and. you're me and he doesn't you know go. he'd I don't think he sees enough people. do live stand-up right for him to steal. mm-hmm yeah and I think he's very. sensitive about it now right so he's a.

little bit more paranoid about what bits. he puts out there but still everything. that he does now is under the lens of. he's stealing everything right I don't. think is the case but the problem is is. that by him defending specific bits from. the past right. gets him in trouble because you know. instead of defending the bits that you. claimed that you wrote just let it all. go do a blanket statement that I used to.

steal I'm so [ __ ] sorry I will make. amends for that and to move on I think. is the best way to go and that's what. the conversation was awesome What did he. say. when you said you should just say so he. hurts his heart to say sorry to say. sorry to all of it to admit that he was. stealing I think that he admits to. stealing some but not all and I just. think that what hurts I don't understa. say good earth bits that people are.

accusing him of stealing that he didn't. steal right in his opinion okay I got a. no and um and I think that you mean. that's pretty much the conversation I. have with them listen I he's not gonna. say sorry is what he's saying uh no I I. think that he is now at a point where he. is gonna say sorry mm-hmm he's gonna go. on rogen into it I think I don't think. that Rogan would have him it'd be crazy. if he did though huh yeah I'd be great. if you went on there and was like I. think about it I think that it would be. open to doing it as well oh sure I mean.

I don't know if Joe would ever do that. but man would it be amazing to watch for. people that don't know we're talking. about college mancine Joe Rogan got an. argument at The Comedy Store 15 some odd. years ago about stealing jokes and they. hid the clip went viral this before. viral was a real thing by the way there. kind of was like on the precipice with. the interest afire in fact it what was. scary about it is that I got caught in. the middle of it yeah you were you're in. the video on the patio I was on the. video and patio and everyone knows that. was his opener or so it's like when that. happened I was getting a lot of messages.

myself saying that you're a thief too or. you piece of [ __ ] you never you've never. seen ever ever ever because everybody. done is so bad that you steal no of. course what you're doing but no dude you. of Cour but the point is you got roped. into a weird thing and I was caught and. so what I had to do back then was I had. to literally cut ties I had to cut ties. with Carl well let's finish what. happened for people that don't know I'm. sure most people know but what happened.

was the comedy store chose Carlos over. Rogen Rogen was in so many words you. know I don't know if he was banned but. he didn't come back around it was almost. like yeah the store leaned towards. Carlos and that debt divided the store a. little that was a real that time I was. an open mic Rebeck mm-hmm and young you. know and I that was a real [ __ ]. difficult time because yes like you know. I I was friends with Joe Joe Joe again. as well I was you know with buff eyes as.

well I loved him and um and you know I. had to cut ties with somebody that. helped me out a lot and I had I I've. only seen him since then maybe five. times damn I've never had him on Tiger. belly ever because of the fact that. George I didn't ever want to bring it up. but he just said I want to hash it out. so we'll have a Mon Tiger belly and and. talk about it and talk about it Jesus.

Christ you know ken Jeong and Joel. McHale started a podcast you they did. they really. yeah did they really yeah Wow this what. they're gonna be talking about or they. gonna be talking about stuff that we. should be talking about like what like. television. in the nature of us g-rated pass yeah. they're not gonna know their podcast. isn't gonna say what our podcast says. mmm. they're doing the white in the Asian. thing that's not that's pisses me off. though they're copying us pard yes first.

we were first well tell them can we call. him and tell him call Ken and tell him. that he's copying us I'll tell you why I. can't call him why God why can't I want. to see this yeah. number one I honestly in my heart all. right I love the guy sure yeah we know. you know that right yes I know I went on. tour with him yep. he was my doctor and went to his wedding. yeah I know you would you guys are why. yeah we're friends but when I asked him.

to do Tiger belly my podcast he wanted. me to talk to his publicist first to go. through the questions Oh cuz he wanted. to know what you were gonna say yeah so. because he's in the Hollywood thing dude. yes so that's a Hollywood thing so for. me he doesn't want you to say something. I don't want to call him because he. probably won't pick up and then also. he'll bleed like wait a minute wait a. minute guys you know it's good let's. trap him let's call him out on a [ __ ] no. no we're not to call him out on the fact. when I struck in stole or not he didn't. steal he just happens to be Korean two.

other hat what Joe McGann Joel McHale. John McCain he happens on McCain and and. then John yeah he just happens to be um. a Korean guy and a white guy yeah okay. same stole it mm-hmm stolen they stole. it from us yeah but they're starting. what I'm I wonder if it'll beat us no. way we're gonna do everything in our. power to make sure it does but if it. does what will happen I'm gonna try to. kill one of those guys I'm gonna make a. baby would you really be would you. really be angry if they topped us yeah.

there's a few people on the charts that. I'm mad about that they top us there's a. few people that that would make me mad. yeah okay who's on the truck set oh. thank you angry Jenna Fischer and can I. just say that makes me so it makes me so. mad that they're number two and three in. comedy I know Jenna comedy I know I love. you Tommy. I love Jenna so what I don't dislike her. either ray I don't dislike you zone. person I don't dislike these people I. hose on a sitcom with overtime you.

ending up together ABC mad cancelled I'm. mad that it that it's that it beats us. on the charts that's just to pure. jealousy yeah but they're just more. talented no they're not and they're not. going to eat and there's a podcast and. we're meaner and they're more talented. than us you think that show is better. than this show yeah it has to be there. knowing better no it's because they're. they have way bigger names and we do. because they both run the [ __ ] losers. yes yeah our names are losing yeah and. yes yes and fine yeah so can I say this. to pack our [ __ ] up mm-hmm for being. losers right I'm pretty [ __ ] go do it.

okay yeah yeah for being lose yeah I. think that's what makes. Ken and John and Ken and John McCain. Peter and John I'll be bummed yeah I'll. get it big everybody and they will maybe. will and then we'll just be angry. maybe we beat Conan Conan's bigger than. us if a corner has other things going on. I think that you know we have other. things going on as well but this is a. pretty big deal if it's not a. competition I don't care but it means a.

lot to me it means a lot to me I don't. like that they beat us on the comedy. charts mm-hmm and we and wait wait don't. tell me is up there every single week. night I've never heard anybody that. listens to that who there's a show. called wait wait don't tell me. an NPR NPR you know what that is no. they're literally the number the number. two comedy podcast every single week oh. good there must be more talented and. better than that that doesn't that's not. what that means that's not what that. means even a little that's what it means.

so so okay so everyone that's above you. is is more talented and and better than. you yeah but everyone beneath me is less. I like that yeah and that's what feels. good look this wait wait don't tell me. is up here. let's see where hold on yeah there it is. oh nice I passed it okay so this is wait. wait don't tell me I just want to play a. chunk of it let's see if it's much fun. it's comedy by the way and they write no. more it's gonna make me feel insecure.

and July. why because what is that are insanely. good well if they're better than us. they're better how long would we listen. for two seconds alright this is the head. Steve. Colbert at home along with panelists Maz. Jobrani Paula Poundstone and somebody. else that's a great people support for. this podcast and the following method. are 'bitch I hate it already support. it's bad game I'm just [ __ ] around. okay here we go. come from Hulu with Hulu Plus life here.

is your host romantic Uzi filled with. hand sanitizer somewhere in Chicago. Peters say go thank you Bill and thanks. to everyone listening at home this week. we are going old-school. the older members of our audience might. remember that for the first seven years. of this show we did it in a studio the. very great studio corner now sit in fact. here sorry I fell asleep down there. beginning of that what we're doing now.

is mean and if somebody else were to do. that first of all I'm punching up I'm. punching up they're better than us. they're better than us all the more. success very more successful better. that's all I'm jealous I'm allowed to be. jealous and punch up for edit as a joke. at NPR but the forum Charlie sighs a. great host of the show's already. thousand podcasts that are neat are. underneath us we're better than them. yeah no I don't just like think I don't.

know those guys I just I'm jealous I'm. jealous said they chart every week it's. unbelievable you know what I found in. you know what I found that I had to do. in the last ten years of my comedy. career mm-hmm is to get involved with. groups of people that I don't think have. the same cachet as other people that I. know you know but you you you learn to. collaborate and you learn to support and. you learn to figure out that some things. might not be my cup of tea but you know.

it's this is that necessarily means it's. bad no of course not. just because it's not what you like. doesn't mean it's bad no there's a lot. of music out there that people love that. I can't stand but doesn't mean it's bad. music yeah it's not for me but that's. not a comment about that show I'm just. commenting in the fact that I'm jealous. that these shows are better than us. every week they rank better than us hmm. I'm sure jen is a nice girl I'm sure. Angela's a nice girl but you're just. being jealous but we. about things though that they would. never talk about I mean that's like why.

Angela Angela calls Angela calls Jenna. Fischer ching-chong like every single. episode they do like fake Asian accents. to begin the show that's how they start. their show I'm dead serious that's how. they start to show them yeah they do. this is impossible. their intro music is that's now what yes. it is and she was reporting a lie but I. McKenna she does this whole bit you've. never heard that show no that's what she. does Wow. yeah she's still great very child agree. no I do love Jenna no of course do it.

it's a [ __ ] this is I'm just I'm just. joking around do you want that dummy. woman why because on the show yeah we. were shooting and it was on her coverage. and I was behind the camera I know you. were you were [ __ ] around I know I. just started playing candy crush or. whatever you were [ __ ] around I was. [ __ ] around well you don't do that no. I don't well you know you when it's on. somebody else's coverage I don't [ __ ]. with the actor I wasn't [ __ ] with her. I was just playing candy crush boy I was. saying the lines but on your phone. that's so disrespectful she wasn't I was. just saying the lines so she can't even.

look at you in the eyes and get a good. look at my head my head's their dog. that's basically you're just putting up. you should just put up a picture of you. while you can look down and play the. game yeah I didn't have one of those why. don't you just gonna stand in if you. don't like reading line so much no it. was just that one particular I had a cat. it wasn't candy court it was a yeah I. had to finish the level start do Valle. no it's not start oval you can't play it. on your phone start do belly is a very. complex game please don't make fun of it. I'm not making fun of it you're 50 go. ahead what did she do what did she do.

she just went she just kinda called me. out are you [ __ ] kidding me. she's right I know she is yeah are you. [ __ ] kidding I would use lushing yeah. and then I guess if you had a couple of. beers or something yeah you started. blushing and then I uh I think I walked. away because I don't know you were. embarrassed I think I was embarrassed. you don't like confrontation that's why. I hate it yeah but in that realm it's. very embarrassing when you get checked. down I got checked on Melissa Leo yelled. at me like a like me and me and Griff.

like [ __ ] chilled I mean dude like. children like whoa it was embarrassing. his [ __ ] what she said. well we were on the other side me al. Madrigal and Griffon around the other. side the completely other side of the. room. she couldn't have heard us didn't even. know we're in the background of her shot. I'm talking no she at 3040 feet away and. we're supposed to be chumming it up in. the in the hallway that's literally what. we're supposed to be doing in the. background of the scene so we are we're. just kind of quietly being like well. yeah I mean if we start we start or late. tomorrow we're supposed to be talking.

mm-hmm. she stops runs behind runs but I mean. runs behind the crew Sprint's and it's. like quiet be quiet I mean like we're. children why what did you do you know. you know what I did we all went like. this idiot we were also not doing. anything wrong it I think it just we. were get it got in her head when she. looked over in saw us yeah she kind of. wanted it out of sight out of mind type. of [ __ ] in the background yeah she lit.

us dude she lit us up a bunch oh you. know what I was on a commercial at once. and um the director I couldn't get this. line out it's a stupid commercial and. the director goes all right everyone. form a circle so like you're talking. about a crew of a hundred people. whatever yeah. they formed this gigantic circle you get. in the middle you me yeah so I'm in the. middle of a circle I'm kidding you I'm. not kidding you this happened every one. point your finger every one place their. fingers repeat after me.

you're the worst actor in LA yeah and. they all did that truth and my face just. failure sweat why would the director do. that because he's a he's a bad guy. didn't he tell me this story what's that. guy's name I can't tell you the name and. oh we did it on two weeks ago you had. said that he was the inspiration for our. he said that story you said he was an. inspiration throwing it up we are gonna. cut it yes you would said he was the.

inspiration for for some guy in the. Viggo Mortensen yes that's right we. already said that Ernie no Viggo from. I'm so sorry actually no wow I'm. blushing. don't blow I already wrote I already. wrote it down you know good but but also. I use so many [ __ ] podcast it's like. I can't even that's why I told you you. need ask I can. even but you need to stop you need to do. our podcast and your podcast and that's. I know but it just so love so much. talking that it's what do you know more. it's ours and yours and that's it no.

more you can't do any more podcasts I'm. putting a [ __ ] a break on it but do. you ever buy do you ever repeat stories. of podcasts I'm sure I mean how could. you know I mean how could you yeah I. mean like I there's been so many times. where I've set a story that I think I. said then I don't you ever done that on. stage when you do a second show and it's. like the second night of the second show. and you go did I tell that the earlier. show was a lot done that I've done that. before yeah I do that about jokes all. the time I go it'll be the second show. on a Saturday so you've done three shows.

yeah and I'll get in my head in the. middle of a joke and go did I tell this. joke in the first show or did I did it. on this show already or was it last. night that I did it have you ever done. this I've done that told the joke and. not get that big of a laugh and then say. did I tell that joke already. I've never done it because I said that. before and they go yes right. no oh they don't oh you never I never. have but the left wasn't big enough for. me to go that was fresh yeah yeah in my. head I'm like yeah I've done a thing.

where I've told a joke I've told a joke. at the beginning of the set and then. because I rearrange my set all the time. at the latter half of the set I do a. piece of that joke that led me into. another joke that I didn't do before and. I heard and I hear myself do it yeah and. I feel so embarrassed year and if I felt. so embarrassed they don't that's they. don't know you're doing an hour. they don't [ __ ] know you don't know. yeah no thank god but but have you ever. done this where your the show I don't.

happened for a while but like I just one. show where I'm like I'm eating it is. this hard it was a second show Friday. night so I'm gonna cut this bit I'm. gonna get to them I'm gonna condense the. set up so that the punches are closer. together you know I mean yeah and then I. got offstage and the matter goes you. just did 12 minutes you cut out 40. minutes of show did you go back shut up. you just walked out didn't pay me for. that show yeah they shouldn't that's.

insane yeah that's not even a regular. Comedy Store. no it was that hard that audience them. you know you know comics that don't. really like you but like they just you. can feel that they do it because it's. part of the things I know I know I can. name so many of them know but it's not. even that the comics its group of groups. of combat hundred percent right I know. there was there is a snotty mmm-hmm. like you know it's naughty Ivy League II. yeah. you mean brainy yeah group of comics out.

there like the Harvard kids yeah that. look down at us but they say hi. especially at certain turfs like the. Comedy Store and like the clubs because. the club's is our terrain yes we our. house it's our house you're in a mirror. manaus you mean this knots knots right. you know our dangling down yeah there's. our our level because this is where the. audiences are now and that's the cool. place to be it's because for many years.

it was Largo and some of these other. places did you ever play Largo one time. and I never did it again I met the guy. that runs Largo yeah at Joan's on third. hat when he was having lunch with. someone I know yeah. and the guy said you know I understand. see no and he said no I don't think. we've ever met I said hi nice to meet. you and he said you know he is I said no. I don't know who that is and he goes are. you serious he said Andrews a great. stand-up how'd you guys not know each. other and the guy goes I never I don't. know and I go I don't know him I don't. know who you are and he literally goes.

he literally goes he runs Largo I said. ok Annie goes we'd love to get you in. there and I was like oh that's great I. mean I don't I don't know didn't know. dis on him it just that's that was never. my world I don't you know I mean yeah. it's like I don't know it's not even. that it's not on my world it's just that. I don't even know how to get in there I. don't know where to go I don't even know. one of her asked me I don't know if. there's a door to get in I don't know. how you do it. if you you see but it's like you see. Apatow Osama finatus yeah yeah so many.

dope people go there yeah all these dope. [ __ ] Silverman thing cuz they wait to. do all both yeah but then I'll see the. post and see all these like and there. with like Joe Walsh in like you're not. allowed there and I'm and I go oh that's. the group I'm not allowed and. Club here's the difference between that. and that place and like the comical to. me God and this isn't this brings up it. brings up so many resentment that place. to me is it's it's cool in the way when. you show up to somebody's house and they. have an old record player and you're.

like everyone has a [ __ ] record. but then they put on a good record and. you're like wow that is pretty [ __ ]. cool yeah it's pretty cool like it's. it's it's a little on the nose but it is. very cool and the Comedy Store is like. when you show up to someone's house. and it's a disgusting house and they're. smoking in the garage and they've broken. a lot of windows and the couch is. [ __ ] gross and people are [ __ ] on. the couch yeah and the mom is home and. she's partying and her titties out yeah. that's the Comedy Store it's like the. greatest high school party of all time. yeah it's just like it feels more raw.

and disgusting and on purpose. on accident accidentally on purpose you. know like everything is working but it's. there is over there feels very. coordinated yeah but there's something. about the store though that I love it's. you know stand-up comedy has always been. a working-class type of performance yeah. right it's like the Catskills people. would go up you know I mean yeah you. need your you see the marvelous is. amazed all right it's just you know it's. just it's worse we're basically. strippers yeah we are we do stand-up in.

bars where there's drinking it's been. going on since the 60s there's something. really and that's why the comedies was. great because they never changed the. decor of it yeah so it it feels and. looks like it always has been. yeah never yeah and there's so much. history there it's not that necessarily. that it's a dingy kind of a gross place. it's more it can be it's more Deadwood. yeah you know and I prefer that over you.

know a fancy place well when things are. more polished I feel I feel like they're. they know that you don't belong you know. like you they can feel it you can feel. it yeah you know but but but it's so. funny when an alternative comic says. gives me a compliment it means so much. more really yeah I remember years ago. Paul of Tompkins and Patton Oswald both. posed with Devon. it's complimentary things about me as a. comedian yeah and I just I just was like.

I was so giddy it's like if a club comic. said it I'd be like whatever it wouldn't. matter it wouldn't matter yeah but but. because Patton did you focus you know I. paid Patton to do that to say something. nice to you know you do that was a live. kameoka I paid him to do a live cameo do. pads a great guy I don't know him either. another I don't know any of those I. really know none of those people they. don't know I exist I don't know them. it's very I know you exist no I'm. telling you I'm telling you they do I. promise you they don't know so if I went. up to [ __ ] Patton Oswalt and said you.

know he'd go no I don't know who that. guy I've never heard of him that's so. [ __ ] crazy the things you've done. because I don't I don't I don't make an. effort to go over there you I don't. reach out to that side when I first saw. you though and I'm gonna have to say. this I thought to myself oh that kind of. I'll never be friends with that guy why. when I initially saw you why because we. just don't take this one when I'm not on. you well I'm not gonna say it that I'll. say it cuz I want to take it the wrong. way.

all right it's honestly when you are. just looking at my my point of view okay. I don't know you right we've never met. we've never met I don't know anything. about your personality I didn't hear you. talk how you interact with people and. you're just general energy yeah is like. negative e negative then why are you. going up negative right it's like. there's so many it's it's like it's like. when I first know aggressive lobby.

Slayton yeah I was a big fan of Bobby. Slayton and then once I got to meet him. he's super sweet right but initially for. years I thought I'm never gonna be a. little cuz he's just gonna he's but then. once you know I got feeling that that. face for doing it know once I got in. there right that I'm like all there's. small aspects of softness and I think. one thing I think what it is is I'm I'm. aggressive. I am aggressive I'm heavy yeah I come in.

heavy to start yeah but that's cuz. that's who I am I'm big your. authentically you when I first saw you. you know what I thought appear honest. because I was being honest no a - no no. joke. that's that crazy guy that gets naked. all the time at the Comedy Store that's. literally what I thought to myself. that's that crazy guy that gets naked at. the Comedy Store when do you get naked. all the time when all the time no no. don't don't google it because you're.

gonna find I can google you and find. something Andrew Santino naked naked. just naked okay images no we got to blur. that well yeah you got a blur right. there cuz that's boobs well that's. that's on set of a show that I had my. penis for Adam see that's me on set of. I'm dying up okay there we go. you're naked you're naked.

it's on a TV show I'll show you now. juggle me then that's not a Jewish. anything okay okay alright you won't. find anything and this won't be on the. TV show you look if it's performing - it. doesn't matter. oh my god I won't find it the first. eight pictures are of you on stage. naming the same thing is a TV show no. yes. performing this is on Tom Green's job. performing this is on at a radio station.

performing Bobby Lee naked on stage. performing this is you at your house. performing another performing but I love. what you say I don't get naked look at. how many naked photos come up it's. almost in its almost absurd how many. come on there's you there's not that's. just a white guy that's a guy it's a gay. male mm-hmm it says on stage mm-hmm. that's not you so that one right there. what with the girl what was that I don't. know oh that's with why I'm with someone. from Chelsea Lately oh that's my. ex-girlfriend oh well then why'd you.

have me bring that up that's weird that. was weird that you did that why is that. up there well it's just on the internet. I'm just saying you so much nudity yeah. that it's the same as yours it's all. performance it's not that you when you. say when people go mine was just your. this okay this was unexpected that's. look at Toms greens for Tom Green's face. this is the difference mine was for a. scene on a show that they asked me to be. naked for you did this voluntarily. Tom Green look at Tom Green has no. [ __ ] idea no [ __ ] idea you were.

gonna get naked. not even in that to surprise my bum is. on your lips guy is [ __ ] mind block. the guy whose to wake up his parents and. beat the [ __ ] out of them look at the. shock on his face mind blown. you're a nudist I'm not saying it's it's. wrong I'm saying you're a nudist whether. you like it or not you're a nudist. you're an exhibitionist you enjoy being. nude okay I saw I said there's the guy. who gets naked the commies okay also.

it's fair also turn it off he's very. funny turn it off. look at me turn it off the viewers need. to see that I said I said that guys very. [ __ ] funny I think you made me laugh. before we became friends hey do you want. it do you want to have can we have a. segment and I can bring up under a. Sunday to do his stand-up yes what do. you call them again. fancy [ __ ] fancy be baby yeah oh [ __ ].

hey baby boy hello guy how you do you. look great. you got that swag yeah that sweater is. such a cute sweater. I like this weight model will you model. that sweater for us for a second put. your own board put your hands on your. hips nice Wow does your eight-year-old. need a new sweater this season it's so. great now look at Mork that sweater is.

wonderful it's like all the colors that. got rejected by stood by all the. skittles like Bill Cosby wouldn't even. wear that's why all right here we go get. ready you ready yeah everybody my name. is rich mcgivers welcome to the LOL LOL. cafe here in nashville tennessee and uh. we got a guy coming up here as his first. time he's from Spain um his name is. Andres give him a round of applause. [Applause].

thank you guys. so you guys know that pornhub is giving. away its premium subscription for free. this season due to the pandemic a porous. free. thanks for Hobbes but I already came. okay. 346 people in South Korea turned to. religion during looking for answers.

during this foreigner virus crisis and. pack a little tiny Church they all got. infected so what do they learn that the. virus is also Christian more more MORE. okay there we go. the media is going crazy after that turn. 8 called the coroner virus the cool look. but why for now on I want all my. diseases to have kick-ass name like this.

to malaria the carrot Ebola give us ours. Taekwon Down syndrome and of course the. MMA did you say I Kwon Down syndrome. during this time of economic struggle. most people don't know the difference. between our recession and a depression. so I'm gonna break it down for you guys.

our recession is a business cycle where. there is a general decline in economic. activity a depression is what pussy-ass. losers like Contino go through sometimes. for the year. take it like that shot good Joe fire. more of that Wow you did you're a little.

[ __ ] dude I'm gonna beat this okay. finish sorry go ahead. okay so Oh old man in my family lose. their hair early you know I started. losing my hair in my head before I had. hair in my balls so recently well my. wife told me to go and think the problem. I went to a doctor and she told me that. I have to put a phone every night in my. hair and take a pill every day only some. minor side effects she told me like oh.

nothing to worry about you you know you. get your hair back but you lose your. sexual appetite as long as you take the. pill so I asked him like you know how. long do I have to take the pills he told. me for as long as you want the hair so. other guys my was that a one-man play. John Leguizamo okay I'm continued to.

call Jamie enviros when asked why he was. you know so adamant about what the virus. originated he said oh I like my viruses. like I like my violin domestic this is.

good and they just keep going I love it. yeah okay I can see Bob says but I. imagine that it's encouraging me from. there dude he's dying laughing okay you. know because last week he made a fan of. cats and cat people do you know that. living with cats maker so this is called. toxoplasmosis it makes you guys lose. your sense of humor. [Laughter].

if you don't laugh it funnier all right. we're not gonna laugh now how did I sell. the joke sell it sell it here we go okay. I don't know work out of work don't know. laughs I don't work at strippers in. Portland having started a new food. delivery service called Bavarians well. they deliver the food to your door. half-naked fantastic I haven't half beam. grass bed since I was 10 okay.

my loved one promise I love you guys. Ilan this stock market is the yo-yo in. up and down to the new stimulus package. coincidentally the stimulus package is. how I call my peanut and let me tell you. everybody's gonna get it yeah throwback. back we called it a call back on this. thank you so much why don't you give us. a sign off say something vulgar and. Spanish to sign us off go ahead cuz then.

take us yeah. ciao ciao I didn't understand what are. you saying but it was pretty good it's. really good yeah yeah well before we go. Bob I want to spray you down one more. time before you go home no no one here. close your eyes there you go it's all. natural you feel good. lavender look in the camera and let them. know thank you for leaving thank you for. being a bad friend. [Music].

you.