We Hate Dolphins | Ep 163 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends we're gonna be in Durham. then we're going to be in Charlotte and. then we're doing our Texas run which is. San Antonio Houston Texas Dallas and. Dallas Texas once we're done with Texas. we're going to the Pacific Northwest for. Seattle and Portland and Spokane then we. go to Arizona baby Phoenix go get those. tickets right now at badfriendspod.com. right now bad Friends Pop. badfriendspod.com right now um we'll see. you out on the road. who are these two. years.

[Music]. or something we're bad friends but. you've heard of the Moon what's the. Moonies yeah what what are the movies I. don't know what the Moonies are tell us. The Honeymooners The Honeymooners. no you don't know what the Moonies are. no the show The Honeymooners I know with. The Honeymooners it's a good show but. you know what my favorite one the black. one. The Jeffersons no the honey The. Honeymooners with Cedric Cedric the.

Entertainer they did the black. Honeymooners no they did I swear to God. they did wait when years ago that's my. favorite one. with Mike Epps Mike Epps Cedric and who. who else is on who are the girls. wow yeah. oh we're watching this on the bus we. have to watch us on the bus we have to. buy this on DVD and get another bus I. thought already I saw it in 3D. yeah. to the Moon Alice Alice yeah her name. was an avatar I stayed in theater all.

day that's it yeah just honey but the. Moonies were um is a Korean Christian. called let me see the Moonies the Korean. Christian the leader has a crown on. that's made out of bullets. I mean I'm in Moon is the man look at. this guy look at this guy a crown of. bullets there's no bullets there Bobby. what are you talking about was this a. fever dream he looks like a Burger King. yeah he does yeah. you know dude I think it's a fever dream. can you imagine if he got all this. confidence while he was working at a. Burger King. I can rule the people.

and they're like listen here Moon you. just rule the grill okay you're not. ruling anybody yeah that hat looks like. it's made out of paper yeah it does it's. a paper crown yeah boy oh boy is that a. metaphor how for a religion a paper. crown who yeah but anyway huge in. America as well and that's um did you. any did you know any mooners no but I. tried to burn down the Korean Church. hell yeah dude did I tell you about that. that's always a good thing me and my. cousin me and my cousin Andy right when. this is you know this is gonna sound.

like a lie but it's not okay and we um. so we went to this Korean Church growing. up and um they one day my uncle caught. me and Andy. opening up the trunk of our my mom's car. and my dad had a gas you know spare gas. in there I was having it and a lighter. and we're gonna burn down half of the. [ __ ] shirts why would you do that we. hated it with nobody in it though. I think so yeah oh my God I think so. yeah we were kids it's at the same time.

where I beat my grandmother with the. stick oh yeah kid stuff yeah burn the. church beat the old lady kid stuff well. she was paralyzed from McDonald's. that's right yeah I mean what kind of. stuff did you guys get into as kids I. guess now that I think about it we got. in trouble. for spray paint we got caught for like. graffiti yeah but that why would that. wasn't burning down we didn't actually. do it I think we were scared but we had. it I don't know you thought about you. went through the action of getting the. the K the gasoline though yeah that's a. big step well it's not as bad as like.

you know shooting up a place. it's true hey look at me right that's. right so yeah just look at the bright. side that's a bright side what did you. do you weren't a bad kid no I would have. friends like Bobby that it'd be like so. scared. come on we'll just burn the church down. and be like please don't make me do it. but here's why well here's why it's not. that bad it's yours it's your own. religion you weren't gonna burn like it. wasn't a hate crime because it's your. own it's like you wanted to burn down. the thing that you were connected to. because you were mad about it but not.

just that I was mad at the at the idea. that you know Korean parents view their. children as trophies right so you know. you would hear like at a party uh my my. daughter. right she's getting harbored by somebody. no she's going to happen. she's going to Chabad Harvard Iran. Harvard oh Harvard yeah. I'm so sorry I thought you were saying. I'll do it again and I'll try to make it.

more go ahead uh my my daughter. she's going to Harvard. does that feel better that sounds great. exactly yeah and then my dad would be. like they would. imagine a conversation if they did that. yeah yeah. she's gonna go through Dartmouth. it's like a movie dub but they like. didn't have enough money.

yeah we only have enough money for. Harvard. so then what they show each other off. and the kids are trophies and my parents. never do a consolation price what you. were at consolation prize yeah they. would they would no I mean I think some. Korean people thought I was dead because. you didn't get that was never talked. about what about Steve he because he got. straight A's he did oh yeah my brother. was my brother had Bible passages on his. wall my my brother's room I swear to God. look like. John Doe's room in seven yeah.

like a Red Cross. I just like it was weird he was fully he. was fully in Christianity and then what. happens my brother lost state. my brother was ranked like four in the. nation wow as a wrestler wow and he went. to State and I remember he just dropped. the ball and I remember him it just he. had there was so much expectation and. pressure and he couldn't do it I mean he. was a great wrestler and I could that.

day I remember seeing a switch in his. eye and then just became a pothead good. switch Yeah it's a pretty good switch. yeah yeah did you so you didn't damage. anything as a little kid. um I remember being late like when we. had a curfew you know time out you. remember being late well it was bad. because my mom was like be home at this. time and I think it became like a habit. like I just kept oh how late. like hours like I would just disregard. any rules you're a bad bad girl. Wednesday night midnight you come home. no maybe like seven or eight but I was.

in like fourth grade third or fourth. grade what who are you what were you. doing in third grade. riding my bike with my friend oh hell. yeah we weren't doing nothing bad but I. remember when I stopped because I came. home and my mom and sister set up the. Christmas tree without me oh wow was. that the that was the payback that's how. I would get punished it was like uh with. guilt yeah did your parents ever give. you the talk like what to do if like a. van pulls up. two van guys.

hey what's going on hey can you help us. with this couch like lifting it don't. bring it into the she's like nine yeah. what's she gonna do with this couch. because she's gonna lift it and put it. in there you want some candy that's the. that's the original one you ever saw. Silence of the land. all right let's start over. hey you want some candy yeah we know. your dad you want some candy it's no. sugar. [Laughter].

you want it but you know my dad I know. your dad yeah cliff. that's not his name that's his nickname. it is yeah oh you guys must know him. better than me yeah anyway. come in the van all right all right all. right all right you would have done that. no no yeah yeah no but I remember one.

time we had this Lake by my house and I. was hanging out with my friend there. Miranda she was bad influence and we. were probably breaking the curfew and. this guy was fishing in the lake which I. now that I look back is weird because I. grew up in Tempe Arizona there's no. fishing like there's no fish in the. Tempe Town Lake no Suburban yeah it's. disgusting but he like gave me a frozen. fish. what and I brought it home to my mom she. was like we're not eating that oh really. you can't you know this is a you can't. raise your kids in in Phoenix it's just.

you just can't you can't they I mean. lovely that you turned out so wonderful. but man we either turn out like. completely right wing yeah or Doug. Stanhope yeah or her or that she's like. she's like uh you're like our Doug. Stanhope you're what's it what's a. female you're like Debbie Stanhope. you're like Debbie I remember when we. moved from the suburbs I mean from the. city to the suburbs. and I'll never forget they were like. finishing up a plate like a window that.

go that was above our front door like a. little window above our front door you. know and the kids I'm trying to. visualize slow down yeah say it again. there was a window above our front door. right that like oh I see so it's like. let me look I'm looking at the door yeah. and then I look up yeah there's a what. there's a little like is it like um it's. it's big it's a good sized window it's a. and but for birds to people for birds to. look in the house and a couple of kids. in the neighborhood threw a big rock. through it and shattered it before we. moved in like before we were even out.

there and then we went to visit the. house because the contractor was like. kids broken and did a bunch of damage to. the house wow and I remember I remember. being inside the living room. and being so mad because I was like. I do this stuff you don't do this to me. uh like I was a little [ __ ] I was. like oh this is like the universe paying. me back for being a little troublemaker. I was like ah I'm gonna find out who did. this I'm gonna kill those kids yeah I'm. not kidding I was so mad because I was. like they broke into my mom and dad's.

new house because this was our first. house like we would lived in an. apartment until then oh in the city in. the city yeah and then I was like they. [ __ ] up my mom's first house like oh. she bought it well my my mom and my. stepdad did but I was like this is the. first time she lived in a home did you. invest yeah yeah I invested I think I. put in like I need another details 30 or. 40 yeah dogs yeah. and uh. and I remember trying to find out who. did it and then I found out who did it. it was in the neighborhood let me guess. I guess his name.

starts with a B oh but Bartholomew. that's right right that's a name right. Bartholomew. Bartholomew J Simpson yeah good he did. it and then the guys that I found out. that did that. I became friends. of course you did of course they were. the kids that got caught graffitiing. with it was like as soon as I found out. I was like you guys threw a rock through. my mom's window and they were like yeah. we're just [ __ ] around I was like. cool yeah. it was such a puss I thought I was gonna.

like fight these kids but then I was. like I kind of like their Vibe yeah and. they were like skateboarding and they. were smoking and I was like I gotta hang. out with you were you angry kid or no I. mean I think I always harbored a little. bit of like uh. a little bit of anger I mean the fact. that like it was a single mom for a. while then she met my stepdad who was. great did you like him at first or no no. I loved him he was the man from the. beginning yeah I I thought he was so. cool he played basketball I love. basketball you know what I mean he he. was like he was a cool dude and was so. cool to my mom so I loved him. immediately because my dad wasn't around.

so I was kind of I probably was upset a. therapist would tell you I'm upset from. my dad not being around but I was also. bummed because when we moved to the. suburbs it was a weird thing it was like. a yeah it just like shocked your core. where you're like I don't like this I. don't know anybody I would sit around I. hated that like I just didn't know you. you it's hard to go out and make friends. when you're a little kid when you're the. new kid and doesn't know I didn't know. anything about I didn't like it yeah I. just didn't get it it's funny I there's. a documentary called it was a book too. it's called meet me in the bathroom we.

and we've talked about it I talked about. it with um JF last night you have you. heard of it meet me in the bathroom no. no it's about um the. um late 90s early 2000s music scene in. New York okay right and the stroke is. INTERPOL TV on the radio all these bands. from Brooklyn Brooklyn and Manhattan and. back then it's like they were just like. all like just creative and crazy and on. subways you know what I mean and just. you know just acting young and going. young and fun and I just I always knew. that like when I grew up in the suburbs.

I go this is not the environment for me. well yeah yeah no because because when I. look at those kids I'm like no that's. what I would you know yeah I'll be doing. that yeah you wanted to be a troubled. teen living in this expression and like. you know I mean being like with. like-minded people yeah I was with like. Christians and you know I mean and like. weirdos I know Christians are great by. the way I love them but Korean. Christians though moons moons are tough. no but I just remember feeling like just.

bummed out and I just didn't like it and. then my freshman year of high school my. this kid James tickle was the first kid. that I became friends with because he. skated and he was good and he had a ramp. in his but he had a little little. quarter pipe in his basement yeah a. little mini no yeah mini in his basement. and we did it we don't go down there and. skate oh you're skater yeah it was yeah. when I was young wow did you like Bones. Brigade and all that stuff I did I was. like I loved I think like my favorite. teams. for the longest time I always thought I. always thought girl was awesome girls. are great yeah you know like Austin the.

girl chocolate crew I like those two I'm. more Baker zero yeah yeah I like Toy. Machine I like Templeton I like those. guys I thought they were cool yeah I I. just honestly I never knew you knew. anything about skateboarding yeah yeah. that I think that's a you know a. commonality we have that is Tommy. Guerrero once was um in the or I mean. Eric. um Kevin Christie we went bananas yeah. because he was a big skate fan yeah yeah. we went bananas like it was like Tom.

Cruise walking in or whatever that's. your Tom Cruise he's my Tom Cruise. do you like his teeth. Tom Cruise yeah. does he have new teeth no I just he's. shooting a movie in space right now but. he just bothering me I don't know what. it is are they too long he fixed them. he fixed them yeah I don't remember when. he was a kid oh like 1981. you know when. you join Scientology they give you new. teeth they do yeah they give you new. teeth that was just that that that image. on the left is fake that's a I'm.

doctored his teeth are doctored for that. role not what his teeth look like oh. okay yeah no he had normal teeth I think. he just got braces. they look like my teeth let me see your. teeth look great yo great Keith I gotta. get good ortized dude I like your teeth. I have so many chips and chunks and my. teeth are so messed up I like it though. why didn't you get them fixed I I kind. of don't give a [ __ ] yeah like have you. ever leave her huh yeah yeah it's like a. vampire yeah yeah have you ever seen uh. look at look at Will Ferrell's uh teeth.

you want to see fun teeth his bottom. teeth I always notice because you know. your bottom teeth start to grow together. yeah yeah look at look at those boxes. wow I love that dude Rocky Mountain High. is that the Appalachians whoa dude I've. always noticed that he didn't do. anything to the bottom teeth so mine are. gonna get that way well at least you. know what dude at least. at least bleach them no I think I think. let him go who cares yeah. let me ask you something it's so funny.

he's so he's so cool and funny that it. doesn't matter it doesn't matter. um no but but I do think I do want to. get him done I do want to get something. done I've gone a few times I need to get. him like I need to get certain ones. fixed out because I have chips and all. my teeth over the years my chips look. good though they're like a character. trait I know but it looks bad on camera. who is that Anthony Davis Anthony Davis. yeah before when he was a rookie yeah he. got him fixed though right of course. yeah that's nuts but his eyebrow remains. yes you got to keep you you got to keep.

the unibrow oh yeah branding there's. something about unibrows that for some. reason it's like when you're a kid you. make fun of it and then you see it with. an adult and you're like I kind of like. it. I don't know why interesting the Frida. Kahlo of it all. I like it it's something cool it's like. such his face yeah it looks cool I used. to shave between my eyebrows with a. razor. really when I was a kid mine would grow. in pretty heavily yeah yeah and which is. funny because it doesn't grow in at all. anymore like I pluck it sometimes you.

know like but rarely yeah but when I was. like in high school and my my the. puberty was like at full mass and I was. growing tons of facial hair I would have. to sh I would use a razor to shave in. between my unibrow because I didn't know. about plucking I was embarrassed to ask. my mom or dad about it so I would get a. face razor and my mom was like why do. you want new face razors you don't even. shape you don't even shave your face I'm. like yes I do I trim it up. really yeah I used to stay between my.

eyes. yeah those are those things when you're. a kid like no one tells you so you're. not gonna ask anybody yet you're so. self-conscious it's like I I was like. Mom can I get Cavalry cheese. and then one day they just we were at. Nordstrom's and she bought it and I was. yeah because I just begged and begged. and I wore them for a year and I just. never wore them again Nordstrom was nice. your mom took you to Nordstrom you know. the break dancing pants oh yeah did you. buy those no uh well you didn't break.

dance I did yeah yeah I did but I had to. use Adidas track pants. we didn't have it like you dog yeah we. didn't go to [ __ ] Nordstrom's we went. to we went to like Marshalls yeah. Marshalls was like that's good no it's. not that was terrible oh we'd go to like. uh what was the other one JCPenney no. what was there's one more like with a K. like cold not Kohl's but there was. another one I feel like there was one. more that I can't remember the name of. we'd go to Nordstrom something but my. mom would go to Nordstrom's when I know. she needed something nice and if she.

went to Bloomingdale's downtown Chicago. I was like what that's. she's I mean that's like would she. buying a Ferrari in my mind I was like. Bloomingdale when she had the little. brown bag yeah I was like whoa my mom. bought something real nice from the. store did you do um um before school. started you know at the end of summer. did you go school shopping for clothes. yeah we did my parents we did but I. would use it but see I didn't go to. department stores much uh because I. didn't like the clothes I wanted to go. to like. uh a skate store or I would go to I'd go.

to like one store and buy all the stuff. uh I wasn't good at I'm still to this. day I told you that story I went to I. went to the I took out money because I. was like I need jeans this is like two. years ago and I was like you got to buy. new jeans dude you just gotta go get new. jeans and I took out a thousand dollars. cash or something like that I don't. remember how much I had I took out a. bunch of cash and I was like you gotta. just go get a couple pieces of clothing. and I walked into the store and I saw. someone that I knew personally and I. turned around and left. really I immediately got in my car and. went home yeah I don't like why it just.

gives me a lot of anxiety so you don't. go to you don't like going to the. dressing at the dressing room or. whatever and do try things on that makes. me so they come out from the mirror I. always do like posts I know I really do. I do it like this this is one you know. you know I do this I think because I. kind of like I have this like I hate. myself a little bit when I shop because. I don't want to I don't like you know if. I'm I don't like the way my body feels. that day uh so I'm like a chick I'll. like get in the mirror and be like [ __ ]. these [ __ ] clothes [ __ ] this [ __ ]. [ __ ] and I'll just leave I'll get. mad about it you're like an old school.

dad though I just have insecurities. about clothes I don't like it I never. like so I don't like going to shopping. it's not my thing it does I do not like. to go to a store and be like I want this. and this and why'd you get the hat and. what the [ __ ] happened what do you mean. it's just a t-shirt from kith I ordered. it on the internet oh you did yeah and. this cat was also bought online oh wow. that's interesting to me I can't go into. a store I don't like going to stores and. shopping it bothers me so I don't know. what it is but it gives me like an. uneasy feeling in my chat that's with. all like if you buy spoons.

[Laughter]. drive me nuts what size am I getting to. what shape too big too small I don't. know if these are going to be fit in the. slot I'm being 100 serious are you being. real this stuff like that drives me. crazy oh I love shopping for Spoons well. you're a Spoonman I'm the spoon. doordash you know Andrew and I travel a. lot a lot and you know sometimes we're. at in a town and we need food or. groceries and whatnot doordash is the.

number one delivery system here it's. insane you know what's so good about it. if you're missing something you know. you're missing a syrup for the pancakes. or jelly for your peanut butter and. jelly or you ran out your favorite. coffee creamer doordash grocery delivery. now you can get what you want oh right. now what do you need this convenience of. getting what you want right to your door. is incredible doordash grocery uh it. saves all this hassle of getting in your. car when you're in the middle of doing. 10 other things and you have to go to. the store and wait in line no thank you. they will get it for you get exactly. what you want I get cat litter you do. yeah yeah you do get for my cats for me. for you just to roll around yeah and.

that's not that big of a deal I actually. just door dashed last week I did door. Dash grocery delivery and I got myself. some veggies because I had the meat but. I didn't have no veggies and I was like. I don't want to go to the vegetable. aisle I just get on doordash grocery. delivery and they'd bring it to you yeah. when I go to Hawaii there's a tonkatsu. restaurant that's only on doordash. because they have the best restaurants. they do yeah it's the best anyway get 50. off your first doordash order up to a. ten dollar value when you use the code. friend 2023 at checkout limited timeout. for terms apply that's 50 off up to ten.

dollars on a 15 min subtotal and zero. delivery fees on your first order when. you download the doordash app in the app. store and enter the code friend 2023. that's friend 2022 don't forget that's. code friend 2023 for 50 off your first. order with doordash bespoke you guys the. best gift to give anyone is a box of. Awesome from bespoke Posts that's right. one of my favorite things about getting. a box of Awesome from bespoke post every. month is how it sneaks up on you you. forget that it's coming and in one day. boom on your front door you get the best. box you'll open all my filled with.

carefully chosen gear from the best. small Brands around the world let's see. what I got this month this is called the. drift and in the drift I'm very excited. look at this got myself a looming light. bulb flicker free sleep love it amazing. the best part about these boxes they. surprise you it's it's like it's a. Christmas every single day it's a joy. and Hawkins Rumble facial scrub which. you and I both need because we're gonna. break out on the bus tour my face is so. uh yeah I need Scrubs also Hawkins and. brimble send some daily energizing. moisturizer the best part is seriously. these are all small Brands it's curated. and how you do this is you go to box of.

awesome.com you take this quiz your. answer is going to help them pick the. best box of awesome for you they release. new boxes every single month across a. ton of different categories and each box. is valued around 70 bucks you're gonna. pay a fraction gravity razor like if. you're in the food too I like the. carnivore the American barbecue rub in. the carnivore box is made by the Great. American spice company in Rockford. Michigan Rockford Michigan baby the. Midwest so here's the deal not just for. you you can also get it for somebody. else or you can be selfish and get it. for yourself because it's awesome to. have a box of awesome uh get 20 off your. first monthly box when you sign up at.

boxofawesome.com that's box of. awesome.com enter the code bad friends. at checkout that's box of awesome.com. and enter the code bad friends at. checkout box of awesome.com enter the. code bad friends today the only way I. like shopping uh is for somebody else uh. I'm not playing I'm not I know that. sounds like oh but no really like if I. have to buy her something love it. because because then it's like I don't. feel guilty about the money because it's. not for me. and then also it's like I get to know. that someone else gets is gonna enjoy it.

you know what I mean for me it's my. worry of the money why am I spending. this money because I've always had that. because of my [ __ ] parents and then. I'm like I don't need it it's a suit. it's an insecurity I've always had I. don't know why but if if I had to buy. you like a five thousand dollar gift I. wouldn't even think twice about it I. literally would be like okay I'll buy it. for Bob yeah because I just I've always. had that weird thing in my mind where. I'm like you don't deserve that you. don't need that but if it's for someone. else I wouldn't even think twice about. it yeah you know that that game you. playing Christmas where like everyone.

buys one thing you put in the big in the. middle of the room a white elephant yeah. white elephant yeah and they always say. well you know it's only a hundred dollar. minimum oh yeah right I always buy a. thousand do you know why because I want. somebody to go like who got me this. [ __ ] computer yeah right and I'm like. I don't know who would buy a MacBook Pro. with two terabytes with the new M2 Chip. you are invited to our uh this year's. way though yeah yeah I love it and then. you walk out of there with a new set of. spoons. no thanks no thank you are you like that.

with stuff with shopping and stuff I. love shopping you love it what do you. love I like clothes I like clothes. Sunday and like especially clothes store. on stage like but I feel like you like. vintage stuff right don't you like. throwback [ __ ] thrift shopping yeah. thrift shopping yeah and like. independent like like I like going on. Melrose because they're smaller Melrose. is all independent right that's all from. stuff downtown so it's like cool stuff. it's not like you know a bunch of. mass-produced like of the same shirt oh. yeah like No One's Gonna have the thing. that you're wearing yeah almost like.

thrift store you like thrift stores yeah. me too we should do a thing where we all. pick a name out of a hat and we have to. buy the person we picks outfit for the. day oh that's fun this is a game that. people do on Tick Tock have you seen. this where the a boyfriend and a. girlfriend for the date for the night. well they'll go to Salvation Army or. they'll go to a thrift store and they'll. go to like the pants and the shirts and. there's something in the something and. then they'll close their eyes and they. run their hands down the line of their. size like in the large or whatever and. and they close their eyes and the other. person says stop and then they have to. wear that shirt for the night and then. they have to wear those pants okay let's.

do that so we'll have to do that for one. of the Cities we also have to do this we. have to go to an old school Mall in the. Midwest and go to some weird photography. studio. and like go dress like from the 80s 100. we have to do that I'm so down on a day. off well no I think we should everybody. does old school let's dress like we're. from the Future Let's wear [ __ ] that. doesn't exist but no we go to the thrift. store and pick up stuff that we think is. going to be in the future I'm down let's. do that I miss Maul so much me too did. you guys hang out in malls when you were. a kid or no yeah when the Chandler. Fashion oh that Fashion Mall when that.

opened up. yeah and we had UTC you know what UTC is. you ever see Ferris now if you're uh do. you ever see um. with Sean Penn. oh Fast Times Fast Times at Ridgemont. High it was based on that mall we had. that in San Diego UTC yeah that's like. the mall there was the mall it's in La. Jolla and then we had North County Fair. whoa it was the best back up and now we. used to drop acid I'm just I you know. when people drop acid they go let's go. into the nature not me I want to go to.

the mall oh my God that's like a. nightmare that's what I like that's. crazy yeah I like it's like everything's. Hellraiser everything yeah the spike guy. yeah it's the best welcome to Pacific. somewhere. can I help you yeah Spencer's Gifts went. off yeah you're a nature guy then when I. do drugs like 100 hallucinogenic put me. to the sea put me by the water Put Me by. Put Me by like uh mountain ranges I. don't I don't want to be near a bunch of.

humans when I'm on drugs no [ __ ] way. dude I like it I want to ingest the. Earth because I'm taking the Earth in my. body I want to see the Earth and feel it. while I'm tripping I Love Actually one. time though me and my buddy Tyler. mushrooms and went to a haunted house. because we were like let's see how. [ __ ] up we could get and we were in. line for this haunted house and we. started tripping balls and the whole. time like I almost wanted to hold his. hand I was freaking the [ __ ] out just in. line to get in this because it was a. haunted house in the middle of like corn. fields in like rural Illinois whoa oh it.

was so dope they turned like an old. farmhouse into it they do this all the. time because Illinois once you get way. way out you go two hours out it's. [ __ ] nothingness you know yeah so we. drove out there and we ate the mushrooms. on the way and tried to time it. perfectly which we did and by the time. we got there we're waiting in line and I. was having a full [ __ ] panic attack. because I heard the noises coming from. inside and then also people's. conversations it was like flowing over. me through me so it sounded like a lot. of like the screams were behind me in.

line while I was waiting and these two. chicks were in line with us and had been. you know somewhere in the same similar. age range they seem maybe a little older. than us and they were like are you guys. scared and Tyler was like we're on. shrooms. yeah this chick was like oh cool walk. with us we're scared. and at first I was like I don't want to. be near other people I don't want to be. near other people but she like held on. to us like the girls would grab onto us. while we were walking into the house and. it like like centered the [ __ ] out of me.

and for some reason I felt like I I was. so tripping I was like I'm her protector. I have to be strong right you became a. knight a knight a high night yeah so I. was ripped out of my head and I was. holding her clothes and I was trying. like every time something would jump out. I would like Flinch a little bit and. then get real tight get out of here. yeah I was so ripped wow and then after. the at the end of it I thought okay we. made it through this thing like we made. it through the haunted house I was like. these chicks are going to want to hang. out with us and they're like later and.

they just got in their car and [ __ ]. off and then we had to wait until we. calmed down to be able to drive home. because I was still lit up so we had to. like go to like the snack shop nearby. and just sit into the store huh is that. an actual restaurant no it was like a. little like a little like a little cafe. was next to it for like hot chocolate. snack shop snack shop okay yeah uh it. was no it was called snatch shop it was. a big vagina outside I don't know yeah. and you had to hit the clip to get it. yeah I love it and we just sat there and. watched people coming out of the haunted. house for like an hour so we could like. cool our high down before we drove home.

because I was ripped he was like can you. drive I'm like no dude no no things are. moving yeah I couldn't do it we gotta go. to Hell House what is Hell House you. know hell house right no no Hell House. it's a it's a haunted um house I love. haunted houses in Texas run by. Christians oh say no more and then you. go to a room and it's like a woman like. getting an abortion whoa no and then a. demon in back of them like someone will. play the devil and at the end of the.

[ __ ] haunted house you go in the room. and they try to convert you there was a. documentary called Hell House is this. just church what do you mean this is. just church yeah but it's like there's. murder and there's scenes going on. yeah how close are we to Sugar Hill on. our trip Cedar Hill Cedar Hill yeah but. it's not it's not in October they only. do it in October oh they only do it it's. a haunted house for Halloween oh for. church yeah for church and people go and.

it's like um well I guess it's worth the. trip so we'll have to oh it's outside of. Dallas yeah oh we gotta go yeah yeah. we'll be ready they still do it uh it. says I mean I think it's Halloween only. because it's so permanently closed dude. there should be around the year uh. haunted house don't we think there. should be haunted houses year round. there should be at least one I mean. [ __ ] Halloween Town in Burbank stays. open all year you could just wander into. Walmart that's 100. If We Had A Haunted House we'd kill one. person a year so you have that fear oh. yeah right if you kill one person a year.

if we had a haunted house people would. be like dude we could die. died. we're all from San Diego in this. scenario yeah well we could die the one. from San Diego Ramon Feliz [ __ ] got. decapitated dude yeah dude. this is [ __ ] awesome because I know. I've never I've been on the 50 times. through this I never [ __ ] died dude. never died yeah dude yeah I did so you. know why is everybody from San Diego. sound like that why does everybody sound. like that.

yeah who's from San Diego. [ __ ] satido dude [ __ ] it uh you. [ __ ] are you just get you get a case. naughty light we can [ __ ] get lit up. dude yeah that's exactly what he sounded. like yeah or you go to a beach and you. in San Diego you can't go in the water. because the locals the [ __ ] you up yeah. my brother and I had boogie boards once. and we're at Wind and Sea super dude. locals only you're like I am local no. you're from where are you from man Poway.

that's not local you have to be on that. street whoa. oh they would [ __ ] you up that's awesome. no it's not what do you mean that's. awesome. yes they do maybe yeah they do locals. only a dog yeah you would be that way. you would 100 be that way if you lived. in that part you would absolutely be. like locals only [ __ ] you would uh you. would 100 be the guy that fought people. that came into the local zones yeah we. all said yes everyone nodded off you're. absolutely that guy you're 100 that guy. that's true because it when I grew up.

Inland oak tree and no one was allowed. the people would look at the Oaks. locals only did. like some kid would come up and be like. I'm I'm from I'm from Playa and you're. like get the [ __ ] out of here yeah yeah. trees there and fire bro. right like I was very territorial over. that tree what did you guys have in high. school that was like like we had we had. the Enchanted Forest was like a little. Forest like deep behind the high school. where people would like do drugs or get. into fights or hook up and all that.

stuff do you guys have like a forest or. a meet-up spot like that. no you didn't where did you go friends. yeah yeah no I mean I was so it's such a. nerdy answer but it was just like the. Arts Building no I know Denny's Denny's. oh Denny's right ours was Taco Bell. really yeah everyone has like a. restaurant or well we would go to. Grandma's grandmas was an old restaurant. like an old Diner yeah oh my god oh we. did a Burrito Express to be expressed. yeah my friend Jensen 16 years old we.

were actually talking about Jensen carp. no just you said Jensen the other Jensen. room he was my best one of my best okay. and roof um he great talented guy is he. dead no He's Alive where's he at La. they'll call him up. he's mad at me why he's been mad at me. for years what did you do because I. won't call him back. interesting the reason why I won't call. him back is because when I the last time. I hooked up with him he still plays that. game. and I don't like it don't say hooked up. with him yeah that's not the right. verbiage the last time I hung out with.

him oh yeah guys don't usually say hook. up with other guys we [ __ ] oh. be more clear about it no um he does. this thing where like he'll touch me and. run away. how old is this man like he did that. three years ago so how old is the man. now my age and he just touches you and. leaves he giggles and then I have to. touch him back he's playing tag it's. like whoever gets the last touch wins. yeah so we're just running around a. restaurant yeah and it's like I remember. the last time we did I was like I can't. do this anymore.

no he's talented 47 years old running. around a restaurant right you can't use. you can't use a table. separate us we're arguing that way you. know what I mean and I just realized. like I just I can't we did that as kids. we still play the [ __ ] game why not. though we talked the other day about. wanting to be more kitty-like you want. to be like a kid and have fun and stop. being so you know adult so let's do it. well maybe if it's more violent I would. do it like tag with guns no no no no. you're it no. no the ass or something all right yeah.

yeah yeah yeah yeah I like that anyway. when I was 16 Jensen we were at the. Denny's local Denny's and he saw a girl. there uh Andrea okay. yeah mm-hmm and he goes she's hot and I. go well introduce me when I'm into. introduce himself they're still married. to this day no way yeah it's beautiful. that's gorgeous yeah so he has. Asperger's though for real no yeah he. does what is Asperger he likes. what what's asperger's is a burger made. out of ass yeah it's a form of autism I.

know I've heard of it yeah I saw the. show. you don't have old friends you grew up. with like still do [ __ ] like brings. up stories from when you were 14. remember [ __ ] Andrew dude and he. [ __ ] got his nut sack [ __ ] tied up. in that [ __ ] branch. first of all love that story oh yeah. remember that day you did that dude yeah. yeah what do you mean when I connect. with people that I grew up with we talk. about the times that we had together. when we were younger that's what. everybody does when you get older. That's Not Unusual there's one store.

there they always go remember to drink. pee to me well that's because your. stories are hard to hear what I mean. well because you have a lot of stories. where it's like that like remember you. know no that remember we all put stuff. in your butt. and you cried all the way home and it. was jellyfish jellyfish you know I was. in Hawaii at 16 and at jellyfish. markings on my body yeah right and they. go you pee you have to let other people. pee on you well I didn't know I drank it. [Laughter]. you have to put it on the skin yeah yeah.

but I went behind a tree I don't want. anyone and I took a sip of it and I came. back and I saw everyone putting it on. their body like you have to put on your. body do you drink your own pee or. somebody well yeah yeah yeah and then. they're like ah you're idiot you drink. the pee and I'm like. you've got to be specific you do though. that's right that's actually their fault. yeah like you know Ben Gay for instance. right on the Bengay things it doesn't. say you don't put it on genitals they. should put that on there do you put it. on your genitals have you tried it no it.

hurts so bad it doesn't seem like it. belongs there I know I tried it because. isn't Ben Gay for your butt no banking. for muscles yeah what's that guy for. your butt. Preparation H that right that one's. foreign. I'm down to do it everyone has to put it.

on each other then put it on yourself. God damn it yeah. so anyway I don't like old stories well. I don't understand it's a connection to. your Youth and to your history but guys. sometimes guys do it every time you they. see you I know because remember dude. your stories are funny and embarrassing. so they're funny to talk about let's. move on I understand yeah I drink to pee. you know. what's so funny dude it's so funny that. you didn't do it you didn't ask anybody. you drank the P I got jellyfish pee.

that's all they said urine dude your own. urine really yeah I'm not doing it for. you I went behind a tree you know what. honestly I'm on your team on this thank. you so much here's why why because if. some if you're like jellyfishing the. world P it's got to be pee in your mind. you wouldn't go well I should piss on. myself right how do you do that right. you would never think that you're gonna. well they gave me a cup. oh well then that was probably a tell. that that do you drink it that you drink. it yeah I see where your brain was. thinking that they give you a cup one of. those red plastic yeah Solo Cup yeah and. I pee and I'm like you think two years.

ago I was like you get her solo cup and. someone says Pete you either think we're. playing a weird game of beer pong yeah. or I'm gonna drink my own piss yeah so I. get it can I ask you another question. about pee yeah. I'm being real and then we'll move on we. can move on from it I'm saying we'll. maybe I shouldn't even ask let's get. this one out of the way okay. yeah why just why are you so. uncomfortable about it no no I just. think uh pee pee poo poo we can get. we'll have to get through at some point. oh I mean we only talked about it for. two minutes yeah okay you know what I'm.

gonna save it for later no I want it. right now okay really because because. when you pee it's all the same. sorry like when you pee every time it's. like yellow and warm that's right right. yeah but you drink all kinds of liquids. it's interesting is it not that it comes. out like that one way right yeah yeah. well the darker the Pea the worse it is. it means you're more dehydrated no I. heard that there's more vitamins in your. system but it depends it depends if. you're flush with vitamins then it could. be a a brighter yellow I see but you're.

not. if your personal Bobby Lee not humans if. your pee is coming out really dark. yellow bad bad news okay yeah tell me if. that happens. oh yeah what is that every time well. it's dark okay and murky you know what. it reminds me of the water on Yoda's. Planet. [Laughter]. system let's look up the water on Yoda's. Planet yeah that's what it looks like. yeah. drink that water yeah yeah drink some.

water how many how much water do you. drink during the day. honestly sometimes never during the day. sometimes you'd never have a sip of of. H2O. let's start let's do that now let's. start doing that yeah that's good what. does it do though it keeps you alive. okay yeah it's the little funny man it's. the only thing fancy don't laugh at him. General recommendations National Academy. of Medicine suggests an adequate intake. of daily fluids about 13 cups and nine. cups for healthy men and women. 13 cups is repulsive that's so much.

water 13 cups of water you seem to be. drinking it all day you're supposed to. be drinking it all day long but you can. live without it how long can you live. without water it's only like three days. three or four days three days and then. your muscles atrophy and they drain. themselves and then you die. yeah three days the body needs a lot of. water to carry out essential functions. so three days dude okay. you learned something new every day yeah. something I think you'd know by now is. 51. but sometimes I haven't gone around. to it but I gotta tell you if you've. lasted this long without drinking water.

like there was a guy on one of those My. Strange Addiction or whatever who only. drank coke and never drank water but. isn't that a form of water water is in. there yeah yeah but it's not a healthy. amount you know it's there's a person. that only drank coke and so if I was on. some sort of deserted [ __ ] planet and. I only had Diet Coke exerted island or. planet planet so there's Diet Coke in. outer space there's a vendor God Bless. yeah yeah there's one of those machines. yeah there's just a Diet Coke machine. that's just getting filled there's only. also there needs to be a coin machine.

next to it can you imagine aliens are. like we have to give them Diet Coke but. like if you're and and there's oxygen on. this planet but it's deserted could you. not survive off of that as a liquid or. no no well okay let's see growing by the. engine suggested diet soda consumption. correlates with an increased risk of a. wide range of medical conditions heart. conditions heart attack high blood. pressure metabolic issues including. diabetes obesity brain conditions. dementia and stroke good okay I would. love a Diet Coke right now by the way. yeah okay you're good I'm never gonna. forget again no this is just in.

moderation it just means if you drink it. all the time. let's move on this is no pumpy. [Laughter]. how long do you think you could last in. on a deserted island I keep watching. that nature show how long do you really. think you could last genuinely on a. deserted island a deserted island or a. forest. no no. no that's actually a very good question. yeah how about how about what kind of. island is it how about this on a. deserted part of the world right where.

um where there is things to forage like. there are there are berries because if. you go to Canada and some of their. islands are like you know Big Trees. they're way up North okay so how long. would I survive yeah with the knowledge. I have now right now. I think two weeks two weeks yeah that's. really long that's a long time well I. know how to do water. dude how what do you mean how what do. you mean I know how to do water I know. how to make water how do you make water. well you go to a river right and then.

you dig a little hole next to the river. the soil filters out all the bad stuff. and you drink the water from the hole. that you made oh what I didn't know that. that's true it's partially true it. doesn't mean it's not going to be it's. not it doesn't mean bacteria can't. because I don't have it like it'll be. cleaner than if it's yeah but I I I. don't I don't know how to make a fire do. you. well I mean I know I know hypothetically. how to make a fire yeah I do too. hypothetically but if I'm if I have no.

tools I'm on an island right I'm like I. I don't know what a flint looks like. well I mean you could get anything up. north it's very damp yeah I know the. damn very difficult yeah so it's like. for me I'd be like no I would have to do. that and I would try to eat like acorns. well you that's that you definitely. can't eat. why it's a nut I I know but how are you. going to get the acorn before they fall. to the ground you're not gonna climb a. tree fall from the tree like apples do. uh but acorns you're not going to eat. acorns.

toxic to humans oh [ __ ] well then forget. that forget the acorns one day berries. that would be berries yeah berries. that's better but you wouldn't kill an. animal I would try at the weekend yeah. but there's no way because even. professionals have a hard time doing it. they do yeah I agree so probably two. weeks you know what I would do I'd know. how to get an animal by the way in the. wild I would get on all fours and Spread. spread my butt cheeks yeah and I would. do noises. to try to get it.

I'm coming up. right. right and then what do you do stab from. behind imagine you think that you're. gonna catch an animal by doing a mating. call and it comes up and starts having. sex with you but you love it so much. that you can't kill it. enter and you clinch your butthole so. they're stuck yeah yeah. yeah and they're trying to get away and. I don't know how what I would have well. you'd fly yeah you'd have to use it well. you'd have to use a jiu jitsu technique. for sure all right this arm bar the bear.

I'll call uh um with Eddie uh what's his. name who Joe Rogan's got Eddie um Eddie. Bravo Eddie Bravo yeah yeah do I have a. cell phone I have one cell phone yeah. the bear has a phone yeah oh the. paradise yeah oh yeah it's T-Mobile yeah. so it slips out of his pocket they have. pouches like kangaroos yeah sure yeah. all right so I I grab it Eddie I think I. would call Eddie before the Coast Guard. you gotta call him first yeah yeah yeah. so here's the deal this is the situation.

I I'm in yeah and now you've asked me. for many many years to take her class I. apologize for that my bad now help me. not help me yeah so. I have a black bear right inserted. inside my anus an African-American bear. yeah oh so my that's on my bad yeah. careful yeah yeah yeah I have an. African-American right and it's like. African-American Bears lives matter. I would say that just for the Optics of. it well you should yeah yeah because.

they do right he's about to come. right but I've clinched it. because you know Eddie I have a very. tight ball no I don't I know that bro. yeah you know that right and so what do. I do do I do do I try to grab his head. and do a roll yeah I mean I mean what. what's your suggestion I think uh let. him finish and then take him out for a. meal. on like a in a. in a Wilderness situation. I'm not sure because I don't know a lot.

of survival techniques but I think I. have a high threshold for pain and I'm. like one I could become like one with. nature pretty easy all right let's test. the threshold can we can we fight you. yeah I think we should do a bus fight. you wanna do bus boxing but you guys. it's got to be like each person can call. it at any time in the trip yeah so you. just yell boss fight boss fight boss. fight could be two third two three in. the morning bus fight you gotta wake you. up and you gotta fight yeah we'll [ __ ]. you up man I'd love to I know he does.

fight me all the time I always [ __ ] you. up man I really want to see you guys. fight no I would never hurt her I could. take both of you on at once I don't. think you could I'd [ __ ] both of you. guys up so bad. at the same time 100 there's no [ __ ]. I would beat the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of you. he'd get his nine iron no weapons at all. bare-handed these are my [ __ ] weapons. yeah dude you against me and you doesn't. matter whatever you guys try to concoct. I'll [ __ ] kill you you have no idea. dude about my legs dude you little.

roly-poly I'll Eat You Alive no I have. dude a couple of [ __ ] these. sandwiches to your [ __ ] stupid little. face you're gone dude you're [ __ ] up. out cold I have Hrs. herpes no. hit it. [Laughter]. hidden. it's just RS you have just RS.

it's not hidden. not even a little bit it's not hidden no. because you would focus on her I would. sneak up behind you put you in a rear. naked choke hold the naked part you love. the most yeah I don't like that it's. called that they're you're not naked. when you do it yeah do what the rear. naked choke just call it a rear choke. hold yeah why isn't to be called naked I. know this episode's gonna come out much. later did you watch the fights yesterday. no this speech was [ __ ] awesome he. grabbed the mic from from Rogan and look. I'm not a big uh UFC guy I I don't.

really watch it but on Tick Tock this. speech was like going viral he's giving. himself props for being the [ __ ] but. also because he didn't think Jesus yeah. he did oh he did he said I'm blessed to. be able to do this again and again again. a blessing is saying I'm thanking the. universe or something okay he's. appreciating the world but the way he's. saying it he's saying look at what I did. but take from this that you can do. something yeah if you but you have to. [ __ ] do it you gotta stop saying I'm.

gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I thought that. was so great I watched that like four or. five times this morning in bed being. like what a great [ __ ] message. because he's not saying become a fighter. he's not saying do he's saying get out. of your own [ __ ] way do the thing so. you can feel this feeling of of of joy. and happiness at least once in your life. yeah it's it's great inspiration dude. it's. for me I'm dumb kinda yes. what. I'm agreed by the past what it wasn't. when I say that people no you have your.

say it again start again I'm sorry I'm. sorry I'm sorry I'm dumb yes you are yes. you are buddy. um I really you know I'm lazy you know. that yeah yeah um I procrastinate yes. yeah the only thing that I've done right. in my whole entire life this podcast. this podcast but it but this um. it. stand up you know walking through the. fear of going on stage and doing that. repeatedly is the only thing that I did.

right and it gave me such a big and. beautiful life right so it's like I mean. I just love that speech it's the same. thing right like you know we we have. that one thing where I was like I'm. gonna try this scary thing and. um that's all I've done and it worked it. worked oh it's working it's working and. you know anyone out there it's like I. know it's scary no it is you know what I. mean and it's like oh well only this. amount of people make it or whatever you. can't think that way just do whatever. you think you need to do you have to do.

it you have to do it yeah right juice. that's how I felt after Vancouver that. is how you felt that moment of Happiness. yeah and you're gonna feel it again and. again and again let's go to Juicy's. Corner real fast and uh. welcome back to Juicy's Corner we want. to throw it to juice because she wants. to tell us something pretty important. whenever you're ready so you go ahead. thank you for being a bad friend no not. yet not yet we're not done I don't know. the shortcut yeah she's trying to get. out of it huh I don't know what you're.

talking well no is that I know what. you're he's talking about it's that. inspiring because when we're in. Vancouver backstage you gave me that. five minute inspirational talk about. life and about you know I mean. connections do your let's hear your. style Bender talk yeah I want to see. yours because the fans the fans at home. want to know how did you get from 10K to. 100K they think how did she do it let's. give her a different sport though what. sport would it be rugby sure yeah you're. you're a professional rugby player yes. you are for the you know um Los Feliz. chip knocks the Chipmunks have been.

pretty good the last couple of years you. used to have season tickets yeah yeah. didn't you into the chip Ducks I always. uh sold them on seat geek though okay so. your rugby team chip nut Captain right. and you're in the men's league. wow yeah yeah controversy you just won. the [ __ ] what controversial yeah yeah. I love it you just won the East LA. provisional Championship two teams in it. you and Echo Park yeah but you still. beat him right and there's like eight. people in this you know audience but. they're like they love it what sport is.

it rugby rugby rugby yeah eight people. in the crowd two of them are blind so. I'm the I'm the I'm the Rogan you know I. mean guy yeah you grab the mic you know. what I mean yeah hey let me just take. this real quick will you give it back I. got the mic now shut up Hey listen I. can't believe where I am at Los Feliz I. just won the rugby championship and I. just want you guys to know that if you. work hard and you meet somebody uh more. famous than you in the rugby Division.

and they will build your following 10. times and they will give you a platform. to shine and if you just practice your. rugby skills and you get that platform. golf. no this is a rub that's a role people do. that when they in rugby when you score. everyone goes. yeah it's part of the celebration is it. Cricket no it's just a part of the. celebration yeah okay it's like saying. yes that's what it is I think I would. know.

yeah you would know don't ever question. her again dude I'm sorry man don't ever. question her again. Morgan and Morgan you guys I was just in. a car accident a couple of months ago. luckily I wasn't her but if I was her I. would have called Morgan Morgan do you. know why they're the best in the world. that's right in 2020 there's over 5. million car crashes that's so many it's. more than fifteen thousand a day and 600. an hour so many people are getting. accidents don't know where to turn or. what to do do I have insurance do they. have insurance how do I handle this am I.

going to be in trouble are they going to. be in trouble what is Morgan and Morgan. it's America's largest injury Law Firm. they have over a hundred offices. Nationwide and more than 800 lawyers. holy moly holy moly we got hit in my. neighborhood last year and I got to tell. you without someone like Morgan and. Morgan I wouldn't know where we would be. today with over 15 billion dollars. recovered for clients Morgan Morgan has. a proven track record of fighting to get. you full and fair compensation friends. it's so easy it's more like ordering. takeout than hiring a lawyer because all. you do is open up that app and click. click click you're good to go if you're.

ever injured in an accident you can. check out Morgan and Morgan their fee is. free unless they win for more. information go to forthepeople.com bad. friends or dial pound law pound five two. nine from your cell phone that's Four f. o r the people.com bad friends or pound. law pound 529 from your cell this is a. paid advertisement I will not go. downtown L.A anymore [ __ ] it [ __ ] it I'm. tired of people being like it's getting. better no it's not the last time I was. [ __ ] down there uh we were downtown. and the riots were going on the protests. and the riots you know and I pull into a.

parking lot I'm going to do a comedy. show and I pull into a parking lot and. some black woman's like raise waving her. arms at me and I'm like oh am I not am I. in there she's dancing she was just. dancing no and then she's like this. she's like going like this and I was. like what the [ __ ] is going on here's. the roof that's what she's she was. racing and I rolled down the window and. I was like I was like oh is are we not. supposed to park in this lot because I. was going to a show. and she goes no man you know you got no. business being down here you better get. the [ __ ] out of here now and I was like. for real she's like don't you know what.

the [ __ ] is going on I was like I'm. going to perform at a show and she's. like get the [ __ ] up out of here and I. was like okay I took the advice and you. left yeah I didn't do the show you. called the guy that hooked it and said. yeah I said I'm not doing the show I'm. not doing the [ __ ] because I she was. probably giving me a warning shot like. dude [ __ ] up your car no they'll. probably you'll get out of that car. they're gonna kick your [ __ ] windows. in they'll go oh we saw some white. red-headed you know some [ __ ]. lollipop head ass [ __ ] get out. of this car and they would have busted. up my [ __ ] because it was the wrong time. wrong place so I was like [ __ ] this.

we're going home you do have that huge. Confederate flag in your window too I. took it down it's on the hood. Old Faithful what do you want me to do. dude what'd you go do with the Robert. Elise uh little thing in front of your. car the statue a little statue yeah oh. it's a bobble head it's on my front it. sounds like yeah okay and in my horn it. doesn't Hawk. but you still have the speakers and. you're doing the Turner Diaries from it. yeah oh that's cool I love your car. black people beware beware beware yeah.

no yeah yeah I have the speakers on the. roof it's great but yeah that was. probably a dead giveaway for her uh uh. to get me out of there it was actually. very nice I was very thankful I was like. okay thanks I'm out [ __ ] this I'm not. staying for that if there is a civil war. if there is a civil war you think we'll. win again I'm going to Canada I'll tell. you that really I'm not fighting in that. [ __ ] I'm not gonna fight I watch. even you can't watch it they're gonna. make you join they're gonna make you. pick up a gun and join the the Civil War. if we have another civil war in America.

you gotta they're gonna make you fight. everyone's gonna have to fight where. what would be my position. sniper yeah it's probably a ninja. you share the gun yeah. wow so I would have to fight you 100. would have to fight can I be in the back. though like the last wave no they put. you in first yeah me and the minority. shortest up front no it goes by height. it's not skin color oh really well. because it's like it's nice yeah because. it used to shape up 100 yeah and also.

the tall guys need to see the enemy and. you would need to see them too you need. to be in front of the tall man yeah so. you're up there bud but I would run like. this you know what you know what I'm. doing hmm bicycling. this is what I'm running like this you. know what what I'm doing right there's a. guy in front of me and my head's dark. and he's my shield. and then once in a while come on let's.

go. all right. yeah. what would you do in the Civil War what. do you what side are you going to be on. first of all well this side I'm gonna be. on you know they're gonna make me fight. yeah you're gonna have to fight because. women are equal yeah they are now yeah. you guys asked for all this I cannot. wait till that breaks out yeah and women. are like do you guys want us to sew. again and do that stuff and you're like. no no no you want to be equal to you. gotta [ __ ] pick up a gat and you. gotta get. imagine that me uh Jesse Natasha legere.

everyone that's short yeah who else is. it Brad Williams you Brad Williams yeah. yeah and we're just like we would lose. yeah. oh that's right yeah yeah going to. Vancouver dude. come on man wait up y'all. ridiculous man wait no way. but you know if we had a civil war. though it's like we have new members. what are you talking about yeah what do. you mean well I mean you know doing the. MS-13 what fight for us gang members.

yeah no no no you think they're more. what leading what what do you mean what. what do you mean what what well finish. what they're leaning what you think. they're leaning right you think the. South will get them no no first of all. it won't be divided north and south east. west it's East West I knew that there. was a new one right US versus New York. yeah oh for [ __ ] we're [ __ ] is Chicago. east or west east they're East yeah who. do we get Boise [ __ ] I think we get.

Boise I think we get Albuquerque oh. Mexicans yeah but they're going they'll. go back. they wouldn't stick around yeah who else. do we have is Austin south or uh I mean. East or West Texas is not going to be. included they're going to be their own. little thing oh it's a four they're. building a wall right now around Texas. to the United States not just Mexico. they're building it all the way wow. because they don't want to be with us at. all wow they [ __ ] [ __ ] us they don't. like us but imagine if there was a north. south east west War like a four-way.

Civil War like a bracket yeah. like I think we would lose the West. Coast I don't know we got a shitload of. people we have a lot of people oh that's. true but we have they're all like you. know I mean techies and stuff liberals. yeah but but but we will get a lot of. tech War we'll win Tech War right [ __ ]. yeah dude we'll set that [ __ ] down right. she got down your shut down your machine. we have Nanobots do we not have Nanos. and Twitter no we don't Elon lives in. Texas now yeah Twitter is theirs too. yeah Twitter's theirs also [ __ ] Twitter.

by the way every time I go on it now it. sucks it's all a bunch of promoted ads I. don't even see people that I follow. anymore I've opened it up a few times. the last couple days and I shut it down. immediately because I'm like I don't. follow any of these people I'm just. getting pushed promoted ads promoted. accounts I don't literally don't see who. I've I don't see anybody anymore so [ __ ]. Twitter [ __ ] Twitter I'm out of it well. I haven't been on Twitter it's still. stolen yeah yours well you've been. selling MacBooks yeah yeah the amount of. people that say they bought a Macbook. from your fake account I know scares me.

I know I think because those people get. to vote yeah you're like you drive a car. and have a job and a family you bought a. Macbook from a comedian you didn't see. that that was obviously a hacked account. yeah that scares me that scares me I. want a piece of it I mean it is my. account well you did I mean you sold I. think you saw like 95 MacBooks. you should get a piece I just reach out. to the guy somehow and just like look. dude you [ __ ] me over and I have it. back yeah you should deserve it back. yeah you haven't had it in how many. months almost a year it's crazy I'm not.

even kidding or maybe he can you can get. every other post yeah oh like share it. it'll be like what TIG does doesn't TIG. do that with her Twitter she gives her. Twitter up to other people I love her I. can't believe that never backfired I. thought for sure that would be be. hackable then because she would give it. up to so many people yeah I thought some. hacker would be able to like Loop in and. steal it that's all right but it's never. been a problem but she just gives it out. you know this right no she gives her. Twitter account to people to do like a. residency for like a month what still. yeah I don't know yeah I have no idea.

but she used to for years she did it for. years and years would you give me your. Twitter account I'm so [ __ ] lutely. not you turn into a Mac store. it's a nightmare yeah what part of hate. group are you a part of. I I don't. all right let's say let's start a hey. group against people that show their. beliefs outwardly what kind of hate. group could we we three start for real. let's start a hey group of our own what. do we hate collectively like an animal. what animal do you hate let's choose an.

animal that people love and we hate it. yes okay well what what do people love. that dolphins. dude [ __ ] them I'm not kidding yeah hate. them hate them hate them. yeah cut it out what's that. means yeah yeah we get it yeah and then. you're okay. we get it all right. that's what they're saying.

and we get it. yeah you don't need a parade I was. petting this dolphin one time in Mexico. and he like popped his head up you know. and and literally like like you know. they put them on the thing and I'm. rubbing them softly and he pops his head. up and he goes you show me where the. poppers are back under it was nice dude. it was so nice it's so crazy crossing. the line man it was I was like I'm not. gonna give a dolphin drugs yeah nuts.

dude because do you ever see the. documentary of the Cove yeah we talked. about it yeah I love it yeah but you. know we should go against Dolphins is. there a [ __ ] Dolphins group because we. want to start because you don't like. dolphins either do you juice no I. [ __ ] hate them I don't want to see. any dolphins that are yeah yeah you know. what the worst thing too is if you meet. a girl and they have a dolphin tattoo. it's a [ __ ] red flag red flag red. flag red flag that and like a um Clover. Leaf you know how you guys do it what. are you talking about a four-leaf clover. yeah wrong with those a tattoo of it.

uh. it doesn't scare me as much as Dolphins. but there's not a what if if a woman had. a tattoo what kind of tattoo would turn. you off. what kind of tattoo would turn me on. well I'm not I'm not huge into face. tattoos because I don't know if that's a. good I like your face right I don't know. if I want to see tons of that but prove. me wrong maybe maybe I will later in. life to meet someone I met that girl. that had a bad friend tattoo on her leg. Yeah but that's rad that's amazing it's. not on her leg that's not in her face. yeah but she also colored Jersey and.

mine's completely empty with no color. that's right why because yellow was. expensive ah. orange is like the cheapest color oh. yeah I see I see I see no uh what tattoo. would turn me off for real yeah actually. that's not you know I take it back I go. back because there I have seen some face. tattoos that are like neck that bleed up. that are sexy as [ __ ] yeah I just don't. like like a word on your face oh I don't. like that like the word like I've seen. it was really it's like uh what someone. has an eyebrow who's famous someone has. like above their eyebrow it says. something and it's like yeah Undisputed.

or something and I'm like why on your. face yeah a word art would be tight you. know like like you know when like uh. indigenous people or natives have face. tattoos that but but it's but it's. symbolic that looks sexy and cool yeah. that looks cool I just don't want a word. on my face like that yeah what does it. say always tired. what does post Malone say yeah always. tired yeah I don't I why why though it's. a very silly choice and God bless so. much confidence too see the cross makes. sense I don't mind the crowd the word is.

always tired as a it's a big what does. that say oh that's his address. 673 East Apple Drive that's not bad one. on the above like below an eye and one. on the forehead that's not bad can you. imagine this guy cannot walk into a PC. store. wow because I better get out. like imagine if he finally wants to. switch to an Android. and they're like I'm sorry man not with. that [ __ ] [ __ ] on here yeah yeah. but it's so funny when we were younger. and you met any hot chick.

they could have anything on their body. the most offensive thing and you still. try to smash well right well also. because when we were younger times were. like tattoos were a little bit more it. was a little bit rare and the idea that. like people these days everybody has. tattoos and they have them all over. right when we were kids. not a lot of people had this many. tattoos oh my God and when you saw. people with a bunch you were like whoa. that's so [ __ ] red they were like the. rebels of the time now it's like no. you'll be scared well they were yeah. like in the early 80s if I was walking. on the street and some guy had any.

tattoo I'm like oh my God fight yeah no. no it's like yo this is um Escape From. New York right I'm snake pliskin. love that movie do you have tattoos I. forget you told me no I don't have any. we're gonna get one on the road that's. right we have to get the bad friends. tattoo because you're 100 000 followers. I was thinking of getting like a cartoon. juice box right on my neck and the straw. goes out to my mouth cool good idea. you're gonna love it you're acting yeah. all right yeah you're gonna love that.

forever I want to make sure you guys. supported it before can I tell you the. funniest version of that that you could. actually get that no one will see have a. juice box on your butt cheek and make. the straw go into your ass. and no one will ever see that that's so. funny that's so funny that's so good but. you also what do you mean no one will. ever see. well no one will ever see it unless you. want them to see it I mean I'm saying. like No One's Gonna know you have that. unless you show them you know what I'm. gonna get then you have to paint the. inside of your butthole like grape juice. though you have to do like you have to. you have to stain already is.

like have you thought about getting a. tattoo I've thought about it a thousand. times I have one I'm gonna do what on. the road I'm gonna get a tattoo of a. penis on my penis of a bigger penis. so dumb what what if you do black dick. what if you do blackface black [ __ ] oh. that's true what if you just did a black. dick and. and it changed the way you felt about. yourself and you had a bigger dick. immediately I mean it would swell up for. sure. or you could even lie this is Gary. Coleman's penis.

yeah this is Webster's penis all right. let's get a tattoo on the road then but. you'll you'll get one yeah yeah but on. the angle or something no another ankle. what am I a teenage boy in the ankle I. mean it's like no I would get it some. I'd probably get you're not gonna want. it because it's a nightmare when you act. you act a lot you have to go in an hour. early it's a [ __ ] nightmare wait just. get it on your wrist that's what I want. to do on my right I think on my wrist no. no one will see right here much because. your hands are like this time okay and. then makeup cover this up will take. three seconds yeah that's true so what.

would I get what would you get it's your. body. I just want to write I want to I want. like one polarizing word oh [ __ ] you. know so many except one puller right you. know I know which one we'll say it on. the count three one. yeah well don't do this yeah Jesus all. right one two three freedom. I knew you were gonna I knew you bailed. what I knew you're gonna betray that's. why I said Freedom all right hey we're. on the road we're on the road right now. right now right now this week we're.

going to Virginia Norfolk nor Folk. Virginia come on out and see us at the. Chrysler Hall no association of Christ. to the car company by the way yeah a lot. of people been asking about that maybe. it is actually Norfolk Virginia and then. the next day we're going to be in Durham. home of the Durham Bulls in North. Carolina and one more North Carolina. today they shot Bull Durham there they. shot Bulldog there yeah they shot him. down then we go to Charlotte North. Carolina after that so we go Norfolk. Durham North Carolina Charlotte North. Carolina and then in the month of May. San Antonio Texas baby we go to Texas.

baby we're going to San Antonio two. shows Houston then Irving which is. Dallas people look where's it's in. Dallas it's between Fort Worth and Dal. and Dallas it's Irving come see us uh. and then we uh head back the West Coast. at that second week of May so for now. though Norfolk Virginia North Carolina. Durham and Charlotte please come say hi. guys come say hi to us in Texas we love. you and you know we want to thank you. for being.

laughs. [Music].