We Bring Down the King | Ep 261 | Bad Friends

[Music]. hey everyone from Texas Houston. specifically I need you to buy tickets. for my show on what it March 28th and. 29th of this year go to Houston. improv.com. buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt. myself I'm going to hurt myself I might. die.

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two are something we're. bad friends apparently you guys were. talking a lot of when I wasn't here. that's what I heard you don't know. yourself I heard you guys talking a lot. of. [ __ ] while I wasn't here not even here. to defend myself you guys are talking. it's interesting uhhuh cuz when people. talk behind your back to me I always.

defend you yeah I say he's not here to. defend himself don't say that stuff. about him it's so funny because um when. I look in the mirror I I look at my. Character defects as well so I know what. my problems are you know you don't know. what your problems are I know what your. problems are for sure I know what yours. are but whenever people talk about you. and I hear it and I catch wind of it I. grab it yeah I know where you saw it in. your heart and I said you talk about my. dog dude and they go oh so sorry man and.

I defend I I never talked about your. dog I mean your wife I don't no I'm. kidding that's crazy is that your bit. that was crazy that was crazy is that. your bit I'm so I got defensive and I. apologize it's okay she's beautiful and. I love her as a human well it's whatever. you want to do today man I heard that. you had so much fun without me you don't. want me on the show anymore you your. mind that's what I heard I turned down a. pod with some so and so he got mad by. the way why he came up to me the first.

thing out of his mou like hey buddy you. don't want to p with me and I go oh no. what Andrew's not there it's weird you. know I mean didn't you do one with d. Stefano call I know but it's like I I've. never like we don't have that kind of. and he was mad yeah but I love. him doesn't seem like it seemed like you. would have done the Pod with him if you. loved him so much you know most people. they'll go to the Salvation Army right. to get their t-shirts not this guy.

kith you don't know what kith is man. I've been to kith yeah I've been to kith. with you in New York oh right I did I. brought you along that's right yeah well. I'm going to say you're coming at me. today no I'm not coming at you dude. you're coming at yourself my kith shirt. yeah you're coming at yourself dude and. that's the sad part how am I coming at. myself you were like well you guys were. talking about me no I heard the great. you guys talking no we can bring up the. clips we have them you dude bring them. up oh the. chair why do you have that that's Andrew.

seat oh really oh yeah yeah it sucks oh. push PA no no no I already know the what. what to say after that I hope so you. just did the episode yeah you did a bit. about I do did a bit about your little. back let me. see this what Andrew likes anyway click. click click opens up his butt okay I. know he has back he has back eges oh my. god he has a spinal disc a gay little. boy he's a gay disc he has a little gay. discs in his back he's a gay they're. dismantled you want to cry baby huh.

interesting interesting yeah keep going. toilet remember a cry baby how do he hit. his head on the toilet he got all woozy. like wo I'm redheaded I get wo wow wow w. w this is so good wait what's m. interesting interesting it's interesting. but also clever interesting interesting. interesting interesting that was funny I. mean it didn't make me laugh at all but. it was very funny all right. let's all right let's get it out let's.

get it out in the open I just said it. yeah yeah so what I want to say is. you've never talked about about me never. do is do you have is it first of all no. and if I did is it on. tape no but I've heard people say that. you talk about me yeah what do I say I. don't remember really recall you I feel. like you'd remember I think you're right. I think you made yeah oh my bad I got. caught in a lie oh that's okay um I. don't know what was with me that day but. um you're grooving I went no I wasn't. grooving I was out of bounds out of. pocket and um you know because you're. such a big star.

yeah right I love when Carlos laughs at. me cuz he know he gets my comedy. somebody gets your comedy oh my God all. right here we go okay here we go yeah. let's not do this right now dude you. know I I I want to say to you this okay. cuz I heard you I want to say this. absolutely destroyed in Phoenix shut up. dude just kid all right now let me say. roof off I have to say Saturday night. second show was one My best performances.

wow but I also want to say this okay. that um you have no idea how I feel. about you okay dude let's move on no no. no oh when it's positive you want to. move on I'm over it let's no no I'm not. over it all right I love you like your. family H and with my family you kind of. do little dig digs right on the side. yeah yeah like you don't visit when you. go to their Town yeah that was a big. point of contention two things one yeah. I did say to Carlos I made it do Simon.

Says before the show cuz I think he was. stoned and I asked him and he's trying. to tell me he's not but I looked into. his eyes you look into his eyes I wear. contact no he's Carlos it it' be it. would be better if you were. honest I didn't smoke weed today I. smoked last night last night weed of. course yeah yeah so now we know now. you're fully gone relapse that's called. California sober no that's not a real. you can call it but people say that all. over the internet but but it's not real.

that's like a fake I do meth but I have. I'm Colorado sober it's Colorado sober. it's the same thing it doesn't make any. sense no this is like one in the Lexicon. it was in White Lotus I think yeah yeah. yeah but it doesn't mean you should do. it I thought you were clean clean clean. I thought we were all out when I saw him. in the alleyway oh no in Australia yeah. he had a glaze over his eyes I don't. know what he was on what were you on in. Australia in the alley marijuana that's. it and you lied to me yes you lied to me. you know what I did you lied to me you. on a technicality I went into the hotel.

and I said Bobby I'm not drinking why. what do you mean because I need. something on this Earth Bobby doesn't. need anything he should have something. though no he has lots of things I do. agree I should have something you have. sugar-free Red Bull and cigarettes yeah. but sometimes I want more to drown my. Soros what do you want I mean sometimes. I would love to smoke weed you know I. mean to zone out but you don't need to I. don't need to and I I've been three. years I haven't so that's great why why. would we crack now because my fear.

though is is that once that door is open. I do all the other stuff and I can't. have that yeah so I just decide to do. all I mean yeah because what he's saying. also can happen to you you may decide so. what dude I'm I'm G to be San Bernardino. sober and just have one pill yeah you do. pills too you do do pills you that's so. such project project to me I Pro only. Xanax and Lexapro. which those those prescribed from those. are called pills but you get them at.

Walgreens I know but they can prescribe. any I do math but I only smoke it that's. what it sounds like it's not cartel. stuff so it's good all right well. whatever I I'm just looking out for your. well-being yeah I'd rather you be clean. as a whistle clearheaded I know but I'm. just I'm going sober Carlos my history. with Carlos is this when I first met him. he was full full-blown in Al colic. Anonymous it great and anyone that's in. AA right people aren't because they had. like you know what I mean.

an accident it takes a lot of pain and. suffering to drive you into a 12-step. group yeah and to be committed to it. right so that's you know your history. with it right you know that you're an. alcoholic and drug addict do you yeah. you have other addictions too like sexs. too that's that's not a pointing it's. not a it's not a pointing the I'm not. arguing with you this not like a tit. fortat but Bobby's being like Oh I Mr. her sober and I know everything and but. he's also that's not true he's not being.

I know everything Mr sober he's just. saying to to get back on the right track. and stay clean have I done any drugs or. alcohol since I got sober three years. ago no but you've literally done them. with me okay but this okay I you see. what he's doing that's the drug. addiction Jedi [ __ ] yeah you are Jedi. [ __ ] dude you're angling you're dude. yeah you're trapping and angling you're. leading into a corner you're trapped. You're a Rat trapped in a COR you're a. rat trap yeah you're a rat trapped think. like rats should get in trouble for like. having a little bit of.

cheese a rat as fat as you doesn't need. any more cheese ex taking the Pudo. anyway let's move on let's move on yeah. yeah but um had a great time in the city. of Minnesota so uh Andrew did his um. special he did four shows I did to cut. it together it's going to be a wonderful. um piece of artwork well I hope so it. was a really it was a little bit of a. challenge at the beginning finding. everything the way that I wanted to find. it and also boy oh boy was I upset at my. team Shan Gillis was in town Kevin Hart.

was in town I was like what the [ __ ] oh. so I saw a photo with you and Shane. Gilly played the Target Center where the. Minnesota Timberwolves play and Kevin. played a big theater uh like he did like. four the five theaters or something um. all in Minneapolis that weekend but did. your were your shows full no yeah they. sold out but I'm what is what's the. problem no no no no I'm just saying. thank God Shane sells out same day cuz. imagine if Shane was playing big. theaters and he was an act that could.

sell out an arena same day then we would. we definitely share some audience do you. know what I mean like Kevin and I. definitely no. crossover uh we joked we were like Kevin. was Shane goes I guess you and I had to. split all the whites in town I was like. yeah Kevin there's no competion yeah but. I mean thank God Shane's so famous he. sold out the Target Center the same day. wow that's how famous he is like we I'm. lucky we got around to it but I think. it's a bummer because ticket prices are. so stupid now and we can't control them.

anymore it sucks the promoters Ticket. Master the venues it's disgusting what. they do now and people can't go to both. people couldn't see me on Friday and see. Shane on Saturday there's no way they. could afford that I think it [ __ ]. sucks so I wish I wish they communicated. to go hey this guy's in town shooting. can we reserve this you know this. weekend if we could skip it or come back. to claiming about something that didn't. happen though no no I do think it. affected the way that I moved the at the. end moved tickets at at the end oh I see.

do you know what I mean like it it. definitely changed people cuz people the. first time I played the um Philadelphia. helium yeah I love that club I showed up. at the club I'm not kidding it's not an. exaggeration I showed up at the first. show on a Friday night there was seven. people oh my God right and I kind of. looked around I go oh I guess it's I'm. not big here you right they're like oh. no it's just literally right across the. street Chappelle's there and I go I oh I. got booked right and then the second.

show was fulled and and half the. audience was like oh we saw the. Chappelle show earlier and we came to B. that's pretty rad still the first show I. was going to kill myself in oh yeah yeah. when you can't I mean I understand what. you're saying well when you're fighting. when you're fighting Upstream because. people can't see both and he takes a lot. I mean he's so famous Shane's the best. he's the biggest so it's you know yeah. you can't fight that but anyway it was a. good weekend in Minneapolis I love I. loved Minneapolis although I was scared. to come home once again because of the. flights bro I had turbulence last night.

but it's getting out of control it is. today how many another cash no no no. dude a Southwest plane almost hit a. private jet today today today oh my God. it look at this near Miss it's Landing. or taking. off it's landing and is that it the. Jet's right there yeah the Jet's right. there look at that it's landing and the. Jet is coming and so he took off again. oh my. God is it the what what do they call the. people of the tower the fa well no the.

control tower the people in the control. tower control to Tower people control. tower people yeah yeah yeah a control is. it their fault what is going on here I. don't know man something's going on. though like do you not believe that. could have been a disaster dude yeah. everybody dead everyone dead how is this. not yeah think something's going on can. we make up a conspiracy please did they. fire all of Thea okay I have a. conspiracy Is that real all the white on. I have a. conspiracy and I think it's connect so. hear me out guys I heard your.

joke and I'm sorry they I didn't laugh. it's okay I didn't like. it just please okay your resentment. right now is so evident so it's you're. gaslighting me dude you're trying to get. me resentment look we know you're not. high now were was that gas lighting no. there was no lighting there there there. was thank you there was no lighting from. Andrew my mistake I I thought I saw. little light yeah there's no light and. if you saw when it was dim sod s sit. down you Dum dumb no you're not a dumb.

dumb dude yeah he's one of the dumbest. dude he's one of the dumbest on Earth. you really think that yeah he's one of. the smartest dudes in com no no you're. right all right let me finish this point. and then we'll get to you yeah Dan Soder. yeah dude love you I love you too the. last time we did a gig together you. weren't that nice to me [ __ ] that is. 100% in your head but there's no real. this well yeah cuz it was two gigs we. hung out with I know where was it on the. Bert Tour on the her so it's chaos.

you're just in the middle of chaos yeah. but he you know I try to start. conversations there's no dick locking no. no no I want to dick lock with first off. I'll dock with you all day go get. foreskin put on my penis in order to. dock you I'll do whatever you believe. you whatever the reverse let me finish. my theory here Dan and we'll get to you. okay all. right anyway um this is good you're. going to want to hear this yeah so I. think the reason why um there's a. connection between the flights you know. I mean getting in these accidents all. the Flight crash and the Drone that we. saw a month ago oh the the Chinese.

drones yeah wasn't there a lot of drones. a couple of months ago around right New. Jersey New Jersey it was it was in. California as well it was everywhere. really yeah there I could there be a. link there you think something in Alien. airspace something UFO airspace what. what what what could it be are you. thinking like the drones are causing the. accidents maybe there's a connection is. all I'm saying I like that you're saying. it like a CIA Guy where you go there. could be a connection yeah I'm not. saying affirmative I'm not saying.

negative do you ever see Zero Dark 30. brother I've never seen have you seen. Zero Dark 30 yeah I haven't you haven't. no there's another documentary called. Manhunt yeah okay well guess who caught. who did they track let me ask you who. did they track to get to Osama Bin. Laden exactly right The. Courier the mail delivery guy no he used. one guy for information so he there was. one guy yeah that would drive to his Abu.

Amed. Al yeah right that dude right is that. air K it is air you know and now he's. doing standup and he's very successful. you know mean um what a second act. yeah right right just being a hilarious. standup comic yeah you know he's a. courier for b l in a movie I would cast. Michael Pena I think 100% looks like. Michael P yeah and not um Amir k no it. be Michael pen yeah yeah anyway so I. think so in in the the one lady in the.

CIA was like we I think we should track. The Courier and everyone was like no no. no no no right but that ended up being. the truth and she didn't even really. know what the connection was but she. followed a gun's Instinct I think that's. what I'm doing with the [ __ ] drones D. so your instinct is that the drones are. making the planes crash I don't know. exactly the connection between them but. there's an gun Instinct there you just. feel like it is you go I feel like he. two I feel like it is yeah what's your. theory S I don't know these plane.

crashes are crazy how many are happening. there's also an avoided one did you guys. see the one we we just talked about that. just now that I have whenever something. like this happens I immediately. empathize with the other plane just like. remember when the uh bridge in Baltimore. where the boat drove into the bridge. yeah dude just this moment of like I. don't know anything about it please. explain to me that catastrophe there was. a boat that like it was like one of. those uh short stack boats almost like. uh you can bring it up I want I want the. clinical version of the boat because I. don't get short I don't even know what.

that means I made that up see it's like. a Carri a freight a freighter boat. freighter boat ran into a bridge Dark. Knight they had those in the Dark Knight. a dark nightbat dark knat I call it a. dark nightbat in the biz we call it a. dark night because remember the in the. dark the first Batman movie wasn't there. like a thing where he first goes I'm. Batman which is a dead-on impression. yeah it was perfect yeah really thought. Christian Bale was in the room these are. called container ships container ships. but would doesn't that sound more made. up than short stack I know. mine was completely made up short stack.

sounds great short stack I call Brad. Williams short stack right right so. that's my nickname for him but my point. is is that so what happened here so this. this like uh this boat went into the. bridge and you see it at night it like. shuts the lights off and it [ __ ] [ __ ]. up were two people on the road yeah I. don't know I don't know if anyone died. in that no people did die a few people. did die yeah yeah the cars yeah a few. people are on no one on the boat died. and all the containers were safe by the. way but everyone USS to go like oh. terrorist this was a terrorist attack or.

whatever but just like the small jet. that almost got hit this time just like. a guy being an idiot [ __ ] being like. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] dude is that is that. [ __ ] plane about to take off [ __ ]. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] it's like coming. down and you're like f [ __ ] and. someone's just yelling your name in your. ear going like Bobby Bobby and like I've. said that when I was entering a woman's. vagina yeah that's a [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah no. but no in a panic like that like I. shouldn't be doing it oh right you know. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] and and then. somebody dies yeah have you ever had sex.

with somebody you didn't want to have. sex. with I don't know how to answer that by. you mean like just like I like I wasn't. physically attracted to or that no but. you just knew that they were little cray. cray you know sometimes you little cray. you're like what's going to happen once. I enter this that's my early 20s brother. yeah man I don't know if you've ever. been to Tucson Arizona yeah yeah brother. brother tell me about it brother I was. living it did you have any did you have. any um double XXL did you ever go down. that road anybody heavy yeah I like how.

a larger lady I mean double XL oh no. like I vastly outweighing so I I have a. way and I'm not lying I had sex with one. time Year many many years ago with a 400. lb woman that is that's not I don't. think that's physically possible it. happened in Phoenix 20 years ago did. they have to lower you my brother hooked. it up did they have to lower you down. into her I don't know if it's a hookup. yeah it's a hook down it's a hook down. yeah yeah for sure yeah but um it was. like a medical procedure she's like I'm.

going to lay on my back then you're. going to enter me and I um I did it. though like like a soldier yeah you went. through with it yeah cuz sometimes you. you're Nom right you're in Hamburger. Hill yeah get it you're going through it. right and your sergeant goes we got to. [ __ ] take over this hill and you're. up first and you yeah and you don't want. to but you end up up there anyway and. you get friends slaughtered and whatnot. but you're still fighting for your life. black HW down. Black Hawk.

Down say it's so Asian Blackhawk Down. yeah Blackhawk down down you know I. recently saw the Netflix documentary on. it and I rewatched the movie are you. getting like thirdhand PTSD from these. movies yeah you're coming back yeah so. anyway um oh yeah so I that's what I did. with this lady how was it um 400's. pretty big I mean you did have sex with. a water bed yeah yeah well at that see. the thing is at that time this was. premat TV oh before you got on yeah so.

before I got on let me tell you she. liked you for who you really were. through a yeah well she saw me MC The. Improv in Tempe you she's eating a. bucket of chicken a nice Saturday night. special and a Mad TV comes on and she. goes yeah my little lover my little I. used to [ __ ] that gu my little spelunker. but here's the sad part of the story and. I feel so bad about it and I think about. it all the time and I feel so bad about. it Nick nicotine pouches you heard us. talking about Nick before right here. baby take Taking nicotine pouches to the.

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know if I should but I'm going to do it. anyway right so years later when I was. kind got on mad this and that I redid. the room I think as I was featuring for. someone big you know what I mean and I. don't know why but I was walking you. know when they bring you up I was. walking toward the St stage somebody. grabbed my jacket or my shirt long SLE. shirt and I look over and it's her no I. just see this fat hand on like how. strong was that grip you what how strong. was like a gorilla grabbed you or walrus.

where you go flipper it was a walrus. flipper you know when animal trainers. realize that it's out of control yeah. dude like Bobby gave one of those where. he goes give it back okay we're not. playing anymore Kiko Kiko stop Kiko. stop no it it was more like a leper. grabbing you back in the day no you like. get away from I did this I. went I pulled it away like that yeah and. then after my set I ran down out so she. couldn't grab me damn and I stayed in.

the green room so I wouldn't run into I. feel so bad about it she was clawing at. the door yeah and you hear it like a dog. on. a just smelling you under the door. what's your fattest you think oh Jesus. uh I don't know you know I'm over 200 so. I would imagine probably over that what. do you what do you hover at two I walk. around at 215 do you really I would like. to be 210 what do you 63 yeah yeah. that's good yeah but I nothing nothing. extreme yeah you've never have you ever. been like embarr when you step on the.

scale have you ever been like Jesus Dan. yeah what was the what was the Jesus Dan. 240 whoa and it was just like uh after a. breakup and it was just sweet season I. just quit drinking yeah I'd quit. drinking like a couple years before and. then he was just like eating everything. sweet seasons do you never had a sweet. season when you quit doing drugs and. alcohol you're not really a sweet's guy. you like what is it Savory over sweet. right that's interesting you say that. because you're absolutely wrong. really I don't know you'd eat a lot of.

sweets whenever we get I hide it you do. Secret sweetie pie yeah I do I have a. drawer in my bedroom with um gummy colas. great right I've never seen you be a. sweets boy and then I have bags of these. like candies with like salt in it in the. middle of it oh so it's sweet and savory. yeah yeah right you know what you're. your your candy the Mexican like when. they use the mango and they put that. stuff what's it called what are you. talking about baby oh oh oh oh you're. talking about.

umah yes that's a t in the middle yeah. so it's got a little spice a little bit. of spice yeah you know what's funny dude. cuz whenever we go eat you you like the. Savory stuff and then when we get. dessert you'll take a bite but but. you're not like a you reason why I take. a bite I have bites at home yeah you do. in the hotel room you're godamn right. how do you [ __ ] know are you a secret. sweetie I'm I'm out in the open with it. yeah brother I live it it's Easter. season so I'm in I'm in knee deep in the. [ __ ] they're doing jelly beans I just. picked up two bags of jelly beans didn't.

even mean to what wow because you got. Jolly Rancher it's Easter season so. everyone's doing their like their Jelly. Bean I got Jolly Rancher and Airhead. jelly beans wow I'm I'm a Savory guy. dude late night I want I know that about. I want a food food yeah because you. drink you're getting all your sugar. through the booze when you cut it that's. when you want that that's what it is. yeah I didn't give I didn't give a [ __ ]. about sweets when I drank I mean I still. like having a little bit of Sweet Tooth. thing when we got go out to I always. have a little bit of dessert took down a.

mini bag of cadburry uh eggs bad boy. dude just [ __ ] landed and thought why. not I want to say something to you I've. always thought this and I I I don't want. to be rude oh man here it go and I don't. want to cause any friction I think it's. going to do both no I don't think so. okay I think I'm being very mindful. about it but it's OB observation I've. had over the years I've never been brave. enough to tell you mhhm but you're one. of those Comics like if you did didn't. do comedy I just don't know oh what I do.

yeah yeah you know what you I I have a. prediction what you would have been. doing yeah I know yeah so you know that. you go to Soho and they have those. Boutique shops it's always some sort of. like arbitrary like name like fzz n y. you I love fcz got some so let's go into. Vini or whatever right and then you go. in there and there's like this guy he. looks like a John Wick villain he's got. a black overcoat oh yeah right and just. like tattoos on the neck eyeliner yeah.

eyeliner a lot of jewelry yeah yeah yeah. and I don't know how much they make. probably not good who cares who cares. that's what you'd be doing I can't think. of something that is more opposite of. who I am as a human no I'm saying you. like I never seen an just an insane Miss. like that that is you have you have you. know you have zero working knowledge of. me as a human being if you think I'm. anywhere close I have dressed the same. like I'm moving since I was 12 years old. yeah. understand what I'm saying to you Dan.

he's a labor bit I would never wear. rings I can't wear a watch thin wrists. this is information I was not privy to. well guess what brother before you. diagnose take a look at the X-ray cuz. I'm sitting right here I'm a kind of. doctor where I don't look at the xay I. diagn come you go diagnos you go it's. cancer and they go is it you go could be. though yeah yeah could be always could. be Dr Lee this is a dentist's office. he's like he's got stomach cancer I can. tell yeah yeah sorry s Soder I think. would be than you'd be a laborer of some.

kind I I could see you I would be. getting in trouble for being funny. correct on a site on a job site. somewhere where I'd have to be somewhat. serious I would be getting in trouble. for try I can see you getting tied up. with wringling brothers and you. assembling part of the tents and also. announcing stuff I honestly that's way. close you put me on the mic for the. [ __ ] flying jeis or whoever whoever's. in sequins doing flips in the air and I. get to build a tent yeah killed it and. then I make a mistake and then and a.

couple families and then it's back to. the railroads you know you're you're. you're you know him if I got my four. roses you know my little flask of. Whiskey in My traveling jacket [ __ ] dude. I I have another observation about I'm. so sorry he goes you and your dad you. and your dad are best friends that was. very good that's very good what you said. I I know s he also seems like this guy. right well you meet a girl yeah a. beautiful girl right and you go hey you. want to go on day she goes I have a. boyfriend right and then when you. actually meet it's like him yeah and I'm.

like what the [ __ ] you dating this guy. for that's okay am I right warm am I. getting warm yeah very warm yeah I. understand it. now yeah I know you have a girlfriend a. wife I have a fiance fiance I understand. it now like I understand Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis with his girl the. influencer lady yeah would have never. made sense in any other scenario besides. what beside famous comic influencer I. don't think so you underestimate Shane. yeah I knew him before I knew so he was.

deep in hot chicks before before he got. bit by the radioactive spider and he. became Shane man okay he he's dude he's. Charming he's lowkey he's lowkey a. CutiePie you're miss everybody needs. Fame no no okay how about this you're. you're you're missing a few key points. by the way you go to the Midwest you go. to the Midwest you see beautiful women. with big guys guys yeah like Canada and. I'm going tell you right now I used to. go with Shane Shane used to go on the. road with me and feature for me and when.

we would go to like Boston or something. like that boy would we were both single. boy would clean up yeah cuz the ladies. would be like o I want me a pale Daddy. and he'd be like shut up you're gay and. they be like. o I need them freckles and he like he. looks like a white guy that's been in. water like a dead corpse oh my God are. you calling him bloated no I'm not. saying that I'm just saying the eyes. bulge like it's been like a swamp I got. to tell you something right now I'm. wrong he's going to come get you you.

don't want that you want to start this. war dude you are calling on you're. yelling at a clouds me up you're yelling. at like a little boy and I like it and. we have that relationship right I'm not. you know Shane if you're listening right. now or if you get this clip he will I'm. just I give you props all day long. you're one of the funniest comics on. planet Earth right you're the king and. you deserve all your success that's not. what I'm saying think you have like you. know like you know in Lord the Rings. like maybe the second or third movie.

right remember the Frodo and those guys. went to the U swamp yeah and gollum's. like don't look in the water who's in. the water the these dead elves from like. thousands of years ago oh my god dude. you know what I mean that's all I'm. saying just don't look in the water. starting a war yeah I'm not starting a. war anyway I didn't mean in a bad way. let's anyway so store is just crazy. whenever I go to those stores I I always. look at the guy and I go oh there's a. version of Dance that's what you think. damn what are you doing why can you back.

me once cuz I think you're insanely I. think you're [ __ ] up you're out of. bound don't do that I'm sorry don't do. that I [ __ ] doing I'm over here. saving you for I'm tired of being. bullied by people like you I'm saving. you from a war I tried to [ __ ]. befriend you at the tour see what he. doing see what he's doing I see it I'm. tired of being bullied by you after you. just went after him and then Shane gills. you're oh oh really you're. bul you're bullying fting. you're 100% bulli I'm being honest.

you're mad that the Soho thing didn't. land and then you bullied Shane Gillis. yeah you went after my friend you're the. bully dude well the next time I say a. thing just agree with me okay you know. what yeah yeah maybe that's the new rule. but let's both hey Bobby I'm down but. let's make this cool on all of us all. right this like trying to negotiate. we're all going to be cool we're going. to be cool we're all going to be cool. we're going to make a point we can all. agree on okay right thank you point we. can all agree on ready you think. everything you say I agree with no but I. always laugh and I always agree yeah.

that's what friendship's all about all. right I don't your diabolical East Coast. [ __ ] way of thinking what can I say. something I know what soor something. happened on The Bert tour between you. guys that's unresolved no we had fun was. it when I hurt my lip you hurt your lip. but you were gone I didn't see you I. texted you I'm one of the only people. that texted you when you called me with. Ralph. Barbosa I picked up and I said I was one. of the only people that texted you okay. you bust busted your lip and on the tour. bus on the tour bus yeah we were on our.

way to. Florida we in Florida I feel like you. were like one of the last people to text. I think that's what it was okay I I. honestly check the receipt I think I now. I'm just testing you you you you're. supposed to agree with me I thought the. rule was [ __ ] I [ __ ] up Bobby Bobby hey. Bobby I was testing him he doesn't. follow the rules Bobby look at me I'm. sorry that was on me there we go it's. easy as that give me something to agree. we're back in right Dax flame definitely. has a bigger penis you than me yeah yeah.

that's see yeah is it. true know I you know what I don't I. don't care cuz that kind of loyalty yeah. that's where it is [ __ ] the truth I'd. rather have that there it is that's I. want you to be loyal got it okay and I. will agree with everything you say say. something that I might not agree with. but I'll agree with it honestly I think. uh gummy sodas kind of suck I agree and. whenever I'm eating them I don't even. understand why the light in my mouth do. you how easy that is yeah throw it back. to me yeah yeah yeah good yeah yeah um.

you look like a um all right no no let. him go you look like a fluffer and gay. porn yeah absolutely strong jaw looking. like I'm just getting big gay raw called. stiff it's called right adding. information and agreeing in yes and now. now you want back to him um I'm just. going to say it right now it shouldn't. be illegal to eat a homeless person's. ass it should not be yeah I went for a. nighttime walk I go for a nighttime walk.

a lot and I go for a nighttime walk in. the same little stretch of area by my. neighborhood and this homeless guy must. have heard me like talking on the phone. and he yelled out I live. here and I and I felt bad I was like. sorry yeah S I said sorry where does he. stay like there's so like by the LA. River there's like a walking path and. people there's like tents that are up. underneath tucked under you can't see. them. and but he's right he does live there I. was talking loud the and I apologized.

the the thought of him in makeshift. reading glasses reading the back of a. label and him going will you shut the. [ __ ] up yeah I'm reading he's mixing. chemical I live here I'm trying to make. a new form of Hooch he's reading dooi. he's like anyway man was kov really. didn't have to murder that way I did. call the cops and get him removed yeah. got to clean up the streets dude can't. put up with that [ __ ] dude now how how. do you feel about the homeless. how do I feel about give a genuine your.

opinion well he doesn't see them now in. New York they're all hibernating yeah. they're all in the they're all in the. tunnels yeah where do they go in the. tunnels honestly you don't know it's. just like it's like a crisp it's like a. crisp fall day and then they're just. where are they and then it gets hot and. then you're like oh I can't walk my dog. may they're frozen and they thaw that. might be you go seasons are changing. they're start help me yeah animate yeah. yeah and then now it's March yeah they. you you do the position Yeah March.

March yeah exactly I live. here yeah yeah you just did the Dewing. of a homeless man perfect and that's. comedy 101 that's called a and that's. what we do here at bad friends and. that's how talented he is by the way. that's that's just inom man we just did. the movie in man don't don't please. don't do this everything's fitted for a. reboot right now honestly tell me Bobby. Lee and the Brendan Frasier role you. would be in great and Ceno man you is. the new weasel yeah oh let's go um let's.

okay let's talk about what they should. remake ah yeah okay can we talk about. what movies they should I'm going to go. down the same line of where we already. are one of my favorite movies that's. underrated AirHeads I [ __ ] would love. a new AirHeads but how do you do. AirHeads radio doesn't matter anymore. podcast oh they like they like take over. like I never saw AirHeads you oh you. would love it Brendan Frasier you got. Adam Sandler Sandler dude Bui so these. three guys are like they're they're a. shitty band and they badly want to get.

on the on the radio back when like if. you get your record played once it was. like you were home free on a on a radio. yeah and they decide they're going to. hijack a local radio station because. they just can't get any [ __ ] radio. play and it's basically die hard at a. radio station yeah that's amazing it's. [ __ ] aw but they're the bad guys the. good guys are the bad guys they're like. idiots they take over the radio station. but you root for them because they're so. down tring let's remake AirHeads This Is. Us by the way Soder is obviously Frasier. you're the tallest I'm Sandler and. you're bamy I mean let's do it what. about.

remaking Gremlins love it one or how. about one and two let's start give me. the whole franchise start with one yeah. start with one start if anybody I'll. tell you right now I'm so and I want to. I I want to be a MW you are a [ __ ]. mwai honestly if they ever do a reboot. and you're not voicing the MW yeah. someone's missing big I want to be. the put fur on me what about Goonies no. ah I can't touch that it's Pitch Perfect.

it'sit it's also because that childhood. fantasy of like neighborhood play I. don't even know if people do that I. don't know if kids do that like go to. the wood that's a good point that's a. good point do kids get in trouble in the. you see the lady in Georgia that got. arrested cuz your son walked like half a. mile to a store I remember yeah I saw. thatan insane 10 years old she was. charged right yeah yeah child. endangerment oh that's yeah the kids. wouldn't do it so that's why it wouldn't. make any sense they call it amazing they. call that free range parenting now what.

when you just let your kid be a kid when. you're not helicoptering anymore now. it's called free range I ran away from. home for a week I'm not kidding you my. parents didn't go to the Hops why would. they cuz they just knew you were going. to come back I came in the house at for. a week my dad go. hello and I go all right that's the. reception yeah it is funny that like it. was such a not big there were kids that. I knew growing up whose parents were. real real like Loosey Goosey you know D. I had a friend that didn't have to check. in with his parents to sleep over just. could just do it he could he could.

[ __ ] he could turn the key and launch. it himself you go you want to sleep over. he goes yeah you're going to call her he. go what for I don't want to bug him yeah. I don't know I think they they probably. you know where she is she's at the. casino. anyway she's up in Blackhawk can I say. this is a controversial say I want think. I want to say let it rip is I feel like. the bullying that I received was. necessary yes when you were a kid yes. put your head in this toilet you're not. going to be able to breathe for two all. that you never got Sly in real life what. you never got a swirly oh my God I was I. was locked I like old school I was.

locked in a locker for 4 hours no way. yeah yeah those half Locker so I had to. crouch it was insane what grade ninth no. even younger like probably second grade. or third grade thought freshman year. freshman year sounds like exactly what. happen and I I definitely heard teachers. walk by and I was screaming and they. didn't even help me well you hear. teachers like is Bobby Lee in that's so. funny go go to Lounge go to Lounge go to. L I just feel like that um sort of like. made me strong enough to do comedy onl.

yeah absolutely do you know there's kids. that are like they're giving OIC to like. fat kids now and you're like no no no. you're going to you're not going to have. funny people when you grow up yeah let. them level out right let them be fat and. weird and awkward let everyone Gillis. dude you want that smoke doing it again. I don't know why you're doing honestly. I'm trying to agree with you you know. what I'm trying to bring down the king. wow yeah I'm willing to do it you know. it's hard to bring down the king when. you're a rook damn did you just write. that yeah just write that thank you dog.

did you [ __ ] yeah and I'll be honest. with you did you just spit that off the. top of your car the last gig that he did. did you do the show the last gig the. will turn one with Bill bur and Shane. Gillis I did that show yeah yeah I. wasn't asked oh they told me why they. didn't ask because it was a strict. timeline they had to keep and they were. like Bob will Bob be on time to sing I. said no no chance. damn that hurts me so bad dude that you. wouldn't that's really hurtful that's. not true they didn't they didn't ask he.

would they would never ask me is my. point this to sh this [ __ ] it's not. [ __ ] you don't welcome to the show and. thanks for doing it yeah absolutely than. for having me I'm in a mood I'm sorry. and honestly I love it it's like holding. a cat with its claws out exactly still. sweet trying to keep you away from the. problem marage that's oh yeah yeah. that's good that's good that's good I. have a problems with some other kings. here man if we're doing this let's D. hugley Steve Harvey. I have. problem yeah I have problems with them.

as well and rest in peace Bernie ber the. king of all King the true king the true. king of kings right who has bulg is like. somebody else we know dud what are you. doing bro who are you talking about I'm. telling you we hold council with the man. and you're coming over and you're going. to you're going to get you're going to. get done sometimes Slovenia needs to. have start a war with the United States. no no they don't that's a terrible. [ __ ] idea that's something you say. coming out out of a. nap.

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to throw a stone at I'm curious now he. said you wanted another king another c. yeah okay I I'll throw this out Billy. Burr wow yeah he goes his way of say. he's like he'll call me kiddo right does. he rub your head you guys are the same. age I know and he doesn't really um you. know what I mean talk to me that much. hey what do you want to be when you grow. up yeah what he says he doesn't talk to. anybody that much bill is a very quiet I. don't like that you wanted him to be. more chatty more chatty Bill bur to be.

more chatty I've I love him he loves you. too we've worked together many times. yeah anyway let's move on okay shots are. fired shots are not fired I mean no why. because I said that Shang GIS is bloated. looking how is that a shot fir that's. legitimately a shot fir yeah okay is it. not am I crazy and of all weeks he's. okay here we go I know he's hosting SNL. that doesn't look Shane Gill oh my god. dude you're [ __ ] damn shut up if V. imagine audas Beach and Shane Gillis at. it Bingo look at that there he is I will.

say this you are my best friend and I. love you so much I'm going I cannot wait. for him to come back at you like it's. [ __ ] honestly it's going to be great. I just I feel like a fur trapper that's. come out of the mountains and told you. like you don't want that. war dude you think that's Gilly I'd give. you some Sam Elliott knowledge right now. and say Bobby sometimes you eat the bear. well sometimes the bear eats. you that's not funny that's not funny. yeah the way you said it my.

tongue stop it [ __ ] you dude thanks for. coming I'm loving what whatever's going. on I'm going to say this you're huming. hot I'm humming hot right now okay I'm. on fire dude you're pinned I'm I'm going. to try to dig my way. out all right when that whole that whole. thing happened with Shane you know what. I mean yeah yeah I was the first one to. defend him mhm number two. the first time I saw him perform I. thought to myself oh well I would never.

want to follow that yeah he's a beast. yes he's an absolute Beast right um he's. at the top of his game absolutely he's. got a beautiful girlfriend right yes I. met I know his dad love him Phils a. legend great guy right I've been only. respectful to his family right I did a. little dig I did a little I did a little. I'm going to tell you right now you. moonwalking son of a [ __ ] oh hi move. walk. brother yeah yeah yeah I do that might.

there that might have saved you exactly. you walk walked I walked Walked point is. that and I only have the greatest. admirations and he's one of the kings of. the world right now he's a beast that's. your call and I I discovered this when. we did no please don't call. them I discovered this when me and Shane. were guest stars on the Burton Tom show. in Vegas yeah I went up first right and. I he was supposed to go before me and I. switched. it I brought Shane on mhm and this is in.

front of 15 20,000 seeds I was there. yeah you were there yeah and when I said. his name the kind of response that he. got went through my I had a spiritual. awakening you felt that is that really. your laugh yeah that's how I laugh that. made me. laugh Gilly all right what up bro I want. to tell you you're on the Pod and we can. cut it for sure because I never want to. trap you but soda's over here right now. s sers in. studio the man and Bobby is over here.

he's on a hot one he's talking [ __ ]. about you and we all we warned him and I. said I'm not talking [ __ ] about you dude. go ahead and say it dude go ahead and. say what you got to say to Shane Gillis. say it I just said that you're one of. the top comics on planet Earth you're. one of the Kings No what else I know. your dad I know your dad and I have. great respect for you is that a slam. doesn't sound like that's what you said. so I'll tell you what I said all right I. think I think you have bulgy. eyes yeah. and sometimes you look. bloated all right is that War uh oh is.

it War Gilly no no no no no me go to war. with [ __ ] Bobby Lee no could you. defeat me. quickly yeah I'm not no I think you're. great man I look forward to the special. see that dude he throws you a compliment. you insult my doing oh my I feel so bad. that's the kind of guy Gillis is thank. you Shane love you buddy talk to you. later hey good luck man I wish you guys. nothing but the best Bobby keep it up. man you're hilarious I love you Shan.

[Laughter]. damn ni dude that good a comedy and that. good a person so you get a two for two. oh my God I [ __ ] off you feel it now. huh you know what though yeah yeah at. least you're reflective of it that's. even and the accountability well I'll. tell you another thing dude bro we're. cutting all that. out no we're I have control of this. podcast you we're going to cut all that. out dude yeah he just texted me what'd. he say tell him he's [ __ ].

dead yeah [ __ ] let me see [ __ ]. dead told you wait he he did really did. that's it for you buddy that's it for me. oh well you know what it was a good run. I think it's my way to get out it's a. good run it's a good run it's my way to. get out I'll get out it's my way to get. out you know what man honestly they. won't be able to find me in Vermont if I. stay off the internet yeah I mean I I. have a fantasy of just kind of getting.

out you know what it is dude yeah this. is like one of those Hollywood stars. where are they now and this will be a. grainy flashback to when it all started. to plummet yeah this is when the music. changes dude this is when the music. changes on the dock the color slowly. Fades SC it goes black stings get slowed. down it's just punched in on you right. now. contemplating I want to say I haven't. slept a lot lately okay all you do is. sleep it's literally all I no but the. last three three days I haven't because. I've been traveling and stuff okay I. haven't not been sleeping you think.

you're uh I I'm not in my right mind and. I think that U what I did was um not. right and it was like I I don't even. think that's how I really feel you know. yeah I think it was just a guy just out. of his mind talking yeah dude I get it. you get it I respect it man and I. apologize I don't you don't look like a. security guard at a boutique Soho. honestly I would have taken that over. what you originally said cuz that that's. says I am there to secure and I I think. you were one of the first people to text. me when I got hurt when I woke up and I.

heard about it and we have a great. relationship absolutely and that's my. bad we can start a new yeah and La you. know last week when I went after you you. did yeah Bobby Spring's about to be. sprung I apologize for that I was like. not in my right mind I don't care it was. actually kind of funny okay I loved I. actually thought it was very funny. someone sent me the clip I was like. that's pretty funny okay so um so it's. my I'm the I'm the one that needs to. change I'm the wrong wow I'm the guy. that level of accountability yeah and I. um I'm ashamed don't be the [ __ ].

that I said no stop you are you are. entering a new phase in life yeah where. you are taking ownership I'm trying to. figure out if I really believe what I. said so I'm going through that right now. you know what I mean I just be honest. with you like reflect do I really feel. that way maybe maybe not but um I. shouldn't have said it out loud right. now in fact I will say this I do believe. what I said all of it oh but I shouldn't. have said it all loud okay D yeah that's. crazy pretty good that was a 180 to 180.

we're right back where we started if you. watched a trial with that kind of admit. where he goes I don't I'm sorry I killed. her but am I sorry I killed her not. really but I am sorry that I did it I I. felt it and I'm fine for feeling that I. haven't masturbated in five days wait. you why haven't you jerked off in five. days I'm trying to an not five days yeah. five days is a pretty good amount of. time when did you notice it like what. was the worst day so far like last night. I tried to and I couldn't do it four day. four is when I start to get a little.

itchy yeah Ari shaffir told me that U he. said this out loud so I you know yeah. that he the way you know his girlfriend. great girlfriend right that the reason. he he met her in the first place CU he. wasn't masturbating for a long time and. then when that happens that it motivates. you to like you know when you meet a. girl like hey meet us at the bar and you. don't go it motivated him to go yeah cuz. he had full balls yeah yeah so I think. it is a good um advice five days though. you you got you got to empty it out man. yeah go go empty the clip and maybe.

that's why I'm acting the way I am today. that's exactly right that actually exp. you know what that is it because you're. aggressive you're being very I'm being. very aggressive right now you're just. horned up dude I'm horned up so Chan if. you're listening don't start a war with. me yeah dude I'm horned up you get what. you're saying yeah yeah a guy getting to. a fight with another guy be like brother. don't I'm just this way because I'm. horny D I just realized that the reason. I tried to fight you in that bar was cuz. I have a boner. yeah ped out of my mind yeah so I. apologize and I think people listening.

get it oh huh I think they get it I. think they get it too any rational. person would get it yeah now can I ask. you another question what do you think. of um Pizzeria biano in Phoenix I know. you called me about this we talked have. you been there yeah he's two sign he. doesn't know Phoenix as well yeah I know. oh so South on I 10 so years ago um a. film critic in New York Times said that. that's the best pizza on planet Earth. and it became a gigant hours away Big.

Planet yeah and um Big Planet to say. Earth dude that's insane and you know um. I went there again it's pretty good it's. good dude is it is it like um have you. had Frank Pepe in Connecticut that's. like one of the that's like the why. would I go there I don't know you show. Connecticut has some of the best pizza. they're trying to like they're trying to. make it that they're trying to make us. is Harford there in Connecticut yeah. yeah but this but Frank isord. Connecticut Funny. Bone um they just they were so rude to.

me that's why I've never been back the. club yeah or the people that went to the. club no the the STA the management there. really I did it one weekend there and. the manager at the last night and I had. seen him around all weekend finally. introduced himself and he was kind of. like here's your check oh damn maybe he. had something going on he could have had. full balls what if that guy had full. balls would you have taken it if he was. full balls no Twice I've been there and. imagine they were not nice to me well he. well maybe he had full balls twice they.

can fill up real quick okay you know. what you're right you maybe you're right. yeah so Connecticut has the best. pizza they try to if you ever go to New. Haven you should have Frank Pepe New. Haven Frank Pepe it's very good okay so. um but do you think so far do you think. pizza biano was the best you've ever had. I think that um it's the best in the top. five I've ever had probably well okay. let's rank how about this this is even. more this is even more um cuz we got a.

good debate about Donuts the other week. let's Rank by the way in Los Angeles I. go to Kettle glaze every time I'm here. oh yeah and I went and picked up a half. a dozen oh you our little sweet secret. sweet boy huh I'm pretty allow so I'm. going I'm going to tell you something. right now I think you're going wrong I. think you're going wrong with it I think. you're going wrong with it and I'm going. to convince you otherwise that kettle. glaze is the wrong way to go yeah I. would go have you ever had side car mhm. we brought them into the studio one time.

side car what do you think of them. they're they're fine wow wow you know. it's not my it's not my number one oh. are they like a busy donut a busy donut. yes about kle glaze goes like this we're. a donut we're see that's what I like. okay like we're a dut wearing a a fruit. hat you know what you know what these. are these are donuts that these are. these are hey these are single moms now. that have been through a divorce that's. who this donut is it's got too much. going on yeah you go you don't need all. of this you don't need but I'm going to. double down now my friends okay and I'm. going to show you something that's going.

to blow your minds if I may okay in. Korea I'm already out I'm in I'm in. harder that's the right answer south or. north I don't care North North yeah the. good side yeah yeah look at Kim Jong-un. does North Korea North Korea have a. similar thing like Northern irland has. an up the raw like does North Korea have. a [ __ ] chant or anything like that. yeah kill American. yeah or it's like it's un time so. there's a they have one now so this is a.

Korean company that they have a one in. Korea Town and it's called Old fairy. donut okay okay that's you that's what. we call. you you know what dude that's rude you. set me up yeah old faery old f e r r y. like a fairy oh it is the best dut all. right we'll go to Old Fairy Oh [ __ ]. yeah those pictures Bobby you're right. this is it are you being sarcastic no. I'm being 100% for real I'm telling you. you showed me that first fancy [ __ ] I.

don't want that this is the yes I want. to rank this I want to rank the most the. corporate pizza joints where they go cuz. look everyone's got their fancy pizza. joints give me the corporate rankings. give me Domino's Pizza Hut Little. Caesars give me [ __ ] sabaro can be. thrown I can tell you go I honestly. think Pizza Hut yes number one number. one is Pizza Hut the crust is buttery. and something about it also the way they. do their Pizza it stays more like a. pizza dominoes they overload you with. the [ __ ] dough and the cheese and.

your swearing is right for that they're. [ __ ]. D yeah yeah I hate it I think little C's. is my favorite what hot and ready dude. hot and ready it's simple it's simple. little SE cheese is fine do you have. Cricket you have a Cricut phone yeah. [ __ ] who likes Little Caesar I just like. the $5 one of their Toppings is cancer I. I bet it goes Pizza Hut. dominoes Papa John's Papa John's pre-or.

post N word I don't know that garlic. sauce you get in the top three with that. yeah dude I like the hot and ready just. it saved me for a long time in my 20s. financially I think if you ate it now. you would think differently because I. don't we don't have that pizza now. that's the problem like I haven't eaten. anything like that in a long time yeah. but the pizza's Little Caesar is still. around oh yeah is it dude what every. corner go to well Western my buddy. Matt's kid I haven't seen a Little. Caesars in Forever buddy Matt's kid just. tried it for the first time like last. week and he was like he says it's the.

best food he's ever had in his life I've. never seen we're in Echo Park [ __ ]. going over there but what if you guys. had a Little Caesars pizza party and it. was brought to you we keep talking about. it they might end up sponsoring the show. so I went to when I play Chicago improv. sometimes they get me a fresh Lum malal. yeah it's pretty good yeah yeah that's. my that's my that's I love it's pretty. good it's very good I like deep deep. dish I don't care what you feel about. about it it's good just for that special. occasion we don't eat it on the regular. yeah yeah but I love it it's heavy it's.

too heavy for a regular no eat it once. in a great while it's it's cake yeah orc. and knife so I had this Filipino family. kila's End come from Philippines One. Summer mhm and we went to that deep dish. pizza place in Los FES or Echo Park Masa. Masa yeah Masa yeah very good yeah it's. great they didn't eat it what they don't. know what it is there wasn't any bugs on. it no. yeah yeah yeah yeah there's no carboard.

on you if you shave some tree bark on. they say we'll be good say went on the. tree. bark they're doing like a can I interest. you in some tree bark this is some uh. this is some Oak we're just going to. shave it onto your yeah of course they. didn't need it they that's not their in. their flavor profile they like they like. spicy that pizza is a thick doughy cake. pizza it's just a mushed up tomato. they're not going to like that but let. me say something to you y'all okay okay. when I'm in a different country I just. I'll check all of it out and I'll try it.

oh you're saying they didn't even want. to try it yeah they didn't even like. attempt it look at that thing how would. you not try that they didn't even take a. bite yeah there's no that is that's like. you get I would I would see myself. getting very upset about that yeah take. a bite like take a bite I also made. reservations I you guys got to check out. this yeah you put thought into it. exactly dude yeah what did they end up. wanting they wanted Jolly Bee right yeah. they love Jolly Be what's Jolly Be oh. you it's their version of like a chain. food restaurant but it's but it's they.

[ __ ] live and die by this so much so. that like yeah you know uh you know um. but they have spaghetti too show show me. jollybee spaghetti you know you know. Benny Blanco do you know spaghetti the. producer you know how you sometimes. you're in the mood for spaghetti and a a. chicken. leg Yeah what am I. pregnant [ __ ] wild Benny Blanco did a. video of a food review I think at his. house and he caught so much [ __ ] from. Filipino fans. for just being like this isn't good. Benny B yeah but it's so funny how like.

they take this is like their [ __ ] but. the one in the Philippines that I've. been to is the quality is different it's. better you think it's just yeah it's. just better do you think it's like like. when you get a Guinness in Ireland it's. just better that's yeah that's what it. is I don't know that's true they clean. out their lines I know but you go to a. good spot that serves a good Guinness. there's a couple of good Guinness spots. cuz I that you know that's my beer I. don't really drink beer but if I'm going. to have a beer I'm drinking that you. know I was the I was the Guinness King I. was the brand ambassador what yeah. that's what got me out Julian you know. Julian Mulla I know yeah I know he did.

the Guinness brand ambassador thing and. then he quit drinking and they were. trying to find a new one and he's like. you should have my buddy soda do it and. uh can I talk about him what's that. Mulla yeah you cut off a story but yeah. what's up what's going on you gonna call. him bloated too finish your story no no. I was just saying I got to go to the I. got to like go they flew me to Dublin. and I got to like I had to drink. Guinness for like 2 years the best and. by the end I was like get this mud water. out of my [ __ ] hand I love it see.

when he finishes it we should have cut. it. off this guy dude you're you're a little. hot hot to I I almost need you to go to. the bathroom I think I have the tri I. think I have the tri watch you come back. and it's just the in fact I'm not going. to get you know what you're right I'm. going to be more mindful about it I'm. not going to say what I want to say. about Julian McCulla I think it's. another War go ahead let me hear it you. might as well dude you're starting it up. so when I met him he L to live in LA. yeah yeah and I thought what a handsome. fell he is yeah something happened oh.

you saying he lost his look something. happened did you fall out of love with. him cuz he's still handsome maybe you. fell out of love with him he's a pretty. good looking guy yeah I guess he still. got it okay what did you think you did. you see him on an off night I mean look. yeah so when I saw him recently he's. just got older that's it like we all do. he gained like six PBS is all dude. Bobby's like Tim gun he's like what are. you fat [ __ ] get out. look at this gross I loved it e what a. fantastic Julian rules he's so funny.

he's very very funny I love him anyway. um and thanks for getting me the brand. ambassador job in 2011 thank you Julian. I got to quit waiting tables because of. it wow it's pretty sick isn't that great. when something like that changes your. [ __ ] life I mean changed my life I. bought a laptop I never I didn't own a. laptop from 2007 to 2011 slow down is. Joe m still around I don't know you know. him yeah I know J Joe mates the first. time I made enough money to to buy like. a new laptop like a real one I didn't I. didn't watch porn on it I was so scared.

yeah you didn't want to yes you didn't. want to damage it I didn't want to hurt. her I was like keep her in good shape no. only emails and videos for years I was. like so afraid I was like no it's going. to [ __ ] it up and there's the first one. I could afford so no I'm not going to. [ __ ] it up yes that's how I felt about. my iPhone first time I got an iPhone I'm. like I'm not watching porn on this thing. and you're like oh you can watch porn on. this thing that's all I wanted to and. now that's all it is for yes Dan um how. you dealing with the. fame brother day by day he takes it day. by day but do do you like it I'm not.

famous what are you talking about do I. can I tell you why you are why because. um I'm hanging out with somebody uh she. was introduced me to these family. members sure and there was a guy. involved and he was like do you know Den. h no they were white oh. sorry I you know what though you you. seem to think all the people I hang out. with are Asian I didn't get an in an all. episode I figured I had to do it now we. talked about okay okay honestly at the. buzzer nailed it yeah yeah but he is a.

huge fan of yours oh that's awes he's. like I love you know how what's he like. you know what I mean yeah I swear to God. and I'm like who Dan he goes yeah what's. he like he seems he's biggest fan he the. man and I've seen people talk about you. many times really so there is a level of. Fame and you know it because when you go. to clubs you sell out right yeah so how. why why does that happen cuz I've been. going to cities for years that's not why. it's because you're you're your your. presence is. elevated thank you yeah I mean you right.

can we agree with that so how are you. dealing with it I didn't know who this. guy was before he walked in the door I. just randomly walk in can I uh sit down. on your podcast also people that we have. on this podcast are people that are. elevated yeah so how does it feel feels. good God thank you by the way Bobby sasy. [ __ ] answer dude but just like the. way you describe me you you went the the. worst thing with me is um me trying to. be confident with myself yeah it's hard. [ __ ] on me all you want bring it home. baby we can have fun but the second you.

go like good job I go I just [ __ ] it's. the hug why are we like that it's the. hug and Step Brothers cuz it's what you. just said it earlier it's the bullying. that made you funny yeah I'm shocked. when people are like come to my shows. and it's sold out or whatever I always. turn to the manager go is there some. sort of promotion going on and they go. what do you mean I go I mean is it a two. for one or what's going on he goes no. it's regular price and you sold out and. I'm always I look in the audience I go. wow I've told this story before on uh on. the regs but I was working the Blue Room.

in Springfield Missouri and I drove from. Kansas City to Springfield and I had a. bunch of texts and people were. like they're like dude the club's. running a special where if they buy. tickets to you they're entered into a. raffle to see Matt re and like so many. Comics texted me screen grabbed it and. sent it to me they're like. wow really yeah they were like same. audience but they were like they were. like hey buy tickets to this this. [ __ ] ogre and then maybe you can see. Matt R and it worked it worked wow yeah.

my ticket sales were dog [ __ ] and there. were people there and it was it was. pretty wild w w w w wow that's like. where you're like oh so you guys are. running. around okay and then when it really. happens you go first time I played the. Mall of America yeah House of Comedy. dude maybe 20 people maybe and that's. like a 500 seat room that's a that's a. full C Circle moment though taping your. special in Minneapolis that was pretty. cool that it it was really cool it was. that one hurt a lot though the mall cuz. you walk into it's a big room too and.

you have to walk into the mall before. you go to a club which hurts you twice. also top floor yeah you have to pass you. have to go up escalators and elevators. and honestly that Jamba Juice is doing. some heavy. lifting I'm getting an orange dream. machine and then I'm going upstairs and. just by the way it's an Orange Julius. now I'm just kidding I don't know I'm. glad you said that because that was my. worst turnout of all time I I ate the M. of oh my God and I just I can see image. of me like a Paul Thomas Anderson. shouted me like going down the escalator. when it's over passing like the guy at.

Journeys like turning off the lights. shutting the cage yeah like yeah dude it. hurt it hurts so much when you like have. to do that but it makes you a great. comic and to piggyback what you're. saying not to be a sappy [ __ ] but I. thank every every set now I've been. thanking the fans and I did it every. night at the special cuz it does mean. the world to me that they show up I. think it's so dope that they come out. it's it dude it it never has made me go. yep knew it every time I go out I go wow.

dude thank you unreal amazing do you. have but there's a couple of comics we. know you know that are like I knew it. was going to be this way that's crazy I. do get resentments though of. clubs that didn't treat you well yeah. you what I mean and then now you won't. play them uh yeah I got a couple you. mean totally I got a couple is that. right though is that healthy that's like. if any if any regular person at at at. regular job at home whatever job that. you work if someone treated you poorly. in your customer route and then you.

started doing well on in some other. version of your job and then those. customers wanted to come back you like. get [ __ ] yeah the clubs I play now are. the clubs are necessarily not because of. the draw but it's because they treated. me when I was down yeah so when I talked. about Harford kinetic at at that funny. bone I was down then yeah right and I. just want people to be regular and nice. yeah when they're when they're when. they're good to you when they don't have. a reason to be I I have loyalty for yeah. you're like oh cool well then I'll come.

back you know like they used to be good. to me by the way I'm not saying not. change but when I was doing those House. of comedies in Bronson's rooms they they. were always good to me Edmonton's great. now that's where we might differ oh. really oh you got clipped out there. there might be a reason why I. don't use them as a club chain anymore. oh I [ __ ] you want to talk about one. of my worst weekends of my life yeah was. the that [ __ ] Club House of Comedy in. Scottdale Scottdale you know Scot it's.

North Scottsdale it looks dude at a. point it looked like a moon base when. you would drive up and you'd be like. there's nothing it looks like Mars and. it's a [ __ ] and I just ate [ __ ] every. night so bad is that 12 years ago again. yeah it's 20 yeah this 2013 2014 wow wow. wow uh I think the Edmonton happened. like 2016 2017 this is like 2014 I. remember specific. I called Gary Goldman and Gary Goldman. was like just do your best stuff keep. your head down get through the weekend.

oh yeah cuz it was just was [ __ ]. eating I'll tell you why though from a. socioeconomic standpoint you're not that. kind of that's not your crowd no yeah. this is like retirees this is a lot of. like old couples my God this is I also. have like some resentment for Arizona. like you went to school there oh yeah. you know we both went to school there. and you kind of come back and you're. like you weren't that nice to me why are. we so mean to me you you doing to me. come back hold those things you're like.

I couldn't get [ __ ] for [ __ ] at this. school and I'm coming back and being. like Fu but I I'm doing a show in Tucson. this fall I'm very excited I haven't. been back to Tucson in like [ __ ]. years plug it by the way are you playing. the school no no no no I don't know what. venue were doing yet but we're setting. it up have you ever played this school. no zero day one day I want to play ASU I. don't know why cuz I think schwarzen. played there when I was in school that's. awesome yeah well he was [ __ ] want to. do the Rialto because that's where I saw. Chappelle in Tucson that's sick during. the blackzilla season one of Chappelle.

show it was a [ __ ] wow without a. doubt one of the greatest live standup. shows I've ever seen in my life guy did. like 70 came back out did 20 on courts. get [ __ ] get [ __ ] ripping it I hate. that we're doing 26 tops yeah bring up. sod's dates okay if you want to see Dan. soda on tour he's on tour right now uh. here in February uh March April May he's. everywhere his Balo theater down there. in San Diego so Richmond Virginia I'm. going to be at the Funny Bone April 4th. and 5th and then at Spokane Comedy Club.

May 1st through the 3D we got a big. announcement coming up with a bunch of. shows that I'm going to hopefully be. dropping very soon that are not on this. list that are not listed are you doing. like a skanks thing no okay I'm doing. like a tour with a bunch of other guys. no by myself okay big boy [ __ ] all right. big dog put on some big pants well go to. Dan soda.com if you do want to go see. one of the funniest comedians we know. touring across the country we love you. Dan look at that camera say thank you.

for being a bad friend thank you for. being a bad friend God your voice is so. [Music]. good wo. [Music]. f.