We Are Suing Tom Segura | Ep 273 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends. Who are these. two idiots? A white dude and an Asian. dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad. friends. Yeah. What are you doing with. the drink? Give it to the king. God. Give the king his drink. Drink, dude. Give the Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Get. him a side table to put that on. Also, hey, hey. Before you do that, wait, wait, wait. Before you do that, clear. off that table. Bow bow to Tom. Take it. all off. Bow to Tom. Bow to him. Bow to.

top first. Bow to him. Say my lege. I am. so My leash say I am so proud to have. met you in person. My lege. I am so. proud to have met you. It's just from my. homeland. Saki saki. Saki saki. Saki. saki. Okay. No. Wait wait wait wait wait. wait wait wait wait. Let him put drinks. on your back until Carlos can clear off. the table. Yeah. Use him as a table. Yeah. Use him as a table. Yeah. Good. boy. I I don't hear anything now. God. damn it. Damn it, man. I think he might. have Oh, there we go. Yeah, you just had. to. Okay. Yeah. Did you just Did you do. that with me? You can bring it down a. little. Okay. On the way. High. It's.

pretty hot. You can bring it down a. little bit. Sorry, sir. Thank you. I was. like, are you bath? Yeah. What? Wow. Whoa. What? What? I just got it. I'm. definitely trying to insult our guest. Fancy Spaniard. Yeah, dude. Number one, we're family. That's number one. Number. two, he's the king. Number two. Number. three of death, right? Number three, Andrew's what? Cut of death. Watch your. tone, bud. You want to get [ __ ] back? You want ice? You want me to You want me.

to send Ice? I have a passport now. What? I'll bring fire, dude. Wait. How. long? It is funny. He is That sounds. like That sounds like he just got Did. you just get the passport? Yeah. Two. years ago. Oh, okay. Okay. I It sounded. like it sounded like it arrived last. week. Oh, I have my passport now. No, he did. He took a citizenship test. and he's an American citizen. We're. proud of him. But yeah, way to go, man. So, USA, I'm not USA. Tom, let's. introduce our guest. Ladies and. gentlemen, our guest today is one of the.

most powerful, poignant. It's too much. It's a lot. It's Tom Sigura. No, take. take out Poant. Poant and powerful. He. is powerful and poignant. Okay. And he. has a show out right now on Netflix. called Bad Thoughts, which we are going. to sue for as a bad friend's company. man. It's right there. Right. Are there. other words you could have used than. bad? There were about 300 that we can. awful thoughts. It could have been. atrocious thoughts. Yep. Yeah.

Alliteration would have been good. Like. Tyranner terrible thoughts. Little Rex. Well, thought Tyrannosaurus Rex. Yeah. Yeah. Synonyms for bad you could have. used. So, yeah. Zoom in. Zoom in. Uh, substandard. Unacceptable would have been good. Unacceptable thoughts. Second rate. Oh, yeah. Dreadful. Yeah. Dreadful. Not up. to par thoughts. Unlucky thoughts. Grim. thoughts. Have you thought about what. you're going to name your special? No, I. haven't. Tom, it's one of the worst. times you can have. I know. I can't. think of it. I just did mine. I know. I.

know your your title is I know your. title's great. There's this thing, too, when you uh when you're naming and they. pointed this out to me cuz we were. submitting just dozens of them. Yeah. Uh. every title sounds fake until it's like. official. Like when you're when you're. throwing them around, you're like, "That. sounds like a madeup. That doesn't sound. real." Well, Catchy BT says Bobby's. comedy special should be called Tiger. Dad. Unfiltered Kimchi, the Slept King, Pork Chop Samurai, undiagnosed. Uh, that's the only one. Trauma Llama is.

so good. I feel like if if you do go with Still. Bobby, you got to do one of these poses. How about this? Still Bobby. Still. Bobby. Yeah. No. Does your title I was. thinking about this because you guys are. the pros, correct? And you guys are. better than me. That's right. Yeah. As. people you're talking about what? As. people. You mean people draw better? As. people, as comics, as friends, as uh as. uh actors, as writers, as performers, as.

Yeah. everything really. Yeah. You know, take it away. Okay. Now, now go. Yeah. It is so good. Anyway, um, well, I was going to say, does your. title have anything to do with your. jokes or your theme, or can it just be. random? It can be anything. All right. Well, why can't I just do the Slept. King? You can. Yeah. Yeah. Drama Trauma. Llama is more fun. Yeah, but I don't. have jokes about llamas. You I certainly. think you could write one. Let's do one. right now. Go ahead.

What did the llama say to his twin. brother llama? What did he say? You can open, you know, cuz you're open. Right. That's dead online. What? Go. ahead. Well, the opener is your table. setter for the hour. So, that's a good. way to start the hour. Let people know. what kind of show they're going to see. Really? Sure. Yeah. Are you Well, listen. You're my You're a better friend. than me, right? And you're a better. actor and all that stuff he said, right? But what I'm saying to you is is that. are you being real right now? Yeah. You. think that joke I just wrote should be.

my opening joke for the special? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you might maybe workshop. it a little. Um, do Thank you, ladies. and gentlemen. Thanks for coming, man. My first special. Woo! San Diego. Hey, what's up, Ka Lava? What? Thanks for bringing it up, guy. You right. What did the one llama say to. the Swin Lava, brother? What did he say? What?

Everybody's laughing. Losing it, dude. I'm losing it. My favorite thing you. said is it's the table setting for the. entire special and it made me think. immediately. I know that's a turn of. phrase, but how Bobby has literally. never set a table his entire life. It's. I went to etiquette school. No, you. didn't. I I I there's a paper in Powe. I. have a clipping of it of me going to. etiquette school. They took a photo of. me. Why did they take a photo of you. going to etiquette school? Because I. didn't know what a fork was. How old were you? 12 or something. And.

so I was like there's So yeah, it was. like that. And I picked up a fork. What? No, that's not me. Oh, I was picking up. a fork like looking at it like this is a. fork. You know what I mean? And I was. like, dude, you went to etiquette class. for how long? Be honest. For like a. year, we also learned dancing, ballroom. dancing. Shut up. Yeah. Yeah. You know. what's so funny is that you have none of. none of that is in you or about like. when I'm I've you know, I love you and. I've and I've introduced you to. different people in my life and all of. them are like where's this [ __ ] alien.

from? like within minutes. They're like, "This is No, no. [ __ ] off, Tom. I think. it's your projection because I'm going. to say something.". I'll tell you why. We were in Toronto. backstage. Yeah. And he said the same. exact privately. He goes, "Where are you. from? You're so weird." Yeah. And I. think that's his own projection. I think. I'm normal. Wait, why are you saying. he's not projecting? Hilarious. Yeah. Why? What would he be projecting? Because he's weird. No, I don't think. so, dude. You don't think that's weird?

I think he's he's about as he's about as. low weird on the weird scale as you are. the highest of the weird. What's weird. about me though? Oh, what's weird? That. you're Peruvian me, but you look like a. white guy. Okay, that's kind of weird. Sure. I would say it was interesting, not weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's more. interesting than weird. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, oh, you're proving proving. that's interesting. I didn't know that. Oh, the only guy that lost weight that. looks worse. Wow, dude. Okay. You see. what he's doing? And by the by the way, you look great. He tried to go to battle. with Shane Gillis. Didn't end well. So,

it didn't end well. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, um here's another thing that. you're weird. Yeah. You you you're. surprised me. That's weird. Yeah. Because it's like you're dynamic, but. you know, you hide your talents. What are you [ __ ] talking about? I. don't know. I'm just Yeah, it's not. working. He's not weird. Look, Carlos. weird. He's [ __ ] weird, man. We know. what weird is. We have it all over. Look. at the [ __ ] window of weirdos. He. said alien. You are quite alien. So I.

walk into like a dinner like. But here's the thing. You You take this. You always get defensive like it's a. like it's a critique, right? But what. I'm saying is that it's a celebration. like when people meet you like I we've. we've toured together. You came and did. bad thought. You did an episode of Bad. Thoughts with me. I have another thing. that I have Let him finish. Okay. But go. ahead. So, like in in both scenarios, you know, like I go like, "Oh, here this. is my friend Bobby's great comic and.

everyone's, you know, it's like, "Oh, cool." Always, if not within the first. 20 minutes, within the first few hours, people pull me aside and they're like, "Yo, this guy's out of his [ __ ]. mind, dude. Story of my [ __ ] life.". It's got to be, right? Every day of my. life. And why does he react this way, though? He pretends this is an act. That's a He does this cuz he wants This. is him ramping up. You know how like. somebody ramps up? He's ramping up. silently. Look at him. Go ahead and say what you. want to say back. He's not critiquing.

you. He's just giving you the real. world. Okay. Okay. Um people used to. call me eccentric. Eccentric. Whatever. it is. Yeah, that's a one. And um. espresso. Yeah. And I espresso. Eccentric. Can you get to me? Espresso. [Laughter]. I'm an eccentric. That's what you should call your. special. Eccentric espresso. All right. Okay.

Save to a twin brother. Oh, you're on. fire today. Hey, go. So, women used to. go, you're eccentric. And I Googled it. and I don't think that I'm any of that. You are eccentric. We've looked it up on. this show. Yeah, but yeah. So, um. unconventional and slightly strange. But. that's about that's about that's about. society. You like society tells you how. to behave one way, right? Not everybody. is weird about you. Yeah. That's what. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal. You are. eccentric. We love That's what we like. about you. It's the most fun thing. But.

I I honestly can I just say Oh, can I. just I honestly think that I'm normal. for you? You are. Like when I wake up, you I go, "Oh, normal." You know what I. mean? Like No, I don't do that. No. You. wear a mask. No, I don't do that. No, no, no. I go, "Good morning.". No. I go, "Oh, morning." Yeah. Yeah. Like that. Okay. Can I give you an. example? Okay. Here's the deal. If I. said to my mom and dad in Chicago, if I.

said, "To girls coming over for dinner. tonight," they'd go, "Oh, wow. Awesome. Oh my god." You're gonna And then if I. say when I said, "Bobby, mom, dad, Bobby's coming over for dinner." My mom. goes, "Really? What is he? Okay, that's a fact. They. were there. All right. When I went to. your [ __ ] Thanksgiving [ __ ]. dinner, right? Yeah. Wasn't I polite? You were a joy. Oh my [ __ ] You were. putting on I am. You were putting on. You were That's who I am. I'm a normal.

dude. How much of an act was he [ __ ]. putting on? It was unbelievable. You. were watching football with his dad. It's such [ __ ] Cuz that's what I do. in my normal life, dude. He's such a. liar. You've watched football before? No. No. But like but it's like oh the. Kansas City Chiefs are playing the. Philadelphia Philadelphia. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you know cuz they. should change the name. No they did. They changed it. Philadelphia Skyhawks. Whatever they are. The Skyhawks. So um. Yeah. It's so close. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. I think it's Eagles. Hey, there we.

go. You got it. Okay. Maybe some. football team. You want to guess? Pittsburgh. Steelers. Very good. Very good. Detroit. Lions. Chicago. Gotta know that. Bears. Arizona. That's. a tricky. Cardinal. Oh, that's good. Wow. You know them all. So, that's my. point. I'm I act like this in show. business areas. Good for you. Right. So, like, you know, I met Chuck Lori the. other day. You know what I mean? Brag. Big brag.

Met. Was it a general? Like, was it a. No, we were just hanging out. Where? Oh, we were just hanging out. Me and Chuck. Lori. And I act weird around him because. I'm like, "Use me as in a. sitcom." Five and a half guys or. whatever, you know what I mean? And so. it's like um I act I can see myself like. my brother does it. My brother acts. weird in front of you. He he's that's. not who he is. Right. I've seen both. sides of your brother. Yeah. So it's. like I think that I kind of like. accentuate certain things you play it.

up, right? Yeah. That's normal though. Thank you so much. Okay. I have a qual. with you. Tell me. Okay. Okay. So, this. fool, right? I You know what? I don't I'll. bring it up privately. No, do it now. You might as well do it now. That look. was [ __ ] You have a look now, Dan. Now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your look. now is improved dramatically. What do. you mean? He can look at me with an eye.

Mhm. Or both eyes if you may. Mhm. And. you can go. Do you see when I shut the. [ __ ] up? Oh, yeah. But I wasn't doing. that. He didn't do that though. Tell me. what the I'm curious as to what your. qual is. Okay. Oh, check this out, dude. This is. so funny. What? Here's here. I'm Bobby. Making it up. No, I'm not I'm not making. I'm not making up. I'm making it up. right now in my head. Making it up. I'm. making it up. I'm [ __ ] making it up. right now in my head. Go. I'm not going.

to say it. Oh, come on. Come on, dude. Don't do this. Just do it. What's your. qual, please? What did So, um, what a. que was that you called me. Yeah. Hey, I'm doing a project, right? Mhm. And I. go and you called me FaceTime. Mhm. So. then I went to your bad thoughts thing. Yeah. And I went to the director. I'm. like, "Oh, this of the project that. you're doing." And I go, "Am I I'm in. it, right?" He's like, "We'll see.". Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand. Hold on.

one second. I'm just gonna Who said I'm. just going to give this story the light? Is this. Is that it? Wait, you went to the. premiere. That's what you're saying. And. you were worried you weren't in it. You're in the [ __ ] show. No, it was a. different project. Oh, what? The movie? The movie? Okay. You called me movie and. then when I went to the and talked to. the director, he made it seem like I. wasn't in it. Maybe you're not. What did. he say? He goes, "We'll," maybe he was. joking like, "We're going to have to.

audition or something, but you know what. I mean." Yeah. Interesting. Were you. good in the movie, do you think? We. haven't done it yet. So, what the [ __ ]. are you talking about? He's He's talking. about that there's a movie coming up. Yeah. That your offer is coming this. week for. Yeah. And he's. Oh, wow. I, you know, I believe that, you know. Yeah. He'll turn it down. But. um he might. You know how he does. You. know what I mean? He just might. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you know what? Not we can't. all do karate ghost. You're karate ghost, dude. This. guy. What's karate ghost? My favorite. thing about Bobby sometimes Bobb's like, "Don't do the Asian accent anymore, man. I'm trying to get away from that kind of. shit." And I'm like, "Okay, fine. What. did you do this week?" He's like, "I. shot karate ghost.". What is that? Deadline. Yeah, it's not. deadline. Belushi, Bobby Lee, uh, and. who else? Tim Rosen, Colton Gobo. Those.

are fake names. Those are AI. Well, that. dude right there is in the new Karate. Kid movie. I know, buddy. I'm just. teasing. Okay. God, wait. So, have you. Is this I shot it already. And Steve. How's in it, too? Is it just your voice? No. No. I'm literally in it. But like. stop it. What the [ __ ] It's a good. movie. It's gonna be big. How was it? How was it? Steve How's in it? By the way, here's.

how I know Steve How's in it. What? Steve Howey called me. Uh I was at the. gym and he they called me to say, "Hey. man, did Bobby change his number? I. can't get through to him at all." I was. like, "You got the right number, buddy.". Yeah. Yeah. I texted him back though. You did? Finally. We called him. Yeah, I. called him. Yeah. Yeah. Set in a town. ruled by an absurd karate law, the film. watches a lonely teen form an unlikely. bond with the ghost of his late father's. favorite action hero. Is that right? Yeah. And then you're the you're the. fake No, I play a sensei.

I do a thick Asian accent. I do a thick. Asian accent. I was going to say, how's. your English. in it? Is it the kind we all want to. hear? the you all right but it's based on a. popular uh comic book right in a video. game. so here's the deal okay I [ __ ] look. at you in that IMDb photo that's great. man this guy's killing it man yeah that. one that was from a long time ago 1996.

that's when VH1 was still on the air. so handsome okay anyway this is what. happened Tom, kick punch. I had to. fight. You had You had a. Tell me you had one. Come on, dude. I. feel so defenseless. I'm being I'm being. bullied by both of you. Do you deserve. this? I do. I think you do. I do. Go. ahead. I apologize. That's fine. Okay. I. didn't show up to a meeting. You?

Yeah. What was it at noon or something? You're like, "This is 10 a.m. in the. morning." 10 10:30. Carlos and I were on. the phone with Ireland. We were zooming. with Ireland doing morning press. And uh. they were like, "Uh, where's Bobby? Is. Bobby? Is Bobby going to be coming with. you?" Yeah. I was like, "Well, he's not. at my house. We have two separate homes, so I don't know where." And they're. like, "Really? Can you get a hold of. Bobby?" And I was like, "I can't. We. can't get a hold of Bobby." Yeah. How. mad were you? We had this planned for. weeks. How mad? How mad were you? They. said, "You're right, Irishman. We have. had this planned for weeks." "Yeah, I. can't believe Bobby's not on the call.".

I was like, "I can't either." You know. what, dude? He never does stuff like. this. And the Irishman goes, "Ah, that's. so disappointing that I thought we'd get. you together and you'd be goofing. together." And I said, "Me too. Me too, bud. Me too." I know how many times I. have to [ __ ] apologize for it. Um, Karate Ghost. Can we not talk about. Karate Ghost? I didn't want to finish. the story. You didn't even tell me, by. the way. Well, about what? Well, you I. you had asked me and and you know about. about you and bad thoughts and like, "Is. it funny? Is it good?" And I was like. And then I was like, "Thank you so much.

for doing it." Did you watch it? The You. know, he didn't watch it. You didn't. watch it? No [ __ ] chance. You didn't. watch yourself? No. No. Okay. What I So, what happened was this. Okay. What. happened was I'll tell you what. happened. So, Gilbert from Tiger Belly, correct? I made him watch it. Mhm. So, he saw the whole show. So, you paid. another guy to watch your scene for you. and then before cuz you know what I. mean? And he goes, "Your sketches is not. as strong, you know, as the other. sketches." Is it your fault? I know.

Just listen to what I'm saying, Tom. I. don't want you. All right. So what I'm. saying is that and so I'm like, "Oh, but. I have to say I've got gotten a lot of. textes how great I was in it. You're so. funny in it." So my point is is that. Thank you so much. Okay. You were you. were really great in it, honestly. Thank. you. Why Why didn't you want to watch. it? Andrew, do you watch everything. you're in? No, but I watch everything. you're in. I know. And I watch Nikki. Did you? Nikki Sneaki. Yeah. What's.

What's it about? It's about golf, baby. That's right. Yeah. Very good. Say less. Anyway, um so um I don't watch things. that I'm in. Me neither. I agree. Right. But um sometimes I force myself to. You. know what I mean? I'm trapped into it. You're going to be happy with yourself. in this one day when you see it. You're. very funny in it. Also, um if if it was. shown at the premiere, I would have been. forced to watch it. But it's like um but. based on the other sketches on the show,

let me say this. Okay, I was talking to. my date um about it and I go, number. one, I've never seen anything like it. Okay, number two, it's shot like a film. Number three, it's crazy funny. So, what. I'm saying is that um thank you for. putting me in it. Yeah. Yeah. Um I think. it's. uh it's prestigious. And I want to say that congratulations.

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I I wonder if your guys do this like. after the show's done. You know, we're. done. We're wrapping up. We're saying. goodbye. And then he'll they'll follow. you to your car to ask you one thing not. in front of everybody else. Yeah. He's. like, "Andrew. Andrew." And he chased me. to the parking lot. I go, "What's up, man?" He's like, "Well, just wondering.". And as he's doing this, I'm getting into. my car. I'm I'm already gone. You know. what I mean? I'm like, "I'm leaving.". You know what I mean? It's like a kid. being like, "When will you be back, Dad?" I'm like, "I'm I'm not coming. back, buddy. Your mom has you now." And. he goes, "We maybe do you think you will. be in the movie? Maybe." What did I say?

I said, "Yes, for sure." I said, "Of. course I will." Yeah. But you're not. This is a movie. Yeah. There's no way. Yeah. There's no [ __ ] way, dude. Yeah. He went to film school, whatever. [ __ ] Total [ __ ] [ __ ] We had. a real director here two weeks ago. Yeah, we had David Mammon sitting in. this man work with this [ __ ] guy. We. are We're going to do your movie and I. can't wait to do it. I'm excited to do. it. Andrew, I hope you consider the. movie that we're I've I don't know, man. You know what? What? I am very excited. to even We don't have You have to They.

have to tell me. No one's told me. anything. No, it's coming this week. Oh, it is. It's I swear to you it's coming. Wait, wait. Are you being [ __ ] No, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. Right. And I. don't like your mischievous smile. Why? Okay. Are you saying to me this? Okay. Tell me. And I'll be open. Yes. And I'll. accept it. Okay. What you're telling me, Mr. Sigura, is that you're going to. offer him a part in your movie. Okay. Yes. Through his agency. Yes. Right.

Are my agents going to call me? You're. You're going to audition for it? Um I uh to be hon I I I love you so. much. We we did Indian seances in. Canada. Mhm. Right. We've gone through. so much together. Yeah. What are you. asking? Ultimately, what are you asking? Am I going to get an offer? Oh, you want. to get an offer for the for the movie? Yeah, cuz you're getting one. We don't. know that. He just said it. We don't. know that. Okay. Hypothetically, would I.

get one? Not hypothetically. Am I. getting one? I don't I don't know yet. I I cuz I Why you did a good job at that. thought? It's not like that. It's not. like that. You don't understand, man. You don't There's a lot of It's not me. going him. Yes. Him. No. It's not like. that. Oh, you I don't think I You don't. think I know how movies work. Well, then. why are you yelling? Look at my IMDb. guy. Let's look at Let's check out his. IMDb. Oh, here we go. Now you're going. to [ __ ] shame me, dude. No. What's. your problem? He's probably You're. probably going to get something. You. never know.

Okay, let's see this IMDb. No, I'm just. kidding. Sorry. Look at that. Stacked. [ __ ] Stacked. So many. What else do you. need? God damn. Look at that right. there. Kicking it old school. Chilly. chill. I mean, it never ends. They got. What's your favorite thing that's on. there? Do you have one favorite? He's. got to fix the mic. Bad thoughts. Oh, stop. Yeah. Hello. I know. Listen, I'm. being real. Uh, yeah. Let's be real for. a second. Um, I know how the biz works. and um, do you?

He's a great actor. Yeah. And I. understand why you would and um, I'll. catch you on the flip side of it. On the. flip side? Yeah. Yeah. I'll catch you on. the flip side. But it's not like it's. definitely not like Yeah. Um, but you. know, um, I'm going to Can I cut this. off and change this change the subject? I want to say something. Okay, let's get. real. We are a little heartbroken. We. do. We do miss you. It's a little. annoying that everyone left us. Can we. be honest and tell our friends everybody.

left us? We're here alone on this little. island. Yeah. Also, it's going to die out there. Oh, he Yeah, he's been he's been he's. trying to curse it. Well, he was telling. me that in 2020, right? He's like, "You. don't feel the [ __ ] wave coming back. here right now." I go, "No, no, I did. say that." Huh. Oh, you did? No. You. know what? I think we're jealous. It's. not jealous. We miss our friends. I miss. That's the thing. It's like when the. half the community moves, you know what. I mean? You It's like Game of Thrones.

Yeah. It was so fun, by the way, to be. in this the store the other night when. we ran into each other in the store. That was such a fun night though. That. was a fun night. Felt like the old days. I remember the old days. You know what I. mean? I remember when Rogan was there. You all these guys, you know what I. mean? Seth Seth Rogan. Yeah. Yeah. And. all those guys. God, you're so quick. today. Thanks, man. God, you're so good. You turn it up. Good sleep. Yeah. Did. you? Not really. I can tell. Why? Cuz. your demeanor. Oh, my demeanor is off.

You're slower today. You sound slurry. Really? It's early for you. Yeah, it's. early for me. Wait, how? This is early. Very early. Oh, yeah. Too early. What's. a normal wake up time? I know we've. talked about it, but I don't remember. Yeah. Um, no. When I have nothing Yeah. When I when when I have nothing to do. um. Right. Twice when I have nothing. Dude, how funny is that? How funny is that for.

you to [ __ ] say that to me in front. of my [ __ ] When when I have nothing. to do, we have so much going on. And. it's so funny. What he's saying is when. Andrew has all the stuff to do and I. don't do any of it, I get to [ __ ]. sleep till 5. It's amazing. That's. insane, bro. He sleeps till 400 p.m. and. then we shoot at 6:00 or 7:00 p.m. usually. I don't have children. Neither. do I. We have We have jobs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, so what? To get up at 4, what time did you go to sleep, though? Well, last night, for instance, if I. may. Yeah. You know what I mean? You. may. All right. So, I'm So, I'm playing.

I I was playing Oblivion, but watching. House of the Dragon at the same time. Oh, double down. Yeah, I was doubling. down again. You know what I mean? But. with Oblivion, I can just wander, right? You don't need to really be pick up. mushrooms. You know what I mean? You. know, you're foraging and stuff. Well, I'm an alchemist in the game, so like I. like making potions and stuff, you know. what I mean? You're quite the alchemist. in the real world as well, my Yeah. And. then taking grand soul gems triggering. me to black soul gems. You know what I. mean? Why are you But you are slurring. Is that from a thing? I I haven't slept. good last night. Okay. It's not like a.

neurological condition or something. Are. you being [ __ ] real right now? You. think I'm slurring? Well, you said I'm. mushrooms and I Yeah, you did slur. Okay. He is right. Or I'll be more clear. then. Okay. Okay. All right. So, what. I'm gonna say just make. dumb Let me finish. Let me finish. Okay. So then um then the birds tweet tweet. tweet chirp chirp. Very good. Chirp. chirp chirp chirp chirp. Right. Sounds. like I'm teaching you English. Yeah, you're right. Then I literally had 1.

hour sleep last night. I know. Wait a. minute. Yeah. So. what? Wait, you're playing the game. The. mo movie's on. TV show. TV show. And. then what? It's It's 5 6 a.m. Later. 56. a.m. Okay. And then I. go bath time. He takes a bath. He loves. morning baths. So, I have buckets in the. bathtub and also my tree tea oil. Tea. tree. Whatever. We're going to figure it. all out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Tea tree. Tea.

tree oil. Yeah. Yeah. So, I had 1 hour. of sleep. So, I'm like really tired. right now. Did you go on a date? Were. you on a date last night, though? Did. No. No date. Don't lie. Swear to God. Wait, so the bath is over around 7:00. 8:00 a.m. Then then do you get It's called a. Korean ritual. Okay. Okay. Do you get. body scrubbed too? You got scrubbed. So, I have two scrubbers. One for my feet. Yeah. And one for all my whole body. What are the buckets for in the tub? Because when you do Yeah. Right.

Then I take the bucket, fill it with. warm water, and I pour it over my back. Oh, wow. You're super Korean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then I lay there, listen to music, and then by the then it's 10. Then it's. 10. Yeah. Then it's now it's 10, man. Now it's 11, right? That's when I'm on. the call with Ireland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly. And then. what happens is I hear my dogs. Yeah. In. the backyard cuz my bedroom, you know, I. have a pool and a really nice backyard.

Yeah. I mean, you don't have to flex. that hard. He does, too. Oh, I took a shot yesterday. Yeah, we. know. And now I'm like, "Oh my god, the dogs. are running around. I'm [ __ ] right? They're hungry. They have to eat and. piss." So then I double checked my. [ __ ] phone to see if the alarm is on. Mhm. It was. It was on. Yeah. Yeah. And. then I went to sleep. Okay. So what's. up? What's up, bra? What's up? What? You. got a problem with that, Bra? So that's. about 11:30 or so. No, that's a normal.

day. You're not a weird guy. Okay. But normally do like for instance. the karate ghost week. Yeah. Well, you're filming is a different thing. So, if I have a 5 a.m. call time, I'm there. Yeah. I was going to say, how do you how. hard is it for you to pivot when you're. working in a production and you I don't. sleep. You just don't. I just show up. like [ __ ] no sleep. So, you show up. and then But then if I have two days in. a row, then that night I'll sleep at 7, right? You'll just pass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he knows the lines. Yeah. He's.

a pro. I do. I know my lines. He'll show. up knowing the lines. That is a fact. He. does show up knowing the lines. And he. shows up on time. You know, you know. what I'm getting better at, though? Memorizing lines when I'm there. [Laughter]. It's giving you more incentive to not. memorize lines. No, no, I'm just saying. I still memorize them, but there was one. day where I was like I was so tired. I'll just do it in the morning. Right. Right. And it was a lot of pages. Oh. [ __ ] And I could just do it quickly. You know what? What? You're really. solidifying your offer from the new.

movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. That's. just I just get panicked if you're like, "Well, you're the lead. You're number. one on the call sheet for that." Yeah. Yeah. So, you have a lot of lines. That's true. And that horror movie you. did really good. Yeah. I think the the. best number. What was that movie called? What? The one that I had a role in. Yeah. The you were like the um VHS. clerk. Oh, Countdown. Countdown. Yeah. Yeah. Bring it up. I want to see a photo. of I love that movie. Yeah. When I saw. cigar cuz I watch every horror movie. Typing his name with the countdown. Actually, that the the scene for me went.

is uh there he is. No, but the acting. the scene with the um next to it. Yeah. in the cell that goes like that's like. even like hood clips will replay it cuz. people love a customer service guy being. like hey [ __ ] off. I love I love honestly I loved your move. scenes in that movie. Oh thanks man. Yeah yeah thanks. But yeah um that is on. hood clips 100%. That's world star's. favorite [ __ ] They're like hey and then. people comment like well she deserves. it. She was talking [ __ ] Yeah [ __ ].

deserved that [ __ ] Get up out my. [ __ ] man's face. Yeah man. Yeah. Uh, too much. You did it. I know, but it. was We're doing it in context. You know. what I mean? Oh, well. No, that's good. All right. Okay. You know, my favorite. thing to watch is, by the way, it's. graduation season and black graduation. is the greatest thing in the world. Have. you watched black high school. graduations? They're losing their mind. The most fun I've ever seen. That one. where it was like all women just Oh, bro. [ __ ] absolutely going [ __ ]. off. Chaos. Give me videos. Go to.

YouTube. Go to YouTube and just do black. graduation celebration. Oh, it's Yeah, it's wild. And then sometimes it goes. from these incredible like dance, you. know, like celebratory things to just an. allout riot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a fist. fight. Yeah. It's a amazing amazing. You. know what they call that? Huh? Joy. Yeah. Joy and happiness. You went to. college, Tom? Look at this. Look. [Music]. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey, that's so good, bro. I. [ __ ] love this. Unbelievable. I. [ __ ] love this so much. [Music]. Damn, dude. Oh my god, it's so good. It's so good. This is it. My grandma. All right, that's And then And then a. white person has to ruin it with salt. Tumeric. That kid's moves were so [ __ ] good. So good. But I'm saying though, how how.

has this not been how is this now? It's. just like new to us. I know. Well, you. guys are white people are stiff and they. don't know joy. You don't think white. people know joy, right? At a level, you think Asian graduations. are are buck like that? Are you out of. your [ __ ] mind? What do you mean? You. think an Asian graduation celebration. would be [ __ ] wild. Asian graduation. Okay, look. Okay, look up the Oh, hold. on. Carlos, Carlos, look at me. They go. direct. Look up um the graduation where.

people can wear whatever they want in. Japan. Go ahead. I'm going to prove you. wrong for once in my life. What is it? Hello Kitty [ __ ] all over the [ __ ]. place. No, just listen. Yeah, it's so. people can anything in your graduation. At Kyoto University, graduation isn't. just about formal robes. It's a. celebration of individuality. instead of. sticking to the usual capsule. That's. joy, dude. Students at this Japanese. university have the You guys are so. repressed. as a culture that you're like you have.

to dress up like weird fantasy. creatures. Yeah. In order to like feel. something. No, it's expression. No, because they're not allowed to express. any other time of day. They have to be. head down on the train, quiet. Okay. Is. this a Look at And they also wore masks. that you can't even actually express. yourself in. Right. Like mascot helmet. Yeah, but but with the head helmet on. and off, it's the same thing. Their. faces are the same. This is repression. This is heavy repression. Oh, is this. oppression?

What is that? It's a ninja. Oh my god, dude. That's. expression. What's your little. sarcastic. bomb? That's expression. Oh, that's. Nagasaki. Was it a joke or was that not like. Hiroshima? Oh, that was more Hiroshima. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was. definitely Hiroshima. Yeah. The the. cloud was big. Don't even try Don't try. to play like you're Asians are stiff as.

[ __ ] whites. The black people. celebration is individual to them. You. don't get to [ __ ] You don't get to be. on that side. Will you for once cuz you've been it's. been the duo. Yeah. Against Papa. That's. [ __ ] So what I'm saying is for once. Yeah. Is that a form of expression? Is. that a form of expression? Yes. Yeah. I. mean, it's it's very repressed. expression, but yes, it is an. expression. This does not happen at. Korean graduate. This is [ __ ] This is. Japan. You don't get to do that. Okay. We're just we're talking about I I like.

the Korean kids smiles at graduation. Yeah. It's just Hey, hey, no. All right. Don't smile. Now, give me a wild white. [ __ ] graduation celebration shooting. guns at each other. Yeah. She's like, "Hey, I'm going to. wear my blue.". Yeah. No, my case was black people. celebrate like no one else. You can't. lump Asians into there. Yeah. I'm just. You guys don't do it like we're in the.

mid. If blacks are tens, we're fives. You're zero. You're above whites. Yes. That Thank you. That's all I want. But. you're not near them, are they? Yeah, they're above whites for their. celebrating. Uh, I would say for their. um uh oddity, their culture of oddity. They're weirdos. Oh, right. Yeah, they're weirdos. Yeah, you [ __ ] the. weirdos right here. Yeah, that you know, I just got it. It's your. American lens. You're [ __ ] American. Okay, so what. I'm saying to you, you're from San. Diego. You know, that's about the.

whitest place on planet Earth. Um, you. have to wear a new pair of glasses. I I. I got LASIC. No, no. I'm just saying you. have to look at life with a different. lens. Go on. A different perspective. Well, teach me. What I'm saying is is. that, you know, I mean, culturally, you. know, I mean, we're Americans, right? I. dabble in Asian, though. I dabble in. Asian as well. And what you do you. dabble in Asian? Oh, yeah. you know, when I, you know, the way I.

walk and the way I behave, maybe it's a. cultural thing that I'm from Asia and. it's a Bobby Lee thing and you perceive. it as to be, you know, I mean, weird. You're one of when I'm just one of a. billion. Nobody's like you. No, I don't. think so. No, nobody's like you, dude. I. have met other Asians. None of them are. None of them are like you. Jimmy O Yang, nothing like you. Well, I was molested. [Laughter]. and beat by my dad. Well, that's white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See, you are like us. That's our thing. Hey, you need to go.

back to etiquette school if we're being. honest. Yeah, you do. Really? I think. you should probably do a little course. Hey, where are you going to go now? No, I'm just going to tell I'm not going to. hack you. I'm walking into a dinner. Oh, he's walking into a. dinner. Anybody order Chinese? Hey, buddy. Hello, sir. How you doing? Excuse me. Wow. Wow. What do you think? It looked. good. Thank you. That was really. respectful. Yeah. Very. And like like.

your Thanksgiving thing, my Thanksgiving. dinner with my parents. Yeah. What a. lovely time. So, he was super polite. there, dude. It was so [ __ ] annoying. My mom literally goes, "It was so good. that everyone came over." I was like, "No, it was nice." And she was like, "And Bobby, oh, so, you know, he's so. sweet." And I was like, "You have no. [ __ ] idea, dude." It was such an act. It was such a [ __ ] act. He had that. glimmer in his eye like when he said. goodbye, he turned to me. He was like, "Okay, bye." And then you're me. He. turned and was went like this.

[ __ ] devil. Yeah. What did What about. my prayer? Oh, dude. He He said, "Dude, I did tell Tom I did a Thanksgiving. prayer at the table." Oh my god. How. great was it? It was You know, you know, it was him. Are you still married to. that lady? Yeah. He's the best. Yeah. Yeah. I saw her in the You got to get. out of that, dude. Dude, you got to get. out of that, dude. No, she's still. there. Kids aside, but you've won the. lottery in a way. In a way. Yeah, you. have a [ __ ] rad wife. She's awesome.

Not but just not just that is like if I. was dating a comic or you mean or. married to one. Mhm. It's rare to find a. super funny one and ones that last. I. know this is cornball [ __ ] but. honestly, I'm always It is funny. You. two, the only other comic couples that's. married, and obviously you've been. married much longer, Mosha Natasha. Yeah. And. Oh, you're talking about comics. Comics. that are married. Yeah. Mark Norman and. his Mark Norman and his wife. Yeah, that's right. Comics. But that's also. new. They've been married for way.

longer. Um Andy and um Rose Rose Butt. Baker comics. Newer. Newer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's the other. um fun game. [ __ ] This is too many more. people than I thought. Isn't Hannah uh. Oh, Hannah Burner and her husband. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Yeah. Both good standups. Yeah. Yeah. What I'm saying, what are. these lists. person? Yeah. It's wrong. But the but but the.

proof is the point is it's incredible. that you two have stayed together. Yeah. This long being both comedians and both. reserving your career and no one had to. stop. But all those examples is that. they all are both funny. Yeah. You know. what I mean? I've never seen like a. really great comic day marry an open. micer. You know what I mean? That. wouldn't work. I don't think it would. work. Bad friends. You might. Okay. Anyway,

um you might have a. herum. So it does. Yeah. But you guys are together. And that's great. What to celebrate. that? Christine is great. She's awesome, man. We [ __ ] We love her. We love. her. And she good actress. She was great. in basketball. Yeah. Great mom. Great. [ __ ] Yeah. She's the best, man. But. honestly, be real with us. Yeah. You. don't miss us at all? I miss you guys. Crazy. Can I tell you this too? This is. also totally sincere. Mhm. Man, this.

show is so [ __ ] funny. Like this. [ __ ] dumb show. This dumb show. This. is the only [ __ ] one of the only things. that like you know we all are scrolling. all the time. I watch every clip you. guys. Ah Tommy, come on. You know what? I would share the same sentiment, but I. can't watch Bort. No, I'll watch you. I. can't watch Bort. Yeah. Yeah. We don't. even see [ __ ] Bert Bert anymore. I'm. joking around Bert. Oh, yeah. Bert's I. can't even see Bert anymore because of. his appearance. Yeah. I can't be near. him. No, we never see him [ __ ]. anymore. He's the only guy that stayed.

in LA. And how often do you see Bert for. real? Not much. I went over to his. house. We had a little get together. You. came. But then outside of that, I He's. never here. But do you really miss us? You miss your friends? I do a lot. Tom, we do a lot actually. It kind of sucks. Remember I did a little dance when you. were sitting back there? Yeah. So he's. in the sitting in the back bucket. booths. I can hear a word you just said. Yeah. He's in the back boo like the. little chairs in the back. Yeah. Yeah. What didn't What didn't you understand? It was a It was a rough sentence.

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thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the. podcast and for keeping Bobby Lee hard. Yeah. Crank it up, man. Let's go. All. right. So, anyway, um um I was hitting. in the back. Yeah. And I I and I walked. in. I did a little dance in front of. you. You did? Because of I was so happy. to see you. Yeah. It really was. It was. fun memories, man. Being there was super. fun. It's a The store is not the same, but it's okay. Things change. They come. and they go. Are you going up with the. mothership a lot or no? Well, I've been. on tour so much that I'm not one of. those people when you know you get off.

of a a week of grinding, you get home, you're like, I got to get back on stage. right away. I don't do that, Bobby. Um. Yeah, you you're that you'll always just. get up. You'll just go go. You'll just. do it again. That's good. That's good. I. I still go. I went two weeks ago. Yeah. Um, so it's just like depends on the. time, but you know, this summer I'm not. going to tour. So if I'm What's on the. what's on the what's on the docket for. the summer? Vacay. A little vacay and. the and then we shoot something. Can we. guess what the vac whether he's going to. vacation? Let's guess. Oh, Bora Bora.

No, I don't know where that is. Something more elevated. That's in. Tahiti. That is okay. Elevated. Well, I'm going to say this about him. Mhm. We. did a show in Vegas. We went to that. Joseé Anders, what's her name? Jose. Andre. Andreas. Hey. Hey. [ __ ]. hometown guy. Yeah. Yeah. And I go I. thought to myself, "Oh, this is how he. eats." What do you mean this is how he. eats? High level. Huh? High level. High level food. High.

level everything. How much How much did. he order? I don't remember. It was No, it was a You order for everybody? Yeah, we had a feast. We It was a feast. It. was the greatest steak I've ever had. ever. I think so because it was the way. it because they gave us a plaque. You. know, sometimes when you get like. Japanese Wagyu Mhm. He just says it on. the menu. This dude came up with an. authentic like a stamp. Yeah. From some. Asian dude. He stamped the Wagyu. No,

from the Asian dude. It was like gold. like, you know, like Game of Thrones. where you would like, you know what I. mean? Put like, you know, wax to hold it. together or whatever. And it was like. signed by some Japanese dude. You know. what I remember about this dinner too? It was a big dinner. It was probably. like 15 of us or something. And we had a. security guy like assigned to us for. this weekend. Yeah. And uh he was like. he came over to me. I thought he was. going to tell me like something related. to he goes uh uh is it cool if my uncle.

comes by? And I go what? He goes he goes. just to like uh you know meet you. And I. go are you working right now? And he was. like, "What' you say?" I said, "Of. course." And then and then um you know, we're having dinner and then the. security guy and then there's just some. guy just Yeah. And showed up. He goes, "Uh, could you come over here?" Oh, you like. get up from eating. I got up from the. table and I was like, "What's up, man?". He goes, "Hey." I go, "Hey." He goes,

"Yeah, I live here." I go, "Cool. I'm. having dinner." Wow. Wow. Did he sit. down with us? No, he did not sit down. He's been funny as [ __ ] if he sat down. Oh my god. Can I get a plate? You're. like, I guess, dude. He showed me like. photos of some [ __ ] he's working on. This is at the restaurant at like during. I love this guy. I like when people are. bold like that. I [ __ ] think that's. funny. You think so? I think it's funny. It was very funny. I think it would. bother you. I'd laugh about it, but we. talk [ __ ] about it both. Yeah, you talk. But it's also hilarious. What. circumstance would you not take a photo. with somebody? Dude, I've obviously.

funeral. No, that's my I look my best. I'm wearing a suit. in a [ __ ] suit. Take a photo. I don't have that thing, dude. Like, I've I've been around. friends of ours who I'm like, "Oh my. god, when they go when they're like, "No, not now." Like all that [ __ ] I've. never done that. Never. I haven't. I. mean, the only time I've done it for. other people, if that makes sense. You. know, like one time I was at a dinner. with Rogan and I see a guy like there's.

like a plant in the restaurant and he's. like, and I go, "Hey, man. what are you. doing? And he's just like, uh, I go, we're he's having dinner. Like, so I did. it for him, right? I I would never do it. for for me. I can come up with some. scenarios where you wouldn't do it. Well, okay. If if my kids were sking, I. was just going to say, if you're with. your family, if you're skydiving, you. won't do it. Bungee jumping. If you were. in like a war, like, you know what I. mean? Like you're Russian and then. you're fighting Ukraine. I don't And the. Russian guy goes, "Photo?" Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, can I get the photo? Not right now. No. Honestly, only only I think I told a. story on here. I was sitting down. We. just got off a long flight. My wife and. I are sitting down to have dinner and. this guy like barges up to the table and. doesn't even acknowledge my wife like. stares right at me like like basically. bumps into her way. He's like, "Yo, dude, I'm a [ __ ] huge friend. Let me. get a photo." And that line of. questioning also, "Let me get a photo.". Like what, dude? [ __ ] I was like, "Dude, I go, brother, I'm at dinner with.

my wife. You need to [ __ ] chill the. [ __ ] out.". And he went sat. down with a bucket of ice and a bottle. of champagne. And I was like, "No, no, no. We didn't we're not drink. We're not. order any booze." And she's like, "No, no, this is from um a gentleman in the. restaurant." I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] I. don't we hate champagne." Like we don't. I don't like champagne. I [ __ ] hate. it. And I was and she she's like, "It's. one of this." You know, and the guy's. like, "Oh, it's a really nice bottle." I. was like, "Okay, don't open it." And. they're like, "Don't open it." I said, "Just put it in the thing." And I go, "Who's the guy?" And then they lead me.

around the side. It's the guy. Yeah, it's the same guy. And I walked it up to. him and I go, "Hey, man." And then he. goes, "Dude, I just wanted to apologize. I'm so sorry. I took care of your meal.". I That was so [ __ ] rude. And I was. like, "Buddy, you're the man." I go, "I. don't drink champagne. Here, have it. Take it." He had like three girls with. him. I was like, "Do your thing. Thank. you." And then I said, "Let's take a. photo." But that turned out the right. way. Sure. But it was cool move on him. He was like, "I took I paid for your. meal." I was like, "Oh, that's [ __ ]. that's nice." But at the beginning, I. was very like, "Dude, get the [ __ ] out.

of here." Are you Do you shut people. down? Um, never. But there's some. annoying circumstances. Like, if. somebody did that, if you're at dinner. with a girl and somebody barged and like. ignored them, you'd be mad. You'd be. like, "Dude, that's [ __ ] crazy rude.". I had a guy come up to me and from. behind and he I feel arms wrapped around. me on the side like this. He just, "Come. on, man." Like that without even asking. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he just snuck in and. like, "Let's, you know what I mean?" I. was like, "What are you doing?" Yeah. That's weird. I'll always take a photo.

But if it's I'm with if I'm with my wife. at dinner, I'm like, "Dude, it's [ __ ]. dinner, man. That's ins." But also the. kind of person that just is chill about. is like thinks that that's chill. You're. like, "Are you okay?" Yeah. I'm at. dinner. We're eating food. That's the. worst time to approach someone. Hands. down. Yeah. Well, just any other time. The [ __ ] also would I actually. [ __ ] I did have one time at a uh at a. urinal the guy next to me goes like no. [ __ ] and I go hey and he goes nice to. meet you and he sticks his hand up and I.

go I'll wait yet. That's so crazy done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where would you not. take a photo? You me specifically? Yeah. You like I said funeral. Um, I wouldn't. do it if I was like, um, AA meeting. Can't do. You can't. Aa. meetings. Did you get asked to get take. pictures at a bro? One time I was at a. meeting and, um, it was a big one. It. was in Louisville, Kentucky. Those are. big. Yeah. No, it was a It was a It was. a speaker meeting. [ __ ] ground zero,

dude. Right. Right. That's where bourbon. is made. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking. about two 300 people there, right? Oh, damn. [ __ ] And so in a meetings they. always go um does any is there any from. out of town right would that was my. mistake would you please introduce. yourself I go hey I'm Bobby um I'm from. Los Angeles I've been sober for whatever. the time it was you 12 years whatever. and I sat back down then after the. meeting there was a line. to take a photo with me and I just went.

I can't do this. I just it's just it's so because it's an. invasion of your privacy. And only that. is like, you know, I go to regular. meetings, you know, I mean, sometimes I. go to celebrity ones, but like, you. know, he does, dude. He loves celebrity. meetings. Yeah. Who's going to be there? No. Who else is getting clean? Yeah. Well, I want to ask you a question, and. obviously I'm not asking you to reveal. actual details, but in a broader sense, have you ever been to a celebrity. meeting where a celebrity.

reveals something and it's just like. your dopamine rush is just like, "Oh, yeah." Oh man, I've I've heard some. crazy [ __ ] from gigantic people. Really? [ __ ] I go to this meeting. Um I'm going. to tell you what night. Yeah. Yeah. But. it's an all men's meeting. Tuesday. Yeah. What? Thursday. Yeah. No, it's not. Thursday. No, it's Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's invite only and it's all. legendary rock stars. Mhm. Okay. And I. got in it when back way back in the day. when I was on Mad TV when I got sober.

with them. You have to get recommended. It's like Rya. Somebody has to recommend. you. No. Somebody has to go up to the. guy and go, "Can this guy come?" Right. You know what I mean? Right. And I've. been turned down by Celebrity Me. You. know that? No. I swear to God. What? Do. they check your star meter? Why the. [ __ ] No. No. Well, um I when I first. got sober this time, yeah, when you were. kicking the habit, 2022, yeah, kicking. the habit, my therapist goes, "You. should contact this person because he. has a really good meeting." So, I called. um this guy and I Paul Reuben. And I go,

"Can I I just got sober again. Can I go. to your meeting?" Go, you're not big. enough. No. Yeah. He said that for real, but honestly, I do know who the guy was. Yeah. I wasn't big enough. You're not. big enough. I'm not big enough. He He. hasn't seen Bad Thoughts. Maybe you call. him again. That's also true. Yeah. But I. went to this um so this Monday night and. it's like um it's so intimidating to see. the Yeah, because I I've cried in that. meeting. Is the person the person who. said that's good. You're I have Is the. person who said you're not big enough a.

huge name though? Yeah. Oh, they are. too. Yeah. And they were like sorry man. Yeah. It just you can't go. Maybe do I. should get sober just to see if I could. get into better. I would I would relapse. then. [ __ ] love that. If you called. me and go, "Hey, he let me in the. meeting." I would be like, how funny would that be if I got into. more important meetings than you? Dude, you got to do it. I'm going to do it, dude. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird, but I like to go to the. regular ones like the plumbers and all. that stuff because it's like I want to.

feel normal. Yeah, but also like you're. also the No, wait. That's not No, what. I'm saying? Let me rephrase that. Don't. you want to be the big shot at the No, no, no. He does. Yes, he does. Cut all. that out. Shut up. Stop it. They're all. like, "We're just regular guys." And. you're like, "Me, too.". No, because the with alcoholism, right, is just like you want to have. commonality with people. Yeah. And a. connection, right? And I want to bond. people through alcoholism. And you share.

a lot. Are you a sher? I do. You do? Yeah. And uh dude, he loves to share. Yeah. He gets up. there. He kills. You know what I don't. like? when it's like so there's two. types of there's three types of meetings. okay okay speaker meeting right and then. there's like a circle where people. everyone shares but the worst kind and I. went to one Tuesday like this where it. was like anyone can share but you have. to raise your hand right so I.

can't me me I can't do it no right and. so when some somebody doesn't raise. their hand they'll pick somebody so. sometimes I'll go pick me pick You know. what I mean? But I can't raise my hand. because you feel like it's too. desperate. Yeah. I just want to Yeah. Because it's like, you know, and I'm. always Cuz you're an attention [ __ ]. No, I'm not. No, we all We're standups. Okay. I am. I am. Yeah, we are. You are. Yeah, I am. You're an attention. Look at. how you just reacted to that. You're an. attention [ __ ] Yeah. And those things.

are I mean that's So you'll speak, but. not if you have to raise your hand. So. in what circumstance do you meet? He. wants them. He doesn't want to He. doesn't want to be like pick me. Some. meetings are like this where the. secretary code this is uh we point to. you don't raise your hand. Those are. ones I like. You like that? Yeah. Yeah. Could you share something with us. that you've shared at one of those? Really? Sure. Because if I say it um you you're it's.

going to cr you're going to cringe. No, we won't. I promise. Yeah. We're your friends. Well, I like example, you know, I mean, you know, I'll say something like, you. know, Socrates once said, um, a life not. self-examined is not a life worth. living. You know what I mean? And so, what I love about AA is like it's. internal, you know what I mean? And it's. like it's about looking in the mirror. and looking inside yourself. And so, and. so, you know, I do the steps, you know, I think it's very important, you know,

the weight lifted from eight and nine, you know, I mean, is absolutely. incredible. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I think it's very that kind of. thing. Thank you, Robert. That like that. and then everybody Well, no, but. sometimes they'll have a music and. they'll play you off. They'll play you. off like the Emmys. That's incredible. Like they know when you they say you're. done. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You're like. talking about Yeah. Was Melissa who let. the dogs out? Really cool. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. I think.

that's pretty incredible that you give. them that shtick. I have so many. different shticks I can use. You know. what I mean? When are you actually being. real? When there's a hot girl there. No, dude. How many times have you scooped. one up? A million. No, it's going to be so one. One. throughout my whole life. Sarah. Yo, Sarah. That's right. Yeah. I didn't blow. anime, but yeah. Yeah, that was the only. one. I don't go there to like hook up. Isn't it's against the code? No, they.

call it the 13th step. What is that? It's these, it's so gross. It's like. these old-timers, guys, people with. time, men and women, they see a newcomer. and they go in. That's the 13th step. Yeah. And you're. Yeah. It's just It's not in the steps, but it's like um No, I know it's a. hypothetical. You're taking advantage of. people's vulnerability and desperation. because you don't get sober unless you. lost a lot. You mean? No. No. If you lost a lot, you.

get Did I say that wrong? I have no. idea. You have to be a very low point in. your life. Yeah. I mean, people that are. newcomers have lost a lot, right? You. know what I mean? And they've, you know, um Well, it's a great place to be a. predator is what you're saying, right? What I'm saying is is that um some. people, not probably 1%, right, they'll. go in and not predator, but they'll. like, you know, hey, let me take you to. after the meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Take you to lunch. Take Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me pick you up for meetings.

when their intention is this girl's hot. Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's unfathomable. and I think it's [ __ ] wrong. Wow, you're a really good person. It's. just that it's just here's the thing and. and I'm let's be real for a second, okay? The whole point of it is to get. out of yourself, right? So, you know, when there's a. newcomer, I like if I'm sitting there in. a meeting and a newcomer goes, I'm a. newcomer. I'll always reach my hand out. and go, "Hey, man, welcome." You know, if you need anything, let me know. That's nice. I think you're being a jerk. jerk. I said that's nice. Yeah, when you.

do this though. Well, I'm listening. Yeah. Anyway, let's move on from that. No, I said that's nice. I was being. nice. I was being generous. What? What? Tom, you'll you'll also welcome like an. attractive woman, right? You'll welcome them. If you need. anything. Yeah. No, you know, I No, but. anyway, you inspired me. You've inspired. all of us, Tom. Yeah. And the biggest. bummer of all. is we don't get to see you more. I know, dude. But the only way we can see you is. by watching Netflix. Bad thoughts.

available right now on Netflix. streaming. Name some of the other people. that are in this [ __ ] So Shay Wigums. in it. Boom. Who's also in the new. Mission Impossible. Phenomenal. Time for. us, dude. Uh Dan saw him. Can he finish? Uh Dan Stevens. Incredible actor. Yes. True. Um Daniela Peneda, phenomenal. She's phenomenal. Um who? Roberto Lee. Bobby Lee. Roberto. Roberto Lee. Oh my. god. Rob Eer. Kirk. Fox. He's in fantastic in it. Malin bar.

Christina Piski. Alan. Rachel. Rachel. Yeah. Rachel Bloom who was in it. The. same Alan Barnholtz. That's right. I did a scene with him. He I love Allan. Joseph Rogan. Yep. None other than. Joseph Rogan. Yep. What did Joe do in. it? Plays a gay. Like a regular gay. Yeah. Very funny. That's so great. And. Sickler. Sick dog. Oh, yeah. Sickle. cell. The boy's in it. Yeah. Wow. Did. you ever try to convince him to move.

down to Austin? Sickle. Uh, we've talked. about it. You know, everybody at some. point has talked about and then even now. people go like, I got to get out of this. city. I'll say it now. I guess maybe. post fires and [ __ ] people start talking. about it more, but yeah. I don't know. We should We should get a place down. there. Be fun. Why? I still love it here. though. I have to say that. I do love. it. You love LA? I love LA. I loved your. house. The one that burned down? Yeah. I. mean before I mean burned down after you. left, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You went.

to that house? Yeah. His entire family. was in that house when it burned. Really? Extremely sensitive. Yeah. Yeah. Can we talk about I tried to bring up. the last episode, but then we made a. joke out of it, but I'm being real. Okay. Be real. Have you heard of King. Charles? Not the dog. It's a dog, right? Remember the last time you're trying to. push this on us because I I want you to. your p So can I tell you who he is? My. opinion. My guess is that the girl. you're dating has a King Charles. No, it's not about King Charles the dog. It's a dog dog named God, that's an.

adorable dog. No, King Charles the um. the alpha alpha dog. What is this? That. guy. What about him? Oh yeah, this video. is great. Yeah, it's so great. So what? See that? I'm trying to I'm just trying. to ingest. So basically in China, you. haven't seen this video. Is that what. he's I have never seen. Yeah. Yeah. Right. In China, right? There's like a. Oh, I know. The video ends then. No, it's not like that. It's a sanctuary. So. there's a dog sanctuary, right? And. there's hundreds of dogs there,

right? Am I boring you? No, it just I. mean, so many jokes are running through. It's unbelievable. I mean, you're like. literally I'm like loading a gun. I I. know. You're like in China there's a. hundred dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kept as. a sanctuary. I'm like, "This is a. buffet, but go ahead." It's okay. All. right. So, what I'm saying is is that. But there's one dog, his name is King. Charles, and he's the alpha dog, but. he's not the biggest, right? He's super. small, right? And the way the dogs. behave in front of him. So, this video.

in itself is you see King Charles is not. in it. Right. A bunch of dogs are. fighting. Right. Right. King Char, but. it's you it's in the subtle details. Yes. So, slow. Right. Exactly. So, I. play again. See, the dogs are going crazy, right? Right. They're all fighting, right? Yelling at each other. Here comes King. Charles. That one. See the Let's Push. pause. Rewind a little bit. One dog bowed to. him. Exactly. So, what the dog to his. left bows, the other one gets up and.

leaves. That's the most Chinese [ __ ]. I've ever seen. They bow. They taught. that dog how to bow. It's [ __ ] It's. amazing. This brown dog leaves. Right. Go. Yeah. The brown dog. I'm out of. here. Look at that. The rest of them. Whoa. The other one goes into the gate. He's like, "I'm out. I'm out." Yeah. He's slowly Everyone leaves. Everyone. leaves. Yeah. Yeah. And And I've been. obsessed with this guy. This is how you. see yourself. Smaller but commanding. Oh, wow. Is that Is that a real.

observation you think though? Is that. relevant to you? That you feel like. this? This is the dog you identify with. You're like, "I'm not as big as the. other dogs, but I should be respected. the way that they respect." Let Let me. tell you the dog that he is in this. video. Start the video over. Okay. I'll tell. you who Bobby is. Okay. Okay. All these dogs are fighting. Pause. You see the dog sleeping? Yes. That is [ __ ] you. That is [ __ ]. you. And that dog gets up and goes,

"Look at that. [ __ ] this. [ __ ] this. That's me, dude." 100%. That's you. That's literally you. There's no argument about it. Look at. that. Keep him. Watch him. [ __ ] off. Look at that. [ __ ] off. He's gone. Yeah. Or that's you, buddy. Well, who? That's. you on the ground. That's me after you. didn't you bail on an interview. I'm the. King Charles and you bailed on another. [ __ ] gig. Okay. And then look at. this. And you try to make excuses and I. put my foot on your throat. But it does. give you a life. It gives me a. perspective of like, you know what I.

mean? Sizes and everything. Yeah. Nice. You know what I mean? Yeah. And um the other day I was at the. improv. There was a gigantic door guy. He's like 6'3. He's standing out front. and I walked up to him and like his. breasts, you know what I mean? My head. is at his breast. Yeah. Right. I just. walked up to him and kissed his breast. and walked away. This King Charles [ __ ]. dude. How did he like how did he react? Didn't like it at all.

He's that bottom talk. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. You kiss that man's. tit just like that. What did he say? He. laughed. Yeah, of course. When Bobby Lee. kisses you in the breast, it's funny. It's funny, dude. It is [ __ ] funny. I. don't know how you get away with that. What do you mean? I don't know how you. do that. Imagine if Tommy and I kiss. somebody's tit. It wouldn't go. Is that. the weird Is that the weird thing you're. talking about? Yeah, dude. That's If. we're going to go full circle, that's. what we were talking about at the. beginning. Most guys don't kiss other. guys tits. The only thing you should.

leave with here today is just knowing. how not normal you are. [Laughter]. Dude, but in a good way. In a good way. It's so endearing. I want you to impart. some words of wisdom for our good friend. Tom Sigura before he leaves because you. are an all knowing, allseeing, all being. individual. And people come here looking. for advice about the world and life and. comedy and career. I see. I. see. Okay. So, Oh, I see. I see. I see. Okay. Hold on. Let him get in his too.

Okay, I'll make up a proverb, please. Well, don't say make it up. Just pretend. like it's a You know what I mean? No, but that's how special I am. You don't. need to say it then. Okay, but you're. right. I. apologize. A. man who says. this. Is that a word? That sounds like a. proverb to me. Yeah. Yeah. Here. A man who promises gold to a fellow man.

and negates on that gold is a man who. should be boiled in water. Whoa. I can. Are you Do you really know the language? Yes, he's speaking Japanese. Holy [ __ ].

dude. Forget what I said then. Forget what I said. Uh, ladies and. gentlemen, do yourself a big favor on. behalf of the Bad Friends family. Please. go watch Bad Thoughts right now on. Netflix. Our best buddy, Tom Siguro. we. miss and love and we know he's doing. right by us down there. I'll tell you. why you should watch it. Cuz you're in. it. Yes. And also I want a second season. so we could continue my story. Oh, interesting that you think you'd go.

back. I know. Probably not. It's on him, not. on you. I know. Okay. Everything's on. him. Have you back? I'd love to have I'm. not going to do it. You look in the camera and say thank you. for being a bad friend. Say thank you. for being a bad friend in Japanese. So. [Music]. good. Woo!

[Music].