Unspooky Halloween | Ep 189 Censored | Bad Friends

Come on Barbie let's go party uh uh I. never seen you've seen Barbie I've never. seen Barbie I don't even know how they. talk did they like this well I'm Ken and. that's my girl Barbie hi and I'm Barbie. That's not how she talks how do she talk. I'm Barbie no that's not how she talks. that's how she talks yeah all right. trans Barbie what did you just say stop. stop they're all trans I've seen the. dolls that's right they are they are.

okay guys we have a weird we have a. weird thing happening on the TV well. first of all can we wish everybody a. happy Halloween what's going on right. now you go right into bits happy. Halloween say hello and start over you. two are bad friends who are these two. idiots a white dude and an Asian dude. you two are. disgusting you two are something we're. bad. friends hi I'm.

Barbie this is Come on Barbie let's go. part Come on Barbie let's go. party it. hurts it hurts does that how it sounds. so anyway welcome to Halloween Halloween. Halloween Halloween and be careful. because you can you know indirectly um.

summoned evil spirits during the. holidays Halloween and you know you're. you're you're you're um you know you're. inviting the demon to come into your. life so be careful age you agree I agree. I saw I saw a ghost this morning in my. house and I'm not I'm actually not tell. me about your ghost I'm not joking. describe it to me the ghost so I was. looking up we were cooking breakfast. this morning and I looked up in the. hallway there's a little hallway that. goes into my living room and then into. another hallway yeah and my dog will. often sit and stare at that hallway like. she sits and stares at it all by the way. your dog yeah the best black dog I've.

ever seen yeah I know we got rid of the. white one wasn't good enough yeah I. mean that dog was doing slam dunks yep. did you hear it was like jigging yeah. have you met the dog yeah it was like if. you put down a like cardboard box flat. yep it starts break break down it's the. best it's the best black dog yeah anyway. go ahead no but my dog will sit there. right and she'll stare at the hallway. creeped out a all the time have this.

morning I looked up from eggs and looked. back down and a vision went by and let. me let me describe it to you please. please let me close my eyes tall lanky. long sh like shitty wispy hair it sounds. like okay it's okay and it's awkward and. it kind of hunches when it walks so it. has like a very like forward hunch. almost like um uh uh it was ar shafir oh. yeah he was there yeah he was at was. that AR he just slept over I see yeah he. was just going to yeah and the way you.

okay exactly over no but no demon go. back to the demon demon demon long like. one of the tree people you know the tree. people that have long like like U daddy. long legs like Lord of the Rings tree. people yeah the tree people long I have. no idea what those people look like oh. you never saw it I know you know I don't. know [ __ ] okay so anyways long what's. what is what Slender Slender yeah. slender slend there's two different. Slenderman SL more slender is my. accountant yeah yeah yeah he's your. business manager so my accountant was. that your yeah he was there oh I see and.

he kept walking through the house and he. goes you have to do your. texes he's always at my house doing that. [ __ ] yeah yeah so I saw the I saw a. vision of the body going through the. hallway and I got Goose do you call them. Goose pimples or Goosebumps bumps. goosebumps you say bumps bumps what do. you say um what I have never gotten them. you've never gotten Goosebumps before. never our our skin doesn't do it Asian. skin doesn't Goosebump no we don't do. shock we you guys duck bump we don't. have Awakenings you guys duck bump we. Goosebump you duck bump yeah no I I dude.

I get [ __ ] Goosebumps as big as. coconut. balls what is it coconut balls you mean. a coconut I just woke up so you know. when I just woke up I don't know what. I'm saying yeah I get gooseb as big as. coconut. coconuts no but I get them I mean when's. the last time I had a. goosebump when's the last time you got. people. cheer yeah dude I'm getting them right. now yeah that worked Goose coconut balls. whoa yeah or or when I I have a A.

Spiritual Awakening give me one did you. have one recently I haven't had a. spiritual awakening in um many many. years but I you know I had one when I. was the biggest well let's talk about it. later but I never really shared it but I. had the craziest where I went this is. where I went there is no. coincidences at all and this is what. this is the Lord's work this is the. Lord's work and I could share but anyway. tell me to go back to the thing I'd. rather you share it right now you're. deep in the middle of you're talking.

about a demon in your house let's go. there okay all right so more SlenderMan. was in the house more slender walking. through the house yeah right filthy. floors he. hated hated the house it was dirty it. was we didn't clean but I immediately. got this feeling in the pit of my. stomach that someone had died in the. house so I texted my real estate agent. and I said did anybody ever pass away. yeah in this home he he blocked my. number. whoa so what that means to me is he. killed someone in the house while he was.

selling it what I think was this is my. my my brain he was showing the house. someone was criticizing it you know when. you go through a house you're like I. don't like the fixtures his door seems a. little he couldn't do it anymore well I. I was at your house last night yeah we. had a little mini get together it was a. great get together I ran into people. that I had seen a long time Nick Nick CH. yeah and then dude and this I'm kind of. mad at you why in fact I'm furious what. did I. do because you know that kid Matt yeah. he did Fairfax yeah you know him right.

yes yeah he's a good friend all right so. check it out. dude last time I was like um he. goes yeah and I offered you that thing. he did yeah on Fairfax yeah he offered. you a role on an animated and I go wait. it's you yeah Matt cuz I have known Matt. but when you called me and said do. Fairfax you never said it was him I'm. sure I did no you didn't you just gave. me what the money was and I was said no. well that's right yeah you said no to. the money I know if he was if he reached. out though I would have done it here's. what it sounded like boys it sounded. like this hey my buddy Matt is making.

this show called Fairfax that's actually. a cool show on Amazon it's an animated. show and it's offering you x amount of. dollars that's what I said what you. heard. was. $800 that's what I heard yeah yeah you. heard Charlie Brown but you said you. know the chubby cheek guy with the. glasses yeah the Jack Osborne chubby. cheek guy with the glasses I would have. been oh have them call me okay anyway. well that was the second time I had to. push you so your great party thing I saw.

was oh you had some uh you you walk you. walk in you go okay this is Andrew. Santino's private mini party Elite only. no Elite only right in my mind yeah it. should have been I was driving up to. your house I was like who's going to be. there right Chris Pratt right yeah you. know what I mean some of some other guy. he was cleaning the pool he he was yeah. anyway I walk in and I'm like oh that's. pretty good that's pretty good that's. pretty good you know some producers. there yeah some yeah yeah some high tech. right but then you had mixed in with it.

borderline homeless yeah well when you. refer to. that like oh it's not fancy well here's. the deal yeah it's not Elite we needed. someone to get ice and I said he goes do. you mind if I stop by and I said you can. be there for 15 minutes yeah I said drop. off the ice 15 minutes then you got to. go but the worst person that showed up. by far let me guess go ahead one two. three Carlos obviously and here's what. car why why no I'm I'm going to tell you.

I know you think I'm kidding around he. tried to hook up with my wife twice hit. on her two times drunk as [ __ ] dropped. multiple [ __ ] on the ground I picked it. up I picked it up barely barely dude and. here's the funniest part late at night. this is I'm not making any of this up I. got there's a bag of tsos. chips right yeah I hear from the [ __ ]. other. room and. then I go in this [ __ ] lunatic like. Tyrannosaurus re. is shuffling I mean look a handful of P.

chips he's crunched them. and trying to inhale them like a pig and. he's spilling all over the floor yeah. and I go dude one at a time yeah one at. a time and he goes he has a hyena paw. yeah right so it's like the crunching. look go like this with your hand look. yeah so he's digging in there and he's. crunching them into his little mouth and. I was like buddy one chip at a time. that's not go They're not going anywhere. they're your chips and those chip you. say what did you you say what was your.

response I don't remember I just was. trying to get them all in at once that's. what you said that's what I said that's. what are you what are you doing dude. also if the chips closer to the mouth. they start whittling away because of his. breath oh my. God they jump off the chips are like you. know I mean they. just it's insane yeah dude it was he was. shoving I'm sorry no and then you're a. good guy but your breath come on and on. top of. that on top of that so little patio we. have a nice little p Beau everyone's.

hanging out I put out in the case that. there might be bugs just little spindles. with little thing you light it and it's. for bug perfume you know bug off like. little off candles Andrew I swear this. time out you shut your mouth this guy uh. oh uses it as an. ashtray dude Bobby. Bobby you might as well just ash it in. that baby's head a baby there oh oh no. no it gets worse hold on hold on let me. get to that part now only to you use the. off candle thing as an AST Trey he's.

smoking sharing cigarettes yeah dude. next to my buddy's pregnant. wife yeah dude lunatic lunatic you're a. lunatic it was a joint yeah yeah no you. smoked a cigarette then you guys smoked. joints then you smoked more cigarettes. I'll tell can I next time if you're. going to bring Mexicans bring the darker. skinned ones that's right cuz these. lighter skinned ones they're they're. arrogant well you know what else and. they think they're above it and he. didn't even help to clean up which you. know a darker Mex would defitely done. they would have also built a gazebo and. helped with the fence dude ripping butts.

next to my buddy's pregnant wife and I. mean huffing down cigarettes they took. no breaks it was chain smoking weed and. cigarettes how long Honestly though cuz. I left I was there for an hour maybe you. were there for an hour and a half how. long three hours and be honest was. Carlos there for all night one of the. last ones to leave to midnight yeah. midnight 30 yeah one of the last ones to. leave when did mcone. leave uh in my mind he was never there. yeah yeah yeah but his physical presence. he was around the same time they left. together cuz you know these two are up. to no good together all the time did. most of the people stay a lot of people.

k a lot of the people had to kick it and. also you know people that wanted to stay. late to talk to the old lady was nice. and what did we do by the way you want. to talk about a dual Halloween birthday. party we served Ramen for you that's. true that I was wondering why there's so. much Ramen here for you we had homemade. Ramen did you get some homemade Ramen. that was good it's really good you made. home we make the we make the broth from. scratch and then we get the fresh. noodles from the market wow is it good I. mean it was so good you didn't have any.

he already ate you know what he ate. before that Ramen R Well if I knew that. you were going to have Ramen I would. have got the ramen I just assumed you. said I'm probably going to go to dinner. and I thought well fine he was going. well I was was friends anyway my point. is is okay so back to oh and then and. then you said and then you you say and. then um and then what what else you look. good Barbie thank you honestly when I. see you I realize why I'm in Love with. You Come on Barbie let's go party do you. know that song that I'm singing no but I. don't want no know but I don't want to.

know it look it up who who who sung that. you don't know this song I'm a Barbie. girl in a Barbie world life is plastic. it's fantastic vote for Trump 2020 for. to get him back is that the lyrics yes. we should vote for. Trump and who sings it Barbie Aqua or. zoom into the lyrics and let me see if I. can get this hi you Barbie oh is that. that the part of the lyrics that I'm. saying it to you it's the beginning of. the song hi you. Barbie oh let's do this as a dialogue.

well we're trying right now I'm trying. to all all right so okay hi you Barbie. hi Ken you want to go for a ride sure. Ken jump. in I'm a Barbie girl okay listen to the. beat Oh I thought I was just do the. dialogue still no that's the song. now I'm a Barbie girl in a barie world. life in plastic if fantastic you can. brush my hair Andress me.

anywhere. imagination life is your creation very. good dude that's very very good okay. Come on Barbie let's go party and and. then you have to go like. this yeah ready Come on Barbie let's go. party. whoa whoa whoa whoa who what was that. that was a real orgasm dude did you. really just pop one that's a real orgasm. dude Come on Barbie let's go party. is that what you sound like when you.

shoot yeah dude you don't like it I do. not much I do not but I'm not the girl. so it doesn't matter well what I do is I. give him the little um plug earplugs oh. so they can't hear you I put them in. right when I'm about to come oh I put. them. in do you know what Carlos said to me. last night no joke hey man this area. this area that you live in has a ton of. good prostitution spots oh my god did. you say that or am I making that up or. not no I did say it the subb it's the. valley but but he literally goes this is. a hot bed of prostitution spots did you.

say that or not I did I did I did say. that okay so don't make it sound like. you didn't say no I was embarrassed of. my words that's why I you said it to the. entire party well I was just trying to. tell you and some everybody heard Andrew. I got to tell you I woke up and I was. like I you don't remember what happened. last night no I remember a little bit. and I was like oh no I'm calling you. right now let me see how you. react Bob I haven't picked up yet I know. I just like to talk. to oh.

hello. Bob Carlos wait wait what who is. this you don't have caller ID it's me no. I just Andrew yeah okay Carlos suck my. house last night drunk he sucked your. house what you said Carlos sucked your. house last night I got to. go I know is that your cousin your. cousin's girlfriend was that your. cousin's girlfriend he doesn't have a. girlfriend who was that girl though then.

she was a single girl there's just girls. that were there there's people that were. there yeah she's pretty cute are you. interested no but who is she you're. interested who is she though well I'm. not telling you on air okay but I mean. are you. interested there was something about her. eyes I like the eyes too what the eyes. were good I like what when women's eyes. are close together yes this is. interesting I always date girls with. cross eyes and close together what do. you mean she doesn't have cross eyes. they're like you know what she told me. she's never been in a relationship in. her whole life God bless she really are.

we talking about the same person yeah. close eyes well first of all Carlos was. talking to a plant for like 34 hour all. right anyway um can I talk about the. spiritual awakening now or please I've. been waiting I know but it's not funny. doesn't matter but I want you to ask. questions if you you bet I will okay. I'll do it as quick as I can because I. don't want to bore the audience okay. because it's not like there's no comedy. well the buildup is killing me so please. do it I'll will start okay so check it. out.

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very active in you know local San Diego. recovery scene right I had a sponsor and. you know and all that stuff right and so. then after about five years I [ __ ]. quit going to meetings right right and I. started doing standup because it filled. my heart right and then I just it got to. the point where years went by and I. didn't know anybody from the thing. anymore from what thing oh from the. recovery from recovery or anything I. didn't have a single number I didn't. knowbody I been to meeting many many.

years and then when I was 30 when I I. had almost 13 years of sobriety when did. I relapsed where when I was on matad TV. yeah that was the first time you. relapsed that was the first time right. right so and I but that was a opiates. run that's bad I had a vikin addiction. pills are so bad so bad it was [ __ ]. bad dude at one point how many vikin. pills were you taking a day do you. remember probably anywhere 40. to 60 in a day yeah they said Brett.

Favre takes that I go I I do Brett fa. numbers I've hung out with him yeah yeah. like I can throw football he's always. like come on man take one you're like. Favre chill out dude I was taking a lot. and there 40 is insane and there was. just sketch guy I can't say his name no. don't but he's like a 500 lb Mexican. dude who fluffy no who also does sketch. comedy Gabriel glacia no it was gab. right was doing opioids with you yeah. and he would like I lived on uh sandborn. I remember s right and I would look out.

the window and he would just roll down. the. hill here I come you know I mean it's a. roll down and he' had [ __ ] bags of. pills Joey Diaz it somebody like that. yeah right anyway I almost died right. and then what happened was I went. through a withdrawal that you wouldn't. believe and I went to a hospital in San. Diego and I was desperate I was dying. dude and what they did was they Abby my. manager she booked me at a place called. the optiman Optimum Health.

Institute it wasn't a [ __ ] rehab it. was a it was a weat grass Farm oh my God. so I show up I'm detoxing alav viin and. I'm in a room Abby has the room next to. me is she really into weak grass no. she's like I want to lose weight and and. so you could detox here but I could also. lose weight she was Sho shoehorning her. weight loss your [ __ ] yeah yeah rehab. so check it out I'm at the Optimum. Health Institute I wake up I'm shaking. I'm going through there's no they don't. have pills or nothing right and then.

they're drinking you get weak rest for. lunch is that dangerous can't you die if. I could have died yeah right and also I. need recovery I need to go to a meeting. right and I was desperate dude I was are. you bored no I just had an itch stop. doing the boarded I don't like Bo I'm. sorry is this boring no not at all. here's Spiritual Awakening part it's fun. for me oh yeah here's the spiritual. awakening so one night I go I need to go. to meet she this this is not a recovery. plan I go why am I here right and so I. go I go give me money she goes why I.

need money give me money so she gave me. like 40 bucks she goes why I go I'm. going to leave this place tonight at. 11:30 I'm going to hop over the fence. I'm going to round it was in San Diego I. was going to run down this hill it was. probably like a quarter of a mile this. hill right and I know that there's an in. and out some from San Diego yeah around. there there is one down there so I run. down this H right and I go to the in-. and out and it was like all they had was. weat grass no I ate you know a hamburger. and then I went there was a Von next.

door and also what yeah I go to the V. there's always a V Next Door an in and. out yeah and it's 24 hours right yeah. always and and I was also like crying. desperate dude I was desperate I was. praying to God when I was run running. like I need help yeah I feel. lost and so um this is going to sound so. cheesy you're going to I like it you're. going to eat this you eat Barbie come on. okay he I'm back so here so I'm at the. vs and I go you know what I'm going to. Apple oh no what.

guess then Adam came out and you were. Eve and you. started. no I thought that was what I thought had. nothing to do with the Bible those. something biblical oh cool yeah I didn't. think so I didn't think so at all so all. right so here this is the cheesy part. what kind of apple I for me I like l i. like Laxton superb I would I would. imagine Fiji for you but go ahead I like. Fiji yeah Fiji yeah red delicious is.

good oh so good Golden Delicious are so. good they're very good anyway let's can. we move on Washington there's so many so. I pick up an apple right and I I hear. Bobby the Apple's talking to you no. oh what yeah yeah no and I turn around. and there's a dude right behind me and. he seems. familiar you know him but you don't. remember yeah it's been a while like was. he a teacher of my older man and he goes.

it's me. Will Smith no okay sorry some random guy. named will okay some random guy yeah and. I. go dude you were my first sponsor you. know I mean when I was 16 you know what. I mean whoow and he goes yeah dude he. goes what are you doing here I go I you. know I relapsed and then I you know took. the Von and then um I ran down this hill. I told him the whole story right and I. go I go what are you doing here he goes.

I was speaking at an a meeting in. Arizona and I was driving back wow and. I'm on the freeway and I'm like somebody. told something told me to come here I. swear to God heut I swear to God he says. this W and he goes um and he goes um and. I walk in and there you are and I go how. you like them apples he didn't say that. it's. not sorry he could have though yeah and. then he goes I have all your like you. want to I I have everyone's number from. all the numbers I lost the right so I.

got you know Dan Old Man Dan Dan Dan. right and all and I got all these guys. numbers and then that week everyone. picked me up at the Optimum Health. Institute to get you back to go to take. me to meetings it was a very. essential you know mean part of that and. I stayed sober for 17 years after that. it worked but that but to me that felt. like a spiritual awakening that is that. is very deep that is an actual spirit. it's probably coincidence. no I don't believe so I've never asked.

you this do you. believe that things happen for a reason. uh like it's sort of like pre-planned uh. Destiny Destiny or do you think it's. just random chaos you know what I mean. and this is tough this one's tough what. do you think it's tough for me what do. you mean because because my answer is. going to sound annoying I want to know. for real well it's going to sound it's. going to like be annoying can I take. this it's really bothering me yeah no. you look so pretty I know I kiss can't. do it well the hat but please leave the.

hair no pleas it bothers it CU my ey. I'll leave the hair you look so pretty. with I actually looked at you a few. times and I thought you sexy little. Korean chick that' be great what's your. name Tut oh tutu where are you from Oak. Island hook Island oak oak like oak. trees no what no Oak my back oh oh my. back oh oh my back is yeah yeah yeah. anyway so what do you believe I believe.

that there is a part there is things. that are out of our control that I'm not. saying it's supposed it was supposed to. happen like but I do think you do things. in life that lead you to where you're. definitely supposed to go we were. supposed to do this show and it was kind. of unbeknownst to us you do believe that. a little bit that it was that that that. when we met that day at the store and. became friendly with each other years. years years ago the universe was like.

these energies will meet again wow and I. do kind of believe that I don't know why. I I'm not saying like we're destined to. have a huge podcast and and and go and. tour the no I'm just saying I believe. that the Universe wanted us to continue. to come back together over the years and. just like partially if I'm going to be. honest I think the universe wanted me to. be there for you and you to be there for. me for my reasons for your reasons me. kind of helping you get sober again or. this show kind of reinvigorated a part. of you as a comedian and as a person and.

I don't know and then you for me get. more balanc I understand that but then. how do you explain the kids that die in. like no I'm not going to say like in. darur they're born with HIV it's a. warant warn War torn country they die as. baby I mean what is their Destiny what. do you mean they they met I mean did. they have a I know but that was their. Destiny yeah to be born with HIV to die. in a war of course not no of course not. no I think that I think.

um I think that like I said it's not no. one's life is like perfectly mapped out. but I think that when things happen in. your life sometimes it's out of your. control and life is a mystery life is a. my um but no why do kids get that's why. that's why I don't believe in one. omnipotent being I don't why would you. give children cancer that's insane yeah. I believe when I die I'm going to open. my eyes and I'm going to be in some sort. of. machine right and it's going to it's.

going to open up right and I'm going to. have a bunch of people I I kind of. vaguely know they're going to go that. was fun right oh that's cool and I'm. going to go up and I go whoa and I was. I'm going to be at some sort of arcade. in the future yeah like dude that was. only three specx so they played. you it's their time their money specx. SPC I go spetic that's our money right. yeah dude yeah you you want to do you. dude cuz you did the U Korean comedy one. yeah you got to check out this other one.

it's so much F the one that's successful. you you could become Tom Hardy I oh. there's a Tom yeah but that's 40 spec. specx so hard to get 40 specx yeah yeah. I don't have 40 specx I go oh my God and. I'm going to look at my body I'm going. to be like 9 foot n that's how tall I am. doubt it yeah for their I'm 7 fo3 but. everyone else is. 9 right right and I'm and I'm not even. you I'm speaking different langu I'm. like you know what I mean and I'm going. to realize oh [ __ ] I wash dishes at this.

at this truck stop in. space right and I just I'm going to. realize the three specx that I spent. right was my month worth of month a. month of life that was your lifetime my. life savings back to the and my mom's. like why did I pick the fat Korean gide. imagine you're a beautiful handsome like. male model in that other world and you. pick this body and this thing cuz you. thought it'd be funny to be a comedian. then you go back to watching dishes and. you realize the whole time you'd rather. be a hot guy that watches dishes in.

space than pay three specs to be a Bobby. Le yeah but um it' be interesting I. think that's what's going to happen I'm. kidding I would pay so many specx to be. you you're worth all the specx well if. if everyone's life is a ride like let's. see how much spectex it would be yeah. like like Carlos's ride you know the. ones at we're future people we're aliens. whatever we're at an arcade that has. this thing you know that you know the. rides at Six Flags that do like just. like 80 Loops in a row mine's Scared. Straight Like if you're in trouble. you're a teenager in space they make you.

be me on Earth if you were a roller Co. they're going to wake up they're going. to die they go oh wow glory holes are. bad you're right they'll learn something. what they did if they did your ride at. the arcade oh okay okay yeah I just are. we on the right comedy frequency oh my. go he's not you know why cuz he's hung. over and he's guilty about no I had a. burger I've been drinking water all day. what did you do when you left my house I. woke up the next morning where did you. go did you go get food no I went home I.

didn't you didn't go through a drivethru. no what do you think that's going to. happen when you die don't give me heaven. give me something else I don't heaven I. don't [ __ ] when you die what's going. to happen nothingness uh no I think I'm. reincarnated I believe in reincarnation. I think I come back I mean this time I. kind of know a. grasshopper holy [ __ ] I'll tell you why. when I was a kid wow kids were killing. grasshoppers in the neighborhood what. kind of [ __ ] up kids were we hanging. out with uh I went to a a terminally. mentally challenged oh school yeah these.

kids were killing Grasshoppers and I. stopped someone from doing it and he was. like why I was like I don't know I don't. like it I didn't like it and I. thought that's going to be me someday. and something's going to save me wow and. the universe paid itself off that day. wow there was a weirdo in our. neighborhood used to reminded me he go. catch fish down by the water and he'd. throw them against the. wall what a [ __ ] [ __ ] dude the. first I remember the first time I saw it. and I was like he's going to kill people. when he gets big he'll kill people he.

would just throw a fish against the wall. yeah and he was so crazy but no one. could say anything because he would have. beat the [ __ ] out of us he was huge he. was like a he was like a fat one eye was. lower than the other one he was like a. fat goon and he would catch fish and be. like and heck it out yeah he would Huck. it against the wall dude and we were all. so scared to say anything imagine if. that happened to us we get dragged into. water and a fish throws us against. [ __ ] coral reef that's what you'd get. I'm already drowning I hope that's what. he would get that's why reincarnation is. real wow dude I think so I think I'm. coming back as a grasshopper what would.

do you think would happen because I I I. indirectly killed a bird dude that's. weird you said that I thought I think. you'd come back as a bird but a. flightless. bird whoa like a what do you call it. you're a Dodo Flingo Flamingo just a. Dodo a do what a don't call me that a. duck you're a Dodo I'm a dodo bird no. he's a Dodo this is a 100% of Bobby Lee. that's not you that's 100% you that I. guess that is me look at that that's me. d. I just woke up it's three look at that.

yeah and look at how happy he oh he's so. happy that is Bobby Le a flightless bird. the only reason they say these things. surviv so long is because there was no. Predators really nobody wanted to eat it. wow well I think is but where where are. they they were they were in Australia. right they're still alive I don't think. there's a lot left they're still going. are they still around extinct DOTA. became extinct less than 80 years later. because of the deforestation hunting and. destruction there yeah yeah so they did. die out we can bring them back they've. got to be able to bring these things.

back imagine all the things man that we. [ __ ] it extinct well dinosaurs weren't. our. fault I know but after that man what. like what things do we. extinct well I know there's like two. snow lepers. left no there's more than two how many. snow lepers are out there there's six. 7,000 not bad four dude for a species of. animal 4,000 is not that good that's not. a good number okay Boston was about that. like four 5,000 people that was a lot of.

snow leopards in that the Boston the. arena that or the theater we played in. Boston you tell me if those were all. snow leopards you wouldn't be like. that's a fuckload of snow leop oh let me. think yeah spread across the world. though yeah yeah that's a lot that's a. lot too many plenty the animals humans. have killed off uh the Stellar sea cow. which is also Carlos's mom. burn you've met my mom what' you say. you've met my mom I know I love your mom. I want to hook up with her Shopify hey. you guys if you have an online store or. you're a merchant online guys if you're.

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head over to vom.com now to see where. your current ride is worth and check out. thousands of cars to find your next one. that's vroom.com vom. v.com I got to be honest with you most. of these animals that we've extinct were. pretty unattractive it's like we killed. all the ugly ones and kept the cute ones. but why like you know you know people. get get get killed for like tusks it's. it's if you're an animal with a Tusk. yeah right or horns or any of that kind. of stuff you're pretty [ __ ] fed huh no. no what do you mean well I mean that's.

why people got why that's why people. killed them for like hey look what I got. not all of them you know people took. elephant tusk for Ivory because it was a. it was a tradable good I'm not saying I. mean what what do they use Ivory for huh. what do you use Ivory for well it used. to be piano keys for one thing but Ivory. can be used for a myriad of things. countertops tables I mean wow fig that's. why they killed them jewelry piano keys. wow yeah that's insane I mean chess sets. you ever played chess with an ivory with. ivory chess pieces. they're nice wow very nice so.

interesting I've never played chess a. collector's mentality people have also. been known to use bribe government. officials because it's rarer than money. or gold right people go on those Hunting. Expeditions and they get elephant tusks. yeah like Trump's kids yeah yeah they. got to do it right they got to do it. yeah go get me a. Tusk have you ever been to somebody's. house who has like deer antlers on the. [ __ ] wall no have you never but it. the thought of it creeps me out yeah. I've never seen a I've never been to a. hunter's Lodge yeah why would we go I. don't I want to go to a hunter's Lodge I. mean I've been to that's not true well.

I've never been to like a guy's house. that hunts but I've been to a place to. hunt yeah it's interesting people do it. and you know they have the half the body. of a something something on the wall. yeah right no it's usually the head oh. it's the head why don't they do. humans why don't stop stop stop let's. just that's. again it the way you asked humans D was.

something that you've been thinking. about for so long for so long and you. were like and you looked at me like. we're I'm about to bond with Bobby mhm. you go. humans [ __ ] yeah that's what I've been. thinking about yeah but if you died hum. and I had like a Bobby like your. original body like in my living room. that'd be insanely awesome like the top. of Bobby no you you want to keep his. dead body in your living room well I. mean they make it all nice and stuff. like they do for the long they make it. all nice and stuff yeah they like make.

they put wax on him do you mean they. who's they they petrify him you you're. talking about like Taxidermy you want a. Taxidermy Bobby the just the top like of. sticking out of a wall like his bust. yeah exactly but you know not like. standing free it could come out of the. wall like a TV oh cool yeah like so when. you have people over you're like that's. my old buddy Bobby yeah and what. expression do I have let me guess let.

me was your friend taking a [ __ ] when he. died no no he's Asian. yeah he's Asian if you had the bust of. me in your house what would my. expression be very stoic and serious. also look like I'm taking a [ __ ] yeah. yeah we both look like we're taking a. [ __ ] well you should have do both of us. then yeah next to each. other those the bad friends let me be. honest you just poked a little bit of. the southernness out of you when he said. that cuz you know he's been waiting to. be like don't you guys think slavery is.

like not that bad you know what I mean. he says stuff like that you know he says. stuff yeah it's deep inside no I'm not. pro. slavery what about sounds like there's a. butt coming after that what about from. Malahide yeah if if I you put me in a. tuxedo and a top hat yeah and I'm just. floating in formaly is that creepy dip. you in it they don't you don't float in. they dip you in it well so what's the. stuff that they put with the frogs they. put in the jar like an dependence say. well yeah they put a jar and there's. that liquid what's that liquid in the.

jar that might be from alide that's what. I'm saying but I don't think you could. float in that I think when they do that. they put they put it inside of your body. look up I think they put from alide. inside of your body pres wants to be on. a jar you like a like a Disney like Walt. Disney's head yeah well he's. cryogenically frozen isn't he. Frozen I thought they put him in jars. there we go dude man it's just like. there we go go to the Head well that's. just Halloween here's oh there I am. that's at a Portuguese University and. it's well preserved see this is perfect.

that kind of looks like you I know dude. so doing doing that but my whole. body I that's a good idea dude and this. would be y'all too oh cute you wouldn't. want that whole body imagine how weird. your penis looks floating in a jar with. you oh that's. right you know I think about that all. the time like you know how people say. they slip in the shower and they die you. know that happens a lot like I slip in. the tub and I think I would please God. don't let slip in the shower and die. because then they see you what do you. mean and you're wet with your little.

penis is wet and it's tiny cuz you're in. the shower like you're a little wet. penis and you're dead that's why I got. rid of my. fungus cuz you don't want to die my my. left foot remember I had a fungus on my. left fo yeah it's all gone but the. reason my biggest fear was if I died and. they had that in front of my body my. brother would be like yeah that's him. look at the foot look at his foot I got. to get rid of that you got to get rid of. it like my dick why do you care about. your dick after your dead listen what. I'm saying is I'll tell you I used to.

have a joke about it but I wanted to die. with clothes on because it genuinely. scares me because paramedics are going. to come in the room and they're going to. go dude no they're not yeah they are no. they're Santina if it was a murder scene. no but if it was just had a heart attack. they're going to laugh they're going to. go dude that's the bad friends guy look. at his little naked wet penis like if I. had to identify your body they you know. they unzip yeah and they look at your. face right you know the end zip no I'm. going to go can you zip it further down.

no not you I want to I want to do I'm. saying the paramedics walk in the corner. walks in and they go don't touch it's a. you know it's a we're trying to leave. the body alone you know paramedics and. they all get in there and they're. looking at me in the shower and the. water's running and I'm wet and my penis. is Tiny resting against my balls and I'm. dead and you know one of them's going to. go it's not even that cold in. here you think they you think they are. yeah you think those guys don't make. jokes sometimes if it's a murder scene.

no but if it's just a regular death you. don't think those guys make some kind. this this is what I would do this is. what I would do I'd see your body I. would look at your head and go oh [ __ ]. I'm a huge fan and I would look down i'. go see exactly yes just a little yes. everybody's penis is gross and and water. so right when you get out of the shower. yeah there's unless you're like hooking. up and you have a and you have a hard on. when you just get out of the shower your. penis is so weird and wet and like sad. and like a little you know what it looks.

like one of the extinct animals that we. had one of those little weird extinct. animals yeah it's gross dude uh huh you. look at your penis after you take a. shower huh I'm looking at it the whole. time I'm trying to kiss it yeah I've. been doing stretches that's why I hurt. my back my dick though it goes if I pull. it out right now you don't even see it. I'm not going to but it it's in my body. oh it go it goes all the way in it the. whole thing just goes in my body do you. know why you're you know why it does. that why it wants to stay warm it gets. closer to the warmth is that why yeah it. squiggles in that's why your balls go up.

that's why your balls go upstairs when. when you're in cold water I stole you. stole I stole your wife's joke what I. stole it what joke with the why the the. the little people oh my God yeah I said. it on a podcast that's okay and I didn't. give her credit that's okay I I just. feel like I was a thief that's nice to. that joke was so good yeah that was my. wife it got a huge laugh what pod. I don't I'm trying to think about what. but I remember thinking when I said it I.

was like oh my God what am I menia but I. was like but I was like oh I have to. tell them that I to I said that yeah I. don't want you guys think that I stole. you know what mean it's okay but that's. nice to say that to the audience I mean. this will never cross paths but tell. people the joke you tell people the joke. you're the one that told. it well it's that your your wife didn't. tell the joke she was just made an. observation I thought I thought was very. funny yeah it was a joke yeah and. somebody proposed you know um little. people have bad breath. yeah and then you right propos it's.

because their [ __ ] are closer to. their. mouth their esophagus is so short and. when she said that I was like dude. that's the funniest thing I've ever. heard it's a very good joke she knock. that one that's a home run [ __ ] so. funny very good one I got to tell you we. have never mind let you say there's a. little people couple in our. neighborhood. and they went trick-or-treating last. year and they went as full-sized people.

they wore stilts that's clever no they. didn't do that I'm. kidding I was like that's genius no they. didn't do that wow they didn't do that. but I am I am excited to to feed the. little kids candy because I love I get. excited in fact anybody who doesn't. decorate their house if you live in a. neighborhood where kids come through. right well you're in the Hills no one's. going to come up in the hills but if you. live in the FL if you live in the. neighborhood that's not hard to get to. and you don't decorate the house a. little bit and you don't hand out candy.

you're a piece of [ __ ] person and I mean. I agree you're a piece of [ __ ] because I. remember what it felt like when I was a. kid and we would go to houses that were. decorated and it was whim it felt like. what a [ __ ] cool weird night where. like people you never met before open up. their home and they give you candy and. it's just and it's and we're all in this. together it's like a mob mentality but. for good and then there's there's people. I remember houses that never turned they. turned all the lights off they never. decor at and there was no candy and I. wanted to [ __ ] break all their. Windows right and we'd egg those houses.

when I was when I was a teenager we'd. egg the dark houses if you didn't. decorate you got egged and I think today. kids should be doing that I think you. should be egging houses that don't. decorate you know what I would do smoke. meth no I would I would dress up too. right and when they ring my doorbell and. I open it they go trick or treat you. know what I'd go I'd be like I'd have my. own basket I'd go trick orre oh nice. yeah yeah psychology and then they would. have to give me their candy. smart smart has that ever been done oh.

yeah got to be by a mentally unstable. person imagine what Halloween is like in. a mental institution all right. everyone's just going. around what do you mean imagine a mental. institution during Halloween they dress. up like normal well like of like full. functioning adults yeah and they have. full conversations like how was your. 401k. Mark they pretend to be totally normal. yeah that' be cool. man how's your wife and your.

kids that'd be cool oh oh dude there was. an old woman in our neighborhood who. used to hand out change that's good and. this is so mean then the kids would when. they would leave they'd throw it at her. house cuz oh they would well it was like. pennies she'd give you like four pennies. so kids would walk down the street and. they would throw it at her house yeah. and it was like mean but funny but like. also don't give people panties what the. [ __ ] yeah or don't put razor blades in. the Apple no no not in an apple you got. to be way more creative. nowadays what do what do you mean you.

got to put in something that's a little. bit tricky I mean a peanut if you put in. a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup I got to. tell you it lays perfect a titsy roll. you could unwrap that you can put a. needle in there yeah not a needle but. what's fun to put it by the way I think. this is I think this is lore how many. times do they really find who's taking. the time to do this and also you're. going to be able to find the house yeah. well no you're not cuz you're getting so. much candy wow let me look at that W see. this is my problem who does that. somebody did that they put a nail in a. [ __ ] Kit Kat yeah somebody's a piece.

of [ __ ] what a piece of [ __ ] dude but. you know what's crazy. what that's Carlos yeah car Carlos hand. out caramel apples this year what's. insane is they say check your kids candy. do you think parents go through all of. their kids can that'd be hard to do oh. way would you let your kid trick-or. treat when when your kid's old enough I. think so cuz I never had uh Halloween uh. when I was a kid you you guys don't do. anything like that now now it's it's. Universal but I when I was growing up. they had Carnival and things like that.

but it wasn't as fun as so for me a. moviees. right yeah right that's the real oh I. love Mexicans yeah this is maybe the. dopest verion of Halloween that's the. coolest yeah so cool so what is it. called what do you call that call that. makeup the calabas the Calas skulls. skulls what is what is this called in. Spain this is the Los moros but but we. don't celebrate it like this no the. moros a religious thing The Day of the. Dead yeah but you don't celebrate. anything like that huh no you it's.

because you killed so many people for so. many centuries right you're afraid. they'll all come back and [ __ ] kill. you yes this reminds me of Coco I don't. know if you saw Coco one of my favorite. dude that that movie made me cry to of. course what do you mean bald if you. didn't cry at CoCo you're that movie. made me cry dude I love Coco if you. didn't cry at almost every Pixar movie. you're a [ __ ] weirdo okay what's the. the most you cried at a Pixar movie I I. I know right now go up the the the. Montage scene in up the beginning yeah.

it'll break your little [ __ ] heart. but the rest of the movie you don't cry. but you cry there yeah when his wife. dies beautiful Montage um I didn't cry. at all for uh inside out that wasn't a. cry for me I didn't cry I didn't cry. that I liked it though it was good it. was good yeah I didn't cry there and. then what was one with the with the. black guy who's a jazz musician air. Griffin Soul oh yeah soul did you see. that yeah but that didn't make me cry. either I didn't see it is it good it. wasn't good no it wasn't that good is. Asian one did they did yeah Mulan Mulan.

that's not that's not oh that's not yeah. Mulan but that's not talking about Pixar. yeah they call Pixar turning red turning. red is my. documentary it's also not not turning R. is it about Asians who drink yes I never. saw that the first Asian Le movie is. what it is the first Asian Le Pixar film. turning yeah is that you Bob yeah and. all of the kids got to meet Bobby Lee. that day I did one movie It's called.

wish Dragon but I don't think anyone saw. it show me wish Dragon wish Dragon oh. that's so cute is it all Asian yeah are. you the Dragon no I'm like a. henchman cool I'm a henchman who plays. the dragon a famous Asian guy Jackie. Chan really I think so he can barely. speak. English what does that say there you are. that's you playing the. henchmen oh is that you Bobby oh.

constant woo Jimmy o oh there's oh. that's great yeah. yeah I mean that must have made some. good money. huh I've never heard of. this is it not out maybe it's not out. it's out it's been out for years [ __ ]. you man you never heard of that Box. Office Mojo and I watch everything it's. bad Box Office Mojo that movie dragon. whatever wh Dragon Box Office moo let's. check it out it made 21 million holy.

[ __ ] that's bad that movie probably cost. like 300 million to make I know it was. bad. n it was bad wait 21 million there was. never a United States release right they. only put it there they Al only streamed. it we do wish Dragon budget why why. would I I I I play a henchman who gives. a [ __ ] it's not your fault I do nothing. well they lost 4 million bucks no plus. all the market to him right so they lost. 50 million bucks dude can you imagine. being part of a production company that.

that's a great rating though 6878 it's. really good can you imagine being the. production company and they're like this. is going to be it it's going to be this. beautiful animated Asian movie or it's. going to crush yeah and then they're. like we lost 50. million it's funny you know you you have. literally no control like when you get. stuff like that no control you get it. you go me I hope it works you want me. and then you dream yeah you go you know. you kind of go oh this is going to be. and then I'm going to do other things. and this is going to be my Ted lasso it. never it's always like that and then.

you're like oh wa back in line yeah I'm. back I'm back back right below and a. couple years later you get something. else and then you go back in line it's. really when people hit a home run it's. up front no people do though yeah it. almost never happens yeah I know the. point is it almost never happens but. people yeah you know who I think is. going to hit a home run soon oh fancy oh. yeah I actually think something's coming. for him you know why this Universal. thing I swear to God I like something's. coming but what I do want to say that. I'm not happy about is this SOS VHS and.

how we deserve residuals for. it you know it's it's he started that on. the heels of this place he's utilizing. all of us on my back on our back you. started it on my back dog and also um. have we gotten paid for that do we get. paid for that did you guys get anything. you want really insane okay the wife kid. no no are the. numbers the numbers are okay no you know. they're good they're good they're it's. good for a guy who literally never did. podcasting till he came to us right it.

it's you know some people you you give. them a little give them an inch and they. take take a mile but you they take the. whole Lemp I've seen you on stage before. yeah have you seen them at the live. shows yeah that you know do I watch him. when we're doing no and when he walks. out I can see the crowd cheering they. and I can see his ego and everything he. just get like it's a drug you're. addicted to it why do you then why do. projected you're projected. wa trying to start a fight dude I'm not. projecting D dude you better leave.

Barbie alone you saw me going to the. stage I'm I'm I'm shaking he is. excitement yeah you know what George has. it yeah George George is sick George has. wants it he loves the fame what about. you Carlos you know he loves the fame. he's [ __ ] eating it up yeah yeah it's. nice what is your Instagram following. growing yeah are you getting a lot of. DMS because I saw you in Boston remember. what I was to you yeah it was soir I. whis what did he say what I whisper to. you on stage do you feel like you're a.

big. deal no he said that to me when I. grabbed him out of the elevator at the. hotel do you feel like you're a big deal. no and then I yelled you're projecting. onto me no no no you are a big deal you. act like you're a big deal I want to see. if your actions correlate with how you. feel but I don't act like I'm a big deal. his head is B is getting bigger for sure. in this year yeah he you have like when. you pick us up at the hotel and stuff to. go to The Venue you have this when. you're walking this way guys and you're. like almost you like get out of the way.

yeah I'm trying to do my job important. people are coming through and and when I. look at you I go just calm down dude. you're not that big of a deal it's he's. power hungry a little bit dude be honest. yeah are you a little power hungry just. a tiny bit okay yeah that's okay at. least admit it yeah projections see you. like it too you think I dude I'm like. I'm not me. dude you think me you think me me yes I. think you Bobby oh give me an example. why I'm power hungry no I think you like.

Power you like Fame like no no I know. you when I'm at the venues I know I I. don't I I I'm I'm scared that's so not. true oh who acts more of a star him or. me I think you you you hide in the green. room that's what shy people do that's. what the stars do oh they do yeah yeah. Andrew says hi to like the stage hands. wait we hide I go say hi to everybody. yeah yeah yeah I I want to talk to them. yeah they're probably every time I meet.

a stage hand I go are you related to me. they're probably family members of mine. yeah as many labor as I have what do. what is this video oh gosh it's actually. the Bigfoot also what we can we do this. yeah what is this oh yeah well let's see. this real fast what is this a new. Bigfoot video it's pretty crazy dude I. saw this tell me if you think this is. [ __ ] I've never seen that so this. couple from a Colorado train says they. captured this uhhuh and it's a video of. a Bigfoot okay now Loop it again go. backwards you can see look at look at. that oh wow it's a Bigfoot shut up fancy. oh wow God damn.

it what do you think I like how they're. highlighting like you didn't see it wow. what do you. think any he hid down I just I got to. say this if this was coordinated pretty. good timing on a moving train going on a. Colorado because this is far away yeah. wow that's not no Bigfoot dude but if. Bigfoot who is that what is that it's. like a Dunkin trussle you think that's. DT no but it's that that that type of D. you know those guys that like I'm going. to live in the wild and go do something.

[ __ ] up that's you know ARA fear like. hairy out there I want to be detached. from society I just don't get it that's. a hairy thing it's weird you can't. really tell but I can't tell D but it's. in the middle of. nowhere they did say it's in the middle. of. nowhere also of all the places that I. thought Bigfoot would be not in. Colorado yeah I thought it'd be way up. north in Canada like and he decides to. in open sun sit in the mdle he he would.

sit behind a tree underneath why would. he do this well he's going to get food. or something or maybe take a [ __ ] yeah. it is weird he does blend in really well. yeah wow what what do we think do we. think this is. real I got to see a body dude I got to. see we got to kill it well we got to. kill it yeah I got to kill one and see. what if that's what if that what if when. Jesus came back he came back as big. wow that's how he hit it all these years. he's just super evasive and he's just. having fun with.

us um what is what is this thing we're. going to do y what is this let's do it. oh. no hey Andrew hey Bobby you've been. really really by friends and now you. have to prove that you care about the. ones who work so hard for. you we have been to glory holes and milk. tables for you at least one of us has. only one anyway in front of each of you.

there is a. color please put it. on this won't work unless you put it on. so please put it on I'll. wait. yeah are you going to put it on I don't. want to be shocked does it hurt yeah. yeah it's for sure it hurts it's not on. let me see set it off it's not on it's. not. it it's myong got the wrong thing so. this is a barking thing it doesn't work. it's just a now do we believe these.

[ __ ] guys no for real Mone got the. wrong one so I can't I don't do the. remote control so how does it work you. have to bark like a. dog really yeah I put it on and bark oh. you put it on. bark wait put it against your arm it has. to be against your throat no who doesn't. know if it's a. throat nothing this is them [ __ ] with. us just making us bark at these collars. that's so funny I [ __ ] you [ __ ].

[ __ ] that was good that is very. [ __ ] dude that's very good [ __ ] you. no that's good you got us that was. embarrassing dude if you [ __ ] do. something Carlos I'll [ __ ] beat the. [ __ ] out of I'm dead I'll [ __ ] you. up [ __ ] dicks I want to say something. Carlos yeah what's up I will give you. $1,000 in cash if you shock him I. there's no remote I promise. you I'll give you 10 grand to [ __ ].

wait this is not wean I'm. like okay we're obeying the orders of. this obviously Spanish S I mean dude. it's so funny when you hear him he's. like your people have done so much for. you of all the people that speak clear. coherent English at the studio I found. it to be a lot more menacing yeah with. the Spanish accent it's a little bit. more mening all right let's see the rest. of the vide is it is there something. that's going to you'll have to answer. two or three questions correctly for.

every run answer to get a shocking. surprise answer. wisely. okay bad start when did Bad Friends. start what do you want to know what year. yes oh [ __ ] no this is good now I wish. we did have the. Shockers. 2020 that's.

right. yeah what is. what this is just for them to have yeah. go what is the do it this theway at this. point this has nothing to do with. us. get it. out oh my.

God. go. get oh my God you can't get he can't get. through. it what is Carlos's birthday month the. the month Carlos's birthday month. April no fuing surprise for you I can't. hear what he's saying no fuing surprise.

no surprise yeah no shocked oh. thank yeah what of is fancy what part of. Spain is Fancy. from. dire Southern that's that's not true. okay sh what the. what what the. dude.

[Laughter]. dude god dude got it wrong baby you. lost it's not funny dude you he just. said that it wasn't on and happy. Halloween and thank you for being a b. friend. woo. yeah.

woo. wo. [Music]. wo.