Two Nuts in Cohoots | Ep 178 | Bad Friends

hey y'all hey we're launching a patreon. that's right patreon.com bad friends and. you get more than more you get more than. more not only do you get the episode on. Friday instead of Monday you got a. Friday ad free ad free so you get the. episode ad free on Friday instead of on. Monday and you get extras bonus content. and you know we do weird stuff like this. the bad friends court is now in session. honorable Judge Bobby Lee an honorable. Judge Andrew Santino presided let's hear.

it here Daniela Ortiz versus his brother. he wants to take his uh brother to core. because of dog support we need a better. reader we need a better read we need. someone that speaks Mamma Mia claims. that Tony Trattoria employees broke into. her restaurant and stole her secret. recipe for the legendary Perfect Pizza. whoa Pizza. gate uh we know the secret sauce on the. count of three one two three hello hello. hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on. hold on there we go I got speaker hello.

up there in Canada take a couple of. Pucks in her slitty are you Mormon yeah. that's great man. back in at my phone to see it I got hit. by a truck. how thick is it how thick is it nobody. cares if yes he's gonna be so jealous. he's at work right now she has a fiance.

hey what's up you dork where does he. work at the factory I'm a huge fan of. the podcast I love you guys so much who. do you like more we love you and I hope. you don't get deported anytime soon. goodbye so so patreon.com bad friends. what is it Bob patreon.com bad friend. you gotta do it the link is in the. description below. [Music].

[Music]. we're bad friends okay here we go here. we go I didn't like that beginning well. we should say talk about movies we. should say we're missing one of our. favorite people here because he's back. in Espana and we're sending all of our. love to fancy B thank you thank you. fancy B we love you we miss you I mean. miss you I said thank you that was. ridiculous no no thank you is also nice. thank you for being here he's not here. God bye yeah bye okay he's gone I love. him I miss him but we have Carlos here. who got a brand new car yes Carlos got a.

brand new car oh yeah why why don't you. show it off show it off to everybody new. car new puppy yeah and new apartment is. the puppy still alive and stuff it's. Saturday get him on the second this is. the car oh yeah that's right he got a. brand new Mercedes oh my God whoa so. insane damn that tour pain you're good. yeah what the [ __ ] how much did we pay. this guy I did get it from a tour and I. thanked Andrew for he did very. graciously a brand new C300 sedan what. color black black yeah I got it in Black. wow honestly how does it afford that.

we it's a down payment we gave him 600. grand for the tour I think I think. that's what we paid him we. no but it's a good looking car congrats. because you got no he got into a car. accident you need a new car oh I just. don't know how you why did you go like. Honda Civic I mean why that because it's. sick I know but the things. because it's sick dude I'm gonna live in. my car I I understand that but where do. you work here with us I'm here with you. yeah I know but my mind is like because.

I kind of know what we're gonna make. here I don't know why you would buy a. such an expensive car well actually I'm. getting money from the insurance for my. other car okay that's all I need to hear. okay okay and your Rich Dad yeah okay. good but also also from the insurance. look Bob his back hurts you know what I. mean yeah yeah your spine's broke I. didn't get the car the day I went to the. dealership because my dad still needs to. do the co-signing and stuff so then are. you being real your dad's doing it yeah. he's co-signing he's co-signing how he. can't get the lease on his own what's. your credit score genuinely you're like.

260. that well no it's like it's below. three it's got to be below three gotta. be kidding no it's like 7 20 or. something like Whoa it's really good wow. that's good that's really good but for. like a benzo you can't you you would. have to put a lot of money for that you. have to have really good credit for Benz. what's your credit score do you know. it's I surprised I think it's like 720. which is kind of embarrassing it's lower. than Carlos what's it embarrassing I've. been alive longer I paid bills I just. started establishing credit yeah that's. right we got you on credit now finally.

yeah it's fun I can look up my credit. score right now on my city app let's you. guys want to see what it is let's hear. what it is what's my FICO score no it's. in the 800s Bobby what's going on with. you I just don't like this direction. okay let's start over 865. oh my God. yeah you get a boat yeah should we buy a. boat I don't know why all right Bob I. don't know how to even get out of. credits Decor it's a you establish. credit by you have how many credit cards. you have my bunch I've always had them. he probably has perfect credit yeah do. you pay them off every month oh yeah. well then you're done yeah you're good.

you got great I don't know how to get. the actual Google Bobby Lee credit score. wouldn't that be funny like net worth. they put up with your credit score is as. your shifts publicly it's your net worth. right now nothing no pay your own bills. what does it say 10 million I can't. imagine him dude it's so funny six. months ago I was at one million wow 10. million 10 million that's insane 5'4. that's wrong I'm fine you're free all. right five three what the [ __ ] month. wait that's me it says you make a. quarter million a month wow that's. pretty impressive what wow good for you.

Bob I don't know that's amazing I don't. make that at all well Steve Bennett says. you do yeah Steve Bennett says. go look up Andrew on that okay look up. Andrew on that that's how embarrassing. this is go ahead go Andrews you know. what they're gonna go user not found no. you're on there for sure yes I told you. not impossible. I'm not famous like Bobby's a famous kid. obviously yeah you're famous did that.

hurt. S no he. got hurt. that you weren't found no I just told. you I said user not found. [Laughter]. where is it where does it say it. was so sad five million yeah. oh [ __ ] that's wrong too so sorry dude. no I I you blew this up I know I really.

know I'm the one that called it out oh. my God that was so sad why would I care. I saw I hope it's never found. ever ever ever key takeaways he's. blushing. oh God that was so funny anyway let's. move on holy [ __ ] you know you know. you're the greatest gaslighter I've ever. seen to make up something out of. absolutely nothing yeah yeah it's like. I'm the best at it he's probably yeah it. is a narcissistic skill that you possess. I don't have narcissism. Bob I don't have narcissism Bobby yeah.

Bobby no I have empathy for things I cry. every day for things excessive interest. in admiration of oneself or one's. physical appearance I don't out of the. second half no the latter part no but. admiration to oneself. no you know. I feel like I'm a piece of [ __ ] I don't. deserve anything that's not true oh I do. that's that's right that's my whole. thing. because I I bombed I suck but knowing. it's your thing makes it not your thing. then all I hear is I I mean.

no if I no if I'm just in that zone yeah. I mean it's never good I would never set. you're not you're a narcissist you're. you're not you're definitely not I mean. narcissist does this right they'll. purposely not feed their dog to watch. them suffer oh my God no no that's. different that's that that's animal. abuse that's not no that's no no that's. what narcissists do though no. narcissistic they would like to see. things suffer no no that's shouting. freuda yeah which was shyden freuda. schadenfreude is getting enjoyment from. other people's pain that's shot and food.

that's that's still masochism is the is. the enjoyment but that's still uh um in. um a personality trait within. narcissists I don't think so these are. two separate things his narcissism is. just self-involved masochism refers to. the enjoyment experience pain while. sadism refers to the enjoyment of. inflicting pain so sadists like watching. other things suffer masochist like I. mean what I mean if I was a narcissist. why would I go on a Darkness retreat. let's let's let's let's get you on that. Darkness Retreat baby so it's like you. know why why would I do that because.

it's all about you no it's because I'm. in pain I wanna I wanna use yeah because. I hate myself no I really you don't hate. yourself yes that's it so it's like why. would I have my Melanie what. what. you looked at Carlos what'd you just do. it's just a friendship I hello. what what what. are you doing I just saw you do. something like this and then we didn't. what's going on here what are you doing.

I'm surprised let me ask you something. what in God's name is going on here what. are you afraid of right now is there I'm. not afraid of anything I'm just saying. you guys have so sort of [ __ ] no no. there's no Cahoots. in your own language with your eyes. there's no Cahoots there's Cahoots. there's no cahoot this is riddled with. Cahoots this podcast right now is. riddled with the Coots and I want to get. to the bottom of it yeah yeah make sure. yeah that's what I'm saying stop doing. that what we cut that out or no we.

didn't say quite another clip there's no. clips there is no clips. okay thank you anyway what I'm saying is. we're gonna go get it get it what are. you gonna get oh my God no no nothing's. happening nothing good something is. happening something is happening here. let me ask you something. don't have. dude major cahoots. love the word Cahoots yeah I don't even. know where it came from but I love the. workout but there's something going on. though there is no Cahoots yeah there is.

how do you look up Cahoots where does. that come from man I love cahoots. In Cahoots colluding or conspiring. that's exactly what a good problem let. me say something you've always been a. colluder dude I've been kahooting my. whole life no it's since 1829 southern. western American English of known origin. perhaps the French kahoot cabin hoot. cohort oh from some cohort it's just. redneck couldn't say cohort down there.

well you know they out there oh it's. cool. anyway I'm not so I'm going to this. Darkness Retreat I'm gonna go in January. and I can I go with you to New Hampshire. you don't know what it is yes I do it's. when you spend it's been you spend five. days in complete darkness yeah. it's great and when I I talked to a. complicated I said I was going to go to. a Darkness Retreat because you're going. to Baltimore and I go that's racist. [Laughter]. but my point is is this I'm gonna I'm.

gonna do it for five days I think that's. gonna be good for you to find myself. because. um you know I I'm really sensitive. lately are you feeling on edge yeah I've. been like you know some weird things. online and I read things about myself. and it really bums me out cut it out. what stop reading I know it's hard not. to it's hard not to but then I um so the. other day I was I couldn't sleep because. I had read some weird things about. myself online and then I called my girl. Melanie and I go get me a Darkness. Retreat and so um we booked it cost.

thousands of dollars but I'm gonna do it. how much. it was like a it's like a thousand. dollars but then without the plane. tickets and all that stuff yeah yeah. it's a whole thing well I'm going on a. retreat where I'm going to Bora Bora. it's so funny it's going to the Four. Seasons no. dude that was a Cahoots laugh bro yeah. what is going on he said Bora Bora you. laugh that wasn't necessarily that funny. I know so what are you laughing about. that I already knew the story of there's.

something going on already right right. he's coming with me to Bora Bora Bora. Bora how come I can't go to Borah yeah. why me just Carlos and I uh two boras. only because I've been yeah look Bora. Bora oh Bora Bora all right so. why can't we make it Bora Bora Bora. yeah. I'm going there I can't wait show them. what it looks like over the Huts over. the water you know well not that image. give me the [ __ ] hot water image oh.

my gosh it's beautiful yeah I'm gonna be. oh yeah one of those yeah one of those. no way yeah isn't that [ __ ] wild I. hope a tsunami happens thank you. whoa look at that one with the pool yeah. yeah we got one with a pool are you. kidding me I'm not cool put me in your. suitcase yeah but imagine getting. imagine getting doordash though you. can't like how do you get doordash there. no no they do they still have doordash. yeah they do really no they come in on. little prop planes. [Music]. wow I'm going here so I'm going here for.

my 40th birthday it was my birthday gift. to myself who's going to your wife yeah. and Carlos yeah and Carlos my wife and. Carlos why because Carl where can I go I. gotta take care of the dog he's got to. take care of the pup and stuff we need. someone like along for the ride and also. you know I can't reach my back with. sunscreen sometimes she sleeps in and. Carlos will do that yeah Carlos also. said he would cook our meals clip zoom. into that red spot that's where Bora. Bora is yeah it's way out holy [ __ ] dude. middle of nowhere oh my God oh my God.

isn't that scary it's so scary what are. these other Islands go down a little bit. well it's French Polynesia so it's. there's Tahiti and all that stuff is. down there oh what's French Polynesia. the French and the Polynesians got. together and they decided they'll split. it oh really yeah oh I want to go there. the French part is the northern part the. gay part and the southern one is. Polynesian oh I want to go to South Park. though I'm staying in the north yeah. yeah go to the North Park damn well I. want to do something. I'm turning 40. it's a big deal this is.

Happy Birthday are you going in October. thank you yeah we are going in October. yeah my birthday I always wanted to go. there I've dreamed about going here for. years I'm gonna get you something yeah. [ __ ] no no this is I'm Different buy. my plane ticket okay got some Korean. barbecue. did you go to the place I told you to go. couldn't it wasn't didn't take. reservations we went to another place. where would you go uh. I'll tell you it was [ __ ] phenomenal. we went over to uh.

dado oh dado yeah yeah dado yeah wow. great you know what I love about these. [ __ ] Koreans man you know what I. [ __ ] love about these here we go dude. the way they take pride in cooking this. meat dude that's right and they cook it. to Perfect Temperature they don't ever. overcook it and he cooked it and he goes. he goes uh how do you want and I said uh. uh like medium rare that's okay he goes. anything okay you tell me and I said. that's right medium rare then and he. goes okay and then.

and then they pick it up and they cut it. with scissors with literally like. shearing scissors which I love and he. goes and then he shows me goes medium. rare and I go that's medium rare he goes. I know and puts it down that's that I. passed we're the best I kissed his hand. he had his hand yeah that's what you. just after you put it down I went yeah. yeah thank you and he goes okay. really it was so good Korean barbecue is. so [ __ ] good and we had those little. frittata pizzas with sausage and uh. what's it called with that special sauce. oh what is it [ __ ] called.

God damn it it was so good it's like a. frittata Pizza almost Korean with sauce. and sausage on it. what. man I wish I knew the name of it it. looked like a frittata Pizza anyway you. went to [ __ ] Pizzeria Uno no is that. where I went yeah I think that's what. you were did I go to Pizza Hut yeah yeah. no we don't have that no it was it was. really good it was like almost like an. egg frittata dish I was in Virginia and. some Korean dude cousin to me goes hey. bro you know we have the best Korean. food in Virginia maybe because yeah he.

goes I'll show you where to go so after. the show I was so hungry I go well let's. just go he's just an hour I go yep drive. it back. he's okay we drive out in the woods whoa. I'm not kidding you this could have been. the end of your life yeah anyway Korean. food was his dick. [Laughter]. so we go to this place right and that's. like the Korean flag on the [ __ ] in. the woods in the woods of Virginia dude. you're like why are there big three big. K's above your house what is that no. one's in there yeah completely empty.

right and it was like. like steak and ketchup. Mayo I'm not there was no like barely. any Korean food on there some rice you. know what I mean he tricked you into. going to it was a Korean restaurant but. it was like the worst Korean restaurant. you've ever been to and you still ate. though I had to yeah there was no other. options did you tell them and like the. [ __ ] guys were all Mexican it was. [ __ ] crazy Mexicans in Virginia yeah. Korean food that's a sitcom it was. insane it was insane four Mexicans moved.

to the woods of Virginia with their. Korean friend and they open up a. restaurant yeah right in the heart of. the KKK. y'all got that Bim Bim Bap in there. y'all better give me some kimchi buddy. one of the K stands for Korean Korean. Korean Korean Korean that's what they. chant yeah no we're we're a totally. different agenda now we're just Korean. Korean Korean yeah I've always wondered. what does clucks mean. Ku Klux yeah but what does it are they. different I think clocks just sounds.

dope yeah cause the Ku Klux like Ku Klux. when just the clocks clocks clocks like. chickens they're origin of the name the. name is probably formed combining Greek. uh kaiklos cloak which means circle with. Clan. so Clan's cool clocks I've never heard. what's cool but then if Klux means Clan. then it's the KU Klang Clan the KU Klang. Clan. Aku means like a an upper uh a void and. uh uh. oh wait really it's a voice I thought a.

coup meant like a revolute like a like a. Revolt isn't a coup a Revolt I think. it's spelled them but yeah it sounds. different with a c I think I know but so. is Clan to spell with a [ __ ] C2 not a. k okay okay okay relax okay KKK. these guys man they just are not good. guys huh I don't know. I keep reading about these guys the more. I read about them the more I'm like they. are not good Fellas these guys are just. bad boys their costumes are weird yeah. yeah get better costumes after all this.

time you think they would get in don't. use a torch use your iPhone you know. what I mean at the light the light yeah. yeah that's true why can't they do that. Jews will not replace it just put your. [ __ ] iPhone in there in the sky. you know. the burning the cross thing must be a. whole [ __ ] just what I mean like. imagine the guy that like that fashion. is a really nice cross and just so they. can burn it and he's like you know can. you guys keep it around for a couple. more days instead of just burning it. every [ __ ] time it takes a long time. to put that thing together but that's. like their burning man you know that is.

part of it and some guy lights it early. and they're like come on man Matthew. what are you doing man. that is pretty [ __ ] ominous there huh. it's so dark and disgusting weird. destroying a Christian. cross lightings they call it lighting so. that they're not burning a Christian. cross But the irony is staggering it's. like it looks so anti-jesus it must be. extremely Pro Jesus yeah I'm guessing. lighting [ __ ] on fire seems Pro seems. like the opposite yeah exactly yeah one. go ahead and lit my wife on fire that's.

insane didn't want to burn her I wanted. to show how much I loved her so I uh. wife litter. have you been watching the black mirrors. yes yeah man I I I watched one and I. just the first one yeah the one with the. um the one with the Jane is awful or oh. yeah yeah Joan is on this off yeah yeah. and it gave me the the heebie-jeebies I. like it what do you mean heebie-jeebies. I did it gave me a yucky feeling in my. bones that's what it's supposed to do.

that's what it's supposed to do I know. but sometimes then it's like sexy you. know like sometimes the black mirrors. are like oh yeah [ __ ] that's so wild. what a weird twist this one wasn't as. fun of a Twist and that it was just that. the first three were pretty strong did. you see the second one and the third one. I did but remind me I watched them all. but I don't remember well the third one. is those two dudes that are in the space. Oh yeah and then they have their like. robot or uh don't say anything that's. really good that one's insane it's so. dark so dark and uh and I like that. actor who plays Jesse on Breaking Bad.

Aaron Paul yes here's my prop this is. actually my problem with the New Black. Mirror is that I recognize too many. people in it but they're such great. acting I know but I want I like the old. black mirrors because I didn't know. anybody I loved that like in even in. that first episode it's like jabuki. young white and uh all these people that. I've seen before that I'm like yeah oh I. like Black Mirror when it was unknown. unknown to me because then it I didn't. get to attach a person to a thing now I. see Black Mirror I'm like I know these. [ __ ] maybe you're just getting more. so much more famous each year that you.

recognize everybody in television that's. what it is no I think the first season. it wasn't that popular it was a new show. right and then once something becomes. popular actors now they kind of campaign. for that like I want to do that I know. but I like it when this if they had the. if they had the balls to be like well. we're successful without you we'll just. use unknowns like like I begged to get. on galifianakis's show I told them I. would pay them to be on that show and. they're like we don't use a lot of. actors we almost use no actors Martha. Kelly was like the only actor that was. on that show on baskets oh yeah they.

barely would employ actors they wanted. locals from Bakersfield and like people. that really hadn't done anything and I. was like even in the last season I was. like begging like please make me like a. [ __ ] rodeo clown and it wouldn't even. look like me and dress me up and and. they so you do that you campaign for. yourself like that only a few times I've. done this I've only done that I'm. starting to do that now things that I. want to do it feels gross though I don't. [ __ ] why I don't care to ask to be on. something you enjoy oh yeah like that. with stand-up shows but a lot of times. the people bookie and don't even know.

you're interested so yeah they'd like to. know in fact there's shows where they go. yeah Bobby's interested your agent calls. and goes Bobby would love to be on that. and they're like seriously they don't. think that you might want to do it. really well because they don't if it's. not in their thought process they might. not think you'd be interested yeah I've. been doing it I love it I think it's. awesome yeah you'd be great on Black. Mirror really I think yellow man yellow. mirror yellow mirror. this one's oddly dirty. laughs yeah hair story oh the other day.

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yourself that's hair story. h-a-i-r-s-t-o-r-y.com and code bad. friends to save 20 off today your hair. will thank you for it. yeah and guess what dude what babe I got. you a package from Viator did you. seriously yeah you're gonna swim with. the fish I'm gonna swim with the fishes. over 300 000 um Pokeball travel. experiences and over 190 countries they. offer everything from simple tours to. Extreme Adventures all at the niche. interesting stuff in between Viator is.

the place to go to book memorable travel. experiences let me say something I am. going on a little vacation and Bobby was. nice enough to hook me up with Viator. and they've got me a little fun. experience uh that I can do when I'm out. of the country and listen the best part. is if you don't want to do something big. you don't want to hike a vault you can. do small simple stuff uh you can go look. at the Penguins huh that's pretty. amazing in certain parts of the world. they have all sorts of little tiny. things you can do or big huge fun. adventures.

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this is insane look at this is what. Society is today. this is Black Mirror in real life and. everyone here. [Music]. this guy's giving consent to these women. to Rack him in the parking lot oh my God. and she makes him Bow Down. also look at the [ __ ] on this girl. nice Jesus Christ. this poor guy is saying yes to this.

stuff. sure sure that's not very confident sure. yeah yeah look at this this guy's in he. they're in a parking lot he's in like a. JCPenney parking lot getting [ __ ]. racked in the dick at 9pm you think he's. wearing a cup no listen you can hear it. listen listen to this next one. there's no way this has got to be what. he gets off to huh this is his thing. listen to this listen to this. oh God.

oh you know what I would do and then. they push him down if that was that guy. you know what I do okay now it's my turn. kicks. oh [ __ ]. I guess board shorts might be a good. choice because you could have a little. bit of room oh my god there she goes. doing it again this is weird I think. it'd be funnier if they're wearing like. business suits. anyway. I tried to find these girls because I.

was like I'm you know oh yeah I'm. interested I couldn't get a hold of. anybody Bobby and I will do it. I don't I dude the idea that people can. get this is how sad people's lives are. he loves it that guy that's a Saturday. night yeah man that wasn't his calendar. can you imagine he's texting his buddies. what are you guys doing tonight we're. gonna go out to the bar and uh do you. want to come along he's like no man I. have Saturday night double date yeah. yeah two girls it used to be funny when. people got hit in the nut yeah now it's. sad it's so sad what's happening but.

that guy is sexually gratified from it I. think he's the sexual thing he walks. away from it he's smiling yeah happy but. I don't know he doesn't get off to it. no Carlos does yeah Carlos watches this. yeah I know I sent this to Carlos he. goes I've seen it I've seen it seen it. had my way with it my guess is that he. jerks off to it later that's what my. guess is yeah like they videotape it. they send him the videotape yeah he. jokes off to it yeah yeah there's gonna. be some sort of sexual isn't that. dominatrix yeah kind of I don't know but. dominatrix is not usually just cracking.

you in the nuts I don't that's how I've. been doing it well keep getting paid a. little bit can you cheat huh Can you. cheat can you cheat yeah what do you. mean put a nut Cup in no because but. then they would hear it and they'd be. they'd bully you to take it out I have. hollow nuts that's why it sounds like. that I guess you know I guess you know. what yeah there's no it's just you know. a sack there's nothing in there that's. why it makes that noise imagine if he. was trans and he was like good kick me. in the nuts and they go to kick him in. the nuts and he's like yeah.

a little bit yeah let me ask you. something not like it does when you have. a house so if we get hit in the nuts. right and you get hit in the vagina. kicked in the vagina is yours painful no. yeah but it's not what we experience I. doubt it how do you know what it feels. like you don't have nuts I've also never. been kicked in the vagina but get over. here. but just getting kicked in general is. like it hurts so it probably hurt on. your but already right right might you. don't know you know what my testicles. feel like right now by watching that you.

don't know me like can't you visualize. what that feels I feel it I feel it it's. like when I get to the edge of a tall. building and I look over and my nuts. kind of go up a little bit they like. could they crawl up into my cat yeah. because they're nervous they're nervous. they get scared they Retreat a little. bit you know what I'm talking about when. your nuts Retreat just a little bit like. when it gets cold same thing they go up. no way and they Retreat just a little. bit yeah what they sound like yeah no. way well my right one goes no way my. loved one's like oh. no way is your right not lower or you're.

left not lower. I think they're even we talked about. that before they're completely even I'm. Asian everything's like you know it's. science-based everything's Baseline yeah. everything's just like perfect you know. wow yeah yeah well yours is huh one's. lower than yeah one is lower for sure. why well God made it that way oh yeah. well you know when you're you know when. you're lacing up your shoes and you're. trying to get both laces the equal. length yeah that's kind of what happened. with god with nuts he was like ah [ __ ]. it whatever and then you put it out let. me ask you something but both nuts right. has the sperm in it yeah. so no no it creates they make sperm it's.

not just sitting there filled with sperm. I know but they're but the two nuts are. they like. it's my turn. they do it together they're a team oh. they are I don't know it's like you and. me oh really yeah but don't you think if. you were a sack I was a sack and I'd be. like. I'd have a mouth look this right and I. go you know okay it's well he's just. last time you came I'm gonna come this. time no no I want to yeah but you didn't. left there with that one girl all right. all right.

oh my God nothing came out okay do you. do it. oh wow wow. also usually they work in tandem they. work together as a team I didn't know. you and I are perfect nutsack by the way. that whole analogy two peas in a pot it. should be two nuts and a sack yeah yeah. you've got to make that try you and I. are two nuts in a sack right now who's. hanging lower. you are because I'm just a little taller. yeah yeah you are for sure but I do. crawl up to see you and I know right.

back right. nuts though I think we would like have a. movie night 100 yeah I'd come up and. hang with you yeah yeah do you have any. friends that have their testicle removed. from cancer I've had three friends of. mine get one nut removed and then only. one of them put in a supplemental ball. whoa what do you use a marble huh. you could could I use a marble a big. marble you could hypothetically put in. whatever you want that's what I'm saying. I don't know if they would do it maybe.

if you got enough you know you have. enough cash yeah oh you know what you. know what I would use what would you. supplement. a ping pong ball perfect oh that's fine. light yeah but it still has the girth. I'd want a Faberge Egg whoa. those are hard to find yeah babe they're. huge also at night at night after I'm. done [ __ ]. I would shine my phone light on the. other side of my sack and you could see. my nut glow you know right you get a. show I would you know I put my balls and. then turn off the lights and then you'd. see like a kaleidoscope show on the wall.

oh wow I know what I would do yeah what. would you do I would I would get my nut. from a dead person whoa who dead nut oh. which I would get like a white dude's. nut okay imagine then George Washington. then my babies come out white smart all. right one black a one white guy smart. right and I get a Barack Obama. Tony there Tony Bennett just died you. could have his oh yeah real old real old. yeah yeah but a good but musically. incline nut yeah because you already are.

musically talented so good you got Tony. Bennett's nut yeah by the way rest in. peace TB one of the greatest of all. times sad what would you replace your. veg with my my badge yeah that would. have to be one of your tits it'd be one. of your if one of your tits had to go. what would you what would you supplement. one of your tits with can't be a fake. tit too obvious oh okay oh yeah it's got. to be something like uh. I think I'd probably be something like a. saucer ice cream frozen yogurt. Froyo what flavor. um I think I want to do so it's sagging.

in the summer Yeah well yeah the summer. is just like not but in the winter. though if you're in Canada oh my God. it's hard as a rock it also stinks in. the summer yeah yeah whoa It's like hot. yogurt but it happens but in the winter. and I think I'd make it refillable so. like in the winter I could do like. pumpkin spice oh wow. dude that is an invention for for t for. milk on a tits they should make it so. you could stab tits and and fuse flavor. kind of like at a coffee shop when. you're like the baby was so happy a. little bit of caramel in there yeah yeah.

the baby like chai. right you have a chocolate Chino. that'd be cool they would want it they. would love it that's so interesting a. chaga Chino by the way I tasted for the. first time the other day what's a. chocolate chip yeah mushroom it's. mushroom yeah it's a new well it's not. new but I mean it's new to me. but I [ __ ] hated it right I thought I. would maybe like it I was like this. might be good it sounded good did he. just fall.

Air One. how much was that 45 something like that. yeah so expensive and it's supposed to. taste like beef jerky it does not not at. all yeah not even a little bit Yeah it. tastes it doesn't taste well there's. some guy there's some [ __ ] I saw on. Tick Tock some little [ __ ] he's going. up to people pretending like he's. serving food and it's outside of a vegan. place and it's meat he's and he's trying. to trick people into [ __ ] giving them. you know not even the meat and they got. what an [ __ ] he's a piece of [ __ ] but.

the worst part was the reactions are are. like built for the internet like the one. guy's like barely speaks English and. he's like I go to college. and he's like call the police. and it's like I'm laughing but it's. awful yeah that he just fed him [ __ ]. meat out front of a vegan roast that's. terrible it's terrible drinks what I. don't like pranks I hate pranks pranks. no not a big I don't like pranks or. somebody's at Home Depot and some guy's. like doing a [ __ ] prank like putting. putting something on somebody's head or. they throw stuff at people I hate it. yeah yeah the only pranks that I. actually do like are like they leave a.

there's one where a guy will put a bike. he'll leave a bike like in a park to be. stolen and he'll put it on a long chain. and then when the guy goes to steal it. and ride away with it it Yanks the chain. they go flying those are fun I wish I. want to prank you man what would you do. maybe I I you're to your wife I go I'm. gonna um what's the matter no something. happened to your eyes huh you had a loss. of energy in your eyes no I'm listening. I'm listening to you tell the story he.

turned white yeah how are you pranking. me. I I say what's your dog's name. cubby copy. so I'm gonna get like you know I mean a. lot of meat. right and like the carcass of. I think I know cubby right I still don't. know where it's going yeah yeah yeah. yeah so like I want to get a replica of. Cubby's carcass yeah yeah right yeah and. you just gonna come in from the road or. whatever yeah I'm gonna be eating steak. I go thanks man delicious cubby.

is my best friend is eating my dog. Korean friend each best friend yeah. yeah I mean I think it's believable yeah. it is right I think the internet will. buy everyone I put blood on my face yeah. I mean it'll be a mess I'll get a key to. clean up crew yeah would that make you.

mad. if it's good does it how does it taste. delicious you seasoned it why would it. like you well give me a piece. [Laughter]. how would you prank what do you think. um how would I prank you. I would probably send you that video. that I have in my phone of me and. kalilah hooking up. that'd be a funny. [Applause]. it's a good one we're 69ing actually. yeah that's the best part I said we. can't kiss Bobby will be mad if we kiss. so we kissed the trash genitals if you. did if I did walk into my house and I.

was [ __ ] can you have a [ __ ] back. when we were dating I wonder what what I. would do and you're like. [Laughter]. I think I just I don't. hold on. I I don't think I would end bad friends. so well. but you know what of all the people on. this show yeah that would betray your. trust and sleep with kalilah I know. already know you know who it is yeah.

you know who it is go ahead and say it. I'm gonna be real yeah I'm gonna go with. Pete Pete that's what I was thinking. Pete would do it look at him because. he's so [ __ ] phony innocent and nice. oh no that's not Pete why why is it me. oh what kalila's ugly you don't think. you'd sleep with her because she's gross. to you why if I have kids you never said. he wouldn't do it you see yeah you never. said no yet okay no. I don't know if I believe him honestly I. just don't know I I think it would be. like who would break your heart the most. if they did it if you in all of life in.

our crew and our crew and our crew our. bad French crew if you walked in on one. of them the most confusing one would be. Andreas. it would it would I would ponder it for. like a year like how the [ __ ] did that. happen and which one would hurt your. feelings the most. in real life yes you and then which one. would make you the most angry not. confused confused would be fancy I would. be hurt you that would piss you off yeah. not McCone he wants you to well I would. no because at that point I know how to.

destroy him right oh I will destroy he's. not gonna have a few what about George. can you imagine how sick you'd be you'd. be sick for months. [Laughter]. suicide unbelievable. suicide because you know at that point. life wouldn't make no sense yeah it'd be. over I'd be like I don't know what. life's about it's so confusing it's it's. talk about yellow mirror that's your. yellow beer that's a yellow mirror. episode.

if you walked in on Carlos hooking up. with her like we had we actually ran him. through that case already on this show. well if he was doing missionary I would. pull my pants down and [ __ ] him in the. ass. that'll be fun dude yeah he would love. it then then it's like no lessons are. learned yeah no lessons but George would. suicide would you kill yourself it was. George George and my wife yeah I I not. only no I can't well I'd kill everybody. I mean I'd go on it oh yeah yeah run. around West Hollywood. I just the world would be over it would.

be over they'd be one of those guys. where they just like kill as many people. as I could yeah yeah yeah yeah that's. insane ruin me but here's somebody that. I wouldn't even be mad at all I would. giggle if it was Jesse yeah yeah that. was wouldn't bother me yeah I'd be like. no finish finish yeah yeah if I caught. you sleeping with my wife I go ah. [ __ ] what are you gonna do yeah it. would be a discussion you know why. because you're so nice and sweet so. sweet and clean no I treat her right. yeah you treat her right so it's like. almost like what did I lose here you. know what I mean how nice was I to you. the other night you've been so nice at.

the story you seem like you're in a. great mood I don't feel like you're. taking it I feel like it seems genuine. are you being real you are a great actor. but are you being real I'm being 100 I. sat with you for like 30 minutes that's. what she's saying yeah yeah it was my. last day working as a door guy and we. were in the back video bar like the. secret room Bobby came in there it was. so fun I wish I stayed to see that yeah. I took off after my set so I was sad. that I couldn't come back there it's. okay you're no longer a door guy let's. give it up for no longer a door guy. let me tell you something the display.

there's a one-of-a-kind metal poster. designed to capture unique passions. displayed created a 21st century canvas. that's sturdy magnet mounted and durable. enough to withstand a lifetime of. immense staring this thing is incredible. we love these things we have bad Friends. disc plates on the website uh you can. customize collect and rearrange them at. well now they want to see if maybe we'll. give a higher discount uh because bad. friends fans are so loyal if you want a. higher discount Bob why don't you uh why. don't you read off uh this middle ad and. let's see if we can uh we can Cruise.

what am I trying to do here bud. introduce the displates uh their. magnetic mounting system all right ready. I got it if it's smooth I think we'll. still have a better discount ready let's. do it introducing displaced ingenious. magnet mounting system an unequivocal. Testament to the harmonious algomation. amalgation amalgamation amalgamation. look can I have with it again yeah. amalgamation already. let me have it again yeah let's see you. do it again Bob okay here we go yeah.

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how do you feel now that you're free I. feel pretty weird why well. I feel good you're gonna miss that 80. bucks a month it's I never worked there. for the money no I know that I know but. you know I've I've kind of gotten it's. like a school and I've gotten everything. I could get like you guys have kind of. helped build my career and I would have. never met you if I didn't work what was. great was I saw a lot of people that. worked there that wasn't even their. shift coming to the store and coming to. say goodbye to you that's what that this.

is I'm gonna be a little sappy but this. is what's so important about the world. of The Comedy Store to me not only is it. our home where we most of us started. it's where I started you started in The. Comedy Store family. and what is Meaningful to me and the. thing I hope never gets lost. generationally is like it is a [ __ ]. community and it is so cool to see. people supporting each other because in. a lot of the chaos of comedy and. competition it's hard sometimes people. get inundated with why did they get that. why don't I get that but what's.

beautiful is when you do create a space. where people support each other's growth. in hopes that you too will get that. opportunity all you're doing is creating. a great place to want to like be and. come together and create something. pretty [ __ ] magical and I hope that. never dies because I think that is such. a cool thing for people to celebrate. your graduation from something I it's. the best I've ever felt walking away. from something because I am I'll still. welcome there of course especially like. I just moved into I'm just in.

development now there but it it felt. really like like a closure thing so. write a passage yeah write a passage. felt like graduating a school that you. really enjoyed going to I think it's so. special I know great sappy stupid but. it's like it Jeff when I see stuff like. that even like the names that just got. painted too yeah people were posting. names like Laura Peak and it's like it's. a cool thing I like that that's a system. that still is in existence I know a lot. of people don't like the system I like. the what the reason what's going on I'm.

sorry wow let me see it again yeah I. thought you're gonna say walrus walrus. no listen. um I like that it's difficult to get. into that room same should be yeah a. little a little bit thing to work yeah I. love how difficult it is yeah yeah it's. so hard it felt great and now I think. it's also good for me to leave not just. because I need to start headlining and. really becoming a full-time stand-up. comedian but me leaving also gives more. opportunity that's right because people. will come through and say what door guys.

are good to take on the road and I feel. like you know I've I need to now you. know I I know and people could ask me. and it just gives this new class of door. guys how'd you sell in Bakersfield. Bakersfield and what else sold out you. did yeah sold out completely sold out it. was crazy how crazy is that that's. insane huge meet in Great Line no bad. friends like whoa and Bobby we get 20. it gets ten you guys get 20. yeah I cut. out my feature act Joel Jimenez came.

with me I love Joe Menace you have your. own features now well when I I can go. into do my first weekend this will be. after it'll air after but it's my first. weekend alone I can't bring everybody. wow uh first night in Salt Lake City on. Thursday and then Wise Guys yeah in. Vegas. and just both Wise Guys Vegas and Salt. Lake and then our Vegas might happen oh. yeah we got it yeah we're working yeah. we got it I know I'm excited we might do. it guys listen we might do how many. shows eight a year something like that. yeah well they're working it out working. out in Vegas you want to do them bring.

me please. I just quit my job yeah you know what. you know what's uh so that'll be so fun. I'm gonna be so sentimental go I just. think it's incredible that this is uh. that this world is uh. I'm so happy that you sold out when I. saw that online I was like man that's. [ __ ] I texted you yeah I know I was. like I'm it makes me feel good to see. you Cruise just cruising man yeah I mean. we're cruising you guys posting it. helped a lot but Irvine was close too in.

Irvine was twice as big so it's like. huge [ __ ] unbelievable unbelievable. it's exciting. um if you guys have any tips about when. I get set up with local openers. well anyway man [ __ ] no haven't we done. enough enough Jesus. oh no no no no whatever you just said no. okay yeah we're not doing that the days. of local openers by the way there's. someone there's some that I meet that I. man I'm still friends with today that. there's guys that I've come across and.

then there's O'Connell well Chris yeah. became one of my best friends but but. before that years and years and years. ago when I was chewing on the road and I. was alone and lonely and I met a couple. of really good people it is it is so. cool when you meet cool people on the. road I love that I didn't know you met. O'Connor on the road like that yeah man. we met in Indianapolis that makes me. feel and if police officer threw up in. my Uber. a cop threw up in my Uber you hear what. I just said you were driving Uber. we went out that night we took an Uber. we went out with like a local Indiana. State Trooper who was friends with.

another one of O'Connor's Buddies and. this off-duty cop. partied so hard he threw up in the Uber. that I took whoa because we shared an. Uber and he said he goes can I take it. back to the to the hotel I said yeah. just I'll just add the Stop and you can. just take my Uber. then the next morning I wake up with. like a 750 charge on my [ __ ] Uber. account and I was like what the [ __ ]. where did this guy go do you drive to. Chicago and then I go on my thing and it. says they don't even say throw up they. say like uh uh damn internal damage to. the vehicle or something so you don't.

the other hole other end. no I asked okay I texted and I was like. hey man did you guys [ __ ] what'd you. guys do in the back of that car and he. goes oh dude I'll venmo you I'm so sorry. how much he's like the entire backseat. was coded in throw up yeah I wish I with. you man I know I mean why is it when I. get drunk it doesn't we don't have that. thing because yours is toxic and you get. poop all over the place I know but my. point is is that well that's enough you. guys always follow me around to see if. I'm gonna be okay or whatever yeah. because you're insane.

because when you got drunk in Mexico you. were up to absolutely no good why. because I asked for a drink at the. [ __ ] restaurant yeah I'm insane no. because when you did get drunk you you. were close to your room and we couldn't. find you would get a hold of you you. turn off your phone you drink by. yourself you take pills so you throw up. you poop everywhere and then you wake up. at 5 PM the next day and I'd rather you. wake up at 5 PM the next day without. booze and Drugs in your body rock on. dude no no no Rock off Rock off Rock off. no no no rock and sit Rock and sit yeah. I don't know how to do it like that you.

just don't have that that trigger yeah. you don't know how to [ __ ] turn one. of the machines off when the other. machine goes on you know who else is. like that Carlos yeah you are I know. dude it's helped me get so like really. stay in watching you on the bus watching. you I go oh yeah that's why I don't. drink that one night McCone showed me. the video footage of us in Nashville. when he was rolling around on the floor. of the bus. it was insane it's insane I was under. tremendous stress you were rubbing your. back on the floor of the bus laughing. like you were itching like a bear.

I'm not gonna repeat what you would say. I'll say some of it no you would say. things I'm like oh [ __ ] that's the most. racist thing I've ever 100 it was no. comedy or nothing. whatever the word I feel comfortable. with my friends I that's really and I. think I was under a lot of stress so at. the beginning of the tour yeah more than. usual victims. [Laughter]. I'm not playing the victim I'm saying I. had fun with my friends are you an. alcoholic let me ask I I think I'm yes.

that I'm very much like an addict right. yeah I don't think you're an alcoholic I. think you're an addict across the board. because I don't think you need alcohol. to function every day but I do think. that you will take anything and any. opportunity to get [ __ ] up yeah to. like do we need to intervene not yet. when not yet he said I've tried well you. just yell it's time yeah well it that's. that's I mean that's how I do it it's. time it's out of control I was under. stress on tour you know what happened to.

me do you think if we try to actually. get you real help you would want to go. no okay he's not ready I can tell yeah. because you got to want to do it how do. you get there. I don't know yeah but like I said what. what got you there when you when I first. met you you were sober yeah yeah what. happened before that to get you there oh. gosh as I I went to rehab and I relapsed. after and I was like I can't I I was too. young it was like destroying my life. when I met you you were using again no I. was sober no you were sober when we. first met yes exactly and then you.

started using pretty quickly yeah yeah. yeah and it's been a long time yeah. after divorce and all that I was like. [ __ ] it well divorce is Gonna Make You. relapse yeah I imagine going through a. divorce makes you relapse I think me and. Cole's breakup was yeah tough I think. that was really hard for you yeah yeah. that was tough your dad died that was a. big one yeah yeah I wanted I want to. talk to you guys about the racial. inequality of sleep finally black. Americans aren't sleeping as well as. whites and here's and here's why that's. a public health problem and what what. can be done to fix it to the Atlantic.

this is where we are now in society that. we're blaming racial inequality I'm not. getting good so if you didn't get good. sleep everybody I know I haven't slept. in [ __ ] years I can't sleep at all. I've been having a hard time I can't. sleep either I can't sleep at all you. know when you meet someone that can. sleep well you're almost suspect to them. when they're like oh dude I'm getting. [ __ ] great sleep and you're like. what's going on you have no nothing. going on you how could you get really. good you know we get to go sleep at. night Pete yeah he gets good sleeps I. think Andreas does too no Andres. definitely doesn't he doesn't when we.

met him he had a full head of hair oh. that's right [ __ ] he doesn't sleep at. all and now he's got a baby he's. definitely not sleeping Pete when he has. his kids he doesn't [ __ ] pay. attention his beautiful wife does all. that [ __ ] that's right sleep through the. cries you know let the wife take care of. it how responsible of a father are you. Pete how involved are you truly honestly. yeah it is Sunday not a lot not a lot. yeah it's Sunday he's out [ __ ] I'm. here was your when your wife when your. wife would um pump would you like would. you help organize that for her and like. you know rub her feet while she was.

pumping so it made the day easier or. cooked her the meal nothing did you ever. clean while she was taking care of the. kids no nothing let me ask you something. when it's good night time what time is. nighttime well one time's the sleepy. time I usually go to bed around 11. okay. so when it's sleepy time yeah you take a. shower first. no I'm a morning shower okay good so you. you lay in bed you say good night. sweetie Now give me give me the win how. long does it take from good night. sweetie to you going to bed physically.

sleeping he sang like an hour it takes. an hour because I usually go on my phone. I stay awake right but that's actually. good yeah when I lay in bed it's a four. hour drama at least yeah yeah it's a. flight it's a flight to New York it's a. flight to New York yeah that's how I. feel yeah there's like a lot of. suffering going on sleeping is like it. is when I think about trying to get to. sleep at night I think. this is a journey it I'm doing Ayahuasca. almost every night in bed trying to get. to sleep it's [ __ ] impossible yeah.

but in the middle of the day now I'm. able to take a nap once in a while which. I never used to be able to do yeah I've. been taking nappy now but now I'll play. with the dog on the couch until I take a. little nappy poo and that's supplemented. my lack of sleep but I can't do it do. you eat in bed how many people say do I. yeah you know me so well yeah I don't. eat in bed I don't even eat in my car. yeah yeah [ __ ] do you eat in your car. Carlos you eating your car my car Pete. you do I never eat my car yeah I can't. eat in the car no I I want I want to eat. when I get to a location where I can eat.

have you eaten anything a sandwich in. bed well my last place I did for sure. because I didn't like the common areas. yeah she had that you had to yeah that. was her place she lived in the bed yeah. wait all meals in the bed but but now. would you eat in your bed now in your. new place a snack I'll eat a string. cheese on the bed no no no no that's not. you yeah I'm talking about something. that's called chicken okay thank God. would you eat how about this let's go. through would you eat like. if you had a couple slices of pizza. would you sit in bed and eat those no no. so that's because spill Factor grease. Factor oh God no pizza no Carlos 100.

Wood oh look at his smile 100 in my car. I would for sure no not in bed what's. your limit of eating in bed what would. you eat in bed that that you'd know that. I would be like. that's insane you wouldn't like that. I've eaten cereal in bed that's oh. that's so shut up why are you eating. yeah why are you real like oat milk. dripping oh that's disgusting he's the. kind of guy that brings the oat milk. with into the room and pours it in a. hundred percent and you know what he.

does by the way yeah when he's done. eating the cereal he I do eat in bed by. the way what do you eat [ __ ] baby. what's up. when you eat the cereal I know Carlos. he'll eat it right and then the little. bit of milk that's left over at the. bottom he'll put it on his bedside table. and it'll it'll stay there for weeks and. weeks he doesn't take that bowl back to. the kitchen I do I take the bowl back at. night like at 11 o'clock or something no. you don't the next day the next day the. next morning I've done the next morning. before Oh do you have a washer and dryer.

in your unit yeah that's why he can do. stuff like that what do you mean because. it's no consequence yeah some oat milk. and just put some in the thing you don't. gotta get quarters you've got to go to a. washer dry you've got to go to a. location yeah. skin but is your laundromat inside your. apartment complex it is well yeah it's. broken right now but you've got to walk. somewhere or drive I'll drive oh man and. you got to get the quarters ready which. is a whole thing do you remember when we. used to have to do that are you kidding. me I thought about it the other that's. so [ __ ] funny I literally thought. about that the other day we were driving. Pat in Santa Monica and there was a huge.

laundromat and it was midnight we were. coming home from a restaurant and it was. packed with people packed with people. three nights ago and I thought. man I remember that me too doing my. laundry at one in the morning sometimes. between you know like that was the only. time it was like freed up enough and I. had space and I wasn't working yeah hey. can I come to your house to do laundry. no no no no that's insane it's insane. why would we let you do that I don't. know you care about me I think we've. done a lot not enough but wait a minute. oh whoa I want to go to Vegas no.

more no more that's insane that's insane. what you just I gotta tell what is this. oh oh another video sent me let me see. okay big screen. we're trying to figure out what to name. their baby. girl he said let's name her. this is for you Bob restaurant the wife. was like pause it pause it can you guess. come on it's for you really yeah it's.

just for you okay I wanna I wanna can I. because I'm not good at riddles. it's like a Golem riddle look at the. name. L.A you see it do you see it well let me. know let me get oh I see it. it's for you Bob. Lane's raw no come on baby. I don't know all right play it but it. was his favorite soccer team Arsenal ah.

backwards Arsenal backwards as lenestra. whoa that's what you should name your. first one or or what's gooner backwards. Noob yeah much cooner put a type in the. word gooner let me see what that looks. like backwards this guy loved Arsenal so. much he named his daughter lenestra well. my favorite rugby team is coog. so your son's name is gonna be renug.

[Music]. renug is an awesome name yeah renugly. renugly. yeah I'm gonna do that sounds like the. Jungle Book Urban Dictionary it's a. different definition a gooner a man who. watches porn typically gay all day long. and strokes for hours while edging. non-stop that's what it says though. that's what it says the last part's like. crazy uh and becomes [ __ ] in the. process are you being real that's I'm a.

gooter now you're a big perfect. that's perfect speaking of what you know. a [ __ ] Real Madrid is here right now. I know this episode will be out but Real. Madrid is here Arsenal is playing in two. nights with Barcelona I think I'm gonna. go I you said that you could get me I'm. gonna go we're gonna take you Arsenal. are they with CAA is that what you're. looking they might have some players. with CAA sports that's why your reps. could that's why you could have been an. agent by the way just because I know. that I was in the mail room at William I. know you were you could have been an. agent you could have been a great agent. yeah because you kind of have agent look.

really yeah especially when you wear the. like the gold chain and the suit jacket. but with your hair with your hair the. way it is like balding with a ponytail. is like an eight an old agent yeah. although you can also withstand Insanity. yeah watch do it to him Bob give it to. him because I used to do things in the. [ __ ] boss oh yeah and I could see you. absorb Insanity I love Insanity yeah and. he's good at like and you go Bobby. you know what I mean okay I'll do it. yeah he would he would yeah you're like. one of those guys you don't fight back.

yeah that's agent [ __ ] but in I Insanity. gives me like fuel like it's like a it's. like a fun job like who would be on your. Client List right now right now yeah. come on name some people. I would have tried to grab you all you. can't have us yeah right now I would. probably go poach people during the. strike well I'll tell you who's. available Army Hammer. I would immediately sign him you would. sign him yeah and I would try and get. him like a Netflix deal in Yugoslavia or. something whoa he's good he's good they.

don't care about like uh me too [ __ ] out. there so yeah they'll just take them. right they would take him Yugoslavia. they would take him yeah who else would. you sign. um. Danny Masterson. from jail we could do a podcast podcast. look see this guy is That's So you're. thinking this he's moving and shaking. this guy is always moving and shaking. I'll take all the canceled people Cosby. that tour is never gonna happen look up. Bill Cosby on tour there's no yeah.

that's not gonna happen because you're. not repping them yeah we would make yeah. we would send them to like South America. and Asia you know who's opening for Bill. Cosby who whoever he makes all right. we'll be right back. all right all right plans to tour in. 2023 yes an old art it's not gonna. happen that's what I mean yeah [ __ ]. loser that guy sucks he sucks [ __ ]. you think he'll sell take a piece of. [ __ ] yeah of course he'll sell [ __ ]. tickets so many people will go to see. him. no no it's not even that they they they. want us it's like the way I saw an. accident yesterday and I stopped like a.

[ __ ] to look at it you just people want. to see chaos if I if I asked if I said I. got tickets front row to a cosmic show. and backstage would you go I would. immediately call a hair and makeup. person to get us in in disguises right. what would you look like huh who would. you look like who would I dress up as. yeah Steve Harvey. my hero yeah yeah I love Steve Harvey I. would do Bernie Bernie Mac yeah yeah. and I would be like a skeleton because. I'm like you know I'm dead.

skeleton mummy kind of vibe yeah yeah. oh my God what did I see look at look up. um 105 year old. Mexican grandmother this woman they gave. her like a cake it was online there was. a woman in bed on tick tock. it was 105 and I was like she's not dead. huh she's not dead oh that's the one. that woman and it's got to be the one. 105 yeah that's crazy yeah when you when. you're Mexican and a woman and you look.

like Voldemort. you're dead 105. that's insane wow a. hundred and five yeah she's making the. best tamales though she's making the. best time Alice oh yeah. yeah how could you last that look at. that it's always Amazing by the way yeah. 119. 119. young young still young yeah. Kane Tanaka she's the oldest living. person what do you do at 119. for fun I think you get excited look. yeah when you do look what I'm doing you.

when you with your finger if you're able. to look to the left right that's a big. thing that's a huge deal what'd you do. today great great great great. grandmother I looked and left. she turns her head you just hear like. like what do you do do you watch Netflix. imagine. yeah she's like I just listened to. little yachty's new album she knows. everything. she's bumping that [ __ ] yeah she likes. raisins and praying raisins and gin. soaked raisins and prayer are the things.

that made her last that long gin soaked. raisins and prayer. I can't do that yeah you can't do Jin so. yeah I don't know what you do like you. know what's going to keep what's gonna. keep you know what keeps people you know. what keeps you young your your attitude. you know any people I know go your boy. Bobby how old is he and I always say. he's 51 and they go shut the [ __ ] up. everybody because of your attitude and. your approach to life everybody thinks. you're 40. yeah it's insane that's the.

way to do it your approach yeah your. approach. your approach to life is always going to. dictate how people receive you yeah look. at look at Pete. Pete's 19. whoa you look [ __ ] Pete. pretty grizzled yeah yeah yeah whoa and. he's never been he looks like he's. fought in Wars yeah but he hasn't he's. just that's his chiseled grizzled way. yeah when I see women at my age I'm like. you can't date I can't do it and it's. not because I just can't do it.

what's what's the oldest woman you would. go on a date with. 40. well that's very appropriate the. only thing that is appropriate a 40 year. old woman yeah like a divorcee with a. couple of kids yeah 40. 40. yeah. 40 40 40 I think is I know you won't but. I think that's commendable I gotta say. this. this episode has been great without. fancy and I'm happy he's not here. I thought I was gonna miss him did miss. him even a little bit didn't miss him. even fancy that's what I'm saying yeah.

we miss him podcast yeah you did his. podcast which you know everyone's done. it except for me you gotta do it no. everybody says you gotta do it I had fun. be the rebel don't does it pay no yeah. well then why am I doing this that's. what Hanks asked me does it pay Chad. Hanks asked for for yeah to be on fancy. show that's very funny well I mean after. I can't believe he'd want to do anything. after being on that Eric Andre show do. you see that what Eric Andre did to him. no my God you shouldn't you need to.

watch that it's [ __ ] amazing what is. it the Eric Andre show he you know what. it is yeah yeah he [ __ ] with Chet Hanks. the whole time bring it you'll see it's. I mean it's great dude is it new season. yeah oh yeah this past year season it's. great dude it's just. absolute Brilliance that guy show I wish. I had a show like that that's so fun if. we did a bad friend show we just like. [ __ ] with guests so fun but did is. that. he he signed up to do that Disney they.

all do they all do everyone that comes. on that they know it's chaos I mean if. you've watched it once yeah yeah would. you do it as a guest he would never ask. me to be a guy I don't think he would. ask me either well we're friends it'd be. weird he wouldn't yeah he wants people. that he like kind of doesn't know right. because then it's like you're allowed to. get you can do whatever you don't want. to do that to your buddy it'd be weird. we feel so all because I remember seeing. that was the first time I've ever seen. it really yeah oh it's such a good show. funny it's such a good job there's so. much good [ __ ] really like so much I.

want to watch it oh I haven't seen in a. long time I saw it when Hannibal. s yeah now Felipe is uh that's awesome. Felipe is his like sidekicker that's. correct Hannibal burst used to be like. the sidekick on the show oh really yeah. I'm just hysterical and they would [ __ ]. with people together I mean it's just so. good it's just like the that's the last. remains of like comedy being free and. stupid for no reason yeah yeah it's so. fun Gay Blade Blade's so fun yeah that's. what it's about you know what that is. not to give credit but like that's why. Mad TV became successful because it.

didn't take itself that serious it was. [ __ ] whack-a-doo nonsense yeah yeah. yeah yeah it didn't care so people could. say whatever they want about comparing. that to SNL because they were like SNL. is this like tied up Emmy writing. winning show. and took itself very serious [ __ ] mad. tv never took itself here.

thank you for being a bad friend. that was [ __ ] great. [Music]. hey y'all hey we're launching a patreon. that's right patreon.com bad friends and. you get more than more you get more than. more not only do you get the episode on. Friday instead of Monday you got a. Friday at three at three so you get the. episode ad free on Friday instead of on. Monday and you get extras bonus content.

and you know we do weird stuff like this. the bad friend's court is now in session. honorable Judge Bobby Lee an honorable. Judge Andrew Santino presided let's hear. it Tony Trattoria employees broke into. her restaurant and stole her secret. recipe for the legendary perfect pizza. pizza pizza. sauce on the count of three one two. three. you're on with the bad friends how thick. is it how thick is it are you Mormon. yeah that's great man we love you and I.

hope you don't get deported anytime soon. goodbye so so patreon.com bad friends. what is it Bob patreon.com bad friend. gotta do it the link is in the. description below. laughs. [Music].