Twinkies with Dad ft. Bert Kreischer | Ep 168 | Bad Friends

two are bad friends who are these two. idiots. [Music]. or something we're bad friends. you're in the blue one in the blue one. take a seat matching wow dude where do. you even get something. wow dude. wow.

um ladies and gentlemen what is that the. machines fancy. allowing myself to have the best day of. my life you're having the best day of. your life because you you deserve it. baby boy well you know what buddy buddy. I'm gonna get emotional don't get. emotional don't cry out front he's. crying already oh you Prince. well you know what Bert in celebration. of your movie Bobby and I wanted to we.

figured you'd needed a drink I know you. brought Bud Light please tell me you. want a drink yes I do. yes I do. we figured you needed something to drink. yeah. because I'm in colonoscopy. there we go some ice a little bit of ice. for you there yeah. and what do you want what do you want. with it just a little bit of vodka a. little bit of vodka oh what is this. [Applause]. is it just vodka I don't know yeah yeah.

I'm pretty sure. now do you want what do you want with it. though I've got uh I've got ginger beer. I have uh a little bit of a sorry you. want lemon lime soda lemon lime soda. would be awesome yeah yeah that's cool. you want ginger beer at all or no no no. no no just a little just a little Korean. pizza just a little bit Yeah. in Korea that's how we do it I gotta. tell you Bert while this is making for. you. we had the best time last night it's.

genuine I'm genuine when I said this I. hugged you tight it's such a great funny. movie it's so good for comedy we're so. proud of you we're so happy for the. machine baby thank you thank you we're. happy for the machine thank you so good. seeing all my friends Bobby where were. you I was there you were there where. were you it was so good when I was in. the theater I was going I go this not. only this is this movie is. a franchise yeah how did you feel about. it I felt like moved I was crying what.

was it where are your seats yeah. with their grandparents yeah that was. [ __ ] so good and the after party the. dancing where was the after party at the. W Hotel dude of course am I not was I. not there you were there I wasn't there. I thought it was Roy Choi I wasn't there. I went asked him I went I couldn't find. parking he couldn't that's a lie I swear. to God no my body is the king of this no. no but you know what I'll be honest I'll.

be genuine he texted me and goes I'm on. my way and I said dude do you want me to. pick you up and he goes I'm taking a nap. it was it was four o'clock I go okay. okay that's what I said okay I love you. and then I hung up and then he texted me. we sat in the seats and then he goes I'm. here and I said great where and he goes. looking for parking I pin dropped him. the three parking garages on Gailey on. this guy goes I can't find it I'm going. home for real yeah but can I say this. though what and I'm gonna and this is. gonna make you feel so good okay please.

um when I was at the comedy that night. and I felt guilty please he comes in. privately yeah and and he looks at me. privately can I be honest with you I go. you guys that movie was so [ __ ] good. it's good for comedy dude he did it. secretly without people listening so I. was like you know what because he never. gives compliments. what the [ __ ] are you talking yes I do. don't do that I give compliments but you.

saved them you don't like throw them out. like jelly beans but then then it makes. it worth it then they really matter I. don't know why jelly beans but I'm. saying is you don't have people give. away yeah yeah yeah yeah Ronald Reagan. yeah Ronald Reagan did it right so my. point is this is that he said it. privately yeah and he goes this is good. for comedy this is good for everybody. and I went to my I thought to myself wow. it must be really good and this is gonna. blow up and you're gonna be at a. different level congratulations. thank you buddy I appreciate this.

cocktail. I started drinking the second I woke up. this morning God bless dude you deserve. it you deserve it you know what man I. had a night last night and I and I and. my wife has a saying uh earn your. Mondays right can I can I say say it how. she says it earn your Mondays. she's got a raise uh yeah I'm [ __ ]. pretty hammered earn your Monday earn. your money earn your Mondays earn your. Mondays and Amy Schumer shared her. Monday she earned her Monday that.

[ __ ] that movie was good I don't care. what you say train wreck was a good. movie and she earned her Monday and I. went and and and and it's true it's like. you do all the hard work to get through. the weekend as Comics we know what that. feels like and then on Monday when you. get on the airplane you get a little. break right yeah and I love that feeling. and I I woke up this morning and it's. not Monday we haven't gotten numbers in. who knows I mean when this airs it will. be but I was like [ __ ] it I don't give a. [ __ ] I earned my Monday you did you.

earned it you did I busted my ass I. almost lost my arm for it like and. Andrew. Bobby I wish you could have been there. Andrew your compliment to me yesterday. was so heartfelt the [ __ ] beautiful. thing about this goddamn comedy. community. is I got compliments from dudes I really. respect like you know you know how we. are like we really respect yeah and and. uh it it I I had one of the best nights. of my entire life I wanted best friends. I had maybe the best item entire my. entire life the red carpet was next so.

much fun dude you dude I threw axes we. did Putt-Putt we did flip. so hard to get this in my throat come on. baby yeah. what does it. means what does it mean salt I think you. put salted Margaritas maybe a ginger. beer no a little less a little less. asbestos. I'm gonna sit here I'm gonna sit on a.

Bud Light as I slip on this yeah there's. MSG in there because I wanna by the way. this chair is deflating does anyone. notice in this I'm gonna be sitting on. the floor. [Laughter]. dude you're earning your Monday right. I'm earning my [ __ ] money yeah yeah. go in the pink one then oh yeah that's. what it is it's not that I'm [ __ ]. satisfied.

damn chairs from Ashley's Furniture. that's from her sister that's Joanne. scoot over to the pink one we'll get you. on the pink one. this is fun yeah this let it let it. happen are you comfortable like that not. bad all right good okay it's not bad and. you're can I say something about your. wife yes I've never met somebody so like. Mindful and generous Aileen is that her. name Eileen Eileen Eileen yeah Eileen. it's Liam okay dude it's Eileen Leanne.

you're combining Isla and Leanne. together. one you know the time you uh the Russian. mafia farted on your shin during oral. sex yeah yeah she sends me not over the. years buddy she loves knives she loves. you she sent me um gifts she's always. calling me she texted me today as we're. driving here and she goes uh if Bobby. wants to do any fully loaded dates this.

opens the offer's still open I want to. do them well then. I'm your.

do it slow now go I'm I'm your favorite. friendly neighborhood [ __ ] there it is. can we say that or not yeah you can. definitely say it all right because I. want to say this okay that um here's. what happens oh. I know what happens you don't have to. tell me. no what but no because I have to I feel. like I do yeah go ahead and hear your. version there's no version there's the. truth and not the truth okay we're not. doing this [ __ ] q and on [ __ ].

what you know how things get rumored and. like this conspiracies you [ __ ]. Captain Reddit over here yeah what's. going on right now okay all right what's. so funny. go ahead and do it here's what happens. okay okay I want to hear it is it I get. a call from my. the Jews. is Edinburgh Jewish yeah yeah he might. be just my agents he's happy yeah yeah. and they go you got this offer but you. know what I mean this and this and they.

they somehow talk me out of it yeah I. know right and I'm like and I and I I. should stick up for myself when you say. they talked you out of it do you mean. they they asked you want to do this and. you say number one you had that yacht. party I wanted to do the Yachts party. it's called a cruise yeah it's a cruise. it's sold out in 24 hours I know I. wanted to do it because by the way by. the way we were offering you like just. so we're if we're I I don't really give. a [ __ ] anymore I don't give a [ __ ]. Bobby was my first go-to he was my first.

go-to for that what'd you do and he and. immediately he said no no listen I'll. tell you how someone says no. Tim Dillon shout out to Tim Dylan yeah. he said yes we signed it on and then he. goes I can't do it but he called me and. said hey man I'm not gonna be able to do. it and you're like okay I got it that's. nice yeah Bobby says yeah yeah yeah yeah. how come I'm not included how come I. want to go to barbecues at your house. and then all of a sudden you send me. offer and then it's like yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah and then okay. and then less reliable than Tim Dillon.

whoa you know I'll tell you Andrew. Schultz I said Andrew. I said Andrew Schultz an offer you know. what he said he texted me immediately uh. I'm gonna have to uh respectfully. decline I'm not available for those I'm. fine with your whatever yeah what does. Bobby do he goes I want to do it I want. to do it I still do. [Laughter]. that's the thing that you don't [ __ ]. fully understand my little daughters my. daughters want you on it my wife wants. everyone loves you Bobby everybody.

wanted you on it you're not loving. yourself is what this is yeah what it is. is this okay this and that put yourself. put your arms inside why don't be so big. okay you're trying to threaten don't. threaten all right okay so go through. our steps okay I'm now sitting on the. ground. [Laughter]. clear I'm I'm taking my flip-flops off. because I'm going crisscross applesauce. in a second I will I'm going to be. genuine when I say this we are going to. bill you for that chair that's a brand. new chair that's a brand new chair oh. I'll give you 13 bucks.

we're still sending the bills step up. your [ __ ] Bobby go ahead for the yako. the yacht is that they're like it's off. Cruise Bobby we're not only [ __ ]. yacht let him keep saying yacht because. it's never going to leave his brain yeah. yeah. fully loaded Cruise the only thing that. is happening yeah and you know cruising. for dick at night oh yeah I do that. that's fun they're both not good no yeah. Tom or that no Tom's great so he's great. and I love him my bad just look at me. it's so sad.

I think you should switch the chairs. nope okay I'm owning it it's so [ __ ]. funny people were like my people were. like well you're working did you put a. [ __ ] hole in this on purpose to make. it look like [ __ ] you punks no who would. dare to do something like that wait what. yeah it's hard to understand all right. go ahead yeah they're like you know you. just got Sober Do you want to be on a uh. yacht Cruise yeah for 30 days or. whatever and I got maybe 30 days it's. not 30. and we're not going to South America.

it's just to the [ __ ] Islands out of. Miami it's three days three days three. days that's all it is you saw 30 [ __ ]. days three days. oh man well. sounds like you need to make a call to. your agent live on the show and say Yes. anyway really good movie. because he tells me how could I do. another say another thing don't he tells. me I didn't do anything I showed up I.

was there early I took photos gave me a. hug give me a big hug and a kiss and my. ear told me for real legit gave me my. flowers and was like dude you killed it. this was awesome yeah I had I had I'm in. legit. I was so happy with who showed up I. would love for you to have been there. but like the people that showed up. busting with the boys right some of the. boys came and they flew from Nashville. they don't even live here yeah and they. made it Leanne flew them out and gave. them 24 hours notice sent him a text. said yo tickets for you at Nashville.

Airport they both flew out uh had a. great Christy Matt came out uh Adriana. chechik came out Tommy but dude can I. tell you the move of the year so. Tom uh doesn't reply hey man are you. gonna make it to the premiere please. tell me right here the premiere no reply. and then call him and he was like hey. man I can't [ __ ] make it and I go. actually I'm actually bothered by it. like I'm bothered you're my best friend.

we have a podcast together and we have a. movie set up over at legendary fat. astronauts you guys need to make it. that's okay no one no one replies no one. replies Tom hits me up I'll read the Tom. ones your glasses are on that chair I. saw him hunting for it you see he did. the thing that my dad does where he puts. it right here and he touches the ghost. glasses yeah he thinks he said I have a. publicist texting me this morning I have. a signing for my book which is going. into paperback. oh yeah when it does make the move from.

hard to paper it is yeah that is a very. big deal and he goes I forgot I had this. and then he writes back uh just you know. like a couple hours later because you're. not responding to this and it's making. me feel like this whole thing is getting. weird and I go sorry I didn't open it I. did I lied. I said sorry I didn't open it no worries. that's why I wrote no worries and he. goes I can't get out of it I'm. coordinating with my publisher and it's. Barnes and Noble so it's kind of a big. deal it's coming out in paper deck. aren't they closing down yeah.

yeah because I'm listening to a Barnes. and Noble he's like plus I have a VHS. signing a blockbuster and fries and I. think I got a good price electronics and. I think uh straight guys can get AIDS. and he's like all the things that we. thought back then yeah and so he goes uh. and I said I got you no worries and he. goes. um. hey man congrats on your big day I'm so. sorry I couldn't make it very excited to. see you in this movie and in movie. theaters have a great weekend I love you.

have fun and I just wrote thanks Tommy I. wish you could be here I understand I. love you and then this. shows up he showed up I know that. because you told me they showed up I did. they're beautiful and I cried he cried. real hard oh so it was all a ruse yeah. that's what they call it the kids call. it a ruse yeah it was a little a. deception yep shadowplay. yeah and it and it got me good I fell. apart hard it was good cried oh so he. was gonna come all along yeah apparently. and I and I told him I said I don't know.

why you did that you could have just. said you were coming and then I was just. had a great day also. Leanne didn't know either and I told. Rogan uh Tom's cheating on Christina I. was like something's going on man like. it was acting so [ __ ] weird yeah. because it's just off it's out of. character out of Integrity from him yeah. and so I was talking to Rogan the other. night and we're like and he's like. how's everything going you know you know. Rogan sometimes can get that inside vibe. from you yeah I go something's going on. with Tommy he goes what's going on I.

said I don't know man I can't track it. but he's not coming to my Premiere and. Rogue he's like whoa he's not coming to. the mirror and I was like dude. and then and then you know how like. sometimes you sell your buddies under. the bus I was like he was in Europe for. 40 days. we only had like 10 shows like what's. going on yeah and he's like wait what do. you think's going on I go these Chino. Christine he's got a wife. and then he's like and I go he's looking. good he's in great shape he's wearing. Gucci everywhere he's got rolex's.

Porsches he smells like I would swoop in. on Christina if that happened really. yeah because I know that she she's dated. Asians before too oh she yeah so she has. that [ __ ] little [ __ ] thing she. likes little yeah she's like the yellow. ones I think they were I think they were. like no offense but I think they were. like they were like gentrified Asians.

no they were like corner office Asian. yeah. yeah but I'm more like Roy Choi like I. have my own like you know yeah he owns a. food truck yeah he owns a food for Truck. Yeah that's what he's saying you are. really trying yeah you are Roy choice no. that's what I'm saying I agree like I. have one called coconut cupcakes soy boy. you're showing yeah yeah yeah yeah no no. no I agree still cool regular Asian I. agree with you okay here's the deal. she's not gonna [ __ ] you man it's. definitely not you're fishing she's not. gonna [ __ ] you if if Tom cheated on her.

and she was single no I could think I. could swoop in and do like a [ __ ]. little bird absolutely not absolutely no. no no no no no no no I would argue what. she's upgraded so much. I bet she's not even her sons are bigger. than you that that's another size has. nothing to do with it has almost. everything. what she's he's seven he's bigger than. you and he likes. they can't have their new dad be smaller. than them right that's not how it works. and they live in Austin you show up in.

the house and they're like uh don't make. the bed but it's okay. well let me ask you something if does. Danny DeVito have a shot yeah no not. with Christine no no no no no no no no. yes listen he doesn't agree there's a. great this is a great pivot what would. Christina [ __ ] after Tom yeah so wait. now here here's the deal okay remember. she's into fat guys that's who she. married a fat guy and then he lost the. weight yeah and it's he's unrelatable. now and for my son.

and we go to do it live shows and they. broke they can't bring back fat Tom. yeah who would be who would be the next. pick who's kind of a chunky Bunkie that. she'd get into it's diverse oh she would. [ __ ] the [ __ ] she would go out with Star. Wars before me he's so hot way before. you you that's so hot okay this is the. weight thing then I think that's her. thing yeah yeah should chubby chase her. yeah like Leanne right if Leanne married.

again do you I don't I don't I don't you. might be in her wheelhouse. your app your wife yeah oh yeah because. she would be like. a bird I swerve him she would love you. little Asian Birds I go inside the nest. boink boink leave and you don't like to. have sex a lot you like to play video. games I like the [ __ ] no the [ __ ]. machine dude well hold on that's not the. story I read on Reddit. I still like to [ __ ] I'm a [ __ ] machine. no no no you don't think I'm a [ __ ]. machine you're not really a [ __ ] machine.

you're like a you know you're you're. like I'm not electrical I'm like more. than what the yeah. okay okay hold on let's define ourselves. I would say I I argue that people say. that I work too much right yeah so I'm a. work machine Andrew you are kind of a. work machine I'm a little work yes Bobby. if you name yourself one type of machine. is it [ __ ] machine or is it sleep. machine I'm a sleep machine yeah. probably a sleep machine. that happens the [ __ ].

you know what machine you want you're. the ice cream maker at McDonald's. because it's always broken it works. sometimes once in a great day. it's delicious delicious I know but it. never [ __ ] works right it never works. and you know what everyone comes by and. goes how come that thing is still out of. operation yeah it's 51 years old how is. it not fixed by now right Lego we don't. know we've tried over the years it's. just in sleep mode and we can't wake it. up because if we do it shakes and. Putters and.

yeah so you gotta let it rest okay you. have to let it rest this place oh my God. I love this plate so much I have it. hanging all over my house. look at man this is probably some of my. favorite stuff that we've ever made and. collaborated with other uh other artists. and stuff to make such cool stuff we. have one right behind us up there in the. studio we keep there all the time these. are incredible they're heavy they're. durable display there's a one-of-a-kind. metal poster designed to capture your. unique passions uh display created a. 21st century canvas that's sturdy magnet. mounted and durable enough to withstand. a lifetime of intense staring yeah when.

I was a kid I used to have a Duran Duran. poster on my wall and it within eight. months it was shredded up it looked like. crap sunburn this look at this yeah look. at how beautiful this is like a forever. poster forever poster baby they're so. well done each product is a high quality. design printed on metal in Europe and. hand signed by their Master production. they sign the back of it they deliver. products worldwide and only four to five. business days you order it you're gonna. get it in a couple days it's a perfect. alternative for standard posters that. often get damaged that you got to get. framed you don't have to frame this you.

put it right up on your wall they're. also eco-friendly for every design sold. they are planting one tree amazing we. love trees no need to drill and your. walls any anymore just wipe your wall. with the cleaning wipe stick a. protective Leaf Place a magnet put the. display on your wall it's that easy so. how do they get it Bob use the link in. the description or go to display.com bad. friends and use code bad friends at the. checkout to get 20 off for one to two. Deuce two displays or three percent off. for three or more displays displayed. collect your passions manscape oh my God.

Summer's here I want a summer Bob I. can't wait to go to the beach with you. to see your new Summer Body by the way. Bobby and I have been manscaping each. other for years now but now with the. performance package 4.0 we can have the. new lawnmower that's waterproof so we. can do it in the water with a cordless. body trimmer ton of other liquid. formulations to round out your grooming. routine manscape is dedicated to helping. you increase your confidence and level. up your full body grooming game with the. performance package 4.0 whether you're. trimming your chest or the treasure in. your pants it's the best trimmer on the. market no one likes nose hairs so their.

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friends at manscape.com get 20 off plus. free shipping with the code badfriends. manscape.com trim your testicles with. vesicles this morning I woke up and I I. was it was beautiful I was listening a. little goose and I was [ __ ] I was. naked Liam was naked and we were walking. around the I seen the presidential suite. of the W hell yeah they gave it to me. though you guys [ __ ] today you [ __ ]. this morning this morning God bless I. love it [ __ ] nice too really nice. yeah it was really nice good makeout. session before we just started making. out again like making out like.

full-blown making out and it's so hot. Out secret time but I'll but I'll share. it we [ __ ] in my car the other night. Mercedes okay. we came home from The Comedy Store. we went to dinner at Saddle Ranch what. at midnight you did. um and Leanne saw she'll never listen to. this so I'm gonna share everything yeah.

so Leanne saw two people to a guy and a. girl walk into the women's bathroom. together. and she came out and we got in the car. and I was a little buzzed and she was. like can you believe they [ __ ] in. there they they going in to [ __ ] isn't. that crazy can you can you believe that. is this Miss Pat your wife it is yeah. Pat was there last night I know she was. shout out to miss Patton and not Bobby. and so I said I said you used to be like. that I just randomly said I used to be. like that oh boy we pull into our house. she pulls under the carport so Island.

can't see her out of us out of a room. and she grabs my dick and I'm like whoa. and she just starts making out with me. like making out like we're making out. making out. and then takes all of her clothes off. in our [ __ ] under our carport and. dude. I got I got. I got three times I remember [ __ ]. Leanne right three times like when I die. on my deathbed the three times one was.

on a jet ski and a Cove totally naked. when we were very young. was it still rumbling. yeah and I was worried about alligators. and snakes. what y'all doing down there hey boy hey. boy oh my goodness leave it in leave it. in her boy one time was in my truck. where I slammed my thumb in the car and. I finished anyway right and then this. time was in my Mercedes. and it was what are we talking front. seat back seat front seat front seat.

reclining all the way back by the way my. assistant and my social media manager. gonna have a hard time driving home with. me in that car yeah now they are now. they are I've seen your testicle yeah. you've seen me naked yeah a couple times. yeah but I saw it and I got it was a. Wonder. I was I I still I'm mesmerized by it big. balls have you seen my my shoulders. reject we saw last night I benched two I. once bench 285 the other day wow. 85 for real and how old are you right. now 50 there's not a lot of 50 year olds. that can do that yeah what do you think.

you can bench be genuine be real yeah. like the bar is I've never tried it well. the bar is 45. you think you get the bar. oh I'm gonna I'm gonna jump in there no. I'm gonna jump in and answer this for. him yeah yeah my daughter has a hard. time in the bar and I'm betting Bobby. will too. it's. it's a dude all right. when is this okay I was on a wrestling. team dude 30 [ __ ] years ago stop. doing that you're living in the past. dude I bet I could throw a football over.

the mountains no it's over it's over. check this out get in front of us right. now and do what and do a push-up. do a couple do a bunch let's see and I. weighed 284 . let's see let's see. right yeah. yeah do it facing us. let's go all the way down and hold it. come on back one one that's actually. impressive right there two keep going.

three let's get to ten. four. five he's speeding up because he's. getting nervous six go all the way down. seven all the way down eight come on. 10 and we're running out of breath the. whole podcast will be you look at this. go great. dizzy he's gonna pass out. he's gonna hit his [ __ ] head. you know what yeah you can do the bar. you can do the bar you can definitely do. the bar now breathe into the mic let me. hear your breathing.

I haven't done it so long I didn't know. if I had it but I know I still got it. you still got it you still got it you. know what I mean so that's in your face. yeah yeah yeah that's right. so that's in your face yeah and also I. can do a lot of things you don't you. don't you don't even know name them log. it the log thing oh you can log you can. log no no the log we're on the log and. we're trying log rolling yeah and we're. on the lake and and somebody whoever I. can do that good and I've never done it. but I know I can do it well oh yeah I.

believe it yeah I've done it it is. really hard it's so hard it's so [ __ ]. right. Legolas you think you but you can shoot. both. one but I'm sure I'm pretty sure I could. hit not the center but the actual Circle. that all right all right I'm pitching it. hey guys do you like the show bad. friends well get ready to subscribe to. the new show called better than me and. it's Bobby Lee going out to find out if. he's better than other people who has. also never done this that's good I like.

this I like this we send you out in the. world when you're on tour you go out and. you you both shoot a bow hunt boat. whatever against another random dude. yeah who's who doesn't do it he doesn't. do it yeah yeah I like it we bring an. expert in whoa he goes in and he talks. you both through it he shows it to you. and then you compete I love it can I ask. a question no name it name them all by. the way I've done everything you're. talking about I've done I that was. called My Travel Channel job everything. you've done I've done by the way I'm.

superior at bow hunting. [Laughter]. you're an ax guy you're not better than. Rogan yeah can you pull it up real quick. so you do archery regularly yeah so you. and then there's people who regularly do. it and you guys have a certain. um you know comfort with like the whole. like the equipment and how but if you. were to grab if you were to grab all. your friends who don't shoot regularly. like they don't practice regularly and. you go try to do this I'm 100 certain. that of that group he would do the best.

of people that don't practice or if you. were just like this is how you shoot it. because his he has really impressive I'm. telling you both hand-eye coordination. like he has really good like anything. like shooting a throw in a dart throwing. a ball hitting a baseball all that stuff. is what he actually excels in I've seen. him play pool he could look in your eyes. I didn't know that yeah. if he wasn't such a drunk he'd probably. be an amazing athlete.

that part. you couldn't [ __ ] edit. a little drunk and be a great athlete so. many great athletes were drunks or are. drunks so I think you're still on par. baby I can't feel my arms why from the. push-ups yeah that's funny. I don't feel great yeah you don't feel. good yeah I'm sitting on a brick. you want to switch to the comfy chair. nope okay I own it can we get him can we. get him some more Bud Light do we have. more Bud Light let's talk about let's. talk about uh Kent people that are.

listening to this to go out to the movie. theaters this weekend no honestly people. don't need to go people do need to go to. the theater and watch it and Bobby. should go himself and you know what I. want you to buy a ticket this weekend. and go watch it will you do that. say I'll do that what do you mean I. already bought it yeah where what. theater no he did The Little Mermaid and. now like this close our clouds close. down nice try good job Bobby nice job. they're open in front of the machine. just for the machine yeah all right I'm. gonna close again oh for real yeah. that's amazing we're doing a we're doing. a theater run tonight where we go to the. sold out theaters and we surprise.

everyone that's great oh that's [ __ ]. amazing but here's what I want to say. about it okay like I said he gave me the. compliment right but I've based on the. trailer right. um I went even when I saw the trailer I. was like this is gonna do something. because you don't see comedy movies. anymore like Will Ferrell all these guys. they can't put them out anymore I think. this is the new wave I think you're. gonna revolutionize it for us pave the. way and maybe Brett bad friends will do. a movie one day because of your [ __ ]. from your mouth to God's ears yeah I say.

this I say this all the time I said this. when I introduced the movie yesterday. just if we know we can provide ticket. sales in theaters and in arenas and in. uh comedy clubs we know that we can we. know there are people that like our. comedy we can we know that in podcasting. that people like our comedy. we need those people to support us in. theaters and because movie theaters are. dying oh yeah don't let them die because. that is here's where the real money's. made is when you make the studios money.

that's when they [ __ ] double down and. so if this movie does good numbers and. makes money I guaran [ __ ] to you. there's a bat you there's a buddy comedy. with YouTube I guarantee you next summer. in the lineup it's sold because you guys. will roll into Lionsgate or Sony or. wherever the [ __ ] it is and be like yo. we have and they're gonna look at your. numbers on your podcast and go Bert can. do that let's get them let's isolate his. fans let's bring their fans in and then. you guys will show up obviously everyone.

listening will show up to this but it. has to start it has to start somewhere. and and I and I'm hoping it starts this. weekend that people get out of their. house go to the movie theaters and enjoy. a movie theater this movie Andrew. correct me if I'm wrong it should be. seen on a big screen yeah it's a big. screen you can't watch it I mean you. could watch it at home but it's I it's. one of those things where it's like you. you want to see like like John Wick [ __ ]. it's like sure watch at your house I. guess but also definitely watch it in. the theater this has so much action dude. dude which part did you like the most. about the action scenes in one in his.

movie oh my God the act the [ __ ] when. they came down the mountain the Mountain. scene yeah. right the Gandalf wasn't it the Gandolf. the gray was in it. do you remember who was hanging on the. Rope coming down the mountains Rosario. Dawson and then there was a [ __ ]. who's shooting the bow who was it this. guy he was who was he shooting he was. shooting at [ __ ] the spoiler alert. dude. Steven Seagal was down there yeah and. then um the little man came back who's.

that the little guy from uh from uh mini. me yeah no the guy that died. yeah yeah he came back the ghosted from. Troy just for this movie yeah he was on. your shoulder no you need to see this in. this you gotta watch this it was amazing. man and people are gonna go see it I. know people are gonna see it get out of. the [ __ ] house that's my thing is. like if you if we if we uh let me think. okay. movie theaters are like hand jobs here. it is if you ignore them then you never. get them again. but they're really good.

let's see if we can think about it yeah. right the thing is there are certain. things you just Overlook and then if you. overlook them then you never get them. and you're like well [ __ ] I kind of. missed that a little bit right movie. theaters. is that a good one the other day my dog. was chasing the squirrel okay and you. were and and I was watching him chase. the squirrel and then it's like his. favorite thing to do and did the. squirrel give their dog a [ __ ] no no. and then he and then he caught the. squirrel okay and it was not what he.

thought it would be and I said. my dog chasing squirrels like anal sex. it sounds like a good time yeah but then. when it actually happens it's way more a. lot of blood everywhere. died and then Mac looks at me like I. thought he would play more oh yeah and I. was like oh buddy you killed it yeah you. ripped it you ripped it wide open so. movie theaters are like movie theaters. are like 69ing you know look what yeah. it's gonna smell like [ __ ] a little bit. a little bit yeah yeah yeah but there's.

a lot of cleanup that you're not gonna. do but you're both winning yeah you know. what I mean they get paid we have a good. time yeah go around the horn Bobby movie. theaters are like but let me ask you. about 69. Bobby movie theaters are like. it's like um a bowl of white rice oh of. course right if you don't eat it right. um someone else will. yes. movie theaters 69 real quick yeah yeah. when you're on the bottom definitely.

you're listening when you're on the. bottom right yeah do you grab their. cheeks like this or do you just no hands. when you're on the bottom he's not on. the top you think I'm gonna Crusher. Jesus Christ. 267 pounds you can't. of course you grab the butt oh you do. what do you do your hands are just out. wide I always question so I kind of. almost like try to do it but I'm like no. I know you have to give up you know you. have to rub the butt in fact you can put.

a digit in you spread it yeah okay rip. it off movie theaters are like having. sex with black people okay okay here we. go yeah when they're there it's a little. louder. what a movie theaters like Bobby yeah. come on. movie theaters. I don't I'm not good with like these. analogies yeah Bobby just stopped doing. that and say the thing start it and it. moves forward. that information and you yes and that's.

right right you started I'll finish it. okay movie theater movie theaters are. like a katana sword Jesus Christ Bobby. if you don't use it the samurai will die. perfect nailed it is that right movie. theaters are like dingleberries. right if movies are like dingleberries. right if you don't remove it right it's. gonna smell no no no okay movie theaters. are like grandparents. you forget how much you love them until.

they're not there Wow Let's do a vampire. one movie theaters are like vampires. right if you don't watch it at night. you're not gonna get bit. by the yeah okay okay yeah right yeah. yeah I like it I like vampires. movie theaters are like virgins right if. you don't have sex with them they'll. never have sex. right that's me if you go to the movie. theater and you don't go then it never. happened and they'll die so yeah the. Virgin will die right their [ __ ] will.

die movie theaters are like movie. theaters are like. girlfriends from high school okay you. forget how much fun they are until. you're inside them again there it is. right that's a good one that's the best. one I understand that you do one now. let me give you giraffes Go movie. theaters are like giraffes yeah here we. go. they're terrified of Life they're a. great place to be with lightning strikes. yeah yes yes.

you want to be an extra giraffe during a. lightning storm because they get hit. first well they'll get smoked yeah. really yeah I grew up in Florida in. Florida we have a lot of lightning we. were not allowed to have giraffes in our. zoos. really yeah wow no [ __ ] way no. there's no way. yeah dude all right man I grew up with. two giraffes I bought two online you can. buy if you buy one you get one free now.

from Africa man saves on shipping costs. go to draft.com. but bad friends listeners now listening. right please if you support Bert you're. basically supporting our movie that's. what we're trying to say listen that's. true the way Hollywood works is you. you only get the things you like if you. make people money that's how it works. yeah and as creatives. our sense of humor has not been. appreciated totally like I think the. industry has kind of shot away from our.

sense of humor which what we which makes. you laugh right now what's made the. horrible jokes we've all just made on. this podcast yeah that that is uh not. it's not what's happening in Hollywood. Hollywood is a more awoke agenda which. I'm not being this political guy I'm. just telling you that's where it is. they'd rather make a movie with uh. everyone else and and not us and not us. maybe me and you Andrew the only one who. probably seems to get cast a lot these. days as an indigenous guy anyway you.

can't even make that joke in Hollywood. you can't make that joke in Hollywood we. laugh at it right yeah so if you support. comedies go see Sebastian's it's out. this week go see sebastians see mine. just support comedy in movie theaters. and then all of a sudden Hollywood all. they care about is [ __ ] money yeah. that's all they care that's all they. care about it's the truth I'm in. business with a lot of them right now. but if they if you make the money then. they go how do I make more money and. I'll tell you the first thing they do.

and we all have seen this a million. times we start with touring companies we. start with promoters they pill for the. podcasters yeah and and which is a good. thing if you're a fan is the first thing. they do is they grab you two buddy. comedy what do you guys want to do and. it's sold tomorrow and you guys get to. make whatever the [ __ ] you make Bob Tom. and I are signed up for fat astronauts. is he gonna get fat again. that's gotta he's got to get fat I love. it I love it more than anything you know.

without The Strokes hitting it back in. the New York scene right there would be. no Yeah Yeahs Interpol right yeah and. these bands because look at look at look. at grunge Grunge music hit Nirvana hits. and then they sign everyone everyone. yeah without Nirvana no sound garden. yeah yeah no Pearl Jam no Pearl Jam. right and and that that's the way the. industry works yeah so if you support. this we have another a couple weeks. three weeks in movie theaters I don't. know how long we're in movie theaters. yeah but I know we're if you're listed.

this on Monday I know you were there. this weekend whether Tuesday Wednesday. Thursday Friday go see this movie in. movie theaters and then let us [ __ ]. own movie theaters our sense of humor. the [ __ ] you like let us own it let us. own it dude I went heart you saw the. movie oh my God I went hard there were. there were times. secret time. awkward secret time there was a time. Mark Hamill was not cool with the scene. and he was like they didn't want to do. it it's not funny I don't like it I. don't want to be a part of it it's the.

yeah oh yeah and and I went it's funny. and he was like it's the scene that. everybody talked about it's the one it's. the one it's aggressive it's very. there's a couple really aggressive ones. and I went. I said just trust me just trust trust me. on this and it's hard man these Studios. these actors they're they're sensitive. people they're real people and they're. like I don't want to be associated with. the way our brains [ __ ] think right. because it's not our brains think. [ __ ] sideways yeah yeah and uh and it.

it's the best it's so [ __ ] it's the. best now when you cast Mark uh Hamill. will you because I'd be so nervous I'm. such a huge fan of his I'm I'm a Star. Wars guy you know were you intimidated. at all were you oh hardcore yeah yeah. yes Luke because you're trying to act. cool like you because you want to be you. know no my biggest concern was uh. because we took a private jet to Serbia. together yeah and my biggest concern was. uh him watching me drink. so I put baby bottles of Jacks in my. pockets so that I could so I can sneak.

them it's not a problem. so I was like I don't want him to see me. drink like a [ __ ] lunatic yeah what a. 17-hour flight to Serbia and I go. anywhere in a really tight capsule it's. like he's watching me and so I put baby. bottles of Jacks in my pocket uh I took. Edibles does he have a little is he a. little Drinker he's he's been he's sober. sober's a judge yeah I think yeah he's. Pizza. right now because I'm a single guy. Andrew yeah you are and I um you know.

when you when I pleasure myself with my. hands sometimes it's not good enough let. me see your hand yeah it doesn't look. good it doesn't look good at all but I. got some stuff from Adam and Eve and. I've been using it at home right and. it's been so good well we talked about. it on the last episode that I said my. favorite thing is my ding dong ring I. love it so much it's silicone and it. rubs and Adam and Eve sent me a whole. bunch of them to say thank you and I. want to say thank you because I want. better sex you know what and your. partner wants it too why not have fun. and there's a ton of toys available uh. and the best way to get started is go to. adamandeve.com they're offering 50 off.

just about any item on there plus free. shipping which includes Rush processing. that's right Adam and Eve I want you to. make your life easier they offer. discrete shipping as your privacy is a. free shipping and Rush processing on. your entire order it shows up to your. door nobody knows what you got not your. nosy neighbors it's none of their. business what kind of fun toys you want. to buy like Andrew says that's 50 of off. of one item free shipping and Rush. processing just go to adamandeve.com and. select any one item it could be an. adventurous new toy or anything you.

desire just use the offer code bad. friends at checkout that's bad friends. b-a-d-f-r-i-e-n-d-s at adamandeve.com. this is an exclusive offer specifically. to this podcast so so be sure to use the. code bad friends to get your discount. 100 up 100 free shipping to get fast. with Rush processing code bad friends. just go to adamandeve.com select any one. item it could be an adventurous new toy. or anything you desire Bobby what do you. eat like what's your average day of food. look like it's bad do you want this I. brought this yeah yeah it's really bad. [ __ ] Twinkies are banana do you want.

Twinkies I don't know if you want one. but I brought them for you here we go. [ __ ] Twinkie more than I want a dick. in my ass I'll eat like I'll go dude. Twinkies. I have a place in my heart when I saw it. I thought of you I thought I'm gonna. give him a little gift I brought you a. bucket of vodka and I thought I want to. give them a little twinkie so let me I. want to share something I want to share. something. when I was in first grade I had a. separation of anxiety. I couldn't be away from my parents and. I had to look at life oh man we might be.

fighting my trauma right now. I had to look at life as. secret victories secret treats right can. I get through can I get through uh the. first two periods and then get to to. snack and then I get a Twinkie. can I get to lunch and then I get a. Twinkie and then if I get through lunch. I get through the rest of the day I. swear to God we're figuring out my. trauma this is it you got a little snack. if you if you made it through a certain. amount of time yeah that's how much you. got stacked and then I had a Twinkie and.

then I could sit back and just have a. Twinkie and then my and my parents. always pack Twinkies my dad always put. Twinkies in My Lunchbox and then I was. like cool man I get to like a little bit. of reprise from this whole [ __ ] chaos. of missing your parents and not knowing. anybody I got a moment where I could. like be myself and like open up my. lunchbox and have a Twinkie take a bite. and let me see how you feel and at home. again I'm gonna get deeper right now. okay. and if I felt strong. if I got through the day I saved much we.

could give it to my dad when he picked. me up I'd go like I go hey I need my. twinkie like like I got through it. and my dad would be like oh thanks buddy. and then we'd share my twinkie in the. car ride home. uh I don't normally treat myself to. treat like treats like this I'm trying. to be a little healthier but I'm really. looking forward to this banana with. vanilla cream in it this one's for your. dad. we had a moment last night your dad was. there my Dad cried dude it was beautiful.

he came up to me and said that movie is. fantastic my dad was sobbing crying. and he goes Buddy I underestimate what. you do it's a great moment and this is. the swing he's from my dad. nothing like shoving something Falcon in. your mouth and say this one's for my dad. Isn't it nice my mom had a moment when. she went on stage that was incredible so. my mom you know was in Phoenix Bert oh. my God let him sit in it this one's for. Papa. is so good it always delivers it's the.

best it's the best the fact that they. teased us they were going to take it. away remember that when they're like. might go away and they were like just. [ __ ] with you we're gonna keep you. Mexican pizzas yeah they were [ __ ]. with us they were just [ __ ] good that. is awesome that delivers. every time every time Twinkies don't. it's like a pop chart oh they deliver. a Dorito they deliver every time very. suddenly hey man shout out to these. corporations that make foods that give.

us cancer because they deliver every. time every time every time very seldomly. you jump into a bag of lays or a bag of. Combos and go. oh these are off no right yeah they're. always on they're on they're always on. and you know what's good about these. Foods you're never going to have a. bonding moment over broccoli it's never. gonna help you need a little bit of. cancer to go Dad this is for you and me. and those chemicals in it that make you. that's bad that makes it bad I'm eating. the other one man thank you. it tastes much but damn it so you know.

the cancer is I've never been I don't. know when this was made or shelved or. put in a [ __ ] bag yeah and it's so. goddamn moist the Lord came inside this. thing. and it's so [ __ ] good it's so funny. but Jesus cheers inside of there baby. beer doesn't do what these guys do beer. beer and you're like what this tastes. off wine it can be corked oh yeah I have. bad wine all the time but a Twinkie.

does not. missed it's never miserable. it's like unprotected sex it's always. good yeah. Twinkie Twinkies like what what I mean. sex it's always good Twinkies are like. what oh Twinkies are like shooting. heroin movie theaters movie theaters I. mean Twinkies are like movie theaters. they were gonna go away yeah I'm not. good at these man. yeah yeah you forgot how good they were.

like I've never saw the riddle I don't. know what riddles mean I don't know how. to do that I don't know how to do puns. just try anything yeah I don't even know. so what tell me again a Twinkie is like. freshly cushion guy yeah what yeah. Twinkies on the game. that grew up in America they're yellow. on the outside white on the inside there. it is there it is that's perfect with a. Dinger. [ __ ] big bird comes in with a Dinger. what's a digger is that good yeah. yeah yeah.

you know Bobby yeah oh [ __ ] I think a. lot of people sleep on exactly how funny. you [ __ ] are I I think they go like. guys like me and you yeah we got written. off as these guys that are just crazy on. podcasts we say wow [ __ ] whatever. whatever it is you're [ __ ] funny dude. so funny I forgot how sometimes people. forget how [ __ ] funny you are you're. like a turkey sandwich for God. until right now Twinkies yeah yeah all I. do is show up I do the best I can I go.

home that's not true what do you mean. you're kind of phone in it a lot. more than not more than not [ __ ]. finally Jesus Christ two you brought him. two there needs to be way more than two. give give one to Andrew hi. Mateo's here oh shut the [ __ ] up.

come sit here and have a. couple should I go sit over there. AJ's movie just [ __ ] my movie Just. premiered Mateo what what and have it. look at how jacked he is by the way and. this is jacked you're just as jacked as. him I'm not as ripped as him but I'm. just as Jack. you're always at the gym and you're. always like I don't understand like. you're like like lifting trucks can I. show you I don't know where my phone is. uh Paris I just she was a DJ the other. night at the party was that DJ hot as. [ __ ] hardcore I [ __ ] me hardcore I.

[ __ ] me and I put that on the [ __ ]. record she got a baby right now right. did she accept a baby Paris. did have a baby so you [ __ ]. questioning my social [ __ ] knowledge. I know what's going on. yeah she looked pretty good I don't. think and she hardcore I [ __ ] me just. so we're clear like what are we talking. how long was it like this like let's do. it right now look okay ready I'm gonna. walk out with my Posse right right. you're me ready.

that looks more confused. shirtless I want shirtless might have. been confused yeah this is an eye. [ __ ] this is I [ __ ] I'm Paris and. you're you ready you're staring at Paris. and I walk in. oh that's fine. I got hey what's that fat guy doing on. this yeah. I'm in a club wait open them up open. them up. oh my God so you're you're Paris you're.

Paris I'm at a club all right and I do. this one Everybody Dance Now dance. that's good Bobby attention. are you lying that's good you thought it. was good no I [ __ ] me I [ __ ] me. I thought you 'd like him. I [ __ ] you you [ __ ] me [ __ ] you yeah I. [ __ ] you you would [ __ ] me you want me. to [ __ ] you no do it do I [ __ ] I [ __ ].

I [ __ ] all right ready who's on first. look at me in my eyes and I'm Gonna. Catch eyes with Bobby okay okay. [Laughter]. so look he's he's obsessed with you.

you're a famous celebrity he's staring. at you you walk in and you see him and. then you I [ __ ] him okay. shooting a little bit. my God. no no it's hard not to look at him I. don't know how to like no no I'm dancing.

I'm dancing okay everybody dance now. what do you see. that's how you do it you're disgusted. what do you say well that was honest no. I think that was that was me acting yeah. wait so that's how you do it no I don't. know I haven't been out to a club in. forever for real usually it's just like. on Instagram all right for real yeah. dudes on Instagram yeah that must be fun. as [ __ ] [ __ ]. I saw something on the Internet have you.

heard of foreign accent syndrome. uh where the lady got the stroke and. talked like an Asian yeah yeah I love it. is that real I had it one time hello my. what oh [ __ ] no no it's not real. yeah it's a thing I guess are they. faking it is it is it real it might be I. just think it's like a way for someone. to be racist. really 24 hours a day two white ladies. like what white people are always like. what else can we do to just be right. it's extremely rare it is a real medical.

condition well yeah there's seven. billion people on Earth I'm sure at. least one person well then that's the. one that lady's the one you know she's. an idiot. yeah but it's never like a European. sound like an American it's always some. weird either it's always Asian hold on. there's Americans that sound like. British people I know that yeah that one. makes a lot more sense but the white. woman that sounds like an Asian woman. what is that you know maybe that's. [ __ ] history baby the centers [ __ ].

civilization maybe is Asia and that's. she regrets back to the beginning oh my. God and then he shows us he's a genius. see that do you see that it's the cradle. of civilization. you have a stroke and you turn back to. Mesopotamia yeah but that's what our. movie's about yes oh my God. have you guys ever heard the theory that. like a lot of people think that like. native people in America were. descendants from Asia and they cross the. bearings so wait then that's way of need. but they think that it it could have.

happened the other way around that the. beginning of civilization probably. happened in America with Native and they. came across and then they got all. xinjiangi no I think it's easy. everything everyone everything started. in Africa oh you okay but also my so. you're offending his people you're. offending my people but actually that's. what's interesting is like so my mom. just did her 23andMe my mom is Italian. and Mexican yeah so if you're Mexican. like indigenous to Mexico it says my. mom's two percent Korean because it goes. all the way back so it says East Asian.

part Korean and then it says Native. Americans I don't know whether that's. like Aztec mine I don't know what that. means you know Spanish Portuguese we all. have something about us well not. everyone not Andrew and I are perfect. yeah we're exactly what do you mean you. don't think that's why we're just white. you do 23andMe yeah yeah. I don't know I did the allergy test. mine said that I don't like cilantro and.

I don't it tastes like soap wait is that. you don't like wait that's it. everyone says you didn't like it I know. what I don't like I don't need it. through a vagina no but um. this app really knows me yeah oh [ __ ]. [ __ ] the cilantro tastes like soap too. so you can eat guacamole with cilantro. if I I could taste this like I'm eating. pine salt I hate I I hate cilantro. yeah let's run through the list run.

through the list garlic I can't have. enough of it love I love garlic love. garlic but by the way a lot of Italians. it's a misconception they do not cook. with that much garlic it's really not. that common in dishes in Italy I uh. I put so much garlic and stuff you know. when they sell the bag of garlic in the. and and yes all the nine different pods. I put it all in that's the way to do it. yeah I like it in the morning I love. garlic okay uh uh do you eat carbs yeah.

of course I just had pasta for lunch for. real yeah yeah but it's just two oh it's. a little me and Chelsea Handler with the. little dumbs Chelsea you hung out with. Chelsea yeah I did her podcast. unbelievable I love her all right she's. the best there's a couple like bad. [ __ ] in this in this business we were. like we're like you watch them get Flack. but you'd love them and you respect them. Sarah and Chelsea yeah yeah Sarah and. Chelsea for me are like just bad [ __ ]. where you're like you understand like. it's weird because there are bad [ __ ].

in this in this business that maybe I'm. pretty drunk I should stop talking no. you're not saying anything wrong Chuck. it there's uh there's a couple ones that. you go. you watch them get flacking like I [ __ ]. them right there's a couple. but not them isn't that weird yeah well. like I like I like when Chelsea I think. she's authentic I don't get the sense. that she's putting anything on so you. have to respect someone for being. authentic who they are yeah but she's. always been that she hasn't changed that. much Chelsea she's always treated me the.

same like [ __ ] but anyway. I've always been kind of like you know I. mean very direct with me you know and I. respect that you know and you're saying. Sarah Silverman too dude it's amazing. Sarah so nice. she's the [ __ ] herself a guy. [ __ ] I'm a ride or die for her I I. like. she's been cool and she didn't have to. be cool she was always nice and I don't. know Chelsea I would have texted which. actually Chelsea or whatever but and and. she's always very sweet I think that was.

mostly through Joe yeah yeah but um uh. but Sarah is the [ __ ] like she. is funny as [ __ ] [ __ ] talked about. him Jesus's magic is one of the best. specials out there so good and she's I'm. this is and I don't like doing this. because it it uh kind of pulls away from. how great they are as comics. gorgeous gorgeous beautiful parties fun. like those those are the things that you. go that shouldn't be part of the. conversation but man she's gorgeous.

number one number one okay government. had that when she used to have that. those parties at her old that old condo. on the rooftop did you ever go to one of. those she used to have a party she would. have a party she had a couple parties on. a rooftop condo and they were huge play. class windows and I showed up I don't I. was late I was doing a spot at the store. and I don't I know her but not like that. well but like we're cool and I showed up. late and I was texting to see who was. there so I wasn't uncomfortably walking. around a party when you're like who am I. going to run it you know who's here and. someone runs up to me another comic and.

he goes he goes dude where have you been. I was like I mean I was doing a spot I. thought like the party just kicked off. he's like dude somebody already fell in. the pool and a dude ran through a plate. guys window it's [ __ ] awesome and I. was like really and he's like dude. they're always like this something's. always going on at her [ __ ] rooftop. party sounds like an 80s movie it was. fun as [ __ ] dude it was [ __ ] great. she rented out the whole room Can't Buy. Me Love the whole room I'll tell you. I'll tell you who I'm like if we're. gonna get deep in the Weeds on this. we're already in the weeds we're deep. down [ __ ] Janine Garofalo I've waited.

that's so funny you said I've been on a. Janine Garofalo kick this past week bro. for WTF and everything I I [ __ ] love. you I love her that is so when I started. comedy when I won when I watched Chris. rocks bring the pain that one of the. best specials of all time and I was like. I want to get a comedy right but I oh. that's all I'd really seen I wasn't like. a comedy nerd I didn't like I watched. Comedy Central but it all kind of sucked. in my opinion at the time this is the. 90s so Keith Robinson if you're watching. yeah. he's a a great artist and so lucky I.

love Keith is actually who I'm dating I. should be honest and so uh I go I'm. getting ready I've already bought my. ticket to move to New York I'm moving to. New York I reached out to a dude named. David Wayne uh he's a director I had met. him in Greece yeah and uh he gave me his. phone number in Greece and I reach out. to my mover to New York. and I sit down and I watch HBO and it's. Janine Garofalo doing her HBO and she. got her notebook out and she's doing.

like weird non-sequiturs of like of like. uh uh the the one joke I remember that. just kind of changed the way I thought. about comedy in that moment was the. other day I was in my pickup truck. outside my apartment making up making. out with my boyfriend and I thought I'm. [ __ ] 30. what the [ __ ] am I doing and. it just to me I was like oh so they. don't need to be set up punch it can be. an idea or a thought and I sat there and. I was like oh that's badass and I. [ __ ] I like I like chunking Janine a. little more you know yeah like she's.

beautiful now she's really skinny she. looks great. secret time yeah. so uh coolest moment I have in this. business. I do like a CSO special or something. congratulations thank you. I was really hoping it would blow my. career off. I think Cesar was also hoping that it. would blow anyone's career up yeah it's. mejin and Garofalo John door love John. Dory John Dorr that's all I remember and. a lot of other people.

Janine goes on and does. 25 minutes. of stream of conscious all brand new. material nothing that she's ever written. and it is [ __ ] gold she's talking. about FDR like [ __ ] [ __ ] where you're. like huh like you're in the back. watching someone think watching someone. think looking at your notes like well No. One's Gonna want to hear my selling. Sunset bit after we're talking about it. but we are by the way oh of course I go.

on after her I bomb I bomb my bomb. really bad. I get off the ciso room has like a room. where it's all C so executives. I was crazy to say out loud now she's so. exactly she's so executives. I go back to the where the make hair. makeup was and it's Janine and she's. sitting. the crisscross applesauce in the corner. and I go hey what are you doing I don't. know her at all. she goes I bombed like just she's just a. comic she's not Jimmy and Garofalo the. movie star she's not getting Garofalo.

the [ __ ] personality the [ __ ] she. was I bombed I said we all bombed. she goes I'm embarrassed I said huh. this is before any success I've ever had. in this business and I go. I'm embarrassed and she goes yeah. I'm embarrassed I made a fool of myself. and I went. Eugenie Garofalo yeah she was like I. yeah I know I don't want to go into the. Green Room I go Janine. as a comic I watched what you did. you're a genius you're brilliant. everything you do is amazing I'm telling.

you walk into that room and it makes. that green room into a special place. yeah. please walk in with me like it would be. an honor and she was like was it bad and. I went. you didn't see my set. we walked into that see so [ __ ] green. room and the room lit up she didn't grow. up holy [ __ ] do she's she's the. [ __ ] I'm pretty drunk I should. leave no you're good baby you're good I. can say well let me say this let's tie. this bow up tie this bow up I'm gonna.

say this have you ever seen my movie no. no I haven't he wasn't there oh yeah. yeah. like it's Star Wars It's been out since. 1970. it's so interesting but my movie. premiered on the same night Star Wars. did 45 years ago that's right and my dad. in the movie is played by. George Lucas. [Laughter]. for all of our friends at home all of. our bad friends if you really want to be. a bad friend please do us a favor go see. the machine now it would mean a lot to. us and to the community.

I love everyone in this room it's so. good to be a part of a community where. we're all friends and we support each. other and and we just want to see each. other blow up so thank you go buy a. ticket go buy a ticket and Bert uh say. thank you for being a bad friend into. that camera thank you for being a bad. friend. [Music]. [Laughter].

[Music].