Tim Dillon Breaks Down Diddy | Ep 240 | Bad Friends

Hello, Andras. I'm here. to. Bobby. And. Bobby. Hello. To Andrew Carlos McCone.

Rudy, come out wherever you are. Little pigs, little pigs, let me in. Not. by the hair of my chin chin chin. Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll.

blow your house in. Here's. Fancy. [screaming]. Ow. Rudy, I just wanted to let you know. that we're live streaming October 24th. at 6:00 p.m. on moment.com/badfriends.

It's going to be awesome, guys. Hey everybody, we're doing a Bad Friends. live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you how do. you watch it? Go to. moment.co/badfriends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6:00 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch. available for it. So bad friends USA. Hey, dude. America, dude. Yeah. Live 24th at 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us at.

moment.co/badfriends. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP. afterparty after the show. And active. patron members can join the VIP. afterparty for free. Scary Times USA. [laughter]. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two. are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. Yeah. Oh, see in in Japan, white eyes is. scary. [laughter].

Have you know? Look at that. That's. horror. They can't even come to America. They get petrified. They're scared of us. Yeah. Yeah. If they go to Ohio, dude, THEY FREAK OUT. OH, EVERYBODY'S SO. SCARY. OH, WHY? We got a little boy, dude. A a Japanese guy has nightmares of just. being in like Canton, Ohio. Yeah. Yeah. He wakes up downtown, he's like, "No, no, no.". Yeah. State Fair. I don't like a steak fair. So much of corn. Yeah. So much a corn. What was that? Italian. So much corn. [laughter].

So much corn. So much corn. Don't even give me that. I'm telling you. Oh, no. I'm telling you right now. Don't. even give me a stink right now. Hey, forget about it. Oh, no. Yeah, dude. He's back. Yeah, he's back. [laughter]. I know. You know what? It's It's It's. astonishing to me how fat I've gotten. You're not fat, dude. The last couple of podcasts, everybody's talking about how fat I am. Yeah, you're fat. I know. But not bad fat. It's pretty bad, dude. No, no, it's fun fat. You're fun fat. There is a level of bad fat. There is. like a line of when you're when you're.

fat fat. Well, I I've had dates on like I've gone. to the beach with dates, you know what I. mean? Mhm. And when I take my shirt off, there is. like that kind of like hesitation. That is a bad date spot. Where are you. going to the beach? What do you mean? The beach is such a bad date spot. Sand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do picnics. Do it in a park. Okay, that's right. Go down to Echo Park. Yeah, I bring boba. I bring it all. Buns. Boba buns. Yeah, I bring it all. But um. tell me for real, how do you wash your. laundry? On hot or on tap?

What temperature? Warm? I honestly don't. know how any of it works. I just press. regular and that's all I know about it. And then sometimes I don't even know how. to like my dryer. I don't even know how. to do extension of the time. Do you dry everything? Yeah. Yeah. Well, well, my blankets are. so large that I have to hang them. afterwards. I hang dry. You hang dry? I feel like cuz you're supposed to. It. shrinks. Yeah. I have so many blankets. [laughter]. I really do. You're a little blanket boy. I have a lot of blankets, but I get them. a parachute. [snorts].

What? What is that. to jump from a plane? No. I don't know. It's a. some sort of fancy [ __ ]. It's fancy blankets and and sheets. Free waffle cotton and throw. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. How much is it? Are they expensive? Air one water. I don't get the Those are bathroes. Go. to the [ __ ] blankets. What's the point of a bathrobe? Yeah. I don't know what it is. What's the point? You wrap in a towel. and then you walk around in the towel. until you're dry and then you put on. some underwear. Yeah. I guess if you're old and you're cold a. lot. Yeah, they're pretty reasonable. 329.

Yeah, that doesn't seem crazy. I don't. even know. probably seems like uh I've. got the uh Jenna Jameson collection from. Target. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Is it good? Nothing sticks to those sheets. They're. st [laughter]. You can't stain them. It's good. It's good. Cannot stain them, dude. So Dave Navaro texted me the other. day. What? That's rad, right? No, but it's not because you know. what happened, right? What happened. with him and Perry Ferrell? Oh, I saw Perry like what did you He. like He like pushed him on stage. He got. into a fight. So Dave Navaro after getting into a.

fight text you. Yeah, but it I don't. know if it was for me. So, check this out. Oh, no. I'm being. real. Check this out. What'd he say? He goes, "Um.". Whoa. So, he texted me. Come in here. I want to hear this. Come. here and sit down. Set him up in the. BLUE CHAIR. SIT DOWN. WHERE WOULD I SIT? IN THE BLUE CHAIR. In the blue chair. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim D. Tim the infamous on this chair. I swear to God. If what happens? If I injure myself on this chair. [laughter]. Why? Okay. Which is a very big possibility.

Yeah. That's a you problem. You're gonna be fine. Well, we're talking about We're talking about. Dave Navaro getting. So Dave Remember Dave Navaro? Yeah. What happened to him with Perry Ferrell. on stage? Have you seen this clip? Uh Jane's Addiction. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? Look at He pushed him. This. is like a week ago. This is a week ago. He looks like he's juiced up. Look at this. He's pissed off. Pissed up. Look at him. Stomping around. When Harry's like that, you got to be. You got to back away. Yeah. He looks amped. Yeah. He's angry. He's like He's like James says, "Look at. [laughter] James." Right. Look at him. And then he starts to attack.

Yeah. Coming down the mountain. Look at. him. Oh, he's just trying to amp him up. Let's. go. Play your licks. He goes, "What? What are you doing?". Whoa. What is going on there, dude? Weird. All right. So then Dave Navaro text you. after two days later. So Thursday. Yeah. He goes, "Did you just. [laughter and clears throat] He goes, "Did you just wake up from a dream I was. in?". Whoa. Did you Yeah. Ironically, yes.

Wow. So, this and then because you It's. obviously for a girl, right? So, then I. go, "What? I've been dreaming about you. for years.". Good. Play the girl thing. Good. Are you okay from LA? That stage. incident. and. nothing. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. So, it was it was a girl that he. was trying to tax named Bobby. Bobbi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But she should she might have also cared. about how he was. Yeah. [laughter]. What do you mean? Well, I mean, she could have asked that. Oh, yeah. She could have. Absolutely. But why didn't he respond? Cuz he didn't get the answer he wanted.

Yeah. What's Should I do another answer? Absolutely not. Okay. That's the way to get a number block. [laughter]. You do one more, you're going to come up. green. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim, the guest of. We've never potted together. Tim Dylan. Never. Ever. No. No. Because, you know, he canceled. the Tiger Belly three times. You've canceled him multiple times. No. That's That's insane. You've canceled. That's Bobby. You've. canled. That's. We've both insane that you would even. say that. We've both Tim Tim, everybody. knows Bobby never cancelled. Okay.

Oh, so Tim Tim this too. I have canceled more. You canceled first. I canceled first and I have canceled. more. You have canceled that. Okay. I'm more wrong. Okay. But you know the game tag where. you tag and then you run away, right? [laughter] I didn't start the game tag. I. You did. I fully take responsibility. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For canceling first. Okay. And then let me ask you this. I. don't. But I believe if I had not canceled. first true, you would have That's [laughter]. correct. That's what you believe. That is my belief. Okay. Okay. It's my belief. It's a belief system. Yeah. You are the cancel king. You You cancel.

com. But we both can't. By the way, the. funniest thing ever is when me and Bobby. are both on a lineup and neither one of. us go. all the time. Happens a lot. That is very funny. I get a call from the producer going. [laughter] I had Tim and Bobby cancel. Are you around? Oh. Oh, we never show up. A lot of times. stuff happens. Yeah. Well, sometimes I call you. [laughter]. Well, sometime one time I called you and. I go, "Are you going?" And you go, "I'm. not going." Before I go, I'm not going. either. Yeah, that one time. you both do that a lot to the. one time I sent [laughter] him a COVID.

test, a fake. I sent him a photo of a co. of the co by the way years after co. [laughter]. years years like people had young kids. didn't even know what it was. I was. sending him a picture of the co lines. But then he didn't send the promoter. that test [laughter]. but I did. So he go he said that I had CO to the. guy, right? But then I actually. the test that he gave me to him. right. it makes him look like he didn't have. it. Correct. Yeah. Right. Good move, Bob.

I mean, [laughter]. you know. Yeah. But the thing is me and Bobby will lie. and then get found out and then we don't. care that much. Well, [laughter]. it doesn't matter. Yeah. We don't care. We don't care. So, it's You know, we're going to go. No one's going to get that mad. That's. the It doesn't matter. Well, we're being used. That's right. We are. It feels like we're being used. It's. like some guy that I've never said hi to. me before. Yeah. You know, hey, can you do my show? Yeah. You'll put me on the flyer, right? That's why. And they'll use your name to sell. tickets, right? And then I don't show up, right? Yeah. I don't like being.

One promoter, and I'm not going to say. who. Can I guess? You can guess after I've said this. Okay. One promoter literally said, "I can't. pay anyone tonight because my father has. Alzheimer's." [laughter]. I swear to God. And then that person. said, and that was the way. And I was. like, "Okay, I guess I [laughter]. God damn." Well, yeah. Have you cancel? You cancel. I I There's times I have to cancel. Why? If I'm just like, if I just can't make. it, if we're doing too many pods and all. this [ __ ] it's like there's I'm. never going to make it. You'll cancel cuz you're tired.

True. Y every now and then, Emily at the store. will call me. She'll go, "Are you. close?" And I'm at Nou Malibu and I have. a tuner [laughter] roll in my mouth. You're that far. You're that far. I go, "Oh, uh. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. I'm right down sunset. Yeah, you're the most nightmarish person to. follow. That's not true. Yeah, 100%. It's very nice of you. I've heard you. say this before and I really appreciate. I've texted Emily that. That's very nice of you. But I feel that way about you. I hate. going up after you.

When you're on, dude, it's unfollowable. Well, that's that's sometimes you're. off. When you're off, I like it. But when you're on, dude, oh my god. When I'm off, I'm off. But if I'm on, I'm It's good. Well, you're funnier when you're off cuz. you get angry, by the way. I agree with you. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with you. But I love I love you. I feel like we have a similarity in that. sense. Just energy wise. Yes. Because sometimes we don't want to do. [laughter] it. What's going on? No, I'm listening. Yeah. Yeah. I do enjoy it. Sometimes we don't want to do it and we. have shorts or sweatpants on and we're. on stage and we're angry that the.

audience came. I know. I know. And that's the best time. You're moody. girls. You're both a moody little girl. Also, he also contemplates things. afterwards sometimes. Yes. So he'll go maybe I should open my own. club. Remember that one time? [laughter]. Yes. That's when you call on having my. mental illness. A full mental break, you know, cuz he was trying new stuff. and you know what I mean? It was, you. know, I I get you the main room can be. packed. Just wasn't working. There's a pressure, right? And so, um. Tim's the only comic that's tric. coastal. Tim moved Tim moved to [ __ ]. [laughter].

Tim moved to Austin for 7 minutes, came. back, moved back to New York, came back, went back to New York, bought a house. again in New York, [laughter] bought a. house here, sold a house in Austin. But you had a Hampton's thing, right? Yeah. Got one out there still. Still. Well, we're opening the. Mothership Hampton [laughter]. which is coming up and it's uh very. exciting. Gotta get out there. I'm trying to get Joe to do Mothership. Vegas. That would make sense. Wouldn't we be all happy? That would be great. That's correct. Mothership great Vegas would be great. I'll move there. There's really no club where we can go.

Can't is there. in Vegas? I mean, there's mill millions of clubs, right? But it's like where I'm going to. feel like I want to go there twice or. three times a year, you know? Playboy. There used to be this thing comedy. speak. There used to be this thing called. Playboy comedy. and you'd want to go because it was a. simple gig. Sometimes it's just one show. a night. Friday, Saturday. Steve Burn was doing. No, it was Amed. Oh, yeah. And what's that little um. his partner? What's his JJ. J Davis? J Davis. J Davis used to have it. Yeah,

I kne I heard about this. I never was. privy to this. Playboy Comedy Room in. Vegas, but it closed down, right? Yeah, it was at the Palms. It was the. best. Anyway, now there's No, there's a bunch of clubs. out there, but you're going to go and. you're probably going to dip into a. theater is the problem. No, you'd want to play a club there. You guys are theater guys. I'm a club. guy. Yeah, right. You're a [ __ ] theater. What are you talking about? You theater guy or club guy? I like them both. Okay. Just depends on, you know, I like them. both. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But. what's up with your nose right now, dude? I don't know. It's like I I had like a. thing. I'm having like a thing.

What do you mean? Like allergic reaction or something. Look at his nose, dude. Doesn't even. look real. No, I know. It's like a red I've had. like an allergic reaction to something. Yeah. I don't know what it is. You got to change your face wash, Tim. I. know. I've been telling you that for years. What's that? The glasses in the nose. thing that you get at novelty shops. It's like a modern version of that. I know. It's crazy. I don't know what it. is. I I I I was on a medication and I. had a reaction to it. Like antibiotics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Keep them on. Keep them on. See? [laughter]. That's why that's why I'm wearing them. Better with them on. Yeah. That's why I'm wearing them.

So, are you in town for a while? I love. First of all, you have the best parties. The parties are decent. Yeah. Unbelievable. You go to his parties? Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're the best. Your parties are the best. Well, I go to the parties. You're there. for 5 seconds and then you leave. I know. But I love just coming in and. out. But. my godson met you and he is Chinese and. and loved you. It was a big night for. him. [laughter]. Oh, that's what we were Godson was the. Chinese kid. Yeah. Well, a little Chinese baby. Yeah. Yeah. It was a beautiful. That is the funniest part about Tim's. party. You'll see a Tik Tok star and a. little Chinese baby. all in the living room together. Caitlyn Jenner for no reason. Yeah. Pops.

How do you know her? Um, you know, we're. both uh patriots. We [laughter] love the country. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We love America. And uh I like her. I'm. fascinated by I think she's got an. amazing American life. Yeah. Yeah, she does. Yeah. Amazing American life. She has There's very few countries you. can do what she did. [laughter]. Think about it. Well, explain it to us. Well, let's say we're Let's say we're from a. European nation. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Let's What? Cypress? Is that one? It's probably more likely that we're. from an Eastern European country.

Eastern like maybe like on the border of. Russia and China. So we kind of look you. know Asian maybe and some people look. white. It's very difficult to be born a guy. become an Olympian become the spokesman. for wedies marry a woman whose husband. defended another athlete who murdered. his wife. Yeah. Then have a bunch of stepdaughters. One. of them does a sex tape. They all become. billionaires. The most famous people in. the world. You then decide that actually. you were a woman this entire time. Yeah,

you get surgery to become a woman and. then decide that the only way to save. America is to elect Donald Trump. [laughter]. Wow. That's a pretty American story. American life. And become a female of the year on. Vanity Fair. Yeah, that's right. And then also kill someone somewhere in. between. and then kill a woman in Malibu with. your truck. Right. [cough and laughter]. Did she really do that? Yeah. Yeah. She killed a lady. Was that real though? Unintentionally. Unintentionally. An accident. There it is. There it is. And when was that? in Malibu was a. couple years ago. I mean, right in it.

was mid-transition, right? That's right. [laughter] She was. 2015. I'll tell you what, that sped up the. transition. She was unfocused. You got to [laughter] You got to finish. the job at that point. She was unfocused. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't Brandy kill somebody, too? Yeah. Brandy killed someone in the car. accident. And then she kind of disappeared after. that. No, cuz she didn't transition. Oh, is that what you get one? Yeah. I think you get one car accident. There's a certain level of fame. You get. to kill one person in a car. Yeah, that is true. True. Well, let's go through the um. another guy. Would you know anybody I.

know. that's killed someone in a car? A celebrity? No. Well, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Uh uh um. uh Ferris Buer. Yeah, that's who I was thinking. Yeah, he killed with Molly Ringwald, right? In England. In England when they. were like 17. And then and then. Laura Bush, George W. Bush's wife. Wow. Really? Someone in a car. Yeah. Uh uh another Bush. Ted Kennedy. Ted Kennedy. He killed. someone. How about this? Another Bush. Different family. The Annheiser Bush. son, Auggie Bush, maybe killed a guy in. college DUI.

And the Sunny Bono got killed by a tree. That's right. That's right. [laughter]. You remember that? If my if I was killed by like a really. rich person, let me tell you how easy it would have. been to get my parents to [laughter] not. press charges. Let me explain how easy that would have. been. It would have been a five minute. conversation. [laughter]. Okay. Uh they would have sent like not. even their top people. They would have. sent some very low-level attorneys. [laughter]. to my parents house in Long Island. Yeah. Uh my parents, they they would have just.

said, "Listen, we can kind of we can, you know, we can mitigate this. We can mitigate this. We can make it go. away.". And they would have said, "We think you. deserve like $44,000.". [laughter]. And my mother and father would have lit. up. They would have said, "Can we do. 50?" And they would have said, "Absolutely." [laughter] And they would. have given them 50 grand. And my mother. and father would have uh dropped the. case. 100%. Immediately. Wow. Wow. Wow. Especially because you were you were. full. You were such an assh you were. troublemaker when you were a kid.

Well, they listen, I'm from them. They. were troublemakers. But the problem is. in 1997 50 G's. It's real money. Real money. Pay off the house. It's real money. My parents were so immigrant. They. wouldn't even know the rules, right? Like, oh, he died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He died. Good. No, not good. Oh, no. Right. There'd be. an Oh, no. One. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. That's also what my parents would have. [laughter] said. My parents would have ALSO. OH, NO. RIGHT. Asian accent said that, but they assume it was your fault.

Oh, yeah. And even if they offered them. money, my parents wouldn't understand. They'd be like, um, well, 44,000. And my. dad would be, I don't have. Yeah. Right. [laughter]. I don't have a portable end, right? And. they're like, well, then we'll see you. later. Okay. Bye. And then my the dad. would feel like he got one. You know. what I mean? Yeah. He won. He won one. Oh, f. We we got we had to pay for this. It didn't have, you know, you're allowed to. Yeah. So, a certain. level of fame, I guess. Who's at the. cusp that got washed away then? Who's. killed someone that never returned? Who never made it back? I I don't know.

Who never made it back? Just kill or or driving. Well, look at what is this going to do. to what's his name? Uh uh to uh. who? Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. He's fine. He went to court. He got. acquitted. He did? Yeah. I think he was kind of on the back. nine anyway. So, he's done now. No. Well, yeah, he is. He's probably done. He's done. He's done. No more. No more court. But he's so famous. I know, but he didn't do anything. Yeah, he killed a lady. [laughter]. Shot a woman. I know, but I mean. I get it. You're on set. You're like, you think.

you know why you're doing this? He's. doing this cuz one day he this accident. could easily happen to him. Oh, yeah. You [ __ ] around on a set. I could. easily see this. I could do it with a machete. I think. you break all the rules. Yeah. Bobby, please be careful with this. The thing about Alec Baldwin is. afterwards it just what he didn't and I. like him and he's a great guy. I did his. podcast. I think he didn't seem super. remorseful. That was the problem. I think he had to. turn on the remorse like a little more. Yeah. Like he he was kind of like agitated by. the whole thing, right? Like he was like frustrated. Like.

he was kind of like what IS THIS? [laughter]. YEAH. That was his attitude. Like he shot the. woman in the head and then his attitude. was like, "What's Hey, what [laughter]. is the hell's going on here?". You that on set. You think he did that? that and like in publicly in the media. they were like you shot a woman and he. goes he was like listen [laughter]. you know like that's and that was the. energy so right. I think the interview started with. listen I think he said listen. no he did like. accidents happen on set. yeah and they're putting that woman away.

that armorer. yeah they she's going to prison. good. yeah she's going to prison the woman. that supplied the gun. ah. she goes to the movie come out of her no. no chance. I'm rust. huh [clears throat]. they finished the movie. yeah but does it come out. It's got to come out. I hope it comes out. Maybe. I just got cast in Russ too. What? I just got cast in Rust, too. So, really? Yeah. Yeah. It It's got to come out. You should You shoot a makeup artist in. the head. [laughter]. Yeah. Um, it's coming out in 2024 at the end of.

Whoa. You think it'll do good numbers? Huge. I think I'd watch it. I'll watch it. I definitely want to see the scene. They. left it in there, didn't they? Oh, that's the scene. He shoots her in the scene, right? They. should have a little thing. No, no, no, no. This it was obviously. No, no, but there weren't wasn't he. practicing a scene? He was he they were. doing it they were doing. they got to leave that scene in. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, they gota leave that meant would. they leave him? [laughter]. And I'm like that's kind of a brilliant. marketing but kind of insensitive. What if they did that? No, but they do they're doing a.

walkthrough of a scene. By the way, please God, please do if. when when this gets released, please in. very poor taste do it at the end in. memoriam and then her face. [laughter]. Please do a very poor tape just to prove. that Hollywood is still Hollywood at the. end do inmemoriam and then go uh don't. even say her name. What what did she do. again? What was she? She was a cinematographer. No, she she was the DP, right? Yeah. Yeah, she was. I saw so you know Christopher Reeves. There's a new Christopher Reeves.

documentary coming out and the kids made. his kids children made it and apparently. really good. their story. But so there was a what. their story, right? You know, but there. was a it's like a footage of him at the. Academy Award where it's like a year. later. and he comes out on the stage. and the audience are just they're trying. to be, you know, emotional and and go. and be supportive, but there's also some. people like in a horror. Why? Like I saw Brad Pitt kind of go. [laughter]. because I'll tell you why Brad Pitt's. going I've been on a horse.

Yeah. What if that happened to me? That's Yeah. audience is kind of like. like like this. That is kind of wild. That picture, zoom. into that photo. That kind of looks like. a Madam Tous. [laughter]. Are you sure that's real? That look that. seriously looks like a Madam Tous. Oh, it is. Oh, so put on like football gear or. something. I mean, cuz the. football gear [laughter]. you want him to come out dress. is the cuz the body is withered. Got it. Yeah. So, put on some I get it. like.

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Yeah. And when does this come out? Soon. Look at the hands. Okay. Anyway, was he ever unparalized? No. What do you mean? Not so super. Huh? Like he did he ever did it ever get. better? No, it got worse and worse over sadly. No, he it was awful. It's awful spinal. cord injuries. And it was from a horse. Yeah. I don't know why you asked that. Yeah. Sure. Well, no. I [laughter] I I don't. remember it. A horse. He did it. Now, did the horse. No, I don't think they call it a horsey. [laughter]. No, you think the thing I don't see. you've ruined someone's ability to walk.

You think the horsey got in trouble? I think that horse is glue now. Sadly, that horse is gone. It lives with Cummings. Whitney. Whitney has it. Whitney's got it. Whitney would show it [laughter] to you. She'd go, "This is Christopher Reeves. horse.". She'd go, "This is the horse that killed. Christopher Ree, [laughter]. and they were going to kill it, but I. decided it should come here and watch me. do makeup tutorials on Instagram live.". Yeah, cuz she has knick-knacks. That's right. On the shelves and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's interesting. Yeah. She would have She would have the thing.

that killed an American that hurt an. American hair. That would be She would. take pride in it. Yeah. Like, you know, like the body of. Bubbles like Michael Jackson's, [laughter]. right? She definitely has Bubbles stuffed his. monkey in a room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is This was Bubbles's pacifier. Do. you know that? Born in 1983. This was such a polarizing. thing when he would walk around with. this monkey. He's from Austin. Bubbles. Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. You can see him at the mother ship this. weekend on Kill Tony. [laughter]. Bubbles will be there.

How long did Bubbles live? Give it up for the great Bubbles. Huh? He's alive still. Yeah, you better believe it. He's. No. Is Bubbles literally still alive? Yeah. He's He's 40 years old. Wow. No. 40. It says 1983 he was born. He's at the center for great apes. That was the craziest Google bubbles. now. [laughter]. Yeah. I knew Google would have it. Yeah. Despite the fact that he is very. photogenic, Bubbles is difficult to. photograph because he does not like the. camera. Often will turn his back when he. sees a camera. Well, Bubbles knows. The camera is the.

one that causes all the problems. That's exactly right. That's where. [laughter] the pain begins. Bubbles knows. Yeah. I mean, Bubbles could have gone. chimp crazy like the documentary. You watched it? Do you see it? Chimp Crazy. I haven't seen it yet. Fantastic. It's fantastic. Yeah. And it's about a chimp who loses it. It's about a It's about a It's about a. group of people who are in the uh chimp. chimp industry. And it focuses what you. would think was supposed to be on an. original lady, but it ends up being. about this woman right here. This lady. and her involvement in the. the chimp chimp trade.

What is the chimp industry? Oh, dude. What do you mean? What do what do you. think it is, Tim? Exotic animals people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the state of Missouri, there is no. exotic animal ban law. So in Missouri, you can buy, sell, and trade exotic. animals that are on the exot on the band. list in most places. But but did you notice in the. documentary, she's she has the little. ones, too. She's got them all, right? Spider monkey. But still, they're deep like the co. coveted thing is chimp,

right? They can have 50 of the little. guys, right? But they're like dreaming. of chimp, right? Chimp the biggest one you can have. Well, gorilla, you can get a gorilla. No, you can't. But I'm see I'm sure. that's the biggest one. That's the hope. Yeah. No, I think they can. I seriously I. think they can have any you can. you can't have a gorilla. There's no way. you can have a gorilla. What's the largest exotic animal. [snorts] you can purchase in America? On. the documentary they talk they show you. one of these like exotic animal. auctions. People buy the wildest [ __ ]. [ __ ] that you know like have you ever. seen those like chic that have like.

of course white tigers. White tigers in their in their [ __ ]. kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was in a house in Beverly Hills. supposedly there was a guy who had a. couple tigers in the backyard. Incredible. Pretty [ __ ] cool. Yeah, it is. In the in the documentary though, um. they show past incidences like famous. instances with chimpanzees. And you notice when the ch cuz they they. never leave the house and they're in a. cage. They're supposed to they're supposed to. be around. one of them, right, for like a year. would just be sitting there like. rocking. rocking back and forth, right?

What do you do at that point? You got to shoot it. [laughter]. No, no, no. Got to shoot it. No, you don't. How much? It's going to kill you. Yeah. Am I doing a good job? Yeah, that looks like. Why Why. would you have a chimp and just have it. sit in the cage and do that? It's kind. of disturbing. Well, psychologically, what they kind of. what they break down in this is. that's not even impressive. If I went to. your house and I saw like an animal like. doing this. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. I'm not I'm like that's not really that.

cool. No, I got to get my Uber. You have a fenta monkey. They talk about. in the thing they talk about the. psychology of these these women who fall. in love. They they think that they value. them more than their own children. because. she says it in there. She goes, "A baby. only needs you for so long. The chimp is. the chimp [clears throat] needs you for. life. It's a it's it's a baby that's a baby. forever. Forever. They they they have the needs. of a baby and they never grow even when. they're 40. They don't grow out of those. those like instinct needs of you. But.

you don't you don't if they don't get to. play with other monkeys at some point. That's it. Yeah. That's it. That's it. So these are women who want to have a. baby forever and get a chimp. and they they have babies of their own. but after like three or four years. they're like. well the kids even say there's kids. interviewed in the documentary they're. like she doesn't [ __ ] love us. Oh, but there's no way any of these. women are good mothers. Oh no. There's no way. Like their kids. are like she was an amazing mom. [laughter]. and also had this chip. No way. There's.

something broken. Something broken. Yeah. Something broke. Something broke. Yeah. They talk about the kid. They. interview some of the kids and, you. know, they have to unfortunately on. camera. passively go, "No." Yeah. No, she she. she did a good job raising us. She just. loves She loves her chimps. I mean, you. can see the sadness in the through line. It's. it's a the documentary is fantastic. Does the Did do does any of the chimps. act out violently? Oh, yeah. Okay. I mean, they show you some footage on there. It's wild. There's one that I had to. pause and walk away and go that's I. can't do this. Well, you'll remember when we were kids.

famously one of the women went on Oprah. cuz her face is what happened. Her face was taken removed. She went on Look at the picture of the. chimp attack woman Oprah. Yeah, that's the. Is that her? Yeah. Yeah. She went on Oprah and she had to wear a. veil. Tim, you would love this for your. new show. I got to be honest. Not only would I. love her for the show, but I don't think. she looks that bad. No, she doesn't. It's not bad. He actually doesn't look that bad. I, by. the way, there are people in LA walking. around that look exactly [laughter] like. that. That's Beverly Hills.

I've lived here long enough where that. doesn't shock me at all. An old gypsy. woman with one eye. That [laughter] shocks no one. That. shocks no one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that, too, I. guess. Look at the Look at Look at her up on a. chimp woman on Oprah. She had to wear a. veil and then Oprah the funniest clip. They use it in the movie. Oprah goes, "Can we Can we lift up the veil?". Oh, yeah. Yeah. Can we lift up the veil? That's bad. That's pretty bad. That's a rough one. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. Now, wait a minute. Is that Opra? Which. one? Who's that? That's Oprah. Tim, what the [ __ ]. That's Opra. [laughter] I don't mean Is.

that before the money? Oprah, by the way, that's almost no thought. being put into that. [laughter]. ALL SHE SHOULD think about is the V. I. know. It makes it more ominous almost. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This looks like the Batman villain. Well, this is a perfect like this is an. Islam like go with that. Go with. Yeah. Yeah. It's time to start thinking. about it. Yeah. You think just wear out? Oh, for sure. Muslim. You convert immediately. That's actually smart. The documentary. though, it does something. It's so powerful the way it tells this. this story because I'm not giving.

anything away, but the guy who's making. it can't. There it is. The guy who's making it can't really. make it. They have to like go incognito. while they're making it. Why? It's brilliant. He's kn he's a. known figure. because he did he directed Tiger King. Tiger King. Oh, right. So there and then when he asked. the lady, "Can I do?" And there's like I. don't want to work with you. Nobody in. the Chim community likes this guy. because he's exposed the exotic animal. community. So they hire he'd hired an actor to act. as the director. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's amazing. They did such a great job. It's a great job. Yeah. I want to see characters like this.

on your show. And that's a perfect. transition because I do want to talk. about it. Tim's got a new show on Netflix. Yeah. We're excited about it. We're. We're trying to get people like this who. don't have faces and [laughter]. Yeah. What is it? And I want. Well, this is your country. Oh, this is the talk show. The talk show. We're trying to bring. back like a Jerry Springer type concept. You know, this was my senior ditch day. in high school. We went to Jerry. Springer. That's awesome. Was it in Connecticut? No, in Chicago. He out of Chicago. He was out of Chicago. That's awesome. We We did a senior ditch day uh and went. down there and it was it Dude, I love. Jerry Springer so much in high school.

cuz it was it was a perfect world of. comedy. It was pure comedy. Yeah. And it's comedy on purpose where like. people are taking it serious, but you're. like, do you not understand that this is. No, I think it's funny. It's like it's. also ends those shows end up being. weirdly a better satire of America than. The Daily Show. 100%. Because like this is what we got. These. are the voters. These are the people. This is who's out there. These are all real people. These are no. scripts. They're not actors. They came. on. We did like 20 25 minutes with each. group. We edit it down because like you. got to get, you know, like there's a lot.

of people that aren't accustomed to. being on TV. We'll just drone on for hours about. something. So, you got to edit it down. to like But it's amazing. I mean, can we. show the trailer? Before you do, can I can I ask you a. favor? Sure. [sighs]. Can I You know how in um what's his. name? The the. just breathe. That's okay. I'm very emotional about it. Yeah. What's going on? I just want to be like a a handler. Come be a handler. Like I bring guests on stage. I don't. say much. You know, you're like you Steve Wilos.

Yeah. Steve Wilos. That's what I want to. be. He was security. Yeah. But I'll be security. Making him security is so [ __ ]. We want security. that like the idea. would be security that runs away. Like I just want cowards. Dude, I got to be your main. Yeah, we. want cow. We want people running away. Excuse me. You never Nothing is better. than if a melee brawl starts and me and. you run away out of this. It would be the greatest moment ever. We. just run away. You don't even have to pay me. Let me do. it, please. Oh, absolutely. Okay, cool. Thank you. All right, let's see it. I do want to.

watch it again. It's fantastic. You're here to confess to your. girlfriend that you used to do porn. Yeah, the music. Hello, pigs. I think WE CAN ALL AGREE. [laughter] You're the rotting corpse of. an empire and we live in hell. Your husband brought you here today. because he wants to confess something. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on. Let's talk to the food poison drug. addicted sex criminals who live here. You could play Minecraft, Fortnite. I've.

never met a more animal person. How do. you think she's going to react when you. tell her? What? Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Wait. a second. No. Are you insane? [screaming]. We pop it up. We pop it up. DO WE POP IT UP? [laughter]. Years I got to deal with you. Since I was a child, I don't know any. life that's not like this. Oh, this. Oh, shut the up. THIS IS WHAT AMERICA'S ABOUT. [music]. The uniomber wants to say.

[music]. Bring out the BBL. [cheering]. [laughter]. USA. [laughter]. [cheering]. My name is Tim Dylan and regrettably. this is your country. [laughter]. Wow. Wow. You had some homeless people I think in. the audience cuz we shot it in van eyes. and we just people like came out of. tents and got. central cast. It was great. Yeah. So fun. You've done one episode. We've done one.

We're putting it out and we're super. excited. I I We didn't know what was. gonna It was a weird thing because they. wanted us to do something like political. and I was like, "It's boring. It's just boring going to political. convention. Nobody's going to ever do it. better than Triumph. Nobody's going to ever do the Daily Show. better than John Stewart. No one's going to like everybody, you. know?" So, I said maybe we'll bring back. something people haven't seen in a while. and it'll just be silly. And like our. dream, we have dream ones that we. couldn't get, but like our dream. segments are like my husband said he was. at January 6, but he was just cheating.

on me. [laughter]. Yeah. My sugar daddy's going to cut off my. oanic and I'm scared of what I'll eat. [laughter]. Things like that. Like we have dream. ones where like we want to put things. out into the universe and get these. people. Yeah. But are I didn't see any violence. There's no real violence because the. people there um there is arguments and. there is anger. Yeah. Yeah. But violence is harder to get to and a. lot of the Jerry violence I think some. of it was staged.

A lot of it was stage. and none of this is staged. So the the. reality is it's like our hope is that if. we get more episodes there is violence. naturally. There needs to be violence. The hope is that we we're going to get. violence. But we we have we're now we. learned a lot doing it. We we made some. mistakes and then corrected them so that. you know we had two shoots. We figured. it all out and then like we're going to. try to get you know if we keep doing it. like we'd love to get some people that. really are going to attack each other. while me and you run out of. Jerry Springer did turn into this fake.

fight show which I think was kind of. part partially the demise of the show. because it organically was so wild the. particular. it's got to be organic. Somebody's got. to really want to fight. Yeah. I don't. want [laughter]. somebody's got to want to fight. There. are like we have a guy confessing he. lost a lot of money to his wife with. crypto. We have people like you know we. have all kinds of stuff going on that's. interesting. Guy saying I used to be a. porn star chick like and these are all. these are all real things but like. nobody slapped anybody else but you know. knock on wood that could happen.

Yeah. I really hope it does. That's the hope. My name is Yashi Toto for this. Yeah. Yeah. He's still working on the. character. I'm working on the character dude. I'm. going to. No, it's me and you run out of the. studio during a large fight and then. there's a kind of an older female. security guard who is tasked with. handling everything [laughter]. cast. No, but it would be hilarious. A female. like an older female security guard. trying to get a handle on everything. [laughter]. Me and Bobby sprint out of this run out. Let her deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. I hope this is a hit. I hope it is, too. When does it come out?

October 1st. October 1st. October 1st. It'll be out on Netflix. You got to go watch it. Yeah. We hope it uh it should be fun. There's no chance it won't it won't be. successful. I told you it's fantastic. Well, I'm glad we did this and not cuz. they were like, "Go to the convention. and talk to people." And I go, "Why? Why?". Yeah. 20 people doing that. Yeah. And then they were really cool. Netflix. was awesome. We said, "We'd like to do. this." And they said, "Okay, cool." And. left us alone. Because if you go to the convention and. do the chat things, that's already on. YouTube. There's like a dozen of those. videos right now.

Doing that. You'll never beat YouTube. It's fast. It's already out. It's already out and. it's going to What's the point? Yeah. There's nothing to be learned anymore. about people's like opinions about. politics. The only thing that's left to be learned. is like how are people living? Mhm. What are people doing? That's the more. interesting element than like why you. like Trump or why you like Camala. It's. like what do you how do you earn money? How does your family dynamic work? Like. what do you who do you hate and why?

Would you take this to another state and. move it? I mean, shoot it in different. places. I would shoot it wherever. Absolutely. I think it'd be interesting to like. shoot shoot episodes in different spots. I know that's more expensive. No, no, I agree with you. Cuz then you really get a gist of like. the the you know, shoot it in Nevada, then you're in Washington. We flew these people in. Oh, you did? Yeah. From all over. From all over. Okay. Right on. Because, you know, but we would I you. know, it depends on where they'd want to. shoot it, but I would shoot it wherever. Let's take these people that got flown. in. What's the What's was the general. spot that a lot of them came from? We. talking Florida.

I'm trying to think. There was Colorado. Yeah. There was Florida. Gotta be Florida. How do you submit to be on the show? Well, we there was a casting call. We're. like, "Do are you this person? Do you. want to reveal a thing? Do you want to. do whatever?" People do it. People like, "Why would anyone go on it?" I go, "Anyone will do anything.". Yeah. I love all this idea. People are like, "Why would anyone go on a show like. that?" You go, "Anyone will do anything." [laughter]. What are you talking about? Are you. crazy? Yeah. There's no value to dignity anymore in. this country. There's no economic value. to it and there's no emotional value.

Like you don't even sound good anymore. if you tell someone you passed up on. something and you go, "I'm not gonna go. make a fool out of myself." No matter. what it is, people will go, "I don't. know." [laughter]. Like, no matter what it used to be like. 20 years ago, you tell a guy at a bar, they want me to go make my family into a. laughingstock and I'm not [laughter]. doing that. And the guy go, "Good for. you." Now the same guy goes, "I don't. know. I would have maybe [laughter] done. that. There's not much left. There's no. meat on the bone. So, it's like maybe.

something would have walked out and made. it work out, you know? What did you think you learned over the. course of the show? What's the. collective thought after seeing all. these people do all this [ __ ] What's. like the one thing you took away from. it? Genuinely. Yeah. No, genuinely, what I took away. was number one, how hard it is to do. these types of shows. Yeah. Because it's it's you don't have a. script. You don't you can't just re-edit. like go back and say, "Let's do it. again." Like, that's not the way it. works. If somebody's going to say. something to someone else, they say it. one time. You're doing it in front of a.

live audience, right? So, I had to learn how to be a talk show. host and because my podcast, I do it by. myself. I just talk, right? So, for me, it was like listening to. people and then and I would lose track. of time, sending your piece in and. they'd be like, "All right, you've done. 10 minutes with them." Like, you know, like, and I'd go, "Oh, okay. Bring out. the guest." Because there's always. somebody we're bringing out, right? And. a lot of the times the people in the. chairs don't know. So I'm like, you. know, somebody's been listening. backstage and then we bring somebody. else out. So it's like it was learning. how to do all of that and then me like.

re appreciating Springer, Jenny Jones, Ricky Lake, Donahghue, my. all those people who did [ __ ] like that. Sally Jesse and appreciating it and. going, "Oh, that was not it was not as. easy as it looked.". Right. It's not. I mean, you have to you. have to be a host and you have to be. kind of this. you're almost like a a you're almost. manipulating them as you're telling the. story with them. And those shows did it every single day. all year. We had one shot. We had two.

live shows Saturday and Sunday. and we edited them. You know, we shot 11. of these segments. We kept five. Yeah. So, it took a minute, but as we. get better at it, we would be able to. like we would know. Now, I know more. about like, okay, I understand why that. segment was Some people say they have a. problem with each other and then get on. stage. They really don't. Of. course, they really don't. We would find that out when we did Bad. Friends Live stuff. We'd find out people. would bail on a thing that we thought. they were really committed to. We had a woman who's a QAnon mom and the.

all the producers were like, "She's a. nut. Wait till you hear what she says. She's crazy." Easy. And then I brought. her on stage. I go, "What's your. craziest opinion?" She goes, "I like. Trump." I go, "All right, come on. [laughter]. Anything else?" I'm like, "Are there. tunnels underground? Like, what? Give me. something." And just like, "I'm I'm pro-. second amendment. I like Trump.". And the LA producers were so crazy that. they thought that was like the most, you. know what I mean? They're like, "Wait. till you hear what she says." And she. was like, "I just think Biden's too. old." And they're like, "See,

[laughter] what a [ __ ] nut job.". Yeah. And I'm like, "Oh, no. This. isn't." But we did find some some people. that were re it was really good and. there was some magic on it that happened. where you're just in awe of it. Some. [ __ ] went down where you you do just. stand back and go what the [ __ ]. is happening and it's kind of wild. Well, the reason why this has legs is. because there's two other comics that I. can think of that had this a a daytime. show. Uh. do you know who they are? Well, I don't remember. No, I mean probably. Kirk Fox. Oh, yeah. Kirk did.

and Greg Barrett. Greg Barren. But the problem with those. shows is that they try to be molded into. a talk like they're playing a role. So. they but you you're yourself here. That's right. That's why this is I think. he's in on the joke. Yeah, that's what it is. These guys were. trying to like well um you know well. tell us, you know, they were just. playing like some role but we're. basically like Netflix. We were talking. to them and we go we want to satarize. like America. and then the idea was like well let's. talk to political figures and everything. and I'm like but that's not America.

No. So the Republican and Democrat. conventions are not America. And then I. thought about it and I was like and me. and the my collaborator Brian Franie. really smart good writer. Uh we were. like and I work with him on stuff but he. produced co-produces. We came up with. the idea of basically going like why. don't we just do like a talk show like. we grew up with but with modern. problems. Right. I want to talk about Joker too. Yeah. Well let's do it.

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processing. Code is bad friends. So. by the way, and I let's make some news. cuz I'll talk right about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Tim was in Joker, too. Do you guys know that? I'll speak about it right now. And he. plays a security like a. a lot of people a lot of people are. [ __ ] on it in the press. Why? They're panning on it. I don't know why, but I'll tell you right now, I I was I I had suggestions. [laughter]. They were not followed by the director.

Okay. Okay. Bye. Yeah. Yeah. By Gaga. Um so the reality was I was a security. guard. I had two or three lines. Y. I felt underutilized. Yeah. I said I will direct it. [laughter]. I said I will direct it or I will. assistant direct it. I don't know who. that guy was. He did something with Ben. Affleck. I don't care. I would have done any of [laughter] I. would have done I would have done. cinematography which I didn't I wasn't. hugely clear on what exactly it. entailed. But I knew that like I had a lot more to. give that movie.

than it accepted from me. Sure. Now if it's a stunning success, I'm. proud to be a part of it. But if it does. fail, it is because they didn't utilize. me in a proper way. [laughter] But if. it's a success, I am proud to be a part. of it. But what was it like fails? What was it like? Cuz I know your scene. has while Keen was in the scene, right? He was in the scene, right? So what was that like? I didn't I didn't learn the lines. Yeah. Because they always lie. The agent lies.

and they go they want you to be you and. be funny and they lie. They never they. don't want that. Andrew is a great actor. and he does like the work of it. Yeah. I showed up and I'm like I'm going. I'm okay too. You know, both of you both of you, but I he was. the one I He's white. But what I was. saying is. Thank you. I showed up and I was like, you know, I didn't you didn't get the. script ahead of time. because they were they didn't want you. to leak it. Oh, I hate when they do. that. They give you lines in the morning and I. like read them real quick and I guess I.

should have drilled them a little more. but they kept changing them. and you know I was a bit nervous and. it's you've never done a scene in any. movie in my life before. This is the. first scene [laughter]. in any movie I've ever done in my whole. entire life with. WEX and Brendan Gleon who's genius. Okay. So I'm like scared [laughter]. truly truly terrified. Like I'm not even. kidding. Like I'm nervous in my trailer. I called my agent. I don't even think I. should be in this. [laughter]. He goes, "No, no, no. It's all fine.

It's good." Okay. Cuz I'm out of my. element. This is not what I do. Yeah. And but I'm listen, I like acting. I. like challenges and whatever. But it's a. tough one to start with. There's a lot of blocking in the scene. There's a book that I have to move. across the table. There's lines, but. like as I'm doing the lines like the, you know, I have to look like the. director would come up to me goes, "Listen, here's a scene. You say your. first line. After you say a first line, you move your book, the book, you put. your hands on the book. Don't block the. title of the book. Don't block the. cover. Yeah. Move it 70% across the desk. [laughter].

80% it's out of frame. Do you get that? And I go, "Yes." And he go, "Then you're. going to look and Brendan, you're going. to look at Brendan, but you're going to. wait for him to say his line.". After that, Wen's going to pick up the. phone. At that point, you wait one beat. You say half of your line. [laughter]. Okay. Walken's going to look at you. He. gives you a look. acknowledges that. you're there and then you finish your. second line. Yeah. Okay. I don't know what. And he would say this. to me. He'd go, "What the [ __ ] is the. problem here?" Cuz he was being very.

like, and I get it. I respect him. He's. a great director. And I like being. yelled at and it was deserved. Yeah. And but we was like, "He's doing fine.". Like we would turn around to the. director and go, "He's he's he's okay.". And I'm like, "I'm doing fine.". Yeah. But they would yell. So then there was. like 80 people around you. We're on the. universal lot, all the cameras. Okay. And then they would go action and. I would go I mean I would [ __ ] it up. every which way. One time one time I was. so nervous I didn't even say the line. I. just moved the book. [laughter].

I just moved the book and looked away. and the director starts going, "Why the. [ __ ] are you looking away?" [laughter]. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. He goes, "Just say the goddamn line.". Does that make you even more nervous? Oh my god. Yeah. I can't imagine. This was one of the worst experiences of. my entire life. Except it was good at. the end, I guess. I don't know. Um, did you sing? [laughter]. What? Did you sing? No, it's a it's a musical. I should have. said. I couldn't even speak. So then he would come up to me. Sing. He can't get through a [ __ ].

line in a bookshelf. So he'd go like this. But it was hard. I'm telling you it was hard. I know. I'm I know it was just his. questioning is made. But I get it. I. apologize. No, but I should have sang. Yeah. But the point is I was there and then I. would do it again and then he would come. up to me and go, "Okay." He'd go. He [snorts] goes, "Listen." He goes, "The line is actually this." And I said, "And I'm not saying that." He goes, "No, you've never said that. [laughter]. You've never said the line. You've. actually never said this line." And I. said, he goes, "So," he goes, "Just forget.

it." He goes, "Just say," He goes, "This. just say close enough to it, you know.". Yeah. And then eventually I got it and I did. it, but it was very hard. It's like hard. to do. And I felt bad because again, I'm. not an expert. and I felt bad. It's your first one. What are the. chances the scene does not make it? I didn't think it was going to be in it. Okay. But is it? Do you know. it's in it? That's great. That's great. Do we see a photo of you on the internet. at all or. I don't think I think maybe there's one. little photo. Oh, really? I haven't seen the scene because it's.

not a pivotal scene. I don't think. Where is it? Yeah, that's Yeah, it's with security guards. Yeah. Yeah, it's with security guards. But I. didn't I didn't know if they were going. to put it in, but they put it in cuz. Todd said he got it at the end. And he. said it was good at the end. Zoom in. Is that him? I don't know where I am. Where am I? There's Timmy D. There's Timmy. There's Tim. Timmy D. And maybe And you know what? It look I. look like I'm doing acting there. Yeah, that looks so I actually look like. I'm doing.

If I saw that photo, I was like, "Oh, that guy's a good actor.". No. And you know what? Maybe literally. maybe I shouldn't have said anything. because maybe my scene is great. I bet you it is. I bet it is. Here's the problem. It's shot so beautifully. We internalize. it because the things that we're feeling. and thinking, right, no one else feels. or thinks. That's right. But because it happens to us, right, it. becomes a big thing. I think I just cuz I wasn't saying the. line or doing the blocking doesn't mean. I was doing a bad job. Exactly. No, I was. Yeah. I mean, I was feeling Yeah. Yeah.

Because I was feeling it out and that's. what actors do. Yeah. I'm like becoming the um you know thing. How was this guy in the middle that's. kind of Ricky Jervase looking? Was he. good? Yeah, he was really They're all. really Here's the thing. I mean, Gleason's phenomenal. They're all really good. All these. actors in this film were excellent. And. it's hard to be an actor because I was. talking to them and like they they just. got out of CO and they hadn't booked. anything. Mhm. And a lot of them were like this is. their big thing. One guy went out and. got CO and they had to get rid of him. Wow. Jesus. And this was like his thing. It was his.

time. Um. I I I have a story that's kind of like. this. Forget it. [laughter] Forget. forget it. I said forget it. FORGET IT. I'M INTERESTED. NO. NO. FREAKING FREAKING IT. FORGET IT. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO DO IT NOW. WHAT IS IT? What's the [ __ ] look for? That was. rude. I was waiting for you to tell your. story. No, you're like, "How dare you interrupt. this ma magical thing we got going on?". Well, no. I mean, he is giving us some. really great juicy [ __ ] But but no, let's hear. I don't want to know cuz it's not even. that. It's not even that good. Now, let's go back to the. No, we're not going to carry out. Thanksgiving was I saw Thanksgiving. You.

were great in that. Thanksgiving was good. Yeah, Thanksgiving was really good. And but. this is um. Tell your story. I'm not Thanksgiving was good. What movie was it that you had? Forget it. It's okay. No, no. Don't let it let. When you were a bad When you did a bad. acting job, what movie? [laughter]. It was pretty bad. Well, cuz that's what I'm Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, and you know, that's. all. Well, come on. Tell your story for real. Well, cut it out then because I don't. think it's going to hit now. What? Tell it. If you're if this Can we do the segue. again then? Yes. Let's do that. Let's do the segue. Well, you got Do you.

remember what you were talking about? Anyway. Yeah. So, this and that. Yeah. Did you ever have any experience? No, I'm doing [laughter] that. All. right. I get to do it. I didn't know. I'm very good at segways. Yeah, you were very good. Oh, wow. So, yeah, Gleon. Wow. Well, I have a story. kind of like this. What is that? What happened? That was so good. Yeah. Thanks. And I wish that happened before. No. Don't you wish it? Have you ever had an experience that's. similar TO MINE? IT'S OVER, TIM. WHAT IS THE EXPERIENCE? What happened? Well, I was in the movie The Dictator. Yeah, we remember. Great film.

Beautiful. Playing Kim Jong-un. No, I wasn't playing Kim Jong-un. No, no, no, [laughter] no. I'm serious. That's what I'm saying already now. Yeah. This is what's gonna happen. That's not Kim Jong-un. Yeah, that's not Kim Jong-un. That's me, dude. Right. So, I have this Right. So, I have. a couple of scenes of the movie. [laughter] Okay. And I have you That's my wife in the. movie. Dude, I'm handsome. You look really good. I look so good right now. You really do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, there's a scene where I'm walking. out of a bathroom with Ed Norton.

Yeah. And I just blew Ed Norton in the. bathroom. Okay. Right. And so, um, Larry, Charles, and. Sasha are on set and they're like, "All. right, Bobby, you're going to walk out. first, right? You're going to hit the. mark, right? Turn around, right? And. then he's going to come behind you." And. this whole thing, I have to memorize. this whole thing, right? Just like. yours. That's why I'm saying the story, right? Hard. So, I'm like kind of panicking and I'm. doing the best I can. I'm going, "Okay, hit the mark. Go, turn left, say the. line, this and that, and he's going to. walk this way." Right? So, me and Ed get. go to the bathroom and he goes, Ed Ed. Norton goes, "Nah, we're not doing that.

way." I go, he goes, I'm going to go out. first. [laughter] And I go, what? What? He go, yeah. And I'm, so you know, I. know he said to say that. I think it's. better if I say this, then you turn. around and you do that. You know what I. mean? And he changed is the whole. [ __ ] thing. And now in my mind, I'm. like, oh [ __ ] whose idea do I do, right? Do I do Ed Norton's or Larry the. director? In your head, you're like, the. director, right? Even though he's a. star, right? So that I said something. This is. the smartest thing I've ever done. I.

went, "You know what, dude? Um, I love. that. That's [ __ ] great. Let's do it. Larry's way first and the second we'll. do it your way." And he go he kind of. thought about it and he goes, "All. right, man. He'll hate you forever now." [laughter]. Why? Yeah. You don't step on Ed Nord. Wait, Fight Club? What? You going to step on Fight Club? Are you [ __ ] out of your [ __ ] mind. right now? Shouldn't have done it. It was incredibly disrespectful to Ed.

[laughter]. Are you [ __ ] joking me right now, dude? Yeah, [ __ ] Yes, relax. All right. Jesus Christ, you're getting so caught. up. Yeah, that scene. He's handsome. Yeah, he's very handsome. That is really But it's an interesting. note though that he told you he wanted. to go out first. You think that has to. do with Is that star [ __ ]. Yes, it could have been. Is that star [ __ ]. He's He's also an actor's actor, right? I know, but that's also some star [ __ ]. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, Tom Cruz will say that.

often that people, it'll be written a. certain way and he'll often be like, "No, no, no. I want to be in the front. of the line.". We would do stuff like that on set. because, you know, he'd go, "I I'd like. it to go. I'd think this way." And he's. a genius. And guys like probably our. greatest. living actors, top five. He's in there. I mean, him it's got to be. Daniel D. Lewis. Let's go through the. list. Daniel D. Lewis, right? That Waen. Ficken, right? Uh um Kevin James. Kevin James. We bought a zoo. [laughter]. That's great. That's great. What What.

would happen if someone bought a. Kevin James store? Yes. Um who's the. you know it's good. Kevin James, right? Ready? Governor's Comedy Club in Long Island. I'm headlining my first time. Yeah. The owner of Governors, great guy. Love. him. Jimmy comes back to me. Italian guy. swag. Comes back. He goes, "Listen." He. goes, "Kevin James is doing his new TV. show on Long Island." I go, "Great. That's all. We love him and that's. great." you can go. So, he's coming. tonight. He's doing 20 minutes on all. your headlining shows. uh right before you go up. Great. So, there's going to be the ho the.

feature. Kevin James for 20 minutes and then you. great. Okay. Now, listen, if you're So, Kevin James. goes up and they bring him up and they. go, "Ladies and gentlemen, you know, every now and then we get a drop and you. know how it goes.". Yeah. The King of Queens. Oh. Oh, he's already. famous. Oh, he's he's bringing he's. coming back to TV. He's massive. Okay. Okay. I thought this was young. Kevin before he made his second TV show. Huge. Kevin James comes out. Okay. He gets an.

applause break. [clears throat]. um [laughter] in Long Island that I. would only describe as like it's un it's. unreal, right? It's like it's it's just. it's. John Lennon coming back to Alive for the. Beatles reunion. It's one of those you. know what I mean? It's one of those. things. It's like it's like [snorts]. like crazy, right? And it's it's it's several minutes of. clapping and standing before he does his. first joke. He then kills for 20 minutes with like. new stuff with just stuff he thought of.

like whatever. murdering. Then he leaves. Then the host comes back. on and goes, "Now please, by the way, no. introduction." Goes, "Now, please. welcome Tim Dylan.". I walk out on stage. The people in the. back are so drunk they think it's still. Kevin James. [laughter]. Wow. They're they're far away. They're. in the back and they're drunk. And so they're just looking at shapes. and they're going [laughter]. and then literally I start to talk and. people audibly start yelling, "That's. not Kevin James.". Wow. They think like they [laughter] they.

switched out Kevin James in the middle. of his set. They're drunk now. They go, "What happened? We Who's this?". Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. This isn't Kevin James. This is. something. You have a story like that? No. I don't I. Do you have a story like that? No. Never. What? No. I No. I I I never had a uh. I I do. a mid bump. I do have a story like that. See, I. don't like this what you're doing, dude. What am I doing? Get excited about my stories, too, you. know. Oh my god, Tim. I'm excited, Tim. Wait till you hear this story. Do you have a story like that? Yeah, but forget it.

I mean, I get bumped at the comedy store. more than anybody on earth. And I've. said this before to Bill. I think Burr. specifically, it comes in. He's like, "Who's on who's in Maine?" And they're. like, "Santino's on X." He goes, "Me. He bumps me every time." Wow. Without. fail. I think I said that to you. I was. like, it's it's magical. I think he. loves bumping my ass. He doesn't go long, so that's good. No, I think he's just I think it's just. he knows me, so he doesn't care. Like, who do you do? You have you have. you been bumped at the comedy store? I think we all got bumped by Leslie. Jones. Oh, that's right. That's She's.

bumped me. How do you feel about that? Uh, I didn't love it, but it's okay. I I. just said I I'll just leave. Yeah, we just get in my car and. I I leave. Yeah, I just leave. Yeah, we Sometimes we don't even show. up, but Yeah, that's right. A lot of times we're being. bumped and we don't even know cuz we're. at our house. [laughter] We're gone. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But do. you think that's bad karma on our parts? Like calling in. No. No. No. It's fine. It is. I used to get bumped at the laugh. factory back. Nothing means anything. By Dane. Dane used to love bumping. Oh, he loves that. And he would bump into an hour back.

then. That's when he would bump, you know, and I'd sit in the back 30, 40, 50, and then by that time you're. they're gone. You're gone. And then the. next couple times I go back and I would. tell Jamie. I'd say, "Oh, I'm not going. to be buddy. Why will you leave? He. going to be quick." I was like, "No, no, no. [laughter] I'm [ __ ] I'm I'm. already home. I'm already home. [ __ ]. that.". Sometimes I would text a comic I knew. that was there and was like, "Is he. still on?". Yeah. And I'd be He's cooking, baby. That's what he'd say back. I haven't been in Laugh Factory since I. broke his foot. Yeah. Why? Yeah. I broke his foot. Dan.

No. Jamie Madas. Oh my god. I broke his [ __ ] foot. How? I was like I did a good spot. This is. years ago. And I was in that front area, you know, hang out. And you know, he always hangs out there. sitting on those stools. And I walk up to it and I'm jumping up. and down like a [ __ ] orangutang dude. I'm like, I killed it. I killed it. And. I stomped on his foot. HE SC OH, BUBBY. BUBBY. RIGHT. AND AND I then two days. later goes, I went to the hospital. You. broke my foot. And I haven't really been. in there since. I feel so bad.

You know what's so fun? He's like a fun. little toy to play with cuz he's tiny. Yeah. And he and and he I I used to like. bully him into money because they were. at one point they were like not paying. anybody right now. And so I was like, "Give me money right now. Give me. money." And I'd be joking with him, but. he'd pull out money as like a bit. I'd. see him go, "Okay, I'll give you $100, buddy, for food. You want $100?" And. he'd pull out money and I would steal. money from him. And I did it a lot. Like. I would do this a lot. I feel like I did. it way too much. And I would just grab. his money and he'd be like, "Buddy, come. on. Come on." But I was like, "No, you're [ __ ] The club never paid.".

It's Robin Hood. Do you play there? I've never seen you. at the Laugh Factory. I go occasionally. and I'll do uh there's a few shows there. that I've done that's fun and it's. always fun when I go but I just I don't. know I'm usually the improv and the. store and the improv. What's your favorite though? What. what's your favorite. store? I think I all you know but I I'm. starting to love the improv a lot but I. I would say overall the store but I got. to be honest with you. the improv especially recently. I feel like is amazing. I do love it. I love it too. And I'm actually starting to like the.

Ice House. Yeah. Yeah, even though. after you and I had a real wild. experience. We had a wild experience and I I just. didn't do well and I handled it. maturely. I went to like Salt and Straw. and just climbed in the thing like. [laughter] you know with with all the. ice creams. I just climbed it and I said. just leave me here overnight. Yeah. But um yeah, he called me goes just come. back. I'm like. I go you got to come back. Yeah, cuz it's the second I was like I. hate it. We can't not do the second show again. I'm not doing. I think they But I came back. I did come. back. I did come back. They have changed too. Yeah. And and it's better now. Yeah.

Yeah, because when I first went there, they. were they treated me so poorly. [laughter]. Like like like they didn't know who I. was. They're like, "Go around.". I go, "No, I've been coming for 3 years. This is where you come through. Go. around. [laughter]. You have to walk around." And I had to. show my ID. Oh, yeah. Right. And then come in and I'm like, "Where's the green room?" Only comes go. in the green room. I go, "I'm on the. show.". Like that kind of vibe. But then when I [ __ ] talk [ __ ] on and. then they they call. The best thing is watching someone go to. the mothership who doesn't know. like.

someone who just rolls in who's not. known and they roll in with like a crew. of people. and it's like oh no no no no no there's. security. like this is a legit place now obviously. you mean a comic that comes in with a. group of people. yeah like a person who just doesn't know. cuz you there's just not knowing there's. just not knowing you know and it's like. it's just funny to watch someone who's. like hey this is my buddy. or whatever and [clears throat]. yeah and then there's like there's like. you know like Navy Seals looking at him. It's just [laughter] it's just an.

energy. It's an energy, you know? It's a bunch of guys kind of standing. there standing. They're like, "This who's this. like, oh, this is my buddy. He's just. going to hang out." And they go, "Huh?". They just look, there's a feeling. Yeah. And I always like to watch that happen. Yeah. I was that night with with Roen. We went. to Black Keys. That's when I realized, oh, he's the. mayor of town. Come on. Yeah. He's the mayor of that town. Of. Yeah. Bulletproof [ __ ] you know, SUVs, security, the whole [ __ ] thing. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, that Black Keys. concert was weird. It did feel like we.

were uh the CIA was protecting us. Like. I felt like we were being like watched. and protected like guys with radios and. [ __ ] were talking to each other the. whole time. Yeah. Can I tell my story now? Yeah, please. It was like a little too late, but. give it. All right. So, anyway, [laughter]. what is it? I did a movie. What's the What's the movie that you. did? With Henry Laauo. With who? Henry Laauo. Yeah, he's a pop Korean pop star.

What happened with Henry Lao? It was crazy, dude. Tell me. Yeah. Anyway, um I did a movie with. Henry Laauo. That movie. Final Recipe. Yeah. There you go. I did a movie. What? Michelle Yao was in. it and he's a Right. So that that event. Mhm. So that event was like um. [snorts]. it looks like a a a K-pop guy and his. his manager. That's what I mean. So this is what. happened. [laughter] It's like. it's all K-pop stars, right? And they. go, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HENRY LAAUO,

RICH, I INTRODUCE ME FIRST.". NO, NO, NO. RIGHT. SO, the place goes insane, but in. the in the mayhem of the sound, they had. said my name, but no one heard it. Right. Abby Lee. Right. And so, I now. look like See, now I wish you didn't do. the um I look like his manager. You do. I know. But the thing is that was the. joke. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. So, now I can't go. Hey, now. everyone thinks. I'm his manager. But run it back. Fine. Just just try it.

now. Yeah, try it now. We'll cut it. It's good. Try it now. Okay. Try it now. Yeah. Go. Anyway, so you know, we're at this puck. Henry comes out. The audience is right. Mhm. And in the midst of this gigantic sound, they said my name. Now no one knows. what. Now they think I'm his manager. Oh my god. Oh, that's [laughter] so. that's [ __ ] crazy. It's [ __ ] funny. It's crazy the way it all works. Yeah. [laughter]. You know, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy. [laughter]. Yeah. You think Diddy uh is is going to be. okay? He's in trouble. Yeah. He's going to be fine. He's in big trouble. I think he'll come back. He'll bounce. I think he'll be okay. He'll bounce back. It happens. Yeah. Well, he's cooked for the dinner, son. He's cook. I mean, Eminem's lyric is phenomenal. Did you hear that? Which one? What did he say? He goes, "Uh, look up Eminem's lyric. about him. It's actually because I don't. want to misquote it." He goes, "I'm a r. a p e r. Got so many essays, huh?

Essay.". Oh, wow. And he goes, "He didn't just leave out. the He didn't just leave out an R a P, did he? My god. My god.". Listen to that. How long ago was that? I'm an R A P E R. Got so many essays, huh? Essay. He didn't just leave out the. letter P. Did he? Jesus Christ. Wow. Eminem. That's killer. That is. Did he just recent Did he just recently. write that? But if Diddy is innocent, we're all. going to feel stupid, including him. Yeah. [laughter] Take it back, Eminem.

To be honest with you, take it back. We'll feel bad. Well, everyone will feel stupid like. like all of us. Is there a shot that he can get out with. good lawyers? No. Why? I Yeah, I mean OJ when I was a. kid's not around. When I was kid, all we. believed in was high-profile defense. attorneys. We grew up with them. I watched them. We. watched them get OJ out. We watched them. get all these people out. Like, we got. excited. They all had names like like. like Irv Fishman. or Ben Brathman. And they would come in.

there and they would just [ __ ] kill. And his DA would get up and she'd be. like, "They found the gun." And he'd be. like, "You shut up, bitch." And he'd. have a [laughter] $4,000 suit and he'd. have a Rolex and he'd have a bunch of. rings and he'd go, "Look at this bitch.". [ __ ] Like that's what he'd say. He'd. go, "Look at this bitch." And it'd be. some like frizzlehaired [laughter]. state represented. And as kids, we were. like, "The best thing about our country. is that if you're rich and you kill. someone, you get one of these guys who. are the coolest people in the world.". Johnny Cochran. What's the other guy's.

name? Bob Shapiro. Dude, these people are [ __ ] awesome. Is Dersawitz one? Alan Dersawitz? Well, yeah. And he went down with. He went down the other. He was a good one. He was. He went down the. D. Look at him. The dur. the ders dog. Look at him. They got his ass. They got him. The dur. But he's still out there. He's debating. CNN. Like he's on Pierce Morgan all the. time debating. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, man. They really They made him look so. bad, though. That's That's They dog got. taken down.

Well, what happened to him? Cuz he's he was uh he wasn't he for. what's his name? Uh um. flight logs. Yeah, he was defending all the flight. logs and all that [ __ ] Well, he's. trying to he was like advancing the. argument that Epstein had a nature. conservatory [laughter]. and this whole thing's been a big. misunderstanding, right? The guy just had he had a green. thumb. Yeah. Who you mean green thumb? Epstein. Look, how many times did he go to the. island? Look at it. Look at that. Him. and Larry David got in a fight in a. grocery store in Martha's Vineyard. Him and Larry David.

Yeah. Larry Dave was like yelling at him. because Dersitz was like I think you. know obviously coming out for like like. Epstein and Trump and all this stuff. like. and and Larry David and him got into it. That's [ __ ] right. Look at that. This is the world we live in. And what. do we learn today truly that if you're. rich enough and you kill someone, you. can get away with it if you got a. durang. It depends if you got an to come in with. a nice suit. [laughter]. Yeah. You know, we learned the title of this episode. should be somewhere in the middle. The. truth is somewhere in the middle.

The truth lies somewhere in the middle. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. because that's the way it is. That's what it is. That's the way life is. That's the truth. And that's what I would I would I think. that we should remember with Diddy. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. Well, that's what I'd that that's what. we should all And that's, by the way, I. wouldn't even try to say innocence if I. was his lawyer. That's where I'd [clears throat] go. [laughter]. I'd go I wouldn't even go like innocent. because that's never going to happen, right? So I get up there, I go, listen, is it as bad as they say? No. Was it. great? Not great. [laughter].

You're a great. No, I'm telling you, dude. You're a great defense. I would have been a great defense. attorney, but I would have said, "Listen, none of this is great. I'm not. here to tell you that this was great. What I'm here to tell you, yeah, is that. I'm a jury. I'm jury. It's not nearly as bad as what they're. saying." And like many things in life. and and and I would say to you, "Pay. attention." I'd say, "Please pay. attention." [laughter]. I would say no. When I look when I'm. looking at the sky, I contemplated. Okay. All right. I would take you a. while to learn that and trust that. ALL.

RIGHT. LET'S START. OH, you want to. start over. We're jury. Here we are. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm. here representing Mr. Combmes. And I'm. going to tell you this. Am I going to. stand up here and tell you that this was. great? No. I'm not going to say it was. great. No. Am But was it as bad as all. these people are saying? No. Like many. things in life, the truth lies somewhere. in the middle. Oh, that's life, people have parties. [laughter] Things.

get out of hand. No, it takes a lot of people to bake. Uh. I don't know what the exact term is, but. the point is that. cake. Yeah. Can't speak on the. No, but I would actually I got I would. actually kind of like that. Hey, [laughter] I like a kind of a give jury. I kind of want a crowdwork jury, like a. give and take. Yeah. Yeah. But I would say I say before you go into. deliberate. cakes. before Thank you. Thank you. Well, now it [laughter] sounds like. you're just being disrespectful to me.

Um, you're just yelling cake at this guy. It just sounds like you're being you're. being rude. I bet this guy likes cake. It sounds. like you're being a little rude. Okay, but I'm not going to motion for you to. be dismissed. What I'm going to say is. this. When you are deliberating, I want. you to remember that this is a person. Wow. This is a person with children. This is a person with children and a. career. And this is a person who is more than. the sum of his worst acts. Okay. Wow. He's more than the sum of his worst.

acts. Let's deliberate. Deliberate. What do you think? Not guilty. No, he's guilty. Yeah, he's definitely. guilty. But he'll [laughter] be guilty. He'll be guilty. I can be sweet so easily. Also in the in. the such a bad jury. Guilty. Oh, no. Guilty. No. [laughter]. What is it called? A hang jury. Hung. jury. I'm sure. that would be because of you. But what's great about the defense. attorneys is when they lose, they go on. CNN and CNN's like, "What happened?" And. the defense attorney goes, "He's a. rapist." [laughter]. Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's a terrible person. Of. course. Like, what did you want me to. do? I was making money.

Yeah. Wow. That was very intriguing, compelling. I would That's how I would do it. Yeah. I would also go into, if I may, Yeah. Um into like we've all been at parties, right? We've acted a fool. Mhm. No, that's your defense. No, I'm just I'm I'm like, you know what. I mean? No, I think he's not going to hire you. I'm at the firm. We've all been to parties. Imagine the. kid in the room of a law firm pitching. ideas over how to. Yeah, that's what I would pitch you. Like, you're the main lawyer, right? It's Dylan and you know what I mean? Jewish guy.

That's what the [ __ ] the name of the. firm? Dylan the Jewish [laughter] guy. Smart. Well, because it rotates. It rotates. Yeah. Who knows? You know. what I mean? Who knows who's going? So, I'm working. at Dylan Jewish Guy and I'm I'm like, "Well, [laughter] we could talk about. like, you know, people get drunk at. parties and they they make mistakes, too." No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm going to say, "What about. people who went to the parties at a. completely great time?". Right. Exactly. Bring them out. How about we bring out a bunch of people. that went to the parties and and weren't. assaulted? Interview Big Sean. Bring him out. How about that? How about asking made me. ask this question like, "What is. assault?". Well, also, what is human trafficking?

What is. That's a very [laughter] I'm going to. write. What is the whole point? What are you. even saying? What do you What is that? I feel like you're hired at the firm, dude. I'm Dylan and [ __ ] Jewish guy. I'm [laughter]. Dylan and Jewish guy. DUDE, THAT THAT WOULD BE A GREAT law. firm, by the way. Yeah, you would be like, "Yeah, I'll take. that.". But what you really got to do, what they. really actually have to do is go and go, "The people coming out against him right. now are all hoping for compensation.". Where have they been? Where have they been? This has been. happening for decades and nobody's said. anything. That's how they so good. Yeah. Oh, they Oh, they just Oh. Oh,

like all these people in Scientology. Oh, they just figured it all out. Lee. remedy, you rat. They're all rats. [laughter]. And I go, "Oh, you all figured it out. now. You're all liars." "Oh, they were. all They're trying to get money from. this client of mine who is a Christian. man.". Yeah. Very good. The Christian Lean is always good. Always good. Christian Lean's good. Would you rather be a prosecutor or a. defense attorney? I would rather be a prosecutor. I'm I. feel like I'm a prosecutor. I think you are a prosecutor. What am I? What am I? You're a defense attorney for sure. I think Well, here's what I think is.

interesting. You're mumble, bumble, scrambled eggs. You're a defense attorney. You come in. all sloppily late. You do something. brilliant. Like there was a guy like you. do there was this crazy this woman Dana. Goldblat. She was an attorney. I was a. juror on a murder trial. Murder murder, torture, and rape. Literally. Holy [ __ ]. Wow. And we convicted him. Uh he was he. did the wrong he killed his baby mom and. all that. That's her. Dana Goldblat. Yeah. So she was an attorney now. Which. is that her? Yeah. Yeah. That's got to be. So she defended this guy and she would. wear these wacky outfits like Miss. Frizle on the magic [laughter] school.

bus. Yeah. and you would end up staring at. this bitch's outfits all day and not. listening to the thing. So like I think. you could do a fun rag where you're like. the prosecutor's up there doing. something and you're doing something. very distracting. Yeah. Even some of my language I. wouldn't even talk. I would say. something like a new my cousin Vinnie. Hey Drew. I would go to the jury and go. hey uh you know me. Yes. Because they're going did he say. hello OR THAT'S THE WHOLE THING. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. And then it's who cares who raped who? No. I get it. And I would say something.

witty like I just had some kombucha. Yeah. Right. [laughter] Like for for. breakfast. and dance like you would dance and. kucha. You bring in your cava. You got to like. dance a little too. Right. I would Yeah. Where did they say. he hit her? [laughter]. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you got. me, dude. I'm going to be a very good. defense attorney. Me and you can Jewish. guy Lee. By the way, can you imagine if. you were going like like if you were. charged with murder and you looked at. the two people defending you and it was. me and Bobby. [laughter].

Oh my god. I HAD MY SUNGLASSES ON A RED NOSE and. I'm like, "What is [laughter] GOING ON. WITH THIS?". YEAH. I'm just like, "Yeah, kombucha, baby. Dancing in with your kava, baby.". Yeah. Well, what do you want? You want to plug. dates? No, I don't care. I mean, they're on the. website. Come see me. Come see him live. But also one of the funniest guys on. planet Earth. Thank you very much. Watch if you want. to watch it on Netflix. It's October. 1st. Thank you guys for having me. I'm. glad we finally did this.

Thank you. And to give Tim Dylan Oh, thank you for being a bad friend. Tim. Dylan, everybody. That was so fun. Woo. Woo! Yeah!