The Way of The Whites w/ Pete Holmes | Ep 319 | Bad Friends

Your hair looks fantastic. >> Thank you. I have a new name though. Can. I Hey, how you doing? >> I'm Andrew Rice Clay. [laughter]. >> That's really good. >> Andrew Rice Clay. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> So good. >> Thank you. Um, so I, you know, as we as. you know, >> hey, I'm Sebastian Manvitzv. [laughter]. [laughter]. >> All right, let's get off of our. impressions. >> Can we open that with that? >> 100%. >> You two are bad friends. >> Who are these two idiots? a white dude.

and an Asian dude. You two are. disgusting. >> You two are something. >> We're bad friends. >> Um, so you know, I have a bunch of. Filipinos living my house. >> Too many. Some would argue that you're. at the limit. >> You know, like with animals, you know. how you can only have a certain animals. in your house? How many Philip. >> Careful now? [laughter] I don't think. animals and Filipinos should be. >> They're not even the same thing cuz. Filipinos are humans. >> But you're making the comparison to how. having animals is the same as having. Filipino. >> Well, just anybody, I guess. What's the. law for how many animals you're allowed.

to have in your house at one time. >> in California? >> In California? >> I think it's five. >> I think five of each breed. >> No, just five. >> Five animals? Yeah. There's no way. >> You think it's higher? >> I bet it's like five cats, five. I bet. it's like. >> No, >> I bet there might not be a restrictive. number. >> There is a restrictive. >> Total pet limits in some areas like Long. Beach resident restricted to total of. four four weaned pets. So, they must be. sped or. >> neuter. And I have a business where I. wean them. >> Look at this. Three or four dogs or cats. combined without a special kennel. permit. It limits vary wildly by. municipality.

>> Yeah. >> You know who your next door neighbor is? >> Um. >> met him in Memphis at the Elvis at the. one of our worst performances ever. >> Southern. >> Oh, I know Spence Spencer Presley. >> Clay Spencer Presley. >> Spencer Sutherland. I ran into him last. night. >> Oh, I know Spencer Sutherland. Yeah, I. love sexy dude. >> Sexy dude. >> Sexy dude. >> Sex. >> And he told me what street he lives on. and I go, "What? Bobby lives there." And. he goes, "Where?" We bring up the You're. literally three doors down from this kid. >> from I've never seen him. He live he he. goes I. >> No, no, no. I dude. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I I know where he lives.

>> Do you know how I know? >> It's on your block. >> No, no, that's not it. >> I just told you. [laughter]. >> That No. >> Oh, for two. >> You're for two. Give me another guess. >> Maybe because you saw him one time. driving. No. >> Okay. For three. I struck. >> There's this one house two or three. doors down, right? But he they played. too loud the music. >> You think it's him? >> Well, it's You can tell it's live music. >> Oh, right. >> Right. That's that's his song. >> YEAH. [laughter]. >> SPENCER Presley.

Southern [laughter] Southern whatever. All right. So I have um I won't even. bring Filipino. I have three people. living in my house. >> who are Filipino. >> who happen to be Filipino. >> Not happen. They are. >> and they are my family. >> Not blood but yeah. >> No Jules and um. >> what's their names? [laughter]. >> Issa and Honey are my Honey is the mom. and I have the two daughters and they're. like family. >> We love them like family. So, Issa, right, the youngest, she lives in the. Philippines, right? What are you looking. at?

>> Huh? >> What are you looking at? >> I was just doing a thing because you. always look at them. So, I'm looking. away [laughter]. to see if maybe it affects the way that. you when you talk and tell a story cuz. you always look away when I talk at. them. So, I'm I'm going to start looking. over here to [laughter] see if that is. the same balance. I noticed that. >> I was talking to you guys. Is that what. you mean? >> Yes. >> Yeah. You often you will always look to. your right. >> all every episode. >> Every episode. All All the whole. episode. So, I'm going to start going. over. >> No, no, [laughter] you know what I'm. going to do? I'm going to turn this way. >> Well, don't you think that we we do, right? >> You know, but what [laughter] I'm saying.

But what I'm saying is is that um I. didn't real I didn't really even realize. that I did that. >> I don't really I don't know that you do. that either. That's something I'm not Do. you guys notice that? >> Yeah, but the thing is is um there's. three guys back there. >> Can I get a window with guys over here? >> I I I understand what you're doing, dude. But it's like, you know what I. mean? I want to have peaceful conf uh. relationship with you. >> It's very You and I are very peaceful. >> Right. So it's like sometimes when I. feel conflict I go there. >> Well, can we take a moment of peace? >> No, I want to finish my story. >> Oh, sorry. >> Okay, let's take a moment of peace.

>> Okay, so let me finish. Yeah. Okay. Um, so Issa lives in the Philippines and um, >> you know, she hasn't seen any real movie. like the movies that she's exp. [laughter]. >> It's making the boys laugh. [laughter]. I think you're right. I I I I tend to. look at them and I will look at you from. now on. >> I'm your partner. >> Okay. I've just been hanging out with.

you every single day for a very long. time. >> Sorry. >> Like from you I mean early morning to. night. I realize I apologize. So it's. like. >> look at the boys. >> Sometimes you know I bet you you turn. away from your wife sometimes. >> and talk to three boys. >> We don't. Yeah. [laughter] The three. boys that live in my house. Don't you have three boys in a cubicle? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, um. >> Well, men, they're three beautiful men. >> Yeah, men. >> So, finish it. >> I will. So, she's never seen like, you. know, Avengers obviously mean because, you know, she's 18 years old and also um.

things of this nature. >> So, what I've been doing at night is. trying to, you know, I mean, expose them. to, you know, I mean, movies that I. think that are ne necessary to watch. >> You told uh um Exorcist, you showed. them. >> So, I showed them Exorcist. Exorcist. doesn't have the impact that it once was. because every horror movie movie steals. from it and it's like. >> well gore is so different today. >> Yeah. >> Like Grand Theft Auto has more violent. gore than Exor, >> right? But it was interesting to see. I've seen it a thousand times. So it's.

like the kind of special effects they. were able to do at that time. >> It's impressive. >> They liked it. It was okay. But so last. night we did a double banger. >> Oh [ __ ] What' you do? >> We did I I was just scrolling down. They. had never even heard of Mad Max Fury. Road. >> Really? That's not even that old. >> I know. >> How many years is that? Wasn't that like. >> That's 2014. >> Yeah. 104 years ago. Yeah. >> And then obviously we saw that they're. like, "Oh, we don't believe it. >> We don't believe it. This is very good.". You know what I mean? You know what I. mean? Give me more. Give me more. Right.

More. So then we did Fury also. Not as. good, but very good. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Um over the last couple years. we've we've I've tried to do um Coen. Brothers. Oh, my favorite. >> I know. So, I've showed them raising. raising Arizona, right? I've showed them. >> No Country. >> No Country for Old Men, Fargo, >> right? >> What? >> Labowski. >> Labowski. Big Labowski. >> I can't do it. >> They won't. >> cuz I pre-watched it to even have them. watch it. >> cuz I know there's What?

>> They're not going to like it. >> I don't think they're going to like it. >> It is. It is really kind of subversive. and weird. It's so weird out there and. >> Yeah, it's out there. >> Although it's a great story. >> Yeah, it is. Right. So, but you have to. understand they're a How do I say this? It's almost as if they've landed here. from a different. >> It's almost like they're from the. Philippines. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like. >> It's almost like they came from another. country, >> right? So, now I'm trying to look for. evergreen movies. >> Oh, interesting. So, let's the fans.

start submitting. >> So, I No. So, I made a list. >> Oh, you got it. my list and most of them. they haven't seen. >> and I would like to add to the list if I. may of movies that should be now you. have to understand they don't do slowb. burn. >> it's got to be quick fast hot action. >> that's why I'm scared of the godfather. >> because it's very slow burn. >> they will hate that movie. >> I think so. >> they'll hate that my money's on hate in. fact we should take a poll. >> but Jules but Jules and honey the mom. saw Taxi Driver and they liked it. >> well that is a pretty intense film.

>> okay. >> right I think I think I think even the. slow moments are building up to. something very heavy. >> Yeah. >> Right. So, how about Dog Day Afternoon? >> So, good. >> I don't think they're going to like it. >> I'll just give you my list. >> But that's a pretty. >> It starts immediately. >> It's funny as [ __ ]. >> It's funny as [ __ ] So, let me let me. just start with my list. >> Yep. >> They've never even heard of Apollo 13, [laughter]. >> dude. So funny. >> Great movie, right? Don't you think if I. I framed it like this, this really.

happened? Independence Day. >> Maybe Independence Day. >> I think they would love Independence. Day. >> I think they've seen it. >> Doesn't everybody like that movie? >> So then here's my next one. Eternal the. sunshine. So. >> that's so weird. They're never going to. like I love that movie. >> Magnolia. >> They're going to hate that movie. >> Okay. But they saw um what PTS did they. see? They saw Oh, none. Although they. saw one um a day one fight after what? One battle after another and they loved. it. >> Interesting. >> They loved one battle. But but but do. they love that because of Leo?

>> This is the thing. Can you show them a. movie without a star that they're. familiar with? >> Okay, >> that's the challenge. >> Yeah, >> cuz they everybody likes Brad. I mean, everyone likes Leo and guys like Brad. Pit, so it's hard to when they see those. movies, you go, "Well, I'm already in. I. like those.". >> Well, I'm I'm pushing Revenant. >> So good. >> I know. >> they might like that. That's heavy. >> I mean, that scene with between that. animal is one of the greatest scenes in. >> I think you can leak it at this point. [laughter]. >> I I don't want to give it away. Honestly, that's noble. I was just going.

to say, >> let's not give it away. >> If I lie, that pawum, >> that that [laughter] massive pawsome. >> Yeah. I mean, that massive raccoon. >> big. >> so scary. >> and almost killed him. But um. >> then show them Cocaine Bear right after. >> Right. So, what I'm going to do today is. Fight Club. >> Such a good film. >> Even if you don't get the underlying. message, it's still a good film. >> Yeah. And Issa's smart, so I think. she'll get Fight Club. Okay. cuz she. they did Old Boy and they did I saw the. devil which are Korean movies or slowb. burn. They still liked it.

>> Yeah. Well, Old Boy is a great film. >> So, here we go. Then I'm now going to. lean into classic comedies. >> Okay. So, >> like Philadelphia, like classic comedy. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That. scene when he dies. >> Unbelievably. >> Unbelievably funny. >> Yeah. >> Um. >> precious like films that are just. hysterical through. >> Right. And he did a Christian Bale from. The Machinist. >> [laughter]. >> It was. it was really good stuff. You know what. I mean? >> It almost look like he had it. [snorts]. [laughter].

>> You know, >> how about. >> It almost seemed like he had it. >> Um I love you, Philip Morris. >> I've never seen that movie. >> Seriously, you would love that movie. >> You've never seen Happiness. >> No. >> Yeah. You would love that movie. >> I'll watch that. You watch this. >> Okay. I'll watch this. You watch that. you and McGregor and um Jim Carrey. >> Okay, I will watch this movie. Okay, but. you have to watch Happiness. >> done. >> Okay, so here. Can I finish my list? It's not that long. >> So, I went into comedies. So, best in.

show. Waiting for Guffman. >> Best in show. They will love because. it's about dogs. Waiting for Guffman's a. little bit harder for them to consume, but I think they'll still like it. >> Here's a deep cut and you probably never. seen it. Galaxy Quest. >> No. >> What? >> It's good. >> It's good. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Never seen it. Wow. Napoleon Dynamite. >> They'll love that movie. Easily easy. characters. You. >> Here's my fear though. Here's my fear. with the movie though, right? It's so. not based in any kind of reality that. character. >> Just warn them.

>> I am going to warn them. >> What do you mean? Yeah, sure it is. You. think. >> he's a nerd. I guess there are people. like that in the world. >> That's the Midwest. >> That's everyone. That's McCome. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's. you. >> You know, the Napoleon Dynamite would. have sent me an audition. >> that you [laughter] didn't get. I think. >> you know how you didn't get that role. [laughter]. >> You know who got it? >> Rory Scoville. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Right. >> I think Scoville got it.

>> Right. Here's here's [clears throat]. another one. Office Space. >> Uh. >> me and my mom's one of my mom and I's. favorite movie to watch together. >> Great. >> One of the most quotable films of all. time. >> Great [ __ ] movie. Um. >> Jennifer Aniston. Why wouldn't she do. more stuff like that? >> Yeah. That's who I want. >> Here's another one that you haven't. seen. H. >> Battle Royale. >> What a good comedy. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> You know Battle Royale? >> I don't know if I've seen it. >> Look at Battle Royale. >> This is Tarantino's favorite movie. >> Yeah.

>> Oh, yeah. We've talked about that on the. talked about this on this show. >> Yeah. You You have to watch Battle. Royale. >> Yeah. >> It's incredible. >> Okay. >> And the last movie we have on the list. is Drive. >> Slowburn. >> Is it Slowburn? >> Well, I mean, it starts strong but then. drops. It's such a cool movie though. >> Yeah, but that is that is a slow that is. a tougher movie for them to. >> Okay. I I'm I'm crossing this up and. that's why I want the debate. >> But I do think they they but Gosling's. in it so you get bonus points on that. They're going to be locked in on him. Yeah. >> But the movie is kind of drawn out. >> Also, what's his name's on it?

>> Oscar Isaac. >> Oscar Isaac. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> But I mean I think the girls will like. Gosling. >> All right. So let's now come try to come. up with you know I mean new movies from. your point of view because you know I. did a quick. >> through my library. >> Yeah. And I said no to a lot because I. just like they're just they're too slow. burning or they're not going to get I. also have Spotlight on here [laughter]. because I love journalist movies, you. know, movies about journalism like. network and those kind of movies. >> It's an important movie. >> Spotlight.

>> Spotlight. >> Spotlight. >> Spotlight. >> No, Boston Spotlight. >> Spotlight. >> Yeah, that's a good Boston. Thank you. >> Yeah. Boston Spotlight. >> Spotlight. Okay. >> Say park the car. >> Park the car. >> And I'll say spotlight. >> Spotlight. >> Yeah. >> Okay. It's good. >> All right. So, what's some other movies. do you think? >> Uh, funny comedy movies or just. >> No, just in movies in general that are. evergreen that like if they've never. seen. >> Well, Forest Gump is an evergreen. >> They've seen that. Everyone's seen that. That's mandatory. The government does. that. >> When you get your citizenship, do they.

make you wa they make you watch Forest. Gump? >> Yeah. I mean, that that movie they. obvious has seen. >> Okay. >> Okay. Let's go. Um, >> well, I would say that I would say if. you want comedy, the. >> No, no, let's go. Let's start with. action. Uh, >> I showed them tomorrow. >> Die Hard. [ __ ] that's a good one. Die. Hard. >> Speed. >> Speed. >> Movie's awesome. >> Phenomenal. >> Terminator 2. >> Yes. >> So much better than than Terminator 1. Yeah, >> it's crazy how much better Termin It's. It's crazy that a sequel was much. stronger than the original. >> [ __ ] good. >> I can't name that for many movies.

>> Although people do say Godfather 2 is. better than the first one. A lot of. people like two more than one. >> I could have that debate with you. >> I disagree. I think Godfather one's a. better movie, but people do think the. second one. Oh, Dark Knight. Empire. Strikes Back. Better than the original. >> Don't Don't look it up. >> No, we're just looking up better. sequels. >> Uh, Toy Story 2 was better than Toy. Story 1. >> I don't Please not look it up. >> Okay. >> All right. Turn Turn it off. I'm sorry. I'm controlling. I need your pure. opinion. >> Yeah. [snorts]. >> Okay. >> So, what did I say so far? >> You said Die Hard. Very good choice. I. might They probably have seen it. >> Dieard.

>> And I don't know how I I don't know if. it still translates. >> It does. Well, Die Hard 3 is really. good, too. >> Yeah. I'm I'm a Die Hard 4 guy. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. The new one. >> Dard made me sad talking about it. >> The first movie? >> No, it just made me sad talking about it. because of Bruce. >> Oh, >> Bruce Campbell. >> Bruce Campbell. Yeah, my [laughter] my. acting coach Bruce Campbell. >> Yeah. >> No, cuz of Bruce Willis, dog. It's so. sad. >> It's so sad that we're watching a legend.

die in front of us. >> I got another one. >> It's [ __ ] awful. And he's awful. He's. the man, dude. He's so. >> He is a man. He's a he him. Um, >> the Six Sense is a good movie. >> No, they already seen it. >> Okay, >> but here's another one. >> Signs. [laughter] Signs. >> I I showed them already. >> Signs. >> Looper. >> Oh my god. >> I love Looper. >> Why is that? Why people hated on that. movie? I thought it was great. >> Looper. Because you said um Bruce. Willis. >> I know. Well, Bruce, if you want to go. through Bruce's repertoire, he's got. >> Let's go. Let's. >> Well, Pulp Fiction might be the best. role he.

>> Yeah, I think they've already seen it. Can we do Wes Anderson or No. >> Yeah. Rushmore. >> Old Wes. So, you can't do new like. >> tenon bombs. >> You can't do like the Budapest Hotel or. whatever the [ __ ] that was. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> No, they're never going to like that. movie. >> What was the other one? The Space One in. the Desert. >> Uh the. >> Oh, I I saw that movie. >> City. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Terrible. >> I enjoyed it. >> Missed by a mile. >> I think Rushmore. >> You enjoyed it because of a visual. because the visuals are incredible with. Wes. >> I mean, I I could do the I could do the. list of Wes Anderson movie. I think the.

best one is Royal Helen Bumps. >> Yeah. >> Second best Rushmore. >> No, you're missing one. >> I'm not done. Okay. >> Was my list. Third one, Bottle Rocket. >> Love that movie. >> Okay. >> Right. And then I think Steve Cesu, the. >> Life Aquatic. Aquatic. I would say that. slides up my list. >> Really? Life Aquatic. >> Such a funny movie. >> Yeah. >> And then number five would be The Grand. Budapest. >> What about RGing Limited? >> Uh, it was okay. >> It was fine. I love that movie. >> It was fine. It really good though. >> Bottle Rocket should be maybe maybe one.

>> Okay, let's go. Let's now Is this. boring? >> Yeah. [laughter] But I'm enjoying it. I. don't give a [ __ ]. >> People I think people would enjoy. listening to what our movie. >> list movies. I don't know. You want to. know a movie that I really like? >> Well, I thought that that was over now. [laughter]. >> Well, I'm transitioning into something. funny. >> I'm trying to. >> That's why I looked this way. >> Yeah, you have to. [laughter]. >> You have. >> that. What you just did is the reason. why I worked look that way. >> What did you learn when we shot the game. show that that Andrew sometimes has to. guide the boat back to.

>> reality? Well, because if you're on the. boat, the rudder's going one way and the. bow's facing the other and it's awesome. But occasionally it's going to crash. into the shore. >> Yeah. >> So then sometimes captain has to take. over and spin that [ __ ] back to. >> That's right. You're John Luke Bard in. Yeah. >> Thank you. >> Yeah. Who am I in that? Anyway, let's. move on. >> Spock, but there's no Vulcans in. >> You're Spock. >> There's no Vulcans on Next Generation. Anyway, >> so what what in our world that can't. exist? >> That's true. I'll be Spock. >> You are Spock. 100% Spock. Uh,

>> can you do it with both fingers? I can't. do it with my right. >> Whoa. >> Whoa. That's good. Go ahead. >> Uh, so we made mone. Mone found a very. pretty woman at at the at the bar last. night and we were we were having a. little snack and a meal in a post post. round wrap-up beer for a tough week that. we did. We went and had ourselves a beer. and McCone said, "That girl's. beautiful." She is. She's very pretty. >> Can I ask you a question? >> Sorry. >> Did I work as hard as you. >> just during that week? I mean, >> no.

>> [laughter]. >> Are you Are you being serious? >> I mean, I showed up on time, you know. what I mean? >> Yeah. >> And I I I added some things, my improvis. skills and this and that. >> No, you did an incredible job. >> Right. But why was I But if you try to. say, >> but you think I did better than Mone did. better than me? >> You just asked me, did you work as hard. as me? >> No, you did. No, you did. >> Yes. >> But did Mone work as hard as me? >> That wasn't the original question. No, Mone. >> But then why didn't I get to go to the. celebrity. celebratory uh meeting with you? You. were watching movies last night.

>> That's right. Okay. [clears throat]. Go ahead. Keep going. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> Hot chick bar. >> Hot chick was at the bar. He said, "I. kind of want to talk to her." And. immediately I was kind of buzzing on one. last night cuz I had taken a a good. amount of edibles and um not drunk, but. I was just taking edibles and I said, "You know, you do look exactly like Lord. Farquad from Shrek." He last night he. really looked like it a lot. A lot a. lot. A lot. >> Wow. Wow. Let's go look. I mean, if. that's not McCone, if he shaves the.

mustache, that's Mone. >> Yeah. You're Lord Guang. >> You're Farquad. >> Yeah, you're Farquad. >> Lord Farquad, man. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I want I said to Mone, "Go up to that. pretty girl that you like so much and. and have the icebreaker go, have you. guys seen Shrek?". >> And they'll inevitably say, "Of course.". And he'll go, "Well, >> I'm here. >> Lord Lord Farquad [snorts] at your. service." And he did. >> And it was killing. And they're laughing. and smiling. I have the video. No sound. cuz he's far away, but they're loving. it. These two girls are loving him. They're loving it. Then finally the face. changes. I see him go.

>> And then she goes like this. >> And then he goes. >> like this. >> He puts his fist up. >> like like you're you won something at. the gold and you're black. >> No. Like. >> at the Olympics. >> He was saying black power. >> Did you do black power move? >> I did do black. >> You you can never do black power. >> Well, there were two white girls first. of all, which I thought was very odd. But they nodded away and kind of. laughed. >> You have to do this. >> Yeah, that's okay. >> Yeah, that's the white thing. Okie dokie. is your thing, right? This is for. someone cooler. >> He asked for the girl's number and she.

said, "I'm a lesbian." And then he puts. his black power fist up. >> That's amazing. That is [laughter]. [ __ ]. >> Bluetooth. As a 54 year old man, sometimes the rocket won't launch. >> Well, a lot of times there's not enough. fuel in there. And how do you get it. fueled up? >> You get you you have to use Bluetooth. [laughter]. >> You already know what time it is, guys. It's time to level up. And you got to. level up with Bluetooth. They just. dropped something crazy. Next level. championship belt goldplated energy blue. chew gold. >> Oh my god. >> It's the newest invention. >> It dissolves under your tongue and works.

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>> He said respect I'm down. Black power to. two white women, two white lesbians. And. then came back and sat down. >> Do you Wow. >> And I was like what? Why did you do the. fist? >> Why did you do Why did you do the fist? >> I didn't know what else to do. >> When someone says, "I'm a lesbian." You. put up a black power fist. >> There are white people hand gestures, right, that you're allowed to do. >> Yeah. This one. You can do this one off. [laughter]. >> Yeah. You can do that one, right? You. can wave, right? >> You can do peace. You mean you can do. shaka. >> Oh, Shaka is good. Yes, I'm down. >> I think Shaka is good, right? You can do.

heavy metal. >> Yeah. Rock on. >> Rock on. Right. BUT YOU CANNOT. [laughter]. >> DO THIS. >> You can't do that. >> Okay. So, that was your opening line. Have you seen. >> Have you seen Shrek? >> Yeah. And then, well, yeah. Andrew gave. it to me and then I said that and then. they laughed and they said, "Well, you. also kind of look like the berries and. cream kid.". >> He does. Starburst. >> Berries and cream. Berries. >> Do you think that opening would work for. me if I walked up to a group of girls at. a bar and I said, "You ever watched. Despic Despicable Me?" [laughter].

And they go, "Yeah." I go, "Minion, >> do your do your sound. Do your minion. >> It's my favorite. >> when you do that on stage. It's my. favorite sound you do." I when I listen. to that bit, that's my favorite sound. >> Cuz you always go. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> So, um yeah, that that's not a good. opener to me. But, um. >> it landed. They got a huge laugh. >> Did they get a real laugh? >> Good work. >> Of course it did because it's it's. self-deprecating. It's funny. It's easy. It's not saying like, "What are you. chicks up to?" or you It's not like a.

bro energy. He just went, "Have you guys. seen Shrek?" Yeah. >> And they go, "Of course." And he goes, "It's me. It's Lord Farquad.". >> Yeah. >> Beautiful. Then they loved it. It was. endearing. >> I love the lesbians. The one girl was. straight though. >> Yeah. >> You asked for the wrong girl's number. >> And here's the thing about um Well, so. they weren't seeing each other. >> No, no, they were just friends at the. bar. >> Ah, because in that situation and and I. don't want any [ __ ] flak from anybody. because it's just my opinion. Okay. >> Yeah. You're allowed to have it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Is I think one should be. hot, one should be not.

>> If it's a if it's one's gay and one's. not. >> No. If they're both two lesbian couples, >> you can't have two hot lesbians. >> It drives me crazy. >> Why? because it's too off the market. [laughter]. >> Oh, you think they took it from you? >> It's like, you know, it's like the I'm. going to just Do you understand what I'm. Carlos? Do you know what I'm saying? >> Yes. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Two different markets, man. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to just tell you. about this. The exchange in R. >> You're at the meat market there at the. fish markets. Two different markets. >> So, my old hangup back in the 70s and is. this, right?

>> That Asian women women were fetishized. >> Still are. >> I know, right? And white dudes would get. them, right? and say, "I'm dating. Danny." A Asian woman would say, >> "But we never got to get get with white. girls." I think the exchange rate was. very poor. >> You exclusively date white women now. >> I know, but I figured out the game. >> He's trying to correct the Oh, >> and also times have changed. So now it's. I I'm used to going on stage and see a. mid Asian dude with a hot white.

>> because just the times have changed. >> Who you referencing? [laughter]. >> What? >> The mirror. who you're referencing. Who's the hot Asian guy with the or. who's the mid mid- Asian guy with the. hot. >> me? >> Yeah. >> Someone that looks like me, I'll see. with a very attractive white girl. And. now it makes sense. Back in the 70s, 80s. though, the exchange rate, we got. nothing and they got all of it. And even. white girls and black girls didn't like. us. So, I think we're the original. incelss, right? >> Could you ever date what you couldn't. date? >> I 100% would. I would marry Candace.

Owens right now. >> Oh my god. [snorts]. >> Hm. I think she likes white guys. >> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't. have a shot. But there's something about. Candace Owens. >> because I feel like I'll lay in bed and. won't be bored. >> I don't think she sleeps. >> I have no racial preferences on. anything. You know what I mean? If. they're attractive and you know what I. mean? Indian I'll do. You know what I. mean? I I don't Yeah, there's not one. I. mean, maybe there is a couple, but uh. it's only because I've never meet met.

them before. >> Well, it's not in your circle. There's. some certain people I've never met. before and and I'll never meet. Like. Eskimo, >> who I would love. >> What is it? It's Inuit, right? >> Inuit, but with more of an Asian slant. >> It's Inuit. I I mean, you know, you're. going to get uh It's like It looks like. Native American and and. >> Oh, I love the Native American. >> It looks like Native American and Asian. combined. >> Yeah, >> it's a great combo. >> And penguin a little bit. [laughter]. >> You can You can take that. You can have. that one. >> You going to have that one?

>> Yeah, have that one. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I don't want that. Yeah. Not touching. that. >> Yeah. Um, just because penguins live up. up north. >> I got it. >> Okay. >> I think they got it. >> All right. I was just throwing out a. joke. It's not a. >> I loved it. >> I have nothing against Eskimos. [laughter]. >> Inuit. >> Inuits. Okay. I love them all. Okay. I I. love Native Americans, but there's So, I've never met an Eskimo. Uh, I've met. Mong now. That's pretty cool. >> Well, we had a ton at our show. >> Yeah, we have a ton of Mongs, you know, very attractive people. Um, a. >> lot of Mong fans. >> Yeah. But there's I don't think is maybe.

I've met everyone. I don't know. What is. one that Well, you know what I haven't. met is that island where they're still. tribal and they kill the Christians that. try to go to the island and they kill. them. >> Yes. The term Eskimo is considered. offensive, derogatory, and outdated by. many indigenous people, particularly in. Canada and Greenland. It's a colonial. label. Uh while still used by some in. Alaska, it's increasingly replaced by. civic group names like Inuit, uh Inu. Kapak, or Yupek. I'm sorry, I can't. pronounce that. I have no idea. Can I. can I tell you a fun fact. >> about this? Right.

>> So, you know those Iranian um Lego. videos? Have you seen those? >> What is Lego got to say about this? >> This is what I'm saying. This is what. I'm saying. >> Is Lego going to. >> I'm going to tell you why. >> Yeah. >> Lego is where m where is Lego head their. headquarters? >> Germany, right? >> Denmark. >> Oh, Denmark. That's right. >> Who does Denmark run? >> Who does Denmark run? >> Greenland. >> Denmark. Well, they're Yes. Right. >> Yes. >> And who tried to take Greenland? We did. >> They're not going to complain. >> Not gonna complain.

>> Interesting. >> Interesting. >> But um Yeah. So, they're fighting their. war through this as well. >> It's also ironic we have a lot of. Iranian friends here in Los Angeles. Yeah. >> That's even crazier. >> Yeah. I went up to Amir Kay last night. >> Yeah. >> He had tears in his eyes. >> Well, it's [ __ ]. >> Yeah. And I walked because his dad's in. Iran. >> That's right. Yeah. >> Right. And I I hugged him and I. whispered in his ear and I sincerely. went, "I'm so [ __ ] sorry, dude.". >> Yeah. It sucks. >> It [ __ ] sucks. But um and he doesn't. he can't even sometimes get in contact. with him.

>> Wow. >> Imagine that. >> No, I mean it's insane. >> Yeah. Yeah. And he's like I get he gets. worried. You know what I mean? And he. told me the city that um his dad is in. and I've never heard of it before. I. can't repeat it. I don't know what it. is. But um it's not Teran. It's like you. know in more rural but he's still like. scared because you know I mean. >> Turban. He's in Turban. >> Turban. God. You're so good. >> Turban. Yeah. >> Not Tan. That's what I'm doing right. now. A joke. It's what I'm doing right. now. I'm looking right at you. >> Thank you. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Turban was a joke. >> It was. [laughter]. >> Well, Tyrron and Turban. Turban. I It.

was a bad. >> Dude, your play on words sometimes. >> Sometimes. Yeah. >> They go behind my head. >> They do [laughter] sometimes. >> Well, when they go over your head, it's. a bummer because it misses. >> And then. >> it doesn't miss it with the audience. though. >> No, they hate it. [laughter]. >> They do. >> I think so. >> Clip those. >> Yeah, we'll clip those. >> No, it is it is very sad. And also uh. you know um the end is near. So. >> there is a feeling of end is near. I. mean the other day we talked about. Vietnam War on the couch backstage and.

we talked about he said aren't you. scared? >> Yeah. >> And I said I don't know what do you want. me to do? There's nothing I can do. >> Yeah. He has a really weird way of like. you know like if it ends it ends. >> cuz what it's the same way I feel on an. airplane. I I can't control this. It's. not I if the plane crashed. >> Yeah. >> Okay. But what are your thoughts right. before it hits. >> the plane? >> Are you screaming or not? Are you scuz. I'll be screaming? >> No chance. >> You're not screaming. >> Dead silent. >> OH, DUDE. YOU HAVE NIGHT TEARS, you. [ __ ] [laughter]. >> That's not real.

>> That's true. >> When it really is happening, you're not. going to be screaming. You're not GOING. TO DO THAT. [screaming]. >> RIGHT DOWN THE HALL. >> He falls asleep on a plane [laughter]. and and he has a night terror as IT'S. CRASHING. >> THAT'S DOUBLE. That's That's double. Imagine. Imagine what you would do. Okay. >> I wouldn't be screaming if the plane. went down. I I. >> How about you, Carlos? >> I screamed on the way to London. Very. nervous on planes. >> I feel [ __ ] like really loudly. It was. bad. >> When we took a flight as a family. recently, you did get a little panicked.

of the winds. >> I get nervous on planes. Yeah. >> But you got to know that it's fine. >> Oh, yeah. I It just My body doesn't. realize that. >> But if it did crash, >> we're on TMZ. It's great. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino die with. other friends aboard. [laughter]. >> Oh yeah. Yeah. You they might not even. mention your names in it. >> No, there's no way. But like there could. be like a picture in slide four. >> Yeah, but you don't get a sign at the. comedy store. >> No, of course. [laughter]. >> That's all you. That's so funny. >> That's the only thing I want. >> Make God laugh.

>> I already told them. You know that, right? >> Yeah. What? >> It's got to be up for two weeks. >> when you die. >> Oh, yeah. >> Sometimes cuz when when a comic dies, they put it up for two days. >> Two days. Sometimes it's a day. >> A day. I get two weeks. And they made an. agreement. Peter did. Sure. >> It's weird to replace it. It's just like. you take it down and it's chocolate. Sundays right after Bobby Lee. Chocolate. Sundays. >> Yeah. Yeah. The old Dude, that'd be. [ __ ] That would break my heart in. heaven. >> Wherever I go. >> It's funny filming. We'll put it on our. Patreon. When we die, they'll take our. name down and replace it with uh.

whatever whatever what's goop show. Terri horribly funny. [laughter]. >> Horribly funny coming out this week in. the store as they take down to RIP Bobby. Lee. [laughter] Dude, that would break. my [ __ ] heart. >> Well, that's what, you know, classically. in Los Angeles, the running joke was. that they always did the laugh factory. Their sign always said, "Make God laugh. and then the name and the store would. just put RIP to the person.". >> But make God laugh. It's It's just It's. almost condescending. >> Yeah. But you know what they would say? Somebody told me this joke. If you died, they would put literally make God ra.

[laughter]. >> Johnny Sanchez told me that. >> So funny. They're going to put God make. God raff. >> Make God Raph. >> Yeah. I I'll tell you in that scenario, if [laughter] the plane goes down, right, that if I had a kid, I wouldn't. scream. >> because I would hold their hand and I I. would have to have a stoicism. >> But you don't have a child, so what. would you do? >> Scream. >> Yeah, you scream. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would scream. >> Yeah. You got to scream. >> Oh, I would add a muk in there. What. does he say? >> I'd worsen it. [laughter].

>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, you said people giving the ick on. airplanes. No, there's like you don't. want to scream when the plane goes down. so you don't give a hot girl the ick. >> Right. Right. As you're dying. >> Yeah. >> Is it somebody that you're seeing? >> No. >> No. He's just saying in general. >> Yeah. >> If I was with a girl I was seeing. seriously. Um I would hold their hands. Depending on what they do, I would do. the same. I think. >> one forehead kiss. I'd say goodbye. >> I would do an Eskimo nose rub. >> What? >> Huh? >> Init. >> An init. Sorry, my bad. [laughter].

That I didn't learn my lesson. >> Inuit kiss. and and it went good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But um yeah, I I some you. know, here's the thing. Sometimes when. there's really bad turbulence, I don't. get scared. >> cuz you're at the front of the plane. It's not as bad or in the back where. it's really bad. >> In the back, you actually are more. likely to survive. >> Y. >> you know that for the front front. usually gets killed first. >> Yeah. >> Back survives. You're 35F, you're gonna. you might live. You're two You're 2B. >> Your head is through the front window of.

the plane. >> Yeah. I I I. um. >> during heavy turbulence I always ask for. a drink. >> You do? >> When it's like really really bad, I'm. always like, "Can I get a coffee?". >> And they're just sitting [laughter]. belted in. They'll see a building. What? >> Just a little coffee. One shot. >> and they're like, "Well, it's [ __ ]. insane. [laughter]. That's insane.". >> No, I don't. I'm kidding. >> Yeah. Yeah. You don't I I always think. of scenarios of what I would do to. survive. >> Run to the back. >> No, I wouldn't run to the back. What I. would do is I think I would do this.

midair. [laughter]. You know what I mean? >> You stand up and do the manggina while. it's crashing. >> Give everyone a laugh as the plane's. going down. [laughter]. >> Do a Silence of the Lambs. >> Yeah. >> No. No. I would maybe get one laugh, right? >> Just get completely naked or something. But um Well, you know, I would if it's. over the ocean, I would get naked. Do you know why? >> Because you're going to swim. >> No, I'd be dead. So that that I don't It's about the. environment.

M. >> So the sharks can just eat me whole. >> You think the clothes without clothes. and my [ __ ] golden goose shoes? >> No, he's wearing golden goose. I can't. eat him. >> Yeah, cuz usually they're going to, you. know, a short a shark's going to be on a. beach and they're going to find my. golden goo. >> Shark comes up to you. He's like, is. that a made worn shirt? I'm not eating. [laughter] that. >> I don't want to ruin that. >> Yeah. >> Shark's like, you know, that's like a. $300 SHIRT. [laughter] I'M NOT EATING. through that. >> Yeah. >> Out of respect, the shark has. >> I think I would get naked so that the. they can eat the orca. You know what I. mean? >> Right. They can just eat me quick.

>> I love how you think clothes are going. to deter these animals from eating you. You're in their house. They're going to. eat you. >> It's not that. I don't want them to get. diarrhea or get a stomach ache. >> Oh, you're concerned with their diet. >> Yes. >> That's smart. >> Just eat me whole. >> Eat me whole. One big gulp. >> One big gulp. Right. Cuz if they have to. tear the shirt probably with they don't. >> they just eat you, bud. They'll just. take that with it. It's like, you know, >> even if I had like a. >> You know, sometimes when you eat a piece. of candy and you get some of the wrapper. in there. >> No, I don't. Same thing for sure. >> No, I don't. >> OH, [ __ ] CAN I TELL YOU WHAT happened. to me yesterday, >> please? >> So, yeah. So, okay. So, Honey went to.

Kala's house. >> Mhm. >> Right. So, I had no one in the house. >> all alone. >> And I don't know how to cook. [snorts]. >> Okay. And she eat healthy. >> Who does? >> Right. I've never boiled a hard egg. before. [snorts]. >> I've never boiled a hard egg either. Actually, >> I'm being serious. I've never hard. boiled an egg in my life. >> You've never hard boiled an egg? >> Not interested in it. >> I like them. I. >> I like them if I can go get them and. they're made. I don't want to make it at. home. Exact. I tried. >> It's so hard. [laughter]. >> That's why it's called something more.

horrifying happened when I did it, though. >> What? >> So, I went to Chat GBT and I'll never go. back to Chat GBT again to like teach me. how to cook something cuz they're wrong. >> It's wrong. >> It's wrong. >> Okay. >> And number two, I'm boiling them and I. see one of the eggs and sticking out of. the egg is a [ __ ] feather. >> What? >> A ballute. You throw a ball in there. [laughter]. >> and I'm like, "What the fuck?" And I I. have a photo of it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You're not going to.

>> send it to Carlos so we can look at it. together. >> I'll send it to Carlos right now if you. >> storebought eggs occasionally have. feathers on them. It's less common in. the United States due to industrialized. washing processes. These feathers are. incidental remnants from the natural. nesting and laying process. Sometimes, surprisingly, are generally safe. You. could eat it. >> You ever crack an egg and then the shell. gets in there and you're tired? You're. like, I'll just eat it. I'll eat the. shell. It doesn't It does not matter. It. doesn't matter. >> It's cooked. What's going to happen? It's just a little shell. You poop it. out. You'll grind it up. >> So, this is the picture of the egg that. was hard boiled at your house. >> Yeah. So, go to the first picture.

>> Oh my god. >> Yeah. And that that was sticking out of. the egg. See the one little white hair. right there? There was an opening, right? And there was a feather coming. out. >> Oo, I just got the shivers. Ooh. I I. know. >> I don't know why I'm getting. >> I still ate it. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. I [laughter] still ate it. >> It's still good. >> Well, I open it and there's not there's. not like It's not blue. There's not. like, you know what I mean? Cuz if that. happened, I would probably sue. >> So now, did this make you never want to. hard boil again? >> I can never cook it again. >> No more hard boiled. >> Also, when I opened it, it was all. gooey.

>> You know what I mean? It was all goo cuz. I didn't know how cuz Chachi PD [ __ ]. me up. >> Why don't just buy them preh hardboiled. >> to be fair. >> Okay, go ahead, Andre. >> It is putting an egg on water. >> Yeah. >> And boiling the water for 10 minutes. That's it. >> That's That's as complicated as you. Okay. >> You say it like it's easy. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You say like. [laughter] it's easy, but when you've. never done it before. And so this is. what Chat GTB said, if I may, if I may. argue. >> Go off. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> Chat GPT said, "Put it in cold water.".

>> Yes. >> Right. >> Uh-huh. >> All three eggs. >> Yes. >> Right. Similar to a boil. >> Yes. >> Then count 8 minutes. >> Yes. >> Okay. I did the same exactly the way. they said to do it. >> You do 10 minutes instead of eight and. that's it. >> Right. But the chachi said anywhere from. seven to 10 minutes. [laughter]. >> So for me it's like oh I'll do pull it. out eight and a half nine minutes. >> That makes sense. >> You know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> Cuz I want I don't want super hard or. boiled, >> right?

>> You know what I mean? I want hard. boiled. >> Mhm. >> You know what I mean? I don't know what. happens if you overcook it. >> I don't think anything. >> Oh, okay. So maybe. >> I don't know. >> Method. >> Nothing happens. >> No. >> The the fart smell ruminates for longer. >> Okay. >> Cuz it will it does make your whole. house smell. >> All right. So I I can buy hard-boiled. eggs at the store. I think that's. bagged. We get the We get these at the. house. They're. >> Yeah. But I don't know if if they're. processed cuz I get free range. >> Vital Farms, baby. >> Great. >> Okay, good. >> Ethical eggs, happy hens. >> All right, that's what I'm going to do. from now on. >> Ethical eggs, happy hands. Yeah, you. don't need to do it anymore. >> We had Chinese food the other night, by.

the way. Something Chinese food is some. of the greatest food in the world. When. it goes in the fridge, it does something. to the fridge. [laughter]. >> I don't know what it does to the fridge, but it makes all the other food smell. like Chinese food. It's imp. Something in the chemical makeup of. Chinese food doesn't do that with ramen. Not Indian, not Thai. Chinese food goes. in the fridge. Everything in your fridge. is Chinese food. Now, [laughter]. >> can I ask you a question? >> I had a piece of celery. It was Chinese. food. I had I wanted celery celery with. peanut butter. I was eating Chinese. food. It was bamboo for some reason.

>> Yeah. >> Can I ask you what brand of um. refrigerator we have? >> I think it's a Subzero. >> Is that right? I actually don't know the. brand of the fridge. >> I'm Subzero. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I have a Scorpion fridge as well. Oh, you [laughter]. >> when you open it, it goes, "GET OVER. HERE.". >> YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. >> That's what I have. Yeah. >> Finish him. >> Yeah. It says that about your meals. Finish your meals. [laughter]. >> All you can eat. >> Yeah. >> Uh I don't know. I think that's my. fridge. What? What? What? Do you have a.

nice fancy fridge? >> There's a self- circulating thing or in. there or no? >> Self- circulating? >> Yeah. Yeah. What does that mean? >> Just a way that the Don't laugh at mone. I'm not a scientist. Why are you. laughing at him, Mone? >> Yeah, >> I just like the way self- circulating. sounds. >> You have a mini fridge. You don't even. have a full fridge at your house. >> You have a little mini fridge. What do. you put in there? >> His mini meals. >> Oh, you have mini meals in there. Peanut. butter for sure. Jelly for sure. >> How does Brad Williams not have his own. brand of mini fridge? >> I know. You should do that. >> A self-irculating ground fridge is a.

sustainable non-electric cooling system. that utilizes underground temperature to. store food. Similar to traditional root. seller. Oh, do you have one of those? >> Mhm. >> Wow, that's very nice. >> No electricity needed for your fridge. >> No, I have one. You have. >> Oh, >> it doesn't circulate. >> Oh, it does not. >> Yeah. >> Oh, that's. >> I think because I'm Asian, I'm I'm just. used to everything tasting like Chinese. [laughter]. >> Everything always tastes like. >> the old milk tastes like Chinese. Yeah. >> Do you still put a box of baking soda in. the freezer? >> Why would you do that? >> Do you not know about this? >> No. Tell me everything. >> So, look, he's nodding. That's a Midwest. thing. >> You put batteries in the fridge?

>> Batteries you put in the fridge? Yeah, >> I buy them at the store. >> But you put them in the fridge. It keeps. them longer. >> Keeps them longer. They can last a. longer. >> I buy them at the store, >> right? >> You know what I do? Placing an open box. of baking soda in the freezer is an. effective natural way to neutralize. orders preventing food from absorbing. strange smells. It is funny. For some. reason, you just open the box and it. just makes your freezer not smell. It's. old. This is old white people stuff. It's like putting your. >> I love cuz you know what I. >> You never learned this. >> Not only that, like I I want to learn. the ways. >> the ways of the whites. >> The ways of the whites. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is the first.

information you gave me for the way of. the white. >> I'll give you a couple more. >> Yeah. So, baking soda in the freezer. Give me more way of the whites. put your. jeans in the freezer for one full day. and you can get rid of like if say you. go to Vegas, you get. >> Yeah, but what what if I. >> I'm just going to say if you get smoke. on your jeans, cigarette smoke, and like. you say you go to a place that it just. like stinks them up, but they're not. dirty. You didn't sweat in them, but you. don't want to wash them cuz that [ __ ]. up denim. >> You fold them and put them in a freezer. for like a day, a day and a half, >> smells gone. >> Okay. >> You never put jeans in the freezer. That's why that's a white people think. >> Yeah. I wish I would have interrupted.

cuz I had a joke. >> Oh, go ahead. >> I can't anymore. >> Please. >> What? >> Please. How do I take the jeans out of. my body? [laughter]. >> Son of a gun. >> You can't go in the freezer. You're not. allowed. What's other white white? >> I might have worked when [laughter]. you think or No. >> No. No. >> Okay. >> What's some other white way of the. white? >> Yeah. I weigh or the white. Let's talk. about way of the white. >> Now, is your butter on the fridge or is. your butter on the counter? >> What. >> is your butter on the counter or in the. fridge? A stick. >> My butt is inside my my on my body. Another one. Another.

>> another jean. [laughter] Another jean. Another jean joke. >> Pretty good. >> Special too on the way. >> Hi, sweetheart. >> Pete Holmes, everybody. Pete Holmes, how. you doing? >> How you doing? My name is Andrew Rice. Clay. [laughter]. >> Talk space. >> Oh. >> Oh boy. I love therapy. It changed my. life. And I think um businesses like. Talkspace is so important, especially. what's going on now in the world. um. feeling are people are feeling anxiety,

stress, you know, I mean they're. freaking out. >> They are. But you know what it is now? What? May. Do you know what May is? May. is mental health awareness month. And Talkspace is the leading provider of. online therapy. They want you to. strengthen your relationships and know. that a caring licensed therapist can. help you no matter what you're going. through. Talkspace makes it easy, accessible, and affordable to face your. challenges, whether that's a mental. health condition, relationship. conflicts, past trauma, or everyday. stress and find your path to move. forward with resilience and peace. Plus, most insured members have a zero co-ay.

It. >> It's so easy to get started, Andrew. You. can easily sign up online and get paired. with a licensed provider typically. within guess what? 48 hours. >> No way. >> Yes, dude. >> Yeah. Wow. Well, I got to tell you, Bobby and I are both big proponents on. this show. We've talked about our mental. health. We really do love love the. ability we have to talk to someone. It's. amazing and I think you should take care. of yourself. Not just this month, but. every month, but especially this month. uh with Talkspace. Talkspace is in. network with most major insurance plans.

But if you pay out of pocket as a. listener of this podcast, you're going. to get $80 off your first month with. Talkspace. When you go to. talkspace.com/badfriends, enter that promo code space 80. That's. space 80. S P A C E80 to match with a. licensed therapist today. Go to. talkspace.com/badfriends. and enter promo code space 80. >> Avocado green mattress. When I st stayed. at the Airbnb in Palm Springs, >> right? All the mattresses were avocado. green. >> That's why you got one in your house,

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shopify.com/badfriends. That's shopify.com/bfriend. Shopify.com/badfriends. >> Ladies and gentlemen, it's Pete Holmes. PDP. >> I'm so happy to be all right. So before. you came, we were talking. >> before you start before you start. Oh, >> I want to give a shout out to Pete, one. of our oldest friends in the business, who's a phenomenal comedian, who has a. special right now available out right. now on YouTube.com. >> YouTube.com. We're going to put the link. in the description down below, but. please go watch Pete special. >> Please do watch it. Thank you.

>> One of the funniest people on planet. Earth. >> I really appreciate that. Thank you, Slamino. >> Well, you know I mean it. Okay. Ask him. away. >> Okay. So, um, before you got here, Yeah. I want to learn the way of the white. >> You want to learn the way of the white? Yes. >> I was coaching him on way of the white. So, what happened was I brought up I. brought up baking soda in the freezer, which is a way of that's a white thing. It's a way of the white. >> in the fridge, you mean? >> Uh, you can do both. >> Okay. Very white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can go half white. >> I'm only half white. Okay. That's very. white. Very white. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ginger double white. >> Ginger double. >> Ginger double white.

>> What's another way over the white? >> Double white. >> Uh, what? Let me guess. You do you. polish your baseball glove? >> What? Polish is such an insane No, we. oil it. >> Yeah, you put a band band around it. Although the Asians are huge in. baseball, >> the Japanese. Okay. >> Yeah, I know you're. baseball. What? >> Koreans love baseball. >> Nim me one famous Korean baseball. player. >> Johnny Chan. >> Johnny Chan. [laughter]. >> He's so good. >> He can do anything. Plays for the. Astros. Anything that's a gamble. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, what is a way of.

the white? I want to I want to answer. that question. >> Well, I'm trying to think stuff like. this. Like um like in penny loafers, we. actually would put pennies in the penny. loafers. That's a way of. >> I was with uh subtle pretty good name. drop Judy Greer. >> Let me grab this. >> Do you know who Judy Greer is? >> Oh, [snorts] well she was in one of my. favorite Tarantino movies. Is that Judy. Greer? Is she in a Tarantino movie? >> I don't think so. That's Pam Greer. >> Oh, that's Pam Greer. >> Oh, >> and they are sisters. Pull up two. photos. Let's see. >> You know Judy Greer from Arrested. Development? >> Oh, I know Judy. >> Yeah. Yeah. She's very very funny and.

wonderful and and one of my dear. friends. She she outwited me, I think, with the loafers because if she sees a. penny on the on the street, we all know. if you see a penny, pick it up all the. day, you'll have good luck. You know. that. >> But then she knew a second verse which. is like, "Put the penny in your shoe and. good old things will happen to you." And. I'm walking around with her and she's. like, "Ah, this penny in my shoe." And. I'm like, "Why do you have a penny in. the shoe? That's that's double white.". Yes. Here's how how are how are the Kore. buying Girl Scout cookies? If I see Girl. Scout cookies for sale, I'm like, "This.

is way of the white. I have to buy 12. bucks.". >> We don't do it because of the chemicals. and all. It's the worst made in terms of. unhealthiness. The girl Girl Scout. cookie. >> NO. >> OH, YEAH. >> REALLY? >> OH, YEAH. It's the most unhealthiest. cookie you can buy. >> Tell me why. To whom? >> Sorry. Back real quick. Tell me why. >> Tell me why. >> Real quick. BB. BBS. Science. Okay. Science. >> Look up Girl Scout cookies if they're. unhealthy because I like eating them a. lot. And I do like supporting little. tiny white girls with their parents. >> Have Samoa Samoan. >> I'll only eat Samoas with Samoans.

I have to go to the Pacific Island. >> All I need is an inflatable chair and an. unreliable mic sound and I'll have a. good time on a Sunday. >> What does it say? >> Reports claimed in 2005 safety. allegations claimed trace amounts of. heavy metals like mercury and caramel. delights. Nobody eats those. And. pesticides like glyphosate. >> Get to the Samoans. [laughter] Many. flavors are high in saturated fats. containing more than 20% of the daily. value. >> This is nothing. That's nothing. That's. not I need like lie. It's not sugar. It's lie. >> The guardian up top maintains. Up top.

maintains. Maintain the cookies are safe. to eat in moderation. >> You couldn't spell particularly. >> Just I like that you couldn't spell in. Google into the Google bar. >> I've done that. You ever you ever you're. in a trance and you yelp yelp. >> So I was wrong about that. I I will get. them from now on. What about Okay. Okay. I just went on a talk show and they had. these bars called David Bars. It was. like, you know, David bars. >> Yeah. So, >> it's not a white thing. >> It's not a white thing. Well, well, don't worry. I'm going to white it up. >> Okay. >> I will reliably white this up. >> Okay. >> I pay my taxes quarterly. That's pretty.

white. >> Same. >> Never done that. [clears throat]. >> That's very good. >> This is so economic tension. >> You You can see. >> I'm glad I introduced socioe. we'll. >> remind I'll relist. >> You should tell your business manager. Do you get really overwhelmed every time. this time of year with a huge payment? >> Bobby has no idea how much money is in. his bank account at any given time. >> I would definitely be fleecing Bobby. Wouldn't you? >> 100%. I told him a little off the top. >> His business manager is stealing a. little off the [laughter] top. >> I called this man. I called this man.

>> No, don't get nervous. I'm joking. I. don't think they [laughter] would. because they'll go to jail if they're. doing it. They're not really doing it. Don't really worry. >> He's about 86 years old. He lives in. Marina del Re. He runs the business out. of his apartment. I've called him. It's. insane. >> Oh, the business manager. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Yeah. I've called him and I go, "Hey, man. I think we need to fund the. Bad Friends account. We're about to go. back out and we're going to pay for some. stuff.". >> Takes him about a month and a half to. get back to us. >> Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I love that for. no one. >> He's like, "I got to go chisel the gold. out of this uh tomb I'm keeping it in. >> It's Dude, honestly, you're getting. stolen from 100%.".

>> Oh, no. Don't worry about that. I want. to keep Bobby Light. I want to keep. Slammy [laughter] Light. I want to keep. Bobby Light. Look at this face. >> I don't know. >> I'm teasing. He's not stealing from you. He's a reliable, wonderful person. We're. making a joke. It's a comedy show. >> It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. And what it is? David Wars. So, if you. look at a David bar, it says it has 30. gram of protein or something. >> and it has 150 calories. >> Guess what that is? >> Impossible. >> Yeah, >> that's like chemically impossible. And I. Googled it. I like cuz I had to know. I. was like, are David Bars lying? And it's.

like, yes, they have like 300 I don't. know this, by the way. Don't [ __ ]. come after me, you chiseled CEO. You. gorgeous man with [ __ ] muscle tone. from all your. >> impossible to even do that. I I mean. protein itself is pretty high in. calories. That's one of the problems. >> Well, it's one of actually the benefits. of it if you also. >> I should be asking you you secret. muscle. >> Can we go back to the way or the white. secret? How? But first of all, you brought up. that why is that white? >> Well, that's not. >> I would ARGUE THE WHITE. WHY DID YOU SAY.

it's not? I said I'll keep it white just. by being me. >> Protein bars are inherently a white guy. snack. This is I I do not see. >> I eat them. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you cuz you. associate with whites and you're dating. a white. You're. >> How about a gallon of milk on the table. on the dinner table? >> Never done that. >> That's the way of the white. >> Way of the white of the white. I also. can I observe there's an observation. I've had ever since a kid. You guys make. up your own language. >> that we don't understand. >> Tell me what do you mean? >> Well, I I saw. >> particularly spelling it correctly.

>> You didn't misspell it. Join join me in. the hot tub. >> Yeah. May God Raph. Anyway, uh. >> May God Raph. That's gonna be my when I. die [screaming]. >> at the Laugh Factory. That's what's. gonna be Is that pre-arranged? >> Yeah, it's pre-arranged. >> Oh, thank God. Raph, what's our language. that we try to hide stuff from you in? >> Well, I I first know not noticed it in. the um '7s as a kid. >> Okay. >> I saw the movie Greece. I We talked. about this already, right? But I'm going. to say it again because Pete's new to. this. I'm new to this, right?

>> I'm new to this. >> And I realized that they you guys have. your own language from a song. We come. together like shama shama shamaing ding. dong. That's your own white language. >> That sounded Yeah. >> There's a riff here, but I don't want to. risk my career for it. Do it. Yeah. Go. Oh, no. >> I want to hear him say Shamala Lama. dingdong again. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Go ahead. Do it. >> Is that racist? No. >> Right. >> And nobody's saying or thinking. llama ding ding dong. That's your own. language. NOBODY'S. >> SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT OKAY. THAT THAT WAS.

THE [laughter] RIFF. THAT WAS THE RIFF. THAT WAS THE RIFF. I WON'T DO IT. I HAVE. TOO MUCH TO LOSE. >> WE CAN'T EVEN SAY I HAVE TOO MUCH TO. LOSE. >> WE CAN'T EVEN SAY IT. WATCH NOW. >> OKAY. >> Give me. >> Oh, you mean physically. >> We can't even say it. So that's your. language. >> We can't even physically say we stole. that from from like jazz and soul that. were making up words. >> That's right. >> Oh well, give me a soul SINGER THAT. WOULD SING. >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> I MEAN, WE stole that. >> So black people have their own Here's. White Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

>> What do you What do you. >> That's interesting. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> You know, I've been. >> Honey Nut Cheerios is a little bit. whiter. >> Cheerios. >> Oh, HNC. Cheerios. >> I think Regular Life is white. >> Yeah. >> Not cinnamon, but regular life. >> Just regular life is white. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> It's crazy to say. Well, >> yeah. I I knew you meant the cereal. though. >> No. No. >> The whole philosophy of life. >> Remember that great Seinfeld bit where. he goes, "The goal to call your cereal. life. How about a bowl of almighty God?". How about that? [laughter] No.

>> You don't know this? Because if you. don't like it, you can go to hell. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh my. That's a great bit. >> Is it? >> It is a good. >> You're not sure. >> I hate it. >> You hate it. It's one of those BITS THAT. YOU GO, I DON'T KNOW. BUT then you do. like it. >> Well, how about this? >> I'm a Wedies guy. >> Wedies. >> That's ours. That's ours for sure. >> Is that your for sure? Cinn Cinnamon. Live. What else do I do? >> I think I think Wedies is the ultimate. immigrant. Like Like you come to America. and you're like, I'm gonna [ __ ] be on. the Wedies box. [sighs and gasps]. >> I mean that when I say immigrant, I mean. that in the most positive way. Show.

Otani. >> Hm. >> He's probably on the Witty's box. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Marty the Marty Supremacy. [laughter]. >> Did you guys see the Marty Supremacy? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, he was the best. Jason Bourne. Box. I hope so. >> Who? >> Show. He's not on there. >> Golden Grams. >> I love. >> Golden Grams is white, right? >> I love Golden Grams. >> Is that white or anything? >> It kind of has an eastern flavor. Like. you must get past the Golden Graham. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Like a gate. >> Like a what? >> Look up Golden Graham box. It's in. >> if you said nothing.

>> Yeah. [laughter]. >> What was it? >> Because they had they used to have a. brown bear as their mascot. Remember. that guy? Why they. >> never saw him? >> No, no, no. That's Golden that's uh. Golden uh Can't get enough Super Golden. Crisp. Super Golden Crisp. >> Golden Crisp. >> All right. So, I did I get through all. of the way of the whites? >> No, there's so many more things. I mean, >> oh, microwaving your coffee. >> That's a way of the wipe. >> That's a mom wipe. >> We've never done that. >> Mom wipe. >> Uh changing How about this? Putting gas. in your car before it gets to empty. That is remarkably. >> That took my breath away. >> That is such a white took my breath.

away. Okay. I don't even I I don't I. don't even understand what you said. So. say it's slowing me. >> Gas in your car before it gets to E. You. wait. You wait. >> It's got to be blinking. >> 100%. The light. >> No. The way of the white. >> I've never seen the gas light on in my. car. WOW. >> MY ENTIRE LIFE. >> Because can I say this? I fill up gas in. the same way that I wash my car or get a. haircut. It's based on mood. >> It's mood. >> I'm in a great mood. >> Fill it up. Fill it up. >> Insane. I'm full of it. Fill it up. >> You know what? My car says one mile. left. >> That's when I fill it up.

>> What kind of car is it? >> It's a Hyundai. Make the joke. >> I won't. >> It's a great car. >> Made Did you make the car? [laughter]. >> You're so good. >> Clip it. Is this live? >> Yeah. >> Do you clip? >> We edit. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, we clip. We're on the top podcast. in the world. I know. I know. I know. Why? Why do you think I would be here? the way he said it. >> Why do you think I would be here. promoting Silly Silly Fun Boy over here? >> Please watch Silly Silly Fun Boy right.

now on YouTube. A re. >> top of the hour here on Bad Friends. Pete Holmes from Silly Silly Fun. >> Welcome back to Top of the Hour. [laughter] It's 10:09 in the P.M. >> Did you know that's you? It's against. the law. Like because radio used to be. used for like it still is used for like. army and that sort of stuff. You have to. say who you are. That's an old law. Like. if you do like serious or whatever. terrestrial raid not serious they have. to go like W KBBL top of the hour 459. because people would be like in the old. days they'd be like who are you identify. yourself really used it as well.

>> You're cramming up the the frequency and. they'd be like it's oldies 103.3. they have. >> what year is this? >> That's what I'm saying. That was. >> World War II. Imagine, right? World War. II. >> Just so you couldn't hear. [laughter]. >> I will say you guys have a magic. How. come you didn't GET THAT FREQUENCY? >> YOU HAVE A MAGIC. >> YEAH, you mean. >> we did. Benedict Cumberbatch [ __ ]. crack the code. >> Yeah, >> nice try. >> You didn't get that frequency. >> We had a lanky gay crack.

>> I I didn't hear that one. >> We should have We should. >> Yeah, you should have heard that. So. your Raiders weren't good back then. >> What? >> That's another way of the way. >> What's your key? What is your code? What's your common go-to code if you're. doing a radio uh impersonation? >> WKBBL. >> As if we all have one. >> Yeah. Isn't that fun? >> WKQX. I just love WKQX cuz I'd never. >> I literally don't have one. >> This is a way of the way. [laughter]. >> This is a way of another way. >> Being ready. Is that a good one? >> I wanted more for a lanky gay cracked. your code like that. None of us saw the.

imitation game. >> I loved it. >> Yeah. So fun. >> So fun. >> But what bragging rights? >> I got one. [ __ ] big ass army GENERALS. ARE LIKE, "WE GOT A LANKY GAY ON YOUR. CODE." LIKE, HOW [laughter] FUN IS THAT? >> HOW ABOUT THAT? >> HOW FUN IS THAT? THAT THAT GENERAL HAD. TO SHAKE HANDS WITH SOMEONE HE PROBABLY. HAD AN ISSUE WITH in those days. >> and he was LIKE, "GOOD JOB. GOT TO HAND. IT TO YOU." Eating the steak. >> Yeah. I love it. [ __ ] deal with it. Mac and cheese with butter. >> That's a white thing. >> That's You add a little extra butter. >> Anything on the mac and cheese box that. says if you want this a little bit.

better, >> butter. >> That's the way. >> I use Sriracha. No, that we've we've. co-opted that. That's our. >> Oh, you did. That's yours. >> Sriracha mayo. That's what we call it. And you know why? >> You blend the white with the age. Sriracha mayo. >> So you guys took Bill Cosby. >> We love Cosby. [laughter] We stand by. What if I had a I open my shirt. It says. I stand. [laughter]. You. >> stand with Bill. >> I stand with Bill. >> Did you you want to cut that out? We I. don't stand with Bill. >> You don't need to cut that out. It's a. bit. >> Okay. >> I don't stand with Bill. I think that's.

I also Jeffrey Dmer. Not too hot on a. big fan. But there are some BLs you. take. >> There are some blacks. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you own it. That's. ours. Like Whitney Houston. Not Whitney. Oh, like the racial draft. >> You own her. >> No, not own her, but like this is ours. >> Claim Tina Turner. Claim. >> Tina Turner. >> You You claimed her like. >> rolling on the [ __ ] river. She's. everybody's. >> I know. But the thing is is that she's. >> I know what you're trying to say. What. am I trying to say? >> You're trying to say it's like that. Chappelle show, The Racial Draft kind. of. >> Yeah, but the one you're thinking of is. like Alo Black. I'll give you that. That's probably a white guy. >> Like Will Will Smith pre-slap was the.

ultimate every white person was like. that's our guy. Yeah. Like we liked him. >> Yeah. That's what you do. You go that's. my guy. >> Joe Mandy called him. Joe Mandy and Noah. Garfinkle called him Blom Blanks cuz he. was black Tom Hanks. >> Blom Blanks. >> Blanks. But then Blom Blanks Blum. slapped somebody. >> What are you doing? >> OJ. >> OJ was Yeah. Yeah. I'm not black. I'm. OJ. OJ. >> Is that That's what he meant. I'm not. That's what I'm talking about. >> Yeah. Yeah. George Foreman. How many. grills do I have to sell?

>> Yeah. >> I'm just like a. >> You guys took him. >> Oh, we loved him. >> We loved him. >> Yeah. >> Is he dead? >> Yeah. >> See, >> we don't know. >> We don't know. And we're going to look. it up. And by the way, if he's not dead, he will be soon cuz this show has. killed. How many people have we killed? Maybe seven or eight. Truly. >> Yeah. >> We speak the pope. Yeah. >> But but there are some c but there are. some celebr. >> Asians. Celebrities. >> No, he's alive. 76. And rest in peace, I. should say, when this comes out. >> Wow. He No, it says he died. >> He died.

>> Yeah, he died on March 21st. So, in the. time in which I read that and said that. he died. [laughter]. >> Count it. >> That's how good we are. >> Count down it. >> We took Bork. >> Bork is dead. >> No, but we claim Bork. >> Oh, his Asian. >> No, >> as an Asian. What? Where are you on Mark. Paul Gosler? He's part Japanese. >> Well, we take him. >> You can have him. >> You can't have Bork. >> I love Bork is every weird white person. >> But I do want I suck his dick. >> You suck him in part season two. You. mean the college years? >> Is that the guy from heated rivalry?

>> No. [ __ ]. >> Mark Paul Gosler. >> Mark Paul [laughter] Gosler is is the. wonderful the incomparable. I hate to. call him Zach Morris, but that's what. you might know. Say by the bell. >> Let me see. >> Say by the bell. There he is. >> And he's a half Asian. >> No, he's got I That looks a court. >> That looks That's a court to me, too. >> That's a court too low. >> Yeah. Yeah, it's a court too low. We did. a sketch more Marco Rubio. >> We did a sketch on my show where he. played Rayu Ryu. Oh, >> and he because we were like, "Oh, okay. He's somewhat Japanese, so that's okay.". >> Oh, that I think that's okay.

>> But then he came on and the joke was. >> that I was firing him cuz no one knows. what he's saying. We're like, when you. do the kick thing, it's like, "What are. you saying? I don't like asparagus. I. don't like asparag." Right. >> Yeah. >> But he learned the Japanese so well that. it ruined the bit and we had to come up. with another accent. >> His mother is a tiny ready to go. >> Indonesian woman. It says he's not. Japanese. >> Pry PS dry. Mark Paul. I blame him. Why. don't you call me? I [snorts] didn't. know you at the time. >> Okay, fair enough. >> Although, do you think you'd be a good. Ryu?

>> Yeah, >> I think I would be. >> Have you seen a picture of. >> Pull it up. >> Pull up Ryu. This is like me claiming. I'm ready to be Zangief. [laughter]. Like, I don't think so. We got a good. Blanca right here. >> Blanca is just a redhead. >> Oh, I Ryu for Oh, you're right. Ryu from. Street Fighter. >> You'd be a good You could be I got it. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I I just. >> Yeah. Yes, I would be. >> You think so? Yeah. >> Wait, you're looking at the same thing. I'm looking at. >> Yeah. Yeah, I am looking at because I'll.

tell you this. Why. >> you're more of a doulim? >> You doll seem like a dam to me. I think. I'm more like I'm Chin Lee. Chunley. >> Chun Lee. I'm Chun Lee. I don't think. you got any shoulders. >> You don't have the thighs for Chun Lee, bro. >> Chun Lee is built. She's got She's got. tree trunks, brother. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was one of my fir. That's one of the first representations. of thick ticc. not make her but have her invite her to. do the spinning bird kick and couple.

couple ask her and couple good pauses. you got yourself a jerk my man. >> you got yourself a heated rivalry my man. >> hey hey stop LOOKING. >> LOOK AT THAT. >> stop looking at the porn aspects of this. okay. >> that is PORNO BLUR OFF BLUR [screaming]. OFF I'M JUST KIDDING. >> BETWEEN HER AND Jessica Rabbit Jessica. Rabbit for me was. >> Jessica Rabbit Rabbit changed a. generation. Yeah. >> My brother was in a picture with Jessica. Rabbit. We went to Disney. I guess. that's a Disney franchise. >> And I picked the one where I'm in the. car and and and Roger Rabbit is flying. out. He picked the one where he's in the.

trench coat and Jessica Rabbit. They. impose her over the photo. It's a. picture with Jessica Rabbit, but they're. supposed to be standing so close that. her boobs are pushing up against you, but he was so shy, bless him, that he. stood at a distance. In the picture, it. just looked like her boobs were. levitating for no reason. [laughter]. >> HE WAS TOO SHY TO MASH HIM. I LIKE mom. was watching. >> I sexualized it for 9year-old boys. >> That's what she was. And April O'Neal. >> April O'Neal. >> April O'Neal was the April O'Dal, bro. Clip it. >> Clip it. >> Clip it. >> Jessica Rabbit. Real fast again so we.

can see a photo of her. I mean, she was. stunning. >> Let's see if we can get this to mask. >> Big boy. >> I know. >> And incredible that actor. What was his. name? That's against her. >> Bob Hos. >> Bob Hosk. >> And then Cool World was like, "Oh, you. like that? How about this with Brad. Pitt?" And we're all like, "Pass, >> pass." We didn't like it. >> Pass. It just didn't land. Cool World is. to who framed Roger Rabbit as Dark City. is to the Matrix. >> Whoa. >> I mean, what I just love Dark City. though. >> What I just So is uh Cool World. >> Yeah, I guess. [laughter]. >> I don't know. Yeah, >> Dark City was fun, but it wasn't Matrix. >> My My cartoon crushes Wilma from the.

Flintstones. >> Nice. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I was more of a. >> Betty. I'm being real. >> Wilma's okay. >> This is why you and I have a good. relationship. >> I like that. >> That That looks like a fish. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, I I always like Drago. She's sexy. >> No, she is. Yeah, >> I think they designed her. And also Fred. looks Asian. >> Fred in that one. >> I think in general I always I always. looked at Fred Flintstone. I go, "Oh, that's an Asian.". >> Fred Flintstone. [laughter]. >> Fred Bonnie. >> There is. >> He doesn't look Asian.

>> Yaba. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> See, if Shane Gillis had been sitting. next to an Asian, [laughter]. >> no controversy. No controversy. >> Exactly. Right. >> It's It's called the Roophole. >> It's the root hole. [laughter]. >> [laughter]. >> CRIET. >> SILLY SILLY FUN BOY ON YOUTUBE NOW. CRI. IT. >> WATCH SILLY SILLY FUN BOY ON YouTube. right now with Pete homep. >> That is an interesting point though. I.

don't think he would have been in that. much trouble if I would have been if no. trouble. >> Yeah, >> no trouble. >> Don't you think? >> I don't remember what he said in the. clip. I don't. >> I don't want to dig into this again. you. Also, it was like the best thing in. his career was not going to SNL. He he. got to fly as free as he wanted to fly. and then he got to make his own. television show and then became the most. famous comic in the world. So, ironically, it was a good thing. >> It wasn't It's not just ironically, it's. it's it's I mean, there's something kind. of lovely about it. I don't know. >> It's beautiful. He made his own. >> It's a life lesson, actually. >> It's a life lesson to have fun. Nothing's that serious. Silly Fun Boy.

right now on YouTube. Everything is fake. and comedy is supposed to be [ __ ]. stupid. >> Shane did my new faces that I was. hosting. >> Yeah. >> And I went up to him. I feel like an. idiot because I went up to him and I I. didn't say like, "You got it, kid." But. it's funny when you're encouraging. someone who's on the precipice of like. stardom and and I'm like, "Oh, I'm being. such a good older comedian." I'm like, "You got something, man." Like he really. murdered. He murdered. And his set was. really I think this side of the line, not like over the line, but it was like. edgy and it's like this show, you know,

new face. You're supposed to like. everybody's towing the line. He went a. little long and he did uh I don't know. if you know that bit about like you got. to hand it to the guy that came up with. the Special Olympics. >> So he did a set and then he was like, "All right, I'm uh probably shouldn't do. this one, but I'm going to do it." And. he did it. >> Killed it. >> Murdered. >> It was like the sound of a standing. ovation. It's a bunch of idiots. So. like, you know, I'm not idiots, but you. know, it's agents and people that aren't. >> idiots. Yeah, you said it. [laughter]. >> Beat double it down.

And but they it murdered and I just him. and Jean Marco Seresi both closed two of. the nights that I was there and I was. just like what is and Laura Peak there. were a lot of great people there. You. know these people of course you do. >> You're at the store. >> You're at the store. >> And I like to see you coming around the. store a lot. That's my favorite thing to. see. >> I've been around. I was there. I went I. kill in the uh the main room and then I. go and do in the original room. >> You know you know what I do when I'm. bombing? >> What? >> My mind goes. >> film it. [laughter].

>> Film it. Clip it. Dude, what's wrong. with you today? >> I DON'T KNOW. I WANT IT TO BURN. I WANT. I DON'T I LOVE YOU, BOBBY. All you, you. know what I mean? You just, you know, we. have a rel, you know. >> I know. I I love you, but I've to I've. said this about you before. When you're. thinking, you look like you're getting. ready to pounce. >> Yeah. Here's the thing here. >> And I get defensive and I'm like, I. better make fun of. >> He is in attack mode. >> No, no, that's not true. That's true. So, I've had this. >> Okay. >> Yeah. I'm not I'm not in attack mode. >> Look at your hand. Look at your claws. Your claws are out. >> You're You're this close to a hidden. dragon. I'm giving myself the note,

Bobby. I love you. I'm going to adjust. my attitude this week, right? I've had. some beefs with three people and in my. mind I'm like, am I the Remember when I. asked I I out loud. >> you said, am I the problem? >> Yeah. Am I the problem? >> With all your beefs. >> Yeah. And and I really. >> common theme [laughter]. and and that even that little retort you. and I had, right? >> Do you have beef with me? >> No, I have zero beef with you. >> Yeah. So, do you think it's because I'm. about to pounce? No, I think it's Do you.

want the true answer? >> I want the true answer. >> I come in, I go, Bobby, and I mean this. in the best way. Is it like a wild man? Like if I had five If the doors of the. elevator are closing, I'm going to go. see Bobby Lee tonight. They get off the. elevator. Who's that? Ah, he's kind of. like a wild man. That's what I would. say. Wow. So, a wild man means you don't. know in the best way cuz entertainment. is surprise. You're always surprising. So, I do think I go like I want to I. want to see where I'm at with Bobby. I'm. going to send these sonar pings. Is he. Is he kind of Is he grumpy? Is he happy? Is he silly? Is he funny? What's he.

going to do? So I send out these little. tests and then I go, "Oh, I got sweet. Bobby.". >> This is the child of, you know, >> Yeah. abuse and trauma. >> Yeah. That's what trauma does. >> I mean, Dan Levy last night looked right. at me and goes, >> "I think you have a mental illness.". >> Dan Dan Levy. >> Dan Levy. >> You know Dan? >> The very funny Dan Levy. You don't know. Dan Levy? >> No, I'm saying which one though. >> There's two Dan Levies. >> Well, there's Eugene's son. That's. Eugene Levy. Are you that guy? >> No. Dan Dan, our friend.

>> He does. He tours it with Melanie. special about. >> He looked right at me. He goes, "I think. you have a me mental illness.". >> What What was the context? >> Well, I I. >> Bobby was pissing in his mouth, [laughter]. >> you dirty [ __ ] I think you're mentally. ill. >> No, last night the whole night I was. wearing the these types of glasses at. the comedy store. >> and I did the Italian thing. >> all night long. >> Yeah. [laughter] If that's. >> I wouldn't stop in the green room. You. know, >> if that's mentally ill. >> Hey, that was a good set. David Spade. >> If that's mentally ill, I'm right next.

to you. >> Okay. I heard that Chris Fleming I. listened to him on Burbiglia's Working. It Out podcast and somebody heckled. Chris Fleming where they went, "Uh, let's go weird.". And today my wife was on the phone with. her brother and I just kept going, "Let's go Weirdo." And then I texted. him, "Let's go weird.". >> No, no, no. Just my brother-in-law. And. then I shot a video of my daughter. going, "Let's go, weird out." And texted. it to my brother. Just. >> this is the byproduct of creativity. Sometimes I'm completely on your side.

>> Shame on you, Dan Levy. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Levy. >> Levy. >> Levy. Shame on you, Dan Le. >> No, no, no, no. He was kidding. He said, >> "Okay.". >> He was laughing. >> Well, so was that shame on you. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was on me, but I got on my hands and knees. I I. promise I don't have. >> Who are the people you have uh beef. with? >> Well, here's the thing. Robbie Hoffman. >> 100%. Big beef. Big be. >> Yeah. But then later that night she. text. You got. >> Well, she loves you, but there's a. there's a tension. >> Yeah, but I didn't do anything. >> It that you sometimes you don't have to. >> Okay. Eric Andre.

>> That one's real. >> Yeah. But we're good now. Cuz he just he. just said, "Let's go on tour together.". >> That's right. Again. Same thing. Same. thing. So close to kissing. >> Yes. Love. >> Fighting fighting fighting fighting. >> Love and hate. >> Yeah. But I I think when we're on. podcast or I'm acting. >> Why did you have beef with Eric? >> I have no idea. He thinks this happened. which didn't happen. >> He called me about this. It did happen. And he ripped your shirt and you got mad. about that. >> He ripped. >> No, no, no. His beef from 25 years ago. >> Oh, the original. >> Yeah. Oh, right. >> Yeah. Yeah. Aged beef. >> Yeah, it's aged beef. >> Wow. >> It's got a nice layer of mold on it. You.

cut that off and you get underneath of. that. >> Yeah. Yeah. You bury it. >> It's snow beef. >> Snow beef. >> from Japan. Have you had snow beef? >> No. >> From Japan. >> Snow beef. >> It's melts right in your mouth. >> Oh, wow. Not in your hand. >> But it. [laughter]. >> Who knew M&M stood for moo and moo? Okay. I I said stood wrong. You want to. clip that one or no? >> You can [laughter] clip it. >> Put that ONE IN THE TRASH. [screaming]. >> I LIKE But Eric Andre's accusation is is. that we both auditioned for MAT TV. I. got it. He didn't get it. And he thought.

that I changed my relationship with him. that I was kind of standoffish and. weird. I don't remember being like that. >> Well, how old was he? Nine when he got. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I I think it's. perception. >> That was like 30 years ago. >> I think a lot of times we have certain. perception. Yeah. >> Right. You'll see somebody have a bad. day, but then you take it personally or. something. You know what I mean? >> We don't see the world how it is. We see. the world how we are. >> And now we're on my podcast. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> And I just turned this into you made it. bad, friend. >> Yeah. But that is. >> Is this a good wink?

>> It's a very good wink. >> I don't like it. I hate it. >> I don't like when you wink. You're not a. wink guy. You guys are wink. He's a wink. guy. Wink. >> Who I wink? >> Do the glasses and show them the wink. Take the glass off. Look at this wink. >> Love that wink. >> Yeah. >> What? What was that? >> That's a wink. >> Are you showing me where the moonshine. is? Are you the [ __ ] [laughter]. You look like Tucker Carlson right now. >> All whites look like Tucker Carlson. >> Not me. >> Ah, the way of the white. >> Except the Blancas. >> Yeah, the Blanca. The Blancas get away. with white. >> If you hit jab and something happens, you're a Blanca. >> Okay. You're If you don't and you're. white, you're a Tucker. >> What's going on?

>> Okay. I'm going to give you white hand. cuz we just before you came, me and Mone. had white hand gestures. >> White gestures. >> What they're allowed to do. >> Okay. >> Okay. So, I'm just going to do them and. you you you see if if they're allowed to. do it. >> Okay. >> Yeah. That's that's that's our bread and. butter. >> Okay. That's our bread and butter, >> right? Right. >> Still in the zone. You might be a youth. pastor, but yes. >> Yeah. Yeah. We invented this. >> I know you did, right? >> We did. >> Like hang loose. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. For sure. >> Now, what about this?

>> You are so funny. [laughter]. You're a true talent. >> That is so funny. >> Like, >> what about this? >> That's a no. It's a no. >> It's a no. >> And he did that to a girl. >> He asked for a girl's number. She said, "I'm a lesbian." And he went like this. to her. >> That is the funniest. >> It's insane. >> That's like. >> I watched it live last night. >> Yeah. He saw it live last night and I. go, "You're not You guys are allowed to. have.

>> What? Was she black?". >> No. No. It's getting clearer. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's getting clear. >> Did you wear a gold medal and you were. on the podium. >> in the 70s? >> Were you protesting something? >> I do think movies like Fantastic Mr. box, which I love, which has the wolf. going like this. I have a frame picture. of the wolf going like that. >> But this is different. >> Yeah, BUT IT'S A WOLF. >> YEAH, it's a wolf. [laughter]. >> Wolves can do. Wolves can do this. You're right. Look, Mama Luke. Mama. Luke. They can do whatever they want. >> Okay. Yeah, you can't do that. >> You can't do that. Are there other. things that whites can do that I whites. can't do.

>> Let me ask. >> And gesture wise, >> you know what I I enjoy as a white being. folded into someone else's culture is. the soul shake. If if if I go here, nobody's going, "What are you doing?". >> Yeah. >> What's a soul shake? >> Dapping someone up. It's just like a. >> dapping someone up when you when you go. like this. >> You know what a soul shake is? I don't. know if we should call it soul shake. >> Yeah, we should not. >> Yeah, that's like the aonics of. >> right which we learned. >> Which we learned is look up is soul. shake a bad term. >> It sounds like it. I think just dapping. someone up is what they say now.

>> Soul shake is inherently back here. >> is not inherently bad or offensive. >> Yeah. I I've always thought that that's. like when you know that clip of Obama, he's shaking hands. He's shaking hands. He's shaking hands and he gets to the. black guy and they and they do that. One. of my favorite clips. >> I love that. I've seen that. >> Nature nature. >> So years ago, >> yeah, that's just you. It's like, oh, this guy gets it. >> Well, I like anything that implies. kinship and if somebody's That's why I'm. saying I know that I'm being folded in. to someone else's culture, but I I I. enjoy that in any way. I'm not trying to. be funny. If I came to your house and.

had a traditional Korean meal, I would. really love that. I would be I would be. honored. And I should have said honored. >> Yeah. Yeah. We also have meatloaf and. chicken pot pie as I understand you guys. love stoopers. I know, >> but that's me folding you into mine. >> Or let me ask you, >> CPP is a white thing. Chicken Pope pie. is our meal. >> You done with CPP? >> Uh, you know me. [laughter]. >> Clip it. >> I love the CP. Anyway, Pete, it's really. good. Pete, look in that camera. >> Wait, we have to end on a laugh. >> Yeah, we have to end on a laugh. >> Okay, let's try to figure it out. >> Something funny. >> You want to do an improv game? How do we.

end it? [laughter]. >> I'm just Look, we just did a whole. section that we were like, we have to. lift that out. Now we're back and Andrew. Santino has to go to a game and Bobby's. pretending that he has to leave despite. his producers. [laughter]. >> I want to end on something. If not. funny, I'll settle for heartwarming. friendship. Yeah, >> I'll settle for funny or silly. >> Yeah. >> Do you want to play uh. >> I mean some movies end not funny. >> That's true. What movie? I've seen a. starless. It was like not funny at all.

>> How about we can play a game? We can. play a game that I've I played with Co. Bear. I've played with my wife. It's. called smallest smile. Do you want to. play smallest smile? And we're out of. here. >> Yeah. How do you play it? Super easy. You look down. >> and when you come back, you come back. with a neutral face. >> We're going to go one at a time and then. you do the smallest. smile you can do. It has to be. [laughter] You're going to be so good at. it. It has to be perceivable as a smile. I'm going to go first just to give you a. sense. >> I ALREADY KNOW IT. >> RIGHT into the camera. >> Yeah. Okay. This is my camera. Ready?

>> This is my camera. So, we we all do it. at the same time. >> No, no, no. one at a time cuz I want to. watch and I want to enjoy. But I'm just. going to do it so you know. The key is. come up with neutral and then do it. >> Okay. Here we go. >> All right. Ready? >> Right. [laughter]. >> I'm not going to be able to do it. >> You're going to be able to do it. I'm. going to give you one direction. >> Do less than you think. It's almost. nothing cuz that red right? >> It has to read as a smile but has to be. small. >> Santino, are you going to close us? >> Yeah. Okay. Ready? [laughter].

>> Yeah. It's the point. The point is it's. hard to do without laughing. [laughter]. >> I love you. I want to see another one. though. Can I see another one? Just. because it's too good cuz smiles are in. the eyes. >> Oh yeah. >> It's too good. >> It's too good what you're doing right. now. [laughter]. >> It's hard to not do it. >> It's hard to not give you one more shot. >> It was very good.

>> No laughing. Less. No laughing. No. laughing. All right. >> Do And I would say do half as much. >> Oh, do half as much. >> Yeah. Yeah. Cuz you got a mustache and. I'm not joking. That highlights the. smile. >> All right. So, all right. Ready? That's. so funny. Ready? >> Very good. >> Very dark. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I loved you in perfect days. >> Go ahead. [snorts]. [sighs and gasps]. >> Just another [laughter]. harvested. >> Here it is. Slam Tino.

>> [screaming]. >> You [laughter] get me good. That is so. good. >> That's how you get booked on. That's the. game. And we end it on a laugh. Please. watch Silly Silly Funboy. It's on. YouTube.com. It's website. >> right now. Silly silly funboy. It's on. Pete's uh YouTube. >> And go to uh Pete.com for my tour dates. and follow me on social. >> Also say thank you for being a bad. friend. >> And thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah.

Yeah. Woo.