The Suckerblow! | Ep 155 | Bad Friends

hey my friends I know you're not gonna. believe me but I have a huge update for. all of you the bad Friends tour is. finally here we locked our dates we're. gonna be around the country 30 cities. between April and June and we can wait. to go uh and meet you all in person. you can get tickets tomorrow at 12 p.m. on livenation.com or clicking on the. link uh in the description below it's. gonna be awesome and we can wait to to. be on the road with all of you.

and for those of you who have been. asking me constantly about the course. the podcasting course that we're doing. in in La I know I know I I'm not. responding it's too overwhelming. sometimes uh but we're doing it again I. know the first one sold out super uh. fast and we wanted to give that. experience to as many people as as. possible so we're doing it again in. April and we'll do a longer one a lab in. the summer if you are curious about it. and wanna uh learn how to be a producer. uh go to 7x.net and check us out.

also happy Monday enjoy the show I'm not. gonna be here uh today but you guys will. have Carlos and you'll learn a lot of. things about Carlos away until the end. and you'll find me later again enjoy the. show you two are bad friends who are. these two idiots. [Music]. or something we're bad friends the. episode is off to a hot start a lot.

better than the last episode with all. the students thanks a lot fancy B you're. fired fancy B is of course gone because. he brought in 37 people into our studio. that's about 200 square feet so George. is back in attack George thanks for. coming here I um biased and he's he's. backed by his trustee uh Mexican Steed. uh Carlos Carlos so I woke up this. morning and I knew that we had to pod. and I I'm super sick and I don't know. what I have we have a kova test going. but I had to come because Andrew's a. Hollywood star and I forget you know.

we're clear here's the deal here's the. deal man the real dealio is this right I. mean let's let's get real California. hospital still stressed as flu RSV Cove. would remain at its highest exactly and. here's the deal dude it's like you know. sometimes you know you start a podcast. with somebody and they're at your level. and all of a sudden you know you plant. the seed and it turns into a star right. and that's what we got here baby and. let's give Andrew Santino a round of. applause because he's gonna work. non-stop from here on right with his. [ __ ] what are you doing I just want.

to put some of that in the sky because. we're talking this way yeah I'll suck. this way right yeah and I real it's not. why do you do that you think it's a. resentment I was gonna say something. similar what you think it's hostility. coming out of mind like I'm so sorry I. love them. no let's be real. real for a second as a family thank you. yeah yeah well let's be real. all right good news is you do not have. covet thank you so much it must be real.

wait wait wait. you have herpes. this is I got a dual test I've had it. yeah no I know it just I don't have a. reminder listen who had to cover it up I. just had to go back on it anyway um. congratulations I think you're faking. for attention because Andrew's getting a. lot of attention right now. love juicy so much she's on to something. yeah I get it I hope you are because I. hate to see you sick. it's good I understand everything love.

the juice did I not give you a raise. today I love you so much Bobby. it's interesting your boss gives you a. raise and you slam about that that's why. you hired me you like it yeah that's. right we do actually like it I like it a. lot I gave you the race by the way not. him no he did it makes me so angry you. were gone when I gave her the phrase she. asked me she goes do you think it's okay. if I asked Bobby about the raise I said. of course and she goes I want to make. him feel like when it comes to any good. things with our employees and stuff I'm.

the guy that does it you wreak Havish. zero you you spend zero amount of time. on anybody but yourself and that's a. fact you've never done anything for. these guys never. he did another thing huge for me though. what I have my first big audition coming. up can I talk about that I want you to. get it so bad could you send me every. once in a while when he just said that I. just did it oh thank you. this piece of [ __ ] you know what I mean. idiot it's so when you say things it's.

so it makes me so angry and I'm so sick. I can't defend myself you couldn't if. you weren't. oh my God what is wrong with you today. dude we are bad friends today yeah we. are. I see you go ahead. oh my God go ahead. I love you yeah juicy last night did a. taping for don't tell comedy that should. be out soon with a bunch of our friends. yeah I met Chris O'Connor for the first.

time and Joey Avery I love Chris yeah I. heard you did very good oh good I I kind. of blacked out I've never done a taping. before and all I could think about on. stages I uh all the cameras well I heard. I heard that you said you blacked out. Connie told me that you said you felt. like you bought or Joey said you felt. like you blacked out during the set but. you heard you did very well Santa. Barbara no less a very astute place to. do comedy yeah very old it was a little. stuffy though huh it was outside a cold.

yeah a little stuff I've never played it. you've never been to Santa Barbara to do. shows I've been there I've just never. done shows there I did a show back in. the day with uh Theo methio and somebody. else years and years and years ago it. was like a bar room a guy used to have a. bar show up there and it was great. because it was UCSB kids. but I've heard horror stories have gone. up there because it's you know Santa. Barbara's like Rich really it's like. it's like Beverly Hills plus yeah they. laugh like this oh they do yeah they.

left Japanese oh. put their pinkies out. I love when the Japanese do that. and then they cover their you know it's. so funny it's so funny can I say about. the Japanese please or Asians love. Japanese they used to laugh with their. hands over their face they had they've. had covered the whole time oh is that. why they do that think about it right. right they had covered the whole time. wow yeah that's right and you know how.

covet spread one girl forgot to do it. wow it's incredible I got taught about. something a good fact uh a good fact I. learned Google this is pretty insane. what is that can jealousy physically. make you ill according to Jonathan DeVos. neuroscientists. Carlos Carlos the sympathetic nervous. system buckles under the stress of. jealousy quickening the heart and. spiking Carlos blood pressure pretty. wild oh can I say something I know that. symptoms can be mimicked okay you know.

what dude I swear to [ __ ] God right. now dude we're on the uh we're on the. wrong foot I got it I got you back uh. Copenhagen he did yeah you did and I. gave you a hundred dollars for it I try. to give you the 100 I know but I get to. keep it so my point is is this okay. stop this okay and you know what I'm. gonna address it now I'm just trying to. I'm gonna address it now got it what are. the 10 tips to overcome it. click on the link don't cough this way. cough this way cough this way anyway off.

this way listen I was jealous of you why. let me just get this off my chest we. don't go off for the same stuff. what are you laughing I'm just can you. not defend yourself and let me express. myself that'd be cool okay I'll wait. till you're done attacking me then I'll. [ __ ] I'm not attacking this is a pure. apology okay go ahead okay. I was I did call my agents the other day. and I go hey man what's going on. Andrew's booking all these things right.

and they're like calm down and I go I'm. calm and then I um called my sponsor and. my a sponsor and he goes do you love. Andrew like I do and he goes are you. happy for him I got you know what I'm. genuinely am happy for him I think. you're so talented. um when I see you on stage performing. and dude I saw half of cheeseburger so. good. thanks no I'm being real okay not well. too I've rejected that I wanted to. direct mine maybe shut up now being real. I directed it that's great you did that.

I did it that's incredible can you drag. my special come on be real I'm being. serious honestly dude I'm sick right now. and you know so you can stop this I. genuinely. I'm so happy for you I love you and I I. like it and it couldn't happen to a. better guy okay don't don't go away no. I'm not going over the top this is the. last thing I'm gonna say okay and we. don't have to talk about it again right. I'm gonna kill myself. I knew it I knew it.

I knew it. just couldn't go yeah yeah I shoot. myself with a faceless shotgun so one no. I'm really happy for you but if you do. kill yourself. can I have your house yes all right you. know how I feel terrible you're going to. Hawaii soon. hey I was trying to be nice. yeah the guy's going to hold a guy goes. to Hawaii like nine times a year I get. one [ __ ] movie he's like.

wait you're such a [ __ ] brat you live. in Hawaii half of the [ __ ] year. I I thought you know what I mean I go. one little thing what if Andrew becomes. like the next Brad Pitt and then he puts. you in all his movies hell yeah I don't. think Brad Pitt puts anybody in any. movies by the way well you mean you mean. uh Sandler sand dog yeah I like sandbox. yeah. is it. every time I'm not at the store. Tarantino's there yeah last night he was.

there again I saw that on Instagram yeah. I've never been there when he's there. yeah yeah every time I'm there not there. no yeah but every time I'm not there and. he's always hanging out when you were. there Ron Jeremy was there every time. passed out in the back every time yeah. yeah you know he's in prison for the. rest of us I know he looks terrible yeah. have you seen remember he used to snore. in the back 100 he would fall asleep in. the room he would fall asleep in the. bucket seats yeah he like was he drunk. or high I don't remember holy [ __ ]. that's what he looks like terrible yeah.

yeah yeah he looks terrible yeah look at. him all right well can I be honest yeah. I think this is a this is [ __ ] he. looks like a Morton. no I think that's him but I think no I. think it's it's not the Illuminati no I. do think that's him I'm just saying I. think he quickly let himself go once he. found out he was definitely getting. busted for all of his crime so he's. trying to use you know Harvey Weinstein. it's like they use their like I'm just. old I might die don't put me away in the. bad place it's like you did so much bad. stuff they got you dude. yeah like look at this thing like this. whole [ __ ] like he was walking like a.

lot right it's it's it's it's great. because you know sometimes I use the um. the bathrooms the public bathrooms with. the you know with the handicap thing. yeah and then I take a [ __ ] in there and. then when I walk out there's a handicap. person you know what I mean waiting for. it and then I do a walk you do a little. walk oh yeah I have to do a walk because. you have to feel you can't I don't want. to get a confrontation with a guy what. would he okay listen I'm in a wheelchair. yeah yeah you walk out normal for E. right I see you right. whoa whoa whoa I'm doing a wheelie to. stop you whoa whoa.

oh oh my God I'm so sorry I'm sorry bye. and I leave but then I wheel in yeah. yeah I look in the toilet bowl and I see. well it's not a handicapped guy [ __ ] and. I wheeled back wait you can't yell by. poo oh yeah can you tell my poo I think. that's how they find out when they're. young oh you know what dude you can. check their pool you can taste it and. you can tell you know I would put hard. like oh boy. what do you mean. what do you mean you can poop tired like.

sure yeah yeah sure man. look I want you to look something up. that I learned that was wild there was a. guy Bobby that bought Hitler's bed and. he sleeps in it every day. Google this guy this is a real man man. who sleeps in Hitler's bed it's Kanye. yeah. this dude bought Hitler's actual bed and. he sleeps in it what every day of his. life has it just just a little just. snoozing on Hitler's bed. and he's like a biggest collector of. Hitler memorabilia this dude. and he sleeps in Hitler's bed is he um.

can you imagine is he racist no he just. likes Hitler oh I get it he also has. this wax figure look at he has a wax for. your healer in his crib. wow yo coming imagine dining room. imagine you go to like a cute little. Airbnb. you walk in it's this [ __ ] guy oh I. did this guy's like he's on a dating. site and he just loves he brings a. Jewish girl over for dinner it's insane. yeah like Sarah Silverman there's.

Hitler's bed right there where right. there. yes yeah that's his bed there it is oh. queen size or is that a full it looks. like a full I think a full is a queen eh. what's the difference that was smaller. what's it what's the difference oh so it. goes single okay we should be asking her. yeah tell us how the beds go single full. queen king right California King Texas. King well there's a Texas King oh. there's a bunch of Kings Kings range in.

different ways but I have a California I. have a California what is Texas King. bigger I think Texas King is the biggest. It's gotta be I won a Texas King is. there a difference I can't tell a. California king is just wider than it is. long Texas is 14 inches wider whoa even. wider and eight inches longer whoa we. gotta get a test we need a Texas kid can. I tell you the problem though not enough. places make uh Fabrics to fit that yeah. that's true you can't get it oh right. you can't go to um where do you get your. Fabrics. I go down to I go down to downtown L.A.

to the fabric fabric uh District. and I have and I have them hand Stitch. it for me so I go to bed bath beyond. that's not a good place all right well. I'm going to the Beyond part downtown. LA's you're just going to bed and bath. I'm actually going to the Beyond oh the. Beyond part and it's just a little tiny. girl she has one eye and uh. she's kind of cycloptic I don't even. know what language she speaks but she. just kind of clicks at me and Bishop. the Netflix are probably her horse feet.

oh when she's walking towards you yeah. yeah oh yeah yeah and I just tell her. what I want and she makes it it's. unbelievable. that's exactly what she sounds like but. she's talking backwards what you have to. do is I've met people like that yeah we. have to do is you have to record them. slow go home and then reverse it [ __ ]. yeah yeah you don't want to do it in. front of them you can't do it in front. of them you think it's rude it's a. Google translating. no come on juice that was easy yeah go. ahead I'm very jealous of Andrew. she brings it back the kid is full.

circle when it comes to writing jokes. there's no doubt about that. I'm practicing my memory sorry it's okay. Alzheimer's runs in her family she wants. to make sure she's ahead yeah enjoy. you're you're at the bad friend Studio. sometimes you just have to tell her. because she'll forget where she is when. does the don't tell comedy set come out. probably a couple months and I think. I'll just take some clips. in the clubs what's happening is I get. into a club and then let's find anything. online to post of me and then people I'm.

reaching an audience not like the bad. friends family everyone's like really. awesome even the people who don't like. me and the fan base are like. he doesn't like you in the fan base well. they're even nice they'll be like I. don't really find her funny but she's. very nice like that's the kind of hate. coming don't read it I know what are you. reading that [ __ ] for I'm gonna stop. because now I'm reaching like strangers. like people that I've that don't know. anything about me and the comments are. like die I hope you die. um I hate your guts yeah yeah please die. yeah don't read it kill yourself like I.

get a lot of really here's what's wild. about speak of it who's just wild about. all those comments that say die. you will so it's like just wait oh yeah. yeah you know I always say wait just. chill out yeah I'm gonna will you. [ __ ] cool it stop telling me what I'm. gonna do yeah yeah and also it's like my. life has been so much happier not. reading any of that. no dude I don't I couldn't care less I. couldn't why care that's why I don't. want reread it yeah I don't care I think. it's [ __ ] nonsensical yeah but then.

you get good messages too like Cameo. reached out to me. oh you can do some cams they said they. sent me an email saying they work with. you and how to have a great success I'm. sorry it just wasn't a slam to you about. I don't do Cameo no I know and I didn't. think yeah I could I could read you the. conversation I've had they've reached. out to me every week for the last five. years and I say no you know what's so. weird is they view someone else has said. that to me I don't I don't do Cameo I. got I've ordered a cameo from you yeah. I've never done it I I I I don't do.

Cameo and they say that. I do and I was like I don't do it. um and they're Chicago people that. started it and in years ago when they. first started. the person that started it like signed. me up for it and was like you got to do. one and I got all these requests and I. think I might have done. one. and then immediately when I did it I. quit I was like no thank you and I never. even got paid because the money had to. go through like Zell at the time or. something and I didn't have one and I. was like I'm not I don't know what that.

is it was brand new so I immediately was. like no thank you and since then they've. never stopped being like why would you. come back I'm back and I'm like I don't. I just I don't I can't we should. probably cut this out but they said that. you make up to like a hundred thousand a. year me wow in case I don't know if I'm. misclothing the email but what's crazy. is you can look I'm not on it I. think someone is doing it for me I mean. they're making. I'm not on it. Floyd Mayweather 15 grand 15 000. that's.

what I'll do then I'll never have to. make one it's actually kind of tight I'm. sure somebody's done bought it from them. before though. you know yeah somebody [ __ ] Grand. yeah some guy from Dubai some prince of. Dubai those guys have so much money I. daydream in the shower but one of them. buying me as a human. I swear to God I have Daydreams in the. shower where like some Dubai Prince is. like I will buy you I can buy you and. I'm like yeah do it he's like you would. be my slave I will buy you you do what I. want and I was like do it. and he gives me money and then I have to.

fly to Dubai and do whatever he wants. whenever like in the middle of the day. he'll be like dance for us for hours and. I will yeah. right and I'll do it yeah I gotta be. there with you you're coming you don't. first of all you don't have a choice the. moment I get paid I'm calling and I'm. going buddy we got bought by Dubai I'm. gonna go woohoo right and we're gonna go. to Dubai you and I your first class I'm. in the overhead compartment no no you're. sitting on my lap no overhead. compartment overhead how about this.

we'll trade I'll sit on your laptop all. right we go all right and then all of a. sudden I got the coins do I bring coins. why would we bring coins I don't know. what they we use there money they do. they have money like you about Pebbles. they use Pebbles too yeah rubies. don't don't you have to Google you don't. have to Google it one you have to Google. it it ruins the comedy right right so. anyway no but by the way did you see. that what what is it called there the. Durham yeah so I bring their door home. look at how much money we could make. there.

incredible United States one Durham is. only worth a quarter of our money so. then we'd get four times our money would. you tell them beforehand that you're. bringing me or when we get there you're. gonna say I brought him they'll just. know they'll just assume oh so it's. we're a package deal we are a package. they already know that we are a package. do I get my own room. yeah yeah I gotta wear one of those what. other garments they were.

I like the head pieces. would you share a bed with me if we had. to travel like that. I would be too if you and I were like in. Auschwitz I would what why would we be. there no but back in the day I've. thought about that in the 44 Jews I. would share a bed with you thank you. it'll keep each other warm what's so. funny in a holocaust is the only yeah. you know you know like. almost done oh I'm excited you and I. yeah but you know why because I because.

they're gonna throw us off before. I know I know it they would throw us. overboard right and I would need to be. with you can you imagine you and I on a. boat they would kill us so fast what do. you mean if it was like a boat of. pirates and they captured us and they. were trying to like use us as Ransom. within an hour they would be sick of our. [ __ ] they would throw you and I. overboard immediately would you rather. have been tied or would you rather be. loose. what do you mean and thrown into the. ocean yeah I don't want to be tied into. the ocean because I mean but I want to. give me a shot I would get into an. argument with a guy with a gun just to.

shoot me I'd be like just shoot me I. don't want to drown I'd much dude. drowning is my actual nightmare wow. there was a video that I saw online uh. this guy that these guys that swim they. put a hole in the water and they swim. under up to another hole you know what. I'm talking about George these people. they like they do swimming in Frozen. [ __ ] Lakes swimming under ice yeah. and they will swim under the Ice Dude it. is my anxiety Nightmare and then one. dude couldn't find his way out and they. were trying to break the ice and they. couldn't get through and he almost. didn't [ __ ] make it look at this.

though they'll literally punch one hole. and punch another hole and they'll swim. down through the ice and what do they. always look like Adam DeVine. [Laughter]. like froze over or something so he. couldn't even see what like halfway. through his eyeball like because corny. or something froze over he couldn't see. it he almost like he got lost. your eyeball free can freeze and you yes. and you can drown so what they do is.

they have a rope and it's a safety rope. and you have to follow the Rope because. they can't see anything really so if. they can't find the Rope though you die. you absolutely die and tons of people do. this this is like for sport and it's. batshit crazy no it's not true not tons. of people tons of white people do it. well yeah I mean we're the best at. Wackadoo stuff. how many black people have gone. skydiving since its Inception six. [Laughter]. really funny think about it I've never. seen a Korean Skydive I've never seen. anybody but white Skydive my whole.

everything really yeah yeah type in. skydivers and watch how many photos. we'll put it'll be all white dudes. crazy [ __ ] whites oh look at the. first photo the guy's hair yeah yeah. look at that guy yeah dude four photos. in go to four hey yeah yeah that guy. that's the guy that skydives with that. girl they look like Harry Styles the. skydivers I just it's just it's such a. white thing to jump out of an airplane. yeah have you ever done this juice would. you do it no if we do bad friend. skydiving would you do it Heights is my. drowning Heights is your drowning yeah. oh but if he does the ice thing would.

you do the thing. you've got to conquer the ice thing. we got to do the Ice thing with you wait. what yeah. I don't have fear so like you know what. I mean I don't have to do you have so. many feet I have no fears asking me a. question ask me a few questions. ask me ask ask away I am yeah go ahead. look at me. are you afraid of being alone. you got me die [ __ ] first question no. I'm not yeah you are I'm not no look at.

me. no. oh no that's a fear that's a real fear. and that's a physical fear because it. physically manifests being alone can. [ __ ] kill you yeah yeah this episode. is sponsored by better help better help. I gotta tell you has been with us for a. long time because Bobby and I believe in. therapy we've talked pretty openly on. this show about mental health and mental. health awareness and getting help with.

your mental health and I do think. talking to someone is an extremely good. alternative to just sitting in your. house by yourself thinking about too. much stuff and not getting it out when. you're at your best you can do great. things am I not right I agree you do the. best stuff when you're at your best. exactly but sometimes life gets you. bogged down sometimes your eyes get sad. that's right and you may feel. overwhelmed or like you're you're not. showing up in the way that you want to. working with a therapist can help you. get closer to the best version of you. because when you feel empowered you're. more prepared to take on everything life.

throws at you I totally agree man if. you're thinking about giving therapy a. try better help is a great option. convenient flexible affordable entirely. done on the internet you got to fill out. a brief questionnaire get matched with. the licensed therapist and switch. therapists at any time for no additional. charge if you are looking to talk to. someone this is a great way to try from. the comfort of your own home it's not. scary it's easy to do and you can switch. therapists at any time if you want to. live a more empowered life therapy can. get you air visit betterhelp.com bad. friends today to get 10 off your first. month that's better help help.com bad.

friends vroom.com with room you can shop. thousands of cars right from your phone. and have your next ride delivered. straight to you what happened you bought. a car didn't you I did and you know. during the summer I went to a bunch of. lots I went to the hot Pasadena hot. Burbank I was so frustrated but you know. what I went to room.com and that's where. I got my car because vroom is the better. way to buy your next ride Andrew that's. right you never have to haggle or. negotiate the price of a car so no you. know you're getting a good deal you got. a full week or 250 miles whichever comes.

first to make sure your new ride is. right for you Bobby had to drive his car. around and guess what he loved it. because he knew what he wanted and room. it's the better way to buy you don't got. to go around wasting time trying to find. all the things that fit for you you do. it from your computer man it's that easy. or the comfort of your phone in your. home all the cars on vroom.com come with. a 90-day limited warranty and one year. of roadside assistance Nationwide they. give you the peace of mind when you're. on the road you can trade in your old. car by the way if you got an old one. when you buy a new one or you can even. just sell your card of room when you. sell your car in vroom you get a price. instantly Bobby you can buy a car from.

vroom entirely online so next time you. need to buy a car just grab your phone. go to room.com and check out thousands. of cars that's right go to room.com and. check out thousands of cars today look. at the people that go out to the woods. that live out in the woods in the middle. of nowhere they go crazy and then they. die. you need human touch you need human. contact you need conversion you have a. conversation I have a fear of this is. going to sound crazy what but you know I. saw a documentary with Indians in it. Indian people from India. India's from India and they had some guy.

had dry skin on his elbows right hear me. out and I feel like there's Flakes and I. have a fear of those flakes coming on my. face on your face yeah like a powder of. Indian flakes on the show. funny I'm trying to follow juicy this is. an extremely legitimate fear there's a. fear that many people have face I'm so. sick right now I have no idea why I'm. here what's the name look I'm so tired. I'm sorry I might not make it this. episode is that terrible yeah no it's. fun no honestly yeah if I leave just. relax will ya.

look up look up. um look up the fear of dead skin because. I guarantee you there's a phobia. attached to dead skin fear of dead skin. what's it called there it is necrophobia. specific phobia that involves a fear of. dead things things that are associated. with death. what about skin fear of skin do fear of. skin what is that one. oh my God that's Bobby that's Bobby wait. stay there that is Bobby zoom in. I don't even know how to say this this.

is Bobby Lee f is agrophobia ather. xagophobia is the fear of forgetting. someone or someone as fear or the fear. of being forgotten you don't want to be. forgotten at the zagara you're an. atheros Agra for sure. you really are. don't forget Linda what is this. linophobia is the fear of string you. have an extreme reaction when just. thinking of string. wow like a [ __ ] shoelace you just. have velcro shoes. it's like every cat. and they all have that that's crazy.

right just yeah take it away yeah you're. a cat I knew you were a cat you tell. them you have no fears Bob no fear dude. you bungee jump. no I won't do it well there you go with. this there it is yeah you're right try. phobia. I mean all of it I'm afraid of try. Trypophobia is an excessive reaction to. things that resemble serious skin. diseases that's what you have Bobby. trypophobia.

are you trypophobic yeah. poor Bobby poor Bobby. what do you have the fear of juice what. are you afraid of. um. well for the heights thing I know I'm. afraid of other stuff. like what are you afraid of Carlos think. about it juice. I'm afraid of loneliness you are afraid.

of being alone like yeah so the thing. you asked Bobby about I was really. you're gonna die alone for sure I 100. for sure why would you say that dude I'm. gonna tell you something right now dude. you're just mad because I'm not mad I'm. not mad I'm gonna be honest with you I. pulled up I was sick I was sick for a. second but it just once you said that. made me so angry oh you can't hurt him. with those shades on yeah yeah with. those shades on you definitely have that. thing where you're never gonna meet. anybody that's insane I've been you've. never been in a relationship I've never. been married yeah he got married. divorced how long.

couple years yeah. and that could have ended day one no no. no they really loved each other I never. met her how were we friends I never met. her you're always busy or you were with. kalila in that new glow with her there. you go yeah meanwhile I met her I went. to their house up in the hills yeah. really yeah what was she like. shoot I mean do you want me to speak. speak about yeah you guys are still. friends yeah she's cool. she was a very sweet person. um. she was a little.

unusual to look at she had had a tragic. accident when she was young and about. three quarters of her her head was. impaled it was sunken in. why are you laughing that's why I'm. wearing these I'm trying not to cry when. I think about it she had an impaled head. and one of her legs the foot faced the. wrong way it was nuts do you think I'm. gonna buy that it was uneven one foot. was do you know how come her name was. uneven uneven. uneven and even Herrera and even Herrera.

I can't believe it because you know how. complex is [ __ ] you know what I mean. this guy his Pilot yeah dude any. imperfection like I'll show him a photo. of a girl with a freckle he's like nah. swipe left you guys do that's who you. are swipe left dude your Mr swipe left. dude right you need Perfection dude you. don't have Indonesian woman. you don't have a woman with a [ __ ]. head thing because I never had been with. I told you this in secrecy and you'd. call me racism you've never been with a.

wife with an Asian I know but that. doesn't mean I'm racist I know but I but. that but you would never go out with. indentation lady yes you would no you. wouldn't yes you would and you wouldn't. neither yes I would are you out of your. mind you're complex dude you have a. palette let me tell you something yeah. you guys go to museums you know what the. good art is. when you go to the museums do you know. what the good art is yeah right you go. that's good right yeah right you look at. a van Gogh that's good right but the van. Gogh can't talk so if I met a woman with. an indentation in her head but she's but. I loved her personality right maybe I.

would fall in love Yeah Carlos was. dating a Picasso that's right yeah and. I'm dating a van Gogh I'm married to a. van Gogh that's the one I meant and. you're with a Degas. that's not what I meant what I meant is. this you know what good what good. artists and bad art you see when you I'm. about this avocado. avocado I love avocado right but you. know what a bad avocado looks like right. like cars squeeze right it's like Carlos. yes my point though is this okay you. don't have a lady with the thing head. thing all right he lie right I'm going.

back to it right I want to look at a. photo of your wife I've never met her. before ex-wife it's not his wife anymore. you keep saying that he's not married or. whatever whatever he's gonna die alone. and I hate to be rude I hate to be rude. why do you think yeah we all do Die. Alone by this world same way we go no I. mean literally alone you think at the. end of this is that guy No One's Gonna. be around why why look at him he's a. beautiful his behavior what's wrong with. him dude he's always alone every time I. see him on the street walking down. Ventura he's by himself holding a bag.

always what's in the back plastic bag. full of [ __ ] broccoli and other items. I don't know what he eats from Trader. Joe's I need to go yeah my point is that. you're a lonely lonely [ __ ] right why. are you doing that I'm sorry hey you're. a Mexican dude which makes it even worse. I'm sorry you're done it's cracker me up. you're done with dude okay how about. this let's bring it back to square one. yeah misery is your future is Juicy. gonna die alone no no am I no are you no. okay so Carlos yes all right you're done.

what he's sat he's set in stone lonely. tears for you dude in the desert and you. know why he's doing this because you. admitted out loud stupidly into the. microphone that you're afraid of dying. alone you shouldn't have done that yeah. yeah you gave him more you gave him a. bullet you're like honestly out of all. the people that I can imagine that this. is the honest truth of all the people. thousands of people in my lifetime right. and I'm thinking about the loneliest. [ __ ] in that [ __ ] group yeah yeah. Carlos. you know what I do don't exist you. shouldn't exist right now.

what do you gotta say I'm so sick I'm so. sorry thanks for the medicine you got. this Lucy this mess is kicking it I love. it Carlos bought you 70 worth of. medicine chug it. blue tongue. but George proved me wrong I literally. thought no one could quite possibly. [ __ ] this man it's impossible I. literally thought it was a scientific. fact yeah I've got hidden game. he's got hidden game God I wish I.

shouldn't have said that you know what. not only not only did somebody pump him. yeah this guy made humans you proved me. wrong and you know what Carlos I've had. two abortions good for look at that look. at that so no no I got them pregnant so. he did. Carlos three actually Carlos. Carlos George loves it the question. isn't can you get laid well you 100 can. get laid thank you what I'm saying is. that.

you're never going to live with anybody. or marry anybody or be in a relationship. with anybody or be intimate with anybody. or like [ __ ] feelings and ideas with. anybody that's insane that's not insane. look at you look in the mirror open your. mouth projection because kalila just. moved out. that's a tough hit I mean that might. have been you something that's a sucker. blow that's the bottom. of everything you said that is. sucker blow dude look at my heart dude.

you're like wailing on him and he did. one little one thing yeah he just turned. over didn't even hit. you sucker blown me dude and I'm kind of. as I'm so so sick right now dude can you. say Sucker Punch that's not blow is not. a part of it yeah. her blow is when I when I convince you. when I suck your dick and you didn't. know it was coming. that's a sucker block yeah when you're. looking up at the sky about I go Bobby. look how beautiful the sunset is and. then I start blowing you that's a sucker. blow you know what I'm gonna keep. calling it sucker blow that's what it.

feels like okay I'm gonna say something. to you right now man you know what game. on oh [ __ ] you won a war [ __ ] I'll begin. you started the war and then I just made. like no no here's the deal dude I'm. calling it I feel bad for you oh no when. I saw you in [ __ ] Mexico. I I was in Hawaii with you now I'm. actually at Hawaii I mean yeah I mean. that see that's the different that's. what I'm saying you could be anywhere. alone right in my mind you're in. Afghanistan alone you're in Australia.

alone you're on the island alone yeah. yeah I mean you're in the big city alone. walking down with a bag yep yeah I mean. full of [ __ ] broccoli or whatever. right yeah I think it's better to be. alone than in like a shitty relationship. though are you saying that I'm in one no. I'm just saying that that's why I'm. alone a lot because I'd rather like no I. think you're addicted to um the pee. oh yeah yeah and I think you're strongly. addicted to it and I'm gonna tell you. something right there's an intervention. to you right.

it's not gonna fix you. the P PCP not a PCP what's he addicted. let's see oh like [ __ ] a lot it's like. I'll go on first dates but I don't like. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. or anything that's not what I heard what. about your feelings. I'm looking to like meet someone and. wait what did you hear Bobby. that's not what I heard my friend. oh no well what did you hear and it. makes me mad what I heard what did you. hear he has a beautiful penis oh yeah.

that's where it's all coming from and. that bummed you out yeah and that's why. I attacked him that's my bad dude oh. it's like it's you know it's my bad dead. I love it I mean I'm in the wrong and. I'll admit it okay you have a beautiful. penis. yeah yeah he is kind of the Pete. Davidson the bad friends isn't he and. and uh I attacked you. and that was wrong of me Pete Davidson. dude. you're the Pete Davidson. your RP Davidson who's next who are you.

gonna date next whatever what famous. person you're gonna get a tattoo removed. of next. Nikki. Nikki Glacier oh she's oh really she'll. never know she's with that guy no no. Nikki glasses oh yeah yeah. he's like he looks like a soccer coach. he's my favorite you like soccer coaches. don't you I do what is that. they look they're wholesome they look. pure pure to me and he especially I've. got his name but I like him a lot the. next person that you date Bob how about.

this let's let's target somebody to date. for you what do you mean well. I feel like you're kind of out in the. abyss you're just dating what's coming. through. so how about let's party it's so funny. it's so funny because I've you've now. been around some of the dates I've been. on yeah and I can see your face I'm not. judging it's not that you're judging. it's not that you're judging yeah. there's a fee go keep talking there's a. feeling there's a feeling of disapproval. in your eyes in what way when I walked.

into the Improv I said hello to everyone. it was so nice I know life so well what. did I do subtext. what did I what were you thinking what. did you think I was thinking when I saw. you with the with the girls in the room. what did you think I thought when I. walked in you're trying to figure out. the situation first correct I wanted to. know if they were comedians or they were. strangers or who the [ __ ] those are the. ones I know but I can look at your eyes. and I can go okay now he's getting. understanding what the situation is and. there's a quick thing in your eyes that. you go I don't approve that's not true. you know what I thought when I looked.

under that bar and saw you in the room. with those girls you know my first. thought was there's no room for me on. that couch. I was like oh that couch is [ __ ] full. I'm sorry that sucks no I was just like. I can't sit down I have to go in the. other room yeah and that you've also. expressed things about girls that you've. met that I've been dating of your. disapproval that's not true yeah yeah. yeah you have I swear to god let's admit. that for a second I never said anything. negative about them I just said I think. you can do better right no no that's a. nice thing isn't that a nice that's what. he said you said I don't like them you.

said that first of all time out first of. all I only said I didn't like one of. them two or two of them two of them yeah. but one of them you didn't one of them. you agreed and the other one you didn't. understand but you did it eventually but. one of them we said together I said do. not like and you go I don't either okay. in the elevator we decided I know but my. point is is that you have had strong. opinions about it well you're my best. friend what do you want me to do just. [ __ ] let you go out there. [ __ ] I know. I'm trying to protect my little boy.

you know what I'm afraid of you want to. know what I'm afraid of I'm trying to. find the one I'm afraid of you getting. taken advantage of how about that. they're all taking advantage of me baby. by the way you're welcome I texted you. last night at the restaurant that you. should go to the Italian joint it looks. great it's [ __ ] really good no one's. taking advantage of you you better not. let people take advantage of you. yeah I've had some strange things like. what I don't want to get into it I don't. want all this stuff tacos I don't even. feel like sometimes all right all right. dark [ __ ] no because it's like because. people here you know we have to talk. about it can I can I tell you something.

that's going to make you mad Maybe. might as well double down on the sucker. blows. [Applause]. you blow me again. something uh. Jesse. Jesse yes you know you've seen me bring. a couple of my dates to The Comedy Store. how have you felt about them. um. I actually at First was like dang he's. seen a lot of different people but then.

I thought good for him yeah because. you've been in a long-term relationship. for so long and I think it's kind of. cool that you're not afraid about your. dating like you're not keeping in a big. secret like you're you know and your. talk about it so the girls that see you. have to know that you're seeing other. girls and I think that's mature and cool. and I think you should be able to date. and experience that but could the truth. be told if I may. you may if I may express myself in the. truth.

truth in the truest form exactly what I. was going to say say it then and I'm. just kind of groggy I know babe. um is the truth be told is is that I'm. really looking for my one. the one yeah I want to see one person. close your eyes what does she look like. oh my Lord here we go. Morgan and Morgan Morgan and Morgan I. gotta tell you so many people have been. in an accident specifically in Los. Angeles there's so many fender benders.

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that's zocdoc.com zoc doc slash bad. friends talkdoc.com bad friends. I think that if you were the leader you. want to be able to eat a laundry Jesse. don't you think it'd be a great place. what if Jesse was a leader of a country. she wouldn't want to see she's why why I. think I'd get taken advantage of. uh hey hey you're excellent Excellency. Master oh call me tooth whoa whoa okay.

uh sorry you're actually that's kind of. not our thing yeah yeah so uh what are. the policies that you wanted to enact. for juice Island. um I just I want everyone to have a good. time. and good call yeah no we agree yeah but. taxes we also yeah we're coming to you. about finances because yeah so we're. deeply in debt yo we need taxes yeah. okay how much should we charge people I. don't have enough money no we're. actually in debt about 400 we're in debt. it's not your money it's juices Island's. money right okay and um.

so how much can we. income tax. if we have to but not a lot I don't know. how much maybe like a penny for every. dollar. you want people to pay a penny for every. dollar one cent to their dollar yeah. okay juice is that a lot let me ask you. something. um you just had a finance wait because. Carlos island is next tour yeah and. they're ready to attack they have like. [ __ ] they want to go to work they. want to go to war well let me talk today.

okay well good luck the ring ring we got. it Carlos hello. hey I heard you want to go to war. yeah you're like no one respects your. Island because you have 0.01 taxes in. America it's 0.08 hey why don't we just. smoke a blunt chill out I don't think we. need to be fighting I'm already smoking. one but you're more than welcome to come. over okay so we're good no. and then but you know they she did get. close she almost solved that war that I. did feel like at some point you were.

gonna flip and already in that. conversation you and I. look at each other I'm like we gotta go. together no there's a coup oh there's a. coup we're taking it over we have to. overthrow her this is [ __ ] dumb so. we'd kill you immediately yeah yeah. you're dead I mean you don't even have. to kill me you guys can just take over. no we gotta kill you it's like a part of. the thing yeah and you know what I'll. name it Santino Island just give me a. province. Bobby Province oh I want my own Province. lead Province yeah and I want to gated.

no one's allowed to go there except for. my people now who's your people people. that capture. you okay so it's like the Vatican you. have your own rules and laws yes and I. can't enforce it's like like a Indian. Reservation where I have my own taxes. your own cops my own cops my own. hospitals everything I have my own. Province if you give it to me if I had. my own Province yeah I would have one. guy doing Security in me Jamar neighbors. and I just yeah I'd pay him whatever he. wants dude that's who I was going to. pick and I'd have no rules no rule I'd. be like whatever you want to do man it's. on you Eric Andre and Jamar neighbor.

that's awesome security. right and they're wearing ATC they're. driving atcs ATV Mohawk Mohawks right. yeah completely naked right does anybody. wear clothes at the Lee Province no. there's no clothing store. so you'd have to leave Lee Province you. can't leave you cannot it's like North. Korea exactly no is no well let me ask. you something in North Korea right is. fentanyl free it's it well if yes it can. be right how about why you sticks it.

that's not free right everyone eats. wagyu steaks where are you getting all. this money from in Lee province. your taxes man we're part of your thing. no I know but dude because dude you're. gonna call me and I'm gonna go hey dude. this is how corrupt government starts. this is literally it a friend of a. friend goes come on man it's my. constituents yeah just give me a little. bit more money than the other guys and. then they go well we did grow up. together and I'll give you type e TP. Taipei no TP what's CP I don't want to. tell you what it is but you know what it.

is toilet paper. I know what it is you know what it is so. I'll give you some TP oh okay I. understand but. [Laughter]. that means you you go yeah but that's. what happened you're getting the steak. yes because I'm gonna get you the steak. but see that's so great this is it. always works though this is the problem. this is the problem. this is how government goes to collapse.

I know but still we'll run for five. minutes I'm second in command at Carlos. Island yeah I'll take some TP I'll give. you wagyu steaks yeah oh yeah if he. doesn't give it to me see this is how. Putin started this is what happened the. homie all the homies got some yeah and. then pootie was out. but he was doing his thing he's dead by. the way. I think he's dead they're holograming. him all over the country and the world. yeah anyway. um can you just give me a province I'll. give you a proudly Province right but we. do have to think of what we're gonna do. with our captured prisoner there oh.

she's not dead no I didn't want to kill. her I feel so bad all right well we can. you know what I know we do we every. every 10 days out of the year right this. is what we're talking right yeah we do. Shame Shame day shamed and we gotta. shame her oh we do publicly yeah. publicly okay I like throughout the. whole island for not taxing enough. that's right yeah well because you were. weak you just been doing so weak right. so what we do what to shame her yeah uh. get burnt chocolate we have to dip her.

in chocolate we have to debut chocolates. after comparison chocolate and then we. throw we have to throw goose feathers on. you you have to get goose feathers on. your body right yeah not Tartan feather. you get chocolate and feathered and she. has to have to be in pain and somehow. but we gotta get some pain do you know. they say the worst part about getting. tart and feather was the tar because it. was burning your skin no not the. feathers not the feathers. that's so funny. was it the fact I always said there was. the feather I would assume it was the. feather yeah yeah because the. embarrassment would overthrow the pain.

wait so when they did Tara feathers it. was Hot Tar burning Tara would brushing. your skin they never did coal tar. I don't think you can koltar is hard tar. oh that's right right he's throwing a. hard rock how about lukewarmtar there. was a couple places that did lukewarm. targets didn't catch on I did a good job. that sucks tarring and Feathering to me. I'm not kidding I think we should bring. it back it's so funny but but because. the tar Burns their skin because I don't. want to inflict like real pain this is. an embarrassment thing like if you have. a petty crime right you steal something.

I think we just do super glue and. feathers and you have to be a chicken. for a couple of days. well that's why I said chocolate you. have a chocolate melter it comes right. off your skin is super glue's gonna you. have something that has you have to have. something that sticks to your skin and. the thing that it sticks to will stick. to you that's gonna stay on forever dude. super glue no it doesn't with feathers I. mean you'll there's a spot like 10 years. ago later you're gonna be like oh [ __ ]. right but I bet you don't steal again. that's exactly thank you but it has to. be embarrassing that's all it should be. something stupid.

you know like you wear like your um. your like the clothes that you wear when. you do something Petty that you have. nipple holes and a genital hole so. everyone has to see your nipples and. your little penis all day long and you. can't cover it up you have to walk. around like that with your little penis. out and your nipples out and your. butthole out you have to walk around. like that hmm interesting you steal. something you get a little a little bit. of embarrassment yeah I wouldn't be. embarrassed though you have to or you. have to talk you have to do the man. China and you have to walk like that. honestly there is nothing when it comes.

to nudity that I'll be embarrassed yeah. but many people do feel fear of nudity I. know I don't know why that is because. because we've been taught that it's like. bad to be naked so we think it's naughty. and wrong so if you own up to what you. have I have that what like I don't I. like make sure no doors are open or. windows are open oh so you have a fear. of nudity not like I don't know if it's. so far as a fear of not like a never. nude but like I I do I do like I don't. want anyone to see me naked even okay so. so this is very interesting your partner. like when you're dating somebody do you.

not want them to see you naked unless. you are going to be hooking up like if. you're just like getting it out of the. shower they don't you can't you don't. want them to see you correct right okay. that's insane like I will be negative. with my partner but I don't like. casually only when it's uh leading to. something sexual yeah that's absolutely. insane to me no that's not that's her. [ __ ] that's her feeling about her. butt that's crazy time I wish I didn't. have it I I agree with Bobby like I. don't think that's how I I I I that's. and I've never even met anyone like that. I don't think it's that crazy it's not. that bad I couldn't date I couldn't date.

anyone like that well good thing you. guys aren't gonna think that's insane to. me okay so look like even the girls I I. I I've seen a couple dead girls now you. know I mean they they walk around the. house naked. so did I so do I I know yeah that's I. don't think I'm gonna move in with Bobby. what's the problem I mean I I see we. don't get naked in my house we I sleep. in jeans I've never taken these jeans. off so honestly how do you and your wife. sleep. what do you mean how do we sleep. completely naked yeah head to foot you.

wear boxes we have a single your boxers. no. completely naked I sleep naked yeah. did your wife. something was a big shirt probably. sometimes she wears like a big comfy. shirt yeah yeah or like it depends if. it's cold out yeah she wears like a like. a something called but yeah I always. sleep next I've always slept naked I. love sleeping naked I refuse to have. clothes on my bed insane that's great. why am I yeah well I love it I don't. close mean nothing to me I get scared. sleeping naked like I wake up like what. if I had to get out of the house really. fast you throw something on you keep. something near the bed to throw on right. but what if you can't find it or a fire.

burns them up so then you [ __ ] run. out you're outside naked and then you're. outside naked good fine I I did this. very joke on Conan go watch my Conan. said I got locked out of a hotel room. naked. go on. yes go on well no because you know um I. get room service right and after I'm. done with it right I was eating naked. put it out and I put it outside and I. hear a clunk. and I turn around I go oh [ __ ] man.

this sucks so I cup you know because I. don't want to get in trouble do you use. the lid to the room service no I walked. up that is so smart I walk down the. hallway and luckily they had one of. those phones by the elevators yeah so I. called the phone guy by the way that is. four naked guys that get locked out that. phone by the elevator the only use of. that is for like hey I'm naked got. locked out can't come down I'm on the. 12th floor thank you that's why they. made that phone yeah so I picked it up I. did a laugh first you have a ways to do. a laugh.

you're not gonna believe this hi front. desk how can I help you yeah. oh it's crazy you're not gonna believe. this sure we have a lot of customers how. can I help you yeah I'm naked I you know. I was definitely I had room service I. put in the food outside the door locked. and then I need a key all right come on. down and get a new key. you can't bring it up we can't we were. short staffed. so are you so I hear so come on down. okay I will go down there but that's. what they did. what did it they brought a guy up and. they you know what I mean and and hear.

me here's the guy oh. oh here you go yeah thank you. he wasn't shocked can I come in no. that'd be weird please no no please no. please you've never done that anything. like that no I had I had a this is the. weirdest thing I had happen [ __ ] when. I was in New York this last time I was. in New York. knock knock no thank you. knock knock knock [ __ ] I step out of the. bed I'm naked getting in the shower no. thank you no thank you so loud so loud.

nothing. shower shower shower everything is good. dry off. throw the towel down brushing my teeth. naked ink ingwax oh oh hi I go no no no. no no out out out please no butt naked. toothbrush no no no no no she stands. there okay I've come back. okay. wow go go go go go please yeah yeah but. then at some point she stood a little. bit too long and I was like.

sucks. no but she stood there for a weird. amount of time I was almost like I. thought she was gonna go oh sorry she. didn't she was like oh that come back I. was like yeah yeah man my cock's out. please come back later yeah it's crazy. but from what you're saying I should be. more comfortable with my [ __ ] out while. I'm brushing my teeth and the cleaning. lady walks in yeah I have a problem with. cleaning ladies. but you know also have a problem with. what the emerge the people that call the. 911 what do you call it dispatch people. dispatch people I [ __ ] hate that man.

the people that like help save people's. lives now if you watch any like podcasts. about murders and stuff and you hear. dispatchers yeah it's like they don't. they're like the most insane people on. Earth it's like. um. my husband was just stabbed to death. he's still in the house right I'm in the. closet. um calm down yeah calm down [ __ ]. my husband's dead like you know I mean I. can't hear speak clearly yeah you know I. mean but they're they're trained to try. to calm you down they're trying to no no.

no no I don't want them to freak out no. I don't want the freak out it's like or. you call me and you're panicking. go okay all right I'm the dispatcher guy. okay all right call me. yes. my wife my wife just stabbed everyone in. our neighborhood she's coming to kill me. please help help I already got the cops. coming. it's simple as that that's good the cops. are coming but you need to stay on the. phone no no what am I gonna do you need. to gather information no I want her to.

knock me if you're hiding she. 'll get on the phone [ __ ] all right you. call me then here we go I'll be the 9 11. 9 11. you'd be 9 11. that was my holiday. all right. ring ring. it always takes a minute all right ring. ring. ring ring uh 911 dispatch I can help you. my whole family's Dead. [Music].

who did it. are you okay are you hurt. still in the house my two kids are. slaughtered oh is he close to where your. kids are indeed they're dead oh they're. all dead well that's okay. cops are near me. okay well then you should quiet down a. little bit huh that's how they are yeah. they are like that I don't like it well. I think it's it's she's busy man she's. heard this hook all day all day she gets.

these calls she's sick of this we'll get. get somebody else on there all right. this is what you'd rather prefer ready. go ahead call Bling. 9-1-1 dispatch yeah. um somebody's in the house oh my God. they're how do they get in the [ __ ]. house. holy [ __ ] how do they get in the [ __ ]. house what the [ __ ] what did you do what. did you do. [Laughter]. how do you want them to react you want. them to what I said what I've just said.

is cops are on the way yeah they should. have a mechanism right. when you call for my landline right yeah. it should just pop up wet the [ __ ]. house is and then press a [ __ ] red. button where the cops and the ambulance. go there okay well I think this is a. good idea yeah I thought they do that. they don't do that stay on the phone to. make sure your car no no you should. listen to some of the I I'll record them. I've seen so many of them let's have.

Bobby just start calling 9-1-1 to just. get tapes out no I just hate it that's. all did you ever prank 911 when you were. a kid oh yeah no never you did Carlos. speak up the cops showed up bad boy I. hate pranks I got really nervous we used. to call we used to call restaurants all. the time. we used to call anybody we called [ __ ]. it for no reason it was so dumb you know. we do we call a restaurant we make a. [ __ ] huge reservation for that night. we thought that was funny why is that. funny like 40 people are coming and. they're like whoa okay we'll put a bunch. of tables together so dumb we were.

[ __ ] kids we were like 12. we thought. that was insane we're like we're gonna. [ __ ] up their whole business. you know what you [ __ ] pranksters man. little boy Bad Boys yeah I don't like it. we usually do you know what we would do. we would just call random numbers me and. my friend Sean would just call we'd pick. a number pick your local area code just. hit a random number just start talking. to somebody what about those kids that. threw the Rocks they would go to a. bridge these six kids hit a guy killed a. guy yeah and they took the Rock and. threw over the bridge hit a car killed. the guy and those six kids now but not.

all of the kids picked up the rock what. do you do in that situation well if. there was somebody there that wasn't a. part of it yeah though they're like like. we'll take turns is that me and Carlos. will do the first one fine nothing hits. and then now it's Jules and Anders turn. you guys hit a car kill somebody do me. and Carlos go to prison [ __ ] yes all of. us go together yeah we all go down. together we didn't do that we we aimed. correctly you were there my dog yeah we. didn't even want to throw the rock you.

guys made us do it yeah already see. you're a [ __ ] someone else turd some. would argue we threw it correctly you. guys missed we get a lesser sentence. though I think you do yeah well yes your. fingerprints on it yeah but we would her. and I would tell the judge that you guys. were with us doing it as well why would. you rat us out you're here baby you're. going down with us you're going down. with the ship dog would we if we we rat. them out no no we wouldn't rat you out. what if you killed the [ __ ] you would. and I see it in your eyes.

no what like like you're the cops go. ahead ask us. what happened today Carlos uh we [ __ ]. up man we we do this as a prank we. really didn't mean to hit what about jet. ski and Santino what do they got to do. with this who yeah the redheaded guy and. the girl with the glass tell them they. were standing right here with you we. booked them with you they were just. walking by you guys were not going to. hide they got nothing to do with it no. well they told me well that's. interesting they told us that they. showed up with you guys well I mean. they're Liars oh now foreign.

dude welcome to police investigations. they do that all the time oh they do. they told us that you guys showed up. together no they well they're lying I. don't know what the problem I literally. don't know them hmm yeah they also said. that uh they were the ones that threw. the rock not you guys no we did we did. it you threw the Rock and killed that. man yep they said they did it Andrew. well I mean they're crazy I don't know. hmm yeah so you're taking the fall yeah.

it's three life sentences for each of. you because there were three people in. the car can we go with three life. sentences oh yeah with no chance of. parole no chance of parole yeah nothing. I won't die alone. [Laughter]. they're going to send it to different. prisons no sometimes you can go together. I think we can't add requested yeah you. can't go hey can we your honor can we. get locked up at the same place yeah you.

can request anything. yeah you can press anything that's not. that's what they're gonna give it to you. yeah yeah you can request an espresso. machine too but they're not gonna give. it to you all right yeah. so who threw the rock we all did it. yeah you're right you know what I would. have done what you ask me. um so who wrote through the rock George. Campbell. no no no no see listen how he's getting. defensive already with the [ __ ] voice. right no no no no no. no immediately cops like yeah he did it.

listen to him yeah crazy [ __ ]. but those kids deserve not life though. yeah sure you took a life why not you. take a life you get life yeah but it's. in the same. um feeling of pranks right that you did. with the phones yeah but the phones. wasn't gonna maybe kill someone on. accident I think you know you're old. enough to know that when you hook a rock. over a bridge if you try to if you hit a. car something really bad is gonna happen. that is true I did though in Houston. what what I threw not off a bridge I. threw like a couple bricks with my.

friend Gabe off a parking garage do you. want this on film yeah but I mean no one. died so it's okay okay all right yeah. what was the pleasure of that it was it. wasn't a prank though that's what I'm. getting at it's like you think it's like. a prank this was more just like boredom. in the city you were bored so you tried. to hit somebody with a brick I was just. trying to see what it is. the mentality of a serial killer I know. I was a kid that's when it starts we've. never did that yeah I was kids too I. never threw bricks at people never took. bricks. it's not New York City I was just.

throwing it onto a street it was like. five or six I thought you said you were. aiming at somebody no no no I was just. like tossing it to see what would happen. it was a cars there were cars yeah no. one got hurt though I know but my point. is he knows in your mind though could. you think that maybe somebody and you. wouldn't care no I would have cared why. would you do it the Assumption was that. nobody would get hit he's just moving. he's moving with the Assumption yeah. it's crazy that's a crazy crazy behavior. and by the way yeah. you are getting life now now I take it. all back Bobby you're free to go. yeah you're going alone yeah what else.

did you do if you did that what else did. you growing up in in Texas. because he grew up wealthy let's get. that straight and Wealthy kids get bored. and they do creepy [ __ ] right they go to. the forest they go out to the forest. they collect animals go to the shed they. touch them yeah I think. weirdos. sexually touching them yeah you do I. would run from the cops. that's fine that's fine that's fine so. what else did you do weird weird yeah. I almost went to a glory hole in Houston. once I actually did it in LA but in.

Houston that was like scarier now did. you were you the glory or were you the. whole. I was the glory. so wait you were gonna get pumped. yeah I was no you were pumpy you were. pumper yeah I was so you there's a glory. hole place in La you sign up you just go. hey here for the glory hole and you walk. in and you do this on Craigslist whoa. and it was like the middle of the night. this I like this go go ahead and I go to. this uh apartment complex in Silver Lake. and they're like go to the laundry room. so I go to the laundry room and I close.

the door behind me and there's like a. sheet with a hole. stop stop this is good let him go what. are you doing this is so insane stop it. and next to it is like a Dell laptop oh. it's always a dell and it's like playing. porn it's like very generic porn it's. not like anything cool or anything like. that got it and uh I put my dick in in. the laptop no no in the hole right yeah. obviously and uh I felt like a little. stubble.

and I went I gotta get out of here. did you think it was slow down slow down. slow down did you think it was Kate Moss. behind there. or some [ __ ] dude well here's the. thing it's like it was news how many. sucks. how many licks did it take to get the. center of your of your sensitive side. ten ten yeah ten sucks then I had to get. in like I had to like register the. stubble. all right yeah it's it was neither a guy. or an Armenian you thought a girl was.

posting on Craigslist I'm gonna I want. to suck I was I was like 23 I didn't. know that it was like a gay thing I. thought yeah had you ever talked yeah. you did yeah you did have you talked to. any of your friends about it at the time. not at the time but I've told friends. since for the last so you put it through. the hole. it felt good. what made you the stumble made you stop. would you not have stopped if he was. clean shaven. I think I wouldn't have right exactly. right. yeah. what type of porn was playing what type. of porn straight straight okay.

yeah they I think is the appeal is that. it's a straight guy. right right and you were the bad you're. a bad boy. I mean it's not all on your definition. do you want to change the story now or. do you want to stick with your story do. you want to tell us the truth. that you finished or no I didn't finish. I promise that I've gone this far into. the eyes he didn't finish in the room. how do you take that home did you jerk. off later no it sounds so like confused. it was like what was the confusion the.

stubble I was like I think I went into. unparded territory but I mean it was. what's confusing a guy sucked your [ __ ]. that's that's what happened to you it. was like the first time so I was like. there's no way right. that you didn't finish that's what I. said not only didn't finish there's no. way that you didn't know it was a dude. behind there I really didn't know. there's no way that's that's ready he. walks in the room yeah. hello. oh. you like to do you like the porn oh you.

have a really deep voice yeah oh yeah. I'm sick. go ahead and pull your [ __ ] through the. hole Yeah. I think they don't talk on purpose yeah. yeah that's insane the idea that like. you couldn't just I bet you by the way. the sheet was just like hung cat like. you could just see the guy when you. walked in yeah don't walk away. my time oh night time yeah it was Pitch. Black in there you're like walking. around what's going on yeah except for. the the Hue from the light of them yeah. from the right and and so it was a sheet.

right with a whole a black sheet now. yeah oh now it's black did you say it. was black before it was right before. yeah George heard away it was white boy. yeah yeah. honestly by the way by the way it was a. hole for the mouth and there was two eye. holes. oh. [Applause]. all right so so 10 10 10 10 and you were.

done yeah did you ever go back to. another glory hole since you said you. went to another one I thought yeah I. went to one in Santa Monica years later. okay what is the lesson wasn't learned. oh no what did you do in the second oh. the lesson was definitely not learned I. was like maybe this time. what happened in Santa Monica. I went to this hotel off Pico Pico and. Lincoln yeah not a great area I was. gonna say what's going on over there. exactly so I go in the hotel I get.

directions like when you go in the. situation is by the closet is this. Craigslist as well. I think this was like a legit like. escort oh this was an escort this isn't. like a person this was like a low end. escort website it wasn't like you know. what it was called what was it called I. think it was back page at the time yeah. he knows what the [ __ ] it is I like how. he pretends like he didn't know what it. was his Backpage is gone I saw Carla. Carlos look at me right now all right. I'm gonna say one thing to your I'm. telling you I don't want to say one. thing dude. this is why.

you're gonna die no no no no no don't do. that. no he's adventurous dude yeah I'm brave. finish the story. so you go Santa Monica what yeah I go to. the closet and I you go back in the. closet so literal also imagine how. yeah you're addicted to the thrill of it. I get I get what you're doing I get what. it is I mean I think I would get. murdered that sounds like I'm gonna get.

murdered yeah this guy's nuts go ahead. for so afraid someone's gonna just like. me so okay so in the directions it says. hey come to this hotel yeah I'm in this. room like the door will be unlocked. already okay and walk up to the closet. and there'll be another there'll be a. sheet it was another big sheep stuff. it's the same guy same guy. it's the same guy same guy hey good to. see you again.

[Laughter]. so I put my dick in. this time I finished. and I was like on the way home I was. like that was probably a guy it was yeah. and then. I was like okay got that over with I. guess you knocked it out yeah but no no. payment was needed no but I'm also like.

chill about gay [ __ ] like I had a guy. like come on to me in an Uber he likes. he like kissed me and I like kiss back. for like the fun of it wait what do you. mean in an Uber you're just in sharing. an Uber I was in an Uber with a. co-worker and I kissed back because I. didn't want him to feel like I was. homophobic or something George who did. what co-worker no it wasn't it fancy it. was that Vanderpump dogs at the dog. rescue and there's like this you guys. were taking an Uber were you drinking. was he drinking he was drinking and he. just turned you and started kissing. drinking too you were yeah and he just.

turned and kissed you yeah like tongue. everything it was crazy and like I. didn't want to be like oh gay and like. push them off. like I didn't want to do that so I went. into like acting mode. and you acted like you liked it yeah I. was like Kate Winslet or something or. like like MTV best it's an interesting. yeah Kate Winslet why Kate Winslet well. he goes I mean because. I wanted to give a good performance. that's why I was thinking of a good.

actor right so so Daniel Day Lewis all. right Justin okay no no he's Kate. Winslow okay so you got into character. Kate yeah and it at any point did Art. imitate life did her life imitate art. did you start to go maybe that was okay. I like that no I didn't get hard and. then I. um I believe I no I texted my friend. Elizabeth and I was like this guy at. work just like made out with me in a car. but I kissed back it's all weird and. like. weird as in I'm curious about my.

feelings it was just weird like I it was. like me too like a me too situation. almost you felt threatened you felt like. you were powerless you felt this person. took advantage of you yeah definitely. but you just said you kissed back though. too did you like it you didn't like it I. didn't like it I didn't like the. survival skill right like when I was in. bed with the casting director on Molly I. was just like survival skill trying to. get out of it wait wait stop. you were outside a party oh wait wait. you were with a casting director a big.

one and you did it for what so you can. get an acting part no I was at a party. that he was also at. oh is it he yeah it was a male casting. can I ask you something Carlos yeah. no Carlos I promise I'm not gay it's. fine hey we don't we support you are you. bisexual are you bisexual I feel I'm I. don't think I am but I think if. sexuality is on a spectrum I'm probably. like more how did you end up in bed with. the casting director.

I took drugs. and then I've taken a lot of drugs I've. never been in bed with a guest it was my. first time taking ecstasy right it is. fun yeah and like I was in that moment. with the Ecstasy where it was like very. overpowering and I I couldn't leave the. bed and this guy like got in bed and was. like come on baby like like please. please or whatever and he's like kissing. me and I felt very taken advantage of. right so what'd you do. I was just kind of like pushing him away. and then after that part though yeah we.

didn't hook up no let's be real dude no. I prom I promise we didn't nothing. happened you didn't go. but the pushing Felt So Good. get back over here come back wait come. back I feel like that's how I know. though right don't get hard with men. right. yeah that's one of the way I guess. that's one of the ways yeah that's. insane that's great you know what I've.

learned a lot about you. and now after all this given knowledge. yeah will he die alone yes all right. what do you think no I think he's gonna. find I think he's gonna fall in love. I think he might meet someone that's uh. you know. maybe someone trans maybe maybe fall in. love with someone trans and you get Best. of Both Worlds I'll tell you why. on like dating apps I always. accidentally swipe right on trans. accidentally eh and then but no no wait. what do you mean accidentally because. I'm like oh hot girl a nice swipe right.

and I'm like wait a second I saw tra let. me go back and see if it really you know. he you know he tells himself whoops just. so he goes oh whoops he says it knowing. right I was an accident it makes him. feel better I love you dude oh whoops. well I'm glad you're I'm glad you have. Clarity very interesting well. um I want to say this. I do hope we get one more [ __ ]. Story by season by the end of this. season of this year so maybe enact it. okay I'd love to hear one more [ __ ]. story out of you I can I'm sure I could.

find it do you think you have a sexual. addiction. or just an addiction to the excitement. something about like yeah I mean I I I. feel the same way I understand that. excitement it's almost as if like the. excitement is you know building up to. the mystery of what's going to happen is. better than the actual event oh always. right it's always about right so I. understand that like when I'm on dates. and stuff like that's like what's gonna. happen I I get that yeah but to me it's. like there's a limit right if I feel. like you're taking it to the next level.

yeah I mean it's not like you know. yesterday I was doing this but I've. definitely had times in my 20s because. you've had struggles with drug addiction. and alcoholism I think you and I have. the same kind of like. you know problems not problems but yeah. yeah problems I would say you know and I. just say um do you think that you need. help in any kind of way or you're fine I. don't think I need help okay yeah let's. move on good okay good we love you a. part of the show please stay part of the. show because um you're [ __ ] crazy as.

[ __ ] I love you I love you too. I feel like I just admitted to like a. drug addiction you did. it's okay we'll get great yeah you work. hard enough we'll get I'm so glad that. the episode turned this way yeah it. really got good juicy sign us out thank. you for being a bad friend. foreign. [Music].