The Shamrock ☘️ Cult | Ep 56 | Bad Friends

[Laughter]. let me get a third shot of the thing it. looks like c o bond but it's siobhan. granny. granny granny granny green. miata. [Laughter].

[Laughter]. you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots. why dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends me lucky charm me me lucky.

twilight um happy saint patrick's day. happy sun bachelorette club. patrick's day it's the lovely day we. drink a lot of beer and we kiss each. other hey don't tell your father or your. mother that you're gay it's saint. patrick's day. drink another beer oh the rainbow is. that. yeah somewhere over the rainbow is a. irish uh it is i brought my irish stat. stein here.

so i can have what about this one what. about jump jump jump that song isn't. that irish. [Laughter]. how's the pain. is that irish i don't know i always do. when i look at them. in that video i think that they're irish. well house of pain is irish yeah because. they're a green. they're not green people they wear green. a lot they're green yeah. they're irish they're always in green.

outfits and whatnot i'm gonna drink. guinness for for the [ __ ] oh. here we go this is for the motherland. yeah but i'm in recovery baby i want to. drink it so bad. bob. i've had drinks in front of you before. are you this is is this bad you can no. no you don't get any of this. i've had drinks in front of you multiple. times i know i like it you have green. you have green. this is a green. pearl edition sugar-free red bowl. whoa. same hair oh thank you. i have to drink because i want to be.

able to have a soda pop. [Music]. pretty good welcome to the show look at. hi rude put on your beard please look at. this big look at the size of this thing. dude. i like it i like the way your cheeks get. rosy. you're like really rosy cheeky look at. you that's because. i was out in the sun. no i don't think so i think it's saint. patrick's day your uh your cheeks are. all real well whenever it's saint. patrick's saying my cheeks get a little. rosy yeah what can i say you know what's.

my wife's name too when you get rolls i. think you're gonna have plump red cheeks. yeah i'm going to be fat. like plump though but i'm going to be. fat yeah yeah i'm looking for it i'm. excited to get fat yeah i love that you. have green onions today i didn't have. any adr and they did a close-up of my. face yeah and my face went from each end. of the screen that's how [ __ ] fat i. am. no i'm not kenyan you're wide and they. had two little heads here which was you. know magnum and perdita right. and then my big [ __ ] blob yellow. [ __ ] gross face big flat head and you.

can see my [ __ ] liver spots you don't. have any liver spots baby i do on the. side babe is that what those are what do. you think it was lesions yeah lesions. lesions. i thought it was lesions what you got. self-conscious about your adr because. you're looking a little less so um. we were gonna. did you see chris d recently yeah you. did today yeah no couple days ago he's. humbled down chris d is in town i know. that he is yeah and so that we were. gonna prank him by what. well we're going to send send pubes to.

them but he's in la for the next three. months he would send pubes to them but. they saved our pubes but they pranked us. twice. how what did they what do you mean no. they didn't they sent us poo they sent. us poo that's it they gave you kovid. that's the best prank in the world and. he didn't even get it i know he didn't. even get it that's the prank though i. know oh that are these chocolates. we got to get them back i know well what. do we have to do send you [ __ ] and give. you covert imagine that poop poop in the. mail and cover it in the cove in my life.

yeah that's [ __ ] that's insane i know. we should kill those guys yeah the. disrespect is insane open your mouth i. got a chocolate for you no i don't wanna. that's i don't right now i'm only fifty. come on all right. okay close. um rudy you don't oh there you go. how does that feel comfortable. um it's fine it's not itchy it's not. itchy wait a minute was there any. did we talk about this were there ever.

any redheads. um in the philippines. no never right you've never seen one but. if you did see what would you guys do. you dig a hole you dig yeah i think. andrew was the first one i've seen i'm. the first redhead you've ever seen in. your life yeah how scary was that. i thought it was weird yeah exactly. right okay because you're used to it you. know i mean you see like the movies. right yeah you see redheads on film oh. you know you see them so also look look. look one of your favorite from uh one of.

your favorite characters he's a redhead. oh yeah no no but in real life like you. know. when i was a kid i would watch scary. things like you know uh lucille ball. scary yeah because i love lucy wasn't. scary. because her i know but her hair was so. red it was so scary. right and then you see like it the first. one yeah you're like oh [ __ ] he's one of. ours and then when you see one for the. first time a redhead right there is a. shock to it yeah a little bit yeah a. little bit like. that's real we're a dying breed there's.

only look up how many redheads are are. on earth i bet you there's let's guess. how many how many reds you think are on. for real genuinely 845 million. what. what an insanely bad guess what 845. million redheads. how could that be you know how many. people are in the how many people are in. the united states in the world you said. right yeah but how many people in the. united states. 350 million yeah exactly so you think. double the population of the united. states is redheaded you're right let me. take can i get can i take that back yeah. because that's you're absolutely dumbest.

math i've ever heard. it's insane i just threw it out there. all right we'll give me another one all. right well i drink my gunners i would. say there's 183 million redheads on. planet earth okay rudy what do you think. how many redheads are on planet earth. right now. maybe like. six percent. what. what is happening in here yeah six. percent of the earth is redhead is that. what you think yeah. okay six percent of the total population. i would say the number would be around.

like. two and a half million redheads two. million redheads on earth. two million that's it yeah can i can i. adjust. 140 million. less than two wow so who was the closest. i was we were i said 183 million you. first guessed 800 million. you first guessed 800 million i know but. my second guess though okay which is the. real guess. is i was the closest to 140 million. people that's approximately scotland. boasts the highest percentage of natural. redheads with 13 percent of that country.

being redheaded yeah there we go. wow. and they're treated the worst are they. really. we're treated worse than any other kind. of person on earth that's uh oh my god. really who's lower than us the jews. what in the history of time. redheads in the history of time we were. persecuted as well you guys were put in. in concentration camps and put into. [ __ ]. mass mass killings yep. yep they did it never never heard of it.

yes they did look up the redhead. genocide look at the ginger genocide. you've never heard of ginger genocide is. there a ginger yes sir look up the. ginger genocide the ginger genocide. oh you know what 1648 northern ireland. was oppressed right by england of course. yeah so that's still a battle going on. nra genocide right there click on it. what happened. there was a ginger genocide. a crime that will be committed in late. 2009 early 2010 to exterminate all. ginger [ __ ] and their children. [Laughter].

in 2009 it didn't happen we got they. could never happen they didn't get us. yeah they planned the attack and we. didn't they didn't it wasn't it didn't. happen. yeah you know why we're too swift baby. yeah but when i when i look at um. reddited people i don't think um. i just feel disgusted no there's no. feeling of like i want to hurt them or i. want to oppress them. you feel bad for them i don't feel bad. for them. i'm a little leprechaun. who is that girl hey jennifer anderson.

is it yeah she was in the first one. and the original yeah. god she looks the exact same now 30. years later or whatever that is yeah i. love actors that like have done bad. movies in the before they could be what. do you mean lebron was a great movie. okay great movie. but it was cool to see like johnny depp. in the first um. nightmare on elm street street. another great movie i don't know you're. referencing two great movies. wait wait wait nightmare on elm street. stop.

you're saying that leprechaun correct. and nightmare elmshoe is a cult classic. sure so leprechaun no it's no not the. britcon's not yes it is. the only reason we know about it is. because it's a gold classic. is it good so i should go watch it. tonight i would absolutely watch it. again what's it about it's about a. leprechaun no but what happened it's. right in the title. what happens though. maybe that's regular size. this is a scene from leprechaun are you. being are you kidding me this is. incredible how do you how did you print. this up so quickly.

oh [ __ ] wow he's on top of it so this is. a part of the movie so obviously who's. tory jennifer anderson yes yes can i. play you you have to play the leprechaun. obviously of course. yeah. i'll play i'll play okay and then rudy. you have to read this uh the stage. directions okay okay this is the table. read let's imagine this is the table. read for leprechauns what year was that. 19 in the 90s 92 yeah 93 93 so here we. go all right stage okay so this is the. table read for leprechaun thanks all for.

coming and rudy jules take it away well. let's let the writer let the writer have. a little announcement they sometimes do. that yeah yeah yeah okay so i'm i'll. just play the writer as well hi i'm. clips. fitzsimmons. cliff fitzsimmons. that's my name. and i thank you welcome to um. my movie that i wrote called leprechaun. and ex inspiration was um.

i lived in ireland for many many years. well you grew up there right cliff yes i. did and when did you move to the united. states cliff in the 83 1983 in 1983 yeah. what brought you the states. um the desire to i'm a filmmaker i'm a. writer and you didn't want to do. anything over there was there was. nothing going on there's nothing going. on it's so it's [ __ ] up over there a. lot of redheads so um here we and i this. this. this movie is um. just from dear to my heart because it. reminds me of my childhood yeah back on.

the ruling hills of uh dublin oh wow. yeah okay wonderful well um. uh. sir sir please take it away yeah well. i'm the writer that's the director oh my. god you're the director of the film what. is your name again just announce. yourself. i'm jose. [Laughter]. jose okay. what a hairy face of it hispanic guy. jose what [ __ ] movie jose. archnold. arsenal.

was the archduke ladies and gentlemen. jose. all right jose why won't you take us. through the film here we go. tori holds a bag of gold the leprechaun. magically appears. is that me gold what the hell are you. i'm a leprechaun me dear here this is. what you're looking for right tori holds. out the bag of gold the leprechaun uses. magic to bring it to his hand my powers.

are returning the left comes cut what's. going on. i wrote it as me. i'm sorry it's me powers are returning. not mine. so. okay stage direction go ahead sorry. sorry sorry please read it again it's. all right tori holds out the bag of gold. the leprechaun uses magic to bring it to. his hands. what the [ __ ]. what in table race they don't have a. [ __ ] a gopher. what the [ __ ] are you doing.

it's a table read this we're not. rehearsing the [ __ ] table races oh. all right let's start from the top let's. go let's go again good stuff jose uh. since i wrote it yeah it's cliff here so. hey cliff yeah hey so um. can you play it more real. maybe. a little bit more real yeah okay no. problem thanks uh jose jose say your. last name again archnold arsenal. jose arsenal the director yeah go ahead. jose when you're ready and i am cliff.

fitzsimons yeah i know mr mcv mcfit. simmons i am aware of who you are. toy holds out the bag of gold the. leprechaun magically appears. real. no this is way too old it's it's where. it says magically. just play the leprechaun reel as real as. you can okay tori holds out a bag of. gold the leprechaun magically appears. very good. very good. very often.

is that me cool. what the hell are you i'm a leprechaun. we did. there we go. here this is what you're looking for. right tori holds out the bag of gold the. leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his. hands me powers are returning. the leprechaun shakes the bag. it sounds like me gold the leprechaun. opens the bag it looks like me gould.

the leprechaun smells the bag. it smells like less. a little less please the leprechaun is. the gold. it tastes like me a girl. okay you're fired why it's it's you're. i'm the leprechaun i know you're you're. the leprechaun we have matthew. mcconaughey. yeah yeah is that me gold there we go. let's do with matthew go ahead matthew. all right don't even do the hdr go first.

line go ahead matthew. all right send me gold man. semi gold man yeah what the hell are you. i'm almost i'd be a leprechaun hey dude. okay. here this is what you're looking for. right ooh. my powers are returning. before the next line can you say all. right all right yeah. all right all right all right it looks. like me gold that's right effects all. right all right all right all right it. looks like migo yeah leprechaun smells a.

bag. all right all right it smells like big o. oh you're hired matthew thank you. amazing why don't you play the. leprechaun then if you don't like the. way that i'm playing lebron you play it. and i'll play tori because i wrote the. [ __ ] i'm not an actor i'm [ __ ]. clifford neither am i obviously you just. fired me off the movie oh sorry all. right so you play the leprechaun oh okay. no you know what you play the leprechaun. i can't do that yes you can i kid you. yes you can try it. go ahead and read it again uh george uh.

uh jorge uh what is it oh say arsenal. arsenal and dome and where the [ __ ] do. you get archenold from. where would that even you're where does. your bra archnold hey cliff mcfarland i. know mr mcfadden. we're gonna get to you in a second no. but it's my culture to always you know. say my name first all right okay so hi. i'm. hi so i just want to let you know that. you're degrading our ethnic. immigrant he's an immigrant director. i just don't understand the sundance and. what's the the movie you did for.

sundance the short film about the uh. mexican immigrants crossing the border. go was it that beautiful movie that. clap. the boat clap the boat you never saw. clap the boat are you telling me you. directed clap the boat. that was your film clap the boat was you. got the boat that's one of the best. movies i've ever seen in my life i know. do you know what the movie is tell them. what the movie's about i know clap the. bone i love the bow yeah the movie's. about. these mexican immigrants they want. they're trying to cross the border. correct yeah right and they're and they.

don't know how right they're trying to. figure out if they're trying to dig a. hole underneath the wall out in the wall. they try to go over it right yep and. then right yeah your main lead what's. his name. who's the lead actor in that movie. it was uh yeah it was what. she builds a bone she's so good she's so.

good so good so good in the movie. alexandra. right and then what do they do when she. builds a boat. [Laughter]. there wasn't a dry eye in the theater. i'll tell you that. there wasn't a drought honestly i'm not. even i'm not joshing around anymore yeah. clap the boat was one of the best movies. i've ever seen in my entire well then. give then don't talk to him. all right okay. go ahead all right sir can you please. read the direction so we can get through. the scene of leprechaun where boob is. playing lep and i'm playing tory okay.

tori holds a bag of gold the leprechaun. magically appears does that make old. [ __ ]. where the hell are you. i'm a luck leprechaun my dear. tori holds out the bag of gold the. leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his. hands my powers are returning.

what is that. that's what you're doing. the leprechaun shakes the back it sounds. like my gold the leprechaun opens the. bag it'll clock may go the leprechaun. smells the beauty it smells like me gold. the leprechaun taste it tastes like my. gold the leprechaunicus is totally right. um oh god oh oh god oh oh god you know. arch is that your name no jose that's. jose jose i think you should play i. think. i think. jose should do the labracon.

yeah i think yeah yeah we're trying to. do an irish accent ah. we i just [ __ ] did it we taught you. how to do iron clips. cliff vic fitzsimmons here mr mcfix. simmons. if i may speak for mr mcfit-simmons. he did give it his best effort and sir. you're directing this movie we'd love to. see how you would take it. you know what i mean yeah you should. look i'll do this the stage directions. if you don't mind you play uh torrey.

i'll be tori is yeah okay. tori holds a bag of gold the leprechaun. magically appears. is that me gold. pretty good pretty good. what the hell are you. i'm a leprechaun my dear. [Laughter]. here is this what you're looking for. the bag of gold the leprechaun uses. magic to bring it to his hands. my powers are returning.

the leprechaun shakes the bag. it's so hard you're going it's. it sounds like my gold. the leprechaun opens the bag it looks. like my gold the leprechaun smells the. bag. it smells like gold. give her a round of applause very good. hey you should direct it and start. garnish. hey. did you forget that one thing at the. store now you can get snacks drinks.

household essentials in 30 minutes with. door can i say something right now. because you know sometimes they give us. the stuff to say yeah and i like to say. personal things all right when i was in. hawaii. and you know i was trying to because i. was in a hotel room and the hotel food. is terrible it's so gross and so i was. just like trying to find like you know. an app and the fastest and the variety. the best variety by far by far is. doordash doordash. quick they have a lot of drivers and.

they're just so much nicer and problems. every time i order food off off door dad. i get it exactly when i need it when i. want it 300 000 partners in the us. puerto rico canada australia. uh look. bob's been great during the pandemic of. making sure that he's supporting local. businesses you eat out three times a day. right you order everything to your house. oh so they have over 300 000 partners in. the u.s puerto rico canada australia and. you can support your neighborhood. go-to's or choose from your favorite. national restaurants like popeyes.

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21. don't forget that's. codebadfriends2021 for 25 off your first. order with doordash subject to change. terms apply liquidity this is my. favorite um supplement. dude it's like forget water yeah why are. you just drinking water yeah yeah i. drink liquid iv i love the flavors it. does so much for your body the energy. multiplier is my favorite because it's a. game changer it gives you they don't. send me enough of it. send more more we can agree 20 20 was a. little bit rough it's time to come clean.

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at checkout that's right 25 off anything. you order use the promo code bad friends. at liquid iv.com start fueling your. adventures today at liquidity.com promo. code friends bob do you know can i tell. you something go ahead you're fine you. know you're famous on other podcasts. so much bigger than you even know what. do you mean you were mentioned. i sent this to the guys you got. mentioned on one of the most. famous. race car drivers he was on a podcast and.

they talked about you of all time dale. earnhardt okay can i just say this. though dale i love dale by the way yeah. oh you should because he loves you but. can i i don't know if this is his show. if you're gonna i'm i have i've i've. been depressed all day. they talk about you i've been depressed. all day so if this is slamming me i'll. take it it's not simon but it's going to. add on to my depression it's not. slamming you dress is this slamming him. no. pricing. look at this they talk about you i'm. like blaney just walked into this room. with magnum p.i there was somebody else.

that was famous in in that scene there. was that ken jong the guy from the. hangover that's right that's right. and there was um. [Laughter]. hey man it was great seeing magnum p.r. dude hey let me tell you something can i. say something right now. you know that ken did the show right i. know but they think it's you no they. think it's.

no way they think it's you. the reason why did you do magnum pi i. swear to god he did it when i sort of. got it google it did can do magnum i. swear to god he did the reason why i did. it and i can talk to listen. right. let's call gene hong. okay call him gene hong is the producer. of magnum pi one of them okay and i'll. call him right now. okay okay and you're gonna look like a. [ __ ] fool right now i didn't put that.

clip because. he's really mentioning ken jung in it. and so why would that be a slam on me. okay buddy hey gene this is i'm i'm on. my podcast bad friends real quick and um. i just have to ask you a question. okay. was did ken jung did magnum pi before i. was on it right. yeah there we go that's all i wanted but. thank you so much but but but. whose performance was better ken or bob. no don't say this this performance was.

better ken or bobby i love you g gene. gina i'll talk to you later i love you. thank you i'll talk to you later. you you're. so how funny is that bit now let's play. it again. all right you try to slam me that wasn't. me yeah i have nothing to do with the. clip yeah. it's like if if bill burr did magnum pi. right and you did it before him and some. guys i saw andrew santino on the show. how the [ __ ] would that first of all. yeah neither bill nor myself would do.

magnum p.i. what's so funny. what did that tickle your fancy bones. yes. first of all i'd be lucky to be on. magnum piano it's a great piece of. television and i think you do a great. job every time you're every time you're. on the show. every time you're on the show you kill. it i love the way that backfired. yeah it feels so good way to ruin a bid. for the show what do we what the [ __ ]. did you want me to do go along with it. uh-huh no i will not now that's a good.

fight back it was a good fight back. i'd rather win to get laughs. to win right yeah an argument for you. that's been your fault yeah yeah and i. love that back for it on you and let's. just sit on that for a second let's sit. on the fact let's send it out yeah yeah. yeah you did. you did a bit right no that's not me i'm. sure you're doing it. right and it backfired in your stupid. redheaded face. i'm thinking my best take off your vest. yeah oh i love it.

i love it jules got into uc riverside. let's give it up for jew. clap the boat clap the boat and what. other schools are you applying to. um. there's still a lot i'm still waiting. for um what are you where's the one you. want to go to jules what's the one that. you're like i really want to get into um. i'm waiting for long beach but i've. heard that there's a lot of peop. students who have long beach state yeah. rejected the dirt bags. that's what they're called the dirt bags. do you know that yeah the pyramid. you're gonna get in you're so smart.

you're gonna get it you're gonna get. weird it's not even my kid but i feel. like she's a part of my family and so. now i get a little anxious about her. getting into school really it just feels. oh. i want her to win. write a letter to this any school that. she oh yeah can we do that what if we do. a video submission to your school yeah. can we do that. i don't know what up long beach state. how i mean can we can we help in any way. i don't know no they don't give a [ __ ]. about us i like to promote a new podcast.

that's one of the reasons why that's. like my favorite role play is always. 1800's because before that they didn't. use their hands everything was like. bobbing for apples you do century based. wait you do century-based role-playing. yeah you have to really go back in time. you look at you look like you look at. the whole stretch of history and then. you choose a point in time and then you. use that as. as you know a jump off historical. historical rules you have to do research.

beforehand okay it's one of my favorite. new podcasts it's called bloodbath. kalila annie letterman and esther. pavitsky yeah do a great show called. bloodbath i openly said how much i liked. it on my show i like it a lot and i like. their chemistry yeah so please tune in. tune in and watch it yeah um it's. actually very good i said to kyla i. thought it was very good and the and the. one the one there's one thing i don't. like about it what do you think of that. is george yeah yeah the fact that he has. anything to do with that is annoying to. me well what's annoying about george is. is that he's well let's go down the list.

well i'll tell you. let's start i have a big list so you do. one i'll do one you do one i'll do one. go. let's go as fast as we can go. well no because i have to when i say his. face. go ahead oh that's a good one. um he's his laugh go ahead deceiver. um. an opportunist manipulator opportunistic. uh not as tall as he says he is yeah um. two. two left feet. yeah. two left nuts.

uh blind in his left eye yeah um. aneurysms fake wife. yeah. paid for wife bad breath go. [Laughter]. hey did you see the heavens gate. documentary have we talked about that. yet no. you know what heaven's gate is no. you don't know what heaven's gate is. i know what the gate would be when i get. to heaven i know what that is i know i. know but there was the group of people. it was a cult. okay it was a cult of people right and.

in the 90s they were found. somewhere in san diego right yeah they. were all they had all committed suicide. this is it is this the kool-aid. no they so they thought that so there. was a there was a comet coming i think. it was haley's comment right haley's. comment right and so they thought that. that they were all going to kill that in. themselves right and then they were. gonna enter. a spaceship. that was at the end of haley's comet. right oh wow right and then they were. gonna go to heaven that way right but. it's been a cult that's been around.

since the 70s how did they kill how do. they suicide each other they drank some. sort of potion oh kool-aid that was the. whole thing yeah it was kool-aid but. then they had all they all had nikes on. why they loved it and they also had a. they also had a roll of coins like. quarters cortez they wore cortez yeah. they had quarters. did they not have quarters. yeah i forget what the quarters were for. i think it's in heaven uni and then they. all have to they all there's vending. machines yeah like to get into heaven. and then also um you need a roll of.

quarters to get into heaven what an. insane idea i know but they had it right. and then they also frustrated themselves. it's good to see you much castrated. themselves do you have the role of. quarters. they all castrated themselves yeah yeah. so they all cut off their genital they. cut. what do they call that that's castrated. they're they're nut sack that's. castrated yeah when you cut off your. source of reproductives and. but one of them. why would you imagine someone saying to. get into heaven you have to cut off your.

nuts. i know what would you say i'm going to. hell three guys cut off my [ __ ] no no. no no three guys. who had been a part of the cul for many. many years yeah went. that's the line yeah i'm in but i'm out. yeah yeah i'm gonna keep my balls yeah. let me have my balls right but. so but one of the guys like imagine if. they said they were gonna lop off one of. your boobs what would you if they say. you can get ultimate freedom in heaven. but they're gonna lop off a boob what. would you say. i'll ignore them yeah but would you.

still stay in the cold. i wouldn't be in a cult. you would you're in one now you're in. one now this is called the bad friend. says without a doubt you're one of the. leaders no yeah. by the way when she squints her eyebrows. and says no it's so funny with us. that's that's what i look like every day. of my life yeah oh right there the big. bushy eyebrows. shift station y'all y'all know how we. get our stuff out to the public you all. know how we sell online yeah y'all know. how we sell that merch we all don't know.

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um mother god do you know the mother god. do you know this woman look up mother. god this woman here who's like an. alcoholic and. it's here i think it's here in l.a. like mother gr do mother god call yeah. that's it cult leader. this this woman bonk absolute bonkers. out of her mind and she says she's the. reincarnation of god a million times. over she's like a alcoholic and these. people bought into this [ __ ] and you you. listen to some of these interviews you. can't believe. yeah intellectual people would do it.

because they're educated like they're. adults. and they got sucked in and i don't know. you there's no way to know how. i don't know how they get how do you. think what's the thing that gets people. into these things it's well usually. cults get people when trauma yeah when. somebody is in a crossroads in their. life like for instance like. my girl i've caught my girlfriend. cheating on me right and she just broke. up with me right and then the next day. and then you pray no this is real they.

pray like to god or whatever like please. give me a sign right and then the next. day some guy with like alien ears shows. up at your door and goes. you know. yes yes. will you please join michael yes and. they're they think that that's a sign. from god right that they should do it. you can look for a sign can be anything. i can name you ten things that happened. today that if you wanted them to be. assigned they would be a sign. yeah but that that's my whole point i do. i do believe coincidence happens for a. reason.

no cut it out will you you. bob no i do believe that you believe in. fate or you believe in coincidence. coincidence and fate are two different. things for a reason so you believe in. fate. i do. you tell you a story. yeah i'm putting my seatbelt no it's a. it's not a funny story what what is it. though but can i just tell you what my. point ask rudy rudy may. yeah why why. why.

there's just no enthusiasm at all. i'm rudy ask me if you can tell the. story can i tell a story please. yeah. so unhappy. i'm not gonna tell the story now that. sucks no please tell it all right. so this is why i believe this is gonna. so. when i um. when i was 17 years old people know my. story but when i was 17 years old i got. sober yeah and i went to this place. called the mcdonald center.

which is a rehab from from modern i. think ronald mcdonald the mcdonald. mcdonald's foundation does four yeah. they do that right yeah but i never saw. a clown all right so. they didn't serve [ __ ] mcdonald's. i don't think anybody thinks that they. just. [Laughter]. if you look at my instagram early on in. my instagram there's a photo of me. when i the first day i was at the. mcdonald's they're wearing my um.

fatigues not fatigue what do they call. them um fatigues like army non-fatigue. what do you call them the uh medical. like a gown like a gown oh wow i was. wearing like a medical clinic why do. they put you in that you can't just do. regular clothes huh no in the beginning. they no because it's a hospital it was a. scripps hospital right oh scripps yeah. so i'm like in. terms of i'm really sick i'm detoxing. yeah right so there's a photo of me just. you know i mean. i'm here you know what i mean dude how. funny you're detoxing all like twerking. out in the background ronald mcdonald's. like hey. [Laughter].

yeah yeah mcdonald's mcdonald's wants to. help you get solder yeah. that's working out and drooling yeah so. then um so you go to sleep i go there. and i you know i meet this um. korean man. because when i was in rehab i said um. there aren't i've been to a meeting i. lied and i said you know you never see. asians you never see asians in recovery. so what what you know i mean i don't. think that i am one.

what do you mean you don't i don't think. i'm a drug addict right right i was. using all these you know excuses yeah. defense mechanisms correct and um. so one day this guy shows up and he's. wearing he has tattoos. to his wrists uh-huh right. and he had an accent because he came. here when he was 14 years old from korea. because hi. that's the way and. that's. i'm your sponsor. and he saved my life you don't get to. pick your sponsor this time i didn't he.

he showed i didn't he didn't say. he it was just like i could have said no. but i just said yeah i think this is. that's not that that's not the question. was he scary though. at first he was yeah he had white hair. yeah but you know he like he became it. looked like yeah like a mortal kombat. yeah and he um really came my father you. know like a father figure he saved my. life like when i was 17. i had missed so much school right that. my senior year i got sober and i came.

back and they were like you have to take. a zero period a lunch period and night. classes for you to graduate there's no. way you can do it so i call down i'll do. another year and dan goes no. you're doing it. so i show up zero period lunch period. and i did all that yeah and i graduated. yeah with my class okay. and then i got out of that i got out of. high school and you know. i would go to meetings use my sponsor. this and that and then what ended up. happening was i started doing stand-up.

when i was 23 years old in la jolla. right at the store at the store and i. stopped going to meetings so i just. slowly. lost all their numbers. you just stopped talking i started. talking i stopped going to meetings. and i just started just show business. was it. all i did was hang out with the shores. or you know i mean did open mics you. know i mean it was everything yeah and i. did that for many many years it got to. the point where i didn't even.

see myself i wasn't drinking or doing. drugs but i didn't even see myself as a. drug addict or alcoholic anymore okay. just a performer yeah and i had nothing. it was just like something of my past. when i was a young guy right right. so then when i i got my tv i relapsed. okay for the from the celebration yeah. what it's from the celebration no from. the i hated it the stress and the. pressure because when i showed up at mad. tv the first thing one of the producers.

said is i just don't think that you're. funny right he called me in his office. and he goes i don't think that you're. funny what's his name i'm not gonna say. his name what's his name all right we'll. talk to you later no but he said he. doesn't think you're funny call him the. [ __ ] out who is he where the [ __ ] is he. now no because where the [ __ ] is he now. he he's a big producer oh he is on what. what are you getting so angry about. telling you a [ __ ] story i don't like. him talking [ __ ] i know so he goes i. don't think you're funny i don't think. you're right for the show. and when he said that i just you know it. just and i could see like his. group of writers and whatever not.

write me [ __ ] right and there were many. shows where i couldn't even get on right. it was just terrible so i just did drugs. right so two years on that show i did. drugs right and then they fired me. okay and i ended up. right in some detox back in san diego. right back where i started okay. i didn't have a car and also it was one. of those hippie places where they only. fed you like organic foods no meat and.

wheatgrass like a wheatgrass farm. whether you had to put kalon wheatgrass. colonic in your ass and i was detox of a. viking and so i'd wake up like shaking. with green [ __ ] wheatgrass squirting. out of my [ __ ] in a bathroom. completely naked shaking with no like. medical there was no medical it was a. hippie farm there was no medical. facility right and i just knew that i. just needed. something. you know i mean i needed a recovery like. a real recovery. so one night.

i [ __ ]. escaped. right i i had a little bit of money and. it was two in the morning i had to climb. a 50-foot wall like like a old-school. wall in a forest right. what's so funny it's just what it is. it's crazy it's a facility with 50-foot. wall yeah it was like a night. it was in the forest right. right i climbed this wall and i ran down. like three miles down the field. right.

and i see. like a freeway and then beyond the. freeway i see. vaughn's. a grocery store yes 24 hours. right. so i run it i run into this vons and i'm. dirty you know i mean i'm wearing like a. hospital garb on right. and i. i'm in the fruit section. of course where else would you be right. to get an apple right. i pick up an apple. i get a tap on my shoulder.

it's dead no. no. it's dan's friend. [Laughter]. sorry. the perfect part of that story would be. it's dan no. it's dan's friend. somebody that knows dan sorry go ahead. and finish yes a green apple or a red. apple by the way a red one yeah i like. delicious fuji fuji food oh delicious. yeah like red delicious. so i turn around like and he goes eat me. will he and i kind of vaguely remember.

him. and i go. oh [ __ ]. you're dan's friend. you know yeah i'm sober. that's how i knew him from sobriety sure. and he goes it's so weird that you're. here because. this is what he said. he goes i was speaking at a meeting in. arizona. right. and i was driving down the aid. right. and something told me to pull over here. like at the grocery store yeah there's.

no reason why i'm here i go oh that's. weird he goes. and i see you. and i go oh and he goes you want dan's. number. so he gives me dan's number right. the next day dan and all my old a people. right start picking me up from this. place to take me to meetings wow okay. so. that's why i believe in i believe in. coincidences. wow yeah and it saved my life i got so i. i i stayed sober for 17 years after that.

wow. do you want to get us. i had to throw in a choke. can i tell you mike i no i i know. it's actually a beautiful story can i i. no i believe in i believe in certain. things i don't understand why. the universe throws stuff at us i'll. tell you one but i'm going to keep it. private be for the sake of the person. that the story is about but the girl a. girl that my high school girlfriend. um i hadn't spoken to her obviously and.

god knows how long right. i was going to do a gig and i flew this. was like um. marco island florida remember marco. island the gig you know yeah that gig. yeah yeah i always said no to that gig. yeah i said yes a lot. and i needed it yeah and i flew into. miami and then i drove i was rented a. car to drive there yeah. and on the way i thought oh. we. i lost my virginity in marco island. florida. to my high school girlfriend really. swear to god uh-huh and so on the way. there did it feel good.

no. no i cried the whole time. and on the way there um for some reason. in my head i was like i should give her. a call i haven't talked to her in so. long but i was like actually i don't. have her number on my phone it's been. 20 some odd years. i remember her phone number. i don't i can't tell you how i can't. tell you why i don't remember anybody's. phone number i don't know i remembered. her phone number wow it came to me i. called her phone number. and and she picked up which was even. crazier like on the second ring and she.

said what's up and i said i'm not making. a joke can i just add something. something real quick we'll go ahead if. you're making this up i'm going to be. very furious i swear to god in my life. i'm not okay i'm just saying at the end. if you're go if you go gotcha right no. it's going to make me very here i. promise i'm not all right go ahead. [Laughter]. i swear to god i'm not it's actually. swear to god. it's actually not a happy ending all. right so you so i called her it's not a. happy ending so i called and she picked. him and she was like oh my god.

how are you so good to hear from you. it's been so many i said yes i just. wanted to say hi it's just crazy. doing this gig of marco we you know it. was so weird i was thinking oh god about. high school. and she said oh i thought. she's like i thought you called me. because you knew. i was like what do you mean she's like. do you talk to anybody from home like. when i not re and i don't really from. high school not really. and she said oh um. i have cancer. i swear to god i'm not making a joke. bobby. and i don't know why i'm smiling because.

you think i'm coming with a curveball. yeah. and i said really and she said yeah you. know and it's i can live with it and all. the stuff bob i'm not. and she said i can live with it it's not. going to be life ending but it's i. thought that's why you called and. something in the universe had told me. to call yeah so my point is i i somewhat. believe in it too because i was like why. would i call her yeah something was like. give her a call. and then did you wish did you help her. out in any kind of way did nothing. there's nothing i could do but i but we.

talked for a while and it was kind of. nice that i would like we had this. reconnection yeah. but i thought it was so strange because. why i would have never. called her otherwise it was just like it. was i would never. then when i said when we said earlier do. you believe in coincidences does that. come you went the other way yes it's for. the show just for oh for company. oh for comedy. yeah. but but how crazy though right like that. is crazy no okay so i don't i believe in. um i believe in sometimes the universe. will send you these weird small things.

and you either do them or or you totally. ignore them but they may not always be. come to fruition have you ever had that. root have you ever had something give. you like a signal to do something and. then you you adhere to it or you're just. so anti-everything. you're such an angsty little titan i. know she's getting worse as time goes on. yeah no but um at the kaleila and tituba. we were talking about my real dad. and then after two weeks he called. after many years and then yeah that. that's the only thing that was a.

coincidence they were talking about him. and he called yeah and that's kind of. creepy. yeah so like because you hadn't talked. to him for how long. i talked to him when i was 10 and then. he ignored me again. what do you mean like you would call him. and he wouldn't reach out back to you. yeah yeah that's so mean so mean it's. your kid i know. well and why though why was he is he he. had another family yeah. oh yeah. [Music]. oh don't say that well if they're better. they're better. but they were better obviously.

wait he had another family in korea yeah. wow. how many kids two kids do you know who. they are at all. no no never met him so when we i. remember bringing it up i was out of the. blue because i think i was like i know. what popped in my head but i was like. i knew giovanni her stepdad. i love that guy you know giovanni is he. italian no no that's just you know. giovanni's filipinos they have strange. names that's an italian name yeah. she names like x pro and they have like.

names that shouldn't what are they named. after golf balls what is it yeah no they. have like names like um guy lithium. crystal would be a name. i mean. i'm gonna be real they just where do. they get these names campfire they just. take an english word yeah yeah you could. you literally can call some hey what's. up campfire he's like oh hey hey. yeah so he's my brother so i always. thought to myself i go well if and then. i found out that giovanni you know what. i mean. giovanni rubici is for stuff right right. and i go um.

what happened to you really i asked and. we talked about her real debt and all of. a sudden a couple weeks later he called. out of nowhere. i talked to my real dad my biological. father a couple days ago because my. grandfather died. two days ago. are you happy. no i feel sad about it he did he passed. away he was a great man was passed away. dominic. how did he die. gunned down no no how did he die don't. make it a joke he got into a fist fight. oh 92.

he got into the way he got into a fist. fight yeah. over a parking spot. it's so funny he's 92 he how do you. think he died yeah. yeah yeah yeah can you i can't believe. you know i talked to him i talked to him. this is true we went out to palm springs. on. saturday. and i s i talked to him uh. on saturday and i went to palm springs. and i got to tell you. there is something we're getting very. serious on this podcast for some reason.

there is some rudy. there's something about when somebody. knows they're gonna die that they talk. differently do you understand what i. mean by that no i don't. he sounded different like my dad did the. same thing he sounded that sad huh i. think i'm gonna die. i'm like he's that's different he just. sounded he sounded um. dude he sounded like it was like a a. high amount of clarity if you understand.

what i mean by that but was he like. was he analyzing his life was he well. you know. his kids were there with him all the. time right my dad and brothers and. sisters there but i think he was just. like really excited and happy to have. like so much family around him during a. shitty time yeah that i think you. physically feel and you emote. differently but when you spoke on the. phone. you wouldn't have told you wouldn't have. been able to say this guy's gonna die. you'd be like he's like he's in a great. [ __ ] mood yeah but check this out if. i was dying yeah i was an old man yeah. soon and i knew it was.

soon and i knew i was going to die right. and i could just kind of like. you might not 100 believe you're going. to die right but then in your head you. must think it's a possibility because. you're old you got to know you got to. know and if i had friends and family. around right i wouldn't talk to juliana. this one the same way as i do. right right like [ __ ] clean that or. pick that up you know. who you talking to you know that kind of. thing i would probably say stuff like. you know what jules um.

it's been a real pleasure. you would yeah and i you know i'm so. glad i met you because family matters. yeah and i would say that to everyone. around me i would go even you i'd be. like you know aside from all the yeah no. i'll tell you what i would say what. you're on your death bed right now do it. lay down like lay down like you're on. your deathbed. there there it is. i would say this i would say um. you know. andrew growing up i always felt. different and i you know even when i had.

friends i just didn't really completely. identify with them. and um. as i get as i got older and i followed. my dreams as a comic and stuff like that. i felt like i met my people. and um. you know when i met you. you know it it literally felt like i had. known you all my life and that you are. you you and i are like um. you know souls that knew each other in. previous lives that's what it felt like. and i just want to say that it was a. real play and i also think that that.

you're a really a talented guy and it. makes me feel. you know it makes me feel talented that. people like you right talented people. you may want to be around me and work. with me and working with you was a. pleasure i learned a lot and i have to. say man i love you i love you too i. would say something like that that's so. nice. how does it feel i mean it like moved me. no now. i challenge you. to say something as moving i'm on my.

deathbed yes i challenge you. yeah you walk into my hospital room but. but try to be real cause i was that's. what i would really say. andy. hey [ __ ] dude. it's me bob. hi bob. bob thanks for coming. it's been so long. we recorded two weeks ago what do you i. know.

i can't believe you let jules drive and. [Laughter]. she hit me so hard for the prius. but it's okay i forgive her. and i want to take this moment to say. say what i want to say to you. bobby. bobby. you. light up my life. you give me let me have my [ __ ].

moment sorry bobby. just a breakthrough. bobby yeah go ahead. i'm here i've always thought. that you were. i'm gone by then you're gone yeah yeah i. faked it. no i mean already okay honestly this is. what i really would say to you you know. it can i just you know what i said so.

insulting and i would say to you be real. you know what i say to you yeah go ahead. you're all right kid. you're right you don't have it in you i. would say you really you you really i. would say. you don't have it i would say thank you. to be real and heartfelt no because. yours was so nice we are gonna play. a quiz game again uh trivia about saint. patrick's day yeah of course because i. and i if i don't win this. yeah i'm going to be so pissed off what.

about it's best i mean it's uh first to. what three. five five five so and you guys i don't. know anything i'll ask a question i. don't know anything about saint paul yes. you do we've talked about it on the show. before i have you know i don't know the. history i don't know where it's from i. don't know why they're doing it well. it's from ireland you know that okay. well uh i can we can do a trial round if. you guys no just know there's no way to. play it yeah okay. so we're gonna start with rudy rudy. wait wait wait you don't ask the.

question we all but what's the buzzer's. number then. because you guys can still if she. doesn't know the answer you guys can. fight too still rudy. of which country is saint patrick the. patreon saint. ireland. correct. one point for rudy. it's like he sets it up for her just to. win every time. what did sam patrick believe a shamrock. represent it. luck. you don't have to buzz oh that's not.

correct. read the question again. what did sam patrick believe as shamrock. represented okay. the father son and the holy ghost. correct. the holy trinity. the holy trinity. okay hell yeah i got a stolen point from. bob now it's my question yes andrew. god bless by the way god bless. what are the odds of finding a fort leaf. clover what are the odds of finding a. four-leaf clover.

you know. one one in one in a hundred thousand. bubby zero percent they're they don't. exist. okay rudy they do they do yeah what kind. of question is it i don't know. um. i don't know. let me answer it again no you did one. you're done she has to go one and four. no that no okay. one in five thousand.

no but you are closer it's one in ten. thousand so we're gonna give it to you. two point rudy [ __ ] you andres spanish. [ __ ] rudy okay. which u.s city. dices river green annually to celebrate. saint patrick's day. um. i don't know san francisco she has to. answer she just did san francisco yeah. bobby philadelphia. no okay we're out of time nobody no it's.

mine i get to answer sorry. chicago illinois chicago i get to. [ __ ] give me the points. you'll get it yes i [ __ ] do [ __ ] you. we that's what this is all about. i got it andres. you know i did. well yes but it got in late you know. what the [ __ ] do you mean. what the [ __ ] do you mean. if they don't get it right then we get a. chance to answer and he doesn't you know. what that's true he gets it no but you. go ahead do it again.

bobby. what are the three colors of the irish. flag. white green and orange. correct. yes you don't need a buzz oh i don't oh. well i get a point yes okay you have one. okay andrew how many churches and. cathedrals are named after saint patrick. in ireland oh my god [ __ ] you. [ __ ] you um. 112. bobby 312.

2 000. okay i don't think i'm you guys get this. point sixty. sixteen i'm closest yeah he gets two off. too off. chew off. dude i'm gonna [ __ ] call ice on you. i'm gonna call [ __ ] ice. you're going back to spain [ __ ]. you keep he's got [ __ ] attitude do. you notice that it's it's insane he's. gonna get fired. how do i call ice can you call go ahead.

keep rudy okay fill in the blank. blank me. i'm irish. blank me i'm irish you have to feel that. fill in the fill out the blank part. what. call i'm actually calling george. george. me i'm irish. george me i'm irish god you are so dumb.

[ __ ] me i'm all right no it's kiss me. i'm iron. i literally just called ice the homeland. security line yeah i'm getting you. deported dude. andres you've got the point andrew yeah. but i've had [ __ ] eight points go. ahead and and you're and you said we're. tied. all right. two you're winning. by a lot no three two two you're winning. buy more though you're not now keep. going i got chicago i got the holy. trinity you too late. bobby thank you according to the legend. what animal did sam patrick chase out of.

ireland. a troll. no. okay don't stop that or i'm gonna leave. go ahead. rudy. a rabbit. snakes. yes yeah. you know i'm getting all these right. andrew yeah. what year did the annual shamrock. ceremony in the white house start. 1976. 1980.

1974. [ __ ] you correct. good. really really good guess rudy. [Laughter]. all right enough enough somebody has to. clean that. okay yeah they do oh yeah bobby. [Laughter]. what city in the sin look santo nino. festival held every year. what city is the cinco.

what is it sinolog synalogue cinelog. what sinolog santo sila silo cillolon. santo. [Music]. correct. so annoying he does questions just for. her. can we do a competition right now that's. not [ __ ] uh. saint patrick's day really st patrick's. day i know but let's just do another one.

about like godzilla or something that we. might want to what about star trek yeah. let's do one on star trek well i'm never. gonna get anything right. i don't know. how many movies uh are in the star trek. franchise. oh my god it's so hard. seven no there's way more. including next generation yes okay. nerd this is such nerd [ __ ]. i'm drinking another beer.

i would say. ten it's probably twelve no. eleven. well rudy's the closest thirteen i told. you i said i should have said twelve and. this is it so rudy wins okay good. thank you for being a bad friend [ __ ]. you i'm done thank you for being a bad. friend. i guess that's that. [Music].

hey. i'm doing a couple of dates okay uh i'm. filling out the calendar a little bit. for the fall but right now i've got salt. lake city which is almost all sold out. if not sold out we're adding shows. and also uh addison improv which is one. of your favorites i love close near. dallas people like guzu oh four for girl. if you can drive there go to. andrewsantino.com for tickets. andrewsantino.com for those tickets. [Music].