The Elf On Our Shelf | Ep 147 | Bad Friends

two one Happy New Year. thanks for coming out. [Music]. no. [Music]. [Music].

hey bad friends did you like seeing me. kiss that sweet little Asian girl on New. Year's Eve well if you want to celebrate. New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve. with me either of those dates I'm doing. four shows two nights at the Wilbur. Theater in Boston go to. andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com Boston show up show. out New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve. Eve also uh not officially a part of the. bad Friends tour but Bobby and I are.

going to be in Vancouver for Just for. Laughs on February 16th uh then we're. going to be in Spokane for bad friends. on the 17th and Seattle Washington for. bad friends on the 18th those links are. going to be in the description down. below to buy those tickets to come see. the bad friends beginning of the. official tour that starts a month later. two are bad friends who are these two. idiots white dude. you two are disgusting oh YouTube or.

something we're bad friends. [Laughter]. you know and we also have dreidel. dreidel dreidel I made you out of clay. is it better for you when you're dry and. ready I just found out I'm gay.

there is ladies and gentlemen boys and. boys and girls have you been good this. year I don't know but you get one anyway. well Asian Santa. we've brought someone from your Workshop. every year you know I get all the time. sometimes when they don't do I kill them. oh you kill the elves that do a bad job.

oh and icy lake. yeah you know how you fish you dig a. hole I do ice fish yeah I put the. elephant in there oh you put one of your. helpers inside. yeah he's been with me for 89 years one. of the good ones he is so fast very good. in my mind I thought he Asian oh you.

thought he was Asian oh you're not why. why would you think he's Asian because. he works so hard not because of his. height no no no oh yeah that too because. he's similarly yeah yeah. anyway my favorite Earth in the workshop. is a Brad William Brad William. um oh he's scared of Santa you know guys. yeah right there okay yeah yeah uh so so.

here's I guess Asians. can I speak okay Asian Santa's favorite. my favorite Helper and how do you feel. about Asian Santa do you get along with. him oh his dick is so big. so big thank you thank you and he's such. a such a vigorous lover and and and and. and and such a generous leader. he's being facetious by the way do you.

know what that means Asian Santa I don't. know. I know Confucius Confucius say physician. is it Confucius yeah. that one he's facetiousness means he's. he's he's when he talks about your big. penis on the he's kidding and what do I. feed you at night Christmas Eve oh the. best the.

yeah but not Rudolph because you know. he's the lead you know I can't see. without him yeah he got the Red Nose how. do you see in the night so well. as you're dashing through the smell. because of my eyes well what you know. let me tell you something you know. there's more than one Santa I only do. Asia oh you're just for Asia yeah you. know that right no I can't go to. Cleveland. imagine me coming down Korea. yeah yeah yeah but in you know Shanghai.

what do they leave you oh they leave me. dumplings. I love the almond cookie. so you have you ever been to the United. States and delivered gifts no never. never one time you know the real Santa. the real. yeah you know yeah because the African. Center and I oh you get along oh the. Africa yeah so you commiserate with. other minors.

tell me he only has to do three houses. you know why why. they're all bad kids really. that's African Santa right there yeah. so he only has to do three now do you. visit the Philippines. you know I'm on the mainland correct. Asia right yeah and at five in the. morning you know my last house is. probably you know Vietnam somewhere else.

you know loud Saigon or something you. know right and I'm tired you know they. don't get much anyway you know so yeah. yeah and then it's like I go do I go to. home. oh I go to East Paul East Paul yeah we. live in Eastport. yeah. right or do I go all the way to a little. island where they don't give a [ __ ]. nobody you know okay I don't go have you. ever gotten Christmas presents Rudy. Jules from Asian Santa yeah no no yeah.

you don't no you were bad yeah yeah yeah. I remember you yeah yeah yeah. we're not giving it to her. I can be your helper I can clean. I mean okay is it too much yeah. uh welcome Brad Williams to the podcast. happy holidays thank you I think I think. it's now an authentic holiday episode.

yeah with you yeah with you yeah it just. looks right now have you ever met Rudy. Jewels have you guys met before no no. not not in person but uh let me ask you. I I've only slid into her DMS a couple. of times oh my God. Brad Rudy Jules are there dwarves from. your land yeah where name me one I don't. know them but I've seen them where like. when I ride um like jeepney and they're. just like they're just like like a Jeep.

like where like you commute oh it's like. a safari. so. what in the jeepney okay so when I ride. that like outside all right that's a. hippies bus from Berkeley yeah yeah. that's not it but wait a minute you ride. around in this looking for a little no.

no no no no no no do you have a net when. you when you find them like you know how. when you throw you have to hit a fish in. water you have to aim below it do you. have to how low do you have to aim to. hit little people that you're trying to. kill on the street I mean this is insane. you do this they have one of those. scoopers like those carts have at the. golf driving range yeah yeah yeah yeah. so you're just collecting Little People. yeah yeah that's nuts it's a Filipino. trip I'm into it that's why I've never. been there do they drive the thing no.

like sometimes I like I usually. um drive that and then um sometimes I. just see them like in the streets like. sitting and then just walking around how. do you know they're not kids. yeah how do you know. I don't know you check the pubic hair. yeah how do you know is it kids or maybe. you're seeing like a thicker kid because. like Filipinos general not that tall. right exactly so you and you have a half. asian wife I do well no your wife is.

Asian you have a half asian baby yes so. your wife is she she's half she's half. Chinese so we have a quarter a quarter. Chinese but your wife's half Chinese and. half what uh we don't know oh wow the. mystery yeah that's like Bobby we don't. know yeah so your baby is what now uh. home I know. she's a quarter Chinese quarter Chinese. and then and then 50 white probably. white probably more than that no 25 of. the dwarf part he's native oh it is I'm.

from America we don't have our own land. that's right he's native I mean we have. our own Park in China but that's a whole. other story what's that ah thank you. gave bread now there we go that's cool. that's cool now I could you know you. feel better that way or no yeah it puts. my back in the line because those there. those seats are so the fact that we got. these seats for them is so mean for our. guests yeah because they're they're not. good for anybody that's true but are. they fun to look at they're fun to look. at you better believe it because I had. to say something you're probably so far. hard to follow.

on stand up oh so I thought you were. like in the streets yeah that's easy. small steps. behind things it's very hard to follow. are you well you're hard you know what. you're hard to find not to follow yes I. got you once I got you yeah yeah I kind. of stand out but before that sneaky oh. they're sneaky people so wait a minute. you're saying I'm feeling I'm being. canceled no not at sneaky people but. excuse sneakers why are you being why. are you being canceled well I don't want. to like you know anyway joke about one. of our friends it's all right it takes a. long time for a dwarf to write a letter.

you're fine. he's a great comic thank you Bob and you.

have a residency in Vegas is that what. it is I had one yeah what happened to it. uh uh my contract ran up give me the. show up the show what's it called again. it's called mad Apple I was in Mad Apple. uh the Cirque du Soleil show in Las. Vegas. yeah it was a blast I went on after the. guys that juggle each other with their. feet wow look at that thing yeah and you. did that how many shows a week uh 10 10. shows 10 a week yeah oh my gosh two. shows a night Monday Wednesday Monday.

Tuesday Wednesday Friday Thursday Friday. we had we had Wednesday Thursday off. that was our weekends wow yeah it was it. was a blast I did it for like I said. like four months and it was wonderful I. I like being in a circle I work 10. minutes each show amazing it was great. you didn't want to do another run or no. uh. the answer to every question is always. money yeah how much yeah that's what he. responds how much yeah yeah yeah and. they didn't pay you enough uh they did. it first and then we started seeing my.

stock kind of rise and things like that. so we're like all right now if you want. to do it again you gotta you gotta pay. me more and they're like no there he is. is that that's you that's you presenting. yeah oh that that was me at the launch. that fo that there's me on stage yeah. wow so yeah but it was a blast there's. an amazing company to work for I got. free physical therapy so you great you. went there and did what do you do when. you open up the show you do like 15. minutes up top 10 minutes you do 10. minutes of standout So Physical Therapy. how long before I mean it's not probably. not that long he's probably like beep.

and then it's done they go they press on. the spine with the finger and then I got. your bread. I'm Healed I'm Healed I'm good sciatica. done free physical therapies yeah I'm. only like an inch taller than them I. don't know why I'm making these jokes. that's why you're making the joke yeah. you're like ah ego boost Brad's here. yeah fine I can finally get these jokes. out you think you can beat me up oh yeah. big time yeah you always say that my. money is on bread like with I mean. without but in what shadow of a doubt. what in any fighting or watch yeah like.

I wrestled in high school so okay me too. so did he oh he did yeah okay that'd be. fun okay but like but like how old are. you now Bobby 51 51 yeah what are you 38. but that's like 51 in dwarf oh yeah yeah. it is yeah so yeah we're about to say. we're about to say yeah I think it's a. good tale to say it's a good yeah it'll. be fun he's got the reach Advantage. boxing he could probably beat me I don't. know Taekwondo definitely that's a leg. martial art exactly yeah but when it. comes to grappling like UFC Rules maybe.

if you can get a hold of yeah yeah yeah. yeah okay because he gets he's got the. holds down yeah I do I'm pretty good. though how do you think he [ __ ] made. a baby with his wife that's all holes. that was all holes and she's tall right. how old she's six four. yeah to me five eight right yeah and how. tall are you uh four foot four. so yeah wow everyone when they see us. together is like [ __ ] that dude must be. rich yeah like they you know they know I. know it's just your dick can I say. something to you yeah it's all dick. doesn't even infuriate you because when. I used to date I used to date taller.

women and people always make remarks. yeah doesn't it make you angry somehow I. don't think they make remarks to him the. way they do to you yeah what do you mean. well because I have like a whole I have. like I have a condition you're just. small no no he has a condition would. that hurt but that hurt but I'll let. that slide right for him yeah it's it's. like recognized by the government and. our and our society with you it's just. unfortunate right but can I ask you this. which sucks because there's nothing we. can do about it it's not it's not like.

we're doing something to be our height. yeah but you use yours to your advantage. to build character Bobby's doesn't. really there's no plus oh there's. nothing that's good. he doesn't have an organization he can. join like I can go to meetings right. yeah yeah can I go to your meetings how. tall are you. five five five three five five three. five three five four in the good day. that's what we said no Too Tall what's.

the height then limit five lie five five. is a lie five Google it five five four. four ten four ten is the limit are you. being real yeah that's the legal limit. yeah if you're 410 or below you are. legally considered what if a dwarf had. um giganticism. [Laughter]. he would be five four there gotta be. they're they're now there are now Adam. Raynor was a dwarf and a giant at the.

exact same exactly yeah yeah Bobby was. right I was right what which one oh my. God he's eight what no that's not that's. him standing on someone's shoulders go. back to all and let's see yeah go back. to the actual post click on the post. itself Adam Raynor the insane story of. man who was born a dwarf and died a. giant wow wow so obviously what happened. was he was born a dwarf and then the. pituitary gland a right overflowed isn't. that what happens right when you become. a giant giant yeah it's a it's a giant.

uh giantism yeah it's likely a cyst on. your pituitary which means you grow it's. it's throwing all of this Andre the. Giant had it the rest of the Big Show. right but it's great in a circus because. you can reinvent yourself right you're a. dwarf in the circle and they're like oh. we've seen it and all of a sudden the. next day it's like oh this is a new. thing oh look at the tits on her yeah. God bless Adam Raynor yeah oh look at. that look at that over the next decade. he grew from just under 410 have to be.

yeah to a shocking 7-1 during this. period Renner also began developing a. severe spinal contusion contusion what. is that curvature curvature yeah I mean. it's natural you go from 4 10 to 7 1 in. a year right that's three feet I imagine. that didn't feel too good. good God man oh God's crazy but imagine. mad scientist when he was a dwarf yes he. had a big pipe and he thought look at me. yeah 10 at 7-1 not so big anymore see. it's all about it's all about. perspective that's right people ask me.

all the time they're like oh Brad. dwarves they got big dicks go no but on. but on me it looks [ __ ] huge yeah 100. yeah I've seen Brad lean forward with no. hands like a kickstand yeah I've seen. him do it I can't fall over it's nuts. it's nuts we both wobble but they don't. fall down can I make another observation. man I I feel like I'm not an uppity. Asian like there's there's Comics right. that are like losing up at the Asian I. don't want to name it name names well. you know he's a talented guy and I like. him right but Ronnie Chang you think. he's an up in the Asian I to me in my my.

circle of I mean you mean he's very. judgy of people like no no I just think. he's elevated uh you know what I mean. like you can't like go up to him and do. an accent or whatever right right right. but I feel like Peter Dinklage is umpity. right you're you're like more like me. like we could take jokes and stuff is. what I'm saying this is interesting you. think dinky would be a dinky. why so horrible I was trying to give him. a nickname. you think little dinkler you think.

Dinklage would be an uppity uh dwarf. like if Brad made a joke because here's. the deal yeah Brad one one of our our. long long long long long buddies he's. able to make great jokes about himself. take the piss of himself as we say to. kind of like lighten the load of the. world right yeah and obviously wants to. be treated with respect but give me. another Apple box yes but the guy's got. a great sense of humor about it but do. you think right that's a valid question. do you think Dinklage imagine okay look. yeah you're on a set of a movie yeah you. go up to Peter yeah and you're like hey. man great to me he's like hey and you.

throw out a classic Brad joke yeah yeah. you know you've got him [ __ ] in the. chamber I know you do and he looks at. you and is like I don't really [ __ ] with. that [ __ ] do you think that would be him. or do you think he'd laugh along and. make a joke with you I think he I think. that might be him because he's the guy. that when he hosted Saturday Night Live. he told the writers no dwarf jokes in. the entire show so none of the sketches. have anything to do with him being a. little person it's never wow and you if. you went you got to Hostess oh fire away. yeah oh people with the cast members. would have a cannon they would lean on. them.

yeah yeah I would play the part of Pete. Davidson's dick. [Laughter]. now see but that's I look I I think I. understand his prerogative but like sure. I get the perspective of shooting on. ourselves it's way more fun it's way. more fun in that in kind of like what. you said it it takes the bullets out of. the other person's gun because oh now. now you can't make fun of me for this. because I'm already doing it right so I.

like doing it but obviously I'm I'm not. one to tell Peter that he's doing it. wrong he's amazingly successful and. talented yeah he knows what he's doing. that's one of the reasons yeah and yeah. he's not on bad friends and also and yet. he did that Gary Oldman movie oh yes you. mean the most offensive movie ever yeah. yeah he did the most tiptoes. in the most offensive movie ever made. you would have done that movie oh where. did everyone where did the trailer. tipped of get where Gary Oldman did. short leg Yeah Yeah we've shown it on.

this show yeah because we know how much. you love tiptoes in fact one of the. searches the top searches tiptoes movie. clip from our show yeah. yeah just. Andrew Santino rips tip says Gary Oldman. can act his way out of a paperback guy. can act did you see the movie I did I I. I watched it and reviewed it for they.

have to it's a problem yeah hey never. find yourself in this scenario that it. that is why we watched 100 teaching a. lesson it's the worst [ __ ] movie ever. it but like there's so much [ __ ] I could. break down about that movie that's just. like like the way some people watch The. Godfather I watch tiptoes for the exact. opposite reasons wow to just break it. down it's a case study yeah what is the. most offensive thing about the movie oh. well I mean aside from the Gary Oldman. yeah uh Gary Oldman being on his knees.

and his arms uh like in his shoulders. pinned back so his arm so his arms are. smaller that's pretty [ __ ] wrong yeah. yeah uh but then what was the other one. um they they went to a they they went to. an all dwarf party oh right during that. one all right that's where Peter England. was right yeah yeah and uh in the world. of Peter dinklage's accent was very. offensive because he was like saying it. was like like he he said something that. and then his accent wasn't consistent.

the entire that's a pretty good dwarf. dance. that's McConaughey he's not a daughter. oh I'm sorry my path oh that's makani. and there's multiple Oscar winners in. this movie in the world in the world of. let's not prop tiptoes up anymore yeah. in the world of wokeness but it's. available on Amazon Prime let's see the. worst movie ever it's available. and equality yeah do you think there. should be an all dwarf movie. I mean or show or TV show show yeah I.

I'm actually I'm pitching one of those. right now and no and no tallies. I mean they're gonna be the victims. there it is ah yeah victims of what like. murder yeah it's all dwarf murder show. it's a dwarf murder yeah we're we're you. know Murder podcasts are real big so. we're trying to do like all right there. needs to be a dwarf dwarf serial killer. has there has there ever been one I mean. maybe not killer but definitely like.

uh ACL Terror or something like that. I don't know I put one guy also known as. epicito orejudo the big-eared [ __ ] was. an Argentinian serial killer who. terrorized. say it again say it say it how you're. supposed to say it. the big-aired [ __ ] was an Argentinian. serial killer who say that again there's. no I'm reading Wikipedia there's no way. to say that without laughing now I know.

that's his name now I know how I will. identify bad friends fans in the. audiences of my stand-ups. so this guy was a serial killer in. Argentina when he was 16 years old wow. go to his Wikipedia let's find out how. he died I want I want to see how he. would like I wish he would have been a. boxer and that's how it would have been. announced or like you know like a UFC. fighter.

that's great where and how and he died. from what who killed him someone finally. got him back a curb it was too high yeah. somebody bumped into him all right so go. on that go zoom in to go zoom into his. photo and the thing below it it says how. many merch four murdered is that what it. says for murder that's a lot for him hey. that's a lot first this is my favorite. yeah four murdered two two assaulted. five attempted couldn't get the job done. this show is sponsored by better help. unfortunately Andrew life doesn't come. with the user manual so when it's not.

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betterhelp.com bad friends that's better. help better help.com bad friends. Bluetooth I'll tell you this right now. Andrew I'm getting old yeah you are yeah. my penis sometimes sleepy sometimes it. goes to bed yeah but you know what he. has you know what his friend is his. friend is Bluetooth Bluetooth is a. unique online service that delivers the. same active ingredients as Viagra and. Cialis but in chewable tablets and at a. fraction of the cost the other stuff can. be expensive and you can take these. anywhere anytime day or night you can. plan ahead whenever uh the opportunity.

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yeah he is I mean guys from Denver oh. yeah yeah yeah I'm from Orange County. but [ __ ] it well you're a Denver fan. yeah I'm a Denver fan that's what I. associate you sucks this year but I. forgot that you're from Orange County I. forget anybody's from oh I'm the whitest. of the white Orange County that that is. so white it is really it's unfortunate. yeah do you know where Orange County is. oh you've never been down there no you. would love it down there yeah why it's. all white. yeah it's what you love all Whitey.

Whitey's no it's I don't know it's all. white it's wider than a lot of Asian my. high school in Orange County was 58. Asian what kind uh mostly Korean I'm in. good or bad oh okay. mostly Korean down there yeah but that's. funny because you're San Diego but there. I understand military kids uh down by. you mostly is what you got you grew up. with military kids right no you didn't. have a lot of military a lot of white. people but not military God bless that. was more like um Mira Mesa maybe right.

right oh that's more that's North the. Poway now but um there was a lot of. whites a lot of whites yeah a lot of. whites and God bless you know what I. mean I love the whites great people all. right slow down. you don't so don't no you guys invented. electricity. you want to get into inventions. getting inventions what did Koreans. invent. [ __ ] that's a good one just put in there. I know I know Kim jong-un's haircut all. right so Koreans invented Internet cafe.

okay great one be honest milk cartons. dude how how would we carry our milk. listen to this list you guys cheering. balloon sticks. you're like changing the game yeah yeah. what about the third MP what'd it say. MP3 MP3s okay oh that thing we never use. anymore but we did yeah for like an hour. yeah I don't know I I didn't hang your. head on cheering balloon sticks yeah. yeah last one was let's say milk cartons.

milk and egg cartons God Bless yeah yeah. you've invented the wrap around TV so. you know watch your [ __ ] tone no I. just. suggesting man I know you're being. facetious Confucius say you're being. facetious are there any dwarf inventions. besides oh [ __ ] besides to Google that. besides like devices we have to use to. wipe our ass I was gonna say I bet you. guys by way of uh struggling through. things have to have invented some dope. [ __ ] I mean I've got a claw that like.

closes my uh trunk of my car oh you do. really wait it's not hot no I I it's a. 2014 and they didn't really have it so. you know what's crazy on the trunk of my. car yeah they have this thing for. they've been a lot of companies have. this now where let's say you have. groceries in your hand you can wave your. foot under the back bumper and it'll. close just by waving you for those. assets wow imagine you just oh I would. walk right under yeah yeah well I know. what you guys invented probably stilts. [Laughter]. lips shoe lips.

gotta ride those roller coasters by the. way look at this guy yeah this is Carlos. our favorite he writes has a dwarf. invented anything. So Gone to send it yeah yeah. well German folklore uh oh. a dwarf has invented something uh I I I. do know one dwarf inventor not. necessarily an inventor but he all right. the map of the human body like how like. modern medicine like where the organs.

are and everything like that was a dwarf. I think it was an Italian dwarf uh [ __ ]. I don't know his name but yeah look at. the Mia down here I've got the map of. the body. was it Mario yeah. dude how was that guy Italian and.

Japanese at the exact same time yeah. they are how was Mario an Italian and. Japanese dwarf he was the first mixed. race couple that okay like it's so. Japanese he's amazing here we go do they. have Mario like in the Philippines yeah. we do what do they what game is it it's. the racing what was the original game. Mario was in this is great it's not. Leonardo who made the first diagram of. the human body Leonardo da Vinci he. wasn't down yeah how tall was Leonardo. yeah let's find this out because you. might you lie no no no no no.

I forget what he did or what he. discovered or maybe it was like he did. it for the dwarf body.

in Philadelphia There's a there's a. museum there called the mudder Museum of. medical Oddities and I went there. because we go to these cities multiple. times you get to see all the stuff and. you're like all right I gotta see. something different and I and I went to. that Museum and there's there's a full. like dwarf skeleton right as you walked. in it was weird it's just a skeleton of. a dwarf yeah and it was my type of. dwarfism so like everyone else was there. like probably thought I was checking on. my grandfather or something.

that would have been what's your type I. have bro I know yeah bro bro yeah that. yeah that's it Honey I shrunk Brad Brad. what is the type of dwarfism you have I. have a chondroplasia it's the most. common yes. would that skeleton even scare you. it's so cute I literally want one fancy. loves it it's like.

bro if that thing came from the grave. yeah right we wouldn't be scared. oh my God that's the cutest thing I've. ever seen oh I'm gonna discover. wow whatever dwarf uh organization is. gonna get us for this oh I know right. LPA LPA little people of America yeah. yeah they're getting us wait there there. is one yeah yeah they're called Little. People of America yes and they have. power. [Laughter].

you've heard of Reaching Across the. aisle yeah it's that technically used to. be called Reaching Across the aisle over. the dwarfs which is what it was that's. how rude it was they have no lobbying. power what's up yeah LPS little people. of America yeah wow make no mistake Brad. is someone we love and respect we love. just having fun LPA his wife is.

beautiful he's a great stand-up I don't. view him as anything. oh that sounds terrible I don't view him. as anything I don't exist. that out I don't know leave that in. that's what I'm saying you have to leave. it in yeah you're like not even a human. to me. come on I will say this though being. buddies with Brad and going out to. dinner with Brad in the real world. you've never eaten together have you no. no I think we have we must have one time.

at the Colusa Casino that's right yeah. we had a dinner and that's when I saw. your penis so basically Bradley and. yours is bigger yeah that's right yeah. yeah this is sad for me I mean Brad and. I went out well we've gone multiple. times and and steak and I will say this. about [ __ ] brat. LP aside this [ __ ] yep can. [ __ ] eat it's insane and he'll go. he'll do a singer he's like no no no I. had less I'm smaller than you guys nah.

that guy had more than I had wants to. pay half that's what he says I pay less. I eat lessons it makes sense guy gets a. Tomahawk Steak yeah finishes the whole. thing I'm not kidding like 32 ounces wow. yeah yeah doesn't even [ __ ] think. twice Yeah well yeah I get a baseball. filet this guy's [ __ ] he's got the. whole cow in front of him it's a. Napoleon complex I feel like I have to. prove myself every time you do you think. every time we go out for steak you. finish like I ask you about Napoleon. sure I don't know anything about it I. know but because I've heard that before.

pretend you do yeah yeah they say. Napoleon complex so you assume that. Napoleon was small he was always he was. like five six yeah that's average height. for the eight for that for that era yeah. right so what's why did they say. Napoleon complex there's a there's a. story behind it like it was like that's. how his enemies made fun of them and. then that's the like that's the rumor. that just spread but he you you're right. he wasn't actually that small well they. call him small man syndrome apparently. he was a tinier man so he might have.

been five six but he wasn't like thick. at all skinny so a skinny five six is. small that's quite small that's true. yeah yeah you know like Carlos. I'll tell you Carlos five six five but. Carlos is like uh cancer skinny right. like sick skinny right yeah like. something yeah yeah like it's something. happened something happened yeah I. didn't even know that stage four. something you don't know how skinny you. are you're the skinniest person I've. ever met in my [ __ ] life are you. serious how much do you weigh. like 1 30.

that's the same weight that's me in. sixth grade that's right yeah it spreads. 130 pounds I'm four four and I'm the. same way you weigh the same as a 4-4 man. yeah so obviously so yeah obviously this. is a wake-up call well wake up start. beefing up buddy okay no you are you've. always been thin since I've known you. you've never been you've never even been. like pudgy yeah I think I like I would. fluctuate a little bit but no but not. like now are you one of those guys that. and you could eat like anything and then. the next day like it you never gain.

weight no I'm actually just super strict. about what I eat he's got a eating. disorder okay oh like he doesn't just. say it does he I probably have a small. one honestly yeah like you like very. constant like you feel like when you eat. something unhealthy when you eat. something unhealthy you're like bad. Carlos yeah yeah I feel like [ __ ] that's. not good Bobby do you do that what what. do you need something unhealthy are you. like bad Bobby no yeah no would you just. have to eat for now when we just had. dinner we had eggs bacon and oh yeah. crepes. Nutella and you had little sausage bits.

I love little sausages and toast yeah. yeah and bread and you had some of Max's. pasta yeah it was good Brad let me ask. something yeah number one I have two. questions okay number one um six inches. I'm a Believer okay you said you're four. four no yeah no oh yeah yeah go on okay. um during when you were growing up like. in middle school high school and when. this time of year came about right were. you bullied at all in in any way or no.

teased it wasn't this time of year it. was any time all year yeah you were yeah. all year like what would be something. that really scarred you oh geez uh uh. well like what but see here's the thing. is I was always and it's kind of why I'm. a halfway decent comedian is that I. would literally write jokes at home and. like I would write comebacks so like. when kids would make fun of me I would. like I would literally like do research. on them and like write jokes about him.

and then when they made fun of me like I. would make fun of them and then I would. have the better joke you were made to. roast yeah yeah yeah yeah so like. there's I mean it's it's a story one of. my specials but it's true there was when. I went to kindergarten my dad had kind. of told me that this was going to happen. so like we wrote jokes together and this. kid like ran up to be in kindergarten. when like haha you're little and I just. said haha your mom doesn't live with. your dad anymore oh I love it because. you can go there yeah and then yeah go. for the jugular I love it I grew up in.

Orange County so I had about a 75 chance. of giving that right so yeah I did and. then the kid cried and I got sent to the. principal's office because I had the. better joke wow yeah that's what's funny. you get sent to the principal office. when you have the better Joe yeah it's. not it's not who shot first no it's who. she was like oh who shot the kill yeah. and I shot the kill and then yeah and. then the principal actually called my. dad at work and then my dad answered and. then he said like well did my son start. it or did he finish it and then the Pres. then the principal goes well he finished. it and my dad goes well I got no problem.

with that click oh it was good dad you. know what I love about it is that you. use your your defense mechanisms and. survival techniques and you turned it. into a career yeah that's [ __ ]. amazing it's kind of cool yeah it's cool. man yeah yeah kind of like been training. to be a comedian since day one yeah. draftking Sportsbook oh I love betting. they're an official sports betting. partner of the NFL I love the NFL at the. Patriots. they're my go-to and betting on the NFL. this season I love it so much right now. everyone can earn up to 100 boost with.

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yeah and they would always rip apart and. fall apart and stuff I wish I had this. look at in the back you just put these. beautiful wall and yeah it's a magnet. and you just push it on the walls easy. and look at how nice this is It's never. gonna get bent or crusted up but the. corners never gonna get all cut up they. sent us a bunch of these Bobby medley. wanted this one um and I gotta tell you. they have both branded and artistic. artwork they have over a million designs. available for everybody they got Marvel. DC Star Wars NASA uh all sorts of stuff. on their games and movies you can find. anything that you're looking for on this.

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description this discount is applied. automatically at the checkout or go to. display.com bad friends that's. d-i-s-p-l-a-t-e.com slash bad friends. use the code bad friends at the checkout. displayed collect your passions. what is Williams are you Irish uh it's. like I'm a hodgepodge of a bunch of. different things like Dutch Welch by the. way hodgepodge is a great new name for. little people yeah that Gaggle. hodgepodge is over there the cackle.

what is a group what is a group of. dwarves called oh minions right. insane we'll never not bring it back but. I can't do better than that joke that's. pretty good what's a group of five. what's a group of redhead it's called oh. you're called a knot of dwarves a knot a. knot okay I know that doesn't I don't. like that oh you time together if they. get out of control. [Laughter]. and then what do you call a group of. redheads. escapes it's a slip knot. okay what's a group of redheads Brad.

a. technical term for the fetish of. redheads is rudophilia oh that's a. fetish a ginger fetus oh yeah so but. there goes a bunch of Rudy's is there an. Asian fetish. is that even a real [ __ ] question. it's called the internet the Asian male. fetish it's called the internet no women. no uh Asian women are fetishized but not. Asian men well because you guys aren't. you guys aren't at the thing you know. what about the thing what's it called a. large group of Asian people. [Laughter].

it's not a sushi motivation yeah well. you know that it does make sense because. you guys are all layered on top of each. other when you're together a noodle of. Asians like a pride of lines or a litter. kittens. I love how it gives you practical user I. couldn't take a photo of that statue. because there was a noodle evasions all. around it it's insane that somebody. wrote that on the internet the internet. is so [ __ ] insane you know what's. offensive to that about it is is that. you know Rice and Noodles are always.

associated with Asians but there's so. many cultures that use those things not. as good as you guys yeah what do you. mean but you can do it the best yeah we. do Rice the best uh yes I agree yes yes. oh so you've been to like a restaurant. like go to a [ __ ] white person's. house if the rice is gonna be [ __ ] it's. gonna be [ __ ] rice right you go to an. Asia can your wife make some [ __ ]. bomb ass right [ __ ] yeah different story. dude way different you don't know man. you go to what noodles though we can't. whites don't do do it that's spaghetti.

that's different that's not a noodle. Pasta Pasta is a noodle it's pasta are. they two different things two different. things what's the difference Italians. don't make noodles they make pasta you. guys make noodles right oh so you never. go can I get us uh noodles with. meatballs. all right you're right like an adult. noodles are usually made with flour. milled from common wheat pasta is. processed from Durham salmonella. semolina which is of course salmonella. no no semolina which of course are than. typical flour okay so big you make.

noodles we make pasta okay Olive Garden. right that's their slogan what do you. prefer Brad noodles or pasta noodles. [ __ ] yeah man I I would have said pasta. eight years ago but then I met my wife. and then she made noodles the right way. and I'm just like oh this is way better. pasta for me 100 what do you say Throw. Some fur 100 pasta all right you know. [ __ ] you guys in a cold winter day I'm. gonna ask the room cold winter day right. would you rather have a bowl of. spaghetti like we have right now in.

Southern California cold winter day 58. degrees Yeah Yeah chilly winter day or. would you rather have a nice roll of. ramen. I had by the way you're you're. relegating it just a spaghetti I had. fettuccine with short rib last night. so you can go [ __ ] yourself with that. bowl around in fact we actually said do. you want Ramen me and the old lady said. do you want Ramen I said what if we get. that place that we really love and get. some fettuccine with some short rib and. some of that [ __ ] olive bread all. right come on I guess what happened.

today how about you what happened today. when you ripped up when I ripped that. bread and I dipped it in Fred's pasta. what'd you say. Don't make me say it say it. was good so [ __ ] good because I don't. want any bread I ripped the bread in. half I dip some of the pasta sauce I put. it on his plate you can enjoy both nah. we're Superior. pasta over noodles look there's other. things that that we can we have udon too. that's a good thing udon's fine not as. good ramen over udon what about Far Far. So [ __ ] whoa nobody likes Fun by the.

way you're getting canceled [ __ ] right. [ __ ] is the same fat fuzz like Pinkberry. everybody was like whoa and then like a. year later everyone was like [ __ ] this. [ __ ] this stinks fuzz whack there's no. flavor profile glass glass noodles are. whack see here's my thing about pho you. can't go get it at a place that has a. funny name they all have [ __ ] no you. just gotta go to a place that says [ __ ]. yeah if that if that if that's all it. says it's good but if the name of their. restaurant is phobulous go [ __ ] yourself. or whatever the hell nah it's not gonna.

be good the proof in the pudding is that. Pho has not lasted culturally longer. than I thought it was going to thought. it was going to keep humming along you. don't like crafty names. I like crafty names the comedian me in. in me likes it yeah but the in my in my. experience the food is better at the. place like no we don't have time is that. psychological like this guy you know I. mean but let me let me say this okay. what do people do to you we've actually. you and I have had this personal. conversation for real one people what. what's the thing that people do the most. like at a restaurant when you go that.

bothers you the most that's something. they treat you like oh Jesus or what. they say uh uh uh someone always makes. the joke. uh uh. kids menu yeah kids menu they always. make that joke booster seat you said one. time yeah oh and then uh your friends. make that joke no I'm just like ignoring. people people like people in general. that and like once you become known as a. comedian one day you'll get there Bobby. one once.

okay please do. um but like once you become known as a. comedian people just people when they. meet you just think they could. automatically get to that level of okay. we're joking with you so like I've had. the thing where like the host of the. restaurant recognizes me and then like. looks at the group of four and goes so. three and a half oh my God and you're. just like you son of a [ __ ]. you told me one time a guy said to you. you were getting I think it was outside. a Ray's old place and you were getting.

in your car and I think that's where it. was and a guy said to you you need help. getting in yeah yeah yeah oh no what I. get in the car would you ever [ __ ]. have the like why would you ever go up. to someone and say that I don't know no. you would no you would never help no I. was just thinking about something else. sorry that made me laugh say it I can't. say it and I really mean it though go. ahead I'm about to say it please dude we. [ __ ] and fight him to Magic Mountain so.

he can hold our stuff while we're on the. right. you know because the wall and stuff like. he could be that guy yeah yeah I'm your. own locker you're my life yeah yeah yeah. if you guys want to rent a locker you've. never been there on one oh I've been. there's like there's four rides I can't. ride because I'm which are the four you. can't okay X2 no I can write X2 you can. yeah that's a that's 48 inches it it's. the ones that are 52 inch or 54 inch. I'll tell you what's [ __ ] [ __ ]. required let me make a statement right. now that I stand by good the fact that.

you're born with this yeah it is. unhelpable all right it is something. that you you cannot control right and. they haven't [ __ ] rigged a way to. make a seat mechanism so you can ride. the ride as an adult it pisses me off. because you get on a [ __ ] airplane. you can ask for nine seat belt. extensions something they can help a lot. more than you I'm not saying all of them. but they can help that out a lot more. than you can but you're just [ __ ] yeah. and the even more [ __ ] up part about. it is the type of dwarfism I have my.

torso is average size yeah so they're. making this judgment based on well if. you're 52 like your torso smaller like. because your torso's puny because you're. skinny as [ __ ] yeah you don't know he. got slipped right out of a ride yeah. yeah he like he can do it but then like. most people uh when like I go to the. barber chair or I go to a restaurant. they go you need a booster seat and I go. no [ __ ] and then I sit down and I'm. just as tall as everybody right because. your torso yeah you saw my legs kick out. and you laughed I saw that don't do it.

again because he's gonna he's gonna keep. looking at it he gotta do it again that. wasn't it when you fart does your legs. go up like that. imagine imagine when he shits when you. [ __ ] on the toilet how fun would that be. every time I [ __ ]. I'm just saying I'm gonna stand by what. I said I think if they're going to make. exception for people that are overweight. and they say well it's a it's a. condition for them Health they can't. fight that's you know they can't help it. he's like well then you can't help this. disability why isn't there a functioning.

thing that makes it so you could ride. rides and do all that [ __ ] yeah you do. that with your car you show me your car. yeah it's all tricked out the the weird. part is when like so I've been to a. public bathroom before where like all. the toilets are high but then they have. the handicap toilet on the side I'm like. okay cool I'm gonna go to the handicap. toilet I didn't realize that the. handicapped toilets a lot of the times. are higher yeah but they just have the. bars right so now I'm doing like a. gymnast routine. back myself up on the toilet.

[ __ ] I mean yeah the yeah when I get. into a hotel shower the amount the. amount of times I've had to like. Cirque de mager up the wall to like make. the spout actually Point down oh that. must be a thing yeah because not because. sometimes I turn in the water and it's. just hit in the back wall and I'm like I. got nothing so how do you get up there. you get a chair in there or something I. [ __ ] up I've literally called the. front desk and had them send somebody up. no and like lower the shower head.

because I'm like I can't take a shower. [ __ ] you and I don't wanna I Don't Wanna. Die Trying to climb up there and then. slip how'd Brad die well the shower. wasn't I'm not gonna believe this yeah. but if I read that on Deadline though. it's strange you say that I think about. that [ __ ] all the time like there are so. many ways. for me to die and it's hilarious like. just because I'm a little person yeah.

like give me example oh. they'll type something like yeah the. truck ran over the Mini Cooper like yeah. yeah I'm falling off a ladder like a or. or if you died on the 405 your body ends. up on the five. a little person. but yeah it's like there's like unless.

it's like old age or of a disease in the. bed like like that's the only way it's. not funny if if I die any other way it's. fun tell me this has there ever been a. dwarf uh pro athlete I mean come on man. what I'm being serious that's crazy okay. there was a guy named scaramontalu I. can't spell that what's his name scaramu. is he the guy that uh drew the first uh. anatomy of a body. Turkish weightlifter see I told you.

there was there's one it's a Google. dwarf pro athletes because there's got. to be more than one yeah and by the way. do you do do most. LPS does not like LP anymore is that. gone is it dwarf now. what's the preferred little person in LP. or like the two like you're you're safe. LPS yeah you're absolutely so dwarf I. thought is safe now no yeah like unless. they don't have dwarfism not all of them. outdoor yes oh yes Eddie Goodell yes. Eddie Goodell yeah professional baseball.

player I remember I remember him had one. at bat Yep this is real that's a real. photo yeah there's no way yeah yeah yeah. yeah yes. yeah played uh had one at bat St Louis. Brown's doubleheader 1951 weighing 60. pounds standing three feet seven inches. tall just so we can walk away crazy they. brought him into a baseball game so we. so we could get away let me tell you. zoom into what Lewis Brown's owner Bill. Vex said uh zoom in right there as in. wreck said of Goodell he was by golly. the best damn [ __ ] that ever played.

the big league ball he was he was also. the only one I love that he threw it up. by golly was it like a Rudy situation. where like let him play one game yeah. essentially born in Chicago by the way. died in Chicago my man I want Rudy to. try to be a part of the show right now. why don't you talk to Brad and ask some. questions and say hi and be honest about. because you don't you've only seen them. in the tukdukes or whatever that thing. that you're wrong it doesn't have to be. about Brad being important you can just. talk to Brad and say hi right so just. ask any questions about life be a part.

of the show again okay hi Brad hi nice. to meet you nice to meet you in person. finally it's good so far. um I want to know how you met your wife. I'm curious love this I love it. about seven years ago I I decided to. take a brief Hiatus from stand-up comedy. I got offered a morning radio show in. San Francisco California and I had to. move there to do the show so I moved. there and uh we're doing the show and me.

and two two other people who are now. down here in La Uh Kevin Klein and Ali. they are now on K-Rock but I was doing a. show with them and uh I didn't know. anybody because I had to move to San. Francisco and we in order to meet people. we decided to play a game called Tinder. or grinder. every day I would flip a coin based on. when it lands on I have to go on either. a Tinder date or a grinder date. it's insane insane it's awesome and that. and that was to meet people first day I. flipped the coin it landed on Grindr oh. and I made and I made a profile and I'm.

this is so great that I'm on this. podcast on the story I made a profile. and I immediately matched up with a very. large red-headed bearded man who told me. to only refer to him as ginger bear. we've been friends for seven years I. think it's a [ __ ] coincidence he's. ginger bear I'm gummy bear let's do this. [ __ ] so side note if I was on that radio. staff yeah I would have waited that coin. so you got the grinder side every. [ __ ] time every time go ahead though. so you're flipping a coin yeah so I went.

on a date with ginger bear it was a. great date uh gave me a lot of sympathy. for women because I had no sexual. interest in this man whatsoever but at. the end of the night I kind of felt like. I owed him something. uh give a little tug yeah well you don't. make eye contact yeah you just look the. other way that's fine so but the next. day we're like all right we're gonna. play Tinder grinder again and then a. listener called in and said yeah you. guys doing Tinder grinder you you should. try thrinder. and we're like what's thrinder and. they're like oh that's Tinder for people. trying to have threesomes and I'm like.

okay I'm in and just so you know I'm not. lying uh Tinder sued them for copyright. infringement the app is no longer called. thrinder it's called field f-e-e-l-d. you're welcome so I I go on the app I. match with two women we're all gonna go. on a date together one of the women does. not show up for whatever reason I went. on a date with just the other one and. two years after that date I proposed to. that woman because when you find a hot. Asian that is into three ways you lock. that [ __ ] down so have you ever tried a.

threesome yeah that's how we met his. [ __ ] wife you think she wants to do. it yes yes not every day it's not every. week it's not in every month but every. now and then it's great that's cool. that's good yeah with another girl yes. whatever I got another guy never a guy. I've been invited over. she likes you Andrew I've been invited. over you're very cute no but this guy by. the way when when we went bowling uh. when we were in that bowling league at. the [ __ ] Roosevelt or yeah yeah his.

wife came one time and you guys brought. a girl right or she was meeting you guys. there or something like that no idea. what you're talking about. right on right on anyway yeah hey Nicole. yeah they do. that's incredible the [ __ ] party. animals I love that yeah and and it's a. lot of fun because uh when people and. we're very successful when we try to do. that kind of thing because when people. see a a hot Asian and a dwarf I mean. you're clicking I'm clicking that's. everything on the bucket list like you. can't yeah it literally it's three for. three it's you have a dwarf you have an.

Asian woman and it's a threesome it's. the three things that people are looking. for yeah I want to [ __ ] two other people. one's got one could be a dwarf would be. neat yeah an Asian woman yeah it's it's. great it's funny when I walk in Grand. Slam some porn I always sometimes every. once in a while I'll experiment. and I'll look up Asia I'm not Asian um. dwarf man right and whenever I can find. a dwarf man with you know just one guy. jerking off. making love to a woman okay right so.

something about it I just it really does. it for me what do you think it is I. think maybe I relate to the dwarf man I. don't know what it is you see yourself I. think I see myself in them but I like. that be back to Rudy go ahead so yeah. that's how I met my wife okay next. question so good at this. I don't know I'm doing good I'm serious. you do great the first question was a. banger yeah you're good. um. don't be shy whatever comes whatever. comes to mind yeah whatever yeah yeah. yeah there's no limit There's No No. Holds Barred no wrong answers have you.

tried. go. a dating app that that's only for little. people that's a good question that's a. good question good question I have not. tried it but there is one what's it. called what's it called hold on hold on. hold on let's go give us a chance. chance in there fumble.

[Laughter]. oh my God. Bobby I take back every bad thing I've. ever said about you that was the. funniest thing I've ever heard in my. life oh my [ __ ] God if fumble. if that's not a publicly traded company. soon. fumble is so good Bob that's so great. wow fumble. yeah that that is right that is right up.

there okay you know um Bobby do you ever. do the uh did you ever do the Opie and. Anthony show yeah okay a million times. Anthony one time I was on the show yeah. and they asked me if any dwarves get mad. at me because I do stand up and I say. the word [ __ ] and stuff like that yeah. and Anthony stops and goes yeah does. anyone call you an Uncle Tom Thumb. that's really you're right up there with. thumble yeah that's that's right there.

that's great Bobby you still say the m. word yeah but I but what did I say all I. say all of it I say dwarf short stature. LP little person but I thought dwarf is. okay yeah m is not okay m is not okay. for a lot for a lot of people I would. say most don't like you to say m yeah. but see for me it's all about the. context and how you're using it because. and I told the story on Marin so I. apologize if you're hearing it for a. second time but when I I did a show in. Odessa Texas and there was a there's a.

Heckler and we had to kick him out and. at the at the end of the night Show's. done uh I'm walking to the car with this. with this other comedian and we see that. these we see these lights turn on in its. truck and oh my God they start driving. towards us and some guy leans out the. window and just yells out kill the dwarf. he said kill the dwarf Jesus Jesus so I. wasn't like oh thank you for using the. proper term. all right Rudy go ahead more questions.

for Brad. um I know you've got him lined up okay. do you. poo every day. I don't know wait how do you think we. got these things in here. Reese's Pieces.

pieces yeah what the [ __ ] do you think. these things came from the North Pole. you [ __ ] idiot think about the. question right she equates size with. three years. every day yeah. so you think that the food goes to the. body no okay because I don't poop every. day you would think that he would poop. more often yeah because there's a. shorter way that's why I'm asking yeah. no but that's not what you're asking you. were asking as if like do they poo every. other day no just him because I don't go.

every day yeah so do you poo every day. yeah or you would have asked how many. times a day do you poo. right so I don't think that was the. question anyway. let her it's right okay that's her. question let her dig out of this so I'll. ask it again. whatever you want well yes uh uh so to. answer your question yes I have a bowel. movement every day and thank God. and I don't even know if they're a. sponsor of this show if not they should. sponsor me just in general so my tour.

should be sponsored by these people. Squatty Potty oh right right yeah love. me a Squatty Potty it's a Squatty Potty. what do you mean basically the show. basically if your legs are on the toilet. yeah your legs are on that little thing. we used to we did they used to sponsor. the show it's what this Apple box is but. while you're shooting oh wow and it's. designed to clean this oh yeah they used. to sponsor our show yeah yeah I remember. yeah yeah. it's an amazing product yeah that's. great I love it and please sponsor my. tours it uh it straightens out your.

intestines you know they say your. intestines if you re if you unravel them. would wrap around the earth multiple. times. do you know that. what my own intestines would wrap around. the earth yeah multiple I think it's. twice or something like that yeah insane. do you ever see uh that's not true look. Google it right now prove that I'm right. a one human being will travel around the. world your intestines can wrap around. the earth if they're when they're. Unwound if a veins oh it's maybe it's. maybe it's vascular it's something that. can wrap around the [ __ ] Earth I. forget what it is uh your blood vessels. can stretch around the earth twice two.

times your blood vessels there's so many. blood veins that's insane no no it says. it cannot stretch down twice your blood. vessels can stretch around the earth. twice Brad's construction on a. basketball twice. stop it it's not even funny all right go. one more question come on make it count. and yeah Make It Count do you count I. don't know I don't know do you poo every. day my it might have been one of the. best ones let's try one more you know. she's got another one rattling around. that brainer hers. so much Creative Energy.

um. you ever looked at his orphan okay okay. have you met Peter Dinklage ah uh we. call him King dwarf uh he rules uh I I. have not met him he he refuses to go to. the meetings. uh bastard uh he tried to take the. dwarves out of the new Snow White movie. did he really really yeah well that was. the thing he said on Marin. that he was like oh they're they're. redoing they're they're doing a live.

action Snow White and uh and they they. like made Snow White Latina which is. great makes sense and then they had a. snow Brown yeah and then uh he said like. yeah but they're still having they're. they're they're they're trying to make. this woke Snow White but they're still. having the dwarves in it you know what. made me mad what see that doesn't make. any sense the dwarves are people why. wouldn't they still be in it it was just. about a girl and her friends yeah so. this [ __ ] like dwarves yeah we'll be. made into a live actionable Disney said.

Tuesday it was Consulting with members. of the dwarfism Community well who are. these members yeah were they at the. meeting where's like do do we have you. got to be in that movie where's the. dwarf house are you sleepy which one are. you I just want to see the dwarf Al. Sharpton if you don't get in that. [ __ ] movie we're gonna protest yeah. yeah you're in the how many are there.

you wouldn't be grumpy or sleepy no. Dopey you'd be either Dopey or what's. the other one come on go over all right. happy sleepy dokie happy. you could be sneezing Sneezy no I don't. like that a few more doc yeah doc you. could be Doc you could be Doc you could. be dog okay Doc and of course Bobby will. be the Huntsman yeah let me be the magic. mirror a month ago I got an audition oh.

two months ago I got an audition for. Time Bandits they're redoing time damn. yeah Time Bandits and it was doing it is. um. anyway um. and I said no you said no yeah because. they may wanted me to read for oh the. dwarf part yeah but they're not using. dwarf parts now son of a [ __ ] that suck. yeah they're they're like those are the. Time Bandits yeah well because I well. taika's doing it yeah that's right you. said that yeah tiger is doing it and um. I go I there's no way I can't oh tiger. ytt yeah yeah yeah they're well and this.

is real I was in an audition right right. before the lockdown happened uh back. when we still did in-person auditions. and I think I did okay for the part and. then they looked at me and said just so. just so you know so you don't get your. hopes up we're really looking for a. minority hire. well and I just looked at him like yeah. yeah because it wasn't a dwarf part yeah. it was just a part you got and then. they're like a guy yeah I'm like yeah. there you go uh I'm the only one that.

still has a separate drinking fountain. yay so would you consider he would can. be considerable what comes out of those. Kool-Aid what comes out of yours. frosting. how many dwarfs are there in the world. by the way let me see the world. population dwarf world population yeah. how many dwarfs do you think stop before. he ghouls how many dwarves do you think. are in the world well because I think. you might that you're right I'm doing. quick math it's one in every 36 000. one. in every 36 000 yeah then there's you. know eight billion people I can't do.

that math in my head uh let let's go. with uh 800 000 little people can I ask. you a side note aside from this [ __ ]. we were talking about little people why. does Adam Ray not like me. Adam really loves you I was not invited. to his wedding well yeah you were I was. you were yeah but why would you a 651. 000 Brad you're pretty close wow. well yeah because I sensed it that's. pretty good right you guys know where. you are how many redheaded people are. there in the world 651 000 the entire. country of Ireland how many redheaded.

people in the world that population I. bet there's only like a million I mean. it's not that many more than you. what does it say. one to two percent of the human. population okay so that's that's more. than six hundred thousand yeah 70. million 70 million 70 240 well that's a. big gap that's the problem because they. don't [ __ ] know yeah because they. don't because most of us stay in hiding. a lot of us don't come out. your stuff in your stockings too okay so. let's well we will uh come over here.

okay that's fine. did you guys get Brad of stocking as a. guest. where's my where's the stocking yeah oh. oh [ __ ] I'd even okay thank you so for a. for Andrew. oh wow look at this. Andrew on the North Pole Express look at. this sweet book that I got what did you. get Bob. what is that what is that buddy is that. a butt plug what is that what the [ __ ].

is this it's cold. somebody get coal in their stocking. because they were a bad boy this year oh. Bobby was bad can I read you this don't. keep doing it Bobby don't keep putting. your hand in there Andrew sees a present. rep neatly with a bow the label has a. name and the wrapping seems to Glow the. present is for me Christ Andrew with the. biggest grin Andrew opens it to look. inside and suddenly Falls in Andrew's in. the frosty Woods looking at Blue Skies. to find a world inside a box such a big. surprise the signpost on the trail shows. which way to go Santa's house Andrew.

says and all then runs through the. sparkly snow Andrew spots a village and. a family up ahead Andrew grasps and. can't believe they're made of. gingerbread the daddy smells Andrew you. want to see Santa's house I guess you'll. get there so much quicker on the North. Pole Express now get in my van and I've. got some treats take off your clothes. let me warm your feet put them in. between my comfy butt cheeks Now give me. a kiss. off we go sit on my lap it's now your.

seat. what is this. a Jeffrey Epstein Christmas what what is. this it's a Christmas book uh from. Target on Sunset kiss me little Andrew. kiss me right here. don't bother if it cries that's not. actually a tear. wow what is this I mean this was at the. checkout aisle. you'll be okay just keep your mouth. closed. open of course right now and now take.

off those clothes. chugga chugga choo choo in your poo poo. did I say that no oh it's made all that. [ __ ] up lyrics he's made all that [ __ ]. up but also chugga chugga choo choo in. your poop. by the way uh bro. so good for all for all the fans of the. show when Andrew starts reading the book. I isolate the clip no no no when Audrey. starts reading the book he's pissed off.

and just look at Bobby and someone put. the song hello doctor it's my old friend. uh Bobby got that and he's upset about. it so Bobby say goodbye properly to our. guest and say thank you thank you Brad. thanks for being here well to be honest. with him not being real I really want no. okay let's go real sorry. um I. um I've always loved you I think you're. a beast and I think that um. you know it was a real surprise I knew. you were coming today it was a blessing.

Merry Christmas to you it's a Christmas. miracle it's your Christmas miracle. happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays happy. Hanukkah Kanye and then um Kyrie and. thank you for being a bad friend thank. you for being a bad friend let's have uh. Rudy say it and then Brad say it. thank you for being a bad friend. perfect. [Music]. yeah. laughs.

[Music].