The Diamond Brothers | Ep 149 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends my special cheeseburger. is out right now on Netflix please watch. it please share it tell people double. thumbs up like it and tell everyone you. know to watch cheeseburger on Netflix. right now you two are bad friends who. are these two idiots. [Music]. or something we're bad friends. yeah yeah oh that song yeah well that's.

Blondie I stole yeah I stole I had I. stole I shouldn't say that I took two. bags. field of clothes it was so cool and. guess what Jesse did juicy what she. stole her shoes from Herman Munster. let me see your shoes what the [ __ ] oh. those are tight those are tight who. makes you like them no oh I thought. would you wear them what would you these. aren't for Andrew you would never wear.

those Orthopedics yeah they're good for. my back yeah they're very um juice what. are you doing with these big old stilts. I want to be taller no they look tight. I'm not gonna lie that's what's tipped. out for the kids yeah these are cool. wait wait that's what's hit for the kids. 100 that is absolutely a hip shoe for. the kids type in Hip shoes for kids I. will say I had red laces on them and. then last night at the store people told. me to take them off because I guess. that's what the Nazis are doing yeah. yeah you know that yeah well they love. the color red yeah and black yes we do.

yeah yeah wait what no do hip shoes for. Gen Z you're gen Z aren't you I'm a. millennial but thank you are you really. I thought you were gen Z 32. oh you just. made it right is that what it is or no. you're the you're like oh there they are. wow wow batega that's how much mine was. yeah those are fifteen hundred dollars. yeah oh wow wow I've been saving up all. my money for that amazing well let's. give a lot of let's give love where love. is due what I gotta tell you something.

man I love you you've been I love you. you were a little hostile the other. night can I let's move on can I talk. about it a little hostile but let's move. on from it no because can I talk about. it it's gonna enrage me and I want a. moon no you're not listening please go. ahead can you let me finish it's an. apology I'm saying I I am I told you I'm. sorry that night. because I didn't like an interaction and. I love you and I even sat on the stairs. I said I don't want something like that. to get between us and look at me in the.

face it never will it never will again. really yeah because I was pissed off not. at you but it came at me well you know. why I was mad and you agreed that it was. not okay what happened I didn't do. anything no no so the interaction that. you had before me was not okay which I. agree with yeah but you brought that. hostility into into my life look at me I. apologize I love you one two three I. love you I love you so much I apologize. I was bummed and Bobby didn't deserve. any of the anyway I saw him walking to.

the hallway and I can just tell he has. like that Northman thing. he brings his shoulders in and he's just. like Walking Dead He's directly toward. me right now I look for axes when they. have you know when they walk like that I. look for the axes and the night yeah. that's exactly for all that [ __ ] right. so does he have that no it's probably in. the car in my head right it is and he. comes up to me he goes hey you yeah like. you know like a biker like a bike. Japanese Viking oh that's my Vikings hey. you. is that a pirate kind of yeah I don't. know kind of piratey yeah hey yo hey.

that's good yeah and you just how come. you like something about like phone. calls I haven't make any phone calls for. people I love when you make phone calls. yeah that's what it is I need you to. make phone calls no because you were. trying to get me to call people no I. know what it was yeah I know exactly. what it doesn't matter no I wanna could. I just bring it up yeah fine all right. how come your agent you bought my agents. yeah right and it was about like what do. it have to do with my agents I say pick. up the [ __ ] phone and tell them to.

say yes to the goddamn I understand. we're trying to go on tour it's eight. o'clock at night though we're trying to. go one tour see there it is send them an. email anyway I accept your apology and. they're well that's that I love you God. bless I love you too and can I say. something what. two things one thanks to the fans. locally in La sold out the shows for the. bad friends uh uh two nights and all the. money's going to the. um door humans what can I just say. something yeah you want to keep some of. the money no can one of the doorman not.

get any money. yeah you know what's so funny yeah no. not you no no yeah she doesn't get. anything no I want her to get them we. did the math because we were talking. about what if there's one door guy that. doesn't do a good job we're like What if. he doesn't get the money and we did the. math and it's like an extra 22 dollars. for each of us nice so it's kind of not. worth it that's how much you're making. no if you we divided it into oh I see. the 26 26 door people right so it's kind. of not worth just like stabbing them in.

the back. he's so [ __ ] funny yeah whatever he. did I'm gonna laugh go ahead. go ahead okay Arrangement you're doing. the Northman thing again I'm not North. Menon at all yeah he's not doing the. shoulder but I can tell the shoulders. are down all right good what do you do. so you know how the main room front door. after the show starts is completely. closed yeah right so then what we have.

to do is we have to go all the way. around the building it's not that big of. a deal yeah. no I started with you. yeah yeah I was just saying yes I have. something in my throat I know his house. still I'm good okay so anyway. um. so I'm in the patio I'm gonna make me go. all the way around that's not the point. you're gonna be making me go all the way. around. you're gonna make me go all the way all. the way around Oh no you're gonna make.

me go. all the way around dude okay so he made. you go all the way around. so what the door was closed you made you. go all the way no that's not what. happened I'm in the patio I'm like I. gotta get in the main room because I. lost I left my jacket in the main room. Green Room you've done that. it's everything so I go let me just. check the front door right so I go out. in the front door I'm about to approach. it right I'm kind of where the opening.

where the patio is I'm coming around the. corner yeah I see Lockwood walk out of. the main room front door. he looks at me smiles and shuts the door. awesome shout out to Matt Lockwood and I. go the bro you look you saw me you. couldn't hold the door and he's like hey. my man policy dog right and so I had to. go all the way around. hello yeah why don't you keep a couple. jackets in the main room green room. because you've left so many why don't. you just act like a secondary closet.

what do you mean I still have to go back. to get the jackets no but I'm saying. leave a couple jackets there if I leave. the jacket all the jackets will be there. no I have to go all the way around oh. wait you know I mean I don't go all the. way around make it your jacket closet. just or what about this how about not. close the front door I like that that's. better it makes more sense it doesn't. make any sense because what if people. come to the show late. they gotta do little knock right they do. but that that's their message that's the. store's message saying yeah don't be. late show already started anyway so can. we not give him money. [Laughter].

that sounds good because. I gave him [ __ ] about it and he goes I. don't give a [ __ ] dog he does not he. does not he does not and so now I'm. believing that he wants to start some. sort of war with me he does okay that. being said I need to win. let's call him up yeah. let's see what this [ __ ] guy's got to. say I told him you really like to be. like uh complimented and stuff yeah I. don't need that what the [ __ ] you're. talking about delete that.

yeah you do leave that in you're a. little bastard hey you're on bad friends. Bobby's out here saying uh that he. thinks you're trying to start a war with. him because you closed the door on him. from the front and you made him go all. the way around to the back yeah. [ __ ] can do some exercise whoa. oh [ __ ] could use some exercise. listen I'm not trying to start a war dog. but you know if he wants to come at me. he's gonna he's gonna come at somebody. who's gonna fight back so.

what do you got to say buddy. the war zone the war is on the world. let's go let's go all right he's not. afraid of you I know you're not because. I'm small and you're a big guy I get it. oh so you're saying he's vegan High. School in high school you were able to. do that to little Asian guys in high. school I know you did that but my point. this is a different world all right and. I'm a big boy now all right you want to. start a war I'll start a war.

let me ask you this Matt did you close. the door on me. yeah I slammed it I slammed it up there. we go so that's the war you started the. war that's First Blood. all right okay. yeah. you got my back yeah I love you Doug. all right I'll wait bye. he's the best all right so I gotta tell. you you're gonna back him well here's. the deal no he's like six six he's big. he's a big big boy yeah fat though and.

he's got nothing though I've seen 600. pound life he's not they're tall as well. but they can't move I gotta tell you. right he's a big boy I know he's a big. boy but he looks like he might have some. here's what I'm gonna say to you whoa. just run I don't no I think you should. run bro I don't need your help in the. war because the kind of war that I the. kind of War I'm gonna fight is not. physical what kind of word do you do. career. Korean what do you say Korean oh. Korean War Korean war part two we.

already won that one didn't we we were. on our side what are you talking about. wait I'm a Korean no America was on the. Korean side during the Korean War it was. North Korea versus South Korea in the. war I was rooting for North I know I. wanted them to win so it was one redhead. guy it was at your family on the other. side I I know would that be an image of. like panning overseeing all these. Koreans and they just one red-headed guy. with a gun what is he doing yeah two. things first of all we do like the shoes. and second of all the teddy bear shirt. fire I like it I love it you like it.

pretty good I like your style I love. that you guys are complimenting me well. because you're the best juice we love. you it's the holidays I'm feeling good. happy Hanukkah merry Christmas happy. Kwanzaa. um when does this come out yes yeah it's. already over yeah happy New Year happy. New Year is this happy New Year happy. New Year. have we had a great New Year great it's. Let's uh for a second because it's the. new year let's reflect yeah what. happened great in 2022 oh [ __ ] I have so. much to do [ __ ] let's hear it.

um let me see. go ahead no I'm saying I hope I'm part. of it. well I mean you're going to be in the. book. what you're definitely in the book what. do you mean the book my audio. autobiography when I die footnote I'll. be a footnote no no if I have a book. about my life yeah I'll be I'll have. ghost writers I'll be a chapter. you think you have how many chapters on. the book three thousand three thousand. chapters you'll be a chapter that would. be awesome if you don't think the bad.

friends chapter of your life is a. massive part of your life you really do. you really don't think so. I don't understand the question. can you explain it to me I don't think. you're gonna get a book oh yes not with. this kind of [ __ ] no this one so how. many chapters are in the book can I ask. you that. in a book what is the average I've never. read one so okay. 40. 40 40 you'll be a chapter 40.

chapters that's good he doesn't know. what he's talking about all right he's. never read a [ __ ] book yeah I'll say. this this is your chapters of your life. ready. San Diego. abuse no drugs laundromats that's. chapter one chapter two Dynamite detail. on the railroads. chapter two don't forget that chapter. two. stand up struggling no La Jolla. absolutely not Comedy Store chapter. three. kalila okay.

chapter four The Santino years is that. what you're [ __ ] saying yeah yeah. oh so chapter four is. Santino here yeah the Santino years all. right chapter five uh. let me ask you death death can I ask you. as a question though real quick about. books right can the chapter be one page. sure then you'll have the fourth chapter. wow yeah if the chapters one page you. can have and there's 30 chapters so. disrespectful well how many chapters am.

I in your book get the whole book. oh it's called Bobby Lee and me it's. called me and Bob yeah me and Bob and. Bobby Lee Me and Bobby Lee listen to how. that Rings Me and Bobby Lee you know. what dude I'll be honest with you if my. book is Tom Sawyer you're Huckleberry. Finn. that feel better. if this is Mice and Men you're the guy. am I I'm the one you are um I crushed. the mouse in my hand if our book how.

about this if our book is Phantom of the. Opera yeah I've never I don't know I'm. the Phantom yeah and I'm the Opera. you're Christine oh. I can't be the Opera because I love you. but I can't really have you oh but I. really really want you all right and I. want to capture you and bring you down. to my Lair and hold you captive and sing. You songs but in mice and men that big. guy what was his name do you guys. remember uh uh stop stop hold on don't. even Google it it was uh his name is uh. Lenny but in the book I I don't know if. I read it but does he kill mice I don't.

know if I read it the book I don't know. if I read it. okay what are the chances that you read. it then. I think I read it. because I think this I just I distinctly. I can't even say the word I distinctly. remember did you relapse. I just can't say that word okay I. distinctly remember that he kills a. mouse with his hands because he doesn't. know how strong he is you're thinking of. Green Mile that's right is that what the. green mileage yeah so does Lenny know. what you didn't read a book you watched.

it because then he's black right. in your world yeah. it was then he kills Curly's wife. because of his inability to control his. own strength and emotions but he he does. have a mouse as a pet oh he doesn't kill. him yeah it's like his friend oh it's. his friend my bad speaking of pets. show them Santino did you hear about. this all over the news what that's. Santino right there. zookeepers noticed after observing. Santino behind blind uh behind blind.

glass the chimpanzee had been busy. stockpiling ammunition in anticipation. of the visitors dragging stones from a. protective moat and even thumping chunks. of concrete into rough discs he made the. piles of stones only on the part of his. Island facing the crowds. Santino the chimp has been Huck and poop. and stone at visitors in the zoo he's a. bad boy what a bad boy I have a photo of. Santino's wife and my phone would you. like to see it yeah okay yeah I can't.

wait to see it you would like to see it. I haven't seen what what photos this. must be a it's a photo of Santino's wife. me or this chimp The Chimps. uh I'm being held at the zoo in Sweden. by the way I I heard he got out what did. it say in December I can't see because. he just died he just died yeah rest in. peace send it to the boy so they can put. it up on the screen this phone on the. screen this can't be seen let me see. oh my God.

oh my I know you sent that to me have. you seen do you are you offended by that. by the way no I'm happy to see Bobby so. happy you need to delete that off your. phone immediately why because in case. something happens you're in big like you. if someone hacks your laptop you don't. want that evidence around yeah and. you're prone to getting hacked yeah it's. getting up yeah it's on Twitter you're. still hacking yeah like it could happen. by the way shout out to everybody on. Twitter who's bought a laptop from Bobby.

Lee I mean dude you realize people are. still buying laptops from you I I went. to a private company they still can't do. anything this guy's incredible this. might be one of the best hackers of all. time he's had your account for how long. now like a month. yeah yeah he's racking up them laptops. am I losing I probably lost so many. followers. three forty three thousand still pretty. good still pretty good. and you probably sold a couple of. thousand can I sue him for the money you. can I don't you can sue him maybe for uh. I mean if he's using my [ __ ] likeness.

Twitter to sell products isn't this. funny though that Elon Musk Elon Musk. aside Twitter in general. the fact that like Twitter doesn't. understand how to stop this is crazy. that's crazy to me but it was anyway. that's your monkey that's my monkey yeah. yeah yeah and hold they call this monkey. the city you know he just died he just. died he was shot after escaping the. enclosure I got out. my boy got out said dude he got out and. then uh they he went missing and then. they killed him wow they shot him they.

were afraid. they're afraid of what he was gonna do. and I gotta tell you it looks a little. bit like me we have the same eyes the. eyes are yeah we have the same eyes. similar the same yellow eyes the same. yellow jaundice alcohol Layton dies I. wish yeah the Santino chimp. he's cute dude there's a guy on Tick. Tock who has a chimp as a pet and I it. would be tight it's crazy but it would. be tight I think you just got to make. them a little smarter than they'll be. able to communicate with us I think. they're really smart with English though.

oh they only speak it's a physical thing. why they can't talk yeah it's their. throat their larynx hasn't drowned. that's right oh see what you're saying. to me right now is that if they had a. larynx yeah did they be able to go. what's that Bob probably of course they. can't form the same you think they're. not thinking that stuff they're so smart. they're so smart yeah they can put. blocks together and [ __ ] you know what I. mean and like escape a maze maybe but. like you can't escape a maze I know well. if I could do the blocks pretty good I. know I have trouble with my blocks by. the way how this is a science question.

how many times larger is the human brain. than a chimpanzee's brain I already have. it don't look it up I already know men. are females right oh sick burn dog. um dudes first. how much larger is the male brain to the. human brain I don't know that I mean I. don't even know the right measurement. lingo how many times larger two pounds I. don't know how what do you say how many. times larger is our brain than their. brain times times. um. it's not even a time it's like it's I.

don't think it's that much larger I. would say one time one time larger no. time so it's the same size. do you think I'm talking about time no. no no I'm saying I'm confused you're. confusing me with a very easy question. because I've been to the [ __ ] zoo and. I've seen their heads and their I've. seen some Koreans with that style of. head. and so it might just I'm like oh that's. a Korean head you know okay yeah the. answer is three three times our brain is.

three times larger than wow their brains. that means we're three times smarter no. it just means we've got more mush there. we have more good we have more goop and. mush up there that goop's got to do. something isn't it true that we only use. a certain percentage of our brains too. like we use 16 almost nothing yeah it's. less than a quarter of our brain yeah I. want to be able to connect it all man. you can do take DMT. it connects the brain get to the next. level dog ten percent of our brain is. it's a myth uh civil actually required. most of the brain to be active right. well this is this is a two-way street.

most of the brain is required to be. active but but it's saying we we. typically only use certain portions of. our brain the majority of the time so. you need a lot of your brain to still. fire something like you know when you uh. you know when you remember somebody's. name that you forgot for a long time oh. yeah that's a little crazy. huh like when you're in that situation. what do you say that's what he says huh. huh oh you go huh. hey Andrew. huh that's what you do well let me see.

if you're a guy I don't remember your. name yeah but you know I'm important and. I see your I recognize your face all. right I'm gonna go ahead I'm at a party. yeah. this DJ is amazing. what is what song is this hey oh what's. up Alfred what's up goodbye. whoa what what the [ __ ] [ __ ] Anderson. Tina what's up dude what's up dude. Andrew what's up how are you yeah you. don't call me man I know dude I've been.

so busy are you all right are you doing. good when's the last time I saw you um. oh my God forever ago it feels like a. month ago no had been was it longer than. that. no we shot Dave a month ago I know but. it just feels like it was way longer. very good yeah I like it I'm so good at. this watch I'm not good at it I've done. this my whole career all right so keep. going I don't know who those guys are on. the boot in the booth yeah. no but go ahead all right well this is. my friend Felicia you know Felicia. remember you met oh wait we have have we.

met we have Andrew hey I just said her. name [ __ ] that's my dad it's Felicia I. know it's so good to see you you. remembered yeah yeah of course yeah. what's my name again. can I be honest with you dude I'm at. this party. and and I'm you know I saw you and I you. know we've had this little interaction. you call me dude the first time right. right you didn't remember that we shot a. month ago I'm beginning to feel like you. don't know my name so what's my name I. just told you we did shoot a month ago I.

do remember and I gotta be honest with. you you're a little offended and I I. don't I don't want to be here for this. kind of attitude that's fine I apologize. the idea that the I don't know your name. how about this dude I know exactly who. you are why would you do this to me. what's my name then this is insane dude. you don't know my name you need help you. don't know my name you need help you. don't know my name yeah of course I know. your [ __ ] name what is it you know. what bud. what. this isn't the way to treat people okay. it's Tony.

okay. is it really Tony yeah it's me Tony. are you sure yes I feel like your name's. not Tony it's Tony. Tony Asian guy named tone Anthony yeah. Tony Chong. Tony Sean yeah yes no my name is John. [ __ ] you oh wow see is her name Felicia. no what is her name Coco that's how'd. you forget because people are.

unimportant all right well I gotta go. bye get out of my house this is my party. what is it Tony this is your party get. the [ __ ] out I wish the other Santino. was in but they would never do that. socially they wouldn't take it to that. level no that's crazy yeah you just walk. away at some point this is really funny. I have a friend who's I have a friend. whose friend I thought his name was Gabe. but his name was Brian yeah but for the. first like five times I met him I was. like are you sure your name isn't Gabe. and he was like it's Brian I was like.

but I know it's Gabe yeah because he. looks like a gay oh I know that yeah and. so now even when he texts me years later. he saved him my phone as Gabe I call him. gay yeah yeah and he loves it it's a. joke but it's a term of endearment now. it's yeah it's fun but sometimes I. forget his real name I did that to Ryan. sickler what do you call him two weeks. ago and he caught me and I [ __ ] up and. I feel so [ __ ] I haven't seen him since. then I want to apologize what did you. call him I go what's up Stout Stout Ryan.

Stout yes right you thought Ryan Stout. yeah another community and he would. ignore me and I go stat what the [ __ ]. bro you thought Ryan said yes in my mind. right and I go uh. he goes um dude I don't respond to Stout. what does it even mean in my mind I just. was I thought literally still at that. point his name was Stout he gave you an. out by the way you could have been like. I know I'm trying out new nickname [ __ ]. didn't work yeah no I mean I doubled. down yeah. rocket money formerly known as true bill.

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rocketmoney.com friends this episode is. sponsored by betterhelp better help is. so great Bob and I have used therapy for. a long long time and I gotta tell you. something I'm a big proponent of getting. help mental health help is huge and you. might think you're on the right track. and you don't need to talk to anybody. but I got to tell you it builds up and. it comes out in bad ways especially if. you have trauma it stays in your body. right and you if you keep it and you. don't deal with it it turns into other. things yeah man issues like stress and.

your physical symptoms sometimes in a. lot of cases strokes and stuff like that. that's why I believe that doing therapy. is so good for your spiritual emotional. and also physical health I agree if. you're thinking about giving therapy a. try better help is great options. convenient flexible affordable it's. entirely done online all you gotta do is. fill out a brief questionnaire get. matched with the licensed therapist and. switch therapist at any time for no. additional charge all you have to to do. is try it what's the worst that can. happen you don't got to go to a.

therapist office no doctor's offices no. weird uncomfortable waiting rooms you. can do it from your house wherever you. are if you want to live a more empowered. life therapy can get you there visit. betterhelp.com bad friends data to get. 10 off your first month that's better. help. h-e-l-p.com slash bad friends these. things happen yeah this has got to. happen to you I went a whole year I. think it was like third grade and I I. missed one of the days like when we got. this teacher so I never knew my. teacher's name and I went I was too. embarrassed to ask so would you ask your.

friends I didn't have any friends I was. just gonna say there's no way she had it. was like you know we moved a lot oh Jews. so I just got a teacher but they are. teacher yeah for what it's worth they. are is there any way you can like ask. like another teacher or a principal or. somebody it's too late now it's too late. it's a long time for a year you called. her teacher yeah that's insane but to be. sure she was teacher that's true like if. she was was like podcast host yeah I'd. be like well yeah like if I was in the.

middle I called the guy Captain if he. was a captain yeah oh if you can't do it. with their if they're like you have to. be a certain rank you have to be a. captain Oh [ __ ] General Captain so if I. call an admiral Captain that's bad yeah. you don't want to do that they'll [ __ ]. you up who will the the Admiral will oh. the captain under the Admiral either one. of those guys are gonna beat the [ __ ]. out of you probably both of them okay. officer ranks second Lieutenant first. lieutenant Captain major lieutenant. colonel colonel brigader General Major. General is it brigidaire I think I'm a.

brigidaire you know what this is I don't. like the way that they did that first of. all major major general should be after. major. and bring it to your general should be. the top thing let's break a deer huh. [ __ ] I [ __ ] that up would you say I. think I think Major General sounds bad. General is whack because something. that's General is basic oh that's right. so it's like majorly based yeah your. major basic I think the top dog. should be the kernel because Colonel. sounds dope. everybody loves the colonel yeah KFC KFC.

well that everybody loves the colonel. where's Commander. he's in Chief he's someone there's no. Commander up there oh well there wasn't. a first officer either zoom in on that. one this is how little we know about the. [ __ ] I don't know what you think. about it but thanks for doing it guys. military people out there we really. respect you and appreciate you because. I'm I can't do it I really couldn't zoom. in on any of those tits. I call Carlos tits now oh that's nice. because he kind of he's like a little. cute little pair of tits all right let's. see the ranks baby.

what do we got scroll down just in the. list so we don't look at it like that. all right private private private first. class specialist That's when you really. moved up in privates was a specialist. like someone that specializes in. something I think he's a little special. private oh yes on the Spectrum he's on. the Spectrum price then it goes Corporal. Sergeant staff sergeant because he. didn't count all the enemies yeah one. two three very good special prize how. many is there behind the [ __ ] Bush. three loses count.

Corporal Sergeant staff sergeant has a. staff infection Sergeant First Class. will not fly coach first sergeant Master. Sergeant sounds racist command sergeant. major that sounds fake sergeant major. sergeant major of the army. wow then a bunch of warning officers. just get numbers Warren officers I don't. want the commissioner office let's move. on from that second and first lieutenant. Captain major lieutenant colonel colonel. Brigadier General Major General. Lieutenant General Army Chief of Staff.

General. Army Chief of Staff General that's too. many words for the guy who's supposed to. be the number one that's no I thought. that was the least. so wait what no no oh wait is that the. time no you're right this is the Army. chief of staff is number one your top. yes your top deck because can Major. General talk [ __ ] about Army's Chief of. Staff in front of his face not in front. of his [ __ ] face can you do it of. course you tell Lieutenant Colonel and. Captain oh I see I see you know who's.

gonna have the hardest laugh his second. Lieutenant he's gonna be cracking the. [ __ ] up yeah so if I if I was Lieutenant. General yeah right you'd be ahead of me. maybe oh yeah all right all right so. you're you can be Lieutenant General. then I guess no no no no no you would be. Colonel a special person I'm Colonel. right she's lieutenant colonel. she's taking Lieutenant okay. yeah and what are you then in this. situation Lieutenant General okay so I. can come between Lieutenant General. what's up Santino I'll go how are you. sir God I'll go wait where are you again.

I'm you just you said I was carnal oh. yeah I'll go I'll go yes Colonel what's. happening. oh did you be that formal because I'm. about to talk [ __ ] about [ __ ] Army. Chief of Staff if you came up to me like. that I wouldn't say [ __ ] colonel colonel. colonel what calm down oh sorry man this. is a free [ __ ] talk uh room that's right. we're by The Watering Can by the water. he needs to salute you though even if. you're by the watering can and then you. have to tell him that he's no that's not. a thumbs up you think that's all how. funny if the army saluted that way if.

they're like Colonel. oh they do this right yeah can you do. both yeah I've never seen that that's. that's what that's what the Koreans do. yeah. is that a lot is that a lot too much. respect I would do that for you you got. to pick a hand I go hey lieutenant. general Santino what's up what's up. player oh [ __ ] you're in a good mood can. I tell you about Armor shoes what the. [ __ ] did he do he stinks he stinks. that's [ __ ] garbage man I hate him. yeah should we kill him when we're doing.

Desert Storm should we kill him oh [ __ ]. yeah you're under arrest oh [ __ ] and I'm. in trouble yeah I was just kidding. though we're high-end flying second. lieutenant. the second Lieutenant take care of this. that's what you would do yeah oh that. sucks entrapment dude that's entrapment. I can't have you hurting my own crew oh. and I see what you do colonel. this is this entrapment let me ask you. something wait what what I just that was. not entrapment oh what was that then.

uh that was some [ __ ] [ __ ] oh you just. [ __ ] [ __ ] that's what they call [ __ ]. all right but would I still get arrested. yeah for sure yeah yeah but I'd get I. did [ __ ] me up wait I would get arrested. for calling Army Chief of Staff smelly. no saying he should be killed killed. yeah you said you were the one that. brought it up I just gave you the bait. you ate it I said I said should we kill. him and yeah and I go yeah as a joke I. think I think I can fight my way I don't. think colonel was joking whatsoever. there's no jokes on Army. okay there's no jokes in the Army there.

is no jokes in the Army what's. entrapment. you were just going to ask me what do. you think isn't drama did you feel like. you got in trouble no no what I'm asking. you like for instance if I'm with a um. not that I would do it but if I'm with. like you know. oh oh boy this sounds like entrapment. no if I'm you know. if I'm with you know the lady of the. night. a hooker that's what I said a juice no.

juice juice why do you sound like a TV. character a hooker. are you talking about a hook it's like. keep it down Mary Lou or Mayberry or. something yeah. hypothetically no but if you if you say. to a lady of the night you go hey are. you a cop. and they said no they don't have to tell. that that's is that a myth that's a myth. okay they don't have to tell you if. they're a cop that's a great the idea. that people you have to tell me if. you're a cop no they don't they don't. have to do it why that's where is that. rule that's a weird fake law that's true.

by the way it's important to understand. military crimes that you could be. charged uh one such crime is pandering. under article 134 of the Union uniform. code of military Justice the UCMJ of. course pandered by including inciting or. procuring an act of prostitution is a. crime so if you're in my army colonel. yeah and you're [ __ ] hooks you're. done for pal right 134 you know what I. thought Patrick was. what. for gold oh pandering oh. we came all the way out west to Pander.

for gold yeah come on gold. is that pandering though or not panning. that's panning how bad would you and I. be at panning for gold I'm serious oh. I'd be patient no the only the only. thing that I would be bad about it is. distinguishing if it's gold or not yeah. but I could do this all day yeah. I could be out there for 16 hours there. you are like yeah there you are there. yeah I could do that all day if that's. my job you could pan for gold yeah. because in my head I'm like there's a.

means to an end to this maybe you're. there's no guarantee imagine because. back in the day when they did this. imagine the dopamine hit if you got like. a nugget. amazing I mean look I gotta knock it. like you're just you know you out brag. look at all the Nuggets I got but here's. the problem yeah this incited so much. violence this is this was the problem. with the gold rush the amount of. violence and war that broke out because. the amount of people that were killed in. the middle of the night because they. they know that you found I don't got a. nugget right that's right you already.

yelled it out but nothing I've been here. for three days there's a great show. there's a great movie called The Ballad. of Buster Scruggs do you remember this. oh yeah and there was a bunch of. vignettes and one of them was uh short. films inside of inside of the movie was. about a guy who found gold and then you. know the guy that saw that he found it. was like oh it's [ __ ] so dirty. because immediately dude you've been out. there look there you are right there. that's Bob yeah you're panning foreign. that's definitely you you're panning for. what 10 12 days you're paying for rice.

is that right is this obviously Panic. for rice or something crispy rice or. regular they're panning for gold these. people yeah I don't know Carlos is. [ __ ] Google Asian panning for gold. wow she's typed in Asia but look at the. wishes you probably haven't found. anything. she probably what hasn't found anything. in her whole life well if she has she no. maybe she's just saving see this is the. problem with you oh the moment you found. some gold you'd put on a Gucci shirt and. be panning that's right with my Golden. Goose. shoes no she knows don't let them know.

that you got the money. so then when you find the little I don't. know how it works but I'm sorry I'm. asking questions no please all right. like how you know my dad was yeah that's. what he did how do you think we ended up. out here but if I found like are they. nuggets you find like I found a nut like. a bunch of nuggets gold nuggets most of. the time they find flakes in this day. and age they find a lot of gold flakes. so I got a bunch of Flakes and then you. melt smelt it down into into liquid gold. like that right there that's exactly. what most people find these days but can. you find nuggets.

yeah of course you can look there's one. in the corner but like the weight of. nuggets that are found Now isn't as. prominent as it was in the [ __ ] Gold. Rush days let me ask you something yeah. why do I know this no I have another. because I watched the show Gold Rush. it's great I have another question. please. one of my favorite disaster movies okay. is called the core. just hear me out okay and in the movie. decor. the center of the earth starts to stop. spinning. all right so what they do is they.

develop a spacecraft or like an earth. craft to go into the middle of the Earth. and they let anyway when they're going. down they run into all these diamonds. right hmm and when I was watching that. in the movie theater I'm like that's. what I want to do. is get diamonds. if I could just get that [ __ ] craft. because in the movie there was so much. [ __ ] time it was like. caverns of diamonds yeah like just.

coming down from the you know I mean so. let me ask you something right if I dug. deep deep enough. would I be able to find China no oh what. caverns of diamonds no why do you think. there is a layer of Earth that is just. diamonds. yes okay. no there's not how do you know there's. not yet thank you juice you know what. yeah yeah I want both of you guys to. start digging. no you because there's no way right here.

both of you guys to start because you. have to go through the mantle all. scientists have discovered a full layer. of diamonds in Earth's core there we go. there you go. if we can make it there just hear me out. I'm listening right. it's a lot of diamonds I how deep is it. let me figure it out it's that website. was in Spanish I don't know yeah well. Fancy's right there. yeah. how much Diamond that is dude can you. imagine imagine if we discovered that. much Diamond how could we lug it out how.

heavy would that be you don't need to. take on it all whatever your pocket oh I. have a [ __ ] Patagonia backpack or. something. I would like core the core is found at. about 2 900 kilometers that's 1800 miles. below our surface radius how far below. are Earth diamonds there we go. well these are just natural diamonds. that's naturally occurring not the. diamond place right there is no diamond. cutting so it's not real you guys yes. there is there's a diamond plate all. right I believe it I believe there is. yeah but don't I mean they're in our. earth right a quadrillion tons of.

diamonds lurk deep in the Earth but. they're spread out over the end. well let's get the [ __ ] diamonds dog. we gotta get the diamond I'm trying to. convince you dude dude in our Earth. there's just plenty of diamonds but we. have to spend so much we don't have to. do this acting podcast and [ __ ] no more. dude we're the diamond brothers are we. are we the diamond bro we're the diamond. Brothers dude this that's the Mario. Brothers spin-off is the diamond Bros. yeah and what we do is. yep yep yep we just dig for diamonds all.

day I can't say all of it because the. thing is is that you know Demand right. so we just make get selling off uh-huh. right we quarter the mic market and die. how much money do you need to sell how. much money do you want to make on. diamonds to be good a billion okay once. we hit a billion you're okay yeah we're. done okay so a couple hundred million. and then we're not gonna do what we do. yeah once we make a billion dollars in. cash right then we just give all the. diamonds away so that it loses its value. Diamond yes but I'm amongst the door. guys. oh first yeah okay wait a minute that's.

so funny I like how Bobby wants to run. like a crypto scam where he's like once. we've made our money we dump the whole. [ __ ] thing and nobody makes money. yeah yeah it's basically what crypto. yeah once we make our cash we [ __ ] it. that's what I want to do okay that's. fine what else is who's going to give us. money for the diamonds that's the. problem who has the capital who are we. selling them to. um I don't know them. careful what. careful. okay.

for the teeth they love it. do you think rappers are going to buy. all of our diamonds. they either Lodge them in their teeth. they do you're right imagine if like. they had like the first front tooth just. full of diamonds you can make a tooth. out of diamonds I think you should have. a mouth filled with actual diamonds I. think your teacher be replaced with. diamonds because diamonds hardest some. of the hardest thing on earth right look. at that oh Bobby it looks so look at the. grill like that let's get you one of. those Bob I gotta get but is that real. diamonds yeah yeah it's gotta be right.

yeah but no no you know what I want to. make it out of that fake steel so that. my my everything turns green in my mouth. like chains from high school yeah yeah. Amber Rose boyfriend Alexander Alexandra. Edwards shows off permanent Diamond. Grill so it's permanently put inside of. his mouth that's what I'm saying that's. what you want yeah or that's our. audience whom we're selling it to yeah. okay and once we make a billion we give. it all away well then what are we gonna. do with a billion dollars oh [ __ ] what. would you do with a billion here you're.

you're on the level of Elon Musk right. let's say you sell some thing what would. you do with a billion oh I got a lot man. I would buy a Pottery Barn. oh you know also Pier One Imports. the first thing you said was buy Pottery. Barn the chain yeah yeah yeah why I like. it okay if you can't afford it it's uh. over three billion dollars [ __ ] well. with me with my boy Pottery Barnes a. billion three billion uh all right [ __ ]. I didn't do it that much 2.5 billion. yeah it's an international company how. about this how can I buy period of One.

Imports. how much is Pier One Imports I mean I. don't know if we can afford Pier One. either I need Pier One Imports. Pier One a net worth of 512 million I. just said I could buy a half I could buy. it with half my money all right 500 so. you can buy Pier One yeah can I buy West. End how much is West yeah I West End. dude because I want rear Restoration. Hardware but I know I can't afford it. you can't afford that no it's too fancy. yeah I can buy West you buy Pier one. I'll buy West End yeah and then juice. what do you what company do you want to.

buy I just want a studio apartment man. oh yeah. how about this can you imagine getting. getting a billion dollars and she's like. I just want a studio with this billion. she might you might by that time I still. can't afford it in LA yeah now by then. you won't but free furniture because. I'll hook you up from Pier One oh you. would and West End and West End. um maybe I'll get a one bedroom I will. say I currently live with five dudes. and it's been like over two years. because you are moving out in your own.

in your your solo spot right it's yeah I. mean I am but there's no like no. timeline I mean I don't know you live. with Five Guys for how long it's been. like over two years yeah one of them has. a workout a gym a gym outside your. window invites more comics over to work. out today it's kind of cool which I can. hear them early in the morning do. repetitions well I might want more buddy. get up get out and get lifted dog I.

think that's what he thinks he's doing. for me it's a nightmare motivating you. yeah that's the one thing I love about. you know finally living in a house is. you don't hear like this yeah rub it in. yeah that's the one thing I like about. luxury listen up juice no but you know. it's the the garbage man what it what. the garbage man what because I've lived. in the city for so long in an apartment. I always was awakened to either. construction or the garbage van. [Music].

I hated it but now what do you hear. no you hear something what still happens. oh. leaf blowers in every part of the city. oh yeah yeah but mine comes at two I. told him to come at two oh see my. neighbors it's just [ __ ] it's. constantly yeah it's constant I hear. this. is that your neighbor it's an owl that's. an owl hey let's let's try this is my. neighbor stood outside my window went oh.

I would call somebody hey Mike. he's a little sick but we love him yeah. what do you say we should trade places. for a week no oh yeah yeah like Jerry. and Kramer did on Seinfeld you guys. should swap swap places I live with the. Five Guys yes. actually dude that's so fun awesome. you're gonna have to sleep on the bed. with your boyfriend yeah. but it's a California king that's like. oh it's a Calvary king cow king but six. foot eight this [ __ ] guy how tall is. he it's six foot two yeah that's not.

that big and California king is wide so. you're it you're not you're anywhere. near him. I have a California king okay so you. know yeah I do you should rush in a bit. I mean rough it a bit get in with like. the people the working people I think. you should let her live at your house. and you live at her house I think it's a. great idea I would do it for a reality. show well fancy welcome to the podcast. yeah. Babble one of the most exciting things. about a new year is that you have no. idea what Adventures are in store for.

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in this new year right now get up to 55. off your subscription that's more than. half get 55 of your subscription when. you go to babble.com bad friends that's. babble.com bad friends up for up to 55. off your subscription Babble language. for life bespoke is one of the most. awesome days of the month is when our. box of Awesome from bespoke post arrives. that's right so we're just gonna go. ahead and I'm box this thing and tell. you what we got I'll tell you what we. got dude this week it was incredible I. got a wonderful little beautiful box.

that contained a uh Swiss army knife a. handmade Swiss army knife Bobby got a. Scorch new hot sauce sexy Scorch package. filled with hot sauces from all the. brands from all over the country from. Texas Nevada California and more and a. lot of people say to me a lot of people. are like uh because I've had the cast. that's the barrel uh that you can Aid. your own uh whiskey in and mix it and. match it. um and it's so good A lot of people say. how do I get this people say how do I. get this Andrew all you have to do to be.

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sleeping Arrangements let's talk about. it real fast I got the I got the I got. the update from the bus that's available. for the bad Friends tour. we have a bus oh my God but. it's not so cheap it's very expensive to. get a bus but here's the problem it. sleeps six to eight in the vertical. bunks but then there's a bed in the back. I know I I already I've already thought. this well let's talk about it I already. thought the scenario I already thought. about it too listen I want to hear what. you think and I'll show you what I and.

I'm gonna be the better man. um in this situation better man. you're going to demand the the yes you. are no you you don't don't you you you. can't assume it's so ridiculous what. you're doing dude I know I've already. played it out in my [ __ ] head dude. all right so you're gonna be like I'm. the bigger guy you know what I mean. sometimes you say I'm a beer comic. bigger name I've never said that I've. never said that you've never said that. to you. fancy have my back I've never said that. kind of [ __ ] to him. thank you.

I've never said that when have I ever. said that in a joking way but you have. okay so we're joking I know I've already. played this out of my head and I have. two. okay so when I did Canada with Tom. seguro he had a bus right and I slept in. the side bunks yeah loved it I slept. like a baby all right all right and. while I was laying there I did a. meditation okay in Canada okay and I. played it out Andrew's gonna demand the. bag and just listen it's so annoying. because you know you're more demanding. than me.

crazy dude [ __ ] you you're way more. demanding than me you know you're using. slurs what slur did I say [ __ ] you. that's not a slur it is no I just said. [ __ ] you that's a slur [ __ ] that's a. slur what I'm saying is let me you're. asking me to talk and you're asking me. to share my point you're not allowed to. tell me what you think I'm gonna do I'm. just telling you what in my what I. meditated on in the back of the thing.

slander Center your honor Ellie you're. the honor you could defend yourself all. right but let me finish my okay so what. do you want to have happened I'm not. done with my meditations for bro go okay. so I lived there you're gonna demand it. hearsay you go I'm basically you say you. know I you know I draw more. I never would say I have a bigger I'm in. a bigger TV show you know what I mean. I'm white probably in your mind well. that part yes yeah yeah I am one why. right and then I'm my ego is gonna get.

in the way and I'm gonna argue those. points and then we'll have a heated. thing when we have to do business and in. my head I'm gonna be the better man just. listen to me you know what Andrew I was. gonna say you're such a fun I guess this. is gaslighting yes Carlos is this this. is actually what gaslighting is I don't. I you've or you every day you [ __ ]. give me the definition of gaslighting. and I don't want to [ __ ] see it I. already know what it means someone using. psychological methods in into. questioning their own sanity or powers. of reasoning you're [ __ ] manipulating. the conversation no your experiences.

with you we've never had this before. ever order okay thank you I'm just using. Patrick's person so anyway [ __ ] liar. right you're gonna demand and I'm gonna. I'm gonna go you know so what what I. planned was this. and you should have waited for me to do. this you know what I mean I was gonna. the first day we were on the bus I was. gonna look at you pat yourself on the. back and go you know what you're the. bigger comic. you're the better comment such an. [ __ ] you draw more you're an [ __ ]. I'm not done all right and you know what. dude you deserve the [ __ ] main room.

in the back and I'm oh happy with the. side with the other you know I mean and. can I tell you something that's your are. you done finally no because this is my. this is my speech that I've created. and I go you know the all these years. it's been wonderful experience tour is. canceled We're not gonna do it nobody. gets the bed I came up with a good. solution what is it I really did truth. be told what is it and you know by the. way for the record for all the fans that. [ __ ] play into this game none of that. stuff is true I've never said that I've. never said any of that stuff that's not.

[ __ ] true that's [ __ ] [ __ ] and. B you guys never back me up. based on my experience with this Matlock. let him talk based on my experience. flying to the Philippines with him he. you know we all flew him first class. except for him he went to the back of. the plane so I can back him up on this. video I gave you my first class another. level of magic. Bobby I already made up my mind we're. doing the short. I already made up my mind and I thought.

this was could be a fun a fancy go [ __ ]. yourself by the way and you know what. also you're not coming to dinner and I. mean it you're not see the one you know. what also no you are coming to dinner. and you know I'm not gonna let you. [ __ ] eat how about that Carlos you. get two meals thank you. um uh I already decided what we're doing. I have something to do about beef with. Carlos in a second no I but well I. [ __ ] I'll back him up uh fancy. [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]. um but I already decided here's the best. way that I think is going to be fun go. ahead it's a rotation no.

well yeah that's what I decided yeah you. see that's see what you're doing. everybody gets a fair shot at sleeping. in one of the everyone you don't want to. negotiate this is my decision it is and. this is the way we're gonna do it no we. have to talk about it no it's a rotation. everybody on that that's on that bus. gets a chance to sleep in that bed it's. the most fair thing in the world I'm not. gonna sleep on that but after this. [ __ ] animal over here sleeps on it. animals because you told me you're gonna. go on [ __ ] Ryan and bang oh my God. every city every city you're gonna bang.

I was there's gonna be attempts sure. yeah I don't want his juices on the bed. let's forget it this is what I want he. doesn't get there is a but there is a. first of all time out there is a bang. bunk on the bus that you can occupy. thank you it will just be for Carlos. Bangin. no no we'll be off the bus while he's. banging no banging welders on the bus. this will be when we're on stage there's. two rules no banging on the bus from. other people on it you only bang in the. Bang Bus bunk okay and you don't poop on.

the bus nobody poops on the bus nobody. absolutely unless it's an emergency it. doesn't no we pull over you poop on the. side of the road you're not pooping on a. bus I pooped on the bus and Tom Segura. and he was fine with it he was pissed he. called me and was like your little. [ __ ] he was your little [ __ ]. Korean friend pooped on my bus he was. livid anyway okay no we're rotating no. we're not rotating end of discussion see. that everyone listening right now did. you just hear what he said end of. discussion it's my way or the highway. that's right literally his way is the. highway okay you do the opposition you.

do the rotation I'm just gonna keep I'm. gonna sleep on one Bonk bunk number five. I'm gonna put all my stuff in there and. I'm gonna stay there for the rest of the. tour you know what what good compromise. okay good compromise all right and you. do the king room no and I'll rotate with. these people who. thank you so much all right you claim. your bunks I'm I mean if there's. rotating going on I'm rotating the guy's. gonna rotate okay you know what dude. let me tell you what he did you know.

about it. time out two ways yeah. I agree with you no rotating thank you. hey give it to him now okay here we go. all right I owed him four hundred. dollars I know right I know he he comes. from money. don't do that let's rewind don't do that. I'll take that out you owe him 400.4 it. had been a couple of days right. and then he texts me his venmo thing and. hey man. yeah like two days later it's like I'm. gonna get you no we work together we're.

friends I'll get you when I get you. okay a timeout. Carlos I could read it right now you. want to read it how many days how many. days after he said he was going to pay. you the money did he pay them designated. a time we didn't designate a time that's. right it was that it was when I. remembered that I texted Bobby I didn't. want to forget. yeah that's him because he's a [ __ ]. pothead he doesn't want to forget that. he that you owe him money he would. eventually remember dude these [ __ ]. Stoners they're so [ __ ] dumb that he. has no idea what's going on is this.

[ __ ] pot guy he's a pot guy I I I. walked in I did your venmo yeah yeah you. did immediately right yeah there were. some things said in between there was. something said all right so I'm gonna. look up your [ __ ] thing right now. dude okay it was just yeah I mean you. didn't call me any words via text. so he goes hey the money owed me that's. not what he wrote read what you wrote. there literally is nothing said. he did it I paid you. end the story. how many days after the money that was.

owed from the thing that I think it was. like four days four days is kind of a. good window if you work together and see. each other every day we don't see each. other we don't teach it you don't see. him every day. let me ask you something are we. um flight attendants on different. airlines no we're podcasting exactly we. work together right so during a month. how many times do I see you during a. month. 10 12 times exactly yeah eventually you. have to worry about it it's weird anyway. let's move on.

I know. 50 50 on this I think you're both in the. wrong I think I think you should let it. you should have let it chill you should. have also I think I'm sounding like a. baby today yeah right yeah or let me. regroup yeah regroup. you know what I think I need to read the. money do you know what I think you. should do give them another 400 right. now. I'll give you another 400 but you'll see. when you get it no make it more of it.

for fun you know what you should you're. gonna give them 10 grand no let's play. this game no no no no no no oh for you. yeah fancy we're gonna give you 20 bucks. but we're not gonna tell you why no no. no no. by the way yeah. fancy I know I'm [ __ ] he's a little. Snappy little [ __ ] I'll tell you why. fans are doing this though he wants. something out of me I'll tell you what I. know I know he wants you right he's. trying to get on my good side and that's. what I like about him he's a weasel he's. a snake he's a snake in the [ __ ]. grass yeah yeah he his what do you want.

out of Bobby you snake. I just want him to be professional what. the [ __ ] does that disease what do you. mean what does that mean speak your mind. dude it's New York go ahead and say it. it's 20 23. yeah let's change we didn't. do New Year's resolutions yeah we will. but I want to hear this [ __ ] out of. this guy okay what do you want so Bobby. got him involved in a project. uh-huh that sounds good yeah and thank. you we did the project with some pulling. teeth from me yeah and then the project.

is ready to be discussed in. he left me hanging and when I text him. about it he just blows me off uh-huh. welcome to texting Bobby right no and he. told me the other day when a girl a. friend of his was around here that he. was a new man and he was gonna really do. it. throw me right on the bus huh wow look.

no trans bar I like fancy of buses. coming okay Bobby. dude you're nuts all right all right all. right you want to go that way okay see. now you know why I get mad at this. [ __ ] guys you know I'm on your side. [ __ ] snake you're a snakey little. [ __ ] yeah let's go to New Year's. resolutions Jules what are yours my. name's not Jules whoa. whoa whoa that's your New Year's. resolution memorize people's names well. this goes back to the thing yeah yeah I.

think I had no idea her name I think my. first the second no no no I just I just. wanted you gave it to me no you know we. don't know real name her real name is. Jessica yeah. okay juicy. her name's not juicy is her name juicy. juicy yeah no no she dropped it she. doesn't want you juice what is it I. can't drop it oh okay okay if I called. you that that's so wild I'll post a fly. or say jet ski and all the comments are.

like it's juice when you [ __ ] up you. claimed Alzheimer's that was your. defense mechanism yeah my dad does that. too yeah yeah that's crazy where are we. yeah you did that one of those all right. who's that yeah Larry David uh what's. your New Year's resolutions juice uh. probably to be more memorable. yeah yeah no to get my own place what's. your real New Year's resolutions juice. to get a house wait is that not how. resolution Works what no no no no. usually it's like I want to change your.

behavior change something oh no I think. I'm done. you know what I'm good you're done. changing yeah okay so the New Year's. goal is for you to get it get your own. place that's my goal yeah well let me. tell you something whatever you need to. make it happen will help make it happen. you guys already are yeah but I mean. whatever you need we'll help you okay. thank you whatever you need we'll do it. and if it comes at a cost of the show. like we have to pay these guys less. that's fine too that's fine with me as.

well yeah that's [ __ ] fine right if. we have to duck their pay don't you. think that's fair deduct their pay to. give get her a place to live at the. beginning what did you say I've been. wanting to do that me too but we have to. find a [ __ ] way to do it that doesn't. seem so on the nose I just need 1500 to. 2 000 a month got it extra. that's what a studio apartment is now in. L.A wow two grand a month two grand a. month but isn't that crazy in L.A that's. what that is now what did you pay back. in the day my first apartment in Los. Angeles is 417 a month yeah mine was.

like 500 417 but I shared it with four. other men in one bathroom that's where. I'm at right now I was there dude we did. it we [ __ ] did that [ __ ] yeah and. then my second place was. um 850 because I had my own bathroom. yeah because it was me and three other. two other guys and they shared a. bathroom and I had my own bathroom and I. was like I'll pay as much as it takes. yeah to struggle just to get my own. bathroom and then after that my first. one bedroom by myself uh was 11.95 I. remember it 11.95 how great was that bro.

when I got my first one that's why I. want her to have that she deserves to. have that [ __ ] feeling most of next. year I'm I'm not even going to be home. I'm like I know but you need a place to. call your own when you are home you need. a place to like be you be get away from. the [ __ ] [ __ ] you know what I. mean like you need a place to call your. own we're gonna make it happen when I. got. um right before Mad TV I made a chunk of. money on a commercial uh and I remember. moving into my own studio apartment it. was exposed bricks hard wooden floor. sexy you know what I mean I painted it.

you know there was like this um vintage. like um furniture store by my house this. guy Barry ran it and he gave me some. deals it was so dope so cool oh my God. having your. it did change my life being able to do. it was a big [ __ ] I remember. I remember one time coming home when I. first like moved in there and I closed. the door and I was by myself and I like. looked around and I remember being like. I don't have to talk to anybody yeah it.

was incredible I was like for the first. time I lived in a place where I didn't. have to talk to any humans that's my. dreams I didn't have to say hi or do. like a [ __ ] I don't really want you. guys to be smoking bongs right now I. just kind of want to have to like do a. thing and I was so stoked to just know. the place I moved out of was three. floors up so that my roommates were. still up there oh [ __ ] right and they. would always want to come down no you're. not coming no you don't enter into my. [ __ ] place right yeah yeah that is. kind of a problem though to be like I'm.

still here you're gone but you're still. there I was still kind of still there. terrible okay what's your New Year's. resolution Bob real or. no whatever you want to do. can I say what you're what I think yours. should be I think I know what it is go. ahead. I want to spend some time alone. hmm. I really know okay there's no joke we. need to get to know myself better are we. talking like go on a trip alone no just.

be alone in La yeah for how long. maybe a year. what we have a huge tour coming up no no. not that in terms of like seeing people. yeah he means he means romantically. alone oh I was like we're sharing bunks. on a bus. I'm gonna go leave me alone in the Box. no I I think it's all okay yeah because. I One calendar year. you think you can go a year yeah really.

I do do you want to make a monetary bet. I already owe you a thousand from them. yes you [ __ ] do. no I don't a year is a lot how about. let's just do three months of just. complete. uh what's the word I'm looking for. celibacy. it's not just the celibacy it's like I'm. and I mean intimacy with others then how. about that how about no dating no. nothing for three months that's fair. right let's do it yeah let's see how it. feels. I just I just feel lost.

well let's talk about it right now. well that's what yeah I feel lost oh. it's more real than you know I mean. comedy but this is fine too what's. what's going on you feel like you're not. connecting with anybody it's not that. it's like what's the whole reason behind. in the beginning it was exciting because. you know I mean oh I matched with. somebody you know I mean I'm gonna go on. a date this and that sometimes you would. make out whatever it might be but it's. like it's all just like kind of surface.

and um. it doesn't have to be it doesn't mean it. yeah but it's like I don't even know. what I'm looking for that's okay and. that's what I think I need to figure out. what exactly am I looking for what do I. want in a partner yeah what you know. what are my intentions here well that's. nice you can slowly but surely. um. figure that out I do think being alone. and understanding who you are that's an. important piece of this but also. you're kind of sounding like. what's the point of it all that's kind.

of it sounded like you almost said. what's the point of it. yeah. um I mean I look at people's. relationships and um. and I go you know like. like I've been watching Deep Space Nine. deep face nine is your window into. relationships. and uh so Star Trek is the window that. you use that's the barometer this is. what I've been wanting you know I mean. yeah and like you know Jeremy Cisco you. know the captain he's the black guy with.

the bald head there. what's so funny Carlos his wife was. killed by the Borg. in the beginning of the show you realize. he has a son and his wife is killed by. the Borg and he's. like I just can't believe they killed. his wife I don't know well it was when. jean-lucard became aborig he became. lucutus do you remember that he became. Lucius and he and who were you asking do. you remember yeah. they don't know how would they don't.

know this you're asking why I look at. the Google you Googled it we don't know. this though you don't know any of these. people. are you telling me that the guy with the. big ears is in sport well he looks like. a sport his name is Quark Spock well. that looks like a spork to me okay his. name is not his core and the guy to his. left is my dad. is that 100 not someone related to me. that's called mini it's Chief O'Brien.

O'Brien okay so come on okay potatoes. call them potatoes and Quirk is a. Frankie anyway can I just and then the. bottom left is is Juicy that's a. descendant of Juicy yeah that's my. grandma and who's top left go for it. Wharf Wharf that's his name is Wharf you. don't know that. buddy. don't buddy me 15th time yeah I've never. seen Star Trek oh you're missing out. then no I'm not I'll tell you why no I'm. not can I tell you why you're not oh you. are okay sure go all right you know Adam. Eagan nope you don't know Adam Egan I do.

all right so Adam eager I was just in. Austin. I did the Tom Segura thing and me and. Adam eager went up for [ __ ]. um. um barbecue yeah right and we're sitting. there eating meat as you do as men. correct right yeah and he goes he goes. what's your favorite d space nine. episode we talked about it right and the. reason why we talk about it and we talk. about Star Trek is because years ago. when he lived in La I go do you know.

Star Trek next Generation and he goes um. that those are for neuros I would never. watch it I go watch this one episode he. watched it he watches. next-gen and DS9 t-space nine. consecutively every episode it's so good. right you're just you don't know because. you're not willing to know right but if. I told you to watch a certain episode of. [ __ ] Star Trek next Generation you. would go oh my God this is a great show. the writing Have You Seen the Last Dance. the documentary about Michael Jordan. yeah oh you did I loved it you did yeah.

okay. why no I just didn't think you'd like. that I've I watched you know you know. what else I love um Ken Burns Vietnam. War a documentary series I watch good. [ __ ] yeah and I'm telling you this is a. good show I just don't like it you've. never seen it the look of it makes me. mad I know in the beginning it's a. little weird I just don't care about. these I don't I don't give a [ __ ] about. what fantasy it's not fantasy oh it's. reality it's science fiction. sci-fi fantasy I just it doesn't do it.

that's the space station right it looks. dumb and is it Wormhole you know why it. looks dumb because I know that is. there's a wormhole that's not what it's. gonna look like that's why it bothers me. it's [ __ ] [ __ ] it's not that. you're right it's never gonna look that. way yeah there would be like a. McDonald's logo that's right there's a. lot of there's a lot of things about. that show where I go well how do we. sponsor by Bank of America exactly. um. any Kardashian but he's a spy and I just. don't like the way he looks I don't want. to watch he's a Kardashian you know how. you know how you know why do you know.

why people like Brad Pitt get so much. work over the years beyond the fact that. he's a good actor because it's really. nice to look at him on screen it's. really nice to look at [ __ ] George. Clooney on screen yeah bring back spork. I don't want to look at this [ __ ] guy. for a half an hour at a [ __ ] time. that's the future that's not Spork. that's [ __ ] a Kardashian that's. Guerra okay a Kardashian that Kardashian. Butch Kardashian is that. Google frengy which Kardashians is that. Chloe yeah as Hollywood gets more these.

are ferengis this is what it's gonna. look like this is what happens yeah Brad. Pitt's out so here's my point yeah the. reason that you and I yeah and I'm. putting us into this Okay the reason. that you and I only get a limited amount. of work in television and film isn't. because of our skill set we're very. skilled you are a great actor yeah. you're [ __ ] phenomenal uh-huh right. but you don't look like people should be. watching you all the time. me too nobody wants to see our faces on. TV for a super long amount of time we.

look like that that's what people see us. in the midwest he just died. in real life yeah well don't do that to. me God bless I'm sorry. well the makeup I'm just saying. [ __ ]. I go back to my [ __ ] race let me make. my point um I don't want to look at. weird ugly alien creatures look at that. look at how [ __ ] weird that looks no. thanks. look at how [ __ ] weird what are they. doing they're a race of Frankie's that.

they're old and I'm racist against. friends the whole culture is based on. Commerce and business. what's so funny. so funny are wait their race is based on. what Commerce and business like all the. races have a certain ideology and a. language and a culture and it brings. it's cool I don't like it I just don't I. don't want to look at that but then you. don't have to thank you all right here's. my problem I this guy looks nice rest in. peace I'd like to see his beautiful. smiling face on TV instead of when he's. in makeup looking like a [ __ ] go back.

to it click on when he's in makeup down. right there I don't want to watch that I. don't want to watch him with his weird. [ __ ] balls on his testicle head. and his number no but let's can I just. finish what I'm gonna say there's a. principle about you mean that world that. I love what is it there's several of. them the prime directive. is what's so funny the prime directive I. mean look at this long-necked penis guy. why do they have to look so [ __ ] you.

know what this is do you know what start. do you know what Star Trek is to me what. it this is how why electric like. electric cars that's what this looks. like no no here no let me finish this is. ridiculous let me finish let me finish. yeah. how come just because it's an electric. car does it have to look annoying why. can't it just look like a cool car so we. have cool cars I get what you're saying. you have a cool looking car yeah but if. they made an electric it would look. [ __ ] stupid they put weird [ __ ]. like this I like it. they make it for me.

I know but and you land on a planet. right yeah and you know I mean it has. the same kind of atmosphere conditions. that Earth does and you could get off of. your ship and you well you think the. alien's gonna look like Anthony jeslin. like walking up no they're gonna look. like that they're not gonna look like. that we made that up they're gonna look. like something we've never seen or. thought of before the king we can't. imagine it's called imagination yeah but. I like my imagination I don't like this. guys whoever the [ __ ] wrote that the. prime director prohibits Starfleet.

personnel and spacecraft from. interfering in the normal development of. any society and mandates that any. Starfleet vessel or Cruise member is. Expendable to prevent violation of this. Rule and we can apply that to our life. that's [ __ ]. crazy yeah you're crazy it's like. America going into [ __ ] you know. Nigeria and opening and being capitalism. and opening up these and think the way. we think and believe what we believe we. shouldn't do that we shouldn't do that. we shouldn't do that no and there are. things in the show that I believe in. that's all I'm saying I know I want to. say something to you because you don't. like to Facebook reality so you want to.

live in a fantasy no I'm going to say. one thing that's what it is I'm gonna. make you watch one. I'll watch one with you okay but I'm. gonna make fun of it the whole [ __ ]. time I will film it he's gonna eyes wide. shut you all right can you can you watch. one and not make fun of it absolutely. not well I'm not gonna watch it with you. because you know what that's my Bible. this is your Bible dude ask anyone. kalilo or anybody in my life right all I. do is all-day watch is it available on. YouTube how do I see this [ __ ]. [ __ ] you gotta buy it on iTunes well. that I'm definitely not doing something.

oh my God. give me money right now. 20 40 60. three seasons okay right of of. the sets we start with Star Trek next. Generation okay I haven't seen any other. Bobby no. you're already a convert you're already. a comfort those that money goes to Juicy. that's in the juicy pile okay so okay so. let me tell you something all right I'm. gonna watch. I just want you to watch one the one. episode that got Adam eager hooked then. pick then send it to me I will tell me.

the one you want me to watch and I will. [ __ ] watch it okay it's season five. but I'm gonna be somebody in episode. apps I'm gonna tell you what it is. season five yeah next next generation. second to last episode the episode's. called the Inner Light it's considered. the greatest Star Trek episode ever. written I'm so mad you don't need the. context though yeah do I not need any. context not really I can just watch it. yeah I'm gonna get pissed. I know I'm gonna be so pissed off when I.

watch this it's 45 minutes long I know. that's a long time for me to get pissed. off. is that penis looking guy is this what. they look like what do you mean all. right I mean if you see that's that spot. right that that shot right there bro let. me say something who is that is that. true no but Patrick Stewart it's Patrick. Stewart right. if you see that scene. and you don't shed a tear. you have no empathy in love. I don't know what you're laughing at. when they pan away from him playing that.

flute dude every single dude. does he actually play the flute yeah oh. I don't want this is gonna piss me off. all right stop showing Clips because I'm. gonna watch the [ __ ] oh my God I'm. about to cry now I love it I love it. anyway is this the one that teach you. about relationship no that's not the one. I teach it's a different show the next. show that they do after the next. generation is DS9. anyway what are you so angry about. because I'm a bum bum that I gotta watch. this I have to for the sake of the show.

I have to do it yeah and you're gonna. make fun of it and you're gonna make fun. of the thing that I love the most. yeah yeah that's part of our. relationship no I understand that but I. don't attack things like yes you do let. me you make fun of me in golf all the. time let me say something what. if you had a baby yeah and you want one. right yeah okay. and. it's like my baby. I would never make fun of your baby.

Star Trek is your baby I love it. that much you didn't make it. it feels like it was made for me this. it's a so it's adopted yeah you feel. like it was made for you so you adopted. a baby it makes me feel you tell me I. can't make fun of your adopted baby it. makes me feel it's like my religion it. makes me feel a part of the world it. makes me want to live. I'm being real this gives you life I'm. being real yeah I love it that much and.

I was trying to get Adam Eagan and I to. do DS9 we're trying to figure out what. DS9 is calling it stop calling it that. what tattoos is that what's called DS9. we're gonna get tattoos right in our. next DS9 tattoos what does that mean DS9. Deep Space Nine oh I like it less. that's why I said do you like God damn. it I don't I know all right well anyway. could I have my assignment. let's call Adam me again thank you did. you get something Max no. hey buddy Adam yo you're on bad friends.

for a second. [ __ ] I know listen. you know I brought up D SP Deep Space. Nine to Andrew and he starts making fun. of me call me nerd and all this stuff. and like you know it's stupid can you. just tell to him that it's good. he he's. embarrassing I love you Adam God you Son.

of God you admit that on a live podcast. love you Adam I love you too Andrew I'll. see you soon see you soon dude I'll see. you in a couple weeks. thank you for being a bad friend. such a good way to oh my God. [Music].