The Dark Side Of Bobby Lee | Ep 135 | Bad Friends

two are bad friends who are these two. idiots. [Music]. or something we're bad friends I mean. they're both you guys are both getting. kind of famous well let's start to roll. are we rolling by the way I got. recognized at the Austin Airport are we. rolling right now but you're getting. kind of famous. I mean not as famous as us we're like. we're like that yeah like in the if we. were the Beatles we would be John me. yeah uh Ringo no no no.

yeah for sure I don't have the doughy. eyes why also I die at some point. earlier than you on accident that's true. but who's George George oh George Kimmel. yeah George is doing so um Carlos is. Pete best the drummer that without a. doubt without a doubt and Carlos is what. and you mean fancy what I mean I mean. fancy you think you're Paul I'm Paul you.

really think so. you're so far from Paul it's insane yeah. yeah you know who you are you're one of. the recording Engineers yes. you're Phil Spector okay is your Phil. Spector a part of it no but we'll say he. is he no no who no who's the [ __ ]. like engineer the composer engineer. producer guy that's super famous that. was a part of the Beatles George Martin. there it is George Martin yeah you're. George Martin yeah are you oh is she. Yoko your yoga no way no why because.

Yoko is like the one who broke up the. group no if anything I say you know they. that's not the real reason the reason. why you say that is because you don't. want to be Asian what yeah who does I. know but that's the real reason look at. my eyes is that the truth look into. those Asian eyes look at my little Asian. eyes is it because if she was what if. Yoko was white or Mexican or black you'd. rather be Yoko but because she's Asian. be honest with me look at my eyes. yeah she's not racist you're not racist. no she loves Asians you do she works.

with one at the store real quick name me. three Asians that you know go Bobby. leaves yeah no not baby you're Asian. that's fair that's true okay go go. Stevie weeby yes that's my brother okay. and. oh you're right that's all I could do. but to be honest with you yeah yeah. isn't that the only two she needs to. know that is true that's very fair yeah. she's not racist because she wanted to. party maybe five Asians name me five. Asians don't repeat the question Ali. Wong uh uh Shang Wang.

um uh you and Stevie weebie very good. very good and uh and Jimmy oh Yang very. good and uh Steve Byrne who's half does. that count or no no it doesn't count. okay and uh Ken Jeong that's totally. that's fine and Michelle yo you won okay. yeah you beat her she not only is she. not racist she wanted to hang real bad. with someone who we chatted up with this. weekend we were gonna go to their show. but we couldn't because we were. performing who was who do we hit who hit. us up lil pump Lil pump.

Lil pump Super Famous I'm a big fan of. big pump oh you're like I love only like. I don't like Lil pump Lil pump was. inside oh [ __ ] Lil pump was in Salt Lake. City and we were there and legitimately. hit us up and was like yo come to my. show and I was like we have two shows so. we couldn't have gone and then we tried. to go to the after party but instead we. went to an after party with the staff at. Salt Lake we got drunk and we talked. about periods for two and a half hours. and also you guys [ __ ] called me yo. so it's [ __ ] party don't call me from a. [ __ ] party no no some [ __ ] club.

manager's [ __ ] apartment first of all. dude it was a server's townhouse. oh my bad yeah my bad yeah no I thought. it was just a regular house and it was a. very nice townhouse very nice yeah and. and we got you called me and you're like. hey so we're here I just wanted to say. hi because we and I'm like what's up. this is the conversation literally ring. ring I picked it up we're here no you. called me twice I did I ignored the. first one you did right I ignored the. first one that's right ring ring second. time right what's up hey we're here.

where managers. 10 hours cool. bye. that was it so rude I just wanted to say. hi because I missed you yeah yeah you're. drunk you do that when you're drunk was. I drunk honestly don't remember even. calling she was wasted juicy was. shit-faced we had a full conversation on. the car ride home I was like you. remember I knew that she's like no you. don't remember and she drove. you called me yeah you did yeah I did. let me ask you something oh don't skip. over that let's talk about that phone.

call I that was a really nice phone call. I can't call you no I loved it I got a. call from Bobby what do you want yo he. goes yeah he goes uh easy are you having. a good time I said yeah I'm having a. great time Santino's on stage right now. can you hear him and you go yeah yeah I. don't want to listen to him I want to. talk to you about something and then I. thought that was funny but what I said. then you said uh are you you're having a. good time I said yeah I'm having the. time of my life and you said they go. crazy for you when they called your name. yeah they went nuts they went nuts they. went insane and you're like I think very.

fast things are gonna change for you and. and just be ready for a lot of new. opportunities and I just want you to. know who did it for you. which I haven't said once literally I. never said yes you yes you did yes you. did that is a blasphemy no no no no no. no this is the real you bro cordurable. is that a word incorrigible yeah yeah. you're being incorrigible okay but. you're learning new work yeah yeah. that's a good thing you're being um are. new words in video games somehow yeah. yeah yeah and. um war zone that's what they said for so.

I killed you unclosurable that's. incorrigible let me ask you he doesn't. know what that means what is that a. person that their tendency is not able. to be corrected improved or reformed. that's exactly what it is well. you are incorrigible never said that be. a great name for your special that. you'll never put out I thought it was a. great phone call it was really nice she. loved it okay and then I said no matter. how famous I get you'll always be more. famous than me but you'll always be my. baby and then when I say after that.

you remember what I said after that you. said it doesn't always work out that way. it doesn't always work out that way yeah. to give you opportunity but I'm. purposely gonna hold myself back so I'll. never get more famous than you because. that's how much I respect you yeah now. let's talk about let me ask you. something if you met little pump juicy. would you let him do a little pump what. do you mean like help me she's in a. loving relationship right now be honest. no I'm glad we didn't go to the party. though because because then she would. have [ __ ] yeah I would have [ __ ] a. little punk no no I'm kidding would you.

[ __ ] a little pump no but I would. probably like get really [ __ ] up like. doing drugs we were gonna definitely get. [ __ ] up yeah if we went to there if we. go to little pumps thing we're gonna get. [ __ ] out we're gonna go out out I. mean I got drunk at the manager's house. let me ask you something would I be able. to get into a little pump or no I. yeah I can't he did when he DM me he. said um he goes is the noodle with you. and I said no and he goes he's saying TG. thank God yeah TG no we had a really. good time yeah we ate some really good. dinners we had some fun in Salt Lake. City sold out shows and juicy.

how many how many minutes. yeah and you ripped yeah yeah she ripped. it was really funny yeah it's a lot. easier when the crowd already likes you. know I was thinking about it I did I. would say 70 of the crowd knew who she. was it's interesting comedy is harder. when no one knows who the [ __ ] you are. of course it is yeah I would just. remember those days where it's like I. had you had to prove it yeah it takes. five ten minutes just to yeah so it's. like I kind of missed don't you miss.

that no trust me no not at all you know. well you don't miss like you know I. can't wait I'm gonna I'm gonna improve. my work I think no see I think I've told. we had this conversation I think there. is this weird breaking point where once. they do know you then you really do have. to prove yourself again because it's. like they paid really good money to see. you do a whole hour versus when they did. know you and you get 10 minutes out of. time or 15 to try to earn this love and. con and humor and respect then now they. pay to see you so their expectation is. high they want they you better do well. if you don't do well and they paid all.

that money to do that thing they're. [ __ ] let down you can't let them down. so so to me it's the same as back then. it's just now they they're more apt to. want you to win but if you don't perform. yeah you're [ __ ] I know then they're. never coming back to see you again. they're never buying your tickets they. check out so it's just as hard as just a. different kind of challenge yeah I would. see that on a big scale when I would. tour with bigger names you'd see those. big names they would still get a little. anxious before shows because they're. like well the expectations are through. the route have to deliver you have to I.

hate that's that's the worst part of. headlining I love it I know you do the. pressure well the pressure's great you. gotta [ __ ] go you gotta do it you. have to [ __ ] when I when I would. feature walk in the park oh it's so fun. you got no pressure you just get to hit. home runs and then go home yeah yeah I. always wanted feature. New York was fun New York was so much. [ __ ] my favorite part was the seller. yeah going to The Cellar was amazing. because you and I are back to back right. that was the second time you ever did. the seller second time I've ever done.

that and I didn't do that seller though. I did the original seller well there's. two sellers we did the village. underground yeah it's like 10 times the. size it's not that big but did you I. went into the little Cellar the original. one it's so small it's like 50 it's the. size of this [ __ ] room smaller yeah. yeah yeah only seen that one the way you. go down the stairs yeah yeah so there's. a bigger one that's like maybe three. times in size it's around the corner. it's around the block it's around the. corner yeah and I'm like yeah I'll do. the seller and as I walked in it felt I.

felt nervous. really yeah because it's like I have to. I'm from the West Coast what's so. representing you didn't say that no that. was inside but you did you did do a. little your Bobby black voice. to the piano player to the with the two. dudes that are up there he did little. Bobby black girls what's up dog what's. up dog yeah because I because I'm. already for qua I know and I already was. hosting yeah and then Bobby got a little. black voice yeah I mean I did that. what's up Playa yep player and he cut.

then he was playing like he was had his. hands on the keys and he looked at he. was like he did when I was like confused. not sure he liked it he didn't like it. well because you did that to the coffee. guy we went to get coffee in the morning. young black guy young black guy and I. said no no and I said can I get just a. regularized coffee says four shots uh. four shots over ice play a player and I. was like Bobby. I and the guy was laughing and Bobby. goes we're connected we're on a level. and I was like no no he doesn't want to. hear that he doesn't want to hear that. [ __ ] you're an [ __ ] and then you go.

what am I supposed to say oh can I get. before shots dog and I was like don't. say that yeah say none of that just say. may I have four shots cough of coffee. please yeah but you but then finally he. laughed he goes no no it's okay but. here he was crumbling no here's the. thing pal right hey what's up hip. hoppers what time is basketball down at. the schoolyard here's the thing power. are you guys smoking dope that's. incredible hey man is that grass are you. rolling up a blizzy it's incredible you. sound like an annoying white guy when. you talk to black guys you sound like an. annoying white guy yes you do you had a.

[ __ ] flow earlier what the [ __ ] are. you talking about the day before him and. I had a rapport what was it what right. it was like AAU he recognized me from. Mad right Mad TV right impossible he was. like 14 years old. okay yeah but that's what he said okay. I'll be lying okay it's on YouTube okay. okay maybe YouTube okay right so he goes. hey you're not mad I go that's right. that's right which is I always say no. that is when you repeat yourself that's. Urban yeah I go yeah dog yeah dog that's.

right so say I remember say Mad TV you. recommends me I recognize you for Mad TV. I go that's right that's right oh okay. what is that why why wouldn't you just. say oh yeah oh yeah yes I am oh yeah oh. yeah no why why twice you don't do twice. no Bobby Blackstone twice so man uh what. you're already doing it I'm not okay go. ahead normal okay be normal man uh. guy man guy I go man guy you like you. liked it right he's like yeah I like it.

yeah man that was pretty much it that. was the flow you went right back into it. did you fist bump him no I went he. doesn't know how to do that and I did a. shoulder yeah yeah I mean he literally. shouldered him right yeah yeah yeah like. a little pump. oh I go do you like the little pump yeah. anyway what you know the first word in. his new song is jet ski yeah so he's. gotta he bring up a photo of him will. you he's got a [ __ ] diamond necklace. that says jet ski on it that's why we. really wanted. we wanted her to meet up with him his.

dog's name is jet ski and he says in his. album he's got a chain of it just type. in yo you jumped in jet ski dude oh. chain right there he's lifting up his. chain in the picture of the black the. black shirt down one more to the right. to the right to the right there it is. jet ski right does it say it on there it. says drug addict oh this is drug addict. okay but dude dude jet ski chain do jet. ski chain but we looked it up we saw. apparently that's his dog's name and so. uh is that it no no wait we saw the.

chain where did you see it who's on his. Instagram oh it's on his ground I'm. gonna ask a question real quick about. little pumps yeah okay so um. I know that he does it other people do. it they put the tattoos on the face yeah. now I don't know because 20 years ago in. my day right if you put tattoo on your. face you're basically saying. I'm not gonna ever get a day job. Because he believes so much in his art. that he doesn't fly right now my point. is is that nowadays because you're more. a part of the younger generation.

if you let's suppose it stopped working. out for a little pump which I don't. think it will I think is a millionaire. or whatever but well if it stopped. working out would he still be able to. like go to like Morgan and Stanley and. get a job. with tattoos on his face yes I I'd hire. him yeah uh is that still a thing though. I I think it's it's a it's still a thing. yeah. would you get a tattoo on your on your. face or your neck. ah face tattoos are tough because. they're so visible yeah like if I want.

to act and stuff I got I'm kind of stuck. in a part but don't they have makeup. that could cover it up yeah but you have. to be big to do it yeah well like and. once you like become an Academy Award. then just get like a cross or something. but like. right you want a little cross right here. I want to cross. yourself yeah we'll all get one if you. get one I'll get one really no like a. tiny cross I can't put one on my face. okay how about I don't have that nice of. a face. no I'm not gonna do that be BF bad. friends.

okay on the neck okay about below the. ear would you get a bad friends below. the ear I'll do behind the ear behind. the ear yeah be on the ear and it says. to say who's listening to bad friends. behind the ear that's too many letters. all right well I'm just yeah yeah just. like bad friends I told you before but. we've talked to us I'll get a bad. friend's tattoo I can't do it on my neck. or my face but I will get one on my body. because I've always wanted to do that on. my face what about that like I just got. tatted down my face you don't even have. that many tattoos I know but if I. because the reason was because I don't I. want to get higher for [ __ ] I get it and. if comedy doesn't work out I want to.

work at [ __ ] Chipotle I mean it's. working out I know but if it doesn't can. you imagine how bad you'd be at Chipotle. you'd be so flustered the boys just. nodded off bro you know everything you. guys say really offends me. you have no idea how [ __ ] fast I do. okay hi I just walked into Chipotle hey. how you doing man hi oh good I'd like a. burrito bowl I'd like also uh two. burrito wraps and then two tacos. so on the burrito bowl here we go yeah. I'm just gonna have chicken rice chicken. rice sauce and then with the tacos can I.

have chorizo chorizo. that's not chorizo that's chicken [ __ ]. yeah go ahead okay yeah all right uh so. put that off the side next thing no no. you're not done with those I want those. do I have to fold it they're tacos I. don't decide oh you just broke my. [ __ ] tacos do it again I'll just put. all the stuff on the inside how do you. see what's Happening Here Comes the. manager Bobby what are you doing I put. these I broke this one I put the insides. on are you yelling at me that's I'm the. Chipotle manager I put the insights that. they broke the same ingredients I'm.

putting because the teal bro clean the. toilets you're on bathroom Duty again. okay. I can still go to employee I guess. pretty good yeah yeah but you're gonna. be just as good as you you what read. what you read just as good as me I would. work just as good as you at Chipotle. but you read on paper as good as it on. paper you would read just as good as me. but at Chipotle what you'd be on the. line and I'd be managing I'd be owning.

it. you really think so yeah no dude bro I'm. telling you right now dude if but people. don't realize this okay I wanna [ __ ] you. guys man. [ __ ] you guys what you guys don't. realize this is that you think that I've. never had grueling day jobs I did a lot. yeah we know and I showed up on time. yeah and I never got fired and they went. that kid's average. he's average you're a c yeah he's not.

like he's not gonna get promoted but. we'll never fire him he's fine you're. fine right but I'm not like blatantly. bad no I know that yeah yeah so it's. like you know if I had to survive after. this. I would be able to get a job at Chipotle. I think you would I think you'd be fine. but I don't think you'd get a job at. Chipotle. what do you think I would wear I think. you'd work at the Korean spa yeah you. know the place inside now yeah I'll. probably work there I mean you you could. be a general manager of a Korean spot. easily yeah and you know what how much. business would you bring in so much a. [ __ ] load they put your face on the side.

of a build I'd do a side business oh you. would you little [ __ ] yeah what are. you doing tights. tits tight tights type P okay expand you. know I don't want to get too graphic no. go ahead does this show we're being safe. now no I just that's that's the business. I don't know what you're talking tight. pee. tight [ __ ]. that's your what your job would be oh no. no no. he wants to be no I would be like a side.

you know he wants to be a pimp oh yeah. I'd be a side piece a type pimp yeah. yeah type pimp you're a pimp yeah but I. would clean where would you get your. girls. from all over the place I feel like. you'll be not a good pimp though yeah. how could you be a pimp what do you mean. I don't think you have pimp qualities. yeah you're not gonna physically smack. around women or anything if they get yo. man whoa there we go okay yo man is that. pimp Bobby well I have to do an accent. okay yo man we're going now Hey listen. man I just came in here.

you don't come inside okay. boom boom in your face brother how much. ten dollar oh my God I'll be in there. for three days yeah but then you go in. it's my mom oh I'll be in there for five. days. not my mom not my mom yeah but but you. know what I mean so you'll be on how. much you want what kind you want I have. different varieties what kind you want a. dwarf oh a dwarf you have you have. little people. whoa can I have both and stack them up.

but you know they're not really do I put. this small enough if I snack the dwarf I. can have sex with one and kiss the other. one like that's one person yeah perfect. yeah yeah you could put to stack them up. you know me like a Jenga all right don't. knock the bottle. [Laughter]. thank you yeah but one of our dick. so yeah but the one with the dick you on. top yeah the one with the bougie yeah. the bougie yeah downstairs down right so. you know I mean I can [ __ ] suck at. the same time.

what do you think bro I'm in dude say no. more dude sign me up yeah so you're the. best pimp I've ever had to leave it yeah. I believe it yeah yeah but what if the. dwarf uh prostitutes don't give you the. money. that's my system's different. unlike every other system jet ski I mean. juicy I don't know the system is it you. think I'm gonna go go in hey damn. okay you say pay up front to you yeah. that's how it all works but what are you. paying no it's not no because you'd have. to be there 24 7 while your [ __ ] are.

[ __ ] I'll have a cash register. for tax purposes and who's running it. me you think she's not gonna kick back. down to the prostitutes and have an. inside game of her own you've got an. inside job you don't think she's got a. second I'll give you juice I'll give you. 25 of my um my business you be the. prostitute you could be the prostitute. cashier you want you be the Madame. cashier Madame cashier right yeah and. then I'll give you 25 just don't steal. from me but I could I could do like a. side hustle well you I'm that's already.

a side hustle yeah but you started you. want to do two side hustles yeah like. two sides all right so what's your side. hustle like uh you know you go in with. the dwarfs yeah I say I see your car out. there you give me an extra hundred I'll. uh fill it up while you're in there oh. you guess. it's a gas station too well it's also a. car wash do we might as well do a car. wash yeah yeah yeah. and now a word from our sponsor better. help better help it could be tough to. train your brain to stay in problem. solving mode when faced with a challenge.

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for our listeners try Bluetooth for free. when you use our promo code bad friends. at checkout just pay five dollars for. shipping that's bluetooth.com promo code. bad friends to receive your first month. free visit bluetooth.com for more. details and important safety information. and we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring. the podcast. no no but like so imagine the cashier. cash register right and then we have. like a cabinet not a cabinet like a. display is it that's made out of glass. you can see through it right and we have. things that don't belong okay why are.

they there yeah just because it's funny. okay right yeah no not bad friends merch. no no no no no why can't we sell bad. friends yeah we'll do the one with the. dog the the live one the family one. we'll sell one of those right okay but. then we do obviously the [ __ ] silver. balls oh yeah the relaxation balls right. I like the one that's that's you squeeze. too uh stress ball the stress ball we'll. have both Styles love it right yeah just. in because there's a waiting room this. makes sense this isn't it right yeah and. then the second thing we would have is. probably like.

um framed. posters of some sports figure someone. someone that's deer near and dear to. your heart like no no one I don't know. okay you're like how about that guy yeah. I know which one huh the guy that was. the center forward of the Arizona Suns. Chambers funniest statement I've ever. heard in my entire life why forward. center of the Arizona Suns is his name. is Chambers. that worked for the Arizona. because you know how I know I used to. play this NBA game let him get there on.

his own yeah yeah chamber not chamber. talk about Dan Marley No he was a center. that's not his last name okay the guy. was a center from the 80s or something. okay in all 70s and also you said it's. the Phoenix Suns yeah Arizona Suns okay. Arizona Suns yeah yeah Dan Marley's who. you're talking about that was in that. was an NBA Jam I think Dan Marley was in. NBA Jam that wasn't him who else who hit. like a blonde throw or something. [Laughter].

oh yeah yeah okay we'll do Dan Marshall. right and we'll have that photo framed. sick that's BLM by the way right that's. what he was doing yeah he's doing BLM. right it's way before and we'll have it. signed and what will it say. um we'll have caratops on it. it'd be weird right I mentioned you've. never had a [ __ ] damn visual photo. yeah right with Kara top signing it no. yes it's never been done all right I'm. in all right you're in for that and what. else do we sell there food we need some. food what are we what kind cucumber just. a bunch of cucumbers.

and cucumber yeah cucumber I guess. that's cool yeah yeah but it's shaved. it's all shaved like the skin is shaved. we that's on the sign yeah appreciated. yeah come on not pickle yeah take a bite. and maybe. do we have dipping do we have to dip it. in we it's like one of those like Frozen. uh bananas so check it out a frozen. cucumber dipped in chocolate. because they think it's going to be. delicious and they get in there and it's.

nothing it could be good chocolate water. they'll come up and be like I'm here for. the cucumber and I'm like you want the. food or the service yeah you gotta pick. before you go in the room what else we. sell there how funny to just get in a. room with a prostitute and just eat a. chocolate cucumber but not touch her at. all and then just finish and then walk. out that's right that's hot that's and. you know what we also do inside there's. two options the first option right is to. make love which is the standard option. boring the second option is we set up. one of those you know those malls that.

have like the cowboy western photo oh a. photo shoot a photo shoot oh yeah thing. right where you can like dress up yeah. we'll do a fairy one oh I love fairy. right we'll do a cowboy one not the. native because that you can get canceled. yeah yeah we want to play it safely yeah. we'll play it safe. you can't you can't do it you can yeah. what if just the prostitutes do it. sorry if they're native if they're. native yeah if the sex workers do it if. they're native yeah but what if they're. ambiguous Brown and we don't really know.

well then we can defend ourselves okay. perfect yeah we can defend her because. we didn't know yeah yeah what what's so. funny you can't cut that you can't cut. that part that's legal let me tell you. since you came back from Espana the. amount of times that you do this he does. this to me or when we joke about he goes. like this. yeah I don't know what this is about. what's a change thing what happened in. Spain I walked I became woke you woke in. Spain you walked in Spain what woke you. up in Spain whoa I was just showing bad. friends to some people and say oh wow. this is not cool at all really really.

let's talk about some of the non-woke. political principles that happen in. Spain is gay marriage legal yeah in. Spain yeah we're talking about but let. me tell you something yeah but you know. they hate it do you know what I mean it. is but they can't stand it like when. they do a wedding no one shows up right. with the stigma voluntary abortion is. louder for the 14th week of pregnancy. yeah 14th week what is it here in the. states how many how many weeks is that. here depending on the state Texas. nothing well you know what I mean. California what is it in California. I think whenever yeah that's what they. say whatever.

that is it that is that's cool I guess. Spain is better than I thought Japan's. pretty cool hey Bobby are these new or. did you always paint your fingernails. oh look at that 24 and 26 we doubled. Spanish yeah yeah I know no he always. paints his fingernails I never know I. sometimes do out of boredom I think it. originally started to cover up dead. nails and then now. now it's just so [ __ ] funny because. you know me so well I [ __ ] hate you I.

hate the fact that you know specific. things that in my past right and now. it's just a habit yeah yeah you're right. but don't say that [ __ ] out loud bro I. just did I know but it's like you know I. mean sometimes things are reserved for. you and I we have private things time. out what these fans your fans our fans. yeah have known about stuff like that. for 20 years. people know you collect dead skin on a. [ __ ] Elmer's Glue ball in your old. bathroom you tell you told everybody. that what's so funny you don't like it. he did it that's a long time ago 20.

years ago what do you mean it was up. until a couple years ago you had it when. you had it I had it but I didn't 20. years ago but you still had it why you. can't throw away that that I'm not. arguing that yeah I mean that's [ __ ]. but you work but it's gone now. yeah you weren't allowed to take it to. the new house no that's not nice you're. gonna put it in one of those baseball. cases where they put a baseball a little. plexiglasses yeah that's gone it's okay. you can start a new one yeah but I. couldn't have. to see what's inside yeah not good all.

right. I'll just let you know I know look at me. right now don't do it not I don't want. to hear it good I'm thinking about it. and I'm gonna get sick because what. happens is this right it rots. [Laughter]. this is science don't do it can we talk. about science I know but I just I know. right you would think that the center. right would be dry not no the opposite. [Laughter].

and The Taste ah no yeah it's like. caviar it is it's delicious okay yeah. yeah no we had we for what it's worth I. will say let me move on to anything else. yeah yeah we had one of the best times. in New York Bobby said he felt so alive. and he wanted to move there you want to. buy a place there it felt like for the. first time I'm like oh I could live here. yeah it was just the vibe it was the um.

because before when I would go to comedy. clubs I couldn't get in. all right like you would have to explain. to the guy like oh no I was on Mad TV. and I did The Tonight Show and I'm like. I'm a regular I mean you would that. explained they're like oh really and. then they would have to call some it. hurts your feelings when that happened. totally right but now it's like you show. up and like you get in. they come up to you want to go I mean. there's like that respect and it feels. good it was really nice yeah yeah. because they came up to us at when we. just went back to have after we did our. show they were like you guys want to pop. up again and you're like. I feel so good if I wanted to but we.

couldn't we were eating we were chilling. it was like that was a magical night. eating there yeah it was so nice just. the hummus and talking and being around. comics was so fun I just missed that we. don't have that in La anymore we don't. sit around we don't go to swingers like. we used to anymore we don't go out to. restaurants with groups of comics. anymore no one sits and commiserates. like they do there in that place man. it's just got a hum to it and it's it's. funny because Rob has food. but why don't Comics eat there we used. to but they changed that [ __ ] room so. much five different times people just.

stopped going remember they used to be. the corner Circle table man back when it. was lifted up in the main room that that. area when you walk in the door to the. right used to be a platformed area and. it was railed off yeah and there was a. cool table in the corner yeah yeah yeah. yeah just got rid of all that [ __ ] so. then now it feels like a [ __ ] Texas. Roadhouse now when you walk in there. who's there I can tell you every time I. walk in there oh there's no one in that. dining area except for orney Adams. and he's crossed his legs are crossed. and he always is like this. like there's a go something going on.

he's still thinking about comedian. I like them yeah no I do too yeah I do. too he's there already he's there he's. writing and working no people just don't. go there anymore it's just it's I mean. they go to the club they just don't go. hang out and eat but we should we should. take you at some point I would love to. go with you guys I think I think it was. like that because you're on vacation. like if you lived there would you be. doing going out that much not as much. but at least you still you still have. the opportunity to call a couple people. and go get something to eat or drink. down there yeah but yeah you're right. you're right and then you have. connections there now to people like I.

don't feel as alone you know it's just a. great town you know Great's [ __ ]. amazing and there's a part of me that's. so I don't know why I feel this way that. there's a because I was so there's so. many great Comics that come from there. right so you kind of go well am I [ __ ]. translate but yeah it does dog what's up. sure did what's up you did great dude. you did too we went both great and I'll. say this Graham Mercy. do you want to talk about what happened. on the second show. at the very end I feel bad about it why.

but he got a big laugh it was just it. was a joke oh I heard the story this. girl goes um. she asked a question right and she goes. um I want you guys to guess who I would. go out with between you and Andrew who. would I rather have sex with that's what. she said she said Bobby I want you to. tell me who I'd rather have sex with and. from by that question I knew it was you. so I go me and she goes but I want you. to know I wanted to ask you why yeah and. I go I know why she goes no I no I know.

why she goes why because you're ugly. and it destroyed it does the crowd lost. their [ __ ] and her face she went like. this she went. like she it was like yeah she couldn't. even get a word she was so [ __ ] up and. then of course right away he was like. I'm kidding I'm [ __ ] kidding I'm. kidding I'm kidding I said [ __ ] you. right now and then she I [ __ ] you right. now and she goes oh yeah like this and. he runs over to her and they start. making out it was so funny so fun it was. so good and the crowd lost it it was.

amazing yeah yeah I stood there and awe. and you really went in because I felt so. bad you held her head I held her head. yeah I always hold the head but it was. beautiful I love to hold the head will. you [ __ ] grabbed the background and. then when you were done making out she. did kind of that thing that women uh. used to do in the uh 50s and 60s when. they were so sexually repressed that. they felt that they would pass out when. they would see someone famous you know. that she literally when she were done. she went like this no that's not what I. saw what did she do I thought she'd made. the face like she had sushi for the.

first time she went like this she went. so that's what salmon tastes like yeah. yeah you know you're trying to like make. the people around you know that you like. it it's like weird you know what I mean. so this is imitation crab. yeah that was really good that was a. face yeah that's really funny that you. say that that's literally how the first. time I went to sushi with my friend yeah. I was nauseated I mean dude when I first. had it I did that like and you have to. like hold it in because I I've never I'd. never had raw fish in my life yeah or as.

a kid in the midwest we always had. cooked fish out of lakes I'd never once. ate a piece of raw fish and it shocked. me to have it and then. few other things I started to like and. then over time I started to get into it. I think of what food that was like a. little startling to eat. um oh I know the eyeball of a fish. why are you oh that was startling yeah. no because Koreans they go old school. Koreans they go straight for the. eyeballs really yeah as soon as the fish. is it a deli yeah like they're gone it's.

like. Grandma's eyeballs. yeah I mean so is it good until the. eyeballs go to the elders they just go. like I would go for the body. like when a fish is down I go for the. body first but not old Asians look at. that fish eye but I'm saying is it out. of respect that you let the Elder people. get the eyes first I don't know no. there's no rule I just make it up and. lie and just say yes oh yeah it's in the. folklore all right no but um and then I.

just one day I want my mom can I try it. and I chewed on it and it was like one. of those gums with a. like a juice and like I'm the flavor oh. like a gusher yeah gusher where you bit. into it and the juice squirts in your. mouth that juice no no no no no no no no. no no juice yeah I don't like the juice. yeah yeah but that's have you had fish. eye no yeah. I don't want to either would you never. eat a fisheye I don't know if it would. like make you really happy but I don't. want to do it yeah what I mean what part.

of the animal would you not eat. the eye I just said I know but brain. I I just like like I like the stuff I. already eat you know did you ever see. cake I don't want to try all the weird. stuff she's already Faces of Death oh. yeah dude it's awful the monkey thing. it's yeah it's almost as bad as the clip. that Stefano showed us on his show I. don't know what you're talking about. faces of death was an old like VHS tapes. and stuff like that with it yeah it. looks scary yeah so they had this monkey. alive I remember watching it in high.

school faced it was like little video. video footage of of people and things. dying like it was and it but it was like. a cult film it's like snuff it's like it. was a film back in the day you would. people would pass around like VHS films. tapes yeah but they were like they would. copy them so they were always so grainy. and weird and there's always something. dirty and wrong you weren't supposed to. have your hands on it yeah yeah you know. some girl tied to a bamboo tree. okay I remember that yeah yeah. right and then you see a machete and.

then goes to blank yeah yeah but that's. when you come but. no but back in the day there was porn. was like that too yeah yeah it wasn't. just passed around passed around right. and so basically if the Faces of Death. was one of those things in the 80s where. they would go I mean and when my parents. would say I put it in and they had this. one thing and I literally didn't finish. the movie because of this one scene. there's a restaurant in Morocco I don't. know where it is right I think it's. Morocco really somewhere it's a place.

like that and they have this monkey you. know and they dressed them I think and. from the photo yeah they put clothes on. they put clothes on them okay which is. [ __ ] well yeah I mean you're lying. to them they say it's your birthday. party. happy birthday. yeah they killed her they put him in. this table that was made specifically. for monkeys it's disgusting and they and. there's a lot of contraption and it not. and then they cut his brain open and. they eat the brain.

and it's real oh yeah oh yeah. all right I gotta see this movie. it's [ __ ] terrible yeah that sounds. awful that kind of stuff I just don't. like what does Stefano did that was. awful is wrong I agree what did he do. well that was wrong he's a friend who's. a police officer and he showed us on his. show a clip the cop had you know his. body cam on and they had to go to the. scene of a crime of a guy it's not a. crime sorry an accident where a guy who. was a bike messenger or something he had. slipped off the bike and a 18-wheel semi.

truck ran over his head and his body was. there and his head was gone it was and. you see all of it it's and the cop was. like in defense I think he had a gun. but no the cop was walking up to the. body because they were trying to call. they were trying to curtain off the. scene you know so people couldn't see it. but three times I looked at Stefano and. I said I don't want to see it yeah I do. not want to see it it causes me trauma. it's a little bit of my fault because I. didn't I did say you have to see it yeah. and I when you saw it you regretted. seeing it 100 I could see your face yeah. it made me nervous like I couldn't.

believe I watched I saw it I didn't want. to see it yeah. there's something inside of us that's. like I do want to see it no you don't I. never watched two girls one cup let's. watch it right now no I don't want to. please no please let's watch it no. that's one thing I say I don't want to. watch like this but for this show you. for entertainment purposes my example. was no don't do it no you have to show. it just show it to her see if she yeah. no no she doesn't want to watch it I. don't want to watch it that to me is my. guy there's no one dying yeah but it's. her that's her line that's her line I.

feel like the girls die inside. there's a part of them to die you're. right from whatever it has to right I. don't know dude some people are shiza. videos are huge in the world but say. [ __ ] videos people love eating [ __ ]. getting [ __ ] on well that's okay I'm not. judging well then that's what two girls. one cup is but I don't have to enjoy it. no no I understand yes you don't but I'm. saying they don't I think they do like. it because they they're oh I see there's. plenty of people that are into poop cork. yeah but does that fetish don't [ __ ].

sex shame don't fetish don't don't sex. shame but does that fetus have happen. over time or are you jaded to regular. how do you introduce that to your. partner yeah but I want to say how does. that even occur is that something that. you as a young person. I like [ __ ] or is it because you [ __ ] a. lot you're like I need to take this to. the next level it could be both I think. sometimes you know babies have poop all. over the place all the time anybody who. has a friends has a baby they're like. dude that's so much poop it's insane. yeah everywhere and maybe a baby gets a. little poop on their under pee pee and. they love it and they're playing with it.

and then it just transfers over to. adulthood that one day they're having. sex what would you do if you saw your. baby eat poo and sister I go he's. sexually advanced. like a look at how advanced my baby is. he's got BDSM Gary's tied up. yeah yeah that's my boy that's my boy. that was the original Adam Sandler. that's my boy's name yeah yeah baby poop. style I I think also I don't I'm. confused over how you bring that up. because you have to reach a certain age.

and maturity level with your partner to. talk about what you really want them to. do you know like you know when you start. dating girls when you're younger you. don't kind of know how to say like what. you like and then you get older and. you're like [ __ ] it I'll tell you. everything that I like what's the day. what's the day that you go I'm gonna. tell her to poop on me I gotta tell her. to poop on me do you do it you went out. for Thai food the night before you have. to do it subtly how do you subtly see a. fart what you over the year you have to. ease into it so you fart on them yeah.

like so I imagine right a woman. is on her back right and and you're. making her blow it like this wait wait. wait she's on her back but you're on do. you ever do that style no yeah so she's. on her back on the bed imagine she. doesn't look on her floorboard right the. floorboard not the floor but the. backboard of the of the bed okay how's. she on her back she's on her knees there. how are you on the headboard and your. back is behind you bud she's lying right. here and the Dick's here okay my arms up.

here okay what well her butt's into the. bed and you're slow down I'll explain go. do it come here Carlos Carlos get down. there let's see it. all right I gotta know how this I'm. picturing get on your back. so he's the girl Carlos is the girl yeah. okay I see it and I'm like this yeah. okay and I'm [ __ ] her mouth like this. got it right yeah and then. sure but you're farting okay you farting. away You're. butthole in this position can you get my.

butthole in this position and now make. it so you flip around. okay so first you fart away then you. fart face at them this happens. okay but don't do that one night like do. a double fart okay but when you fart do. you apologize the first time yeah she's. like oh oops I'm sorry I'm sorry that. you know I'm so embarrassed Chipotle and. if they say it's okay yeah yeah oh.

that's the first exactly that's the. first that's the first they go oh and. the it stops the right you gotta get a. new girl you know like an F1 they have. the colored lights. that's what it is when you fart done. yeah yeah first one and the second one. is you flip around and then you fart in. their face and you go oh I'm so sorry. it's okay it's okay and then right and. then you go there's no there's way more. I'm gonna [ __ ] there's 10 of them oh. there's so many lights. reverse fart to [ __ ] [ __ ] see I think.

it might no because what if you fart on. them and they go. breathe it in that's a green light. that's good right. or you eat um really bad like food yeah. you do the reverse and the fart has. moisture. and it gets on their face right and then. if they don't if they take a napkin or I. mean a tissue and wipe it that's not. good let's go back to you. like they have a face full of pudding.

yeah yeah you know what's great about. this yeah someone's driving to work. right now listen. someone's on their way to their regular. job and they're listening to us talk. about fart face stuff and they're like. that's how I do. [Laughter]. let me get a. pet in the Tesla yeah and that takes. about probably six months to a year. so that's the amount of time yeah. Factor you guys I love food but I'm on. the go I'm a busy guy and what I like is. really clean delicious meals but what I. love about factor is that it's not. frozen hey what do you think of when you.

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friends 130 at go dot factor75.com bad. friends 130 for 130 off go to. factor75.com bad friends 130 for a. hundred and thirty dollars off. but do you think there's a girl that. just goes you're having Christian sex. and then just one day just go can I [ __ ]. on you or can you [ __ ] on me I bet you. yeah yeah I think I've heard of that 100. and then doesn't that go I mean it just. seems like. I mean that's a big question yeah but at.

some point you probably run out of. you're like I can't do this anymore I. gotta tell you I gotta tell you how I. feel about this stuff otherwise I'm. gonna keep hiding it from you that I. watch poop videos at night. yeah I think I'm just a missionary. cowgirl kind of guy you're are you a. cowgirl yeah you are a cute little. cowgirl aren't you yeah or reverse. cowgirl I mean those are the like the. moves that's the top yeah I don't go. beyond it why. because I just kissing and make have. sticking my penis in the vagina is good.

enough do you love kissing while you. have sex yeah you don't like that no no. I do I'm just saying it depends on the. kind of sex I'm having well there's two. different kinds there's many different. kinds buddy tell me the times times I'm. sweating now but when two people love. each other very much Only Daddy don't do. that because don't I'm gonna get hard if. you do that that tell me don't say that. again. oh. papa tell me about love no there's. [ __ ] there's making love there's. having sex there's experimenting. don't do it you know this turns me on.

sometimes when you kiss yeah you're. you're making love yeah I don't think I. ever kissed when we're [ __ ]. it's hard to kiss if you're [ __ ] yeah. because it's a it's like it's just in a. pat it's like a hot you know like I just. came home I haven't seen you in a while. it's [ __ ] it's hot you know some. people don't [ __ ] though yeah what. sometimes wanna [ __ ] yeah what. happens I'll grab the [ __ ] you know. hair grab her hair yeah her mouth opens. uh-huh and like a [ __ ] you know like. smog oh yeah the dragon from The Hobbit.

I'll stick it in in the mouth like that. right and then I'll do a fire spit. whoa fire spit is this show family. friendly. I don't know sometimes I think about. rating is it either it's you gotta be. I'm sweating I don't know why it's hot. in here yeah but you started sweating. when I called you Daddy well I started. getting a little Pokemon yeah yeah you. call me daddy I love I love it too I. think it's one of those things oh dude.

you know what I just saw today by the. way yeah you know they're doing clerks. three. they're doing clerks 3 and it's filled. with famous and I mean because I just. saw someone in the Cameo that we know. someone that we're friends with did it. and I was like I didn't even did you. hear that this was a thing I had no. [ __ ] ID look at the names that are in. this thing though. yeah do Cameo oh yeah see there's some. that wasn't all them the trailer was or. whatever I saw was insane how many. people were in this [ __ ] thing I. don't think he likes me Kevin Smith I've. had conversations with him zoom in look. Ben Affleck Sarah Michelle of course.

that's the clan no I'm just saying but. they're all doing it so do you want to. be in that wow do I want to be in it. yeah I I don't know what business I. would have in that movie I mean you know. what I mean like I just it's kind of. like I would I don't know what would. they use me for I don't know them. but it's not still it's crazy that I. didn't even I didn't even know it was a. real thing did you ever see the original. clerks yeah yeah it's a great [ __ ]. movie what movies have you seen all of. the movies she's seen pretty much all. the movies Kevin Smith every Wes. Anderson movie yeah Dogma was my.

favorite of his whoa oh yeah you know. what it's so funny you've been around. yeah but my stepmom had it on VHS. so so oh wow yeah I'd watch it over and. over and over again did you like Chasing. Amy yeah I like Chasing Amy that Dogma. was like the best Chasing Amy might be. my favorite oh yeah I like that one I. don't know why I just love it so much. it's just such like a great I don't know. I just something about it let me just. last night I tried to watch Beast what's. that. yeah the Idris Elba yeah yeah yeah have. you guys seen it yeah you saw it yeah. the whole movie yeah let me ask you.

something it's beats not beast beast. it's called beads beets anal anal anal. beads oh Beast that's what it says same. anal beasts yeah okay so I so I'm not. there's no spoiler here sure because I'm. gonna talk about the first three minutes. of the movie and I stopped. because at this point like I see. poachers. right killing I guess that guy's Pride. right kill and then he kills the.

poachers and stuff yeah that makes sense. and at the end after the end of that. three minutes I'm like I don't need to. watch this I already know whose side I'm. on the [ __ ] Idris Elba no the lion. the Lion's side you're not on Idris. elba's side no. whoa because he's not in the beginning. of the movie these others. oh so you're saying that's interesting. given what's going on in the world right. oh you because of BLM. what is I mean I didn't even say that. what are you what are you saying wait. that's what I thought you were saying.

thank you so much my friend whoa whoa. what are you saying I'm on the because. if it was like in Jaws. just hear me out. in Jaws right it's we don't know the. Joss's backstory we just think that he. is this creature out of control huge. that's all true and munching on people. that's right we don't know his. motivation oh my God his motivation is. to eat yeah right but in this movie the. first three minutes are like oh I. understand this Lion's motivation and I.

hate the fact that his family was. slaughtered by humans and so if this. [ __ ] lion eats all the humans in the. movie I'm gonna be on the lines has. nothing to do with color. if it was Hugh Jackman there I would. have said the same thing Charlie on fat. lie inside I don't know what the [ __ ]. you're trying to do right now I'm not. I'm letting you do it on your own yeah. you heard it here first well you're on. Edward's side Bobby hates Idris Elba. that's not what I said just because he's. black is the movie get better after that. yes okay I'll watch it and do you.

eventually get on Idris elba's side. never. wow sounds like another racist Spanish. guy to me no because you know you see. those videos I'll tell you right now I. need your Society I haven't even seen it. on his side whatever he did whatever he. did whatever he does why just because I. love him he's a handsome beautiful guy. who's cool and great yeah as an actor. you [ __ ] [ __ ] right no in real life. yeah in reality real life he's an actor. I love him as a [ __ ] actor right and. in the story whatever the story is. whatever he did he could have been oh. okay so the opening scene he could have. had a lion's throat and just ah and I'd.

have been like on his side okay what if. he was eating babies on his side human. babies what if he's hungry what is he. doing he's out there in the wild he's. hunting down Lions it takes forever you. get starving you got a couple babies in. the truck eat them up yeah yeah what if. the babies were black. are they his babies. yeah I don't know they're just they're. black they're black babies we don't know. so he's eating black babies. yeah yeah white babies oh come on yeah I. like babies yeah I'm okay with eating. white babies yeah if he's eating black. babies uh. that's a tough one that's a really tough.

one how about if it's idia means babies. totally in yeah good yeah totally fine. with it good I want to watch it then I. should watch the Beast yeah I try to. watch more in Tyson last night my the. Mike show is it good. yeah it's interesting I told you about. that before but I but but then they get. into the um then they get into the. naughty stuff that Mikey did and then. you're like. it's a little tough to watch anything. man what. okay. I saw the Dark Side of comedy and guess. who makes appearances in it Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee but do you know why and you're.

getting it you know why no well because. you're a comedian no that's not why. that's not why the reason why is because. when they were doing the series right. they were going to do one on Roseanne. Dice and they got they called me and. they go we're doing one about you the. Judd do the Judd did this right no no. Judd didn't do it wait we're doing what. about you whether you're involved or not. we're doing it no yeah how though with. me how because the the TV episodes are. all about these big Comics who lost.

their careers. I'm not wrong I'm not poking fun that's. what they're about and your career is. not lost so why would they make one. about you maybe they were they were. maybe they had a good save but basically. what you were saying maybe they're. foreshadowing maybe they're like we got. to get this out before you crash but. there is the juice it's a good save but. basically what you meant by that is that. doesn't make any sense they're about big. Comics No you're a big comic but the. whole point the dark side of it is like. how they lost it all Dice Clay uh Chris.

Farley Roseanne yes. you think maybe they thought they maybe. they have a crystal ball they did not. ask you I was just afraid because they. were like we want to do about your drug. addiction and I'm like oh there's not. much out there. and so I go I'll just do it just don't. do one on me and then they go I'll just. and they go which one you want to go I. got the only one I really am close to is. die so I'll do the dice one. good I'm glad you did that well I want. to see it I haven't seen what is it on.

Hulu Hulu maybe I'll watch it. yeah yeah no you they can't make an. episode on you. I don't know the way you're saying it. though it just hurts me it just it just. sounds like they definitely can make an. episode on either way you're talking. about well that's what they they called. you and said they're doing it have you. seen it no the the reason why I'm on. dice is with the negotiation was that. don't do one on me yeah that's good yeah. yeah you're smart that's why they're not. that's why you don't have an episode. that's exactly right yeah yeah you knew. you knew but is it good it's well done.

it's really good but yeah at the end. it's like and that's what killed him. that's on the end of our episode and. that's what killed him pretty much. that's what killed him once again I. think you know what but if but would you. let someone do a comedy documentary on. you anyway in general. yeah I think that's like 15 years away. though. just to have you have more [ __ ] to like. more stories to make because right now. but but you do you ever want to like. write a book. I've been offered that I have people go.

can you do storybooks or have someone. else write your book I mean for you. that's not me taking a shot you're. definitely not going to write a book. that's a shot. tell me you're going to write your own. book right now I'll write my own book. say you promised and you swear you swear. on everything swear on your mother's. life you'll write I want to do a book. okay see yeah this is. you'll never write about it it doesn't. necessarily mean I don't want to [ __ ]. write a book no it's not that you can't. write it it's you won't I know how to. write the language language so can we. admit that I just said you can thank you.

but you never will ever yeah you'll. never write a book your whole life but. what if I have a Ghostwriter that's what. he said that's exactly what I said oh. yeah then yes yes. you'll have someone else write the book. but I'll be there in the room yeah. sometimes. well give me the draft. give you the first draft and I'll read. it and I'll make notes yeah that's kind. of writing not at all. is that writing no uh uh when somebody. says I wrote this book and somebody else. wrote it I just think they are not. allowed to say they wrote any of it you. didn't write any of it that's a bit.

that's true if you told a joke and it. wasn't your joke I'm like you told. someone else's joke yeah that's true he. didn't tell Georgie that [ __ ] that's. not your property to yeah it's such a. weird line when people have these big. Crews of people that write jokes for. them and they get all the credit but. they're like well I paid you it's like I. know but you didn't come up with it let. me ask you something about and this is. something I've been thinking about your. past. and you're talking about I'm talking. about stuff memories from childhood yeah. High School whatever the past is and um. the way I remember things and I feel and.

experienced it isn't necessarily is it. exactly the way it happened no right. there's always something else like. you're through time they get exaggerated. or you misdetail right right or. something so I just you know how can you. one write a book. when it's when that's in play well this. was the whole thing about the James Fray. thing do you remember the James Fray. million little pieces do you remember. this controversy. I forget it's like one of the best books. I've ever read but Oprah at one point.

like touted it as like you know she did. like her Oprah book club where it was. like she'd get these great books but. then it came out that the story wasn't a. true right autobiography there was some. fiction to it and he got ripped online. yeah a million little pieces [ __ ] yeah. juice he got ripped for to say like his. account was falsified and it was and. then he had to go like on an apology. tour and all this stuff and it was like. dude our entertainment is going to be. hyperbolized every joke you've ever told. is not 100 accurate or true we talked at.

lunch about when I say my dad sometimes. I'm blending a story from my real dad. and sometimes from my stepdad and I make. them one guy because it helps the story. stories that I heard from other people. of course you know what I mean then I'm. like I'm going to incorporate that into. my getting molested by a Down Syndrome. guy no that was yours it was like. there's one in particular about the. alien guy. well I was in a a meeting I met a guy oh. yeah yeah he took me to the van that. happened to my other friend not not to. you no yeah but I took on that story and.

I've said that you know I mean that's. totally that's a part of entertainment. so that's my problem is when someone's. like that's not the whole truth it's. like yeah I'm not a [ __ ] reporter for. the news I'm not yeah yeah this is all. this is all for fun and entertainment I. know I know but it gets it gets uh it. gets yeah it gets all foggy people want. it to always be real like um Ben Harper. became a buddy and I had said I asked. him when we first hung out if he really. smoked a lot of pockets his most famous. song was burn one down it was like a. college anthem for every frat guy yeah. and he's like I don't I don't smoke pot.

that was a that was me speaking as if I. was one of my closest friends who he's. like in my mind is like a pot addict or. a pothead he smokes pot all day every. day and so he took on this personality. of this to write this song yet every fan. thinks it's been yeah but Ben doesn't. they don't doesn't smoke pot yeah so I'm. like that's the beauty and if you found. out that it's true does that make you. hate the song now. yeah. that's not fair that's not fair Because. You Loved the song it's like it's like. you love the the joke you love the the.

story that someone tells why does it. matter I mean there are factual things. like I grew up in San Diego my parents. don't a clothing business your dad beat. you with a golf club all this stuff is. real yeah but was it a golf club or was. it something else it was something else. ping pong paddle. and to me that's funnier. and I don't know why you got rid of that. one yeah. which side the green or the red. you know you got the red side yeah it's.

harder yeah yeah that's so funny that. you got beat with that like do you have. a joke like that where you you. hyperbolize the truth you expand on the. you know the you stretch what wasn't. didn't really happen or whatever yeah I. have some stuff about that yeah give us. an example oh yeah no that'll do it uh. no I used to have a joke about my dad. not calling me back. um because that would happen sometimes. he'd be busy and I so but I but it. wasn't like never so but so I. hyperbolized that in the joke where I. was like that uh song Cat's Cradle you.

know that song and it's like silver. spoon yeah yeah and this would be like I. got home from college and I called my. dad he said he'd call me back but he. never did something like stupid like. yeah yeah yeah that's pretty innocent. it's innocent yeah yeah yeah we all do. it yeah well that's a part of. Storytelling and joke writing that I. think is so it's like so interesting is. when you hear something. people do go is that true yeah is that. is that part true yeah and you're like I. don't know do you really want to know. doesn't that take away some of the. [ __ ] fun yeah it's kind of like you.

know what I mean crazy yeah you kind of. wanted to live in this fun a fun realm. yeah in a vacuum of whatever it is and. then you enjoy it and then it's then. it's done and it's like who cares yeah. it I I also find it weird that like you. know at the end of the day my life isn't. that exciting nobody says you know. people think that I have this exciting. life no it's awfully boring I woke up I. looked on my news thing on my phone look. at the text I drank some coffee I just.

sat there for an hour yeah like what do. I do today like the day is not that fun. I woke up this morning I went to a. fitting yeah you know I I ended up. getting stoned with with Lil pump and a. bunch of his crew then I went had lunch. with like Snoop and it was like that's. not it's not even that fun because it. was a salad yeah yeah like who gives a. [ __ ] salad exactly right and it's like. it's just not nothing is that it's not. that crazy like Michael Shannon and I. went bowling this afternoon but it's a. big [ __ ] deal you could anybody could. do it you know what your life you know I. know and then when I was done I went to.

I took a private jet up to San Francisco. to meet Taylor Swift to just like go. over her set because she's like I just. want you to hammer it out but he's like. that's not fun it's not me doing the set. it's Taylor. you know yeah but could I be honest with. you yeah in New York there is a part of. that about you what are you talking. about you go I'm gonna go have dinner. with my friend We're not gonna say his. name. I go can I go and you're like I guess. so you brought me to this fancy. restaurant first of all let's be honest. no but if we're gonna be honest I was.

very excited you wanted to go I was like. do you really want to go I heard I guess. you are see this is what we just talked. about you heard what you want to hear I. heard like I had to fight for it oh my. God you're such a victim it's insane you. literally saw your famous friend and I. said do you really want to go because we. can change the reservation I'd love to. have you but you got to seriously want. to go because you made it sound like. maybe I'll go to dinner maybe I won't. okay so I was like I'd love to have you. so I went and we went did you get to. that yeah okay fine we went to this. fancy restaurant right and his super. famous friend we didn't do it we went.

and had dinner with the guy that's what. I'm saying is that that whole rant that. you wanted before it is similar to your. life no that's yeah because I know. certain things about you you're going to. a special I'm not gonna say name but. you're going on a special trip with. especially you know just [ __ ] you you're. going on a special trip with special. people where you had to call make. arrangements right it's only it's I. couldn't go there you know that well if. I wanted to go could I go. only because what we're going to do.

exactly my point is we're going golfing. you don't golf you do do things that I. don't do but you don't golf if you golf. doesn't matter I've never invited to. anything like then go to A League of. Legends tournaments with famous people. go to like a [ __ ] and now you're. doing [ __ ] you're making fun of me. because I play video games no I'm not. I'm saying that's your thing you make. fun of me because I golf that's why. basically what I'm saying am I right. though you would go to what your hobby. is let me just say something all right. look at me right now um. so what I'm basically saying is this all. right this dude right here right.

he does adventurers that are not normal. that's not true you are I'm with you. thank you that's not true it's so true. dude if I'm not gonna say it but if I. told you who was going on this trip with. you to [ __ ] some Far Away the island. destination in the woods right that's. exclusive only and everybody on there is. like holy [ __ ] that's like the biggest. name I've ever seen that's you go [ __ ]. yourself end of story it's because I'm. going golfing with people see what he's.

doing but I mean dude if you're happy. back me up can you back me up no if your. hobbies included that stuff like I went. like when I went to Steph Curry's thing. that's because Steph Curry plays golf. and has a golf tournament right so I. went because my friend knows him okay. that's still cool though that's still. cool it is part of your life yeah you'll. be a little not every golfer my dad. played golf for 30 years he never was. never met Stephanie he was not that good. that's the problem. my friend Mike young was like that too.

he's still alive yeah I know yeah. Michael Young is still alive yeah but. like where you they go they go on these. Adventures I would never go on. but but okay okay okay let me play. Devil's Advocate it's because you don't. want to go on a lot of these things. you'd rather just I would literally suck. can you help me with that yeah I will. say when uh did I go to dinner in New. York you did you did you did but but if. it was in LA you wouldn't come Bobby I. thought Mike invited you into Tobey. Maguire's house that's right that's. right you didn't want to go that was. that was 20 years ago what's the. difference at the time you didn't want.

to go then you don't want to go now I. want to go now you want to go to tobes. place I go anywhere you want me to call. tubetube no I don't want you call Tope I. don't that's not the guy I want it my. point is this is my life day to day is. normal yours is not and let's move on. okay see this is unfair this is where. you'll disagree yeah my life day to day. is very normal occasionally I disagree. with occasionally I do other stuff I do. other stuff occasionally yeah like golf. yeah I like golfing okay it's what it's. my Escape it's the only thing I have. dinner's with famous people. he's my friend okay. that's it what are we arguing about.

you're special no you make it sound like. like I have I live this insane fan well. I go to a meetings with plumbers we flew. we flew on 9 11. did you feel a little. weird no I almost. um posted a video of the plane and then. I put that song juicy Oh Yeah from. biggie yeah from Biggie and there's a. line in it where he says he's blowing up. like the World Trade oh my God I'm. really glad that wasn't deliberate. though that was totally on action on. accident but I'm really glad I didn't. post it well you did I thought I saw it.

no it it something got like I almost. posted it but the service went out. because we were like taking off and then. uh and then it it didn't post and then I. was I felt weird listening to the song. and I was like thank God I didn't post. this did you feel weird flying on 911 I. was excited I was like you hope it was. gonna happen to you yeah oh well of. course but where were you coming back. from Austin. why were you down there I went to a. football game with my family. yes you see okay so see you can make fun. of me for a living life but like he.

lives this Rich fancy boy life yeah but. he he gets a jet set at will wherever he. wants when he never did the work I know. that's what sucks that's what sucks he. never did the work you did the works I'm. just playing with you I love that this. dude right here no work he was born I'm. literally at work right now this is not. this is not work this does not work you. press a button. it's so diminishing yeah fancy pushes. the buttons wait time out what do you do. for us I'm Googling for you okay he's.

right he's right he's right Honestly. though we love when he loves you Carlos. we love you literally I honestly well I. want to work with you for the rest of my. life I just think that you're so. proficient like in New York you really. helped me out you'd call me you would. wait until you see the new trash Tuesday. and see if you still like him or what do. you do what did you do. what did you do say it now say it right. now so we can [ __ ] brace for it when. it happens. whoa Annie pulled out a tampon it was. like an ultra tampon it was really big.

and she dipped it in water and made it. all wet and kalila grabbed it and I. thought I was gonna like play with the. tampon or something but then kalila made. it mistletoe. oh my God and what. I've got peer pressured and what. put the mic near your mouth I want to. hear you say it I want to hear you say. what you got peer pressured and what. it was just a little and what there's. this little dab on like tongue if this.

is kalila it looks like her it would. just be this. okay I'm gonna watch the video. oh my God and if it's not that it is. that be honest with you right now I'm. this is my one chance to tell the truth. yeah yeah I said it. I'm gonna say something right now I kind. of want to take a walk from playing with. fire that's the last pack you get no no. no no no no. no no I shouldn't let go do not let it. go yeah you're right do not hold on to. this son of a [ __ ] yeah there it is. you Mexican piece of [ __ ] yeah hit him.

hard hit him harder yeah that's not. enough hit him hard you balding mediocre. that's great all right get it going lazy. hit him hard. um in title do not pull off yeah go take. off living off your Mexican money [ __ ]. yeah we're flying now all right Mexican. money now Ascend talentless oh that one. hurts right yeah it's been yes scene. yeah yeah can I ask you yeah all jokes. aside no don't no yeah don't ask hey did. you get aroused did you like it look at.

me in the face look at me in the face. Don't Look Away stop looking away look. at me in the face the whole time fancy. pull the mic near his mouth Don't Close. Your Eyes don't shift your eyes because. you know what they say when you're lying. your shift your you shift your eye look. me in the eyes did you like it I did not. like it Andrew oh my God I looked. straight at it he [ __ ] loved it Bobby. look at me he liked it more whoa she. complimented my kiss oh. she complimented mine she was like oh. your lips are like pillows.

can I just say um go ahead you um acted. out [ __ ] on him just a few minutes. that's right you did yeah you did for. comedy okay well this was for comedy. that's not was it. I mean you got to ask Annie and them. look at me in the face ask me did you. like it like you're me and I'm Carlos go. ahead ask me I'm Carlos. did you like it I did not. that's what he did that's what he did. and it was so see-through yeah I saw his. brain going say no say no say no say no.

say no like you would have gone to. prison if you're in court yeah I lock. him up yeah did you murder Miss Andrews. no. you're going to prison yeah you go to. prison they know yeah yeah oh my God. Carlos well what do we have to do now to. make up for this blasphemy can I ask you. another question and since we're here. and you know what if you're honest with. me right now I am being there's no. consequence have you ever jerked off to. a kalila no no don't don't answer fast. so fast don't answer so [ __ ] fast. have you ever jerked off to kalila slow. down be conscious of the answer jerk off.

huh sex workers you only jerk off to sex. workers yeah okay so let's let we need. to rectify this on another episode yeah. but I gotta tell you. I love you I've always loved you Carlos. you know we've been close for years I. think you're such a wonderful person. this is gonna be tough. whatever comes of this is just gonna be. tough and I hope you just you just gotta. he's got to deal with the wrath of Bobby. Lee Yep this is getting twisted is Bobby. Lee somebody that holds a grudge and and. enacts some awful [ __ ] on people he'll. go John you better believe it you better. believe it is this gonna be an easy ride. for you it's gonna be pretty bumpy I'd.

strap on put a strap on on I'm ready. okay. I can't look at Bobby right now no and. you should and honestly let me ask you. something have you ever been in a. relationship. yes he was married you were married. right yeah if I kissed. your ex-wife well that's different he. would talk about that after you broke up. with her would that be weird. it would be weird yeah so that's how I. feel. you know I'm on Carlos's side for one. second.

he was bullied into kissing the girls. pushed him around they bully him over. there I see what they do to him it's. insane I thought I was gonna suck on the. tampon. yeah did you see I almost looked on the. tent no I'm not gonna suffer yeah what. did you just say you're gonna suck on. kalila's tits going to edit it so he. said yes fancy let me ask you this let. me ask you this question right this is a. simple question right. laughs if Andrew was dying from a. disease I am kind of Hooters right and. the only way to cure him he's gonna die.

in seven days is to eat kalila's vagina. you have to go down I'm dying Andrew. yeah you [ __ ] asked me I'm not dying. it was an act it was just an ad you know. he's not dying you know I'm not dying. disease [ __ ] yeah yeah oh we just saw. your true colors put you in and save. Andrew yeah no no he's not dying what. disease that kills somebody in seven. days. okay give him another one juicy is dying. we know she's dying she's very very sick.

what kind of cancer do you have. uh my mouth cancer you have mouth cancer. well it's gonna fall off it's gonna fall. off the whole thing and the only way to. save her is we've we've set up this only. fans stream yeah and you are gonna have. to eat kalila's ass to save jet ski jet. ski tell him how much you need this I. everything I do is with my mouth.

yeah well I gotta tell you. um I think he should close the show you. tell the audience what that what you. want them to hear about what's going on. because Bobby I gotta tell you is. frazzled I can feel it I know he's it's. a side I'm sorry for being a bad friend. great. and he got ripped online yeah a billion.

little pieces ironically [ __ ] yeah juice. yeah that's great man. come on give her credit for that great. joke come on Bobby. I didn't even know was that what the. book's called million little pieces yeah. say it again. say it again say it again ready he got. ripped online he got ripped into a. million little pieces. thanks. perfect do we get that we can cut that. down yeah you're not a Jedi okay okay.

all right. what am I then in the Star Wars Universe. yeah you and I are mechanics on the. Death Star well on the first one that. explodes we have the tools you and I are. like oh dude we're done yeah you what it. would you would be Princess Leia no what. are you talking about you're like the. fifth wheel in Jabba's [ __ ] hot you. know what those dancing girls right. you're in the waiting room he never used. you yeah why are you not use it you know.

the lady with the little [ __ ] and she's. dancing with the chain right I'm working. the cashier no you're not even that. you're just in a waiting room and you've. been there for like 20 years that's her. right there that is literally her that's. yeah that's that's you dancing for Jabba. dancing. laughs. [Music].