The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive | Ep 235 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two are something we're. bad friends you use those you use those. I tried the one yeah Tom and I did a. long time ago Tom and I did a episode. where we went to a sex store and we got. a bunch of sex toys and we tried them. out and uh I'll tell you there's one. it's called the it's called The Man wand. oh don't look at me oh I know Harry. Potter uses it.

that's it that's it that's it that's it. right there that thing dude that thing. that thing is better than any Chick. you'll ever meet any dude you'll ever. meet but anyway yeah and you know now. girls come over to my house and I I have. it out on the table I don't care oh yeah. I I don't hide I I would be insufferable. as a boyfriend like if Leanne passed. away and I started dating there's well. just divorce could have been a thing no. not divorce yeah why go why go to death. there's no plan on us getting divorced.

if she died that's the only reason I'd. start dating other people really that's. the only way we're never going to get. divorced what if she goes um I'm kill. her wait let me finish all right so I'm. I'm gonna make a drink hey B this is. already stressing me out yeah so B I. just want to let you know we you're not. doing a good accent hey hey B there you. go there you hi hey b hey. b hey b um yeah we have wonderful kids. we wonderful for kids and you know you.

give me a great life right but I'm going. to tell you right now man I'm into the. ladies and I just think that right now. thatd be cool I go keep dating ladies. we're going to stay. married but then that gives you the. green light to go with to other dude uh. girls no I probably what whatever you. want okay I discussed I discussed this. it's not Frum it's not Frum Frum slip. okay go ahead this is why like I was. just talking to someone about this the. other day might have been my. daughter's my daughter's that's my body. count the other day what is your body.

count. six this year no my whole life holy six. your whole life yeah my whole life oh my. you're like a. Christian dude you're you're like a. Mormon or something this is insane I. don't know who I was just telling this. to but like I I definitely the problem. is I was just B I was I was not the. first time I did it it was really bad. who was I just telling this to and I it. was really bad and so after that like. just I I didn't perform well I came fast.

I my dick wasn't even her inner it was. between her butt cheek and the bed and. then it was like it was such a nightmare. that I was so like I remember getting. into the bathroom after it was done. looking in the mirror and so it was so. humiliating and then even like my next. two times were so still just not wasn't. good at it and I thought I'd be good at. it it's like saying like it's like it's. like being like you're good you're good. no I'm now I've gotten better yeah yeah. but I was not are you sure I'm sure no. because that's what Leanne says no no no.

no now I'm good yeah but Leanne could be. lying to you you could oh she probably. is then you're not good no yeah maybe. I'm not yeah yeah I'm telling you you're. not good it's a reason like people that. don't I want to say you're not good. people that don't sing karaoke sing. karaoke for a reason yeah so I don't. [ __ ] other people for the same reason. people don't sing karaoke do you lock. eyes dude I was okay tell me about that. I like I I didn't even talk during sex. like I was silent like Helen. Keller you'd moan like her I G I'd freak. out.

just and then someone would come and go. that's not good bread bread bu the a. bouncing off my hand Helen yeah wow you. know I want to Lear there should be a. statistic right and I I don't know if. this is a fact I don't think they have a. statistic for this but I believe that. for fat asian guys in America right I. think I have the biggest body count oh. what's your body count I can't tell you. what what are you talking about when did. you start keeping secrets. in your open [ __ ] books Bobby okay I.

don't I I I don't know like I literally. don't know you had to Ballpark it like. let's just ballpark it in Asian. countries okay are you China where it's. like so big can't wrap your head around. it no no no okay are you are you Japan. you're just well you can't compare it. with a Chinese guy in China because it's. like I I feel like it's easier what do. you mean oh like if I was a Chinese guy. in China it'd be easier to get girls my. point is is but coming to America being. a fat asian guy and getting white chicks.

and Mexican all this hard it's. challenged and I feel like I have the. highest body count I think it's easier. when you pay. though wait are you talking about your. body you know what I'm I'm trying to. come here with positivity dude right and. that you're little jokes dude right I'm. going to let them slide today I wish I. had paid for sex you've never done it no. okay I wish I had I look back and I go. I'm bummed I never did uh I don't know. it's better to have you know when you. get free roaming was the same reason. what free roaming.

you know what I mean like in the wild. yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's the CH. it's more challenging it's like you know. P for sex is like you know killing a cow. at a. barn you know what I mean like he's. enclosed and trapped it's easier yeah. obviously yeah I mean I don't know if. there's cows in the wild I think I I to. say I think the analogy is shooting fish. in a barrel not killing cow oh really. yeah yeah I think you can't just app. that to any [ __ ] I try to come with my. own analogy it's like hunting horses all. you need a.

gun all right is that oh yeah fish in. the barrel fish in the barrel yeah yeah. I wish I had had paper SE the same. reason that I'm glad I went skydiving. like I'd never do it again but I'm glad. I had the experience once to go SK I. would never do that you would never go. skydiving bungee jumping I would do it. with Henry. caval oh Superman yeah I think his. name's cavil whatever and I I want to. say this too I'm going to be. controversial right now oh I'd love to. hear this yeah yeah but not only I think. he's the best Superman of all time.

oh I don't care I there's no way to. argue it there's no way to argue Henry. caval who's better benle is better than. Henry Cavell he's Batman oh oh you're. right right yeah yeah he's Batman he's. yeah yeah yeah I mean wait was Henry. caval Superman when Ben Affleck was. Batman yeah they fought okay Henry caval. is the best Superman they F other that. was my favorite Superman what when they. fought against each other when they. fought against each other that was too. long and convoluted and then Wonder. Woman showed up and Aquaman was sitting.

in the Aquaman was not in that was in. the Justice League Aquaman and the flesh. were not in that movie cuz I just. rewatched them in [ __ ] in Montana. because I had nothing to do I watched. all I went I went from Christopher. Reeves all the way through okay pull up. all the Superman real quick all right so. what I'm I I honestly believe I can rank. them and let's just do film I don't want. to do TV Nick Cage was Superman there. was he was supposed to be oh okay and in. one of the Superman movies he was in it. or something right he and the Flash they. do a little a little Montage at the end.

where they showed him right you know. multi like Multiverse kind of a but um. so I think that it goes Henry caval then. it goes to Christopher Reeves then it. goes Brandon Ruth oh I would I would put. Kirk Allen in there you don't know Kirk. Allen no no George Rees of course George. Reeves I mean George Reeves George Rees. George Reeves is the one I remember the. most oh that's the old school 51s Dean. Kane Dean Kane looks like a kind of guy. that votes Republican now doesn't he. yeah yeah like he's got some real.

actually look at him yeah yeah but um. what do you think I think I I heav Cav. best Batman no what's your best best. Batman my best Batman yeah benle I'm a. big benle fan the only reason I ever get. sober if benle called and said he want. to be my SP sponsor you met him no I've. never met him I'd love that guy wait. wait wait you would get silver only if. Ben Affleck asked you to he if he called. me up right now and he was like yo is. Ben Fleck I would love uh to be your. sponsor get you into sobriety I'd be. like [ __ ] yes okay let me throw some how. about um Anthony Hopkins no for for.

being sober or for Batman yeah Anthony. Hopkins would be a bad all right what. about um so no I'm G um Brad Pit no he's. the only one benck I think I I get him I. get his I feel like I feel like I I like. him I like him you know you know why why. he doesn't hide his emotions right and I. don't when he's walking out of the. [ __ ] limos with uh with JLo normally. as a guy we would be like all right. there's going to be people there.

smile yeah he's just so Dr Drum like I. hate it I don't care what people I don't. care what people think and he's smart as. [ __ ] smart so smart dude I saw him on um. um um Bill Mah's uh what's it called the. real time real time and he [ __ ] lit. that dude up yeah about the yeah him and. Matt Damon are two of the smarter dudes. that movie stars smart they're so smart. they are they we don't have that we. don't even I mean like Rogan's smart. like that like he could Rogan and bur. the two guys are could Vis R somebody in.

like a conversation who are the dumbest. me and. you well by far by far by stop okay. let's talk about. Gaza I don't know well I don't know. where it is but my point is it's got to. be it's got to be near Israel got to be. can I tell you I I really believe that. Gaza is like uh is like is like Sunset. Boulevard yeah like it's a road yeah is. Gaza a road yeah it is right what do you. guys don't know either do you it's a.

strip it doesn't have roades anymore. wait is it a strip like is it like the. Vegas Strip did people like for the. bachelorette party they go to the Gaza. Strip I don't follow any of it yeah yeah. I remember the first time Andrew brought. up Gaza I didn't know where it was so he. goes what do you think of Gaza you know. what I said to him I go AAG and he goes. what do you mean he goes I go that's. backwards that Gaza backwards right. that's all I could that's all I know. wait don't don't don't breing this I. don't want to talk about this so but. here's here I'm just Pro we are the two.

dumbest comedian no no there are other I. I can I can throw Theo Theo all of a. sudden got smart I don't know when the. [ __ ] that happened but he doesn't if you. watch his interviews he doesn't he. pretends to be you mean yeah man you. know I mean you can't say yeah man after. someone say someone's smart how would. you have interviewed Donald. Trump I I that's a that's a weird. approach I don't know when I saw him. done it I wouldn't have done it I don't. think I would have done I got invited to. the National Republican convention and. uh I wanted to go just to get [ __ ]. wasted and just have fun and my wife.

wouldn't let me go she's like you will. get caught into some conversation like. Billy Bush and be like yeah grabing the. [ __ ] yeah I just you know I hate that. we're like that in this country I. thought you talking about we're still. talking about me and you me and you were. like that if you go to the [ __ ]. National Republican conf conf. conversation conversations conversation. no but here's the thing is right I no no. I could shut my. mouth bull yeah I can shut my mouth I. can shut my mouth I know how to my mouth.

oh you think that I'm when I go on the. set of Sex in the City and I'm with. Sarah Jessica Parker that I start moing. out about [ __ ] you know what I mean. like what kind of vge do you have I. would never do that no I I I I say to. myself shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up. shut the [ __ ] up do you know the smart. people don't have that inner dialogue. where they go shut the [ __ ] up don't. speak don't speak don't speak it's dumb. it's not that we're dumb we we just. don't have that little thing in our. brain oh yeah I don't but that's not. being dumb do you know every be in the. par Olympics not the Special.

Olympics I take that yeah and the par. Olympics is just people that are like. physically there's something you know. going on right but our minds are normal. can I tell you the only thing I drew. from the par Olympics do you know the. reporters are par reporters oh they're G. too far no it's par reporters other. reporters don't have arms either yeah. did you know that no I've been watching. the par Olympics really that's insane no. no it's it's it's appropriation if they. have like Bryant Gumball doing all you. have to do is this um are you parabolic.

too as a reporter I'd be like yeah man. what's. up you can't ask someone what their. illness is oh really that's uh oh then. you then you can go yeah my toes are. missing yeah if you go like so wait. what's your thing you can't you got to. go I choose not to tell you really in. you're invading my body oh that's cool. so then anyone can be a reporter at the. Paralympics technically yeah yeah just. lie yeah yeah yeah that's bump into a. wall is it Special Olympics same thing. with Special Olympics I don't think so. this is this is where my brain's going.

shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up that's. so interesting I didn't know that huh. yeah um but it's like um don't you think. that's gone too far now but no because. that's that's the whole thing is that. the listen let's be honest if you're. watching if you're watching the [ __ ]. 100 the 100 Sprints and Noah wy's there. and they got a guy with no legs doing. the interview you're going like this is. awkward this is really couldn't you guys. have thought about if a guy's like hey. you ran really fast and know like yeah. to you I run run really fast.

you but like to everyone else I'm just. really fast to you I'm like mind blowing. yeah yeah yeah are there um reporters. that have limbs missing in the regular. Olympics interviewing no why would they. that's that's that's not fair no it's. not okay it's not fair that's why they. give them the jobs for the Paro Olympics. because here's the deal you are GNA if. they show a guy with no arm uh. interviewing an ice skater you are not. gonna listen to the interview they're. you're gonna go what happened to his arm. especially when his little shirt flat.

moves and it's gon to distract you and. I'm just telling you I'm being real. that's why they you know it's losing an. arm it depends on where you lose it dud. they just let women on the sidelines to. interview football players like when do. you think they're going to like it's a. [ __ ] can you imagine would you rather. have your arm miss here oh [ __ ] yeah or. right here dude it's a it's a game. changer I I've known a lot of guys. without arms I I don't want it here I. know so many because you have that. little piece sticking out like that I. don't like that no no well you know. that's not why you don't want. it why I just don't want a little you.

know little thing sticking out like this. right I would do it here that's not why. that's not why you don't want it why why. why cuz this is a lot more usable this. thing oh this part you want the more of. the limb you can salvage the better so. what's the worst here this is the. easiest it's that's the best if you just. lose your hand that's the best okay or. okay oh my God I I don't want to see. photo. I we can imagine it yeah yeah yeah we. here Bobby it's this right it's this. yeah yeah yeah so yeah you say this is.

the best situation yes this right here. is second best second best and then here. if you lose it here you're it's tough. It's really tough but a lot of dudes. what so I know I know probably four guys. and a girl that have lost they lost. their uh their use of their arm so it. just hangs there like a dead arm and. they get it cut off because it causes so. and they like burn it on stuff and they. bump it in and slam it into doors and so. they got to get them uh taken off wow I. know a girl that did that I wish I. remembered her name she was really cool.

young lady she got into a moped. acccident in college and broke her arm. and then got another moped accident and. broke it again and never got use of her. arm. back that's what you want um do you. think about get getting attacked by. animals like a shark at. all wait wait stop you're going coming. at me so quickly what CU we went from. ampts the Sharks I think about sh I I. know Al so you know the connection is. losing the it's just like it's just like. a fun day in the beach a fun day in the. beach all a sudden you don't have quick. to the to the Sharks okay let's segue.

better I'll do it better okay right hey. do you like the beach but you got to. bring this into it do you like the beach. oh I love the beach I was just recently. at a beach dude I saw one guy armed guy. swimming in circles hey are you afraid. of sharks that's it there we go that's. it thank you so much yeah yeah and and. my answer did you see the guy with no. arms swimming in the Olympics no can you. pull that up he's Asian you're going to. love this Bobby oh W he's Asian and no. arms and the only reason he's winning. the whole time the only reason he loses.

is he doesn't have [ __ ] arms that's. the only reason why he loses that's the. only reason he loses cuz the other guy. goes like this it's it's Asian par. Olympics and I I I I want to throw. another thing that about this guy that's. it that's it oh maybe before you play it. I want to say one last thing look at. this look at this I know we just give. you let me say you one last thing B okay. all right is what also sucks about his. situation he can't even use his dick to. help him to swim yeah it's like a Rudder. yeah but it's so oh oh I see what you're. saying cut that joke on that didn't work.

I I I paused the whole flow of it just. to do a small dick joke right and it. came out weird so go ahead so watch it. watch him watch him watch him this he's. just look at this oh my God look at him. right he's breathing no breathing but. the only reason the only reason the. other guy wins is cuz he's got [ __ ]. arms he's got to hit the wall with his. head but what with the arms what does he. have he has what's missing it's it's you. can't. ask oh so you could be you could be okay.

watch the only reason that that. Ukrainian guy won is cuz the Chinese. that's Chinese right yeah look at this. blind guy still but G's second the. Chinese took second Chinese that's good. no but if he had one arm just one arm he. would have won yeah that's life if I was. 6'3 I'd be Yao Ming come on yeah you. know what I mean not really 7 foot if I. was 7 foot wait hold on isn't he Chinese. yeah you get what I'm saying no Jeremy. Lynn yeah JY and if I had a bigger dick.

I'd be uh Shaquille O'Neal yeah yeah. yeah exactly yeah so I want to talk to. you about something that because I want. to get the fact right. shoot and um you know as people know I. was injured on your tour oh. God yeah okay let's get let's get let's. let's well I just want to because I just. want to do some investigating here no I. love your investigative reporting thank. you so much I'm a big fan I seem to be. the target of it every time but keep. going I'm not targeting you I know every. time I get a [ __ ] [ __ ] text hey did. you see who was on Bobby's podcast and.

I'm like. [ __ ] go ahead I love this I love. this so at 2 2 2:30 in the morning I. fall off my bunk yes hit my lip yes get. knocked out bleeding blood everywhere. blood everywhere you know I I go to the. um front of the bus I don't know what. the [ __ ] to do I go to the bus driver. and I go hey dude I think I need to go. to the hospital he's like you can't wait. 5. hours okay we're almost there at Fort. Lauderdale 5 hours so I'm sitting there. now I'm he said you can't wait 5 hours.

yeah yeah rocket Mone you guys um I. spend so much money on apps and stuff on. my phone I bleed money because you know. sometimes I'll get a meditation thing. right that I forget about and all of a. sudden every year there's a subscription. that I'm not aware of you bleed money. all right I've been paying for so many. subscriptions that I don't use it's. awful and Rocka money helped find. subscriptions that I totally forgot. about it's embarrassing and I was paying. for a long time two years even yeah I'm. not going to talk about it okay it hurts. uh can you name every single. subscription you have I bet you can't uh.

I I'm totally lost I just learned that. over 74% of people have subscriptions. they've forgotten about with rocket. money I don't have to remember every. subscription or worry about forgetting. any because I can see them all laid out. right in front of my face rocket money. is a personal finance app that helps you. find and cancel your unwanted. subscriptions monitors your spending and. helps lower your bills so you can grow. your savings easily create a. personalized budget with custom. categories to help keep your spending on. track see your monthly spending trends. in each category to know exactly where.

your money's going rocket money will. even try to negotiate to lower your. bills for you sometimes by up to 20%. they automatically scan your bills to. find Opportunities to save then you can. ask them to negotiate for you they'll. deal with customer service so you don't. have to Rocka money has over 5 million. users and have saved a total of 500. million in canell sub subscriptions. saving members up to $740 a year when. using all of the apps features stop. wasting money on things you don't use. cancel your unwanted subscriptions by. going to Rocket money.com badri that's. rocket money.com friends rocket. money.com badri draft King sports book.

NFL Week Deuce is upon us and this. beautiful beginning to the season means. new ways to get in on the action at. draftking sports book an official sports. betting partner of the NFL TIY tuty. taking to the house whatever you call a. touchdown they matter more at draftking. Sportsbook if you're out there placing. some Wagers why are you not using. draftking Sportsbook app it is the best. and for upcoming games hey man the. numbers are moving all over the place in.

week two I've got my [ __ ] Town Bears. over there against the Texans they're. down there in Texas doing it big what's. a spread going to end up being I don't. know I don't know uh what you should. take or who you should uh wager on but I. can tell you uh I know where I'm going I. know what I'm doing and it's none of. your business have fun on your own time. score big with draftking Sportsbook the. number one place to get bet touchdowns. download the draftking Sportsbook app. and use use code bad friends that's.

codes bad friends for new customers to. get $250 in bonus bets when you bet just. five bucks and get one month of NFL Plus. premium only on DraftKings the crown is. yours yours gambling problem call 1 1800. Gambler in New York call 8778 Hope NY or. text Hope ny4. 67369 in Connecticut help is available. for problem gambling call 8887 8977 77. or visit ccpg dog please play. responsibly on behal of booill Casino. and Resort in can 21 plus age and. eligibility varies by jurisdiction void.

Ontario bonus bets expire 168 hours. after issuance for additional terms and. responsible gaming resources see dk. CFT. ball NFL Plus premium offer only. available to new and former NFL plus. subscribers additional NFL Plus premium. terms at nfl.com terms are you [ __ ] K. I was hurt by it I bet you I so scared I. was so scared I was so scared so I'm. sitting there I have my shirt over my. face bleeding and I'm texting you guys. yes I text eight people God damn it I.

got to find this [ __ ] you'll find it. you'll find it all the [ __ ] all right. you'll find it and and the only please. someone sent me that [ __ ] chat thread. it was so [ __ ] hysterical how it was. because so the problem with me and you. is that when we get honest sometimes. people still think we're joking and. so yeah when you said I fell out of my. bunk everyone thought it was we didn't. know that was real and then Leanne was.

the only one that was like wait Bobby's. really hurt that was you she was the. first person to be like bobb's really. hurt yeah and so that was the what time. that was at 6:00 in the morning it was. like around 10 a.m. 10 yeah I think they. they were taking you to the hospital. already no no Leanne's the one that. saved me yeah Leanne Le you don't give a. [ __ ] the first person to respond was. Mark. Norman he wasn't even on tour her I know. he was just left oh yeah he just left. yeah and he and he got the he was like. getting on a plane and he said busted.

rip so funny I F so funny it was so I'm. going to tell you who were the helpful. ones it wasn't me I know exactly that's. why you're not on this list okay okay. who the helpful ones number one Leanne. your wife yes she was very helpful okay. oddly enough Dave Vel no but he cuz he. was the one that texted me a bunch of. times afterwards to see how I was doing. checking up really yeah yeah I checked. in no you didn't yes I did yes I did.

nope I definitely did [ __ ] you I. definitely did yeah I did I 100% did. listen you know what you are what am I. [Laughter]. Bobby remember Game of Thrones you I. mean yeah the who is the original King. before the Lannisters went in there that. big Bor Robert barathan Baran that's. what you are I'm Robert Baratheon yeah. you're Robert barathan is that bad or. good I don't remember it's it's in the. middle I'm the one I'm the I'm the.

father of uh of king of uh I'm there you. are so I'm the one that gets killed by. look at you that's you dude I might be. Robert Brad I always saw myself as a Ned. Stark kind of guy no you're not n Stark. dude I'm a little more like Ned Stark. but what am I in the world what am I in. the world in Game of Thrones you're uh. the uh little the guy that throws. fireworks. [Laughter]. everywhere and there likey throws. fireworks put an Asian guy fireworks. Game of.

Thrones there's no Asian guy fireworks. game of oh D I'm that guy wait oh that's. a yeah that's uh whatever that's not. yeah that's David CH I don't know okay. if there were no Asians in Game of. Thrones okay let's be for real who are. you in Game of Thrones you're going to. say Peter Dinklage as a character no I'm. not no no no no buddy you're not that. smart Peter Dinklage is a gangster in. Game of Thrones kind of organizes. everything Jason. Mamoa no okay [ __ ] you're more like 's. brother oh the one that gets gold on his.

face yeah oh yeah Weasley yeah like. you're not you're not I'm like a weasel. no no no no you know who you are oh. thank you you are no you're not K's. brother give me another shot you are um. the baby dragon no you're one of the. you're one of the you're one of the guys. that's on the night. watch oh I know who I am who the kid. that betrays. him what yeah you are right remember the. kid and he gets kid who stabs him yeah. you're the kid who stabs him yeah the. little kid and then he gets hung at the.

end yeah I'm him do you know what I. wanted to do with you so bad what do I. want I want to do a trauma bowl of candy. what's that have you ever seen trauma. bowls no have you never seen tra trauma. bowls oh can we go back to the lip thing. or what let's go back to the lip thing. all right let's go back to the lip thing. you think anyone's following this. podcast they're like I don't know what. they're talking about thank God they. have Andrew and Tom to do no I like this. I like this I do too yeah yeah I like it. dark style so here's what I wrote I. wrote are are you [ __ ] crazy I feel. bad that I ruined it wait oh this is you.

this is you okay okay at two okay it's. 206 so it's a little late in the. day in the morning yeah what do I say I. wrote you when you when you say the. people that are in the thing try to do. their voices too I can't get this is. just me and you what are you doing hang. on I'm hang on I'm let me do my [ __ ]. investigative journalism all right so. I'll just I'll just talk about my half. of it okay so right here you have the. first thing I I sent two photos in a.

gigantic group chat for 40 people. they're in it okay and then I write a. letter okay tear. everyone I fill off the top bunk and hit. my mouth on a Ledge and my lip is split. open and I don't know what to do okay. another and I say good night the next. text I get is 3 hours. later 3 hours later dude oh my God can. someone please find the text that was. just sent with all the texts attached of.

all the comedians replying to that that. you just sent me I'm fighting with Bobby. and I need to win there's no win or lose. there's only only facts no I these are. facts okay let me let me go to fully. loaded oh yeah go to the fully loaded uh. Talent week one with Bobby leonette I. got week three I got week there you have. so many weeks and then I got week one. yeah okay let me get to your face. okay here we go okay this is okay I knew.

it was wrong I knew it was wrong okay. okay good morning today's activities are. the birdcast episode in B's shower room. uh we also have a private pool with the. bartender starting at 2 p.m. 2 p p.m. snow cone trucks will be coming is there. a ballpark for the podcast uh I don't. know very loose plans and then Bobby Lee. wrote oh hang on oh hang on you're right. you're right you're right you're right. you're right you're right what are you. doing dude that. was I fell off the top bunk and I hitel. ledge my lip is split open and I don't. know what to do and then he wrote good. night good.

night Kyle Canan wrote put ice on it and. tell everyone you got hurt doing. something cooler than falling off a bunk. bed and Kyle [ __ ] you Leanne wrote Oh. [ __ ] yep go Rachel said coming to help. she's the best and then Victoria said. coffee yeah Victoria I have issues with. I have really big issues with Victoria. and I'm I'm not ashamed to say it okay. she put voodoo on the reason why lip my. lip thing you think so oh yeah she said. she would do Voodoo and then I got hit.

my lip and so that's the one dude [ __ ]. yeah anyway [ __ ] Victoria and then it. says then you do the some [ __ ] does. good morning today's activities I'm. about to die and somebody goes an. activities [ __ ] announcement right. and. then and then yeah and then you said a. picture the picture is horrific yeah but. and and Victoria rights yeah you're. doing amazing sweetie yeah Leanne writes. I'm so sorry Bobby please let me know if.

you need anything someone else writes. looks better yeah and guess what Stacy. said get some sleep oh that'll fix it. and guess what BD from two to then you. don't text. once you don't text once H you [ __ ]. [ __ ] you're a piece of [ __ ] why. didn't you text hang on Victoria wrote I. see how what he's doing text once hold. on I was busy doing activities he was at. the bar know that I didn't know that it. was as bad as it as it was I sent you.

photos [ __ ] I know but I was laying in. bed I was sleeping okay okay and then. Chad Dan wrote your skin looks great. okay Mark nor wrote busted rip you that. was very funny good laugh Mark good. laugh he wrote woo what happened you get. Will Smith again very funny okay and. then I wrote at I wrote privately to you. oh you did I did of course I'm not gonna. write to I don't write oh that's right. that's maybe maybe that's what it is. yeah I wrot let's go back to Bert I. wrote. okay way back hey buddy how are you.

feeling is there anything I can do it. looks great you're right you're right I. think you're right absolutely fly home. tomorrow if you need to I feel horrible. and you went are you crazy I feel bad. that I ruined everything I wanted to be. the do the remaining dates in a couple. weeks I'm so sorry this happened I love. you so much but I can't literally open. my mouth in so much pain and I wrote. Bobby you didn't ruin anything buddy. we're all bummed that this happened. everyone loves you I wish you were here. to tell you that I love you to death. take care of yourself first brother I. love you and have fun and I can. definitely have you on those remaining. dates and I go and then I said wow does. it still and you it seems a little bit. better but I'll see you next week I'm.

going to kill it for you and I said. you're the best and and I want to say. something very positive to you and your. family what's that and um and I've I've. never I never expected it and I also was. like why would they do that but Leanne. calls me and she goes and by the way the. dates you missed we're still going to. pay you for those yeah which. is I mean I'm not going to get I was. emotional when I got that because it's. like it's it's not like I it's whatever. I would never even thought about it. right but it's just the idea that you're.

just that cool that you guys would just. do that which is and it's not Chum. change it's a it's a nice chunk of money. you know what I mean and so it's like. for me I you know you know I have to I. have to admit you and Tom over the years. have been real friends and allies to me. and Andrew and our family and this and. that and um it's just a real blessing. it's it's hard to give you compliments. to be honest with you for real yeah I'm. right now I'm just want to say something. negative but I'm trying to get into. staying in the zone but but no you guys. are really just really great guys and I.

appreciate it really nice thank you I'll. tell you I'll tell you why I'll tell you. why we honor the money cuz when Georgia. was four she fell and broke her jaw. knocked out all her teeth uh in a pair. of Crocs and I got puled I got pulled. off a tour cuz I had to fly home it was. a Sunday night and it wasn't a ton of. money it was like we were making $5,000. a weekend we were doing probably five. shows so I maybe it was like $1,000 and. I got I flew home I missed a Sunday show. and they docked me $1,000 and I remember. being so [ __ ] mad when you did clubs.

yeah when I did clubs and I was like I. was like wait I didn't I didn't bail on. you my daughter got hurt and they were. like G it you didn't do the show so we. get to keep the money and I [ __ ] was. livid you're not going to tell me what. club it is it wasn't the club it was the. [ __ ] it was Jameson Jameson it was. Jameson I I was whisky to him and it. [ __ ] it sent me through the roof and. I still have a a grudge about that and. so when we did and when we did fully. loaded first year we did Mississippi uh. and and it got rained out Brandon. Mississippi and I they said you know. well we'll see if we can get everyone. back I said well we got to pay everyone.

first and they were like hold on we we. can't afford to pay them it will really. [ __ ] our budget up and I was like yeah. but we can't stiff them and so we resell. to everyone I think I I I you'd have to. ask the individual Comics but I think we. gave them half the money and then bought. them a gift bag to send them and then. said hey we hope that you'll come back. we'll honor the the hope we'll come back. and do it and we'll honor the rest of. the money but if you can't we'll just. pay you the money and so people that. didn't we paid them the money and then. everyone came back but I got I remember. getting [ __ ] by that that and I that. bothered me so much so I'm thank you.

very much it's first video you to say no. really I love you dude here's the deal. here's the deal I love you more than I. love you more than you love me that's. [ __ ] insane that you would say. something like that right try to talk. [ __ ] about me on my podcast and try to. talk [ __ ] about you on my podcast and. watch what I do okay okay what me what I. know what you be someone that doesn't. like Bobby Lee like when you lay in your. bed and you think the things about. yourself that you think people are. saying say those right now I'll be. interviewing you you're someone that. hates Bobby Lee oh so I'm a guy let me. let me let me um create a character then.

what I'm Richard who's someone that. dislikes you I don't see that's the. thing I want to create a character. because there's a couple of people but I. want to put throw their name in I mean. there's a lot of people that hate me. yeah my name is Mando Mandu um Christ no. Mand Carone yes Mand Caron I'm Mand. Caron okay what's up. dude oh I know who this guy is do I'm. Mando Carone dog I'm from [ __ ] the. inner suburbs of everything man what's. up so uh have you ever worked with Bobby.

Lee yo dude that that little. [ __ ] was a piece of [ __ ] dog oh. he's a good friend of mine yeah well how. could you be a friend with a guy that. like shows his pubes everybody oh cuz. I'm the same guy we're like brothers I. love that guy to death why what were you. gonna say about him that's how it works. wow that's what you that's what you do. yeah but that's it doesn't get views on. a. pod right R this is how this is how you. get views on a podcast go ahead be Mando. what's up Mando Kone here dog from the. inner suburbs of [ __ ] East wasan.

Washington dude I love your set on Def. Jam thanks dog what's up Mond do you. know Bobby Lee yeah I dude that guy man. [ __ ] bro what a [ __ ] creature of. delight man oh what what he's a piece of. [ __ ] man what tell me what he did what. he shows my pubes and stuff man. yeah that's what you really do are you. saying that are you saying that if. they're saying things about you I should. be more defensive of you no be honest.

cuz I will I will be more mindful about. that no I don't no I but it's also um. who cares I don't but at the end of the. day it doesn't [ __ ] matter it. definitely doesn't matter to me I try to. think about like I try to think about I. try to think of my brain as like a condo. and so I I have like say I have 18. vacancies in my head and then I go who. am I going to give rooms to right room. rich man's condo a rich man's condo yeah. is that 18 is a lot yeah I don't know. never lived in a [ __ ] condo I.

actually lived in a apartment building. it's apartment building apartment. building yeah I said the wrong word I. never lived in a condo so okay don't. mind shut the [ __ ] up man so then you go. where you gonna who do you who do you. allow rooms in your condo for oh oh I. see like who do you allow like cuz there. was a time when I when I was younger. that I have strangers in my. condo people I don't know or Mya like 50. of them yeah yeah come on in sleep over. do whatever do whatever you want you. know what I mean and they just run. around [ __ ] [ __ ] on everything yeah. who do you think allows More Strangers.

in their condo Santino or Tom oh [ __ ]. Sano you really yeah because I know Tom. a little bit Tom doesn't at least when. we I do shows with him on the road he's. very like just calm but maybe he's doing. an act no it's I I really calm I don't. think he he has a weird thing where he. does he genuinely does not care about. things yeah I think it's also losing his. dad for him was new thing of like and. then Christina going through what she. went through I think he was just like.

okay I'm done giving a [ __ ] I think he. was like I got a condo and I'm going to. give 16 rooms to what's going on in my. life with my kids and my wife and my and. whatever but I think so yeah I think. Santino I can't Santino didn't strike me. as someone who's there's people that. live there really yeah and they're. strangers. okay who do you think has more people in. their condo Shane Gillis or Joe Rogan oh. [ __ ] Shane Gillis yeah you think so yeah. I think Shane Gillis I think he read. still reads comments. yeah but he also tells the people in the.

condo he I'll get you back he serves. eviction notices yeah yeah actually I. know I know some people that have condos. in his head I know I know a guy who. rents a who's actually hasn't paid his. rent in a long time but he a long time. ago he moved in and Shane's waiting for. the right time yeah to light his condo. on. fire really I know who it is oh you yeah. what who is it I can't tell okay can I. tell you I have a Shane Gillis problem. here what oh he don't like you no no no. no no he loves no but can I can I I'm.

going to let me go to his text here yeah. all right so there's a Shane Gillis. problem I love him yeah you know what I. mean and he's a great guy so I have this. thing now where I I just refuse to do. because I just did a movie in Montana I. play a regular guy like a white dude. yeah I'm just like a white guy like I. there's no there's no racial references. for real yeah never you don't you're not. Asian at all in this dude and all the. roles I've had in the last five years. reservation dog sex in the city all. these Magnum there's no real Asian. references I don't have an accent it's.

not an issue you were in new new uh what. was the new movie that just came out uh. Badlands Borderlands Borderlands you. just a regular dude regular dude okay so. all the things I do is a regular dude. right and I kind of refuse to kind of do. Asian ones right so then he goes um oh I. saw you in you know what movie I just. saw what uh the [ __ ] movie you just. did about [ __ ] uh getting sober it's. a sweet dreams sweet dreams yeah yeah. yeah all right keep going anyway okay. you're great. oh thank you so much I think you played. gay and not Asian yeah I was a little.

gay all right so this is what he writes. he goes we wrote a role for you in tires. which is great I that's I [ __ ] would. love to do that show right yeah then he. goes if you're interested please be. interested and I go [ __ ] it I'll do it. then he goes yes then I go just I always. say this no accent please and he's like. he goes dude I swear it's all accent no. English at all right then I go ha right. then he goes that's one of the.

lines yeah he go he goes I'm not joking. I'll explain that but I'm not joking he. go can you send me the script you know. what I mean yeah so what what what do I. do if I have this moral thing of like. cuz I desperately want I love those guys. OK Connell and all those guys right I. loved I would love to do it but it's. like do I do the do I show up and go. okay guy I I do it you know mean I don't. know you can also love those guys and. just love their show and just be like I.

love those guys I love their show I. don't need to be in it yeah like but. here's the problem is you do get like. people do it's it's not a shitty thing. but they just go I'm looking for like a. fat drunk who uh oh let's get Bert and. then you go yeah but I don't I'm like a. fat drunk and they go yeah but that okay. and then you're just sitting there going. I guess that is what I put out yeah and. then I put out a thick Asian accent no. no but no but I mean I do I really do no. be be real do I do in the show all the. time do I do on this show I mean come on.

you just said do I do same same but. different Yeah Yeah Yeah. Yeah by my friend Shopify you guys if. you have an online business go to. Shopify they're the best okay what is it. you better know it's the global Commerce. platform that helps you sell at every. stage of your business from the launcher. online shop stage to the first real life. store stage all the way to the did we. just hit a million dollars stage hey. Shopify is there to help you grow when I. started podcasting an online store was. the furest this thing from my mind I'll. tell you that right now right now now. I'm selling you know t-shirts mugs you.

know Co pictures of Bobby swimming in. the water like the Nirvana album cover. uh and posters and all the above so it's. so easy all because I use Shopify we use. Shopify and we have since the jump. because Shopify helps you turn browsers. into buyers with the internet's best. converting checkout up to 36% better. compared to other leading Commerce. platform Shopify is undefeated they are. so good and so helpful so simple Shopify. Powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US.

and Shopify is the global force behind. all birds rothy and Brook linen and. millions of other entrepreneur preneurs. of every size across 175 countries. including bad friends plus shopify's. extensive help resources are there to. support your success every step of the. way because businesses that grow grow. with Shopify sign up for a $1 per month. trial period at shopify.com badf. friendsall lowercase go to shopify.com. badf friendsall lowercase now to grow. your business no matter what stage. you're shopify.com. friends I know cuz I I talk so fast no.

but here's the thing they trust you they. trust you they trust me so that if. they're going to do an accent if they're. going to do a role like that they want. to go to someone who they know's funny. and they know also can tell them that's. not cool like you know like they wrote. it it's a bunch of dudes from Philly. that wrote something f [ __ ] wildly. funny and they want to trust they they. trust only funny people to do it so. they're going to you because you're I. guarantee you that whatever they wrote. is funny as [ __ ] and it and it. overwhelms the the whatever Asian accent. thing you're thinking I guarantee you.

it's I'll put the buck teeth in I don't. care I I'll [ __ ] do it but you can. also but you can also just love those. guys and root for them and go I can't. wait to watch this well I want to read. it first let me read it first yeah yeah. yeah anyway okay I can't wait to see uh. nine Philly guys write an Asian. characters. accent that's that's that's no that's. the viral moment is you do the show in. the day at airs you post the script. where it's like uh uh whatever the yeah. yeah I should and since I talked about. this then I I talked about it here we're.

not going to edit this out right no. don't yeah yeah yeah let me can I let me. ask you another thing that I'm going. through right now and it's something I. hate about myself and I can't talk to. Andrew about it because he doesn't. really want to listen to me okay but um. I have a thing where okay so when I was. in. Winnipeg with your friend Tom yeah we're. doing a show backstage I don't know we. talked about this but have we talked. about this there was a guy backstage he. is a club owner in Winnipeg I I know the.

club you do yeah yeah nice guy seems. like a very nice guy well that's the. club that Tom bombed in horribly correct. I don't know yeah keep going so anyway. Tom goes hey this is guy you know he's. owned the the club for years yeah and. immediately I I go how come you never. even book me why would you say that what. that's why that's the thing yeah you. can't say that why cuz doesn't matter it. does matter but why I'll tell you why. okay keep going there's all these clubs. in America that I remember calling my. agent cuz I had even before podcasting I.

did pretty good numbers right so I go. good numbers you've always done good. yeah yeah I mean I'm doing way better. now but you know but but um and and they. would go they just don't want you right. it would make me mad because it's like I. want to play it I I want to go to that. City and play it and I look at their. lineups like I have more credits. whatever it would just build I would. build a resentment right so then now. that I see these Club ERS now I'm kind. of like weird and I don't want to be. like that but it's like am I the one. that that's in the wrong yeah you are.

I'll tell you why I'll tell why tell me. why teach me what happens when you get. famous or when you get success in comedy. is you all those little [ __ ] thorns. in your side that wouldn't work with you. and didn't want to [ __ ] with you and. didn't want to talk to you and maybe. sometimes didn't even know you didn't. even know you existed you you when you. first get famous in comedy or not famous. but get some success there's an Impulse. I've seen so many people do it to light. those people up and let them know now. you couldn't get me or something like. that right and and it's ugly what you. should say that guy I'll tell I'll give.

you a perfect example of someone I love. to death that I wanted to say that to. okay. who I wanted I wanted to work uh Comedy. Works so bad Denver Denver so badly I. wanted dude I I could name a hundred of. these clubs because I didn't have your. career I had like a [ __ ] career like. I had one where like no no I worked on. Travel Channel no one ever thought I'd. ever make money no one ever thought I. was ever going to become successful or. get a special on Netflix so so like. there were a bunch of clubs that just. the cool clubs would never work me would.

never [ __ ] work me that's interesting. and so I wanted to work Comedy Works so. bad but always worked at Denver Improv. which is predominantly a black room one. of the room and it's one of the worst. rooms in the world and so I [ __ ] I. languished in the Denver in the Denver. Improv doing I never selling a ticket. and I wanted to work comedy work so bad. and then I met Wendy and there was a. part of me that wanted to say why didn't. you ever work me and then Wendy just was. like you're [ __ ] hilarious where have. you been and I was like oh my God.

thought I didn't say anything and then. she's anytime I ever stop by Denver she. it was it was all in your head dude I. remember I remember it's not in your. head he didn't she didn't book you no. how about this I'll give you a better. one I'll give you a better one okay s uh. Ann Harris and Joanne gion love them. okay they were the the the I would say. the king makers at Comedy Central they. gave you half hours they gave you hours. and I remember going like I remember. sending like audition tapes to them and. I didn't get a reply no feedback nothing.

and then I was like [ __ ] man I got so in. my head that I was like I thank God I. never ran into them drunk and said. something cuz I would have said my. emotions and I would said all my. feelings and then one day one day I get. a phone call from both of them and. they're like you're [ __ ] so goddamn. funny where have you been this whole. time and then I was like God I never. said anything I understand but it's but. it's a natural instinct I watched a guy. I watched a guy light up a [ __ ] club. owner who who all he said was hey. congrats on all the success and he's. like yeah I bet you wish you would.

[ __ ] book me now and then I was like. why are you doing this he just said. congratulations I would never do that. yeah but but here's the deal he's had an. arena and he's watching you perform. murder murder with Tom sigura yeah he. knows how big your podcast is yeah yeah. what are you guys doing please say. you're too Asian we got a call from who. from Andrew. okay. Santino hi B what's up Happy Labor Day. happy labor I'm in Chicago with my. family I'm drunk on my patio I feel like.

uh I'm doing you doing you justice I'm. having a glass of vodka with your best. friend we're we're breaking each other. down uh with wrong with us yeah yeah is. he pissing you off or is it good no it's. good it's good it's very healthy it's. awesome well well tell him I miss him so. much I love you I'm right here I can. hear you I'll tell share all this keep. going um I I and and honestly between. you and me bur because I know it's just. a private conversation that um I'm ready. to get rid of this guy I want to come be. a part of the poor.

H can you tell him tell him we got a. signing hey we got a signing hey you. coming out for uh skankfest in Vegas I'm. not gonna I'm gonna be on tour I already. got [ __ ] for three other times oh I'm. I'm doing I'm doing the Resorts World. Theater September 27th 28th it's the. same weekend as skang Fest I'm bumed. yeah but if you're I was gonna say I was. see if Bobby wants to come out where. where where Resorts World SE 27 28 it's. in Vegas I want to do it all right. you're in all right I'm gonna have Bobby. come I'm stuck well I can do stand up.

yeah I'm stuck but go love you guys I. love you to death brother I'll talk to. you guys soon all right I'll talk to you. later bye we you tell him he keeps. calling me noodle I don't like it. Noodle's not bad he goes hey how's my. favorite noodle and I just don't like it. it's so funny so wait what were we. talking about why I'll tell you why you. said it yeah and he goes and I get I got. it he goes I just heard there's there's. some wild aspects of your show that just. wouldn't fit in to and I go you know. what I think you're right and you know.

and I only bring this up listen listen. I'm only like this with Su clubs and. you're right I want to change and so um. and obviously in Show Business of course. they're like directors like where have. you been I've been in town for 30 years. and I get I'm on the radar now right so. that's why they say it and I understand. it and I'm blessed but it's like I it's. the only reason why I brought it up is. because it is an ugly side of myself. that makes me feel uncomfortable and. makes me go wow I wish I could just not. be like that you know who doesn't say it. who Santino and Tom do you know who says.

it me and you yeah yeah it's we're. better people but you got are we better. let's be honest I would rather be me. than Tom I'd rather be me than Andrew. yeah I think that's the truth can you. imagine being Andrew can you imagine. being Tom can you imagine being Tom. where you where everything's got to be. like this like this yeah. yeah I know I know yeah hey this vodka. is great mhm yeah yeah yeah yeah hey. this is a really cool car when did you. get it uh yeah shipped it over from.

Germany like a week ago man it's nice. yeah he's just dead inside yeah I'd. rather be imagine being like this oh. it's 800 in the morning I'm on a golf. course and then at 2 I have 15 meetings. and a three I got to go over the [ __ ]. vene okay what do you want what would. you want what here's what I know what. both of us wish we could do more like. our friends oh you want to switch it up. like what do you what would you take. from them it when wouldn't be Tom's. body I such a better body than him is.

ridiculous way [ __ ] I me it's not even. [ __ ] close bigger dick no exact same. dick the exact same no that's not true. I'll tell you why I've seen it we've. seen both each other's dicks together we. were almost docking each other oh okay. I've seen yours though. yeah Bueno Bueno yeah very good thank. you thank you so um let me give um he's. better at um communicating with people. in terms of like family wow are you. talking about are you talking about Tom. or and Andre oh my God he loves being.

around friends yeah that's Tom that's. Tom he's better communicating with. people like I'm not good at. communicating. people yeah if I get a text I go I just. don't. reply I that's actually that's actually. the one close blowout fight Tom and I. ever had yeah was so simple to solve. yeah but we sat down and he's like we. need to have like a legit conversation. he's like we run a business together. we're open put another business. okay conversation and he said you need.

to reply to my texts I TR know and it's. so funny here B that you say this yeah. I'll show you something right here so. then but I hate it when the people don't. text me back oh yeah and I'm all like so. I'm going to give you one right here I. sto texting people because I don't want. to I don't want to wait for their text. back so I see Jordan Peele oh [ __ ] that. I couldn't text Jordan Peele so he's on. he has I saw this photo online and I. thought he looks so cool here so I go. like an idiot I go you look.

dope. nothing that was a week ago okay and and. it hurts me let's see let's see who's. got an unread text from me really how do. you do that these I can I can find I can. just go into anyone famous anyone famous. doesn't reply to me all the time okay. okay. um I can find an easy one I'll tell you. who just replied to me that I did not. expect reply and I just said Don't. expect a reply was Snoop okay I got I.

got a reply from a famous guy the other. day who he I got six blue Hearts is that. good Jack Black wow I go happy birthday. and he gave me six blue Hearts oh cuz. you guys just did a movie together and. also he did bad friends oh he did yeah. yeah yeah okay. um I I have but nothing from Jordan you. look was that not. cool at least love it you know no so the. only ones that bother me are guys that I. feel like uh like the that I go did I.

did I do something you. know okay I I think there's two okay so. there's two things going on here if. you're super busy I get it my fear is. they don't text me back cuz I'm not cool. enough and I think that there are people. that are like that is that what you do. to us for example I text you back I. would never text guys okay no like I. would like I I I have a list if you look.

at my list for my employees I'm not I. don't not saying you guys are employees. but if you look at all the text they. sent me I would never reply to them I'm. not going to spend my time replying to. them you can talk to me when I see you m. yeah I don't reply to emails I don't. look at emails what's the. matter have I not been better about. communicating with you guys have I not. have I not tried okay then what the. [ __ ] with this jokes okay okay I'm try. I I feel like I am I feel like I you. know what I want to be more right yeah.

and then every time I try to do more you. push me down and you say it's not good. enough and that's what my dad used to do. and I'm tired of it I see God okay can I. can I jump you can do whatever you want. you can do I'm on your time I'm on your. team yeah I know you are it's not normal. for us to be this connected to to your. employees yeah it's not normal for. anyone to get access to me 100% of the. time like it's so [ __ ] soad I'm so glad. you're here yeah let's lay it down on. the line dude we should not be able to. get in touch with each other there I.

can't okay I can't tell you hey man uh. I'm going through some [ __ ] with my. daughter we're getting ready to go to. college and then post a picture of me. eating Edibles at the beach then you. watch it and then go hey man you're at. the beach what the [ __ ] why' you lie to. me and say you're at your house packing. up your daughter and then I go you're. not supposed to be able to call me all. my [ __ ] that easy no know that you're. not you're not I got I got caught yeah. you did I got caught alive as I told. someone I was like I'm I'm packing up. with my daughter I can't do that today. and I was at the beach eating Edibles. and I just didn't want to do it right.

and I was like I should be able to lie. to you like old school like in the 40s. in the 40s yeah and no one calls me on. it it was easier in the 40s it's not. like I lied to you when I [ __ ] killed. somebody I just don't want to be around. you trying to be nice imagine being in. the 40s okay you and our Comics oh my. God okay okay what do you mean oh where. are you performing right not on my. stage yeah I I don't know not on my. stage Chinatown. okay San Francisco had a Chinatown keep. going okay just hypothetically okay.

we're both in the 40s world where as and. whites live. together it's me you I'm Joey Chestnut. your Kobayashi keep. going okay I watched that I watched that. the they did a Netflix did a a hot dog. eating live concer today and I just. thought that's [ __ ] odd why I don't. know I F out of World War II I just. thought do you ever think our. grandparents would be like so this is. how it ends up. yeah yeah or between the two just two. [ __ ] two of our people just eating.

hot dogs against each other wait we're. we're that close it's incredible how our. our our world has changed in that way. holy [ __ ] it's so much more inclusive. yeah it's so much it's like honestly I. was in Montana and I think 20 years ago. if I was in Montana I was there for a. month I would have been like oh I can't. go anywhere or I could get hurt yeah I I. wouldn't say 20 years ago I would I say. 25 years ago maybe 40 whatever right but. you know I'm in Montana and it's like.

not only is there no racism it's pretty. inclusive I mean people are like hugging. me and like you I mean hey man can I get. a photo I mean maybe that has something. to do with Fame probably a little bit. you know I mean but but I don't think I. think here's the weird part is like well. maybe I don't know maybe if you're. walking around Montana as a Korean dude. people are like who is he why is he in. this neighborhood oh [ __ ] it's Bobby Lee. no because I went to okay I want to tell. you something that happened to me okay. so I was in Montana a but and you know I. I had a couple of days off so like I.

need to go to a AA meeting really yeah. so I went down you do those still every. day no I go to maybe once a week and and. I went to a church way deep into the. suburbs oh [ __ ] that's the AA meeting I. want to go to and I was sitt and there. were people in there with like some. people with oxygen tanks that's how old. they were yeah old school drink all. white [ __ ] yeah like old school white. like and as as soon as I walked in. obviously everyone's 80 years old and. super white and a little Asian guy comes.

in there and they you know I turned. heads but as soon as I sat down they're. like would you like some coffee and then. you know they put me some coffee and. then they go um you know is there. anybody from out of town I got Bobby. from LA and then they you know I shared. and then afterwards what do you say like. you don't have to tell me exactly what. you say but like I I tell you my share. what do you share like do you go like. hey this is so gross. this is so gross of what I'm about to. say right now dude but what I say little.

things to let them know that I've been. in the program Oh I thought you going to. say you say little things to let them. know you're famous no I don't care about. that but it's more like it's more like. yeah you know when Dr Bob and Bill back. in akan Ohio you know I mean I try I try. to like throw you know I mean that's. wild Dr silkworth you know when he. talked about the psychic change and the. doctor's opinion and the big book like I. want to throw them some knowledge that. I'm like I'm sober you know in just like. you guys right and I say something maybe. a little something personal why what's.

so funny I I did something gross the. other night all let me let me finish. this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so but. then the second time I went there I you. know it it there's only one Uber in be. so I'm like I don't know I'm going to. get home it kind of later at night so. this couple be nice couple goes um hey. buddy we're big fans you you want to. ride home I go yeah and so I get in the. car really nice couple and they start. going the opposite away of where my. hotel. is I swear to God and I go I go where.

are we going and they go well you're. going to our. house I know and I go huh you're my kids. you're going to be my. kids oh my God my God okay so now I'm in. the boonies inside a living room these. two gigantic dogs are just you know. attacking me these three kids come out. of the room they're like wiping sleep. they at school the next day and they oh.

my God nice to meet you know our dad. took us to Missoula this what he said. our dad took us to S moua and they gave. us a $300 you know I mean that we sent. $300 on new school clothes okay cool I. gotta get the [ __ ] out of here you know. I mean it was so weird I mean what would. you have done oh I would have done the. exact same exact exact thing you're be. me and you are the people that we're the. good ones yeah we're the good ones. imagine imagine Bill bur oh that. wouldn't happened yeah that. would [ __ ] yeah I'm getting get the [ __ ].

out of here no there's guys like him and. Tom take care of themselves first they. go they no I was taking care of myself. no no no no they would have been like. they would have been like uh someone. said can we give you a ride home and. immediately they said no I'm I've got. I've got a car coming I've got a car I. got an Uber they would have they're. they're in charge of their [ __ ] guys. like me and you go to a meeting or go to. a party and don't think of how we're. getting home anyway so tell me about you. made a full your oh I'm not doing it now. no you have to you have to you have to. and we'll cut it out if it's bad okay. I'll tell you where I made I'll tell you.

you tell me I'll tell you a even more. embarrassing one what you're talking. about is ego it's your ego you want. people to know you've been in the. program yeah yeah and so for me my ego. is that I've just like uh like I don't. know I think I was I I was think I was. broke for so long that all those stuff I. was telling you about what Young Comics. do when they get first get famous I was. guilty of some of those things not not. all the time but I definitely was guilty. of them the other day where at night. destruction it's a demolition derby in. in uh Irwindale I'm with my wife and my.

daughter and like all her friends and. people are taking pictures with me. they're coming up and taking pictures. with me and uh and one of the one of the. dudes like kind of is like goes who who. the [ __ ] is he and uh I and I I heard. him so I said I'm I'm a comedian and. then he goes to my wife he does this he. goes whoa like it must be making his. head big and it was like a weird [ __ ]. thing but it struck me wrong right and. uh and then he said so where where do. you do standup and I said just anywhere.

really and then he goes you do the. Improv and and this is what's crazy and. Isa called me on it I said yeah I used. to yeah yeah I still do though like if. you still do I lied yeah I do it I've. seen you there yeah I know and I said I. used to and he goes oh did you have you. ever done it in a while I said well and. then I start getting into this dialogue. it's an inner dialogue with me to this. guy and I go you know I'm off tour right. now I'm taking N9 months off and and I. I've been on tour for the past seven.

years and I just got done this Arena. tour my daughter Isa is like what are. you doing a person that does not give a. [ __ ] about what are you doing B what are. you doing what are you doing I don't. know and I just and I was like cuz he. did the thing though whoa like he must. have a big head and I was like [ __ ] I'm. I'm watching you like I'm right here. what do you mean yeah he's like. everyone's taking pictures of you and he. looks at my wife whoa and I was like oh. I was like what the [ __ ] and then I just. vomited my ego onto his shoes yeah what.

you do and he was like he didn't even. notice he was like cool so when do you. do the Improv next wow wow wow wow I. [ __ ] hate myself I know but you know. what I get. it the worst is when they go oh you do. comedy I go yeah yeah la I go yeah you. know my friend Rocky. raon you know me yeah he he does comedy. out there you guys probably do shows. together I go yeah no. rocking you have you have to pretend I.

got I got here's the worst one when. people go so if you get recognized and. then other people go who are you yeah I. am and I'm like I'm like I'm nobody I'm. just I'm a comedian they're like but why. are people taking pictures with you and. then I cut to the [ __ ] chase and I go. I'm famous and they're like I don't know. you and I'm like I know that that's why. we're having this conversation I had a. girl at a Grateful Dead concert come up. to me yeah and go uh hey what's up up I. said how you doing and she goes I know. you and I said uh no I don't think so.

she goes no no we went to high school. together and I went no I went to an all. boy Catholic High School in Tampa I know. we didn't go to high school together. she's like no [ __ ] you're not from. Tampa I know you you're [ __ ] with me. and I went no I'm famous and she went no. you're not I was like and she goes why. would you say you're famous I go I'm so. famous you think we went to high school. together I don't know what the [ __ ] to. tell you and then her friend goes who. the [ __ ] do you think you are and I go. my name's Bert chrys I'm a comedian she. knows who I am she just can't place it. right now and I guarantee you in a.

couple minutes you're going to know who. I am I am because she knows who I am and. they go [ __ ] you and they turn around. and then the girl in like [ __ ] two. minutes goes you're the machine and I. went yeah I go what but I had to go. through all this ego death to get to. hear why can't we just why couldn't you. at the very beginning be sweet and go. hey I know you and I go no you don't you. go okay maybe I don't and turn around. I'll tell you I had a famous person do. that to me one time cuz that's the thing. with famous people is you think you know. them I did it to Reese Witherspoon I. thought I knew her I was like we grew up.

together she was like did you no but. that's how that's what happens when you. especially like someone like Reese. Withers who so beautiful yeah you just. are drawn to her immed can I just can I. let me throw that let me what what' you. say ree Withers Moon she's okay to me I. it's just not it's not my thing no what. white no I love white she's perfect she. is the ideal white if Hitler was going. to make a person it would be her okay I. mean okay that's it that was Hitler. would have been like that's the [ __ ]. one we just had different sensibilities. Hitler and I all right keep going you.

were saying I don't even know okay it's. so embarrassing I don't want to say it. you know say that's all we do I was in. an event with this girl I sitting next. sitting there at this event and she was. like what do you do I go Go comedy she. goes yeah well like what kind of I was I. was saying yeah I'm doing I'm killing it. I'm killing it I said I'm doing really. good you know every Club I go to I sell. Club I said I said Club I said every. Club I go I sell out right and I and she. goes oh that's cool I go yeah yeah it's. like cool I get like a versus deal I say. oh Bobby oh Bobby oh Bobby I get a.

versus deal oh Bobby yeah and she goes. what's that I go yeah the club gives. gets takes 40 I keep 60 or I don't know. so whatever the [ __ ] thing is and and. I this is the worst one I've heard and I. talked about it for about half an hour. about myself and I go what do you do she. goes oh not not really my dad's a comic. I go who's your dad she goes Ray. Romano that's the best one I I I I I. completely made that story up oh are you.

serious yeah I was like I was in my head. I was like I didn't know what else cuz I. didn't have a story you're pretty good. though that's good really good that was. really good you should make up more. stories I. do that's a pretty good makeup story. right that's a really good one yeah yeah. can I give you a Redemption one give me. a Redemption this is I haven't told. anyone about this yeah this is a big one. I would love this one I'm going to love. it this is intense okay okay hold on let. me put a dip in okay I quit tobacco I. know you did I didn't know that sorry I.

[Laughter]. lied so go ahead 20 probably 23 years. ago I had a TV show where I interviewed. Jean Simmons from the kiss the lead. singer I was the biggest [ __ ] kiss. fan in the world as a child kiss was the. I dressed up as Jee Simmons I did my. talent show as Jean Simmons I could sing. every [ __ ] shout it shout it shout it. out loud I knew every I knew everything. right so I go to I do you swallow.

it I need water what a great interviewer. he is I mean this is like top-notch OA. [ __ ] have you ever been watching real. time when Bill Mah when someone's about. to did you swallow. [Laughter]. it it should be noted that I preface. this was I haven't told this story to. anybody. I'm so. sorry oh my God it went down the.

tube okay go ahead shout it Shout It Out. Loud Let's go I'm so sorry I love you. please continue so. please so. so so I I do a show where I interview. Jean Simmons and he was less than nice. to me like I mean he was almost horrific. right and so I [ __ ] walk away I I was. it's called The X show is the late night. talk show I walk away I go it's.

heartbreaking it's destructive because. you go now I can't listen to their music. I have to [ __ ] right off my childhood. is a mistake it really sucks so cut to. this Netflix is a joke. Festival uh I'm at uh maybe the Tom. Brady roast I think and uh. and Nick Simmons Jean Simmons son comes. up to me and I know Nick is friends with. Tommy and he goes his podcast and Nick's. really a kid he comes up he's like dude. you're [ __ ] hilarious I was like. thanks I know who he is I was like i'.

love getting on the podcast I think. Nick's cool as [ __ ] and he was like he. was like I'd love to introduce you to my. dad and I said I'm good and he went what. I said I'm good I would not like to meet. your dad and he goes excuse me and he. goes uh he goes my dad's a fan and I was. like buddy I had a bad experience with. your dad and I'd rather not meet him and. I said and I'm sorry that I'm doing this. I don't want to be around your dad and. he goes well my mom's with him hold on. so he brings his mom over I think w was. actually at my show it sounds crazy I. think this was at my show at the Forum. will you get the [ __ ] story straight.

is it at the way because my parents were. there my parents were there well then. it's got to be the [ __ ] your show it. had to be my show so so his wife comes. over and she comes over and she's almost. giggling she's with Nick and she goes I. heard my husband was a dick and I said. he was she goes yeah let's bring him. over you tell him exactly what happened. and I went no no no no I actually do not. want to be involved in this all at this. point I'm so nervous cuz also he was a. hero of mine and it is Jean [ __ ].

Simmons and you you don't want to double. down on the hate and I and I don't want. to have this moment I'd rather just. never talk to him exactly okay I was. like I was like I'm cool I've already. hated him for [ __ ] 25 years okay Gan. Simmons walks over with his son and his. wife and he sits over and he goes I hear. that I was rude to you and I said yes. and he goes please tell the story and I. went okay and so in front of his wife. and his son and him I tell the story. verbatim as if I was telling it to you. and [ __ ] on on a podcast and he.

looks at me and he goes I apologize for. Behavior I hope you'll forgive me I. think you're absolutely hilarious oh my. God and I went you're 100% forgiven I. said you're the [ __ ] best dude thank. you for this so much and he goes let me. pay you and I said what he goes I'll. give you $5 and he gave me $5 he goes. are we good and I went yeah and he goes. let me sign it and he signed the $5 bill. and he gave it to me and he was like he. was like the coolest [ __ ] guy in the. world he got me back in a heartbeat in a. [ __ ] heartbeat wow I [ __ ] bent to. the knee I I was like [ __ ].

shoutout it out I looked at his son I. was text him with his son the next day I. was like I go thank you for doing that. thank you for doing that I was so his. his son's cool as [ __ ] his his son was. like this isn't the first time this has. happened let's make amends what if he. you go you go All Is Forgiven and he. goes and spit right in your face what. would you have done I would have [ __ ]. laughed hysterically and been like you. got me good God I deserve that I that. yeah yeah jeene Simmons is a [ __ ]. gangster and I've texted with this son a.

bunch you can I pit you an idea okay go. we should do a secret podcast that we. don't tell our partners about it'll make. them mad and we'll just put it on. patreon it'll make them we'll just put. on patreon and and we'll and we'll. change our names we'll change our names. yeah it'll be called Bad. Bears it's fck bad Bears that's not bad. Bears Bad Bears we should do we should. do B yeah yeah we're twoo. I mean I've always wanted this as a. podcast name and it'll make him mad but.

I still want Griffin without. Griffin it'll make Eric mad but I I I've. always wanted to do. that we should do a show called what's. the Superman's name Henry Cabell yeah. Henry Cabell and the benle show and. we'll just and me and you do on a secret. on the DL they'll never know about this. they will no they'll never know will be. so mad and we do not tell them and just. on patreon and we we charge like 50.

cents okay we probably charge nothing on. patreon but we just do it on the DL can. we dress differently yeah and and what. we can do is we'll just do it over. Colonial we'll just do it over the phone. no no no we got to be I would love to be. we be anyway thank you for listening. thank you for being a bad. [Music]. friend. woo woo. wo.

woo wo. [Music].