Steve-O’s B-Hole Beauty Pageant | Ep 124 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends you are these. two idiots. why dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends what's up bro. are you flipping it inside out man. what happened why'd you have to flip it. i i just realized as i walked here oh. you didn't know what was inside out. oh i like it now we're there. hello hi. rudy.

you don't like your feet ah i don't feel. strongly one way or the other uh uh. about your feet you have no idea i feel. like you're being mean to them. those are pretty normal feet you have. [ __ ] you have such ugly feet dude yes. so don't comment about other people's. feet i want this to come towards me. george george get on it start spreading.

the news. steve-o is here. dude so when do we start. yeah. i have a story i wanted to tell that. we already started are you okay this is. how we start this is how he's trying. yeah yeah all right how can we do this. um. what can we all tell stories. can we all talk you know when we talk. can we all talk. yeah because i don't like what you just. did what did i just do you guys you. completely ignored me who the [ __ ] are. you talking to oh we didn't do he was. talking then you interrupted him and you. wanted to tell a story and nobody gave a.

[ __ ] about your [ __ ] story he had to. finish what he was saying. why did you do a pause i i already. forgot. i know. what'd you do today yeah um i just was. in the edit bay all day oh for your own. [ __ ] yeah yeah movie what is it no i was. working on a youtube video called my 10. craziest arrests. oh that's right yeah top 10. not not all how many times have you been.

arrested i i mean really. probably about 14 maybe. 12 to 14 times you've been arrested yeah. how many times you've been arrested none. two actually zero zero no you've been. arrested. yeah for what. urinating in public and then disorderly. conduct fighting getting we got a bunch. of people got arrested for being in a. fight it's college oh i see i wasn't i. didn't get arrested for anything real. maybe well i better buy it bat i bit a. bat. you got arrested for biting a batter you.

just want to talk about biting a bat no. i i got arrested for biting a bat how. what are you i was the osbourne i. started the covenant anyway. i just remembered one yeah i mean it was. rather insignificant but it technically. counted as an arrest i was driving in. beverly hills. uh with expired tags a broken. windshield you know my license was. suspended which meant i had no insurance. and when the cop you know sort of took.

inventory of what was happening he said. there's too much. going on wrong here so it's actually not. a traffic situation this is a criminal. matter and i technically have to arrest. you but um but i like you so i called. the um you know the. police station whatever and and they. gave me permission to to r to release. you but i'm giving you your court. summonses technically you're being. arrested. but but he recognized you from jackass.

perhaps yeah it was a catch and release. situation. and uh so he said but but. i can't let you drive. home from here he says i'm gonna have to. tow your car. and uh call you a cab okay she called me. a cab and i'll never forget i was in the. cabin and i just looked at that car as. the cab pulled away and just waved. goodbye to it because i knew that i was. not going to bother. trying to get it back from.

you said goodbye to the car i let the. tow yard keep the car yeah and the sad. thing about that was that my my clown. uh i was a professional clown before. that and uh it had like my juggling. torches. [ __ ] the drug torches those are. expensive. because him and i you know we went to. the juggling. tour store. and the high-end ones are very expensive. seven or eight grand yeah yeah i don't. know about seven or eight grand but well. we go tonight.

my clown wig from uh ringling brothers. and barnum and bailey clown college and. it's. it's probably still in the trunk of that. goddamn car yeah yeah [ __ ]. probably a waste of money going to the. college but. it was actually free. you went to concol where you had a. scholarship full ride. full ride. well i mean. i was living with my sister in. albuquerque new mexico yeah and she.

wasn't very thrilled about this i was an. alcoholic i was a slob i was uh. unemployed and broke eating all of her. food making the house a mess. and um. she was taking a [ __ ] at work when. reading a book of trivia on the while. taking a [ __ ] she came across a question. it said what is the only college that. has no tuition just for you to go to. yeah and the answer was ringling. brothers in barnum and bailey clown. college has no tuition if you can get it.

it's very difficult to get in oh now. that the the cool thing is they do. charge you for what was called your uh. uh. materials your food for making your. costume your costume cost cost like uh. some two thousand dollars that you had. to but but they waived my my uh costume. fee so i did go to clown college on a. screen on a scholarship why did they. wave your feed you think because uh. because you were so [ __ ] good no way.

that's my actual class right there the. the. one. yeah the big shoe review that one uh are. you in the poster uh i'm i'm i'm sure i. rank it oh god damn is that you you you. and i okay i'm top right. okay. zoom zoom the one with the white the. white wig that looks looks kind of like. nikki sixx's hair yeah that's me. and that's me above you. actually that. the guy above me didn't speak english he.

was from mexico city but he was. incredibly talented oh really well what. makes him you want he giggled good. you're being real demanding. what you're being real [ __ ]. diminutive about you don't know [ __ ]. about clown college you think you need. to get through i don't know what's the. talent of clown college it's it's a very. subjective art and um i think that i. think that this guy was uh. just compelling in his mannerisms right. do you think i could have gone to. cronkite i think that you would have.

been a fantastic clown no. yeah dude one of the best probably oh. dude i would be the bro i would be the. michael jordan of clown college there's. never been a famous asian clown and. there never will you know why because we. have strict parents no no yeah yeah no. imagine that can you google it it's all. in the eyes with clowning wow dude. it really was me. that is you that is me dude um can you. look up famous asian clown.

there's never been my dude yeah. it's all in the eyes dude yeah. if you say the i think yeah but i'm. serious look at all the expressions. dude that's dope hunka hunker. [Laughter].

there was an asian club there's no. famous asian crowd. just never they never made it so i have. a resentment towards you can i express. it. real this is not even sure you're not. [ __ ] around i'm not even [ __ ]. around all right this is real and this. is so [ __ ] up what you did maybe maybe. we can clear away some wreckage of my. past that's what i'm doing right now and. it's a recent thing so it's a recent. thing i welcome the opportunity okay. good thank you thank you thank you thank. you.

so i'm hanging out with my friend jean. late at night we went to see the movie. um top gun. okay okay you're looking forward and. i've apparently heard positive reviews. about it and we loved it so good i would. really highly suggest it so um. it's late at night it's probably 11 30. and um stevo never texted me. he never texted me well i gave up on. texting you a long time ago because you. never respond. correct okay and and i i've long had a. resentment towards you. and i'm willing to listen to your.

resentment and i'd love to address that. as well right i mean we have we haven't. we all right so let's let's let me just. finish mine though yeah finish mine all. right. so um. i need to talk to you no no no i said. are you up. okay are you well. much less urgent just hurry up. mind you are you up right. at midnight when somebody doesn't text. you for years is alarming. okay is it not wait wait what it said.

are you up yeah what time of night was. it midnight yeah he's just being like yo. did you get out of a show are you. hanging out that that wouldn't do that. so. he would never what. again because he was because that would. just let me say that would mean right if. you text me are you up that means you. need to talk about something yeah okay. right so that doesn't mean it's the end. of the world i just want to ask you. something i want to talk to you all. right but to me i'm worried. okay right are you up oh [ __ ] steve. something's going on right so i'm.

driving and just hear me out right. that's gene i was frantic i got to call. steve right now so i called steve i. didn't call right away i called right. away because. when you text me like what's that dude. you want to go skate or whatever like. that i won't text you back but. are you up i text back because i'm. concerned. let me just try to you know what i mean. yeah dude uh you know johnny knoxville. like of course i know johnny i mean i. don't know him personally you know i.

mean well you know he doesn't have a. website or something like that right. something like that well right but i. like just let me finish let me just i. thought i just texted you the link. let me finish this this is so funny like. you're so inaccurately telling the story. i never know when he corrects you go let. me finish let me finish. you're getting it wrong right right and. then he's correcting and you're like can. i please tell the story it was a big. deal to me yeah that. uh i mean this is over a year ago uh.

well maybe closer to two years ago uh my. my buddy. um who i work with out of curiosity he. he wanted to see if the jackass guys had. merchandising operations if they have. websites so he typed in. johnnyknoxville.com. lo and behold he found it to be. available for purchase. and i bought it should yeah and and i. made this big. dude i worked for years on this whole. [ __ ] thing this this this epic.

video which launched this uh. crazy like uh. you know business initiative and it was. the night that i was. unveiling the website was to be launched. and i'm refreshing it but it's not. launched and so i'm thinking damn my. phone is remembering a cachet of an old. version i need to contact somebody who. can just tell me is this [ __ ] sight. live that makes sense. this makes sense and i texted bob i'm.

the guy i'm the guy i take to a bunch of. people i texted a bunch of people. who texted you back then i think you're. the only guy who texts me back they're. calling me back because i love you the. most. you clearly you clearly love me more. than any of these other people yeah but. uh it was just as simple as hey man is. that live is that is that i'm in the car. isn't that live can we can we can we go. on it on our computer go go to johnny. knoxville.com this is what i'm doing in. the car with my friend in the car with. me yeah late at night all right so. so i'm on the phone i'll go yep it says.

he says i'm john knox so welcome to my. anus and you watch his hair turn great. is that your dip steve whose dick is. that that's just uh it's a nice looking. dick. boom and then you enter the website. because it goes to my online store the. guy in the car. was a producer of a show of mine yeah of. a show that i'm doing right so it was. embarrassing what's embarrassing right. my friend i have a guy in the car that. i'm trying to impress and be cool right. yeah and.

meanwhile i'm now we're looking inside. your butthole. well but his bottle takes you to a site. that's true that's true. there is a destination yeah you don't. think gene would find that creative yeah. it is really pretty special i'd like to. see it again let's loop it again. if you don't mind i do think it's. actually a [ __ ] cool. idea it's a flattering shot of my bottle. yeah and you have a really clean is that. really your butthole it's absolutely my. cavernous butthole. yeah yeah. yeah plus that plus look at the hang i. got on my balls dude yeah you got a.

great kid you got a killer huh dude i. mean i'm touching water whoa. cool but. yeah. uh by the way this is our this is broody. jules this is jules jules. steve what do you think about his uh. butthole and nuts. you want to rate them it's clean clean. very good very deep very deep very good. i like that the camera though it's the. camera it's also ilm like you know i. mean. special effects no no no that was all. raw that was raw.

footage yeah there was there was no uh. no camera trickery no filters there was. no editing it was um i mean the the. lighting the light it was a little bit. side lit so it did look a little bit. more cavernous maybe can i judge it. yeah yeah um. a little dark. your cheeks were white yeah if you look. at the cavern part it's really dark. right okay right so i don't know what. that's from. huh do it again watch it again. watch.

you can't press pause on that anyway. when it goes when it does that it. doesn't show you i'm going to show you. right all right let's see okay. they [ __ ] it up oh there it is nope. there it is there it is. dark dark that's hair i [ __ ] up. um. maybe we could all have. a uh.

a butthole beauty pageant right now very. nice let's do it we could spread it i. spread our cheeks as well i took a [ __ ]. like 45 minutes let's see your butthole. dude i took a [ __ ] 45 minutes ago let's. see your butthole dude can i tell you. something that's that's that's very. premature because we've we've only just. gotten the samples and only today did we. make the order. for. uh a bulk order lar. like ten thousand.

fifty packs. of stevo's. butt wipes for your butthole. you got butt wipes coming i've got butt. wipes and they're called for the. butthole i mean stevo's butt wipes for. your butthole okay but can i say. something aren't all butt wipes for the. butthole why would you need to put the. second oh some butt wipes are for you. know cleaning a counterweight. waitresses use it sometimes they do. they're like oh let me let me wipe the. table down before you guys eat yeah. those are butt wipes.

that's not a it's a table but. it's a table by the way. for the table yeah we have stevo's butt. wipes. you can use those on your own oh here we. go he's going to show he's spilling the. drink he can smell the drink okay you. can do whatever you want can you okay. thanks jules. i still think we should. stevo's budweiser your butthole and he's. got his butthole on the packaging which. is actually pretty [ __ ] would like to. see please. let's not get away from the fact that. very good bob let's do your butthole. competition let's see if your butthole.

is as nice as steve yeah it's funny. because um you talked about his butthole. like i understand that but since we're. doing a competition right and since i. feel like i'm the champion you should go. first. because i have the belt so you i think. you should go first what do you mean. he's got the belt he has it right. because of rankings though dude am i. you're number one but i'm ranked higher. than him i i. you gotta leave does she have to leave. the room for this jules are you. comfortable with butthole i'll just. close my eyes. yeah me too all right so oh my god all. right but i just i just took a [ __ ] like. right before we came here okay wow dude.

he's really gonna do it yeah yeah yeah. oh wow wow. all right. was it cool. you guys both have gorgeous buttholes. yours is so clean it is it's [ __ ]. special thank you dude i didn't see.

yours i had a side angle steve saw mine. i saw the inside of his is it pink i. assume i mean dude. for two guys who just took shits. both luck just cleaning up [ __ ] [ __ ]. yeah man. you know who's who do you think of our. crew if you're looking at these guys who. do you think has the the cleanest. butthole of those three guys i don't. know but i'm just wildly impressed by by. both of you. for. how how attractive your buttholes are. thank you steve and and. for for the way that you guys just.

[ __ ] broke them out like we did it. thank you thank you and you know what. yeah our buttholes are the same we have. we both have nice bodies you know it's. so funny don't because i say something. don't try to one-up money i'm not i'm. one-upping you yeah i'm agreeing with. you what i'm saying is um. i like to be competitive with you sure. with comedy. numbers all these things you know we do. a playful numbers i don't know. but when it comes but when it comes to. buttholes i love being on an. even playing with you weren't even. playing butthole yeah you're right very.

good and god bless do you want to finish. the story of the text that this was it. you got a text from him about getting to. a website live you freaked out in front. of gene hong i i yeah i mean i i it. seems pretty loud. you on the phone in years we saw you. came up to on the van to my house yeah. and i did your podcast maybe five six.

months it was wildly successful exactly. and you're welcome yeah yeah. don't wake up you're welcome. but. just apologize and then you have a. resentment toward me so go ahead i mean. like i i i worked out my my deal with. you you know like. i uh. i text you i don't expect a text back. anymore i don't let it hurt my feelings. smart all right but can i the reason why. i just and and to the extent that you. were. upset with me sharing this exciting. hilarious website.

before anybody got to see it you were. the first. i was the first guy to see it i i'm. sorry that's cool. thank you yeah. you know what you're right thank you i'm. i'm sorry you're welcome. how do people say that i'm sorry if you. were offended i'm sorry yeah i'm sorry. that you were offended no we left you. know i'll be honest with the truth be. told. we laughed about about 30 minutes you. get straight yeah i'm sure she's on the. rise because i was dropping you enough. and we just tears on our eyes laughing.

of the surrealness of it all you know. what you know what i saw i watched are. you up because i got something good yeah. liquid iv oh my god the hot summer. months are here baby they're here you. gotta hydrate yeah and we need to be. proactive about keeping our bodies. fueled and hydrated we love liquid iv. love liquid ivy we always get so much. from them and we distribute the bags to. our friends as well to put it in their. water when they come to the studio and. give it to them because it's on the go. because guess what liquid iv products. taste great they got a bunch of new. flavors now they got concord grape lemon. lime pina colada which is my favorite.

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dude some of that stuff well it's not. it's for what is it called you the extra. footage it was like four and a half or. whatever uh 4.5.5 this. ancillary movie of uh deleted scenes. essentially have you seen it no have you. seen the newest jackass or no i didn't. well [ __ ] you. i've seen all for the first three though. when when we make it look at me like. that you should have watched it your. friend is in who supports you.

i saw the first three. and i saw three of them i didn't see you. know. attacking the clones or whatever you. know what i mean oh right i said the. first three main ones right and then. later you know they did attack the. clones and all these other ones right. and i'll get to it i'll stream it but my. point is is that i saw the original. three i'm not sure you hope empire. strikes that's. you saw the first three yeah so i think. that's good enough yeah i i i like like. our friendship our friendship's not. contingent upon you consuming my art but.

he is gonna take that but he is gonna. take that with him in future dealings. when you're like hey can you watch this. thing for me no no that's not true and. and let me let me uh. let let me. say something that really does mean a. lot to me yeah uh. i i. asked bobby for some feedback on. my hour. oh on your understand power yeah he came. right over and and uh and watched it and. uh sweet prince. gave me feedback and it was really.

interesting because. i had been doing stand-up for for just. five years and i was about to tape my. first special which i was not ready to. do. and i. asked bobby to come over to give me. feedback on this hour like maybe a week. before the actual you know and bobby's. like why did you wait until a week. before. because it was me and ian edwards. we went over there we're like what what. do we what can we do in a [ __ ] week. just to cut the whole [ __ ] thing up i.

know because also we you know we you. have to go up and try this these new. ideas that we might have had or whatever. right i mean it it was uh very helpful. and and uh you know they like the. special did come out like. the best that i was capable of at the. time sure yeah it was great. and and it's nice to have a mile marker. so to speak that like to. you know show the growth since then and. so i'm happy about it we have history. you and i we do yeah and i've seen.

different versions of stevo and um. you know i i was telling kalila earlier. today i go i always say this i go. what a. what a different guy huh. because i knew him when he was drug drug. yeah when he was wild. and it was ugly she was bad huh a pretty. bad dude yeah it was wild but now it's. good it's great he's a completely. different guy and how much time you've. sober forever now 14 years that's. amazing but that's how long we go back.

how much time do you have now. you know i went out and i came i did. hear that five months now sober six. almost six yeah yeah yeah um. and and when you. were recently in treatment that was like. sort of a guarded secret that that. people did not know yeah in fact when we. were in. cancun to do our show you were there. and i tried i did everything i can to. avoid you. because i was drunk you were drinking.

yes because i remember you initially. going out and it being uh just weed no. he was drinking he threw up all over the. hotel room. i had to [ __ ] take care of him. [ __ ] the worst yeah and the poo thing. i'm sorry yeah he [ __ ] this guy man i. go to help him out to clean up all the. throw up in his room and he comes the. door. naked. with poop all over his hand and poop on. his toilet paper and he's what he's. [ __ ] in the dark cause he doesn't. want the lights on yeah yeah and he's. like there's a poop and it's all over.

dude it was it was [ __ ] nuts. were you just trying to avoid sober. people you specifically because i know. you were definitely he was trying to. avoid you for sure yeah because there. wasn't a lot of other comics you're a. sober guy and i i feel felt shame about. it right i mean because you know we. that's how we know each other too you. know man i mean. we knew each other long before i got. sober but our bond is that one of our we. have two bonds right we have the bond of. being sober and we have the bond of.

being entertainers as well right but i. think the first thing goes beyond the. other thing right. it's a big deal it's a big deal it's a. big deal but you gotta know that i. wouldn't have uh it was embarrassing it. was shame you know we were [ __ ]. bummed. it was really hard for us yeah because. we had to deal with it the whole time we. had to like. were you drinking around andrew oh yeah. oh yeah yeah yeah so we would sit down. at dinner and andres and i would sit. there oh manipulative i'd get like a. diet coke and a water.

and then he'd order a drink and then. we'd try to tell them we'd be like come. on no we're not going to have a drink. and then we'd tell the server no booze. and they'd bring him a drink anyway. because he would be like well because. he's he's an icon he's a beloved they. had no idea who he was down there. they had literally no clue but she kept. going he would like flirt with her and. be sweet and she thought maybe it was a. joke she thought we were kidding yeah. and we were like no no no no more no. alcohol no more we're we're done yeah. and so she they kept bringing him.

[ __ ] margaritas and [ __ ] so then he. got mad he got a fight with me because. he told me to go get him a drink and. then i said okay because he'd already. been drinking so i went and i got. you know something and i told him to mix. a bunch of [ __ ] in there with no alcohol. and then he got in this yelling match. there's no booze there's no booze in. here and i was like there's so much. booze in there the whole thing is booze. yeah i'm not dumb dude did i but you're. already drunk i thought you wouldn't do. nothing i know i know what booze tastes.

like did. did you have the experience that they. were they you know. or over any con over any uh period we. get worse never better yeah was that did. you pick up where your alcohol is. had left off but and and worse like it's. automatically like just zero to charlie. sheen right oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. it was 24 hours a day yeah the puke and. the poop were a key indication of. where he was at and then. you know when i first got to his [ __ ]. hotel room he opens his suitcase it was.

like narcos i mean it was like. i was like where did you fly from yeah. and he came from hawaii yeah with like a. pound of [ __ ] weed pills all over the. place wait you didn't fly with a pound. of weed yes he did internationally yes. he did that's [ __ ] yes i can't make. that up we both got to the room and i. was like. how did you guys get through dude this. is not good and. i mean it was just like bags and bags of. wheat it was pre-rolled joints and then. it was three bags of individual read. then it was jars of pot and then it was.

uh [ __ ] wow tons of edibles yeah i. was like why would you fly with all this. i needed i needed it that was but that. was it just for the drugs it was just. the weed anyway can we talk not talk. about i'm sober now no we're not talking. about we don't have to talk about. spiritual enlightenment i know you know. i've had a psychic change and you got a. trophy because you kicked the habit oh. yeah and. i'm on a new road to recovery you sure. are baby we're proud of you. i i i love that and i appreciate that. i'm i'm happy. that that you're back. oh you're gonna say something i just i i.

think that that. my experience and whenever anybody goes. out meaning whenever anybody relapses i. feel so profoundly grateful. because. here like they. uh they're uh. reminding me of the importance of. protecting my sobriety yeah you know and. um reminds you to stay to say so it. reminds me to be diligent about working. a program of recovery well that's we see. that's. and it's a lesson i've learned many.

times is once you start drifting away. you're already in a dangerous spot right. you can stop when you stop it's calling. your sponsors when you stop going to. meetings and then you just it just. it's just inevitable and you you you can. last for years that way but it's it's a. ticking time bomb right yeah so um and. when whenever somebody loses time yeah. yeah it's tougher to come back and and. sobriety becomes more attenuation but. i'm glad that. that bob's got support systems in the.

sober community. like you. to [ __ ] help. because it does. yeah and. you know there's only two ways to work. the steps you do or you don't. yeah yeah that's really it and if you're. not working with others you're kind of. not doing it. this is the microcosm of this show by. the way. we go from showing our [ __ ] [ __ ]. to getting seriously that that's the. beauty of this show we'll go way up. there yeah i'm still very impressed by.

that now let me uh let me ask a question. here because you said that you'd like to. be competitive with the inventory over. comedy ever said over the numbers yeah. everything and um. like the idea i'm fascinated by the idea. that you've got the tiger. belly podcast yeah you've got whiskey. ginger yeah whiskey gender and yet we. both have. this podcast together yeah so. is this podcast numbers-wise more.

successful than your individual podcast. it is i think so yeah it's some it's not. a thing it's very democratic no it's. literal it is these the producers will. tell you it is this this one is bigger. so you guys together are larger than the. summer we're. that's what i'm saying because there's. not a lot of avengers i can be. you what do you mean what do you mean. you could be captain america you could. be all these other ones where can i be. now tiger belly is a pretty big podcast. yeah.

it's pretty big thank you it's not as. big as this but it's pretty big yeah is. it is it not as big as this it's a. completely different audience man. it's a completely different audience. that's all people that look like her a. lot of that tiger belly audience it's a. lot of browns it's a lot of south browns. it's a lot of south asian browns yeah. yeah um who just got back from the south. asian brown didn't you. yeah you happy to be back in the united. states or now. a little bit. she said she got drunk the whole time is. that what you did for real yeah and i. got constipated i couldn't poo for like. two weeks that's because you're not.

drinking enough water are you pulling. now that you're back in the states yeah. you're congratulations i'm playing every. day that's why this is the greatest. comment tomorrow night if you come. you're cut you have to do that show i. already said i would go but her. boyfriend's coming that dude is gonna. come yeah wow and i told him i told her. are we gonna bring him out on stage no. no no no no no why not why not make sure. she's got a new boyfriend steve and. she's in love yeah yeah make sure make. sure you hug him because i said i was. gonna give him a 20-second hug. and make sure you touch his face and see. what his face looks like okay you and i. were making a pack right now yeah yeah.

yeah we're gonna hug them together and. then you kiss one cheek and i kiss the. other one okay good you want a sandwich. yeah but the kiss has to be like one of. those fit 10 second. yeah. a sloppy one how about this let's make a. bet let's see who can hold a kiss on his. cheek for the longest amount of time. that's a [ __ ] i'm going to win that one. you think so i could go 45 minutes i'm. strong i'll just hold it 45 is he a big. guy is he strong. and he's fine okay bobby's got that by a. mile yeah yeah yeah i can kiss forever. yeah but i can hold him if he's. physically stronger than you then you've. never killed right um.

we haven't needed to for me to know. give him a kiss you want to give him a. kiss he's got a girlfriend that's weird. he's got a wife. beyonce. fiance are you with your fiance or were. you would you be allowed to kiss someone. like bobby or no yeah she'd be okay with. that let me ask you something like this. she would be i think reasonably. comfortable with that go on then so the. no master. because i'm doing the no masturbation. thing right okay so i'm going to ask you. about this okay yeah i just did today. before i came here vr so how long how.

long did you not masturbate for i did. not ejaculate for the entire year of. 2014. and the total period of my celibacy was. 431 days which came to i believe 13. months and or maybe. 15 months i don't know it was like it. was from like october 2013 to february. of 2015. how good was the nut you busted. when you busted dude it was lack [ __ ]. luster man. a marshmallow came out.

yeah yeah it did it wasn't it was. ghostbusters all over it wasn't even. there. it wasn't even that [ __ ] great you. know now i know. was it jerking off or was it with. somebody i i jerked off okay. or just in your mind and it wasn't even. that it wasn't even feel that great it. it wasn't that impressive of a. of a load yeah it just. landed unceremoniously on my tummy i. took a photo of it and uh texted it to. everybody. i think i think i got that taxes.

that one you responded yeah that would. never respond no resentment over that. one. yeah. let me let me ask you something because. you you don't jack out for over a year. right right and so you're you're i'm not. a medical guy right but you see you're. not. i'm not i assume that your body right. generates you know i mean your scrotum. generates sperm right right so where. does the old sperm go it just goes right. into your body back into your body it's. just gonna cycle through your body oh i. see that so it comes out of your ass. actually so you have sperm coming out of.

your [ __ ] well what happens is it. cycles through your digestive tract. right so that at some point it's got to. go somewhere out of your do you sweat it. out you can you could be sweating jizz. yeah so like when you're as you're dry. sauna. they're just. out of the pores of your skin they're. coming. where does old jizz go carlos. what happens to jizz that doesn't come. out what what happens to sperm if you. don't ejaculate i think we've literally. done this on this show. there you go absorbed and you're not. entering or or nocturnal emissions when.

you come have you ever knighted. throughout that period of celibacy yeah. there were. many times where in my dream i was in. some sexual situation and about to come. but i was like no i can't break my. sobriety in the dream. [ __ ] sober in dreams wow that's. how dedicated he is to sobriety so what. is it you're not watching you're not. jerking off now no i'm joking off to no. porn but i'm still go to memory but i. can't do it through memory because your.

memory is bad i have bad fantasies. i'm using my buddy bought me the oculus. i've done that it's so cool have you. done that have you seen vr porn i've not. seen vr porn but i swear i've porn a. long time so you're done like uh i i. made one exception for um a bit uh for. my new hour that i'm touring with it's a. good exception it's called sky jacking. oh i know we're talking about wait wait. wait wait wait scott what do you do. that's this is where uh it was a stunt. you know i had very. like a handful of stunts that i'd had.

the ideas for years and years but just. never there was kind of like too much to. go for i said [ __ ] it i'm going for him. one of the ideas was to go skydiving for. the first time. butt naked. furiously. jacking off. with another man strapped to my back and. time it so that when i blow my load i'm. simultaneously falling out of the. airplane just. coming everywhere and it was it's it's.

it's art it's art. it was the most challenging thing to put. together you did it oh yeah. you jerked off you did it yeah i did it. and i screened the footage. in the theater. every uh. you know it's my bucket list show dude. where can we see it can we see it here i.

mean it's it's exclusive to my tour it's. on his tour he shows it live it'll come. out like it'll come out when i whenever. i tape that special but. it's a xxx rated uh multimedia comedy. tour that i'm on and it's called the. bucket list tour oh wow yeah so can you. let me ask you this because i've because. i i remember years ago i saw i was. telling jules this i saw something that. wasn't on the jackass and because i used. to kind of hang out with not you but we. man or whatever back in the day and i. saw chris pontius jerk off in a patio in.

front of his friends and they try to. right can you let me ask you something. right now is there could you jerk off no. i don't want to do it but. just theoretically could you jerk off. with andrew and i in the same room get a. wreck and ejaculate um. it it's challenging that that's what. made this skyjacking stunt so. challenging. was that. that uh i had another man strapped to my. back yeah and he was only wearing a. [ __ ] speedo.

so that was kind of awkward and it was a. tiny little airplane it was full of all. my buddies and everybody had cameras. pointed at me yeah point blank so you. had to get hard to the point you had to. watch i i i took four cialis pills. you have to yeah and you watch porn i. brought a portable dvd player yeah what. kind of porn did you watch it was uh. that we actually went to a porno dvd. store. wow fancy candidly. as i looked through all the titles and.

made my selection i just. based my choice. off of uh. like you know what the. the prettiest uh. porn star that i saw on the cover of. i mean i didn't it never even occurred. to me to read the title which was like. anal destruction for you know. i have two and three yeah. hey andrew i've had so many um credit. card debt and problems i've been in debt.

so many times over my life man and. that's why i use uh upstart because it. can be hard to see the light at the end. of the tunnel when you have high. interest debt and sometimes it can be. even harder to ask for help that's where. upstart comes in saying goodbye to high. interest credit card debt is one of the. first steps towards financial. independence you want freedom you got to. use upstart we've all been there you. know you get unexpected bills uh medical. bills expenses who knows when that. happens you can feel like the weight of. the world is coming down and it's normal. to not know where to turn luckily. upstart is here to help upstart powered. personal loans can help you pay down.

high interest debt all online with. simple and easy to understand payment. terms they've helped over 1.8 million. customers on their path to financial. freedom it's amazing you check your rate. in minutes for lows with loans between 1. 000 all the way up to 50 000. without impacting your credit score and. you can receive funds as fast as one. business day after they accept your loan. upstart's model considers other factors. in your income like employment and other. information provided in your loan. application to find you a smarter rate. for your loan bobby and i have both had. bad debt we've both been stuck and if.

upstart was around back then we wouldn't. have to crawl out of a weird dark uh. financial hole don't wait and check your. array today at upstart.com. that's upstart.com bad friends to check. your rate today don't forget to use our. url to let them know we sent you loan. amounts will be determined based on your. credit income and certain other. information provided in your loan. application go to upstart.com bad. friends dude now let me tell you this. yeah yeah i i um. had this uh. this thing i i like the way i look.

better when i've shaved my my chest and. everything i just don't like my chest. hair that i'm so i like to shave it and. then i shave my bush and everything so. at one point i shaved uh shaved. everything and i had all of my body hair. in a big pile in my hand and i took a. photo. and uh and and posted it you know i was. like look at him with a nice and clean. shave this big mountain of hair in my. hand and uh my buddy preston lacy said. dude you should. save all your pubic care for the and and.

like uh. you know make like a [ __ ]. sasquatch suit you know like just out of. pubic hair so i that's what i started. doing i did i would grow i would grow. grow it like full and then i would. harvest and then grow and repeat and i. had like [ __ ] three years of pubic. hair. and and and as i got ready to do this. playstation i mean you know. i realized i think this is brilliant. yeah i realized that three years of my. own growing pubic hair yeah was just not.

even [ __ ] getting close i really. wanted to look like a cool [ __ ]. sasquatch. so. what i did. was. i. went on my social media and i said hey. everybody in the southern california. area. i'm having a puber party okay it i'm. calling all. all. males with with healthy. pubic bushes.

to come meet me like you have to bring. your own. uh shaving shave shaving equipment. because i didn't want to use manscaped. and so like hundreds of people showed up. and and and here i harvested. i mean they were how many dudes showed. up i mean. realistically dude i i have the footage. of it it was a [ __ ] ton of people dude. and i got like it and it got like uh out.

of it i got like a. a goddamn bonafide ralph's grocery bag. full of [ __ ] pubic hair was. could you make a sasquatch with it or. not oh yeah i did it i did it and um. what about women. what you could have done yeah that. respect for my lady okay. but here was here was the takeaway two. takeaways number one. manscape really is i did every i handled. so many different shavers and if it was. a manscape it was like.

you know. god bless manscape yeah. it was very clear by the end of that. that manscape really is that's the. footage they should use for their. commercial they really want to sell them. they didn't have releases for. [Music]. [ __ ] hundreds of people it's like uh. poor planning but um. the other takeaway and this. what it blew my mind because i i didn't. ask for everybody to show me their.

wieners didn't ask but the thing was. that like everybody's pulling down their. their their pants just to get to get. their very easy if you want to like you. know offer me your pubic bush to pull it. down just enough that i don't have to. see your wiener i can just shave your. pubic hair however. like so many dudes just pulled down a. little too far. and i learned. i saw so many penises i learned. what a micro penis.

oh there was a guy that had one dude. they're not [ __ ]. particularly rare wait what you saw more. than one. more than one microphone how common are. micropenis is because i've heard this. lore but i've never seen it i'm dead i. want to see one in real. estimates vary but studies have shown. that point six percent of men worldwide. that's insanely low so one in every ten. thousand births. maybe you don't know what a micro penis. looks like i'm telling you you would.

look at mine and go that's my computer. but that's i don't think i have one. photo yeah yeah i did hear the kick dude. i don't even need to see a photo because. this is what i wanted to describe to you. okay like the [ __ ] dude. like i you know a light switch. where you click the light switch yeah. yeah like i'm talking about the size of. a goddamn light switch i saw some [ __ ]. like real penis i like like where it. sound like once it. it just pops up like a light switch i. can ask you something could have been a. clip. no could it have been a clip tiny.

[ __ ] wieners because i always. considered myself. no it's regular okay thank you that's. regular i i always consider myself. pretty normal thank you you know our. average. average yeah i came out of that pube. party thinking that i am [ __ ]. gargantuan yeah you got a bigger piece. compared to those guys can i just say. that you're a celebrity and maybe they. were nervous. oh yeah maybe they got a little scratch. thanks to those looking at my dick and. they just shrunk up i'm talking about. like [ __ ]. pinky.

topped it tight like like last knuckle. oh wow this poor guy i saw i saw pinky. the [ __ ] the outer edge knuckles how. was their disposition were these guys. happy guys i mean dude they seemed. actually totally happy you know what. that's just proof it doesn't matter it. doesn't matter if you have a tiny penis. yeah you can still be a happy guy. i don't know. i don't think so these guys got to hang. out with steve and show you yeah. i don't think so. if i had one. i i i i do you think statistically men.

are sadder with smaller penises i think. so so you think sad people just have. small penises. so when you say sad guys small is one. thing right because i go to the wii spa. and i look at the black men. no they're just there i see i look at. the black men there sure and i i give. them a nod that says congrats no it's. more of a like whoa. like as if you're seeing kanye neat yeah. no like whoa whoa you're here. you know what i mean and i've seen you. know what i mean but i've seen a couple.

of dudes with really small ones right. you don't look them in the eye i don't. not only don't don't i look them in the. eye i kind of like avoid them. you spit it in that way i don't yeah. spit right at their little dicks i do a. chogi you know yeah no my point is is. that there is a disrespect there for. small penises yeah and now if they were. like a little man. and they had a micro i'd be loud. proportionally but i've seen bigger. dudes with mics. little mics and it just like mics big. guys. how do you guys feel about the roe.

versus wade. ah man we're really hitting all the key. marks on this show. i uh i mean so we could just get away. from [ __ ]. okay. you know what you're saying i have an. unpopular opinion what. i'm not pro-choice. or. pro-life. i'm pro-abortion. because let me qualify this okay i. believe that there are some people who. just should not be [ __ ] allowed to. have kids straight up okay i think that.

it's absurd that. that you have to get a license to. drive a car to catch a [ __ ] fish you. have to get a license but any [ __ ]. can uh create a human being become a. parent and i'd okay let me say i'll give. you a scenario right let's take andrew. and i i'm a woman. right i'll be the woman in the scenario. he's the guy we're both married right. right and you're the. you know i mean the person at the. government or wherever right that's you. know interviewing us yeah to see if we. kind of kind of like when you go to the.

dmv you got a test drive yeah dude we're. coming in hi hi my name is. santino this is my husband andrew. santino hey this is me and my wife all. right. yeah ask us some questions because we. want to have baby. i i think that like like like what. should be the the benchmark for. for getting licensed to become a parent. i think that's asking us a question. we're in a scenario here steve. i mean i think that you that you should. have to uh pass a course in.

developmental psychology okay because. because. you're telling us the characters in this. cinema area or you're just telling. people. in general i think that people are uh. people are are ignorant of um. of the different stages of developmental. psychology in ways that really harm. their their children in a long long term. yeah one of the few things i remember.

from. from the universe. when i was at the university of miami i. remember like learning piaget's. this this philosopher guy or whatever. this psychologist. his uh. developmental psychology and and he he. pinned it down to like a where okay. babies uh just come home right the. newborn baby it's in the crib and it's. crying. like there's there's a philosophy like. i'm not going to come and see that every. time the baby cries and like like the. life that let me feel.

like teach my baby that that the crying. gets you somewhere right you know yeah. that's bad. that's my that was my dad by the way did. that to me he said [ __ ] carl you want. [ __ ] you know but they hear. that. that with that which you're not allowed. to have a baby cry why both because the. baby's doesn't know about the world. right it it feels it feels upset it. feels sad scared it's crying it's. responses if you pick it up every time. it cries the the theory is that it. wouldn't understand it thinks that. that's how it gets everything it needs.

if it cries right. the reality is according to you couldn't. yeah is that that that the the baby. learns about the world kid like i i need. comfort i'm scared. the world doesn't [ __ ] care about me. you know like and this is uh where. deviants is it it starts now then then. the next thing i remember. you know it's like the world doesn't. give a [ __ ] about me i don't give a [ __ ]. about the world yeah [ __ ] everybody yeah.

that that starts rebellion that starts. in the in the crib when like whether and. how you handle the baby crying then when. you get so what are you supposed to do. just i have for a friend i think you're. supposed to come and comfort it like hey. if the baby's crying you comfort it yeah. i think that that's what i remember all. right so when you were crying you. weren't comforted correct and your dad. went [ __ ] the baby let him cry right and. then i'm deviant as all hell yeah. yeah i'm just trying to learn not to. have one of you right yeah yeah yeah all. right so because if you don't do that.

then you're gonna have a [ __ ] baby in. the sky jacking off. there's a lot of ways of thought though. it makes sense and and i i remember. being particularly fascinated by this. there was a with with potty training. right the baby you know like. there's a. position you can take that like oh. that's bad i'm gonna [ __ ] tell you. now you just [ __ ] did something wrong. that's bad and we're gonna we're gonna. teach you the right way and that's not. it well in the baby's mind that they did.

nothing like nothing wrong right like. it's a perfectly natural thing and now. i'm being scolded for for uh pooping and. peeing where like i can't help that and. so this is where insecurity can come. from no matter what i do no matter what. i do so you just let them [ __ ] and pee. wherever they are. no i'm asking you i'm not i'm not a. [ __ ] parent. this is something that people shouldn't. he didn't get a license yeah he didn't. get a license or something you know but.

that is interesting so if you school the. baby for [ __ ] and pooing then it's. like. it creates insecurities yeah the world's. not fair you know i didn't. i'm being punished for something that i. like have no control over it's perfect. like you know just let him go free. no matter if i do the right thing or the. wrong thing the world's gonna [ __ ]. [ __ ] i'm it's gonna punish me and the. world's not fair and and so. you hold the baby when it's crying right.

if it shits and pee just let him go. what about if he steals the toys from. other kids what do you do. you don't you don't let them you you say. no. i just assume you would say no. i don't remember that from uh but no i'm. just asking what you think what do you. think if. if you're if your kid is stealing a a. toy from another kid what does stevo do. and that's to be real.

stevo's kid steals a toy from another. kid yeah what do you do what does stevo. do what does stevo do. [ __ ] man i i. seemed like this this is. too heavy that's why i got a vasectomy i. can't deal with this. that's why i got a business what would. you do because you wouldn't get the. license then. wow. i [ __ ]. i i'd shoot blanks dude i i cut my vast. difference yeah if my kid steals another. kid's toy yeah. i'm the other.

father hey man your your kid just we're. at preschool can they watch. what is there a window where we watch. right yeah we're watching yeah we're. looking after a [ __ ] two one-way. mirror yeah yeah. yeah it's like yeah it's like the feds. we're in that one-way mirror yeah yo. dude i just saw your kid uh steal a toy. from mike my kid no no [ __ ] yeah what. kind of toy what do you steal. tonka oh tonka truck yeah yeah he loves. tonka truck yeah so that's what you. would do. do you have kids andrew no no yeah yeah.

yeah what do you mean i'm not yeah yeah. that's yeah he loves those trucks yeah. you're not gonna. what's that steal just talk tell scold. your kid. hey buddy. is that your truck. it's his right. good boy. [Laughter]. you got to take what you want in this. world and don't let these little [ __ ]. asian pieces of [ __ ]. teach you things. i pick what i want and that racism and. start asian hate yeah right right so. you're teaching two things i like that.

now what if your kid if your kid does. something wrong tell me tell me don't no. no i would add to that that's what you. would do tommy tell me don't no no. tell me tell me don't know right tell me. tell me no no. tell me i don't know no right oh. no. i would probably go to the other baby. i'm sorry i would i would always have to. have some sort of accent probably. because. i'm sorry right and i would bring it. back give it back to the kid give him. the toy bag right and tommy now we don't. know no. right.

tommy my son right. why not why not right. that's right why not and i would have to. come to you and call you probably yeah. why not i go let him steal the toys. there's no right way to [ __ ] parent. it's got to be a [ __ ] nightmare it's. a total [ __ ] it's a total [ __ ]. nightmare all of our parents [ __ ] up. with all of us nobody in this room had.

parents that didn't [ __ ] up the point is. everyone's gonna [ __ ] up you want to. promote anything steve do i want to. promote anything um the tour you're. touring right now i saw your [ __ ]. dates tearing my dick off um. when are you done. um it depends i i'm not sure my i have. dates booked through. like [ __ ] man i think november i don't. think they're all announced yet but uh. i've got dates into november go to. stevo's website and check that out. [ __ ] go good chance i'm coming near.

you with. skyjacking sky jackie yeah yeah we if. you have when you get married we'd love. to if you want to invite us we'd love to. come i did no that's so much but don't. do that i would love to have you no. because i never get no here's what no. [ __ ] you because i i i never get invited. those things to weddings yeah so now i. want to just tell them i'm willing to. come you just went to a bunch i know i. know i don't want i like them. so what do you mean you don't get. invited you literally just went in and. i'm gonna go to his too okay what's up. so you do get invited we are planning. recently we are in canada in canada we.

are planning on getting married and i'd. love to go to canada okay check it out. where in canada uh british columbia. yeah vancouver or. um. i would say about an hour east of. vancouver can you make it yeah i would. love to go. far jules would you like to go i don't. have a visa. i think uh we've missed you so much. is our first episode back by the way. yeah yeah we have that we never asked.

her a lot of questions but we'll next. one jules do you want to talk about your. experience about going to the. philippines do you want to say anything. that you were were you i saw you post a. picture of you underneath a waterfall. or swimming at a waterfall remember we. looked at it on the show like she was. just sort of like yeah oh yeah. um i was just drunk the whole week so. and she saw her sister yeah she has a. sister she almost came out here. so issa. but her her um. passport was uh. expired expert i know i was kidding yeah.

i was getting there. and so she was gonna come here for three. or four months she couldn't come yeah. and when she was leaving for the airport. issa cried they both cried oh you cried. yeah you never cry yeah yeah i don't. know i guess i kind of miss them oh no. you're starting to feel feelings yeah. yeah yeah and she came back into town. her boyfriend picked her up. yeah what did he say when he saw you i. missed you so much yeah but we didn't. [ __ ]. you didn't [ __ ]. why not you haven't [ __ ] yet he's a. virgin. oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] does he think you're a.

virgin no. he knows. what um so that means that you guys can. do like. everything except actually. yeah yeah. but wait a minute have you talked about. has he does have you talked about losing. his virginity to you. he wants to i can't wait he's scared. he's scared yeah what can we do to help. him. well we'll see him tomorrow tomorrow. should we give him a little pep talk how. old is he well he's 20 yeah i think he's.

on the right track what do you mean i i. mean. in the words of my good buddy chris. pawnees who just gave this advice to a. high school graduate just graduated he. said remember a vagina is no place for. semen. that's a fact write that down write that. down. vagina is no place for semen yeah and i. agree with that yeah keep your [ __ ] out. of these vaginas yeah yeah so might as. well just leave the dick out. leave the dick out yeah right no dick.

yeah got it yeah. say i got it i got it say no dick no. dick no dick also he. he's never done it before he's gonna. come in two seconds. yeah. why. because when guys have sex for the first. time it's a sensation that they've never. felt they've never felt before and it's. and it's and it's the magnitude is. indescribable. you've tried it. [ __ ].

have i tried coming in no no nobody. tries yeah nobody tries to do it it just. happens. um well look steve look steve can you. look in the camera because we have a. closing set man okay good good and say. thank you for being a bad friend yeah. thank you for being a bad friend. fairy that's the best one. [Music]. why i think you are a i think you would. be a great clown.

i think thank you i think you would be a. fantastic clown i think your uh. first name was asian clown first asian. clown the first famous asian clown. what's your clown name. oh yeah what was your name and. i was stevo the clown okay yeah that. works. is that too nip. nippy the clown nippy the clown and. there's holes cut out over your nipples. yeah yeah yeah how about nipsy hustle. nips. rest in peace god bless you yeah yeah. let's not talk about the dead rest in. peace nippy the clown nippy the clown.

that's fine and your nips are out so if. someone's like that's racist you're like. it's about my tits my nipples all right. yeah nippy the clown yeah and you squirt. yeah yeah milk comes out of your little. titties. yeah. and i wear like a little armor i say and. my tagline was like there's a [ __ ] in. my arm. no there's a knot there's a yeah. there's a chain right there that's. racist you go no that i haven't wearing. armor that's another there's a little. bit of a dent. is that what chick means. yes yeah yeah.

you have uh stumbled on a pun yeah what. what's your clap. what's your name. uh. you wouldn't even have to change your. hair or it's already ready. yeah yeah when i was in clown college. they said that um. we are proud of our art we don't um. insult our art by coming up with with. stupid names like snuggles or doors and. things like we use our names because. we're proud of who we are and the art. that we perform also i'm bobby the clown.

and i said that. i don't know what you're saying. yeah yeah yeah all right steve you're. andrew the clown andrew oh. it would be like andrew santino the. condor. bobby leader bobby lee the clown yeah it. doesn't have a ring to it b lee how. about b lee you could be. [Music].