Star Trek Dating Advice | Ep 167 | Bad Friends

Hey friends, fans. baby. WE'RE COMING DOWN TO FLORIDA. ORLANDO, JACKSONVILLE, ORLANDO, JACKSONVILLE, ST. PETERSBURG, HOLLYWOOD. We are coming to see you. And. then we come back to the West Coast and. we do two shows in Riverside and then. one in San Diego before we head back to. the East Coast. But come out and SEE US. IN FLORIDA, JACKSONVILLE, ST. PETERSBURG, HOLLYWOOD, and Orlando. Come see us. Go to. badfriend.com. Badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A. white dude and an Asian dude. You two.

are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. We want to give a shout out to so many. different people. Look at the Stardew Valley. This is. This is a Spart Stardw Valley marriage. pendant. I'm going to give it to. somebody one day. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Not. you. No. Why? Why won't you marry me? You have no puss. Yes, I do. Yeah, but in the game, don't. you marry guys? You marry men in the. game. I've only married one guy. What? What's his name? Elliot. What's up? [laughter]. What's up, Ellie? What's up, Ellie, bro? And then show the Stardew star that you.

got from somebody. What does that mean? Someone said that's important, too. This is a um star uh this is a um star. drop. Oh, star drop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you um it it it enhances. your um energy. And the young lady that gave it to you. said it it does what? You don't. remember. This is my favorite part is. testing him about the gifts. What did. she say? It does what? Something. special. Yeah, I just told you. No, [laughter] it does something in it's. p it does something practical in the. real world, right? Oh, this Oh, it's a water weight. Nope. Oh, it's a water weight. [laughter]. Water weight. Paper weight. I mean paper weight. It changes paper. It changes color. It's.

a mood. It's a mood. Uh it's got that. mood ring thing inside of it. Where? So when you hold it with your hands, it'll change color. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, that's right. Oh, let's see what kind of mood you're. in. And then we'll know. I'm gray. You're gray forever. Yeah, I'm gray forever. And then we got these from a soldier, which I want to say thank you to. He. gave us these pendants. Simpify. [laughter]. So disrespectful. But that serify is a thing. That's good, right? Yeah. But you don't know that. This kid. was in the army. Yeah. [laughter] Flower power. The army is. I'm the guy that puts the flower in the.

[ __ ] muzzle. Hell yeah. Yeah. No, I don't do that. No, no, no. I. poo poo in there. But uh my point is is. this. Um thank you for having me and. good to be back. It's good to be back here in the studio. Another thing is um. also shout out to all the Navajos. Shout. out to all the natives that showed up, but mostly Navajo. Navajo is the best one. That's what they. said though. We signed more Navajo. [laughter]. No, they did say Navajo they said was. like. they said they were like the Japanese. Yeah. Yeah. In terms of the natives. Yeah. They said Navajo was top. We had more. Navajoans come out. So, shout out to my. Navajos. Yeah, that came out and my Which ones are the.

ones from the last of the Moheakans? They're my favorite kind. I have no idea. The ones with the white and they scalp. They all do that. I think it's a universal thing. Oh, I think. is scalping like a universal thing that. in native people do. Yeah, that's the. How about dancing. too? Okay. [laughter]. Who's the best? Is it They don't dance. Is it the darker the Native American the. better dancer they are? [laughter]. Probably. Yeah. If they go to the. lighterkinned natives, are they just. shitty dancers? Yeah. And they found turntables with the. darker ones and [laughter].

hey, rain. Welcome back, guys. Rain maker. Oh, another thing is I wanted before I. forgot. Um, will you when we're on the. road, Juice, do not make fun of my dating style. and the way I converse with, you know. what I mean? The ladies. Okay. I know the tea shop. I know what. you're referencing. [laughter]. Yeah, the tea shop. Go ahead and go. ahead and say. don't mock me when I'm doing my style. Where was the tea shop? In uh in um. it was in Spokane. Spokane, Washington. I went there with.

beautiful girl. Yeah. Looked just like Kyla. Can I say. that? Oh my god. Oh no. She did look identical. No, he has a type. I have a type. Yeah. You mean identical? Yeah. Beautiful. Mala. [laughter] What was her name? Mala. Mala. Mala. Yeah. So Mila and you had some. I like halfies. Yeah. You do like mixed in with a little. Andrew. You know what I mean? [laughter]. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Andrew. So, wait a minute. You went to go have. some tea with Mila. What happened? They're hitting it off. Fireworks. No. Well, I'm not hitting none off. I thought so. There was some chemistry.

She's What I liked about her, too. She's. hot, but then she's also good at like. breaking the ice. Yeah. See, she started the conversation. So, I'm like, "Oh, hello, baby.". What did she say? Hello. Oh, that's hot. [laughter]. Dude, when they say when they say hello, that's nuts. They say hello. Oh my god. That gets [laughter] my engine running. Yeah. Yeah. I you when she said hello, you could hear this. [laughter]. That'd be two squirts of. little squirty squirty. Yeah. And I heard it back from her too. If I'm. being honest, I thought Yeah. They're. going back and forth. And then out of.

nowhere, Bobby like they're [laughter] really. conversation. Go ahead. And he goes, "The thing I like about. Star Trek is how much dithium crystals. [laughter] there are.". I'm like, dude. And you can and you can hear her go. She literally left to go stop. She walked away from the conversation. [laughter]. Yeah. that all the way. got real dry and tight. No, I started. going to Del Crystals and then like. Jeffrey's tubes and you're looking at me. like. like you're trying to shake your head. like stop but I it didn't stop. Did she ever say that she liked Star. Trek? No. No.

Well, why? Because I always segue into that. All right. We're on a date. You and I. are on a date. Yeah. Hi. Thanks for coming to have tea with. me in Spokane. It's rainy. Let me guess. Your name is Mallaya. I mean, hello. Hi. You're You're half goop. [laughter] HEY, can you say half cook? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. You're you're half You know. I'm goo. You're goo. Yeah. Anyway, what's up? You. good? You uh beautiful tea. Yeah. Thanks. Oh, I know why. I know why. Okay. I know.

why. Yeah. You [ __ ] up this whole date. already. No. No. [laughter] I already know how it. started. I now now in the conversation. I know why I brought it up. Go ahead. Can I have Earl Gray? Oh, yeah. I'll get you some Earl Grey. tea. You know who else drinks Earl Grey? [laughter]. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Jean Lupardi. He likes Earl Grey. Yeah. And is that a friend of yours? No, that's Star Trek Next Generation. One of my favorite shows. And then um. Okay. 495, please. I know. But the Dthium [laughter]. crystals run. You go put in the warp. engine. Here it is. Take off. And there's Jeffree. Bye. We're closed. [laughter]. Really? Yeah. So that's how it started.

That's how it ended, too. I know. Well, yeah. She was stocking items in. dry storage. What did you say? She was stocking items in dry storage. We packed up our [clears throat] tea and. left. Yeah. But you know what? How did you. [ __ ] that up? Because she I apparently. she like she was into you. I I I think I [ __ ] everything up. You don't [ __ ] everything up. Well, in terms of the right now I don't. know how to do the ladies. Well, I take a break. Let's coach you through how to do the. ladies. I don't want it. I think. because this guy right here No, don't.

shake your head, man. Kasanova, dude. Mhm. Kasanova. I don't know. Kasanova. Kasanova. I do. You know, there's. every city we go to, he's got a new. lady. Yeah. I I see him in the mornings. He. walks downstairs in his, you know, on. the elevator, whatever. Or. with a new lady around his arms and um. I'm always with my backpack and my um. Stardw [laughter] Valley. Stardw Valley. I mean, I got to play I. got to play you a song. We're probably. going to have to take it out because of, you know, but this is literally his. entire life. Look at this.

Tell me this isn't him. This is an old. song. gets the more and more racist as you. listen to it. [laughter] He literally is. like got a little ching ching chong. Yeah, he [laughter] really does. I swear. to God. He goes ham. Ricky Nelson goes hard in. that. But he's got girls in every city. and every place he goes and now your. name is Ricky Nelson. Okay. Ricky Ricky. That's Ricky. Ricky Ricky.

Ricky Ricky. Um but in the song so he made love to. Eskimo woman. He he has a he has. I don't know. I don't I didn't really. And he says, "She keeps you warm in her. igloo." That's what he said. Oh, she right. So he goes, "All of how. about Mongo?". He says, "Mongolian said, I leave her. coated in glue while she kept me warm in. her in glue.". Whoa. I didn't hear that part. Yeah, that was in there. Whoa. So he's he he'll go he'll go ask him. Ricky Ricky goes everywhere. Maybe Ricky. Ricky doesn't doesn't discern. But anyway, and you know how like in. cartoons the eyes if if there's. someone's dead, they put X's.

Yeah. Your eyes had [ __ ]. fingers looking at me. at you like. fingers. [ __ ] you. Yeah. No way. Every time you do it, you say [ __ ] you. to your boss. I want. I want to What? I wanted to. I wanna hold your hand. I want What happened with those girls in. um SE or in Portland? You had like four. girls with you. Oh yeah. And you left with all four. And then I. asked what happened and you were like, "Oh, nothing. I'm back in the room." But. you had like. a lot of girls with you.

I was actually up on the fire escape and. I saw you birding around on your scooter. around town. alone. Alone? No, he wasn't alone. He took them to the Enterprise. Well, [laughter] at one point he was. one time. Jesus. In Phoenix. I almost crashed my [ __ ]. scooter because of you. Because of me. Oh, because. I was scooting around. I And it was her. in a car. in the car and I saw Wild Bobby. So Wild. Bobby just going around. When you see a Wild Bobby, dude, [laughter] you got to take a photo. Looking at Bigfoot. It's really. exciting. I took a scooter with my cousin to get a. burrito at uh 2:00 in the morning that.

last night in Phoenix. Yeah. And we went down to South Phoenix and. she knows. Philto. Not so good. Yeah. We went to Ferto, [laughter]. but honestly, dude, it was He was like, "Where is this?" I was like, "It's not. bad. It's down the road." We got halfway. down the street and it was like six cop. cars, people screaming at us. I know. I know why you went to Phil Bber. Berto cuz when you went to school there, that was good. And then now as an adult cuz you have. money and you've eaten good Mexican. food, it was terrible. It's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. I'm the same because we had one in. Powway called Albertos. Yeah, Albertos. Yeah, I know that. And I drove from LA all the way to Pow 2.

and a half hours just to eat it. Not worth it. And I had a stomach ache. I'm not joking when I say this. This. isn't like for the sake of the show. Yeah. That night, woke up at 4:30. Had to go. to the bathroom. Woke up to catch my. flight. Went to the bathroom in the. hotel. Went to [snorts] the bathroom at. the airport. Went to the bathroom on the. plane. Got home. Went to the bathroom. [laughter]. Yeah. And I I genuinely called my cousin Luke. and I was like, "Are you okay?" Hey. He's like, "Absolutely not. [laughter]. I'm in so He's like, "Dude, I'm in so. much pain." He goes, "My stomach.". What did you eat? A California burrito. Of course. That's my favorite, dude. French fries,

avocado, cheese, sour cream, carneada. [laughter]. And you pour that salsa. They make. homemade salsa down there. But I got to. tell you, that carneada. Yeah. was something off the side of the road, [laughter]. right? Dude, it was roadkill. I was rumbly bumbly in the tumbly. [clears throat] Even as we were on the. scooter, every bump I was like, "Whoa, whoa, oh boy." [laughter]. Yeah, that's a bad idea. I feel like. Yeah. I like the taquitos from our. Alberto. Oh, yeah. So good. Guacamole. But what I realized is that cuz that was.

the first time I ever had guacamole. What? What? What do you mean? Back in, you know, when I lived when was. in high school. The first time was at Alberto. That's Alberto. So I go, "This is. authentic." [laughter]. Right. And it's mixed with 80% sour. cream. Yeah, it's all sour cream. Yeah. Yeah. It's white, right? But. [laughter] you think it's this is like. from I'm in Wararez right now or. whatever, right? Authentic, right? And. then years later, you have real. guacamole and then you eat that [ __ ] and. just [ __ ] your body up. There's a there, by the way, my favorite. place in San Diego used to be next to.

the comedy store was a tiny little fish. market. called uh Pesh Pes uh. Pescadero or something like that. Yeah. Pascadero Pascadero. Yeah. And man, fish. And I [laughter] miss it so much. That. was so good. I used to go there all the. time. Now they're too fancy for me. But. we had I will say this. We had so much fun on the road so far. We have We have so much more to do. That was a great. Carlos. Mhm. has been Give him some credit. Has been. working so hard. Thank you guys. I'm serious. I made him move a couch. five times. Yeah, I saw that. [laughter]. I made him move a couch from one green.

room to the other and I go, "Put it back. in the other green room." He put it. back. I remember I was there. Put it on the stage. And I want to say this, too. I never. thought you had work ethic. Me either. Until Thank you. until the tour. I go this lazy uppidity. bean bean. Yeah. We all talked about it. Worthless. That's in my head for the 20. You thought he was reffried. Now he's. Pinto. Oh, you're black bean. Oh, you're black bean. Yeah, you're a black bean for sure. Because then you eat nice. Yeah, you always get I'll have a salmon salad. He always has salad. Yeah, but in real time you get mad at me. for that.

Mhm. Yeah, because it's weird. Yeah, it is weird. We're going to a steak house. We're all getting steak and you're like, I'll just take a salmonad. That's. insanely inappropriate. So, Ricky Ricky Blackbean, you're off to. a hot start. The next half of the tour. is going to be wonderful. Yeah, we hate to tell the fans at home who. need to know, [snorts] uh, the tour got. broken up a little bit. Our. videographer, McCone, got fired on this. tour. He will no longer be with us. He's. learning about it right now in studio. Yeah, you're fired. And you're laughing, but haha, you're. going to haha your way on onto the. unemployment line, idiot. Also, you texted me the other day like,

um, hey, if you need any help with Tiger. Bell, what the [ __ ] kind [laughter] of. help do I need? This [ __ ] guy is trying to be. proactive. I [ __ ] hate it. It's so cute. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even They respond. It's so cute. We are going to hire him. full-time. We need him for something. I have FOMO from from from this seeing. you guys having so much fun on the road. You know, a lot of fans are asking about. you. You would need me, but now. we don't need you at all. No, it turns. out we don't need you at all. In fact, I get that you're being you're. missed on the show. Some people have. been asking about you. Oh, yeah. But the reception they give Carlos is in.

place of you, right? Yeah. Yeah. You know, he embodies you. Carlos is soaking up all that energy. I know. I understand. Go ahead. What' you say? I did flip off everyone in Phoenix. all. 4,000 people. Why did you Yeah. What was your attitude. in Phoenix about? Because I didn't know that you told them. to boo me. I didn't tell them that. [laughter]. I did. She did. Oh, Jesse did. Yeah. So then you got all mad about it. in front of Bobby's mom, by the way. People People got to meet Bobby's mom in. Phoenix. She left the side shoes. She. But you know why? Because of that.

No. Why? Because I could tell my mom once my mom. walked on stage, it just dawned on her. [laughter]. that she doesn't want to be up there. Right. I saw. her her eyes were You know what I mean? And um she's like, "I had to get the. [ __ ] out of here." You know what I mean? Yeah. Was she What is she? She's. Filipino Filipino. [laughter] Filipino. She switched. Yeah. She um she just like And then she. disappeared, but she went downstairs and. the. on to her iPad. On her iPad. You and your mom are so cute before the. show. They were on the opposite ends of.

the couch buried in their iPad and you. and your Switch. Yeah. Both in their devices. She was. shopping for dresses. I said, "What are you looking for?" She. goes, "New dress." Yeah, she said to me, "No dress. in Stardew Valley." He was searching for. dresses on the. But what I when I saw my mom do that, I. realized what it is and what we have the. same problem. You just don't want to be in the moment. Yeah. You don't want to live. Why is. that? She because you know, you know, generational trauma. Mhm. No, I really do believe I told you about. his her aunt, right, what happened.

Yeah. And um she never dealt with that, my. dad's abuse. And so she esc she doesn't. do drugs, but she escapes through being. obsessed with BTS or. buying new dresses. Buying new dresses or um what are you. laughing? [snorts]. She loves watching videos. She I saw her. watch a bunch of different little videos. and then just being, you know, just not. thinking about the moment. Escapism. Escapism. Yeah. So what is it when What does your mom do. dayto-day? Do you even know? She just watches Korean dramas and. Googles BTS and probably just plays with. her like.

badge. Okay. [laughter]. Oh my god. watching PGS. I was hoping you say plays with her dog. or something. No, no, she doesn't have a [laughter]. dog, you know. Not anymore. Yeah, but she um. um. she she probably does that. I mean, it's so funny. You were going to. hang an extra day. I stayed an extra. day. You were supposed to stay an extra. day and you didn't. I couldn't. You didn't want to hang with her for. Mother's Day. I had a movie to do. It was Mother's Day. I know, but. it was literally Mother's Day and you. left. I know, but I shot Monday early 5 in the. morning. I know, but Sunday was literally. Mother's Day and you didn't even stay to. hang with her on Mother's Day.

She doesn't even know it's Mother's Day. I said happy [laughter] Mother's Day to. my mom and she goes good night. She. doesn't care. She didn't care about. Christmas. She didn't care about my. birthday. She didn't care about any of. that. That's why you don't care about any of. those things. Yeah. I don't care. She didn't care. I. don't care. Well, why don't you flip the script and. you start caring? You can't care if it's like It's like. somebody just texted me today, are you. watching the Hurricanes game? I go, you're in a hurricane? I don't know what. the [ __ ] is [laughter] going on. Why would someone ask you if you're. watching a hockey game? That's one my point. I don't. Well, you don't like hockey. I know, but I don't like It's like, you. know, I'm interested in what I'm.

interested in. That's true. Right. And so you how do you get. involved in you a holiday when you don't. care? You don't have to. I guess. Yeah. Halloween. I I never know what. anything is. [laughter]. Well, you do you know when Halloween is? Seriously? Yeah. October 25th. Yep. Is it? I don't know. 31st. It starts on the 25th. Is it 31st? Yeah. Is it? Yeah, it's whatever. I can tell because you see [laughter] I. can tell cuz you can see like the. Mexicans and stuff. You're Forest Gump. You are 100% Forest. Gump. You know, when when when. I know when it's Halloween, [laughter].

everybody dresses real funny. Yeah, but it's bad when you. That's basically it. When you're in a relationship and you. don't know birthdays or. write them down in your. holidays or anniversaries, it just it's. always a fight. All right. Well, check this out. We have. two birthdays coming up back to back. Mone and. Juicy. Juicy. I mean, I think my birthday's a travel day. Yeah. You know what the let down is? These kids think they're going to go to. Disneyland in Orlando and it's not going. to happen. I don't think we are. Yeah, we're not. going to do it. because it's just it would it it's a. travel day to get back to LA for the.

Riverside and San Diego shows and they. would go. You guys can go. I'm not going. after Dollywood, you know, whatever. I don't believe in I don't believe in. Disneyland or World without kids. I think you look creepy. I don't want to go. Dolly World is an is a roller coaster. park. Different. Disneyland is for. children, not grown and grown-ups that go alone. I'm sure we have Disney fans. It's I. don't get it. It's a little scary to me. [laughter] That is for the joy to enjoy. Like he can take his kid there, right?

But if he goes alone, imagine look at. him fancy. If you see him strolling. around the Magic Kingdom, first thing you think, I know. Well, look at him. [laughter]. Is the type of guy that would wait in. line three times for It's a Small World. [laughter]. Get off, get back in line, and do it. three [ __ ] times. I want to go on the teacups. Yeah, we can't go on the teacups. It's a Small. World, by the way, is a [ __ ] riot. I'll tell you why. It's supposed to be representing the. world, right? Yeah. So, you see like Eskimos up there,

there's like eight of them, right? Then. you see like Denmark or the Netherlands, right? There's like 20. But then when. you go to China, there's seven. Well, they could what? You want a. billion? A BILLION. NO, BUT I'M JUST SAYING make. it 40. [laughter]. And then I realized what. You sound like you're working for the. Chinese government. Yeah. And I'll tell you what I realized. when I was last time I was on I I. realized what it was. They were in the. water because of the earthquake. [laughter]. They're down there doing this in the. water. because it's the only explanation. It's.

like I want it to be reflective of the. population. My favorite was the Pirates of the. Caribbean ride. because they are perverse. They're like, "Ah, nice boobs, young lady." They are. creepy. Have you ever heard some of. those? No. They literally say creepy stuff. Yeah, they do. They go, "Great cans, my lady.". They say stuff. They used to say stuff. like that when we were kids. Really? They would say, "LICK MY PORT SIDE.". OH, THAT'S NOT THAT'S BLUE. That's not. that blue. No, kids don't know. Kids don't know the. difference. But you guys can go. If you. want to go. If you want to go, you can. go. But I'm telling you, I'm not going.

to go. I hate it. Do you really want to go for. your birthday? No. I'll sit on the plane for my. birthday. We'll buy you tickets. [laughter] We'll. buy you guys tickets. I'll get you a fast pass. But we're not going. We're not going. I love you guys so much. I'm I'm glad. I'm working for you guys. There's so. many people I could have ended up. working with, and I think about it every. day. You're saying it like you have a gun to. your head. Yeah. [laughter] Hostage. situation. Hey, let's say it [ __ ] let me take it. back. Yeah. Say it real, dude. Say it real. Say it real. Say it real. now. Man, I love you guys so much. [laughter]. Okay.

Bepoke Post. You know, Beastp Post is my favorite. You know why? Box of Awesome. I love Box of Awesome. If you if you if you have a friend or a. loved one that has a birthday or a. Christmas gift, a Box of Awesome is the. best gift you can give anybody. I just. want to open a box of awesome live on. the show because I just got this box of. awesome by the way. Yeah. And what do we got in here? A Lumi light. bulb with a free uh with flicker free. sleep. This is the coolest thing about getting. this. You got gravity razors. Most of. the stuff that comes in your box, by the.

way, is being sourced from uh small. companies like mom and pop type stuff. that you're supporting. 90% of. everything that comes in your box of. Awesome is from a small upand cominging. brand. That's incredible. On each of. these boxes, they're valued at like 70. bucks and you're going to pay a fraction. of that price. And it's so easy. You you you fill out a. quiz of box of at boxawwesome.com. Your answers will help them pick the. right box of awesome for you. They. release new boxes every month across a. ton of different categories. Yeah. And the best part is it's not just. for you. Look, I think you should get. yourself a gift. I think you should.

pride yourself and give yourself love. But also give it for a friend. If you. don't know what to get somebody, get a. friend a box of awesome. That way that's. a great gift giving ideas. You get cool. razors and light bulbs and all sorts of. fun stuff in here. I'll give you an example of a box, okay? Like there's a box called Gadget. This. multi-tool comes from SOG, a company. with deep roots in the US military whose. products are regularly fieldproven by. the US special forces. I just got the carnivore box at home and. it's got the American barbecue rub and. it's so delicious. So, how do you get a. box of awesome, Bob? Tell them. Get 20% off your first monthly box when.

you sign up at boxofawesome.com and. enter the code badfriends at checkout. That's boxofawwesome.com. The code is. bad friends for 20% off your first box. boxofawwesome.com code is bad friends. Viotor, you know, we we travel a lot, right, Andrew? A lot. And um if you're going to a different. country or different city and you want. to book some stuff to have fun, Vitor is. your place. Viotor has over 300,000. bookable travel experiences in over 190. countries. They offer everything from. simple tours to extreme adventures and. all the niche interesting stuff in. between. Viotor is the place to go to.

book memorable travel experiences. And let me tell you, I used Viotor. I. was happy because I wanted to go on one. of these trail hikes while I was out and. about. I'm not going to say where, but. it was beautiful and wonderful and I. wanted to go on a trail hike and they. had an experience like that was guided. and it taught me all sorts of fun stuff. and I love it. And I got to tell you, it's it's so affordable and wonderful to. to pick which little experience or big. experience that is that works good for. you. They offer everything from simple. stuff to big stuff. And their travel. experiences have millions of real.

traveler reviews. You can read from me. cuz I left a review so you have the. information you need to know to book the. best activities for your trip. When you book a travel experience with. Vio, there's always flexibility and. support with free cancellation, payment. options, and 247 service. So why not give it a try? If you're. traveling and you and you want to know. what experience to do to get into, what's going on wherever you're going, download the Viotor app now. Use the. code Viotor 10 for 10% off your first. booking. One app, over 300,000. experiences you'll remember. Do more. with Viotor. Can I just say this? Mone.

Yes. Right. Scum. No more caviar for you, dude. First of all, you you [laughter]. Okay, time out. Have we talked about caviar yet? No. And you gave this You gave him. caviar. I No, I No, LET ME SAY SOMETHING. HE DOES NOT DESERVE CAVIAR. I ORDERED it for myself. DID I NOT SAY. I'LL HAVE THE CAVIAR? YES, he did. I put my finger up, right, and I had my. nose up to the sky. Why did you give him some? And then this guy was like, you know, I. never had it before. [laughter]. And I go, "What? You've never had.

caviar?" "I don't know." "No, I've had. French fries.". Well, maybe one day you'll get it. That's what. I would have said. And I'm like, I'll And then guess what. he made me do? Three times. I made it for you. Oh, he made you put it on the little. thing. Dude, I picked up the bread. I put the. [ __ ]. crumb on purpose cuz he wanted control. over the caviar mount. I can't stand this dude. [laughter] I. can't stand you right now. You just did. You just [ __ ] rattled me up. What the. [ __ ] you say? Say it again. But you know it's true. That's not true. You didn't want him. getting a big old scoop of it. So, you.

[laughter] give him three. because he doesn't know how much to put. on. And he's not gonna appreciate it. anyway. If he gets too much caviar, he's. just going to be like, "This is okay.". And you know, he did one of these cuz he. wants to be sophisticated, but he he ate. it and he did one of these went he went. He [laughter] narrowed it. Yeah. I You don't like it, [ __ ]. That's good caviar. If you don't like it, you don't like You. didn't like it. He wants to be. That was That was a different thing we. ate earlier. Here's another thing you [ __ ] did, you idiot. And I [ __ ] I love you. though. But um he gets wine, right? And.

in a movie or I don't know who taught. him this, but to stir it, right? Oh, he swirled it. He not swirled it one time for 20. minutes the whole time. [laughter]. Idiot. He was just sitting there eating the. caviar just swirling this wine. And I'm. like, I think you just swirl it a couple. times. I don't I'm not a wine drinker. By the way, cut to when we fire him and. he's living on the streets and we see. just a crazy kid under a bridge just. swirling nothing. [laughter] Just his. hand like this in the air swirling. nothing. His own piss. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] his own piss. It's insane. [snorts]. Last night I didn't rap till 3 in the. morning. Yeah, you're shooting a Bill Burr movie.

Congratulations, Bobby's shooting a. movie. That's huge. [laughter]. Anyway, written and directed by the legend Bill. Burr. What What more do you want? You look badass, too. I saw. Yeah, the pictures were. Yeah, it was cool. But I um just to be. But we're out in Nowhere where you know. you know in the Dark Knight, the. original I I think the first movie. Batman Begins. Mhm. You know that whole um shipyard. container kind of. Were you in like San Pedro or something? Yeah, we're in San Pedro. Yeah. And. we're in like a ship. It was like they. had this moody smoke light and I have.

guns. That's so cool. It was so cool. And Bill's like, "Do it. again." You know what I mean? And. do it again. Yeah. And he he was so like as a. director, I mean because you know when. you're being directed by a guy like that. you you look up to and you know what I. mean and. it's intimidating. It's not No, not because he's my friend. But there is a weird thing where it's. like, you know, when he's giving you. notes, you're like, you know, I got to. do it right. You don't want to [ __ ] it up. If it's some guy, TV director, I was. like, I'll try my best. But, you know. what I mean? But with him, I don't want. to I don't want to [ __ ] up. It was just. a certain kind of pressure.

But it was cool, dude. He was like so. cool. What's the name of the film? I can't tell. I talk about I'm I don't. even allow to talk about it. Well, we can talk about you're shooting. a movie with Bill. That's fine. Did you. know your lines this time, [snorts]. dude? This guy. Yeah. Why don't you go back to your. baby? This guy's attitude. Bobby is. stupid. No, no. I don't even know what he means. Here, let let's let me tell you. something, [laughter]. you fancy [ __ ] All right. Don't ever. talk to me like that again. That's right. Number one. All right. I've been nice to. you. Yeah. Too nice. True. Right. Number two, you I That was.

uncalked for. Yeah. All right. I apologize. And and and also, in what circumstance. did I not know my lines? The Esther movie. Exactly. But can I say something this? All right. Yeah. Um I did my know I didn't know my lines. And also um [laughter] it wasn't that I. didn't know my lines. It was um that. particular movie first day it's me and. the director we have a history and there. was a give and take and it was just an. it was not it had nothing to do with the. lines man. Yeah. No no what I'm saying to you is shut the.

[ __ ] up [laughter]. too. All right. [ __ ] you dude. And then. you know you you know I was so proud of. you when you had the [ __ ] baby and. [ __ ] calling you congratulations. Go. [ __ ] yourself man. Right on. Okay. Sit and stewing it dude. You throw a. joke out there, how dare you, dude. You're gonna get shot at in this. Oh my god. What? Disrespectful, too. Carlos knows what he that he's micro. doing right now, by the way. [laughter]. That's why I know he's being so quiet. We got uh we got we got some gifts. Oh, yeah. And he's taking he's micro doing for.

sure. I haven't taken any of your gifts. But you didn't take any of the micro. dose. Did you take you ate any of the. chocolates? You ate some of the. chocolate? I had some of the chocolate already. How did you like them? It's been good. Cookies by Carol. Yeah, I've been eating. more than the micro dose, though. Well, you're eating Yeah. to get high. Yeah, exactly. Can Can I tell you I was what I was. going to do when the cookies came? Those. I was going to pretend that I didn't. know what cookie I ate. Oh, and Oh, that's horrible. Well, we made sure because I want to. give you. But that was dangerous. that it was near you.

Yeah. I was like, how do I sneak in a. cookie? No. And pretend. But you don't even like mushrooms. You. never like You said you never like. mushrooms. I love shiakei mushrooms and porttoella. Yeah, but [laughter] not psychedelic. I. know, but I like I like mushrooms in. general. Yeah, me too. But you don't like. psychedelics? I know. No, I do. I just um I just Yeah, it's just you don't need that. But I mean, there was a split second my. alcoholism was like, "Here's a window.". But I didn't do it. Well, you know what makes it hard to not. have alcohol and I'm trying to temper. myself on the road, but mone every. single day. Can we get Can we get more.

beer? Did you do Do you think we get. more beer for the bus? By the way, polished off two of my whiskey bottles. Two of my whiskey bottles. And then I. gave the uh um the stage hands. I said, "You guys, there's beer and booze in. that fridge. Have at it." What do I see? He's taken one home. [laughter]. He took one home. And how do I know he. took one home? Cuz I went in his hotel. room cuz the idiot lost his AirPods and. goes, "I think I love my AirPods." Yeah, we'll get to it. And then I went in his. room. By the way, I went in his room and. door wide open. Door was open, latched. open, no AirPod, whiskey bottle, drank.

this much, and then left the whole. thing. So it could have been a gift for. somebody else. You ruined it. And then. on top of that, the idiot finds his. AirPods after Bobby bought him brand new. AirPods. This is a I just thought I thought about. that for the last couple days, right? And I believe this is true. I believe he always he always had his. AirPods. He wanted new ones. That is very interesting. And because when I gave him the new So. McCun goes, I lost my AirPods and he was. like panicking about it. So, you know, me being Bobby Lee and being the nicest.

guy in the world, I thought I'm going to. get him new ones. Mhm. So we, you know, I had a runner go. by him, [laughter]. right? And so, you know, they said, "I. got him." [laughter] So, and when when I. handed to him, I don't know if you were. like grateful or you were the smile on. your face was like, "I got this guy.". Now, did you go from We can't really. hear you, so we'll repeat it. Did you have regular AirPods or AirPod. Pros? I had regular. Okay. What did I buy you? AirPod Pros. So, here's what's annoying.

This idiot lost Gen One AirPods and we. bought him $400 [laughter] or 500. I. don't even know how much they are. They're like 275. Okay, that's$275 too much. Yeah, we should have got him. Get him the best kind. No, we should have got him the wired. He. deserves wired headphones. Yeah. Yeah. And then So, was it a trick? Because I'm not falling for it again. If. you say I lost my iPad, I'm not. [laughter] going to [ __ ] buy you. anything. Yeah. If you come to us and you're like, I lost my mom and dad. Yeah. I'm not going to go to [ __ ]. China. Yeah. We're not finding you nude parents. and get it cheap. [laughter] Yeah, man.

Can you find parent? You can find kids. Can you buy parents? You can buy parents. Yeah, there's some. countries that you that you can you can. buy. I would love to buy adopt some parents. Well, what kind of parents should we. adopt? [ __ ] man. I would probably get the kind. that was like um [laughter] I'd probably. go black. You go you black adopt. Nigeria or something. [snorts]. Nice. Yeah. I think you know. what age range are we talking? My parents. Yeah. How how the parents you're going. to adopt? I want them around for a while. So about. 25 26. [laughter]. Yeah. These are my parents.

These are my parents. Imagine like these. tall, skinny, [laughter]. young black people as my. as your parents. My parents would be cool. Nobody would question it. This is Unuku. and Maya. And Maya. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. Nice to meet you guys. How long have you. you guys are Huda Bobby? They're my parents. What do you mean? Let me Maya Unuku. Hold on. My mom and. dad. I mean, right. [laughter] These are. my parents. I'll speak on their behalf. Sorry about Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, these. are my parents. You're your uh. I adopted them. You're diverse casting. your own family. That'd be cool. That's smart. Yeah, I'd love to get my buy my own.

parents, buy cousins. Buying a family would be actually. awesome. If you could buy a family. online to start over again. Let's say. you're somebody who never had any. connective tissue to your real parents. You never knew them or they died or. you're adopted. Why can't you buy buy. into a family? Start a business like a website. We'll sell families. Yeah. We we'll even do like the cheaper. ones are like second cousins, right? Yeah. I mean, $10 for a second cousin, but like if you want a real good You. want a sister? Oh my god. 100 grand. And then that's the ugly one. [laughter]. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the low-end sister. Well, how long are there contracts? How. long do these siblings last? Forever. Oh, you get them for life. You're unless they die. I think it's a yearly subscription. Holy [ __ ] I never thought of it. This is the business. You buy into the. family. Yeah. That I never Right. So, like if. you, you know, don't pay your yearly. subscription, they just leave. They disappear. [laughter]. They just take off to a new family. and they have suitcases and you're like, "Where you guys going?" Like, "You. didn't pay. [laughter]. We should do a family subscription. service where if you're out there and. you're lonely, you want a family, you. never you never had brothers, sisters or.

cousins or uncles and aunts, you can buy. them from us from bad friends family. BFF, your BFF for life. What's a big brother? Tell me what a big. brother is. A big brother is someone who I I uh was. going to do that program. A big brother. is when you usually it's underprivileged. kids who need um guidance, influence uh. and and. why don't they have big uncles? That's kind of the same thing. No, [laughter]. cuz the big uncle's blacking out of the. bar. Yeah, it's a little creepy. Hey, meet me at Hooters. [laughter]. I'll teach you about life. That's the big uncle.

The big uncle. They should have big. everything. They [laughter] should have big mama. Well, they do. Oh, who's big? Martin Lawrence shows up every. big mama to your FRONT DOOR. [laughter]. HEY, BABY. HEY, MARTIN. YEAH. SO, we should So, on our website, we can we we have big people, too. You. can like big brothers. Oh. Oh, I thought big people. Do you get. to pick the size of the people? No, it's like it's like, you know, curated. going to those what what are those petty. where you go to get the dolph.

build a parent, build a friend, build an. uncle. How great would be with a build a bear? By the way, build a brother would be so. cool. Where there's compartments, you go into. a store. Now, do you trade in your old one? Like. your brother Steve, do you swap him in. for something else? Like it's a lease? That'd be cool. Would you trade him in? Yeah. Imagine you go to trade them in. and they're like, "We can get almost. nothing for this. [laughter]. This thing is used. anything.". I'm sorry, man. This is This one's. pretty damaged. Yeah, but you could sell them for parts. You can see the nicks all over this. thing. I mean, this thing is.

maybe $5 off your next brother, [laughter]. Max. Or if you could bring your brother to. the store and go, um, I want to just. change one thing. I would change the. breath. You'd swap the breath out. I'd swap the breath out. Now, is this a shot at someone in the. studio? No, my my brother Steve. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. Put the gun down. Put the. gun down. Put the gun down. Carlos, what would Okay, so Carlos, [laughter]. if we swapped out a Carlos. Yeah, let's swap a Carlos. What would I. do? I would go um I would go to the hair. department. and get like a nice little fill that in.

little tufted um upgrade. We'll just up. You know what? He just needs an upgrade. Do you have a software update that we. [laughter]. need to run you through? Just a little taller and more hair. That's it. I think you're perfect just the way you. are. And I mean that. Thanks, Sam. By the way, when when Burr. Chryser takes off his shirt on stage, people lose their mind. When this kid. takes off his hat, they go [ __ ]. crazy. Apeshit. It's amazing. Yeah. Taking anything off is apeshit. Well, [laughter] and you know what? And. I promise you, And I promise you, no. more swapping shirts. No, that that last leg, no one. No, I know. But because. somebody did say it. She did. And And she said, "Please, can.

I have your shirt?" And then you and I. immediately I said, "What' I say?". You said, "I'M NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE.". That's what you said. Yeah. And I said, "He's not doing it." And. then she said, "Can you make Andrew give. me his shirt?" And you go, he actually. really likes that shirt and I love you. for that because I really love that. shirt. Yeah, because that's not what you did. for me the last two. [laughter]. Yeah, but we switch. Do we switch? We're. back to square one. I know. I know. I was letting you know. this is how you're supposed to behave in. that situation. I'm being good. I'm coaching you. You're. coaching me. I'm making sure your. butthole is facing away from the. audience every day. That's [laughter] true. That's true. I'm blocking it. Bobby, you know, we.

talked about it. We got in trouble. 10. grand shown his butthole in Atlanta. We're not doing anymore. Now the. buttholes are always at stage. But even. this butthole in Phoenix, I turned. around to the side of the stage to see. if my Cuz my mom was sitting on the. couch. Yeah. Yeah, she was. Yeah. Yeah. So, I turned around and you. know what I mean? And she was looking at. me and I and I I. You're not going to like this. What? But she had binoculars. [laughter]. She was staring right into it just like. that is. [laughter]. By the way, we had a couple of great. responses from some of the fans. We had. one girl when we said, "Give us give us.

one nickname uh for your vagina or one. word that describes it." And the. funniest one, one girl said, "Long and I. died.". Yeah. Long was the funniest. She goes, "I'm 510." "Yeah, of course it's long.". Wow. I go, "Is it?" I go, "Is it a. penis?". She goes, "No, no, it's just super. long." [laughter]. But is the lips long? I think I think it's. Oh, the Oh, the canal is long. The length is long. I think. I like long. I know. Yeah. I mean, I just don't like it drip. dripping down like squid [laughter]. legs. You know what I mean? Like Ren from Ren and Stimpy. No, like.

drippy lips. Do you want that? Squid legs. What? I mean, I'm fine with whatever. I know you. Yeah, we know you. Oh my god. No. No. You know what? I. didn't want to say anything. That's how you're successful. You have discernable taste. It's not. like you you're actually picky. You. don't go after uh. But lit literally, if there was. tentacles coming out like a squid. [laughter] with little suctions, you. would still do it. No, that sounds. Well, dude, tentacle porn is a thing for. a reason. Somebody Somebody must like. it. Yeah. You know, somebody must get into that. kind of thing. Yeah. And by the way, I have never had one.

interaction from my youth where I got. naked with a woman and saw and was like, "No." I've never done that. I've never. gone, "Oh, no. Never." So, you're going. to do it anyway. Have I said, "What do you mean, oh no?". If you're both naked and let's say you. see that she's just long lips, Lenor and. she's dragging the floor. [laughter]. Yeah. But still going to go through with. it. Yeah. But that's like jumping like. you're skydiving. You're already jumping. out. You can't hold on to the plane. You're No, you're already in the air. You're away from the right. You're like, "I'm in it. I'm out. I got to do it.". Yeah. I have to finish.

Yeah. [laughter]. That's what looking at a vagina is like, "I'm here.". But on this But in this case, you don't. pull the rip cord. You just hit the. floor and die. What? I've done it. I've gotten back in the. plane before with escorts. Whoa. Well, so when you get an escort, you. don't like the way it is and you say, "No, thank you.". I just have so many times where I've. seen an escort and I'm like, "I. shouldn't have done this. I'm people. pleasing right now." But like there's a. couple times because he's like, "Who are. you?". Character are coming into play. Well, how are you people? You can people. please because I get there and the. girl's not as hot. You saw it and you're like I'm not.

paying for this. [laughter]. You paid already and then give them the. money. I feel bad and I'm like I'll just do it. Oh, you're doing them a service. No. Like [laughter] I because I want to. [ __ ] leave. She's not as like. attractive. Why don't you be a man and go, hey, why. don't you take the money for your time? I appreciate you like an adult and then. go, I think I'm going to go on my way. I. just don't feel comfortable having sex. right now. How grateful they would be. They would be they'd be like, I didn't. want to have sex with you either. Okay, I'm not such a bad client. No, no, I'm just saying they probably. are tired cuz I know you get girls that. are just rifling through people. You're. not getting premium. You're getting some. girl that just came from another.

appointment. There's no chance you're. getting a girl that's fresh for the day. You're getting you're getting fourth or. fifth round. You're not a top round. pick. You're not round one. You're going. sixth or seventh round. Yeah, I'm not Drake. Of course. Well, that's what I'm saying. So, she's. tired. She doesn't want to [ __ ] you. either. Let her go. Yeah, but I don't want to have to pay. for I don't want to have to give the. money and then be like, I'm out. Oh, it's a money thing. That's. Yeah, I'm not going to leave. Yeah, it's a money thing with you. No, it's not shallow. You already got. them naked. They're in front of like TJI. Fridays. I paid for the meal. We didn't even eat the fly.

Yeah, we didn't even eat it. And that's the same thing. It's the same thing. We saw a fry. [laughter] We saw a fly in. our chips. And that's like you seeing an. escort. a fly in the vagina. [laughter] Oh, I do. have something to tell you guys. And here we go. Oh my god, I'm excited. And this is brand new brand spanking new. news. All right. Okay. in uh Louisville. I didn't tell anyone this, but I did. have an escort come to the hotel. So, we can add a girl to that. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a.

minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait. We didn't even have a hotel in. Louisville. He got a You got a hotel? No. Wait. What city was it then? See, I'm forgetting that city. Louisville was the fly in the TJ. It I think it was the one. When did we. go do the ADR for Magnum? Oh, that was when we were Charlotte. Yeah, Charlotte. There you go. Oh, yeah. Charlotte. No, no Durham. Durham. Dur. We went from. Durham to Raleigh. Yeah. She had a thick southern accent. Yeah. So, you got you got a little friend of. the night in Raleigh. Yeah. And she like showed up and she was. all ratchet. I was like, "Oh no, they're. all going to know." She showed up. through the wrong door.

Oh my gosh. And I literally had to be like, "Cover. up.". To the Marriott. Yes. I was like, "Cover up.". You know what's insane? That night I. went for a ride on the scoot to to to. Duke. You know, I went and scooted to. Duke. I remember Duke. And when I came back, I saw a little lady of the [laughter]. night. Oh. I swear to God. But I didn't think. much of it because I felt like that area. had a couple of ladies roaming around. Well, this was from the internet. I. didn't go on the street. But. yeah, but she might have been waiting. for her sister to pick her up. She have like really tattered dark hair. Really like tattery like kind of stringy.

dark hair. Yeah. You might have seen my girl. Mhm. Did you do it? Yeah. It was I mean LA is obviously the. best, but. Bad Boy. It was just fun. Let me ask you, what did the lady of the night cost in. Durham? Uh for I just gave her 300 bucks. What. do you mean? She didn't ask for money. You just told. I mean it's pretty low in Durham. 300. No, it's not legal. No, it's not legal. So if he gets. arrested, do we get in trouble? No, of course not. No, but we leave we. leave you there. No, no, we will leave. you there. No, I What are you talking.

about? No bail. What? You wouldn't help. me. You think we want on our record bailing. out? [laughter] NO. THAT DOESN'T RECORD. NO, you pay for. what you did. All right. You're right. You're right. My. a bad boy. You serve your time like a. man. You're right. You get out on the other side and you. learn a skill. find Jesus and you make a. couple. I hope you get like assaulted in prison. today. Are you, you know, I No, because I went. to jail for the Xanax thing really. quickly and I went to court. Your mom and your dad I met them. They know I've been to jail. It's just I feel so Your parents are.

just so normal. And you know what the. worst part is? What? And I met your. sisters like what happened to you? His father shook my hand. Yeah. Opened my eyes and goes, [laughter]. "Thank you so much for taking care of. Carlos. what you've done for him has. been. Thank you, Andrew. instrumental. And I said, "You know. what? You got a great kid on your hands. Meanwhile, you're out throwing $300 at. somebody upstairs at the Marriott. You're a bad boy. I shook your father's. hand.". But that that's not a bad thing. I gave. a woman money for a service and now she.

doesn't want you doing that. No, now she gives back to, you know, the. economy. I I created. buying crack. That girl bought crack. But also, can I say this? By doing that. behavior, you're perpetuating trauma. You are. Oh my gosh. No, you are. You know what? You want. There's a feminist argument to this. Let. me tell you something. Go ahead. We're. pro We're pro sex work. We believe in. safety and pro. So, let's say that A. So, does she safety? B. B. You really want to make up for. some of your faults. All right. For some. of the ways you've treated these girls. and said, "Go home or whatever. I'm over.

it.". I never said that. Okay. I want you to get You know what? In the. next city we go to, I do want you to get. somebody and I want you to not have any. sort of relations with them. Give them. money and say, "I want you to use this. to get back on your feet to get. $1,000.". No, $2,000. $2,000. That's a really high end. 3,000. Keep talking and it's going to go. up. No sex, though. No touching. YEAH. DID YOU just throw [laughter] a gun AT. US? I DON'T KNOW WHY. HOLY. You threw a gun at us. You threw a gun. Hostile. [laughter]. And he did it with with his Mexican.

mind. With his Mexican mind. You're a Mexican X-Men, dude. That was. crazy. Oh, yeah. He went like that. He just went, [laughter] "Yeah, Zock.". I love Zdock, man. It's so convenient. Uh, you've been stewing about a health. problem you have. You almost resort to. texting your group chat to get your. friends opinions. Why do you do that? You're extremely unlikely to find. quality medical advice in your group. chat. But you can find it from a doctor. on ZDO. Here's the problem. You get sick, you. get a tickle in your throat, uh, you're. not feeling well, something feels off,

and you immediately go to the internet. searching for stuff, forums that who. knows who compiled them. you don't know. what's really going on. Stop going this. questionable route. Instead, try Zakda. You're trying to find a cause for your. symptoms and you stumble down a Tik Tok. rabbit hole full of, you know, questionable advice from so-called. experts. You got to cut it out. All. right. There also there's nothing worse. than going to a doctor's appointment. expecting to be the center of attention. And then your doctor seems like they. have better things to do and better. places to be. Instead of listening to. you intently, asking you how you feel.

and helping you along, the doctor is. checking the clock. On Zachdoc, you'll. find quality doctors who focus on you, listen to you, and prioritize your care. Zdoc is the only free app that lets you. find and book doctors who are patient. reviewed, take your insurance, and are. available when you need them, and treat. almost every single condition under the. sun. That's right. No more Dr. Roulette. You can choose. from thousands of patient reviewed. doctors. You know what you're getting. into. I've done this myself from the. comfort of my own home, which is great. because I don't want to go into an. office. So, how do they get it, Bob? Go.

to zdock.com/badfriends. and download the ZuckDoc app for free. Then find and book a toprated doctor. today. Many are available within 24. hours. That is zachdoc.com. Zozacdock.com/badfriends.dock.com/badfriends. Morgan andorggan. Listen guys, if you're ever in an. accident and you need an injury law. attorney, you got to go to Morgan. You got to go to Look, I got into an. accident not too long ago in my. neighborhood. Hated it. Didn't know what. to do. I hadn't been a defender banner.

like this in a in many, many, many, many. years. I didn't know who to turn to, where to go, what kind of money is this. going to cost me. And in 2020 alone, there was over 5 million car crashes. That's more than 15,000 per day, 600 an. hour. So, they're happening all over the. place, and no one knows where to turn. If you're ever injured, you can check. out Morgan and Morgan. Yeah. Morgan Morgan is America's largest. injury law firm. They have over a 100. offices nationwide and more than 800. lawyers. Dude, and here's the deal. Uh, you're not. suing the person who hit you, rather, their insurance company. So, I know. you're worried about whoever you got in.

an accident with, you're like, "Well, I. don't know what they're going through or. what's going on." You don't need that. much money to hire a lawyer. People. think it costs so much money. Morgan and. Morgan has got you covered. If you need. the help when you get into a little. accident, you have to try Morgan and. Morgan. Uh, with over 15 billion dollars. recovered for clients, Morgan and Morgan. has a proven track record of fighting to. get you full and fair compensation. And it's also easy. Submitting an injury. claim with Morgan Morgan Morgan is so. easy. It's more like using an app than. hiring a lawyer. In fact, it's so easy, Bob. It's more. like ordering takeout than hiring a.

lawyer. With Morgan and Morgan, you can. submit a claim without ever having to. leave the couch. Open up your phone and. at 8 clicks or less, you're already. done. If you're ever injured in an. accident, you can check out Morgan and. Morgan. Their fee is free unless they. win. For more information, go. forthepeople.com/badfriends. or dial poundaw pound529 from your cell. phone. That's for the people. F O R. forthepeople.com/badfriends. or poundlaw pound529 from yourself is a. paid advertisement. And would you ever. get a male escort? [laughter]. I don't think I could. Why? I.

Let's get you one on the road. You don't. have to do anything with them. Why? [laughter]. I would love to go to like a Thunder. Down Under show. Let's take her to one. Let's go. I I. would love to go. But you guys would be pretend. Do you know what the problem is? You. know what just happened? You [laughter]. and I both got so excited for that and. we our fans we got to calm that down. because the fans are like they're gay. and we're not but I but we do get really. Yeah, we are kind of because when she. was like WE BOTH WENT OH let's go strip. club not interested down under. Also that night you showed me your. [ __ ] It was too long. Too what? [laughter] What do you mean.

how long it was open? Yeah. You spread your butthole. I was. sitting there. I held it. and for a comedy joke two seconds. It goes like this. It goes one but hole. two butthole close it. Right. Yeah. You're right. It was 30 seconds. I went one but hole. Two but three. butthole. I counted the freckles. Nine. By the. way, you know Orion's belt? The [laughter]. It's back there. If you look at my. [ __ ] long enough, you can see it. Bobby sat down and drew it like Leo and. Titanic. [laughter]. Yeah. Yeah. It was too long, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were buzzed. I was a little buzzed.

You're buzzed. So, you just did for. Wait. I opened up I opened up a little. Yeah. By the way, you just jumped in my mind. Something else that I saw today. Is it Bill Pullman was in Titanic? Bill. Pullman. Yeah. Bill Paxton. Yeah, he passed away. I know. He told a story that I saw. probably on a podcast online from a clip. that was from years ago. Did you guys know that the that the soup. on set was spiked with PCP? Have you. heard the story? Wow. No, no. This is insane. Him and James. Cameron um they're going to go eat food. and every day he had gone out for lunch.

cuz the catering wasn't his favorite. And he was like, I'm just going to go. out for lunch. I don't really want to. And Cameron was like, I just I kind of. want to get some of this chowder. like I. just let's get chowder and we'll go talk. and whatever. He comes down. They both. get chowder. They have some. He goes. back to his office. Bill goes back to. his room. He starts he gets knock on the. door and somebody's like, "Hey, are are. you feeling okay?" And he's like, "Yeah." And he's like, "Well, a lot of. people are not doing so well from the. chowder." And he was like, "Well, I. mean, I I think I'm fine. I've been. drinking water. I mean, we'll see." He.

thinks, "Oh, man. The chowder went bad. I'm going to have I'm going to have the. two ends.". Mhm. No. 150 people got dosed with PCP on the set. of Titanic. Oh my god. And he runs over to James. Cameron and is like, "How are you. feeling?" And Cameron was like, "I think. something's going on. Like, I'm feeling. it." And he goes, he goes, "I knew how. to beat it." He goes, "I'm I'm really. high right now." So he goes, "I'm just. going to go drink a case of beer and go. to bed." And that's what he did. He went. and bought a case of beer and chugged it. until he got so drunk he fell asleep to. beat the acid. Wow. But they but they do some they. never caught the guy. Never found out.

who did it. But he dosed the clam. chowder and catering and 150 people on. the set of Titanic had to go to the. hospital because half these people. didn't know what was going on. Tripping on that PCP is one of those. drugs where you run through walls and. stuff too, right? No. No. PCP is is uh it's acid. Yeah. It's like hard psych. No, but you would hear it's like that. guy was on PCP and he ran through a. wall. I mean stories like propag. It's different. Yeah. PCP gives you like super strength. Super strength. People lift cars on it. It's called.

pixie dust. Oh, right. Right. It's also known as uh. dust. Yeah, angel dust. Sorry. That's. right. My bad. And they went you. So, but it causes hallucinations, right? So, yeah, you hallucinate like crazy. Fen phenocidine. Phenol piper dine. They. could have. scary. It's angel dust. Yeah. Disassociative. anesthetic. Mainly use recreationally. significant mindaltering effects. So, these people were all dosed out of their. minds on PCP. Whoa. How, dude? That would have been great. Yeah. Hell [laughter] yeah. Imagine that Titanic if they could film. tour.

They lift the boat back out of the. water. [laughter]. IT'S FINE. YEAH, they just fixed. I'm the king OF THE WORLD. [laughter]. LEO RUNNING ON WATER. I'M JESUS CHRIST. [laughter]. YEAH, that I I don't know why that made me. that reminded me of it. Oh, but going. back Thunder, we I we are going to go. let's take a trip to Vegas and we'll go. to Thunder Down Under. Holy [ __ ] that would be so fun. We. should do a Bad Friend show in Vegas in. the fall. No, I I want to do it. We should do a bad friend show in Vegas. in the fall and we should go to Thunder. In fact, if we really have balls, we.

should bring them on the stage for our. show. Hell yeah. Maybe I'm giving away Maybe I'm giving. away a secret that we don't want to have. out to the world cuz maybe we would make. that happen. Maybe. Do they like Thunder Down Under? Do they. like give lap dances? I think so. Of course, to like a few. select women. Can we get one? Uh-huh. No, I'm not kidding. Hey. Hey. Yeah. I don't want one. [laughter]. But how? I mean, no. They get super dirty. They get dirt. They get dirt. They'll dance right. They'll pull women on stage and they'll. put their balls right in their face. Like real balls. Have you seen Magic Mike? Yeah. What do you mean their balls?

They don't have like a second set of. balls. I would I would have like joke balls. [laughter]. You just have four balls. Just two red take joke plastic balls. So you tuck your real ones and you have. your fake. I don't want my real balls out there. You know what I mean? I want like. beautiful prosthetic balls. They keep them in their pants, but. they're rubbing them. You've done this before. I've seen all the Magic Mike movies. I know. Is it like you know some um. strip clubs they'll they'll whisper like. when they're giving you a lap dance it's. like for a little extra you mean I'll. trick you off they do that. I don't think they do that but I've.

never been. what do they do at they're like for a. little extra I'll let you blow me. no they like throw you in the air and. Oh [laughter]. yeah they're strong. when you're watching trans porn not that. I have. go on [laughter]. not that I have but there's this one I. saw [laughter]. you got to check them out. Yeah. Yeah. There's one that I check. out. She's beautiful. Yeah. I mean, just stunning. Go on. Right. And she or they, I don't know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. They.

are getting their penis sucked. Mhm. Right. And if I stroke a little bit. watching it, what does that make me? Not that I did. Not that I did. But you're asking for permission. No, I'm not asking for permission. I was. just thinking it. Permission to launch. I DID IT. [laughter]. I I DID THAT A LITTLE BIT. I did it. It's fantasy. It's not real. It's not real. But if you see a straight porn with a. man [ __ ] a woman and you stroke to. that, same thing. Same thing. Same thing. You're gay. Look, same. You're gay. [laughter].

Oh, gay. So, if you're a guy, what. will you So, when have you have you. watched porn and masturbated? [snorts]. Porn? [laughter]. Yeah. Not Disney films, but porn. I've never seen it. That's a. But I'm excited to watch porn. I've. never seen it yet, but I'm but I am. excited to start it. I mean, Andreas, have you do you watch porn to. masturbate? What? You guys are just [ __ ] [ __ ] with me. Of course I do. What do you mean? Of. course he does. What do you mean? But do you ever watch anything weird or. like, "Oh, this is a little. uncomfortable.". I've watch Yeah. You know, I've talked. about it on the show. I think I've.

anime. I've like anime. Okay. Okay. I told you what I really like or I used. to like I don't watch it anymore, but I. used to see I used to like uh. Uhhuh. Uh uh uh uh. Oh, man. What is the one? It's a It's a It's an anime. Um. under o under under Overwatch. Overwatch. Overwatch. It's like It's like It's like mutants. with 40 dicks. [laughter]. [ __ ] like 40 chicks. It's It's rad. It is. It's rad. And it arouses you. It's just fun cuz I'm sick of the old.

like, "Oh no, I'm stuck in the dryer.". It's like gh she's not stuck in the. dryer. Fake. Fake. Do you do it as a woman? Do you watch. porn to. or do you use your imagination? I'll do both, but I will watch porn. sometimes. by yourself watching it. Yeah. Do you use a machine? [laughter]. Do you use a machine or? Yeah, I use a machine. Okay. It's weird to call it a machine. Uh, what is it called? What's it called? A vibrator. [laughter]. Okay. How many toys do you have? One. [snorts]. One seems safe. Do you have toys?

Yeah. What kind? Oh, yeah. I mean, you name it, I got it. No, I'm being real. [laughter]. You name it. No, be real. Do you have. stalls? calls. My balls. I got uh What. do I have? I have [ __ ] ring. Vibrating. [ __ ] ring. Love those. You have a vibrating [ __ ] ring. I've [laughter] got two of them. Do you really? Yeah. Yes, I do. And it goes to the bottom or the just. where the top is? Imagine [laughter] I leave it on the. head. Yeah. No, it goes to the bottom. It It Does it have a um. It's got a little It's got a little um. vibrator at the bottom. That's.

I understand. Oh, it's for her. Well, you can flip it. Look, you can. flip it up at the top so it touches her. [ __ ] or you can put it down below so it. tickles kind of her, you know, the. [ __ ]. But does it make your penis vibrate? It's on my dick. [laughter]. Okay, good. Good. Good. But it's super fun. I love it. Vibrating. [ __ ] rings. One of my favorites. I mean, they're so And they're silicone, so. they're not I don't have like a like I. think I think in the back in the day it. used to be like an actual hard ring. No thanks. Give me the silicone ones. That's easy to slide on and off. I have like 15 things. What do you got?

You have pocket [ __ ] But not just I. have the ones that you charge and. dithium crystals. [laughter]. That's what you put in it. He puts it in his ass. Wait a minute. Enterprise logo on the. side. [laughter]. When you when you come, you have to. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, do you you plug it into the wall? Yeah, [sighs] I charge them. Wow. So, in your wall sockets are phone. [laughter] chargers, uh, vibrator. chargers. No, my vape chargers. No, my my vi my um my pocket [ __ ] and. my switch go into one thing. [laughter].

Yeah. So, I have those in one. just like Nintendo intended. Imagine the devel game developers at. Nintendo, they have a Switch that also. has a pocket [ __ ] charger on the side. [laughter]. But I I every year I get a new one. because I I want to know what the. technology is like and they and they get. better and better. You know, they sure. do, don't they? So, there's like, you know, you know, they have, you know, buttons and stuff. and what it does is there's vibration. and also suction. You press a button, it just and sucks it. [laughter] out. Really? Yeah. It sucks. Yeah. It pulls your. penis in. Okay, I'll admit something.

What? You want an admittance on this. show? There we go. I've never admitted this, but I'll admit. it to you guys. One time we got sex toys for the show. We got like uh Do you remember this? Fancy. What did we get? We got like. We got sex toys. We got like a little. butt. A little butt a but a little like. a butt and a [ __ ] A silicone one. Oh yeah. And I was like, I'll throw these away. [laughter]. OH NO. Where'd you go? Your clip trunk. Get ready. Yeah. I used it at the studio. Here. At the old studio. Oh, you did? I did. Yeah. Late night.

Late one night after Whiskey Ginger, I. was recording in the old studio and I. recorded it. Your guest was probably still there. [laughter]. Yeah. Oh my god. Gus is still there. What you doing, DOG? [laughter]. So good. After my guest left, I wish I remember. who it was, but it was it was after the. guest left, I was in the in the room. doing stuff on my computer, and this was. like an hour or two goes by [laughter]. and I was like, "Do I been in that. room?". I know. With your glass of whiskey, one candle. burning. I was just on my computer and. then I the box was on the floor and I. was like.

you know it's not going to get used. [laughter]. and you know how weird this is. I went. to the bathroom where we used we we kept. baby wipes in the bathroom. and I just wiped even though it was. fresh. It was never touched. George might have used it. What? George might have used it before. Eskimo brothers. Oh [laughter]. man. I knew it tasted weird. Imagine me going. down on a silver. [laughter]. No, but but I but I took it out of the I. saw the box. It was looking right at me.

almost like the whole time. Every time I. would type like, you know, and the box. was like, "Come on, so I did. I I tried. it." And honestly, [laughter] I had to throw it away. Oh. Because it was going to be a. problem. It was too good. Honestly, it was [laughter] like I. imagine it's like when people do heroin. and they're like, "Oh, no. I want to do. this every day for the rest of my life.". You know, I'm going to buy one tonight. Good. [laughter] Let's do it. I want to No, I'm really I'm going to go. to the hospital. I'm going to buy a new. one tonight. Let's go to the sex store together. Really? No. Inappropriate. Absolutely not. That's insane. Also, I I I want to also I forgot to.

mention um. I feel like a creep going. Did you m Carlos or Jesse, did you guys. wrap me out from the poo? No. No. I told you. I can't believe we haven't talked about. this on the show. Nope. So, let's talk about it. Everyone at. home keeps asking, "Did has anybody. pooped on the bus?" Well, guess what? Somebody pooped on the bus and you. wouldn't believe who it [laughter] is. All right. Tune in next week to find out. Yeah. So, I eat something. We're driving. on the bus, you know, and our driver's.

driving. We're in the middle of nowhere. I'm laying there and I have this ache in. my stomach, [laughter]. like a pinch, right? And I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] that." I. sit up and I'm curled over. It was so. painful. And I was gone. For the record, I was. still in Denver, right? That's when you. guys were. Yeah, you were in Denver. So I stayed in. Denver. and I did a um an opening which is a. fart [snorts]. when you invited you invited someone. over to the party. The. prelude. My butthole said hello. Prelude, right? My butthole says hello. That's the hello. And the poo goes we're.

here. We're [laughter] here. Oh, wait. NO, NO, NO. I HAVEN'T CLEANED. UP YET. NO, NO, YOU GUYS CAN'T COME IN. YET. NO, NO, NO. We're here. We're here. So, and then like I'm. telling my butthole, don't shut the. [laughter] [ __ ] up. Right. And all of a sudden they're at the door. You know, you know, reminded me of it. Remember when you know all those people. showed up at, you know, um, Bill Boon's. house? Oh, here we go again. [laughter]. Not those dwarf just show up, knock, and. then they're like eating in the. Every time this guy [laughter].

show. That's what it reminded me of. Right. There's just one dwarf after another. showing up. So you had to [ __ ] cuz we were on the. and I was going to go, can you pull. over? But I looked out the window. We're. in forest. Mhm. just forest. And I go, "All right, I'm going to get in trouble." [laughter]. So, I took a [ __ ]. and it smelled immediately. You know, our road matters was right. It just. stunk up the [ __ ] place. Yes. Because the septic tank is right. below where you guys sleep. Yeah. It smelled like. the worst. I flush. I baby wiped my.

butthole. I laid there and I laid there. for like four hours like a [ __ ]. vampire. [laughter] And I was just with. my eyes open going, I don't know. It's like the tellt tell heart. You. heard the heart beating from [laughter]. us. And then all of a sudden. the [ __ ] was just like, "WE'RE DOWN. HERE. You're not getting rid of us, Bobby.". And then all of a sudden I I smell. chlorine. Yeah. That's how I woke up. That's how I Yeah. I kind of doze up. I. woke up and there's chlorine. And. bleach. It's bleach. Bleach. Yeah. And And And the bus. driver, our buddy, cleaned it.

Like he's cleaning up a murder mopping. So I tell these three, "Well, he had to unload the tank. He has. to He has to get rid of it somewhere. He. had to go to. I feel so bad. A septic drop because it has to come. It. can't stay in the tank. I feel so bad. And so then I tell. Carlos, Mone, and Jules. I go, "Don't. tell Andrew." But I took a [ __ ] on the. bus. Well, you told me privately. You said, "Don't tell anybody." But you told that. to all of us except [laughter] for. Andrew. Yeah, this guy's the don't don't tell. everybody. Tell everybody. Well, no, because I want to be the. [ __ ].

So, here's who knows. I'm Paul River. [laughter]. I want to be Paul River. I'm telling. everyone. Well, let me tell you something. You. took a midnight ride, didn't did a. midnight ride. So, [laughter]. and then now we're at the venue and you. walk up to me, Spokane. I show up. I fly in that day. Yes. Spokan. And you and you go, "You took a [ __ ] on the bus, didn't. you?". It's just out of nowhere. Your face was amazing. I was livid. that you you got regular white guy eyes. They went with the round eye. It's like when you saw that ghost. Yeah. Same thing. Same thing. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, you got so scared.

And I go and I knew that you three had. rat Somebody had ratted me out. Uhhuh. Right. And and let's just get this out. of the way now. That's fine. Okay. And I I'm going to say this too as your. boss, guys. All right. [laughter] As. your boss. Honestly, dude. Honestly. Yeah. No hard feelings, no resentment. It's. just a story. It's in our past. But you. can now admit to me now with no. retaliation. Who? Who told Andrew? It was Carlos.

What? I Here's the deal. Did you really? No. Yeah, I DID IT. YOUR REACTION. HOLY. [ __ ] YOU'RE FIRED. [laughter]. YOU'RE [ __ ] FIRED. YOUR REACTION. WHAT THE [ __ ] DUDE? YOU NEVER TOLD YOU. NEVER [ __ ] told me that you pooped on. the bus. You only told Jess and Mone. I. didn't find out till the venue when. Andrew pulled up to us. Sorry, Carla. And you had an intuition. Here's the mystery. My favorite thing in. the world was knowing that you thought.

somebody ratted you out. But the truth. is, the ultimate truth is nobody ratted. you out. When I stepped onto the bus and. nobody was on the bus, it was beyond squeaky clean. And it was. so [laughter] clean that I thought, that's really [ __ ] weird. Nobody We. don't have a cleaning crew to come clean. the bus this week. Why is the bus so. clean? And then I thought, did Jesse. clean the bus? No. [laughter]. No way. And then I went into the bathroom to. take a piss. And when I got in there, it. was almost as if the toilet when I.

lifted up the lid, it the lid spoke to. me and went, "Bobby, talk a [ __ ]. [laughter]. Kill me.". Because it stunk like chlor. It stunk. like bleach. Someone had bleached. Said the dwarves showed up at the Shire. The Shire. They were there. [laughter]. And there was so much bleach in the air. Immediately I go, "Bobby took a [ __ ] on the bus.". [laughter]. I knew right away. Holy [ __ ]. And I walked inside. I looked you right. in the face and I go, "Took a [ __ ] on. the bus." And you went, "What the? NO. WHO TOLD YOU? WHO TOLD YOU?" YOU FREAKED.

OUT. AND I freaked the [ __ ] out. Nobody. told me, buddy. And. so if I would have said, "What are you. talking about?" It would have been. I would have known. I Something was in. my body. Something told me you pooped on. the bus. It just felt it in my By the. way, my butthole [laughter] told you. Your butthole told me. You know how girls get on a cycle when. they live together? You and I are. cycling right now. I felt it inside. Something inside was. like, "Bobby pooped on the bus." Cuz you. guys, we're cycling, baby. So, you didn't rat me out, Carlos? No. But he did ratch you out for other. stuff. Tons of other stuff. Tons and.

tons and tons of other stuff. And also, I want to say this. We love. our bus driver. He's great. He's the best. He's also Sometimes at night, I get. scared we're going to die. [laughter]. Oh, dude. One night. that Dude, that that one night. it feels like we're flying. We're going like 110 and I felt a bump. so bad everything fell off the shelf. It was like we went off a [ __ ]. [laughter] Tony M. Yeah. Yeah. It was insane. I swear to. God. So, I get up and I'm in the I'm in my. underwear. I'm in the hallway. It's like. 4 in the morning and in the darkness,

you scared the [ __ ] out of me. Well, cuz you were turned around and I. woke up like you did. These guys stayed. in their bunk. They're ready to die. They're Biggie Smalls. They're all ready. to die. I get out of my bunk and I go. look at I go walk through the hallways. You can't see me. I can tell. And then. when you turn around, I go, "BOB." AND. YOU GO. IT WAS SO SAD. AND THEN BOTH of us were like, "What was. that?" And then I walked up there to see. cuz I I there's a curtain. So, I wanted. to see if I. I saw you peek in there. Yeah. And I peaked in to see maybe he was. [laughter] well I thought maybe he's. dozing off, you know, but no, not at. all.

He was sleeping in the in the passenger. seat. The bus was driving itself. No, he. was fine. It was just. it was a little I felt like a little. maybe he wasn't all the way awake. because I heard a little when we go to. the side and that's when the happened. Yeah. Yeah. So, if we die on the next leg, it's been. great. It's been great. And uh. I have another question for you. Please. may if I may. I had an incident the other day and I. want you I want to ask the the room. Yeah. Feel the room. I want to feel the room out to see who's.

in the wrong. Okay. So, I'm shooting this thing. I'm on your side. Thank you. Yeah. It's 5 in the morning, right? I don't. know the makeup hair department. What do you mean you're not familiar. with them at all? I don't know. I just met them, right? makeup woman, a nice Asian lady, and she's doing u my girlfriend in the. in this movie is Chinese. Mhm. And. I'm just sitting there getting my hair. done and I go, "Hey, what's your name?". The actress tells me her name. I go, "Where you from?" She goes, "I'm I'm.

from China." You know, I was born there. I love China. You know, that's where Tik. Tok and co comes from. [laughter]. Facts. Facts. And [snorts] then I just hear the. room change. Mhm. Cuz you told her facts. Yeah. Like [clears throat] everyone laughed. And I look No, I look over and the Asian. makeup artist and her They're just. Is the Asian makeup artist Chinese as. well? Yes. Yeah. It's Yeah. No, she's not Chinese. She's Korean. Oh, she's on your team. I don't [laughter] There's no teams.

here. Well, yeah, there are. I know. There should be. Yeah. I realize she's probably North Korean. [laughter]. She's right closer to China. My point is. is this. My point is this. It changes. then. my the girl that plays my girl, she leaves and I'm sitting there and. then I I get moved over to makeup and. the the makeup artist goes, "I can't. [ __ ] believe you said that." I go, "What?" Cuz I'm tired. She goes, "CO? You think that's funny?". Well, I mean, and I go, "I was is early." And you.

know, I just throw out a joke. It's a joke. Yeah. And she goes, "You know, we've. been attacked for that as a as a as a. people." I go, "What? What?". Yeah. They make a stink of it. So, does this get around to to Bill and. everybody? Okay. No, because I had to nip it in the butt. I had to nip it. Yeah, [laughter]. I had to nip it. Careful. I had to nip it. Yeah, you had to nip it in the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh there was a [ __ ] in my armor then. [laughter]. Wait a minute. Right. So,

you made a joke. A small joke. A small joke. And they did not appreciate it. Oh, no. It was going to If there was HR, they would have gone. What? Yeah. And you know, for me, it's like, you. know, how uncomfortable is the love scene. then? Did you have a love scene? No, no, no. [laughter]. Thank God. But I knew what to do. I I I turn to the. Asian the makeup artist and I go, "I'm. so sorry. It's early. I threw out a. joke. I'm a comic. I don't know if you. know that." She's like, "I know, but. it's not funny.". Yes, it is. I I know. And then I Thank you so. [ __ ] Thank you so much for being on.

my side. You're my [ __ ] ally. If you said tick tock and and co I'd. have been like true. I would have been. on the [laughter] other side of the. makeup trailer. We're both now fired. What the [ __ ] Well, then we'll walk out. together. Also, none of that is rude to. be honest. IT'S A JOKE. BUT IT'S REAL. ARE WE WRONG? Are are we wrong here? What's going on? Maybe you go next time go, "Uh, oh, I. love trying to That's where Tik Tok is. from.". Oh, you don't say co. You go, you leave it ambiguity. and then they'll go, "What do you mean.

by. and you go, you know, or dog eating?". Yeah. [laughter]. You be clever about it. You just go. that's where tick that's where Tik Tok. and Fouch's Fouch's family is from. That's a little twist around. But then I had to go I was on set now. and I see her the girl that plays my. girlfriend. Yeah. [sighs]. She's sitting there and she's like in a. bad mood. I could tell. just because of this. I know, right? Right. So then I leaned. up against the wall. Hey, uh do you have. THE AUDITION FOR THIS? [laughter].

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I DON'T WANT. TO SAY I DON'T WANT TO SAY. RIGHT. SHE. like Yeah. Meanwhile, it's offer only for you, which makes it worse. Yeah. Yeah. So, I'm like, "Uh, I Hey, I. just want to tell I really sorry about. that joke. I was so early." And she's. like, "Just Yeah. I mean, I'm just. really sensitive about it, but um. really, yeah, I'm okay, but I think apologize, you know, and I go, you [ __ ] pant f, [laughter]. you know what I mean?" But I just want, you know, thank you so much. Let's just. have a good day. You know what I mean?

Are we wrong here? I know. But. I think if people are that or people are. sensitive to to jokes in a entertainment. environment, then they should have to. like alter their behavior. Oh, this is good. They should come in. the room and go, "Guys, I'm sensitive. about co and Tik Tok jokes." Yes. I'm letting you know I'm Chinese. No. Chinese jokes, please. Yeah. Put it on the table. But we live in a different world now. Yeah. But that's okay. Honestly. Yeah. Okay. Uh uh Fancy, you're the Well, no. You're bad to ask because you're on the.

you're on our team. Carlos, be a. mediator here. Be the Zen Buddhist. All right. Where is CO from? Wuhan. Wuhan's where? Uh, it's in a lab in China. Okay. It's in China. Yeah. [laughter]. Carlos, where. Wuhan is in a lab in China. Yeah. No, no. I mean, literal. Carlos, where's. Tik Tok from? China. Okay. So, two for two. Yeah. Both of. those things were true. And neither of. them are like mean. It's a fact that a. thing happened there and that's what. happened. Maybe if I put a positive one. in there first, I went that's where Tik. Tok Yao Ming and.

Yeah, maybe you needed the rule of. three. That's. the rule of three. I think that was the. problem. Dude, that's really That is actually. true. It would have been a better joke. It would have been a joke. Yeah. Yao. Ming and Co. Try it again next time you see her with. the three. [laughter]. Yeah. Honestly, if you see her again in a. makeup chair, I would do the exact same. thing again. You just have to do what. they do with all movies now. They have a. disclaimer. Said like, "Oh, this movie. is racist, but we're showing it anyway.". Yeah. Or whatever. You know, and you should. just wear a shirt that says parental. advisory at all times. That's it. That's like fancy. He's saying this to. justify his next movie. By the way, it's.

called the nword. And they say the n. [laughter] word. 8,000. And it's so funny because it's like, oh, who you going to go to? Bill Burr. I know. Yeah. Oh, Bill, excuse me. [laughter] I. know you're directing movie, but excuse. me. Do you know what Bobby said? What. he said? Um, what did he say? Chinese people are from, you know, they. they're known for tick tock. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I [ __ ] HEAR NO. LIES. [laughter]. I HEAR NO LIES. YEAH. ROLLING. YEAH. I mean, that's there there would. be no. no repercussions. No, but you made up.

with her. Look, I'm sure she's a sweet. girl. She took it the wrong way. And and. honestly, she knows that you're a. lovable guy. You didn't mean anything by. it. You move we move on. Life is so. There's so much awful [ __ ] This is. nothing on the blip of chaos. Thank you. It's nothing. It's a nothing burger. That's why I love you, dude. You should get a USB, though, and give. it to her with the plemic on it. [laughter]. Well, she definitely has a computer. I. mean, they make them there. Okay. Okay. But what also realize there's just two.

different kinds of Asians. Ones that have fun and ones that don't. Yeah. [laughter]. I think every group has that. Well, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Well, look, there's uptight whites and. there's whites that get it. Yeah. You're either an uptight white or you're. a white that gets it. There's uptight. whites all the time that are just huffy. puffy for no reason. And you're like, "Come on, man. What What is You know, we're joking.". Because when we do meet and greets, we. see the kind of Asians that come. They're. They're the wild kind. Well, let me tell you, our meet and. greets, we've had [laughter]. We have had an eclectic group. Eclectic. And when you see the Asians that pass. through that door to say hi to you.

Yeah. They love those jokes. They do. They are ready to laugh. They They won't. take themselves serious. And I've said. this before, shout out to my Mexican fans. I [ __ ]. love our Mexicans fan. Everyone that. came out in Phoenix, all those Mexicans, because every time I'm around a [ __ ]. a Latin crowd, they know how to take a. joke. They don't. serious. I I I just want to say our fans in.

general. the best. are the best. Have you had have you had a good. reception? Yeah. Except for that one guy that threw a. shoe at you. One guy George Bushster. I [laughter]. don't know. She didn't get hit but she died. No, we've had such a good [ __ ] reception. from the fans [snorts] and it's been. it's been when people ask me we come. home. people ask hey what's been going on. how's the tour I Fitz was on the phone. with Fitz Simmons. and he goes it looks [ __ ] amazing. buddy and I was like it's honestly I. can't I don't have like one thing to say. usually you come off the road when. you're solo and someone's like how was.

wherever and you're like it was good but. there was you know [clears throat] you. know Saturday Night Late show is not you. know whatever and there's always like a. thing or two that you're like I don't. know man it just I wasn't hitting on. this night it didn't feel good my hour. was a little weak here. This has been a. dream come true and a and a not trying. to be lame, but it was it's been [ __ ]. amazing. I hope we keep doing it. We were. for a long time. Um, that being said, we. are going to cancel the rest of the. tour. No, [laughter] I need it. I need this. Yeah.

I do want to make one more comment. before we depart. I I did notice your. haircut last night in the parking lot. and I told you I said someone got a new. haircut. Yeah. And I like it, but it's but but I. was getting used to the old you. Yeah, I know. I've gone through so much. change. But I like it. But I feel like you're. growing too fast. I know. I can't stop it. I know. I [laughter] DON'T LIKE IT, DUDE. I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE EITHER. But if you start showing up really. dramatically change, like if she starts. doing that thing that people do when. they start getting a couple of bucks in. the thing and she starts ch If you show. up with veneers in a couple of weeks,

I'm done. I want one Jay. No, one Jay on my K9. No, no, you can have you can have that. But if you get a full mouth of veneers, I'm going to be bummed. All right. I also want also want to say is that I. know a lot of headlines that bring one. person on, but that that person, the. opener, changes and then they cut him. off. Will you guys tell me if I start. changing? You already got a haircut. [laughter]. We're warning you now. This is the warning. I do it what Bobby does. What? What? You got a haircut. I got a haircut. She does follow you. You do follow me a lot. It's weird. I'm a little baby duck. You're like a.

[laughter] You're like a dog. You're. like a dog. Yeah, we got to pet you all the time. We. always have to clean up your [ __ ]. What was that? Positive reinforcement. What was happening that one day where. you went, I feel really uncomfortable. right now. Uh, I don't know. It could have been any. other. No, but you were we were sitting. It was. with Mone. We were working on jokes or. bits for the thing and I was acting. crazy. Do you remember? Oh, I was not uncomfortable. I just. checked out mentally because you were. getting really bossy. Oh, you were being a meanie weenie.

In what way? I regret already saying. that. I'm sorry. [laughter]. Well, now you have to say it. If you're. going to go this far, you might as well. cross the bridge. You're on it. Well, cuz we were working, you and me. and Mone, we were working on all these. segments and we were putting like we. went to Goodwill. We put up put in an. hour. We're been an hour into. Bobby slides the door open in his. underwear, Hair Wild. And he's like, "Write me some bits. What do you got?". And he's [laughter] just like, and then. we read him one. He's like, "Not funny. I hate it. Another one. Another one.". And then I just [laughter] started doing.

or. that was very funny. He showed up his. underwear half off of his body. You're. you're you're naked. Your wieners out. the side of your underwear. No, it wasn't. It was insane. [laughter]. It wasn't showing. Cut it out. Yeah. And then you go out and you go and you. go, "YEAH, WHERE'S MY BITCH?". YEAH. Where's my [ __ ]. I did not do that. That's insane. Why are you so defensive about this? You. just. I did You think that I don't do that? You did do this. I I know I did that specific [laughter]. I did that specific day in that specific.

moment, but it's not a general thing. that I do. But that bothered you a lot. No, it was it was one day. Have you ever seen me do that before? No, that's why I started doing origami. cuz [snorts] I was like I'm not. But wait, did this bother you? I didn't. know that was bothering you. It did. It. did. No, cuz you said No, you looked I. never seen your face like that before. Yeah, I mentally checked out. [laughter]. No, you go I feel really uncomfortable. right now because I was yelling at you. Oh, I said. Well, M deserves to be yelled at. What was I yelling at you for? Well, he's still he's always doing some. dumb [ __ ] Probably when he ordered that. Bud Light and a Shirley Temple. This [laughter] guy,

I've never seen that. This guy ordered a Bud Light and a. Shirley Temple. Same dinner. Same dinner. Was that in Montana or something, right? Yeah. Yeah. Such a weird guy. Same time, too. It wasn't like one after. the other. It was both. lunatic. The lunatic. Uh, and real quick, I want to say a. couple more things before we go. Um, show your bracelet. You didn't even. mention the bracelet. I know. I wanted to bring this up. Go ahead and say it. Um, so Peter Shore, who owns the Comedy. Store, came to Portland. He lives in. Portland. Uh he saw our show with his. wife there and he gave me this bracelet. and it used to be Mitsy shorts. Pretty cool. And he gave us Mitsy.

scarves. We have two of Mitsy's old. scarves. H it feels so cool. And also I do want to give a shout out. This guy made us these custom shoes. Amazing. Yeah, those are so. he he re he takes he takes shoes and he. can reconfigure them to do and say. whatever like the you know the swooshes. backwards. are to bad friends colors, bad friends on the tongue and on the. inside. He also because of my Netflix. special cheeseburger, he put a little. cheeseburger where the Air Jordan is. Bobby and I both have a pair and we're. going to say thank you so much to this. guy. It's I want to say it right. It's. shoe generous.

Shoe generous. That's that's who did it. Nice guy. Korean dude. Korean dude. This guy was the [ __ ]. man. Custom [ __ ] We want to thank him. for that cuz that was huge. And we want. to thank all the fans for coming out. We. appreciate you guys. Check out us in Florida. We're coming to. Florida. Yeah. We're doing a whole run. We're. going to be down in Florida. Uh we're. doing St. Petersburg. We're doing. Hollywood. We're doing um uh wait, St. Petersburg, Jacksonville. Is that right? Yo, Orlando, St. Petersburg. Uh. Jacksonville, St. Petersburg, Hollywood, Florida, and Orlando. Then we come back. here. We do two shows in Riverside and. one in San Diego before we head back to.

the East Coast and do. Jersey, New York, Baltimore, Philly, and. Toronto. Wow. Guys, we cannot wait to see you guys. And so, you know what? Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo.