Skibidi, Slay, Purr | Ep 231 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad. friends so anyway um let's start with uh. start with love well let her start the. show go ahead Rudy start the show hello. everyone. K. hi yeah talk to the.

audience how are you guys I'm Jules or. Rudy or whatever you want to call me and. this is Tito Bobby this is Tito Andrew. and over there we have Carlos andrees. and M they know what the they know the. show Al so what we want go into some of. our biography so just where he was born. and family and all and then me too and. then okay we'll start with d and Tito.

Andrew is from Irish Ireland yes yes uh. he's he's he's thir 38 years old sure um. sure they moved to the US when he was 8. years old what city in Ireland yeah what. city where are my family from in Ireland. uh Chicago Chicago Ireland Chico is. that's right Chicago Island where the. bear is yeah where the bear is Bez yes.

the football team no she's talking about. my mom oh wait andrees congrats on espia. no boo I don't want to eat we're not. doing that we're not doing that yeah. let's go back to the. biography um Tito Andrew has a cute dog. he does um he has what's the name um. name is you got it name is Curly Toops. curly tops cly tops I love curly tops. curly tops is okay let's go over to Tito. Bobby okay Tito Tito Bobby is from North.

Korea yes that's true obviously and he. moved to the US when he was 10 years old. 11 oh 11 years old 11 years old with his. brother M and his AB say. it abusive father abusive father I like. the fist yeah that was nice yeah and. then he got famous over a video where he. got by a Down syndrome that's right.

that's right that's right you think. that's what I thinking isn't that funny. that is how he got famous well that's. what Tik Tok or Tik Tok Tik Tok that is. true they just called they should called. Tik Tok facts yeah yeah the fact Channel. or whatever tick yeah tick fax quick fax. on ticka how about um Carlos where is he. from o Mexico Mexico that's right what. city in Mexico do you. know um Mexico City Mexico City Mexico. yeah and I don't know how he's that.

white but yeah whitewashing you know. what Michael Jackson did at the end. that's what he's been doing he's been. bleaching his skin which is not okay uh. we can say it this podcast will come out. significantly afterwards but um. congratulations to to espa uh in the. Euro Cup one of the it was kind of it. pissed me off it really it pissed me off. so much piss me off British to win no. way I did because they since the 60s. yeah you guys always win everybody.

wanted England to win that game yeah. just Spain wanted win England to win. it's been 50 years and I'm going to say. this just terms of uh players I think. England has the best players right now. yeah obviously not and don't give us a. Spain flag emoji and we won Wimbledon. too that is true that's true that is. even more heartbreaking what's going on. over there what's up with these Spanish. players really showing up I think we. always there. no let me is something when you guys.

went to Africa and stole all those black. people um yeah and you putting them on. the ship no it was you guys you guys. invented that uh mhm am I not right 100%. yeah yeah you know why did you push them. in the middle of the ocean and you know. if they were a little sick or whatever. what was that for what was that all. about testing you're testing yeah oh. s oh so you thought you heard a. stereotype exactly right and you were. like maybe it's wrong well was there was.

there a control to your experiment you. had to have a control yeah can Spaniards. swim most of them yeah I don't know I. don't I've never seen a. Spanish don't forget the. Filipinos what whoa they went oh yeah. that's right Spain went to yeah what's. up with the colonizing dude yeah what. happened down there you know what's so. funny that should be that country's uh. slogan don't forget the Filipinos. Philippines don't forget what did you. see at sinpia last night uh mcon I saw. midsummer so great yeah have you ever.

seen a movie in the we talked about this. on the show have you ever seen a movie. in the cemetery in the. summer no oh my God it's the best I. bombed there once at a show and I you. did that live show there oh I said no. way and I I bombed so bad I was like I. can never come back to the cemetery you. died as hard as those that are around. wor I think yeah it's one of the coolest. venues that's it yeah it's one of these. pieces of La that people don't know. unless you're a local and it's beautiful. it's great and you gather around I. watched Kill Bill 1 and two last time I. was there you know what let's watch your.

movie there what's what's next well. let's see bring up the calendar oh there. you go there you go uh Empire Records. Brides made True Rance labomba the night. The Nightmare Before yeah there's six. left yeah I would do true go up a little. bit more no let's go see labomba dude. labom is great it's so good I had a. dream too. Richie that's the only line I remember. from that hey say. say let me hear you say. that have you heard of Rich Val you you. never heard that song.

before it's not like that it's don't. [ __ ] correct us if you correct the. host again I don't know I I can't you. stepped on his continue I can't five. times you talking [ __ ] when Bobby walked. in Oh I thought they were just going I. guess well look they're saying something. but who gives a [ __ ] yeah yeah. so and how awful does that. s say you know it what say it the way.

you know it I was just doing it no the. way you know it. oh. better better song it's more familiar. creating a right right what do you. think that's it that's a better version. yeah I want to buy that record yeah or. what about this classic. oh oh.

oh what [ __ ] song is that I don't. know what that is yeah that's a [ __ ]. Richie Val song Oh I go I do the O. really long it's way longer yeah yeah I. love. [Music]. oh it's such a great song It's a white. girl Donna and their love wasn't. permitted because of racial tensions and. that's what's gross about this country. man and we're changing one step at a. time yeah yeah yeah one step at a time. we're trying o Donna have you heard that. song no no she doesn't I.

I I had a girl Donna was her. name since she left me I've never been. the. same cuz I love you whatever you got it. yeah yeah but guess what you know how he. died how yes tragedy guess guess the. tragedy how he died like um you're. psychic we know you're going to get it. right the first time.

like like who's that rock star the Elvis. Presley that's right he died on a toilet. yeah yeah cuz he was too. constipated that that way same wait wait. you're saying that many many years. before Elvis died right so Elvis is a. hack he stole it he stole the death yeah. I'm want to die on a to I'm going to die. on a. toilet somebody give me a pain butt of. Sandwich wow I want to di on toilet. Richie Val died on a toilet it was a. tragedy because um it's awful not only.

did they they it took three huge acts. yeah it that's like radio head Billy. ish back then Taylor Swift and Taylor. Swift dying in on one plane crash I. imagine the tragedy crazy crazy um was. it the Big Bopper Big Bopper yeah and um. you got it the guy with the glasses you. got it um come on [ __ ] what's his name. the guy with the glasses give me the. first name no no give me the first.

initial b Benny huligan no Benny. hul what no uh B give me give me the. last uh initial Z that's it's not that I. don't think it's B either you [ __ ]. liar what is it the song is it's BH I. just the the song is like it's BH every. day. cler going down a roller coaster love. light that will take Buddy Holly there.

it is Buddy Holly I got it I got it. buddy H but still Big Bopper Richie Val. and Bud Buddy Holly died in one plane. and back then they were like huge Spirit. Airlines it was Spirit Airlines yeah. even back then it was even back it. wasn't good yeah yeah Allegient. maybe yeah crazy well speaking of dead. celebrities and thank God we didn't call. them out because sometimes we call. people dead on the show Richard Simmons. died and right after Shelly Duval died. like back Tob back no Shannon dhy died.

what today no not or last night or wait. are you [ __ ] kidding me bro yeah it's. just been a bad we got three though. yesterday right she's your age this week. I know 53 God this is awful dude what is. going on Richard Simmons I know how he. died cancer as well I guess we're all. going to get it and you just got to hope. it's a easy one or one that doesn't hurt. a lot I want the but hole kind you. you're working on it yeah yeah your diet. I know. yeah I met him once my dad had prostate.

cancer which is good because you beat it. if you find it quick oh really yeah yeah. he was a lovely man um skin cancer oh he. had skin cancer yeah well you he's he. has that skin you know he's played out. in the sun too much I think he played in. the sun is such a funny way to say that. what do you mean he's playing out in the. sun too like he's a nyear old doing all. that in the sun dancing in the sun yeah. yeah and it's not good for the skin it. can't be well it depends on who you are. yeah but he was what if you're white. yeah.

right you [ __ ] Filipino bastard okay. no she's right we're not we're not. supposed to be in the sun M we're. supposed to be inside and you're. supposed to be outside in the. fields I get it back out. there no but um what a bad day it was a. bad day it's awful darker skinned people. are less what did you just bring up are. less likely to experience sunburn no. [ __ ] sh Google can black people be in. the sun longer yes [ __ ] Carlos by the. way it is funny my when EP came over to. my house and we were outside and he was. like give uh give me some sunscreen and.

I was like come on you're black I need. it oh really that's like stealing oxygen. from somebody who's like who has like Co. you know what I mean like at taking. their tank at the hospital I need it. yeah you don't need any sunscreen can I. ask a I'm on the brink look at this. sensitive question yeah and I I want to. be able to approach it in a very you. know um non-racist. [Music]. way okay I want to be delicate here Yeah. dance dance lightly very lightly you.

know um I've been on a beach yeah you've. been on beaches I'm a beach guy no. you're not just for the story okay right. she's right you've been to a beach. Hawaii you go to the be I've been on a. lot of beaches and that that's the truth. I've been on beaches with you yeah but. you hate being I know but I'm still I I. didn't say I love being there I said. I've been on them that's what we share. in common I hate them I love you so much. dude I have zero why am I there I'll.

just go to the pool why am I why am I. there yeah I just don't like sand in any. of my cracks and it gets in all your. cracks and you have a lot of cracks I. have more cracks I have triple. craps I have triple cracks than most. humans that came outd you're cracked up. I'm cracked up anyway let's go sensitive. thanks for the humor there I appreciate. it but um I've been on the beach before. and I've seen you know African-Americans. you know. at the beach at the beach which is great.

no come on what are you saying you've. seen them at the beach yes but I've seen. them put the oil suntan you know suntan. lotion or sun or oil suntanning lotion. suntanning lotion yeah yeah right and. then they lay out you know and I'm. talking about like Del R Lindo black you. know I'm talking. about go ahead and finish it I've got to. try D I'm talking about Samuel Samuel. Jackson black right successful yeah no. yeah successful great God people.

spiritual no no like umbrella no. umbrella just out in the sun right and I. always think to myself and this is and. here's where the racism might be. construed as um what's the. point what you doing I always want to go. what you doing well what what what. catching some beautiful vitamin D oh is. that what it is that's just a little bit. of vitamin D okay that's all I wanted to. hear and thank you so much for cleaning. that up thank you just a little bit of. vitamin D I'll tell you though what's so.

funny nothing have you ever thought that. no never oh my God I'm the only one in. this room that has thought that look at. me yeah. yes are you being [ __ ] real right now. why would I I I've never thought it. though I I just literally just thought. of it now in your mind you go to the. beach and you see a black person at the. beach and you go get out of. here belong here that's you say go hey. you get out of here no I just want to go. up to then go and just go hi right and. they're like What's Up yeah yo what you.

doing that's all and then they're going. yo man I'm tanning I'll be like okay. have a nice day I mean that's all. tanning. complete yeah full tan yeah you're 33 33. years. ago or whatever you know what I mean but. you know first of all this comes from a. place of humor and jealousy okay because. I can't be out in the sun for more than. five [ __ ] seconds without it hurting. it hurts I'm in pain right now I think I. have a mini sunburn on the side of my.

neck and yeah you look red D I took out. the. trash can can I I take out the trash I. fried it's disgusting I I belong in a. basement in a windowless basement. programming in on the dark web can I ask. a theoretical question yeah what if. though okay I'm put you know I'm doing. my Bill Nye here dude I see it you see. my bill you are a sign yeah yeah what if. Blackness is infinite. well black people are infinite forever.

no the color black that it just gets you. can get black or black it gets at some. point it gets so black right it just. looks all black right but it gets. blacker you know I mean scientifically. and what are you saying I don't know I'm. just but I. I what I'm just it's a theoretical. question can we ask Neil degrass Tyson. yeah yeah yeah that's what is is black. oh vanta black absorbs 9.96 that's what.

they're trying to get vanta black is. what I'm saying maybe black people are. trying to get vanta black right in the. next Black Panther movie if vanta black. isn't a superhero that's a character. yeah yeah Fanta black yeah it's a. beautiful I mean look at dude that dude. look at that gorgeous yeah what's my. favorite color on Earth black is the. best black is the best color yeah it. looks the best on every look at that's. vanta black that's so black I've never. even heard of that yeah yeah you've. never heard of an black no zoom in zoom. in on that dude zoom in oh my God wait. wait zoom into the original theant black. that guy holding it it looks edited yeah.

it looks fake like edited black wait. zoom in a little bit you can hear it. listen hey [ __ ] all. right keep that in you got to keep that. in that's funny that's funny [ __ ]. teasing anyway Jes Christ I went to the. San Diego Su once uh oh this and I. learned that rhinos also get sunburn. Rhino oh they do yes they do and they. get into um mud mud to protect our skin. so I never thought that a rhino would. got how how does an animal born in the.

sun right not like how is that not. progress they can get sunburned they're. like one of the only ones that can whoa. what are the animals in the animal. kingdom that can get sunburn I think all. of them then no theoretically all of. them Lions can't there's so much fur. M just as clothing and shap protect. against a. pigs pigs get sunburned hippopotamus. Ward Hogs oh cute little sunburnt by the. way little sunburnt Pig oh my God so. cute how cute. little bacon in the air little gual huh.

yeah by the way I had um you had gual I. had gual the other night that's great oh. my God is it good it's so hard to eat a. pig cuz look at them look at how rad. they are but boy oh boy no yeah sunburn. is that a sunburned Pig yeah. oh my God that looks like glit I have I. have a question okay here we go this is. what the good part of the shop okay I. can't wait since since there's like a. derogatory. name for black people easy what about.

man is it Sunday today it's Sunday the. Lord's day yeah I'm just asking what. about for white people that's are that's. like really really bad I mean we haven't. come up with the best one but I'll give. you some of them we're still trying yeah. yeah cracker that's I'm just telling you. right it's tough cuz I love Ritz. crackers they're so good white devil is. that one yeah yeah white devil honky. honky. one um.

colonizer colonizer yeah um [ __ ] ass. [ __ ] ass we get [ __ ] ass don't we no. you get. bit well I'm just telling you that's. what. happens but if you're yeah he says it so. it's just there's no filter I mean he. says it like you would say french fries. yeah it's unbelievable there's a there's. a term I it's w i g g a. wigger wigger is that can you say that.

or that's a positive I think no well I. think that's a POS I think that's a. positive I put this in my first special. I used to kids used to call me a wigger. all the time when I was a kid I got made. fun of a lot because I wanted to wear. yeah I wanted to wear clothing that all. my black friends wore so I people made. fun of me a lot and said that okay yeah. blue it's my penis can I say that I. think so it's so Dynamic right now. because of blue thanks to it would be it. it would be a zombie oh exactly I put.

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what does soap. do yeah that doesn't have anything to do. with rice you set it up like it was. going. to wait what does soap do kill the. bacteria on your skin yeah you know I. was in the shower last night yeah using. soap lathering it but in my mind I'm. like what is it doing well look dude. there's parts of the world that don't. have access to soap and they get just as. clean by water on their skin yeah so. you're just washing off back dead skin. bacteria that can just build up but you. don't need it not really. I mean dude we use it for for we use it.

for germs you need it if you're touching. something that's bacterial you're. touching raw chicken you need to wash. your hands right because you don't. spread disease but in the Philippines. you guys use soap I mean for the do that. terrible that's a legitimate question we. have soap in build no that's not hold on. stop stop of course what are you talking. about no of course they do what are I've. been there I used soap there what what. do you do you guys have Irish Spring. what no it's called Mud but anyway. I know here look this up this actually.

is that a bad question I no it's leg I. think it's a legitimate question well. this is the Fe this is the this is a. forever never ending race this is a race. thing that I've talked to about many. black friends white people don't use. washcloths do you use washcloths. washcloth wow you don't use washcloth. either what what do you use I might be. one of the only whites I know that uses. a washcloth what is a washcloth though a. little tiny towel in the shower that you. use soap to get the reaches of your body. not just soap in your hand you use your. for your back and well I use uh uh this. is another joke white people don't wash.

their legs was your have do you ever. wash your legs no see white people don't. wash their legs wow yeah I use one of. those um loofs but the long ones what do. you call them a loofah but not not not. the spongy kind there's aof on the but. the long the long sheet kind mhm and I. put the soap on it that's a washcloth. and I do the that's not a washcloth what. is it cloth no are you washing with it. it's not cloth at all it's what do you. call that loofah sponge it's not even. even a sponge it's the blue it's like a.

it's like plastic it's like a plastic no. look it. up no what are you [ __ ] I'm trying I. don't know what what you call it hold on. washcloth blue thing no it's not that. it's Bob where the the fourth one the. fourth one that one the color ones. rainbow color. ones like a microfiber tow yeah I have. that I have that what it says washcloth. right on it you [ __ ] washcloth LOF a. towel it's all the same thing the [ __ ].

come on that's a washcloth it's a cloth. that there's no cloth in it what are you. saying it's a cloth is just a term for a. [ __ ] woven material yeah that shirt. is cloth it's like this is a metallic. chicken if it's a regular chicken it's. not a [ __ ] I mean what are you. talking about is it a metal chicken. yeah it's not a future Metal Chicken. dude it's like a [ __ ] chicken dude. you can't just use a [ __ ] word and. then and then have it not be that. [ __ ] element it's a washcloth there's.

no cloth in it dude it's a it is a it's. a it is a broad term for for something. in the shower used to wash other parts. of your body oh so it's not made out of. cloth [ __ ] doesn't have to be okay it's. a washcloth nylon it's nylon washcloth. that's what I. use that's what I use like two minutes. of the same but you know what I do. though what I just people want to know. my ritual okay I take two. soaps so I lay it down on the on my you. know I have a nice little shower I know. you do you know what I mean and I I I I.

do two so I do I get like a body wash. you know like an Axe really you're an. axe guy no a ghetto axe then I put a. high end in it and then mix the. moistures the smells little science. experiment science experiment you are. Bill NY I am dude I'm so Bill NY right. now B NY. and and I really get in there so do you. do that and I but the first thing I do. is my legs I do I always do legs yeah. yeah but that's also because I when I.

sweat and out my legs get sweaty I get. sweaty legs do you immediately shower. when you work after you work out yeah. man I cannot stand not I don't like. sweat on my skin okay I noticed in Soul. cycle and I noticed you go to Soul cycle. with the kalai oh wow I didn't know you. do that and I noticed mostly white girls. after after the workout they dry their. underwear in the that's disgusting the. it called the Dr yeah the air dryer.

thing what they dry out their panties in. a [ __ ] what do you mean what's it. called a hand handy the hand dryer yeah. I mean you know what it's called well. they might not have the word sorry my. bad in the Philippines you wash your. hands and you just go like. yeah okay okay so they wash their they. dry their panties in there that's so. [ __ ] gross go home and shower that's. what I noticed I these white girls man. these white girls are gross you know. what's hot what the other day I was in. my he's inside that hair.

dryer yeah right what the other day I. found some female underwear in my. bedroom I don't know who it's from but. it was kind of cool were you sniffing it. you did you little pig you sniffed it. didn't. you is that wrong I mean it's in your. house it's somebody that you had over so. obviously no it's not wrong I mean it's. not wrong then I did yeah if it's not. wrong I did I mean if it's someone that. you know I don't remember you can't do. it to some at some you never walk into.

somebody else's house and do it would. that be weird if I went to your house oh. my God and sniff my wife's underwear oh. my god look stop stop stop for a second. everyone you're getting angry and I just. stop stop what I'm saying is what's the. problem it's so gross I know but what's. the problem and you explain to me what. the problem is your little greasy face. in her underwear I know but what's the. what what harm is it doing I just said. it your greasy little face in her under. I'll wash her what if I grabbed your. wife's underwear sniffed it then wash it.

no and I said dude I will wash it after. I sniff it no problem get to wash it. okay good hand wash though and I went. and what if I went to the bathroom with. it oh no would that be weird yeah okay. okay yeah would that would that cause a. rift on our friendship yeah probably be. a little. bump okay my bad dude thought you. sniffing holy [ __ ] dude so insane now if. you sniffed mine fine yeah that's. doesn't bother doesn't bother yeah okay. don't sniff I won't sniff th sniff. what's what what are you confused about.

I don't know it's just crazy it's crazy. town it's crazy I will say I I notice. that when you go to certain people's. houses some people give you a towel a. hand towel and a washcloth on top we. always do that I provide when people. come three towels a body towel a hand. towel and a little washcloth what do you. when when people come when people come. on and stay at the house family friends. visitors this is a very Bill n again I I. don't think no take Bill one night out I. don't it's not a science thing okay but.

uh can I ask you a question. yeah and would I I don't know how okay. over the years I think I've lost. friendships over this I've had friends. from San Diego I just had sheam Mage a. comic from Las Vegas and they say dude. I'm going to be in La for a couple of. days can I stay at your house and I. always go nah never right I unless they. should know better you you would never. know but what I'm saying is you know if. it's a woman that I'm seeing you know I.

mean dating yeah oh yeah I'm totally. fine with that right but for some reason. like my bro my friend from San Diego guy. you know what I mean like I want to be. there for four days I always go no I. like I'd rather get you a hotel yeah but. is the I'll pay for your hotel are they. hanging out with you that's the problem. I don't know what they're up to but if. they're coming to see you clearly they. can stay at your house no so they're. coming to hang out with you but they. can't stay I well I don't want them to. come up to hang out with me then what. would what do we come up to hang out. with you hey Bob I want to come up from.

San Diego I don't do that and I want to. spend a couple days and that's the. difference between you and I that I have. real friends no that's not what I'm. saying that's literally what this is you. don't have towels is it a towel problem. is that a towel problem no do you not. have towels no I'm just I guess how do. you dry. off dude you standing out of the shower. just like shaking your body. dry like what do you mean when I dry off. do you have extra towels for GU. yes yeah he has a lot thank you so much.

for so why don't what are you going to. do with them if no one can use them I. use them okay so they're your towels. yeah I mean I use them like if I have 12. towels there's 12 days of towels you use. a towel every day oh yeah you change. towels every day do I not yeah that's. insane that's so how I do it every day. it's America wow exactly yeah it's a. great country okay because I don't know. I'm like I'm oddly clean Tito Bobby like. his bathroom smells so good. it should even if there's a lot of poo.

stains it smells good for some reason. God damn it there's no poo stains woman. yes there is no there isn't there sure. is right so um like I do hang out like. so I want to tell you last night I was. at The Comedy Store MH and finance is in. town yeah Ian we love we love Ian. finance and uh the the other day we ran. into um this guy and he goes there's a. Hollywood party Saturday night man you. know a lot of women going to be there. and he s him front of me inan Edwards I. me at finance and we were like I'm like.

oh okay and but Ian was like let's go. I'm. not so Saturday night he's at the store. and I actually went you went to the. Hollywood party yeah it was upill famous. there we couldn't even get in what why. so I park my car right 5 miles up a hill. we have to walk yeah it's 12:30 at night. we go and we go and then we over hear. somebody in the car goes yeah you need a. yellow bracelet. well I know not human you're like I'm.

wearing it yeah yeah not a human yeah. you know what I mean okay like a Liv. strong like for I don't know what it no. it's not like. a yeah yeah like a Lance Armstrong no no. no no no no it's so um and we were. outside this [ __ ] gate for an hour. not one person saw you and didn't go. that's Bobby Lee let him in no and then. the guy that invited you shows up shows. up the guy invited us shows up and he go. goes oh don't worry about I we'll get. you know what I mean and he keeps.

texting the guy and then all of a sudden. helicopters appear cops yeah and then. all of a sudden ambulances and cops and. and they're all now there oh [ __ ] going. in and my instinct is like leave I guess. it's over yeah I'm gone no we're get in. the cops are there I. know I know it's not a great story no. but did you you went did you guys try. did they try to get in still no I made. you go we left you guys it's not a great.

story no it's a good story I'll tell you. why I'll tell that story though because. I've never done that. before never I've never been to a. Hollywood Hills party before and not. gotten in no I've gone to Tim Dylan's. house that's that's in the Hollywood. Hill I understand that but it's a little. different why because it's not like you. know what I'm talking about holwood you. know where it's like Clubby but time out. I think you're missing the I think. you're missing what's right in front of. you we're doing the robotic chicken the. metallic chicken thing again with the. cloth is that what we're doing or what.

Tim doesn't have any washcloths at his h. no no dude uh Tim is famous he has very. famous people there it is a Hollywood. Hills party I'll tell you why I I don't. think it is and and you're right you're. absolutely right so what is it Andrew. Santino is absolutely right thanks okay. but I'll tell you why why I don't think. that why it's because they're all people. I. know because you're famous no I'm not. no what I'm saying is I'm famous in a. certain way so it's like if I show up at.

a house and I see Whitney comings I'm. not I'm not like oh my God no I know but. to the outside I understand that what. I'm saying what I'm saying is I want to. go to a party where it's like oh my God. decaprio yeah that right you never will. go yeah I know well get over it okay. they don't want us there I know what. would we do you've been there to where. those parties no I haven't dude you're. going to make me so mad right now dude. I've been to you've been I've been to a. couple of like uh no you've been to Golf.

Resorts in Washington or whatever yeah. with super big guys yeah but those but. that's a party only people I know. Gladiators party yeah the Gladiator part. Gladiator that was Hollywood party still. very highend it was weird yeah no see. that's what I'm saying I've never been. there I say I have yeah you have let's. move. on yeah you 100% have let's move on can. I ask you a question. is a real question and I you know I've.

thought to myself with you I want to be. more you know open with you and honest. okay. okay when I got when I got off the stage. the other night when we did a show. together you and your wife were standing. there in that little opening yeah and. you guys looked at me with shame is that. what the look. was yeah no what the [ __ ] are you. talking about did I look upset you guys.

both looked at me like you were upset. with me I well I'll tell you why I was. in why I was a little. upset I wanted selfishly I wanted to go. up after you I didn't want because you. brought up another comic and then they. brought me up which is fine but I I like. going after you or vice versa I just. like that so I was a little bummed that. I had to wait because I prefer to F I. think it's a nice Synergy so I wasn't. upset at you but I do love when we're. paired it feels good it's funny the.

rhythm is really good it's funny what. one mind does we assume all these things. that aren't true yeah it's not true yeah. but you but but but you I was just. bummed because I saw you were having. great a great time and I thought [ __ ] I. would love to go up there right after. you and have fun cuz I saw you guys do. this I think your wife was doing this. like this yeah she's well she was airing. it out she's got to air it out sometimes. and she was like you guys were like yeah. yeah cuz we were because we knew we had. to wait for and I go bye remember yeah. and I had to wait for another comic and.

I was like I'd rather go right after B. that's what it was that's that's almost. always what it is it's it's self that's. selfish but I me can we talk about. though um if you ever had any grievances. with me that you would say it or no. would you hold it into your soul no I. would tell you okay I would tell you. because I love you but I don't you're. hard to grieve now some people in the. studio easier to to to grieve yeah yeah. I got some vinces with some of these. people ining M well get it up because I. knew you were going on a rant earlier.

mcon has made his way into my Social. Circle yeah he's found a way to. infiltrate uh by the way and and and I. can't stop doing favors for him he's. getting free furniture for his new. apartment go I think you're doing him a. disservice I know I know I'm being real. I I know I'm sorry okay no it's true. because what I realized over the years. is it's in the struggle where we find it. and he doesn't get to struggle he's not. struggling you're not struggling not. anymore well so do you you never did.

you're you're you're 2 what 4 25 oh. excuse me Gary Oldman I mean like. what you've been in the business for a. long time excuse me what 25 wow wow I we. struggled for at least a decade yeah a. long time do you think we should. decrease his pay no I'm just saying when. I look at you with him I'm like God he's. giving him so much love I know I don't. know I I'm having a time with and now. and then it makes me be the guy cuz I.

want him to grow yeah to be the dick. right I'm like in a position where I. have to be the dick I'm being real. that's what I realized you know and then. you you look at me with resentment and. anger because I'm doing the I'm doing. more love I'm giving you more love tough. love Tough Love Good Love The Good Love. Good Love that's the real love the real. love I give you fake love he gives you. fake love yeah I'm a phony baloney. you're not you love him I do it's a. father son kind of connection but I'm. just saying that it does him a.

disservice uh speaking of uh real love. we were talking about you at dinner the. other night me and Spade and swartson um. why why aren't I ever invited those you. were and you said no that's right all. right yeah go ahead so annoying uh but. Spade Spade uh was choking about. schwarzen the way he orders and he. orders exactly like you order who does. schwartzon so does Spade he did a little. bit but but he was well we made him we. told him he was paying for the the meal. oh so he immediately was like okay slow.

down and Nick was like we'll get three. more orders of the Toro Sushi with the. caviar on top you went to noou we went. to another sushi place on another sushi. place we went to the other one I know. that the other one and he goes can we. get the Toro with the caviar on top and. Spade was like come on and sports goes. six pieces and the guy's like oh okay. well you have six coming he goes keep it. coming and Spade was like all right. that's enough Alo tell some about Spade. when you're eating with him he sits like.

like a 12-year-old rich kid. like yeah like he grew up in Aspen yeah. this is a [ __ ] seat and he's just. like eating like this you know what I. mean and just it is really cute [ __ ]. crazy it's so cute though it's so cute. but you see everyone looks cuz he looks. like a cutie and he stands up to talk to. you he stands up he lets you know yeah. he does in the middle of the meal he. wants to talk to you yeah and then. here's another thing I hate about it we. love I know I love him I'm just saying. so I go every time. you go to the host and you have to go.

I'm here for with David Spade and they. look at you and they go. really and I. go yeah how do how do you know that how. do I know that he's here they. go. okay and then they walk me and I'm like. are you his driver yeah I mean that's. what it feel yeah that's what it feels. like yeah they have to the hostess of a. restaurant eyes me up and down you're. huh yeah you're was spit huh H in what.

capacity right and then I feel like I. have to explain myself but I you know. usually they do it yeah and he's so not. he's great got great he a sweetheart. anyway he's a little sweet prin which is. there a there can I just say a cool. thing that happened yeah it was one of. those things where I want to do for. somebody else one day go ahead right I. was with a date okay and we were in in. on the west side we're walking and we. walk by this nice restaurant this is. during the day and I see this older nice.

lady eating a meal and then and Adam. Sandler's there with her oh and Sandler. looks at me and he calls me over that's. hot it's the best Isn't that cool to. look like he go Lee what's up get yeah. yeah I go and he and S goes dude he. looks at my dad and goes this guy what a. funny guy what a great guy right and he. does one of these Taps and do like hey. man it's good to see you you know what I. mean yeah and I go I'll see you soon. I'll see you soon but it was just like. one of those gestures where I'm like.

very good I I like you know I mean it. was like you know it makes you look. really cool like I want to do that for. somebody else you do do that for people. you say hi to people and it makes people. feel good Mone no I want to like help a. guy get. laid oh that would be tougher for you. well I don't well what I'm saying is why. why you know what I mean is you don't. have that. transferable that's what I'm saying. well I don't think no no well you're not.

can't no what I said before was I would. like to do that with someone and then. you're like yeah you can and then now. I'm explaining it to you now you're like. oh yeah you can well not get laid you're. not going to help someone get laid no. you you so you don't think that you. think a woman is going to walk up with a. guy no no that's and then you see the. guy and you go hey buddy and then you. say to the girl this guy is the man she. doesn't care what you say that's what I. said before but then you then you put. build me back up and now you shut me. back down I'm so sorry but it's not. going to happen I I know but don't don't. build me back up then I'm sorry I was. already falling I'm sorry butter cup I.

apologize could you do it no but could. we don't have that power are you are you. [ __ ] mind we don't have that. power we don't have the power yeah yeah. ditto Andrew has the power thank. you I love you Beau thing I do you have. Tito Andrew has this kind of power you. have this. kind I think so I think so too love you. Rudy I think so too okay can I tell you. what I did a nice thing did I talk about. this on the I think go ahead a police. officer held the door for me to get I.

was going into Jersey mics and he held. the door very politely for me and my. lady and then I said you know I'm going. to buy his. sandwich and and then so I got to the. front and then I turned around and I. said are you going to get chips in a. drink and he goes no why I said because. you know I'll get the sandwich but I. don't want to get the meal deal do you. know what I mean I'm not going to pay. for the whole [ __ ] you know what I. mean just a sandwich I'm kidding no but. I said do you want I said are you g to. get chips and a drink he said no just a. sandwich I said well whatever he gets it.

put it on there and I paid for it and he. looked at me so earnestly and he shook. my hand and he said thank you so much I. just very nice very nice of you and I. said well thank you for um you know. because honestly how many people say. anything nice to a cop during the course. of the day I'm I'm being serious I'm. scared of cops well okay no you should. be I had to go to a police station well. you're [ __ ] illegal dude why are you. wait why are you scared of cop you had. to go to the police station I'm just. scared of them in general but I had to. go to the police station to report my. missing passport and did they help you.

yeah but I was crying before I was going. before I went cuz I was so scared of. them have you had bad interactions with. them when you were a kid no so why are. you scared just like the idea that. they're kind of superior right right you. when you cry oh my God your eyes bulge. out yeah it's ugly cry no no like a. cartoon. [Laughter]. like yeah yeah yeah it's like crazy but. were the cops nice to you they were. really nice so they're so then stop.

being so scared yeah after that I. stopped being scared you changed your. mind yeah I'm imploring all of our fans. to buy a cop of sandwich or something if. you see you know what you're also good. at I say hi you another thing that you. do is and I do it too you always say. thank you for your service to military. people you should I do it too cuz I'm. not I don't have the balls to do that so. [ __ ] we should all say something. although when we were coming back from. somewhere no no this made me laugh I. don't know where we were traveling from. but you know when they call the air.

airport lines and then they say uh uh. families military do you know what I'm. talking about of course I. do of course I do there's a guy that. walks up and Bobby's like that guy's not. in the. military I was like yes he he probably. already served he's like no he's not a. military. guy like you knew that he wasn't in the. military I don't think he was you think. he was you think he was stolen valor. just to get on the plane when you see a. guy that looks like Ralphie May right.

and going yeah I'm I'm in the Marines. I'm like that's not the guy what is he. explosive guy I what does he do well he. lays on the. bomb he's the IED guy yeah all all. good how about you mean you can tell. sometimes sometimes he looked a little. bit like he might have well but but look. he might have worked in the computer he. might have just been a maybe but I'm. just saying that guy shouldn't go he. when I say military you have to be.

either on a boat in a war so you're. saying you know jumping over one of. those large [ __ ] you know you're. doing a uh doing a with a net with the. net a tough mutter you yeah you you the. wired fans and they're underneath. crawling you have to be doing that. you're saying you have to. be yeah that you have to be in shape. military to get on the plane first. that's what you're saying no he's he's. just got to be like in military he's got. to be like a guy that were like yeah. John war war yeah not you know what I.

mean get in the office and do whatever. right yeah right yeah yeah I can't do it. I get it yeah and then it's also this. it's like um what I just can I say. another thing yeah it's when they go all. right people that need help to get on. the thing on the plane I get it what a. headache right you mean people that are. like disabled and my heart's out to you. okay but there are some and I've tried. to call them out oh right where it's. like they get whe. up right I know no no stop right they.

get right they get wheeled up right and. then and then all of a sudden they're. [ __ ] Carl. Lewis they get up and they start running. to their [ __ ] SE it's like what is. that that's deception and lies right I. don't like that and I I and I I and we. should call that out don't you think we. should call that out no yes that's. insane it's not that you oh you couldn't. get from there to there but you can run. the rest I don't get it what what also.

you're right what drives me nuts is when. they say people that need help get on. the plane and it's like one person. disabled and nine family members that. get on with them I hate that and they're. like we're all helping you're not all. helping that's crazy I hate that that is. crazy here okay so one time Gabriel. glacius right this is before us I love. him I love him too yeah this is before. us which means you know I mean I wasn't. where I was yeah so I was you know I. would do you.

know coach Coach Guy oh what do you mean. what did you say oh coach oh right right. a flight coach right I was in Canada. playing yuck yucks. mhm I know I was at the airport and I. was like group nine or I like the the. last group you you're in the cargo yeah. to the point where I had to like I there. was no more overhead compartment space. so I had to wheel up my thing go can you. check this right like one of those guys. right I'm sitting there and I see Gabe.

with his Entourage okay In First Class. no they weren't just In First Class Gabe. walks up to me goes what's up dude and. we hug all that yeah I go you same fly I. go yeah same fly and he goes yeah we get. on before. everyone like they get on before even. you know what I. mean you know I mean all those guys. right yeah yeah they get on before right. and I go for a split second I was like I. don't like because if I saw this and I.

was outside the you know I mean the. circumstance it had nothing to do with. me I wouldn't like it if I saw it you'd. be pissed I would be pissed right but I. did go on you went with them I mean I'm. not going to say no but then what when. they go to first class then you just. kept going back to the back the very. back in the middle seat in the back yeah. yeah and then I couldn't even go but I. got first I overhead but it's underneath. now I already I already checked it yeah. anyway I know what you're saying though. it is uh I don't like it what what is. this the what is that you're showing us. the private celebrity friendly terminal.

yeah at LAX there's I moved on. that whoa is that new no have you done. that it's new right there have you done. that I don't know be honest have you. done wait St St yeah look look at me. right. now stop stop and cuz we were talked. earlier we're upfront and honest with. each other yeah yeah yeah have you done. that I don't. know have you done it have I don't know. yeah you you have I don't think so yeah. when you looked at it you're like oh I.

know what that is what does it look like. know what's that like it's so. cool it's so cool who's there they it's. really cool I'm not a member I was. brought by a friend right and if a. friend has a pass you can bring people. and what you do is you park your car. there and then you see where all the. planes are across right um you get to. sit you can have breakfast drinks lunch. whatever and then they drive you in an. SUV to the plane and then you get on.

from the outside stairs that go up to. the plane okay so what do I need to do. to get there it's it's pretty expensive. I think it's I don't know how much M it. well it says it runs. $3,500 and then you pay a monthly fee. and then other stuff what do you mean. $3,500 a month $3,500 is to get in one. time no no no that's to to have the. membership and then you pay monthly fees. and what is the monthly fee I don't know. I don't I don't I don't do it I've just. I was a guest but I will say it's. [ __ ] unbelievable it is okay so I I.

so what can you zoom in cuz I can't read. that far all right so all access annual. fee 4,800 so $5,000 and then $750 per. person you bring with you a a time one. time every time every time every time I. see and then the private Suite rate for. four Travelers is that 3500 and then. they valet your car and then and then. yeah per person now let me think is that. worth it I don't think I think so it's. so fancy why do you need it I mean look.

it was very it was very cool it was very. nice you know to to be a part of it but. also I just don't know I don't know yeah. I don't really we're of the people you. know who does that and I can just guess. Burt and Tom 100% well they take private. jets those guys are private jet guys. yeah I think Theo does that now probably. they're more famous yeah you and I won't. do it well they're more famous no let's. do Southwest for Life I'll do Southwest. I don't give a [ __ ] I Fly Southwest I'm. going to Vegas in two weeks I'm flying. Southwest I don't give [ __ ] why do I I. love South I wouldn't say I love it you.

know that I don't right yeah you you. didn't I thought you were going to jump. on me for that no but I'll fly it I. don't I just don't give a [ __ ] to me too. do you know what's like slay [ __ ] purr. I know Slay Slay Slay [ __ ] purr mhm. slay is a term in the gay community that. means like go off yeah but [ __ ] purr I. don't know yes [ __ ] purr it's the same. thing but my friends like the girls they. say it you make the [ __ ] purr you. better believe it not actual [ __ ] yeah. yeah yeah but like you say oh slay [ __ ].

purr purr slave purr uh appropriating. Gay Culture very good stealing from the. gays give me another one that's what. you're doing another one slay Queen it's. a new one I don't I don't really use it. but skibidi skid skid SK we started that. our generation skibidi is a word that. means nothing oh it's no it says it's. bad like it's bad well let me tell you. the the Today's Show says what cool dumb.

bad uses a filler word so how would you. say it in a sentence I don't know it's. the younger generation I know if it's. nothing it's like um ski how was the. party last me what how was the party. last night the it was all skibby dog no. that's not that can't be it that's it. you sound like you sound like an old guy. going hey young kid no I'm not no no no. no no yeah that sounds weird skibby. toilet what skibby toilet I don't know. what's skibbidy toilet see even you. don't know yeah stealing is Phantom tax.

stealing is Phantom tax tax phantom. phantom phantom or phantom phantom. phantom it's got to be phantom phantom. tax is known as Phantom income or dry. income is like a tax what are you. talking about taxes it's that's what. they're saying I know what I know I know. what Phantom tax is it's residuals for. in our world yeah Phantom right residual. like you know sometimes like for. instance Phantom tax an internet. slanging term describing the theft of. food f a n u m Phantom tax it's the. theft of food between friends man the.

future is [ __ ] it's [ __ ] what are we. talking about Phantom taag stealing food. from your friends so you so if you I. have french fries go steal it here I'm. going to charge you a phantom tax is. that what uh skibby. no I don't [ __ ] I don't know I don't. know when we were young though yeah do. you remember I don't know if this was. like this for you but like at lunch yeah. I never okay my parents never my parents. worked I my mom never made lunch so I I.

had to buy lunch at school school. lunches and all the time I didn't want. to spend money so I would steal or I. just ask friends for their side [ __ ] or. their leftovers did you do that no oh. yeah you were rich I wasn't Rich I just. wouldn't do I'd rather starve I would. just be like can I have that no can I. have your Apple that's insane yeah. people would go yeah I don't want it. yeah and but that you would rely on it. so some sometimes you probably got a. bunch of nose and then you didn't eat. some days yeah yeah so you your mom.

didn't no I'm kidding your mom didn't. pack you a lunch no no no she never did. but here's what she would do she'd leave. me $2 on the on the planning desk on the. desk by the door she goes there's two or. three doll there and then what I would. do is if I'm being real I'm not joking. around now all jok aside I wanted the. money so I would save the $2 a day and. just steal other people so I had so I. had so then by the end of the week I'd. have five I'd have 10 to 15 bucks look. up Korean school lunch what they they're. so good the you ever seen the photos of. these Korean school no what do they give.

them what does that say grilled. Australian Shepherd dude that's at. school dude. wow that's insane it's it's insane like. that's an American school lunch on the. left yeah yeah dude that by the way zoom. in the the dude I am having flashback. nightmares in the top left the [ __ ]. peas and carrots cut up they're hard as. a rock they're not even cooked is so. [ __ ] gross if they fed that that [ __ ]. was so gross it was so whack the Patty. in the hamburger I I found an ice cube.

in one in high school there was a. full-blown Ice Cube in there by the way. that that uh that carton of milk uh. never never was cold it was left out on. a shelf oh there there's different. states now well Oregon yeah of course. Oregon's better yeah way better yeah. yeah well it's all CH wait what has the. what state has the worst school food oh. let's guess what state has the worst. lunch food high school or element what. high school lunch food okay let me get. let me try to guess um State um. Mississippi I don't know um. Mississippi Louisiana [ __ ] we're right.

next door has the worst in the country. based on several F how many fruits and. vegetables and the state is followed by. Idaho and the most popular lunch is. pizza cheeseburger pizza cheeseburger. that's good I. bet yeah pizza cheeseburger does sound. [ __ ] good pretty good yeah wow that's. oh by the way I went when I was up in. San Francisco at uh when I went to go. golf at this place they they do a famous. they do a famous thing called um a. burger dog look up Olympic Club burger.

dog this was dude I got here my buddy. took me as I was a guest this I could. eat [ __ ] a thousand of these oh my. God they look so good dude I'm not even. kidding you have one of these [ __ ]. things and you're like I don't even feel. like playing golf I could just eat this. all [ __ ] day I could eat a hundred of. them they're so [ __ ] good and I don't. know why no one else does that looks so. good it's it's like a Philly cheese. steak almost a little no kind of yeah. kind kind of yeah I think we should wrap. up by talking about the David changen. thing that we did no oh yeah yeah yeah.

yeah want the picture what no we don't. have the picture I mean we were there. dude yeah I know what they look like I. lived it you know [ __ ] God is he. bringing it to us oh no don't please. don't bring it um did you see us do. David Chang's dinner time who's David. Chang you know you don't support us we. we we're trying to get you a visa to. stay in this country you don't support. us you don't love us you say you love us. you don't clean his house when you're. supposed to you know I don't I don't.

know who's David Chang you really hurt. my feelings oh famous chef oh a very. famous chef so he has a Netflix show. where that he cooks stuff for his. friends we were on it live so Andrew and. I did it so good it was very good and I. have to say go watch it on N he make oh. my God it started he started off with. wagu sliders little in little Hawaiian. rolls yeah wagu sliders you ate all of. it I didn't I couldn't stop wow I. couldn't stop I dude I it's so good and. then he made us um uh uh like lightly.

fried scallops and lightly fried um crab. crab crab so good then we had um Ramen. with more wagu in it with um t with. spicy tofu yeah with um the burnt rice. burnt crispy Rice Crispy rice I mean. yeah then he made us dude so they then. he made a creme fresh um cheesecake. cheesec cake with with caviar yeah and. the uh breading was um Ritz cracker.

crackers right and then bunch of caviar. and I'm telling you right now dude that. was the best thing I've ever eaten in my. life it was so soft was is you know if. you you know what do you think a cloud. tastes like if you could bite a cloud it. tastes like I ate a little Slice of. Heaven in my mouth and by the way Jesus. [ __ ] Jesus [ __ ] yeah yeah and he never. made it before the first he never made. it before he improvised it he's a he's. an he's a culinary genius and he's a. really dude and we did it people should. watch it on Netflix and you should have. watched it by the way yeah that is he.

better than your other Chef friend T. care who was the other Chef friend the. one on the. bear the mat mat mat yes they make two. different kinds of it's not competition. okay there are two different styles I. think during that thing though you know. I I think I over I think I overdid it up. front because you you gave me a look. what are you talking about when we did. the live yeah for some reason because. it's live I'm like I got to stand end up. and do things yeah you you put on a show. I tried to put on a show you're a. showman I know but then you were sitting.

there you were looking cuz you were so. calm in the pocket and I looked at your. eyes and I just through your eyes you. were like you're doing too much well. here's the funniest part Bobby forgets. we're miked up so he turns to me at one. point he goes do you think I'm doing too. much am I doing way too much and I go no. but they can also hear you and he goes. right I don't know if it made the cut I. hope it did I don't know if they cut it. out but it's so funny because I was like. dude we're my top everything that we're. [ __ ] you're right I think you're. right I think you're right you weren. tooo much here's the deal you're I'm. going to I'm going to end the show like.

this you're a showman you're a scholar. you can and will help someone get laid. one day and you will crush tonight in. front of Michael Bay he'll be begging to. put you in his next film because that's. the future that lays in front of you you. too is a great band and don't forget the. 2026. special on on. Hulu Spain won. today all that's that's all you get. barely two okay and take what you get. and by the way before you come here yeah. I don't know if you need to stretch or. something but something's not working up.

there all right Rudy say goodbye to. everybody thank you for being a bad. [Music]. friend who. sings You Don't Know sting no oh sting. is a singer was in the of the band the. police and he was also a solo artist you. don't know this guy sting you've never. seen sting before no okay this is a fun. game sing a song what sing a song the. most famous song you would know I know.

this one I'll get one go ahead Rock s. she doesn't know that okay she know she. you know what song she knows if she's. going to know anything what about about. stalking come on dude the whole song is. about stalking what song am I thinking. of gonna stalk it tonight gonna stalk. you stalk you st you I'm stinging no. what is it seriously Every Breath You. Take oh yeah that's a great one Every. Breath You that's I told you she would. know you don't why you yeah okay you do.

know she likes stocky stuff she's a. stalker um have you ever sto everything. she does is Magic right is how do you. say everything she every little every. that's right every little thing she does. is Magic wait a minute you stocked who. have you stocked um like. crushes bom oh wow you stalked the she's. a stalk or she's admitting you stock the. X what yeah I have a specific account. for stalking people ooh. what do you do do you do anything shady. don't I I wouldn't say this out loud I.

don't think but they don't know the. account yeah they don't know the account. that's true yeah a little stocky account. cuz you look at your ex's what they're. doing yeah if they got fat if they got. uglier did they just pathetic did they. get fat and ugly and pathetic you're. catfishing kind of do you ever talk to. people through the stocky account what. catfishing is no that's cat it's. catfishing if she spoke to people. through it okay. [Music].

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