Shoot The TV | Ep 3 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee
so get your tickets to see Bobby Lee. live at Bobby Lee live.com don't say but. say you it's you do it do it - I'll get. your tickets to see me go ahead at Bobby. Lee live.com and my dates are coming up. what are they Bob don't tell me what to. do but I'll tell you what they are. Denver Comedy Works you 12 to the 14. you're never are you downtown. yeah Larimer Square is the best I've. been there but how many shows you doing. just 506 yeah they could they wanted to. do 7 but I said no they want to do 13. for me but I said it's an unlucky number.
listen I'm gonna do Houston Texas the. Houston improv March 27th to 29th Dallas. Texas at the Addison improv April 3rd. through the 5th and I'm gonna be at San. Diego California at the American comedy. club at America. April 30th to May 2nd all right what's. yours friend come see me on the red. rocket tour go to Andrew Santino calm. for tickets I'm in Philly March 6th and. 7th at the punchline in Chicago march. 13th at Thalia Hall then I'm at Mohegan. Sun March 19th and 21 and then I'm in.
Cincinnati March 27th and then I'm in. Cleveland March 28th oh and then and. then on the 29th I'll be in Houston for. skank fest you're gonna be in Houston. and the same time you have to come over. and say hi oh yeah I'm a gonna really be. in seriously really you're gonna be. Houston the same time you come say hi. I'll have dinner on her face yeah. come see us. [Music].
[Music]. are dangerous recording I can't help. that all crazy.
joon-ho ladies and gentlemen Barbie okay. all right I can't help it. do it I start guys you don't do it all. right you wanna funk don't with a muck. around don't point it it would stop. doing Bonjour all right okay stop it. I can't help it the Koreans are. big-headed huge. yeah very melon sighs how do you have.
like in the Lauren just 1940 I have to. get like it it tailored to my head yeah. if I go to like lids. you don't go to lids yeah they had to. get that trashcan and they put the trash. can on my head yeah and then they've. just build the [ __ ] you know the. opening of a trash can like if you got a. bowl cut they would have to use like a. [ __ ] one of those huge salad bowls to. cut your head yeah but there's only two. styles back then for Koreans what was it. bull cut and just a [ __ ] monk it out.
shave it down. she don't know yeah what do you know. about this is real I run in the. neighborhood I'll tell you what's going. on with me yeah my neck really hurts by. the way I have a sore throat may have. the coronal but I'll tell you what. happened to me. growin up a race quote on all what. happened I had a rough two weeks guys. yeah all congratulations on curbed by. the way that you're really good on it. you didn't see it mmm-hmm it didn't even. come out yet I mean it came out but you.
didn't see it you're good on it you. didn't see it as you did you liked it. yeah really go what was really what was. my favorite was your favorite line of. mine. I don't memorize lines even I've seen a. good few men. a few good men yeah and a good few. million and then a different and then. you know you know how they quote that. movie I don't know any of the quotes but. I've seen the movie like a thousand. times give me any movie quote that you. remember them yeah.
are you looking at me is that what. you're looking at what is that what. movie could that be taxi driver I'm. walking here I'm walking here here's. Pierce yeah yeah midnight and then uh I. got it so many quotes actually but you. saw you saw my curb episode and you. thought it was really good you're really. good in it okay I thank you for that.
yeah tell everyone where we were for the. separation that we were in apart we were. apart for a while where'd you go so I. went to Hawaii and ah yeah yeah and I. had a real arm traumatic experience. there to be honest with you to be real. then say yeah well um I show up to a. some doing magnum p.i mm-hmm and the. director is Robocop the guy who was in. the [ __ ] Kabul cop the real Robocop. he was the director yeah what's that. guy's name Peter Weller Wow Peter Weller.
Robocop so I come up to him in the early. in morning I didn't know he was. directing I thought he was guest. starring so I see him in the morning and. I go oh my god I'm a big fan of yours. I'm a big fan of yours too as well is. what he said yeah that sounds nice I got. five in the morning there he is Peter. Weller right that was him so then I show. up on set and he comes up to me and I. haven't we haven't shot anything yet and. he goes don't [ __ ] this up joking around.
I don't know obviously joking around. yeah well I don't to me it didn't sound. and then he walked away anyone eat eat. eat what the [ __ ] he is I mean yeah and. then he goes on this is how he gives. notes what are you doing more energy. he doesn't like Robocop yeah and he got. each each right and then he goes. I'll be more energy no yeah yeah yeah.
Bob yeah but yeah angry but then by the. last day of shooting I had this one line. I just could not comprehend I can't even. say the line now what do you mean it was. a line in the script I couldn't say in. terms of what it was just hard to say. yeah what what do you love a bunch of. things I had to say and I just could. couldn't remember what it was and then. uhm all night long is that you would.
just make fun of me it'd just be like. this kid right here can't even memorize. one line shut up yeah in front of every. oh yeah yeah and this is after you've. wrapped this is during the last day you. know this is the last day on set in. front of people was I yeah I mean people. you know he's he is you know he's. obviously joking around. yeah buddy but to me it's just not fun. it just puts a lot of like um added. because I'm not even getting that much. money for it and I'm doing it because I. love the leads in it and stuff it's fun.
to do you know but but he but he's a. guest director he's not every episode no. every week yeah he's so much so all me. every week is somebody different but um. so then that happened and then I flew my. mom to UM Maui and Stevie right my. brother Steve yeah yeah and then. yesterday yeah what it came down it I. made her cry why my mom my mom cried in. that my bedroom I know why did you make. her cry. BTS back you back stream no no because a.
BTS man no bts's uh behind the it's a. pute the biggest pop group on earth oh. oh there go there k-pop stars yeah I. know who they are yeah yeah I know yes. 8ft. ATF those are the ones that kill the. people in uh Waco. wait BTS this is them yeah the biggest. boy band in the world the biggest kpop. band and literally in the world they are.
all so [ __ ] hot. yeah look at how the that's it these all. boys yeah it's a girl yeah that's a hot. boy yeah I would [ __ ] every one of them. in their butt holes can I tell you the. one that I. this one I don't like his look there's. no that was the one yeah that was the. one that like barely got any more. audition fifty times we need somebody. [Music]. and they're like we don't hit dancing. nothing yeah boy he'll just be in the.
background oh he's in the back okay yeah. they don't even tell them what the. cameras yeah he's looking this way. he just you know he finds out from the. other guys when the photo shoots are. yeah they don't call them directly now. here's a good text yeah taco taco taco. taco and I got those yeah yeah Wingull. his name is Wingo yeah we have a photo. shoot right now right and he has to run. they don't even what they won't even. pick him up he has to run with his. little yellow legs yeah yeah oh look.
look it might be blind that's rude but. my friend doesn't I know um so what are. their names by the way can you name one. of them I have no idea let's go through. their names yeah yeah let's let's learn. who they are yeah well let me kind of. tell you the story first and I wanna. know who they are you know what that BTS. stands for Korean expression bong pan Co.
Nadine how do you say this bangtan Co. naday bang bang bang tan Cho Nadine it. literally means bulletproof Boy Scouts. yeah that's what they are shoot one. [ __ ] [ __ ] do that shoot George if. you're gonna shoot somebody shoot George. all right I will Virginia Tech this. place up brought this how about this. let's say you're gonna give Georgia rays. yeah if you can shoot him everything I. was a bad joke by the way that was so.
dark yeah that was very black I skipped. right over it. look George gonna get a raise if he can. shoot you every week would that be worth. it every week he shoots you one time and. any body part chooses but you get a. raise every week gyeongseong we until. you basically that is on the show that. is yeah Chong Chong Wei Chong Chong we. though that's his name right the guy. that shut up for Jean attack oh my god I. don't wanna talk about that [ __ ] I have. to talk about it no let's talk about BTS. I want a couple BTS I wanna talk about. him - I. talk about BTS real fast all right go. ahead I know what can I tell you what.
happened though you [ __ ] I just oh here. we go clockwise from left here's their. names okay. ones just named the letter V yeah Kim. taehoon also known by his stage name V. South Korean singer then there's j-hope. yeah. better known me oh that's Jung ho sook. yeah he's cute let's rate them yeah okay. let's give him okay let me go to the V. first V is that's the ugly one I'm gonna. give him a three I just can't do it with. hey I for that too many gaps in his. teeth j-hope hot yet an eight that's.
it's an eight or nine eight or nine RM. wow nah you know they take good pictures. of him that's kim namjoon of course. everybody knows him as RM yeah I think. you've uh six five and a half six then. Jin himself everyone ten Kim Suk Jin his. hair is the [ __ ] yeah yeah he's a ten. ten ten I would suck my daddy's a ten in. Korean and then Jimin is uh oh you know.
what you know I like but this is Park. Yoo min everyone knows Park is someone. who's look at then the photo says it all. cute and flirty and I love to sugary. cereal he's a cute guy he's cute yeah I. like him yeah and then who do we got. left. we don't five more Jong Kook yeah jong. kook oh that's it that's a villain in a. movie huh this actually looks like if. you photoshopped if you know if someone. did like Adi aging thing on you yeah. that could be that was like you and. you're a little boy that looks like you. maybe he's the type of guy that like at. a party he comes out naked and they.
think that he is doing the Buffalo Bill. thing where he's tucking his dick around. yeah the man John and people are like to. stop doing that he's like I'm not doing. it. and last is suka or oh that's a good one. two min yoongi is a gear G key I don't. [ __ ] know bro dude you speak it i. don'ts barely you speak it enough I've. heard you say it. so anyway tell you what happens so beat. it support for bad friends is brought to. you by manscaped who's the best and.
men's below-the-belt grooming that's. right manscape offers position. engineering tools for your family jewel. I use them all the time listen I. to use the dry strays Iran my sag you. know what yeah and yeah a straight blade. razor right and I would scrape it it. would look like Chernobyl down there. clumps and hair will be missing there. would be bumps gross you mean like your. face in high school yeah yeah yeah yeah. that's why my enscape has redesigned the. electric trimmer the manscaped.
engineering team spent eighteen freaking. months perfecting the greatest ball hair. trimmer ever created and it just. released the new and improved lawn mower. on 3.0 3.0 is incredible it's our third. generation trimmer it features a. cutting-edge ceramic blade to prevent. manscaping actions I'm telling you I've. never nicked my sac with one of these no. I use George you saw me shave the other. day with it it's perfect perfect I could. show you later when I tell you it's. premium it's absolutely premium the. battery lasts up to 90 minutes so you. can clean up all that Bobby has to offer.
down there and one of the coolest. features is this LED light which. illuminates grooming areas for a closer. and more precise trimming finest dark I. like it. right I love the light because when I. lift up my sack and I see the sides. sometimes I miss a Herod is perfect yeah. they've upgraded a 7000 RPM motor with a. quiet stroke technology which is about. as fast as affordable guess what dude. what don't forget about the charging. stand show off your more loud and proud. man put it in there if you got guests. coming over for a dinner party put your. ball trimmer right on the counter in the.
charging stand let them know that you. keep it clean in your basement trim that. junky yours get 20% off and free. shipping with the code bad friend when. you go to manscape com. you're not will thank you you get 20%. off you guys add free shipping with the. code bad friend that manscape calm. that's 20% off it's free shipping and. manscaped calm just use the code that. runs that's right yeah let me [ __ ]. tell you what happened so my mom and I. um my mom you know maybe a couple years. ago I I want to watch all your item.
movies she wants to watch all your iTune. movie yeah yeah and your arm. I like Elton John so I want to listen to. all the music you have on your so I got. easy mom let's just link up our [ __ ]. phones right you could have my iTunes. account whatever right kinda but so. during this show I fly my mom cuz my dad. died a member in August so I just. to like try to do things with my mom and. someone had to take her to Maui and do. all the road to Hana and do all this. [ __ ] yeah. and so she would be like anyone mom.
we're gonna go I tired she would say. again I'm but we had the played a plan I. my back haha she probably was tired and. in pain no she wasn't. and so we got alright we're leaving. without you so we'd left yeah and so on. my phone and and this is not an. exaggeration because kalila and my. brother counted probably 10,000 BTS.
screenshots right on my phone from every. time she was just screenshotting. pictures of them yes right so now I have. to delete like you you're just deleting. thousands at a time and when you delete. them she would add another thousand wait. why was she was she doing in an accident. does she not know she's no no no she. purposely so basically her back hurts. right but if that's not what it is no. she's just sitting in the hotel room. screen she's obsessed because when we on.
her Christmas all she want to do when it. was BTS photos and posters and shirts. and memorabilia yeah did you get that. from oh yeah okay can you get her to a. show no no she's done Wow she's [ __ ]. done with it she's not what the [ __ ] a. BTS it's crazy it's weird and we're not. doing a meme what's weird about it she's. lonely she's an older woman she finds a. lot of joy in these young little Korean.
boys what's wrong with that because she. says [ __ ] like how come you don't look. like this you know when she says that. yeah up a mirror to her yeah just go. well actually my mom it's just why if. you look at my mom your mom is that in. her 40s eternities and so she was hot as. far I know and your dad was ugly a shoe. your father look like my dad was like. you know they laid him down on his back. and they just said run over nine. steamrollers over his face like the big. construction kind that's what my dad. look I thought you said when he passed.
away they laid him on is they will laid. him on his stomach because they didn't. want anybody to see him. yeah he was an ugly [ __ ] in fact I am. even as a kid I remember who looks more. like just Stevie look more like your mom. it's a combination but people say my. brother looks a little more like my mom. yeah yeah cuz you don't really look like. your mom that much no they lean toward. my dad a little bit I don't think you do. I think you're a handsome young man okay. so what happened so anyway so um. all day long I'm like deleting thousands.
of BTS things yeah and I can't come home. when I did have a hotel room and I knock. I open it like just [ __ ] Clint. Eastwood you know good the good the bad. my blue you know just specific this. right. I go you should every all you that's all. you do is lay down in bed and scream. shout pts things and I know she. masturbates to them no she does she does. know she does she did her little old. yellow coochie she just I wish my son.
look like these yeah you're right sit. yeah yeah so I go I like when you stir. mac and cheese and she go and then she. goes but she goes but I don't go [ __ ] so. then I go um and then um I go it's has. to stop. it's an addiction it's [ __ ] weird. yeah I mean and then she puts her she. lays on the bed is he puts her jacket.
over her head and I could just see this. well you laughing I just see this on the. bed like what's going on mom and my. brother takes the jacket off and she's. just crying that's right she's not I. know you that you're so me the worst why. did you do that to her. because I had to [ __ ] all day long. delete make kalaiy ass kalila do she.
knows a guy we would hand the phone in. the [ __ ] car I go you do a thousand. she just would keep doing yeah do it and. then you would finish it yeah and there. would be another [ __ ] thousand then. get her her own her own iCloud and they. just pay for it so it's nice what we did. yeah after all the pictures were taking. yeah but then what raised me is is that. my [ __ ] iPad is linked to soon I. haven't even started with the iPad I. probably have 20,000 BTS and I have to.
look at their [ __ ] stupid faces and. erase them I love them I don't know why. you don't like them. I think we should get your mom tickets. to see BTS live can we do that well only. if we get backstage do you think we have. access to something like that. BTS could you blue you was the agency. was UTA okay look at there they are. right there here we go. Seoul South Korea Seoul Korea the. motherland Santa Clara so that's up in. San Francisco yeah Pasadena may 2nd. let's buy her these tickets Pasadena may. 2nd they're gonna be here the look on.
the screen right there may be a second. Rose Bowl Pasadena Mesa I gotta see who. they're up by or Sunday May 3rd okay. we're going me and you went on that hole. okay we'll go can we go for we can go. for sure I'm gonna go but we have to get. we anyone listening to bad friends. hopefully this is out by the time the. show starts yeah this will be out okay. so um anyone listening to me now right. now and if you have anything to do with. BTS or have any connect kind of. connections yeah my mom is obsessed with.
them obsessed and I wouldn't be able to. take her there if we have like [ __ ]. seats so we would love backstage passes. and just a meet and greet and that would. like be my mom my mom's really old but. she's almost 80 and it would she might. rape them so yeah it's fine she don't. think they'd be into that I think they'd. be into it but my mom is a huge fan so. I'm a second or third if anybody has any. kind of hookup for for BTS we're dead. serious this would mean the world to. Bobby's mother to take her because she. is lonely and Bobby is restrictive over.
her fun look at that dude look at how. fun look at how cute and fun they are. but you know there's an epidemic going. on right that um what do you mean last. year I think about five or six K old the. kpop stars have killed themselves. shut up yeah so what happens is these. kids go through the system right yeah. where they're like on fire they're hot. because it's all just you know. manufactured it's all it's it's some. executive going I'll take this [ __ ] this. [ __ ].
this can't they're pretty and then we'll. put them together we'll write songs for. them Wow and and then what happens is. when they're 23 24 they get shot out of. the yeah you know the system and then. they don't know what to do with their. lives two of them actually last year got. charged with gang rape not BTS but oxk. pop stars. I would love BTS way more if they were. gang rape yeah look at the same pop. singer Goo Hara found dead age 28 yeah. so they've been they're killing them so.
all these people just commit suicide. when they when they're not famous. anymore yeah yeah I wish some people in. Hollywood would do that that's a sad you. know what I just saw some if I saw the. saddest thing I saw Vince Neil do a. cameo. what do you mean VIN oh oh oh the singer. Vince yeah yeah oh my he's like he's. like there's another one hey Toby it's. me Vince Neil happy birthday Johnny taco. time Rodriguez sent you this you know I. love tacos anyway it's me Vince Neil.
happy birthday dude what's wrong with. that. it's just so sad so what do you do those. things are you out of her money they. approached me I was just like what we're. gonna charge $10 cameo how much do you. think Vince Neil charges he $400 shut up. yeah $400 you're [ __ ] one happy. birthday yeah shut oh yeah that's what. it said how do I find out here we go. let's see let's see how much they are. Vince Neil Vince Neil Vince Neil there. we go motley motley crue singer hundred.
book right now don't forget please don't. book at yeah. I'll get back a request for you or. anybody love or maybe not even love so. give me a shout see ya you don't find. that to be sad stadiums what four. hundred dollars give me another. celebrity well you see what they're. charging but let's pick somebody who.
let's pick someone who you think um. let's see if ahmed ahmed say oh that is. i met a man on it yeah he is yeah $25. hey all you people out there and. I don't know why it's not working now. what happened was no no I'm sure out. outs to your friends family coworkers. happy birthday happy anniversaries so. mean congratulatory messages anything. you want we are the family happy to do. it and hope to hear from you guys soon.
make it someone should just be crying. they should just be like yeah who would. be really fun. how about Drake I think that said Drake. there's no way Drake. there's no way Drake please Drake no no. there's those guys aren't gonna do. you're on fire yeah okay I think this is. for people that are like on their way. onto us on their way out you know look. at how many people said Bobbie Lee no no. I wouldn't do it didn't sign up who else. do you want to see it that's on here. let's see if Theo's on it is D'Elia on.
here there's no way no yeah Silvan no. Theo's not on there hey man what's up. David happy birthday dude I heard about. your dad is sick oh there's Brian Posehn. we know him he's gonna be how much -. charging 75 hey I'm Brian Posehn actor. comedian. I played Burt not Big Bang Theory people. seem to like that show especially okay. yeah we should do one as a cross-leg I.
will do one together with you I'm dead. serious if we're gonna charge though 10. grand all right 500 let's do 5 let's. just see if anyone does 500 how about a. thousand that no one does a thousand. there's no way you can do without I'm. sure there is king sargon 3 what does. gilbert charge gilbert charges a buck. fifty okay I think you wanted oh this is. this is Jim Norton's character chip-chip. person any charges $69 see this could be. funny when you do a character yeah. valentine's Day is fast approaching.
you're dating a piece of garbage you. don't want to buy our chocolates because. she's fat you don't want to buy him. flowers cuz he's afraid it's gonna make. him gay so the first thing you. how about a Valentine's Day wish from. chip-chip hacen relax. I'll make the pig feel a lot better. that's a way to go that's the way to go. yeah yeah. here you go filter price let's do the. most let's do five hundred it says is. the most yeah let's do five hundred.
we're here yeah yeah minimum five. hundred I want to see who only the five. hundreds are okay. Chris Harrison from The Bachelor uh-huh. Kevin O'Leary from $1,200 Kevin O'Leary. the [ __ ] shark tank guy oh wow $1,200. Wow Kareem abdul-jabbar is five hundred. Marshall Faulk five hundred Wow 795 what. a weird price just be [ __ ] 800 for. [ __ ]. do you know Jordan Belfort is right no. that's the wolf of Wall Street that's.
who the movies based Oh. Dick Van Dyke oh no no oh oh no hi I'm. Dick Van Dyke the older version you know. I must cameo now so I feel like me to. him. send a message to a friend you know tell. them you love them happy birthday happy. Valentine's Day. yeah well you know maybe just good. wishes thinking of it tell me what you. want me to say.
and I'll do it okay this is me he's a. legend he's a legend I don't know I. would you want to hear I do want to hear. it's really funny because when they talk. you could just talk over them Rapoport. oh yeah where's where I'll rap is 150. well that's good who is this. oh the animated series Batman oh who is. this guy - this is an actor from Will.
and Grace huh yeah. was he charging 7 a $75 yeah yeah hold. on Oh Simon Rex we know we know him $69. Andy Dick is a hundred uh-huh now let's. hear what Andy has to Sandhya's probably. funny yeah yeah oh there I am what's. everybody doing how are you doing Andy. they're stoked to be on cameo so I can. get in touch with my friends and fans if. I still have any bearing in my little. turn of the century from Christmas Carol.
Jam jams watching vice land and yeah. he's great I love Angie [ __ ] great. yeah he's great when he did our podcast. you know to tell you what happened I saw. I mean I watched it nobody you know what. he did yeah because hold on a second I. got friends here you know I used to live. in that apartment. what well your bowl place well place. yeah so we stopped it and then 12 dudes. are in my living room.
what yeah and he's just out there like. conniving out there right so I go George. keep the door open so when Andy did the. podcast so I can see what they were. doing because that's the thing where. they look like hooligans right trouble. it was troublemakers troublemakers yeah. Manny Pacquiao's a thousand oh it could. be to see his yeah sure please sure. ready yeah.
[Music]. hello Lister yes I want you're happy. your opening thing here okay Manny just. record a quick video not that big a deal. just say hello to your fans it's how you. get money from them so let's uh let's. let's hear what you got there but just. just let us know energy in it Manny. energy high high energy high energy. would be great it's called cameo and. that we told you what it was we told you. what it was yeah and all you all you. literally have to do is just get on.
there and just let them know read the. cars that we read the card that we wrote. for you okay go ahead Manny whenever. you're ready bud whenever you're ready I. want to greet you a happy birthday and. wish you all the best in the birthdays. to come in your life thing but they do. come and give you good health and I just. want to let you know that your kids they. love you so much and it's not like a.
hostage Joker yeah and he's like beep. he's tied up yeah this is interesting. for $1,000 if he's getting a thousand. and look he's already done there's five. right there that's he just got six grand. in front of our face in one day wait she.
jet wait here they are one two three. today yeah latest it says today this is. today right yeah one two three better. help the world's largest econ sling pal. at forearm that's right so largest. accounting platform Bob is there. something interfering with your. happiness or preventing you from. achieving your goals a lot a ton of. stuff what's getting in your way you I'm. getting in your way. yes yeah yeah better help is gonna. assist your needs and match your match. your own with licensed professionals. there you can start communicating in.
under 24 hours beeps and it's not a. crisis lines not you might need it's not. self-help it's a professional counseling. done securely on the internet there's a. broad range of expertise in better helps. counseling network which may not be. locally available in many. areas listen this service is available. clients worldwide could log into your. account anytime and send a message to. your counselor that's right and it helps. yeah let's be real though you know. counseling has really helped me out in. the last six months. same counseling is one of those things. that I think everyone should should do I.
know we don't all want to do it but you. should do it it's easy to talk to. someone you need more counseling I do. yeah cuz you're a snapperhead. you need more counseling - I know and. you know what with better help yeah you. can get it they're committed to. facilitating great therapeutic matches. so they can make it easy and free to. change counselors if needed and by the. way yeah we both use counseling and we. both need it yeah and I'll be we have. some need it more than others you. especially you though yeah it's more. affordable than traditional offline. counseling and financial aid is.
available at sujod help wants you to. start living a happier life today. honestly visit their website read the. testimonials you can see they're posted. every single day on better help.com. slash reviews so go to better help calm. you should go to better help calm Andrew. I will write slash slash bad friend. friends and it'll help you go ahead and. it will help you that's better help. heelp and join the over 700,000 people. taken charge of their mental health with. the help of an experienced professional. special offer for our bad friends peeps.
listeners get 10% off your first month. at better help calm slash bad friends. yes oh wow. yeah so he just made $5,000 today to do. is he need more money this yes the one. because these days guys spend money like. [ __ ] I understand that but it you. know it's like come just say something. alright yeah you know what once I listen. once I got a door deal at comedy clubs. yeah I decided I'm not selling merch. look at this by the way do you know why.
yeah because I'm getting so much money. at the door. why would I rape them for my more money. I get I get that so it's like for me. it's like that's his house we live so. what that's why he needs more money dude. he can trust me he can afford that and. 15 other ones that look just like that I. know but then to keep them alive it. can't cost so much [ __ ] money so the. extra five grand is what because that's. what's gonna [ __ ] that's the water as. a fountain that is that's his fountain. bill five grandmother's is well if I was. here. I'd be like [ __ ] the fountain but I.
don't need fountain yeah wait but you. said here's the thing no I don't do. merch at shows because honestly more. because I don't want to lug them around. so all I do is I have the the red rocket. posters and I sign those but it's more. from how much do you charge 20 bucks for. a great piece of art made by great. artists that I sign and they can keep as. like a momento of the show what's wrong. I mean that's fine yeah. but I just want to lug t-shirts and so. it's more that I don't want to do it. yeah oh yeah daliyah does it and he. makes like a hundred [ __ ] thousand.
dollars probably an his little [ __ ]. [ __ ] [ __ ] does it for him who's this. little [ __ ] [ __ ] Michael anoche who is. that it's his opener so mean. yeah his little hole so mean he's a. great comic he's great and you're being. mean. and you're being mean could I tell you. what he's done to me Michael you know. tell me cuz I he's a good guy as far as. I'm concerned or I'm gonna tell you some. Michael anoche stories and maybe that'll. change your mind okay give it to me all. right first of all Michael anoche bring. a picture for people that want to music. used to used to be a cheerleader in high.
school no yeah. really yeah yeah what seriously yeah he. used to be the in the show cheer he used. to be with the guy that holds the woman. up hears him looking really cute there. he is okay that's a little chick that's. Mikey. so he's friends with the Fahim Anwar. yeah I love for him he's Sophie he-man. more I used to open for me all the time. yeah so many years ago this is before. Linode she sucked daliyah's dick to get. the so mean to get the opening spots. sucked it hard - I heard but anyway yeah.
so yeah. Fahim comes in he goes you know my. friend Michael anoche I got you mean. that jock that used to cheerlead such a. beef with him I'll tell you what he did. all right go ahead I I didn't say that. at the time but this is how I tell the. story not because I know I know ever go. yeah yeah so um like he goes his his. family's gonna be in Florida on Fort. Lauderdale. can you emcee I've never seen him but if. he's your friend [ __ ] it let's do it. yeah that's yeah so we fly him out there. the whole thing right he does okay right. right it's a Sunday night I get a call.
from my friend Paul he's a big radio guy. down there yeah there's another director. friend of mine I can't with all his name. right now but he did at that movie. cocaine Cowboys oh love them. so both of them call me they go hey we. would take you to your favorite. restaurant so I go oh okay cool but can. I bring my openers Billy Corbin yeah you. get Billy I love him yeah he goes can I. bring my openers and Paul and Billy go. yeah sure.
it'll be on the house we'll take care of. them got enough money we'll do it so. we're in a packed restaurant. we're in Dan Marino's table at this. restaurant. oh really yeah he's not there I thought. you meant his restaurant no it was. somebody else's but he has a table oh. yeah do you remember the name of the. place yeah runway 84 something like that. huh yeah yeah so um so you're there. you're at it's slam packed by the way. yeah right and so um at the end of the. meal the owner yeah. Anthony is runway 84 Wow it's beautiful. it looks beautiful it's beautiful and.
it's uh the best Italian food I think in. South Florida and it supposed to make it. look like you're on an airplane. yeah that's hacky as [ __ ] you have it's. been there forever so I mean in fact the. owner the reason why I can get a table. there he's a huge fan of Kirby. enthusiasm oh yes yeah every time I go. in there a says my character's name and. everything what was your character's. name you [ __ ] do boom gyeongju again. no don't point it at my [ __ ] face. okay sorry.
so uh for people that don't know odd. that are listening via audio only Bobby. has a gun and he keeps pointing it at me. and it's it's loaded it is it is loaded. yeah I know it is and the Safety's on. but I couldn't I know how to take it huh. can I finish the [ __ ] D there's two. stories alright so it so um the owner of. the restaurant sits down with us it's a. slam packed and at the end we all get up. from the table and the owner goes hey.
let's do a group photo shop like shot at. photo a picture a picture right and I go. alright who's gonna take it any in the. guy goes well our staff is so slam right. now i mike mike michael anoche you take. the photo and michael said to me cuz now. i go hey i laughs I go yeah just take. the photo man. now I'd love it I go I put my finger on.
the table take the [ __ ] photo I'm not. taking the photo Matt I want to be in. the photo mmm so the guy and he the. owner has to run around the restaurant. now to find somebody to take the photo. okay right yes a staff man yeah and it's. slammed right so it's there's no a level. of stress yeah but now I'm in such a. rage right my MC opener yeah wouldn't. take the [ __ ] photo right so now. you're [ __ ] pissed. grateful yeah yeah I want to ruin his.
career right that's all the ways I can. ruin his career my hat so we get back in. the car they find a busboy yeah I think. they get so you know and he's sweating. this busboy sweating because he's gonna. run around this to do real work real. work yeah so he takes the photo Lou no. cheese in it we get in the car and I go. bro in this situation I'm your [ __ ]. boss dude I'm paying for all you know me. all this yeah he goes you're not my boss.
you're my friend. what did you say and I just completely. shut down each door closed right and. then I go never again never again my. head you never talk to him ever again. well that was yeah at the thinking but. didn't cut to five years later five. [ __ ] years you didn't talk to him no. I would I would kind of avoid him in the. hallway that I would see how you know. that that means I will come in the. hallway the store and I'm him and you're. you say say hi hey Bobby what's up. what's up dude. and this walk away whoa that's hot.
that's ice cold yeah there are a couple. of guys I can name their name that I go. [ __ ] that I won't even give him that. corn Kevin Shea yeah yeah I know that. yeah we know that. so um five years later he comes up to me. goes a man have changed that's the intro. yeah hey yeah I've changed man what did. you say I go what have you changed you. know you go I'm like I know you're doing. San Diego could open I don't know what.
came over me I want you know what dude. I'm a forgiving man in my head yes you. are and I'm gonna Dali Lama this yeah. man. what I'm gonna be like present and my. own peaceful yeah so now he's am singing. for me in San Diego lawyer no the Comedy. Store no at the American comedy company. oh right. all right yeah so no not for me once why. cuz it Justin no no I play the store any. time I go down there it's like the OL I. would do I would you I would do the.
store if the manager of the store didn't. [ __ ] me over the way he did how did he. [ __ ] you up. that's another that's another story. right so um so la noche is opening for. me and this one took me over this this. is the fine this is the nail in the. coffin they own the coffee yeah so I am. second show on a Saturday I don't know. what the [ __ ] happened but he brings me. up and at that time I needed the stool. to do two bits what were they I forgot I.
had a ninja bit that I did I needed the. stool for a ninja bit. yeah and add another bit but I needed it. they were like Mike toward my end good. closing bits yeah I needed them sure so. arm he brings me up on stage to get. upstate there's no stool so I whisper in. his ear I got hey dude um well I'm uh. people while I'm up here just go give me. a stool right right so I'm on stage and. I can see him in the audience flirting.
with women right and I'm on stage and. I'm telling jokes and I could just see. him and then I see him with the doorman. like they're like he's poking their. stomachs like giggling. Araya and I'm just onstage just eyeing. this behavior his pissed. livid right he doesn't even ask for a. stool no he's trying to get boys trying. to get [ __ ] Ryan you're looking for a. stool and I'm not kidding you it was the. work I can probably in my lifetime I've. had top 5 worst shows I've ever done in.
my top 5 there's no way it was that by. sort of God just because you didn't have. a stool because were in your head was in. my head so every joke was coming out. really angry and weird yeah right and. then I'm literally eating it I'm not. even kidding you I'm that I did don't. believe it to me it felt like open mic. night. shut up you just were in your head I was. in my head I was in a rage because you. were staring at him why did he take a. girl out of the room today did he end up.
talking to somebody already just leave. he left without this without giving it. trying to get a stool do you remember no. he didn't get a girl but he just took. off. yeah and then when so I'm eating it and. it end of my show he like and I'm like. now sweating mm-hmm and I go that's my. time on stage right that's my time come. with some on stage just you know with. this you know you happy and I look at. him I go that's it we're done and and.
that was it that's it we're done so now. you don't even say hello to him no I do. we took around oh you just didn't you'll. say I never woke the problem was that he. he's a survivor he's like a little roach. you know you see there's a lot of. roaches out there mm-hmm. he's telling a guy and he's gonna. probably gonna make it I like him I like. him too but I let him make it I like. that you hate him I think that's funny. no I don't hate him I love him. Michael if you're listening cuz I'm. gonna do something with him next week. what are you doing yes of sort of. Internet show he wants me to do okay I'm. gonna do it so can I just say this Lou.
no chief was also a guy that I used to. use even after that where I would make. him but this is of why I could do this. why I could go hey dude 5:00 in the. morning stand outside your place he goes. why at 7:00 a.m. I have a [ __ ]. audition you're running lines and you. would do it yes he would wake up I'd be. on the side of a [ __ ] road he would. get in my car I'll give him sides and we. would run it for an hour and a half I. wouldn't have to pay him or anything. that's really nice would you buy him a. coffee or something nothing nothing.
nothing nothing use let him in again. right out right and even like little. things like this so I'm a little mean to. him but I'm good with him he's just. never gonna open for me again so then. you were done with him when you're. disposed of him when you're done with. them you know what you know like you. know like forever like I can't talk to. you but like in terms of working that's. all that's it. so now you're never gonna want to work. with what's his name ever again Peter. Weller because he [ __ ] you over on no. no I know I you know I you know if I. ever do Magnum again I'm gonna ask now.
who'd the director is and if he's doing. you won't do the episode it depends. here's the phone call ready yeah hello. hey Bobby it's a it's a mica show Feld I. am you know I know you just let me do. the [ __ ] character what is it well. gene Hong would call me gene Hong is. lived it shout to cheat ha I'm not. picking up yet [ __ ] out - Jin hyung Jin.
hyung is a call executive producer on. magnum p.i he's my boy he's the one that. writes all the episodes for me and he's. so talented I love you so much all right. don't so we should make an aside for. people that don't aren't only listening. on audio the gun that Bobby's pointing. at me is an airsoft gun it's not a real. [ __ ] gun it only took us 40 minutes. to talk about the gun that's right so um. hello oh hey Bob Jean what's up what's.
up brother how are you hey bro bro. listen dude I want you to come back out. and do a couple more Epis of mag mag PSM. who's directing guess what what peter. weller. okay bye Bobby Bobby yeah wait wait wait. yeah check it out what we're gonna give. you a hundred and fifty thousand in. episode yep I'll do it all right yeah I. mean okay ready and it's dope isn't it I.
love it so it's the only thing that look. at me I'm not joking it changed the way. I sleep we I put I both of my beds have. it now okay I want to say this all my. beds the honest truth this is that I. when you said Buffy and you're like you. could take it home and you go trust you. go. I trust me you know mean it's good right. I cuz your restaurant Tate's those. tastes are so bad really like what that. one diner that you took me to my point. is but let me just finish my name the. diner and then we'll talk name the.
dinette 24-hour place down on Ventura. that you took me to it that mom-and-pop. place will you have breakfast and stuff. yeah yeah anyway my point ever go. through that crave cafe that was because. it was just in the middle as a matter I. would say I know but the thing is is. that right that's not my restaurant. I know but your bad taste in things okay. so what just stop getting angry man and. just listen and absorb it. Oh sorb your chit talking is that [ __ ]. talking I began truth. okay tell the truth the truth is is that.
I thought you had bad taste and [ __ ]. mmm-hmm and then when you told me this. puffy blanket I like it's probably gonna. be bad and I brought it home and it's. the best blanket betting I've ever had. in my life fact and therefore you. probably got a recommendation for. somebody else no I used it and I loved. it and Buffy by the way to make. supersoft earth-friendly bedding yeah. it's a comfy night's sleep that you. deserve it's even comfier because it. doesn't harm the environment Bob it uses. eucalyptus fiber it's breathable and. it's cool to the touch - hey main to. help maintain the ideal sleeping.
temperature and feel cozy without. overheating it really is when you put it. on your body. it's feels like like air yeah animal air. I used to sweat I sweat all the time and. better call angrist wise never had or. helped sweat I've never ever sweat with. a Buffy yeah I'm dead serious it's crazy. I've never sweated - Buffy and I use. their comforter and the duvet cover. their products have almost 20,000. five-star reviews plus an overall. average rating of 4.6 stars so believe. the high believe it man Buffy orders a.
free trial free shipping and you can. give it back if you don't like it free. returns every single day it's no joke. when someone says try and give it away. if you don't like it you know it's good. you can try their products in your own. bed for free before you commit to buying. if you don't like it. just give it back at no cost okay for. $20 off your Buffy bedding busy. Buffy dot CO and enter the code bad. friend once again for $20 off your Buffy. bad friends visit Buffy I see going into. the code bad friends enter it okay. that's what yeah I see the photo no of. what of you and me and Peter will er.
wheeler whatever his name is Peter well. look at that oh that's a great photo who. tried photo a cameraman I smokey did he. smoke a cigar on the set know that we. were outside smoking together. whoa so it's not no it's not as if like. we're not taught we hang out. he looks tight yeah it's tight he looks. like a cool dude you think he'll do it. but it's not it's not you know when I. want to have a relationship. yeah I'm Bobby Lee yeah I know I know. and who the [ __ ] you are right but so I.
a little confidence eat up when I was. young I did a show called Arles when I. was a young kid yeah we remember that. show bad but he was a basketball manager. yeah yeah right so I did like his name. well spoken our list hate that [ __ ] he's. a comedian. yeah his let me don't even google it let. me think of it no I'm gonna Google and. you can think of it okay. Arlis TV show yes I spell the wrong. isn't it - SS it's some status Arliss. all right Robert well Robert wool Robert.
wolf yeah and he's like and he's got dad. kinda Sh he's like smarmy a little bit. yeah so when I was on that show um I was. so scared I didn't know who the director. was I didn't know what was going on I. just remember being you know I was 28. years old 27 years old you act like. that's like super young yeah but I only. started when I was 23. yeah I guess ya know so I'm from a small. town and I am from San Diego and from. Poway though it's like a little askew. it's in San Diego it's yeah but it's.
North County it's deep in the woods. there's no woods I know but there are. trees territories there I promise so. you're 28 you gone are less you're. nervous Robert wool isn't nice to you. yeah and so I'm just scared I don't know. what a jib is I don't know what you know. the tech terms I didn't know anything. about it right so yeah. you know when they say all right you're. done with the scene you know you scurry. to your dressing room and just wait you. know I mean but now you know you you. [ __ ] around with the camera man I know.
everybody I know that don't you hang out. you know man. it's you know the stars of the show or. your friends and you know you know how. to do it you know so arm but um so I. could hang out with a guy like him and. we can jab and shred my honest opinion. is is that when when yeah I used to used. to UM do commercials but with a guy. named Joe Pitka yeah and he was like. that Steven Spielberg of commercials. commercials he was a king he did the. Bono's campaign what yeah he did that.
was my favorite [ __ ] on it as a kid when. Michael Jackson got his head caught fire. with the Pepsi commercial I was him. really did all the Britney Spears he was. the biggest one but he was seven foot. two white hair down to his back and he. was the meanest son of a [ __ ] I've ever. asked Ari Shaffir about him when he sees. why is he so mean cuz Shaffir used to do. commercial for him - Eric Stonestreet. did apart like 60 from him. 60 yeah one time he had the I'm not. kidding you he goes alright.
I want the crew the cameraman and. everyone on set to form a circle say. they formed a circle everybody put me in. the middle of a circle yeah and they go. point your finger they point their. finger at me and everyone repeat after. me you're the worst actor on planet. Earth you're making this not the entire. crew did not say this yesterday. you're the he's the guy that beat the. [ __ ] I got a fistfight with a [ __ ]. actor nice a he hired I love this guy.
yeah you I know that's your that's your. wheelhouse yeah the guy is disciplined. you're the worst actor I know that's. amazing whenever I act when I mean when. I run into people like that I think of. you yeah yeah what is his name this. guy's my [ __ ] hero. Joe Pitka Joe Pitka yeah I want to link. up with Pitka bad whoa he looks like. Viggo from [ __ ] so my god yes Joe yes.
your Pitka does this give you weird. flash oh my god I didn't PTSD right now. actually there's a one commercial you. did that's on YouTube that with me and. Eric Stonestreet on it can we find it. it's IBM Bob you Lee. IBM Bobby Lee yeah that was a chit Joe. Pitka this one was it's a bank robbery. that's it. [Music]. there's no money here which is no money.
no money where is it somewhere safe. this is the safe somewhere safer. hardware encryption smart cards you know. digital security who are you are going. to help desk who are you. cleaning crew this place is a mess. you guys have come a long way that was. some of the worst [ __ ] acting I've. ever seen in my life and I mean it with. every ounce of my body who are you.
I don't we're the cleaning crew it's a. mess in here but you have to understand. you know business was incredible I know. because I can't be loose with a hat when. I am under the dictator right you while. you look like a dictator sitting with. your shaved head in that chair why'd you. it was a four man TV you shaved no I. just won't for one year I would decided. to do a Hmong thing but you didn't have. the attitude of a monk okay well don't. make fun of my acting right now about. [ __ ] things I'm not I'm not can I.
show you look we've all done commercials. yeah give me sure I'll show you well I. don't even know what's still up but the. first one I did was Mike's Hard Lemonade. I'm dead serious yeah NASCAR it probably. doesn't exist down here anymore yeah no. there's no let me see you didn't do it I. did if it's not on YouTube you didn't do. it what I'm telling you I did it I don't. I don't know where it is now I'm a. NASCAR commercial no no oh maybe this is.
it here yeah who was that it was at a. racetrack I did another one with Kevin. Christie I love Kevin Christie was not a. comic I'm the one that got him to do. call me you got him do stand-up because. you did that as I met him on an ape and. p.m. commercial too much good stuff what. too much good stuff yeah and then um we. became friends there and then one time I. ran into him at amoeba yeah and he goes.
I want to do stand-up I go let's go to. the store and then he just started doing. it really yeah and you were the one that. convinced him to do it yeah do you would. you know what it's called yeah an p.m. maybe Bobby Lee I don't know you can. barely see me in it I'm like the fourth. friend no I know there it is online. somewhere I just don't know wait to. Google sorry doesn't matter but the. point the point is yeah we yeah the. cover the commercial thing was tough for. me I really it became like a weird. cattle call yes they're all cattle calls.
but it made me emotionally be feel. [ __ ] up when I would. for a role and then I would see the kid. who worked in the casting directors. office get the role and I was like he. [ __ ] works there Oh would you know. that one and that used to kill me I was. like well that guy [ __ ] works and. there was a comic who was a cameraman. for an agency who do you know who was I. forgot his name but he would be the guy. that you would he would call you in oh. you oh you read with him and you me and. he would get half of them yeah because. he would put himself on mm-hmm. yeah it was the worst did you ever go to.
200 southla Brad you Scott oh yeah is. that where the PETCO is yeah yeah all. the time in fact they're a nightmare. happened where me and Johnny Sanchez. we had like nine callbacks for a. mountain dew right it was like a big. campaign a lot of money and was down to. four guys right and I said they would. pay it would they need two guys yeah so. they paired me and Johnny and some piece. to other guys and we would go in and. then they would leave and Johnny would. go in and I remember us for standing in. the hallway and the cast and it goes you. you you're out to you and Johnny and we.
just yeah three days of going back there. for nothing yeah of or two dudes that. you've never even heard of yeah but they. don't give a [ __ ]. it's a look thing commercials are like. well what do they look like dude at 200. South this is an insane story I'd like. it popped into my brain remember they. have those benches there like carpeted. benches. yeah right a little girl there's always. with kids odd kid on yeah all that works. there was a million little kids running. around this is insane I just remember. this and I'm so livid because they.
called me back for this thing and I just. was like I didn't want to go I knew I. wasn't gonna get it I could tell cuz I. could tell they didn't like me yeah they. just wanted you back yeah we have to get. 10 people back in anyway and I'm sitting. there and it was the afternoon it was. hot as [ __ ] was the middle of the summer. and I'm sweating sitting on this bench. and I'm wearing a [ __ ] sport coat and. I look over and there all these kids are. playing on the benches and this girl is. jumping up and down on the bench dude. yeah jumping up and down and their. mother goes get off and she goes she.
goes why good get off I'm not kidding. yeah out of out of like the worst. [ __ ] hilarious horror movie she runs. up to her daughter and grabs her by the. neck. and throws her off the bench yeah. kidding yeah seven-year-old girl throws. her off and then she falls to the ground. and she starts crying in the parents are. like oh my god she's like I was just. trying to grab I was just rying to grab. her arm and she I mean she'd walk right. in this little girl's neck yeah and. threw her off the [ __ ] yeah it's insane. and that made my day I don't care if I.
don't get a commercial that was a. [ __ ] hilarious grabs your little. daughter by the neck she looked like she. was trying to just get her body but she. went right for her throat I mean yeah it. was all that parental when you hear. about parents that want to kill their. kids. yeah after years and years it builds up. it was the moment that she was like wow. yeah I watched her go throat it wasn't. her butt throw you think she got the. part she did she booked at baby baby. it's a Petco commercial people don't. realize how demeaning those things are. it's like yeah if the worst is when you. go to work like a cattle call commercial.
I did it thousands of them yeah well you. sign up and it's like one line like he. did it yeah that's a that's a line where. are they going yeah where are they going. right that's the line and you're sitting. there and just you have to wait an hour. at least and then you see douchebags. yeah I mean just standing up and just. going where are they going where are. they going yeah yeah and you're like. we're going nowhere that's what I would. say nowhere this is where we're at yeah.
this is it the bottom we're at the. bottom yeah yeah but they would take it. so seriously oh my god they paced around. they would make me they wouldn't make me. nervous they would make me anxious. because people would pace I hate it when. people pace in auditions it makes me so. great I hate it when you know what I. hate worse is when I you're memorized. you're focused and then six comics you. know walk in I [ __ ] hate it's the. worst. finally they slap you yeah and then. you're out you know done but I have I. have the key to it mm-hmm.
and this is the mentality if you're a. commercial actor this is the mentality. that you need okay you have to do you. have to do two things. yeah you have to pretend that you're. kind of grateful to be there but the. second thing right yeah is is that this. is underneath me and I'm doing you a. favor. you're to do a to get to do ally of. those two things so it's like when you. slate it's like. you know what slating is is that during. commercial auditions they go alright say.
your name you go. I'm Bobby Lee I'm five four profiles and. you do your profile sand it right so I. do it like this is what I did this is so. gross but I go if they say it do do your. profile okay. okay go ahead and slate what go ahead. and go ahead and slate what is it. oh say your name and then your camera. you know I make it seem like you get. goop around right. oh and then I was trying to make a joke. like I only do one profile get other. ones you know.
let's flat flat anyway I'll be good job. my face is flat anyway I'm the catchment. area hmm yeah all right obviously could. you just read the line the line of. course is right there and it just says. this tastes exactly like apple juice. that my grandmother used to make go. ahead okay improvise we'd rather you not. Mott's in its family yeah there's a. family so that tastes like the apple. juice my grandmother used ugh. this is the Bobby Lewis County and this.
is just like the cranberry juice my. Apple um used to pick you got the part. that's exactly how would probably do it. yeah you'd [ __ ] it up on I would [ __ ] it. up on purpose and then leave and then. I'll get a callback and then that's when. that would be a can backfire yeah back. for us all the [ __ ] deer but. sometimes in callback because that's. when the ad agency the director they're. all losers they're all there yeah and. there's maybe four guys right. maybe they call back for six guys and.
you know that if you booked this back. then you're gonna make anywhere between. 15 to 60 grand yeah back then there was. really good money right I don't know. what it is now yeah yeah because I. haven't done in years but like I did one. commercial that paid me three hundred. fifty thousand dollars get the [ __ ] out. with a Joe Pitka what commercial wasn't. it was a campaign for IBM where I was in. an astronaut suit with my friend Aaron. Erik Kurt's burger from New York three. hundred and fifty grand. yeah because we had to fly to Tokyo. throw it oh you got that you got to fly.
to Tokyo made us oh you didn't want to. go to Japan at France we went we did it. all over the world and you'd and that. was a bummer for you you sound like that. that sounds fair. was incredible holy [ __ ] Bobby and I was. it was in 1998 I had no money I was. living with 11 people look at this this. is gonna piss me off so much what have. you blown all that money you've blown. all that money yeah the God look at this. yeah money then and now this is this. always makes me mad the Inflation.
Calculator look at this yeah three. hundred and fifty thousand dollars is. what you made in what 1998 yeah I use. this all the time. 1998 three hundred and fifty grand. that's a half a million dollars yeah. yeah yeah in [ __ ] for a commercial. yeah holy [ __ ] the best we don't make. that now on TV shows or movies why I. last two years on a movie two years ago.
on a movie did you never want to say. something right now out loud do it. Jordan Peele. you know him no I don't know Jordan. [ __ ] Peele. so he calls me any good yeah you're. always you're me hey dude. Jordan whatever all right hey you know. Chelsea and I are getting married yeah. yeah are you goes he goes uh hey I'm.
doing commercials a commercial for. booking.com. okay okay okay okay and uh we want you. in the commercial cool yeah and he goes. how much do you want meal yeah no I. don't why would you say that no one. would say that I would say a [ __ ]. million Jordan [ __ ] peal Jordan Peele. it's one day at work what a million. dollars give me raised. [ __ ] dollars Jordan Peele you have. all the money you could do it give me. the money that's not what if that's.
Ortiz that's not what he said. all right you said we didn't say that. what did you say give me a half and I go. whatever you want I would have done it. before. five grand no you wouldn't have for. Jordan I would have five grand for a. [ __ ] big of huge national commercial. stop. anyway it was it's me it was me Jane. Lynch love Jordan chelsea peretti and. Eddie Pepitone and Keegan Keyes. so six have fun or fun right yeah it I. go I don't know and he goes it's just a.
day of work I don't know I honestly well. because I haven't seen him in a while. you know and I love him so I go whatever. he goes I'll just keep okay for a day of. work and I hung up the phone and it. wasn't because of the money I literally. just started crying because you know in. this business when your friends make it. they don't hook you up 99% of them don't. they don't yeah but there are people. like him that do yeah hehe and I can.
tell that he looks at me and he goes I. think still today he looks at me cuz why. are you bigger what do you what do you. mean how big do you want what do you. want to be oh yeah what do you want to. be you're great what do you want to be I. tell you this all the time what are you. looking for look at you. you went to Hawaii you took your mother. and your brother to Hawaii to celebrate. you broke her heart about BTS but then. you shot magnum p.i and you get to fly.
around the world telling jokes and then. you come back here and you smoke your. cigarettes and you wear your stupid. [ __ ] beanie on your huge [ __ ] head. and you live the life of a king you come. in here this is you get to tell but you. know this is in human nature yeah you. your life is good for you I know and I'm. grateful what do you want to be what do. you want to be doing bong bong give me. the gun yeah no arm bong joon-ho but to. here's what happened so back then Jorge. was around right when you got yeah.
alright so but this is the thing but at. the same time there was a lady a black. lady okay I'll tell you what why that. that's important what supposedly I said. she was supposedly black just listen to. what the [ __ ] story yeah he was. supposedly black assumably assumably and. we were getting emails before that. saying big money extortion I was getting. emails going you said something on your. podcast and I will alert it to the world.
if you don't send me 15 grand right. that happened right George came back. holy [ __ ] so we would email back no [ __ ]. you [ __ ] you yeah all right she's like I. have connections to Vanity Fair. I don't just call these [ __ ] places. okay and it's like I said it on my. podcast. it's out there yeah what yeah what did. you say I just said that black people. were oily why you just were out of.
nowhere. because we did we did a series of. podcasts making fun of races right yeah. so we did we had a secure on we did two. episode of one or two full episodes. about Asians just ripping them apart. yeah that's part of what we do yeah. it's fair we did one with Mexicans. ripping them apart and we did some one. on blacks yeah and the only bad thing I. said which in retrospect was bad he's. black people are oily yet they're kind. of oily right you said that out loud. yeah yeah and she goes I'm gonna watch.
put this on Twitter what no I'm gonna. [ __ ] you with this if you don't Stu give. me 15 grand wow did you publish those. but you should have published those. emails no I called CAA and I just warned. them about it but so now I'm sitting. there shooting this commercial and I. remember it because I'm sitting laying. there with Jane Lynch because we have a. make-out scene in this commercial and. two executives walk up to me and they go. can we talk to you and I go what what in.
the Jordan Peele commercial yeah yeah I. go what happened we talked to outside. yeah yeah go outside with them and. already it's weird like there's. something going on and they go did you. call black people what did you call. black people only and I go no Bobby no I. said that why do you say because in my. head I'm like my career this disc I'm. gonna lose this for saying black people.
are oily yeah it's stupid we're not. gonna lose your [ __ ] career but maybe. this commercial I don't know why would. they bringing me out there all that. stuff it's a lot of money dude. yeah it's like it would you know it at. the time you know Tiger Billa had just. started what happened so I bet basically. they go we know you said it. and they don't know we already knew you. said we vetted you we yeah they didn't. care yeah we don't care but we just. letting you know this lady came to us.
you don't mean and he was like and. saying she told us she's making a stink. about it how did she know about I don't. have no idea that's [ __ ] crazy yeah. so it so I um I I have a feeling I think. I know what male comic it was go ahead I. can't say it why because he called me. cuz I started a war with him okay and he. called me one day and crying almost. saying just listen I just I won't talk.
about you anymore and let's just we're. not friends with you know but just you. know stop talking about me I have a. family now because you fought you. verbally [ __ ] him up so much yeah you. kept talking enough [ __ ] we're finally. it crushed him Wow and so they wanna. know who the [ __ ] that is I'll tell you. off stage okay and so on because he. called and he was like very adamant. about it that not to talk about him. anymore. cuz I would have if he hadn't I made. that call I would have been talking [ __ ]. right now but you said this so how did.
what is the connection between this. person and the assumable I think it's. him. oh they're one on the same and this. person is what a white person a guy a. white guy yeah god I want to know so far. yeah but because it was in the same but. it could be my own delusional head. making connections that aren't really. really real yeah but that's the person. just disappeared off the face of the. planet that's wherever this allegedly. they don't exist anymore what this black. lady lap because I had called CAA and. you know as a black lady because she. said it in the email right did she say. that second I'm a black lady I'm a black.
woman and I know hey Bobby I'm a black. lady that's how the email started I. don't know we have the email still or no. I want to show it to the fan so bad hey. Bobby I'm a black lady yeah one day you. said yeah so black people of oily skin. but well you know what's strange about. this new era you know of show bazookas. back in the day you know you could be. Steve McQueen you know and treat. somebody like [ __ ] or you know or you. know or talk [ __ ] just the opposite by. the way you know he was a really good. guy that's a bad example that Mort Sahl.
okay all right yeah whoever it might be. right yeah Don Rickles yeah yeah. whatever my boo ever might be there's. you you don't you can't somebody a. regular person could ruin one's one. career one person couldn't ruin one. person's career Yeah right it would take. a mafia to take up nowadays now you can. just start a movement I can destroy you. totally yeah like you can be destroyed. off of like what look go ahead 1 2 re.
you know just something can happen I. don't think that's a destroyer I think. that's it no he's gonna be fine just bad. time it's just bad timing he's gonna be. fine he's a very talented guy and we. love him but um it's just an interesting. time you know well do you think we get. direct feedback right away but here's. the thing do you think that when we joke. around on this podcast which we do all. the [ __ ] time do you really like the. beauty is people know we're [ __ ]. kidding and if they don't that's not my. problem that's how I feel about it yeah.
if you don't know that I'm kidding when. I start joking with you that's not my. problem. that's your problem yeah I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna spoil a joke that I have. now but yes basically about that it's. like who did it I'm the bad guy are you. the bad person yeah cuz I I didn't I. didn't say it I'm gonna show you. something that happened the other day in. Hawaii that drove me into hysterics I. also want to post AddThis photo I posted. this photo on his Instagram oh yeah it's. right and I said I bought this bring it.
up here and my girlfriend just called me. Robert Downey syndrome yeah okay that's. what I mean it looks yes that's the job. this is the picture right here that. Bobbi posted right here right so that's. a joke right and she had just told me. that and you said Robert Downey syndrome. she took the photos you got your Robert. Downey Syndrome and I posted it okay. right because I thought I made me laugh. right after this I laughs yeah after. this photo yeah right I post it and this. lady goes you know I just think it's bad. writing and a testament to your comedy.
ability that you said that to make fun. of people it's just not funny and and I. go and I just immediately Texas vago. it's funny because the greatest. comedians on planet earth just liked it. Yeah right I don't know who you are cuz. you have 200 followers and um also I've. been doing this as a living for 25 years. yeah I think I know what I'm doing I. think I know what I think I've got to.
figure it out and also people get. dollars [ __ ] it's not just that it's. just that you know um I hate it when. attention to it then because it was just. it because number one it is funny yeah. it is very funny. that's hands-down funny yeah right. mm-hmm right I don't give a [ __ ] if you. don't think it's funny you don't know. anything about comedy yeah it's funny so. um that's number one and number two it's. like and then I looked at her she has an. autistic son oh great right so it's like. um she wants to be she wants social.
justice that's what it is she wants to. be the she's angry about the situation. she's in. and she's now you know fighting for the. voiceless look I sometimes I get it why. people do that but also you're following. a comedian online well what do you think. it was everything what I love about my. fans is that so I post that yeah comment. on that offer her comment and then you. just get 34 40 people just going [ __ ]. yeah no see that she just deletes it. yeah yeah now you made her feel bad she.
can't win you're right I want to call. someone I'm gonna call someone to find. out if what you said if the if this. person thinks that the black people are. only comment is racist or not who is it. Ian no hold on it's got to be somebody. oh my god. it's someone you know yeah hey Griff hey.
Griff it's Bobby its Santino hey that's. funny we call a black guy and he's. there's a [ __ ] cop in the background. of course when is that we're having. lunch at 11:00 Sophie's at Sophie's we. have a question for you yeah Bobby Bobby. said on a podcast.
blacks black people have oily skin and. we want to know if you think that's. racist or not that's just odd I don't. think it'll race it just odd there we go. yeah right right if you just said a. voice this is your observation right.
that's what I meant that's what I meant. and also secondly it's like you know I'm. gonna call in right now I'm gonna see if. he's uh he agrees with me or not all. right Grif I love you and we love you. Griffin we love you so [ __ ] much you. know that right you [ __ ] little [ __ ]. [ __ ] everyone listen to Eric Griffin. spod cast ya riffing with Griffin with. Griffin it's the [ __ ] [ __ ] okay great.
wait I'll call him from here whatever. they can hear it through the headphones. I'll relate I can do it Ian Edwards yeah. I'm gonna call him. but will it come as your number though. yeah we're good. Griffin's gonna be so mad that we just. did that I love it he's gonna be [ __ ]. pissed yeah so you want to call him what. do you want to ask him if it's a racist. or not okay we are by the way I'm gonna.
tell you something I know. he's gonna say yes no he's not yes he's. my boy dude it doesn't matter you don't. know boys when boys are boys. hello let's see the message in what's up. brah yeah yeah Ian. yeah it's Santino and Bobby Lee we're. recording our podcast and Bobby said. something here's a questionably racist. saying that black people have oily skin.
we want to know if you think that's bad. or not Bobby's feeling bad about it. again I want to see if you can pick I. will see if he'll pick up my phone okay. this will be embarrassing. yeah yes that made me feel good that. honestly made me feel good yeah if you. would have picked up though it would. have been so joyous who's the most. famous person in your phone that you. could call right now I I have some who. do you have yeah I have a number of. somebody but I know they won't pick up. the phone but I'll show you okay look at.
this one which one that's you that's. huge that's huge but I know she won't. pick up I don't have I don't have I have. see this one hmm oh yeah yeah yeah. pretty big but you won't call I will not. call I will not go. it's so funny because I'd be so scared. cuz then maybe I got it I don't know. what I would say yeah yeah I'm afraid. that it's funny that yeah there are but. I have to do codes they have some in. there you put on people under different.
names yeah I'll put Natron X Y because. I'll just think to myself that this huge. celebrity that's the thing Natron X yeah. and then out then years later I'll. forget who Natron axes do you ever do. you have a girl in your phone that's. still in your phone from before kalila. and then she's still in your phone but. you've changed your name do you have. girls in your phone before kalila I do. from X's but do you use and you keep. them in there yeah just kalila give a. [ __ ] no she wouldn't care at all no. because I don't call them what if they. called you they do they one of them.
called me the other day like crying. about what about how her career is not. going well did you do anything to help. her no I give her like affirmations you. reinforcer no I'll just go this is what. you need to do kind of stuff can you say. who it is no can I guess no you'll never. guess and I want to get into that she'd. probably listen to this and she'll be. very sad I'm gonna guess who I'm gonna. guess go ahead Kathy Griffin no these. are women I dated okay I never dated.
Kathy Griffin now what I heard I went to. her house once I never [ __ ] her mm-hmm. no I went to a Christmas party once. mm-hmm no no no them she unwrapped a. little gift didn't she she and wrapped a. little selfie is an angry [ __ ] you know. that yeah she does what are we doing on. time we're good are we at. for everyone listening at home all this. dead space we're watching Jorge try to. do math what yes some of that stuff.
we're gonna have to cut out also Bobby. waving a gun at me I can't [ __ ]. believe you know I know don't don't. don't Bobby don't don't shoot it you. [ __ ] expensive [ __ ] in here. you know what my [ __ ] you know what. you know I could I shoot the screen the. TV yeah let's see what happens it'll. close your eyes close your eye turn. around. are you gonna do it yeah but that's it. that's my TV how much is it I don't know. it doesn't matter it's a [ __ ] TV like.
what then we gotta go get a new alright. I kind of want you to do it now and I. wonder but if you do I'm cool with it we. just have to go get one I'll go buy one. now I'm a little bit so I get a better. one here's my only fear well I don't. care about the TV it's a piece of [ __ ]. TV but the cameras what if it hits one. of the cameras the odds the if I look at. the Rick it bounces the balls going to. bounce everywhere. let me odds of it shoot your hat again.
yeah it's gonna ricochet a minute Amy. here okay if I aim it like this it'll. hit the George in the face and I'm not. gonna do it dude if you do it thank you. I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it yeah. really. I'm gonna do it you know have the balls. I don't know I don't have the balls to. shoot my own TV I are [ __ ] oh my god. dude I'm so scared you're a [ __ ] you're.
weak right that's what it is I honestly. yeah I don't need to do this podcast me. neither but if they shoot me with that. this is it this is it the last one we do. you're right okay say good night then. take out your penis let me shoot your. penis no I would never shoot you hold. out your hat though can I shoot your. head oh no no shoot the screen or. nothing I don't want to shoot the. [ __ ] TV then we're gonna get a new TV. a week that's it be a man Bobby in life.
this is for showbiz. this is for entertainment purposes it's. gonna ricochet and bounce off and hurt. I'm gonna turn around and close my. computer all right ready yeah. three two no signal one oh right in the. middle always [ __ ] you did break it and.
it says no signal by the way a ricochet. didn't hit me run in the shoulder no. really I swear to God it don't look it. did hurt it did break it oh I'm so sorry. that's all right how did you do with it. you [ __ ] said - I was kidding what. would you do that was kind of fun it was. fun uh something invigorating about that. yeah yeah okay anyway thanks for. listening no no we have to do we have to. close the regular way come on look at. the camera sit down oh yeah look at the. camera and we say thank you for being a. bad friend on three in the main camera.
ready one two three thank you for being. a bad friend thank you as well to our. sponsors manscape better help and Buffy. get 20% off in free shipping with the. code bad friend manscape calm your balls. will thank to start communicating with a. licensed therapist and under 24 hours. and get the SPECIAL bad friends offer of. 10% off your first month go to better. help calm slash bad friends for $20 off. your puffy bedding visit Buffy CEO and. enter code bad friends that's right.
[Music].
