Ruthless Toothless & The Lollypop Kids | Ep 98 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends you are these. two idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends. they were naked with you weren't they. did. my brother and i my brother and jeremiah. got naked for you. yes but you know where it was. gay. yeah. yeah. okay oh but uh.

your brother he lost he got a little bit. of a losing mentality like you he lost. he lost bro lost what. and uh strip poker. oh it's strip poker yeah that's what it. is so you know it was and jeremiah said. you know what he did the friend thing. why are you cheap let's get to this. let's get the story now. why why aren't you why aren't you drunk. why are you drunk. oh because uh. i. the dennis [ __ ] up my 2.

hey. say it again it's [ __ ] up my two see. okay it's f that ain't tooth it's tooth. is it one two or two versus it's two i. don't know it's the two there's one two. three no i want two all right i've never. heard it. says it's not a word. no it's not that's right you know get to. the story man okay so you know why are. you bill w now. who the [ __ ].

so i went to the dentist and uh i was. supposed to get a root canal uh-huh and. then the guy went into my mouth. and he [ __ ] up the root canal right. and he drilled imagine where he goes. dude i mean what does he do it's yellow. pages yep. no yeah what craigslist how does he get. his brown pages. yeah.

you know how like they have to go in the. office to get it's like four different. orifices in the room right you're saying. orifices are you saying like the dentist. office.

so dope. let me finish my story all right so. anyway i go there. he drills in the orifice but he misses. he goes off just real quick i'm sorry i. want to help just don't say orifice. again. it's making me laugh. why is it making it just the way you say. it is making me laugh it's [ __ ]. perfect. so just okay don't say orifice. all right. so he drills.

through the tooth. and he goes out the side of the two and. threw his [ __ ] tooth into another. tooth that's right. what is it. you know how like wait. okay let me stop. the only way to get to one of the teeth. is through another tooth no no no no no. he did it on accident he did it on. accident oh i see his dentist did an. accident oh i thought he was challenging. himself. let me see if i can get this i can get. around this through this other.

tooth i did it so tell him now what. happens so then. he takes he says okay let me see where. i'm at and he puts the splints into my. my tooth to see to do the x-ray yeah and. then he takes the [ __ ] x-ray and the. splint is going through the tooth into. the next tooth i go what the [ __ ] i said. bro that ain't supposed to he say uh you. know what i. i'm sorry what color was he he said you. know what i'll just put some semen in. here yeah. you're not what is.

can i just say this i've never been to. orthodontist. orthodontics school how does that sure. yeah why not orthodontics school yeah. yeah. school yeah dentistry school yeah. never been through it but i'm pretty. sure seaman. has nothing to do with it yeah why would. he fill your tooth with semen yeah. i'm pretty sure. no okay we're doing wordplay today okay. what are you gonna do. you said this. i wasn't sucking.

what did you what rudy what did he say. yesterday yeah he said seaman how about. how about this this was you already. seeming like sperm scene. oh [ __ ] no orifices no more. oh yeah yeah those are the two words. maybe maybe maybe because maybe because. of my tooth i'm i'm sounding like it. sound a little different all right about. that just try to find different.

replacements for the words okay yeah. all right so anyway he put uh some. plaster in there right there it is. [Laughter]. yeah swirl up my jaw uh-huh. and i went back in and i [ __ ] pulled. my tooth. he pulled it yeah.

when he touches his jaw he said it feels. like sand it's all broken oh yeah. because he well that was something that. he did before when i went in for he went. back yeah yeah you got to get a. different tennis dude yeah yeah yeah. you're going to find look at the license. see if he has one does not. definitely doesn't have one. dude he found him on groupon he got him. off you won't believe where he's at. though he's in studio city he's supposed. to be a problem. wait so tell him so tell him.

where's the tooth now. oh. the dentist was like can i take this. home i'm gonna put it under my pillow. yeah can you see rudy yeah. okay give her that we give her that mic. for a minute just so she can okay hold. on so he doesn't know. doc. you know that i'm missing 13 teeth right. no for real yeah i can believe that.

you're kind of dumb so. what yeah. real attitude you know what you're kind. of dumb so dumb people they fall in dude. you're the one that's letting dentists. put semen in your [ __ ] teeth. who are you. [ __ ] nervous of this guy he's dude. he's hypocritical. he goes and he trades on us and goes to. that other dork show then he comes in. here with real dude he said dumb you. know he said to fancy when he came into. the hotel no i can't walk he goes man. y'all didn't give me a big enough room. that's what he said to fancy yeah y'all. didn't get me a big enough room see how. this room is got a [ __ ] patty yeah. you're not andrew santino [ __ ].

how much room service can we get that's. what he said. that's all he wants ruthless toothless. over there yeah so you can still drink. though right. nah cause it's it messes with the cloud. in there just drink it who cares yeah. drink it the clown away bobby lost 13. teeth he's fine yeah you never heard. that song are you are you serious you. lost 13 days yeah.

okay bro right [ __ ] st come over here. no because you're gonna [ __ ] be i'm. not go over here come on over there god. man but if you get it [ __ ] violent. i'm gonna get violent see how this is. like i'm gonna touch you bro this isn't. gonna work you can't go the other way or. okay. just jump over the couch yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah okay let's go look at this. little guy. man what's your name. look on this side of the mouth down here. okay okay oh you want me to look at you. oh okay [ __ ] how do you feel [ __ ]. both sides.

teeth missing sit back down he can only. eat egg salad man yeah. uh. you bought a few teeth away from giving. out gummies huh. that's another joke. i feel like that's a joke all right well. i think i think with these two bad jokes. back to back. i think it's time for me to announce. what's going on tonight yeah we're in. san diego first of all bad friends we're. in san diego the crew is here we're all. going to the show tonight i'm doing a. performance at the balboa theater. totally sold out and. doc is opening the show tonight hell. yeah you do.

he's doing stand up tonight how much. time i don't know he's here all right. man. who's opening doc. he's doing ten two minutes he's going. out yeah he fancy's going to introduce. the show yeah daca is going to go up and. he's got to do 25 minutes 25. you can do. 25 [ __ ] i guess so i ain't done it in a. while but i can do it yeah yeah you. excited. yeah. if you take the time away from him i'm. never gonna forgive you i might i know. you are yeah i feel like this but i feel.

like you're propping him up and the last. second it's gonna be a letdown. and it's gonna be funny on camera yep. right but it's gonna break his heart. what are you gonna do nothing that's. life. that's actually life right andrew isn't. that live that's life yeah yeah yeah. that's life that's life doc that's it. yeah uh rudy how was the drive did you. like it a little trip down to san diego. you know what's so funny i asked her i. go on the car ride didn't i ask you. about harry styles i go if you were. married to harry styles he came up to. you and he said. hi i'm quitting com um music i'm in.

and um i want to marry you. and we're gonna just live on an island. and i'm gonna drink 24 hours a day. become an alcoholic and just eat. whatever i want to get fat i go how long. will you stay with them. she'd stay for two years. that's the number yeah two years two. years of an alcoholic wait why drinking. why not forever at that point two year. what do you have you have a limit on it. yeah cause. i think by the end of the two years i'd.

be grossed out he'll get fat yeah. yeah what's up doc who's harry styles. give him the mic give him give him the. mic what did he just say to him would. you say that's uh harry styles who is. harry. it's all right it's all right it's all. right easy easy easy. all right. um okay. bobby tell him who it is. he don't know either look at me he does. he just can't believe that you don't i.

can't believe you don't know he's like. one of the most famous black activists. on earth. you don't know harry styles. martin luther king malcolm x harry. styles. she's showing you a joke photo that's. not edgar mevers. i've never seen this guy in my life. you've never seen this man no do you. have the internet. at your house. is he okay he's not from harry potter is. he.

styles this [ __ ] guy is hilarious. dude harry potter stuff. he's a [ __ ] singer. how are you alive. how do you function in society. you don't know anything man how the [ __ ]. you pay your taxes man you pay rent how. do you survive hey i'm just like the. rest of america we do the bare minimum.

we just eat and sleep that's what we do. and work a little better all right is. harry styles a part of harry potter. he is he is he very much so is he really. hey man i didn't know no god bless you. [ __ ] how young he is though see i'm i'm. 48. well bobby knows and he's like what. are you 67 sick what are you. i love how you don't know harry styles. and yet you're trying to slam me right. and do a slam joke i'm just. that hurt. all right. you're the [ __ ] guy that doesn't know.

who harry styles is you [ __ ] see how. many are you trying to [ __ ] h-shame. me don't age shame i try to. harry styles okay was in a pop band from. england called one direction huge oh. they were discovered by. simon simon cowell on x factor okay they. were all contestants. he put them all together they created a. band called one direction harry styles. happens to be one of the guys. that created a solo career and now he's.

one of the biggest stars as big as adele. as big as beyonce was at the fourth time. no you don't know timberlake and the. last timber like. same group no yeah same group timberlake. same yeah yeah this guy [ __ ] doesn't. know. [ __ ] timber like he said he is. okay go ahead try to figure out [ __ ]. that's right okay timberlake is uh. that's three boys. no he's in sync and sync there it is.

that let him have it yeah i was there i. was [ __ ] there so you know who but it. was all boy bands so i'm right there. okay you think harry styles was in a. band with justin timberlake i was trying. to like they're close man i couldn't. [ __ ] i was trying to yeah i couldn't. i was trying to fit in how come there's. no more it's just good. boys to men yeah there's not anymore. what is no no no they said how come. there isn't any more yeah oyster men was. was so good. yeah i don't know. yeah. well there was one group after them who.

jagged it oh jagged. but that's this is all the 90s yeah. that's all the 90s we haven't had. anybody in the 2000s i know because. well i i i wish the jackson 5 was a. jackson six and he was the sixth. bro. he's out there right what is this little. [ __ ] doing danny he's got like i'm. robert you have tambourines.

[Music]. the jackson six the jackson stick that'd. be great. how funny that be. oh [ __ ]. how how really how come because korean. boy bands are [ __ ] huge the biggest. in the world some of the biggest right. now. yeah dude there's a group called bts. that's the biggest boy i've heard of bts. no globally they have to be the biggest. bandit.

okay i mean boy group. who do y'all got white right now that's. a big man who would the whites have this. season. american like the rookie who are the. ones in the rookies yeah. we're all injured we're all benched. yeah all the oh you know who's doing all. the whites have comebacks like the. battery boys did a comeback tour and. sync 98 degrees they didn't come back. tours boys to me and sing in vegas or. they really have a residency. [Music].

they was in. boise man uh. residency room that's where they are. so they perform with boys to men david. jefferson [ __ ] but they just had the. room while they wasn't there so we was. in there looking at the trophies and. [ __ ] like that. trophy trophies yeah we had some fruit. and [ __ ] that was good. did you perform on that show no i didn't. perform just me in. n was at the seller. oh yeah yeah the seller and then in open.

for dave. chappelle and no oh oh dave attell david. tell and ross so i went with him did you. ever do the seller in vegas bob. no it's a whole week you know that yeah. it's like tuesday wednesday thursday. friday saturday sunday right. have you. no i actually did i did jimmy kimmel's. club. years ago when it first opened what's. that called jimmy kimmel's club. oh it is a [ __ ] guy oh yeah he wanted. you to know. well i know who jimmy kimmel is okay no. but it is called jimmy what are you.

trying to do that's the same thing. me not doing jimmy kimmel had a comedy. club in vegas and you not knowing who. harry styles is yeah. you think that's the same thing yeah. yeah it's a [ __ ] thing it's. absolutely something in my heart doc. you're doing my [ __ ] art you're the. one over there. in your teeth what the [ __ ]. it's insane we're still going on this. evening all right we're never gonna let. that go. i'm gonna get you my dentist i don't. trust yours no no i like this yeah i. like him going into this yeah i like my. mom is he a white guy no he's indian.

dude that's what's even more of a that's. mystery yeah i figured a white would. [ __ ] that up yeah. they usually fly but he told me he's 80. something how old is he he's about 80. late 70s. who was the best dentist yeah he's been. so great for these many years about you. know mark simone. what was that steve simone oh yeah well. steve told me about that's who i should. go to he heard about this so when his. brother 20 years ago lived here. his brother owned his own dentistry in. santa monica. and we would all go there. would he give you a deal yeah he was the.

best dentist i've ever had where'd he. moved back he moved back to philly. yeah yeah wait philly no. wherever they're from am i trying to. guess why am i yelling. yeah steve was telling me that after he. found out about this he was telling me. to come out i'm going to the dentist on. wednesday and i'm nervous because i know. they're going to find something. it gives me something clean or what huh. did you get in the cleaner yeah but it's. been a while because of covet. you do have beautiful teeth. they're real nice the bottoms are are. getting jagged they get all you know.

they feel the whole family. yeah we're teeth people yeah your mama's. a pretty mouth. wow. that didn't even come out i don't know. what that was but don't. they thought it was goddamn bottle he. deserved it. you've never been to san diego have you. no but i slept all the way so yeah she. slept all the way the whole drive yeah.

what the [ __ ] are we gonna talk about to. me in this one she hates me. she doesn't hate you dude. do you hate you told me there's real. mexicans near here there are real men. yes so there we go do i see i [ __ ] dude. no i teach what do you mean these are. this is mexico mexicans yeah you do the. borders right there. okay we at l.a do you think we are you. think we're near the bay area. no i just. mexicans are everywhere in california. but now i know what you mean you're. talking actual.

touch over the border hey. come okay they call them come and go. okay i get it yeah. like day laborers come across you don't. have to put the mic in front of her. mouth. until she talks she doesn't like it oh. okay she doesn't like it she don't like. the money yeah okay okay. isn't tommy hilfiger like super racist. that's what they said but uh. you don't care. will you look it up what did tommy.

hilfiger say he i think i don't think. he's saying i think he was end bombing. on a phone call ah i'm gonna be wearing. this [ __ ] if that's the case. i don't know if it was fresh enough. you'd wear it are those hill figure. shoes andrew cunanans from here too. who is andrew conan who's that you don't. know andrew cunanan this is anybody know. andrew conan yeah he's the one that. killed versace. uh. yes yeah he's from san diego yeah he's. from la jolla how about la jolla yeah. yeah murderer is wrong. but he he he killed a fashion designer.

that's high it's sexy dude it's like if. you can kill like gap is there a gap mr. gap yeah is there mr key is there a mr. cap fill gap. bill gap there's no bill gap yes there. is bill gap that's his name that's his. name bill gap yeah oh yeah bill gap. that's his name bill and cynthia gaff. cynthia gap yeah. 80s right it was a vintage clothing. store first right and they used to call.

it um. alleys i don't know what was called what. do you mean what was the first store. they called. oh the alleys the alleys yeah the alley. it was called the alleys right. and um. how did the name came about oh i know. what i know what it was. so all the prices you're mean. um. they were going out of business so they. did like a 30 40. and that's where the gap comes from that. was the gap that was the gap and it was. like we're going to save you a lot of. money look at the gap yeah so the tag. used to say look at the gap yeah holy.

[ __ ] these guys are just walking uh. dictionaries here yeah yeah or is it. encyclopedias which one it would be the. second one yeah it'd be definitely. second one. dictionary has uh english language words. in it yeah yeah yeah p what is it what. did tommy hilfiger say so apparently. this was. went on the oprah um show. he went on the oprah winfrey show and. made racist remarks what it is which is. the right venue to do if you're going to. do it if you're going to do razor stuff. go to the front opera i mean that's all. what i always say. yeah i mean he's real yeah what did he. say god damn face.

i got to see that [ __ ]. you just heard it he just said it to you. what happened dude yeah but that he. could be reading what what source is. that make it different it's this what. it's from the magazine the source. it's a rumor it's not true. it's true. the source is the hip-hop magazine the.

source that's what it is i wouldn't be. wearing this [ __ ] if he was like that no. that sounds true to me five minutes i. would take the shirt off it's it's it's. nice. it's not real he said he wants it on. white backs only. yeah. for what. well like the clothes i'm wearing right. is all from old confederate flags. did you know that. better half oh my god andrew we both. talk to somebody we both believe in this. this is something we actually use often. yeah. better help will assess your needs it's. it it's online therapy you know what it.

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sent me wireless earbuds and they make. the difference because i gotta tell you. yeah i've suggested it to friends yeah. they look great they feel really nice. and snug they come in a range of cool. colors customizable gel tips oh for in. my because my little. tiny ear i've been also listening to. tupac you like tupac now california. california rough. i don't know but i love it and i love. listening to my attitude to it with my. rate cuts as my point well recons are. great uh raycons are built to go. wherever you go with quick and seamless. bluetooth pairing and a compact charging. case it's really smooth they look great.

they feel even better so raycon has 24. hour battery life and portability uh i. take them on the aero plane because you. know i'll be flying all over the country. yeah bobby likes them when he's at his. little house listening to music by. himself yeah everyone hear him bump in. tupac listen up raycon's offering 50 off. all their products for our listeners and. here's what you got to do to get it go. to buy raycon dot com slash bad friends. then you'll get 15 off your entire. raycon order and it's such a good deal. you'll want to grab a pair and a spare.

that's 15 off at by raycon.com bad. friends buy raycon dot com slash bad. friends. wow yeah yeah you feel good about that. yeah it's okay because the flag isn't. just it's not on it i don't want it. anymore andres doesn't like it he shakes. his hand he doesn't like these jokes. yeah i don't care andre anybody what are. you. what do you mean what am i no i thought. he was what no i thought you're spanish. right yeah yeah. [ __ ] guy man you know i didn't know. it's like you learn the same thing every. day. over and over again oh gee oh gee spain.

okay yeah wait a minute you don't you. know you know you do know this right. that fancy's from spain. yeah i do i kind of sort of knew that. yeah where did you think he was from. he spoke spanish so i was like cuba a. little bit. you think he looks cuban yeah. he he knows what i'm talking about you. guys don't know because you don't look. cute. espanol cuban cubans are way darker look. at how like look at those. are like him too he knows that are there. cubans that look like you puerto ricans. too bro not like that.

no okay well see that shows you how much. educated. educated. yeah. doc. you have the [ __ ]. cutest. eyebrows yeah i've ever seen they're so. tiny they're like chocolate chocolate. strips okay you know like i want to rip. them off your face. and just eat them so how did we go from. that too. to bobby he just said he's just admiring.

your eyebrows i'm just gazing into your. [ __ ] cute little [ __ ] eyebrows i'm. glad you feel that way bobby that's a. little [ __ ] stressful. uncomfortable right now. like if i'm if i'm 69 oh we're perfect. george kimmel. right there's muscles being used.

you know because he's taller so i have. to stretch. right. i'll elongate my neck. and then it's it's perfect. perfect right it's like when tetris. pieces link up just. that's exactly what it is thank you so.

much man this is that those two upstairs. great conversation have in front of your. daughter yeah. she's staff right now uh talking for an. occasion yeah it's fine i'm used to it. yeah she's used to it sounds like i'm. not that sounds like the judge asked her. in a court was like how do you feel. about you like it's fine i'm used to it. back on. good girl good smart don't say anything. bad [ __ ] good. when he dropped those cards funniest. thing i've ever seen not only the.

funniest thing but there was also a. feeling of embarrassment oh yeah and. shame i felt shin was like in his head. he was like thinking about getting in. the car and leaving as soon as he saw it. to my credit i think he might have put a. little bit of oil on there just for the. effect. you know what i mean like he made me. is that it is that like a racist joke. about shin lim no i'm just saying that i. was set up what is that like i know how. to shuffle cards you don't believe me. bring some cards out here we can do this. we do. we did we did it we did it and we were.

taping it we filmed it we have it on and. we saw your failure live. yeah. okay. there was no escaping it doc are you. ready for your date tonight. i thought we weren't going to do it he. said he wasn't but we're going to do it. we're going to do it live going okay on. stage. oh so we're doing a date on stage. it's a longer show okay i feel so bad. for the girl. i don't know why i just feel so bad for. the girl why she submitted she submitted.

it i understand that but it's like. a female jihadist. taking one for the team. i'll blow up the cafe what if she blows. herself up on stage yeah yeah then i'm. dead too. that i'm [ __ ] dead too don't say that. [ __ ] i want to live it just like feels. like someone's sacrificing something. large something they really yeah the. girl is and it's like or oh or she wants. a little black magic and she really. genuinely loves it that's what i'm. saying why he came.

listen to me right now honestly andrew. i've known you for how long yeah 15. years look at me in the eyes dude yeah. is it hard to believe. right. don't take this personally but should i. leave no don't leave stay here right. here i want you to listen to it okay. i'll take it personally don't think it's. all about you but don't take it. do you is it. is it hard to believe. that a female human being yeah right.

would. allow. right right. his genitals. erect. right inside their. organs pretty hard to believe hard to. believe pretty hard now that i think. about it about it you know i think about. it yeah yeah what the [ __ ] is wrong with. your boy. but you know what you know what. it's only because you kept denying. wanting to meet up with any of these. women that he's concerned. what women you all the women that we. have submitted you didn't want to go on. a date with any of them we had to force. you to go on this date with this woman. it's easier to believe this is the one.

with the boyfriend right. no. no. no you have to say no to that one. because of your well this is a different. one yeah you like this other one yeah. okay oh my god see that all right let's. do how about this let's. give rudy that other mic do a practice. date right now because we need to give. you some training. y'all think i'm [ __ ] like yo what. kind of [ __ ] is this i ain't. let's see how well you do pal okay. all right you're out on a date with me. i'm the waiter. go ahead okay.

welcome to madison as well. love this place. welcome to menace as well um. two. table for two. table for two. please sit here do you like this view. your accident a little thick what was. that. catering do you like this view oh yes. it's beautiful a lot of places already. all right all right. he almost got kicked out yeah yeah well. how how did i almost get kicked out. you're a black guy in madame as well.

yeah yeah yeah the accent was a little. bit i know but he's racist you know. that's right this. well. well anyway would you like to hear about. those specials yes okay we have uh. let us hear. we have yesterday. escargot. basically it's lightly. sauteed escargot with.

lightly. creamed escargot. do you know what those are no what is. this. escargot you don't know what escargot is. it's scarborough no there's a mcdonald's. across the street. [Laughter]. would i get in trouble if i said that. yeah you would no i don't support you. i'm gonna call your manager he owns the. plan i own the rest i'm madison. yeah this is mad as well himself. calm down.

yeah yeah thank you what's happening on. the date already yeah reprimand him rudy. you know she's my. piece would you like a bottle of flat. or would you like a bottle of sparkling. water i'll take the sparkling water. please and for the lady flat please flat. mother do you want a bottle. a flat and a bottle of sparkling. give me both okay oh. they're 49.95 a bottle okay well can you. put hers in the cup and just give me the. bottle.

i guess we could afford it yes. um i'm actually the uh. you know. not the main server you know. francesco is the main service. hello no she my assistant i'm francesco. i'm here to serve you okay yeah so i. told him about the special about oh you. did yes. he doesn't know escargot does he doesn't. know you know the mcdonald's across the. street.

you can get a complete meal for 2.99. this is the latest restaurant no it's. funny. lovely lady lovely ladies weird looking. man lovely little thing okay. from. an island you know outside of greece. greece outside right outside of greece. where are you from i'm from detroit oh. gross.

are you sure. miss where are you from where are you. from i'm from the philippines. how do you end up with this thing yeah. this. yeah we met on a dating app oh. which one which one's one. tinder oh. nice who swiped first yeah yeah he did. yeah he would he would he looked like. he's are you blind. no. you are sure you're not blind.

have you have you taken a look at the. menu do you want to know what you want. to eat yeah um we'll have the most. expensive. most um. special dinner because doc is going to. pay for everything yes that will be very. good well we have expensive we have a. whole shark you we can we have a horse. we have mammoth bone marrow mammoth bone. marrow that we saute over the top of a. yeah endangered species that's the. mammoth is extinct the bone marrow is.

very hard. to come back in fact. [Music]. with they have a an intact mammoth. in probably thousands of years thousands. anyway but look at this giant we have a. gigantic mammoth bone with the marrow. see what the [ __ ] this place should be. called flintstones this is like. oh you make fun of me. yes. you're the.

you like this guy fine it's fine just. calm down. it's fine when they compliment you but. they dissing me over here ma'am do you. want us to call the police on this man. how does how do i i gotta pay for that. man we could put a children's placemat. with the with the little uh puzzles and. the little cartoons we have crayons. like that dog likes that yeah yeah go. get this. the dinosaurs. okay here are your meals here you go.

please enjoy i don't i don't remember. them very fast i didn't remember them. you asked you received yeah yeah. that was it and you're all done with the. plates. how was the meal yeah it was really good. anything else i can get you coffee. dessert. dessert. oh this is true yeah. yes does the man not want dessert but. he's making well we have a very special. dessert tell them about that how much is. your desserts how much how much.

hold on are you telling us maybe you. can't afford. because we're gonna have a problem are. we gonna have a problem no no i'm you. know. where's the front door give me your card. now before we move forward i'll give it.

to you give me your credit card that's. you that's your card let's push your. channel at costco. that's a costco card right maybe you're. a real kind of please like that's all i. got okay this says blockbuster on it. i don't know what blockbuster is still. open you know what i was a little. nervous my bad he just checked my other. ones okay all right let's see here oh. this is curves a gym for women why would. you have this car. i forgot this is a gift should take me. for lame.

i'm trying to pay for this the best way. i can okay another i can't use this. sharper image gift card sharper image. not around. [Laughter]. listen sir if you can't afford you're. gonna have to wash your dish. wash this you look like someone who has. a washer they should before both of. those right no no both for us right yes. i ain't never taking you out again this. is preposterous okay doc it's back to us. again yeah okay what a bad date yeah it. was i mean [ __ ] you're never gonna.

land you don't know how to do it you. didn't let her you didn't even ask her. what she wanted you just said i'll have. i'll have i mean [ __ ] dude you didn't. tell her how beautiful she looked he. didn't say anything sweet yeah yeah yeah. i didn't feel the magic you were no. there was no imagination there was no. magic let me ask you something what do. you think magic is maybe you don't know. the definition of magic. that was me being. what do i think man charming huh that's. you being charming yeah yeah ask rudy. how the date went. how did you feel about our date. um.

your energy was off. and about what about yeah. is fancy nice restaurant such a nice act. like you're like you belong yeah you. know madam as well you know well i just. you know by the way you had you had i. think you had mrs madames as well here i.

was i was getting different you had carl. menace as well. the little obese lady over here she was. she was pretty hot are you insulting our. owners. when you insulted me. how did i insult you young man you said. i would uh i should go with a mcdonald's. like i can't eat here like some back of. the bus type of [ __ ] you said to me you. might not know that's what that was oh. we. we've got a squirrely one. yeah that was some [ __ ] you came at. me. in your place again good first of all.

the map was horrible right did you like. the mammoth i liked it. it was good. wait it was overpriced that's what it. offers overpriced. the mammoth bone marrow was horrible. as if there was a reference like you've. had it before. like how do you [ __ ] know i just. went with your goddamn theme that's what. you said right i know but okay. you've never had it before i've never. had mammoth bone marrow what could you. compare it to even if i had it it.

probably tastes like [ __ ]. you know there's a mcdonald's right. across the street. [Laughter]. have you ever taken a date to mcdonald's. never okay where's the cheapest place. that we've all taken always taking dates. to nice a nice restaurant did you. [ __ ] like 400 dollars a plate like. what's the cheapest place you've taken a. date to i mean i. i've taken dates to like i love laurie's. what you know what laurie's is no.

laurie's kitchen yeah. restaurant oh the lowry's the steakhouse. the steakhouse i said cheap. the cheap. see this guy. no. a chain restaurant or or something like. what's the cheapest importance that's. the cheapest you've ever done on a date. is that a chain. yeah but that's not true because that's. not cheap.

what's the cheapest place you know um. i've i've taken girls to like um. smokehouse that's pretty cool nice. is that by the. way. yeah yeah. um subway. yeah you get a date to subway when i. first moved to l.a i took a girl to. subway i mean like that's understandable. it's all i could afford yeah and i made. her split a foot long you guys [ __ ] huh. what. do you guys [ __ ].

yeah i bet it was i let her get the. italian bmw. it was nuts yeah the subway girl but. well we shared sun chips. that's all i could afford if you if you. had a guy that's wait i know would you. be mad jules. give me the give of the mic. would you be mad if a guy took you to on. a date to subway. i wouldn't be mad if i know that he's. not making that much. he's making a lot and he's taking me to. subway no i was poor i was 22 i had no.

money right i literally was living on. like 20 a week but if he like if like. harry styles. took you on a date oh see then it. reverses again she'd be okay with it. again because it's here. so you'd have to be poor and very sweet. or very rich and super hot are you. excited to do a set tonight by the way. rudy do you want to do a little bit of. time no i'm fine please. no okay you will no yep. it's gonna be a lot of people it's not. it's only like 1500 people or something. like that sold out yeah 1500 no i don't.

i don't know what number is it's over a. thousand i think it's 1200 what is it. 13 1300 people yeah sold out yeah. congratulations thank you babe what the. [ __ ] is up san diego. [Applause]. yeah [ __ ] i'm so glad to be here i. brought a couple of bad friends with me. you ready for a good show. first up is two special guests. all the way from the dirty island the. tree climber and the spanish fancy bee.

and little miss rudy jewels. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music]. hello san diego. [Applause]. [Music].

hi everyone. i'm farting a lot. [Applause]. yeah my legs are trembling too hi guys. welcome san diego we have a couple. treats for you tonight besides andrew's. great show yeah i'm. rudy or jules. [Applause]. titu bobby and tito andrew forced me to.

do this again. um. but welcome to tito andrew's show. i think he's the better and funnier tito. so. so to start we have. the little. black man from bad friends. the the black alley cat.

the greatest black magic. aka aka doc willis. so give it up for doug. [Applause]. hey. hey. san diego. live in the flesh right. [ __ ] fantastic look at this goddamn.

crowd all these goddamn. race of people we got whites and any. black people. oh [ __ ] hell yeah that's what i'm. talking about doordash when i go on the. road the only food delivery system i use. is doordash people are the most reliable. they are they have the most options they. have the friendliest and most proficient.

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a limited time our listeners are going. to get 25 off in zero delivery fees on. their first order of 15 or more download. the doordash app enter the code bad. friends 2022. that's 25 off your 10. value and zero delivery freeze on your. first order when you download the. doordash app in the app store and enter. the code that's. don't forget the code bad friends 2022. for 25 of your first order with doordash. subject to change terms apply you look. like a guy that sells hollywood. hollywood hollywood signs. what what the hollywood maps i mean oh. the maps oh yeah the map of the stars.

doesn't he look like a hollywood map guy. like you know where people live. maybe i guess where do you live doc i. live in studio city. where your dentist is yeah have you ever. stayed right down the street right. around the corner from brody right down. the street from uh brent morin and rick. glassman. david lucas is over there. francisco ramos. uh comics corner yeah. we out there in these streets rip brody. brody the funniest thing brody ever said.

to me. so many funny things but one time. i tweeted like. in the height of all the trump chaos way. before he was elected. i wrote i'm gonna vote for trump just to. make east eastside comics mad. and then brody came up to me and he was. like. really voting for trump. i was like oh i was just making a joke. he's like you should. don't be a coward to follow through and. then he walked away. dude he was so funny his that that that.

that news when he died yeah. was the worst day of my life pretty. tough i've never i've never. been so hit by somebody's death more. than him is it crazy you know when. somebody says where were you when. something happened i usually don't know. but i know where i was i literally know. where were you what where were you i. remember i was taking a nap and i. remember kalila going. what's so funny perfect bobby story yeah. like 3 30 in the afternoon she goes. brodie died.

and i go what. brody died. and i waited five minutes. in silence. and i. said why aren't i crying. huh i said that to her. she goes you will when you wake up. because i was kind of in the mid stage. yeah i know that and as soon as i. started kind of waking up. falling oh my god i was on a chairlift i. was in mammoth i was skiing yeah yeah. what rich white people do. snowboarding mammoth wasn't aspen it was.

mammoth all right but i was on this. chair. and i got into a fight with my buddy. that we were out there on the mountain. we were arguing he was upset about the. airbnb we got. i was pissed. and then i got that news. and i had goggles on and i cried in my. goggles on the chairlift and we didn't. say a word to each other i just got in. the car and i drove back to l.a we. didn't even say goodbye i literally got. in my [ __ ] car and i drove back to la. and and it the whole ride i was quiet. there was no radio. and then i kind of snapped out of it and.

realized that i was like oh my god i've. just been driving not even thinking my. brain was like empty. i was uh. we didn't ask you doc anyway hey man. he was having a moment see how he ain't. [ __ ] sorry where were you yeah i was. about. brodie was supposed to be in the sand or. bispo comedy oh that's right in the slow. fashion i was on my way up there wow and. then i was going to surprise him because. he didn't know i was going to be on on. the festival i was going to be on the. fridays and saturday show. so then is it like a little person with. you brad williams a bunch of people.

okay so okay. was a lollipop. because of what's going on in hollywood. with like more minorities getting bigger. roles i do think if they remake wizard. of oz you're going to [ __ ] kill it. yeah kill it old ass why still can you. go flying. what oh. my god. that's from [ __ ] that's willy wonka. oh that's not the flower but that's. another role.

did you just say the flying what monkeys. that's what he was about to say this is. goofy don't look at me wait wait wait. wait i didn't you thought i was going to. say flying monkeys. that's [ __ ] that's racist. [Music]. that's in willy wonka what are the.

little people in the in wizard of oz the. lollipop gang they're not the lollipop. games we represent. pop games. what are the little people called in. wizard of oz find out please for me. they're called the lollipop. lollipop kids man that's a ridiculous. name dog yes it is. they go we represent the lollipop gang. yeah and the lollipop kids. all right look up lovely lollipop what. is it pete. yeah they're. i know they're monsters. but they're called the lollipop kids the.

one that came out is what lollipop kids. right which is a good bit that sounds. like a good rap group. yeah we out here with the lollipop kids. and this [ __ ]. suck on yeah [ __ ] suck on me suck suck. suck on me [ __ ] lollipop kids lolly. lollipop kid feel that sucker on my. stick i'm the lollipop kid hey hey. hey i want you sucking on my stick i'm a. lollipop kid.

him so there was no one else there just. him and i how could you couldn't the. music's playing him going yeah yeah. we're the only people in vip how would. you see his head that would be the yeah. that'd be a [ __ ] nightmare. i would leave. the club immediately let's go to a club. tonight doc you want you want to ball. out. no gay clubs because y'all [ __ ]. why what is that who cares what do you.

mean who cares what am i doing why can't. we go to a gay club no cause y'all be. doing some silly [ __ ] oh my god this. guy's so having a drink hanging out with. some dudes. that's not my style. what is your style my style your style. is not hanging out with human beings. human beings and [ __ ] there you go. what do you mean they're not human. beings [ __ ] gay clubs is what just. all gay dudes right yeah what do you. think is going on there yeah. nothing just all dues it's boring do you. think they're trying to force you to be. yeah we get it we look how we argue and.

[ __ ] i don't want to be in a [ __ ]. place with a bunch of other dudes [ __ ]. out of here. on the [ __ ] dance floor you do. realize we're going to a gay bar now. oh i knew this type of [ __ ] well you did. it you did this well i thought you was. going to say no i want you to learn you. got to open your mind dude what are you. talking about i gotta open up my mind. i'm good you know i like gay people it's. funny andrew it's like. if you and i were at a um we're at the. abbey right in west hollywood which i've.

been there yeah multiple times so. there's a club called the abbey in west. hollywood do you know what that is doc. i've heard of it yeah and so don't get. angry dude. if you don't own it relax because this. is set up against me no and i'm not the. bad guy but i remember being there with. my friend mike and there was a bunch of. gay guys and. my hand i was like. my hand brushed up against a guy's leg. you know i was kind of doing this right. and he goes he then he reciprocated back. he touched my leg with his hand yeah.

right and i looked and i go oh dude i'm. not he's like you're not. we're gonna know but like if somebody. touched you at a gay club. right from underneath the table. would you be like my bad or would you be. angry and i'd be like because he. probably don't know if i'm up in there. that's an open game. he gives you a big kiss right in your. mouth no that ain't going to happen what. do you say what do you say bobby go kiss. him and see what he says how would you. let a guy just up and just kiss you like.

what i'm gonna just be sitting there and. just oh my god he just yeah yeah so he's. like just [ __ ]. no i don't go don't work like that hey. welcome to madison as well. all right. we have a club night too. oh welcome back to my. okay my lord what does it say they come.

small. the witnesses come small. oh you're like a happy meal speaking of. but you know there's a mcdonald's across. the street. so um. i would love to see him a gig so i want. to take you to a gay bar no. why not for what it's it's funny because. it's like why when we go to a gay club.

sex isn't even in our mind it's just. we're at a club. there happened to be gay people there. well couple of drinks. because they feel comfortable there. because they're not getting hit on. listen to rudy rudy confirm. i haven't gone but i would go to a gay. club more than a regular club because. regular club would annoy you every.

[ __ ] dude coming up to you trying to. be all over you like who are you here. with hear what he just said though what. there's gotta be dudes in there that's. on a pro like him. looking for you. oh in a gay bar yeah. no yeah so you're saying there's one. right there. there's one straight guy at a gay club. there's got to be somebody no there's. like 20. filipino in this you know you ever heard. remember ari's bit like that he went or. the story about how he went and he said.

it was like a lot of girls in here. because guys. i'm trying to tell you. oh my goodness let's see let's see how. it would play out. we're not going okay. we're here welcome mademoiselle's gay. bars. hey what's up doc. what can i get you to drink. what's up you little sippy cup what's up. you little tiny drink of water how you. doing. very well look at this little piece of. chocolate sauce. this is my jam. oh i love that i'm going to twerk.

i'm twerking show your [ __ ]. [ __ ]. that thing is out of shape hey. what's going on here are you finally. coming out a little bit more delicious. than that are you coming out doc is that. why you're here you're coming i'm coming. out i'm just here with my boys. okay what do you want to drink i'm the.

bartender what do you want to drink doc. i have a pinot noir a double would you. want a double yeah give him a triple a. triple. piano i gotta be honest with you pinot. noir pretty gay. pretty gay. rudy what would you like to drink yeah. uh. sprite. okay with the purple pill i like to give. you oh yeah. here's the purple pill all right see you.

tomorrow. [Laughter]. see you tomorrow doc if you go to a gay. club for real and you order a pinot. grigio. they're you're gonna get hit on you. think so you're walking around with a. glass of wine in a [ __ ] night. regardless because i'm in there that's. what i'm saying no you're not they can. smell that you're not gay okay that's. good i understand they know they know. like. you're cute. as [ __ ] yeah. all right you're going to be the [ __ ]. king [ __ ] in that room big time right.

when you walk in there they're going to. hear. like a little. like when you say that's your [ __ ]. you say glimmering. right yeah what is an [ __ ] glimmering. in the light like you know. it's just a line hitting it. yeah that's exactly what the sun. it's yeah it's like there's like a. little led light. in the muscle around your dick i mean. your [ __ ] i mean it's spinning real. quick.

are there hemorrhoids on it. when you walk through that you be that. you'll be there [ __ ] chocolate. delight might be the belle of the ball. yeah man. i can feel that you know yeah yeah look. at it. everywhere. i feel that walk in the building boom. little little nestle toll house just. walked in look at that little chocolate. chip let's let's give him the purple. pill. and then the next day what happens he.

wakes up in our apartment oh yeah yeah. you know what happens you wake up in our. apartment the next day. good morning good morning you want eggs. you want eggs man i'm out this. [ __ ] don't say nothing y'all. don't know what yeah. wait a minute there's a child coming. from your ass. don't need to speak i'll take care of it. all right come on black. just like that. just told us that was your name last. night black magic yeah well. i don't remember it yeah yeah oh [ __ ]. you're about to see me pull a dove out. of my [ __ ].

little black magic. okay we're gonna go you know we're have. to go now tonight yes. wait a minute doc. doc. how much time can you do. i could do. about 35. i just ain't been on stage in a while so. wait really when was that time you got. on stage please don't make them do 35. you're doing 50. about. i think he'd do 20. about three weeks. ago i did a show you can do 20. no 10. let's start with 10 and see how it goes. if it's bombing [ __ ] get off but if.

it's doing well then let it ride i'll be. all right 20. regardless it'll be fun. you should let him sit in it yeah. he's gotta learn okay even if you're. bombing we keep you up there okay yeah. let's go. i said i guess she would be riding 411. since then because uh. i'm not about to fight you for a dollar. fourteen that ain't going down. matter of fact it was three ways you. can't drive oh. [ __ ] i didn't [ __ ] up the joy. god.

[Applause]. [Music]. y'all ready oh y'all in for a super. treat right now this is my homie right. here man uh met him at the comedy store. y'all seen him on mad tv. y'all seen them.

with no further ado let's bring to the. stage my asian friend bobby. one more. for doc willis everybody. [Applause]. sit down man. it's not my show man. [Music]. [Applause]. we. we told that [ __ ] to do five. [ __ ] minutes.

he does 30 [ __ ] minutes. one more time for eddie murphy give him. a round of applause what the [ __ ] doc. what the [ __ ]. right on. doc. i told doc to do like 10 minutes. i forgot he was black i was like he's. [ __ ]. he's gonna run the light there's no. doubt. he's like man i don't know what a clock. was this right here.

this is a [ __ ] clock right this is a. clock right here this is the clock. what the clock go i don't know where you. put the [ __ ] client or digital. on [ __ ] i don't know what that. [ __ ] was. right there dude four feet. and give it up for that chocolate morsel. he's the best i love him to death. wonderful. it is what it. is that that's so cocky is it yeah. unbelievable. by the way side note you would never get. hit on. in a game no gay guys are going to hit.

on the guy wearing the tommy hilfiger. shirt that's not yeah style they know. you're not whatever the case is i don't. care. huh that's a straight guy clothing. bracelet i don't i don't even have a. problem with if a gay guy ever have you. know i've never been hit on since i've. been out here by a gay guy if that's. your problem. you need to get hit on i was told. by by the gate uh remember tony falcone. well you wouldn't know remember tony. found. david. who was tony falcon the [ __ ] is tony. falcon i remember tony falcone i don't. know nobody named tony falconey the gay.

the gay comic white dude from florida oh. tony. no i don't know tony yeah you do you. just did his goddamn accent his voice. i obviously don't tell him i just did a. general game. how was that oh okay. tell us the story about tony falcone. uh so tony was telling me so a lot of us. comics was talking about how like they. they got hit on by a lot of like. straight comics and a couple gay comics. at the store. and they were saying how they get hit on. all the time and i was like no i said. i'll never get hit on and then.

tony falcone said that's because gay men. know. who's gay and who's not correct that's. not true but we're correct sometimes. well something yeah right but. or you're just not there i got three gay. uncles and a gay cousin. so now. none of these people ever hit on me that. can be the name of your next album when. i was when i was about 14 15 years old i. did get kind of yeah what i got say it. whatever okay i'll tell you what. happened you're molested this is when i. found out my uncle was gay were you. molested i don't know i mean you could.

yeah you could consider it but. for sure so this is what happened right. yeah okay oh probably maybe about 12 13. whatever so. it's gonna be brutal yeah. so i feel like this is gonna be a good. one my uncle was like uh hey we're going. to the park you want to go to the park. with us and i was like yeah let's go. it's all him starting off fast the two. dudes which i didn't know was gay. because i know my uncle was gay at the. time right uh-huh so we go at the park. we sitting in the car and the guy's.

playing ll cool j right i'm sitting in. the car listening to the llc. and my uncle starts going off and he. starts breakdancing and he runs back to. the truck and he's like hey doc you. should get out the car and dance with us. and then i'm like the dance with me. you're not going nah man i'm sitting. here listening to your let's go ahead. and do your thing and then the guy. switched the music to like this house. music like blow your house down blow. your head. like that right yeah and then all of a. sudden my uncle switched and he kicked. his leg up in his air in the air and.

caught it and inside his head and like. kind of i said where the [ __ ] that move. come from i'm like never danced like. that in his [ __ ] life right so i just. was like that's weird so anyway stop. stop can i just stop right. so he did a leg twirl and they caught. his legs. in a park in the park all right so he's. doing this [ __ ] yeah you know what i'd. be doing what running home right. that would scare the [ __ ] right he. caught his legs uncle han just did a. [ __ ] wait leg twirl first of all. first of all they're break dancing in.

the park. but just outside and they're like come. outside and dance. well we're in the truck me and the other. two dudes. so then while he's dancing the driver. hand falls on my knee and i go what the. [ __ ] he said how the [ __ ] he you don't.

see him sitting in the back here so i. moved his hand like okay well whatever. and then so then my uncle came to the. truck he's like doc you should get out. the ground and say man man maybe i. should i said go ahead and do your thing. dawg and then he starts he say look. let's flip because i do. somersaults and [ __ ] you know backflips. i'm pretty goddamn good i'm pretty good. i was pretty good dude why is it. so little black guys can always do back. flips yeah yeah i'm a little athletic. certainly i used to be but you don't do. it. at the park when your uncle tells you to. do it like yeah when your uncles are.

doing it that's when you go you know. what i'm gonna chill on the [ __ ]. somersaults hey knock it out the car do. some flips yeah that's weird man do some. flips so then he's like uh there's a. flip. flips. so then while he's tumbling the guy's. hand fall backs and grabs my ankle so i. kicked his hand and i stumped his hand. and i said i tap his boil from i say man. let me out the car for a second and then. i get out of the car now keep in mind i. don't know 13. yeah 12 13. yeah so you're telling a. grown adult yo man.

don't touch me like that yeah you know. you're not it didn't sound like that. yeah no you're not no. my voice was kind of deep when i was. young too so can i tell you something. what happened i'm going to tell you what. happened doc doc doc. that little berry berry uh what's his. name. what i'm going to tell you what happened. that day all right. you were brutally molested. by three or your family members. all right why did you go there yeah i. tell you i'll tell you only one was his.

uncle only one was his uncle whatever. you were brutally molested by three. adults no brutally no and in your. twisted mind right you've come up with. this fantastical story backflips black. flips. meanwhile dude you're being [ __ ] bent. over behind a chevrolet. just getting reamed from behind like. like jerry sandusky style dude that's so. sad. we've got to press charges let's vote. let everybody raise your hand do you. think doc was molested raise your hand. all right.

by the way. it's okay this it's fine we've all been. we've all been molested. yeah but that's not bobby molest me yeah. yeah that's not it's not that's the same. i don't. i didn't even know. molesting was that if they just touch. you period that's my lesson him touching. your leg is it's not okay.

yeah. that's my last name kind of yeah kind of. yeah yeah you can yeah now let me ask. you something. did your. penis mix oh boy. what the [ __ ] is wrong with you i just. told you that he just grabbed the ankle. that's it.

so he grabbed it was that the end of the. story he grabbed your ankle you got out. of the car and then it got out of the. car you never talked about it ever again. today no no no no no no so i told my. uncle by the way where'd it go. no but i'm saying i'm not making fun of. what happened to you. i'm not making fun of what happened here. hey doc yeah all right just letting him. go no no one's making fun of you but. also. that was the end of it it was like he's. not i wasn't. i'm just getting to the core okay oh.

[ __ ] there's more. i knew there was there we go this is it. yeah so there are so many [ __ ] dick. never gotten to that oh it hasn't gotten. to that yet hey. all right doc go ahead all right. so michael's like hey we can go to the. day house to hit the driver's house i go. nah man i think we should go home he. goes damn let's go to this all day all. right so i go we go to the house and. there's stairs right they sitting on the. stairs and then i'm standing on the. sidewalk i won't come up to the outside.

of the house. yeah cause everybody's just sitting on. the street you know because back here. i know so i'm sitting standing on the. sidewalk and then my uncle's like what's. wrong with you why are you standing over. there i said man i don't even want to be. over there it's like you got to chill. out and i said all right and i came and. sat next to my uncle and then my uncle. got up and he laid me no and then my. uncles sat on a when he sat on the stoop. the guy came and laid between his legs. face first and then i was like man oh. man what the [ __ ] and then he was like. what's wrong and i was like man you. don't see what he doing oh my god damn i.

was like you don't you don't see what's. going on i said man this [ __ ] is crazy. then the dude was like you're a little. feisty when huh and i was like man stop. talking [ __ ] talking to me i'm not. talking to you i'm talking to my goddamn. uncle we're trying to have a goddamn. family moment right translate let me. translate. he sucked them off. [Laughter].

you're a little feisty one he says he's. all right let's just let's play karate. then my uncle says let's play karate. this is insane. i'm serious i'm serious all right so you. start playing karate. now at the time i was studying too a. little bit you know so i knew a little. bit studying karate. he's studying karate. that's hilarious.

[Music]. [Laughter]. so. [Laughter]. duck what so my uncle's like doc you. don't wanna i'm telling you and i go nah. i got this huh so i get in my stance.

right he get in his stance and then i. whoop boom kicked him in the stomach. what the [ __ ] he goes. he said oh you know a little something. so then he got in this this stance and i. go what the [ __ ] and i go okay i'm ready. and the guy [ __ ] kicks me and i tell. you i [ __ ] flew i flew over the. [ __ ] grass hit the goddamn truck. right and i hit i landed on the ground i. was so [ __ ] maratino and then i ran. towards them like you some bit and then. my uncle grabbed me and said doc i tried. to tell you this motherfucker's like a.

third like a five degree black belt like. you [ __ ] don't know what you're. talking with and i'm like [ __ ] why you. ain't tell me dog he didn't kick me. against the goddamn truck this [ __ ] is. preposterous and he's like calm down man. i'm just trying to i'm just playing with. you i'm just playing with you he said. he's he said he said he said you feisty. you think you could pick me up i was. like [ __ ] yeah i could pick you up what. you mean right so he said well try to. pick me up so i ran around. and i tried to grab his legs and pick. them up and since he was like six feet. he reached over and cupped me by my ass. and living honestly. i was so [ __ ] mad bro bro bro i said.

what the [ __ ] and then i said oh this. [ __ ] man hey man take me the [ __ ] home. right now and he goes what's wrong. doctor cause you don't see what the [ __ ]. order i said man just take me home so. he's like your [ __ ] no no he had the. cheeks he tried to lift me like he. lifted me like when i had his legs like. this. stop [ __ ] with the kids yeah don't. touch the camera but.

that's the only thing back there when. you're lifting. you know i mean it's not as if like he. could be touching. he could be touching any area of your. body it just so happened you know that's. where you're at. yeah yeah so yes it could have it my. question might. but the thing i'm saying is that it it's. probably not a physical like. homosexual. thing that he was doing whatever the. case was it don't matter i was i felt. like i was violated did you go home. after this yeah i was like take me back.

to granddaddy house right did you tell. granddaddy what happened. can you let me found you i'm almost. there tina welcome let's go go ahead so. then. i uh hey granddaddy. so then i uh. attempted to take me home someone goes. where i was wrong i said just take me on. [ __ ] this [ __ ] i'm going so i go home. and then he said you okay doc you you. need to talk and say nah man you good. just going with your boys i'll talk to. you later so then i ran upstairs to my. cousin and i was like man i said you. know i didn't want to tell um but uh.

the dude that we was with he was. grabbing on me i think that dude might. be gay don't know it and then she was. like you goddamn idiot we've been trying. to tell you he's been gay for years and. you [ __ ] didn't listen to us your. uncle's gay and i go what look what the. [ __ ] got it. i said the guy so you mean tell me him. and that guy's together she go i said oh. that's why he laid between him yeah you. goddamn that's why you suck. that's why you sucked them up dude. you're gay. doctor all those years i've been kissing. uncle mouth and penis and he's gay when.

i say hi kiss him on the tip of the. penis. you're telling me. the one i smooch at night. you tell me uncle's gay but this is. important for all. especially like if you got any black. listeners or anybody to hear this story. it's good for your podcast because okay. after that. all right this guy's i get. he come back home later and i cuss him. out man wait wait till you out here you. know pillow biting whatever the [ __ ] i'm. pissed i'm like man what's going on with. you rubble block cause you know i was. [ __ ] angry right you were mad at me.

he said then he said hello. you know you know if you fail oh i guess. you probably like the pillow maybe you. might pillow i don't know what you was. of the pit. pillow because of the pain of the. butthole i guess so that's what i was. that's what you're saying that's what i. was saying so don't think i'm not true. when a gay guy his buttholes are pain. yeah yeah they bite i think. women do too you know what i'm saying. i've never seen that but okay sorry i'm. sorry i'm sorry about that jewelry don't. touch sorry don't ever touch her again. don't ever [ __ ] talk about it just. not did you see that [ __ ] yeah i'm not.

happy. whatever she's a good girl yeah you are. sick anyway uh. we're sick. you're out here with break dancing. karate kicking sucking dick in the park. and i'm the weirdo yeah. so it finished so granddaddy and cuz he. starts so he i submit he starts crying. he says. because you're the only one that never. turned your back on me and i go god damn. it and to this day. we still best we still cooled in a. [ __ ] man now i'm saying like.

one and even sometimes i remember one. time he was like no nobody i was talking. to him and he was like uh. you're the only family member that. didn't turn on him because when he came. out as gay everyone else shunned him. yeah yeah at first everybody was like. but when you found out he was gay and. you came to this realization i had a. hard time with it at first you still but. you still stuck with him because you. love him yeah and then i just like this. is good because he was the only one that. brought me around the willis family i. didn't he was the only one that would. let me stay with my grandmother my. grandfather's house so i could be around. all the willis the grandkids that my. father wasn't wasn't around like that.

what are you talking about willis. you'd say [ __ ] it don't go too far but. but you know what i'm saying but. even one time he was talking to me about. and he said you know doc i'm proud of. myself i said why that he said you know. i. i've been with one dude i've been. complete completely monogamous and he. said i feel and i was like it's kind of. weird because i ain't know what to say. because i was like well. i guess that's good i can't get pregnant. or something like that i i didn't know. what to say it was like [ __ ] that's one. of the awkward but i said just say. congratulations well hold up hold up and. then he says doc when we talk when i.

talk to you about these dude this stuff. bothered me i said no honk i said this. it's something you you go through and. that it's your life so say talk about it. always talk don't never feel. uncomfortable so he said okay doc cause. he said you know you're the only one. that's been listening so you know that's. the thing man like that that's great. podcast always don't do that at the end. you just [ __ ] it up it was so nice. that's amazing though yeah it's because. because you're a good human with a good. heart you care about the people not. about all the other [ __ ] yeah i don't. like the [ __ ] one like.

like misleading them or like i know i. don't like when people i had i had. another uncle who i used to fight for. all right. how much more time are we going to give. this guy out the show okay. all right you have another okay you have. another gay uncle yeah. i got two more it seems like. yeah i just don't think it runs in the. family yeah something's going on you. have three games you have three gay. uncles yeah three games. i don't have a single gay cousin or gay. uncle just fyi well you do but that you.

just it just it didn't exist what do you. mean. everyone has a gay family member. obviously they don't say yeah i'm the. guy you think i'm the guy in the family. could be yeah. you think i am [ __ ] you [ __ ] wait wait. wait why why why [ __ ] you [ __ ]. yeah bye you're bi for sure yeah okay. but no but that being said that you. everybody has a gay member in their. family yeah they just maybe people don't. talk about it huh do you have. one yeah. yeah i know oh you're that you're it who.

knows. you know so funny grown up i had a gay. uncle ira. i had this this really good-looking. jewish guy. and we're not jewish so he's not white. he wasn't my uncle what's he she's a. family friend but we called him uncle. ira yeah but i got old enough and i was. like that gay jewish guy is not my uncle. my dad was like we're not jewish. oh look at you you [ __ ] map of iron. [ __ ] potato farming piece of [ __ ] you. think we're jew i was like i thought he.

was our uncle somehow he's like who was. he married to. i was like one of those guys they're. always hanging out with i didn't know he. was my gay uncle ira but i didn't i had. no idea when i was a kid i didn't know. he was just good-looking and it worked. out all the time had a bunch of [ __ ]. really good-looking guy friends. my gay uncle ira. to be honest it was a wonderful doc that. it just showed your true character. you're a good egg doc yeah you are that. was true cause you really cared about. the person yeah yeah uh doc um you take. us out and say thank you for being a bad. friend. thank you for being a bad friend.

[Music].