Rudy's Stand Up Debut | Ep 74 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude you two. are disgusting well you two or something. we're bad. friends so john rambo is an alien. so unnecessary to run over the cop car i. just want to explain to her what's going. on. we kept going down the street and this. doesn't make sense either this duck and. dive with this motorcycle. stay on the sidewalk what are you doing. yeah this is so poorly choreographed. which is teller the. premise all right so he's an alien he.

just landed. and and the local town right they saw. the spaceship land in the creek. they freaked them out they say freak. freak yeah get them. and they got them because he was a. lizard at first and he came back as a. human right. what i don't believe you. anyway so he lands it's a lizard race. he goes on i'm gone rambo you know well. i'm johnny.

he goes yeah and janna didn't ramble oh. that's right that's right that's. something. i'm getting rambo. [Applause]. and then because of freeze get down get. down. right and then you go and he turns into. sylvester stallone yeah this sexy. that's not that's that's a lizard alien. but. clone like as a disguise he's sylvester. stallone right from. so everyone thinks now some of the. townspeople think it's rocky balboa. yeah they're looking for a fight yeah.

yeah so they're like what's up hey what. are you fighting now it's apollo. remember one of the lions where's apollo. yeah yeah he's like. he's black that's what he said he's. black. i didn't say that he does it yeah he. does not it's cool man and it's a great. feeling. it's a great film but then the other. lizards yeah. fly back down yeah and then like one. turns into arnold schwarzenegger. and one of them is uh steven seagal and. the other one. john club and it's basically you know. what this is. a prequel to um the the the.

this expandable expendables yeah this is. expendables this is like the prequel. expendables one really. i don't know what's expendable it's like. talking to drake. a farmer's kid i don't know whether i. don't know. anything do you know who john rambo is i. mean do you know who. rocky balboa is no you don't know who. rocky balboa is. telling her what rocky volleyball is. rocky balboa. was a famous blind fighter.

a one-armed famous blind fighter from. johannesburg south africa. he was very famous joburg south africa. and he was half black and halfway but. it's a movie that sylvester stallone did. yeah he played it right this is before. this movie. right it's what it's what made him. famous and this before cgi. by the way so he had to yeah he had to. have one arm. like tucked and taped to his back the. whole thing you know what they did was. they had a harness. oh it was a face yeah so his arm was. tied to his body like this.

and then they had a prosthetic like this. and there was this one. if you see the behind the scenes yeah. bloopers he was running and then the. thing. fell off the actors in the eye yeah yeah. yeah. and so here's the here's this guy from. johannesburg south africa yeah. and yes half black and half white yeah. now when you say half black and half. white. what do you think in your mind what do. they look like. they have light skin right right but. this. he's physically half like half. black half of his left side of his body.

is black and half his right is white. so the side with no armor and and and. here's the opening song. of the [ __ ] movie right one half. is going ability. and so anyway rocky balboa this.

one-armed half-black half-white guy. he decides to take on apollo do you know. who apollo is. he's the he's like a lord like he's. we have our galaxy right but we have a. universe he's the lord of the universe. he's the god of the universe. like apollo you know me like a god and. part of this whole thing is rocky is. homophobic and apollo is. out outwardly he's openly gay and so. they get into a full. ma a fighting match about whether or not.

you know well he brought apollo brought. aids he brought 18. to the earth that's what the in the. movie so rocky's trying to beat aids the. whole film that was like what the whole. film is he's fighting for fighting aids. fighting intergalactic you know. intergalactic aids basically. intergalactic aids and yeah. what and what happens in the movie is. rocky. you know i told you he is from. philadelphia he's born in johannesburg. and then he starts fighting in. philadelphia because that's. you know that's obvious that's where all. the homophobes are and he. fights and he beats he beats apollo he.

beats the guy who brought. aids down and that's kind of the. beginning of sylvester's career. yeah and also that's why he's so. familiar but they did another movie like. as a sequel but it wasn't like. he eventually you know rocky gets. the hiv he got to he gets hiv give it to. tom hanks in the movie philadelphia. that's right that's why he died two. right so you know tom hanks. right he dies from hiv yeah of course. but he got it from. rocky balboa and here's a little behind.

the scenes but it's like intergalactic. aids but they don't really mention it in. philadelphia space aids space. yeah and he ended up giving it to. charlie sheen but in real life. can i see a rocky balboa. the picture of him yeah i'm sure you can. find it okay yeah find a rocky balboa. picture find the rocky balboa picture. there he there he is there he is look. you can see the right side is white and. the left side is obviously more dark see. that arm right there yeah yeah that arm. gets ripped off. no this is right here right it's all.

fake it's all fake. so on the left side you can tell that. he's black on the left you can tell he's. white on the right. see how the shading so the right side is. dark. the left side is white and that's. actually the. beginning of the movie where he sings. ebony ivory that's it yeah so it goes. that's it yeah that's it that's it so. you should watch those movies that's why. it's like so good you should watch some. of these older movies. who killed at the brea improv by the way.

bro oh my god rude. you destroyed so she. did she uh uh honestly yeah she did she. not killed she killed. yeah the crowd went ape [ __ ] people. don't for people that don't know me and. bob did a little tuesday night it's. bobby lee and friends we did a tuesday. night at the. um at brea and bob brought me down and. we. you know last week's show we did the. script for rudy and man. let me just put it can we see it no no. no no don't put it don't don't do it yet. okay let's just put everything into. context though.

okay okay sold out that's not what i'm. gonna say but it is. sold out it was all mexican and whites. again no blacks at this show. three three we counted and there are a. lot of asians there's a good amount of. asians. yeah but no black people which i love so. um for you because you don't get any. black fans. you know um you don't. they don't like you do you want to make. me angry or no no of course not. yeah because i'm just no i have to. address that.

okay no don't roll your eyes i did when. you roll your eyes are so gross. so um when i play michigan. or yeah cleveland or you you they come. out. black people yeah okay. take a picture i will take a picture. with all your black fans yeah and upload. it. and then you know i would let's make a. contest to see who how many more black. fans i have than you. fine okay fine so let's put this in the. context. um i'm just gonna be positive today and. i looked in the mirror today when i woke.

up and i was just like. i'm good enough no i wasn't i'm just. like don't get angry today don't get. angry don't get angry. every time i said i got more angry but. my point is so let's put this in the. context. give the context um so the night before. she couldn't sleep. and for 24 hours probably even 48 hours. she was just like. doing every kind of angle in terms of. like convincing me. not to go up and i was just basically. saying all you have to do is introduce. us and i'm i'm getting her ready for. and if you think that we're bullying her. to do it no because we have a gig.

in um cancun november yeah and we're. it's front of a live audience she's. gotta be there and. i want her to be used to an audience. yeah. right so it's like it was like and we're. not humiliating her and also. i was gonna put her up on a stage just. on her own but. i didn't do that i was on stage with her. yeah you were up there with her it was. nice do you make it safe. right so um play it killed it let's see. it. um why don't you guys give her the love.

right that she deserves. everybody they're chanting. positive the the quality of this is just. it's just it's. it's i mean it's like what did we shoot. this through spielberg directed it he. did. so good wow all right well let's see. what steven was able to come up with.

so um. i'm gonna sit over here on the stool to. see if everything's gonna be okay. all right. pause it what are you thinking right. here rudy. what's going on in your head right now.

the crowd there's 500 people going rudy. what are you thinking i was farting a. lot before. so i thought i was gonna okay. could i just. i thought i was gonna poo what's up with. you man yeah. you're you're great you're great but. here's what she did that was clever. what say you get what you get nervous. when i get scared my stomach. starts to you know bobby and i can both. tell you as comics sometimes before. shows i used to poop.

i used to poop before shows oh yeah. because i get the butterflies i get. butterflies. yeah i got butterflies that night did. you oh yeah so what you've got to poop. but you didn't. no but she did a thing too many people. so funny and she didn't mean to do it. what but she doesn't she did the thing. when she walked onto the stage. as if she had been living in a cave for. 50 years. so she was doing you know she walked up. like what is this place like the lights. just came out it came out it was a. really. funny like it almost made the audience. feel like oh yeah she doesn't give a.

[ __ ] this is great. yes well yeah did you give a [ __ ] you. didn't look nervous you look like i. don't give a [ __ ] she looked like i. shouldn't care. all right let's see. hello you can say hello crush and get a. laugh. i mean there's something special going. on she went up hello. yeah yeah she acted well it was like. that the same thing where it's like. when people get captured and they get.

blacked out. and then they wake up in a forest tied. to a tree that's the hello that you do. hello. who did this yeah amazing all right good. let's see next. okay um. pause let's not use force ever again. yeah okay we didn't force you to do to. do anything we're not force you to be. here. no you enjoy it partially. yeah and you wanted to do it okay let's.

see the rest. but they wrote the script so i'm just. gonna read it. already getting a round of applause. a round of applause for chad. she doesn't know the name she doesn't. know the name i know the name. i thought you know the name but you made. it seem like. you're so indifferent yeah that you. didn't and that's clever.

yeah that was funny chad yeah you knew a. chat what was the other guy's name chad. and who. there was tj there you see you know yeah. yeah and then the other guy. who's the other guy jt his name is jt. that's. letterhead okay oh it's fine it's just. who's the other guy's name. the taller white guy i forgot strider. strider remember. tall white guy he kind of looks like. yeah name everyone in the room in there. so who performed. elianor elliot what eleanor eleanor. elliot or carrick. ignore her eleanor eleanor yeah who else.

annie yeah danny yeah. you correct yeah that's correct. a chad yeah jt yeah. and then i forgot i can't you literally. just said it. you said it again spreader. spreader. are you guys having a good time.

[Applause]. this guy knows i'm talking about they. know they get that when she had a right. she read it off the thing i know. that's why i think that if we do this. just hear me out even even if we wrote. her a set. it would crush it she had really read. off the paper just like you did like. just like you did. look at her panicking already right just. do it yeah just do it so anyway.

let's play the whole thing now okay. [Applause]. what do you do for a living. [Applause]. nice. okay you guys ready for more shows.

why don't you guys stand up and make. some noise. let's do a wave. [Laughter]. jesus christ. okay um i have to divide the room.

outside it has to say bad and the left. side has to say yes. um it gives me the utmost pleasure to.

bring the next. comic to the stage he is arguably. the better and the nicer tito. all right i mean okay. dude there was a rewrite she did the. rewrite she she did her own rewrite. i i have a feeling that you were in the. room did i do the rewrite for you or do. you did it. i did it yeah i told you okay i didn't. have any good rewrite. so um.

[Laughter]. how did you now right right when you're. getting off the stage. be honest with me yeah give us our. feeling your feelings your real feeling. um i was relieved. and i had a headache and i just wanted. to go home. really appreciates it really was sitting. in the moment but. he i was relieved i had a headache i. wanted to go home what drives me crazy. and bothers me about that statement.

i swear to god that's not entirely true. well yeah. why was she lying no because she can't. get her to. herself to admit the actual feeling that. she got from it. yes it's relieved when she says relief. there's other feelings in there. right right that's in that little box. that you have to kind of. separate yes there is relief that you. did it. but there's another thing right because. it went over. way better than you thought it was going. to that true.

i was kind of happy that i did it no but. did it go better than you thought it was. gonna go. yeah i thought no one right so that so. when. so when you're getting laughs and those. reactions right. that must have been a surprise to you. yeah at the moment and i know because. andrew and i. have been doing this for many many years. yeah right we know. what that feeling is it's like telling a. heroin addict. and you if like a kid that's never done. heroin do you feel it. no it's like we know you feel it because.

we do it yeah you do feel. yeah you didn't feel something special. inside of you a little. yeah why didn't you say that then it. doesn't matter. it does matter it does matter yeah. that's so funny though she's right. because it's fleeting because you didn't. buy into the feeling because you know it. was only temporary. she's way ahead of her but that's not it. men i disagree. i absolutely disagree yeah what is it. because i know and this is. i i i have to believe that this is a. universal human feeling.

is is that i know that when i do. something great. like either i i i do a good scene in a. show or. i have a great set or something that. that feeling. is residual it's like a residual feeling. it lasts for days you might not know it. right but you'll lay in bed and it'll. you'll glimpse back. right right and you'll think about. certain moments and that gives you. endorphins that. makes you it makes you feel good yeah no. it does so.

you can't tell me that you haven't had. those moments. i had yeah so can we go back to how we. were feeling then. no okay. better help andrew is there something. interfering with your happiness or. preventing you from achieving your goals. yes good because i have the solution for. you. better help me and kalila my girlfriend. and i used better. help during the pandemic we still use it. today and it really is. the best thing for it was the best thing.

for our relationship it's not a crisis. line. it's not self-help it's professional. counseling done securely online. and you can start communicating in under. 48 hours. betterhelp will assess your knees and. match you with your own licensed. professional therapist andrew it's. pretty incredible and for clients. worldwide you guys you can use this. from any part of your home or wherever. you are all over the globe which i think. is great. they're committed to facilitating great. therapeutic matches they make it easy to. change counselors so. you can switch you can go to somebody. else bob and i both believe in this. uh i think it's really wonderful that.

people are getting uh mental uh. joel's used it jules used it yeah jules. use using it we're all we're all doing. our best and trying to uh. get through tough times and i think. speaking to someone really does help so. if you're in need of uh finding yourself. some help i do think betterhelp. is a wonderful resource to do from the. comfort of your own home. betterhelp wants you to start living a. happier life today uh visit. betterhelp.com. bad friends that's help and join the. over 1 million people have taken charge. of the mental health with the help of an. experienced professional. uh in fact so many people have been. using better help they're recruiting and.

additional uh counselors in all 50. states. so this podcast is sponsored by. betterhelp we're a big proponent of of. um. mental health and this podcast is. sponsored by betterhelp and bad friends. listeners get 10 off their first month. at betterhelp.com. bad friends that's betterhelp.com bad. friends. doordash when i was in hawaii shooting. magnum during the pandemic. the only uh food service delivery. option that i went to was um doordash. because. they were the most efficient they were. the quickest and they have the nicest.

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and zero delivery fees on your first. order when you download that doordash. app in the app store and enter the code. bad friends don't forget that's code bad. friends 2021 for 25. of your first order with doordash. subject to change terms apply. is this post show what is this oh there. was a little post show. look at that moment. killed it.

are you pressing charges. there's so much happiness in your face. right there yeah there's the. the amount of joy is incredible kalila. was crying. what are you doing what is that because. i remember. let it out no now when you look at me. kind of stop all right go ahead.

but um there was there was a moment. where um so i get off stage right. and i see klyla running right. running toward the green room because. she was in the audience. right and i remember looking at her and. i don't know what came over me but i did. a move. i went like this. what is that like a success yeah like. that yes like you felt it. and she could have did a hop yeah.

we at the same time i go yeah and she. does a hop. right and i go yeah yeah i'm just. yelling yeah. right i was so like are you getting. teary-eyed i was yeah but now. like when you look at me it just you. have a way about you. it just sucks it away i get angry when i. look at you. so um okay i love you okay but why i was. trying to share the moment with you that. we'll be getting what are you doing. right now you started that you're going. right now i was jim being nice i was. being nice no i i noticed that. don't look at me when i get emotional.

okay fine it takes me out of it well. that's what you think that's a you thing. fine go be emotional i'm not i'm done. with that no i'm done with that i'm done. but be emotional i'm done with being. emotional but my point is is that there. was a sense. of relief for myself too because it. could have gone the other way and it. could have been traumatic for her. right stop doing that i'm done well i. don't want to look at you now no i have. no feelings. so look at me again god. this is kind of nice doing the show like. this is great yeah.

hey but there was a those did you feel. proud honestly i really did i thought it. was one of those things where. i knew you were going to do great just. because i think you know sometimes. things line up. right but the next time she does it is. going to be a disaster yeah. that's what you have to do with a second. time yeah you're going to buy yeah. you're going to eat chips yeah you have. to experience. heaven and hell yeah otherwise it. doesn't exist yeah how do you know if. one is good if not if you don't know. what's bad. yeah you have to know let me say. something if you had had a bomb before. that. that would have been 10 times more ugh.

you know it would have felt. oh my god it would have felt so amazing. imagine her bombing in cancun oh she. will. that's going to be funny when would she. make her do 15 minutes of stand up she's. gonna buy. no not 15 minutes. yeah that's what the contract said it. said 15 minutes it literally said bob. and i have to do an hour together and. you have to do 15 minutes to open the. show yeah. one minute no just negotiation. your contract was with the [ __ ]. festival imagine that like. like if she's held hostage i know and.

she and they're like. give us a hundred thousand dollars and. she's like one dollar. [Laughter]. that's her negotiating just one dollar. or. later you know how sometimes you're a. hostage and they make they film. something. right yeah yeah i filmed this you had to. plead for your life. right she goes help me. do you want to get let out of here do. you want to have someone come save you. yeah. go tell people to come help you take a. lie. help me that's it she's gonna be dead.

they'll kill you right away they go this. kid's worthless yeah. but i have something else i want to talk. to you about okay i think i saw a great. show last night and i saw the full. first season last night what you're not. gonna like it. what is it called manifest. manifest yeah what is that about it's. some [ __ ] abc or cbs. why is it [ __ ] because it's like. lost oh i could yeah. yeah this is it yeah it's like lost so. it's basically what the here's the.

premise. can i tell you the premise a lot of. white people yeah. there are some blocks a lot of whites. for nbc yeah it's a lot of zoom in on. their nbc is there any browns. um there are i think the wife is a. little greek. that doesn't count dude greek is close. oh there's an indian there's an indian. girl as. the the far the far left right there is. an indian girl. i know but they just make it look like. she's not right like this poster from. far away are all those people white. yeah i remember seeing that poster on. like sunset boulevard going.

look at all those white shows but i. watched it. i watched the full season it's good huh. so no it's not no it's bad but the. premise is this okay. can i tell you the premise i'm listening. well the reason why i'm watching because. i was on netflix last night yesterday i. was like um. what's trending i don't know how that. works. this was trending yeah like top ten yeah. so. i gotta see the first pilot so this is. the premise. this family so this is what okay there's. a family in jamaica. not they're not jamaican this family is.

in jamaica. yeah they're on vacation uh in jamaica. okay come on so it's the central two. leads. is a brother and sister they're adults. right. and they have um the brother has. twins and his sister. is single but she's a cop oh right and. they're. there with their elderly parents and so. they're at the airport. and the announcement goes you know how. we're overbooked right so anyone wants.

to take a. later flight we'll give you a 400 coupon. right. when that happens at the airport i've. never seen anybody go me. never once never once never won never. once right i need to get to where i'm. going. me too i don't you'd have to give me 40. grand. let's be honest yeah how much what is. the lowest you'd take. i mean i don't want to sound like a dick. but the lowest i would take. if there was like well here's the other. problem if there were kids with cancer. you don't need to be there where you're. going you're going a day early already.

anyway. yeah so you could actually get there. tomorrow morning or to or later at the. night flight. well the flight attendant or whoever the. person is would have to come up to me. and go listen. there's a kid that needs there's three. kids that need kidney surgery. three of them that sounds like so many. people that need kidneys i know but. yeah all three of them are three kids. that need kidney surgery okay and. um the slightest book can you please. we'll give you four grand oh four grand. yeah and you know no voucher i don't.

even know what voucher means. cash now and you do four grand cash for. gank yeah in cash. yeah if i have to wait the most i'll. wait is five hours. what if it's tomorrow morning well you. gotta get me a nice hotel room. tonight tonight like four seasons okay. four grand in cash. okay all right what what's so funny. is that too much no i mean it's you know. what i'm another fourth season. how about just a nice i don't want to be. in a holiday inn well that's where. that's all we have sir. i'll do it okay perfect so we'll give.

you 4 000 in cash yes. i'll take the holiday inn okay so we're. going to tell the families now okay sir. this nice oriental man has decided to. give up his seats for you. five grand you called me oriental what. you can't see i'll. come on sure before going fine i'll take. that i'll take the holiday and go ahead. so kids we're gonna get you those. kidneys that you need. because this nice yellowman over here. has decided to give you. i'm sorry you work for american airlines. i do. i am one of the top people here i've. been at the desk for 37 years.

yellow and also oriental no i don't. believe i. said that but well i'm filming so okay. yeah okay okay guys so wing wang wang. over here is going to give up his seat. for you. right there already i'm making 40 50. grand because of. this really yeah i got sued this [ __ ]. i'll sue everyone airlines this is crazy. yeah yeah you're not allowed to be me. can i just finish the math. [ __ ] premise i don't know if people. care about manifest i want to just talk. about it i give it up.

go ahead and talk to that go ahead now. i'll be the thing now i want to know i. do want to know all right. i'm just gonna give you the purpose to. see if you like it i know what is it. all right tell me all right okay so. there's an announcement saying that um. anyone take this voucher so the brother. and sister right. i will take it because you know the. brother one of his kids. has cancer it's like it'll help you know. anything. will help right right so the brother and. sister and the kid with cancer stay.

the rest of the family leave they take a. little flight. on the later flight right they're flying. there's turbulence there's a kind of a. blackout. the the plane is shaking they go down. right. and they think they're gonna die but all. of a sudden they you know. they level out they level up the power. comes back on they just cut. and they go sorry about the you know. that was crazy but um. and then so they're approaching jfk or. whatever let me guess. what yeah i guess this is what i want. they time traveled.

yeah is that right yeah seriously yeah. but in the past or the future well. that's what you have to guess. um i think everything's going retro now. so the past they go went back to the. past. no oh they went future well i mean you. have a kid that has cancer. they're gonna go in the past what in the. 1700s gonna [ __ ] dead there's no. chemo back then funny. it is funnier very funny it's funnier to. put in back then it is funny because. they kill you. though they go he's sick kill him yeah.

yeah okay so they go in the future how. long in the future. hundred years five years five is a. little bit short that feels like it's. very. close i was opening five years five. years okay five years because. because the people i know they don't. want to change the wardrobe that's what. it is. that the people that flew ahead of them. they still need to be in the show. whether they are [ __ ]. a thousand years old now yeah that's. funny because. the kid the kid with cancer has a sister. who's a twin. she's now right she flew before him. right so now the kid is still eight with.

cancer. and his sister who is a twin is now. 12 or what i don't know what i right. five years 13 or whatever right so it's. like. uh what no i danced it in my head too i. literally went so that's the premise of. the show. i like that yeah five years in the. future five and a half years. but the kid with cancer is but now. technology now. is advanced advanced so the procedure. that they didn't exist five and a half. years ago.

well the indian girl is the actual. person that created it. and she's on the flight she's on the. flight too right so she's. right before the turbulence she's. emailing you know the. doctor or whatever she works with and. saying that i found the thing you know i. mean oh she found the cure yeah or. yeah so five years in the future yeah. and this kid's cure to cancer. not yet i mean i'm only the first season. he's not cured yet imagine if he dies at. the end of the first season i love it. all that for nothing. yeah i'd love it what he should do they. should just get back on a bunch of. planes.

keep taking planes and keep time. skipping to the 30 40 years in the. future then he's definitely going to. live through it. no it's a it was a one thing a nominal. one time deal one time anomaly. but let's let's come up with something. turbulence. like that like that but what happens. instead of going in the past. has it you don't know what happened you. and i are on a flight in the middle of. the night we're going to cancun. oh yeah let's talk about that so it was. three. and uh she's nervous so she's got a poo. okay right rudy goes in the back just.

like in lost. right dominic monaghan is shooting. heroin in the back in the bathroom yeah. we need a reason for. can she be shooting heroin sure poo or. heroin either one she could be poor and. do it. she's filipino so um she's smoking like. ice oh she's smoking meth. meth like smoke yeah ice yeah she's oh. that's what ice is made out of hawaiian. in hawaii yeah that's right so you're. smoking meth. and then like there's a scene where. you're sitting there and you're you have. all that stuff out. and then there's a no smoking sign right.

and she does something rebellious like. she spits on it yeah yeah right on the. no smoking side. a close-up of the sign and it's just a. chogi. just wobbles down wobbles down and then. because of network tv probably the show. that we're doing mm-hmm this is network. yeah yeah this is on nbc you can just. see the smoke you don't really see you. doing that. well you see her go and then light the. lighter and then as she goes to like. smoke it. it pans up to the no smoking right with. the very good with the spin. i would love to yeah yeah so then we.

know she's smoking meth in the bathroom. right. you of course are in first class in. first class i am. coach coach middle c middle seat between. two um two conjoined twins wins. what they're conjoined at the head so. their heads are above. they're i don't know i'm below their. heads that's good writing have you ever. seen the two girls that they're their. heads yeah. yeah you know those two girls look at. the two girls i can't please i want to. see it. for reference for reference but for.

reference. i can't wait this is for the show we're. making our show this is our manifest. do the ones where they're where they're. grown teenager ones the team. they drive together they date yeah yeah. oh they're at the body yeah they're at. the body dude they're not. the head oh why did i think they were at. the head so it's two heads one how about. how about this this that's funny there's. a great way one on the one end it's just. she's with the two heads. the two heads you can do a bit where. it's like you know because. you can do a bit where one of the head. is coming into your space. right asking me for asking me can i hear.

some of that right so you do a comedy. thing. where you kind of do a yawn yeah oh and. you're trying to push one of the heads. towards. their space yeah and the other and her. head knocks against her sister and the. other one on the other side is. somebody without a head oh all right. [Laughter]. somebody no no no maybe their head. didn't develop. it's down here down here on the shoulder. your shoulder head right so it's almost. as like. you do a joke like you know i wish i.

could just. can i just i just want to swap. right something like that you know. shoulder head shoulder so okay. so that's where i am and i'm in the. middle of the season right but i'm. scrunched up and i just it's. it's southwest so that it's funnier if i. was there. you are there no you would be the you. have to be you're on your way. i'm in coach you're on your way back. let's get there you're all art class i'm. in first class you're hanging out what. happens your ipad dies. [ __ ] you don't have a charger charger.

right so you go santino's got one yeah. but you don't have chargers in coach. i have one in my bag for you. because you're trying to swap seats you. come back and go. why can't i just like because this is in. writing right yeah i could just grab the. charger and just i'll just grab it and. i'll bring it back no you say hey can i. have your charger my ipad died. and i said well you have to change you. have to sit in this seat right and then. there's a bit where i look at both of. them. right and i have to think and then me.

and you both go. i know i wish you could like we both get. it right right we both get it. right we have a little laugh right and. then you switch seats with me right. right. yeah now on my way to first class right. i close the curtain i say goodbye to you. i give you a little wink of doodle i got. a good one what i got a good one what. when we land yeah right i'm. i've proposed to one of them. [Laughter]. like literally shoulder blades yeah or. double no even the one on the other side. there's two heads right the one at the.

window i've somehow developed a. relationship oh neck head but this one. right here hates me. okay okay yeah i get that but we're. getting engaged. so you're getting engaged to the one on. the right oh to one of the double downs. yes. okay so double downs double down oh yeah. yeah. that's their name the double downs yeah. so the double down you get in trouble. for this. why it's a movie yeah this isn't it's a. movie it's a tv show first of all. yeah i'm showing nbc so here's the deal. you propose to the double down on the. right yeah. right yeah i'm in first class yeah uh.

you. you get up because you need to find rudy. jules. right but can i just say this though. yeah i'll just throw something else in. yeah. when i'm coming to get the charger and. you go let's exchange. right you know maybe i do it because. there's something even worse in first. class. that's sitting next to you that's next. to me on first class what is it. it's either like eric griffin. [Laughter]. so mean.

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pound. life so so you've got a 600 pound human. being next to you yeah and they're. falling into your seat they're folding. and. they're melting into this melting into. your seat yeah so you have to sit there. oh yeah right so i'm with the you know. what i mean double what double down what. are you double downs. the double downs and the down you're the. double down and the no neck. and the head neck sorry the head. shoulder head yeah shoulder is the funny. thing about like you know going. so have you guys have you guys flown. this um airline before and then. and then they go yeah we have have.

anyway. right so it could be like a little. comedy but i like that i like that yeah. yeah i like okay so. she's gotta get in the bathroom she's. been smoking meth for quite a while yeah. so what's going on with her. she hits her meth she hits her rock yeah. i mean it could be a funny moment. check this out what she comes out of the. bathroom she opens the door. yeah and nobody's in the plane it's. totally empty we're here we're. rudy's pov she's ripped up on meth and. she opens up and every seat is empty.

check this out yeah the door of the. plane is open yeah. logic ensues yeah cabin pressure would. be gone how am i still breathing how. much alive right man this meth must be. really good. yeah right yeah okay but she walks. around for a second to look into the. seats and then she freaks out so she. runs back into the bathroom closes the. door. yeah right and he's like come on chill. out you know chill out yeah yeah this is. just you you're doing this to yourself. you're doing this to yourself you're. freaking out right oh so what you're. saying is is. that the ice smoking the eyes puts her.

in a different dimension. correct or a plane correct right so. every. she can visit this plane and dimension. yeah every time she smokes eyes. but watching it i just i just as a. viewer yeah i'm watching it's like. she's just done drugs like you know what. i mean that's what she's seeing but it's. pain medication. what we we we insert part of the story. where. because of her face and stuff and her. and who she is yeah. and something's wrong with her yeah you. can tell when you look at her. something's wrong with her. yeah and she needs the ice to survive so.

people that are judging like she or. she's doing drugs like no she that she. needs it for medication. ice ice she needs ice crystals. so check this out what this is rudy's. pov this is actually rudy's show people. don't know this. rudy goes back in the bathroom smokes. rock again now when she opens the. airplane door yeah she's somewhere. completely different where. you tell me kid right and so it's called. rudy's ice. rudy's eyes that's the name of the show. that's what it's called rudy's ice.

so so when she goes back into different. dimensions she has to solve some of the. issues right. like she has to go back into the plane. where we were because um. a terrorist tried to take over the plane. the guy who was sitting next to me. 600-pound life. he was actually going to take over the. plane that's what's really going on yeah. he's like i'm taking over this airplane. right right and i and he's. he goes up to the you know he holds one. of the flight attendants hostage so rudy. now has to get back to that flight. she has to save everyone's life it's. like you know what it's like yeah you. know what's high what. my name is earl you know he has to go.

fix all of his problems from his past. yeah. but it's my name is it's my name is. first of all i don't like the fact that. it's her show it's her show no i don't. like the fact that it's her show why not. because you're throwing out this listen. i like the idea. yeah i like the idea right rudy's eyes. that's a great we keep that as. the title do you like the show no rudy. rudy's eyes right i love rudy's eyes. here's what i don't like it's almost as. if.

we establish these great relationships. with the double. we have the 600 pound guy in the front. right we're coming back right. i mean i wish we would land and then we. all. have a purpose together what is our. purpose so we land. right mm-hmm. welcome to um guys and we look out the.

window. in either one of two things one thing is. we just see carriages like. oh cowboy right. okay we're in the wild west. [Music]. yeah all that stuff right or we land. right and it's like. you know hovercrafts and. the jetsons type of [ __ ] or or i i got. even better we're underwater no no.

that's good that's good but here i have. a fourth one okay we land we look at the. window. and we see everyone either in the out. there. either 600 pounds or with the double. heads. oh that's everybody that's everybody oh. man. that's everywhere in the lands of the. fat and the double down. oh the no heads yeah yeah right right. and and us three. are the only ones who look like singular. heads right. and it's sort of like a reverse racism. thing. we're the outcomes we're the outcasts. and we get shamed.

right right so during the movie through. the movie. there's a scene where i go to like a. mannequin store or whatever. and i chop off a mannequin head and i. put it on my shoulder just so that i can. so you can be one of them so you walk. around little man. and then like we will see where rudy. gets a fat suit. yeah oh yeah yeah yeah right right right. and then we have a. thing where you right we get a shirt. right a mechanism. where the shirt ends here so it's my mom.

really tall weird guy you're gonna meet. with no head but i love it yeah i love. it this is great. so we're walking around town. me with no head you with the second head. yeah and rudy's 600 pounds. but she's trying to fight ice in this. world she's got to find ice. somehow. yeah we don't know the economy now we. don't we don't know. what's money i don't know how they trade.

yeah yeah this is good and we get. and then we get shamed right and bullied. it's like it's. a good message it's like a coming-of-age. tale yeah that also involves. crystal methamphetamine yeah yeah yeah i. like it do you like it. rudy's ice rudy rudy's ice. i think that's it do you like this show. will you do this show we have to go to. i swear to god we can get a meeting we. won't get it sold so what but we could. have the meeting.

can i say something real i'm not joking. yeah. can we somehow set up a meeting to go to. nbc pitch this show. dead serious yeah okay pitch this show. yeah and film it. oh my get that we'll blank out their. faces and stuff i understand that but. that would number one. kick us out of this we may never get. another we may not never get another. pitch again i know but that's funny. it is funny and number two i don't. i think i would be laughing so hard. that's what that what if they bought it. by the way network notes you don't. remember the network notes.

okay let's go to the camera right so i'm. back to the cable you know rewrite the. pilot right. okay we send it in right what are the. notes like. we can't so the show can't be based on. crystal meth guys. yeah it can't be crystal meth can it be. crack. no they'll say can it be like she has a. a pharmaceutical pill addiction that's. what they want oh that's what they'll. say yeah something that. i'll give how about another thing or. deadly um. there's not enough diversity in the show. that's that's the first night yeah can. we make the double-headed guy. black puerto rican or puerto rican in.

there and then we're like. we're trying to find a double-headed. like a real person we don't want to cgi. yet. right you know how like in movies now. hard to cast we would make the. double-headed person. black i would do that as a writer right. we would change that 100. yeah does it matter with the headless. that's the pitch to a networking example. that would be an argument does it matter. it's a matter of what the hell. they're gonna say we're gonna see his. hands we'd love some racial diversity. yeah we're gonna see this so we'll make.

that you know what. does it matter what the headless oh my. god. that'll be great so what is the headless. person yeah you only say arms yeah i'll. just say um. in the head suppose we'll just put. gloves out it'll be ambiguous but they. they can see your forearms oh the four. unless we're wearing shirt long sleeves. the whole. show we'll make it yellow so it'll be. asian so it's an asian guy yeah we'll. make the asian. asian guy yeah okay perfect i already. cast it right now oh you already know. who it is. he'd be great he would be good as a. headless man so now. the black the the fat guy the fat guy in.

the seat in the front yeah let me ask. you this. what if what if i'm the executive you're. we you and i really did write this okay. this is a note. and i want to see what you would say. perfect so the 600 pound guy can he be. 300 no no 300 is not big. 400 not big enough i'm telling you we. need 600 pound. it's kind of the metric of of uh. of obesity like the show's 600 pound. life it's very famous so we need a 600. pounder yeah but how do.

but then um as a a crane a crane. you need a crane i know but. do you know anybody i mean would you. reality show. no but would you no get them off for. real no no no we no we have to get a. good actor. oh there's no 600 pound actor no we make. it we make an actor eat the food. oh we make someone do that for the role. yeah it's called you know it's called. what do you call a method. method actually we get a method of. dialogue so matthew mcconaughey he lost. all that weight for dallas buyers now. he's got to gain.

450 pounds for our show yeah i think he. would do it. you think so just him blobbing out in. the seats like yeah oh you knew who. would do it christian bale. bale would do it in the heart could do. it like that well how big was the woman. that was in what's eating gilbert grape. she was big 250 250 300. there's literally no chance 300 way more. no she hadn't been four or five there's. no way there's no way. i'm i'm telling you dude i'm telling you. she was. let's take a guess what's eating gilbert. grape what's eating gilbert what's.

gilbert's last name your gilbert. gilbert colon what's eating gilbert. gallon gilbert grape here. her name was darlene cates and by the. way we're not making fun of uh. overweight people but darlene uh darlene. darlene darlene darlene. darlene darling i love that song it's. jolene jolene yeah jolene yeah yeah. darlene kate was an american actress. rest in peace she died a couple of years. ago she was [ __ ] incredible. in this movie yeah how much did the mom. weigh okay because that's the first. question asked on google. 500 pounds told you wow kate has been.

written and weighed 500 pounds let's get. her she's dead she died. we gotta get her anyway we still gotta. get her okay we'll revive her yeah yeah. she died at 69. huh 2017. we can't get. herself so. you know what i i we should make this a. movie so not a tv show because all this. network stuff is driving me crazy. well because you're going through notes. right now yeah because the notes and. stuff they're going to change it all. i want it to be eyes you know what you. could do though you just say just say. when somebody's like hey. here's a note just be like i think.

that's racist. that's all you have to do is say i think. that's racist and they'll go oh i didn't. know and then you're like yeah we don't. want to. have nothing to do with the race like no. that's the story point that's the whole. point you know i mean ready i'll say. this is what really okay. so they go bobby they go bobby check. this out in the show. in the korean spa show yeah so one of. the network notes that i think we. all kind of collectively didn't really. enjoy is there's a little bit of. you want to be nude in it and you want. to do a thing where you windmill your. penis around when you get out of the. out of the steam room or you windmill it. around you go hey.

yeah yeah we just i don't think we just. i don't think that's good for the show. that's racist. we'll leave it in i think that's a good. i think it's a great update in fact not. only should you win million i think you. should also. i get with that right flap it flop it i. know smack it. what is something as simple as this. though you're right. you're the right writer right so you. know that scene um where. jimmy who's a white guy yeah right and. he's eating corn. you know i mean could it be carrots. that's racist you can't see wow that's.

racist. how what what what about jimmy he needs. to eat carrots. what do you mean why does he need to eat. carrots instead of corn. because carrots have a long history of. oppression of white people no. yes they are character thrown at white. people for many many years. on stage yes you know that carrot farms. is sponsoring. though they're spon they're giving us. money yeah oh he'll he'll be eating. carrots all day. okay okay good so there we go that. doesn't work then it's the money thing. though.

money trump's race money trump's race. [Laughter]. i see rudy do you want to do any of this. stuff she doesn't even want to. participate today. yeah what's up we're over here what are. you going to do rudy's eyes rudy rudy's. your show. i like it's fun. she's on this show isn't she i know yeah. um we do have the bobby lee's ready for. a phone call oh. the band the bobby lee's want to call us. the bobby lee's we're about to get a. phone call from the band the bobby lee's. because i've known about them for a.

couple of years but let's. approach bobby lee hello hello um this. is bobby lee. am i talking to the bobby lees hey. what's up i'm talking to two of us. one one of us is in the bathroom and the. other one is. not feeling well today what's going on. another one. in the bathroom does he have diarrhea or. something i don't think so. does he i can't i just texted him to get. it to get back out here we'll see. our drummer is in the back room and. who's sick.

um nick our guitar player is sick he. thinks he has pneumonia but is it. covered. it's kovin it's the delta variant i bet. it's the delta. delta it's delta is it united or delta. which one. so guys guys i've known about your band. for a couple of years and i've always. like. really yeah that's crazy so who is they. was there a teacher or. what i mean why are you guys called the. bobby lee's. it's kind of random it was like a. it was an accident i guess that were.

named that i had written a song. called bobby lee which was um. like from our first record and it was i. used to have these kind of psychotic. episodes where i thought it was. possessed by different people and i. named one of them bobby lee and it was. not supposed to be the band name but. then we got our. first show and we didn't have a name. so i picked that very temporarily and i. did not know that there was a famous. comedian. named that and then once we started. playing.

shows i definitely became aware of who. you were because. everyone asked are you based on hey. mackie's in the car. what's going on we told him he asked if. you had diarrhea. oh yeah totally yeah well why do you why. do you have diarrhea right now bud. you know man put stuff in my body it. just. i get it bro i don't really know but the. thumb in there just. gets all tangled in a web of lies and. deceit. comes out painfully i get i get where do.

you guys live in the midwest where do. you guys live. we live we're in woodstock new york oh. new york yeah yeah because i think i. listened to when i found out about your. i think i listened to whenever something. i really liked it but then i was like. confused about why. you guys are called the bobby leaves but. now um that you explained it. um yeah but i still want to hear more. the demonic so you had demonic visions. of people. are you being real um yeah no i. i mean i used to have a really bad. drinking issue and i would. start to hallucinate there's a thing.

called like alcoholic schizophrenia that. i didn't know about. until i had it um and i quit drinking. and now i. very not very often do i think um. well can i get that can we get some of. the like the um the psychology behind it. like. where does the word bobby become like. who's bobby in your life and what does. lee mean to you like how did that happen. do you know what i mean i i have no idea. i was sitting in an apartment and. um i used to think like my radiator was. talking to me at the time.

maybe i shouldn't be talking because. you know i'm a recovering drug addict. and alcoholic myself. and i relate to those psychotic breaks i. mean i've had them myself you know i. mean so. i think it's interesting and i and i and. i believe you are you sober now or. yeah i am yeah congrats for how long. um six years bobby's going on now i only. have a couple years i've had six seven. at 17 years i relapse and i have a. couple years yeah here's what i want to.

do. you guys i mean i know because of covet. and the pandemic it's probably touring's. out the window but. if you guys ever play in la at the. troubadour or any of these places or. spaceland is that still there you know. yeah um. give us a call and we'd love to come see. you. yeah we would love we would love to come. we actually start. we start touring next month and we're. going to be in la in november i don't. know what. date yet or where but we will be there. please reach out to we'd love to come. and see you yeah do you guys uh are you. writing a song right now called the.

andrew santino by any chance or no. um if you wanted to write a song. [Laughter]. have you guys ever heard our show at all. or no we heard about it when. someone said we were on it and we were. very excited. but i knew about you andrew i saw you on. um i'm dying up here right. that was awesome oh thanks yeah well we. like you guys we think you're cool we. were interested at first we were. we were gonna um we were gonna seek. legal action bobby.

wanted to sue for the likeness of his. name he was going to sue you guys for. 50 million that's what he said 50. million we've made no money yet so oh. yeah. we're kidding we're kidding no we're. kidding we're going to see you guys in. november thanks so much for talking. we're going to be there the bobby lee's. baby thank you guys. so much and thank you for having us on. yeah bye. bye guys bye can we play that video with. that woman real fast. i want you to see this is funny it's not. this whole karen thing is annoying to me.

now it's like all right enough. like it's annoying yeah but also this. did make me laugh. because of what she does have you never. heard of a leash in the city. uh really really. yeah okay we'll wait for the police to. clear it up. so he says which country should i go. back to karen because apparently before. the video she said go back to whatever. country you're from. yeah the reason she's mad is because. these people are running this is in new.

york. with their dog off the leash they're. like on a path to the dog of the leash. she's mad that the this is but here it. is this is very funny to me go ahead. huh say it now you now you can't get. your toes. this psychopath tried to clap their dog. into the street freeway. [Laughter].

look i'm not cool with it but i was like. this woman's so. [ __ ] nuts that's crazy come on pepe. watch your camera imagine if the puppy. did it ran. out there a mack truck runs the puppy. over right. look at this this what do you think. would happen to her no. nothing no nothing she'd run away she'd. run but she's on tape. i know there was a video out of a white. woman. yeah calling it a puppy away and the. [ __ ].

truck ran him over this woman would be. gone. disappear her whole life would just. disappear again when she goes on the. street it's not funny come on puppy. i'm sorry. she hate this girl insane i hate this. woman. it's i'm not okay with it obviously i. have a dog i love dogs but it made me. laugh at how insane it was. because she didn't know what to do yeah. because they got her and she's like okay. i'm gonna double down. she doubled down hard i'm gonna clap.

your dog in the street what do you like. this woman rudy. no if she does that i would kill her. what would you do would you. admit violence on her you would the boys. like it. yeah no i honestly be honest if she. killed. like stubbs. even you i would kill her for killing. stubs you love stops your other dog's. not as much but yeah. yeah but stubs for sure she's the best. oh my god. so if she stubs you know because stuff's. a great dog.

phenomenal you know what i would do what. look at this. you know what i [ __ ] do. i would do that thing in game of thrones. what tie her up. i would tie her up and i would take the. bucket a bucket right a wooden bucket. right. and put 15 rats in there tie it to her. stomach then light this end. right so the [ __ ] rats dig through. her stomach and eat away. through her spine to escape and while. she's screaming.

[ __ ] out [ __ ] you. my [ __ ] dog man you don't [ __ ] with. my dog man that's so [ __ ]. up i like that though you're standing up. for stuff no it was really good. i hate this woman i know she would die. she's nuts. i would just caught i would cut off. slowly. little tiny bits of her hair of her body. well you know. have you ever seen if you're seeing a. video of a like a blade saw that's. spinning fast and if you push stuff up. to it. it just disappears oh no i've got. something better.

so you take bamboo right and at the edge. of the bamboo you make like. spikes sharp sharp and bamboo grows. gradually. right right right and so what he would. do uh pol pot with thai. people kids oh my god oh my god. and put like spikes of bamboo in their. fingers and their fingers. and it would just slowly grow into their. bodies right but i would do that to her. titties okay.

but she killed my dog i get it context. she guessed it she's got it. she gets what she deserves yeah let me. tell you something the funniest thing. that happened stubs was brought to the. improv to the bray improv. two things one the moment that warmed my. heart was stubs is i had my arms like. this on your at your house. yeah on sitting on the um stoop yeah and. my this hole in my arm right here. yeah is perfect for what a dog a dog. head yeah stubs. walks up behind me and puts. right through this hole and then leans. on my on my hip i almost [ __ ] i.

almost. fell into i almost i could if if god. gave me a heart attack. yeah with the dog like that fine if my. heart was like. and stopped yeah stubs on my hip fine. the best fine it warmed my soul and i. sat there and i couldn't believe it i. looked around i was like. stop so stubs came to the improv and. this made me laugh. harder than i've ever left bobby's. trying to order stubs. food they have a full kitchen at the. improv okay.

and rudy says get him some chicken right. get stub some chicken bobby says get me. two chicken strips. so they get you two chicken strips and. then what do you say. just take off the breading. you could have just ordered chicken the. whole time you could have just ordered. chicken. so they got you a bunch of chicken. strips and then he was trying to peel. off the breading. grilled chicken breading could be. pre-packaged that way.

right like frozen uh-huh like you know. yeah they're frozen for sure. yeah right so like when you go to. mcdonald's you get chicken nuggets. right they don't put the breading on the. [ __ ] chicken it's already pre-made. yeah right yeah so i thought that the. chicken strips. are pre-breaded they are right yeah i. didn't know that they had regular. chicken. so i just got two chicken strips so i. could take the breading off you thought. they didn't have regular chicken no. okay okay how bizarre that's not weird. it is. it's not did you think they had regular.

chicken no. you guys are weird no you're weird i. think in this cert scenario. honestly what you're weird because it's. like chicken sandwiches. chicken patties i don't eat at comedy. clubs i don't know the menu. right you've never eaten at a comedy. club you had a pretzel every time we've. gone down yeah that's the only thing. because i know that because i saw. somebody eat else eat it. like oh they have pretzels you didn't. look at the menu so my point is is that. i oh i know every place has chicken. strips. yeah yes everything yes yeah right so. i'm like and chicken sandwiches.

yeah maybe breaded pre-frozen. i don't know if it's grilled okay yeah. so i think my logic the yeah my logic is. correct in this. oh yeah 100 i'm telling you no and. you're so funny you're trying to shame. me when it comes to laundry. the first thing that i would get i would. say is do you guys have chicken breast. yes we do yeah can i have some yeah. that's where i'd go yeah but since. i don't eat a comedy class i don't know. what the [ __ ] they have you've never. eaten you didn't eat when you were. coming up you didn't eat when you were. coming up. here's another thing you never ate at. the improvs on the way up here's another. thing.

all right the improvs a lot of them are. attached to an umami burger. well they used to be where they used to. be right yeah copper in my head right. right. i've eat i know that menu right they. don't have a grilled chicken sandwich on. that menu i do mommy burger yeah. they have a breaded chicken sandwich. that's free bread so you do eat at. comedy clubs. oh mommy burger yeah and so if i want to. look at that menu there is no grilled. chicken so in my logic. all you know is umami burgers yeah so in. my head like you know i mean okay so. you're wrong about this and it's so. funny when you're wrong you get all.

no i'm not wrong yeah i look at you no. you would ask for chicken breasts no you. wouldn't yeah you would. no i can't even i can't even ask the. boys because they don't know any better. no one would side you with you on this. okay fellas. pete what would you ask for a chicken. breast or chicken strips and asked to. peel off the breading. i'd ask if they had grilled chicken. probably do you have a chicken breast. and they would go yeah it's funny a pete. who's never been to a common club before. yes he has. pete have you been to a comedy club of. course how many. uh through five yeah five.

that's it i've been to. all of them now watch this watch this. yeah george. yeah he's lying already he went. he got excited george would you ask for. uh would you how would you phrase it. would you say do you guys have chicken. or would you say give me chicken bro. give me chicken strips and then i'm in. your mind you're just gonna peel off the. breading. uh i would go with the chicken strips. probably i knew it. also could just say this dude it's not. that big of a deal do you know what a. dingleberry is.

you do you know a dingleberry yeah i do. it's like a piece of toilet paper. that gets caught in your poo hairs in. your butt hairs i thought it was a. little round ball of poo that's. typically it's because toilet paper gets. caught in there and you know and stuff. like that it's poo and toilet paper and. hair. it's all in your hair it's just the. round ball of there's there's no. no yeah usually it's because they're. pointless residue residue. anyway but don't say toilet paper toilet. paper. george is your dinner george is your. dingleberry. and we'll hold on to your poo hair as. hard as he can regardless even if he.

knows that he would clearly ask for. chicken breasts. now ask me if george is my dingleberry. is george. but that's not necessarily why he's. saying that yes it is i think it's. logic george do you not think you're. bobby's dingleberry no i'm like uh. kalila's dingleberry for sure who are. you more afraid of. lyla or me be honest uh yeah that'd be. kalylah. yeah oh really she's you're that much. more scared of her she's so pleasant. what are you scared of she's maleficent.

maleficent. yeah what a film yeah wait really are. you really scared of kalila well if. she's. if she's angry it actually means. something and if he's angry what. it's a day of the week. oh man hold on my hold on let me put on. my seatbelt i don't think that's it dude. i think that my anger. right you know that i'm half joking yeah. right whereas klyla it's full commitment.

there's no joke or when she's angry you. know i could be i yell for no reason. i could be fake angry or yeah. trying to make a false scene right. whereas kalila is. like really angry when she's angry and. it's scary. when she's mad she's actually very mad. yeah no i get it. i get it yours is so i just want to say. that the chicken strip thing that you. had planned. not planned stop for a second it's not. planned i talk it's half of my podcast. as well. barely all right it's so funny because.

the chicken strip grilled chicken it was. so stupid. it backfired in your stupid face see. you're starting [ __ ]. and you look like a fool today for bud. and i think that um we're not cutting. that out. i just want the audience to know that. you're a fool oh is it okay yeah yeah. okay. you're a fool who's who's dumber you or. me you're much smarter than i am thank. you but in this specific. situation scenario you're the dumb one. i'm the dumb one and you're foolish but.

see what an idiot would do is not. understand the logic of asking for a. chicken breast prior to asking for. chicken strips. so so what smart people do i'm in a. mexican restaurant. i'm not going to say hey do you guys. have jambalaya you're not a the improv. isn't a mexican restaurant no i'm not. gonna go to like. the improv is a [ __ ] comedy club that. has bar food. and almost every bar in the world has a. chicken breast sandwich. some of them have a copper blue attached. to them some almost every barbie burger. almost everybody has a chair.

my logic is i know for a fact let me. tell you that when i. stop i haven't figured out not when i go. to a common club they. always have chicken strips right yeah. i've never ordered. first of all it's also an item i've. never ordered. i've never ordered chicken without some. sort of breading. you know i know i can see that yeah now. you go to. because you're losing the argument now. you go to body shaming no you call me a. fool and you and you. and so you insulted me twice so me. insulting you is only even you go to. body shaming so.

you insult him you call me a fool and so. yes i'm gonna do that to you yeah yeah. but let me show you. let me show their logic and it might be. hard for you to pick up it's not. and that's condescending now watch stop. now watch yeah yeah. so here starting point right starting. point. bobby bobby needs right over here. chicken for the dog. right instead of going hey do you have. chicken for the dog. bobby stopped off at the gas station. over here for cigarettes. and red bull and went do you guys have. chicken strips. yeah we do okay good so now i have. chicken but also okay i need to come.

over here. let's go back okay let's go back okay. yeah hey do you have chicken. let me do you have chicken let me do it. let me instead you went over here. down here no no i'll get chicken strips. i'll peel them off. so no just do you have chicken then if. they said no then you oh do you have. chicken strips we do. so that's it all right this is my dog. right this is me right this is the. waitress. okay that's the waitress yeah okay are.

you making an insult about the way the. person that served us. no it's just there's only three items. but look. look at that so it's like this now this. person me. right has 50 000 things going on like. what. in charge of the lineup who's going what. i'm worried about her there's so much. things going. so many things going on so why did you. have to handle the chicken right so what. i'm saying is is that. people are barking kalila is trying to. feed you right you guys brought. something out of the car. that was like kind of you you didn't. know if it was fresh or not do you. remember you said that. so you went to calendar go is this fresh.

i have all these things going on in my. head right. in terms of lineups and i saw that the. food that dog food that you had in your. hand that couldn't. so i don't know i don't know what they. have i don't have time to look at the. menu so i go. just give me some chicken strips so we. can you know in my head it's like it's. not that hard. it's not yeah and you're making a big. deal out of [ __ ] nothing thank you. for being. a bad friend. [Laughter]. arguing on something stupid.

[Music]. they always make movies i think the new. training day. you should be denzel's part no oh yeah. hey let's remake dude how funny would be. training day remade. same script but we put jewels as denzel. washington. how great would that be it wouldn't make. any sense it'd be so weird. but i would love to see it you want to. do it. and and ethan hunt what and.

ethan no we got to get so many other. read with someone ridiculous as ethan. hunt who should we get. andreas yeah andreas is ethan hunt. yeah yeah i want to play the cube of. gooding jr part. was that no is that that yeah is that. that same movie right no that's. that's american uh american gangster. american gangster and then. cuba could you i think american gangster. would be good another. good remake we could do yeah with jules. absolutely yeah.

there's just so many movies if we they. remade it with you in it. that would just change it but made it. make it better in a weird way. here's another one jewel starring in. first blood rambo. this just just her walking down the. street when. uh brian dennehy you know he's in his. cop car. and looks through his rear view window. and sees you know i mean. sees john rambo you know with his green.

fatigues walking down the street i think. that right there. would get a 20-minute laugh in the. theater. [Laughter]. and then you're like hey buddy what are. you doing around here man you know. that's you know what i mean. and just jewels lightly well uh i just. want to get something to eat you know. and then that whole scene where she's. she's in the cop station. and she escapes and then her falling off. the cliff and then her. her showing herself up hello.

[Music].