Rudy's Getting Kicked Out | Ep 15 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad friends Vice President Biden quite. frankly we're a little concerned with. your mental faculties because you've. said some really weird stuff to the. media recently I got do that to White. media and black media because my wife. has to go on at six o'clock what does it. have to do with race oh uh oh I'm in. trouble yeah you are are you going to. keep saying weird [ __ ] I will.

okay do you need help like is something. wrong do you think you got more. questions but I tell it if you have a. problem figuring out whether you're from. me or Trump and you ain't black I know. I'm not black what are you what are you. talking about dude is he losing his. mind it's funny I posted this [ __ ] on my. instagam but here's the problem didn't. like it I'm getting so much [ __ ] for it. right now for no like I knew political. it's not about I didn't do it for. politics people are all like oh you're a. trump fan like well you can't make fun. of Biden now like.

what is this what's this world make fun. of him after he gets. elected really make fun of him after he. gets what a [ __ ] thing to say You're. supposed to make fun of everybody you're. a comedian well but our intentions and. how many [ __ ] how many [ __ ] videos. online are of of making fun of uh Trump. it's like every comic has a trump joke. me myself included this is a but do you. understand people's mentality and their. point of view and how they feel about it. right now A feel about what about Trump. and and the administration and whatnot. do you understand how people feel about.

it I don't understand but me neither so. what are you talking about but do people. do have feelings about it I don't give a. [ __ ] then let them have their reaction. you have your feelings let them react. it's called cause and effect baby the. point is you can make every action. there's an equal reaction. baby that's what they say in the [ __ ]. books bab you should be able to make fun. of both parties I understand that that's. when you're funny but you're still. allowed to like comment on [ __ ] and have. an opinion no no no but but when they.

say like I'm a trump fan because of this. that's what that's the problem with. what's going on yeah cuz they go okay so. when people on SNL used to make fun of. uh uh Bill Clinton and they mocked him. okay so were they not Democrats then no. the problem is in today's [ __ ] people. still got negative criticism for it. you're missing the point back the point. is is that you have ugly thick Italian. redheaded eyebrows that's the point yeah. and the thing is is that if you post. that on Instagram people are going to. comment but that that's their point of.

view it is ugly and it's thick but my. point is is that everyone has their own. opinion my friend it's like this you. know people say that I look old now. you're the dumbest friend I. have I what did you just say you sound. like this guy what guy you sound like. this guy you sound like this yeah if. you're black if you're not saying weird. [ __ ] I will I will okay do you need help. like is something wrong do you think you. got more questions but I tell it if you. have a problem figuring out whether.

you're from me or Trump and you ain't. black if you have a problem figuring out. if you're with me or Trump then you. ain't black no he's saying right if you. vote for Trump then you're not black. that's what he's saying no he doesn't he. knows whoever's on you're not obviously. not the one he's talking to right yeah. this is a dub video I did exactly so I. don't know who he's talking about that I. was showing Rudy so maybe the other guy. that he's talking to um isn't black the. guy that I this is charlot 's video he.

was black charlamagne's black this is he. might not be. though you're right inside on the inside. you're right right no you're wrong on. the okay charlamagne's black on the. inside in the inside in the outside. upside down backwards inside out right. well you wed that point upside down. doing it right doing it. wrong down you don't know that song boy. you turn me inside out doing it right. doing it.

doing it every way Rudy is one week. awayy is going to get kicked out of the. house she's one week away from. graduating School rud is going to get. she's when she graduates she's out of. the [ __ ] house let's give it up for. Rudy's gonna graduate woo woo w w w wo. Rudy yeah she going to graduate she has. another year the graduate this year. she's going to move on from this year. she she has not graduated you're going. to. graduate for I'll get one I'll give it. one clap all right so I'm I have a. complains I have a mess of a complaints. all right let's hear them baby my. massive complaints is this okay is that.

um you know Rudy isn't my blood relative. uh yeah not not not blood blood or. legally or in any any I from the grace. of my own heart because I'm you know. very Mother Teresa in that way I'm I'm a. bleeding heart empathy you're you're. very Mother Teresa you're like an you're. like an old Haggard [ __ ] who never. [ __ ] you're just like Mother Teresa.

that's what you. talk your ugly [ __ ] eyebrows when you. talk look at the lack of definition in. your [ __ ] arms I'm fat you have this. the most like that's like you're a. little ham hack you're like if you like. if you Mr Potato haded a piece of ham. with little with little fake arms all. right so anyway um I have a bleeding. heart I'm a good dude yeah um D Bobby. can you move to the left that's what I'm. talking that's part of it that's a part. of it I told her I said to make sure.

that's a part of that's a part of it. that's a part of her tone all right. you're the. best I let her into my house um she. doesn't pay for rent right she doesn't. pay for. food right she doesn't play pay for. really anything really well but her her. physical being is worth something. correct her presence is definitely worth. something she's lovable enjoyable sweet. smart kind basically one the PE like you.

had Cleopatra which is me okay so your. Mother Teresa and Cleopatra combo combo. a combo deal right so you you're Cleo. Teresa yeah right and she's building the. pyramids oh yeah you know that imagine. Cleopatra and there's 200,000 dudes or a. million dudes yeah building like you. know so that's who she is why so many. dudes I don't cuz they're very complex. things to build pyramids I built three. of them in my life and they take a long. those one Boulder is is the heavy very.

heavy okay yeah is as heavy as Eric. Griffin shout out but boom I'm going to. get a text from that he texted me. already he goes y'all need to stop. talking about on your podcast kiding me. we're the we're giving you more press. anything you've ever done know yeah this. is better than Workaholics for him yeah. montz man y. man stino yeah yeah I got so many people. texting me about the [ __ ] you say on. your show so come back to me um um yeah.

my turn yeah yeah um Bobby's turn so. here's a list of things number one um. we're having dinner the other night and. she looks at me and she goes Uncle Tito. you have to take out the. trash was it your turn to take out the. trash ex there is no turn there's no. turns everyone has a turn it's his chore. it's your chore it's no it's a chore. that was designated to me by Kal by Kila. right so it's your chore thinks that.

Kila is the boss of me and she is she is. not I'm My Own independent human being. who pays my own personal taxes and. whatnot okay you know what it's like K. Kila is like the McDonald's corporation. yeah and you own a franchise right so. yeah it's yours you get to do what you. want answer to the franchise you you. cook the fries the way that they want. them okay okay fine but it's not even. it's not that like the franchise it's. like the [ __ ] fry guy telling me. let's say I own the [ __ ] McDonald's.

that's the fry guy tell fry guy the fry. guy telling the owner of the McDonald's. restaurant right go take out the trash. because corporate told you me to tell. you that and guess what you got to do it. CU corporate did say it fine but let me. say this all right there aren't a lot of. shifts open for her oh so she's going to. get let go there's not going to be a lot. of shifts she see there's there's a. cause and effect like we talked about. earlier I. understand so uh. so all right so um so her shifts are.

getting tinier so that's the number one. so she looks at direct me right in the. eyes and goes not in a soft you know not. a sweet sweet way Tito puppy would you. please take out the trash you have to. take out the. trash like right on my [ __ ] eyeball. can you say it again how you said it to. to to just so she can have a [ __ ]. stance on how this went down can you say. how you said it yeah go ahead let's hear. it okay Tito Bobby can you take up the. trash tonight that's so nice she's. [ __ ] 12 years old she's she's I know.

whatever telling an adult she is the guy. that owns the house can you she said can. you take out the trash you could have. said you know I can't right now can you. and what would you have said it's okay. it's okay it's okay T you bend your [ __ ]. huh you little [ __ ] squirrel she. bends it like B Like Beckham huh that's. not my only one there's another one what. is it number number two is. um so we're driving down the.

street okay right and we see a car. parked in front of the middle of the. street yeah I turn around mad because. you can't just [ __ ] park your car in. the middle of the [ __ ] Street no one. can get through so I had to I had to do. U-turn it's on your your house right and. and then I look at her face all the. blood from her face had has had gone out. she's scared yeah and what the [ __ ] why. you know sometimes people Park their car. in the middle of the street right ain't. no bad big deal baby no big deal baby.

she goes Uncle Tito you know who that. was I go no who was it um David Do's. friend friend so David do I know who he. is all right not him his friend who was. his friend what's his name um Jason Nash. and Jeff Smith Jason Nash is the older. guy yeah I like him he's yeah people but. she acted as if it was Barack and. Michelle Obama to her generation it.

is to those to that generation they're. more important than Obama what do you. know about Barack Obama do you know. anything about him um he was a president. he. has um two kids yeah what else um what. do you do did you know anything he stood. for. politically um I don't know he was um. pro-choice yeah here we go now tell me. about David do and Jason Nash look at. her face light up look at the smile look. at all the you ever seen tell me.

anything about them that you love um. he's um a famous YouTuber and then he. pranks a lot of people why do you like. him though what does he do for you um. he's funny he's funny and he's cute and. and they seem nice and cool yeah honest. than Barack Obama to them how about. honest. time okay honest. time let me ask let me ask you a. question and you be completely and. utterly honest with me is David what's.

his name do do funnier than Andrew and I. oh well I can tell you the answer to. that. no lie that's a lie complete lie that's. a lie cuz she's never looked at us that. way that's a lie it's a complete lie I. know that's a lie she's a liar she's a. [ __ ] liar why did you lie I yeah yeah. why you li ask her one more time let's. see if she really we'll give you one. more chance to you your own personal. opinion it's not a factual thing it's. just your opinion about it do you think.

that David dos do do Brink is it an n k. do do dock you think David I'm sure he's. a very talented complex and very diverse. Entertainer he he's got he's got. millions and millions I he's 12 million. followers I only I got nothing he's huge. he's massive I got [ __ ] yeah right but. do you in your heart heart of hearts. think that he's funnier than. us take a second don't answer right away. no because she only will only answer the.

the the the answer that we want to hear. she looked away when she said she does. you're a [ __ ] liar all right that's. number one lie they say when you look. away when you lie so look look look Tito. Bobby in the face and say who's funnier. Bobby and me or them you're funnier Tito. Bobby and Tito Andrew oh wow I'm in the. I'm in the family so wait you really you. really think we're funny but you but. there. but no but she she she I just I'm tell. it's it's a lie and she. she went googly and I can hear a.

little and listen no yes yes yes I heard. a. little no no down there I go what the. [ __ ] no yeah and I'm like that's wrong. she's like my sister you can't say that. I know I I'm I'm not saying anything bad. I'm just the truth I know I'm telling. you what I heard okay so that's what I. heard I don't know what that was let's. let let that go so this is the second.

strike maybe she had a runny nose this. is the second strike what has she been. doing else that's really bothering you. you make it seem like she's really there. so many things hot water there are so. many things all right well can I tell. you she's got me hooked on something let. me finish the two more I have two more. and then we'll go to the hook I just I'm. so excited to tell her this and share. this I know well you will share it to. her but let me get the two other things. that she I'm going to tell you right now. okay we're driving right we're driving. down the street to pick up um some food.

uh uh terries our favorite one of our. favorites and I go hey you know it's. been 3 months I I I just want a ice. coffee you haven't had iced coffee in. three months no I haven't really I. haven't been to no I'm not allowed to go. to Starbucks or anything like that damn. am I not am I not be honest am I allowed. to go there no I had you had an espresso. double shot on the show last week yeah. but it was a canned one I know it was. still delicious wasn't it it was. delicious but that's not my point I. wanted a fresh I bought it for you I put.

it in I know you did just for. Bob. but go tell so I go hey do you mind you. know she's not going to know if I swing. by and get some iced coffee just you. know just between us mhm she goes no I. tell Uncle Auntie um kalila I'll tell. her why why we talked about this last. time why why are you going to snitch on. him do you need to do you feel like you. need to snitch no because it's a big. thing and Kila asked me if he's going to.

make any stupid things then tell me. right she's an honest kid I know she's. honest like but but that's a point dock. for you yeah here's the fourth one and. here's the one that makes me very. worried. mhm ah and I've been Googling it and. I've been calling my psychiatrist. friends and I've been um oh yeah some. what happened reading some papers on it. what. happened so on her phone her screen you. know her wallpaper or.

whatever is of. a boy that she has a crush on who's the. boy no just listen she has a crush right. and she doesn't she doesn't care piss me. right. off who's the boy oh you oh you you want. to get angry yeah you want to get. infuriated yeah who's the boy you're. going to find out my friend okay keep. going the guy that she has a crush on. isn't real. it's a cartoon character.

what who is the boy do you have the. screenshot bring it. up who is that wait let me bring it up. on the pter so I we can see I can't see. your phone who is it who is that um Kuru. in hiu hi wait what how do you spell. that k u r r o r o o and then just put. hiq yeah like that's so fun k. k r o o and then just.

spell how [ __ ] yeah wait what is it h. a i i k y u u hi cool hi cool this this. okayo this guy that's him you have a. crush on this guy right here gu. yeah he doesn't even he doesn't have a. nose he has a Michael Jackson NOS I know. his nose is gone completely gone why do. you like this guy yeah this this is a. no lips no lips right he has a lip no he.

don't where those those are it's a line. other pictures on other pictures okay. pictures these are all of them no lips. lips no lips look this this is this is. bad plastic surgery yeah yeah yeah he's. got not he look at hit hit that photo. right look look he who what man puts. blush on he's blushing I'm a so sad I'm. a so sad I'm.

it's so this is a this is Ja a Japanese. cartoon you obviously have a crush on. Japanese boys yeah yeah look at him. these These are Japanese boys you love. he's got veneers on those aren't real. human teeth wow though oh look at the. arms you're right I can see it now wow. wow wow. yeah oh. oh listen listen he's got a long to. listen list listen go lower it down. lower it down and just listen carefully.

okay so look you have a big crush on. this guy yeah yeah can I tell you. something I'm actually quite relieved. that it's not a real boy really yeah. because you know that's [ __ ] weird it. is but but you know what as her you know. as her intrum stepfather I just I'm I'd. rather this than a guy that she can. actually have access to because now that. she's on the gram and people know her. and stuff are you going into your DMs. yeah you. are are there guys kiding on you yeah. but I don't see talk to them oh you. don't talk to them what do they say like.

um you're really cute and I find you. don't respond no no I'm telling you see. that opened up Pandora's Box there's. going to be some creepo are did people. send you nudes pictures no there better. not be and if there are by way if. anybody sends Rudy a nude listen up. we're posting it we're posting it on the. show do it but yeah yeah if you send a. dickpic to her it's go it's getting on. the show but do it do it but do it yeah. but it's going to get on the show get on. the show just so you know and we're. going to have an artist paint over it so. you wait but H how how did you how did.

this infatuation happen with this guy. what cartoon is he in it's called hi hiq. hiq it's it is although it is you know. because of I I have to tell you I've is. it in English or in in Japanese um. there's um English subtitles there so. there's Japanese and they subtitle it in. but you can't but he doesn't have he. only speaks in Japanese do you. understand any of what he's saying do. you pick up on stuff as time goes on. yeah you do see that's how you learn. Japanese watch hiq I'll just tell you.

what the premise of hiq it guess what. you'll never you'll never believe it. well from this it oh my good God look at. these look at those. abs what's the premise I mean this I. don't know the premise but it's it's. centered around check yeah I know I hate. when people do that by the way that's. yeah that's a Japanese Japanese thing hi. like when whenever like soccer players. get get a goal yeah and they go to the. camera and they do this farf yeah I just. want to grab the outside of their hands. and just crush and just have their bones.

shatter into nothing yeah yeah it drives. me crazy don't ever do I can't even do. one I think that's what it is this is it. right yeah yeah there love [ __ ] love. that's my heart lsid yeah um so it's the. the the premise of it is um. volleyball what do you mean they that's. what the show's about play volleyball. yeah she watches a cartoon she jerks off. she rubs her little Jam Jam to a volum. to her [ __ ] volleyball [ __ ] video.

wait a minute they so the whole show is. about teenagers who who are on a high. school volleyball team yeah and. competing to oh they compete also that's. what makes it exciting competitive yeah. yeah welcome ship. station y ship station is a service that. we here at bad friends are involved in. we use this service STP station helps. online sellers of any size gets orders. out quickly save money on shipping costs. and keep customers happy that's right. ship station is proven they are. incredible they uh they can sell through.

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you I don't approve I'm I don't approve. but I do approve yeah of normal. people we've been watching normal people. I got I love it so much Maran I love it. you don't love it you don't love normal. people it's a great show do you not like. it it's a wonderful show in Ireland and. it's a love story isn't it. you're I might I might switch camps it's.

a great I literally might go start one. with theovon now no it's a great show. because you're acting gayike you don't. like normal people no I don't like I can. only do an English one I don't like what. is it you don't like about normal people. I just don't like it's a great show no. it's about love and intimacy and it's. about it's about people in reactions and. how they how they spend their whole. lives together.

oh my God it's a great show it it really. is can I tell you something the acting. is phenomenal the writing is very good. it is a love show yeah and it's. something I typically would hate the. only thing I don't like is watching them. hook up because Kitty hookup stuff dude. I don't like seeing adult hookup stuff I. don't get it I don't like they show her. tits but she has no tits she has no tits. hey no tits hey no tits hey yeah yeah. but but they show her don't do that they. show her they show her Bing Bings yeah.

and uh and they show his penis one time. didn't they yeah they showed his little. Irish penis his little potato well. that's why Kila likes to show because of. the fact that it's real it seems very. real I'm not I'm not kidding the actors. all jokes aside they're they're very. talented I I don't I'm not it's it it. feels like a real relationship it's not. like me in [ __ ] the the wrong Missy. but it's um the level of acting but it's. up there well you know I just submit you. know they're doing nominations for. Academy Awards and I I submitted you for. the wrong Missy I'm serious I wrote it.

in I'm dead serious we should have all. of our fans well they can't they can't. they can't vote but you should you you. should write into the academy and say. why is I'm tired of people shaming me by. the way I'm tired of I I I regret even. bringing it up I saw a few different. comments that said um shout out to Bobby. he was underutilized and he still was. funny in the movie that's that's great. okay that's very nice can I talk about a. little Dreadful thing that's coming up. for me can we say one one thing real. fast go ahead can we can we it's Brody's. birthday today rest in peace can we just.

do that what I just wanted to say rest. in peace happy birthday did that break. your heart broy stev was a great passed. away it's his birthday today I just. wanted to say happy birthday and we love. him and we miss him and that's all I. just don't do well with him in. specifically because it just makes me so. [ __ ] sad I know dude but I just. wanted to wish like a happy birth comedy. podcast you should have worn that. [ __ ] shirt man I shouldn't have want. a shirt of a [ __ ] yeah because now my. mood is like going into a different. direction that's all stop it yeah miss. him I love him we're thinking about him. in positive I miss him I love him yes.

Bobby Lee oh I miss him and I love8 till. I die Bobby North Korean wrong side of. the let talk about him for a second. though um he was the [ __ ] best not. only that though is if you didn't know. him he was one of those guys that it's. almost as if he wasn't in Show Business. that's his mentality it like when you. met ran into him he was just a regular. nice guy wasn't sensitive not an [ __ ].

he was always just um I've never had any. kind of problem with him no and um it is. um a a loss to the comedy community yeah. I know this is mean to say but I did say. it when he died to Adam shortly. thereafter I said so many other Comics. could have died and I wouldn't have. cared I was like I cared when he died I. know that's mean but like there was. other Comics that if you told me they. died I'd go I don't think so I think. that you I think you would be. heartbroken no there's some guys no I. don't think so there's some guys there's.

I can't believe that well there's some. guys there really is there's a few. people think let me let me see if they. died I would go would you fake though. yeah you have to all right so I'm going. to tell you I'm I'm a comic all right. and I'm just going to name up a a comic. that you don't like just a random name. you but this isn't real though this is. not real no. okay um what's up uh [ __ ] man what's. going on you don't know dude no what. what's the problem oh my God what Bob. tragic David.

benowitz died no I just yeah but just. the way he died what happened he just. woke up and he he had an omelet yeah and. then the [ __ ] was so sizzly it was so. hot yeah just the pan he was cooking it. he was cooking omelet on a pan it was. hot yeah and then he put his elbow down. on the little thing and omelet spat his. face but then the pan hit his phas and. he had a cardiac he had a cardiac yeah. and he died he died in a cardiac from a. hot. yeah wow oh.

God no oh God that's what you would do. I'd go oh. God I got to talk business about um the. show this week yeah yeah yeah anyway you. got to watch normal people it's so good. isn't it normal people you know forever. I thought his name was Connor and then. you learn his name is Connell all right. I'm going to watch it and I call my I. call my I'm watching Attack on Titan now. but after I'm done with Attack on Titan. it's. it's well written dude all right very.

well cry at the last I don't cry cuz I'm. a I'm a empty empty guy I don't have. anything inside of me anymore but I get. why people do cry because when the last. time you cried in a movie in a movie. never I've never cried you've never seen. a movie and went oh no I got a couple of. I mean there's movies I've laughed so. hard that it made me cry oh you where. you laugh so hard that actually tears. Shindler Shindler l yeah the ending is.

so funny. hilarious wait so what yeah movies met. made my brother and I all right when we. saw Borat oh my god dude no but it was. we didn't really I thought the show was. stronger in terms of Comedy but the. scene where in the beginning where they. were doing that that race with the. Jewish the the mannequin yes right and. then the the that race where they're. running from these gigantic Jewish. things yes and then one legs lays an egg. and then the egg opens in a baby Jew.

right and the kids come out of nowhere. start hitting it with sticks you know. what I mean my brother and I were in the. theater on the floor yeah holding our. sides I had never laughed that hard in a. [ __ ] in aov I had I had such shock. comedy shock like like you know when. you're laughing but you can't believe. that it's happening you're like how are. they getting how is this happening when. he sings Throw the Jew down the well oh. my God and he got people to go so my. country can be free I I dude I was in I.

was laughing so hard and looking around. like how did they do this how did he he. I I remember feeling like that's the I I. was like that's the Pinnacle of Comedy. what's great about that song is too in. the beginning it's a little like it's. about Transportation or something it. doesn't really go into in my country. there is problem problem yeah yeah yeah. or something like that and eventually it. gets to but it goes into. claws but at first it says and the. problem is transportation transport and. then they're all like oh it's hard to. get a bus yeah and vers he's like and. the problem is the Jew and everyone's.

like and the problem is the Jew they're. looking around what a great there's a. few movies that I've laughed so hard. that I've cried in but I've never C why. have you cried from movies oh my God I. was I was in a movie with you know who. Aaron Kar is the comic yeah yeah yeah so. Kar and I many many years ago there was. a movie called Tei what you said it like. that thing that she asked me to spell. yeah. t was there silence is there silent. letters no what no it's just I don't. know teuchi teuchi teuchi it's about the.

Korean War so it's in Korean mhm but. it's about it's so I'll just tell you. the open the movie opens up with this. old. man why you laughing I just see you an. old Korean guy I just see you every time. this old man is just sitting like in an. like in his desk or something smoking no. he's just sitting there like just solemn. in yeah and he gets a phone call he. go and he goes they go and he goes. and they.

go right he. goes he says the same thing. all right so that they cut Cuts right. and he's now at some sort of site like a. like like an ex excavation site yeah. right and they dug up a. skeleton of somebody holding a pen and I. guess the pen was the old man's pen and. that was his brother and he died holding.

his brother's pen yeah but then it cut. then it cuts back to the Korean War. right jump cut jumps back back in the. past right and it tells the movie is. about the story of what happened of the. pen and basically what it is is you know. a a kid you know um gets drafted in the. Korean War and his older brother was was. too old to get drafted but he went in. the Korean. War he oh he volunteered anyway unteer. to protect his brother oh wow through.

the war and then this older brother. disappears right because and then now 60. years later wow they find it you know. that's the story his other brother got. killed because we. won no you we were on the same team [ __ ]. [ __ ] the Korean War yeah the South. Koreans were in the same team as the. Americans you [ __ ] twister I thought. this was a North Korean movie no it was. they don't make movies in North Korea. twist twist. that's funny to you by the way.

yeah it's a good time to bring up the. mistake that I made what's the mistake. today is Memorial day oh happy Memorial. Day happy Memorial what is it happy. Memorial Day 1 two three happy Memorial. Day oh yeah all the soldiers all the. soldiers that have died yeah yeah and I. threw up something on our gramola asking. for pictures of. veterans kind of blindly just like being. like Oh yeah throw we'll put up pictures. on the show. tons of people gave us photos and I was.

looking at them all and it was awesome I. was like this is so great and then. someone commented this is for soldiers. that have passed dur fighting like. during wartime not for just veterans and. he was like as a veteran myself we find. it disrespectful I was like I just I. just wanted to I just wanted to pay. tribute and then and people got an. argument below it and I was like okay I. don't I was just gonna okay sorry. so then we're done we're not showing the.

photos so thanks for the people that. died but nobody gets photos now cuz. someone ruined the party because I. screwed up I didn't know I had no idea I. didn't I do know that it's memorializing. the soldiers that have died but I just. thought even if we throw veterans up. there isn't that nice apparently not. that's for Veterans Day only they have. their day so I [ __ ] up I feel bad I. [ __ ]. up why do you why did I wanted to say it. out loud cuz I feel bad no but hey my. grandfather fought in the Korean War but.

I do want to show a picture of him did. he really fight in the Korean War yeah I. do I do want to show a picture of my. grandfather because he did fight in the. Korean War and he's a handsome dude rest. in peace James gity he's not around. anymore he doesn't he he's passed away. but he did fight in the Korean War and. so Bobby should respect and love this. there's my grandfather. oh [ __ ] now that right there is normal. people that's an that's an that's an. Irish lad if I've ever seen one smoking. a cigarette there he's got this he got. got this uh he's got this gbond there.

yeah and that's a UFO right there not UF. that's a UFO swear to God before he died. he goes That's a UF that's a [ __ ] UFO. bro UFO I know holy [ __ ] that is one. it's a UFO or it's a [ __ ] coffee. stain no no that that's a coffee stain. yeah and that is literally a UFO or it. could be a bird I talked to my. grandfather there were no birds back. then yeah yeah yeah. you know I'll be honest with you can I.

can I don't say anything [ __ ] mean. about my pway grandfather this is my. literal hero I'm not going to say. anything mean and I don't know you don't. know [ __ ] so shut the [ __ ] up so shut. the [ __ ] up if you say something [ __ ]. up I'm gonna [ __ ] you up I'm dead. serious go. ahead if you say something [ __ ] up I'm. gonna beat the [ __ ] out of you and I. really mean it all right because he. fought he fought for our country and. he's a [ __ ] and he's passed away I. was going to give him can I give him a. compliment yes yeah he looks like Henry. Cal. oh Superman yeah I love that stop there.

stop there if ham stop there if had C. Bob right. Bob. was do you want do you want me to get. violent right now for real say sorry and. take it back right now say sorry and. take it back right. now five 4 3 2 1. don't don't don't don't don't.

get what a hero a a beautiful hands. beauti a beautiful handsome D and he. fought for our country and he's the best. yeah does he have to take his belt. buckle all the way to his nipples I mean. what they that's what they did back then. I get it sharp looking cat yeah where's. a picture of your [ __ ] grandfather H. I have one on my Instagram show us go to. the beginning you have to scroll all the. way down to the beginning of my you want. to see a man yeah go Bobby what here. that's look here's Bobby Lee's Grandpa. here he.

is there he. [Music]. is look at all look at all these guys. look at all these guys these are all. your. grandpas there's Bobby Lee's Grandpa. there he is yeah yeah there's Bobby. Lee's grandpa with his best. bud Bobby Lee's grandpa with his best. homeboy you know it's so funny but those. are proper eyebrows by the way look at. those Trimm haven't cut anything because. we've been in quarantined have you gone.

anywhere and done anything no you just. don't grow eyebrows you look like a. teenage girl who tried to threat them. herself that's what you look like. [ __ ] you know it's you look like you. self-threat it's funny you know we it's. funny we're. [ __ ] it's. [ __ ] we're like. [ __ ] it's you get really sensitive and. I think that um we're a comedy podcast. and I think that what did I get. sensitive about you just get really you. you have like uh your responses to. things are very uh yeah we're different.

[ __ ] people we're different people yeah. you're lethargic and dumb and I'm I'm. hot-headed and. quick also I'm mad because you you did. it why you laugh see that's the thing. she loves it rude loves it yeah she. loves me getting torn apart yeah because. you [ __ ] are so mean to her you're so. mean to her you am I not nice to you you. [ __ ] wretched little [ __ ]. [ __ ] you wretched ungrateful little [ __ ]. am I not [ __ ] nice to you you're nice. there we go you [ __ ] what percent of the.

time what percent what percent of the. time is he. nice honest rude get closer to the mic. because. um 75 75 oh so what so 25% of the time. what do I do you're mean meany mean what. do I you call her a ungrateful [ __ ] no. what do I do he um punches me and kicks. me you do why are you kicking her she. has to learn s self self she has to. learn self self if you could get your. own apartment here in Los Angeles would. you like that or no do you like living.

with them I like living with what if we. start a g funme and we can get you. enough money to get your own apartment. would you like that no you sure I'm sure. okay she has her own room her own. bathroom Fu what if we start a go fundme. for you just so you can start waving. around money at Tito Bobby so you have. money when he's like you don't pay for. food and you're like I got it [ __ ] and. put down some money I'm not using that. over her head I'm just telling I'm just. no don't do that face I'm reminding her. don't make I'm reminding her the. situation yeah she knows I don't think.

she does sometimes do you know rude she. does all right well just you know next. time how about this on the way over back. home when we get into the car I'm going. to get an ice coffee oh [ __ ] no yeah and. I want to see where your where you stand. where your loyalty lies where your. loyalty lies if I don't say anything. then I Kalo will get mad at me but how. will she know you might have to take one. for the team oh. boy yeah you you might have to take one. to I want to test you woman this is.

really a good this would be an episode. of normal people trying to find out. Mariana is going to do the right thing. and the wrong thing aren't you Maran for. Connell you can do for Connell or for. James so you're he's going to get a nice. coffee and you're going to have to deal. with the repercussions okay if antie. Kila gets mad that's on you Buffy you. guys we love it uh a couple of months. ago um Andrew gave me a buffy comforter. did and it's what we use on my master.

bedroom mean Kila and I sleep on The. Buffy it is the most comfortable blanket. I've ever does Rudy get a buffy she. doesn't get deserve one we should get. her one cuz she oh she doesn't deserve. one yet you got to be of a yeah that's. right you got to deserve it you got put. just a Big Bamboo sheet over her on the. spiky mattress she sleeps on spikes yeah. not with Buffy it's very comfortable. it's wonderful everything is made from. Ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber it's. softer than cotton I promise you you. will not sweat you won't get too hot you. won't get too cold it's changed my life. talking about comforter pillows sheets. the whole the the whole nine yard as. they say it's more Earth friendly too by.

the way it's Source from manable forest. consumes 10 times less water to grow and. it's an ultra smooth waste-free. production process eucalyptus fiber. isn't just softer than cotton but more. Earth friendly like you just said my my. redheaded freak it's cruelty-free it's. hypoallergenic so you're not going to. get the sniffles or the no nose tickles. no down feathers or animal products cuz. Bobo's a big anal that's right their. products have 20,000 fstar reviews right. Bob it's soft it's like Angel Skin Man. Angel skin that should be. like Angel SK they're offering a free. trial free shipping and free returns.

every day we joke around a lot but we. mean it this is it's best comfor. phenomenal you can try it for free all. right before you commit to buying if you. don't love it give it back to them at no. cost bubble and I will take it $20 off. your Buffy betting go to uh buffy.co and. enter the code bad friends once again. $20 off Buffy betting visit buffy.co and. enter the code bad friends yes so. everyone listening this is a Monday I. have to really say this okay because I'm. really I'm self-conscious about it yeah. okay so um this is this is a Monday and.

this Wednesday coming out is the game. show yeah I'm excited the the clips by. the way look. great of of you eating the bug was very. funny there are some really good stuff. there are things though that they sent. me to post that aren't funny what do you. mean oh oh oh clips from the show yeah. that I'm like don't post them I know I'm. not but what I wanted to tell people and. just be. um sens because people are like why are. you doing television. or like you know television exists you.

those kind of like little Jabs and you. know um when I did this I did it because. the the people money he did it because. of money. money and that also it's a paycheck what. do you mean also you have to imagine. five days after my dad died I'm now on. the set doing this thing also let's pack. it up and I'm also I had relapse you had. fun doing it my knee blew out. I was in a lot of pain as well.

but I'm just paing it because I don't. want people to go he's not funny you. know you're going to be funny on it Bob. you know you are I don't think so have. you seen any of it um yeah get closer to. the mic Jules yeah I've seen one you. have live she was there live okay look. me in the face don't pay any attention. to him was it funny yeah she closed her. eyes before she said I know she did yeah. no yeah and then she said no that was. the real answer that she really meant. damn rude you're mean I'm starting to. see the real you yeah see thank you it. is funny isn't it it is it is I told you.

I bet you my life anyway people you know. Rob. gski both of Williams sisters no just uh. Venus do you do how do you know which. one's. which cuz one's name is Venus I don't. know. what they're identical twins what if. they sent in what if one day Serena. showed up would you have known I don't. like the scar Brothers yeah they can. switch you'd never know no honestly when. you see the scar Brothers do you know. which one is which Randy and Jason I do. know who's because I've known them long. enough I don't know Venus and Serena. Williams they could easily trick me yeah.

um yeah I I don't know the difference. but I just assume I made an assumption. that's like a Disney thing I hope they. like one day Serena was like I'll go in. for you yeah who was the better tennis. player Venus right I think Serena was. more of a but I don't want to say that. I'm stupid I don't know tennis but um. they're from Los Angeles but like like. in I'm going to get in trouble for. saying this but yes I'm going to get in. real big trouble but I think Serena was. offered first and she didn't want to do. it so she gave it to Venus so I think.

Venus is doing but check this out you. know I wasn't the first offer you. weren't the first guy they the first. Korean guy they picked but it broke my. heart when I heard that why does it. matter if you got the. job don't you don't what be you don't. want to be first. choice I you you don't want to be First. Choice you want to be fifth choice I. don't. care be honest with me I I I I don't. care. all right so I want to say this I don't. care why would you care who cares it's.

your job you ended up with the. job all right so I'm going to ask you. this I I did a bad TV show a terrible TV. show multiple of them but I did one in. Las Vegas called Sin City Saints yeah I. auditioned to be an ancillary character. and then they were like well what if you. try the main rle the lead roll and then. I tried it and I got it I wasn't their. they didn't want me I wasn't their. choice and it ended up working out I. don't I don't care. that story has nothing to do with my. story same kind of thing it wasn't for.

me they didn't want me at all they. didn't even audition me for it it just. so happened to work out that they were. like well maybe you should try it and I. tried it and it worked happens all the. time that people get roles that I would. love to get and they get them before me. or and I'm fifth in line this has. happened to me a thousand times where. they go yeah they're waiting you know I. I just you know sometimes I I would. sometimes I wish sometimes I wish I wish. you were on my side but I can't be. sometimes sometimes I wish that you were. my friend am sometimes I wish that you.

were my. Foundation sometimes I wish that you. were my love no wait sometimes wish that. you suck my dick I won't sometimes I. wish that you tighten your ass I will I. wish you would go on your. belly sometimes you know what that song. was that was our rendition of uh Baby. it's cold outside I know you know I. really can't you're right you're right. you know what you just twisted my mind. around. [Music].

what did I twist your mind around you're. right I shouldn't be sensitive about it. yeah is the show not funny I don't think. it for me I think the show's great I. don't think that I'm great on it why why. do you say that because I was there and. I there was so many moments where they. were like don't say that you can't say. that or I would say a joke it would. completely eat it and I was a little. confused also I was like not eating and. sleeping and I was high all the time it. was a bad time the show is great the. people are great in there and I think. that and then maybe they'll cut around.

it and maybe it'll it'll look good I. don't know I think it'll look great okay. but how about this I promise you it'll. be great okay you take my word for. it I was just staring at you um manifest. all that stuff and talk about it and I. thought in my head I'm gon to watch it. it's going to be good I'm G to smile it. and I'm going to call you to tell you. that it's good and you're not and you're. not going to pick up I won't leave a. voicemail because I don't want to if. we're true friends though mhm I if we're.

true friends number one will you watch. it I will cuz I saw every episode of. Davey you did. not is he is he lying did he watch my. show Dave I don't know yeah she doesn't. know she doesn't know Dave is great did. you really watch it FX I think you're. full of [ __ ] I did see it I think you're. you saw every single episode your his. friend in it you saw every episode do. you mean it no. I don't know so you're lying to me I lie.

but will you watch this show and tell me. the truth wait you just you just said. that you didn't watch my show I know I. want cuz I'm trying to get you to watch. mine you didn't watch any episodes of my. show Who you calling nobody did you. watch any of my. show not one I saw the ads you're good. in the ads they put you in some of the. ads they put me in some of the ads yeah. yeah yeah and you're real good in the. ads there's one with your sitting down. talking to Davey and going what do I say. in the ad you're like you didn't even.

watch the ads I understand why this. situation is happen something like. that Who you calling Davey no okay I. call. kilo I'm telling her you're going to get. a nice. coffee oh if you did that I would never. it would cause a war she would get so. [ __ ] mad I would never do that to you. yeah she would be mad look I will watch. the show it will be good I promise all. right that's it that's all Let's Lose. let move on from it let's talk about how. much TV has changed let me show you a. clip somebody sent me and I thought this.

was [ __ ] knockout one of the funniest. things I've ever. seen look at how great this is this is. this is this guy IG joosu intern Twitter. put this up look at how [ __ ] great. this is I don't know what year this is. from but this is. mtv2 we got to Cate our differences. we got.

toate our. [Music]. differ I my a that does not offend me it. shouldn't I love it yeah it's not it's. funny if television was like that I. would watch it again but I got to tell. you okay you're you're saying that as an. Asian person it's not offensive to you. but I'm sure other agents are offended. and I'm sure this is radically offensive.

for black people you don't think this. boogaboo oh you don't think ching chong. ching ching chong ching is [ __ ] not. [ __ ] no because that's what you guys. sound like I bet you money if Ian. Edwards Edwards was here he he he go and. he go here I'll tell you exactly after. you played it he'd go that's ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous man yall crazy. yeah but you know I think that if. Gabriel glacius or George Lopez saw the. Mexican thing that they would we would. all laugh in the same room I bet you. most black people wouldn't think that's. funny it probably isn't no that's.

[ __ ] racist I just didn't realize. that that was a bone sticking out of. their [ __ ] nose and this was by the. way this is my first acting gig I've. never. this they sent us that I thought fcking. amazing that was really on MTV I don't. know this could have been a sketch that. somebody made but kudos to whoever made. it and this this uh this guy's Instagram. and Twitter is up there obviously yeah. shout out to him if he made it that's. very [ __ ] that's a good manipulation. but it does look like a commercial that. would have been on MTV 2 back then you. know yeah like this looks.

[Music]. like we got. toate our. [Music]. [Music]. differ the nacho taco chimmy changa. makes me know it's a sketch yeah here's. you know what I mean like I knew I know.

it's fake it's got to be fake because. whoever wrote that had a problem with. black people I think uh I think he when. he wrote it it like the black one was. maybe somebody else wrote it the black. one wasn't as harsh and somebody in the. room went nah dude put the bone in the. nose it's so bad and make it make it. real but the ching chong ching chong is. still so sweet yeah like listen how. sweet these guys sound when they say. this yeah. [Music]. Ching CH Ching ch ch ch ch Ching ch ch.

it's so catchy that's why I think that. that that. uh that's a catchy that ching chong. ching chong ching that's you know do you. think a show could survive out there if. we went complet we did a show like this. completely the opposite end of the. spectrum if we did like uh like racially. insensitive material so insensitive like. that right yeah people know that's that. they're coming to watch right sure you. you have a sketch show of five people. right one of every race yeah we get the.

funniest black guy me you right yeah and. a couple of others right and we just did. a [ __ ] offensive [ __ ] an offensive. sketch show it's actually very smart. because we went more offensive than this. no no I'm saying but it's smart if we. got somebody from every race to be kind. of the lead sketch writer of that sketch. and we just participated in their sketch. yes yeah that could be cool like if a. black guy wrote the black sketch you. yeah yeah an as yeah just participants. in the sketch it's got to be ethnic. appropriate writers totally yeah I think.

that let's try it that would break. ground are you why you smiling because. it's a great idea yeah I think we should. try but you have to write the most. offensive version Oh I'm going to I. already can do it well you did yeah you. did for years on Matt TV you did the. most racist [ __ ] you could do first of. all I didn't the one so many of your. Asian characters were just so [ __ ]. racist they were all that yeah but I. went but I I wanted to do like Johnny. gone. yeah I wanted to do the craziest because.

there was a lot of Asian actors at the. time goes I refuse to do an Asian accent. well yeah because it was a [ __ ] I. understand that but I was like you know. because this is the kind of [ __ ] yeah. right that they're writing for us but I. I went you know what hold up a second. let let me put my [ __ ] two cents in. the [ __ ] bucket right let's do this. go the other way right so that's. essentially what I want to do yeah you. know you did a good job I I you know I. just you really me mad today shut up. yeah shut up watch Bobby's show.

premiering on NBC what is it called by. the way it's called game on game on yeah. game on on NBC featuring Bob Lee one of. the Williams. sisters game on I bet you it's gonna be. really good hey what do you know any um. this reminds me of that of of the this. the sketch idea do you know do you. remember any old when we were kids like. racist Street. jokes what's the most racist Street joke. you know like the cheap shitty well I. know I know Gay Street jokes I don't.

know a lot of racist ones um like that. you know the old joke you know the old. like uh a blank a blank and a blank walk. into a bar yeah I have a couple of those. well give me the walk into a bar but I. don't have the racial ones I have gay. ones you don't have any racial ones no I. never found those that funny look at. this one mhm um a black guy walks into a. bar and the bartender says get the [ __ ]. out you get it say it. again I didn't get it I know I didn't. get it say it again I think I missed it.

so let me just black a black guy walks. in let me just say it yeah is this what. you said a black guy mhm walks into a. bar yeah and the bar turn. says get out get the [ __ ] out get the. [ __ ] out yeah and then the black guy. what happened he. leaves and then what happens the bartend. where's the funny it's been the. bartender continues to serve the whites. in the bar.

oh it's get it it's a bar in Boston yeah. it's good it's a bar in Boston it's. every bar sorry it's every bar in Boston. um I like do you like um I like really. clean ones can't take credit for that. joke by the way yeah no these are Street. jokes I like really clean ones um. grasshopper walks in the bar you know. that one mhm you like you like that one. all right grasshopper walks in a bar. bartender says hey we have a drink named. after you and the grasshopper says you. have a drink named.

Steve that's so stupid that's stupid. [ __ ] like that yeah that's funny you. know there's a lot of dumb ones like. that like um um so this kid right is um. in the middle of the street on a. gigantic wooden box right ever heard. this one no right and he's on the wooden. box and he's jumping up down right. 16 16 16. 16 16 this man walks across the street. and goes hey kid what are you doing kid.

goes oh my God this is so fun you got to. try it sir it doesn't seem fun trust me. do it right so okay I'll try he gets up. there 16 right and he pulls the box. underneath the old man and the old man. falls into a manhole and the kid goes. 17 that's a great joke thank you that's. really good not yours it's a street joke.

you know I got so many give me another. Street joke I'm trying to think of one. that's actually good I told you one I. think I told one on this podcast already. yeah but I'll tell it again because it's. my favorite old joke my friend Elliot. heger he told it to me British guy and. he says two two. blos I love doing it in his AC cuz it's. bad two blos two two BLS two gay guys. flying back on a midnight flight to. London from New York in the middle of.

the flight a boyfriend turns to the. other boyfriend and says oi [ __ ] me and. the first one says I'm not g that's. crazy [ __ ] you airplanes [ __ ] people all. he goes come on H [ __ ] me I'm not gonna. and he goes everyone's. sleeping he goes watch he stands up and. he goes o can I borrow a. pencil and nobody moves he turns to his. boyfriend he goes see everyone's. sleeping and he goes say it Lou then. stands up and he goes o can I borrow a.

pencil nobody moves nobody blinks an eye. turn his boyfriend he goes good now then. he goes all right hop on so they [ __ ]. right the playing lands in London next. day everyone's deboarding the plane. except for one man one row behind where. the two boyfriends were sitting yeah and. he's sitting there wide eyed in shock. and he's got throw up all over his chest. he's got vomit all over his chest wide. iron shock and a flight attendant says. sir what happened are you okay and he.

goes I don't know and he goes why why. wouldn't you say something why wouldn't. you yell out to someone alert someone. that you that you'd gotten sick and he. goes yell out and say something in the. middle of the flight a bloke stood up. and asked for a pencil and then another. bloke [ __ ] him in the. [Laughter]. ass that's one of my favorite Jes that's. a long one it's a good joke I have the. longest joke with no payoff yeah give it. to me all right but it's so long yeah. and the payoff is so bad I don't care oh.

you want to hear it yeah. okay this this joke is about a magician. named Antonio the Magnificent Antonio. the Magnificent he was a gigantic Vegas. star sold out shows the best magician on. in the universe David Copperfield had. nothing on this guy right every show no. he did four shows a night sellout every. show but now he's getting old right he. wants to retire yeah so he decides to. have his final show in Vegas right and.

he wanted to create he wanted to create. the most magnificent magic trick that no. one's ever seen oh wow right so he you. know he spends a week thinking about it. brings in a crew they create it right. and so he goes i' I've got it down so he. has his final show and at the end of his. show right he goes for my final trick no. one's ever done this before in human. history and this is the greatest magic. trick ever but I need a volunteer.

right can I have the strongest man in. the audience help me come up on stage. and volunteer for this trick right and. no one raises their hand and he goes. come on somebody the strongest man. please and in the fifth row this 6' n. 300 lb yolked southern guy Billy Bob he. slowly raises his hand I can. try right I'll do it. right so so Billy puff Billy puff walks.

on stage you he's shy he's hasn't been. in front of a crowd before right what do. you want me to do you know and Antonio. goes do you see that metal bat there. Billy pup Billy pup goes Billy pup. goes yeah see the middle bat pick that. midle back bat. up and hit me in the face and it's you. can right Billy Bob Whispers to him. because hey man I told you know I'm.

really strong I'm going to really hurt. you you know like you could die and. anony goes don't worry about it Billy. Bob I'm a magician I'm the greatest. magician just do it Billy Bob all right. so he picks up the bat he go [ __ ] back. he swings it at Antonio's face it hits. him in the forehead Antonio's face opens. up a little. bit it BLS squirt. his eyes roll back he goes into he goes.

into a standing convulsion right he. falls on his back and he starts. convulsing right and he just slips right. into a coma all right so cutu. right you're going to eat the pay off. you're going to eat the pay. off is it I'm G to get to it I told you. it's the longest J so cut two right. Antonio's in in the in the hospital he's.

he's he's life support yeah right he's. in a coma right Billy Bob feels so bad. he quits his job he's from Georgia right. he quits his job he you little backstory. yeah right he quits his job and he. decides you know what I'm gonna s I'm. gonna visit. Antonio every single day until he gets. out of this coma right right so every. day he comes sits next to Antonio's side. right a year goes.

by okay are you okay I don't know why. this is so dumb so a year goes by right. and um the doctor comes in and goes I'm. sorry Billy Bob but we're going to have. to take um Antonio off a life support. there's no sign right mhm and goes are. you sure doctor and then Billy Bob looks. at Antonio's fingers have you heard this. show before no right and he looks at.

Antonio's. Pinky and it's. moving right and Billy B goes look. doctor his pinky is moving right and. Doctor goes oh that is a sign so maybe. we won't take him off for life support. okay a month goes by doctor comes back. in goes um I'm sorry Billy po but one. pinky isn't you know I mean a sign. we're gonna have to take him a lot but. he goes Billy look his other Pinky and.

now Lo. B behold right both pinkies are moving. both pinkies are moving right doctor. goes fine next month goes fine right mhm. another finger the ring finger the ring. finger right so as months goes by the. same thing happens every month the. doctor comes in and a new finger is. moving right eventually right all the. fingers are moving got it right right.

and so the doctor comes in and goes I'm. sorry Billy Bob even though all his. fingers are moving right it doesn't mean. right that you know he's Reviving or. right we still have we're going to take. him off a life support right we got let. him go it's been 10 [ __ ] months let. of this crazy [ __ ] right and um bil goes. okay and he looks down at Antonio and. all of a sudden Antonio's eyes kind of. flutter like this and it opens right.

right and Billy bub goes doctor doctor. his eyes are open and the doctor goes. are you sure and Antonio looks at the. doctor then looks at Antonio and goes. T oh my. God no Tada. Tada. Rudy that was a great joke Bo I don't. why that joke I love that joke Tada Tada. is the punch line can I give you one one. more uh Street joke is it long it's just.

bad no it's really bad and short they're. all these are all bad yeah uh a guy goes. into the doctor right and he has a. massively long penis huge it's [ __ ]. huge and he walks in the doctor and the. doctor says what seems to be the problem. and he. says got got it got got got got got. gotta get got got gotta. get some some some some help I I I I I. can't I can't can't can't finish finish. the sent sentence and the doctor says.

well maybe you maybe you just have a a. really tremendous stutter we'll do some. we'll do some research on you and they. do research on them and they find out. all of the blood that should be rushing. into his brain is's rushing to his big. big penis the doctor says to the big. penis man he says I'm gonna have to. remove a big chunk of your penis you. know you've got too much dick and we're. going to take away a lot of it we're. take a lot of it but you're still going. to be left with a fine penis it's just. it needs the to get back to your brain. all stick to your. penis and the man says well well well.

well got it got it got it what what what. you got do and so they so the doctor. says okay so they cut off the man's. penis and they cut it down to less than. half right yeah and they put the rest of. the penis aside yeah okay and uh and the. guy leaves right and a month goes by and. he comes back into the doctor he says. doc I can't live like this you need to. give me my penis back you need to. reattach the other part of my penis. because now I have this small penis and. I don't like it and my stutter is gone. but I just I just I can't get laid and.

girls think my penis looks weird and I. wish it was back to the way it was and. it was even better then even though I. didn't you know had sex that much and I. couldn't really finish the sentence but. it didn't really matter because now. girls don't want to sleep with me at all. so you you got to attach my penis back. and the doctor says go go go go go go go. f. [ __ ] he surgically put his penis back on. that's real the doctor took his penis D. wow. really good um I want to say I want to. say to Rudy and all the other graduates.

of the 2020 class cuz she's graduating. her grade. congratulations congratulations to. everybody that's graduating really happy. for you guys you did it college is not. going to be worth it you're going to. spend a lot of money and Bernie's not. going to pay for it so guess what yeah. Welcome to the Real World [ __ ] I have. to say I have to admit that did you see. Keenan Ivory. Wayne's speech. on his speech on what com com no it is. so [ __ ] funny at the end I laugh so I. don't know where Kila found it but um it.

was so [ __ ] funny Keenan Ivory. Wayne's message maybe that's it yeah. that's it let's here's graduation. message it the ending is the good payoff. well let's hear a little bit it's only. two minutes hi everybody this is Kenan. Nai way I just want to say. congratulations to the class of. 2020 I know this sucks you worked your. ass off and now you don't even get to. walk but that's what makes you the. greatest generation of this New.

Millennium in the face of a global. pandemic you stayed focused continue to. work hard and achieved your goals that's. the kind of leaders we're going to need. in the future I wish you guys all the. best keep striving keep smiling it's. really nice. [Laughter]. your pants on you say they just no no no. no no no.

no that's so funny it's very funny no no. no no no yeah yeah that's a great bit. it's a great bit and which kid was that. that's a son how many does he have. 52 there's so many wayes there's so many. Waynes they're all nice too Damon Waynes. Jr had hit me up about something on. Twitter mhm and I said will you make me. a William uh an. a Wes now and he said you're in so I'm. an honorary oh [ __ ] I'm in I want to be.

a wayes can't do it can't do it I love. that guy uh Damon Wayne Jr yeah they're. all great they're all very I haven't met. one that's not nice I've never met a. Wayne [ __ ] that guy no they're all so. nice it's crazy so nice and they're so. successful too it's annoying yeah. they're amazing people very funny people. I I remember watching Damon Wayne's um. his first HBO special thinking that it. was the funniest thing I had ever seen I. mean if you look back now I mean I've. been in comedy for a very long time very. very long.

time well not that long how long you. been in comedy 40 over 20 years how long. over 20 years how long how long 24 years. wow yeah how long do you think I've been. in comedy for 12. years 14 14 years Fourth of July will be. my 14th birthday of Comedy I moved here. on the fourth of July isn't that amazing. yeah congratulations for not. quitting what the [ __ ] does that mean. that you wanted me to quit did you think. I was going to quit I didn't think you.

hit the back you didn't you didn't back. bone you don't think I have the backbone. yeah because you know there's a lot of. you don't think I have the backbone. there's a lot of sacrifice that you need. to have and I didn't think you could. sacrifice but you did you what was the. sacrifice you don't think I could have. sacrificed just the years of not getting. paid the years of slowly climbing up the. system you know that's a difficult thing. to I thought that you were weak in that. way way but you weren't so that's my bad. you thought I was weak in that way I.

just didn't think you had the resolve to. do it why what would have given you that. int that impression just you're just the. hey guys you know what I mean I was like. Dad that guy's not that's me I'm hey hey. guys that's me well whatever what's up. FAS this is me hey guys it's something. like that okay this is you all right. anyway anyway we okay so this week we. our special guest is back Andreas lit us. up two weeks ago his jokes were really.

good making fun of you and me they're. pretty good they're pretty good yeah. let's call the kid and see what he's. got he may have something good he may. have nothing you never know with him. he's a fancy. bee fancy B fancy. B our special guest is Andreas fancy B. rosende we're excited he's going to be. uh giving us his stand up comedy. stylings and if he's good enough he's. going to open for me and Bobo when we go. back on the road you.

ready you ready okay ready let's let's. hear it sweetheart okay wait a. second I'm ready yeah wait a second he. has to wear his dice jacket what's up. what is that a rack of DVDs back there. or is that books DVDs those oh [ __ ] oh. up. [ __ ] you guys keep coming by. for more huh I guess you really need. some talent in this show who produces.

this [ __ ] by the way CU everyone seen. George you know I'm missing. him how bad do you have to suck at your. job that you get replaced by high school. girl and the show gets. better a master Dee right and what. laughing too hard wow but they it was so. loud in there but the neighbors called. animal control because they thought you. guys have a hyena in the room George.

reminds me to that kid in Home Alone if. he grew up to H down. Sy he wants to be a comedian oh yeah he. really wants to do stand up your comedic. inspiration is done in Krueger because. you suck but you don't know how much you. suck learn from me my Comm inspiration. Freddy Krueger because I kill every time. if in your dreams anyway so let's let's. talk to someone else here oh yeah let's.

go to our favorite mute of bad friends. Rose hey Rose what a journey you. had you left Mayo headed for this [ __ ] I. know look Rose or Jules or Rudy you had. more. nicknames that word you have said in. this show he laugh at himself it it. looks like you in for the quiet place. every time and still you got more lines.

in than Bobby and the wrong. music oh he takes out the mic he's. slaping it he loves it wow what are you. you're saying something Jules you have. to speak into the mic you what that mic. girl like Andre is speaking on the set. Disaster. Artist you're angry know because smell. like George's bread. which smells like. balls because he sucks so much of.

it Jules I wanted to understand your. struggles so I saw 90 days PN and yeah. Rose's dad lives on a pig. farm so how do you manage to find the. only place in America that is worth than. living with a pig living with Bobby. Lee see what is the American dream. cleaning Millionaire's houses. that sounds more like the Mexican dream. to. me yeah I sympathize I also can hear.

looking for the American dream but mine. doesn't include a knife in mean you have. some psycho dreams girl living with. Bobby is like living with a puppy except. you can probably train a. puppy playing video games but in real. life you came here as a teenager and now. you have to raise one. wow anyway that's all I got for you. guys yeah hey let's Heckle you now we.

get to Heckle you CH in yeah yeah look. at the what's up Pablo Espresso. Bar I like that jean jacket who's is. that tell me that's your girlfriend's. this yeah no this is. George's good that's even better that's. even better all right see you Andre J. you f bye buddy real fun Bud you're the.

bye what a chance what a guy love him. ripped you apart Jules Jules are you mad. about that no no you like that when are. you going to you you going to do stand. up too right we got to get some jokes. for her I know people if we wrote you. jokes would you tell it I don't know no. get closer to the mic Jules I don't know. if we how about this you got you should. you'd love it no here here's the thing. because she did something for her School. the other day where look at look at look. at her what did you do for your school. she had to do a video thing for her.

school look at her look how look at how. look at her face now right what was it. and and I'm like can I see it she like. no she won't let me watch anything well. because you're probably going to be. judgmental about it she's afraid huh no. I'm not going to be judgmental look at. how mad she is I brought it up what was. the thing you had to do for school um. it's like a oneman show wait like a like. a monologue yeah yeah do you have it. yeah but I'm not proud of it so can we. see it no come on yeah no I'm not proud. of it it's really it's really bad please.

no how about this why don't why don't. you just show us we won't. airun yeah we won we'll cut it out where. is it I love see what I'm saying all. right how about this anybody everyone. has a price how much money does Tito. Bobby need to pay you to show it no it's. $1,000 it's really bad. $1,000,000. $1,000 15 $1,500 ,500 2,000. there's no money amount of money you're. not going to you won't do it for 2,000. no five. grand holy.

[ __ ] but she was in a play though when. the school when before the pandemic she. was in a play what was it called um. something. rotten yeah you don't know the name of. the thing you were in it's something. wrot oh it's called something rotten. something and then she had to take a tap. right tap dancing lessons she's hating. this right now right so can you some. show some tap dancing moves no I'm you. took lessons yeah but I was at The. Beginner's level show me the beginning.

moves like you know the beginning moves. yeah I'm not good at it though it. doesn't matter it's not the point Rudy. see here's what I'm trying to get her to. do she come out of her shell not come. out of her shell she's so afraid of. embarrassing herself or how she's going. to look and stuff but what I'm telling. her is but she's in that age range yeah. but I'm I'm I'm what I'm saying is is. that when you go out people people are. successful not because of their college. education generally people are.

successful because of communication. skills we know dudes that have no. [ __ ] education at all but they can. make a living just by their the the way. they can communicate yeah sure and so. I'm telling her that that's the key to. success is to learn how to communicate. and to take risks and to be bold yeah. and you're not you're just in your shell. you're in your shell and we want to get. you so on this show I think that this is.

a great opportunity for us to set up. situations for you to say things and to. perform yeah you know and if you don't. like them we can always cut it out you. know but we won't yeah we won't yeah. we're going to leave it we will leave it. for sure right so we're going to give. you an assignment for next week yeah. next week so what's the assignment uh I. want you to make a sing something I want. I want you to make a tap dancing video. for if you don't want to sing you don't.

have to but a tap dancing video for us. an instructional video for me and Tito. to learn how to tap dance because we. want to we talked about it a bunch yeah. okay so I'm going to tape it on my. iPhone okay yeah I'm going to tape you. right and we're going to do uh Juliana's. tap dancing beginner course from and and. some of the excerpts from something what. was it called something's rotten. something rotten okay can you do the. steps from something's rotten um I I. wasn't part of the dance I was um part.

of like the acting why did you take tap. then um for the call backs oh oh you. didn't get the part that where you had. to tap dance yeah so you have lines in. this in this play hey that's okay we. don't get a lot of stuff and we get call. backs and we don't get a lot of stuff. sometimes sometimes we're in second. position but did you did you have lines. in the in the in the show um I think so.

okay will you do some of the lines in. the show no it was only one line can you. do the one. line I forgot one line and you forgot it. can't can't remember line do your one. line from [ __ ] forget wrong Missy um. do your line hey um Mr Mrs something you. have a reservation I don't yeah so I. guess it is easy to forget one line huh. huh no I guess that's it we forgot one. line that's fine that happens we got to. do something like you karaoke something.

next week yeah she will okay we'll do. live karaoke That's the homework. assignment is you have to think about. what you want to present to the show. next week because the fans want to see. it the fans love you yeah the fans. absolutely adore you they actually a lot. of fans love the Andreas bit a lot of. them don't like Andreas doing standup I. love it I don't care yeah there there's. never really been anything negative. about jwes on the on the they they love. her and they should. and they show because she's the best but. if they're sending dirty DMS we're going. to dig into those DMS and if you're. showing your pip also this she had to.

create a different um Instagram account. because she her private one got hacked. no how many people do you are following. you on your private one um like 900 so. you have 900 on your private one and you. have 10,000 on not 10 8 8,000 on the. Rudy one 10,000 on that one almost yeah. hopefully we're going to get you to 100. grand. 100,000 but the thing is is um I just. said it again you said it all podcast.

the thing is it's thing it's the thing. you do that's part of it how about you. say every every time I say it I owe. somebody. money I don't want to say it anymore can. that be a thing yeah I want to do a. charity thing okay I'm going to bring in. a bucket yeah and every time you say. something you have to put in a dollar. and I'm going to tell you because I'm. I'm trying to get out of start bringing. singles I'll bring singles and what. charity are we going to donate to uh. uh probably The Comedy Store fund no no. something like real like children's.

hospital or something Children's. Hospital what's a charity is there a is. there a charity that you know that you. like Jules um no she's already in her. head now look at her well because she's. pissed off that you talked about the tap. dancing and now everybody knows we're. going to find that video whether you. like it or not it's going to go up on. the show she's so angry yep it's going. to get hundreds of thousands of eyeballs. watching you tap dance oh there's no. video oh there will. be Tito Bob's gonna make a video and. guess what you don't want to tap you. don't want to make the video out on the. street there's a nice Bridge there's a. nice Bridge down the street you can. sleep under it's a nice overpass are you.

prepared for that you're going to get. involved one way or another Missy mhm. all right I'm tired of your [ __ ]. [ __ ] you're going to get involved. yep all right yep yeah God all right. thank you for being a bad. [Music]. friend for.