Rudy Burns The Cookies & Bobby Fails The Wes-P Challenge | Ep 131 | Bad Friends

hey. hey um i got some dates coming up i'm. filming my special in denver september. 24th also i'm gonna be in salt lake city. uh september nine and ten then i'm doing. bray on the 13th i'm doing minneapolis. and madison wisconsin 1617 then. september 24th i'll be in denver filming. my special the paramount theater go to. andrewsantina.com for those tickets. andrew santino.com for those tickets you. two are bad friends who are these two. idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude you two are.

disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends. hey. happy birthday happy birthday to jewels. happy birthday to jules. you're back in the studio happy birthday. birthday birthday hey did you all. welcome back i heard you guys got. another dog. i didn't get it. well you're there it's your house yeah. it's just like it just shows up like the. cones from my trees in the back cones. yeah like i have pine cones in the trees. and they fall right they just show up.

the owl. that hangs out in the pine cone tree. right he just should be showing up dog. all day every day without no no invites. brad and that's why that's why this dog. no invite nothing all of us in this cujo. in my [ __ ] house right i can't go. into certain rooms right and then these. [ __ ]. sorry before my legs oh it's fine. yeah yeah these [ __ ] these [ __ ]. right are like you don't you know they. go don't you know touch it or say hi to.

her or look because you know people they. don't like you. history shows mm-hmm but when you put up. that country shows what with koreans or. him no because we've uh um fostered. other pit bulls and every one of them. growled at the two bobby well maybe it's. the dog maybe it's the breeded dog and. not tito bobby exactly. my breed is pure he is pure breeze i'm. pure breeze pure blood fat pure bread. yeah i'm pure bread you're a pure broth. that's blood i know but pure broth did. you have to do that accident well. because it's pretty good.

you're pure i'm pure you are pure. is wrong no but his energy is wrong no. it's not really let me say something. right now okay i'm sorry am i bad all. right let me just can i may i i mean. yeah what do you say where was this pit. bull for the last 10 years. in the crate. in a in a in a in a cage yeah right. no human contact where guatemala. why guatemala i don't know i think yeah. yeah. my instinct said guatemala too yeah my. instincts said that two dogs we're. connected dude so we're on about where.

in guatemala what's in guatemala was it. um. um in no. pisco oh no episcopal no episcopal. guatemala that's gotta be the one of the. toughest parts of guadalajara i've ever. heard of yeah yeah you know what they do. down there what no you don't seriously. they pull your toenails off one by one. if you don't pay your bills. and then in the streets they make you. get naked and you sing a crazy song i. don't have monies i don't have money and. then they clap at you and they spit on. you and that's how that it's crazy and. then they close with chick-fil-a.

chick-fil-a right it's not i hate it. in tijuana that's all they sell is. chicklet yeah chicklets you know what i. mean there's no flavor. yeah anyway bobby and i both been to. guatemala we love it toured comedy down. there yes there's a bunch of good goods. there's actually a couple of good clubs. down there so this this dog has been. like imprisoned for 10 years gets out. growls at me a christian. a god-fearing a god-fearing christian.

with a foundation of glory right and. you're saying that i'm the wrong one. yeah yeah because dogs can sense bad. vibes so maybe you have something in you. oh yeah you know what [ __ ] you. yeah yeah he's got good vibes maybe your. dog has bad vibes like why doesn't he. growl at me or at the client because. i'll tell you why because evil knows. evil. boom boom right boom if hannibal lecter. right and [ __ ] buffalo bill are.

together. they're having a great time. they know each other very there's no. well work. no one's going to go go in the well. right but they do that to the good. people that's right right so i'm the. good one in this storybook so you guys. are evil you're the little the triangle. the pentagon pentathogram what is that. called. what pentagram the pentagram. pentanogram you're the pentathogram yeah. yeah but you're the pentanogram of evil. yes you are the axis of evil you. kalila and the pup yeah. and you know what yeah.

we're done i'm done with the two we're. done kalila is nazi germany that's right. you're mussolini in italy right and the. dog is [ __ ] japan yep that's what it. feels like to the entire country of. japan yeah not like now not back then. right now japan now or in japan yeah. yeah you're japan 2022. so what i'm. saying is is that you right know. right that i'm pure blooded. and my heart is good that's right and. the dog is evil correct. okay okay. yeah yeah right yeah what's the dog's.

name um it's bucky. yeah okay i kind of like it why just. bucky's a nice name for a dog it's a. good name. yeah i guess so come here bucky yeah. isn't that isn't that captain america's. buddy yes uh winter soldier winter. social bucky right yeah yeah i like it i. like that character wait the winner. soldier yeah his name bucky no his. friend oh his buddy yeah yeah because i. know winter soldier i know sebastian. stan was there so was there a summer. soldier no. i mean they should have both soldiers.

right. they should do both the next captain. america should be summer soldier you. know spring soldier is gay. hey. you know what time of the year it is my. shield is so shiny. spring soldier. such bright colors beautiful yeah winter. soldier though yeah what does summer. soldier look like summer soldier is um. they're wearing what they do in um. that it's got to be like a bro summer. soldier's got to be like there's no. armor it's just all in white.

you know what i mean it's like that one. movie that is before labor day was that. one movie with a the um the guy that did. the hereditary uh mid-summer mid-summer. oh yeah that's a summer soldier yeah. right yeah yeah who's the fall soldier. the fall soldier. it's leaves it's dark it's ominous rainy. cold. yeah. idris alba. why. i don't know. and i think you're trying to corner me. just do something racism but i just it. just kind of i'm coordinating like. guatemala like i know.

we're wearing you right now. what about the fall is so dark. [Laughter]. by the way idris elbow flawed could do. any [ __ ] can do whatever he wants so. he can be the fall soldier he's the. falsehood because you know what idris. silva does make me think about um. cuddling up and feeling warm i i agree. with you. uh look up idris ilba in a turtleneck. watch this yeah watch this. [ __ ] boom. tell me that's not the fall soldier.

that's the false soldier for sure and. that's why i said it's a false soldier. right. but i feel and you questioned me when i. said cuddling up and keeping warm and. that's exactly what i thought about but. when you said that though i just. imagined like if he's spooning me. and it gets too hot and i want to scoot. away i feel like he won't he's too. strong he's like no look at his arms no. mate he's got no mate no mate i'm like i. can't scoot out. i'm sweating closer then falsely i'm. sweating closer. [Laughter]. yeah look at then. [ __ ] hot this guy that guy is so.

[ __ ] happy i find him hot really hard. oh god but have you ever made let me. let's let's get to the facts. why let's get to the fact what the fact. i'm a factual this show is about facts. it's about facts not a black guy in. there because i'm still. trying to find them. what do you mean. you've never seen them they're. everywhere they're everywhere but they. don't they don't like me. interesting yeah it's what you give out. yeah it's your vibe but i thought black.

men like asians. they do they do not your comments. yeah you're kind of bad you're bad yuck. gross. you're bad although tiger woods mom was. that type. yeah that's true is that true yeah i'm. just trying to get through the facts. here yeah yeah the woods that looks like. a part of your family. her name was katilda. yeah that's kind of a cool name yes the. black dudes do like that type of asian i. guess they do they do yeah. uh i've never seen a black guy with like.

a. porcelain skin. korean girl no. yeah no no i haven't actually i think. what would happen is if they made love. to him they would just implode maybe you. think. they don't just have because they're so. bony right whoa what korean girls no no. is that rudy. yeah. rudy that's rudy that's you for sure in. a couple 30 years from now yeah that's. rude that's you for sure. my god dude that is you. look at that. well then maybe we should get you to.

date a black guy are you still with your. guy yeah yeah he's out of town he's out. of town though oh so you're free. wow. who do we know that she could date. well she's in a committed relationship. with now i know but if a good black guy. comes along we'll have to sneak out of. it oh right well we know some she said. that you know what i would like willy. willy. hunter willie hunter oh okay he's nice. yeah he's nice yeah yeah willie hunter. yeah um here you go smart. what do you think smart cool dude works. a lot. if you're on it look at look at this one.

look you like him yeah okay all right. but if you're on a date with a. black guy um careful do you have to like. no. tread softly like um. like zero like keep going go ahead if. you're okay with a black eye do you have. to what like no they're like. um. commit to it. like. they're what is this yo-yo yeah house. party thing you're doing oh that's what.

i think. what are you kidding play what the [ __ ]. are you doing here have you ever had any. black friends. no. that's the problem can we start there we. go let's start there let's get you a. black yeah we got to get you a black. friend you understand that obviously not. every black person is going to what is. this thing you think they're going to do. like they're just gonna say something. why do you keep doing this with your. hands yeah yeah i don't know yeah and. then i don't i won't understand it and. they'll think i'm not cool yeah yeah. what would you understand they're. speaking your language you're both. speaking english because of that oh the.

hand stuff yeah you think they're. speaking a language you're not like yo. and then you're like. yo. black side. you know and you're like what. you know. is that what you think is going to. happen and then there's some hand. gesture that you're going to have to. like read like their sign language. they're not they're just expressive okay. uh and not all of them they're all very. different they're all different just.

like all filipinos are different all. koreans are different well that's not. true all. all koreans are kind of the same. it's funny you say that the more koreans. i meet the more i go these guys are all. identical last night i i shot with my. dumbfounded i'm doing this movie and we. he goes let's go to cafe blue which is. like a korean bar. so i went there with them and it looked. like i was in the house of mirrors. i sort of got i look at house of mirrors. that are [ __ ] you know i mean. fairgrounds. like it was like oh there's a fat. version of me little version of me. there's me wiggling with me.

i saw wiggling me last night you did. yeah. yeah yeah yeah. dude that movie is stacked. you sent me a picture. it was like. 10 people i know in that [ __ ] you. should be in it. it's amazing you should have been in it. and it's it's your buddy who's sober. wrote it yeah. what's it about did you tell sobriety. but so it's about sobriety yeah well i'm. not sober so that's not. not dude everyone's smoking weed what. are you talking about on set oh really i. mean they're high.

but is stevo in it no i thought you said. steve johnny go knoxville oh knoxville's. in it yeah johnny is the lead okay so. johnny knoxville you my boy from dave. dude by the way i have to apologize to. him but all right so why would happen. i'll do it later no do it right now. um you know how sometimes i don't know. how to read a situation oh yeah yeah and. so you know how sometimes i get kind of. gay uh-huh yeah he's not the right guy. to do that that's right yeah yeah i. [ __ ] it up yeah yeah i just i've been. saying [ __ ] like man you're a skinny. tall guy man your dick must be so long.

and gorgeous oh yeah exactly and he just. it's almost as if he. ran over somebody. like he's like trying to process it. and he's just kind of like did i you. know i mean like it's not good yeah. don't say that to him you know i keep. going like yeah i'd like to ride you you. know something like you know or. something like you know what this is a. good time to call data yeah yeah yeah. yeah i should call him right now and. tell him you want to apologize. i'm not going to apologize for me being. me i'm just saying that next time.

you're uh yo you're on my podcast with. me and bobby lee bobby wants to say. what's up what's up gabe oh yeah what up. bobby lee what's the deal yo dude so um. yesterday did you think i was being a. little too gay in front of you or no. were you weirded out by that [ __ ]. you are the asian david bird bro you're. like [ __ ] the asian little dicky so. you're like an asian little dick. thank you so much for giving me the. green light. all right g see all is good now and then.

g you got to do me a favor um. so rudy who's on our show is a little a. filipino girl she's 20 years old she's. in the dating scene and she's never. dated a black dude and she's afraid. that they won't like her she needs a. boost of confidence from you. oh yeah come on man you know black guys. man we like everything we real humble. you know what i'm saying down the earth. you know what i'm saying different. flavors any any tips of persuasion hey. remember that you've got the asian. persuader you have the asian persuasion. yeah but she doesn't have a bubbly butt.

it's like more bony she's very bony hey. it ain't about the body man it's about. your knowledge man it's about your. personality you know what i'm saying she. doesn't have personality either no no. personality kind of a problem yeah. that's a problem. [Laughter]. [Music]. do you understand that. no all right yo i love you bro i'll talk. to you soon. love you buddy see you monday.

peace. he's the best he's a good dude so he's. in it um mo amber's in it oh yeah i know. mo yeah great guy yeah yeah great guy um. there's this oh dude there's this. [ __ ] kid in it man his name is. [ __ ] adam faison he's like. a [ __ ] prodigy actor adam faizon a. prodigy actor this gentleman right here. yeah. wonderful dude this kid is a [ __ ]. prodigy. in what term what do you mean it's just. like you know how like we're all you.

know. theo's bonds in it so we're all sitting. around me the uh you know i mean theo. will say lines when it's not even his. turn to speak that sounds right yeah. yeah yeah everyone's [ __ ] around. everyone's like what is that like this. dude is in the corner. getting into the character so he's a. real actor yeah and he walks on and he. has tears in his eyes and he's being so. real. and everyone's just going oh [ __ ] we. should fire this guy he's obviously been. trained yeah he's a trained dude can we. see his uh does he have like a bio or. something like that he's new man he's. new so he's a [ __ ] product hasn't.

done anything. he's a [ __ ] prodigy dude well shout. out to adam adam faison he's from poway. is he really yeah. alumni page no you better believe he's. not. there's only one guy. so anyway the movie is uh what's it. called. sweet dreams. i'm made of these. [Music]. i'll give you a thousand dollars tell me. who wrote that no.

seven seas. everybody come on looking maybe they do. say doing a filipino accent maybe she'll. know it looking possible. by the way pete's still bobbing his head. he likes he likes both versions. international and he's going to be a. thousand dollars if you can guess who. that is a thousand dollars is there. another clue wait there's another so. let's do another um. there's a bunch of different versions of. that song by the way you could have.

named anybody that did that song that. song's been sung by multiple different. bands covered i should say what's. another option. don't don't type it in don't touch it. what are you typing it in for. he almost typed it up yeah yeah well i'm. gonna try to figure out another song. that they say well it's not she's never. gonna know yeah i think so if she knows. a song that like here we go there's. another one. you know that song though don't you love. is a stranger in the. world i don't know. what can we do an album i'm serious can.

we do a bathroom. [Music]. why is it an asian accent for you to. understand it it's for you it's for you. what are you talking about i'm catering. it for you. sorry yeah yeah sorry tj bobby is doing. you a favor you're right you're awfully. selfish buddy yeah you bring in a new. dog yeah you don't like when he's. helping you we we're trying to get you. black dates yeah we're doing everything. for you on this show when is the dog. going to leave when is the dog what the.

dog what is the dog going to leave by. the way the dog is a metaphor for you. why are you going to leave what are you. going to leave. huh. um the dog is going to leave at the end. of the month. uh what about you. i don't know yet yeah okay that's it. yeah that's she's never gonna move out. you know she's living there for the rest. of time. yeah um i i'm not giving you guys. pressure to leave. well her specifically for sure yeah i'm. seeing you to leave you need to leave. why yeah because we've had enough we've. had enough we never see each other in.

the house it doesn't matter it doesn't. matter he smells you yeah and can i just. say this too just off the record right. um in the philippines when you cook a. cookie do you cook it to the point where. it's just black charcoal. um sometimes because we like it now be. honest what the [ __ ] is going on with. your cookies i don't know i followed the. instructions it said 15 minutes and then. after 15 minutes. it was burned right so then i told you. to [ __ ] do another batch yeah and it.

wasn't burnt it was burnt no. all right it was burnt so what about. this right when you set it for 15 and. then at eight minutes check up on it. check it out just to see. okay all right my favorite thing is. bobby one off the record we're filming. on eight cameras with two microphones. off the record off the record by the way. burning cookies. is almost impossible. everybody looks good because every once.

because you want it fast yeah yeah so. you look at three minutes you look at. five you look at eight and then you know. it's about right. it was still good no way it wasn't but. nobody wants burnt cookies but i tasted. it no you could eat the top part i ate. the burnt part. it's still good no yeah. nobody wants to burn cookies yeah. there's like a scale there was a scale. that somebody put up a burnt cookie. scale. you know what i mean like one it was. like a one to ten thing somebody put up. on twitter and and the amount of people.

that liked it closer to burnt made me. sick. like people. like dude people like burned cookies bob. they do people are crazy i like burt. rice. different story yeah. crispy rice is my favorite i don't know. where i don't know who put it up maybe. it was like a rex chapman tweet or. whatever but if you just regular google. just regular google burnt cookie scale. but dude. so many people wanted it closer to burnt. and i was like no i want it soft i i'll. always take a soft cookie. i don't need a super crispy ever.

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important safety information and we. thank bluechu for sponsoring the podcast. well there you go this is okay we'll use. this as well so 10 is where. just. based on this 10 is where her cookie. level is i imagine right right. all right so that's 10. okay what's. perfect for you out of that scale out of. one to ten rudy tell me what's perfect. for cookie. insane insane off your [ __ ] head lady. yeah yeah eight is burnt it's bummed out. [ __ ] i like it five five is perfect five. is perfect f if it had a five and a half.

five and a half would be the number yeah. five right between five and six. eight to eight look at what night look. what his brother nine looks like yeah. look at his next-door name look at nine. if there was like a if there was house. fires spreading through people's homes. and your house was eight and your. neighbor's nine you're [ __ ] you know. what nine and ten look like together uh. oh what i just waiting for whatever. you're going to say. gate is nutsacks. i was right you were by the way if you. turn it sideways yeah the left one is. long is hanging lower than the right one.

yeah. which of your balls hangs lower. oh [ __ ] i'll tell you why i don't know. are they the sames are they are you. apparently no no i'll tell you why i. don't know why i don't know if i have. balls. bob yeah i don't know if i have them. there are they hidden it's just there's. no like you know when you look in the. mirror like first of all my sacks. are so soft what do you mean sacks you. have one bud. oh [ __ ] i have two. what the [ __ ] i maybe that's the problem.

you have a soft sack yeah yeah i have. soft sack you have a stretchy sack it's. not stretchy they're wrinkly but they're. very soft. so you don't know which ball hangs lower. i think most men know which nut hangs. lower pete right away watch pete which. ball hangs lower left left. right. right so there's some you need to look. up can i show you mine 100 all right so. close close your eyes. because i need to see which one hangs. lower. you got to pull your hands away all. right can you yeah yeah that's okay. yeah.

oh my god what they're literally. parallel. i'm not kidding they're exactly at the. same length yeah they're they're. identical drew they're twins they're. twins they're [ __ ] twins they're. twins like like schwarzenegger and danny. devito. yeah no that's what yours like. no mine actually might see i i want my. [ __ ] to be proportional. you know i'm not kidding when i say this. i've never seen a perfectly symmetrical. nut sack and you're well his balls were. identical.

exact if there was a if i could have had. a [ __ ] tape measure they would and. put it underneath it had been the same. droop i can't measure it every day. every morning that's what i do never. seen the same droop yeah. you're a left nut. yeah i'm a right nut guy you're a right. nut guy yeah yeah god bless right. nutters so in the this i don't know. about biology or the human body no this. show. yeah but the nut because the actual ball. the thing that you can feel right is. that like just one large [ __ ] yes. are they just two large pieces of [ __ ].

rock. are they come rocks. what i assume is this right calm rock. right now you're horny right right and. it heats up the [ __ ] rock right and a. little bit drips down correct like it's. like candle wax like. like. candle wax right same thing and then. when you go to bed right it just grows. oh the [ __ ] rock yeah just like just by. the way there's a little guy back there. scooping on some more [ __ ] to on to the. rock oh there's a little guy there yeah. yeah yeah i'll take care of that yeah. and he is he a dwarf of course yeah.

oh because yeah he's hot. back there yeah i got to put some more. yeah. this guy goes. look i was right it's a come rock and. see there's the guy you can see it right. there yeah. look at the little blue oh that's great. does it mean anything carlos when one. ball is lower than the other i mean is. there a parallel nut sack thing that we. can because i'm super curious by the way. this. what's that they said in most people's. balls either one will hang they're never. they're almost never symmetrical bobby. yeah. i i mean this with all honesty is one of.

your best friends thank you. this is why you're special thank you. you know everybody all the time is like. what is it about bobby lee and you're. like. i know yeah now you know he's got the. same nuts his nuts are identical. identical drew i'm about to cry right. now bobby you're special and i love you. i'm about to cry okay let it out baby no. i'm just proud of myself you should be. yeah you're epididymus and you're what. are testicles made out of are they come. rocks like bobby thinks because i think. they might be. the more i think about it the more i. think he's right yeah yeah yeah.

oh just oh there's there's the inner. worker oh there's that there's so much. going on in there wow wow. it's its own universe and to think. there's all there's this yeah right. right this is another galaxy it's. another galaxy all these planets are. going on yeah and to think rudy you just. put one of these in your mouth and it's. got all this stuff going on you just. suck on one of these things with all. these working organs well it looks like. a brain so i'm just eating more brains. you're eating dick brains you're getting. dick brain that's right yeah that's what. the term give me let me ask you. something on the vaginal lips is there a.

lot going on i feel i feel like there's. not is there is there a droop on one. side like do you do yeah yeah is like. the right. hang a little lower or. does that yeah does does the side of a. lip get low okay here we go does your. lip hang low does it wobble too and fro. i like that they point out the anus yeah. yeah we might not know. we know what that is some people is it a. beauty mark. what is that i've got my name in my next. kid yeah yeah bartholin.

bartholomew's glam. that's great so there's two glands. underneath the vagina and it's called. bartholin's glands it sounds like a. place in lord of the rings like you mean. we can't i'll meet you in both. land. yeah yeah don't go there that's where. the spider is. a wetland yeah is a pair of pea-sized. pea-sized glands found just behind the. either side the lips are surround the. entrance of the vagina the glands are. not usually noticeable because they're. rarely larger the bartholins glands. secrete fluid that acts as lubricant.

during sex oh so we love oh we love. bartholomew who's bartholome can we. google out who bartholomew yeah yeah. yeah maybe it's named after a guy it's. gotta be yeah. he was bartholomew. from bartholomew's glam yeah do you ever. heard of that rudy no. you might not have bartholome's clans he. was the king of the land of vagina. imagine wikipedia goes this guy was a. puss god yeah. crushed. thomas bartholomew desktop he looks like. a [ __ ] [ __ ]. he looks like a [ __ ] in human form holy.

[ __ ]. i had no idea. that is the guy even if i didn't know. what bartholomew i got he has something. to do with vaginas. this shoe right here that's bartholin's. plan yeah that's the way let's hear it. let's make let's hear about him i want. to learn yeah he's my new guy here all. right so. here zoom in a personal life. i love this guy thomas bartholomew yeah. second of six sons to casper both olin. another physician all right so here's. the deal bob rotholin he visited the. italian botanist pietro castille.

in 1644. the place burned down. his hell failed he moved back to. copenhagen. where he died. what what did he do though he published. the first full description of the human. lymphatic system oh he knows about lymph. nodes. this guy's the [ __ ] man i imagine he. was down on a girl and he was eating a. girl out right right right and he he he. tasted the moist part. yeah like this is. this area is very moist interesting.

interesting and he stopped the thing he. turned the lights on she's like what the. [ __ ] are you doing yeah right let me get. my microscope off yeah and then he. looked and he discovered like probably. little holes and they looked and you. know what they look like what him. it was two little hymns. [Laughter]. there i am. yeah. this guy was incredible where was he. born and raised go to the right go to. the right there what does it say i. usually tell denmark oh yeah dude got to.

be a danish dude. the danish are wild yeah. by the way that's what it looks like. that's what it looks that's it yeah. that's scary. you got two of those you got two of. those in there. yeah. look at that look look at that look dude. look at that i invented i invented you. know what i mean i discovered that. that's the cocky. a piece of me thinks this guy's never. seen a vagina and he's just. he just guessed and god bless bartholin. because now we know all about his glands. it's weird to want to name yourself the.

thing you find. yeah i mean but if you think about it. though would you do that what if you. found a cure for something would you. call it what it is all right if you. found the cure for for. a for a cancer oh can't one of the. cancers [ __ ] yeah what do you call it. bobby lee the bobby lee yeah give me the. bobby lay yeah well you i'm sorry ma'am. but you have four weeks to leave what. what's going on you have the bobby lee. oh you have the disease not the cure oh. i want to. i want to be the disease by the way yeah.

you are the disease yeah i want to be. yeah i'm sorry i misunderstood what. you're saying i'm sorry i want to be the. disease i was giving you credit i was. saying if you discovered a cure would. you want to be no no no because no what. i'm saying is that i thought you meant. like did i discover the prognosis no no. no no all right but honestly yeah you're. right you're right you are the bobby lee. yeah i'm the bobby lee you have the. bobby what does the bobby lee do to me. doctor. um you're gonna. liquify liquefies uranus. what. yeah it liquefies right now how did i. get this um through have you.

[ __ ] a korean lately of course. yep. unprotected sex with the korean and i. hear right and look at me now i got yeah. you have no [ __ ] right it's yeah it's. water it's watery it prolapsed after i. had sex with her and then it fell out. yeah well that's one of the things you. know because he was really into the. bobby lee was really into like. rodents oh he want he wanted women to. look like have the tail. great. yeah well thank you doctor yeah. thank you dr lee. this is an article this is something i.

sent i want to get you guys take on this. i sent this to carlos. okay. if you like a full english breakfast. what's an english breakfast english. breakfast is eggs. sausage love it or bangers bangers and. bangers. right yeah. heinz baked beans not any american. [ __ ] baked beans heinz baked beans. have you had them before so though in. that combination eggs sausage toast and. toast and honestly usually with bacon as. well never had that before oh my god.

show him a picture of a full english. breakfast this guy's gonna lose his. [ __ ] mind it's probably the thing. that the brits did better than anything. i think on planet earth the one thing. that they taste was a full english. [ __ ] breakfast look at this thing. look at this [ __ ] plate sliced. tomatoes mushrooms sausage bacon. sausage patty oh that's blood sausage. right yeah that's blood sausage on the. left a little patties that's regular. sausage or bangers on the right bro that. looks so [ __ ] good so [ __ ] good. yeah but in the middle is the secret.

sauce what is it that's the baked beans. the heinz baked beans and heinz. introduced go back to that photo look at. how bomb this is. heinz baked beans inside of hash browns. and you've had them no. they're not gonna make it for the united. states so this is my time to use this. platform to beg heinz please i'm not. [ __ ] kidding yeah i need this heinz. you don't get it this is my two favorite. breakfast items are hash browns and. beans i can die on this please send me.

some of this [ __ ] please make this. available for the united states if you. don't. i'm going to come for you yeah and i'm. bringing the bobby lee's way. yeah. you'll get the bobby lee but let me say. something can't you just order it off. from like a special site that'll here's. the here's the problem that's going to. take a long time i want this in my local. grocer in the frozen aisle please. because otherwise i'm gonna have to. [ __ ] special order this [ __ ] that's. gonna be a pain in the ass but let me. can i just i'm not i i you know first of. all let me i wanna be positive okay i.

really respect your dream god bless you. right and i um i want to support you. thank you okay but what i want to say is. that you've never eaten that yet. you're making assumptions of what that's. going to look taste like my friend my. friend my friend my friend my friend my. friend my friend it's a frozen. so it's thing. how are you gonna prepare the fry it oh. yes okay you fry it right you fry you. air fry it first of all you air fry it. but you have no idea how that's gonna. taste oh yes i do okay oh yes i do all. right so heinz doesn't miss have you had. their ketchup oh they're the best home.

run have you had their baked beans. they're a home run pull up some stuff. that heinz makes heinz heinz by the way. it's an american company isn't it but. they have a british base because heinz. field that's in. uh pennsylvania pennsylvania. right heinz products let's go down the. [ __ ] list of these bangers. look at that look how happy that kid is. yeah with all that blood all over his. face. yeah. ketchup banger mustard banger memphis. barbecue sauce yes real mayonnaise not.

for me but some people like it. heinz gravy heinz vinegar use it heinz. dill rick uh relish and pickles love it. heinz they got mayo chip they got new. yeah and ketchup now yeah heinz 57 by. the way the specialty sauces banger [ __ ]. it's a great company wait go to the. sauce the mixed sauces by the way go. back to the mixed sauces. because they keep trying [ __ ] whoa what. did that say. crunch ketchup and ranch mayo and. ketchup and then ketchup in chili sauce. wow don't shudder at that don't shudder.

at that yeah don't shut it off i don't. step on your culture i eat a [ __ ]. live bird and an egg for you yeah. scumbag you guys use boar blood in the. philippines yeah yeah i mean as a. dipping sauce poor blood good more blood. more blood is good and yeah. yeah yeah heinz i'm begging you please. send this to united states specifically. here at bad friends because i want it so. bad i love me some [ __ ] beans. and by the way yeah next month. i'm trying it i'm going [ __ ]. vegetarian next month you want me you i.

could can we do it together let's do a. bad friend's yeah i think i'm trying. will you go vegetarian for the month i. don't think he'll make it don't [ __ ] so. [ __ ] negative you're i'm going to. throw you're so [ __ ] nice i'm going. to throw this at you. all right you've been negative all show. let's do it not supportive at all at all. okay i'll support you. why do you think he's going to fail. because all he eats is ribs pork beef. all the [ __ ] so he's getting his fill. this month yeah and he'll be fine i'll. be fine we're gonna do bad friends goes.

vegetarian can we do a combination thing. though like combination fried rice. yeah no not combination fried rice let's. a dual contest okay go on so. we do vegetarian. and let's add up another thing no. ejaculation. okay i'm out. yeah you can let's just see how long i. can't come for the whole month. yeah that's so long i know but have you. ever tried it no well you're trying it. feels like a madman no no no no.

you can't a month so long you're not. gonna last but that's what's fun about. the game we'll see how long. i'm telling you the moment that you or i. come we have to text or call each other. you have to be honest if we're going to. play this game you got to be real all. right and i mean the moment. the moment you come back. can we get into the rules though. oh yeah i'm sure there's some rules okay. go ahead so what if i have like you know. when i come in the night on a dream. i know i said it like a poem is it.

happening and i come in the nighttime. is it happening a lot but sometimes i'll. wake up and there's a little bit of. explosion in there that doesn't count. all right that doesn't count right. right yeah you have to be a part of the. [ __ ] right like you have to either. actively do it with your hand or with. using a partner okay. so then um with the meat right for. instance all right if i sleep walk and. eat in the middle of the night and i eat. a roast beef sandwich it doesn't count. it doesn't count that's totally okay. right that seems like that's fine. something because i can't help that well. i feel like if we're gonna let each. other come in the middle of the night we.

better be able to eat a roast beef. sandwich can you imagine the security. cameras of us just coming and eating. it wasn't me i was dead asleep yeah i. was dizzy all right so we call each. other when we slip the moment that we. slip i'm serious i have one last thing i. have to ask i'm so sorry i have. questions about it because i really want. to do it i want to do it too um. can we do it in. november. uh. yes we can okay let's do it in november. okay we're too close to you right.

september because we're going to new. york in september right yeah we're not. going to jerk off or [ __ ] not eat. meat there that's right we're going to. do a deli that's all you do what is up. in new york jerk off and eat me right so. what i'm saying is in november i feel. like my candle is a little bit more. clear we're back home we're back home. and we can monitor each other better. we'll monitor the better right okay yeah. so let's do it in november. bro i hate you know i just got a car i. used vroom. the best thing about vroom is that you. don't have to go to these dealerships. out in the middle of nowhere and just.

walk around in the heat with room you. can buy a car entirely online and have. it delivered straight to you so you. never have to go to a dealership again. that's right nobody wants to waste a. weekend walking around dealership lots. getting attacked by dudes in cheap suits. yelling at you about discounts that they. can get you after they go talk to their. manager for 45 minutes because it's a. lie uh let me tell you something i've. had so many different trials and. tribulations trying to buy cars i'm a. car guy i do not go to the lots anymore. i always use third parties now and vroom. has been the best version of that uh.

instead of going to dealership buy a car. from home uh even as you listen to bad. friends right now you can do it anywhere. vroom is entirely online so next time. you need to buy a car just grab your. phone go to room.com and check out. thousands of great cars that's room.com. vroom.com. trojan bare skin raw enables you to get. closer and experience everything this is. like the um the michael jordan of. of condoms yeah they really are they are. the greatest ones yeah they're the best.

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didn't go. let me go what go where i want to go see. it it's on hulu wait what is it i. thought it's in theaters no never went. to theaters it went straight to hulu oh. i don't want to see something one. straight that went straight to online. i i it's got to be in the theater amber. mint that is the um star of it she's on. reservation duck so i kind of know her. oh yeah and i'm just saying this movie. it's incredible what do you like any of. the predator movies well predator yeah. the original one yes yeah she had never. seen any predator movie until prey her. yeah well yeah.

do you know have you seen it now yeah. it's so so sick it's so good no i do. want to see it i should watch it but. it's like. do you know what the premise is no. i know nothing about have you heard of. it before honestly everyone's talking. about it right so basically it's when. the alien predator first visited earth. and he finds her he he's fighting. against native americans sick. it's [ __ ] sick love it yeah i'm in. and he's more primitive too in the movie. he's more lovable. no he's more um he's not as.

technologically advanced i think he's. more he does more hand-to-hand killing. you were right yeah well that's what i. didn't know you said right baby yeah. yeah i i just i i was astonished how. good it was it's that good. like i was just like wow this is what. aside from the original predator movie. which we love with arnie yeah right yeah. i've seen every single one of those. [ __ ] things right and this one is. probably the second best one 93 on. rotten tomatoes have you ever been a. part of any project that's been 93.

i think the most i got was 53. well i'm on reservation dogs that's. that's got to be up what is that. reservation dogs has got to be high. i would imagine that the reservation. dogs is probably 90s. 99. i'm on a 99. holy [ __ ] how about you. what what number probably 85 is probably. the highest i've been a part of what i. bet you dave is in the 80s high 80s get. dave get dave on there dave's probably.

every single year okay yeah nothing i've. been a part of has been probably higher. than 84. 84 is probably the highest i've. ever been. i don't watch do i'm dying up here this. one probably 64. this one's probably below 70. let's see 51 oh my god but the audience. score is 95. see that's always kind of a. tell though what when the critics [ __ ].

on something but the audience loves it. that's not a towel no no this happens a. lot though you'll see it where the. audience is super super high and the. critics are low. meaning it's it's. it's one of those things where i think. people. the critics those are the same people. that think that fast and furious is a. kurosawa film the best movie ever made. i'm just saying my name is a better. movie than faster faster than furious. all of them. all the other fast and furious movies. are better than the originals. what's the fast and furious score. just go fast and furious one and let's.

find out the original. what year was that in. 2009 not in 2009. yeah that's it. 28. audience score 67 so right you're wrong. about that that's still pretty low yeah. yeah 28. this is the problem with critics what. are you criticizing it's a [ __ ]. action movie yeah what what what's the. [ __ ] thing what's the thing yeah what. could you be critical about. the cinematography it's [ __ ] shoot. him up flip a car.

you know family you know what you're. gonna go watch yeah so [ __ ] leave it. alone yeah you know what i'm watching. now that i almost finished what is it. only murders in the building. you don't know what this is. it's on hulu. it's steve martin martin short and. selena gomez. you've seen it um. are you a selena gomez fan. she's brown like you is it good 100. percent critics holy [ __ ] is it that. good is it good. don't don't no no no no no no i'm not. saying it to you i'm saying is it good.

like this is it good. it's it's kitschy but it's fun. but martin short. i'm not kidding when i say this might be. one of the best comedic actors in the. history of of of filming i've always. felt that bro he's so funny on this show. it's [ __ ] annoying you're like how is. he every scene he does something to make. me laugh and steve martin phenomenal as. a straight guy but martin short is. exactly what you want him to do also. fyi mm-hmm what is that what are they.

don't even know what that means for for. young interests for young interests yeah. yeah for young people. yeah yeah for young interests yeah right. one of. the nicest guys. you'll ever meet of course because he's. the [ __ ] he literally is one of the. nicest guys you'll ever meet i'm dude. i'm obsessed i think he kills i love. that and selena does a good job on the. show i don't really know much about her. but she does a great job on the [ __ ]. show but martin i'm watching that. tonight. you dude you have to give it some time. do a couple episodes you're gonna love. it 100. and two legends legends yeah two legends.

in the legends you martin short and. selena gomez yeah. let's let's go back to the history of of. these two guys she has no idea i. understand but did you see three amigos. no it's my favorite it's one of the. funniest movies i love that movie do you. know who steve martin is at all no. wow it's just mind-boggling you know. what she should watch that she might. like sense of humor was what um. parenthood. no she should watch jiminy glick. yeah no you don't think she'll get it no. i want her to go back into the were you.

bored yeah martin short dressed up as. this fat interviewer. and it's some of the best stuff i've. ever seen in my life dude he was so. [ __ ] good but we sh i want her to go. do a little bit of a deep dive in terms. of like steve martin and and martin. short's career okay well because in the. 80s they made they were like. when we were growing up they were like. kings the kings of it all kings yeah. steve martin steve martin got like uh. commercially messy he was saturday night.

live but he got commercially massive. uh he was saturday live too but uh i. would say father the bride was like one. of the biggest movies he probably ever. made franchise-wise steve martin yeah. franchise yes right isn't that don't you. think what do you think was bigger for. steve martin i mean that franchise was. [ __ ]. massive yeah like that might have been. the biggest dirty rotten scoundrels yeah. but don't love that movie no great the. jerk like these are all great oh my god. but they were never as big this movie. was [ __ ] massive for the time yeah. how much was it.

90 million oh my god for a [ __ ]. domestic movie in the 90s in 91 insane. that's like a billion dollars for it's. that's absolutely really you really need. to see the three of me goes though. i mean that's. like a classic one of the funniest. comedies ever and these guys were just. but that's when you but that's when you. know you're all like i've been like. hanging out with younger people on set. and stuff and you. you talk them about. because you you bring up stuff like you. know movies from the 80s and stuff or. 70s and they just don't know any name or.

what it is it's insane but also because. the internet's so fast right like we. knew stuff from our parents generation. because the internet wasn't as fast then. it wasn't until we were a certain age. the internet didn't exist so for them. the stars are being made constantly or. the star of the month or whatever it is. but she could be on a bus. sitting next to steve martin would never. and she would have no idea two things. though why are both of those people on a. bus. i know what you're saying yeah you know. what i'm saying yeah subway no subway. subway right right you would not have.

any idea like if i sat next to steve. martin on a subway. this. i would just be i would not know what to. say i. would lose like i would lose my mind. right you nothing. yeah yeah. what were you going to ask you said you. you look like you're going to ask him. something like you can just take a. picture of him no it's this guy is a. legend this is not [ __ ] yeah this. isn't like. do you always have to say something if. it's like a really big no i wouldn't say.

i don't think i would say we'd be. nervous because i wouldn't want to say. something and have him be a dick and. then change my. view on him so i just don't want to. bring it there yeah you just you but you. give him one of these. you give them a little i i i've done. that to super super famous people that i. like their work is they'll look over and. kind of give you one the eyebrow you. know the eyebrows. yeah. yeah. because that's an all i need. the worst is when you say something to a. star that you love and they're they're. not being a dick but they do their.

standard line they would do any one i. don't know so i was with uh i was on the. paramount lot and um levar burton who's. jordy. next generation you definitely don't. know who that is you don't know yeah no. chance i walked by i'm like oh [ __ ]. there's [ __ ] lavar burton i go hey. i'm a big fan of you i said it i'm a big. friend he goes thank you. yeah he's heard it a million yeah yeah. all day long and i was just like oh. god. he's the [ __ ] why did he do that do you. know who that is no oh my god is he do. you like him you think he's attractive. yeah yeah he's like a hundred years old.

isn't that crazy. black does not crack good looking oh my. god he's amazing he's 65. he looks like. he's the third is great he that guy and. me are the same age. yeah visually yeah each other those guys. must be in the same space yeah they went. to high school together. yeah for sure for sure. yeah but it's like yeah that that thank. you that thank you because he's heard it. yeah. that's why i try to like not do that. what do you say when a fan says hey i. love your work. a guy said it to me this morning getting.

coffee. he goes dude i'm a big fan and you know. what i say what i say thank you very. much man i hope you have a good day. that seems cold what do you mean i. looked him in the eye and i said i hope. you have a good day i meant that yeah it. seems standard though what the [ __ ] am i. supposed to say you go specific. thank you very much i love that shirt. yeah okay i gotta pay attention i was on. the i was like that's that's that's what. you got to do all right i'll go try it. again go ahead i'm getting my coffee and. then you're a fan hey. cheeto hey man big fan of your work oh.

dude [ __ ] off and i coffee right in the. face no i shouldn't do that no no i will. try it again yeah. yo. love love you on i'm dying up here no. [ __ ] [ __ ]. yeah no is that not gonna work. let me try one more time yeah yeah. yo yo. bad friends. yeah. who do you like more. of the korean have you asked that before. no. have you.

yeah you have you scumbag. every time you do you go who do you like. more me right yeah yeah oh or i'll say. something disparaging about you why that. guy's so not funny or says i'll say. something. just just to get them all out i get it. yeah yeah i get it like last night like. i was at this korean bar like i said. yeah the blue bar the blue bar and i was. in there and um you know people walk up. and they're huge bad friend you know. what's astonishing about this podcast. what. is. the reach it had i mean we reach people.

dude oh my god i'm about to cry bob. it's not funny rudy. i'm not laughing i'm smiling. she's laughing. so dude ask alex han so this is the. doorman at the comedy store. and i was sitting there in the lobby of. the in the main room i'm just sitting. there waiting to go up. and alex goes meet this young lady and. she walks up to me and she just bursts. into tears. oh what do you mean don't be like that. no i'm. i just said oh like that's cute.

carlos help yeah give just give him a. chance all right all right so that's. cute and i go whoa don't cry she's like. no you don't understand like my mom died. two days ago oh my god right and she. goes. she's. the biggest bad friends fan it was. i'm just. i'm just saying. i'm sorry. i'll do it again thank you i'm not wrong. i'm just telling you what the right.

verbiage was. so i just will you know. that my mom was. a huge pet friends fan. and um. she um i mean i just went to um. what's her name jessie. jetski juicy yeah juice and i just told. her that and um i just want to say um i. had to come and say that say that to you. because she passed away you know what i. mean and i literally went.

thanks get the [ __ ]. no no i go. no i hugged her and we talked for like a. half an hour i i do you remember her. name. i knew it. yeah but did she talk to jesse yes she. did. let's see if juicy remember if juicy. remembers her name i'm serious yeah yeah. never going to let you live this town. this poor girl's mom was a huge bet and. shout out to this girl whoever her mom. was in her 40s and she had died [ __ ] man. so young yeah i'm in my that's me yeah i. know we lost a viewer.

carlos deep cut deep cut and by the way. funny though whoever you are i hope the. bad friends hey juice you're on the back. you're on the pod. what's up i just want to ask you. something so bobby said that there was a. girl that came up to you guys and said. that she lost her mom she passed away. but her mom was a big bad friends fan. you got and do you remember that. yep addy. juicy. not your name addie i know hey i just.

want to say this real fast. i love you and i'll see you tonight. okay okay love you guys all right bye. didn't even [ __ ] ask her. knew off the bat. bobby bro. didn't even ask her. and remembered right away her name was. addy oh. by the way if you're out there let me. say this we love you thank you for being. a bad friends fan.

uh we love our bad friends family and. i'm sorry about your mom and you're the. [ __ ] and we love addie so thank you we. appreciate it oh addy and thank you for. coming along i'm so sorry eddie yeah you. should be yeah say sorry you're [ __ ]. looking your camera i'm sorry but no. don't butt when you're saying sorry why. because that's not what i have other. things to say just say i'm sorry anne. okay i'm sorry and. right. by the way no. yeah and and i um was really good.

conversing with you for. a half hour. what is that. what is that. i know she don't be mean i'm not being. mean i loved her. we love you adi we love you adi but it. was like so like just um no that's. beautiful because you know it's funny. because and i you get it from all over. the world like i've been talking to. people from you know. australia other people people that live. in korea that like bad friends that's. nuts right and it's like. you know when i because now you know i'm.

just trying to be different i'm posting. more on instagram getting more involved. you know i mean that's cool yeah and uh. i'll come first with some fans on you. know indirect message and um. and they're just like. like they're just they just love the. show so much but it's funny because we. go to the shitty parking lot in this. shitty building. right and we come here and it's like. kind of like all right here we are let's. do you know i mean you never think. that people are watching really watching. our little show our little show you know. but it's just like it's pretty cool i. agree man i'm very appreciative of of. the of the bad friends fan base and uh.

so are the guys you know it keeps them. employed because otherwise can you. imagine what these scumbags would be. doing if it wasn't for us what do you. think pete would be doing if he wasn't. on this show. he'd be a grip for like a low budget. thing oh okay yeah yeah i see that. that's cool yeah yeah i would i was. gonna say uh like gravedigger or grave. robber sorry. like no he's too big to be a grave. robber what do you mean he's strong he's. so strong he can lift the casket out you. need you can't have someone carlos. decides lifting a casket it's not going. to work but he's a big guy though pete.

yeah yeah he's strongest i know so i'm. the guy i don't know who. looks after like something you need a. strong guy to help lift the casket. there's no cameras you need a skinny guy. like carlos to wiggle down there to fit. into small holes. and i have this for protecting and he's. got a gun yeah and you need someone like. you to distract. oh. why like what do i do maybe look at the. body here you know here comes the guy. who the graveyard guy who runs greg what. y'all doing over here this time and you. got to be like oh we're you know we're. just saying goodbye to our aunt that.

passed away and we're paying our. respects you have to distract while. these guys are doing the dirty work dude. i got my shovel no but i i i feel like. under pressure i would probably [ __ ] it. up okay hey woody hey hey hey whoa whoa. whoa hey what what the [ __ ] are you. doing in my graveyard boy you made my. uncle benji. your uncle benji he just died. benji lieberman. ferguson lieberman yeah benji ferguson. liberty. jr yeah. really yeah he's in my car.

wait what i can't bury you. no when is it when does it open man. you're [ __ ] this on. like i wouldn't know yeah yeah you would. have to pretend like you're paying your. respects to the dead oh i just i. wouldn't know that i'd be like no i'm. trying to bury this guy try it again oh. i'll do it again hi hey hey hey what the. [ __ ] you doing in my graveyard it's. beautiful thank you the landscaping. thank you oh go ahead walk around. is that good that's good that would have. worked yeah yeah you're just admiring. the world i love her hey wait. excuse me what are you doing over here. in our graveyard i'm saying hi to my mom.

what's her name. lipa. dua oh alippadoo is over there. six weeks. your [ __ ]. mom that's crazy crazy i have to go i. have to say hi yeah no no no no no go. ahead. [Laughter].

i'm like we're weirded out by the dead i. mean she just died a month ago yeah god. bless yeah how'd she die she died cancer. what kind. in the vagina. really. was it the bobby lee yeah or was it the. bethesda gland. bartholomew was it the bartholomew's. glam. that's the bobby league the bobby. lingling. you'd be the whole part yeah sorry about. it sorry about that can i go now how old.

are you 20. i don't know if you're allowed to be. here at night by yourself i'm really. depressed and i just want to talk to her. talk to us. i don't know you well get to know me but. we're alive. yeah we happen to be alive and we'll. talk back to you yeah yeah i want to. talk to my mom i think you should talk. to us first yeah. hey you want to see my new van ooh no. i just know no. you got it you guys need a new bed and. also i'm just going to get them we need.

to help we have a couch no we're loading. into the van right we need your help. that sounds like you're going to murder. me no no no no you like wells. [Laughter]. huh let me ask you something okay. this is not sexual okay. have you ever seen a pair of testicles. hang at the same length. no i haven't seen this [ __ ] yeah no. no.

dude we should do a [ __ ] movie where. we own a graveyard yeah. we're two guys what are they called more. not morticians what are the guys that. [ __ ] run a graveyard called. morticians there's a security of. something no no dude there's graveyard. security they're called a thing because. the morticians fix the bodies yeah i. don't want to do that i don't want to. like prepare the bodies like the makeup. yeah dude. well first of all they have to like. drain them you know you have to get all. their organs out and then you fill them. with with formaldehyde formaldehyde. right you fill them with a chemical yeah.

formaldehyde it preserves the body and. then if they had like a disastrous you. know i mean death like a car accident. you have to fix their face yeah it's. crazy like mold all right unarmed. residential security guards graveyard. weekends swing we could [ __ ] do it 16. to 19 an hour what are they paying you. at the library at school 16. you could make up to 19. i want to do that late night will you. apply for her for this please i want to. apply for her to be an unarmed. residential security guard at a. graveyard on weekends and it's a swing. job so it's not full-time you jump in.

when they need you there's some. qualifications oh let's let's read that. valid uh california bsis guard card do. you have that no we'll [ __ ] we gotta. get that we gotta get that uh you got a. driver's license right okay yeah. reliable transportation you get the. prius yeah the prius yeah great. interpersonal communication skills when. dealing with visitors to the site well. we just try let's try again let's see if. you can get ready. but this is real you're now a security. guard and we're visiting right so we. just need you to. be able to what do you even.

what do i have to do why do i have to. talk to them well [ __ ] dude do you want. the job or not yeah i thought i was just. looking out on the graveyard people. their visit. they sometimes the the [ __ ] graveyard. is open and you're still a security. guard you still have to make sure. everything is okay so people are coming. to grieve or pay their respects. sometimes as a teenager you gotta kick. off who's like so we're a couple we're a. couple guys we're gay of course. yeah yeah all right oh. oh no we're back here again hi. i am hi how are you we're here to see um.

our ramone ramone yeah who died oh um. his nickname is big slang. yeah that was his nickname the nickname. is there any way we could. look i know this is a weird request but. we have this huge black dildo is there a. way we could place this on with super. glue on the tombstone yeah and he loves. he loves blackheads i love big black. well he like the flesh the fleshy kind. the real one the real ones but this is. can do yeah because they cut off a real.

black yes um some people might find it. inappropriate but do you have like any. design that can like kind of cover it up. that's that's interesting like a box. yeah or like flowers to just like so if. we get some flowers and make put flowers. around the [ __ ] you'll let us do that. yeah you can do it. yeah thank you great great [ __ ] great. look what she did yeah she saw the. situation assessed it assessed it and. handle it look at the bottom requirement. look at this go to the bottom note to. the left to the left.

ability to act with integrity in a. professional manner and that's what you. did exactly what that was the only thing. you need is a valid cibs. never going to get that how do we get it. yeah yeah i feel like we just need to. get one of these [ __ ] psis cards and. you're yeah how do we get those. welcome to the bureau of security and. invest in and investigative. investigative. but i don't have a visa. [ __ ] what the [ __ ] god you do snitch on. yourself yeah yeah yeah yeah i guess we. could apply online now okay let's apply.

for her honestly to see if we can get. her yeah yeah let's get her a [ __ ]. okay we'll do this we don't need to do. we you can you don't need to go through. the oh you've got your use id ready for. the ca.com. so seriously when this show's done i'm. dead serious please apply for this and i. want to see if we can get you a job as a. swing guard for a security guard at a. graveyard why do you want me to because. i think it's going to be healthy for you. in the real world to use these skills. working at the campus bookstore it ain't. gonna cut it. okay let me tell you something rudy here. in america everybody at one point in. their life has worked in a graveyard.

yeah i have it's just a part of the. thing of growing up okay you know what. like what is that in the philippines is. there uh. oh could we fake one i mean yeah let's. photoshop one oh yeah yeah. well let's photoshop it yeah great. that's perfect done you could work at. the hollywood forever one the best the. best graveyard humphrey bogart's buried. there there's so many look at the famous. people that are buried at hollywood. forever cemetery do i get free food. i. i guess i don't know if they have i just.

don't know. it's not they don't have craft service. you know i mean it's not a shoot look at. this she knows none of these people by. the way jane mansfield cecil b demille. oh my bugsy siegel. wow johnny ramone wow. wow dude wow look at the [ __ ] level. look at the level mel blanc dude this is. so amazing how many people are buried. there is charles chaplin the comedian. that's fair no the carpenter. that's charles chaplin the carpenter the. carpenter yeah the builder oh yeah no is.

the comedian the legend. i know him estelle getty do you know who. that is no okay. i guess there's no do you know the. ramones the band the ramones. i've. i don't know. okay that one's got to be tough for you. bobby that's everything is tough that's. got to be tough that she doesn't know. that it was the dog but now it's the. ramones you know i mean and then and. then the dog. who the [ __ ] is virginia rap.

who is that she was a model and a silent. film actress not so many skills there. she died after attending a party with. actor roscoe fatty arbuckle love fatty. arbuckle who was accused of manslaughter. and rape in connection to her death um. but he got away with it and now she's he. was exonerated because he knew enough. you could get away with anything you. could just kill someone and people no. forensics. you just if you knew a cop you were like. i didn't do it no like he didn't do it. yeah i mean that's how easy it was about. that there's fatty arbuckle so he killed.

virginia rob. wow wow and he got away with it probably. raped her too yeah what a fat piece of. [ __ ] what a [ __ ] where's that fat. piece of [ __ ] buried yeah let's see that. fat scumbag look at that. so he killed her. i love how they say he was exonerated. because but they don't give any. indication over like why woodlawn. cemetery in new york well we're going to. [ __ ] when we go to new york you want to. go piss on his grave [ __ ] yeah man i'll. go piss on that fat. yeah. and imagine. having the name fatty.

[Laughter]. imagine how fat you have to be. for him to go [ __ ] it i'm fatty. right. it's like. yeah fatty arbuckle look at that guy. he was a comedian. look at that look at that look at that. [ __ ]. that fat we actually we're actually. being so mean we don't know if anything. we don't know we don't know what he. really did yeah but it did sound like if. you were [ __ ] charged with. could ralphie may do that i don't think. so. i mean look at that that's [ __ ].

circumstantial right there dude you know. who's not getting enough credit go is. the guy holding the women up top. that must hurt his shoulders so bad. i mean fatty's fat yeah he's just he's. like a cinder block he's just hanging. out that can't be that hard on his. joints. and those two poor women dude. look at he's grabbing their breasts dude. yeah zoom in on the one in the white. yeah yeah he doesn't give a [ __ ] look at. him he's grabbing her tip hey look look. at that look at that. zoom zoom and she's like can you get the.

pit. right no no nothing i'm fat. the breasts he really is the right. breast. and look at her mouth she's always like. hey. cut it out. [Laughter]. by the way silent film. yeah i mean i know you know look. pioneered where we are today incredible. but can you imagine how easy it'd be to. get away with being a bad actor in. silent film to [ __ ] do anything. one take everything.

yeah yeah yeah. yeah that's it that's one take killed it. a movie takes three days to make a full. feature 128 pages yeah yeah yeah chaplin. though. chaplin though when you're good you're. great you're great right when you're. when you're good at doing silent and. making eye movements and hand gestures. and physicality dude we should do that a. silent film you and i should do a black. and white silent film with jewels bro. and just i'm not [ __ ] kidding let's. do it i would kill dude. well where are the [ __ ] outfits.

what's the outfits yeah it's just like. you know the black and white you know. they just i wanted those no they. of that era. but you couldn't but they were you. couldn't see what they were because it. was black and white they probably like. those clothes okay you mean of that time. period of that era yeah okay good i want. suspenders and then who's going to do. the fonts. the what. there needs to be the organ player no. the fonts. sometimes subtitles. yeah. well. pete oh you do it in post yeah my bad.

you didn't. why don't we do this why don't we don't. write the [ __ ] you know i mean. write it we'll just do the movie first. and then we'll figure out what it is. later brilliant. right i think that's fine i think that's. brilliant i love that and that's your. you that's your creative side of it yeah. that's genius i [ __ ] love i love it a. silent film. um will you do one reenactment of. something for me before we go what is it. so there's a guy online that i have a. huge crush on and i know you know who he. is because i've sent him to you before.

and we get sent this con i mean on a. constant basis will you show this guy. this guy right here. people have asked us a thousand times to. reenact this. he's incredible. he can pull stuff with his hits his. penis can i say something what that. could have been us 200 200th time. no it wasn't it could have been i think. he says in there how many takes it takes. but you don't know it could have taken a. thousand times will you try this i'll do. it but give me as many times as he gets. it i think he probably did it from once.

there's no way what's his name pete can. you see what his name is. this guy's the [ __ ] man. okay let's see oh this is amazing oh you. okay and we gotta clamp your titties and. you gotta try it you do it now yeah okay. this is how we got this is how we'll go. home. i think it's just gonna fly away.

yeah but this is for don't do the top. one maybe maybe the top one can go. two on two tits and two on the other. tits. oh. you're fine. like you haven't had something clamped. to your titty before that's insane. come on baby. is it not working. for you.

let me try. it's going to hurt dude. that yeah that hurts. does it.

ah. [Laughter]. [Laughter].

i. [ __ ]. we tried. that guy's better than us yeah he's. better than us. all right [ __ ] me i wish that i wish. that worked. all right let's go all right. we have to say thank you for being a bad. friend oh yeah yeah. rudy. on the count of three. one two one two three thank you for. being a bad friend.

yes. [Music].