Rated F for Fun | Ep 122 | Bad Friends

hi carlos hi andres what are we doing. here today. we're learning how to tell time holy. moly our fans shouldn't listen to their. leader bobby lee so much he needed mark. maron to teach him how to tell time they. don't. know. do you think our fans don't know how to. tell time i don't think they do how. about we teach them let's teach them did. you know there are three time zones in. the u.s there are actually four oh yeah. but nobody cares about the mountain.

people right yeah no just white people. let's think about three time zones what. are they. new york chicago. los angeles or us other people might. know it as eastern central and western. time oh okay that's fantastic so. let's see if we if it's nine o'clock in. l.a what time is it in new york. 14.

wait how do i do this andres it's only. three hours different so we have to make. the small hand go three numbers up oh is. nine in l.a. it's 12 in new york that's when bad. friends comes out is that so difficult. your moronic audience to understand you. two are bad friends who are these two. idiots white dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting.

well you two or something we're bad. friends. welcome to bad friends hey we got these. new shirts i love them this is you know. why we got these new shirts is the bed. bad friends family live we're doing a. live show. june 28th. june 28th june 28th go to. momenthouse.com bad friends to sign up. to watch this live show it's a christian. life it's a christian live show it's all. it's going to be i'm getting baptized. i'm baptizing you you're baptizing me by. joseph's nice joseph smith exactly.

yes and it's going to be great so watch. bad friends live you can you can watch. it from your couch from the bathtub from. a spaceship yeah you can you can watch. from anywhere it's a christian only show. it's going to be what is below g. below g is h no a b c d e f it'll be f. it'll be rated f yeah yeah for [ __ ] yeah. watch bad friends live yeah june 28th uh. sign up now why didn't they have a. rating g like if like in the movies if. they had a rated g movie wait it is gg.

is the lowest rating no g is the good. one the christian one but is there is. there they should have a rating that's. beyond f that's worse what i mean what. do you mean that's uh beyond x there's. nc seventeen it goes to 17. it goes g g. p g g pg three. f no not f r r. right and then x is pornography yeah you. mean one beyond x one beyond x.

like murder porn yeah it might be but. it's still directed by legit people like. to quit like. like what would be a queue. a serbian film. serbian a serbian film a serbian are you. saying the country serbia yeah a serbian. film a serbian film say hey say say the. letter b. b say serbian serbian there it is there. it is only took you five times to do it. yeah we cannot have him on this show. anymore i don't know.

don't talk he's not he's a producer. engineer guy right we love yeah yeah we. love the fancy so a serbian film so. that's rated beyond x that is yeah like. band it's banned that's sick if you get. your we have to get that movie. yeah. now is it would you feel guilty for. jerking off at that movie. yes okay well i won't i refuse to what. do you mean you'd feel good what is the. movie about. it's a. horror film. about a porn star. who has like. you know sex with babies and okay okay.

no we can't watch it. can we introduce jess what the. [ __ ] are you talking about fancy yeah. why would you watch that did you direct. it. is that what you're teaching those kids. in film school yeah yeah yeah yeah. everyone class assignments. yeah a serbian first kurosawa kurosawa. today we're going to talk about orson. welles. that's the last chapter. all right so let's introduce our guest. yeah we've been trying to cancel us one.

time before yeah what was that about. uh i was on south by and. i was doing some shows out there and. bobby called me and. i. could have flown back but i drove out. there. so. do you think bobby could have paid for a. plane ticket for you to fly back here. no i mean yes but i would have done it. yes i would have done you wouldn't have. yeah i would have okay but i i asked you. is this the end of my career and then. what did i say you said yes and then you. said ah just kidding. no but we're not kidding it was the end.

yeah. this is a funeral for your career bono. mad you stole those glasses. wow yeah yeah i mean were you a big. youtube fan like oh man josh she's great. do you know how do you how old are you. thirty-two she tells me i mean she's. aware of that being put on your phone. without your talk about the original. without consent you two sexually. assaulting our phones with their [ __ ]. music remember when they just put it on. your itunes more like me too. boom that's a joke she's here yeah.

so jesse johnson is she's a door person. at the store door person and comic how. about you [ __ ] what a shitty [ __ ]. intro. jesse like what's wrong with you jessica. she's just so aggressive she's good. she's trying to lay up some [ __ ] love. jessie's a good comedian she's a great. community she's working at the comedy. store you don't have to say door person. is she not she said just say she works. at the comedy store she works at the. comedy store as a she works there as a. comedian who works there and she does. extra activities.

i have extracurriculars well the. vagueness of that is bad okay what does. that mean she she goes can i see your id. yeah yeah people need to hey oh you know. what her. latest thing that was pissing me off. what were you pissing me out we were in. the hallway right oh yeah so it's me. letterman. oh yeah. david um. shane gillis was james. trevor wallace trevor wallace where it's. just sitting quietly talking quiet.

quite talking like we were in a library. right. and this woman comes up to me this door. person and god. guys um you guys can keep it down show. show's going on i'm on her side you. probably were being too loud if we. weren't the showroom is right there i. bet you were talking too long people. heard you in the showroom no what was. happening so people come up i will tell. you people were complaining like a lot. and you know remember and looking around. but then when you came in and they saw. it was you doing it they were like oh my. god that's bobby leaving laughs don't do. that to him don't give him that that's. exactly no don't that's what i want no.

but i was kind of happy you walked in. the room because i was like do i have to. how am i to defuse this situation. because you came in like shy like you. didn't know what to do because you're. around me like you guys need to shut the. [ __ ] up well you got to be assertive. when you're talking to shane gillis that. guy's like you know what i mean. is that what you want to call him. yeah yeah yeah i got to do it and trevor. is like you know him city you know what. i mean. he's a hip patient no he just looks.

skinny and just kind of frail i mean you. can't just let these [ __ ] dough boys. and heavies you know i mean boss you. around dog that's right yeah that's a. life lesson it's a life lesson doughboys. and heavies can't let these have kids. and doughboys. today i'm so sorry i just woke up so. that's my excuse when did you wake up. jesse i woke up at. eight or nine reasonable hour yeah yeah. and you worked late last night because i. saw you there last night yeah i worked a. lot last night yeah yeah were you from. san diego arizona oh why did i say san.

diego did i i don't know why you said. that i think everybody from the store is. from san diego everyone that comes up to. work i'm always like are you all from. san diego arizona phoenix yeah phoenix. god bless you scottsdale that's where we. went to college. where'd you go scottsdale community. fighting artichokes there you go baby. they're called the fighting hunters i. went to arizona state you know that. right oh we're rivals yeah well not. really. one of us went to college the fighting. artichoke the other one went to. scottsdale community college i. it's the fighting artichoke that's their. symbol yeah that's our mascot.

that's hilarious. that almost seems like it's like. make-believe college but it grows so. plentifully up there you know artichokes. are everywhere in scottsdale oh they are. no i don't know. i've never seen them. i've never seen it there's no. connectivity yeah do you know when we. got when we got our place when i got. when i moved into my place three. artichoke plants on my front i didn't. even know i don't i didn't know that. they grow that like that in the wild. yeah just in our front like in our front. yard really well so you could like i. have three artichokes randomly see. artichoke plants growing in your shed.

when i moved in they were they were like. they were budding and per and big and i. was like somebody had planted them right. the guy that lived there before but i. was like they hippie huh hippy hippy. dippy yeah hippy dippy [ __ ] i hate to. be dabbies i i i i'm not a hippie i hate. them more than you hate them no no i do. you don't have an understand they make. me nauseous. what's the big what's the biggest thing. about his when i was in high school. right that's the plant that's in my. front it's so crazy it's huge yeah when. i was in high school right i was so into. this is so gross drugs and dick no but. yeah i was into those two things too but.

yeah yeah but i was. yeah yeah but thirdly you know i mean my. third favorite thing. it went dicks drugs but my thoughts and. dicks and drugs would switch depending. on the day some days oh that would do a. combo. i would do a dick drug because yeah yeah. dick is your drug yeah yeah so anyway so. dx drugs and then but but the third. thing that i was into was like kind of. like i was one of those weird like. artsy emo kids yeah well you were in a. band i saw the band yeah but not only. that but i was like into like curacao.

like so gross like i was in the cursed. house i was into like the level. underground like and if it wasn't like. roxy music or you know means like a cool. thing right so all my other friends were. into the grateful dead they would. actually go and travel and go see them. and i just hated the smell of patchouli. i don't like hair on the legs yeah yeah. i like pit hairs you know what i mean so. i would always like fight with them. about it like i don't want to see. a show where they're doing a jam in g. major. you don't like that a 45 minute jamming. two-minute song man.

all right i got [ __ ] to do man but. they're just like g major. and a flute popping into [ __ ] you man i. like the flute. dude you always do devil's advocate and. i will enjoy you and that's why we're. close so stop stop the puzzle show yeah. but anyway i hate all of that i don't. like tie-dye crystals. crystals tie-dye dreadlocks on whites. yeah to always get always uh. dreadlocks on whites is always right. on the whites that's a good [ __ ] it's. just not for us. it's not it's not ours yeah so stop.

that's the one appropriation where i'm. mad that we don't get mad about yeah all. the cultural appropriation that people. get mad about why not dreadlocks why. doesn't that that get clapped on that's. gotta be but it's just dirty hair yeah. yeah before it's clumpy dirty hair but. for what you're allowed dirty dirty hair. who whites no. whites aren't allowed to have dirty hair. uh sure every anybody's allowed have. dirty hair but this is a conscious. effort to make it dreadlocks that's true. if you're homeless and you have. dreadlocks i'll give you a pass. maybe.

yeah yeah of course yeah if you're. homeless you get a pass about anything. look at that. johnny depp culturally that didn't get. brought up in the trial. that would have been good. i mean sure she pooped his bed but this. is this is abhorrent behavior acting. like you're a non-what look at that what. is that yeah all pirates all had dreads. i guess huh yeah but. it's a character man. no it's not that's johnny depp did you. see the clip that i ever heard somebody. put up today they were like is this real. where. she's like. they said that you were acting and she's. like oh is this was this told to you by.

uh the man that convinced the world that. he had scissors for hands oh my god that. was awesome. you already typed it in you know this. clip isn't this crazy i was like is this. real look at this listen to this. in the closing arguments the depth. lawyer said. called your testimony the performance of. a lifetime and said you were acting. what do you say to that. says. the lawyer. for the man who convinced the world he. had scissors for fingers.

you gotta be. really pause that. what the [ __ ] she lost her mind what. were you thinking yeah yeah. they said your performance at the stand. was that you were acting like you had. emotion and she's like. yeah but my ex-boyfriend played a. scissorhand man. she was dating james earl jones says the. man who was wearing the black cape and. the black space hat. sure yeah sure sure sure man.

yeah that's. i mean what does she be darth vader yeah. sure we're not in space if that's what. you call it. yeah. it's insane did she watch that and think. he really had scissorhands see that's. why i think i think she really does. think. every role you take you become that. person for real actually you know what. that's the only guy that does do that is. what's his name [ __ ] uh lincoln. daniel daniel that dude thinks he is. lincoln yeah.

he owns slaves during the movie yeah. yeah but that's called method acting and. i'm allowing that i disallow it. method. they're allowed to do it gone out gone i. don't want to be in the movie with them. like when. jared leto threw the at a table read. yeah he threw a suicide squad he threw a. pig under the tablery table where will. smith was sitting stuff. he should have slapped him. you know what i think. i think will smith doesn't know when to. slap yeah but that's when that's right. actually he was like i'm gonna slap that.

[ __ ] and it stayed in his head. yeah like two years took two years and. they came out with the chris rock for. some reason. but yeah by that's irritating i i don't. i just don't what do you think about. method acting are you are you an actor. yes. do you think. you are an actor yeah i'll take the role. you you. have you acted in anything i mean just. we're not yeah. i have a long background in sketch. comedy since i was 15 and doing like. live acting and sketching so you do want. to be an actor too.

comedic actor you want to do both yes if. if one took priority what would it be. like if the business was like hey man. you got to choose you got to be an actor. or a stand-up. comedic acting oh you oh so stand up all. right what about i wanna i love stand up. yeah so like yeah okay let's say you're. somebody calls you all right so. on june 29th you have two gigs one. is you get to open up for dave chappelle. right in front of you know 70 000 people. yeah right. and all you have to do is eight minutes. and netflix and everyone's going to be.

there so there's a good opportunity or. you have a scene with daniel day-lewis. just listen tom hardy. and give me somebody else a woman a. meryl streep right but you're you're in. the scene with them and chris hemsworth. and chris hemsworth for some reason and. jason momoa yeah and then the little one. peter dinklage yeah. the little one they're all in it that's. that's the english though it's great. because you're. sort of like a siamese twin like peter. dingle is just your underdeveloped spice.

so we're gonna do a whole process of the. thing where he's coming out of your body. he's stuck to your body yeah okay meryl. streep and everyone else is playing your. doc they're doctors but it's an. emotional saying i mean this is oscar. worthy and you're dying you're dying. yeah yeah and people he has no lines. he i think in the script it says. that's in the dialogue right but you. have these gigantic chunks it's like and. you know we'll take our. three days we're going to shoot this. thing yeah because it's four pages of. dialogue yeah it's four pages a dollar.

i've seen the show before let's act it. out there it is. man i love her. yes so uh. what would you take well she's she's. gonna be her. yeah you're playing yourself and. basically what you're doing to us is. you're you're dying dink is on your side. yeah yeah and he's writing and painting. well let's okay how about this. andreas you play dink. no no no oh we're not doing it no dink. dink is on her body i know but. who does those lines dink you said goes. yeah.

oh pete let pete do that yeah pete's. more dink pete's more dinky yeah yeah. and by the way the cancer that's killing. you yeah is from dink so you received. this cancer from him he got it because. he couldn't stop smoking yeah so you got. cancer from him because he still. connected your body and we're all of. your doctors i'm an oncologist yeah who. am i playing though uh you're a. podiatrist yeah but what actor am i. there's like eight actors yeah yeah yeah. well you you're famous and rich and. you're dying and you want to give us. your last dying words are you playing. daniel. daniel lewis.

am i yeah yeah i'll be middle street yes. you should with an english accent though. fine all right you're in the in the in. the hospital bed okay are we at hospice. or at a hospital at her we're at her. castle oh yeah yeah. i came to her home we came and we're the. best doctors from all over the world but. i'm playing myself over the world you're. playing and yeah no you know what you're. playing yourself right a mega famous. yeah but you're we're going to give you. a different name okay yeah juicy juicy.

juicy yeah. juicy jason juicy. you're juicy jason juicy jason yeah yeah. so um we walk in. so doctor. doctor. yes i can't believe. we're here. treating juicy jason. just relax guys i'm i'm just a normal. person juicy we've come here. because we want your final words on what. you'd like to do with your body after it.

passes on. because of course the cancer has gotten. worse. because of him. yes. you have he's. a cancer. i know that he's your brother. what's his name. steve. steve steve. so your parents named you juicy juicy. and steep it's teeth. medically we've got one thing we can do. yeah we can remove the cancer your.

brother let's do that. [Laughter]. oh and seen yeah. we shave off yeah. and then you're back to being you again. yeah so you would take the role yeah. over the s over the chapelle slot. yeah i feel like i love stand up but i. it's it's making me the funniest i could. be and then if i take that into a. comedic acting. yeah smart smart woman wow smart woman.

smart woman that is very smart bad. decision though and well why. i disagree yeah i i'll cause that my. argument would i think that's who were. your agents and then we're gonna give. you the the pros well i'm an agent. you're a manager there's no doubt about. that. oh yeah i produce things as well. you sure but you're like a leech do you. know what i mean like i actually get. stuck oh god and i'm connected you're. gonna be trying to get me angry. that's fine i'm connected i'm the. manager right yeah and i'm the agent hey. well i'm of course a kid hey kid you. know i'm not present yeah i'm i'm. definitely on vacation because that's.

agents that's all they [ __ ] do yeah. yeah but i flew you in okay so listen. your agent your manager here hey. hey kiddo um. so you know you know you have a dilemma. right you have two opportunities here. right so um in him we're in an impasse. so my argument is this like chappelle. right you know he's thinking about. bringing you on tour right so he wants. to just see you perform in front of 70. 000 people and um 170 000. 170 of that my bad um but anyway and uh.

small city. it's a small city but um yellow knife. yellow springs and you know what oh just. doing me. that's true. that's true anyway um i just think that. netflix and hbo and all these people are. going to come out and you know this. acting role that you have right it's a. shot in the dark kid because it's like. who knows if it's gonna it's a weird. part. sure i mean i read the scriptures you. wrote the script right i mean. peter dinklage is gonna be a siamese. twin coming out of your body it just.

seems. a little odd you know and it's like the. whole movie is about that. the whole scene the whole movie is in. that hospital where you're just doing a. monologue it's also tough because it's. rated q. it's raining it is ridiculous i don't. know if you know this but it's there's a. weird there is a weird. right and i don't know if you know this. if you read the stage direction stuff. but you're completely naked. no i did not yeah yeah yeah you're. completely naked and you've got jumper. cables attached to your tits yeah yeah. yeah and they're going to turn it on. every once in a while everyone's just to.

wake you up enough to wake you up and so. i have two nipples or one because i'm. conjoined in this well i weird that's. they're having those discussions with. the studio right now part of the. discussion. could be peter dinklage's other nipple. right that could change things that. could change things a lot right and he. could also. he's known for this peter dinklage i. know he has no lines it's a lot of. groaning right sure but he he might do. some improv and might take over the. scene. i was afraid of that yeah yeah yeah i.

knew you would be so anyway um i just. think that you should do the show go. ahead the dave chappelle show is gonna. pay you nothing. and this movie's gonna give you 500. grand. that's that that's my pitch. i've thought it over. [Laughter]. i'm telling you right now when i go on. the road or i go anywhere in the country. or here in l.a or in la the only thing. that i use in terms of delivery is. doordash because they have the best. options. they have the quickest delivery driver.

they do and it's just something that um. i rely on i rely on it it connects with. the restaurants you love right now right. to your door now you can get the grocery. essentials you need with doordash get. drinks snacks and other household items. delivered in under one hour dinner check. right yeah deodorant check morning pick. me up from duncan check get everything. you need whenever you need it with. doordash that's right you want chinese. or korean or korea do you want korean no. come on yes do you want korean yes jack. do you want italian of course yeah.

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zero delivery fees on your first order. when you download the door dash app in. the app store and enter the code bad. friends 2022. don't forget that's bad. friends 2022 for 25 percent off your. first order with doordash subject should. change terms apply are we live. we are live you know what the the the. thing is is this the thing is this is. this i've always wanted to do a live. right and i thought like live stream and. in my in my heart i'm like who's the. best person to do it with. andre.

live stream bad friends live stream. great dude so tuesday june 28th at 6 00. pm pst that's pacific standard times. get your tickets right now at. momenthouse.com momenthouse.com bad. friends these shirts are also available. only for the time we're doing the live. show yeah it's the bad friends family. live it's the live stream you can watch. from anywhere you are if you got access. to the interwebs tuesday june 28th 6 p.m. get your tickets we got a bunch of. surprises we might be bringing in some. people that we can't talk about we might. be doing something to both of our bodies.

yeah uh we might we might kill doc live. on the live stream yeah if not kill do. something hurt we might hurt we might. he's gonna die he's gonna die. by the end he'll be dead he's gonna want. to die if he doesn't die so get your. tickets right now at momenthouse.com. friends june 28th i was also a. production assistant for so long you're. a set pa or office pa both. for what job. all sorts of shows but late late show i. worked on their field team all the. sketches and carpool karaoke's and stuff.

worked on masterchef. um damn i worked on funny or die stuff. and movies my first job was in the. wardrobe department on transformers five. they paid five of those [ __ ] things. that's what i said when i got the fifth. one's the best. the fifth one's the best wait seriously. they made five yeah. one three how many did you see i saw one. you know how many i saw zero zero i. never saw one the first one's good i've. i would imagine the first one would be. the one that's good for shia labeouf oh. right that and megan fox.

that one i heard was good yeah but no i. didn't see any of these because why the. [ __ ] would i do why would i see that. [ __ ] transformers robots in the sky i. thought it was more than that close. robots in disguise more than meets the. eyes wait wait so it goes transformers. robots in disguise and then more than. meets the eye. yeah sure something like that yeah. call us universal if you want us to. write the soundtrack yeah for the sixth. and seventh one yeah so uh you worked on. all those other things so what's the. point so you would take the movie.

instead well i love being on on site but. i hate being a production assistant well. right it sucks but and then to like to. be talent would be awesome like on a big. site i'm nicer to. those people than i am to the talent i. work with oh i can't wait to treat them. like [ __ ]. let me ask you this this is just. something that i did once because talent. is [ __ ] [ __ ] but the people that. are doing all the work i always like a. little bit more because i know they have. to do [ __ ] yeah but the talent can [ __ ]. off. i understand i did a show called big.

time rush okay and it's like nickelodeon. or something like that right it's huge. on nickelodeon it's no i'm not being. physicists this show was massive so i. did one episode steven glickman was on. it yeah so steven whitman got me on the. show show was huge so let's i want you. see uh jess i want to see which one is. bobby. which one do you think bobby is. i'm not a regular i just did one [ __ ]. which one do you think see if bobby lee. and big time ross see if you can find. that. bobby's the one in the middle that's. exactly right yes.

there you are bob is that you wearing a. hat on big time rush yeah that was me oh. my goodness right and i played like some. kid. i don't know some 38 year old kid a 40. year old kid. right. i remember my lines were like yo yo yo. what's up yeah whatever what whatever it. was so anyway. that morning when i showed up right i. had a somebody let's just say you had. this job right so i show up and somebody. said. are you an extra. and i was searching a bad mood i go yeah. why would you do that so i go yeah right.

so they brought me to the extra holding. area and i sat there for an hour and a. half. meanwhile i'm getting calls but i'm not. picking them up. whoa. where are you. i'm a piece of [ __ ] right and so then. eventually i pick up my go well you know. i was i was reading it for two hours and. i was told to go to this thing by this. lady oh my god and they're like what. and then they yell at the lady would you. be mad at me if that happened. if i knew you or if i didn't no like you.

just said are you an extra and i said. yes but i knew you knew i was a series. not a cigarette was but a principal or. somebody you were a [ __ ] guest star. guest dog they don't know the guest. stars. they should [ __ ] you. really so if you were in a [ __ ] show. right and they go are you an extra what. would you say i'd say no i'm not. background i'm a guest star on the show. today what's your name andrew santino oh. your trailer's right here i [ __ ] up. though yes. [Laughter]. because those people are wrangling. thousands of people they don't [ __ ].

know who you are right but here's the. thing i was my career was so bad back. then yeah you need right you want i. needed i needed it right i needed it but. you got what you deserved yeah i'm an. extra and she's like great you look like. one right this way. to the holdings yeah yeah right so you'd. be mad at me. i would be pissed off probably because. that was probably like if you were there. for hours that that person was probably. there for five or six hours or longer. think about that probably didn't get. lunch. oh yeah and if their producers were.

yelling at them then they probably don't. give a [ __ ] about them either god i love. jesse on this show you got a prominent. seat on this show whenever you want it. already i'm the one that brought her in. i'm the one that said i said i said i. wanted her on this yeah yeah yeah you go. i think we should have her on the show i. said that's a great idea yeah. she's [ __ ] great smart and funny and. she gives me a little hostile to me. lately i'm gonna get him back maybe. here's here's the problem with the doc. thing yeah with you and him yeah you. guys. me and you have known each other for a. long time yeah you guys have known each.

other in a very different way for a long. time yeah so like romantically yes well. it was you're not romantically all right. you're on your last leg kid okay sorry. no but they have had a relationship. because doc worked at the store for so. long and bobby it just there was a. that's a strange long long-term. friendship really so i used to kind of. uh bully him a little bit when he used. to open for me a little bit yeah a lot. tell him to do stuff like hey if you. don't say yabba-dabba-doo ten times oh. come on man bobby come on man yeah i'm. never gonna do my show again right so.

and i go you can't justify and say tell. the audience that bobby told me to say. it so you just in the middle of the city. just go yabba-dabba-doo. and bomb and bomb and then go back into. a such an [ __ ] you're such a [ __ ]. [ __ ] is that me i'm a bully right. yeah i'm a bad guy you are i'm going to. change i won't change nah no you won't. let me let me know you're okay i want. you to i want to say i want you to be. able to change yeah yeah how long you. been to the store now since september. well officially working there right but. i've been going around there are you. moving up a little bit in the ranks.

um. what do you mean are you getting. are you getting better spots. yes or no are you going to showcase. um. i'm in we're all in development so. they'll throw us in like the yeah and. stuff but i mean is she watching you and. stuff like that yeah she's watching good. and but the reason why you know they. used to not watch you know i yeah back. in the day they never watch yeah and. they would say they'd watch and they. never did. and then you'd have to get a [ __ ]. prime showcase spot for anyone to. [ __ ] come see you it's a brutal it.

was such a [ __ ] nightmare it's a. nightmare nobody watched and they were. like yeah we saw you they never saw. anybody. but what got my eye yeah attention to. you was i was i was on a on youtube i. was like watch on tick tock or something. and i came across some of your stand up. my god this is the girl that. does she works at the store as a door. person. and can i just say employee employee of. the month i am in play of the month. and i. and i literally legitimately laugh we.

have a gift for you give her that gun. yeah thank you yeah. yeah i don't know. the clip i go wow that's a funny joke. yeah she's fine delivery delivered well. and i go and then i just started kind of. you know going was like i think she's. the future i i liked your i like your. energy when i saw you at the start but. let's do this this is how because it's. weird when people come and go at the. store it's hard to get to know the. employees because a lot of them just. like come and go and they're in their. own world and so we're doing our own. thing what's your impressions of us. before you met or when you met us and.

just be honest you can be honest be. completely honest well i met your. brother first. my brother steve how did you meet his. brother. through his through jeremiah oh right on. and and i think because jeremiah and i. go back with the kill tony band and. right right right and then steve i did. his podcast yeah and then i remember you. and steve pulled up into the lot and i. was working the back door and you guys. got out of the car and everybody was. like oh my god bobby's here and i was. like hey steve.

and out of all the people waving to you. you only looked at me. i think you were like wait what. i love this but. then i got to know you and you were one. of the first paid regulars to like talk. to me and to riff with me and. and it made me feel really special. and i. and santino is a little bit. more unapproachable. [Laughter]. and that's exactly what i wanted to get. right and that's exactly the truth of it.

i'm just really in my own. i just come and you're intimidating no. i'm not you're a little intimidated. it's not your stature it's the way it's. the way you but i've never been mean to. never been me no but yeah you know what. i know what it is and because i do know. some i do know a lot of the employees. that work there but i know the ones that. have worked there for a while it takes. me a while to like start to get to know. people you can't let everyone in no no. not no for me it's it's more like i know. people have said this before they're. like uh i don't they don't know how to. talk to me but then when they talk to me. they're like oh.

i just kind of come to the club do my. thing. and i kind of [ __ ] off but i'm always. polite and nice and i say thank you and. hi and bye but it's tough for me to like. do a thing with people anymore. because. there's so much brain energy that goes. into that place sometimes for me that i. don't wanna. i just don't wanna i just wanna go home. like like like i'm not sebastian. yeah he's he goes in and out he doesn't. even look people in the eye yeah he. literally looks at me he doesn't look.

amazing and i'm just i've been known. i've known him for 20 years but what i'm. saying is is because his brain energy's. so focused he wants to do his job and. get out thinking about itself yeah but. he never liked fans he even as a young. open mic he's he's not he's just not. that way he's not it's social in that. well i like fans i just think it's hard. with employees because. no he likes his fans that's not what i'm. saying i'm just saying he doesn't. interact with people even back in the. day well but i interact with as many. people as i can especially because i. know so many of those people that have. been in a lot for a long time but you. were new but i always like seeing you.

because you have such a nice smile and. you're so like warm even when i know the. day was probably [ __ ] yeah you're such. like you have like a warm attitude. that makes it so that you're going to. get out of there fast there's no way. you're going to stick it now paulie's. using you right on the road right yeah. that's exciting too i went to uh his. house with sandy danto in vegas and we. did a couple shows there and bobby's. picture is on his wall like at least. three times on where uh and paulie's. house your picture is hanging out that's. insane. he's a lot of pictures.

yeah paulie and are so close yeah but i. would never have any pictures of you at. my house. you don't have a photo i have photos of. you in my house. i really do not ones that i approve i. know but still i have photos of you. right actually. actually that's not true at all i have a. framed photo of you and i that's what. i'm saying i have that as well i do have. that now that i think about it i don't. i do i don't have it i know you don't. you have no control over what goes up in. your home i know i have a frame photo of. you and i at the fourth of july at your. house oh. of us sitting on the bench because i. really like the because the photo is so.

sweet so you're going to oh do dates. with paulie oh thanks for rolling right. over that. if you really opened up to you there. yeah yeah now this is how this is our. relationship for the rest of time yeah. but paulie so you paulie and sandy we. did vegas states now um frank castillo. and i are going to uh north carolina um. july 7th through the 17th you frank open. it for polly good night i'm featuring um. this was my first time featuring and. yeah i'm excited let's go baby it's. frank hosting he's opening and then.

we're just going to bring each other up. they don't call it that anymore what. what do they bring up hosting is not. like a thing they call it opening now. so they never call the hosting well i. say opening because he's not going to go. back on stage between me and paulie ah. when they when they go back on stage. it's hosting yeah yeah and they want to. do you prefer a host or you like tag. team. well lately i mean. it's strange because lately i've been. doing theaters and it's just me and my. buddy o'connor yeah and i god my can. bring him on so i try to get him hyped. up to the soul so he he.

cold opens the show so that's hard yeah. but i mean it's all my fans like this. and a lot of them know him yeah they. like because he [ __ ] rips so he does. a bunch of times so it's like he has to. warm him up at the beginning a little. bit but he does 25 minutes yeah so by. that i mean they fall in love with him. but it's just him and then he shotguns. me uh in jersey column. uh terrell came and opened. opened. and then passed it to chris and chris to. me so i haven't had a host. since i did cl when i do clubs and even. at clubs sometimes yeah i'd rather just. have my feature when i do clubs that.

make them host i don't really i'm a. local person i always make it yeah but. even still i like shotgunning i don't. want to bring someone back on to bring. me back just make them like we do at the. club work. i want them to work. for for the 70 they get paid yeah [ __ ]. you. do you ever tip the hosts. do you pay out the house what a local. host you can do that you can do that. you've done that you've done that yes oh. yeah oh can i tell you something uh when. i was working a lot one day bobby came. out in his new car and he pulled out. this water cash and started flipping it.

and he looked at me and he goes do you. like money. i didn't say. out of character completely you know he. did that i don't do it like that do you. think. awful so what did i say do you like. money i thought it was cool yeah yeah so. i said do i like did i give you anything. and i said yes and then you gave me a.

hundred dollars yeah that's nice well. that part's nice but it doesn't it. doesn't make up for the fact that you're. a penis at the top. penis at the top is what makes it fun. how much money you're in your pocket. right now none take it out literally not. no cash no give me your wallet why give. me your wallet you have no cash are you. robbing me. no cash at all no i have i have these. changes give her your credit card for. the day. for one day no i'm not giving you my. credit no [ __ ] that let her have a. credit card for a day later we'll do it. later what would she do i need new i.

need them because. you have so much situations you have. multiple credit cards give her one. credit card for the day yeah one that. doesn't work no come on give her a real. one i'll give you the one that works. and then for and then you can buy you. can buy anything you want for 24 hours. right here here you go take that one i. just opened a credit card i've never had. a credit line before. what is elan where is this even from. yeah. what is it. is this an ebt card. so so i gave you 100 so i go expired. yeah so i said i go uh it's okay i go.

you like money i pull out a watercat do. you like money yucky yeah and then you. go i do i give you a hundred and then. what did i say after that. and then. you said. um and if you and then okay you really. want me to say what you said yeah yeah. yeah yeah yes you said uh and if and if. there's if you get a debt in my car i. get that back. then i said it's not that sounds like a. deal it's called a deal and i said a. contract sounds like a good deal yeah.

it's a verbal contract that's why would. you say that. i don't know why it's it's uh it's an i. it's regrettable yeah it is it's. regrettable but i'm being honest i think. i did say that i will tell you at that. time i then had 105 dollars who gave you. the five. mark marion. but mark's consistent he's always five. dollars it's always fun i i do once a. year yeah. plan i do it intermittently but i never.

park at the i park on the ramp i parked. your car one time but it was your wife's. car that sounds right yeah the jeep yeah. you're like you can park this. because it was already [ __ ] up because. it used to have a big gash in the side. of it oh so you don't let them even get. in your car and drive they all know that. they'll tell you yeah none of them. parked my car wow i should do that too. none of you guys have parked even way. before you were there nobody even parked. any of my cars wow even when i had like. a car well yeah i mean i just no one. ever parked my car because i just was. like if an accident happened in that.

[ __ ] small lot yeah here was my. logic they're comics. they're not [ __ ] professional drivers. why the [ __ ] am i giving them my car in. a lot that's as big as this room. yeah why the [ __ ] am i doing that it's. it's i've had that job the pressure on. you guys is so stupid for you guys to. park our [ __ ] cars and maneuver if. you hit mike if my car gets hit yeah by. you guys or another comic even [ __ ] up. on accident because how many people. leave they're [ __ ] drunk yeah right. if that happens.

they'll pay for it the store will take. care of it but i have to physically do. this [ __ ] yeah i gotta go to the [ __ ]. guy to get it fixed yeah i have to get a. loaner yeah so it's not even the money. it's like i don't want the headache so i. park on the ramp and then adam used to. be like oh we don't i don't know if we. have all those spots and i was like you. guys need to make it happen. and now we have all those spots yeah. yesterday we didn't because the hotel. had an event and the lot's half under. construction right now that's terrible. yeah when you said you got dropped off i. was like oh thank god because like we.

only have like seven spots. that's right this episode is sponsored. by bluetooth hey andrew yeah papa got ed. dude i know you do but he beats. sometimes it won't work dog sometimes. your pb doesn't work but there's an easy. way to make it work what is it blue chew. it's time to bring the summer heat into. the bedroom that's right temperatures. aren't the only thing that's rising this. summer also bobby's boner yeah. blue chew is a unique online service. that delivers the same active ingredient. ingredients as viagra and cialis but in.

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it was the best restaurant i've ever. been to monsky yeah. m-a-n-t is right here los angeles. m-a-n-z-k-e-m-a-n-z-k-e. everything they came out with was like. oh i'm in heaven my mouth is in heaven. where is it it's right on pico pico and. what. um right by the fox. oh yeah my favorite place over there is. called marty's hot dog stand. okay yeah but this place dude is like um.

i don't know if it's michelin or. whatever but it was pretty pricey but. the same people that could do re. republic this is like michelle this is. dunlop this is dunlop no you go there. i'm because i was suggesting some. kidding oh i just named another tire. jesus christ. the outside looks like an old french. manor yeah it really is one of the best. restaurants i've been to l.a when you go. to the bathroom they walk you to the. bathroom. that's absurd i like it and they go. why in case you get lost i know how to. [ __ ].

i've done it before he stands there yeah. yeah he's watching you there's no doors. on the stalls yeah. toilet paper yeah but there was a big. laugh i got so you know they pull your. chair and i've i've never i don't know. why i've never had that happen before so. kaleida laughed because. i didn't know how to do it right so he. pulls the chair. and i went like this right because i. felt like i needed the [ __ ] you know. me to feel the chair underneath my. bottom just sit down so i stood there. like five seconds. and he goes to the. the guy goes so this is how we're gonna.

do it. that's what he said. and i sat down and like everyone was. laughing but it was like embarrassing. that's what you get yeah yeah well you. don't want to start dinner with the. trust exercise that's exactly right just. trust a trust full just trust you that. exactly go to marty's hot dogs on pico. let me show you a real high quality. restaurant on pizza is it good really oh. los angeles watch this so when i was a. pa there you go that's marty's baby boy. when i was a pa.

um and i first moved here i i literally. had maybe maybe five dollars a day to. spend on food i had my budget because i. could eat breakfast at the [ __ ]. studio. and then i had to get lunch and then i. could steal dinner and take it home and. i used to go to marty's. and and they've got the original see it. says home of the combo. you know what the combo is i'm not. kidding what is it it's a filet hot dog. on top of a cheeseburger. it's. [ __ ] amazing look at there's the. combo right there wait wait so it's a. filleted hot dog inside a cheeseburger. that's the combo right you're looking at. it right there easy.

so i'm sorry we gotta figure out a way. to jazz this ham where's marty where's. marty from what where is that i don't. know i'm just hitting. there bobby has a total of one accent he. can do yeah and it's ambiguous it's. ambiguous that's why no no it's french. it's mexican it's all kinds of tell me. the last time you've seen this before. yep when i my point is stop stop stop. have you ever seen this before. no no so that's my. so that's my point that marty's figured. out because because marty i'm assuming. was a big boy.

and he had a hot dog in one hand and a. burger in the other yeah and his mouth. was full and he had food all over his. body yeah and he was like why can't i. just put these together. and someone was like do it marty do it. he's like you hear me yeah and he did it. and it you know what this is to me this. is when you get the mcdonald's breakfast. and you put the hash brown in the. sandwich which everybody does right. i never thought of that wait wait that's. what it is i've been taking a bite of. the sandwich and then invited the hash. brown take a walk. that's insane no you put the [ __ ] put.

the hash brown in the sandwich and you. put it right that's it's supposed to by. the way it should come that way. mcdonald's wise in the [ __ ] up. i also like when they put the egg in. there. like a fried egg and a hamburger oh. absolutely. yeah that's good so good okay let's. create our own hamburger then okay what. is it gonna be called the bad friends. burger the bad friends burger all right. but we have to we might have to do some. arguments because but let's try to make. a great hamburger but that's original. okay we gotta give some credit though. it's called the the b the bfb the bad. friends burger yeah featuring juicy yeah. yeah yeah juicy the juicy burger the.

juicy burger the bad friends juicy. burger yeah the bad friends spelled like. juicy smallette okay so let's start with. the bun right the bun has to be brioche. wait what if it's not. bread [ __ ] jessie. [ __ ] man she's off to a hot start. she's off to a hot start what is it. because jules would have said put a. knife in it yeah yeah i mean and like. what what if it's what are these two. sides of knives yeah okay so what's the. bun then if it's not bread what is the. bun because donuts have been done. doughnut burgers we've seen before yeah.

true yeah what is the bread what could. the bread be. look at pretzel's been done yeah pretzel. bread by the way pretzel buns are. [ __ ]. yeah i mean bagel bagel burgers have. been done before. a thick pita. no i've got i've got it i've got i've. got one all right i've got one. thick cut bacon. yeah it should be meat it should be me. the meat is the bread all right meets. the bread. two huge slices it seems thick already.

we're starting off. yeah thick cut bacon is big like that it. can it can handle all that weight yeah. so two pieces of thick cut bait can we. do this can we do this yeah one side. bacon one side something else no no we. do the bacon with bun right but you know. we mix it with like so it's a bacon hash. brown. or. a bacon brown it's like a bacon brown. right so you kind of. there's bacon and it says but we make it. into a time out no i'm so yes you cut up. you cut up the potatoes and the onions. yeah to make the hash browns yeah and. you cut up little pieces of bacon in.

there in there fry them together find. them together make a bun form into the. form them into a bottle no bun all right. so it's bacon hashtag it feels like it's. going to fall apart though no no not if. you if you you got to crisp the [ __ ] out. of the hashbrowns. we can also add a binding agent if we. want to yeah we can add some flour. i was gonna go with flour but. might work. forget it no no i'm not i'm not a yeah. i'm not a chef no but if we do this what. if we do a little bit of egg a little. bit of egg flour egg flour yeah potatoes. for the hash browns onions to go in.

there yeah and then just a little bit of. [ __ ] yeah not my [ __ ] mine comes out. mine's very like uh. this liquidy viscous yeah yeah yeah well. i don't know if can i be honest and say. we don't need comments all right you're. right. all right of all the times on the show. that we do need come in the thing yeah. yeah so no comment because by the way i. need a fan at home we want a bad friends. fan to make this and send us photos. right no calm. is going to be coming in now. this is the problem.

no when you say no come then they're. going to put comments right right. i don't know what you want not to lose. what you want all right so. god damn so we make the thing right so. it's that so now the meat look at what. pete wrote by the way one thick cut. bacon and hat. hash brown as the bread bacon brown hash. brown no no [ __ ] all right letters you. need to put in the yeah yeah they'll. know this is the recipe this is gonna go. up on twitter right so now. the meat now here's the thing with me. with meat right. i don't like big chunk i don't like a.

chunky do you like that you mean i like. when the patty's thinner yeah no pet. thinner patties is probably better for. me so we do so we can add more stuff to. it correct. right so we do how about this we do a. really thin patty yeah but what kind of. meat like paper thin no like a cheat. like you know a slice of cheese i like. paper thin patties paper thin patties oh. like those smash burgers have you guys. had those i like smash burgers yeah. let's see even thinner i think. no because we're gonna do different. layers of it like rice paper thin rice. paper thin patty right yes and then we. put a rice paper thin piece of what kind.

of cheese turmeric. is a brand but yeah we can just do okay. i'm sorry my bad um jack cheese what. kind of cheese well i think we should. have also i do love cheese yeah i love. cheese like a uh. like a soft cheese soft chicken like a. brie. that is whatever yeah we can either do. brie cheddar jack pepper jack colby jack. we could do um can we do all of it. mozzarella put all those cheeses in one.

cheese. you could do that holy [ __ ] all those. cheeses in one cheese yeah yeah so make. it make a kobe. write them all down. so all of the all the cheddars all the. chicken all the cheddars oh yeah in one. cheese my fresh mozzarella not hardened. mozzarella fresh where it's like lumpy. off the wet you know how do you put that. into the cheese what do you mean just. sit down yeah you melt it down just like. brie oh you're gonna mess you mix it. with the brie. so put all the cheeses all the cheeses. and by the way we didn't even name what. kind of meat this is what kind of meat. is it. yeah let's go crazy.

i mean i would say it's got to be. [ __ ]. it's got to be something unique it can't. be just beef beef is bo we've had like. beer. okay so no deer yeah no deer i don't. like buffalo i don't like anything gamey. what about raccoon. is it good i don't think is it yeah. squirrel. squirrel squirrel but it's got to be a. mixed minced meat it's got to be mixed. how about this because yeah how about. this we call this an insurrectionist. patty. right this is what i assume. people that invaded january 6 so this is. called the january 6 burger. yeah so we're doing an insurrectionist.

patty right so we put squirrel meat. raccoon meat anything that they hunt. yeah i mean like you know critters. squirrel coons go for rats go go first. prairie dogs prairie dogs yeah all that. yeah any little mound vermin vermin. but you have to make a paper ship paper. favorite thing.

that a little thicker a little bit. thicker a little thicker yeah to drown. out the gopher meat. we need something that's gonna kick over. the [ __ ] government you know what i. mean uh oh beaver fever gotta put beaver. in there yeah yeah you gotta have beaver. meat in the original in the original. it's got to be beaver mix that's the. original meat everybody everybody likes. a little bit of beverage right all right. so you know everyone does avocado boom. too simple. oh but the egg i like right but instead.

of chicken egg what just hear me out. ostrich egg love it's huge huge yeah. huge okay good. but how are you serving it scrambled. fried over easy over medium uh um. what is it when they do it in the in the. water what's that called uh when you. poach it yeah we. we poach it. because we've poached it from the. ostrich we've stolen it and we're gonna. poach it again yeah and we age it oh but. to make it we gotta age i don't know if. you can age egg yeah just leave it there.

it just gets older if you don't do. anything. what well i was gonna say to make it. taste extra good we get the ostrich who. laid the egg and make it watch. us poach it. what does that do that makes. that's my baby it changes the chemical. composition to me because we are gonna. use that obstructs later. okay it goes into the patty it just. seems like a lot to do right i thought. we were dreaming.

all right you're right right let's go. all the way let's go all the way jesse. that's good juicy juicy that's good. that's good that's juicy that's good so. it said the ostrich has so we have to. have some sort of barn. man we're this is gonna cost us a lot of. money a lot of money man we have to have. a barn all right all right so we'll have. a little barn in the back of the. restaurant a baby barn with a gigantic. ostrich in there love they're huge okay. good right all right so now we're no do. we want can you let me just say that in. terms of jobs right you that's your job. what to tend the bar yeah you tend the.

bar with the ostrich because that's your. [ __ ] idea hey but let it elevate. you're you're a barn employee okay yeah. yeah yeah and we'll give you points i'm. a barn person and you have to park some. of the ostriches when they come in yeah. yeah yeah they're going to want to check. it out. what's going on yeah and they don't like. cars they do the scooters they have a. bird like a bird they ride a bird they. ride. ostriches will exclusively ride the bird. scooters so we get so we have um pete. poached get barn. yeah you know so [ __ ] up you know so.

[ __ ] up about this production crew. that we have yeah they are the best yeah. they will buy a barn for us yeah yeah we. will next week have a barn yeah they're. in here and we'll be like why do we have. that. so fancy's like what did you put it in. the thing. so poaching it is wrong or right i think. poaching is right it's gonna be hard to. hold but it'll taste good it'll taste. really good all right so we but is it a. thick layer because the thing is is that. everything's so thin i don't want the. whole thing to come out in just one. white egg and there's thin slices of. other things well then let's just take a. piece of the poaching. let's not poach it okay so what do you.

want you want fried we fry it okay thin. thin is the key okay. all right i'm being real thin is the key. then fry yeah. real thin fries right so we have the. cheese we have the thin layer of gopher. meat oh and all the other road. fever and all that stuff right we have a. thicker pizza piece of wage. we have a thin piece of ostrich egg. right and then now we we need a. vegetable yeah we need a vegetable do we. though. yeah you want some greenery yeah yeah.

that's yeah it'll help digest it yeah. yeah well nothing's gonna help digest. this. this is what you don't like it already. no i love it i'm just saying you're not. gonna [ __ ] for like a week and a half. your body is gonna do something yeah. yeah so what kind of vegetable though. because we're not [ __ ] with lettuce. that's no we're not doing khaki [ __ ] we. could do fruit. fruit could be cool but you got to be. careful what kind of fruit what kind of. fruit what are you talking like a. passion fruit. little pomegranate seeds that's. something.

pomegranate seeds let me think about. that i got it i got it i got it too by. the way pomegranate can be garnish. it can be garnish on top of the on the. bun but i tell you what we're going to. we fried into the ostrich egg what the. pomegranate seeds yeah [ __ ] money. absolutely [ __ ] much. delicious crunch because. because you watch hey you did you did uh. not iron chef you did master chef yeah. you know texture means everything you. gotta have a myriad of textures yeah. good in a good dish and i got it by the. way go ahead i know what vegetable we're. putting on what is it. artichoke.

yes. because you have it in your house i do. yeah yeah but also there's a little. artichoke right there she's our little. artichokes. and artichokes by the way are [ __ ]. bomb fried artichoke is so good you have. a question yeah they have i have a. question yeah and i know what you're. gonna ask but go ahead what is it what i. want to know what is an artichoke no i. know what it is. i know what an artist what is it so um. artichoke is that it's it's you you eat. the inside of the soft part i'll do it. the leaves the leaves have meat in them. and you do you peel it out but you don't. chew the meat and then so are you just.

going to be. taking all that stuff off dude you can. rip that right off and then get to the. heart right away you can do that oh so. we're only doing artisan cart yeah we're. not doing the leaves yeah so we put the. heart how do we chop it up i mean it's. super soft it's it's this small the. [ __ ] heart i know. you just [ __ ]. used to put it into the. what do you mean you just you just lay. it layer it up like pickles like pickles. yeah exactly. and you know what we're going to pickle. it we're pickling artichoke parts how. about they call the artist make it into. a paste. oh.

a spread a spread got it so it's easier. like imagine. it's slammed. our restaurant or a restaurant yeah it's. easier to scoop and spread i mean this. is a dynamic thing yeah i get it. get that why is the ostrich in the. kitchen. yeah. juicy you know yeah yeah we would be. yelling juicy she's outside she's like. i'm parking the car. yeah yeah we didn't do this right yes. all right so we spread it right we put.

another uh obviously another of the hash. brown buns over it right correct is that. enough i don't know juice. um i have another theory. it just hear me out what else is it. missing i guess. have you ever had a monte cristo. sorry a monte cristo sandwich a. monocrystal sandwich yeah what is that. look it up. it was do you know what it is yeah it's. uh it's like a. is it ham or pastrami but just hear well. how it's made go ahead so.

so all right so basically what it is a. monte cristo sandwich is. that's what it is it's a french house. right and all the stuff is in the inside. with ham right but it's not there's no. borders. it's like one solid piece of sandwich oh. that's beautiful right so is there any. way we can monte cristo it. i think there's a way we could so. basically when you get it it's a block. of. hash brown but when you bite into it you.

see all the things inside it. just have to fry it what you have to fry. it together well so we're going to deep. fry the salmon this burger yes yeah all. right and then we put powdered sugar on. it and a little bit of syrup and a. little bit yeah just for a little sweet. kick. yeah yeah i love this [ __ ] thing. monica crystal the [ __ ] out of that. sandwich powdered sugar and a little. bloop like a little a little bobby come. drop of syrup yeah but no come please. yeah yeah we'll get a little um eye. dropper oh yeah eye dropper and it's. just it's just icing a little bit yeah.

it's just a little bit of ice and you. let it ice cream yeah. can someone at home make this. [Laughter]. yeah if someone can make this similar to. it no no they can make this they can. make this yeah it seems hard there's no. ingredients on here that they don't have. access to that's true squirrels coons. prairie dogs vermin beaver all available. imagine just that alone. it's a process yeah come on billy how. good of a fan are you what how good of a. fan are you that's true make the burger. yeah.

come on bailey yeah come on back here we. got three of them four things they named. prayer dog and hogwarts but i don't know. how to get the squirrel man i know how. to get a squirrel come here duke yeah a. dog out there yeah dude go get me. squirrel. let me ask you uh juicy um. in terms of the reputation among because. you're you you have access to what how. people feel about so who has a better in. terms of just a general general. reputation andrew or i what does that. even mean just i want to know a. reputation for what is a comedian as a.

comedian as a nice guy as a as a what a. baited question. you're afraid no go ahead i don't give a. [ __ ] are you afraid of the answer no she. already said it already that i that. people think i'm [ __ ] intimidating. intimidating because they want to talk. to you i well can i before i answer to. tell you that when i first started. talking to you i was like i was like oh. this is awesome and then like the next. day i had to tell you that yeah you were. bummed. oh yeah oh dude so yeah i remember that. night because she's in the story i was.

yeah yeah so like i was like why do i. how did you do it so i'm andrew right. how did you do it i was nice to you you. were really nice and i was [ __ ] and i. would you said mr santino would you call. him no she said hey andrew i said hey. andrew and i i go uh. you're. you're gonna go on after the next comic. and he he goes what. because i talk really quiet yeah she. sounds so quiet yeah and then i told him. again and then you said okay well i'm. leaving and you got up and left i did. yeah and i said and i was very nice to. her and i said i know this has nothing. to do with you yeah but i was bummed and.

i went to. one of the people in management and i. said this is not okay because we talked. about this on this show. yeah i think i heard that the bumping. stuff i just don't like i think it's. yucky nasty poo poo fart just call in. for your spot i wasn't mean to you but. no we all think you guys are both cool. because a lot of people come out to the. shows for you guys too yeah so it's like. we know it's going to be a good good. show but i was in there well that bad. friends thing we did for netflix was. amazing that was amazing that was a fun. [ __ ] dope thank you for coming out. everybody yeah thank you guys for coming. we have that live show well this is the.

live show you need to watch it the. comfort of your own home yeah and these. shirts are they selling these shirts. yeah we are only for that only for the. show and then they're never gonna show. them again yeah right. yeah and maybe one day juicy could be on. one of these shirts. i think juicy should be on the next show. with us. yeah i would love to do that you should. do the next show with us what the next. podcast. well she that for sure but i'm saying. the next live thing that we do. yeah yeah i want to see the chemistry. between juicy and doc. we'll talk about the lot. because doc historically yeah yeah yeah.

did you know doc no i've never met you. you never met him does he have his. picture up somewhere in the locker room. or something in the lot locker room. like he's a he's a legend. i don't you know i can i think i like. the opposite of what i am i'm so needy. and such an open book it's so gross go. back to words like needy. [Laughter]. do you think i'm needy. oh you think i'm the neediest person you. know dude the funniest thing in the. world is the quest the way he even asked. it do you think i'm needy. needy [ __ ].

don't call me a needy [ __ ] dude all. right you're my little needy [ __ ] oh. that's fine you're you're the neediest. friend i have yeah for sure. but so let's explore that but you're. also but you're also quite selfish as a. needy person where if i need something. from you i get almost nothing. tell me i'm wrong you're right and wrong. because i don't even understand the. question my question is. i don't really understand what i'm. saying what i'm saying is if i need. something you're needy and i will give. you everything but if i need something. from you sometimes you're not a veil but.

guys honestly. because i want to change right. so you think that i'm needy like i call. for things i don't feel like i call for. like i need this or pay attention to me. or you know any of that you only call. when you need something. oh so andrew calls like how are you and. that's it we do talk yes we do talk oh. [ __ ] so i am needy yeah so needy is i. only interact if i need something okay. i've got a goal because it's not gonna. change with me we're such old friends it. doesn't matter yeah yeah with with juicy. yeah i want you once a week to call her.

just to check in and say you have to do. it. come on. torture for you once a week to call. juicy so i called juicy once a week ago. how are you what's going on. just just to be like hey what's going on. what's going on what what. what are spots like in town all right so. i'll call ding dong. bobby. how old are you. i'm i'm good how are you. what's like spots around town that's. okay that's pretty good yeah try it. again oh i have to do it again well. let's say it more close all right.

because you because i'm memorizing the. way you said it right so let me just. let's start from the top okay ring ring. is that an asian one. all right you know what that's mean well. yeah yeah well i said it to that so i. know it's bobby got it yeah okay. no yours is called. anyway so ring ring got it. bobby. hey juicy do you mind if i call you.

juicy or because we just did that on the. podcast yeah i think it's funny yeah. it's a little nickname that's cool um. how's it going it's good what's up do. you need something. [Laughter]. no. i don't need anything what i need you to. do is to listen. too much another knee. that seems needy right. no what you would say there is no i just. want to see how you are that's true go. ahead no. i just want to see how you are.

no emphasis on you not how i want to see. how. there it is. andrea are you on the phone too. [Laughter]. so how are you don't tell don't tell her. i'm here yeah so how are you i'm i'm. good thanks for asking what's going on. i'm just uh watching tv. and having a good day oh what what are. you doing. mm-hmm. what you're doing oh. well i'm driving down the street because.

i have to go somewhere good yeah yeah. hey get something to eat hey i was. thinking i was thinking about you. no no. i was thinking i was thinking maybe we. could get lunch. what. i was thinking maybe we could get lunch. i was thinking maybe you and i get a. coffee get a coffee. okay i've never done that. with anybody well don't tell her. sorry sorry i have a friend in the car. coffee.

coffee okay. um i was thinking you and i could get. some coffee you like it. i would i would like it do you like. coffee. because i don't know you well i actually. am not drinking caffeine but i'll get a. tea. lunch then because i like food. okay yeah i like food too right good. pivot yeah and i'm just gonna be myself. here i'm paying. oh yeah i have to pay. that you didn't even say it yeah i. always said but you could just do it and. not say it whenever i go to a restaurant. with anybody i say i'm paying you could.

just do it and not say it you can just. do it yeah because it becomes a i don't. like the awkward thing of like because. you know you know when the bill co. because they're. poorer. they don't have as much money right yeah. when you go out with somebody that. doesn't have as much money and you're. going to an expensive place let's. suppose right you i always say i'm going. to pay for it beforehand so they can. feel relaxed during the meeting because. they can order whatever they want so. tell her where you're going to go yeah. so we're going to matsuke. oh yeah montsuke is that a dinner or a. lunch bus spot it's we can go have lunch.

there but it's they basically it's a um. they they serve you there's no ordering. yeah sure. okay where do you live and then i'll get. your address goodbye goodbye pick you up. good right now. yeah right now okay yeah yeah. this is great and then we hang up and. then we have. and then i call it [ __ ] coffee with. her dude now i have to go take her to. monster i gotta call the [ __ ] manager. you know how much that costs a lot yeah. but that's what you gotta do if you.

wanna stop being needy and start being. open for other people's feelings and get. to know what she's got going on you. gotta take her to matsuke. i'm to start with weiner sister first. marty's marty's first martyrs we'll get. that [ __ ] hot dog. right and then we'll move our way when. you graduate the summer we'll graduate. okay so i'm going to start doing that. but this is what friendships are that's. what friendships are yes that's what. they are exactly yeah yeah yeah do you. feel like would you feel weird about. that because i've never done that with. anybody yeah i'd feel a little weird. because i also don't know the last time.

i've eaten at a restaurant that. that like extravagant okay that's it and. then we're taking her to a nice. restaurant now yeah no no no this is. enough of this there's enough of this we. are really going to take it down yeah. where do you want to go where do you. what's the place that you really wanted. to eat at i don't even know well we got. the best restaurant you've been to in. l.a how long you've been in l.a so i've. been to tao that's probably the the. fanciest place i've ever been to and. where's that at. that's right by dream hollywood it's in. hollywood tau it's brand new it's it's. well relative in you i said pre-pandemic.

how old are you juice 32. okay what what's your favorite kind of. food is the best way to start pizza. great we'll take you to a pizza place. maybe blackbird. have you been there yeah on melrose okay. or do you like italian food what's your. like which i like ramen. um okay uh no i want.

steak yeah do you like steak i like. steak apolly cooked okay so paulie. cooked us holy crap. polly steaks. vomited wait he cooked he cooked us. these were two for one it's smart. yeah we're going to take you to a real. rest we'll get a really really nice one. yeah yeah i'm so excited to do this this. is exciting i like lots of food yeah one. more time for the last time. we're doing this show live we have a. bunch of surprises i wish we could even.

tip one of them but we cannot yeah we're. doing a bunch of fun stuff for bad. friends live tuesday june 28th 6 p.m. um go to momenthouse.com bad friends the. link's in the description of course. it'll be up on the screen somewhere do. yourself a favor watch this it's going. to be so much [ __ ] fun and then you. can buy a shirt on the site and they're. only available for that time before that. time and then they'll go away uh again. bad friends live stream tuesday june. 28th at 6 p.m. pst get your tickets right now. momenthouse.com bad friends juice juice.

dog look into that what's your handle. you have a handle though you want a pro. oh yeah plug all that [ __ ] everything at. jetski johnson sick. comedy store wednesday nights up next. maybe you'll see bobby yeah maybe maybe. jet ski johnson on insta twitter all. that [ __ ] everything and we'll put the. description i'll put all her [ __ ] in the. description so people can go check her. out and my clip on stand up with a spot. is coming out soon which jeremiah. watkins [ __ ] yeah and you put him up on. you don't say that his name. that much. don't you love him no we're gonna we're.

gonna poop. we'll say bobby's buddy yeah yeah. bobby's bobby's brother's buddy bobby's. brother's buddy um juice dog look in. that camera right there and and uh take. us out with our final phrase do you know. what it is what we say every time when. we say goodbye. thank you for being a bad friend [ __ ]. yeah. [Music].

i forgot why are we doing this what do. you mean why are we doing this because. you've never had a fancy she's never had. a nice dinner yeah you starving i. haven't eaten all day for this oh my god. well now your stomach's strong so now. you're going to eat like one thing. welcome. i always wear flip-flops you know we. have the whole restaurant for ourselves. because this opened five minutes ago. here's the best thing when you get a. podcast you just have to find someone. you fall in love with and that's what. you should deal with this is what we do.

we build an audience. we build an audience we build an. audience. like this one every time. caviar and oysters man are we living the. good life what are we doing. welcome cheers welcome to the family. enough. i'm not toasting you well why can't. welcome her to the family she does one. podcast she's in the family no she's in. the family take five it takes five yeah. yeah all right so here let me uncheers.

you. let me ask you whoa. [Music]. [Music]. i love you guys.

[Music]. yes. [Music].