One Good Korean | Ep 254 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad friends it's a New Year by the way. it is a new year and it's a year any. resolutions that you got coming up oh my. God you have no idea what you're saying. right now dude you have NOA I have. resolution I have we could say. resolution City you're in resolution. City yeah that's where I'm in resolution. City right now let's break it down so um.

I'm going to work on some other. addictions what are. they why are you my therapist or a cop. both okay so officer um I have um I do. some strange things that um this is not. funny it's just real no real is good so. there's this Netflix you know how. sometimes you go to Netflix and there's. mobile games you can download oh yeah. okay I'm the you're thinking who's this. for.

you I mean I download all of them MH. right but there's this one game that I. play and um there's like 10,000 levels. but I only play one. level a thousand times what what eight. hours of a time just sitting there on my. kitchen counter and the level is like 2. minutes and it's the same basic level. it's like it it feels like a crany candy. crushing it's one of those like puzzly. games where you know I mean you line. things up wait I saw you you play this.

yeah it's I I only play one level and I. was telling my therapist other day and. she goes stop why because it's um I'm. running away I'm not you know what I. mean I'm being obsessive about something. and I do it because I don't want to feel. you know I mean it's like there's I do a. lot of things where it's like I don't. want to feel so I just I'll watch the. same YouTube video over and over again. and it becomes um it's not it's not. healthy I'll tell you I had to I I got a. good feel I got a good cry this morning. big time whenever I want to real good.

cry what do you see I watched that Ian. Wright video with with uh with the. teacher with Mr pigdon yeah I thought. you was dead yeah yeah what a great. video I'm very much alive Ian yeah and. he goes someone told me you he dead yeah. yeah that's a great [ __ ] I cry every. time yeah I watch if I need a good cry. watch Ian Wright reunited with uh his. his primary school teacher Mr Pig and. why do why do I love that you not love. that well he's the he's the most uh. prolific go goal scorer in Arsenal's.

history thank you and he said in the you. know what he said in it that was so. powerful that really moved me in a way. two things he goes he was crying and Ian. said Mr pigdon. said it meant more to him that Ian. Wright played for the country of England. than when he flew over Buckingham Palace. that was more important to him that. someone he coached wow played for. England wow and then he said he turned. to hug. him and and uh he was like two steps.

down they in the stadium they're up on. the stairs and when he hugged him he was. below Mr pigdon you know like he was he. was hugging his waist almost cuz that's. how that's out yeah and he goes and I. felt like I was seven years old again I. was a young child being embraced by. someone a father figure dude I was I it. gets me wow every every every time but. when whites oh what about the whites. what about the whites what do mean what. about the whites there's so many good. things to say about the whites not. lately dude I know lately as of not know.

you know I mean but you know what I'm. saying is over the history yeah you guys. get a bad rap we do get a bad rap yeah. yeah and what I'm want to say is you. know I mean theyve you guys done. extraordinary humanitarian you know I. mean Deeds some of us some of you. Schindler we talked about that before. what a list that's it Schindler and Ian. Wright's coach Mr Pigman yeah Mr Pigman. that's yeah yeah no but what I'm saying. is is when when uh it's it's human all. humans have someone I'm sure there's a.

Korean out there like. that you got to be somewhere what do you. think I don't know where they are like a. one good Korean that like helped uh. that's a great movie one good. Korean yeah yeah yeah that's yeah yeah. speak of it did you see the guy that. snuck into North Korea took video of the. traffic cop with his phone did you see. this by they're going to get this guy. yeah yeah this is what I think about. these guys you're off your head they're. going to get you dude they're going to. come find you and kill you did he go. back to South Korea then they can't find. him no no no he left North Korea and. went somewhere else look at I don't know.

where it is it was on Tik Tok this how. do we take him out how do we take him. out Kim Jong ill do you want to take him. out I do see here's my thing because. that there's millions of people that. live there and they're in poverty and. it's like they still believe that we're. getting ready for the war with the us we. don't think about you ever you say that. until they start some [ __ ] what if they. start some. [ __ ] they can't they how who but with.

like Russia they could and China but. them alone they're like what did you. just say with Russia and China they. could oh yeah but I so what are you. talking about of course they just them. it'd be like no one yeah but Russia and. China give no one acts alone other than. Germany and look how that turned out so. now the aess of evil could reunite and. start another War and why wouldn't they. honestly why wouldn't they the time is. now be awesome we're they're ready I'm. ready to go dude let's go blow this. whole thing up let me ask you something. I want post if there if there's a World.

War II yeah and you and I were called in. there's a draft and we go we need. everybody everybody even Carlos even. Carlos and mcon yeah yeah but he's at. whole Duty those guys are inside yeah no. I mean no he's glor Glory hold Glory. dude just sucking off the soldiers. before they no no no no I'm just saying. that he you find like if we're in like. you. know oh I see yeah yeah yeah we're. fighting in Hong Kong right and then the. the sergeant goes find the glory holes.

yeah he knows where they are yeah that's. like but we don't put dicks in we put. bombs in there oh that's explosiv I was. going to say like Notre Dame football. they slap a sign that says play Like A. Champion as they go out onto the field. they all smack it it's funny if every. Soldier before they go to war they just. get to stick their [ __ ] in Carlos's. mouth he's just standing next to he's. like go ahead anyway if you would you. would you be in the same platoon as me I. don't think they would put us in the. same platoon well you think there's an. Asian no what are you talking about oh. just no no no strength and skill. strength and skill strength and skill no.

no dude are you pissing me off today. dude am I I'm just no I I would call my. agents no dude You' never get in this we. never get in the same category that's. crazy no platoon are they're like this. is the no they have a mix have you seen. no shut the [ __ ] up have you ever seen. Saving Private R there's a mixture of. different people you know I mean of it. there's the one guy that's scared like. you know you know like the [ __ ] um in. Sav priv Ryan the guy that plays the uh. interpreter even though I don't know. Chinese yeah You' be the inter yeah but. I'm just saying I there's got to be.

something that I can do I'm the Dennis. Hopper character like the Ecentric you. know what I mean he man you know I mean. war is globalization or whatever I don't. know I say things you know I mean I. don't know what do you think I know. you'd be you'd be one of the Luna one of. the crazy boys in the bunch yeah but why. would you not push for that I wouldn't. want there's no way that I could I. wouldn't want you in my platoon but then. the whole time I'm at War I'm like you. know me what's Andrew doing I have to. write you letters I'd be missing you. that'd be so much fun we I'd see you. from afar also so if we're in the same.

platoon think about that then I'm going. to see we're going to see each other die. I'd rather sit in a tent at night hoping. that you're well writing you letters. like a long lost love affair on the. other side of the battle and I want to. find out that you die from someone that. goes. Soldier no no no The Dumpling was killed. at 435 they wouldn't call me The. Dumpling yes they would they wouldn't. call me no they all get nicknames in the. Army that's what you [ __ ] get. everyone get a nickname if somebody. called me dumpling I would pull them. like can you change that and they'd be. like you got you got a chopstick I want.

to be Chopstick okay so um so you're. funny dude the Chinese Chad died at 444. a.m. sir let me say something he was. Korean all right what does a when when a. soldier's at War and they get shot know. that they know they're going to die yeah. what is the one person they call out for. God no no their. mom mom mommy remember giovana risi oh. my God heartbreaking can you imagine you. call your mom she's on an IP pad she's. like leave me alone yeah well what I'm.

saying is I would call out for you. Andrew you go mom. Andrew and and I'd come running you. right Morphine Morphine Bob Bob that's. what I want you there all right I'll be. there with you I you know what you know. what [ __ ] you I'm not I don't want to be. in a platoon with you I just said yes I. just Carlos you want to be the same. platoon hell yeah no [ __ ] ways he. going to get in there dude he's never. going to pass any of the tests oh yeah. no we're in a situation where they're. never dude they're going to take his. blood be like this can't it's a long.

War it's a where they went 18 to 35. right now they're at you know okay I'm. going to give you a Lord of the Rings a. Lord of the Rings reference all right in. the two towers right they gave old men. and kids swords to fight right we're in. Dire Straits so we're in a position. where we're all being called in okay if. they ran out of 18 to 35s are done now. they need 40 and UPS yes that's what I'm. saying 40 and up yeah so at that point. right I would call write a letter to.

Congress and go can I be in the same. platoon as Carl George you're. out you want to be in it n if I'm I'm. I'm fine fighting for you you know he's. he's fleeing the country oh he's a. Canada well he's one of no he's one of. those Canada Canadian or Mexico you know. you could see him in Mexico and he's. like you know wearing tiedye right you. know I mean just with a bandana you know. what I mean like this and it's like shut. the [ __ ] up you coward coward dude you. piece [ __ ] yeah so you call crystals and.

oh my God you imagine this guy dude in. the 60s dude you're one of those guys. Puli boy yeah pachuli boys my Dad pulled. the Adventist card to for uh to get out. of Vietnam your dad did yeah he said uh. said religious reasons can't fight so. that he was uh he went and just got. medical tested on for War what was the. the white coats what was the religion. Seventh Day Adventist Adventist. Adventist Adventist and Adventist do you. know these no let me ask you some that. thing that Trump like is there flat foot.

oh Protestant Christian domination flat. feet yeah well for that but that's. that's back in the day that was like. back so you know what I would to get out. they just give you do sh I wouldn't get. flat feet huh I I would claim flat face. flat. face dude I would claim flat face could. I get out you think you're dude I got. flat face guys my friend has flat. face all right he's just not a. aerodynamic I'm not aerodynamic the wind. is just gonna bounce right off this guy. although I could like camouflage myself.

on a. wall like Rambo yeah dude imagine me. just blend it D you bricks on me right. and I could just stay there I would stay. there for two weeks like this right I. wouldn't even you know with a knife I. wouldn't even do that I would just stay. there just stay steady yeah yeah yeah. how would you. camouflage impossible in fire impos yeah. i' I'd have to be a fireball yeah that. is amazing Rambo in all mud remember. that that's what I would do but I would. do it with actual brick wall smart and.

they would not see me how could they. yeah yeah I saw some of the something. was showing out all like the tricks of. the tunnels in Vietnam that the. vietnames would dig and they were super. intricate dude and how they would try to. trick them to get them in or out but. what they would do is they' try to like. flood them out a CH chuchi Chunnel. tunnel yeah but look at the tunnel. system that they had and they would. flood them out with water and bombs and. all sorts of [ __ ] but then the. Vietnamese had counteractive [ __ ] for. the weapons that the Americans would use. so the things that they would have they.

would like if it was a rope or a pole. they would pull on the pole and it would. get caught in a machine so then it would. pull the soldier in with it while they. were down there and they would have. rotating spikes and [ __ ] or they would. could they' they have to crawl in. backwards or like upside down cuz it was. head first and they would [ __ ] drown. them upside down and backwards imagine. I'd be so close claustrophobic oh dude. if I forget it I had an MRI yesterday I. was claustrophobic I was [ __ ]. freaking out I hate the machine and and. all you hear is like what one one one1.

and hoi men is the best trail maker Top. Trail don't you think look at that girl. I'm on vacation she's in vacation you. know what it's actually looks pretty. solid though I mean yeah structurally it. is structurally yeah then I would just. be worried about fire or you know what I. mean something trapping you down there. look at that thing narrow that that's so. crazy they created an entire network. they could like hang out yeah they they. could sleep for days and days in those. things and just hide out we've never had. like a like have aside from like the. British back in the day you know what I.

mean yeah we've never had like a country. attack us you know what I mean I wonder. what like a 911 what do you mean we had. the [ __ ] n yeah but not in a. traditional like War where where there's. like troops and you know what I mean and. yeah on our soil on our soil yeah we. haven't had war on our soil I think we. would destroy people no they wouldn't. even get to our soil even in La they. like we've got MS13 you know we got. people use what we have don't you think. we would yeah go get the Crips and stuff. blood hey bro what the [ __ ] dude you pal. whatever the you know [ __ ] a Palestinian.

bro he Palestinian bro yeah. yeah or whoever am I what kind of. Chinese are you bro you know I mean dude. I'm me I'm from Ralph I'm from here okay. good move over man yeah but how who. would they fight for that's what's. interesting who who would these gangs. fight for well if you're fighting if we. were in a war with Mexico but we don't. get the mss3 I think we're never going. to be in a war with Mexico yeah we. destroy no I mean I think we would never. be in a war with ex those those are our. dogs but if you were in war with Russ. sure I think that most of the gangs in.

America would be on our side no you say. that but like think about it some of. those gangs have drug ties and those. drug ties they don't want the [ __ ]. federal government telling them what to. do you're right you know what I mean. they get they'd get in bed with like the. cartel and whatever government agencies. they have power. over what a weird in La imagine if we. were like Red Dawn and we were attacked. by oh my God it would' be insane where. would they hit up first I would be so. scared would you be scared can you imine. if they're like we're going to bomb LA.

and they bomb downtown and you're like. nobody's down. there they the wrong they hit the wrong. part of the city first they're like and. then and then we're going to bomb North. Hollywood you're. like yeah bumps kid Road they you won't. kill them they're like zombiie no those. are no no they're they're undefeated. what does that say is that Newsweek. thinks they're going to that's where the. centrifuge of War would be well a n. you're talking this is a nuclear bomb. bom oh my forget it would happen but it. wouldn't even hit Santa Monica oh West.

Side safe West Side best side yeah but. now we're [ __ ] where we live no dude. we're just yeah no we're [ __ ] we're in. the [ __ ] center of it oh yeah yeah. what are you going to do no no don't you. think that that cuz we're on the other. side of the Hill you don't think the. hill would protect us a little bit some. of it I think the hill would would get. some of like the the radiation fog and. smoke but I think we'd still we'd get a. bad leg I'm in the yellow yeah you're in. the oh you're done you're done yeah yeah. you're in Los feles or or Silver Lake. Los felis I think I'd become a shadow.

yes which is awesome you'd be yeah. Shadow yeah you Carlos Shadow yeah. Carlos Shadow it's interesting and his. mouth is like this yeah wow that that. would be I mean that was that would be. the way to you know I mean destroy us. bomb but that's what it says nuclear. bomb shows the impact of new Gravity. weapon of the biggest US cities Wow Wow. that's scary let's hope that doesn't. happen let's hope it doesn't happen or. I'm on the road yeah I want to be gone. yeah I've always imagined that like if I. was on the road and I was LA's taken out.

like oh well no I got two more sets. tonight so I got to it would be terrible. I mean imagine dude they wouldn't hit La. first though you would no who would you. worry about you're on the road yeah my. well my wife and my dog that's number. one this studio you guys yeah you first. well you'd be on the road too yeah I'd. be on the road and then what would you. do like if I was you were in Cleveland. and I was like in Denver or whatever. Vice ver whatever say and then um and we. would be morning cuz you know I would. lose so many people you would lose many.

right and then our cell phone still. worked mhm and then we well you think in. a day we would call each other or a. couple of days it dep I don't know see. you know and who knows if we could get a. hold of anybody you know how like they. have like cell phones crash when all. that stuff goes down you know like 911. no one could like call anybody and the. phones are down and all that I'm just. thinking hypothetically if like the. satellites aren't down and we could call. would you I think in the within the. first 12 hours we would text each other.

100% yeah right away you are you okay. you good no I would text you are you. going to sell your. house yeah yeah yeah you to keep your. house and then what would we what would. you I mean honestly what would you do. like like would the banks be working. like could we get money out no no we're. done once it starts it's over oh [ __ ]. that's what I'm saying dude load up. that's that's crazy get golden guns at. your house I would relapse immediately. I'd be there with you we would meet yeah. I would probably try to get to wherever.

Denver let's in Denver let's meet. somewhere in the middle let's do heroin. in Missouri yeah and then we' just be. heroin guys fine whatever who cares I. know you know what I mean if that's the. end that's the end yeah I want to go out. like a dude I had to do my will today. this morning I had to do like my living. will oh my God and when you have to. decide like he literally was like um. step by step he's like if you're if you. are in a tragic accident in your brain. is incapacitated right like your brain. your brain dead essentially how long do. you want to be alive ooh how long did.

you say I had to do it today how long do. you think I I. said your brain I'm brain dead but there. but I'm you know in a I'm in a. vegetative state but there's hope that I. might come back or you never you know. what I mean but they ask you how long a. month interesting what do you guys think. zero minutes Zer what about you uh one. week one week George is actually right. you know why I did a week so family. could come say goodbye to you but you. said that there could be a possibility. that you can be alive there is a. possibility why wouldn't you give more. than a week then just one week I said. one week they can come say goodbye. because I don't want to put the burden.

of me being in a vegetative state on. other people I want to put the burden I. know you do yeah yeah I'm burden guy. yeah you're 10 years yeah yeah yeah yeah. I'm a 10 year guy you're 10 years yeah. everyone I want everyone to come I know. one I said one week for the family to. come say goodbye and then after that it. says drug drug induced this it's a lot. of money though that's wasted that's. what I mean yeah but I don't want my. family to have my money so just put the. money in well that was the next question. after all that stuff was like who gets. your funds and all this [ __ ] so. what' you do well do I get any in the. event.

in the event that I don't like that. smile do I get any well first of all my. wife gets all of it and then in the yeah. in the event that she's not around she. won't be trust me. okay in the event that let's say both of. us died tragically together yeah uh it. gets it goes to my parents and let's say. if my parents aren't. alive then it goes to my sister and if. my sister's not alive it goes to my dog. and if my dog no my dog okay if and if. you haven't eaten my dog by this point.

no it's no no no it it goes to then my. sister and then after that it goes to. uh three or four different charities one. of which being children's. hospital they don't need the money yes. they do okay my bad kids having cancer. is the worst thing in the [ __ ] there. is literally no greater crime the. universe commits than giving children. [Applause]. cancering you wouldn't need my money. interestings.

interesting you would never give me any. of your money when you're dead that. would you would you're in my [ __ ]. will you don't get a lot but you're in. it well then I'll change it am I really. yeah how much do I get everyone's in it. well tell me how much I get like 20. grand [ __ ] you 20 [ __ ] grand for all. I've done for you you know how much. money I have a hundred grand in the bank. well then give me the hundred no my mom. my brother you we have the same thing. but I give everyone something I think. your mom gets all of it and if she's not. around Steve gets all of it no that's. all I I have everyone gets something. Abby gets something everyone gets.

something Abby gets something my manager. yeah yeah why what do I care I'm gonna. be dead that's my point Robin Hood gold. with Robin Hood gold you can now enjoy. the VIP treatment receiving 3% IRA match. on retirement contributions the. Privileges of the very privilege are no. longer exclusive with Robin Hood gold. your annual Ira contributions are. boosted by 3% plus you also get 4% apy. on your cash in non-retirement accounts. that's over eight times the national. savings average the perks of the high.

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bad friends that's my point though. that's why I'm going to give it to a. charity because what do I [ __ ] I care. no give charity okay we should give it. away well can I have something of yours. you actually do what I can't tell you I. think you're lying dude now you do get. something and now we get to the the. topic of death and I'm it's not death no. no no it's just a beautiful way of you. have to frame your life while you're. here and they tell you you're not young. anymore you got to [ __ ] set up a. thing in case you go away so in case. this World War III happens in 2025 that.

we're in but when you see like a. celebrity die at 53 cuz I'm 53 right you. go because I Feel So Young still and you. you just kind of go oh [ __ ] it can. happen at any time Ricky Henderson died. the the baseball player I know this. episode will be out significantly after. but how old how old was he young dude I. think he was 63 which [ __ ] that. [ __ ] me up I think he he died of 65. and he died of pneumonia what which. never [ __ ] maybe he had preexist. conditions something else so Bobby this.

guy the way you love the way you love uh. football player soccer players this guy. was the man like he was the well I mean. he was he didn't play for anything that. I love he was just back in when I was a. kid he was he was incredible Ricky. Henderson was the [ __ ] man so fast so. and like a supreme athlete literally. never heard of him look at the size of. his [ __ ] legs those are in those are. that's big I'm not joking that's bigger. than your body that's bigger than your. stomach I'm not kidding but 65 is so. young that's what scares me yeah it's.

pretty young I mean that's so young. you're you're how was how old was Bob. sagot well Bob was a tragic accident how. old was he I think he was in his mid-50s. or late 50s 50 it was 60s he was he was. 60 65 whoa yeah that that that [ __ ] me. up well that was a horrible accident. that should have never happened so that. he would have lived significantly longer. he wasn't sick or anything that was just. a bad accident what a good guy anyway um. no more death no more let's not talk. about death anymore let's talk about. life let talk about the birth of life. let's talk about a a birth of Life the.

ancient bige head people scientists. uncover a lost human in Asia with an. abnormally large skull that lived. alongside Homo sapiens a 100,000 they're. called Asians what are you talking about. big head people that's what they did. that's just what they call just call. them Asians. dude is that what they just called them. big head people yeah yeah look at how. okay how big is it I can't from that. photo I can't. tell this is what they like a mockup of. then he looks what the [ __ ] that looks. like what's his name who works at the.

store yeah. yeah but is that why Koreans have such. big heads cuz they intermingled a little. bit yeah that's right yeah there's a um. I don't know what the people were called. in in Korea or in Japan but there was a. there's a type of people that were they. didn't look Asian but they're mixed with. Asians and that's why Japanese people. look the way they do it's nicotine okay. I'm not fing weed at work I don't know. dude we don't know anymore we don't know. anymore we don't and we know we know we. know how about that how about we know.

yeah we know bro I'm not smoking weed at. work they like Vape whenever you've seen. me Vape you're smoking weed outside of. work though I'm not vaping weed or. anything like. that I'm not dude what's the truth the. truth is that but did you take something. last. week what do you mean what do you mean. oh at bad here at work m i dude I never. come to work High okay but you do it off. of work I have yes a little bit but I'm. not like cuz when I saw you in that. Alleyway when I saw you in the alleyway.

you did look stoned you looked stoned. dude when when I caught you in the. alleyway dude that was a whole were you. not high I was not high that night I was. embarrassed because I was with a girl no. dude there's something going on what do. you mean you were embarrassed you with a. girl that's no there was a girl and a. guy oh right and they were doing some. sort of Tri like some sexual three-way. and I was did you have a threesome no I. didn't but I was embarrassed Bobby. caught me like striking out with a. girl oh well that's kind of funny yeah. but but I didn't bring like you've never.

seen me Vape weed in Australia here ever. never did you did you hook up with the. guy and not the girl no but he was like. more in interested in like talking to me. it was weird what is with you he dm' me. later really yeah yeah yeah oh yeah I. watched this reality show this weekend. and I only related to the gay man on it. okay. anyway what's going on what's it called. Mexican dynasties I loved it have I seen. this have we seen this Mexican Dynasty. meican reality show it's so good about.

rich people in Mexico City oh oh wow we. now I have to watch that yeah cuz Rich. Mexicans are my favorite they're my. favorite yeah yeah great restaurants in. Mexico City I. hear I mean IE at McDon is that the. people what juman right what are they. called juman Jo Joan people people so. they at one point they look like um a. Spanish midfield soccer. player okay and then they mixed it with. you know I mean a regular age right.

right and then it the Japanese occurred. but at one point they look like that. it's interesting when people it is funny. when the more mixing there is as time. has gone on yeah like like Tiger Woods. look at his kids he just he's playing in. this thing with his son obviously let me. see what Tiger Woods looks like but he's. got a daughter and a son but it's like. you couldn't tell what that kid is you'd. have no idea what that kid the kid. Islander they always look Hawaiian. Pacific Islander at the end of the day. when you mix enough they're Hawaiian. yeah yeah yeah what are you Hawaiian you. know who's cute Jordan Peele and Chelsea.

paretti's kid there's no photo I did see. a photo I may it was a through a text or. something he was like really cute like. handsome almost that's a big thing. people now celebrities they put their. kids up on the internet but they cover. their face with like a smiley face like. an ice cream. cone it's weird why then then why even. have the photo. itself do you know what I mean like why. put up the P if you don't want to have. your family on there don't put them on. there but then why put them on there and. then cover up their face that seems so. strange it's like just do it or don't do.

it do you like I miss Jordan do you ever. Miss people yeah I mean I don't know him. I don't miss him CU I don't know him I. miss uh I used to hang out with him. every day for so long and then I just. kind of miss him well I stayed on the. phone last night with Jay Larson for. like an hour because the story I love. that guy so much he's the best dude he's. a great guy so funny and dude we called. each other cuz it was like the old days. the hallway was like dude I saw you that. was good it just felt like the old like. the old days old days yeah yeah yeah so. Jay called me and he and I or I called.

Jay and we both said the same thing I. was like dude that felt like it used to. feel when it was like I don't know when. the store had people coming and going. more and everyone was finally in town. that was fun yeah it was great it's a. fun yeah but I miss there are some guys. that I miss no I want to can you be. completely honest with me because um you. did great last I wasn't going to say. anything oh boy but. um I'll just get it out of the way um. mhm when I walked into the Improv and I. saw you in the dark yeah I got the vibe.

of you going get away from me was that. true no you know better no no I'm being. real when when have I ever done that you. were sitting there on your phone you. look up at me I look at you and then you. went back into your phone and I just. left the room no that's what happened no. I know but I because it was quiet in the. room but if when I see you at the store. we always say hi what do you mean okay. no I'll tell you what it really was is I. was back yeah I was in the middle of a. little pain little pain moment and I was. sitting there in pain until the till the. drugs kicked kicked in that was a good. fun improv spot it was great I thought.

they were good yeah they were very good. yeah yeah they were very good except uh. that girl who left in your set also left. in my set I hate that what are you doing. I mean that I I in the middle of a setup. you don't go you don't stand up in the. front row yeah dude and leave I I have. to say something where you going where. the [ __ ] are you going right now right. now yeah right now yeah yeah there's. there's there's an obvious piss break. which is when the host goes up yeah and. brings people on that's your way out in.

between Comics yeah yeah or or yeah sit. it out in the middle of the set it's a. joke joke joke and then when there's a. little break between jokes then get up. and get out as fast as you can but not. when you're like in the middle of a. setup it's like right when you're. starting to tell a joke and someone's. like and they get and you're like yeah. because then everybody goes what's that. guy doing is he gonna where do he headed. to in the main room something happened. where I I told one joke that I knew that. some people aren't going to like and. then I look to my left and these two.

girls were so tuned out at me I stop the. show and I look at them and go ah you. guys are tuned out and one girl did this. and this isn't even fun I don't know. what she was doing she just goes like. this she. goes oh she showed you her feet and put. her feet in my face right with two feet. coming up right I go what the [ __ ] is. that and I just walk to the other side. of the stage I go that's [ __ ] weird. I've never seen that before my like what. the [ __ ] are you doing it was almost was. like [ __ ] you yeah double [ __ ] double. [ __ ] with my feet yeah [ __ ] you I'm. going to ask you another thing is have.

you ever had this. happen you're at a club Comedy Club yeah. there's a woman there yeah very. attractive sure but there's crazy in. their eyes oh yeah and so then you have. to and she was like she you know and I. can tell that when she gave me a hug it. was like her chest into me and then she. wouldn't let go oh wow right she was. going to kill you right and I and I and. she goes she looks at me like what are. we doing and I go oh no I I'm seeing. somebody oh she was looking to yeah cuz.

Carlos have you ever met anybody that. you're like I think it's crazy and I. can't do it or do you do it he goes for. 60 40 like when I was younger I would do. it more now I try not to but also fail. so I usually do I think it's 100% fail. for you yeah I usually do yeah yeah yeah. yeah don't do 6040 don't do 6040 I know. I try how about you when I see people. crazy eyes yeah crazy eyes immediately I. run for the [ __ ] Hill she was hot but. crazy eyes yeah the hot ones do have.

crazy eyes yeah yeah but if she's hot I. know but it's like I I I understand that. I was it was a it was a dilemma MH you. did the right thing I think so because. you don't want crazy eyes in the morning. she's like I moved in I know yeah that's. what I mean that's my U-Haul front I. figured that's okay yeah yeah or when. they say crazy things like I make fresh. pasta from scratch oh no see I'm. intrigued you are yeah no no a fresh. pasta I'm into a fresh frh pasta your. third line in I make I'm I'm you know.

what I mean I'm Candace right C I live. in LA I make fresh pasta you do from. scratch that's crazy I would love fresh. pasta oh third in you're fine fresh. pasta she didn't say I like hand pluck. go Goose Feathers she's not like I. [ __ ] kill geese in my backyard it's. some arbitrary like information that. like shouldn't be in the third thing as. long as the arbitrary information is. something cool like I make something. neat I do an artistic thing that's cool. but if she said okay I'm going to say.

something okay hi Hi how are you my name. is Lisbon hey Lisbon I live in Burbank. oh oh great yeah I know Burbank yeah and. you know the end of lamp fixtures I suck. on those you do crazy I love it I have. so many lamps my house my house is. filled with lamp so that's not nuts to. you not at all okay hi hey hi yeah um. hey Bobby I'm such a big fan what's your. name chandela. chandela.

chandela like Chandelier and Andrea. chandela okay hi chandela that's my mom. was a chandelier uh. salesperson okay my dad's name was. Andrea okay what's the arbitrary thing. my name is chandela. yes I live on the West Side okay I live. by Santa Monica it's it's yeah I know. what the west side I know what the west. side if we have a nuclear bomb it won't. get to. us I Google do you know that yeah I do. any I flush my teeth with with my own. hair I just want to let you know that.

yeah yeah what do you say that's fine. that wouldn't turn you off I don't think. that would turn me off she takes her. hair flosses her teeth puts it. back yeah I that like when women do that. that wouldn't turn you off that turns. you off if she use her hair to floss. that turn you off me too way more than. me too. then more than sucking on a lamp [ __ ]. thing yeah yeah no I think that's pretty. normal if you floss with your hair and. then put your hair back like it never. happened and this is every day yeah what.

about this when a PE I had a girl we. were taking a shower together and she. peed in the shower love I love that pee. on me yeah but you know what and I'm I'm. fine with that oh but when I poo in the. bathtub insane. it's Armageddon it is it should be yeah. yeah yeah it's like whoa you could do. that and I can't [ __ ] when I'm taking a. bath two different things they are yeah. completely okay I don't know you know. that yeah but um hi what hi I'm. cassette like like a tape cassette I.

don't know what that is I'm. 25 oh hey cassette hi I'm such a big fan. of bad friends oh thank you cassette I. love you anyway I got a um another set. to do I I live in Venice do you want to. come over to my house you what what on. what street Lincoln Wayward oh I know. yeah very specific I collect dead. pigeons I embal them and my house is. filled with them you're taxidermy. no what do you call it I call it just.

pigeon girl I'm pigeon girl oh yeah I'm. out really I'm [ __ ] out I have huge. tits okay what else and I love Korean. men that's a win well third thing and. then I'm in give me one good one I. homemade I make homemade pasta I'm. out I'm out yeah yeah yeah but if she. okay I want to say if she looked like. margar Robbie hot right so hot hot so.

hot right God she's so beautiful and she. had crazy eyes yeah right the floss. would be fine I think the pasta would be. fine pasta's obviously fine yeah it's. fine dead pigeons all over the house. Taxidermy pigeon I think I dead pigeons. would be fine too if it's Margot Robbie. Margo Robbie yeah what about you if you. were not with your wife I would have to. get in and get out I'd be like look. let's hang out once but if you start. with pigeons where else does it go you. that were them with the pigeon lady yeah. no what if I mean this is what happens.

cuz you know what Trisha P said you. knock up a pigeon lady no but you know. how there are women in at Hollywood. clubs that seek celebrities to get. impregnated by them oh yeah there's a. lot of those I know you got to be. careful you're out there [ __ ] hanging. out having fun being single and it's. like you never know some girl could be. Miss Lee I know but what I do is I do. um edging and I Edge and I don't come do. you do that I have yeah but you know. edging still leaks a little bit know.

your pipes aren't closed anymore why. does it leak because you're we're. getting older you're going to leak like. after you go to the bathroom after you. take a. piss you piss your pants a little bit. afterwards I do I know how do you know. how you we all do okay good but as you. get older it gets worse my dad sometimes. will piss his actual pants it does he'll. just piss his pants yeah yeah yeah he'll. be like oh God damn it a spot like this. big you know how do you ever have you. caught me smelling my panis. what you never caught me doing have you.

caught me doing that smelling it you've. caught me George right no yeah yeah yeah. what I'll do is and it's quick I just oh. I've seen you do that you seen me do. that right it's because of the leaking. oh you want to make sure you're not. leaking too much yeah yeah yeah you leak. don't you. Carlos yeah those pip those pipes leak. George leaks for sure so my so my when. my brother was um 12 years old he had a. neighborhood kid this Jewish kid that. came over and my brother had um a Casio. keyboard that my parents had bought him. for his birthday yeah and when my dad.

took naps right if you made if a a. feather fell on the ground forget it. it's it's the incredible the yellow. Incredible Hulk it's like you know what. I mean like all right so my brother was. playing keyboards right my dad took naps. naked why so this is broad daylight on a. Saturday right my dad walks into my. brother's room completely naked right my. he takes the keyboard and smashes it on.

my brother's back chees are flying out. right but when he turned around my. brother and um his friend laughed. because what did they say your dad's. little Korean penis no he turned around. leaving the room oh his ass the Korean. kite my dad used to sleep with a bunch. of toilet paper jammed in his butthole. and the [ __ ] toilet paper would be. sticking out he' look like a Korean kite. right. Shopify if you don't have Shopify you're.

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you 247 when you sleep right now you. have TP up I'm on o zic right now so it. clogs it up right but in just. regular sometimes really yeah so I have. to like and what I do is I don't know if. you know that notice I don't know why. I'm revealing this this is so disgusting. give it to me well I'm already giving it. to you well go okay this is so. disgusting I don't know I should say. that but I'm going to do I [ __ ] it I. don't care but it's like um if you. notice I work I have bottles of cologne. on me all the time right in your car and. have wet naps sure right on the go so.

this is an emergency kit so what I do is. at The Lax or whatever. right dude when we're traveling that's. what you're doing you go wipe off the. leak and spray spray spray I spray on. the pad on the [ __ ] wet wet ones I've. smelled it right then I do the thing. right just in case just in case there's. leakage yeah you don't have emergency. things like that anybody in the room. please back up anybody we're not over 50. oh that's true no it's just I think it's.

I think that's hereditary I think that's. your family I think it's your dad yeah. so my dad um I think I'm a Korean kite. as well you should start walking around. with it in there just in case you know. yeah my dad used. to I. mean dude one time man my dad my dad my. mom [ __ ] up on. rice she [ __ ] up rice when when. Koreans [ __ ] up rice people get mad. that's divorce yeah yeah that's how. that's how marriages end so the dry rice.

was way too dry oh yeah so my brother. and I my mom and dad were at the dinner. table and my dad and you know you know. um Korean food what's the great thing. about Korean food when it comes when. you're at a Korean restaurant all the. little the little the little sides yeah. yeah hund so you know my mom did the. same thing there's like 15 little tiny. you know what I mean oh I love that it's. the best right love that and the Little. Grill on the table right snack and the. rice was a little too dry uh once I took. the bite of the rice my mind went oh oh.

no dry rice dry rice right R my dad took. the table and threw it into the ceiling. and all the ponchon stuck to the ceiling. and it rained kimchi right no I'm not. kidding you dude and it was like oh my. mom was running from my dad it was. insane kimchi rain so if you're Korean. don't make the dry make it perfect the. rice make the rice perfect yeah see my. parents so much trauma my parents never. cooked my mom wasn't a big cook my dad's. favorite meal of my mom's is called.

burnt. chicken really it's called burnt chicken. no sauce no there's a fuckload of sauce. all everything is sauce what kind of. sauce she does like a she does like a. homemade it's like a honey. barbecue with it's got a homemade. barbecue with a a a Teriyaki base you. know it's like a terak b that's a good. that's a good but it's burned chicken. it's chicken that they burned did you. ever do hungry man the Hungry Man meals. yeah the frozen meal meal love those.

yeah my favorite thing of the Hungry Man. meal is that little dessert section like. the Apple the brownie or apple thing or. whatever oh it's the best you never did. hungry man's no I've done it before I. know the brown your parents doctors he. didn't have to do that stuff doctors fed. you no I had in La what my favorite was. turkey and the little stuffing gravy one. with the mashed potatoes what is that. green peas and the little that's a. Hungry Man one that was a hungry man. yeah and there's I just don't do frozen. pasta do you that in college I did a lot. bag of sters you know the sters meals I.

used to do those and one time I was. visiting my buddy Tyler and in DC and I. had a late night flight and it was. storming outside storming and uh Tyler. and I you know we used to get high. together all the time that's how we met. in high school smoking weed at lunch and. I have a late night flight he makes one. of those stofers look at the stofers two. for one pasta bags he makes one of these. stoer late night pasta bags right one of. those right there and that bag it was a. bag right exactly like gr aago chicken. right so he grills up one of these.

things you know feeds me before I catch. my flight we're in college and I'm. sitting there and I go to the bathroom. and I'm like feeling kind of out of it. and I'm like Jesus Christ what am I. doing I go back and sit down and I'm. like feeling funky and I'm already kind. of anxious because it's it's a it's a. midnight flight or whatever pouring down. rain and he goes uh are you stoned I go. what not stoned do you feel stoned I go. why he goes I put a huge chunk of weed. butter in the stove for Skillets I was. like wait Ser are you serious he goes oh. yeah I put a fuckload in there he's like.

I figur it' be good for your flight I. was like no bad bad bad did you get high. so [ __ ] high I was so were you mad I. was no I couldn't be mad I was scared. yeah yeah yeah I was like how how am I. going to get to the airport how am I get. to go home he's like oh what do you mean. you'll catch a cab you'll be fine don't. worry about it Panic the whole that was. somebody did that to me now oh sober. I'll would be yeah no a free one no dude. I got way too high should I do it as a. surprise no [ __ ] you sh no cuz now it's. not yeah yeah idiot if I eat a bowl of.

pasta you gave me there's no way I would. know secretly that you did it I imine. you dose his pasta but because you're. OIC he can't finish. it never even gets high I know wow dude. so many of our friends are on OIC I know. it's crazy how many people are talking. to me about it or whatever the other one. is that you're on wa goie there's a a. couple bunch of different ones the. amount of people and I can't name names. it's not my business to say but the. amount of people that have told me so. privately are on it so many I'm blowing. my mind I feel like I it's like a thing. it's almost like a thing I'm finding out.

that you know when you find out as you. get older something your parents did. that you're like everybody did that yeah. your parents like yeah we just didn't. don't worry about it shut up I like I. had no idea that many people took this. [ __ ] it really does work though it's I I. can't believe it I know I can believe it. it's it's a it's what it's you know it's. supposed to help people stop [ __ ]. eating and it's working like you when. because i' I've been taking this girl. out to Blvd yeah yeah yeah yeah and even. me I'm you know what I order there I go. give me as my meal I get the three.

sauteed shrimp that's so good they are. so good right and I'll get some um you. know halet um cich you right and that's. it and that's all night that's the only. thing I'll eat what yeah you won't even. have a piece of steak no what no she ate. a [ __ ] Tomahawk like this no dessert. nothing no dessert nothing that's I. can't get anything else in that's. incredible you eat it you're like I'm. done I can't I'm about to vomit God this. amazing it's amazing it is a miracle and.

then you don't get like um hunger pains. at night what about yeah in the middle. of the night you sometimes I do eat. cereal in the middle of the night yeah. and I'll eat either my favorite is I. love golden grams oh GG's right I like. cinnamon. life I like cinnamon life cinnamon life. my friend well here's why you like it. what cuz the milk is phenomenal I I want. to do cinnamon life and just bottle that. milk afterwards sell cinnamon life smart. you're break why don't they do that. that's what's your least favorite cereal. this is easy oh it's so easy Captain. Crunch cuz it cuts your tongue and your.

mouth I hate the flavor everything about. it but the peanut butter Captain Crunch. is pretty good I can't eat it I hate it. what about like blueberries hate it wow. I'm going to tell you right now what I. like count. chocula is that like Fruity Pebbles no. count chocolate is like a iteration of. Captain CR okay Fruity Pebbles anything. fruity pebbly I like I don't like that. uh do you like anything that doesn't. come with a toy. just make it up for under ice being gone.

yeah well you're doing a great job cuz. he's just as shitty as you that's the. same bomb that that that that that that. makes me. mad that that right there is ruined it. it all for me let's keep moving okay. Coco Pebbles is the same as fruity pebbl. I like the I like anything pebbly you. are a pebble guy I'm a pebble guy and. then I'll show okay so um hold on Fruit. Loops no no so so Apple Jacks are out. there wow wow crazy Apple Jacks are so. good here what I do like I like um the.

the Frosted Mini Wheats H yeah okay. first of all it absorbs the milk it's. great it's the best they need more. frosting no I like the one side the. frosting should go all the way around. that's not true at all frosting should. go it's too much it's too much no you're. then you're eating just shredded Wheats. cuz by the way sometimes the I'll say. this listen up dude those things are the. best listen up Kelloggs yeah I'll tell. you what pisses me off about Frosted. Mini Wheats lately they've been skipping. on the frost a lot of times I'll see a. mini wheat there the whole thing the. whole one side isn't frosted it'll be a. little piece of frost look at that long.

piece of [ __ ] sometimes you get a. double down I don't want to double one. no I love that all right so I suck it. like this right I know you do so and. I've talked about this before I think I. don't know where but and I've had to. campaign because in the late 70s early. 80s yeah um there was one thing that was. the greatest thing ever made it was the. Great greatest thing ever made it's what. I survived on I I if I think about it.

today my mouth Waters all right give me. the initials I can guess it you're never. going to guess it give me the initials. I'll just say. Carnation oh instant the Instant. Breakfast. no in the early ' 80s there was a. carnation breakfast bar oh you told us. about this right the breakfast bar and. they stopped making it and if you go. online people still want the recipe I. remember this thing yeah it is the was. the greatest breakfast thing the way it.

fell apart in your mouth the crunch the. crunch the crumble everything about it I. would take I would buy 15 boxes at the. [ __ ] thing is Carnation still a. company look that up do they still exist. yeah they are they do but they don't. make those bars anymore somebody owns. them though somebody's got to remake. that why don't we [ __ ] we we should. do bad friends Carnation breakfast bars. who owns Carnation now look that up. nesle oh they do yeah oh nestly parent. coming Frasier and Ne and I think people. have tried online I've read on red and. some people try to make it I I don't. think they' I think they've failed it's. there's something magical about it well.

the magic is gone it's gone isn't it. funny when you find out who owns. something like the other day I looked up. Jet Blue because I was like they were. booking Me On A Jet Blue flight because. I got to fly for this gig and I was like. oh yeah Jet Blue and then look who owns. Jet Blue by the way because I was. looking up what the oh my God wait hold. on hold on hold on hold on before you. get to it I was looking up what the. flight that like are they owned by. United like they had a partnership right. that's what I was looking for for their. points or whatever m and then I. accidentally looked up who owns it zoom. in look at this black rock.

Vanguard Black Rock dude I don't know. who that is one of the largest [ __ ]. like Venture Capital conglomerate they. own the world wow they're probably the. [ __ ] they're probably the biggest. purveyors of like War black rock is. basically [ __ ] I mean they make. everything look what they own as of. December black Rock's market cap net. worth is $19 billion the world's largest. money management firm they own. everything wow they have 11.5 trillion. trillion in assets which means they. which means they're [ __ ] trillion yeah.

because they're they're military they. make military trillion yeah oh yeah Big. T um imagine being what would you do if. you were a. trillionaire you'd never see me again oh. yeah you'd see me no on everything put. yourself on billboards all up down. clouds the clouds would be my face you. it's that a CL you would look up all the. clouds would be oh they're Bobby seating. again so [ __ ] and rad yeah private. military companies Black Water Oh Black. Rock not black water that's black water.

no but Black Rock does uh military uh. Contracting yeah they do Contracting. right trillion well dude you saw what. happened the other day to [ __ ] Elon. Musk right since Trump's election he. made $40. billion because of uh because of his. stock options and everything like that. shot through the roof between X SpaceX. uh X Tesla 43 9 billion. 439. billion billion dollars yeah yeah yeah.

look at that Jeff Bezos 237 nice try. [ __ ] he's getting married who is Bezos. he's getting married yeah in Aspen I. think uh this weekend are you going did. you get invited no no surprised you're. not we should all get invited for how. many Amazon P my house is an Amazon. [ __ ] Factory the amount of [ __ ] my. wife gets up from Amazon comical no it's. honestly at this point the [ __ ]. driver the other day goes back again wow. back again that's what he says is she.

addicted I'm addicted is she addicted. she's bad addicted yeah yeah what' she. get like just [ __ ] it's all [ __ ]. for the house it's it's like it's stuff. it's small stuff for the house and you. don't yell at her ever no why who gives. a [ __ ] so if it's just funny to me I'm. like more [ __ ] wait so does she say to. you do she say you know I spent $4,200. this week no she doesn't spend that it's. not like that it's it's just small stuff. yeah but she she she doesn't have to go. to you and go hey I SP this no why okay. that's great what a great dad husband.

dad brother husband what a great dad. husand you know some some guys are like. that like hey sweetie I want to see the. receipts or you know what I mean no cuz. she's not buying crazy [ __ ] she's just. buying like she's so if she did spend. like 22 $22,000 on something would she. tell you yeah we'd have to have a. conversation $22,000 I'd be like what. was it what what was it did you buy high. heels baby you bought $222,000 high. heels no I bought like 14 of them that. led up to 22,000 so don't yell at me no.

well I am yeah yeah yeah that's a lot of. money why are we spending $22,000 on. shoes I like them I know that you like. them but could you get less than 14 no. you need them yeah you promise yes all. right it's fine and you're fine with it. I guess if you say you need them what am. I going to do if you say you need them. what am I what am I going to say yeah. then because then it's like then I want. to go buy something fun for me and cuz. she could be like why do you want that. car I really love cars what's the. justification right we all have our. [ __ ] that the our partner could go.

well that's stupid as [ __ ] and by the. way it probably is shoes are dumb. clothes are dumb cars are dumb toys are. dumb but like I want we want them so. [ __ ] it guess what the number one thing. I buy off of Tik Tok and Instagram and I. get something every week sex toys no. pants no shoes slides what's the slide. mean sandals flip he's right that's it. comfy sandals no oh oh oh uh um a thing. for the a thing for the cats yes I [ __ ]. oh I did that and it never came I was so.

mad thing for the cats you know why then. I bought it on Amazon the same thing and. the cat didn't even play with it that's. why that's why you have to buy a lot you. got to BU you got to buy more I buy. everything a bird a mechanical Bird. right right you charge it right and the. cat just kind of walk by it they don't. give a [ __ ] dude you got to keep trying. yeah I keep trying I bought a scratching. pot that looked like an Asian Temple oh. cute and it's it's it's right outside my. when I left the house today the box was. there so I'm going to assemble it when I.

get back that's I can't wait yeah stuff. for the animal I'll buy anything for the. dog I don't give a [ __ ] yeah but when I. say she if she spent like look if she. had a problem if it was bad and she. spent too much money where it was like. scary yeah we'd have a conversation. about it but you know what I mean it it. would have to be like what the [ __ ]. going on but that was the thing I think. about sometimes like you hear these. stories later in life people that are. like the spouse was spending crazy money. and and they didn't know do you know. what I mean like you up stories where. they're like they had a gambling. addiction and they were you know what. happened no.

sometimes the wife is so in debt and. she's hiding from the husband yeah and. then they kills the husband I've seen a. couple of those have you seen a couple. they kill them cuz they don't want yeah. you'd rather kill me than tell me we're. in debt yeah know I know [ __ ] tell me. yeah or the worst and then what happens. when you tell me that we're in debt yo. then I kill you yeah yeah that's why but. or what would you do if you found out. that your wife put a hit on you I've. seen a couple of those too it turned me.

on a little bit but how that would. destroy me it'd be kind of hot though at. first you'd want to [ __ ] it out at first. what do you mean c You' be like you. tried to [ __ ] kill me yeah I forgive. you but we got to [ __ ] a lot we got to. [ __ ] a lot dude yeah yeah if if if I. found out my wife put a hit on on me. it'd be kind of it would turn me on for. the creativity of It kind of rad where'd. you find these guys divorce though I. don't know that be real might be fight. to the death yeah how about you how. about you do it George. oh I'd just move away I'd hide would you.

get divorced though no I wouldn't even I. would not pass go I'd just be I'd be in. the middle of Montana oh yeah see. National Park but your kids though kids. what kids gone you take the kids if I. had time but if they if if they were. daycare I'd just be gone [ __ ] first. Grayhound out of what a man well you. know what it is you're a real man dude. he doesn't want his kids or his wife. he's gone this guy's dreaming in the. mountains in his mind he wants to run. away by a little river do you have. enough to Ving them I yeah but you're. like you know Ted kazinski or whatever. is that yeah oh yeah he was poor that.

was his real problem is that he didn't. get any I listened to a whole podcast. his name Ted kazinski yeah unial right. yeah yeah yeah yeah him and his brother. were real weirdos yeah you would wear I. have a beard you'd be like making things. in the [ __ ] shed make his own clothes. yeah yeah oh my God you'd be so weird. Carlos what would you do if your. significant other put a hit on on you oh. I'd call the FBI and thank you snitch. [ __ ] rat snitch brat no [ __ ] her I oh. getting divorced is it's like a cheat. code oh now I get to be single I'd. slowly poison her yeah oh I like that if.

I find out she was to put a hit on me. I'd slowly poison so I saw one where a. girl gets CAU now she's at the cops and. they they confront her they go we know. we have it all on tape right and the. husband's there right and then the cop. opens the door the husband's there and. she goes Tommy come here just come here. let's talk [ __ ] you come here Tommy. seriously what the [ __ ] is going on. Tommy Tommy's like [ __ ] off right yeah. but it's like what do you think is going. to happen lady yeah but she probably was. trying to manipulate him that's by the.

way she's probably she's probably good. master manipulator she's probably a. sociopath and she probably thinks. there's I didn't do anything wrong she. wasn't do that. hot you didn't even been hot if you're. going to kill me you better be hot you. better be hot you better be so hot Margo. Robbie yeah you better Margo Fu kill me. yeah yeah hey uh oh my God hey uh uh uh. Sydney Sweeney murder me murder me slit. my throat In Cold Blood but it's like. the the G to to have you put out a hit. is crazy it's crazy dude if you were.

going to put a hit on somebody how would. you go find someone to do that though. you can't Google it there's no way to do. it I I I late late at night I do think. about stuff because you know late at. night you have Revenge fantasies you do. for sure you don't have Revenge. fantasies not really I don't I don't. care what am I me either then you love. it I know you do so I I lay in my bed. and that always putting on a hit in my. scenarios in my head cuz I go how would. I do it well you go get a homeless guy. even then it's like no because they're.

going to catch you on tape even. approaching the homeless guy what's. Bobby Lee you giving a homeless guy four. four grand I wasn't giving him that much. money okay I hid the money he had to go. get it so I'm at skidrow I got it all. planned out you do I'm hanging out. skidrow yeah I go that guy might go Hey. sir can you come here and he's like a. [ __ ] my f aoo and then you're like okay. that's not the guy the coooo yeah yeah. yeah that's my guy right and then so. where would I go and then I would. probably go to like Guam the guy that.

works the yeah he looks like he knows. somebody yeah he does God you know. anybody I just you know hypothetical. yeah no dude what the get the [ __ ] away. from me that means he does he's like. right so I think I would call the. shadiest guy now yeah but after that I'd. be like I don't know what to do I'd get. a homeless guy because then it's a v you. know if you get a crazy homeless guy and. you and you you hide the money you give. you give him like two couple of tasks. one he's got to go kill someone I've hid. the money all over the place there a. scavenger hunt for him to get the money. then it gives him an adventure you know.

well the money F part because these. clubs now pay you cash yeah right so I. just do a bunch of improv spots right. get the cash right that's how I get the. cash right right there you go so then I. have cash in my pocket untraceable I'll. save about 10 grand worth of you think. someone's going to kill someone for 10. grand down payment you always say put a. down payment down oh right until the. task done what does it cost to kill. somebody you go 10 grand at first yeah. okay 20 grand 20 grand to kill someone. yeah no chance there's it's got to be.

way more than that someone's not going. to kill someone for 10 grand you can. hire a hitman on the dark web well or. you could get a ghost gun that's what I. was going to tell Bobby to do is he. should kill her himself what's a ghost. gun 3D printed gun wow oh and you can. destroy it when you're done that's what. Luigi used it did he really that's why. it was so weird looking oh so he printed. his own gun oh that's cool that's kind. of weird he printed his own gun but. didn't cover up any other parts of his. tracks like he literally was like he uh. didn't have gloves on he didn't check to.

see if he was dead it was yeah so it's. like he left all the other evidence he. like went out of his way to get a 3D gun. but he also got a silencer and. apparently that was the wrong move why. oh you don't know. why why why because oh you oh you don't. know no you don't know okay so what. professional would say right is you make. it loud because so that people can hear. it and they don't run toward gun. violence they run away from it and they. duck and they hide a right so if he. would what that's good yeah so you use a.

regular right that way right there's no. one around interesting right but he and. and the cop that I heard on the news. yeah news news they said they said that. he played too many video games the kids. today they play so many video they think. that's how you do it they put a silencer. and all that stuff like you're playing. Just subsonic bullets right in the ear. you're good to go see the way you said. that was creepy I know he's planned it. yeah yeah you've had Revenge Revenge. fantasy he had Revenge fantasy yeah yeah.

subsonic what in the ear uh subsonic. bullets they don't pass they don't go. over the speed of sound so then they. don't make that big old pop oh that's. awesome that's awesome real thing that's. good to know that's good to know yeah. subsonic bullets so when you bang it m. right you it doesn't have a bang well it. has a bang but it's a lot more quiet um. wow how do you know this George how do. you know this dude um you know when a. raccoon was getting our. uh using a [ __ ] subsonic bullet foric.

bullet to get the raccoon cuz it was. eating our uh eating our chickens and I. that's kind of Highly illegal in uh the. LA City Limits to shoot a gun at a at a. raccoon yeah it's 100% illegal it was so. quiet nobody saw it heard wow wow how do. you write things on the bullet the pen. very small pen he he didn't engrave it. it was Sharpie Mau what did it say on. the deny depose delay on this and people. are getting tattoos of it it's funny. deny depose delay they're getting tto.

the tattoos of that on back d That's so. dark who would you run up to and kiss on. the face what famous what what uh what. CEO would you run up to and kiss on the. face oh that's good yeah that's oh. governor of Texas you go kiss him on the. [ __ ] face H you kiss yeah he's. kissable he's so kiss so kiss some these. guys are so kissable man to kiss. wheelchair I would kiss him 15 times in. the head wouldn't you. kiss back of the head 15 times right and.

then one in the dick yeah that one's the. sweetest one yeah wow deny depose delay. a couple of comics I want to kiss how. who do you want to kiss you there's. always a couple there's so many Comics I. want to kiss who do you want to kiss. Annie I don't want to name any no I. don't want to kiss her I do you really. do yeah I would kiss her yeah in the. vagina what she what she did to me the. other night was what did she you. do was she started a war with me oh of.

course you don't know what she did no so. oh still you're a zic no you told me. that was pretty flagrant it's flant. right a little crazy so I'm going to. tell you what she did all. right so we're in the main room was. packed I'm bringing Annie up right and I. have a good set so I say good night I. give her a great intro yeah and also I'm. on a date so you have a female friend so. I have a friend in the audience you know. that's watching the show she had never. seen me perform perform before and you. and you killed I good right so then I. bring Annie and as I'm walking toward.

the back of the thing Andy's coming out. through those curtains and she has water. she does a pratfall and throws it on my. body now I'm drenched wet and here's. here's on purpose on purpose she says it. wasn't on purpose it was on purpose I. found I later found out it was on. purpose and here's the what's the. biggest sin there throwing water on you. no hacky joke no laugh nobody. laughed so the room was quiet the room.

was quiet and they're like oh [ __ ] you. know what I mean so now I'm drenched. it's silence in the room what did you. say my [ __ ] date is blushing right. right and I go what the [ __ ] she's like. oh I'm so sorry cuz you see saw how. upset it was and then as I went. backstage I went what the you know I. went crazy dude while she was on stage. but what do you think of that is that. war it seems like that's that's that. seems like a word to me dude that's an. attack yeah that's an attack but by the. way to be fair you still got laid but it.

didn't ruin your night but it is a. little that's a little war that's a. little baby she's throwing up a flare. she does things like that she'll also do. stuff like kick you in the stomach like. she does weird [ __ ] she kicks you in the. stomach well she'll like do some ofate. it's always like some karate thing oh. yeah she go oh ha and then she'll like. kick you you know what I mean you're. like what the [ __ ] are you doing dude. Annie what are you doing yeah what is. she trying to start a war for you for. what is that I don't know dude I thought. you guys were always all right but she.

she also told me she like well that. usually works with you no my Pratt fall. with the water with the water it didn't. work that time yeah because I killed. yeah you did too good well no one also. nobody wants to be wet it was so yeah. you're drenched I don't want to be wet. for the now I'm no what would you have. done if she that that she would never do. that to you but if she did maybe would. but if I would go grab a water or drink. off someone's table and throw it right. on her in front of everybody that would. get to laugh if she threw it to me then.

I would I would be like what the [ __ ]. are you doing laugh it off a little bit. I don't think I think it would be. uncomfortable in the room I'd grab a I'd. grab a drink off somebody's thing and. throw it on her yeah and then and then. I'd start of food. fight and I forgot who it was but after. Annie the comic after was mad why do you. think there's water all over the [ __ ]. stage so they had to pause and some. [ __ ] doorman had to go up there and. wash [ __ ] clean the stage so bad so. there you have now this lull so Jesus. treo's got to go up and wait for you.

yeah yeah it was terrible got to wait. for someone to clean up the water in. front of them yeah so what's your um are. you going to respond to this war now are. you starting a little war. back yeah seems like you might you know. me seems like you might there's a couple. of things she's done over the years that. have been like oh man that's that's a. war but I'm going to back off but the. water on you is it but the water was. almost like the last thing maybe yeah. but I don't know what do you think what. would you have done Carlos oh I would. have lost my temper it's it would have.

I've lost my temper at Annie a lot yeah. yeah oh you guys have beef or something. no we've just always played around like. that and like I walked off her show Once. like did she apologize for the water no. she she it was an accident I slipped so. that was her way of not apologize you. don't believe it but later she's like. she said she didn't say she still. maintains it was slip but then she told. me I've done it before like throwing. water right so in my mind I'm like. that's not a slip yeah that's not a. [ __ ] slip [ __ ] you know what I mean. we'll see how that plays out yeah yeah.

anyway what any New Year's resolution. resolution for you yeah I've got. resolutions go. ahead I'm leaving the state of. California as a permanent. resident I uh I can't do it anymore is. that true I pay too much in taxes I got. to get out of here I'm done I can't. support this place I got to go so we're. we're moving the show where you going. officially where are we going we are. moving where we going to Nevada parump. Nevada oh I love that place we'll go.

we're moving to parump we'll. go we got to go dude yeah we got to set. up the studio in pump so we're going to. be setting up the studio in pump Nevada. we got to move there state state income. tax we'll save on that we'll still pay. our fed but no more California do you. think we would thrive in Nevada yeah. like by Vegas 100% you think so what the. [ __ ] we would do great let's we could. move to Vegas and have the most fun do. shows all the time not prump no you was. kidding but we're not kidding Pro a no. man we'll move to Vegas where we'll open. up a club called the brother.

ship yeah yeah yeah only for black yeah. the brother only for black people have. to be black to get in um welcome to the. brothership y'all wow and we only play. George Clinton in the. hallway I think if we did move to veg if. we did move to Vegas what I would open. up like a 150 seat Comedy Club see I. think a 100 seater would be great that'. be great just 100 seats a little 100 SE. little place we should do that should we. do a bad friend's club in Vegas the. problem is there's too many clubs in.

Vegas there's uh there's Jimmy Kimmel's. room there's uh the seller has a room. there's but they're not showcase. clubs they're headliner clubs they're. headliner no no the seller is a split. showc it's a split headliner but they. book it in way in advance what I'm. saying is is that I want to do like for. locals for locals and anyone that's in. town that wants to work out showcase. Place yeah maybe we should do that. there's a laugh Factory a comedy seller. the LA it's called La Comedy Club. there's Las Vegas live Brad Garrett's.

room Jimmy Kimmel's Wise Guys God. there's so many there's so many katop. has a club out there but you can't just. call in have a club no there room with. the luxer yeah but could you I mean I. mean if we I've never been to Vegas. where like I'm going to call in this way. I don't know where to go do you see. that'd be fun to make a [ __ ] but is. there enough local comics in Vegas that. oh yeah no that you know you could. create a system. yeah but there's also a lot of I I know. probably 40 Comics that just live there.

okay so you can go hey guys there's no. showcase Club so just call in if you're. in town we'll just work out all right. well we'll start the brothership down. there in Las Vegas and we'll have have a. happy New Year everybody and our. Premiere show our premere show there. will uh be me Ne Me you Nate barazi ber. CH we'll call in all our favors we'll. have to have a weekly show there uh. hosted by someone it'll be called uh. murder Anthony. that's good anyway um very good very. good good night thank thank you for.

being let's just end on that note no no. no thank you for being a bad. [Music]. friend woo. [Music]. d.